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1
00:01:03,404 --> 00:01:05,150
Well, go on then!
2
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,096
Albert might come out here
any second!
3
00:01:07,654 --> 00:01:10,482
You've only got to pop
across the corridor to the bathroom,
4
00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:13,355
it's not a life-or-death
dash across no man's land, is it?
5
00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:19,495
But what if he sees me? He
doesn't know I'm staying in here with you.
6
00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:22,988
He still thinks I sleep in Rodney's
old room and Rodney sleeps on the settee!
7
00:01:23,023 --> 00:01:24,980
We'll have
to tell him the truth, Del.
8
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:30,892
Alright, sweetheart.
If it makes you happy, you tell him.
9
00:01:30,927 --> 00:01:36,162
Me? I'm not telling him!
It's embarrassing! He's your uncle, you tell him!
10
00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:41,684
Alright, I'll tell him. He don't bother me.
Honestly.
11
00:01:43,477 --> 00:01:45,281
Get back, he's coming!
12
00:01:47,462 --> 00:01:49,077
Tea up, Del Boy.
13
00:01:50,039 --> 00:01:51,442
- Morning, son.
- Morning.
14
00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:57,229
Here's your papers.
Financial Times and Exchange and Mart.
15
00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:03,058
I'll look up the closing prices
on the Tokyo stock exchange at the breakfast table.
16
00:02:03,093 --> 00:02:04,652
Yeah, you please yerself, son.
17
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:13,597
Raquel! Cup of tea, love? You awake? Raquel?
18
00:02:14,146 --> 00:02:16,106
I'll leave it outside for you, love.
19
00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,734
Something smells nice
in the kitchen, Albert.
20
00:02:28,769 --> 00:02:31,443
I just do meself some
egg and bacon, son.
21
00:02:31,478 --> 00:02:34,647
What d'you want for breakfast,
something healthy or something nice?
22
00:02:36,446 --> 00:02:39,477
Yes, do us a fry-up, will ya?
But look lively, cause I don't want Raquel see it.
23
00:02:39,512 --> 00:02:41,531
She's into all this high-fibre cobblers.
24
00:02:43,838 --> 00:02:45,732
Have you managed to have a talk
with young Rodney yet?
25
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,041
What about?
26
00:02:47,076 --> 00:02:51,324
What d'you mean, what about?
He's left his wife and come back to live here!
27
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,372
But he's a full-grown adult, ain't he
so what am I supposed to do?
28
00:02:54,736 --> 00:02:57,122
I don't know. You could
appeal to his common sense.
29
00:02:57,157 --> 00:03:00,939
Oh yeah? Then after lunch
I'll go out and find Shergar!
30
00:03:01,751 --> 00:03:05,261
This is no laughing matter.
Cassandra's gone to live in a foreign country!
31
00:03:05,296 --> 00:03:11,193
No, she ain't! She's gone to Spain.
She's only gone there for a week.
32
00:03:11,228 --> 00:03:14,495
Her and her mum have gone to get away
from it all at the family villa.
33
00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:19,665
Family villa? I'm family now, ain't I?
I could do with a break.
34
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,476
I'm having a drink with Cassandra's
dad tonight. I'll have a word with him.
35
00:03:22,924 --> 00:03:25,060
He's down the pub every
night boozing!
36
00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:28,063
- Cassandra's dad?
- I'm talking about Rodney!
37
00:03:28,098 --> 00:03:31,556
Oh, I was gonna say,
because Alan's teetotal.
38
00:03:31,749 --> 00:03:34,963
Going out for a drink with him is like going on
a pub crawl with Betty Ford.
39
00:03:36,766 --> 00:03:39,785
Don't worry about Rodney.
He's just a bit confused at the moment, that's all.
40
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,607
Yeah, he looked a bit
confused when he come in the other night.
41
00:03:42,642 --> 00:03:48,058
Confused as a newt!
Still, he's making a bit of effort.
42
00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:50,631
Look, he made his bed
before he went to work.
43
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,861
Rodney didn't sleep on the settee last night.
44
00:04:01,957 --> 00:04:03,100
Where'd he sleep then?
45
00:04:04,396 --> 00:04:06,005
He slept in his old room.
46
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:10,571
I thought Raquel slept in there!
47
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,200
Where'd she sleep then?
48
00:04:16,812 --> 00:04:18,317
I don't believe him!!
49
00:04:19,275 --> 00:04:26,107
- She slept... somewhere else.
- Oh I see!
50
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,691
- Where?
- Gordon Bennett!
51
00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:39,608
Could raise your voice one more decibel
then they might hear you in the Doodoyne!
52
00:04:40,044 --> 00:04:41,598
You mean she slept with you.
53
00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:49,217
Yes! Alright? Yes, she did.
Listen, don't you go saying nothing to her about it!
54
00:04:49,252 --> 00:04:51,293
Why, don't she know?
55
00:04:56,476 --> 00:05:01,578
Of course she knows.
I don't want her to be embarrassed, that's all.
56
00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:04,363
I wondered why you looked a bit chirpy!
57
00:05:06,914 --> 00:05:11,364
Blimey, that laugh of yours! Sounds like
someone trying to push-start a Lada!
58
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:19,876
Here you have my breakfast, build yer
strength up. I'll cook meself another one.
59
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,888
Good. Bless ya. You're a lifesaver I tell ya!
60
00:05:27,821 --> 00:05:29,607
Lovely Jubbly!
61
00:05:36,441 --> 00:05:40,712
- Morning.
- Morning, love. Nice to see you back on yer feet.
62
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,952
- You up to a bit of breakfast?
- No thanks.
63
00:05:48,795 --> 00:05:51,004
I don't know how you can
eat that sort of rubbish, Albert.
64
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:56,293
The Trotter family have been eating
that sort of rub... cousine for generations.
65
00:05:57,087 --> 00:06:00,815
It never done us any harm.
My dad lived 'til he was 81.
66
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:04,521
- 81, see? That's a good age.
- It weren't for him. He died!
67
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:13,413
I know that. what I meant...
I agree with Raquel.
68
00:06:14,348 --> 00:06:19,848
I can't eat all that fried rubbish no more.
You gimme a nice old grapefruit anyday.
69
00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:24,531
Good, that's what I like to hear.
You've got some egg on your chin.
70
00:06:26,604 --> 00:06:29,033
A doctor told you to stay
off fried food!
71
00:06:29,068 --> 00:06:31,827
Yes, I know
and a doctor told Snow White to eat more fruit,
72
00:06:33,497 --> 00:06:35,597
and we all know
what happened to that poor old cow!
73
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:41,318
I know you've got my intentions at heart
and I'm grateful.
74
00:06:41,353 --> 00:06:44,212
I'll try to leave it alone in future, alright?
75
00:06:45,262 --> 00:06:47,999
Good Lord is that the time?
Are you eating?
76
00:06:48,486 --> 00:06:50,074
No, I wanna get down to the
shops before they're too packed.
77
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:54,401
Come on, I'll give you a lift now
I've gotta drop off some printings at Boycie's.
78
00:06:58,827 --> 00:07:03,567
Albert, I'll see you later. And you know what
you can do with that rubbish, don't you?
79
00:07:06,947 --> 00:07:09,242
Put it in the oven -
put in the oven!
80
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,230
- Del gone to work?
- Yeah. I thought you had gone as well!
81
00:07:19,265 --> 00:07:22,617
No,
I overslept when I woke up.
82
00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:26,005
- D'you want a bit of breakfast?
- Yeah, I'll have a...
83
00:07:26,644 --> 00:07:28,805
No, I'll have a glass of orange juice.
84
00:07:29,392 --> 00:07:32,263
You'd better get a move on,
It's gone nine.
85
00:07:33,316 --> 00:07:38,792
The thing is, Unc, I don't feel well enough
to go to work today.
86
00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:41,277
Could you give them aring
and tell them I won't be there?
87
00:07:41,312 --> 00:07:42,570
What's wrong with you?
88
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:45,897
It's me stomach. It sorta aches.
