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1
00:00:00,746 --> 00:00:02,045
(Elka)
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:02,047 --> 00:00:04,581
in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:04,583 --> 00:00:07,250
Hey, Nicky, can you get two
coffees for table nine?
4
00:00:07,252 --> 00:00:08,635
Yeah, sure.
5
00:00:11,473 --> 00:00:12,755
Oh, my God.
6
00:00:12,757 --> 00:00:15,008
The new waiter
just touched my butt.
7
00:00:15,010 --> 00:00:17,894
Did he walk by and sort of
causally brush it with his hand?
8
00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:18,978
Yeah!
9
00:00:18,980 --> 00:00:21,231
He did that to me by the bar,
twice.
10
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:24,067
He's groping us and making it
look like an accident.
11
00:00:24,069 --> 00:00:28,571
Well, Joy, he probably thought
he was reaching for a mop.
12
00:00:32,244 --> 00:00:33,776
Where's Tony?
13
00:00:33,778 --> 00:00:35,945
Oh, my beautiful son is outside
on a business call.
14
00:00:35,947 --> 00:00:38,948
Ladies, I have a major
announcement to make.
15
00:00:38,950 --> 00:00:41,251
I have just been named
artistic director
16
00:00:41,253 --> 00:00:43,286
of the Cleveland
Studio Theater.
17
00:00:43,288 --> 00:00:44,504
- Oh!
- That's fantastic.
18
00:00:44,506 --> 00:00:46,623
But you've never
directed before.
19
00:00:46,625 --> 00:00:49,842
Oh, I know,
but how hard can it be?
20
00:00:49,844 --> 00:00:51,761
Directing is just
telling people what to do
21
00:00:51,763 --> 00:00:54,464
and sleeping with actors.
22
00:00:54,466 --> 00:00:55,682
The only downside is,
23
00:00:55,684 --> 00:00:58,017
I need investors for
my first production.
24
00:00:58,019 --> 00:01:00,053
In the theater,
we call them "angels."
25
00:01:00,055 --> 00:01:03,890
In real life,
they call them "suckers."
26
00:01:05,193 --> 00:01:08,561
Ladies, I have a major
announcement to make.
27
00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:10,863
The app that I developed
just sold for millions.
28
00:01:10,865 --> 00:01:12,699
- Oh, wow.
- Millions?
29
00:01:12,701 --> 00:01:16,235
Oh, my clever boy,
my angel...
30
00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:18,154
My angel.
31
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:19,989
Well, you'll be looking
for something
32
00:01:19,991 --> 00:01:21,040
to invest that money in.
33
00:01:21,042 --> 00:01:23,293
Yeah, I was thinking
maybe a charity.
34
00:01:23,295 --> 00:01:24,544
Charity?
35
00:01:24,546 --> 00:01:26,379
Well, you can't make
any money on that.
36
00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:27,497
Now, theater,
37
00:01:27,499 --> 00:01:29,248
that's a sound investment.
38
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:32,502
And as luck would have it,
I am the new artistic director
39
00:01:32,504 --> 00:01:34,420
for the Cleveland
Studio Theater.
40
00:01:34,422 --> 00:01:36,172
Oh, I would love to invest.
41
00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:39,008
Oh, that's fantastic.
42
00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:41,928
I just have one
tiny condition.
43
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,680
I would like a part
in the play.
44
00:01:43,682 --> 00:01:45,515
Oh, have you ever
acted before?
45
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:47,183
No, but how hard
can it be?
46
00:01:47,185 --> 00:01:49,102
Acting is just pretending
to listen to your director
47
00:01:49,104 --> 00:01:51,654
and sleeping with
the other actors, right?
48
00:01:51,656 --> 00:01:53,940
Well, our next play is
Summer of the Locust
49
00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:57,026
based on a Willa Cather story
about a young farm boy
50
00:01:57,028 --> 00:01:59,362
who is visited by the ghost
of his grandmother.
51
00:01:59,364 --> 00:02:01,114
Oh, there's an old lady part?
52
00:02:01,116 --> 00:02:02,198
Yeah.
53
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,917
Did you hear that, Joy?
