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Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
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_
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(doorbell rings)
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- Hi, come on in.
- Hi!
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00:00:10,065 --> 00:00:11,907
- Yay.
- Come on in.
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00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,696
- Thank you so much for watching
Lark last minute. - Oh, of course.
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I know, Colleen, you had to work today.
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And Matt, you had to...
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- so, thank you.
- Yep.
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Yeah, I mean, first
interview for preschool.
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- Oh, wow.
- Oh, hey.
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And they place a-a lot of emphasis
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on diversity so...
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(in British accent): I'm gonna
have to do the interview like this.
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I wouldn't.
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- Yeah, what's that?
- But no worries.
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This is like my dream day off.
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I love Lark.
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- Oh, and she is so crazy about you.
- (gasps)
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- I mean, she can't stop talking about you.
- No.
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- Oh. Oh.
- JEN: You know?
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But just be sure when she wakes up
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- to reintroduce yourself.
- Yeah.
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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And so I left you a schedule
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- Uh-huh.
- and all of her favorite toys and books,
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some of which are in our bathroom.
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That's a question for Greg.
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- But we really should get...
- Okay.
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Okay, and, uh, you know,
where's her stroller
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in case we want to take her
outside, a free-range Lark?
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- Oh.
- You know what,
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I think let's make today
just, like, an inside day.
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- GREG: Yeah.
- Yeah, just 'cause we don't want
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to risk her making
friends with a new baby
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'cause then we'd have to
be nice to the parents.
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- Uh-huh. Got it.
- Right.
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- Yeah. Very good.
- Okay.
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Hadn't thought of that.
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- Thanks, guys.
- Bye, guys.
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- Good luck.
- Take care.
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COLLEEN: Aw, this is fun.
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It's like a little window
into our future as parents.
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You think if we ever have a
kid, it's gonna be this cute?
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Even cuter.
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Ours is gonna be one of
those multiracial babies...
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Yeah.
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which are the only kinds they
put in commercials these days.
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Right.
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MATT: I'm kind of a baby expert
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'cause, you know, I-I looked
after all of Heather's kids,
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and then we had this
little baby bird that...
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didn't make it.
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Well, I'm glad you
know what you're doing
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'cause I didn't babysit much growing up.
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Really? Not even in high school?
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Well, I did once, but
then I became known as
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"the girl who flirted with a dad,"
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and that kind of killed
my career and a marriage.
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And that's why everyone
was very confused
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at your mommy and daddy's wedding.
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I-I don't get it. She
giggled at this thing
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for like ten minutes and
suddenly she hates it.
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And now I'm starting to wonder if it was
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ever really all that
funny to begin with.
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She's just staring into space.
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Is that normal?
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I don't know. This is a weird baby, man.
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Ooh, I know, we could
take her to a pet store,
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and let her put her
fingers in all the cages.
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That's a great idea.
We're ready for an outing.
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Besides, it'll put some life
into this dumb Greg baby.
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Oh, wait.
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Jen said we didn't need
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to take her anywhere in the stroller.
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We're not gonna take a stroller.
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(gasps)
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Okay, I've got a bottle
and snacks and that puppet
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in case it makes a comeback.
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You really thought of everything.
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Yeah. I think I'm gonna
be a really good mom.
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I know you are.
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Aw. (chuckles)
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(Velcro ripping)
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She's fine.
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COLLEEN: Oh, I feel terrible.
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Sleeping with that dad
in high school was a sign
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I wasn't meant to take care of kids.
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You said you just flirted with him.
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Huh? Maybe we should call Jen.
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No way. We'll look incompetent.
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And then when we have kids of our own,
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everyone will be worried
that we can't handle it.
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Well, maybe we can't.
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Oh, we dropped one baby on her face.
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We'll be much more careful with ours.
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- Yeah. You're right.
- Yeah.
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I'm glad we can learn these
lessons on someone else's baby.
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Totally.
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(crying)
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Really?
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We drop you on your head, you don't cry.
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Now you're crying at this? Greg baby.
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- (cell phone rings)
- Oh, no.
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What do we do?
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Oh, no, no, no. Don't answer.
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No, they'll hear in our
voice that something is wrong,
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and then they'll start to worry,
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so just, like, let it ring forever.
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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- (crying)
- Hi.