89
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,121
I think I've got a viral condition.
There's a lot of it about.
90
00:07:49,156 --> 00:07:52,773
Yeah, especially amongst the
regulars at the Nag's Head.
91
00:07:54,237 --> 00:07:57,370
I have not got a hangover
if that's what you're thinking!
92
00:07:57,405 --> 00:07:59,191
Alright, I had a
drink last night.
93
00:07:59,226 --> 00:08:01,674
And the night before, and
the night before that!
94
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:07,424
Alright, just... Ask for the
personnel department.
95
00:08:10,374 --> 00:08:14,454
Hello? Could I have the
personnel department, please?
96
00:08:15,005 --> 00:08:17,116
They wouldn't have the likes
of you in the armed forces.
97
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:19,427
Let's me out of World War Three then,
dunnit?
98
00:08:20,538 --> 00:08:23,655
Good morning. I'm
calling on behalf of Rodney Trotter.
99
00:08:23,999 --> 00:08:27,912
He won't be intoday because he's... eh?
What d'you mean, 'Who is he'?
100
00:08:27,947 --> 00:08:30,721
- Who are you?
- The cheeky cow...
101
00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:35,613
Tell her I'm the head...
the head of the computer section!
102
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:40,064
He's the head...
he's the head of the computer section!
103
00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:43,743
Yeah, that's him!
104
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,793
Well, he won't be in
today because he's got a bellyache.
105
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:55,275
Don't know, dear. He might
be a bit egg-bound.
106
00:08:57,285 --> 00:09:00,493
Right. Alright, dear. Bye.
107
00:09:00,528 --> 00:09:01,305
Alright?
108
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:05,117
Alright? What d'you mean, alright?
Why d'you tell her I've got a bellyache for?
109
00:09:05,152 --> 00:09:07,505
- That�s' what you've got, innit?
- No, it is not!
110
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,613
- You said you had an ache.
- I have!
111
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:10,761
In yer belly?
112
00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:13,254
- Well, ain't that a bellyache?
- No!
113
00:09:13,976 --> 00:09:15,964
Well, I must have got the
wrong end of the stick, son.
114
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:20,288
A bellyaches is what you have
when you're tryng to get out of schools sports day!
115
00:09:20,539 --> 00:09:24,426
Heads of computer sections
have viral conditions!
116
00:09:24,461 --> 00:09:27,115
Well, whatever it was, they
know you won't be in today.
117
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:31,209
I don't think I can go to work ever again!
Bloody egg-bound!
118
00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,904
Albert, have you seen
the keys to the van?
119
00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:36,918
Get that breakfast on the ta...
120
00:09:37,394 --> 00:09:39,261
Rodney, what are you doing here?
I thought you're supposed to be at work!
121
00:09:39,296 --> 00:09:40,545
He's not going a work today.
122
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,697
- Why not?
- He's got a viral condition.
123
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:45,879
- What's that?
- A bellyache.
124
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:52,408
Must have come on rather sudden, Rodney,
'cause last night you were feeling no pain!
125
00:09:52,443 --> 00:09:54,964
- I know what you're thinking!
- No you don't!
126
00:09:54,999 --> 00:09:59,416
Just because I had a couple of drinks,
you automatically assume I have a hangover!
127
00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:03,171
Have you looked to yourself
in the mirror this morning?
128
00:10:04,096 --> 00:10:06,286
Cause you certainly
are not the fairest in the land!
129
00:10:06,933 --> 00:10:11,087
You look like you've just come back
from a Club 18-30 trip to Chernobyl!
130
00:10:13,452 --> 00:10:15,797
Chernobyl's not too far
from the truth!
131
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:19,488
My love life has taken on a
distinctly Russian ambience.
132
00:10:19,523 --> 00:10:23,013
Freezing bloody cold and the goods rarely
turn up!
133
00:10:25,421 --> 00:10:29,346
You don't wanna believe what you read
about the Russians. During the war...
134
00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:34,526
... I was in the Soviet
Union for a while.
135
00:10:34,561 --> 00:10:37,185
Here we go, we're back in the
USSR!
136
00:10:37,729 --> 00:10:41,751
You've got no problems.
They wouldn't let you in the Soviet Union!
137
00:10:41,786 --> 00:10:43,772
They wouldn't let you into the
plumbers' union!
138
00:10:44,238 --> 00:10:46,848
I was dry-docked in Murmansk
for over a month!
139
00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:50,466
And I met one or two of them Russian girls -
and I'm telling you, they're hot stuff!
140
00:10:50,771 --> 00:10:52,258
Oh leave out, Albert!
141
00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:54,247
It's true Rodney, he's got a point.
142
00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:57,334
I mean, look at that love-bite
on old Gorbachev's head!
143
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:03,894
Come on Rodney, give me a hand to look for these keys, will ya?
I've gotta get that printing down to Boycie's.
144
00:11:04,484 --> 00:11:09,371
Albert, I want you to iron my midnight pink shirt
for this evening, I'm having coctails with Alan.
145
00:11:09,655 --> 00:11:10,438
Cassandra's dad?
146
00:11:10,611 --> 00:11:14,012
Yes, Cassandra's dad. Your father-in-law,
your employer!
147
00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:17,006
I don't know what I'm gonna say
about your fun and games.
148
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:20,096
How many days you had off this week
cause of hangovers?
149
00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:23,202
You're gonna push that man's
loyalty too far, you really are.
150
00:11:23,426 --> 00:11:24,426
I'm ill!
151
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:28,256
What have you got?
The two-bob bits?
152
00:11:30,206 --> 00:11:32,736
A viral condition sounds
better.
153
00:11:32,894 --> 00:11:36,303
And what am I supposed to say
about this situation with you and Cassandra?
154
00:11:37,483 --> 00:11:38,730
Tell him I'm working on it.
155
00:11:38,891 --> 00:11:40,770
Oh that should cheer him
right up, shouldn't it?
156
00:11:41,761 --> 00:11:43,057
Where d'you leave yer keys?
157
00:11:43,209 --> 00:11:45,068
If I knew where they were,
I wouldn't be looking for them.
158
00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:47,280
Go and have a look in my bedroom.
I'm having a look in the kitchen.
159
00:11:53,804 --> 00:11:56,824
Do you want me to phone and
make an appointment at the doctor's for you?
160
00:11:57,087 --> 00:11:59,986
- No, no, I'll be alright.
- But you're limping.
161
00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:05,247
Yeah, me sock's soaking wet.
Someone left a mug of tea outside my bedroom door.
162
00:12:21,477 --> 00:12:26,086
Duke.
Will you get in that bloody house?
163
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,373
Are we going out for the day
or aren't we?
164
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,845
Yes! We're going out for
the day!
165
00:12:39,098 --> 00:12:42,538
I am just waiting for the engineers to call
to check this thing over.
166
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,128
They said they'd be here at nine.
167
00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:48,144
Look at it, quarter to ten and no sign
of 'em!
168
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,513
Del Boy was supposed to bring my
printing round as well.
169
00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:53,358
I suppose he's got held up
by that woman - what's her name?
170
00:12:53,755 --> 00:12:56,480
- Raquel.
- Yeah, the stripper.
171
00:12:56,515 --> 00:12:59,782
She is not a stripper! She's
an actress!
172
00:12:59,817 --> 00:13:05,264
Oh really? Well, the last time I saw her she was
acting the part of a stripper.
173
00:13:06,395 --> 00:13:07,699
Isn't it working yet?
174
00:13:07,734 --> 00:13:12,506
Yes, it's working. It's just that
I can't trail it on the satellites.
175
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,449
I mean, how am I supposed
to know where they are?
176
00:13:15,484 --> 00:13:17,759
You'd think they'd fly them
a bit lower, wouldn't you?
177
00:13:17,794 --> 00:13:19,660
Well, it wouldn't be a...
178
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:24,690
Look, Tyler. Come round here
and look at your daddy.
179
00:13:27,358 --> 00:13:30,577
Look at your daddy
playing with his new toy.
