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1
00:00:03,910 --> 00:00:06,110
But I thought you tell us
your husband was an accounted.
2
00:00:06,264 --> 00:00:08,084
He was.
But...
3
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,056
After he died,
I've discovered
4
00:00:10,127 --> 00:00:12,227
he was also a fensfull mob.
5
00:00:12,697 --> 00:00:14,097
You know what?
6
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,955
I don't need the wine.
I'm ready to go now.
7
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,591
- As am I.
8
00:00:18,626 --> 00:00:19,892
- Oh, go ahead.
9
00:00:19,927 --> 00:00:21,527
I don't need sex
with you.
10
00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:23,696
I have my son.
11
00:00:23,731 --> 00:00:26,332
The storm knocked out all
of the reception.
12
00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:27,467
Now I'm dying
to tell him
13
00:00:27,501 --> 00:00:28,801
how much I want
to meet him,
14
00:00:28,836 --> 00:00:30,536
and he's someplace thinking
I don't care.
15
00:00:30,571 --> 00:00:32,338
[Wind roaring]
16
00:00:32,373 --> 00:00:33,673
- I love you!
Oh.
17
00:00:33,707 --> 00:00:35,141
[On radio]
- Actress in a daytime drama
18
00:00:35,175 --> 00:00:36,876
goes to...
19
00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,044
Victoria chase
for edge of tomorrow.
20
00:00:38,078 --> 00:00:39,312
- Oh!
Oh, my God!
21
00:00:39,346 --> 00:00:40,713
- What the hell
is all this stuff?
22
00:00:40,748 --> 00:00:43,616
- You had to date
a cop, didn't you?
23
00:00:43,651 --> 00:00:45,351
[Camera clicks]
24
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:50,423
[Bluesy harmonica music]
25
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:58,264
♪ Nobody knows ♪
26
00:00:58,299 --> 00:01:01,768
♪ the trouble I've seen ♪
27
00:01:01,802 --> 00:01:05,138
♪ nobody knows ♪
28
00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:09,509
♪ my sorrow ♪
29
00:01:09,543 --> 00:01:13,613
♪ nobody knows ♪
30
00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:17,617
♪ what the next line is ♪
31
00:01:17,651 --> 00:01:19,052
Oh.
32
00:01:19,086 --> 00:01:20,219
- Hey, fresh meat.
33
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,255
Pipe down.
34
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,162
- What's with the big m?
35
00:01:29,196 --> 00:01:31,130
- Stands for murder.
36
00:01:31,165 --> 00:01:33,499
- Is that what you're
in for?
37
00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:34,767
- No.
38
00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:36,736
It's what I've been
thinking about
39
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:40,273
ever since you started
playing that harmonica.
40
00:01:44,078 --> 00:01:46,145
- So what are you
in for, kid?
41
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:48,648
- Drunk and disorderly.
42
00:01:48,682 --> 00:01:51,751
Or, as I like to call it,
43
00:01:51,785 --> 00:01:54,354
Tuesday.
44
00:01:56,357 --> 00:01:58,524
And how 'bout you?
45
00:01:58,559 --> 00:02:01,294
- Possession of stolen goods.
46
00:02:01,328 --> 00:02:03,463
My husband was in the mob.
47
00:02:03,497 --> 00:02:04,464
- Really.
48
00:02:04,498 --> 00:02:06,299
Mine, too.
49
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:07,500
Which family?
50
00:02:07,534 --> 00:02:09,001
- Palomara.
51
00:02:09,036 --> 00:02:11,404
- Me too.
52
00:02:11,438 --> 00:02:13,773
I thought you looked
familiar.
53
00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:16,309
You're the one who brought
the ambrosia
54
00:02:16,343 --> 00:02:18,044
to big Pauly's
going-away party,
55
00:02:18,078 --> 00:02:19,145
aren't you?
56
00:02:19,179 --> 00:02:22,048
- You brought the gabagool.
57
00:02:22,082 --> 00:02:23,149
- Yes.
58
00:02:23,183 --> 00:02:24,917
And you were the one
that got picked up
59
00:02:24,952 --> 00:02:28,421
with all the stuff.
60
00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:30,022
Tell me,
61
00:02:30,057 --> 00:02:33,826
wasn't there a Faberge egg
in the stuff?
62
00:02:33,861 --> 00:02:35,128
- Yes.
- Mm-Hmm.
63
00:02:35,162 --> 00:02:38,164
I sold it to open
the Faberge animal shelter.
