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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,301 Hot in Cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:02,301 --> 00:00:04,301 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:04,301 --> 00:00:05,301 Excuse me. Do you know how much longer 4 00:00:05,301 --> 00:00:06,301 our order's gonna be? 5 00:00:06,301 --> 00:00:08,301 I have a radiation appointment 6 00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:09,301 that I can't be late for. 7 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,301 Oh, I'm so sorry. 8 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:12,301 My sister just went through that. 9 00:00:12,301 --> 00:00:15,301 Look, there are a bunch of orders ahead of yours, 10 00:00:15,301 --> 00:00:18,301 but I'll push yours through, and it's on the house. 11 00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:19,301 Wow, thank you. 12 00:00:19,301 --> 00:00:23,301 She'd like a pitcher of beer too. 13 00:00:23,301 --> 00:00:25,301 One glass. 14 00:00:27,301 --> 00:00:28,301 You know, Melanie, 15 00:00:28,301 --> 00:00:30,301 if you weren't such a nice person... 16 00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:32,301 but I am a nice person. 17 00:00:32,301 --> 00:00:34,301 I'm not, tell me. 18 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,301 Well, I'm just saying, Melanie's not capitalizing 19 00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:38,301 on all the brain tumor perks out there. 20 00:00:38,301 --> 00:00:40,301 Victoria, that's terrible. 21 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,301 No, no, she's right. 22 00:00:41,301 --> 00:00:43,301 You should see the way my mother 23 00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:46,301 milked her breast cancer. 24 00:00:47,301 --> 00:00:50,301 Maybe there's a better way to put that. 25 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:52,301 Yeah, but if I use my tumor to get stuff, 26 00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:54,301 doesn't that make me a bad person? 27 00:00:54,301 --> 00:00:56,301 Did you see the smile on that woman's face? 28 00:00:56,301 --> 00:00:58,301 You made her day. 29 00:00:58,301 --> 00:01:01,301 You're being a bad person if you're not a bad person. 30 00:01:01,301 --> 00:01:02,301 Yeah, but, you know, 31 00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:04,301 I don't even know what I'd use it for. 32 00:01:04,301 --> 00:01:05,301 What about those Chase Jackson tickets 33 00:01:05,301 --> 00:01:07,301 you've been going on and on about? 34 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,301 But it's sold out. 35 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:11,301 [Gasps] Hey, do you think 36 00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:13,301 if I wrote him about my condition, 37 00:01:13,301 --> 00:01:14,301 I could maybe get some tickets? 38 00:01:14,301 --> 00:01:17,301 Now you're using your brain tumor. 39 00:01:19,301 --> 00:01:22,301 You know, I wonder if the tumor 40 00:01:22,301 --> 00:01:23,301 could be a good thing for all of us, 41 00:01:23,301 --> 00:01:25,301 not just Melanie. 42 00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:26,301 Well, it hasn't exactly been a good thing. 43 00:01:26,301 --> 00:01:27,301 No, no, no, my social media consultant 44 00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:30,301 says that my tweets are too self-involved. 45 00:01:30,301 --> 00:01:33,301 But what if I asked all my followers 46 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,301 to send all their thoughts and prayers 47 00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:36,301 to my sick friend Melanie? 48 00:01:36,301 --> 00:01:37,301 And then they'd know that I was 49 00:01:37,301 --> 00:01:39,301 a caring, sympathetic friend. 50 00:01:39,301 --> 00:01:40,344 Victoria, thank you... 51 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,469 Not now, Melanie, I'm tweeting. 52 00:01:44,301 --> 00:01:45,301 I wonder if there's something 53 00:01:45,301 --> 00:01:47,301 in that tumor swag bag for me. 54 00:01:47,301 --> 00:01:51,301 Ooh, look at that cute young guy. 55 00:01:51,301 --> 00:01:53,301 I'm gonna try something. 56 00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:54,301 Melanie, when I point to you, 57 00:01:54,301 --> 00:01:56,301 look sad and pathetic. 58 00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:58,301 Perfect. 59 00:02:00,301 --> 00:02:03,301 But I wasn't doing it yet. 60 00:02:04,301 --> 00:02:06,301 Oh, pardon me. 61 00:02:06,301 --> 00:02:09,301 I'm just a little distracted and out of it. 62 00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:13,301 I'm worried about my friend. 