Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,505
I don't know.
What do you think?
2
00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:09,008
It's kind of doing nothing for my hip
area and making a mess of my boobs.
3
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:11,636
You know what?
Why don't you go grab five more?
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,430
Look, we don't
normally do this.
5
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,850
But I think I'm gonna need some proof
that you're actually getting married.
6
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,852
What? Why?
7
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,439
Because you've been coming in here and
trying on wedding dresses every Saturday...
8
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,441
for over a year now.
9
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,861
Yeah. That's 'cause it takes a
really long time to plan a wedding.
10
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:32,573
Don't get up all over my balls, Lucy.
Just go get the dresses.
11
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,617
When is the wedding?
Soon.
12
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,202
Where?
A church.
13
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,829
Which one?
The nearby one.
14
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,414
The nearby one?
Right down the street.
15
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,998
Which street?
Spring.
16
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,625
What's your fianc�'s name?
Sam.
17
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,585
What does he do?
S-S-Salt.
18
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:48,214
Salt? Sea... salt.
Sea salt.
19
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,383
He's a salt seaman.
20
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:54,762
He- He dives in to the ocean
for the sea salt.
21
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,974
And then he brings it back up.
And then we eat it.
22
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:01,352
So- Okay, I'm getting the manager.
23
00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:05,565
Well, don't get the- Damn it.
24
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,485
- Dee Reynolds?
- Yeah.
25
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,779
Brad Fisher.
From high school.
26
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,323
Brad Fisher.
No way.
27
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,743
Yeah.
You look amazing.
28
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,870
Your acne cleared up
really well.
29
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:22,623
I kinda grew into myself.
Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
30
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,168
Why did I ever break up with you, you beefcake?
It was because of the acne.
31
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:28,212
Was it because of the acne? Yeah.
Yeah. Uh, when it got real bad,
32
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:32,175
you dumped me and you said it was 'cause I was
gonna grow up to look like Edward James Olmos.
33
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,886
Well, I don't really remember
saying exactly that.
34
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,596
It's- It's fine.
We were kids. We were kids.
35
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:38,723
We were kids!
Yeah.
36
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,183
We're not kids anymore.
No.
37
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:43,603
Great. Wow. So you're-
you're getting married. Wow.
38
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,397
Yeah. Uh, no, I'm not.
I'm not.
39
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,400
This is because I was.
But that- that didn't work out.
40
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,360
Why are you asking?
Are you single?
41
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,821
What's your situation?
Um, I'm engaged.
42
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,948
Oh. Yeah.
I mean, that's why I'm here.
43
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,618
My fianc�e's trying on a dress.
I know I'm not supposed to see it before the wedding.
44
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,412
But we're having a whole
nontraditional kinda small thing.
45
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,414
So you should meet her. Babe.
Well, nah...
46
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,625
- Yeah? - Come here for a second.
I want you to meet a friend of mine.
47
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:09,545
What do you think of this one, Brad?
It's beautiful, yeah.
48
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,089
Oh, my God.
49
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:50,711
Okay.
All right.
50
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,089
Well, don't poke at it.
Don't just poke...
51
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,591
Just get it safely into the box.
Dude, you're gonna agitate the bees.
52
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,262
Well, I'm fine with the bees.
It's the honey I don't want to agitate.
53
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,347
Is that your endgame
here? Honey?
54
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,267
Yeah. I figure if we keep the hive in
the basement, we'll always have honey.
55
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,269
We'll always have
bees is what we'll always have.
56
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,229
Whoa!
What? What?
57
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,273
I think I just saw a wasp.
I think that was a wasp.
58
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,899
You see that? Looked like a wasp.
Didn't look like a bee.
59
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,317
Is this a wasp nest?
This is a wasp nest.
60
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,986
I'm out! I'm out!
All right. Yeah, yeah.
61
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:18,322
I don't want to tangle with a bunch of wasps.
Hey! Do- Do wasps make honey?
62
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:21,576
No.
Wasps do not make honey.
63
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,369
All right. Well, I'm gonna
check it out anyway.
