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00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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One Antares
3
00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:19,171
Two Capella
4
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:20,172
Three Canopus
5
00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:21,173
Four Arcturus
6
00:00:21,174 --> 00:00:22,174
Five Agreetor
7
00:00:22,175 --> 00:00:23,175
Six Anektor
8
00:00:23,176 --> 00:00:24,176
Seven Duendin
9
00:00:24,177 --> 00:00:25,177
Eight Algerib
10
00:00:25,178 --> 00:00:26,178
Nine Agena
11
00:00:26,179 --> 00:00:27,179
Ten Lalandry
12
00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:28,180
Eleven Vega
13
00:00:28,181 --> 00:00:29,181
Twelve Golubin
14
00:00:29,182 --> 00:00:30,182
Thirteen Spirro
15
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:31,183
Fourteen Capra
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00:00:31,184 --> 00:00:32,184
Fifteen Acrab
17
00:00:32,185 --> 00:00:33,185
Sixteen Deneb
18
00:00:33,186 --> 00:00:34,186
Seventeen Sapho
19
00:00:34,187 --> 00:00:35,187
Eighteen Castor
20
00:00:35,188 --> 00:00:36,188
Nineteen Pollux
21
00:00:36,189 --> 00:00:37,189
Twenty Storcha
22
00:00:37,190 --> 00:00:38,190
Twenty-one Algano
23
00:00:38,191 --> 00:00:39,491
Twenty-two Spira
24
00:00:39,492 --> 00:00:40,492
Twenty-three Salcis
25
00:00:40,493 --> 00:00:41,493
Twenty-four Hoytan
26
00:00:42,094 --> 00:00:43,094
Twenty-five Luper
27
00:00:43,095 --> 00:00:44,495
Twenty-six MacKay
28
00:00:44,496 --> 00:00:45,796
Twenty-seven Regulus
29
00:00:45,797 --> 00:00:46,797
Twenty-eight Eiridani
30
00:00:46,798 --> 00:00:47,998
Twenty-nine Tenna
31
00:00:47,999 --> 00:00:48,999
Thirty Riga
32
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,200
Thirty-one Cursa
33
00:00:50,201 --> 00:00:51,201
Thirty-two Thuba
34
00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:52,202
Thirty-three Mett
35
00:00:52,203 --> 00:00:53,203
Thirty-four Mack
36
00:00:53,204 --> 00:00:54,204
Thirty-five Mez
37
00:00:54,205 --> 00:00:55,205
Thirty-six Lap
38
00:00:55,206 --> 00:00:56,206
Thirty-seven Zed
39
00:00:56,207 --> 00:00:57,207
Thirty-eight Diss
40
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:58,508
Thirty-nine Bolse
41
00:00:58,509 --> 00:00:59,609
Forty Daron
42
00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:00,610
Forty-one Jeannus
43
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:01,811
Forty-two Touros
44
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,812
Forty-three Plin
45
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,813
Forty-four Paul
46
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:04,814
Forty-five Broma
47
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:05,815
Forty-six Branca
48
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:06,816
Forty-seven Bellatrix
49
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:07,817
Forty-eight Mirach
50
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,818
Forty-nine Almach
51
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:09,819
Fifty Caff
52
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:10,820
Fifty-one Corboda
53
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:11,821
Fifty-two Ceti
54
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,822
Fifty-three Cruzer
55
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:13,823
Fifty-four Spira
56
00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:14,824
Fifty-five Schredder
57
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,125
Fifty-six Abiera
58
00:01:16,226 --> 00:01:17,326
Fifty-seven Dipda
59
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,627
Fifty-eight Kracklite
60
00:01:18,628 --> 00:01:19,628
Fifty-nine Salcis
61
00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:20,629
Sixty Okkra
62
00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:21,830
Sixty-one Bolstar
63
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:22,831
Sixty-two Beastal
64
00:01:23,132 --> 00:01:24,132
Sixty-three Procis
65
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:25,133
Sixty-four Salamon
66
00:01:25,134 --> 00:01:26,134
Sixty-five Groombridge
67
00:01:26,135 --> 00:01:27,535
Sixty-six Betelguese
68
00:01:27,536 --> 00:01:28,536
Sixty-seven Stobart
69
00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:29,837
Sixty-eight Gobin
70
00:01:29,838 --> 00:01:30,838
Sixty-nine Adnam
71
00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:32,139
Seventy Boston
72
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:33,140
Seventy-one Scheet
73
00:01:33,141 --> 00:01:34,441
Seventy-two Nath
74
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,442
Seventy-three Stratt
75
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,443
Seventy-four Kriss
76
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,444
Seventy-five Bosch
77
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:38,445
Seventy-six Louis
78
00:01:38,846 --> 00:01:39,846
Seventy-seven Borick
79
00:01:39,847 --> 00:01:40,847
Seventy-eight Crupel
80
00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:42,148
Seventy-nine Indi
81
00:01:42,149 --> 00:01:43,149
Eighty Smeltzer
82
00:01:43,150 --> 00:01:44,150
Eighty-one Crucis
83
00:01:44,151 --> 00:01:45,151
Eighty-two Banka
84
00:01:45,452 --> 00:01:46,452
Eighty-three Altair
85
00:01:46,453 --> 00:01:47,453
Eighty-four Nollar
86
00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:48,454
Eighty-five Schrader
87
00:01:48,455 --> 00:01:49,755
Eighty-six Fabriticus
88
00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:50,756
Eighty-seven Lucius
89
00:01:50,757 --> 00:01:51,757
Eighty-eight Kuellar
90
00:01:51,758 --> 00:01:52,758
Eighty-nine Kitaj
91
00:01:52,759 --> 00:01:53,759
Ninety Bethal
92
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:54,760
Ninety-one Britius
93
00:01:54,861 --> 00:01:55,861
Ninety-two Colcis
94
00:01:55,862 --> 00:01:56,862
Ninety-three Centaur
95
00:01:56,863 --> 00:01:57,863
Ninety-four Sopul
96
00:01:57,864 --> 00:01:58,864
Ninety-five Jonah
97
00:01:58,865 --> 00:01:59,865
Ninety-six Vierny
98
00:01:59,866 --> 00:02:00,866
Ninety-seven Ritback
99
00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:01,867
Ninety-eight Rostra
100
00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:02,868
Ninety-nine Procyon
101
00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:04,269
and a hundred Elektra
102
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,601
What are you
doing up so late?
103
00:02:17,761 --> 00:02:19,761
I'm counting
the stars.
104
00:02:20,081 --> 00:02:21,680
Do you really know
all their names?
105
00:02:21,681 --> 00:02:22,681
Yes I do.
106
00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:25,721
How many did
you count ?
107
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,201
A hundred.
108
00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:29,640
There are more
than a hundred.
109
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,040
I know.
110
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,040
Why did
you stop?
111
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,641
A hundred
is enough.
112
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:39,080
Once you've counted to a hundred,
all the other hundreds are the same.
113
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,000
Take your
clothes off girl.
114
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:23,041
My name's Nellie and there's not
room in that bath for two of us.
115
00:04:23,041 --> 00:04:25,480
Who says two's
going in it?
116
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,761
I'm surprised you haven't
got a proper bath.
117
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,601
I like a
tin bath.
118
00:04:32,321 --> 00:04:34,200
Take that light
further off.
119
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,800
What are you
frightened of?
120
00:04:37,081 --> 00:04:41,360
Ashamed I might see your underwear?
Or aren't you wearing any?
121
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,040
I'm cold standing here!
I want a bath too!
122
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,960
There's one outside
under the apple tree.
123
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,841
Moonlight, Good
for the complexion
124
00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:49,440
Oh Cissy!
125
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,440
We've been using
your soap.
126
00:07:58,961 --> 00:08:03,121
Hey it's her birthday today,
and I took her out to celebrate.
127
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,681
Why don't you wish her
happy birthday Cissy.
128
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,720
She's as naked
129
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,921
as a new
born babe.
130
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,000
Nothing wrong with
that is there Cissy?
131
00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:16,880
You're not supposed
to be here.
132
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,481
You're supposed to
be playing cards,
133
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:26,800
backgammon, newmarket and whist,
134
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:30,521
then 2 in a row ,
3 in a bed, 4 in hand
135
00:08:30,521 --> 00:08:32,680
5 card stud...
136
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,160
along with your friend...
137
00:08:37,441 --> 00:08:38,720
Madgett...
138
00:08:40,081 --> 00:08:44,281
Hey get a towel Cissy
she's drunk too much
139
00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:50,000
If you play the
cards right Cissy
140
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:56,161
well you can get your clothes
off and come in here too.
141
00:09:00,201 --> 00:09:03,161
I've had a wash
142
00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:06,040
She gave me
one. Nancy...
143
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,841
One...
144
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,200
I've had a wash
already Cissy
145
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,800
Nancy gave
it to me
146
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:25,760
Nancy gave it to me,
lets play a game...
147
00:09:26,681 --> 00:09:28,041
Three...
148
00:11:46,561 --> 00:11:47,641
Smut
149
00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:56,480
Get up and
answer the phone!
150
00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:02,280
In the game of
dawn card castles,
151
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:03,961
52 playing cards
152
00:12:04,121 --> 00:12:07,521
are stacked up into a
castle in a draft free space.
153
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,241
The player can determine
the dreams of the next night
154
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,400
if he awakes before
the castle collapses.
155
00:12:15,841 --> 00:12:18,320
Those players who
wish to dream of romance
156
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,361
build their castles
with the 7 of hearts.
157
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,600
He's put a lot of
weight on recently.
158
00:13:12,321 --> 00:13:14,400
You'll wake him and
he'll want to eat.
159
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,560
The only time he stops
eating is when he's asleep.
160
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,840
Is it warm
enough for this?
161
00:13:21,881 --> 00:13:23,760
I phoned Madgett,
he didn't answer.
162
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,601
What did you want
to do that for?
163
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:27,840
I've just
drowned Jake.
164
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,440
Do all fat men
have little penises?
165
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,680
I don't know mother, I've not
known...what do you mean?
166
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,761
When you first met Hardy
did he have a moustache?
167
00:13:37,761 --> 00:13:39,580
What do you mean you
just drowned Jake ?
168
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,000
I don't like
the beard.
169
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:44,801
No neither do I, I'm trying to
persuade him to shave it off.
170
00:13:44,921 --> 00:13:45,721
What do you mean
you've just drowned Jake ?
171
00:13:47,121 --> 00:13:49,960
Yes, I need your
help to move her.
172
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,760
- Move who?
- Nancy
173
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,041
Nancy who?
174
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:56,960
Nancy Gill, she
calls herself Nel.
175
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,240
What has she got to do with it?
Have you drowned her too?
176
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,321
He doesn't smell
very fresh, does he?
177
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:06,600
He looks pregnant,
I like these creases.
178
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,760
We better phone
Madgett again.
179
00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:13,680
Perhaps he
can help us.
180
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,280
"Us", mother ?
181
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,521
The game "flights of Fancy"
or "Reverse Strip Jump"
182
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:29,760
is played
183
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,601
from as high a jumping point
as a competitor will dare.
184
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:36,481
After each
successful jump,
185
00:14:36,481 --> 00:14:38,200
the competitor is
allowed to put on
186
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,320
an article
of clothing.
187
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,361
Damn!
188
00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,680
What are we going to say
if we meet someone?
189
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,600
It depends
who it is.
190
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,841
"Morning, just taking Nancy home,
she popped round for a bath."
191
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,681
She could lose
some weight.
192
00:15:13,841 --> 00:15:16,200
Everyone seems to
be getting fatter.
193
00:15:16,441 --> 00:15:19,480
Jake must've thought things
were getting better all the time.
194
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,121
I was only 25 when
your father died.
195
00:15:24,601 --> 00:15:26,281
And plump enough.
196
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,800
Look at
her thumbs.
197
00:15:31,121 --> 00:15:34,681
Seamstresses thumbs,
well turned.
198
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,320
Was Jake interested
in thumbs?