63 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,301 She has a brain tumor. 64 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,301 Wow, I'm sorry. 65 00:02:17,301 --> 00:02:20,301 Is she gonna be okay? 66 00:02:20,301 --> 00:02:22,301 We don't know. 67 00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:25,301 If only something or someone 68 00:02:25,301 --> 00:02:28,301 could help me forget, even for a moment. 69 00:02:30,301 --> 00:02:31,301 [Gasps] I can't believe it. 70 00:02:31,301 --> 00:02:34,301 My Melanie tweet has been favorited and retweeted. 71 00:02:34,301 --> 00:02:37,301 Oh, everyone's sending out their prayers. 72 00:02:37,301 --> 00:02:39,301 And those prayers are working, because I feel better already. 73 00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:42,301 [Chuckles] Oh, wait, wait. 74 00:02:42,301 --> 00:02:44,301 Ooh, here's a nasty one. 75 00:02:45,301 --> 00:02:47,301 Now who would write something like that? 76 00:02:52,301 --> 00:02:54,301 I have a date. 77 00:02:54,301 --> 00:02:56,301 Who knew, "my friend has a brain tumor" 78 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,301 was such a killer pickup line? 79 00:02:58,301 --> 00:03:00,301 Ahh, it's improved my social media, 80 00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:02,301 Joy's got a date. 81 00:03:02,301 --> 00:03:03,301 Oh, it's a shame that we didn't 82 00:03:03,301 --> 00:03:06,301 catch this tumor in its earlier stages. 83 00:03:06,301 --> 00:03:08,301 [Phone buzzes] 84 00:03:08,301 --> 00:03:12,301 Oh, my God. 85 00:03:12,301 --> 00:03:13,301 It's back. 86 00:03:13,301 --> 00:03:15,301 What's back? 87 00:03:15,301 --> 00:03:18,301 The Mcrib. 88 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:20,301 The Mcrib is back. 89 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,301 What the hell is a Mcrib? 90 00:03:23,301 --> 00:03:25,301 It's this sandwich that's only available 91 00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:26,301 for a very limited time. 92 00:03:26,301 --> 00:03:28,301 And you never know when it's coming back. 93 00:03:28,301 --> 00:03:29,301 Well, how did you know? 94 00:03:29,301 --> 00:03:32,301 I have an app. 95 00:03:32,301 --> 00:03:35,301 Elka, I can't believe that you've been suckered in 96 00:03:35,301 --> 00:03:37,301 by this ridiculous marketing ploy. 97 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:38,301 Who cares if the Mcrib is back? 98 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,301 The Mcrib is back? 99 00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:42,301 [Excited chatter] 100 00:03:42,301 --> 00:03:44,301 Now see what you've done? 101 00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:46,301 Everybody knows. 102 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:47,301 Well, I just don't understand 103 00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:49,301 how anybody can get excited 104 00:03:49,301 --> 00:03:51,301 about some sauced-up piece of cheap meat. 105 00:03:51,301 --> 00:03:53,301 I can't either. 106 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:56,301 But Joy got the date. 107 00:04:04,301 --> 00:04:08,301 - Synced and corrected by oykubuyuk - - www.addic7ed.com - 108 00:04:08,301 --> 00:04:11,301 Melanie, your tumor is a godsend. 109 00:04:11,301 --> 00:04:13,301 Ah, the most wonderful man 110 00:04:13,301 --> 00:04:15,301 responded to my sympathy tweet. 111 00:04:15,301 --> 00:04:17,301 Oh, I was up half the night, 112 00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:18,301 chatting with him online. 113 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,301 His name is Nick Logan. 114 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,301 He's a poetic cowboy 115 00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,301 who lives on a ranch in Wyoming, 116 00:04:23,301 --> 00:04:26,301 which... spoiler alert... is in America. 117 00:04:29,301 --> 00:04:30,301 Guess who's going out 118 00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:33,301 with Cleveland's number one morning dj. 119 00:04:33,301 --> 00:04:35,301 Oh, the guy you picked up with my brain tumor? 120 00:04:35,301 --> 00:04:37,301 Yeah, we had a great time last night. 121 00:04:37,301 --> 00:04:42,301 Turns out, he's the morning drive time guy for WJVB. 122 00:04:42,301 --> 00:04:43,301 Oh, it's so nice to have a guy 123 00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:45,301 sneak out of your bedroom at 4:30 124 00:04:45,301 --> 00:04:47,301 because he has an actual job to get to. 125 00:04:50,301 --> 00:04:53,301 Wait, you're talking about Todd the Bod 126 00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:54,301 from the Jackass gang? 127 00:04:54,301 --> 00:04:56,301 Yeah. You listen to that? 128 00:04:56,301 --> 00:04:58,301 I'm a Jackass junkie. 