64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,622
There could be something delicious in
here that wasps do make, and I want that.
65
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,126
Mac, Dennis, can I talk to you
in the office, please?
66
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,336
Why can't we just talk right here?
Yeah?
67
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:35,339
Because it's private. Ah, that sounds
like a whole thing. I'm not into it.
68
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:39,176
- Mmm.
- Shit!
69
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,804
I just got stung! That was a hornet!
This is a hornets nest!
70
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,348
Uh, you know what, guys?
Why don't we step in the back office...
71
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,934
while Charlie deals with this
whole hornet/wasp situation?
72
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,269
Yeah.
73
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,355
Oh. Oh, I'm a bad boy?
I'm a bad boy?
74
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,902
Put some vegetable oil on it.
That'll make you feel better. Okay. Bye, sexy.
75
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:59,614
Ohh. Who was that?
76
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,075
That's my booty call.
We're into some really weird food fetish stuff.
77
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,078
Gross. Okay, you guys, listen up.
We got a serious problem.
78
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,414
The waitress is getting married.
79
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,334
Oh, yeah. I heard about that.
Artemis told me.
80
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:14,503
- Since when do you talk to Artemis?
- She's my booty call.
81
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,505
Weird.
We'll get into that later.
82
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,507
Right now, we gotta deal
with this waitress situation.
83
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,551
Dee, why do you give a shit that
the waitress is getting married?
84
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,678
She's been nothing but trouble for us.
That's a good point.
85
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,388
She doesn't seem to
get our sense of humor.
86
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,515
We do stuff that I think's funny.
She doesn't. Hilarious!
87
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,893
Guys! I cannot believe you're not
thinking about Charlie right now.
88
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,604
This is gonna crush him. What?
You don't give a shit about Charlie.
89
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,690
All you care about is the fact the waitress
is getting married before you. Right?
90
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,568
That or she's afraid that Charlie
might blow his brains out.
91
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,029
And then she'd have to do all the Charlie work.
Uh, that's what it is. Yeah.
92
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,950
Okay, fine. A: I do not want to do
Charlie's work once he kills himself.
93
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,578
How could the waitress get married before me?
I'm way hotter than she is.
94
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:52,041
And C: Get this. The guy she's
marrying used to be my boyfriend.
95
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,251
You know what I just realized?
I don't care about anything she's saying.
96
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,253
Not a bit. What I do care
about is the fact that...
97
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,298
Charlie might go postal if he finds
out about this and kill all of us.
98
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:02,134
Right. Shit. We're probably the
ones at real risk here, huh?
99
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,763
Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe we should
find something to distract him...
100
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,932
until the whole wedding
thing blows over. Mm-hmm.
101
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,976
- Get him his own booty call.
- Ohh!
102
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,727
Or at least another chick to stalk.
Hey!
103
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,729
Great. In the meantime,
I'll try and sabotage the wedding...
104
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,731
by luring Brad away from her.
Ahh.
105
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,192
Dee, save yourself the embarrassment.
Yeah, yeah.
106
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,236
Let's-
Watch out for the hornets.
107
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,572
Yeah.
Don't push me.
108
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,036
Hey-oh!
109
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,330
Hey, what's-
Ahh!
110
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:32,873
What are you
doing there, buddy?
111
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,835
I'm trying to smoke these hornets
to death so I can get their honey.
112
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:39,422
They keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face.
I think I just swallowed one.
113
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:43,259
As I tried to explain before, you
cannot get honey from a hornets nest.
114
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,720
I just don't think there's any
science to support that, buddy.
115
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,180
There's some very basic science
out there supporting that. No.
116
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,640
No.
Trust me, pal.
117
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,559
It's a fact. It's not even science.
Why are you bothering...
118
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,686
getting into it with him?
I don't know. I just feel like...
119
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,479
Charlie, we're gonna get you
back on the dating scene, bro.
120
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,398
What do you think about that? Yeah.
That's actually why we're here.
121
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,983
We're gonna put your profile
on Match.com.
122
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,569
I don't see why.
I got the waitress, guys.
123
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,653
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
124
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:03,946
Sure, right.