54
00:02:08,506 --> 00:02:10,006
Well, we should celebrate.
55
00:02:10,008 --> 00:02:12,625
Hey, Nicky, can you get us
a bottle of champagne?
56
00:02:12,627 --> 00:02:14,010
Oh, yeah, of course.
Coming right up.
57
00:02:14,012 --> 00:02:15,461
Thanks.
58
00:02:17,215 --> 00:02:19,215
He did it again.
Okay, that's it. He's got to go.
59
00:02:19,217 --> 00:02:21,467
Wait, you can't just accuse
someone of groping
60
00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:22,852
without proof.
61
00:02:22,854 --> 00:02:24,220
We need to go through
the security cameras
62
00:02:24,222 --> 00:02:26,556
and see if we have footage
of him doing it.
63
00:02:26,558 --> 00:02:30,059
Just don't look
at last Tuesday night.
64
00:02:30,061 --> 00:02:32,695
But last Tuesday night
you were here with a date.
65
00:02:32,697 --> 00:02:34,447
You said you'd lock up.
66
00:02:34,449 --> 00:02:37,817
Wasn't that the night
we ran out of whipped cream?
67
00:02:40,205 --> 00:02:42,989
And sprinkles.
68
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,793
[upbeat music]
69
00:02:46,795 --> 00:02:49,295
Ba-Ba, Ba-Ba
70
00:02:49,297 --> 00:02:52,215
Ba-Ba, Ba-Ba
71
00:02:52,217 --> 00:02:53,299
Hey!
72
00:02:53,301 --> 00:02:55,635
And into this beautiful land
73
00:02:55,637 --> 00:02:57,970
I promise to return.
74
00:02:57,972 --> 00:03:00,390
That was a great audition.
75
00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:02,091
Elka, you nailed it.
76
00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:04,894
I don't think we need to look
any further for the grandmother.
77
00:03:04,896 --> 00:03:07,680
Oh, I think you do.
78
00:03:09,818 --> 00:03:10,850
Grandma?
79
00:03:10,852 --> 00:03:13,069
Mom,
what are you doing here?
80
00:03:13,071 --> 00:03:15,188
Well, I heard about
the open auditions,
81
00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:17,240
and I thought I should come down
and try out
82
00:03:17,242 --> 00:03:21,611
because otherwise you might be
stuck with some local nobody.
83
00:03:23,081 --> 00:03:25,998
Hello, Elka.
84
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,367
Hello, Penny.
85
00:03:28,369 --> 00:03:30,002
Thank you so much
for warming them up.
86
00:03:30,004 --> 00:03:33,456
Now it's time for
a professional actress.
87
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:37,877
You did a TV show
with puppets.
88
00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:41,180
I'll have you know I can
express more with one hand
89
00:03:41,182 --> 00:03:44,717
than most people can
with their entire bodies.
90
00:03:44,719 --> 00:03:48,304
I can express how I feel
about you with one finger.
91
00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,943
Elka was great.
92
00:03:53,945 --> 00:03:56,279
Maybe she could be
Grandma's understudy.
93
00:03:56,281 --> 00:04:00,450
So if something terrible
happened to Penny,
94
00:04:00,452 --> 00:04:03,369
I'd step in?
95
00:04:03,371 --> 00:04:07,707
Back off, Blondie.
I've never missed a performance.
96
00:04:07,709 --> 00:04:11,077
I bet your audiences
wished you had.
97
00:04:17,552 --> 00:04:19,335
The security camera
doesn't lie.
98
00:04:19,337 --> 00:04:20,970
Nicky groped me
by that table
99
00:04:20,972 --> 00:04:23,005
and you by the cash register.
100
00:04:23,007 --> 00:04:24,674
No, don't zoom in.
Don't zoom in.
101
00:04:24,676 --> 00:04:26,425
I hate my butt.
102
00:04:26,427 --> 00:04:27,477
It's everywhere.
103
00:04:27,479 --> 00:04:29,595
He couldn't not grope it.
104
00:04:29,597 --> 00:04:30,930
Oh, shut up.
105
00:04:30,932 --> 00:04:32,815
You have an amazing butt.