129 00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,301 His show's on right now. 130 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:04,301 So this girl was hot? 131 00:05:04,301 --> 00:05:07,301 Smokin' hot. Killer English accent. 132 00:05:07,301 --> 00:05:08,301 - And her body... - [Boing sound effect] 133 00:05:08,301 --> 00:05:10,301 [Laughs] 134 00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:12,301 That's me. I'm causing the boner sound. 135 00:05:12,301 --> 00:05:14,301 Aw. 136 00:05:14,301 --> 00:05:16,301 But check it, when she went to the bathroom, 137 00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:17,301 I snuck a look at her I.D. 138 00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:18,301 Oh, no. 139 00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,301 I thought I was banging a hot milf, 140 00:05:20,301 --> 00:05:23,301 instead I was riding Miss Daisy. 141 00:05:25,301 --> 00:05:29,301 Todd the Bod, you are a dead man. 142 00:05:29,301 --> 00:05:30,301 [Deep breath] It's my doctor. 143 00:05:30,301 --> 00:05:33,301 Ooh. Well, this is the call. 144 00:05:33,301 --> 00:05:35,301 I had my last radiation treatment, 145 00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,301 and now the test results are in. 146 00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:39,301 I'm scared. 147 00:05:39,301 --> 00:05:40,301 Okay, whatever happens, 148 00:05:40,301 --> 00:05:44,301 we're all here for you. 149 00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:47,301 Hello, Dr. Delacorte. 150 00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:49,301 Oh, my God. 151 00:05:49,301 --> 00:05:50,301 Are you sure? 152 00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,301 What? Tell us. 153 00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:53,301 There's no sign of the tumor. 154 00:05:53,301 --> 00:05:55,301 My cat scan is clear! 155 00:05:55,301 --> 00:05:56,301 [All laughing] 156 00:05:56,301 --> 00:05:58,301 Thank you, doctor. 157 00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:01,301 Thank you so, so much. 158 00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:03,301 Oh, I can't believe it! 159 00:06:03,301 --> 00:06:05,301 No more radiation, no more treatments, 160 00:06:05,301 --> 00:06:06,301 no more doctors. 161 00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:08,301 Oh, my God. [Laughs] 162 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:11,301 - I'll get the champagne. - I'll get glasses. 163 00:06:11,301 --> 00:06:12,301 Shoot, we're out of champagne. 164 00:06:12,301 --> 00:06:15,301 I'll just shake up a bottle of Chardonnay. 165 00:06:15,301 --> 00:06:16,301 [Phone chimes] 166 00:06:17,301 --> 00:06:18,301 Oh, well, this day just keeps getting better. 167 00:06:18,301 --> 00:06:21,301 I got an email from Chase Jackson's assistant. 168 00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:23,301 Not only do I have tickets, 169 00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,301 but I have backstage passes! 170 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,301 [Laughs] All thanks to my brain tumor. 171 00:06:27,301 --> 00:06:30,301 You don't have a brain tumor anymore. 172 00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:33,301 Oh, crap. What am I gonna do? 173 00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:36,301 Well, you can still go. Just tell him you're cured. 174 00:06:36,301 --> 00:06:38,301 No, I can't tell him that. 175 00:06:38,301 --> 00:06:39,301 Why not? 176 00:06:39,301 --> 00:06:42,301 I may have implied that it was incurable, 177 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:45,301 by using the word "incurable." 178 00:06:47,301 --> 00:06:48,301 Oh, I know I lied, 179 00:06:48,301 --> 00:06:50,301 but I really wanted those tickets. 180 00:06:50,301 --> 00:06:51,301 Oh, look. 181 00:06:51,301 --> 00:06:54,301 George Clooney is disgusted with me. 182 00:06:54,301 --> 00:06:56,301 No, no, no, that's not his disgusted face. 183 00:06:56,301 --> 00:06:57,301 That's his "oh, it's okay." 184 00:06:57,301 --> 00:06:59,301 "You can do whatever you want, you deserve it" face. 185 00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:02,220 He gives it to me all the time. 186 00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:05,301 He gave it to me when I drank all the champagne. 187 00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:12,301 There you are. 188 00:07:13,301 --> 00:07:14,301 I did not give you permission 189 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,301 to talk about my personal life on the radio. 