64
00:02:38,198 --> 00:02:39,665
- Mm-Hmm.
65
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,100
- Looking back,
not the best name
66
00:02:41,135 --> 00:02:42,368
to keep the heat off.
67
00:02:42,403 --> 00:02:43,836
- No.
68
00:02:43,871 --> 00:02:45,071
- That took spunk.
69
00:02:45,105 --> 00:02:46,739
- Thank you.
70
00:02:46,774 --> 00:02:49,142
- I hate spunk.
71
00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:54,714
[Upbeat rock music]
72
00:02:54,748 --> 00:02:57,216
♪ Ba ba ba ba ♪
73
00:02:57,251 --> 00:02:59,318
♪ ba ba ba ba ♪
74
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,386
♪ hey ♪
♪
75
00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:03,489
- So let's not wait
another 33 years
76
00:03:03,524 --> 00:03:05,258
to do this again,
okay, stretch?
77
00:03:05,292 --> 00:03:07,727
- You got it.
78
00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:08,861
- Oh, hi.
79
00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:09,862
- Hi.
80
00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:11,397
Oh, you're right.
81
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:13,466
They do look like hookers.
82
00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,707
- All right, you ladies
have five minutes.
83
00:03:21,742 --> 00:03:23,810
- Oh, Elka,
you poor thing.
84
00:03:23,844 --> 00:03:25,244
- Did you get the money?
85
00:03:25,279 --> 00:03:26,679
- Well, no, not yet.
86
00:03:26,713 --> 00:03:28,181
Your bail is very high.
87
00:03:28,215 --> 00:03:30,149
- Did you have to insult
the judge like that?
88
00:03:30,184 --> 00:03:33,419
- He called me elderly.
89
00:03:33,454 --> 00:03:36,122
- Well, you are elderly.
90
00:03:36,156 --> 00:03:40,092
- And he was really fat.
91
00:03:42,362 --> 00:03:46,232
But it's all your stupid
cop boyfriend's fault.
92
00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:48,201
- I know,
and Pete's being punished.
93
00:03:48,235 --> 00:03:49,836
I am not talking to him.
94
00:03:49,870 --> 00:03:53,072
- That's not how
you punish a man.
95
00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:55,975
You talk more.
96
00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:59,645
- We're trying to raise
your bail.
97
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:00,913
But my money
is all tied up
98
00:04:00,948 --> 00:04:02,181
in my house
that won't sell.
99
00:04:02,216 --> 00:04:03,716
- And mine's
in my business,
100
00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,017
which is not doing
so hot.
101
00:04:05,052 --> 00:04:06,385
Apparently,
in this economy,
102
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:10,156
$200 eyebrow shapings
are the first thing to go.
103
00:04:10,190 --> 00:04:12,859
- People are plucking
their own brows?
104
00:04:12,893 --> 00:04:16,295
Do we live in a third world
country now?
105
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:17,530
- Victoria.
106
00:04:17,564 --> 00:04:19,799
You're loaded.
107
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:21,367
I mean,
you spend thousands
108
00:04:21,401 --> 00:04:24,470
on that wrinkle stuff
made from whale urine.
109
00:04:24,505 --> 00:04:26,973
- When it's used
for medicinal purposes,
110
00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:29,942
it's pronounced, "your-eine."
111
00:04:29,977 --> 00:04:32,011
Oh, and I haven't been able
to reach my money people
112
00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:33,446
since the tornado.
113
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,147
Oh, I've got bars.
114
00:04:35,182 --> 00:04:36,382
No offense.
115
00:04:36,416 --> 00:04:39,619
And I have a message
from my business manager.
116
00:04:39,653 --> 00:04:41,220
He's probably calling
to congratulate me
117
00:04:41,255 --> 00:04:42,388
on my emmy.
118
00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:45,291
Oh, what a magical night.
119
00:04:45,325 --> 00:04:47,627
I've been walking on air
ever since.
120
00:04:47,661 --> 00:04:50,730
- Oh, haven't we all.
121
00:04:50,764 --> 00:04:52,298
- Oh, my God.
122
00:04:52,332 --> 00:04:54,767
Oh, my God.
123
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:55,835
[Whispering]
Oh, my God.
124
00:04:55,869 --> 00:04:57,670
- What?
What is it?
125
00:04:57,704 --> 00:04:59,405
- My business manager
has been indicted
126
00:04:59,439 --> 00:05:00,940
on tax fraud.