106
00:04:32,817 --> 00:04:34,600
It's so in fashion
right now.
107
00:04:34,602 --> 00:04:37,353
It's all about that bass.
108
00:04:37,355 --> 00:04:41,741
Unlike my pancake ass.
I'm all treble.
109
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:44,443
Victoria,
110
00:04:44,445 --> 00:04:45,778
what do you think
of our butts?
111
00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,363
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to get to rehearsal.
112
00:04:47,365 --> 00:04:50,666
I don't have time to make up
an honest answer.
113
00:04:52,537 --> 00:04:54,537
Where the hell is my mother?
114
00:04:54,539 --> 00:04:56,088
Elka, would you read in
for her?
115
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:57,590
(Elka)
I'd be happy to.
116
00:04:57,592 --> 00:05:02,011
It'll be nice to hear
how it should be read.
117
00:05:02,013 --> 00:05:03,629
Beat it, short stuff.
118
00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:04,797
Amateur hour is over.
119
00:05:04,799 --> 00:05:06,549
I'm terribly sorry I'm late,
120
00:05:06,551 --> 00:05:10,386
but the city is tearing up
my street suddenly.
121
00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:12,188
Oh, I'm the mayor.
122
00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:14,774
I'll find out
who ordered that.
123
00:05:14,776 --> 00:05:17,777
I called.
They said it was you.
124
00:05:17,779 --> 00:05:22,532
Well, that saves us
some time.
125
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:25,117
Okay, everybody, we are going
to start with the scene
126
00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:27,069
where Phillip,
alone and desperate,
127
00:05:27,071 --> 00:05:29,071
sees a vision
of his beloved grandmother
128
00:05:29,073 --> 00:05:30,706
who died five years earlier.
129
00:05:30,708 --> 00:05:34,410
Now, it's a very pivotal
and poignant moment in the play.
130
00:05:36,381 --> 00:05:40,166
Phillip,
my darling, darling Phillip.
131
00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:43,753
Grandma,
is that really you?
132
00:05:43,755 --> 00:05:45,838
I can't believe it's you.
133
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,724
I've missed you so much.
134
00:05:49,928 --> 00:05:52,144
Oh, my God.
He's terrible.
135
00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:57,733
He's the worst actor
in the Chase family.
136
00:05:57,735 --> 00:06:00,403
And that's saying something.
137
00:06:03,658 --> 00:06:07,243
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Ow. Ow.
138
00:06:07,245 --> 00:06:09,779
Stupid exercise.
Everything hurts.
139
00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:11,113
It makes me long for the days
140
00:06:11,115 --> 00:06:13,616
when women kept their rear ends
tucked away.
141
00:06:13,618 --> 00:06:15,251
We should go back
to hoop skirts.
142
00:06:15,253 --> 00:06:18,921
No one knew what the hell
was going on under there.
143
00:06:18,923 --> 00:06:20,373
Sure, half of them
died in childbirth,
144
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,541
but at least they didn't
have to do squats.
145
00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:24,710
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
146
00:06:24,712 --> 00:06:28,798
You know, maybe we're
approaching this the wrong way.
147
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:33,019
Maybe we need to think
outside the butt.
148
00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:34,937
It's not that our bottoms
look bad;
149
00:06:34,939 --> 00:06:37,390
it's the way the cameras
make them look.
150
00:06:37,392 --> 00:06:38,474
You're right.
151
00:06:38,476 --> 00:06:40,977
We just need to adjust
the camera angles
152
00:06:40,979 --> 00:06:42,812
to make our butts
look better.
153
00:06:42,814 --> 00:06:45,147
Yes, and softer focus.
154
00:06:45,149 --> 00:06:46,866
A little Vaseline
on the lens
155
00:06:46,868 --> 00:06:48,868
wouldn't kill anyone.
156
00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:50,319
(Joy)
Hello, ladies.
157
00:06:50,321 --> 00:06:51,954
Hey, how's Summer of
the Locust going?
158
00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:53,072
How's Tony?
159
00:06:53,074 --> 00:06:54,073
(Victoria)
Well, um,
160
00:06:54,075 --> 00:06:55,791
he's a-a little raw,
161
00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:58,494
a little green,
a little untrained.