190 00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:18,301 - Okay, calm down. - Calm down? 191 00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:19,301 You've got some nerve, 192 00:07:19,301 --> 00:07:21,301 mister, telling me to calm down. 193 00:07:21,301 --> 00:07:23,301 Look, if I go on air and say I had a great date, 194 00:07:23,301 --> 00:07:24,301 it's not good radio. 195 00:07:24,301 --> 00:07:26,301 But if I make you out to be a crazy psycho bitch... 196 00:07:26,301 --> 00:07:28,301 but now all of Cleveland thinks 197 00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:29,301 I'm a crazy psycho bitch. 198 00:07:29,301 --> 00:07:30,301 First of all, all of Cleveland? 199 00:07:31,301 --> 00:07:33,301 I wish. We get a two-share. 200 00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:35,301 Second, I didn't use your name. 201 00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:37,301 But I know who you're talking about, 202 00:07:37,301 --> 00:07:39,301 and so do my friends. 203 00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:41,301 My son and grandson could've heard. 204 00:07:41,301 --> 00:07:44,301 Grandson? Really? Wow. 205 00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:49,301 Okay, look. Maybe I got carried away. 206 00:07:49,301 --> 00:07:51,301 And I didn't mean to insult you about your age. 207 00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:52,301 I like a woman with tons of experience. 208 00:07:53,301 --> 00:07:54,301 Tons? 209 00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:56,301 You make it sound like I've slept with thousands of men. 210 00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:59,301 Look, I get it. And I'm sorry, Joy. 211 00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:01,301 Okay, then. 212 00:08:01,301 --> 00:08:04,301 It's not like I'm a prude or anything. 213 00:08:04,301 --> 00:08:07,301 And I was pleased to have inspired the boner boing. 214 00:08:07,301 --> 00:08:09,301 Oh. 215 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:16,301 - You get that, bro-man? - All of it, bro. 216 00:08:16,301 --> 00:08:17,301 We got some killer sound bytes 217 00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:19,301 for our show tomorrow. 218 00:08:19,301 --> 00:08:20,301 I'm a crazy psycho bitch. 219 00:08:20,301 --> 00:08:22,301 I've slept with thousands of men. 220 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:25,301 That crazy chick is a gold mine. 221 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:32,301 [Typing] Tell me more about Wyoming. 222 00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:34,301 [Gruff voice] Well, it's true about the big skies. 223 00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:37,301 A man can get lost and found here. 224 00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:40,301 And how about a woman? 225 00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,301 You'll have to come here and find out. 226 00:08:42,301 --> 00:08:44,301 We'll go for a ride at sunset. 227 00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:47,301 We'll watch as the mountains sip the last drops of light 228 00:08:47,301 --> 00:08:48,301 from the sky. 229 00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:51,301 Well, this cowboy's got some work to do. 230 00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:54,301 Talk later, beautiful? 231 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,301 [Sighs] I miss you already. 232 00:08:57,301 --> 00:09:00,301 [Exhales] 233 00:09:01,301 --> 00:09:03,301 Don't give me that look, George Clooney. 234 00:09:03,301 --> 00:09:06,301 I know what you're thinking. 235 00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:08,301 Oh, you like the idea of me falling in love again, 236 00:09:08,301 --> 00:09:09,301 but you're worried that I'm falling 237 00:09:09,301 --> 00:09:11,301 too fast and too hard. 238 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,301 Well, can you trust that I know what I'm doing? 239 00:09:16,301 --> 00:09:19,301 Oh, thank you. 240 00:09:19,301 --> 00:09:21,301 I'm gonna kill him! 241 00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:24,301 We'll talk later. 242 00:09:24,301 --> 00:09:26,301 What's going on? 243 00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:27,301 That dj tricked me. 244 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,301 I had it out with him, and he recorded 245 00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:31,301 every unflattering thing I said. 246 00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:33,301 Now my voice is all over the radio 247 00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,301 in horrible little sound bytes. 248 00:09:35,301 --> 00:09:38,301 [Over phone] I'm a crazy psycho bitch! 