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I think it totally works.
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I can still see it.
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Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have been
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so quick to dismiss
your Blue Man Group idea.
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(mechanical whirring)
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(gasps) That's the garage. They're home.
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Okay, whoa, whoa, stay
calm. It's not a big deal.
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Lark is fine.
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And maybe
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we don't have to explain anything.
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Okay. You go there.
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- You stay there, okay? Yeah.
- MATT: Ready?
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Hi.
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- Hi.
- Oh, no.
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No, God, you opened
the door into her face.
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I think that's gonna leave a mark.
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Oh, yep, there it is.
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Yeah. You do know that
we have cameras everywhere
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and we watched the
whole thing on my phone?
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No, we did not know that.
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Give me my child.
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Oh, sweetie, are you okay?
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COLLEEN: We're really sorry.
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00:04:05,969 --> 00:04:07,234
And look, she's fine.
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Yeah, and sorry about, you
know, having sex on your bed.
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00:04:09,432 --> 00:04:10,209
Yeah.
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00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:12,145
Well, we don't have
cameras in the bedroom.
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- Okay.
- Oh.
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00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,087
Uh, I was gonna say that
I was pretty impressed
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with the way you two
came together in a crisis.
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The first time Lark tripped over
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one of my shoes and got a fat lip,
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Greg gave me the stink
eye and called me a slut.
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Huh.
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She picks up her shoes now, though.
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Look at that. See? We
do make a good team.
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- We do.
- (chuckles)
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Maybe we're gonna be
great parents after all.
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Well, you know, you did concuss a baby
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and then try to fix it with a makeover,
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but I guess everyone's definition
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of great is different.
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(chuckles) Well, uh,
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I'm gonna go clean our sheets.
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And also this baby's diaper
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because didn't catch
that on the surveillance.
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Okay.
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I thought you said
you were gonna do that.
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- Well, I'll do it if it's our baby.
- Yeah.
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_
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Oh, man. Look at this.
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Yeah, I get it, Marmaduke's a big boy.
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00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,998
No. No. That-That virtual
health care company
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00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,135
I wanted to invest in
years ago just went public.
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00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,698
(sighs) If you would have
let me invest that money
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00:05:06,704 --> 00:05:08,572
my parents gave us, we would be rich,
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00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,777
and not in the stupid way
that you're supposed to say
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00:05:10,783 --> 00:05:14,539
with, like, friends and health,
but in the good way, with money.
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Virtual health care?
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I never told you that you
couldn't invest in that.
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Yes, you did!
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Babe, it was the biggest
fight we ever had.
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It caused my scalp to
reject my new hair plugs.
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Babe, biggest fight we ever had
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was how much skill does it take
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to become a game show host.
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It is very difficult,
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but I am talking about
a much bigger fight.
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We were screaming at each other
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in the middle of that
Asian fusion restaurant.
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You left crying.
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00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:40,586
And then the delivery
guy had to drive me home
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on his handlebars.
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Oh, was that the place
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with the hamburger egg rolls?
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00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,812
- So, you remember the egg rolls...
- Yes.
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00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,494
but you don't remember the biggest fight
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00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,781
in the history of our relationship?
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00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:54,027
Oh, my God. I had a sex
dream about those egg rolls.
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00:05:55,629 --> 00:05:57,296
TIM: All right, look, I'm
just upset because if your mom
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00:05:57,302 --> 00:05:59,334
hadn't put the
kibosh on my dreams,
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00:05:59,340 --> 00:06:00,529
we'd all be wearing,
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00:06:00,535 --> 00:06:01,625
you know, name-brand sneakers
195
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,294
instead of these Air Gordons.
196
00:06:03,505 --> 00:06:05,471
Don't you have to wear
those because of your corns?
197
00:06:05,477 --> 00:06:06,944
Look, that's not the point.
198
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,705
The point is that I
want her to acknowledge
199
00:06:08,711 --> 00:06:11,001
how much money she cost us. You know.
200
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:12,989
I mean, look, this is the
first time I've ever been
201
00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:14,071
proven right in an argument,
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00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:15,099
and now your mother just
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00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:16,607
conveniently forgets about it?
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00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,020
Dad, this space is too small.
205
00:06:18,026 --> 00:06:19,343
Ah, I never listen to people
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00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:21,115
who say I can't fit into things.