199
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,840
Eh not especially
as I remember.
200
00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:52,080
Mother are you
going to sneeze?
201
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,920
No, I can smell
something.
202
00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,121
It's Smut.
203
00:15:58,121 --> 00:16:02,600
Oh Madgett must keep him from
using that paint. It makes such a mess.
204
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,761
What's the smell?
205
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:08,160
It's gunpowder, Smut's been
celebrating our corpse.
206
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,280
Ah! It's
still wet.
207
00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:58,560
Sheep are
especially sensitive
208
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,600
to the exact moment
of the turn of the tide.
209
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,121
In this game,
nine tethered sheep, react
210
00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:06,360
pull on the stakes
211
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,360
jog the chairs and
rattle the tea cups.
212
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,000
Madgett, where the hell do
you keep all these sheep?
213
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,841
Don't you
like sheep?
214
00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:20,721
Shoo them away if
you don't like them.
215
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,680
Bets are taken on
the combined sensitivity
216
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,241
of any line
of 3 sheep,
217
00:17:28,241 --> 00:17:32,520
read vertically,
horizontally or diagonally.
218
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:37,161
Since there are normally
3 tide turns every 24 hours,
219
00:17:37,161 --> 00:17:41,281
it is normal practise to
take the best of 3 results.
220
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,440
Reliable clocks, calendars
and timetables
221
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,480
are used to determine the
accuracy of the sheep's forecast.
222
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,041
Did you
remember?
223
00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:58,000
Yes. Now they are
slightly damaged,
224
00:17:58,281 --> 00:17:59,880
be careful.
225
00:18:01,721 --> 00:18:03,721
Why didn't you answer
the phone earlier Smut?
226
00:18:03,721 --> 00:18:07,321
I never answer the phone
until the cock crows 3 times.
227
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,921
It's nice to see
you both so early.
228
00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:20,001
How's Hardy?
229
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,800
He's alright.
230
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,200
What are
they doing?
231
00:18:26,361 --> 00:18:28,840
They're playing
"Sheep and Tides".
232
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,560
Sheep are much maligned
don't you think?
233
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,961
Smut and I are testing
their intelligence.
234
00:18:33,961 --> 00:18:36,521
It's an Old Testament game.
235
00:18:36,521 --> 00:18:38,080
No it's not.
236
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,600
Isn't it?
237
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:44,521
Have some heart...
How's Jake?
238
00:18:44,561 --> 00:18:47,120
No thank you...
and Jake's alright.
239
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,721
Mother, that's
not true.
240
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,560
What are you
doing Smut?
241
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,640
I'm counting the
hairs on the dog.
242
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,321
- What ever for?
- To see how many there are.
243
00:18:56,387 --> 00:18:59,041
Madgett, I think you
ought to come and see Jake.
244
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:03,309
Smut
245
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,721
Go and give Gregory
and Teigan some tea.
246
00:19:07,361 --> 00:19:08,881
What about
the sheep?
247
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:12,320
They need to be
thirsty to be useful.
248
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,761
Why do I have to
come and see Jake?
249
00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:18,480
Is he dead?
250
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,120
Good lord, how
did you know?
251
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,640
I didn't.
252
00:19:24,921 --> 00:19:26,240
I feel ill.
253
00:19:26,561 --> 00:19:28,560
It's those
mushrooms.
254
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,320
I've got to
lie down.
255
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,841
For God's sake Madgett, why
have you have to feel ill now?
256
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,481
Look I'm going to phone Cissy, tell
her that Nancy needs a visit.
257
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,881
Madgett I've got to
talk to you about Jake.
258
00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:47,321
Oh Cissy, I can't
talk now, I feel ill.
259
00:19:48,281 --> 00:19:51,081
Tell Smut when he comes back
I need some warm milk
260
00:19:51,161 --> 00:19:53,120
and some lemon juice...
261
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,360
and a straw.
262
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,841
In the game of
sheep and tides,
263
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,881
a referee should be appointed
to determine fair-play
264
00:20:06,881 --> 00:20:11,481
distinguishing correct reactions
from other interferences.
265
00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:14,881
On account of their special
relationship with sheep
266
00:20:15,121 --> 00:20:17,320
shepherds are disqualified..
267
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,960
The tides on
the turn now!
268
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:23,040
No, not yet.
269
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,560
3... 2... 1... now!
270
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,400
No, you fool!
271
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,721
No you
missed it!
272
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,361
You can't go by the book.
273
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,680
You have to watch...
very carefully.
274
00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:40,720
What happened?
275
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,600
I drowned him
in his bath.
276
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:45,301
Oh God!
277
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:48,000
Come and see,
it looks natural.
278
00:20:49,401 --> 00:20:53,600
Madgett, you are going to help me,
pull yourself together.
279
00:20:54,121 --> 00:20:55,321
I am?
280
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,399
and what is
in it for me?
281
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,080
Madgett, you're coroner.
282
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,200
For God's sake stop reminding me...
but that's nice.
283
00:21:04,841 --> 00:21:06,280
Try a bit lower.
284
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,200
Shall I leave now? While you two
come to some sort of agreement?
285
00:21:10,321 --> 00:21:11,641
Don't be stupid.
286
00:21:11,841 --> 00:21:14,040
I couldn't find
any lemon juice,
287
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:16,800
you'll have to do with one
chocolate pudding.
288
00:21:17,552 --> 00:21:21,104
Oh Madgett...oh
come on Madgett
289
00:21:21,686 --> 00:21:22,817
Cissy
290
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,320
I'm in no especial hurry
to assist your crimes.
291
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,321
Madgett, there's a
corpse in my house.
292
00:21:29,361 --> 00:21:31,000
It's only
your husband.
293
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,640
The flies are
settling on him.
294
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,440
Brush them off,
use a newspaper.
295
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,721
Madgett, I want
legal aid, not a fly swat.
296
00:21:55,561 --> 00:21:59,440
A great many things are dying
very violently all the time.
297
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:05,600
The best days for violent
deaths are Tuesdays
298
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,960
they are the
yellow paint days.
299
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,001
Saturdays are
second best, or worst.
300
00:22:11,161 --> 00:22:13,520
Saturdays are
red paint days.
301
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,120
The Great Death
game is therefore
302
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:20,321
a contest between red paint
days and yellow paint days.
303
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,480
So far yellow paint
days are winning
304
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,840
by thirty one corpses
to twenty nine.
305
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:31,840
Whatever the colour,
306
00:22:32,081 --> 00:22:36,121
a violent death is always
celebrated by a firework.
307
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,161
He is dead.
308
00:22:44,201 --> 00:22:45,241
Well done, Madgett !
309
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,161
What did
he die of?
310
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,041
Well....he drowned.
311
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,801
- Did he?
- Of course
312
00:22:51,801 --> 00:22:53,759
Why did
he die?
313
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,160
There's a strong
smell of alcohol.
314
00:22:57,721 --> 00:22:58,760
So there is.
315
00:22:59,641 --> 00:23:00,801
He drowned
in his bath,
316
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,720
due to
excessive drinking?
317
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,240
Unlikely.
318
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,281
Even in the most
disadvantageous circumstances,
319
00:23:07,281 --> 00:23:11,920
human beings have an almost
involuntary desire to stay alive.
320
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,960
What's the
answer then?
321
00:23:17,801 --> 00:23:20,020
- What's the reward?
- Reward?
322
00:23:20,021 --> 00:23:21,021
Yes
323
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:25,121
What do I get for writing out
a death certificate that says :
324
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,160
"Death caused by drowning
325
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,280
after heart attack due to excessive drinking"?
326
00:23:30,481 --> 00:23:31,721
Madgett I'm appalled!
327
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,000
I see.
328
00:23:34,041 --> 00:23:35,680
What do you
want Madgett?
329
00:23:35,990 --> 00:23:37,237
Well Cissy...
330
00:23:37,361 --> 00:23:38,800
I'd have thought
you'd have guessed.
331
00:23:38,841 --> 00:23:41,080
No, you tell me.
332
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,720
Is this the moment
when we leave the room?
333
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,081
Yes. The second
tub needs emptying.
334
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:04,801
Well?
335
00:24:04,802 --> 00:24:05,802
Well...
336
00:24:07,361 --> 00:24:09,720
A little bodily comfort
would be good for a start...
337
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,041
Madgett, I am
sixty one.
338
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,961
Aren't I too
old for you?
339
00:24:15,961 --> 00:24:17,960
Were you too
old for him?
340
00:24:19,730 --> 00:24:20,818
Cissy
341
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,641
You've not been unaware
of how I felt about you?
342
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,680
Well it's a bit
soon isn't it?
343
00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:35,521
Smut which are you first?
A ghoul or a mathematician?
344
00:24:35,521 --> 00:24:36,881
Neither I'm
just a clerk.
345
00:24:36,881 --> 00:24:37,721
Modest!
346
00:24:38,481 --> 00:24:40,880
I could wait...
a little while...
347
00:24:41,121 --> 00:24:43,680
I think you'd have to,
to stop tongues wagging.
348
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,761
But not too long.
349
00:24:46,481 --> 00:24:48,401
This is blackmail.
350
00:24:48,761 --> 00:24:49,760
Yes.
351
00:24:56,161 --> 00:25:00,881
If a player in the game of Dead
Man's Catch, drops a skittle
352
00:25:01,281 --> 00:25:04,881
he is obliged to suffer a
succession of handicaps
353
00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:06,160
First
354
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,320
to catch using one hand
355
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,720
then to catch
kneeling on one knee
356
00:25:11,561 --> 00:25:15,760
then on two knees,
and then with one eye closed.
357
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,201
If a player finally drops a
catch with both eyes closed,
358
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:25,400
then he is out and must take
his place in the winding sheet.
359
00:25:30,561 --> 00:25:32,400
Madgett, what sort
of game is this?
360
00:25:33,060 --> 00:25:34,720
One to be
played with skill.
361
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,760
Some skill!
It's kids game..
362
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,560
That was a lousy
throw Smut.
363
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,600
Stop complaining
and use one hand.
364
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,721
Look Madgett this is no
time for playing games,
365
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,840
What would
everybody think?
366
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,401
Let them think
what they like.
367
00:25:54,101 --> 00:25:55,880
Is Cissy upset?.
368
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,841
Best to keep her mind occupied,
down on one knee , Bellamy.
369
00:25:59,841 --> 00:26:02,120
These are my best trousers!
I came to pay my respects.
370
00:26:02,161 --> 00:26:04,960
Well you can pay your
respects kneeling.
371
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,321
I can't spend all my times
paying games Cissy.
372
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,761
What's your time
worth Hardy?
373
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:17,040
I was married to Jake for 34 years,
surely you can spare him a few minutes.
374
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,961
Is he going to be buried
or cremated Cissy?
375
00:26:20,081 --> 00:26:21,120
Cremated.
376
00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:23,040
and where are you going
to scatter the ashes?
377
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,841
Don't worry,
I'll find a suitable place for those.
378
00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:29,080
You're hard
hearted.
379
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,760
and you're a lousy catch,
no eyes and no hands!
380
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,241
Into the winding sheet
Hardy, you're dead.
381
00:26:35,321 --> 00:26:37,600
God you're a
little ghoul Smut.
382
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,360
Who is your
father?
383
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,841
No hands
Bellamy.
384
00:26:42,841 --> 00:26:45,361
Alright! You did that
on purpose Smut !
385
00:26:45,401 --> 00:26:48,600
Into the winding sheet, Bellamy.
It's only a game.
386
00:26:48,681 --> 00:26:50,920
The way Madgett plays it you'd
think it meant something
387
00:26:51,281 --> 00:26:52,521
Well of course it does.
388
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,360
It means you're
a lousy catch.
389
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,840
So, Madgett,
what's the verdict?
390
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,321
Accidental
death of course.
391
00:27:06,241 --> 00:27:08,601
Into the winding
sheet Smut !
392
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,120
Into the winding
sheet Madgett !
393
00:27:31,761 --> 00:27:33,681
I've found you
three more stars.