Uh, yeah, totally.
125
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,656
We thought maybe you could
meet somebody new. Yeah.
126
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,033
Someone you like even more
than the waitress.
127
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,367
I don't see
how that's possible.
128
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,619
But I tell you what, let me
pop a quick "H" on this box.
129
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,539
This way we all know
it's filled with the hornets.
130
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,000
Okay? Okay, yeah.
Do what you gotta do.
131
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,252
These things sting
like a bitch, man.
132
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,296
First thing we gotta do is take
your picture for the profile. So...
133
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,006
Ahh.
So, do you have the makeup?
134
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,050
- Yeah.
- Oh, no makeup! Come on.
135
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,552
Well, those hornet stings are pretty bad, buddy.
So I think we're gonna have to...
136
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,846
Yeah.
But I am who I am.
137
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:29,972
Right. But-
Yeah, but...
138
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,557
Let's do who you are
minus the hornet stings.
139
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,726
Let's pretend you're not who you are
and just try to attract a woman.
140
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,021
I tell you what. What if I wore a checkered
hat and I smoked a pipe? That'd work.
141
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,524
Why would you want
a checkered hat and a pipe?
142
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,777
You know,
for the Sherlock Holmes look.
143
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,820
Why would you want to look
like Sherlock Holmes?
144
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,281
- Who are you trying to attract exactly?
- Intelligent women.
145
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,492
Okay. I'm just gonna take the photo
right now without the makeup...
146
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,244
- and see if he likes it. Ready?
- Yeah.
147
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,915
- Ooh, that felt good.
Was that sexy? - That's very...
148
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,416
That felt sexy.
We'll Photoshop it.
149
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,709
Yeah, I can see
where this is going.
150
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,252
Let's just not do that.
We'll just Photoshop it.
151
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,879
Let's- Let's- You want
to take another one?
152
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,924
No. No. We'll find another picture
that we can use and that'll be fine.
153
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,676
Yeah. Let's talk about
your likes and dislikes.
154
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,471
- How about your favorite food.
What would that be? - Oh, milk steak.
155
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,807
Hmm?
Hmm? What?
156
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,226
- Milk steak.
- I'm not putting milk steak.
157
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,686
Just put steak. Just put regular steak.
And then- I'm gonna put steak.
158
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,188
Put milk steak.
She'll know what it is.
159
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,398
She won't know. Nobody knows what that is.
She'll know what it is.
160
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,026
No- Okay, all right.
What's your favorite hobby?
161
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,903
Uh, magnets.
162
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,073
Magnets? Okay, what, like making
magnets, collecting magnets?
163
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,616
Playing with magnets?
Just magnets.
164
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,327
I'm gonna put snowboarding. We'll put snowboarding.
I don't really snowboard.
165
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,330
- All right, what are some of your likes?
- Uh, ghouls.
166
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,082
Son of a bitch.
What are you talking about now?
167
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,876
You know, funny little
green ghouls, go- What?
168
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,505
- What, like in movies and cartoons?
What are you- - Little green ghouls, buddy.
169
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,632
Don't write ghouls! I'm not.
I'm putting travel.
170
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,176
- Jesus Christ! What are your dislikes?
- People's knees.
171
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,053
Come on! Come on! You gotta be kidding.
You know what?
172
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,430
We'll make it up. We'll make the whole thing up.
Let's get out of here!
173
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,266
We'll doctor the picture.
We're not even gonna use you.
174
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,185
Cover your knees up if you're gonna
be walking around everywhere.
175
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,482
Where are you?
176
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,902
Come on.
177
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,615
Bingo, bitch.
178
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,079
- Hey!
- - Hey.
179
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,873
You guys, how are you?
180
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,709
All right, calm down!
I'll be two seconds!
181
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,378
Anyway, hi! How are you?
What are you doing?
182
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,047
Okay, so listen up. I was thinking
since, Brad, you were saying...
183
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:31,135
how your wedding was gonna be all poor or
boring or dull or whatever it was you were...
184
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,554
You said our wedding was gonna be dull?
I said it was gonna be small.