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00:06:21,121 --> 00:06:23,687
TYLER: Well, Clementine and
I like to handle our arguments
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00:06:23,693 --> 00:06:24,789
like mature adults.
209
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:25,960
That's why we only fight naked.
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00:06:25,966 --> 00:06:26,784
You should try it.
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00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,052
Yeah, it helps remind you
212
00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:29,912
of each other's vulnerabilities,
and then the fights
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00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:30,921
don't last as long.
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00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,890
It's called Let Me Geni-Tell Ya.
215
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,192
No, it's not. It's called Nude Feud.
216
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,128
Um, I think I know what it's called.
217
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,733
My Mom and Uncle Dad invented it.
218
00:06:38,739 --> 00:06:39,631
TYLER: No, they didn't.
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00:06:39,637 --> 00:06:40,902
I came up with it when we got
220
00:06:40,908 --> 00:06:43,096
in that argument in the
shower about the pee rules.
221
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,644
No, you didn't. Okay, we
are settling this right now.
222
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:47,004
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
223
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,301
Nobody's getting naked
in my car unless it's me.
224
00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:51,409
TYLER: Why should we take
advice from you and Mom?
225
00:06:51,415 --> 00:06:54,322
Do you know how traumatizing
it is to be a little kid
226
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:56,046
and go into an Asian Fusion restaurant,
227
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,082
asking for your dad's hair plugs back?
228
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,551
That was genuine Norwegian corpse hair.
229
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,286
I could have replanted that stuff.
230
00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:03,898
And wait a minute.
231
00:07:03,904 --> 00:07:04,801
If you remember that,
232
00:07:04,807 --> 00:07:06,755
that means you remember the argument.
233
00:07:06,848 --> 00:07:08,799
Oh! You got to tell your mom.
234
00:07:08,989 --> 00:07:11,017
Nobody's getting ice cream until you do.
235
00:07:11,023 --> 00:07:12,522
I didn't even want ice cream.
236
00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:13,664
You asked us to come with you
237
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,800
because you were too
embarrassed to go alone.
238
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:17,744
That's because I was here this morning.
239
00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:18,636
All right, let's go.
240
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:21,338
And for the record, I fit in the spot.
241
00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:23,443
TYLER: Yeah, I'd like
to see you pull out.
242
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,162
I just want to make
sure that everyone has
243
00:07:27,168 --> 00:07:28,979
the same information,
so we can all agree
244
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,581
that for once, I was right.
245
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,654
Go ahead, Tyler.
246
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,284
So you and Dad came home, and you were
247
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,318
arguing about the investment.
248
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,028
Aha, yes! See?
249
00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:37,496
Now you remember.
250
00:07:37,502 --> 00:07:39,632
Yeah, and then you said
that you make the money,
251
00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:41,101
so you get to make the decisions.
252
00:07:41,107 --> 00:07:43,294
Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
253
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,030
That sounds familiar.
254
00:07:45,036 --> 00:07:46,597
- I said that?
- Yeah.
255
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,324
And then you said that Mom got to decide
256
00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:49,673
what she packed for my lunch,
257
00:07:49,679 --> 00:07:51,377
and that was enough
decision-making for her, so...
258
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,003
All right, that'll do, Tyler.
259
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,339
Yeah, this is all coming back to me now.
260
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,874
But I didn't even get to the
part where you called her...
261
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,322
Hey, who asked you, anyway?
262
00:07:58,328 --> 00:07:59,294
Right?
263
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:00,955
I'm gonna go get you
264
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:03,547
a diamond bracelet out
of my apology drawer.
265
00:08:03,798 --> 00:08:04,992
Wait, so...
266
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:06,283
now you don't want to talk about it,
267
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:09,019
now that I actually remember the fight?
268
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,554
Well, there's no need to.
269
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,720
Everybody's memories are
sufficiently refreshed,
270
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,732
and apologies accepted.
271
00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:16,994
Hey, I bet we're all starving.
272
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,195
What are you making for...
273
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:22,212
For what, Tim? What
am I making for what?
274
00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:26,070
For reservations for yourself
275
00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:28,064
- for the spa for tomorrow.
- Oh, yeah.
276
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,617
That is happening.