394
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,440
Cygnia Beta, Castor Minor
and Groombridge 35.
395
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:43,040
There in the North,
between the twins and Ursula Minor,
396
00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:44,840
Over by
Cissy's house.
397
00:27:46,441 --> 00:27:49,401
Why don't you skip out on
the road? There's more room.
398
00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,920
Are you circumcised?
399
00:27:53,021 --> 00:27:54,221
What's that?
400
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,521
A piece of your willy is
cut off, it's in the bible.
401
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:02,560
My mother says, it's
better that way.
402
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,480
These are the photos of Madgett's game
for taking Jake to the funeral parlour.
403
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:17,840
Who is that?
404
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,040
It's Cissy's boyfriend,
His name is Bellamy.
405
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,121
On his deathbed,
Prime Minister Pitt said :
406
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,160
"I think I could eat one
of Bellamy's pork pies."
407
00:28:40,201 --> 00:28:42,840
When are you going to break away
from that butt and come and live with me.
408
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:48,241
I'll marry you on
two conditions.
409
00:28:48,942 --> 00:28:50,042
What are they?
410
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,160
That you learn
to swim...
411
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,640
and never,
412
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,880
never, take me
from the front.
413
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,320
I've told
you before.
414
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:03,840
Why the
hell not?
415
00:29:04,041 --> 00:29:08,400
because I can't stand being lain on
and it gives me claustrophobia.
416
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:10,641
Besides,
417
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,481
you won't
hurt the baby.
418
00:29:13,761 --> 00:29:15,040
What baby?
419
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:16,320
That scared you
didn't it?
420
00:29:16,321 --> 00:29:17,321
What baby?
421
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:22,121
There's no baby you dope, though the way
you go about it I'm constantly surprised.
422
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,721
Fancy a plumber not
being able to swim.
423
00:29:30,281 --> 00:29:31,960
What's water for?
424
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,600
Drinking perhaps?
425
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,721
Alright Cissy, why
did you do it?
426
00:30:01,921 --> 00:30:04,040
Because he was
unfaithful.
427
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,040
He's been unfaithful before,
why did you wait until now?
428
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,232
Because
429
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,760
Because he'd stopped
washing his feet... because...
430
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:18,440
his nose was
too red...
431
00:30:19,321 --> 00:30:21,600
because he had a
hairy backside...
432
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,040
because...
433
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,641
I didn't kill him,
he drowned.
434
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,120
I drowned him.
435
00:30:34,161 --> 00:30:36,081
- Was it easy?
- Yes
436
00:30:45,361 --> 00:30:46,320
What is it?
437
00:30:47,321 --> 00:30:48,321
What is it?
438
00:30:48,322 --> 00:30:49,622
Oh Smut!
439
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,921
What have
you found?
440
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,680
How old
is Nancy?
441
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:58,640
25.
442
00:30:59,281 --> 00:31:01,481
Older than me
and bigger tits.
443
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,080
What does
that mean?
444
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,441
It means Jake made
a play for me once.
445
00:31:11,039 --> 00:31:12,707
He what?
446
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,201
and me.
447
00:31:21,521 --> 00:31:23,161
What a dirty
old man.
448
00:31:26,161 --> 00:31:28,080
Why have you
told me now?
449
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,440
It might help.
450
00:31:33,441 --> 00:31:35,041
I didn't
like him.
451
00:31:35,161 --> 00:31:37,560
Is that sufficient
reason to drown him?
452
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:38,880
Madgett says it is.
453
00:31:39,081 --> 00:31:41,001
That's pretty irresponsible
for a coroner.
454
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:42,280
Isn't it?
455
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:47,240
If you ask him nicely he might be
irresponsible enough to help you.
456
00:31:55,511 --> 00:31:57,271
That's Smut
457
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,440
We lose one,
win one.
458
00:32:00,441 --> 00:32:01,441
What?
459
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:02,280
A husband.
460
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,480
I've got some
news for you.
461
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,400
Bellamy and me...
462
00:32:08,801 --> 00:32:10,201
or is it "I"?
463
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:14,321
have decided on a date,
the 31st of this month.
464
00:32:16,361 --> 00:32:17,880
It's a Saturday.
465
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,921
Well you don't look
too excited about it.
466
00:32:24,401 --> 00:32:26,040
Madgett will be
pleased for me.
467
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,000
He, least of all.
468
00:32:29,241 --> 00:32:30,081
Moths?
469
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,281
Yes. Look up those.
470
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,841
Elephant Hawk Moth.
471
00:32:41,081 --> 00:32:42,640
I want
a baby.
472
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,120
At nineteen?
473
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:47,720
Cissy, you are mad.
474
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,401
I thought you wanted to spend
your life swimming, not bearing children.
475
00:32:53,561 --> 00:32:55,640
Bellamy can't
even swim.
476
00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,080
- I don't think he can change a lightbulb.
- I know.
477
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,961
Championship women swimmers
always have their sons early.
478
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,721
and how sure are you
that it will be a boy?
479
00:33:10,001 --> 00:33:12,841
Capable women
normally have girls.
480
00:33:45,681 --> 00:33:47,241
What do
you want?
481
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:49,640
I'm hot.
482
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:55,201
Is it true it's desirable to be
circumcised in a hot climate?
483
00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:56,760
So they say.
484
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,161
Was Samson
circumcised?
485
00:34:02,801 --> 00:34:04,320
Does it hurt?
486
00:34:04,759 --> 00:34:05,920
I don't remember.
487
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,240
What does
it look like?
488
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,081
Nothing special. Look..
489
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:16,681
Now go to bed.
490
00:34:19,281 --> 00:34:23,160
Was Delilah circumcised?
Do they circumcise women?
491
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:27,081
Sort of...
in hot countries.
492
00:34:27,241 --> 00:34:29,341
- It's hot here.
- So it is
493
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:39,360
Did they do
it to Cissy?
494
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,121
I doubt it
very much.
495
00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:45,001
Was Jake
circumcised?
496
00:34:45,161 --> 00:34:46,319
You better ask Cissy.
497
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,800
Is circumcision
barbaric?
498
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,321
Some say so.
Now go to bed,
499
00:34:51,481 --> 00:34:54,520
and anything unanswered about
man's barbarity to women,
500
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,120
you can ask Cissy in the
morning, she's an authority.
501
00:34:58,320 --> 00:34:59,561
now let
me write.
502
00:35:48,401 --> 00:35:49,720
Sid !
503
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:55,000
Number 41. It's by the bridge
in Cattermole Road.
504
00:36:15,801 --> 00:36:16,920
What's he doing?
505
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,560
He's counting the bees,
always counting something.
506
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,400
Bees should be told
about a death.
507
00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:27,600
That only applies to blood
relatives doesn't it?.
508
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,320
Isn't she going to
be a blood relative?
509
00:36:30,321 --> 00:36:31,500
Isn't who?
510
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,720
Cissy, Jake's widow.
511
00:36:34,921 --> 00:36:35,721
Gregory!
512
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,120
What makes
you think that??
513
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:41,679
Isn't that why you signed the
death certificate "heart attack"?
514
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,681
Good lord, Gregory,
what an imagination.
515
00:36:45,361 --> 00:36:48,280
I know. I got it
from my mother.
516
00:36:49,201 --> 00:36:51,000
Mothers have a lot
to answer for.
517
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,641
Oh sorry it's Smut, here
have a newspaper.
518
00:36:56,342 --> 00:36:57,342
Smut
519
00:36:57,921 --> 00:37:00,200
You're late, you're
supposed to be swimming.
520
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:04,440
Gregory, come and try this new
game with me. You too, Nancy.
521
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,920
I've got to go, you've forgotten
to tell Madgett about...
522
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,000
He doesn't want to know
about them! Silly girl!
523
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,761
Right then Nancy,
see you later.
524
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:17,880
Mind the sheep!
525
00:37:31,081 --> 00:37:34,760
The game Bees of the Trees
is a variant of Musical Chairs
526
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,241
it is best played with funeral
music and in open air.
527
00:37:38,441 --> 00:37:42,640
The object of the game is to sit on
a vacant chair when the music stops.
528
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,761
If the chair sat on is
previously occupied by bees,
529
00:37:46,761 --> 00:37:50,080
it is permissible to
arrange a professional foul.
530
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,001
Are you
Cissy Colpitt ?
531
00:38:09,161 --> 00:38:10,761
I am but there
are others.
532
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,200
Our name's Bognor.
533
00:38:13,201 --> 00:38:16,001
B.O.G.N.O.R.
534
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,601
I am Jonah and
this is Moses
535
00:38:18,761 --> 00:38:20,440
We're cousins
of the dead man.
536
00:38:20,441 --> 00:38:21,241
What dead man?
537
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,440
Come on don't be stupid.
Jake of course.
538
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:29,400
Pleased to meet you.
Are you in training too?
539
00:38:29,401 --> 00:38:30,401
Training?
540
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:31,840
For the
Olympics.
541
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,640
No, are you?
542
00:38:33,641 --> 00:38:34,641
Yes
543
00:38:35,201 --> 00:38:36,881
Well my coach
is over there.
544
00:38:37,281 --> 00:38:40,680
The one in the red beret
trained with Dawn Fraser.
545
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,681
The other one swam with
Esther Williams in Stockholm.
546
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,800
I thought Esther Williams,
was a singer?
547
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,640
Do you know
those two men?
548
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,640
Wait a minute... they do
look vaguely familiar...
549
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,440
They know you.
550
00:39:05,441 --> 00:39:06,441
They do?
551
00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:09,361
They're Jake's cousins,
they're called Moses and Jonah.
552
00:39:10,441 --> 00:39:12,040
The water's
a connection
553
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,920
How much do you think
body hair is appreciably....
554
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,761
...responsible for extra drag
Miss Freilichberg?
555
00:39:18,762 --> 00:39:19,762
Pardon?
556
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,520
Do you think I ought to
shave and not just my legs?
557
00:39:23,620 --> 00:39:25,641
What do you think
I'd look like bald?
558
00:39:25,642 --> 00:39:26,342
What?
559
00:39:26,361 --> 00:39:27,960
Did Bellamy and
you do that??
560
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,560
???swimming??
561
00:39:30,761 --> 00:39:33,921
When I need to impress
I expect support.
562
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:36,400
Pardon.
563
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,160
The turn...
564
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:43,041
it is essential that the
muscles of the pelvis
565
00:39:43,201 --> 00:39:46,880
move at 45 degrees at an
angle to the front.
566
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,040
Johnny Weissmullers...
567
00:39:50,481 --> 00:39:53,000
stop that...legs
568
00:39:54,322 --> 00:39:55,584
Oh Smut
569
00:39:55,721 --> 00:39:57,280
Here's your towel.
570
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,520
It's alright, these
have been counted.
571
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:04,761
Look!
572
00:40:08,401 --> 00:40:12,400
A man that is born of a woman
has but a short time to live...
573
00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:16,041
You know why they built the
crematorium here don't you??
574
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,360
The ground is so water
logged around here..
575
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,520
...that you can't dig a grave
without making a pond..
576
00:40:23,401 --> 00:40:24,720
Ask Sid.
577
00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:29,800
As it is they hold these services at low
tide in case the water puts the fire out! - Cissy!
578
00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,080
Here comes the bit
I've never liked..
579
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,520
Bite your lip and start
counting in threes.
580
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,800
3... 6... 9...
581
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,600
12... 15... 18...
582
00:40:41,601 --> 00:40:43,614
21....24....27...
583
00:40:43,615 --> 00:40:46,567
30....33....36....39...
584
00:40:46,568 --> 00:40:49,482
42....45....48...51....
585
00:40:49,517 --> 00:40:51,000
What are
they doing?
586
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:54,000
They're counting.
They often do it.
587
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,081
Are you the
local coroner?
588
00:40:57,321 --> 00:40:59,000
How come a
six foot man
589
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,040
drowned in a
four foot bath?
590
00:41:02,801 --> 00:41:04,321
He died of a
heart attack.