127
00:05:00,974 --> 00:05:02,842
All of my assets are frozen.
128
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:05,678
I've been madoffed!
129
00:05:05,712 --> 00:05:07,513
- That's terrible.
- Honey, I'm so sorry.
130
00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:08,915
- Oh, this is unfathomable.
131
00:05:08,949 --> 00:05:10,216
I am Victoria chase.
132
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,285
I am rich and famous.
133
00:05:12,319 --> 00:05:14,086
Now half of my identity
is gone.
134
00:05:14,121 --> 00:05:16,188
There's no rich.
There's no and.
135
00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:18,858
I'm only famous.
136
00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:23,229
- You're not even
that famous.
137
00:05:23,263 --> 00:05:25,331
- Victoria, calm down.
138
00:05:25,365 --> 00:05:26,332
You're a strong woman.
139
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:27,500
You can get through this.
140
00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:29,402
- Maybe you're right.
141
00:05:29,436 --> 00:05:31,137
I mean, after all,
I did play a homeless woman
142
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:34,574
in the lifetime original movie
concrete pillow,
143
00:05:34,608 --> 00:05:36,208
based on the novel
the sidewalk is my bed,
144
00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:38,244
by shazique.
145
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,515
Oh, who am I kidding?
146
00:05:42,549 --> 00:05:44,617
I can't be poor.
147
00:05:44,651 --> 00:05:46,919
I'm flying private
to Chicago on Thursday
148
00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:48,220
for Botox.
149
00:05:48,255 --> 00:05:51,691
What a day to forget
my chill pills.
150
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:55,261
- Oh, you gotta front up
and bug down, bitch.
151
00:05:58,065 --> 00:06:00,399
It's prison slang.
152
00:06:03,236 --> 00:06:05,972
- You've been here
three hours.
153
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:08,674
- The joint changes you.
154
00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:10,509
I also know
how to kill somebody
155
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:14,714
with a toothbrush.
156
00:06:14,748 --> 00:06:15,848
- Okay, listen.
157
00:06:15,882 --> 00:06:17,016
There are a ton of things
we could do
158
00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,017
to raise money, okay?
159
00:06:18,051 --> 00:06:19,652
We could have a benefit,
160
00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:21,854
or we could have
an estate sale.
161
00:06:21,888 --> 00:06:25,057
- In Cleveland,
they're called garage sales.
162
00:06:25,092 --> 00:06:27,593
- Ew.
163
00:06:27,628 --> 00:06:28,794
- Well, do it.
164
00:06:28,829 --> 00:06:29,829
You girls have
to figure out
165
00:06:29,863 --> 00:06:31,530
some way to get money.
166
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,833
- Oh, bless you, Elka.
167
00:06:33,867 --> 00:06:36,235
To think of me
in this time of need.
168
00:06:36,269 --> 00:06:39,438
- For me, you idiot.
169
00:06:39,473 --> 00:06:41,974
I'm in frickin' jail.
170
00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:50,116
- I carried this evening purse
on the red carpet
171
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:52,685
at the 2008
people's choice awards.
172
00:06:52,719 --> 00:06:54,954
- Didn't Susan Lucci
win that year?
173
00:06:56,923 --> 00:06:58,791
- That's irrelevant
to the story.
174
00:06:58,825 --> 00:07:00,192
- I'll give you a buck fifty.
175
00:07:00,227 --> 00:07:02,795
- This retailed for $4,000.
176
00:07:02,829 --> 00:07:04,230
- But it's so small.
177
00:07:04,264 --> 00:07:05,798
- No, that's what makes it
so chic.
178
00:07:05,832 --> 00:07:09,101
It screams, "I have people
to carry my things."
179
00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:11,771
- But what if you
don't have people?
180
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:12,972
- I don't know.
181
00:07:13,006 --> 00:07:14,774
I-I mean,
I really don't know.
182
00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:17,843
- I would really like
to buy something
183
00:07:17,878 --> 00:07:18,944
to help Elka.
184
00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:21,313
I mean...
185
00:07:21,348 --> 00:07:23,215
Don't you have anything larger
than a size 4?
186
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:26,452
- I certainly hope not.
187
00:07:26,486 --> 00:07:27,453
[Doorbell rings]
188
00:07:27,487 --> 00:07:30,456
- Oh, I'll get it.
189
00:07:32,592 --> 00:07:33,826
- Hello, Melanie.
190
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:34,994
- Hi, Rick.