185
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,264
Small! Yup, that's
exactly what it was.
186
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,809
I was thinking I could help you guys out
by throwing you a bachelorette party!
187
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:44,023
Brad, you can totally come since you guys
decided to do that nontraditional mumbo jumbo.
188
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,858
I think we're good.
You know what, though.
189
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,402
I kinda would like to meet
some of your friends.
190
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,362
Hold on here. Hold on.
What am I hearing?
191
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,781
You haven't met
some of her great friends?
192
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,575
It's just because this
happened really quickly.
193
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:58,454
Is it a yes or a no? 'Cause you're kinda
holding up traffic here. It's- It's rude.
194
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,331
Come on, lady!
Well...
195
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,499
Look, I think it sounds great.
It sounds like fun. Okay, perfect!
196
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,586
Wonderful! We've got a deal.
See you guys tomorrow night, my place, at 8:00.
197
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,130
Bye, Brad.
Good to see you.
198
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:12,301
Okay! Calm down, dick wads!
It wasn't that bad!
199
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,361
Deandra, you got
any bacon bits?
200
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:34,531
We like to put 'em in Artemis's hair
and they rain down on me when we bang.
201
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,660
I feel like a Cobb salad.
It's amazing.
202
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,788
Okay. I have no idea why anyone would
want to feel like a Cobb salad.
203
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,374
But whatever, that's good.
Bring that up when Brad's here.
204
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,834
All right, Mrs. Mac,
make sure that you talk...
205
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,796
about how the waitress looks exactly
like you when you were young, right?
206
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,423
You remember that? There's a whole
carton of cigarettes in it for you.
207
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,343
Uh, Mrs. Kelly, remember,
208
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,888
this man that I'm bringing over, he wants
to steal the love of your son's life away.
209
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,099
Nobody hurts my Charlie!
210
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,184
Yup, that's good. That's good. Keep that up.
And keep the drinking coming.
211
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:06,522
- 'Cause it makes you get all weird.
All right, this is- -
212
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,858
Oh, okay. They're here. Is everyone ready?
You guys got it? Okay.
213
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,612
There they are!
214
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,782
Sorry we're late.
Somebody took a little convincing.
215
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,994
Yup. I really didn't want
to come, but Brad insisted.
216
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:25,124
Oh, you big, old, fat stick in the mud!
Come on in, you guys.
217
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,459
They're here, everybody!
218
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,379
- What's up? - Here you go.
Would you like some punch?
219
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,589
Is there alcohol in this?
No, no, no, no.
220
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:36,051
No, absolutely not. I remember what an
embarrassing problem you have with alcohol.
221
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:40,097
Brad, did you know about her unfortunate
problems with drugs and alcohol?
222
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,807
Isn�t that sad?
It's just alcohol.
223
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,100
Is it?
And he's aware.
224
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,226
Oh. Really?
225
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,936
I thought there was,
like, cocaine and heroin.
226
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,896
And remember when you were shooting
up with the homeless people...
227
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,648
and banging for money on the street?
No. no.
228
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,317
Wow. You're making
all of that up.
229
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,152
Really? Oh, no, no, no, no.
You know what?
230
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,572
You're absolutely right. I'm confusing you
with another pathetic drunk that I know.
231
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,908
So you can still have fun,
can't you, Brad? I can. I...
232
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,077
Let's get a beer.
Okay.
233
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,288
Whoo-hoo.
You look really nice tonight.
234
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,332
You like that?
You like that?
235
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:10,794
The color of this shirt. I don't know
what it's doing to your eyes, but I like it.
236
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:18,302
- All right, listen. You gotta be on your
toes tonight, okay? - ##
237
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,887
This chick's a lawyer.
She's gonna be pretty sharp.
238
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,889
Stick to the game plan, okay?
She's a lawyer. I like that.
239
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,391
He's sweating through his shirt, dude.
I know.
240
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,353
Listen, you remember
your backstory?
241
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,646
No? Oh, for God's sakes!
What is that?
242
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,690
I don't remember the backstory.
All right, listen, man. You're a philanthropist.