162
00:06:58,496 --> 00:07:01,213
He stinks on ice.
163
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:08,890
Did you tell him?
164
00:07:08,892 --> 00:07:09,975
Oh, I couldn't.
165
00:07:09,977 --> 00:07:11,176
He'd hate me.
166
00:07:11,178 --> 00:07:12,677
So I thought of a better plan.
167
00:07:12,679 --> 00:07:14,012
You do it.
168
00:07:14,014 --> 00:07:15,430
I can't do it.
169
00:07:15,432 --> 00:07:17,682
It would break his untalented
little heart.
170
00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:19,935
Well, you never had a problem
pointing out my faults
171
00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:21,186
when I was a kid.
172
00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:24,606
That's different.
He's likeable.
173
00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,107
What, and I'm not?
174
00:07:26,109 --> 00:07:28,109
See?
We agree.
175
00:07:28,111 --> 00:07:30,528
You know, parents
are supposed to support
176
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,447
and protect their children.
177
00:07:32,449 --> 00:07:36,618
Victoria, I have protected you
hundreds of times.
178
00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:39,254
Yeah.
Name one.
179
00:07:39,256 --> 00:07:40,589
All right.
180
00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:46,211
I never told you this, but your
father got a woman pregnant,
181
00:07:46,213 --> 00:07:49,714
and you have a secret sister.
182
00:07:49,716 --> 00:07:50,932
What?
183
00:07:50,934 --> 00:07:52,884
W-who is she?
What's her name?
184
00:07:52,886 --> 00:07:54,052
I don't know.
185
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:55,804
Susan someth...
Something Italian.
186
00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:59,107
I don't know, but we'll talk
about that tomorrow.
187
00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:03,061
The important thing is,
what are we gonna do about Tony?
188
00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:05,363
You know, maybe we could
tell him he's terrible
189
00:08:05,365 --> 00:08:07,782
by putting a message
in a fortune cookie.
190
00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:11,453
You know, actually,
that's not a bad idea.
191
00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:14,990
You know, I got one once saying
that dancing was not my forte.
192
00:08:14,992 --> 00:08:17,542
Did you?
193
00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:24,416
That was you?
194
00:08:24,418 --> 00:08:26,084
Well, it worked.
195
00:08:26,086 --> 00:08:28,086
[sighs]
So what's it gonna be?
196
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:29,504
(Tony)
Oh, Danny boy
197
00:08:29,506 --> 00:08:32,974
The pipes,
the pipes are calling
198
00:08:32,976 --> 00:08:34,342
Or...
199
00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:36,645
we could turn this play
into a musical.
200
00:08:36,647 --> 00:08:40,348
(Tony)
From glen to glen,
and down the mountainside
201
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:42,934
Tony, I didn't know
you could sing.
202
00:08:42,936 --> 00:08:47,605
Mom, I was in the glee club
for six long years.
203
00:08:52,579 --> 00:08:54,279
It makes perfect sense.
204
00:08:54,281 --> 00:08:57,198
All musical talent
skips a generation.
205
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,785
Hey, I got that
fortune cookie too.
206
00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:02,620
Sing with me.
207
00:09:02,622 --> 00:09:06,007
(both)
The summer's gone
208
00:09:06,009 --> 00:09:09,928
And all the roses falling
209
00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:11,346
Let me know
when I can join in.
210
00:09:11,348 --> 00:09:12,547
We will.
211
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:15,100
(both)
It's you, it's you
212
00:09:15,102 --> 00:09:18,019
I am so glad
we changed the cameras.
213
00:09:18,021 --> 00:09:19,354
Look how good we look.
214
00:09:19,356 --> 00:09:22,440
The lighting, the softer angles,
the Vaseline...
215
00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:24,642
Now they're security cameras.
216
00:09:24,644 --> 00:09:27,979
Before, they were
insecurity cameras.
217
00:09:27,981 --> 00:09:29,731
You know,
someone once told me
218
00:09:29,733 --> 00:09:31,983
that red wine is good
for sore muscles.
219
00:09:31,985 --> 00:09:33,485
That was me.