180
00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:36,243
- Doesn't he look stupid?
- This is not a toy, Marlene!
181
00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:40,533
You are looking at 2,000 pounds worth
of state-of-the-art technology!
182
00:13:40,568 --> 00:13:44,716
You never paid 2,000 pounds for that!
You got it 'ooky!
183
00:13:46,115 --> 00:13:49,755
For Gawd's sake!
We've got a chief inspector living next door!
184
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:56,177
I know. He was the one you got it off of. Why couldn't we
have got a cheap one from Dixons like everyone else?
185
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:58,944
Because this is not for pleasure!
186
00:13:58,979 --> 00:14:02,713
This is a high-tech investment in my
video-leisure company.
187
00:14:02,748 --> 00:14:06,010
This thing can pick up the whole
of Scandinavia.
188
00:14:08,662 --> 00:14:12,895
I can therefore record films of the more
adult variety
189
00:14:12,930 --> 00:14:16,000
and show them to my
more discerning clients.
190
00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:17,823
You mean perverts.
191
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:20,153
Well, if you wanna get
medical about it, yes!
192
00:14:20,188 --> 00:14:22,154
Boycie, you got a minute?
193
00:14:22,189 --> 00:14:25,372
He wants paying. And no
messing. You pay him!
194
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:29,562
I know what a tight sod you
are. And be nice to him.
195
00:14:29,597 --> 00:14:34,170
- You know he's had problems!
- OK, I'll be nice to him.
196
00:14:35,599 --> 00:14:39,525
Don't get your face too
close. It scares him!
197
00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:47,609
Yeah, he's daft.
198
00:14:50,092 --> 00:14:51,497
I've just finished.
199
00:14:52,206 --> 00:14:56,709
Oh you're finished alright.
Look what you've done to my vestibule!
200
00:14:56,744 --> 00:15:01,022
I've got paint on me carpet, paint on the
chandelier, paint on me chippendale telephone seat!
201
00:15:01,057 --> 00:15:02,693
You can't help a drop or
two of paint!
202
00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:07,755
A drop or two? It looks like someone's held an
acid party in a Delux warehouse!
203
00:15:08,051 --> 00:15:10,926
Well, I'm sorry you're disappointed.
What shall I do with the bill?
204
00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:14,011
Stick it where the mice
won't get at it! I'm not paying!
205
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:18,645
Hang about, Boycie. We had an agreement!
You owe me 400 quid! We shook hands on it.
206
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,569
Yes. And I had to wash the
paint off afterwards!
207
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:27,488
You either adjust your bill to take account
of all the damage, or contact my solicitor.
208
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:31,140
That is the last time I have a cowboy
working on my property!
209
00:15:31,175 --> 00:15:33,078
I am not a cowboy!
210
00:15:33,113 --> 00:15:38,103
Not a cowboy? I've got
spur-marks on me grandfather clock!
211
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:43,446
I don't like being called a cowboy!
No one's ever called me that before!!
212
00:15:48,774 --> 00:15:51,026
- Oh, wotcher, Del.
- How's yer luck, pal?
213
00:15:51,061 --> 00:15:55,498
I've just bin working for Boycie,
that's how bad things are! You'll never guess.
214
00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:59,972
That tight-arsed bark's only refusing to pay me!
Accused me of being a messy worker.
215
00:16:00,195 --> 00:16:04,775
Well, let's face it Bronco, you are just a little bit
sloppy.Mean, look at them overalls.
216
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:06,443
But I'm a painter and
decorator!
217
00:16:06,478 --> 00:16:09,553
I know that, but I only sold 'em
to you last Tuesday!
218
00:16:09,588 --> 00:16:13,259
I did ask Sandra to run 'em through the washing machine,
but the landlord's cut our electric off.
219
00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:16,945
Landlord? I thought you
bought that little flat down Lordship Lane?
220
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,880
Building society evicted us.
221
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,800
So where are you now?
222
00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:23,420
In a bed-and-breakfast
hotel out near the airport.
223
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:26,170
It's handy if you like planes.
224
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:28,718
Yeah, we're at the end of
the main runway.
225
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:34,409
Cushy! Here, how's that
little Kylie of yours then?
226
00:16:34,675 --> 00:16:37,082
- She broke her arm.
- No!
227
00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:39,738
Climbed up on a chair to
look at a plane.
228
00:16:41,071 --> 00:16:43,989
Things are a bit grim for you, ain't they,
Bronco?
229
00:16:44,317 --> 00:16:47,181
Maybe I should tell Boycie, eh?
Give him a sob-story.
230
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:54,436
Tell Boycie a sob-story?
He's the one who cheered when Bambi's mum died!
231
00:16:55,459 --> 00:16:59,938
I just don't understand my luck
lately. If it can go wrong, it's gone wrong!
232
00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:02,594
A roof I re-tiled has just
collapsed.
233
00:17:02,786 --> 00:17:06,252
Last week I rewired a bloke's flat,
yesterday it caught fire...
234
00:17:06,403 --> 00:17:09,881
Oh, by the way, here's my
business card in case you need anything done.
235
00:17:10,052 --> 00:17:12,296
It's very handy. I'll keep that.
236
00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:19,021
I've worked hard to build
up this business, and I've always led an honest life.
237
00:17:21,195 --> 00:17:23,721
Well, I've kept out of
trouble for the last five years, ain't I?
238
00:17:23,756 --> 00:17:28,517
That's true. But being banged
up in Wandsworth prison helped, didn't it?
239
00:17:28,744 --> 00:17:30,241
And why did I go away?
240
00:17:30,276 --> 00:17:34,410
Because you have a tendency
to nick very silly things!
241
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:39,578
I mean, you were caught speeding down Streatham
High Street in a knocked-off JCB!
242
00:17:41,773 --> 00:17:44,987
I know you've got these problems...
243
00:17:45,543 --> 00:17:46,700
What d'you mean, problems?
244
00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:51,040
Well, that psychiatrist
reckoned you suffered from some sort of paranoia.
245
00:17:51,075 --> 00:17:54,818
You can't take any notice
of him, Del. He always had it in for me.
246
00:17:58,446 --> 00:18:00,564
Yeah, never thought of that.
247
00:18:03,289 --> 00:18:05,323
Do you need
a few quid to tide you over?
248
00:18:05,358 --> 00:18:10,885
No. Nice of you, Del. I'll get me money
one way or another. See you around.
249
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,813
If you need any help, just give
us a bell...
250
00:18:16,432 --> 00:18:18,313
Stay lucky.
251
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,088
I've brought your printing around.
252
00:18:33,514 --> 00:18:35,618
He's gone, has he? Good.
253
00:18:36,812 --> 00:18:43,337
He's been decorating my vestibule - made quite
a good job of it, as it happens. I'm well pleased.
254
00:18:44,589 --> 00:18:46,433
But you've refused to pay him!
255
00:18:46,468 --> 00:18:52,224
No, no, Del Boy.
I only refused to pay him the agreed price.
256
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:57,323
It's principle. I make a fuss, he doesn't want the
publicity or the aggro
257
00:18:57,358 --> 00:19:00,110
and so he knocks 50 per cent off for good will.
258
00:19:00,145 --> 00:19:04,891
He gets a living wage and I save two hundred notes...
It's good business.
259
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:10,729
He's got that Kylie and Sandra,
Rachmann to support.
260
00:19:11,097 --> 00:19:16,312
Does this look like the
Social Security to you? I mean, who is he, anyway?
261
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:18,683
He's yer brother-in-law!
262
00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:24,234
D'you think I like having a
certified nutter working in my house?
263
00:19:24,269 --> 00:19:26,832
I only give him
the job to help him out.
264
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:32,017
Talking of in-laws, it's bloody handy having
Rodney working for his father-in-law's printing firm.
265
00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:34,840
All this at half-price, eh?
Does Alan know about this?
266
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,918
It wouldn't matter if he did.
Cause Rodney is totally in charge now.
267
00:19:37,953 --> 00:19:40,447
That place couldn't possibly
operate without him.