191
00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:36,462
Boy, I haven't seen
you since--
192
00:07:36,496 --> 00:07:39,799
- since you saw
all of me?
193
00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,801
- Yeah, you know what?
That's all been forgotten.
194
00:07:41,835 --> 00:07:42,802
- Really?
195
00:07:42,836 --> 00:07:44,470
Me completely disrobing
196
00:07:44,504 --> 00:07:45,471
because I mistakenly
believed
197
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:46,906
that you were attracted
to me?
198
00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,908
That's totally
out of your head?
199
00:07:48,942 --> 00:07:52,678
- Well, it's back now.
200
00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:55,347
- Well, actually,
I'm here to see Joy.
201
00:07:55,382 --> 00:07:58,084
For some reason,
our hemp-loving mailman
202
00:07:58,118 --> 00:08:00,686
delivered this letter
to my home by mistake.
203
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:02,121
Excuse me, Joy.
204
00:08:02,155 --> 00:08:03,622
I opened this
before I saw
205
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:04,790
who it was addressed to.
206
00:08:04,825 --> 00:08:06,759
- Oh.
207
00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:07,927
It's from the I.N.S.
208
00:08:07,961 --> 00:08:09,095
- Mm-Hmm.
209
00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:12,765
You, my dear,
are in need of a green card.
210
00:08:12,799 --> 00:08:13,766
Joy.
211
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,434
My darling.
212
00:08:15,469 --> 00:08:18,604
My English muffin.
213
00:08:18,638 --> 00:08:20,339
Would you marry me?
214
00:08:26,107 --> 00:08:27,841
- Marry you?
What are you talking about?
215
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:29,009
- Well, it's not
that complicated.
216
00:08:29,043 --> 00:08:30,344
I mean,
we're all familiar
217
00:08:30,378 --> 00:08:32,780
with movies like
the proposal and green card.
218
00:08:32,814 --> 00:08:34,648
I'll be your Ryan Reynolds.
219
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:38,051
Your Gerard Depardieu.
220
00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:39,887
- Absolutely not.
221
00:08:39,921 --> 00:08:41,221
- Well, don't misunderstand.
222
00:08:41,256 --> 00:08:43,524
I mean, the whole marriage
would be a complete sham.
223
00:08:43,558 --> 00:08:45,225
I would expect nothing
in return.
224
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,827
- Then why would you do it?
225
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:48,695
- Let me demonstrate.
226
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:49,963
E-excuse me.
227
00:08:49,998 --> 00:08:50,998
Miss?
228
00:08:51,032 --> 00:08:52,399
- Yes?
- Hi.
229
00:08:52,434 --> 00:08:54,935
I'm Rick, and--
and this is Joy,
230
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,971
my fiancee.
231
00:08:58,006 --> 00:09:00,441
I notice your expression
just changed.
232
00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:02,576
You were surprised
to hear
233
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,577
that we were a couple.
234
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,746
- Well, yes,
I guess I was.
235
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,881
- I don't want to put words
into your mouth.
236
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:09,650
But several explanations
may have popped
237
00:09:09,684 --> 00:09:11,552
into your head.
238
00:09:11,586 --> 00:09:13,687
He must have money.
239
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:16,190
Or he's extraordinarily
gifted in bed.
240
00:09:16,224 --> 00:09:18,759
Or he's so incredibly
wonderful
241
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,428
that she was able
to overlook
242
00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:24,198
his nonconformist
body type.
243
00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:26,600
Did any of these thoughts
occur to you?
244
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,036
Please be honest.
245
00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:31,872
- Yes, all three of them.
246
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:35,008
- Very good.
You've been most helpful.
247
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:38,178
We are so gonna get me laid.
248
00:09:38,213 --> 00:09:40,013
- Look, Rick, dear.
249
00:09:40,048 --> 00:09:41,482
I appreciate
the offer, really,
250
00:09:41,516 --> 00:09:43,016
but I've had letters
like this before,
251
00:09:43,051 --> 00:09:45,085
and I've always been able
to work it out.
252
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:47,287
I don't need
a fake marriage.
253
00:09:47,322 --> 00:09:49,122
- Would you do it
just for me, then?
254
00:09:49,157 --> 00:09:50,390
- Hell no.
255
00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:52,259
- Y-your mouth is saying,
"hell no,"
256
00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:56,230
but your eyes
are just saying merely, "no."
257
00:09:56,264 --> 00:09:58,866
Now they're saying,
"hell no."
258
00:09:58,900 --> 00:09:59,867
Hm.