220
00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:34,703
Is it true?
221
00:09:34,705 --> 00:09:36,988
Does it matter?
222
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:38,740
Well, we're off.
223
00:09:38,742 --> 00:09:40,959
Oh, we can't wait to see you
guys in your new play tonight.
224
00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:42,460
"Summer of the Locust
225
00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:45,213
presented by Olay Regenerist
Micro-Sculpting Cream"?
226
00:09:45,215 --> 00:09:46,715
Your play has a sponsor?
227
00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:48,550
Yes, the cast has
unusually good skin
228
00:09:48,552 --> 00:09:51,469
for poor farmers
living in the dust bowl.
229
00:09:51,471 --> 00:09:53,171
- Break a leg.
- Have fun.
230
00:09:53,173 --> 00:09:54,172
See you tonight.
231
00:09:54,174 --> 00:09:57,058
[phone ringing]
232
00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,510
Hello?
233
00:09:58,512 --> 00:10:00,345
What?
Oh, my God.
234
00:10:00,347 --> 00:10:03,148
Y-yes, we'll be there
as soon as we can.
235
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:04,849
Somebody robbed the bar.
236
00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:07,435
So there's no way
to identify the thief?
237
00:10:07,437 --> 00:10:09,154
I mean, we're out
thousands of dollars.
238
00:10:09,156 --> 00:10:11,106
Sorry, ladies,
the footage is useless.
239
00:10:11,108 --> 00:10:15,026
He put Vaseline on the lens
to disguise his identity.
240
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,494
Pretty clever.
241
00:10:16,496 --> 00:10:17,328
We thought so.
242
00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:20,749
I mean, damn him!
243
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:22,784
Thank you, Officer.
244
00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:24,452
What were we thinking?
245
00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:26,371
First rule of
running a business:
246
00:10:26,373 --> 00:10:28,206
security cameras
are for security,
247
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:30,208
not for making
your ass look great.
248
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:33,845
One day, science will invent
a camera that does both.
249
00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:35,964
But for now, we should do
what we should have done
250
00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:38,099
in the first place...
Fire Nicky.
251
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,134
All right.
252
00:10:39,136 --> 00:10:40,518
(Melanie)
Uh, Nicky?
253
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,853
Can we talk to you,
please?
254
00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:44,556
Hey, I'm so sorry
about the robbery.
255
00:10:44,558 --> 00:10:46,558
Do you have any idea
who did it?
256
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,559
No.
257
00:10:47,561 --> 00:10:49,144
But it's not about that.
258
00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:52,313
We have to let you go because of
all the inappropriate touching.
259
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:54,732
I-I touched you?
260
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:56,734
Oh, my God.
Joy, he doesn't even remember.
261
00:10:56,736 --> 00:10:59,788
You touched our butts,
and we have proof.
262
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:03,458
Okay, I am so sorry,
but I can explain.
263
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,410
I didn't know
I was touching you.
264
00:11:05,412 --> 00:11:07,912
I was in a really bad
car accident with my sister
265
00:11:07,914 --> 00:11:09,080
when I was a teenager.
266
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:10,832
I severed all the nerves
in my hand.
267
00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:12,417
Really?
268
00:11:12,419 --> 00:11:15,086
So when you put your hand
on me like this,
269
00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:17,255
you can't feel anything at all?
270
00:11:17,257 --> 00:11:19,674
It's the other hand.
271
00:11:21,678 --> 00:11:24,596
Oh, so you were just
accidently brushing us.
272
00:11:24,598 --> 00:11:27,765
Oh, my God, you have no idea
what fools we've been.
273
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:30,435
We got so obsessed about
the way our butts looked
274
00:11:30,437 --> 00:11:32,570
in the security footage
that we adjusted
275
00:11:32,572 --> 00:11:34,772
the camera angles
and put Vaseline on the lens.
276
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:37,192
Which is why we can't identify
the thief who robbed us.
277
00:11:37,194 --> 00:11:38,359
We're so stupid.
278
00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:40,662
- Ah!
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
279
00:11:40,664 --> 00:11:42,280
I'm so...
Hey!