268
00:19:40,482 --> 00:19:42,847
Yes, I always had faith in that boy.
269
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,299
Yeah, so did I. You've
ordered a lot print this time, ain't yer?
270
00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:49,757
Yeah. I thought I'd get in quick
before Rodney gets the sack.
271
00:20:10,779 --> 00:20:13,814
I've been thinking about
getting one of them electric pianos.
272
00:20:13,988 --> 00:20:16,055
Yeah? They sound a lot
better, don't they.
273
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,681
That's right. And you can
switch 'em off.
274
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,428
Still, at least my ban on his singing
has worked.
275
00:20:22,463 --> 00:20:26,993
Last night it was Trotter the younger and
his dopey mates. Were you here last night?
276
00:20:27,864 --> 00:20:29,611
Most probably.
277
00:20:30,324 --> 00:20:33,173
There was Rodney, Mickey
Pearce and Jevon,
278
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:38,963
dancing and poncing about pretending to be Ninja
Turtles. They'd all had far too much to drink.
279
00:20:38,998 --> 00:20:40,894
Don't want that sort of
thing in a pub, do yer?
280
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:42,743
No, you don't!
281
00:20:42,778 --> 00:20:46,650
Red sails in the sunset...
282
00:20:47,174 --> 00:20:49,688
- He's singing.
- I know.
283
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,167
Does he know you banned him?
284
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:07,271
- Au revoir to you both.
- Del Boy.
285
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,149
What you drinking mate?
286
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:13,356
Give us a peach daiquiri please Michael
and a chipolata sandwich.
287
00:21:13,391 --> 00:21:16,045
Alan hasn't been in yet, has he?
I was supposed to be drinking with him tonight.
288
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,606
I ain't seen him so far.
289
00:21:17,641 --> 00:21:22,612
Saw Boycie about 'arf an hour ago. He didn't even
stop to say hello. Seemed in a right mood.
290
00:21:22,647 --> 00:21:26,720
I expect Marlene's taken the
Velcro off his Y-fronts again.
291
00:21:28,071 --> 00:21:30,811
Sorry I'm late, Del. Pam
just phoned from the villa.
292
00:21:30,846 --> 00:21:33,500
No problem, Alan. What
are you drinking?
293
00:21:33,535 --> 00:21:34,961
Just a tomato juice for me.
294
00:21:34,996 --> 00:21:39,885
Add a tomato juice to my bill please.
Would you deliver them to the table over moi.
295
00:21:48,786 --> 00:21:50,795
You're most probably been wondering
why I asked to meet you tonight.
296
00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:52,584
Wondering? Well, of course I'm not wondering!
297
00:21:52,613 --> 00:21:56,092
What could be more normal
than relatives having a quiet drink together.
298
00:22:00,059 --> 00:22:04,066
- Relatives?
- We're family now, aren't we?
299
00:22:04,232 --> 00:22:06,800
Well, we're... kind of
related - sort of.
300
00:22:06,835 --> 00:22:08,431
No sort of about it, Alan!
301
00:22:08,466 --> 00:22:16,057
When Cassandra married a Trotter you all
became Trotters - maybe not in the eyes of the law,
302
00:22:16,092 --> 00:22:21,836
but certainly in the eyes of my heart. Oh yes,
Alan, you are family now.
303
00:22:22,681 --> 00:22:26,902
What's mine is yours, and I reckon
it works the other way round and all.
304
00:22:27,602 --> 00:22:32,803
- About this villa of yours...
- What happened to Rodney today?
305
00:22:32,838 --> 00:22:34,972
Rodney? Oh yes. He's got a
viral condition.
306
00:22:35,007 --> 00:22:38,140
Yeah, the lady in
personnel said he had the two-bob bits.
307
00:22:39,530 --> 00:22:42,664
It's worse than that.
He is very very poorly.
308
00:22:42,699 --> 00:22:43,820
You called the doctor in?
309
00:22:43,855 --> 00:22:46,735
I wanted to but he just
wouldn't let me. It's his uncle's influence.
310
00:22:46,770 --> 00:22:49,208
He's trying to be a
British bulldog.
311
00:22:50,044 --> 00:22:53,285
Last night he was tryng to be
a Ninja Turtle.
312
00:22:54,067 --> 00:22:55,638
Rodney was down
here last night?
313
00:22:55,673 --> 00:22:59,132
Down here? He was down
here, up there, all over the place!
314
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:03,827
Drunk as a sack, he was! If he hadn't been
spending so much on drink I'd have thrown him out.
315
00:23:05,158 --> 00:23:08,460
This viral infections they happen very suddendly.
316
00:23:09,031 --> 00:23:10,991
Alright, Del. Cards on the
table.
317
00:23:11,026 --> 00:23:13,260
This bussiness with Rodney is why I really
came to see you about.
318
00:23:13,295 --> 00:23:15,567
So tell me, what the hell is
happening?
319
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:20,193
Well he's drinking too
much and pretending he's enjoying it.
320
00:23:20,228 --> 00:23:22,329
That's why he's been having
so much time off work recently.
321
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:25,268
I've been trying to tell him
but it's no good.
322
00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:28,504
If he carries on with this rate
he'll be a dead-ringer for Keith Richards.
323
00:23:30,167 --> 00:23:33,226
He looks like an extra
from Halloween as it is.
324
00:23:33,904 --> 00:23:35,397
So what d'you think's brought
it about?
325
00:23:36,138 --> 00:23:38,350
Who can say?
His lifestyle, I suppose.
326
00:23:38,385 --> 00:23:43,513
- Late nights, women, booze, drugs.
- Rodney?
327
00:23:44,198 --> 00:23:47,828
Oh Rodney!
Thought you meant...
328
00:24:01,224 --> 00:24:05,748
Well, it's obvious, innit?
It's this broblem with him and Cassandra.
329
00:24:05,783 --> 00:24:07,684
Yeah, that's what I always feared.
330
00:24:07,719 --> 00:24:11,179
I had hope that one day I could leave
the bussiness to them two, and I'd had left it in good hands.
331
00:24:11,214 --> 00:24:16,108
Like a dream come true, innit? You could
fall off the perch in peace, couldn't you?
332
00:24:18,058 --> 00:24:20,665
I didn't actually mean falling off
the perch, Del. I meant I could retire.
333
00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:22,042
Oh, of course!!
334
00:24:22,077 --> 00:24:24,422
Pam and I have always
planned to settle down in our villa in the sun.
335
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:29,210
I would leave the bussiness safely with
Rodney and Cassandra...
336
00:24:29,355 --> 00:24:32,219
...and if they got in trouble with the business
I'd always be there to take control.
337
00:24:35,656 --> 00:24:39,123
You and I got the same age, Del, so by
that time you'd be retired too.
338
00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:46,156
Never thought of that... I'd be able to come over
to spend a few months with you and Pam at the villa.
339
00:24:46,825 --> 00:24:50,870
Oh yeah. Wait 'til I tell her.
340
00:24:51,649 --> 00:24:54,178
You and Pam, me and Raquel.
You can just picture it, can't yer?
341
00:24:55,761 --> 00:25:00,018
We'll have a few laughs.
Few sangrias, bit of fried squid.
342
00:25:00,018 --> 00:25:04,136
Lambarda the night away. Lovely Jubbly!
Let's have a drink to celebrate it?
343
00:25:06,153 --> 00:25:08,351
I don't touch it
nowadays.
344
00:25:09,458 --> 00:25:10,729
About that villa of yours...
345
00:25:11,128 --> 00:25:12,736
- Del. Call for you.
- Who is it?
346
00:25:12,771 --> 00:25:15,391
Someone called Blonco or
Bronco or something.
347
00:25:15,956 --> 00:25:19,734
Excuse me, Alan. It's a very
important business associate of mine.
348
00:25:20,087 --> 00:25:23,158
I'd hurry up if I was you.
He sounds like he's had a skinful.
349
00:25:24,019 --> 00:25:25,339
Excuse me Alan.