259
00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:02,035
So what is all this?
260
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,404
- Oh, we're trying
to raise Elka's bail money.
261
00:10:04,439 --> 00:10:06,440
Unfortunately,
nothing's selling.
262
00:10:06,474 --> 00:10:07,708
- Of course not.
263
00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:10,878
These L.A. fripperies
have no value here.
264
00:10:10,912 --> 00:10:13,814
You have to offer people
something they want.
265
00:10:13,848 --> 00:10:17,117
Like my balls.
266
00:10:20,722 --> 00:10:21,889
- Excuse me?
267
00:10:21,923 --> 00:10:23,857
- I'm a collector
of sports memorabilia.
268
00:10:23,892 --> 00:10:26,026
Clevelanders love
their teams.
269
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,227
People would pay
any amount of money
270
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:28,228
for the right item.
271
00:10:28,263 --> 00:10:30,264
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
272
00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:31,999
Collectors have been drooling
over my balls
273
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,001
for years.
274
00:10:34,035 --> 00:10:36,537
- Can't you just say
baseballs?
275
00:10:36,571 --> 00:10:38,605
- I also collect
basketballs and footballs,
276
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,942
so no.
277
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:43,477
[Knock at door]
278
00:10:43,511 --> 00:10:45,412
- Melanie, come on.
Please let me in.
279
00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:46,747
- I'm not speaking
to you, Pete.
280
00:10:46,781 --> 00:10:48,081
Go away.
281
00:10:48,116 --> 00:10:49,116
- Will you at least
open the door?
282
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:50,751
- All right.
283
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:53,587
But it's not gonna change
one little thing.
284
00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,689
Oh.
285
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,624
Hello.
- Good afternoon, ma'am.
286
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,393
I'm officer-in-training
Jack Appel.
287
00:10:59,427 --> 00:11:00,727
- I'm Melanie Moretti.
288
00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:02,095
It's very nice
to meet you.
289
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:04,932
I-I must have seemed awful
just now.
290
00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,934
Normally, I'm much friendlier.
I really am.
291
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:08,368
People actually comment
on it.
292
00:11:08,403 --> 00:11:09,703
I would ask him
to vouch for me,
293
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,371
but I'm not speaking
to him
294
00:11:11,406 --> 00:11:12,839
because he put somebody
that I care about in jail.
295
00:11:12,874 --> 00:11:14,107
- When an officer
of the law
296
00:11:14,142 --> 00:11:15,509
sees a crime
being committed,
297
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,144
it's his sworn duty
to make the arrest, ma'am.
298
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,745
- See?
299
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,881
- Well, now I'm not speaking
to you, either.
300
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,482
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
301
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,551
- And don't call
a woman "ma'am".
302
00:11:24,586 --> 00:11:25,619
We hate it.
303
00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:28,789
Call us "miss"
until the day we die.
304
00:11:28,823 --> 00:11:31,558
- Hey, guess who just sold
Victoria's chill pills
305
00:11:31,593 --> 00:11:33,594
to the stoner mailman?
306
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:46,139
- Well, we know who the bitch
is gonna be.
307
00:11:53,028 --> 00:11:54,128
- You're being deported?
308
00:11:54,163 --> 00:11:56,197
- My immigration status
was already in question,
309
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:57,899
and now,
thanks to this arrest,
310
00:11:57,933 --> 00:11:59,234
they're gonna ship me
back to England.
311
00:11:59,268 --> 00:12:01,936
I need to clear my head.
312
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,404
I need a plan.
313
00:12:03,439 --> 00:12:04,772
Oh, who am I kidding?
314
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:05,940
I need a drink.
315
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,310
Take out that loose cinder block
over there.
316
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:11,779
You'll find a baggie
of raisin wine.
317
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,082
- Seriously?
318
00:12:19,121 --> 00:12:21,956
"Chateau neuf d'Elka."
319
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,958
- It's a good vintage.
320
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:28,162
2:00.
321
00:12:28,197 --> 00:12:29,631
- You know...
322
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:33,468
This isn't my first time
behind bars.
323
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,802
I was a bit
of a wild child
324
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,038
in my teen years.
325
00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:38,139
Um, I'm not proud
of it now,
326
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:41,776
but I did my share
of shoplifting.
327
00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:43,745
Anyway...
328
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:46,080
My rebellious phase
was brief.
329
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:48,483
Getting pregnant and giving
my son up for adoption
330
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,118
really sobered me up.