243
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,567
That's what you are, okay?
You used to own a small business.
244
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,195
But you gave all that up to help others.
All right, who do I help?
245
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,988
Who am I helping?
Oh, God.
246
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:41,617
It doesn't matter. I don't know, old people,
uh, children, autistics, dyslexic folks.
247
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:44,453
It really doesn't matter, Charlie.
I'm a full on re...
248
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,121
Ph-Philio- Philian-
Philanthropist.
249
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,165
Dude, I can't get it.
How do you say it? What is it?
250
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,918
Philanthropist!
Meet us in the bathroom.
251
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,878
Oh, my God, dude! What is that?
What was that?
252
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,797
Is that cheese?
Have you eaten cheese?
253
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,758
How much cheese
have you eaten today?
254
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,927
How much cheese
is too much cheese?
255
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,596
Any amount of cheese before
a date is too much cheese!
256
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,139
I had a lot of cheese.
I had a block of cheese.
257
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,557
Okay, okay- You ate a
block of cheese today?
258
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,476
I was very nervous.
I started eating cheese, man.
259
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,894
All right. All right, all right.
Does that calm you down?
260
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,396
Just don't breathe in her direction, okay?
Whatever you do.
261
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:11,772
How do I look?
Relax.
262
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,732
Stick to the game plan.
Do I look handsome?
263
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,151
You look great.
264
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,072
Okay.
So I thought we would play a game.
265
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:24,827
Sort of a newlywed-type of game.
And see how well you two know each other, okay?
266
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,495
Okay, question number one.
267
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:32,167
Who broke Brad's heart in high school
and feels really bad about it?
268
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:37,589
Me. I broke Brad's heart in high school
and I feel really bad about it. Okay?
269
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,925
Wait. You went to
high school with us?
270
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,010
Yeah. I sat right
next to you in trig.
271
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,848
Huh! Wow.
You are very forgettable.
272
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:50,310
Anyway, I will have you all know that I
also broke Brad's heart in high school. So...
273
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,937
You dated Dee?
Mmm.
274
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,147
Briefly. Yeah.
275
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:57,067
- We dated hard, yep. - Both you girls
dumped him because of his pizza face.
276
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,903
Ooh! Okay.
Question number two.
277
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:04,908
How many people in the room
have had sex with the bride-to-be?
278
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,453
Uh, just me I hope.
279
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,539
- Ooh. - Whoops. Uh-uh.
Over here, guy.
280
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,708
Ew!
Okay, you know what?
281
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:16,420
That was a- That was a really dark time in
my life, and it was a terrible mistake.
282
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,423
No, it's true. To be fair, it's true.
She's in love with my brother.
283
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,925
They have a sex tape together.
This guy came along- No.
284
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,554
I used to look like her.
Give me my cigarettes.
285
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,056
Okay, I- I didn't tell you to go.
I didn't give you the high sign.
286
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,226
Everybody's stealing
my Charlie, girl!
287
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,396
- Oh! What the hell! - Okay, Brad.
I think it's time for us to go.
288
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,981
We're gonna leave.
All right.
289
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,942
Wait, no. No, no, no, no, Brad.
No, don't leave yet. I'm sorry.
290
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,903
Hold on. No, no, don't leave.
Oh, you bitch!
291
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:44,072
Oh! Goddamn it!
I should be the one getting married!
292
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:48,285
This is depressing. Want to go get
sweaty in the bathroom? Sure do.
293
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,038
No! No one's getting sweaty in my bathroom!
Just get out of here!
294
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,874
Okay. We'll go get sweaty
in a Wendy's bathroom.
295
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,709
Great! Go have sex at Wendy's!
Go for a ride.
296
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,252
Wonderful!
Get out of here!
297
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,588
- This party sucks!
- You suck!
298
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:02,883
- I need a ride. - Oh, really?
Well, I ain't giving you shit, you old bitch!
299
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,511
- - Oh, my God, no!
You can't borrow salad dressing!
300
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:09,306
Or condiments! Or anything else you
two want to jam up into each other's...
301
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,934
I, uh-
I forgot something.