350
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,649
You never know what you've
got 'til it's gone.
351
00:25:37,914 --> 00:25:40,181
Yeah, I suppose you're
right, Trig.
352
00:25:40,363 --> 00:25:44,480
I know how much it can
hurt. I had a relationship break up a few years ago.
353
00:25:44,842 --> 00:25:46,797
She worked at my council
depot.
354
00:25:47,065 --> 00:25:48,645
She was a ladyroad-sweeper?
355
00:25:48,811 --> 00:25:55,265
Oh no! She was management - real high-flier.
You had to go to her when you wanted a new broom.
356
00:25:56,916 --> 00:26:00,678
Linda. Nice girl. Had a funny eye.
357
00:26:00,991 --> 00:26:04,852
Never knew if she was looking at me or seeing if
the bus was coming.
358
00:26:08,805 --> 00:26:14,163
Anyway, she heard about this
little hotel down near Henley-on-Thames
359
00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:18,496
and she said to me, 'How about
spending a weekend there?'
360
00:26:21,467 --> 00:26:25,839
What sorta money we talking about?
I've to pop round and see it, won't I?
361
00:26:28,161 --> 00:26:32,164
- What?
- Was it a nice weekend?
362
00:26:32,199 --> 00:26:36,731
Yeah. Well, at least I thought it was... but she
didn't wanna see me no more after it.
363
00:26:37,490 --> 00:26:43,270
- Well... er... I don't like to pry, Trig...
- No, it's a bit personal.
364
00:26:44,564 --> 00:26:46,519
Hang on Bronco.
Trig, what happened?
365
00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:56,535
She got jealous. I heard later, through friends,
that she wanted to go with me.
366
00:27:02,009 --> 00:27:03,870
I'll have a large scotch,
Mike.
367
00:27:09,010 --> 00:27:10,902
What are you saying, Leroy?
368
00:27:16,037 --> 00:27:18,344
Still a bit of mud
and dirt over here, love.
369
00:27:18,379 --> 00:27:21,100
- Thank you, Albert!
- Pleasure, dear.
370
00:27:21,549 --> 00:27:23,361
What do you say, Leroy?
371
00:27:24,703 --> 00:27:28,220
Sweetheart can you witch the J Edgar off,
I'm on the mobile blower.
372
00:27:31,512 --> 00:27:38,157
Now, what was you saying Leroy?
Eh? Can you hear me?
373
00:27:45,082 --> 00:27:47,014
Blow this for a game of
toy soldiers.
374
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:51,231
Oh dear, we got cut off.
Gawd knows what he wanted.
375
00:27:51,266 --> 00:27:53,728
- Del. Can I ask you something?
- Of course you can, sweetheart.
376
00:27:53,763 --> 00:27:57,479
Before I moved into this
flat how did you keep this place clean?
377
00:27:58,655 --> 00:28:00,265
We didn't.
378
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:03,011
What I'm trying to say is:
I seem to spend all my time hoovering.
379
00:28:03,046 --> 00:28:07,321
Well, have a break. There's
a lot of ironing to be done in the kitchen.
380
00:28:07,356 --> 00:28:10,702
For your sake I hope that's a joke, Trotter!
Otherwise you'll be drinking that aftershave!
381
00:28:12,144 --> 00:28:15,327
Of course it's a joke.
Come on, take a break.
382
00:28:16,102 --> 00:28:20,038
Sit down, put yer feet up.
I'll go put the kettle on and make us a nice cup of tea...
383
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,890
Albert, put the
kettle on and make us a nice cup of tea.
384
00:28:25,133 --> 00:28:26,578
You home for lunch, Rodney?
385
00:28:26,613 --> 00:28:32,585
No. I just picked up my orders from Alan.
I've got to go and meet Cassandra at the airport.
386
00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:35,103
Oh by the way, I bumped into Leroy this morning.
387
00:28:35,138 --> 00:28:40,109
He was really upset about some mobile phones
you sold him. I told him to give you a ring.
388
00:28:43,212 --> 00:28:48,465
Oh right, thanks very much, bruv.
So, you had a little chat with Alan?
389
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:53,111
No, he left a message with his secretary.
He weren't at work today. He's got some sort of virus.
390
00:28:54,382 --> 00:28:56,796
Why's he want me to pick
Cassandra up for?
391
00:28:56,831 --> 00:29:00,111
Well, I think it's a good idea! It'll give you and
Cassandra a chance to have a chat.
392
00:29:00,146 --> 00:29:04,996
I'm not talking to her! She weren't talking to me
before she went away, so I'm not talking to her now!
393
00:29:05,031 --> 00:29:08,437
- Oh, grow up, Rodney!
- It's got nothing to do with you, Raquel!
394
00:29:08,472 --> 00:29:09,706
Or you!
395
00:29:09,741 --> 00:29:15,042
- Don't have a pop at Raquel!
- Well, stay out of my life!
396
00:29:17,029 --> 00:29:19,534
That is one touchy little
sod, that is!
397
00:29:19,569 --> 00:29:22,419
Don't be too hard on him.
He's going through a bad patch.
398
00:29:22,934 --> 00:29:26,546
He'll be going through a bleed'n' window
if he carries on at this rate.
399
00:29:26,959 --> 00:29:30,173
- I'll get it.
- No I'll get it, you sit here sweetheart. I'll go.
400
00:29:30,428 --> 00:29:32,156
You're gone now.
401
00:29:36,213 --> 00:29:40,764
Oh it's Raquel! You look so
different fully clothed.
402
00:29:41,011 --> 00:29:42,799
Hello, Boycie. I suppose
I've got to ask you in?
403
00:29:42,834 --> 00:29:44,614
Yes. I'd like to get away
as quick as possible.
404
00:29:44,649 --> 00:29:47,998
I've left my Mercedes parked downstairs
and you know what they're like on this estate.
405
00:29:48,033 --> 00:29:50,879
They'd have the wheels off
a Jumbo if it flew too low.
406
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:53,686
- Well go on then, go in.
- You're too kind.
407
00:29:57,379 --> 00:29:58,787
What d'you want?
408
00:29:59,349 --> 00:30:02,600
Oh dear. Do I detect an
atmosphere in chez Trotter?
409
00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:06,090
It's most probably Del's
aftershave.
410
00:30:06,125 --> 00:30:07,544
I'll make the tea.
411
00:30:07,579 --> 00:30:11,633
I think I'll go in the kitchen with Rodney.
I suddendly feel rather nauseous.
412
00:30:14,033 --> 00:30:16,228
You've got one in a million
there, Del Boy.
413
00:30:16,263 --> 00:30:18,030
I know! What can I do for you Boycie?
414
00:30:18,065 --> 00:30:26,181
Well, you may have heard, that I recently
acquired a rather expensive piece of electronic hardware.
415
00:30:26,216 --> 00:30:28,650
A television
satellite aerial receiver.
416
00:30:28,685 --> 00:30:30,463
No, I didn't know that..
417
00:30:30,498 --> 00:30:34,267
Oh yes. And I'm not talking about
one of these 150 quid Mickey Mouse jobs
418
00:30:34,302 --> 00:30:39,418
you see glued to the side of reclaimed council houses
ruining he beauty of the stone cladding.
419
00:30:39,653 --> 00:30:44,525
I'm talking two grand, hi-tech,
state-of-the-art sophistication.
420
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,362
Leave it out, Boyce, you're
making me jealous.
421
00:30:46,397 --> 00:30:50,203
You're not the only one.
Yesterday some git nicked it!
422
00:30:50,238 --> 00:30:51,688
You're kidding?
423
00:30:51,723 --> 00:30:55,521
When I went out in the morning it was standing
there in my back garden. When I came back later...
424
00:30:55,556 --> 00:30:59,287
- It wasn't!
- You catch on fast, Del.
425
00:30:59,951 --> 00:31:01,516
What do you want me to do about it?
426
00:31:02,135 --> 00:31:07,522
The word is that a very similar television satellite receiver
was seen entering this estate
427
00:31:07,557 --> 00:31:09,379
tied to the back of a lorry.