331
00:12:50,152 --> 00:12:53,388
- Have you heard
from him yet?
332
00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:54,656
- I haven't told
anyone yet,
333
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,257
but he sent me an email
334
00:12:56,292 --> 00:12:58,059
saying he has cold feet
335
00:12:58,093 --> 00:12:59,060
and wants to take
some more time
336
00:12:59,094 --> 00:13:00,261
before meeting me.
337
00:13:00,296 --> 00:13:01,963
- Oh, I'm sorry.
338
00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:04,265
- Me, too.
339
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,467
Ugh, this whole thing
has got me thinking
340
00:13:06,502 --> 00:13:08,469
about time passing.
341
00:13:08,504 --> 00:13:11,973
Mistakes I've made,
regrets.
342
00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:13,441
Getting older.
343
00:13:13,475 --> 00:13:18,012
- Oh, you're a barrel
of laughs.
344
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,182
You shouldn't worry so much
about getting old.
345
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:24,719
There's a secret
that nobody tells you.
346
00:13:24,753 --> 00:13:26,821
You don't feel old.
347
00:13:26,855 --> 00:13:28,356
You feel like yourself.
348
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,590
- Really?
349
00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:30,792
- Well, obviously,
350
00:13:30,826 --> 00:13:32,427
the--the woman looking
back at me
351
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:36,064
from my mirror
isn't young.
352
00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:38,599
She bugs me sometimes.
353
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:40,635
- I know.
It's weird, isn't it?
354
00:13:40,669 --> 00:13:42,837
I look at pictures
of myself in my 20s
355
00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:44,572
when I obsessed
over every little flaw,
356
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,274
and I just want
to shake the girl
357
00:13:46,308 --> 00:13:48,443
and tell her to relax
and enjoy it.
358
00:13:48,477 --> 00:13:50,878
- I look at pictures
of me in my 70s,
359
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,581
and I think that.
360
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:54,849
- Well, that gives me hope.
361
00:13:54,883 --> 00:13:55,850
- It shouldn't.
362
00:13:55,884 --> 00:13:59,420
I started out
prettier than you.
363
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,691
- When are you gonna stop
being mad at me?
364
00:14:03,726 --> 00:14:05,760
- When you stop
arresting my friends.
365
00:14:05,794 --> 00:14:07,528
- She committed a crime
366
00:14:07,563 --> 00:14:09,030
in front
of a rookie officer
367
00:14:09,064 --> 00:14:10,698
who was watching
my every move.
368
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:12,633
She was selling
a controlled substance.
369
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:14,702
- Will you stop being
such a narc?
370
00:14:14,737 --> 00:14:16,304
- But I am a narc.
371
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:18,005
It--it's on my badge, see?
372
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,173
I'm in narcotics.
373
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,408
- Officer szymborska,
374
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,043
chief has arrived
and is ready for you.
375
00:14:22,077 --> 00:14:23,211
- On my way.
376
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:25,413
I gotta go.
377
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,248
Um, I'm, uh, kind of getting
a commendation
378
00:14:27,282 --> 00:14:29,584
for all the, uh, arrests
I've been making.
379
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,686
Um, there's also a dinner.
380
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,321
Should I put down plus one?
381
00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:34,922
Right.
382
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,960
I'm calling you
later, though.
383
00:14:38,994 --> 00:14:39,994
- Hey, jailbirds.
384
00:14:40,028 --> 00:14:41,329
I smuggled in breath mints.
385
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:42,930
- That's the least
of our problems.
386
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,666
- Not the least.
387
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:49,570
- Ladies, I have
the most amazing news.
388
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,205
In our mailbox,
389
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,107
we received
from an anonymous donor
390
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,742
a cashier's check.
391
00:14:54,777 --> 00:14:56,377
There's enough here
to free Elka
392
00:14:56,412 --> 00:14:58,946
and get me to Chicago
for my Botox.
393
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,948
- That's great!
- Oh, thank God.
394
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,383
- What about me?
395
00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:04,852
- Oh, yes.
You.
396
00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:06,954
Well, you seem to be
holding up rather well.
397
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,491
These vertical lines
are just so slimming.
398
00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:12,160
- I can't believe
399
00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:13,761
you're choosing
injections of botulism
400
00:15:13,796 --> 00:15:14,929
over your best friend.
401
00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:15,930
Doesn't that worry you?
402
00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:17,732
- Well, yes, of course it does.
403
00:15:17,766 --> 00:15:19,934
But I figure
if I can get to Chicago,
404
00:15:19,968 --> 00:15:23,371
then at least
I won't look worried.