280
00:11:42,282 --> 00:11:44,666
Your hand's not dead.
281
00:11:44,668 --> 00:11:45,950
You liar.
282
00:11:45,952 --> 00:11:48,119
You can feel.
You were groping us.
283
00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:49,871
Okay, I admit it.
I'm sorry.
284
00:11:49,873 --> 00:11:51,840
I just couldn't help myself.
285
00:11:51,842 --> 00:11:54,292
I mean, look at the two of you.
You're gorgeous.
286
00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,177
And from behind,
287
00:11:56,179 --> 00:11:58,630
irresistible.
288
00:12:01,518 --> 00:12:04,802
I wouldn't say irresistible.
289
00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:06,804
Not too flat?
290
00:12:06,806 --> 00:12:09,023
Or too not flat?
291
00:12:09,025 --> 00:12:10,358
Are you kidding me?
292
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,143
They're both perfect.
293
00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:14,863
(both)
Perfect.
294
00:12:14,865 --> 00:12:16,981
Anyway, now that it's all
out in the open,
295
00:12:16,983 --> 00:12:19,701
obviously,
I can't work here anymore.
296
00:12:19,703 --> 00:12:21,069
So...
297
00:12:21,071 --> 00:12:22,654
Well, I guess
it's for the best.
298
00:12:22,656 --> 00:12:23,821
Yeah, we wouldn't want
you to be tempted.
299
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:25,540
(Nicky)
Thank you for that.
300
00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:27,909
And I'm so sorry
for the robbery.
301
00:12:27,911 --> 00:12:29,544
Ouch. $7,000?
302
00:12:29,546 --> 00:12:31,296
(Melanie)
Yeah, thank you.
303
00:12:31,298 --> 00:12:34,299
Aw, poor guy.
304
00:12:34,301 --> 00:12:36,885
That must have been
so rough on him,
305
00:12:36,887 --> 00:12:41,389
looking at us every day
and wanting us so much.
306
00:12:41,391 --> 00:12:45,727
And he felt really bad
about us losing the $7,000.
307
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,897
Wait a minute.
308
00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:51,683
We didn't tell anybody
that it was $7,000.
309
00:12:51,685 --> 00:12:53,685
Oh, my God.
He's the thief.
310
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:55,687
He's the thief
and the groper.
311
00:12:55,689 --> 00:12:58,740
And we can't prove it because we
greased out the bloody cameras.
312
00:12:58,742 --> 00:13:00,825
[groans]
313
00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:04,362
Well,
one good thing happened.
314
00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:06,998
He made us feel better
about our butts.
315
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,499
That's true.
316
00:13:08,501 --> 00:13:11,619
And you can't put a price
on that.
317
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:15,506
Though it appears to be
about $7,000.
318
00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:26,050
Poor Elka.
319
00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:29,103
Ten minutes to showtime,
and I'm ready to shine.
320
00:13:29,105 --> 00:13:31,272
Oh, ten minutes?
321
00:13:31,274 --> 00:13:34,976
Well, then you deserve
a preshow chocolate.
322
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,477
[chuckles]
323
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:38,613
Nice try, honey,
but you forget,
324
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:42,283
I know every acting sabotage
trick in the book.
325
00:13:42,285 --> 00:13:46,571
Oh, look at these tiny,
little pin holes.
326
00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:49,407
Oh, what'd you inject them with,
sweetheart,
327
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:50,908
some kind of sleeping drug?
328
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:54,495
Either you fall asleep
or the audience does.
329
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,584
Face it, Elka,
you've lost.
330
00:13:59,586 --> 00:14:03,221
I'm the star, and you're just
a poor, little understudy
331
00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:04,922
watching from the wings.
332
00:14:04,924 --> 00:14:07,392
Ah, you win.
333
00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:10,144
I guess I'll go
to my dressing room
334
00:14:10,146 --> 00:14:12,096
and have a cocktail.
335
00:14:12,098 --> 00:14:13,431
You have a dressing room?
336
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:15,650
With a full bar.
337
00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,685
Oh, that's ridiculous.
338
00:14:17,687 --> 00:14:19,153
They wouldn't give
an understudy
339
00:14:19,155 --> 00:14:20,989
a better dressing room
than I have.