428
00:31:09,414 --> 00:31:14,838
So if any of your contacts
should offer you an almost new aerial dish,
429
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:20,347
buy it for me as cheap as possible.
Offer 300, I'll go to 500 at a push.
430
00:31:20,557 --> 00:31:25,347
You wanna buy your own property back?
Why don�t you go to the gendarmes?
431
00:31:25,909 --> 00:31:28,238
They're very busy people.
432
00:31:28,273 --> 00:31:31,412
I thought I'd save a bit of
time doing it this way. Know what I mean?
433
00:31:31,447 --> 00:31:36,836
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll keep my ear to the ground.
If I hear anything I'll give you a bell.
434
00:31:37,408 --> 00:31:41,836
Goodbye, Raquel. Glad to
see you've settled in so well.
435
00:31:41,871 --> 00:31:44,823
Is your son about 11 years
old with a Mohican haircut?
436
00:31:44,858 --> 00:31:46,314
Good God, no!
437
00:31:46,349 --> 00:31:48,977
Well, who's that sitting in
your Mercedes?
438
00:31:55,793 --> 00:31:57,872
Hope he falls down the stairs.
439
00:31:59,728 --> 00:32:04,733
- You feeling better now?
- Yeah. Sorry about just now.
440
00:32:05,689 --> 00:32:08,120
- Forget it...
Come on and sit down.
441
00:32:09,138 --> 00:32:12,317
What are you gonna do?
- Dunno.
442
00:32:12,948 --> 00:32:14,933
D'you want your marriage
to work?
443
00:32:15,264 --> 00:32:17,365
Really? Honestly?
444
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:23,123
Really and honestly. I want me and Cass
to go back to the way we were.
445
00:32:23,594 --> 00:32:29,604
If she wants to pursue her career and has to go
to functions and seminars at the bank,
446
00:32:29,639 --> 00:32:32,597
then I don't mind any more,
I really don't.
447
00:32:32,632 --> 00:32:35,538
Well, how about telling her that?
448
00:32:35,869 --> 00:32:42,698
'Canape de entroi' as the guv'nor of the Bastille said
as the flames licked round his old April.
449
00:32:43,378 --> 00:32:48,218
That is French and it means
'I've gotta do something, quick!'
450
00:32:51,174 --> 00:32:56,555
With Cassandra, I had a woman I loved.
A woman who said she loved me...
451
00:32:57,362 --> 00:33:03,079
Now I find myself halfway
between paradise and Nelson Mandela House...
452
00:33:04,965 --> 00:33:08,222
I just want her to believe believe
that I mean everything I say!
453
00:33:08,435 --> 00:33:11,212
I've tried everything in my
power to convince her.
454
00:33:12,424 --> 00:33:19,001
I feel like I've taken the mountain to Muhammad
only to find he's already bloody got one!
455
00:33:25,050 --> 00:33:27,497
- I'd better go and see if I can...
- Yeah, go on.
456
00:33:37,855 --> 00:33:41,528
You know why Alan asked you
to pick Cassandra up at the airport?
457
00:33:42,204 --> 00:33:43,948
'Cos he weren't feeling well.
458
00:33:44,836 --> 00:33:51,891
No. It's because Cassandra and her mum have been
sitting by their swimming pool in that villa of theirs
459
00:33:51,977 --> 00:33:58,996
having exactly the same conversation as we just had.
She feels exactly the same as you do.
460
00:33:59,230 --> 00:34:04,605
- Cassandra?
- No, her mum! Of course Cassandra!
461
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:09,699
- Really?
- Really... Have you got any money?
462
00:34:09,734 --> 00:34:12,968
Yeah, I've got money!
Well, not a lot.
463
00:34:14,077 --> 00:34:21,485
I've got an idea. I know the manager of this
luxury hotel that's right near the airport.
464
00:34:22,208 --> 00:34:25,014
I used to go there
during the mating season.
465
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,666
Now I could give him a bell
466
00:34:28,701 --> 00:34:33,888
and get him to give you the bestest suite
in the whole hotel, the full works.
467
00:34:34,284 --> 00:34:38,348
So when Cassandra flies in
all brown and relaxed
468
00:34:38,383 --> 00:34:43,473
you could be waiting with a bouquet of flowers
and the keys to the honeymoon suite.
469
00:34:43,721 --> 00:34:47,325
A mini-honeymoon -
18 months after the first.
470
00:34:48,797 --> 00:34:50,110
D'you really think it could work?
471
00:34:50,362 --> 00:34:55,382
Yer best whistles, a splash
of Brut, you'll be home and dry!
472
00:34:56,485 --> 00:34:57,816
Go on then, I'm game!
473
00:34:57,851 --> 00:35:00,602
Good boy. You know it makes
sense. I'll give him a bell.
474
00:35:03,495 --> 00:35:05,354
You know I said
I've got some money?
475
00:35:05,724 --> 00:35:09,057
Well, since I've been working for
Alan I've been doing really well.
476
00:35:10,656 --> 00:35:17,813
I know you've been struggling a bit lately,
so if you need it, it's there.
477
00:35:21,128 --> 00:35:27,293
Rodney. You are the
jewel in Mum's crown, Rodney, you really are!
478
00:35:27,638 --> 00:35:28,941
Oh shuddup!
479
00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:34,343
Thanks very much, bruv, and I appreciate it.
But I'm not doing too bad at the moment.
480
00:35:34,378 --> 00:35:37,010
I'm doing quite well
with that half-price printing...
481
00:35:37,045 --> 00:35:42,380
And I reckon I'm gonna pick up
a nice bit of bunce with that thing there.
482
00:35:55,178 --> 00:35:58,368
Good evening, Mr Trotter.
I am Henry, your concierge.
483
00:35:58,403 --> 00:36:02,339
Your brother phoned and
said you would be requiring our very finest suite,
484
00:36:02,374 --> 00:36:05,877
complete and utter privacy
and a full English breakfast.
485
00:36:05,912 --> 00:36:07,376
Oh yes, thank you.
486
00:36:07,411 --> 00:36:11,562
As this booking is of an intimate nature
I think it would help to maintain
487
00:36:11,597 --> 00:36:14,549
a degree of privacy if we
dealt only in cash.
488
00:36:14,584 --> 00:36:16,240
Oh yes, right.
489
00:36:16,275 --> 00:36:17,986
That will be 150 pounds please.
490
00:36:18,021 --> 00:36:22,036
150 q...!
Oh right, of course.
491
00:36:25,204 --> 00:36:29,915
As a special surprise,
Derek has also ordered champagne on ice.
492
00:36:29,950 --> 00:36:34,835
Only the very finest champagne Derek said.
Money is of no object.
493
00:36:34,870 --> 00:36:36,367
Oh that was nice of him.
494
00:36:36,402 --> 00:36:38,585
That will be another
70 pounds please.
495
00:36:43,068 --> 00:36:46,550
He can be very generous at
times, can't he?
496
00:36:49,543 --> 00:36:52,818
I believe you have a guest
joining you?
497
00:36:56,067 --> 00:36:59,996
- A special evening, is it sir?
- Cor, yeah, if I'm l...
498
00:37:00,821 --> 00:37:04,855
Yes. My wife will be landing
at the North Terminal in about an hour.
499
00:37:05,878 --> 00:37:11,716
I see. Well, don't worry, if she should call at the
hotel, I'll say I've never heard of you.
500
00:37:12,716 --> 00:37:15,534
No, you don't understand.
My wife is my guest.
501
00:37:15,727 --> 00:37:23,963
Your wife? Oh well, it takes all kinds!
Can I order you a bouquet of flowers?
502
00:37:23,998 --> 00:37:28,447
My brother got me a bouquet.
They're out in the va... car.
503
00:37:57,557 --> 00:37:58,794
Can I help you , sir?
504
00:37:58,829 --> 00:38:02,835
Have you any idea when
flight 475 from Malaga will be arriving?
505
00:38:02,870 --> 00:38:04,450
I'll just check.