591
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,680
A bit inconvenient to have a
heart attack in a bath isn't it?.
592
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,481
It's a bit inconvenient to
have a heart attack anywhere.
593
00:41:10,481 --> 00:41:14,521
What would you say if we said
we don't agree with your verdict?
594
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:18,120
I'd say you'd better find me
some evidence to the contrary.
595
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:22,281
How's about "Why were there
two baths?", eh Madgett?
596
00:41:37,521 --> 00:41:40,880
I had a sort of complaint
recently from Nancy..
597
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:46,121
She came to me to complain of
erm...red paint on her leg
598
00:41:46,841 --> 00:41:48,920
lost shoes and....
599
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,800
some other I gather rather
embarrassing missing article.
600
00:41:53,161 --> 00:41:55,081
- Her knickers.
- Really?
601
00:41:55,721 --> 00:41:57,400
How do you
know that??
602
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,720
Because she paid me to go into
your kitchen and look for them.
603
00:42:00,721 --> 00:42:01,721
She what?
604
00:42:01,921 --> 00:42:04,400
Well she used to be my
Sunday School teacher.
605
00:42:04,559 --> 00:42:07,281
She taught me the ten
commandments - not to lie...
606
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,880
Not to commit adultery...
607
00:42:08,881 --> 00:42:09,881
Shut up Cissy
608
00:42:10,001 --> 00:42:11,560
and I found them
under your sink,
609
00:42:11,761 --> 00:42:14,360
put them in my pocket and
told her they weren't there.
610
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,960
Which was true because
they were in my pocket.
611
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,881
and here they are.
612
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,360
They would of cost another 50 pence.
613
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,361
That shows great
presence of mind.
614
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,281
and a taste
for business.
615
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,000
Well that
settles it then.
616
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,400
If I go down you all
go down with me.
617
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,280
Look who's there.
618
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:41,800
Nancy.
619
00:42:42,641 --> 00:42:45,040
and the two swimmers
from the baths.
620
00:42:45,481 --> 00:42:47,040
and Bellamy.
621
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:49,680
Perhaps there's
a conspiracy.
622
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,280
A water tower conspiracy.
623
00:42:53,841 --> 00:42:56,720
Set to accuse you,
Cissy, of drowning.
624
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:57,960
Rubbish!
625
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:19,600
The object of hangman's
cricket is for each competitor
626
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,400
to retain his
alloted nine lives
627
00:43:22,441 --> 00:43:25,920
by scoring runs
with a cat or bat,
628
00:43:26,401 --> 00:43:30,080
defending his lower leg from
being struck by the ball.
629
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,521
There is no limit to
the number of players
630
00:43:33,521 --> 00:43:38,120
as long as each has an identity
agreed by the two referees.
631
00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:41,280
Now bat harder or
play without shoes!
632
00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:45,440
This game of yours Madgett has
everything in it except the kitchen sink.
633
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:46,920
Thank you.
634
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,561
When played inland Mrs Hardy...
635
00:43:49,721 --> 00:43:53,319
The more important identities
are the emperor,
636
00:43:53,319 --> 00:43:55,761
the red queen, the widow,
637
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,241
the fat lady,
638
00:43:57,401 --> 00:44:00,760
the dunce, the judge,
the hangman,
639
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:02,200
the harlot
640
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,080
Come on you two, out!
641
00:44:04,081 --> 00:44:05,781
the businessman, the maiden
642
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,681
Go and do your
fornication elsewhere.
643
00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:10,600
It's not fornication any more
644
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,680
You buy a marriage licence
and it becomes legal
645
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,521
Not on my couch
it doesn't.
646
00:44:16,201 --> 00:44:20,881
I'll give you 3 minutes to make yourself decent.
Hasn't the novelty worn off yet.
647
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,880
Well you see Hardy, we've only
been married for two hours.
648
00:44:25,041 --> 00:44:26,360
Oh like hell!
649
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:30,280
Every cow in every field in the district
has seen the colour of your arse Bellamy.
650
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:34,880
Crabby idiot!
651
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:39,761
Hey do you think
he ever did it?
652
00:44:40,361 --> 00:44:41,960
Ask Cissy.
653
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,320
The adulterer can only
play with the harlot..
654
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,401
when each has an even
number of lives above twelve
655
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:57,641
I am Marina, I'm Bellamy's
sister. Are you Madgett ? - I am
656
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,281
If I am in mourning, why do
I have to catch one handed?
657
00:45:02,561 --> 00:45:04,560
Grief is a handicap my dear.
658
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,280
So is not being
able to see.
659
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:12,281
The mother in-law is only
allotted 5 runs at a time
660
00:45:12,401 --> 00:45:14,081
after which she must defer
661
00:45:14,241 --> 00:45:16,520
to the gravedigger
who is allowed to add
662
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,880
the number of runs of each
competitor he bowls out to his own.
663
00:45:22,841 --> 00:45:24,200
Out Hardy !
664
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,840
She's cheating!
665
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,121
I do not want to put fetish punch
and judy shows on lonely bachelors
666
00:45:30,281 --> 00:45:32,759
nor do I run a bordello
for newly weds.
667
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,681
If the phone rings, or if
someone breaks their leg
668
00:45:36,681 --> 00:45:39,880
or if you decide to play a proper
game I'll be in the sea swimming!
669
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:43,721
Hardy's right.
670
00:45:44,121 --> 00:45:46,961
This is my wedding party, why
can't we play some proper cricket.
671
00:45:47,081 --> 00:45:47,999
To dangerous!
672
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,680
The maiden is always
obliged to be a spectator
673
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,001
unless she is
partnered by the twins.
674
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:59,400
Good afternoon, remember us?
We're the Bognor brothers, I'm Jonah
675
00:45:59,641 --> 00:46:01,281
- and I'm Moses.
- I remember
676
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:02,881
We'd like a word with you.
677
00:46:03,041 --> 00:46:05,480
In private
if possible.
678
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:18,080
Well what the hell do you know about cricket?
it's no more dangerous than any other game.
679
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:23,040
1931, Chapman Ridger,
Australia.
680
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,080
A blow to
the chest.
681
00:46:25,401 --> 00:46:29,800
Scores 51 runs, then has heart
palpitations for 12 hours...
682
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,600
a cracked rib enters the
lung, coughing blood
683
00:46:33,761 --> 00:46:38,280
dies the next day in bed with a
blonde surfer called Adeline.
684
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,400
Summer of 52. Blow to the
top of the head... coma...
685
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,760
His last know words are :
"Bugger Bognor".
686
00:46:49,681 --> 00:46:51,761
No sorry that was
Edward the seventh.
687
00:46:52,121 --> 00:46:54,640
Sorry chaps, no offence.
688
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,080
What's a matter with
Madgett? He hates cricket.
689
00:46:57,241 --> 00:46:58,520
He's showing off.
690
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:00,200
He likes acting...
691
00:47:00,761 --> 00:47:03,400
He might just be distracting everyone
from what's happening....
692
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:04,800
in the sea.
693
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,960
The business man can
be saved if he submits...
694
00:47:16,161 --> 00:47:17,481
to a red queen
695
00:47:17,521 --> 00:47:20,280
but in doing so he
must pay a forfit.
696
00:47:33,161 --> 00:47:34,921
It's alright, it's
alright mother...Cissy
697
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,440
Get them out of here and
go and find some scissors.
698
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,641
I'm alright mother just leave
me alone I just want to be still.
699
00:47:43,721 --> 00:47:47,280
If you have a hangman you
have to pair with a judge...
700
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,640
By the time we've learnt
your rules it'll be dark.
701
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,560
Anything worth learning
takes a little time.
702
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,120
Cut my hair
703
00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,960
I'll feel better
704
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,920
You eat
too much.
705
00:48:32,521 --> 00:48:36,760
The full flavour of the game of
hangman's cricket, is best appreciated
706
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,041
after the game has been
played for several hours.
707
00:48:41,321 --> 00:48:45,881
By then every player has a
fair understanding of the many rules
708
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,281
and knows which character
he wants to play permanently.
709
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,840
Finally an outright
loser is found,
710
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,800
and is obliged to present
himself to the hangman
711
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,120
who is always merciless.
712
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,080
I haven't
found 54 yet.
713
00:49:29,721 --> 00:49:33,600
Send her a horse chesnut tree
in Nightingale Lane.
714
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:35,960
Here it's near a
water hydrant.
715
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:43,040
Then Delilah cut off
Samson's hair, I think.
716
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:48,159
At a large party he summoned
up the last of his strength
717
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,960
held onto two pillars and
pulled the house down.
718
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:57,240
His last words were -
"and take good care of Nelly"
719
00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:58,840
Who is Nelly?
720
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:00,361
This is Nelly
721
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:04,201
Although she sometimes
insists on being called Nancy.
722
00:50:04,240 --> 00:50:06,280
It was Charles the second
723
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,881
His last words were -
"and take good care of Nelly"
724
00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:12,361
Who told you that?
725
00:50:12,361 --> 00:50:15,760
My mother, she said she'd
wished she'd been Nell Gwynne
726
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,920
Because she'd liked to
have serviced Charles II.
727
00:50:26,921 --> 00:50:29,880
You really could skip
more out on the road.
728
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,160
The rope wouldn't slap on
the doorstep that way.
729
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,881
My mother says
I'm not to go out.
730
00:50:34,921 --> 00:50:37,560
It's dangerous, there
are evil men about.
731
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:38,639
Hold still.
732
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:43,521
Alright next.
Off stump crease
733
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,000
Left handed bat
734
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,400
Left arm bowler.
735
00:50:52,201 --> 00:50:54,320
New ball....soft ground
736
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,240
off spinner...oh
737
00:51:01,761 --> 00:51:03,000
Too low.
738
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,440
Difficult to see how the ball hit him there but still.
739
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:14,760
Tolly Schriker, 1931.
740
00:51:14,961 --> 00:51:18,081
Scored 58 runs with
one eye closed,
741
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,960
before falling down
pavilion steps.
742
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,760
Died in "Brisbane Municipal??"
another black cross.
743
00:51:35,401 --> 00:51:36,440
Hold still.
744
00:51:41,281 --> 00:51:42,840
Smut, pour Cissy
a cup of tea.
745
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:47,201
Oh don't bother, I'll pour if
you're busy playing cricket
746
00:51:49,761 --> 00:51:52,560
Bellamy has given
me this idea
747
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,241
for a book of
cricketing deaths
748
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,881
games can be
very dangerous
749
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,240
Madgett you
could talk with Cissy
750
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:09,840
Why could I?
751
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:14,000
Marrying Bellamy isn't the best
thing she could've done
752
00:52:14,321 --> 00:52:15,881
A bit
late now.
753
00:52:16,921 --> 00:52:19,680
Why saddle herself
with his lechery?
754
00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:21,920
Are you against lechery?
755
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:23,160
You know
I'm not.
756
00:52:23,401 --> 00:52:24,960
How do I
know that?
757
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:26,680
You don't.
758
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,160
Try along
that hedge.
759
00:53:05,201 --> 00:53:06,601
May I kiss
you?
760
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:11,401
If you like
just here though
761
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:14,161
Oh that's chaste.
762
00:53:14,921 --> 00:53:18,320
Please believe I appreciate
your attentions,
763
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:21,161
but you'll have
to wait a little while.
764
00:53:21,841 --> 00:53:26,400
and who knows, your
prospects might improve.
765
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,161
Cissy's more your age.
766
00:53:30,961 --> 00:53:33,400
But don't go getting
ideas about Hardy
767
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,761
This time I'm not
playing games.
768
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,121
Don't you?
769
00:53:38,921 --> 00:53:41,199
It's impossible
to tell with you
770
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,640
I don't think you really
know yourself do you?
771
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,320
May I see what I've
always wanted to see?
772
00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:00,867
What is that?
773
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,520
You, without
any clothes on.
774
00:54:05,759 --> 00:54:08,000
What a strange desire.
775
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,680
That's a strange
game Madgett.