340
00:14:20,991 --> 00:14:22,023
Oh,
341
00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:24,993
then I must have imagined
the hot tub.
342
00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:29,864
(Penny)
I don't believe this.
343
00:14:29,866 --> 00:14:32,116
Go in and have a look
for yourself.
344
00:14:32,118 --> 00:14:33,668
Oh, I certainly will.
345
00:14:36,790 --> 00:14:38,206
(Penny)
Where's the light?
346
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,290
Where's the...
347
00:14:39,292 --> 00:14:41,342
This isn't a dressing room!
348
00:14:41,344 --> 00:14:45,096
[banging]
Elka, open the door!
349
00:14:45,098 --> 00:14:46,381
[banging]
350
00:14:46,383 --> 00:14:48,266
Sorry, Penny.
351
00:14:48,268 --> 00:14:52,020
The show must go on.
352
00:14:52,022 --> 00:14:53,471
[banging]
353
00:14:56,777 --> 00:14:57,826
Have you seen my mother?
354
00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,328
I can't find her anywhere.
355
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:00,529
No.
356
00:15:00,531 --> 00:15:05,284
Oh, gosh,
I hope she's okay.
357
00:15:05,286 --> 00:15:08,537
Curtain is in five minutes.
358
00:15:08,539 --> 00:15:10,622
You're gonna
have to go on.
359
00:15:10,624 --> 00:15:15,460
I suppose someone
has to be the star.
360
00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:19,965
[sighs]
361
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:21,516
[chuckles]
362
00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:33,061
[light piano melody]
363
00:15:33,063 --> 00:15:35,731
364
00:15:35,733 --> 00:15:40,369
A thousand stars
will soon appear
365
00:15:40,371 --> 00:15:44,907
And yet,
not one to guide me
366
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:49,878
If only dear Grandma
was here
367
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:57,085
To calm the fear
inside me
368
00:15:57,087 --> 00:15:59,671
[off-key]
I'm here, Phillip
369
00:15:59,673 --> 00:16:01,757
I see you, Grandma
370
00:16:01,759 --> 00:16:03,225
(Penny)
Hold it!
371
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:04,843
[music stops]
372
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:17,572
I'm here, Phillip.
373
00:16:17,574 --> 00:16:20,108
I see two grandmas.
374
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:21,193
That's right.
375
00:16:21,195 --> 00:16:23,745
Now, what's ailing
376
00:16:23,747 --> 00:16:25,914
You-hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
377
00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:29,668
Hoo-ooh-ooh, wha?
378
00:16:30,587 --> 00:16:33,872
Oh, brother.
379
00:16:33,874 --> 00:16:37,626
Two grandmas here
before my eyes
380
00:16:37,628 --> 00:16:41,096
I don't know what to say
381
00:16:41,098 --> 00:16:45,017
I'm not going anywhere
382
00:16:45,019 --> 00:16:49,888
And I am here to stay
383
00:16:51,892 --> 00:16:55,444
So much advice
to guide me now
384
00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:58,897
I've got a lot to mull
385
00:16:58,899 --> 00:17:02,651
I am such a lucky guy
386
00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:08,073
This is wonderful
387
00:17:08,075 --> 00:17:10,876
This is terrible.
What do I do?
388
00:17:10,878 --> 00:17:12,461
Just keep singing
389
00:17:12,463 --> 00:17:15,080
and shut their windows.
390
00:17:15,082 --> 00:17:19,468
I realize that ghosts
aren't real
391
00:17:19,470 --> 00:17:20,585
Hey!
392
00:17:20,587 --> 00:17:21,970
These visions now have flown
393
00:17:21,972 --> 00:17:22,921
Hey!
394
00:17:22,923 --> 00:17:27,592
Whatever troubles lie ahead
395
00:17:27,594 --> 00:17:31,513
You will not face alone
396
00:17:33,434 --> 00:17:34,683
Hey!