506
00:38:05,971 --> 00:38:08,702
That flight should
be landing in about ten minutes, sir.
507
00:38:08,737 --> 00:38:10,102
Oh good.
508
00:38:10,137 --> 00:38:14,374
- In Manchester.
- In Manchester?
509
00:38:14,409 --> 00:38:16,265
I'm afraid it was rerouted.
510
00:38:16,653 --> 00:38:19,657
But I'm waiting for my wife!
I've booked a hotel suite �
511
00:38:19,692 --> 00:38:24,348
I've got a bottle of champagne - I've spent
nigh on 200 quid waiting for this flight!
512
00:38:24,383 --> 00:38:28,203
I'm very sorry, sir. As you can see,
the airport's in absolute chaos at the moment.
513
00:38:28,238 --> 00:38:30,452
Your wife was lucky
to take off at all.
514
00:38:31,113 --> 00:38:33,149
Information, can I help you?
515
00:38:44,021 --> 00:38:46,536
The important thing is she
landed safely.
516
00:38:46,571 --> 00:38:53,661
Yes, in Manchester! I mean, so much for my big surprise!
Tonight has cost me nearly 250 quid!
517
00:38:53,945 --> 00:38:58,304
I thought by now me and Cass would be sitting
in our honeymoon suite sipping champagne and...
518
00:39:00,431 --> 00:39:05,487
...having a quick look at her holiday snaps.
D'you know how much tonight has cost me?
519
00:39:05,709 --> 00:39:09,466
- About 250 pounds?
- Nearly 250 pounds it's cost me!
520
00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:16,272
Michael. Give us an non-alcoholic lager
for the stud over there.
521
00:39:16,805 --> 00:39:20,268
What's wrong with him tonight?
Looks like he's just come back from a funeral.
522
00:39:20,303 --> 00:39:26,310
In a matter of speaking, he has!
It's all rather personal and private.
523
00:39:28,876 --> 00:39:31,968
Rodney thought he would be
enjoying the fruits of love this evening...
524
00:39:32,003 --> 00:39:34,839
...instead he's enjoying a packet of pork
scratchings.
525
00:39:35,803 --> 00:39:41,393
Can I have two large glasses
of your finest cognac for Raquel and moi.
526
00:39:41,739 --> 00:39:43,376
Celebrating something, are we?
527
00:39:43,411 --> 00:39:48,902
You could say that. Even as we speak, I've got 500
smackeroonies winning their way to this public house
528
00:39:48,937 --> 00:39:51,604
safely tucked up in Boycie's
inside pocket.
529
00:39:51,626 --> 00:39:55,990
Boycie's handing out 500 notes? What's happened?
He had a whack on the head or something?
530
00:39:56,025 --> 00:40:01,927
It's wheels within wheels, Michael.
Pour passer le temps, as they say in Nice.
531
00:40:01,962 --> 00:40:04,754
Here you are my son
and keep the change.
532
00:40:05,611 --> 00:40:09,506
- You're 40p short mate.
- That's alright. Put it in the charity box.
533
00:40:15,219 --> 00:40:16,968
I had such high
hopes for tonight.
534
00:40:17,002 --> 00:40:19,316
I thought you did by the way
you walked in.
535
00:40:21,109 --> 00:40:23,867
Thank you for ordering that
champagne, Del.
536
00:40:23,902 --> 00:40:26,359
That's alright, bruv.
It was the best, I hope.
537
00:40:26,394 --> 00:40:28,205
Oh yes, 70 quid's worth.
538
00:40:28,513 --> 00:40:34,345
Nothing but the best for a lady like Cassandra.
Pity she's in Manchester, innit?
539
00:40:34,531 --> 00:40:35,999
Yes, it is.
540
00:40:36,034 --> 00:40:37,647
Still, you can talk to her
tomorrow.
541
00:40:37,682 --> 00:40:40,756
And she'll know you went out to the airport
to meet her, her dad'll tell her.
542
00:40:41,140 --> 00:40:43,699
I made the gesture and that's what counts.
543
00:40:44,428 --> 00:40:47,469
You'll thank me for this my son
later on, I bet you will.
544
00:40:47,504 --> 00:40:51,392
- Cassandra's up north.
- I know! How'd you know?
545
00:40:51,427 --> 00:40:55,953
She just phoned from Manchester airport, wanted
you to know she is safe and not to worry.
546
00:40:55,988 --> 00:40:57,305
Where'd you say Rodney was?
547
00:40:57,340 --> 00:41:00,683
I said he was spending the
night in some hotel.
548
00:41:01,910 --> 00:41:03,794
But did you say which hotel?
549
00:41:04,097 --> 00:41:07,599
I couldn't remember its
name so I gave her the phone number.
550
00:41:08,021 --> 00:41:10,428
But you told her I'd gone
to meet her at the airport?
551
00:41:10,463 --> 00:41:13,623
Of course not!
It was supposed to be a surprise!
552
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:17,726
- You daft old sod.
- You garrity old git!
553
00:41:17,761 --> 00:41:22,477
She'll phone the hotel to find out that I've booked
the honeymoon suite in the name of Mr and Mrs Trotter!
554
00:41:22,512 --> 00:41:25,640
She'll think he's gone caseo with some tart!
555
00:41:27,109 --> 00:41:29,766
I don't know how you're gonna cat your way
out of this one, Rodney.
556
00:41:30,826 --> 00:41:34,368
If you hadn't suggested booking the hotel room,
none of this would have happened!
557
00:41:35,405 --> 00:41:38,286
Wait a minute! It was your
hormones on turbo, not mine!
558
00:41:38,627 --> 00:41:43,157
Why don't you phone Alan?
He's bound to speak to her soon so he can explain.
559
00:41:44,062 --> 00:41:46,164
Good idea.
I'll go back to the flat to phone him.
560
00:41:47,133 --> 00:41:48,759
No need. You can use my mobile.
561
00:41:48,959 --> 00:41:51,137
Second thought,
better go back to the flat.
562
00:41:51,424 --> 00:41:53,976
You can give me a lift
back, Rodney. You coming?
563
00:41:54,365 --> 00:41:56,703
No, I got to wait here for my money.
564
00:42:02,864 --> 00:42:06,854
Don't hand the money over here
in full view.
565
00:42:06,889 --> 00:42:10,173
I hear that intensive care isn't all
that is cracked up to be.
566
00:42:10,781 --> 00:42:14,687
You're in no danger whatsoever, Del Boy.
I ain't handing you a penny.
567
00:42:15,331 --> 00:42:18,852
What're you talking about, Boycie?
I got your statellite dish back for you.
568
00:42:18,887 --> 00:42:22,272
No, you didn't, Del.
At this very moment in time,
569
00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:24,536
my satellite dish is sitting in my back
garden
570
00:42:24,571 --> 00:42:29,189
and picking up a very exciting episode of
Wagon Train from Helsinki.
571
00:42:29,224 --> 00:42:30,723
But you said it had been nicked!
572
00:42:30,758 --> 00:42:31,984
That's what I thought.
573
00:42:32,019 --> 00:42:35,277
But I discovered this evening that,
while Marlene and I were out for the day,
574
00:42:35,312 --> 00:42:37,946
the engineers took it away for repair.
575
00:42:37,981 --> 00:42:40,823
Well, what's that thing
I've got on my balcony?
576
00:42:40,858 --> 00:42:46,925
I don't know, Del. And to be perfectly honest
I couldn't give a monkey's toss.
577
00:42:52,134 --> 00:42:56,231
- It's something wrong with this thing.
- Come on, Alan, answer!
578
00:42:56,461 --> 00:42:59,445
I can't find anyone called
Bronco in your address book.
579
00:42:59,695 --> 00:43:02,801
It wouldn't make much difference if you did.
He moved a little while ago.
580
00:43:02,990 --> 00:43:08,652
- There's a lot of women in here.
- They're bussiness associates of mine.
581
00:43:08,687 --> 00:43:11,609
Why have you put stars by
some of their names?