249 00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:42,301 It's also available as a ringtone. 250 00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:49,301 Oh, my God. 251 00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:51,301 I'm the laughing stock of Cleveland. 252 00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:54,301 [Over phone] I've slept with thousands of men. 253 00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:57,301 It was two for a dollar. 254 00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:07,301 What am I gonna do? Why is this happening to me? 255 00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:08,301 Well, maybe we need a man's opinion. 256 00:10:08,301 --> 00:10:10,301 I'll go and ask Nick. 257 00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:12,301 He's so wise about so many things. 258 00:10:12,301 --> 00:10:14,301 You're really falling for him, aren't you? 259 00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:18,301 Well, I've been so lonely since Emmet, and... 260 00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:19,301 oh, he makes me happy. 261 00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:20,301 I mean, I know it's new, but I feel like 262 00:10:20,301 --> 00:10:23,261 we've known each other for years. 263 00:10:23,301 --> 00:10:25,301 Well, we're happy for you, Victoria. 264 00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:29,301 I don't trust this guy. 265 00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:32,301 A night of meaningful conversation with Victoria? 266 00:10:32,301 --> 00:10:35,301 It just doesn't add up. 267 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,301 I'm gonna do some digging 268 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:40,301 and get some intel on him. 269 00:10:40,301 --> 00:10:43,301 Joy is so cynical about men. 270 00:10:43,301 --> 00:10:45,301 Love can be found online. 271 00:10:45,301 --> 00:10:46,301 I agree. 272 00:10:46,301 --> 00:10:50,301 I mean, why can't Nick be Victoria's soul mate? 273 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,301 Only one reason I can think of. 274 00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,301 Yeah, that's what? 275 00:10:54,301 --> 00:10:57,301 I'm Nick Logan. 276 00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:02,301 What? 277 00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:06,301 I'm Victoria's lover. 278 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:12,759 You catfished Victoria? 279 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:16,759 You are the rugged, poetry-loving rancher? 280 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,759 [Western accent] Yes, ma'am. 281 00:11:20,759 --> 00:11:22,759 Why would you do that? 282 00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:24,759 She called me a sucker 283 00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:27,759 for falling for the mcrib hype. 284 00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:28,759 So you seduced her 285 00:11:28,759 --> 00:11:30,759 to make her look like a sucker? 286 00:11:30,759 --> 00:11:32,759 Yes, at first. 287 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:33,759 But then? 288 00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,759 Well, I've been kind of lonely too, 289 00:11:35,759 --> 00:11:39,759 and Victoria's really taken with me. 290 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:41,759 As Nick Logan. 291 00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:45,759 Well, she makes me want to be a better man. 292 00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:50,759 This could not get any weirder. 293 00:11:50,759 --> 00:11:54,759 I think I'm in love with Victoria. 294 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,759 Sure, why not? 295 00:12:00,759 --> 00:12:01,759 [Doorbell rings] 296 00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:04,759 Just remember, Elka, lies always have a way 297 00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:07,759 of coming back and biting you in the ass. 298 00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:10,759 [Gasps] Oh, my God! 299 00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:11,759 You're Chase Jackson. 300 00:12:11,759 --> 00:12:12,759 Yes, ma'am. 301 00:12:12,759 --> 00:12:14,759 I'm looking for Melanie moretti. 302 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:16,759 That's me, I'm Melanie moretti. 303 00:12:16,759 --> 00:12:17,759 You're Melanie? 304 00:12:17,759 --> 00:12:19,759 From your email, I was expecting a little girl. 305 00:12:19,759 --> 00:12:22,759 Told you to lay off the emoticons. 