277
00:08:29,623 --> 00:08:31,583
But let's get back
to this, about how you
278
00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:33,277
went out of your way to demean me
279
00:08:33,427 --> 00:08:36,354
as a wife, a mother, and a woman.
280
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,682
And hey, just so you know, guy,
281
00:08:37,688 --> 00:08:39,283
we can talk about this all night long,
282
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:42,620
because tomorrow's
lunches are already packed.
283
00:08:42,942 --> 00:08:44,614
You two are gonna want to leave.
284
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,625
Wait, so your mom is not making dinner?
285
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:50,327
Oh, no, he's getting
naked. We got to go.
286
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:51,829
We should not have suggested this
287
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:54,491
- to anyone over the age of 20.
- TYLER: Okay...
288
00:08:54,497 --> 00:08:56,011
If you're gonna do that
thing that you talk to me
289
00:08:56,017 --> 00:08:57,968
with your belly button,
I'm not in the mood.
290
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,103
If this is gonna be a big fight,
291
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,170
we have to do it naked...
292
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,939
- apparently that helps.
- (laughs)
293
00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:03,477
Okay.
294
00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:05,982
You know what? I can
fight with you naked
295
00:09:06,537 --> 00:09:08,834
just as well as I can
with my clothes on.
296
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,201
In fact, naked...
297
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,083
(whispering): I got a lot more ammo.
298
00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:16,819
Full Monty.
299
00:09:20,134 --> 00:09:21,525
Okay, this works.
300
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,627
- Yeah.
- I feel more vulnerable.
301
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,629
(exhales)
302
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:28,268
It's hard to... it's hard...
303
00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:30,401
- I...
- I don't know if I'd say that.
304
00:09:30,434 --> 00:09:32,109
It's getting there, though.
305
00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:33,880
Oh. (laughs)
306
00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:35,773
Oh, what were you talking about?
307
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,347
I was saying it's hard to be mad at you.
308
00:09:37,353 --> 00:09:38,619
- Oh.
- But it's, yeah...
309
00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:40,625
Don't make me laugh, it bounces.
310
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,383
That was good. That was really good.
311
00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,987
Hey, I'm sorry about all
the money that I lost us.
312
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,619
Oh, it's okay.
313
00:09:52,986 --> 00:09:54,533
(silly voice): I'm sorry, too,
314
00:09:54,539 --> 00:09:56,833
that I demeaned you as a wife
315
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:57,986
and a mother.
316
00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:01,149
(both laughing)
317
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,319
I love it. I don't know why I said
318
00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:04,553
that I wasn't in the mood.
319
00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,393
- I'm always in the mood for that.
- Mm.
320
00:10:09,386 --> 00:10:11,719
I wish you would have
proposed to me like that.
321
00:10:13,849 --> 00:10:15,582
I mean, how many other
kids you know that's got
322
00:10:15,588 --> 00:10:17,810
a real professional
inventor in their family?
323
00:10:17,872 --> 00:10:21,074
- Actually, Kyle Edison's great, great...
- Yeah, whatever.
324
00:10:23,216 --> 00:10:25,155
_
325
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,416
GREG: Welcome to the Dream Lab.
326
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,151
So tell me about your project.
327
00:10:29,153 --> 00:10:30,665
I have to come up with an idea,
328
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,166
build a prototype, and then
develop a business plan.
329
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,382
It's so stupid.
330
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,750
If I actually had any good ideas,
331
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,385
then I would already be an inventor.
332
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,886
(chuckles) Well, it's a good thing
333
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,722
little Ricky Hammock didn't say that.
334
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,457
Although he would have
been so much more productive
335
00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:44,993
if his first invention wasn't a hammock.
336
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:48,696
(clears throat) Excuse me.
337
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,488
I had those when I was little.
338
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,300
And that's precisely the problem.
339
00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:53,826
See, it's not just little kids
340
00:10:53,832 --> 00:10:55,393
that need to get to places in a hurry.
341
00:10:55,399 --> 00:10:57,599
It's also big, important
people, such as myself.
342
00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:59,540
Well, they do make you look taller.
343
00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:01,542
I'd do anything for that. (chuckles)
344
00:11:01,544 --> 00:11:03,144
Why don't you just wear heels?
345
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:04,545
My mom won't let me.