582
00:43:11,644 --> 00:43:15,043
I can't remember now.
It was a long time ago. Let me have a look.
583
00:43:19,499 --> 00:43:23,376
He's not in. He's probably gone to Manchester
to pick up Cassandra.
584
00:43:23,411 --> 00:43:26,992
She'll tell him, I've booked into
a hotel with another woman - he'll fire me.
585
00:43:27,027 --> 00:43:30,140
She will divorce me
and it's all your fault! And yours!
586
00:43:30,175 --> 00:43:34,588
Oh shuddup, you tart! I've got
problems of me own.
587
00:43:34,623 --> 00:43:38,535
So have I! I just cannot
get a picture from your satellite dish!
588
00:43:38,570 --> 00:43:40,950
Will you stop messing about
with that television?
589
00:43:41,543 --> 00:43:46,670
I've gotta find out where Bronco lives,
find out where he got that satellite dish from.
590
00:43:46,705 --> 00:43:49,037
I thought you said he gave
you his card.
591
00:43:49,072 --> 00:43:52,214
He did. And I filed it somewhere
behind Boycie's geraniums.
592
00:43:52,249 --> 00:43:54,788
If only that airport hadn't been in such a mess.
593
00:43:54,823 --> 00:43:58,399
Cassandra's plane would have landed safely
and everything would have been great.
594
00:43:58,858 --> 00:44:02,401
I bet the air-traffic controllers
have gone on strike in France again.
595
00:44:02,436 --> 00:44:07,793
That's it, Rodney, that's
where Bronco lives.
596
00:44:07,828 --> 00:44:09,030
France?
597
00:44:09,065 --> 00:44:13,347
No, it's Gatwick!
A little bed-and-breakfast hotel in Gatwick.
598
00:44:13,382 --> 00:44:14,993
But you can't remember
what it was called?
599
00:44:15,028 --> 00:44:18,459
No.All I remember was that
it was named after somebody famous.
600
00:44:19,018 --> 00:44:21,700
Well, that's narrowed it
down, hasn't it?
601
00:44:21,735 --> 00:44:27,278
Uncle, would you pop in my room and get my 37
volumes of famous historical characters?
602
00:44:27,472 --> 00:44:29,376
We'll soon have this
sorted out, Del.
603
00:44:29,411 --> 00:44:34,645
Don't get sarky with me, Rodney!
A famous painter!
604
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:38,951
That's what it was.
Come on, Bamber, that's your start of a tenner.
605
00:44:39,664 --> 00:44:42,721
Famous painter...
Michelangelo?
606
00:44:44,044 --> 00:44:45,879
Rembrandt? Picasso?
607
00:44:46,677 --> 00:44:48,213
Rubens? Van Gogh?
608
00:44:48,979 --> 00:44:50,546
Botticelli?
609
00:44:51,625 --> 00:44:54,827
- Turner?
- No, no. A famous French painter.
610
00:44:55,281 --> 00:44:58,264
- Why didn't you say he was French?
- I just said so, didn't I?
611
00:44:58,790 --> 00:44:59,921
Monet?
612
00:45:00,127 --> 00:45:01,766
- Manet?
- She just said that!
613
00:45:02,686 --> 00:45:06,950
- No, she said Monet.
- That's what she just said! Pay attention, Rodney.
614
00:45:07,197 --> 00:45:09,523
Adolf Hitler used to be a painter.
615
00:45:10,394 --> 00:45:12,556
I don't bel...! How long's
he been French?
616
00:45:12,591 --> 00:45:16,980
And who in their right mind
would call their hotel the Hotel Hitler?
617
00:45:18,375 --> 00:45:20,714
A famous French painter.
Lautrec?
618
00:45:22,016 --> 00:45:24,965
- Renoir?
- No! French!
619
00:45:25,452 --> 00:45:29,802
Degas, Boudin, Pissaro,
Seurat, Tissot?
620
00:45:30,838 --> 00:45:34,293
- Schubert.
- Schubert?
621
00:45:34,746 --> 00:45:37,805
Schubert! You soppy old git.
622
00:45:37,994 --> 00:45:42,729
That's it! His guess has got it!
The Hotel Schubert!
623
00:45:42,764 --> 00:45:43,958
Schubert?
624
00:45:43,993 --> 00:45:45,863
Well done, Unc.
625
00:45:45,898 --> 00:45:51,193
Got all these GCEs and it takes an
old sea dog to come up with the answer.
626
00:45:51,228 --> 00:45:53,117
Schubert weren't French!
627
00:45:53,448 --> 00:45:57,111
- And he weren't a painter!
- Well, he should have been
628
00:45:57,146 --> 00:45:59,357
Ah, here it is!
629
00:45:59,392 --> 00:46:03,215
- Schubert was a German composer!
- Austrian, actually.
630
00:46:03,250 --> 00:46:07,251
You mean you knew?
How did you know about Schubert?
631
00:46:07,708 --> 00:46:09,687
Would you mind? I'm trying to get on the blower.
632
00:46:09,912 --> 00:46:15,259
Oh good evening.Can I speak to
Mr Lane please? Thank you.
633
00:46:15,294 --> 00:46:18,110
Shall we just forget about the
satellite dish and watch the ordinary telly?
634
00:46:18,145 --> 00:46:20,988
Yeah, let's watch the news.
They might be some report
635
00:46:21,023 --> 00:46:26,045
about the ecological destruction of our planet
- anything to cheer me up.
636
00:46:26,619 --> 00:46:29,540
Bronco? It's Del Boy.
637
00:46:30,171 --> 00:46:37,881
Listen, tell me something, I wanna know.
Where did you get that statellite dish from?
638
00:46:39,901 --> 00:46:42,113
What are
you apologizing for?
639
00:46:42,148 --> 00:46:48,364
Alright, alright, you were desperate and you had a
funny turn. I can understand that.
640
00:46:48,399 --> 00:46:50,310
I've had Rodney living back with us...
641
00:46:52,559 --> 00:46:56,492
Well, of course I know what it is!
It's a statellite receiver dish, innit?
642
00:46:58,163 --> 00:47:00,529
What d'you mean, that's what
you thought ?
643
00:47:01,956 --> 00:47:11,269
Bronco, why you crying? What is it then?
Where did you get it from?
644
00:47:13,255 --> 00:47:18,242
Oh my God! Oh hell's
bloody bells!
645
00:47:18,804 --> 00:47:22,154
- So where's he get it from?
- He didn't say.
646
00:47:22,625 --> 00:47:28,177
- Del, come have a look.
- What is it? Turn it up.
647
00:47:28,822 --> 00:47:32,620
The radar transmitter dish
similar to the one shown here,
648
00:47:32,655 --> 00:47:39,182
was stolen from the end of Gatwick's main
runway in the early hours of yesterday morning.
649
00:47:39,217 --> 00:47:42,936
The theft brought Gatwick
airport to a standstill
650
00:47:42,971 --> 00:47:48,691
and has caused chaos throughout Europe and left
thousands of returning holiday-makers stranded.
651
00:47:50,787 --> 00:47:57,620
You caused that! You've
brought Europe, a whole continent, to a standstill!
652
00:48:02,848 --> 00:48:04,927
I didn't mean to!
653
00:48:06,555 --> 00:48:09,722
That's why Cassandra's
plane had to land in Manchester.
654
00:48:09,757 --> 00:48:12,917
That's why she's stuck up there
airport instead of in my honeymoon bed!
655
00:48:12,952 --> 00:48:16,119
And that's why my marriage
is all but bloody over!
656
00:48:17,809 --> 00:48:22,514
Haven't you ever made a mistake? I mean, you
thought it was an aerial dish an' all, didn't you?
657
00:48:22,671 --> 00:48:26,612
- Don't you include me.
- I'll show it to ya, it looks like one.
658
00:48:31,296 --> 00:48:33,899
I'll take it back first thing in the morning.
659
00:48:54,818 --> 00:48:57,771
Switch it off!
660
00:48:57,821 --> 00:49:02,371
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