405
00:15:28,877 --> 00:15:29,944
- You know, Rick,
406
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:31,279
in all the years
you've been my Agent,
407
00:15:31,313 --> 00:15:33,514
I've always refused
to do nudity.
408
00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:35,183
But now I--
409
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:38,519
well, you could at least
let me finish the sentence.
410
00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:41,522
You see what poverty
has reduced me to.
411
00:15:41,557 --> 00:15:43,191
My life is over.
412
00:15:43,225 --> 00:15:44,659
- Victoria, come on.
413
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,893
We're here to celebrate.
414
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,094
- Yes, you're right.
415
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:50,498
Two of my pals
just got out of prison.
416
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:55,002
Oh, my God, I sound
white trash already.
417
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,237
By this time tomorrow,
418
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:57,605
I'll be listening
to skynyrd
419
00:15:57,639 --> 00:15:59,640
and wearing a tube top.
420
00:15:59,675 --> 00:16:01,409
- Who do you have to shank
421
00:16:01,443 --> 00:16:03,845
to get a drink
around here?
422
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:07,582
- I'll go check
what the holdup is.
423
00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:09,650
Excuse me, bartender.
424
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:11,219
- Oh, hello, Joy.
425
00:16:11,253 --> 00:16:13,955
Everyone's admiring
my balls.
426
00:16:13,989 --> 00:16:15,890
- Your baseballs.
427
00:16:15,924 --> 00:16:17,325
- In this case, yes.
428
00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:19,660
I sold a few of them
to the bar.
429
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:21,863
There's Bob Feller,
Al Rosen,
430
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:23,431
Rocky Colavito.
431
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:24,465
- You sold all these?
432
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,466
- Mm-Hmm.
433
00:16:25,501 --> 00:16:27,268
- Wait a minute.
434
00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:29,303
You're the anonymous donor,
aren't you?
435
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:31,806
- Guilty.
- Wow, Rick.
436
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,041
That truly was
a lovely thing to do.
437
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,177
- Well, merely squaring
a debt.
438
00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:37,745
You may find this
hard to believe,
439
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:42,416
but mine was an awkward
and lonely youth.
440
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:45,486
Elka gave me
my first ball.
441
00:16:45,521 --> 00:16:48,723
I thought my head
was going to explode.
442
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,326
- Please start saying,
"baseball."
443
00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:53,528
- In this case,
444
00:16:53,562 --> 00:16:57,331
it's best to leave it
ambiguous.
445
00:16:59,368 --> 00:17:01,369
She was very giving
to me
446
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:02,637
when I needed it
the most,
447
00:17:02,671 --> 00:17:04,972
and--and on that day,
448
00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:09,944
a 35-year-old
became a man.
449
00:17:09,978 --> 00:17:11,112
- Well.
450
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:14,215
Whatever the reason,
we're grateful.
451
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:15,583
You know,
452
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,251
about your earlier offer.
453
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,922
- Oh, the one that you
so summarily rejected?
454
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,323
- Yes, well,
thing have changed,
455
00:17:22,357 --> 00:17:24,392
and I need a green card
right away,
456
00:17:24,426 --> 00:17:26,827
so here goes.
457
00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,563
I'm so desperate.
458
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:29,797
I guess I will marry you.
459
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,866
Oh, I'm sorry.
460
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:35,136
That can't be how you pictured
a proposal response.
461
00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:38,039
- No, that's exactly
how I pictured it.
462
00:17:38,073 --> 00:17:39,574
I'm a realist.
463
00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:41,609
But I didn't ask you again.
464
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,344
- Oh, okay.
Go ahead.
465
00:17:43,378 --> 00:17:44,779
- Not so fast.
466
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,882
The tables have turned.
467
00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:50,718
I'd like you
to do the asking.
468
00:17:50,752 --> 00:17:52,620
- Okay.
469
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,422
- In the traditional manner.
470
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:02,129
- Why is Joy getting
down on her knees
471
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,932
in front of Rick?
472
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:07,969
- Prison changes a woman.
473
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,427
- Well.
I have news.
474
00:18:17,461 --> 00:18:19,829
Elka, Rick was the one
who bailed you out.
475
00:18:19,863 --> 00:18:23,566
- Why, that dear, sweet,
476
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,069
surprisingly tender boy.
477
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,070
- Wait a minute.
478
00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:28,538
Are you saying
that he's rich?