776
00:54:11,681 --> 00:54:12,681
Is it?
777
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:18,040
and here is certainly
not the time and place.
778
00:54:20,961 --> 00:54:24,080
Are you going to the
police if I don't co-operate.
779
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:26,760
I might.
780
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:51,281
There was a man at Pulham Market,
who died in his car.
781
00:54:52,641 --> 00:54:54,880
He was wealthy, a farmer.
782
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:59,840
He drove his car into
a wood near Thomstot
783
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,920
turned off the engine,
made himself comfortable
784
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:06,840
and quietly died.
785
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:12,560
I could find absolutely
nothing wrong with him.
786
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:17,760
I expect he died of unrequited love.
787
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,200
Is that what you do when you
can't find a reason for death.
788
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:26,321
write - "died of unrequited love"
789
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:30,160
In his case I wrote
"heart attack after bowls match"
790
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,681
Trust you to
put a game in.
791
00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:37,239
You didn't stay long..
792
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:40,000
Where is
your torch.
793
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:41,481
I lost it.
794
00:55:41,482 --> 00:55:42,482
What do you mean?
795
00:55:43,361 --> 00:55:44,760
I'll come and
get it tomorrow
796
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,000
Did you catch
anything interesting?
797
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:48,640
Nothing much.
798
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:55,680
Lets go to my place and
I'll make some supper.
799
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,640
When you want something Hardy
how do you ask for it?
800
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:24,760
I say please.
801
00:58:27,401 --> 00:58:30,640
Please Hardy
can we have a fuck.
802
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:35,401
Or if I'm in the office I'll pick
up the phone and dial 9.
803
00:58:56,770 --> 00:58:58,076
Emergency, which service...
804
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:01,401
All I get is the police the ambulance or
the fire brigade, which one do you want.
805
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:03,119
- Do you want to speak to them?
- No thank you
806
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:04,620
Which service
do you require?
807
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:09,200
I'm sorry there is no fire, accident,
burglary, rape or murder.
808
00:59:09,641 --> 00:59:10,641
yet
809
00:59:10,642 --> 00:59:11,642
thank you
810
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:16,921
But don't go away because
we might need you.
811
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,080
I usually find that
one 9 suffices.
812
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:24,040
and if it doesn't
I write a note.
813
00:59:24,481 --> 00:59:26,121
- A memorandum
- Yes
814
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:28,639
Well I suppose
I could try that
815
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:59,321
and if pressed, you know very well
I'll do the best I can to oblige.
816
00:59:59,321 --> 01:00:02,000
- You're so considerate
- You're so imaginative
817
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,520
Well I have to be
for the two of us
818
01:00:23,481 --> 01:00:26,280
Mind the juice doesn't
stain the sofa.
819
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,561
Show me
your tongue.
820
01:00:33,161 --> 01:00:36,080
Just as I thought, it's yellow.
821
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:37,360
Does that mean
I'm unwell.
822
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:38,800
What do
you think?
823
01:00:39,641 --> 01:00:44,560
A little colouring goes a long way
artificial colouring can be dangerous.
824
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:46,801
So can too much
abstinence
825
01:01:02,545 --> 01:01:04,369
Hardy
826
01:01:06,481 --> 01:01:08,400
Now I need
warming up.
827
01:01:12,961 --> 01:01:14,641
My mother says
828
01:01:15,479 --> 01:01:18,160
that hot tea
on a hot day
829
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:20,801
can make a body
feel very cool.
830
01:01:21,361 --> 01:01:23,439
You're about to
make some tea?
831
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:29,240
I'm not
that thirsty.
832
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:38,960
What does your mother
say about swimming?
833
01:01:40,999 --> 01:01:42,240
Reading between
the lines,
834
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:46,041
I'd say she's made at least one public
statement about bodies in water.
835
01:01:46,041 --> 01:01:49,840
You Colpitt's women always have a lot of
trouble with men, why do you think that is?
836
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:51,760
I'll leave you to
think about that.
837
01:01:51,860 --> 01:01:54,080
Oh I always think much
better in the bath.
838
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,360
I wonder if it was
the same with Jake?
839
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,721
I don't think Jake was
much of a thinking man.
840
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:03,481
I'm going for a swim.
841
01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:06,440
Hope you drown.
842
01:02:06,441 --> 01:02:07,441
Thank you.
843
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,721
You can look after
the typewriter.
844
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:17,560
Bugger your typewriter!
845
01:03:11,119 --> 01:03:13,280
K.I.S.S.
846
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:15,560
M.E.
847
01:03:15,881 --> 01:03:18,081
H.A.R.D.
848
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:49,160
Stupid bloody idiot.
849
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:46,800
What's the matter?
850
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:48,400
My stomach.
851
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,961
Don't fool around,
just get me out.
852
01:04:57,320 --> 01:05:00,840
- I've just ruined your very best typewriter.
- You what?
853
01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:04,080
and now I'm going to do
my best to drown you.
854
01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:06,401
The Colpitt prerogative.
855
01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:14,720
You're so stubborn
you won't sink
856
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:21,480
Get me out,
for god's sake.
857
01:05:21,481 --> 01:05:22,481
Get me out.
858
01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:24,800
You think I
can't do it?
859
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,200
Start drowning
you dope.
860
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:29,280
You haven't
a chance.
861
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:38,801
That was a preliminary,
here comes the real attempt.
862
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:51,640
It must be your money
that keeps you afloat.
863
01:05:51,800 --> 01:05:53,720
You and your belly
are stubborn.
864
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:56,880
Please, I can't
move my legs
865
01:06:13,041 --> 01:06:14,280
Help
866
01:06:14,964 --> 01:06:17,044
Help please
867
01:06:27,040 --> 01:06:28,360
Leave me now.
868
01:06:31,239 --> 01:06:32,960
I want to be
alone with him.
869
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:34,641
We can't
leave you.
870
01:06:34,761 --> 01:06:37,241
Yes you can
he's my husband
871
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:38,720
Where is your phone?
872
01:06:41,921 --> 01:06:44,560
It's alright, you must
let me phone the police.
873
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:48,480
or the ambulance
874
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,040
or the fire brigade
875
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:57,760
and the coroner.
876
01:06:59,640 --> 01:07:01,081
Are you sure you're
going to be alright?
877
01:07:01,241 --> 01:07:04,440
If you want a witness
our name is Van Dyke.
878
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:15,280
Mr 70 and Mr 71 Van Dyke.
879
01:08:43,440 --> 01:08:44,960
Smut go and
get the tea.
880
01:08:47,480 --> 01:08:50,200
You women are getting
too proficient at this.
881
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:52,000
We aim to please
the coroner.
882
01:08:52,160 --> 01:08:54,480
The body is
already undressed.
883
01:08:54,681 --> 01:08:57,880
I did not imagine he went
swimming with his clothes on
884
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:00,120
Doesn't it make
it easier for you?
885
01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:02,720
Nothing you do makes
it easier for me.
886
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,720
You've got to stop.
887
01:09:07,040 --> 01:09:10,881
One is just possible,
two is very unlikely.
888
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:15,000
You have no prerogative
on drowning.
889
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:17,840
The coroners office
is inviolate
890
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,161
- Not violation.
- Yeah of course it's not.
891
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:23,321
Don't be so
melodramatic Madgett.
892
01:09:23,361 --> 01:09:24,600
I feel ill.
893
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:27,560
Why do you always feel
ill at times like this?
894
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:30,321
It's the excitement,
it goes to my stomach.
895
01:09:30,481 --> 01:09:33,700
Haha Id have thought you'd
have got over that by now.
896
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,560
It's only with
special cases.
897
01:09:38,561 --> 01:09:39,881
Drownings?
898
01:09:40,041 --> 01:09:42,280
Yes, and the women.
899
01:09:42,281 --> 01:09:43,281
Women?
900
01:09:43,320 --> 01:09:46,761
Yeah, and personal
involvements.
901
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:48,800
Haven't you heard
of coincidence?
902
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:50,280
I've heard
of it.
903
01:09:50,880 --> 01:09:52,600
Doesn't it
appeal to you?
904
01:09:52,760 --> 01:09:57,560
Only as an idea, not
as a police enquiry
905
01:09:59,372 --> 01:10:00,461
Cissy
906
01:10:01,481 --> 01:10:03,040
Where did
it happen?
907
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:04,680
On the beach.
908
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:07,280
Could you say where
exactly on the beach.
909
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:10,001
Oh it's covered now
with the tide.
910
01:10:10,001 --> 01:10:12,681
Smut you haven't brought
your red paint?
911
01:10:12,681 --> 01:10:17,080
No Cissy, today's Tuesday,
Tuesday's colour is yellow.
912
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:24,560
I am bound to say that I could try and
revive him even now, it has been know...
913
01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:27,840
Don't be stupid
Madgett and don't try.
914
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:31,200
The man's name is
Hardy and not Lazarus.
915
01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:36,281
Now let us turn to
page 72. Jean, 11
916
01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:37,320
verse 23.
917
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:41,040
Jesus says unto them... :
918
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:43,841
my brother
919
01:11:16,241 --> 01:11:18,480
I shouldn't take
it too seriously.
920
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:23,320
A great many things are dying
very violently all the time.
921
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:25,121
Ask Smut.
922
01:11:25,801 --> 01:11:28,000
Small comfort
Madgett.
923
01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:31,800
On the contrary,
I'd say a great relief.
924
01:11:32,920 --> 01:11:36,480
Well I'd rather be alive and
alone than dead in company.
925
01:11:42,721 --> 01:11:44,081
What are you
doing that for?
926
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:47,160
Smut... he quite liked Hardy...
927
01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:50,160
and there's been a robbery
at the fireworks factory.
928
01:11:56,561 --> 01:11:57,840
Water!
929
01:12:23,961 --> 01:12:25,601
Hail Mary!
930
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:28,820
- Bloody hell, Madgett!
- Cissy!
931
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:30,960
Oh god there's those two
runners from the beach
932
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:32,321
and Nancy.
933
01:12:32,481 --> 01:12:34,999
Hardy's mother,
Jake's cousin
934
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:37,040
I wonder what they're
planning now?
935
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:40,721
It's one conspiracy
against another.
936
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:46,000
Yours against theirs, yours
to drown and theirs to prosecute.
937
01:12:46,240 --> 01:12:50,161
Bloody hell there's Bellamy
and he hates funerals.
938
01:12:50,401 --> 01:12:51,840
I'm going to find out
what he's doing.
939
01:12:51,999 --> 01:12:53,480
No don't
do that.
940
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:55,160
Drive on Madgett,
941
01:12:55,320 --> 01:12:58,999
We don't want to get into a lot of
arguments with all this water over our heads.
942
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:13,881
Then this woman tipped a bowl of sugar and
a bottle of lemonade over his typewriter.
943
01:13:13,881 --> 01:13:17,120
He went for a swim in the sea and
because he had eaten too much
944
01:13:17,200 --> 01:13:19,600
he got stomach
cramps and drowned.
945
01:13:19,840 --> 01:13:22,641
She gave him the kiss
of life but it didn't work.
946
01:13:22,641 --> 01:13:24,040
She knew it
wouldn't.
947
01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:28,721
She cut all his hair of with a pair
of blunt scissors, just like Delilah.
948
01:13:29,161 --> 01:13:31,281
This game's called hangman's cricket
949
01:13:31,281 --> 01:13:32,879
What's that
about hangmen?
950
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:36,360
It's a game of cricket, you
really need 75 players.
951
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:39,561
six sides of 12
and 3 umpires.
952
01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:45,881
Have you got any
more of these?
953
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:46,760
Hundreds.
954
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:52,280
- Where do they come from?
- I've taken them
955
01:13:52,601 --> 01:13:56,281
You've taken them?
I don't believe you
956
01:14:06,560 --> 01:14:07,760
What was all
that about?
957
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:12,601
- Nothing, he's a friend of my mothers.
- I'm going to another party tonight.
958
01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:15,960
A dance hall over-looking
the sea with lights.