346
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,001
If only they made shoes
with retractable heels,
347
00:11:07,007 --> 00:11:08,282
then I could leave the house in flats,
348
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,314
then switch to heels
when I got to school.
349
00:11:10,564 --> 00:11:11,519
Bingo.
350
00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:12,854
Sam, it's brilliant.
351
00:11:12,856 --> 00:11:14,322
That's your idea.
352
00:11:14,324 --> 00:11:15,656
We can call them...
353
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:17,291
Swiss Army Heels.
354
00:11:17,293 --> 00:11:19,727
Or how about Peek-A-Boots?
355
00:11:19,729 --> 00:11:22,530
Eh. It's good to have options.
356
00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:23,564
(floor squeaks)
357
00:11:23,566 --> 00:11:24,676
Oh!
358
00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:29,670
Huh.
359
00:11:30,330 --> 00:11:32,513
So, what do you think?
360
00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:35,063
Well, I think it's a good draft.
361
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,111
But... just playing
devil's advocate here...
362
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,887
I was just envisioning
this totally different,
363
00:11:40,893 --> 00:11:42,583
and just a little bit better.
364
00:11:43,092 --> 00:11:44,191
Uh...
365
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,087
So... lose that.
366
00:11:46,089 --> 00:11:47,955
Keep this first word,
367
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,724
but then all of that's got to go.
368
00:11:49,726 --> 00:11:51,221
Uh, you know what?
369
00:11:51,604 --> 00:11:53,327
What do you say we
just start from scratch?
370
00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:54,429
Shall we?
371
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,481
So, let's...
372
00:11:56,497 --> 00:11:57,765
What if we make the straps...
373
00:11:57,923 --> 00:11:59,372
Uh, shh, shh.
374
00:11:59,378 --> 00:12:00,168
Okay, um...
375
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:01,949
All right? My ideas
are whispering to me,
376
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,288
and I have to...
377
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:07,208
(door closes)
378
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,110
- GREG: Hey!
- Hey.
379
00:12:09,112 --> 00:12:11,446
Look who stopped over to see
how you did on your project.
380
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:12,580
So, how'd we do?
381
00:12:12,769 --> 00:12:14,269
I got a B+.
382
00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:16,484
- B+.
- That's so great.
383
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,771
Thank you, little brother.
384
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,220
Thanks for what?
385
00:12:19,222 --> 00:12:21,422
- I invented a failure.
- Oh, God.
386
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,990
No, I am a professional inventor,
387
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,259
I should be getting an A- at least.
388
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,394
Minimum.
389
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:27,919
I got to get to my Dream Lab.
390
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:33,501
What made da Vinci so
influential to Tesla was his...
391
00:12:34,899 --> 00:12:35,653
GREG: Hello.
392
00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,872
Uh, my name is Greg Short,
and I have a problem.
393
00:12:37,874 --> 00:12:41,008
Sir, the A.A. meeting isn't until 6:00.
394
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,412
No. No, no, no. I am,
uh, Sam's uncle, here.
395
00:12:44,414 --> 00:12:46,881
And I'd like to speak
with you about her grade.
396
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,150
I'm teaching.
397
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:50,840
Are you? Because it really sounds
398
00:12:50,846 --> 00:12:52,653
like you're unfairly criticizing.
399
00:12:52,655 --> 00:12:53,721
Samantha's prototype
400
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,089
was amazing,
401
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:58,526
and her essay was super, duper smart,
402
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,133
I mean, it included very witty wordplay,
403
00:13:01,139 --> 00:13:04,098
such as, uh, "Come heel or high water."
404
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,267
Sir, did you do her project for her?
405
00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:07,835
No. No, I did not.
406
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:09,937
But I am a professional,
407
00:13:09,943 --> 00:13:11,205
um, inventor,
408
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,908
and I know a good idea when I hear one.
409
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:16,277
MRS. SANDOVAL: Oh. We've
been studying inventors.
410
00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:19,347
Maybe you could tell the
class about your work.
411
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,282
Oh. Uh...
412
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:22,316
All right, sure.
413
00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:23,784
Yeah, I can spit my flow.
414
00:13:23,786 --> 00:13:26,654
Mrs. Sandoval, can I
take a mental health day?