306 00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:25,759 Yeah. Please, come in. This is my friend Elka. 307 00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:27,759 Nice to meet you, ma'am. 308 00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:29,759 Uh, would you like to sit down? 309 00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:31,759 Sure, but you should sit down too. 310 00:12:31,759 --> 00:12:33,759 You're probably weak. 311 00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:35,759 To quote your email, "sick-face emoticon", 312 00:12:35,759 --> 00:12:39,759 "hospital-bed emoticon, gravestone emoticon," right? 313 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,759 Right, my brain tumor. 314 00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:43,759 What you're going through is very close 315 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,759 to my heart, Melanie. 316 00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:47,759 My mom fought the same battle twice. 317 00:12:47,759 --> 00:12:49,759 So I brought these concert tickets in person, 318 00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:51,759 hoping I could make whatever time 319 00:12:51,759 --> 00:12:53,759 you had left shine a little brighter. 320 00:12:53,759 --> 00:12:56,759 Thank you. 321 00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:59,759 So, Chase, you live on a ranch? 322 00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:03,386 I do. 323 00:13:03,759 --> 00:13:04,759 My buddy Nick Logan 324 00:13:04,759 --> 00:13:08,759 has a million acres in Wyoming. 325 00:13:08,759 --> 00:13:10,759 A million acres? 326 00:13:10,759 --> 00:13:14,759 Uh... Is that too much? 327 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:15,759 Thank you so much 328 00:13:15,759 --> 00:13:17,759 for bringing these tickets in person. 329 00:13:17,759 --> 00:13:19,759 But, you know, I can't help but think 330 00:13:19,759 --> 00:13:22,759 that someone else could use these more than me. 331 00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:23,759 Listen to you, thinking about others 332 00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:27,759 when you've got an incurable brain tumor. 333 00:13:27,759 --> 00:13:30,759 100,000 cows. 334 00:13:32,759 --> 00:13:34,759 Is that a lot? 335 00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:37,759 Not if you have a million acres. 336 00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:41,759 Well, I should go. I've got a sound check. 337 00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:42,759 Look, maybe after my show, 338 00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:44,759 we could get together and have a drink or something... 339 00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:46,759 - oh. - I'm sorry. Can you drink? 340 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,759 Well, yes. I am over 21. 341 00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:50,759 No, I meant with the brain tumor. 342 00:13:50,759 --> 00:13:52,759 Oh, yes. 343 00:13:52,759 --> 00:13:55,759 They allow it when it's incurable. 344 00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:58,759 Well, then it's a date. 345 00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:00,759 Pleasure to meet you, ma'am, and you, Melanie. 346 00:14:00,759 --> 00:14:01,759 Okay. 347 00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:04,759 Hey, you know, I've got a song in my head. 348 00:14:04,759 --> 00:14:06,759 It was gonna be about tequila, 349 00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:10,759 but now I'm gonna make it about you. 350 00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:17,759 I've discovered the identity of Victoria's secret lover, 351 00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:20,759 and you are not gonna believe who it is. 352 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:21,759 Both: It's Elka. 353 00:14:21,759 --> 00:14:23,759 Hey. 354 00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:24,759 How'd you find out? 355 00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:25,759 Well, she told me. 356 00:14:25,759 --> 00:14:26,759 Apparently, it started as a joke, 357 00:14:26,759 --> 00:14:30,759 but now they have feelings for each other. 358 00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:33,759 [Western accent] I just can't quit her. 359 00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:37,759 Oh, dear God. 360 00:14:37,759 --> 00:14:40,759 Elka, you have got to tell Victoria the truth. 361 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,759 And you can't wait 362 00:14:42,759 --> 00:14:43,759 'cause it's just gonna make it worse. 