302
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,561
Oh. What?
303
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:17,773
I forgot to tell you...
304
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,108
I still love you.
305
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,077
Hi.
Hi.
306
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:33,330
Are you Charlie Kelly?
Yeah. Yeah, I am. Yeah.
307
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,457
Sorry I'm late. Um-
You're Jackie.
308
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,044
Yes, I am.
Are you all right?
309
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:44,299
Oh, yeah, this?
I was running.
310
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,760
Okay, because y-you're bleeding.
Oh, shit.
311
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,804
Is it bleeding again?
I'm sorry.
312
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,056
These are hornet stings,
you know?
313
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,850
I run into, like- like a lot of,
like, hornets in my line of work.
314
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,562
And I get stung up, like, bad
all over my face and stuff.
315
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,606
And then, you know, it
starts bleeding. Oh.
316
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,733
It sounds interesting.
Yeah.
317
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,652
What is it that you do again?
318
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,655
I'm work- I'm like a janitor at, um...
319
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,075
I'm a full-on rapist,
you know?
320
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:15,872
Uh, Africans, dyslexics,
children, that sort of thing.
321
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:21,086
I'm sorry. Did you say
you're a full-on rapist?
322
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:25,299
No! Did I say that?
No! No, no, no, no!
323
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,010
I help- I help people.
You know what I mean? I'm...
324
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,679
I'm a philan-
a philan- a philan...
325
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,890
A philanthropist? Yeah!
That's exactly what it is.
326
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:37,686
It gets blocked up in my mouth.
I don't say it no good, so...
327
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,524
I'm a janitor at a bar.
328
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,279
Oh, God, dude!
I'm sucking ass!
329
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,239
Yeah, dude.
You said you were a rapist!
330
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,241
I went crazy in the brain
for a second!
331
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,702
Yeah. And my eyes were all like,
uh- And I couldn't think straight.
332
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,996
That shirt is ruined. I know, dude.
Give me your shirt.
333
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,789
What? Give you-
That's a totally different shirt.
334
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,876
Yeah. Can I- How the hell are
you gonna explain that to her?
335
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,878
I'll say I met a nice guy in the
bathroom and we traded shirts!
336
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,463
Are you listening to yourself?
Jesus Christ!
337
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,923
I'm freaking out, dude.
Okay, new plan. New plan. New plan.
338
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,884
Charlie, make a move.
Just tell her you want to bang her.
339
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:12,846
Ooh. No, that's- Is that how you get chicks?
Well, he's got a 50-50 shot.
340
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,765
- That's a good point!
- It is a yes-or-no scenario.
341
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,433
It is a no scenario!
Why?
342
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,727
Don't approach her that way.
That's not gonna work. Am I getting the shirt?
343
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,812
You're not gonna get the shirt.
This is what you're gonna do.
344
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,898
Go back out there.
Start asking her questions about herself.
345
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,525
Talk to her about being a lawyer, okay?
I can do that.
346
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,361
Right? Right?
That's gonna work.
347
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,738
If anything goes wrong, I'll come out there,
I'll say I'm the manager of Gugino's.
348
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,114
Do you understand?
Okay.
349
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,991
All right? I got it.
I know. I understand it.
350
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:33,992
You good?
We'll be good.
351
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,703
All right, great.
352
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:43,251
Just go. Just get out there.
Just go. Yeah.
353
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,298
Hey, I'm sorry about that.
It took a little while.
354
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,593
There was a guy in the bathroom.
He wouldn't give me his shirt. And I was fighting him.
355
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,262
I'm, like, "Give me your shirt, bro.
" And he didn't want to give it to me.
356
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,682
- And it was like a whole thing.
- Uh, uh, uhh!
357
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:00,977
Hi. Uh, I'm the manager. And Mr.
Kelly is one of our preferred customers.
358
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,647
It's so wonderful to see you here again
this evening. Right. My good man.
359
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,775
Now I'm gonna want the milk
steak boiled over hard...
360
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:11,321
and a side of your finest
jellybeans, raw.
361
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,699
Mr. Kelly, you have the most
wonderful sense of humor.