415
00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:28,956
So, as I'm sure Sam told you,
416
00:13:28,958 --> 00:13:31,526
I'm the guy that invented CryTunes.
417
00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:32,384
Ha.
418
00:13:33,767 --> 00:13:37,798
Which is a monitor that,
uh, converts the sound
419
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,102
of a crying baby into smooth jazz.
420
00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:43,488
It's something my wife
and I have been using
421
00:13:43,494 --> 00:13:44,472
with our daughter.
422
00:13:44,474 --> 00:13:45,640
Wife?
423
00:13:45,642 --> 00:13:47,175
Yeah, I have a wife.
424
00:13:47,503 --> 00:13:48,809
Do you have any more questions?
425
00:13:48,811 --> 00:13:51,923
Do you always ignore your
child when it's in distress?
426
00:13:51,929 --> 00:13:53,674
We... Uh, it's not ignoring.
427
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,813
So if a stranger abducts your
baby, you'd just hear jazz?
428
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,819
Yeah, this idea is completely unsafe.
429
00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:00,054
No, it's not.
430
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,155
Good comeback.
431
00:14:01,157 --> 00:14:02,375
Why don't you talk more about
432
00:14:02,381 --> 00:14:05,159
how you plan on growing your business?
433
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:06,961
Yeah. Yeah.
434
00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:11,256
We are growing at, uh,
an almost-alarming rate.
435
00:14:11,262 --> 00:14:12,717
But in a good way.
436
00:14:12,723 --> 00:14:14,240
Uh, we're trying to expand
437
00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:16,404
our musical libraries to include
438
00:14:16,406 --> 00:14:17,672
alt-rock,
439
00:14:17,674 --> 00:14:18,906
alt-ska.
440
00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:20,141
All the alts.
441
00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:21,809
Do you have the licensing for that?
442
00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:23,377
Uh, not yet.
443
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:24,812
This is a legal nightmare.
444
00:14:24,814 --> 00:14:26,047
(indistinct chatter)
445
00:14:26,049 --> 00:14:27,682
Okay, look, I'm talking with people
446
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:30,384
about selling my company
for a lot of money, so...
447
00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:32,199
Then why are you talking to us?
448
00:14:33,315 --> 00:14:35,140
Because I love the children.
449
00:14:36,464 --> 00:14:37,558
I hate them.
450
00:14:37,939 --> 00:14:39,310
They ridiculed me.
451
00:14:39,316 --> 00:14:41,429
First it was CryTunes,
then it was my jeans,
452
00:14:41,431 --> 00:14:42,803
then it was my posture.
453
00:14:42,850 --> 00:14:44,849
Aw, honey. They didn't
mention you wearing
454
00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:46,572
your sunglasses on
the back of your neck.
455
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:47,535
(knocking on door)
456
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:48,569
Who's that?
457
00:14:48,571 --> 00:14:50,538
Sam? Hi.
458
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:51,672
What are you doing here?
459
00:14:51,674 --> 00:14:53,741
Have you come to make
fun of my phone case, too?
460
00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:55,142
They made fun of my phone case.
461
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,978
I'm really sorry about all that.
462
00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:58,813
If it makes you feel any better,
463
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,449
one of the boys thought you were cute.
464
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:02,704
Eh, you're just saying that.
465
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:05,023
Okay, I am. But for real.
466
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,288
One of my friend's parents
invests in startups,
467
00:15:07,290 --> 00:15:09,290
and he loves Peek-A-Boots.
468
00:15:09,292 --> 00:15:10,758
He wants to fund it.
469
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,594
What? That's amazing.
470
00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:16,811
Yeah. That's, that's...
really great news,
471
00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:19,464
that there's a successful
inventor in the family.
472
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:20,838
I'm very happy for you.
473
00:15:20,844 --> 00:15:23,904
What do you mean "me"? This is our idea.
474
00:15:23,906 --> 00:15:25,517
I can't do this without you.
475
00:15:26,439 --> 00:15:27,506
Really?
476
00:15:27,977 --> 00:15:30,278
Okay. Uh...
477
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,612
I like the sound of this.
478
00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:32,580
Me, too.
479
00:15:32,582 --> 00:15:34,815
Partners. 70/30.
480
00:15:34,817 --> 00:15:36,484
Okay, well, that's not
contractually binding.