959
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:18,480
We'd have crab paste,
sprats in batter
960
01:14:18,480 --> 01:14:20,441
and be sick in
air-line bags
961
01:14:20,600 --> 01:14:23,440
We're each going to be given a
black rabbit as a going home present.
962
01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:31,039
How come a non-swimmer belongs
to a water tower conspiracy Bellamy??
963
01:14:31,040 --> 01:14:32,040
What?
964
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,200
A water
tower conspiracy.
965
01:14:34,561 --> 01:14:35,480
You've noticed?
966
01:14:35,481 --> 01:14:36,481
Come on!
967
01:14:36,641 --> 01:14:38,319
It's just a convenient
place to meet.
968
01:14:38,439 --> 01:14:40,760
What and is there
a subscription list?
969
01:14:40,761 --> 01:14:41,761
Yes
970
01:14:42,320 --> 01:14:45,480
All those that think the
Colpitt's deaths are not accidental.
971
01:14:45,480 --> 01:14:46,640
I guessed
that much.
972
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:48,640
What do you intend
doing about it?
973
01:14:48,880 --> 01:14:51,161
For a start get
Madgett investigated.
974
01:14:51,360 --> 01:14:55,400
That sounds business like, are you
going to alert the water board?
975
01:15:03,140 --> 01:15:05,820
- Poor cows.
- Bloody hell.
976
01:15:06,120 --> 01:15:08,441
This is no blood,
it's red paint!
977
01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:09,880
That little ghoul's
been here already!
978
01:15:10,280 --> 01:15:12,000
I thought I could
smell gun powder...
979
01:15:12,160 --> 01:15:13,640
I thought it was
the smell of death.
980
01:15:13,720 --> 01:15:15,560
It's too early for
that yet...
981
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:19,040
Bellamy, this
conspiracy of yours...
982
01:15:19,361 --> 01:15:21,520
Do you regard me
as an accessory?
983
01:15:21,560 --> 01:15:24,000
'cause if I am I better
get rid of you quick.
984
01:15:24,241 --> 01:15:25,920
I'd like to
see you try.
985
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:33,080
I don't think you're allowed
to screw your wife in prison.
986
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:37,360
So I suggest that if you
are seriously thinking of it..
987
01:15:37,480 --> 01:15:40,800
you make good use
of my free time now.
988
01:15:42,201 --> 01:15:44,541
- Kiss my back side.
- No
989
01:15:45,239 --> 01:15:46,720
Not here
you fool!
990
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:47,920
Why not?
991
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:24,200
Alright Smut, try
the hawthorns.
992
01:16:47,160 --> 01:16:48,480
Well Cissy
993
01:16:49,241 --> 01:16:50,481
Will you
marry me?
994
01:16:52,927 --> 01:16:54,882
No Madgett.
995
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:57,000
I could never
marry a coroner.
996
01:16:58,120 --> 01:17:00,800
I could never be sure that
you'd washed your hands.
997
01:17:03,121 --> 01:17:05,240
Besides, how could I
trust a game player?
998
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:09,440
I'm not playing games
at this particular moment.
999
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:12,200
Well you're far more entertaining
when you are Madgett.
1000
01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:18,520
Besides, you're far more valuable
to me as a friend
1001
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:20,440
than a coroner.
1002
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:22,041
How about
1003
01:17:23,281 --> 01:17:24,640
as a lover?
1004
01:17:27,029 --> 01:17:28,642
Well
1005
01:17:29,360 --> 01:17:31,601
I admit to
drowning Hardy,
1006
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:36,041
possibly for not being
a satisfactory lover.
1007
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:40,080
Give or take an inch you
could get into his trousers,
1008
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:43,640
but I don't think I drowned him
so that you could get into his bed.
1009
01:17:46,601 --> 01:17:49,119
Cissy is looking for
a father figure.
1010
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:55,120
But much as I dislike Bellamy, don't go
getting ideas, remember. You're a coroner.
1011
01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:58,279
All coroners see
are corpses.
1012
01:17:58,920 --> 01:18:00,881
Well they won't
reject you.
1013
01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:06,840
Tell me Madgett, have you ever fallen
in love with one of your corpses?
1014
01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:09,360
Yes, several.
1015
01:18:11,600 --> 01:18:13,000
Did you ever...
1016
01:18:14,479 --> 01:18:15,680
do anything?
1017
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:22,039
I once kissed an old lady of 82...
1018
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:23,960
on the forehead.
1019
01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:26,480
She was twice
my age.
1020
01:18:27,601 --> 01:18:30,760
Is that all? Was
she the only one?
1021
01:18:32,440 --> 01:18:34,680
No but I'm not
saying any more.
1022
01:18:34,681 --> 01:18:36,181
Oh really Madgett!
1023
01:18:37,520 --> 01:18:38,800
Tell me.
1024
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,320
I once sat up all night
1025
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:47,160
with a young girl who had
been run over by cows.
1026
01:18:47,320 --> 01:18:51,160
There wasn't a mark on her but
her skull had been fractured.
1027
01:18:51,881 --> 01:18:54,361
She was 19.
1028
01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:58,360
She had blonde hair
and bright blue eyes.
1029
01:18:59,721 --> 01:19:01,520
If she was dead how could
you see the colour of her eyes?
1030
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:05,880
Ah well that was the problem. I
couldn't bring myself to close themr.
1031
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:08,081
They were beautiful.
1032
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:09,800
So what
did you do?
1033
01:19:09,961 --> 01:19:12,840
I sat next to her
and held her hand...
1034
01:19:13,000 --> 01:19:16,841
and I'm not saying anymore but
I wasn't invited to the funeral.
1035
01:19:18,680 --> 01:19:21,480
I tell you what,
you can come to mine.
1036
01:19:21,920 --> 01:19:24,560
I'm inviting you
now, and...
1037
01:19:25,481 --> 01:19:29,880
I don't mind on the whole if
you take a few liberties.
1038
01:19:31,280 --> 01:19:33,441
as long as they're
not too gross.
1039
01:19:34,561 --> 01:19:37,560
Infact if I was very old I'd
probably be very flattered.
1040
01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:41,760
I would prefer to be encouraged
to take liberties now.
1041
01:19:42,720 --> 01:19:45,640
Well I certainly don't
feel like it at the moment.
1042
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:51,760
My reputation is at stake thanks
to you and your mother
1043
01:19:51,921 --> 01:19:55,720
and I'm quite sure that Smut
would not want a father who's...
1044
01:19:55,720 --> 01:19:57,120
...an accomplice
to murder.
1045
01:19:58,281 --> 01:19:59,801
He understands.
1046
01:20:02,159 --> 01:20:04,520
Coroners need corpses.
1047
01:20:05,800 --> 01:20:07,960
Like grave diggers
need corpses.
1048
01:20:09,240 --> 01:20:12,240
Notice how Sid follows him
around like a black shadow?
1049
01:20:12,480 --> 01:20:15,121
Sid's known him
since he was a baby.
1050
01:20:15,281 --> 01:20:18,280
He's certainly going to be very
interesting when he grows up.
1051
01:20:18,560 --> 01:20:22,200
Yes I've noticed how you're
all so very fond of kissing him.
1052
01:20:25,080 --> 01:20:26,320
Where has
he gone?
1053
01:20:26,680 --> 01:20:28,960
He's probably
sloped off home.
1054
01:20:30,921 --> 01:20:32,640
We must go
black berrying.
1055
01:20:34,160 --> 01:20:35,720
You could come
with us.
1056
01:20:36,480 --> 01:20:37,840
No thank you.
1057
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,040
Smut'll need to count them
1058
01:20:40,160 --> 01:20:42,960
and his counting drives
me up the wall.
1059
01:20:50,481 --> 01:20:51,640
Smut, are
you in?
1060
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:54,320
His light's on,
he's probably asleep.
1061
01:21:01,520 --> 01:21:03,520
I wonder if he's
caught anything.
1062
01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:17,360
My god... Smut !
1063
01:21:19,200 --> 01:21:21,121
He's circumcised himself.
1064
01:21:26,079 --> 01:21:27,360
Call a doctor.
1065
01:21:28,121 --> 01:21:29,481
I can't look.
1066
01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:37,161
What did you do it with?
1067
01:21:37,321 --> 01:21:41,080
It's alright Cissy, I
sterilised the scissors.
1068
01:21:54,841 --> 01:21:56,000
It's not funny.
1069
01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:04,080
Stop striking about in the water
like a stranded fish.
1070
01:22:04,881 --> 01:22:06,240
Use your
legs Bellamy!
1071
01:22:06,240 --> 01:22:09,080
You're just here to
make fun of me.
1072
01:22:09,080 --> 01:22:12,320
No don't, come on lets try
a link, take your floats off.
1073
01:22:12,360 --> 01:22:13,920
No I'm not
ready yet.
1074
01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:17,921
Yes you are, come here..
1075
01:22:29,001 --> 01:22:29,961
Don't.
1076
01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:32,080
Someone might
come in.
1077
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:35,840
You said we had
the place to ourselves.
1078
01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:39,760
Frightened of being seen
wallowing in the water like a baby?
1079
01:22:42,601 --> 01:22:43,320
Come here
1080
01:22:55,399 --> 01:22:58,480
You are getting more
confident in water.
1081
01:22:59,320 --> 01:23:01,000
Take your
costume off.
1082
01:23:01,641 --> 01:23:06,240
Don't worry, I've locked the
doors. Here's the key, look.
1083
01:26:28,241 --> 01:26:30,439
Madgett, what the
devil are you doing here?
1084
01:26:30,599 --> 01:26:31,480
Picking blackberries.
1085
01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:33,120
We've been looking
everywhere for you.
1086
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:37,001
Well we've been
picking blackberries..
1087
01:26:37,641 --> 01:26:40,800
Vitamin C is very
good for eunuchs.
1088
01:26:43,960 --> 01:26:45,481
I don't use mine,
1089
01:26:45,641 --> 01:26:47,599
and Smut can't use
his for the moment.
1090
01:26:47,760 --> 01:26:49,800
Madgett, are you drunk?
1091
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:52,800
You can't get drunk on
blackberries can you?
1092
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:53,960
You smell
1093
01:26:54,121 --> 01:26:59,120
I do, well I haven't had
a bath since Monday.
1094
01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,240
Well you couldn't say
that about Bellamy.
1095
01:27:01,401 --> 01:27:05,320
Oh yes, he's been
bathing too has he?
1096
01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:09,200
Perhaps drinking
it a little?
1097
01:27:10,201 --> 01:27:13,960
Maybe with a bit
of chlorine in it?
1098
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:18,600
and drinking enough perhaps
to put out a fire like this?
1099
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:20,320
How did
you know?
1100
01:27:20,680 --> 01:27:23,640
Drowning like most
things come in threes.
1101
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:26,560
You're sinister.
1102
01:27:27,361 --> 01:27:28,920
I am sinister?
1103
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:36,559
What's dead now?
1104
01:27:36,560 --> 01:27:37,560
Just about everything.
1105
01:27:38,240 --> 01:27:40,720
Just about everything
in this feild I should think.
1106
01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:05,600
There's Jonah and Moses, Jake's cousins.
I didn't know they were keen runners.
1107
01:28:05,761 --> 01:28:07,600
Good lord
there's Nancy
1108
01:28:14,600 --> 01:28:16,321
What's all this
running for?
1109
01:28:16,321 --> 01:28:18,040
Why have
you stopped?
1110
01:28:18,040 --> 01:28:20,320
I've had enough, I'm
not helping anymore.
1111
01:28:20,480 --> 01:28:21,200
You must.
1112
01:28:21,360 --> 01:28:23,240
Why, why
must I do it?
1113
01:28:23,240 --> 01:28:25,680
Madgett you're up
to your neck in this.
1114
01:28:35,120 --> 01:28:38,360
It didn't take you long to
drown your husband did it.
1115
01:28:38,360 --> 01:28:41,561
Three weeks,
will they give me bail?