362
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,660
Hey, I own this joint.
And I know this guy. And he is loaded.
363
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:20,330
Mr. Kelly, we have your milk boiling just the
way you like it back there for your steak.
364
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,458
You're gonna like this.
How's about I clear out the coat room...
365
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,545
and you guys hit it in there
while the steak is getting ready?
366
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,255
- What?
- What in the hell are you doing?
367
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,297
I got this.
He's gonna be aggressive.
368
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,174
I've got this.
Charlie, make a move. Maul.
369
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,592
No, don't-
Oh, my God!
370
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,886
- What are you doing?
- I'm leaving!
371
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,555
You're grabbing her breasts?
What are you doing?
372
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,306
I don't know. What does
"make a move" mean?
373
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,184
It doesn't mean stab at her breasts
with your fingers. Oh, man!
374
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,437
Come on, bro. You're ordering milk
steak and jellybeans? What the hell?
375
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,689
Come on, you guys blew it, dude!
We blew it?
376
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,567
I told you to stick with the game plan!
It was going great! I had it!
377
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:49,776
You don't know shit
about chicks, man!
378
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,945
- We don't know shit about chicks?
- Yeah!
379
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,614
Well, guess what, bro. The waitress
is getting married. So suck on that!
380
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,579
I see.
381
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:04,833
Well, I suppose I'll be taking
that milk steak to go then.
382
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:15,093
Yeah. And so the Wendy's manager
is all, "You gotta clean that up!"
383
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,137
And I said, "They're your hamburgers.
You clean 'em up."
384
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,306
And then Artemis
got all bummed out...
385
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,600
because of something
I did with the onions to myself.
386
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:25,353
And now she won't talk to me.
Frank, I don't give a shit about any of this.
387
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,272
Hey, man, where's
the baseball bat?
388
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:28,940
Baseball bat in the corner.
Oh.
389
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:31,318
We're trying to arm ourselves 'cause
Charlie's gonna be here any minute,
390
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,361
and he might take us out, so...
391
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,240
Oh, don't worry about Charlie.
Charlie's over this.
392
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:42,037
In fact, I saw him this morning.
He said he was bringing the guy a congratulatory gift.
393
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,623
Really?
Yeah.
394
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:45,916
Oh, great.
395
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:55,050
Hey, what's- what's, uh-
what's this?
396
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:59,721
This is for your engagement, man.
You're a lucky, lucky dude.
397
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,681
And, uh, congratulations to you.
Oh, right.
398
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,643
No, no, no. That's not happening anymore.
We're not, uh- We're not engaged.
399
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,312
You're not getting married?
Nah.
400
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,857
Oh!
You're Charlie Kelly, right?
401
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:13,652
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember you from high school.
402
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,862
Hang on a second, dude.
You're not getting married?
403
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:18,156
Well-
404
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,868
Remember how everybody used to
make fun of us in high school?
405
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,704
I remember how
they made fun of you.
406
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:28,959
Anyway, I have been
getting my revenge.
407
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:32,254
I've been getting engaged to all these chicks
who broke up with me in high school...
408
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,881
'cause of my acne, and then I dump
'em right before the wedding.
409
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,467
Damn.
410
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,511
Yeah. I just got through doing it
to that coffee shop waitress.
411
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,638
Now I'm gonna do it to this chick
Dee Reynolds. Remember her?
412
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,807
She was the worst.
Yeah.
413
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:48,603
Uh, so that coffee shop waitress, she must've
been hurt kinda bad by that though, right?
414
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,273
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was- She was devastated.
415
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,316
Oh.
So...
416
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:57,153
Well, tell you what, man. Why don't you
go ahead and have this present anyway?
417
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,408
Really? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I feel like you deserve it.
418
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,369
Well, thanks, dude.
Yeah.
419
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,497
That's- That's rad.
All right. Okay.
420
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:11,543
Well, keep it real, man.
Okay. Okay.
421
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,378
All right.
422
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:07,682
ENGLISH - US - PSDH
423
00:21:07,732 --> 00:21:12,282
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37471
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.