363 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:45,759 She's very vulnerable right now. 364 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,759 Well, Nick is going through some stuff too. 365 00:14:47,759 --> 00:14:50,759 It gets lonely on that ranch, 366 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,759 just him and Whitman. 367 00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:56,759 Who's Whitman? 368 00:14:56,759 --> 00:14:59,759 His trusty bald eagle, 369 00:14:59,759 --> 00:15:01,759 who lays a fresh breakfast egg 370 00:15:01,759 --> 00:15:05,759 for him every morning. 371 00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:08,759 Yeah, you gotta end this for you too, Elka. 372 00:15:12,618 --> 00:15:13,618 [Playing guitar] 373 00:15:13,618 --> 00:15:17,618 And the angels cried 374 00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:19,618 Wow. 375 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:22,618 That is such a beautiful song. 376 00:15:22,618 --> 00:15:24,618 I wrote it for you. 377 00:15:24,618 --> 00:15:27,618 You're so brave and so strong. 378 00:15:27,618 --> 00:15:28,618 Oh, listen. 379 00:15:28,618 --> 00:15:31,618 I am really not that brave. 380 00:15:31,618 --> 00:15:35,618 That's what my mom used to say. 381 00:15:35,618 --> 00:15:37,618 I'm gonna donate the profits from that song 382 00:15:37,618 --> 00:15:39,618 to my mom's charity, to help people 383 00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:42,618 going through what you're going through. 384 00:15:42,618 --> 00:15:43,618 What do you think? 385 00:15:43,618 --> 00:15:48,618 I think that I would hate 386 00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:49,618 for anybody to be going through 387 00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:52,618 what I'm going through right now. 388 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:56,618 Victoria, I wanna talk to you about Nick. 389 00:15:56,618 --> 00:15:58,203 Really? 390 00:15:58,618 --> 00:16:00,618 Oh, thank you. 391 00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:02,618 You know how it is at the beginning of a romance. 392 00:16:02,618 --> 00:16:04,618 All you wanna do is talk about him. 393 00:16:04,618 --> 00:16:07,618 Ahh. 394 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,618 What I wouldn't give to feel his arms 395 00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:10,618 around me right now. 396 00:16:11,618 --> 00:16:13,618 I know. 397 00:16:14,618 --> 00:16:17,618 I'm so glad you understand. 398 00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:18,618 Melanie and Joy think I'm being foolish 399 00:16:18,618 --> 00:16:20,618 and that I should just end it, 400 00:16:20,618 --> 00:16:22,618 but, oh, I can't. 401 00:16:22,618 --> 00:16:26,618 Oh, he's a hard man to say good-bye to. 402 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:29,618 You know, I'm thinking of taking him to Paris. 403 00:16:29,618 --> 00:16:33,618 Paris? Oh, I've never been. 404 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:37,618 I... Has he ever been? 405 00:16:39,618 --> 00:16:42,618 Or maybe we should meet on his ranch. 406 00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:45,618 Oh, the way he describes the sunsets... 407 00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:48,618 The mountains sip the light from the sky. 408 00:16:48,618 --> 00:16:50,618 No, no, 409 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:55,618 the last drops of light from the sky. 410 00:16:55,618 --> 00:16:57,618 Yeah, that's it. 411 00:16:57,618 --> 00:16:59,618 "The mountains sip the last drops 412 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:02,618 of light from the sky." 413 00:17:03,618 --> 00:17:06,618 Wait a minute. 414 00:17:06,618 --> 00:17:08,618 I never showed anyone that. 415 00:17:08,618 --> 00:17:13,618 How could you possibly know, unless you were... 416 00:17:13,618 --> 00:17:16,618 oh, my God. 417 00:17:18,618 --> 00:17:20,618 Well, this is, you know, really kind of fun, 418 00:17:20,618 --> 00:17:22,618 going around, doing these interviews with you. 419 00:17:22,618 --> 00:17:24,618 Well, you inspired the song. 420 00:17:24,618 --> 00:17:26,618 You know, I got another song about a woman 421 00:17:26,618 --> 00:17:29,618 who's in prison for shooting her cheating husband. 422 00:17:29,618 --> 00:17:30,618 If I change a few words, 423 00:17:30,618 --> 00:17:33,618 that song could be about you too. 424 00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:35,618 [Phone ringing] 425 00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:38,618 Oh, shoot, my friend needs me. 426 00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:40,618 She just found out her sexy cowboy boyfriend 427 00:17:40,618 --> 00:17:43,618 is a 92-year-old woman. 428 00:17:43,618 --> 00:17:45,618 I'll go take this outside. 