1116
01:28:42,081 --> 01:28:46,680
Well you only had one husband, so
you can't drown another, so they might
1117
01:28:47,400 --> 01:28:49,921
Do they have swimming
pools in prison?
1118
01:28:52,120 --> 01:28:53,520
Unlikely.
1119
01:28:54,840 --> 01:28:57,041
How come you only
gave him three weeks?
1120
01:28:57,161 --> 01:28:58,880
I was disappointed.
1121
01:28:59,600 --> 01:29:04,360
I don't really understand why you had
to find out that you didn't know before.
1122
01:29:04,520 --> 01:29:06,400
If that
was only it.
1123
01:29:06,881 --> 01:29:09,520
I don't understand why
you had to do it at all.
1124
01:29:09,640 --> 01:29:13,641
Loyalty you dope, and
I got what I wanted.
1125
01:29:16,159 --> 01:29:17,680
I'm going
to be sick.
1126
01:29:20,040 --> 01:29:22,080
What do you mean you
got what you wanted?
1127
01:29:22,640 --> 01:29:26,720
Madgett, can I speak here or
do you want to come outside?
1128
01:29:27,040 --> 01:29:28,680
You can
speak here.
1129
01:29:29,720 --> 01:29:31,601
You have your
permission, go ahead.
1130
01:29:32,080 --> 01:29:34,760
Well we went looking
for you at your house.
1131
01:29:35,720 --> 01:29:37,040
We found these.
1132
01:29:38,721 --> 01:29:42,560
Then we discovered some more in
a house on Amsterdam Road.
1133
01:29:43,640 --> 01:29:47,241
and lets say, we obtained
some from another source.
1134
01:29:48,481 --> 01:29:50,720
Perhaps you'd like
to talk about them?
1135
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:53,360
What do you
want me to say?
1136
01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:56,360
To a casual eye they
could be suspicious.
1137
01:29:57,360 --> 01:30:00,400
Could they?
Cissy, look at these.
1138
01:30:02,040 --> 01:30:06,040
It's Smut, he's put on a
lot of weight in a month
1139
01:30:06,320 --> 01:30:08,320
These are good
aren't they.
1140
01:30:09,600 --> 01:30:10,960
How did
he do it?
1141
01:30:11,080 --> 01:30:12,721
In the hospital report
1142
01:30:13,879 --> 01:30:18,280
I believe your son was taken in for what
can only be described as sexual mutilation
1143
01:30:21,720 --> 01:30:24,039
You better ask
Smut about that
1144
01:30:24,240 --> 01:30:27,320
You better know Madgett
you're under investigation
1145
01:30:28,401 --> 01:30:29,721
Whatever for?
1146
01:30:29,881 --> 01:30:33,360
For procuring pornography
and maybe child abuse
1147
01:30:34,920 --> 01:30:38,121
Why don't you throw in a
little light necrophilia as well?
1148
01:30:38,121 --> 01:30:41,960
You see Madgett, I told you.
Smut'll get you in the end.
1149
01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:46,400
We're here to discuss my husband
and not the family photographs.
1150
01:30:58,280 --> 01:31:02,241
He could so easily have
changed the bulb.
1151
01:31:02,720 --> 01:31:04,880
Here, this
might help.
1152
01:31:11,600 --> 01:31:13,320
I like his
feet.
1153
01:31:16,160 --> 01:31:18,161
I like his
shoulders.
1154
01:31:20,600 --> 01:31:21,800
What do you like?
1155
01:31:21,800 --> 01:31:23,520
I like a natural
death.
1156
01:31:24,480 --> 01:31:26,320
Is any death
natural?
1157
01:31:29,640 --> 01:31:31,720
I liked his
bollocks.
1158
01:31:39,480 --> 01:31:42,680
Are widows eligible for the Olympic Games?
1159
01:31:48,800 --> 01:31:51,440
What on earth do you
keep all these sheep for?
1160
01:31:52,120 --> 01:31:54,200
I keep them for
emergencies.
1161
01:31:54,200 --> 01:31:56,240
What emergency?
1162
01:31:56,280 --> 01:31:57,841
Sleepless nights.
1163
01:31:59,800 --> 01:32:01,319
I count best
at night.
1164
01:32:01,480 --> 01:32:03,840
We all count
best at night.
1165
01:32:04,480 --> 01:32:08,840
That's it Smut, not an inch further
or I'll shake you out of that tree
1166
01:32:09,640 --> 01:32:11,000
What's he doing?
1167
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,080
He's counting
the leaves.
1168
01:32:12,081 --> 01:32:13,081
Whatever for?
1169
01:32:14,161 --> 01:32:16,560
Have you never wondered how
many leaves there are on a tree?
1170
01:32:16,561 --> 01:32:17,561
Never
1171
01:32:18,039 --> 01:32:19,840
Or fish in
the sea?
1172
01:32:19,841 --> 01:32:20,841
Nope
1173
01:32:20,840 --> 01:32:23,640
- Or hairs on your head?
- No
1174
01:32:25,801 --> 01:32:29,151
On this Saturday we'll put
the ashes in the sea
1175
01:32:29,520 --> 01:32:31,480
or rather the river.
1176
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:34,041
You Madgett
can be a witness.
1177
01:32:35,400 --> 01:32:36,360
What do you
want a witness for?
1178
01:32:36,679 --> 01:32:38,880
To make sure we do it
correctly of course.
1179
01:32:39,880 --> 01:32:41,281
Isn't it
illegal?
1180
01:32:41,282 --> 01:32:42,282
No
1181
01:33:06,360 --> 01:33:09,680
We're altogether here
no need for secrecy.
1182
01:33:09,760 --> 01:33:11,920
What on earth made
you choose this place?
1183
01:33:12,080 --> 01:33:15,520
I thought the water tower would mean
we could keep them under surveillance.
1184
01:33:15,520 --> 01:33:16,680
Who officially
invited them?
1185
01:33:16,680 --> 01:33:19,200
They invited
themselves.
1186
01:33:19,200 --> 01:33:22,561
Are you sure Madgett
didn't say something?
1187
01:33:27,840 --> 01:33:30,561
and there's the
pyrotechnical expert.
1188
01:33:31,040 --> 01:33:34,320
It just won't light,
it's too damp.
1189
01:33:34,640 --> 01:33:38,480
It's not surprising, Bellamy was
pretty wet out of the water.
1190
01:33:43,920 --> 01:33:45,600
What's that smell?
1191
01:33:51,760 --> 01:33:55,241
- That man has a nose for a corpse
- His son is quicker.
1192
01:33:55,400 --> 01:33:56,761
What are they?
1193
01:34:02,440 --> 01:34:04,841
You know you've got yours
coming to you don't you?
1194
01:34:05,121 --> 01:34:08,080
An invitation to that
field near Brough
1195
01:34:08,120 --> 01:34:10,680
which is surrounded
by that thick hedge
1196
01:34:10,760 --> 01:34:14,920
where Smut is sent to catch moths
and never returns with any
1197
01:34:16,720 --> 01:34:18,440
Madgett's harmless.
1198
01:34:18,640 --> 01:34:21,600
He's really only interested in
games and chocolate pudding.
1199
01:34:22,960 --> 01:34:24,800
I wouldn't mind.
1200
01:34:25,501 --> 01:34:26,701
What wouldn't
you mind.
1201
01:34:26,801 --> 01:34:29,280
It would be like
sleeping with your uncle.
1202
01:34:30,760 --> 01:34:32,680
It would be like
bribing the referee.
1203
01:34:32,681 --> 01:34:34,845
- What would?
- More than a referee
1204
01:34:35,280 --> 01:34:39,280
Poor Madgett, it's like the story
of Billy Goat Gruff.
1205
01:34:39,281 --> 01:34:40,281
What is?
1206
01:34:40,840 --> 01:34:44,761
Well with Madgett as the
goblin under the bridge.
1207
01:34:46,040 --> 01:34:49,280
Do you think the grass is really
greener across the stream
1208
01:34:49,800 --> 01:34:51,800
Without a doubt.
1209
01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:58,040
Here's a herring, do you
think they're edible?
1210
01:35:00,160 --> 01:35:02,161
Well now Cissy
it's your turn.
1211
01:35:03,879 --> 01:35:05,840
I like his
hands.
1212
01:35:06,200 --> 01:35:10,001
I might let him touch me
then I'll tell you all about it.
1213
01:35:10,160 --> 01:35:12,480
Well you are the
last in the line.
1214
01:35:13,360 --> 01:35:15,680
What if you were
to be disappointed?
1215
01:35:16,480 --> 01:35:20,199
That might spoil it, you better
not go too far then
1216
01:35:20,840 --> 01:35:23,520
If one of us were
to make it with him,
1217
01:35:23,800 --> 01:35:26,280
surely it would exclude
the other two?
1218
01:35:26,841 --> 01:35:30,360
I doubt if Madgett could get it
up three times in an afternoon.
1219
01:35:36,759 --> 01:35:39,200
Madgett we've been
talking about you.
1220
01:35:40,400 --> 01:35:41,440
I know.
1221
01:35:44,879 --> 01:35:48,000
Could you get it up three times
in an afternoon Madgett?
1222
01:35:49,880 --> 01:35:53,560
I'd like to try, it
depends who's asking.
1223
01:35:53,720 --> 01:35:55,400
Hey look at these.
1224
01:35:55,880 --> 01:35:58,040
These fish are
all numbered, look.
1225
01:35:58,240 --> 01:36:00,640
Smut, did you
organise this?
1226
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:10,200
Are you going to try the same thing
on me as you tried on the others?
1227
01:36:11,079 --> 01:36:14,480
You don't think Bellamy drowned
to make way for you do you?
1228
01:36:16,160 --> 01:36:17,481
It's strange.
1229
01:36:17,482 --> 01:36:18,482
What is?
1230
01:36:19,800 --> 01:36:22,920
How this feild is synonomous
with my failure.
1231
01:36:23,400 --> 01:36:24,601
Where's Smut?
1232
01:36:24,761 --> 01:36:26,439
Oh he wouldn't
come anymore.
1233
01:36:26,559 --> 01:36:28,000
I don't blame him.
1234
01:36:31,320 --> 01:36:33,761
Three rebuffs in the same place
1235
01:36:34,440 --> 01:36:35,759
that must be a record.
1236
01:36:35,920 --> 01:36:39,320
Sounds to me like you should
have more imagination.
1237
01:36:41,920 --> 01:36:44,320
You can't swim, can you?
1238
01:36:44,799 --> 01:36:47,880
Anyway I'm too
young for you
1239
01:36:49,240 --> 01:36:52,079
Suppose you're in a good
position to try blackmail.
1240
01:36:53,320 --> 01:36:56,120
You could put all three of
us away if you wanted to.
1241
01:36:56,520 --> 01:36:58,840
That's the last
thing I want to do.
1242
01:36:59,680 --> 01:37:01,119
I believe you.
1243
01:37:04,040 --> 01:37:06,800
As you've had such
bad luck with the others
1244
01:37:09,120 --> 01:37:11,401
I'll let you go a
little of the way.
1245
01:37:14,121 --> 01:37:15,721
As compensation ?
1246
01:37:17,120 --> 01:37:18,720
Put your
hand here.
1247
01:37:22,280 --> 01:37:24,400
I've watched you
watching me.
1248
01:37:25,440 --> 01:37:27,960
I've watched you
watching all of us.
1249
01:37:29,720 --> 01:37:31,961
Do you think we're
the same woman?
1250
01:37:32,880 --> 01:37:34,480
Sometimes I do.
1251
01:37:35,520 --> 01:37:38,121
Just because we've all
got the same name?
1252
01:37:38,122 --> 01:37:39,122
No no
1253
01:37:40,161 --> 01:37:41,240
Why then?
1254
01:37:44,600 --> 01:37:47,080
Because of your
camaraderie
1255
01:37:47,748 --> 01:37:48,981
Our what?
1256
01:37:49,480 --> 01:37:51,920
Your friendship for
one another.
1257
01:37:52,961 --> 01:37:54,800
Do you know that
I'm pregnant?