397
00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:37,769
I think I'm okay by myself
398
00:17:37,771 --> 00:17:40,989
I'll never leave you,
dear
399
00:17:40,991 --> 00:17:46,445
You'll be with me
inside my heart
400
00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:50,615
Not talking in my ear
401
00:17:50,617 --> 00:17:53,702
[door rumbling]
402
00:17:58,092 --> 00:18:01,209
I've got a feeling
things will get better
403
00:18:01,211 --> 00:18:04,179
Something good
is coming for me
404
00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:07,215
Finally,
this nightmare is over
405
00:18:07,217 --> 00:18:11,803
A life of my own
and grandmother-free
406
00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:21,063
- I'm back!
- I'm back.
407
00:18:21,065 --> 00:18:23,815
He'll never get
rid of me
408
00:18:23,817 --> 00:18:27,119
(both)
I'm
409
00:18:27,121 --> 00:18:29,371
We're
410
00:18:29,373 --> 00:18:31,623
Still
411
00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:36,828
Here
412
00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:40,332
[upbeat piano flourish]
413
00:18:46,854 --> 00:18:49,305
Good news.
We got a big offer.
414
00:18:49,307 --> 00:18:50,639
Ooh, for the musical?
415
00:18:50,641 --> 00:18:52,274
Oh, God, no.
For the building.
416
00:18:52,276 --> 00:18:54,727
The real estate developer
wants to turn the theater
417
00:18:54,729 --> 00:18:56,312
into a PetSmart.
418
00:18:56,314 --> 00:18:57,980
(Elka)
Oh, great.
419
00:18:57,982 --> 00:19:01,650
Pets do more for people
than plays.
420
00:19:01,652 --> 00:19:04,286
Right, George Clooney?
421
00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:05,955
Well, even though
the play was a fiasco,
422
00:19:05,957 --> 00:19:07,289
I've decided to keep singing.
423
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,541
Oh.
424
00:19:08,543 --> 00:19:10,409
I've actually decided
to audition for The Voice.
425
00:19:10,411 --> 00:19:11,994
Oh, good for you.
426
00:19:11,996 --> 00:19:13,996
Although, Mom, I'm gonna need
a sympathetic backstory
427
00:19:13,998 --> 00:19:15,548
to win over the audience.
428
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:18,000
So I was thinking of telling
them that you kept me in a cage
429
00:19:18,002 --> 00:19:20,886
until I was three years old.
430
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,171
I like it.
431
00:19:22,173 --> 00:19:23,222
Yeah.
432
00:19:23,224 --> 00:19:25,724
But make it ten
and hunch a little.
433
00:19:25,726 --> 00:19:28,511
We never got you
a bigger cage.
434
00:19:28,513 --> 00:19:29,812
What about you two?
435
00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:30,846
Are you gonna continue
acting?
436
00:19:30,848 --> 00:19:32,148
Oh, absolutely.
437
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:34,517
In fact, the two of us
are auditioning for a play
438
00:19:34,519 --> 00:19:35,818
at the community center.
439
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,019
[laughs]
440
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:39,071
I'm trying out
for the lead.
441
00:19:39,073 --> 00:19:40,523
As am I.
442
00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:45,110
And I'll probably get it
because I'm dating the director.
443
00:19:45,112 --> 00:19:49,281
I am also dating
the director.
444
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:53,702
I am sleeping with
the director.
445
00:19:53,704 --> 00:19:57,706
What did you think
"dating" meant?
446
00:19:57,708 --> 00:20:00,593
I was being classy.
447
00:20:00,595 --> 00:20:02,845
Well, I don't care.
It's good to have a rival.
448
00:20:02,847 --> 00:20:03,879
Keeps you on your toes.
449
00:20:03,881 --> 00:20:05,431
Oh, it does,
doesn't it?
450
00:20:05,433 --> 00:20:07,600
You know, that's like me
and Susan Lucci.
451
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,885
That's it.
452
00:20:09,887 --> 00:20:11,770
Susan Lucci.
453
00:20:11,772 --> 00:20:13,939
That's your half-sister's
name.
454
00:20:18,362 --> 00:20:20,779
Lucci?
455
00:20:20,781 --> 00:20:25,181
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
456
00:20:25,231 --> 00:20:29,781
Repair and Synchronization by
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31745
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