429 00:17:45,618 --> 00:17:48,618 Hey, Chase. Todd Elliot. Big fan. 430 00:17:48,618 --> 00:17:52,618 Okay, Todd, you're on in three, two... 431 00:17:52,618 --> 00:17:53,618 Hello, everybody, Todd the bod here 432 00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:56,618 with country superstar Chase Jackson. 433 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,618 Ooh, wait. 434 00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:00,618 Sorry, Chase, this crazy British chick 435 00:18:00,618 --> 00:18:01,618 I went out with is calling me on my cell phone. 436 00:18:01,618 --> 00:18:03,618 But don't say anything. 437 00:18:03,618 --> 00:18:05,618 I don't want her to know she's on the air. 438 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,618 Hello, sweetheart. 439 00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:09,618 [Over phone] Hello, scumbag. 440 00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:12,618 Remember how you bragged that you had a harley and a pool? 441 00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:15,618 Well, now you have a harley in a pool. 442 00:18:15,618 --> 00:18:18,618 Who's the psycho bitch now? 443 00:18:18,618 --> 00:18:21,618 Oh, it's still you. 444 00:18:21,618 --> 00:18:22,618 I only dated you because I was testing out 445 00:18:23,618 --> 00:18:25,618 my friend's tumor perks. 446 00:18:27,618 --> 00:18:29,618 Well, the joke's on you, 447 00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,618 because Melanie doesn't really have a tumor. 448 00:18:32,618 --> 00:18:34,618 You don't have a tumor? 449 00:18:34,618 --> 00:18:39,618 Well, not in the medical sense. 450 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,618 Melanie, what are you doing there? 451 00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:41,618 Joy, shut up. 452 00:18:41,618 --> 00:18:43,618 - You're on the air. - I'm what? 453 00:18:43,618 --> 00:18:45,618 Can't you just go to commercial or something? 454 00:18:45,618 --> 00:18:47,618 Are you kidding? 455 00:18:47,618 --> 00:18:48,618 Fine. 456 00:18:48,618 --> 00:18:50,618 Okay, my tumor is gone, 457 00:18:50,618 --> 00:18:53,618 but I only found out after I sent the email. 458 00:18:53,618 --> 00:18:57,618 Your email said it was incurable. 459 00:18:57,618 --> 00:19:00,618 Maybe your song cured me. 460 00:19:00,618 --> 00:19:02,618 Melanie, darling, just get out of there. 461 00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:05,618 And don't do that little wave thing. 462 00:19:05,618 --> 00:19:08,618 It's not as cute as you think it is. 463 00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:15,045 Hello, Elka. 464 00:19:15,045 --> 00:19:17,045 You're still mad? 465 00:19:17,045 --> 00:19:18,045 Well, naturally, I was upset, 466 00:19:18,045 --> 00:19:20,045 so I drove around to get over it, 467 00:19:20,045 --> 00:19:24,045 and then I saw a sign advertising the mcrib. 468 00:19:26,045 --> 00:19:28,045 Well, I took the sign for a sign, 469 00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:31,045 and I did something that I've never done before: 470 00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:35,045 Placed an order for food by yelling into a box. 471 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:41,045 Well, thank you, Victoria. 472 00:19:41,045 --> 00:19:42,045 Well, you know, something good 473 00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:44,045 did come out of this. 474 00:19:44,045 --> 00:19:46,045 Now I know that I am truly ready 475 00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:48,045 to move on from Emmet. 476 00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:51,045 Although it's gonna be hard to find 477 00:19:51,045 --> 00:19:52,045 someone as perfect as Nick. 478 00:19:52,045 --> 00:19:54,045 Ah. 479 00:19:54,045 --> 00:19:56,045 I'm really gonna miss him. 480 00:19:56,045 --> 00:19:59,045 I'm really gonna miss him too. 481 00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:01,755 I think I liked our emails best 482 00:20:02,045 --> 00:20:03,045 in the middle of the night. 483 00:20:03,045 --> 00:20:06,045 You, all warm and sleepy. 484 00:20:06,045 --> 00:20:07,045 You, a little boozy. 485 00:20:08,005 --> 00:20:10,045 [Both chuckle] 486 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,045 Now it's getting weird. 487 00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:16,045 Mm. 488 00:20:18,045 --> 00:20:20,045 Here's to Nick Logan. 489 00:20:20,045 --> 00:20:24,045 A man so perfect, only a woman could've invented him. 490 00:20:30,851 --> 00:20:33,798 - Synced and corrected by oykubuyuk - www.addic7ed.com 491 00:20:33,848 --> 00:20:38,398 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34020

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