479
00:18:28,572 --> 00:18:31,774
- Back off.
He's mine.
480
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:32,942
- Hey, wait a minute.
481
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,445
I'm the only one
who's seen him naked.
482
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:37,914
- You keep thinking that.
483
00:18:42,753 --> 00:18:46,889
- What I'm saying is,
we're engaged.
484
00:18:46,924 --> 00:18:48,391
[All together]
- What?
485
00:18:48,425 --> 00:18:50,359
- Joy, how are we supposed
to feel about this?
486
00:18:50,394 --> 00:18:52,161
- Well--
[Clears throat]
487
00:18:52,196 --> 00:18:54,430
It's the only way
I can stay in this country.
488
00:18:54,465 --> 00:18:55,631
So we have to make it seem
489
00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:57,467
very real
and believable.
490
00:18:57,501 --> 00:18:58,968
So...
491
00:18:59,002 --> 00:19:00,536
I'm engaged!
492
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,872
[Screaming]
493
00:19:02,906 --> 00:19:04,807
- I'll be right back.
494
00:19:04,842 --> 00:19:06,476
- That's your fiancee?
495
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:08,010
Wow.
496
00:19:08,045 --> 00:19:09,078
You must be...
497
00:19:09,113 --> 00:19:11,881
- yes, yes, I am.
498
00:19:11,915 --> 00:19:13,950
I'd like a bottle
of your best champagne
499
00:19:13,984 --> 00:19:17,153
and a side order
of your telephone number.
500
00:19:17,187 --> 00:19:19,555
Nothing lasts forever.
501
00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:21,491
- You're terrible.
502
00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:23,726
- Oh, I know.
503
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,228
- Ricky.
504
00:19:25,262 --> 00:19:27,029
- Elka.
505
00:19:27,064 --> 00:19:28,564
A vision, as always.
506
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,266
- I just wanted
to thank you
507
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,601
for what you did
for me.
508
00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:33,569
- No, I want
to thank you
509
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:34,937
for what you did
for me.
510
00:19:34,972 --> 00:19:39,575
We will always have
the summer of '97.
511
00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:43,045
- Blame it on coolio.
512
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:50,586
- Melanie.
513
00:19:50,621 --> 00:19:51,821
- Pete, I'm not talking
to you.
514
00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:53,489
- You don't have to speak
to me.
515
00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:55,992
Just listen.
516
00:19:56,026 --> 00:19:59,295
Look, I-I'm sorry
that doing my job
517
00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:00,563
has hurt our relationship.
518
00:20:00,597 --> 00:20:02,732
But I'd be even sorrier
if I didn't tell you
519
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:06,435
what's been on my mind
all day.
520
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,204
Last night,
in the tornado,
521
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:09,672
I heard you yell,
"I love you."
522
00:20:09,706 --> 00:20:11,607
But when I started
to yell it back,
523
00:20:11,642 --> 00:20:12,675
some leaves flew
into my mouth,
524
00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:15,511
and it ruined the moment.
525
00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:18,881
So maybe you don't want
to hear it right now,
526
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,683
but...
527
00:20:20,717 --> 00:20:23,019
I love you too.
528
00:20:23,053 --> 00:20:25,021
- Oh, Pete.
I love you too.
529
00:20:25,055 --> 00:20:27,423
- Oh.
530
00:20:29,726 --> 00:20:33,162
- What's the screw
doing here?
531
00:20:35,199 --> 00:20:36,799
- He told me
he loved me,
532
00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:38,534
so we're not mad
at him anymore.
533
00:20:38,569 --> 00:20:40,670
And he's gonna stop
arresting my friends, right?
534
00:20:40,704 --> 00:20:42,638
- Champagne for everyone!
- Ah.
535
00:20:42,673 --> 00:20:43,839
- Oh, what are we
celebrating?
536
00:20:43,874 --> 00:20:48,578
- Joy's fake engagement
to get a green card.
537
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:52,181
Got a problem
with that, puerco?
538
00:20:57,287 --> 00:20:59,589
- Congratulations.
539
00:20:59,623 --> 00:21:00,690
- A toast.
540
00:21:00,724 --> 00:21:04,193
To losing my balls
and getting a wife.
541
00:21:05,862 --> 00:21:08,164
- Sounds like a real marriage
to me.
542
00:21:08,198 --> 00:21:10,923
sync & correct by dr.jackson
www.addic7ed.com
543
00:21:10,973 --> 00:21:15,523
Repair and Synchronization by
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