481
00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:37,551
I'll write something up.
482
00:15:37,553 --> 00:15:38,919
Let's go celebrate, right?
483
00:15:38,921 --> 00:15:41,022
This is so exciting, you guys.
484
00:15:43,077 --> 00:15:44,558
Be right back.
485
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,559
(whistling)
486
00:15:49,832 --> 00:15:51,465
I don't touch bugs, you know?
487
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:52,600
They're icky.
488
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:54,435
Didn't you fight in a war?
489
00:15:54,437 --> 00:15:56,437
Some say I still am.
490
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:01,030
_
491
00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:03,864
Hi, sweetie.
492
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:05,403
JOHN: Hey, there's our favorite
493
00:16:05,409 --> 00:16:08,571
almost eight or
nine-year-old granddaughter.
494
00:16:08,951 --> 00:16:11,151
JOAN: We got you an early birthday gift
495
00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:13,402
because we couldn't wait
to shower you with love
496
00:16:13,408 --> 00:16:15,385
and my coupon expires tomorrow.
497
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,966
Oh, you shouldn't have, guys.
498
00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:19,101
Because this year I
just want gift cards.
499
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,870
That way, I can get what I want,
500
00:16:20,872 --> 00:16:22,939
and not just a bunch of pink stuff.
501
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,102
Giving gifts is not about buying
someone something they want,
502
00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:28,299
it's about getting them
something they don't want,
503
00:16:28,305 --> 00:16:30,499
so they learn to appreciate it.
504
00:16:30,843 --> 00:16:31,864
You want to open it?
505
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:33,670
Yes. Thank you.
506
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:41,359
A butterfly kit?
507
00:16:41,365 --> 00:16:42,964
Yes! Those little
508
00:16:42,970 --> 00:16:44,990
squirmy wormies
509
00:16:44,996 --> 00:16:48,631
are gonna transform
magically into butterflies.
510
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,533
They are nature's drag queens.
511
00:16:50,535 --> 00:16:51,500
SOPHIA: Thanks.
512
00:16:51,502 --> 00:16:52,735
How long does it take?
513
00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:54,003
Mm, just two weeks.
514
00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:55,771
- Two weeks?
- Yeah.
515
00:16:55,773 --> 00:16:57,840
Couldn't you have thrown
down a few extra bucks
516
00:16:57,842 --> 00:17:00,076
to get the same-day butterflies?
517
00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:02,887
I mean, you got a
pension, right, Pop-Pop?
518
00:17:02,893 --> 00:17:05,481
Look, you can't pay nature
to hurry things along.
519
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,784
If you could, I wouldn't clock
so many hours on the toilet.
520
00:17:08,786 --> 00:17:10,138
- Ha.
- Ugh.
521
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:16,520
Wow, these cocoons are even more boring
522
00:17:16,526 --> 00:17:18,527
than the movie of the same name.
523
00:17:18,778 --> 00:17:20,029
Boring?
524
00:17:20,257 --> 00:17:21,787
Inside the cocoon,
525
00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:23,899
the caterpillar is digesting itself.
526
00:17:23,901 --> 00:17:28,004
If you were to cut it open,
caterpillar guts would ooze out.
527
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,384
Ooh, let's do that.
528
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:30,789
Oh, no! Wait, wait. No.
529
00:17:30,795 --> 00:17:32,434
This is the exciting part,
530
00:17:32,622 --> 00:17:34,510
where you get to watch them
531
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:37,475
hang there for, like, ten more days.
532
00:17:37,897 --> 00:17:39,181
(groans)
533
00:17:39,663 --> 00:17:41,896
- Fine.
- Great idea.
534
00:17:41,951 --> 00:17:44,353
You're gonna want to
remember this experience.
535
00:17:44,415 --> 00:17:48,392
Actually, Michelangelo in class
said that he would buy these.
536
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,184
And since I really ripped him off
537
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:51,794
in our last business venture,
538
00:17:51,796 --> 00:17:53,496
he wants pictures first.
539
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,031
So you're selling them, hmm?
540
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:56,632
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, then.
541
00:17:56,634 --> 00:18:00,136
Uh, well, I'm sure Micacacalo
will give them a good home.
542
00:18:00,301 --> 00:18:01,745
A good mobile home.