1258
01:37:57,720 --> 01:37:59,600
Was three
weeks enough?
1259
01:37:59,720 --> 01:38:01,920
Ha Madgett don't
be so innocent.
1260
01:38:02,320 --> 01:38:05,001
Three weeks was long
enough to legitamise
1261
01:38:08,760 --> 01:38:10,760
You can kiss
me here.
1262
01:38:14,799 --> 01:38:16,400
Will I taste anything?
1263
01:38:16,920 --> 01:38:18,480
Not yet
you dope.
1264
01:38:20,641 --> 01:38:22,120
Take the
rest off.
1265
01:38:23,080 --> 01:38:25,760
No Madgett, I'm a
widow of 48 hours.
1266
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:28,761
Madgett that's enough!
1267
01:38:29,520 --> 01:38:34,040
You must be satisfied with small
services, a little at a time
1268
01:38:34,440 --> 01:38:35,520
Must I?
1269
01:38:37,081 --> 01:38:39,960
Was saving you from
prison a small service?
1270
01:38:40,520 --> 01:38:42,080
It was death
through misadventure.
1271
01:38:42,240 --> 01:38:46,320
Was it? There's a lot of people round
here don't think that way at all.
1272
01:38:46,480 --> 01:38:48,519
To hell with
the others.
1273
01:38:48,680 --> 01:38:50,080
You're deliberatly
provoking me.
1274
01:38:50,240 --> 01:38:51,280
Am I?
1275
01:38:53,269 --> 01:38:55,279
Thank you for making
me see reason.
1276
01:38:56,040 --> 01:38:57,320
About Bellamy.
1277
01:38:57,520 --> 01:38:59,040
That wasn't me,
that was Cissy.
1278
01:38:59,200 --> 01:39:01,121
No well you made
it possible
1279
01:39:02,560 --> 01:39:04,760
I knew when I
married Bellamy
1280
01:39:04,920 --> 01:39:09,040
with you around when the
time came I could drown him.
1281
01:39:10,877 --> 01:39:12,278
No
1282
01:39:12,320 --> 01:39:14,720
Madgett is this
attempted rape?
1283
01:39:15,400 --> 01:39:16,600
You Colpitt women
have used me
1284
01:39:16,720 --> 01:39:19,160
Madgett you're supposed
to be harmless
1285
01:39:19,641 --> 01:39:21,120
You have
destroyed me.
1286
01:39:21,280 --> 01:39:23,160
Don't be so
melodramatic!
1287
01:39:39,640 --> 01:39:43,720
The best days for violent deaths
are Tuesdays in the afternoon.
1288
01:39:44,041 --> 01:39:48,120
The safest time of all is
Friday night...tonight infact.
1289
01:39:48,600 --> 01:39:50,520
Are you going to
a party tonight?
1290
01:39:50,680 --> 01:39:52,320
Yes, on a boat.
1291
01:39:52,480 --> 01:39:56,120
We're to have pineapple fruit salad, cheese
with walnuts and I'm going to dance.
1292
01:39:56,320 --> 01:39:57,880
and I'm going
to dance.
1293
01:39:59,521 --> 01:40:01,799
Elsie, I love you.
1294
01:40:02,719 --> 01:40:05,320
- I've done what you asked me to do.
- What's that?
1295
01:40:05,560 --> 01:40:08,400
I circumsised myself,
do you want to look?
1296
01:40:08,561 --> 01:40:10,240
No thank you,
not today.
1297
01:40:14,040 --> 01:40:15,601
Smut, get in.
1298
01:40:16,654 --> 01:40:17,626
Bye
1299
01:41:45,280 --> 01:41:48,400
- Well what's the game today??
- Tug of War.
1300
01:41:49,760 --> 01:41:52,000
I hope you've recovered,
don't look so miserable
1301
01:41:52,240 --> 01:41:53,920
you were
sorely provoked.
1302
01:41:54,320 --> 01:41:55,601
Who's going to
play this game?
1303
01:41:56,001 --> 01:41:57,760
The good and
the evil.
1304
01:41:58,040 --> 01:41:59,599
Who's good
and who's evil?
1305
01:41:59,599 --> 01:42:01,220
It depends on
how you look at it.
1306
01:42:01,320 --> 01:42:02,880
What are they
playing for?
1307
01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:06,080
Me and what's left
of my reputation.
1308
01:42:06,199 --> 01:42:08,160
The man or
the coroner?
1309
01:42:08,160 --> 01:42:11,921
Both, if they
win I give in.
1310
01:42:12,120 --> 01:42:13,521
If who wins?
1311
01:42:20,121 --> 01:42:22,880
Oh god Madgett
did you invite them?
1312
01:42:28,720 --> 01:42:31,120
They have a nose
for funerals.
1313
01:42:31,279 --> 01:42:33,200
There are
seven of them.
1314
01:42:33,480 --> 01:42:35,440
Then we
can't complain.
1315
01:42:36,640 --> 01:42:38,320
Madgett what
are you up to?
1316
01:42:38,983 --> 01:42:40,021
Well...
1317
01:42:40,360 --> 01:42:42,000
They ought to be
here didn't they?
1318
01:42:42,040 --> 01:42:45,840
You don't want to be accused
of secret burials do you?
1319
01:42:45,960 --> 01:42:50,000
and since there are obviously
no rewards for me helping you
1320
01:42:50,000 --> 01:42:52,320
I thought enough
was enough.
1321
01:42:52,760 --> 01:42:57,280
I've arranged to let the outcome
hang on a game of wit and strength.
1322
01:42:57,440 --> 01:42:59,960
Come on Madgett you'll
never get them to play.
1323
01:43:00,160 --> 01:43:02,480
If the stakes are
high enough they will.
1324
01:43:02,680 --> 01:43:05,320
Madgett we're not
letting you go that easily.
1325
01:43:05,320 --> 01:43:06,640
Letting me go?
1326
01:43:07,160 --> 01:43:10,041
If I go, you go too.
1327
01:43:10,680 --> 01:43:12,240
those are
the stakes.
1328
01:43:12,680 --> 01:43:15,040
Madgett we won't
party to this.
1329
01:43:15,800 --> 01:43:17,360
Your game playing
is your business.
1330
01:43:17,440 --> 01:43:21,240
We're not playing games anymore I've had
enough of game playing this is serious.
1331
01:43:22,720 --> 01:43:24,560
and besides you're better
playing games than I am.
1332
01:43:24,600 --> 01:43:27,041
This game is
very dangerous.
1333
01:43:27,160 --> 01:43:29,960
I told you, all games
are dangerous.
1334
01:43:30,040 --> 01:43:33,880
What games? I thought we
were here burying ashes.
1335
01:43:33,920 --> 01:43:35,920
I see you've got the
grave digger with you.
1336
01:43:35,920 --> 01:43:39,400
Sid's going to row the boat, that's
all. The ashes are going on the river.
1337
01:43:39,400 --> 01:43:40,840
A nice provocative gesture.
1338
01:43:41,240 --> 01:43:45,600
We thought as a fitting
send off we'd play a game.
1339
01:43:45,680 --> 01:43:47,040
- A game?
- What sort of game?
1340
01:43:47,080 --> 01:43:48,920
Watch him, he's always
playing games.
1341
01:43:48,920 --> 01:43:50,801
Don't worry Nancy
we'll look after you.
1342
01:43:50,801 --> 01:43:52,681
- Watch what you're saying to my sister!
- Shut up!
1343
01:43:53,400 --> 01:43:56,180
- We felt we owed you an explanation.
- Shut up Madgett.
1344
01:43:56,160 --> 01:43:59,880
An explanation? you owe us
more than a bloody explanation
1345
01:43:59,920 --> 01:44:02,280
Alright, we'll play your game
1346
01:44:02,280 --> 01:44:06,240
We'll win easily and then we'll wrap
the rope around your neck Madgett.
1347
01:44:06,840 --> 01:44:11,040
If you win you'll get
your explanation.
1348
01:44:11,905 --> 01:44:14,239
Right, come on
1349
01:44:17,880 --> 01:44:21,840
The game of Tug of War
is played with as many people
1350
01:44:21,840 --> 01:44:24,200
as there is room
for along the rope
1351
01:44:24,720 --> 01:44:28,559
the sides need to be evenly
matched with weight and strength
1352
01:44:28,559 --> 01:44:31,040
to make it an
interesting contest.
1353
01:44:34,800 --> 01:44:36,080
At an agreed signal
1354
01:44:36,560 --> 01:44:40,000
each team tries to pull the
other over an agreed mark
1355
01:44:40,240 --> 01:44:42,680
or space previously
decided on
1356
01:44:43,760 --> 01:44:48,001
Seven a side is an ideal number
of players for Tug of War
1357
01:45:15,681 --> 01:45:16,880
Quick in the boat
1358
01:45:16,880 --> 01:45:18,360
We've won!
1359
01:45:20,040 --> 01:45:23,880
Sid, Gregory,come on we've got
to get Madgett into the boat.
1360
01:46:22,320 --> 01:46:24,160
There's a storm
coming up Madgett.
1361
01:46:24,160 --> 01:46:26,000
Can you swim?
1362
01:46:27,680 --> 01:46:29,400
I thought not.
1363
01:46:35,520 --> 01:46:40,400
The object of this game is to dare
to fall with a noose round your neck
1364
01:46:40,680 --> 01:46:43,720
from a place officially high
enough off the ground
1365
01:46:44,080 --> 01:46:46,160
such that the
fall will hang you.
1366
01:46:59,080 --> 01:47:02,720
The object of the game
is to punish those
1367
01:47:03,040 --> 01:47:05,280
who have caused
great unhappiness
1368
01:47:07,160 --> 01:47:09,120
by their
selfish actions
1369
01:47:22,240 --> 01:47:24,280
This is the best
game of all
1370
01:47:25,120 --> 01:47:28,799
because the winner
is also the loser
1371
01:47:29,079 --> 01:47:33,760
and the judges decision
is always final.
1372
01:49:45,720 --> 01:49:49,720
What on earth is Smut
celebrating? We lost
1373
01:49:50,320 --> 01:49:54,080
He arranged a little spectacle for
the scattering of the ashes.
1374
01:49:54,200 --> 01:49:55,600
Thoughtfull boy.
1375
01:50:04,281 --> 01:50:07,520
Well Madgett, how do you
feel about things now?
1376
01:50:09,840 --> 01:50:11,000
Just the same
1377
01:50:12,200 --> 01:50:14,120
As I said, we lost.
1378
01:50:15,280 --> 01:50:16,720
I've had enough.
1379
01:50:18,600 --> 01:50:21,480
Madgett, we haven't lost
1380
01:50:21,600 --> 01:50:24,800
and there's no question
of any of us giving in.
1381
01:50:25,120 --> 01:50:26,760
What are you
going to do?
1382
01:50:27,720 --> 01:50:31,720
There's a storm coming up,
I thought I'd be prepared.
1383
01:50:33,480 --> 01:50:35,640
Are you going to
undress to Madgett?
1384
01:50:37,361 --> 01:50:40,040
That way we could make it
look like a proper accident.
1385
01:50:40,100 --> 01:50:44,240
Now Madgett, off with your clothes,
it'll make it a neater ending.
1386
01:50:44,640 --> 01:50:47,640
What an opportunity.
Alone on an open boat
1387
01:50:47,640 --> 01:50:51,360
with the women you love
and an invitation to undress.
1388
01:50:56,640 --> 01:51:00,320
Don't worry about Smut.
He'll be all right.
1389
01:51:35,200 --> 01:51:38,240
First, the
burial service.
1390
01:51:44,600 --> 01:51:47,840
In loving memory
of a gardener.
1391
01:51:53,081 --> 01:51:56,960
In loving memory
of a businessman.
1392
01:52:10,239 --> 01:52:14,000
In loving memory of
an unemployed
1393
01:52:14,000 --> 01:52:15,600
non-swimmer.
1394
01:52:16,000 --> 01:52:19,070
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