543
00:18:04,904 --> 00:18:07,056
Sophia wants to sell our butterflies
544
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,177
because she says,
545
00:18:08,585 --> 00:18:10,766
(little girl voice): "They're boring."
546
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:12,752
Oh, why are kids so impatient?
547
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,617
She needs to grow up already.
548
00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:18,821
Well, it seems to me some older
folks can be impatient, too.
549
00:18:18,823 --> 00:18:20,823
I don't have time for this.
550
00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:23,122
Why is everybody so annoying?
551
00:18:27,542 --> 00:18:28,579
JOHN: Sophia.
552
00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:32,462
Look, I understand if you want to sell
553
00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:34,494
a piece of Pop-Pop's heart.
554
00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:36,475
I mean, butterflies.
555
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:39,753
Pop-Pop, one of the
cocoons fell off the branch.
556
00:18:39,777 --> 00:18:41,077
I don't want him to die.
557
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,311
I'm only nine,
558
00:18:42,313 --> 00:18:44,164
and I've already buried three pets
559
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:46,270
and my sheets that...
560
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,884
someone peed on.
561
00:18:48,886 --> 00:18:51,705
Well, I'll try to
reattach him to the branch.
562
00:18:51,711 --> 00:18:52,774
But I'll warn you,
563
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,323
it's gonna be a risky procedure,
564
00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:56,672
because I don't touch bugs.
565
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:57,890
They're icky.
566
00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:03,332
I do this for Dad when
he's making a sandwich.
567
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:05,301
Ah, well.
568
00:19:05,886 --> 00:19:09,138
Yeah, we've done all we can
to save one of God's creatures.
569
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:10,951
I'm gonna name her Deirdre.
570
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:12,455
Well, I guess that's fair,
571
00:19:12,461 --> 00:19:15,010
since I named all of
those other ones John.
572
00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:17,780
I really hope she pulls through.
573
00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:20,716
Or dies quickly, so she's not a burden.
574
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,747
Did I miss it?
575
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:29,371
I ran out on my probation
hearing at the country club
576
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,317
as soon as I heard.
577
00:19:30,319 --> 00:19:31,794
Nope, you're just in time.
578
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:32,787
They're hatching.
579
00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:34,239
Ooh, thank God.
580
00:19:34,245 --> 00:19:36,079
It's the only hobby I got left.
581
00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:38,382
Oh, no,
582
00:19:38,388 --> 00:19:39,934
Deirdre never came out.
583
00:19:40,085 --> 00:19:42,133
But let's not tell the
other butterflies yet.
584
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,107
Let them keep their
innocence a little longer.
585
00:19:45,109 --> 00:19:47,443
Sweetie, I'm sure
she's flying in heaven.
586
00:19:47,445 --> 00:19:49,078
Yeah, but everyone flies up there,
587
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,767
so it's, like, no big deal.
588
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,293
No, look, she's hatching!
589
00:20:03,499 --> 00:20:06,292
Why is saying good-bye always so hard?
590
00:20:06,298 --> 00:20:08,089
I know, but if you love something,
591
00:20:08,095 --> 00:20:09,694
you have to set it free. Right?
592
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,067
Is that's why you walk
around with your robe open?
593
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,341
This is the best gift ever.
594
00:20:14,445 --> 00:20:15,357
When I grow up,
595
00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,064
I'm gonna get a butterfly tattoo
596
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,313
on my lower back.
597
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,175
You want to do the honors?
598
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,426
(exhales)
599
00:20:22,499 --> 00:20:24,299
(laughs)
600
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,550
(gasping, laughter)
601
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:36,291
(squawking)
602
00:20:36,293 --> 00:20:37,526
(gasping)
603
00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:42,307
What are those crows doing?
604
00:20:42,553 --> 00:20:44,266
They're just saying hello.
605
00:20:44,268 --> 00:20:46,908
Uh, you know, welcoming
them to the neighborhood.
606
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:47,939
Oh, that was nice of them.
607
00:20:47,945 --> 00:20:49,171
They're happy they're here.
608
00:20:49,173 --> 00:20:51,273
Yeah, well, the lesson
about life wasn't quick,
609
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:53,038
the one about death sure is, huh?
610
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:53,943
What do you mean?
611
00:20:53,993 --> 00:20:58,543
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