All language subtitles for 18 to Life s01e02 No Strings Attached.eng

[music playing]

[drill buzzing]

And just like that,
everything's changed.

How'd you sleep?

Like Snow White.

Wasn't she poisoned?

Fine.

Like Snow White on
her wedding night.

Can you believe we're
actually married?

Somehow it hasn't
fully sunk in.

[MUSIC - THE BAMBOOS, "I DON'T
WANNA STOP"]

(SINGING) Doo doo
doo doo doo doo.

Just be glad your
father didn't take

away your phone privileges.

Why do you think
I'm whispering?

Hey.

I have a wedding
present for you.

Come to the window.

(SINGING) Doo doo
doo doo doo doo.

Mr. Bellow.

(SINGING) When you ask
me, do I think of you?

Mrs. Bellow.

(SINGING) I just wanna
say, like every day.

Ooh, I've got mail.

(SINGING) It's true.

It's all I do.

Can we make one
moment be forever?

I don't wanna stop.

I don't, I don't wanna stop.

No, I don't wanna stop.

I don't want, I
don't wanna stop.

No.

I don't wanna stop.

[THEME - HAWKSLEY WORKMAN AND
DOLLY, "YES I DO"]

THEME SONG: Can we find a
way that we can be together?

Is there any way that
we can be together?

And, oh, by the way,
baby, do you love me?

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

[music playing]

Dude, can I have that?

You know, Philip,
that piece of paper

may claim we're
technically related,

but I'm not lending
you my power tools.

A dustbuster isn't a tool.

And it's the
clippings I'm after.

You gotta learn
to mulch, my man.

Oh well, why throw
garbage on my lawn

when, well, that's
was yours is for, hmm?

There you go.

Thanks, dude.

Or is it dude-in-law?

Oh, neither.

Oh, which reminds me,
I've decided to call

a little family meeting today.

Noon.

Our house.

Be there.

Ah, so we are family.

Not for long, my friend.

So we are friends.

Oh, for god's
sake, just show up.

It's nice when we could all
spend time together like this.

Hmm, yeah.

I don't think they
can hear you, Carter.

Try shaking a box of condoms.

We're making up
for last night.

Phone sex does not
a honeymoon make.

At least it was free.

Carter pays five bucks a minute.

The folks just needed
time to get used to the fact

that we eloped.
I think they're coming around.

From now on, I get to wake
up to this face every day.

Plus, I get sex on tap 24/7.

Ow, or whenever Jessie wants it.

So where are you two
setting up your love nest?

Thinking funky studio
apartment somewhere downtown.

You can't afford that.

Look, why don't you just crash
at the frat house with me?

On an 8 by 10 room that
smells like beer and feet,

I'm going to pass.

Well, you were
pretty pumped about it

two months ago when we were
planning on rooming together.

Well, things changed.

Now I'm hoping for something
a little more upscale.

Paid for with what?
Rainbows and kisses?

Sorry we can't all be as grown
up as you and the frat boys.

So what do you call
the fat one again?

Knuckles?
Spud?

Tiny, right?

Geez, Tom.

Maybe when school
starts, they can

teach you how to take a joke.

And we call him Lumpy.

I'm, uh, also gonna
go to the washroom.

What's with you and Carter?

Nothing.

He's just pissed that I'm
not moving in with him.

Are you sure that's all?

What, you think this is
because of the me finding out

you slept with him thing?

I told you, Jess.

I'm over it.

Ancient history.

Good.

Long forgotten.

- Glad to hear it.
- In the past.

You're still talking.

It's the furthest
thing from my--

What?

BEN BELLOW: Let's get
right to it, shall we?

An annulment?

Mm-hmm.

Whose idea was this?

We all discussed it, and
decided it was for the best.

You didn't discuss it with me.

Me neither.

Fine.

The Bellows discussed
it, and we all

decided it was for the best.

First I'm hearing of it.

Me too.

It doesn't matter
who discussed it.

We're not getting an annulment.

Yeah, we didn't make this
decision lightly, you know.

Oh, that's right.

It was a dare.

Maybe it isn't such a bad
idea to get an annulment, Jess.

You don't need a piece of
paper to prove your love.

Finally.

Thank you, Phil.

Yeah, you should
sign the annulment,

and then just, you know, shack
up, and see where it goes.

Wait a minute.

That is not what he meant.

So, when Tom moves out,
do I get his room or what?

Oh, if you get Tom's
room, I need yours.

My building has like
zero storage space.

Tom is not moving out,
because Tom can't afford to.

You're starting college in
a week, in case you forgot.

You were going to pay
for me to live with Carter.

Carter is not Jessie.

You wanna marry
Carter, go ahead.

No, wait, scratch that.

You know what?

We're tired of defending this.

Tom and I are married, and
we're going to stay that way,

no matter what happens.

Exactly.

Mom, Dad, you're just going to
have to get used to the fact

that I'm a grown man who
makes his own decisions.

Well, Tom, let's go.

Um, coming.

Does this mean I
get Jessie's room?

Who is he again?

He's a refugee from Iraq.

Yeah, why is he here?

My country has seen much
political unrest since 19--

No, no.

I mean, in our house.

Ben.

Kitchen.

Now.

Are you out of your mind?

Tom and Jessie can't
live in the attic.

That's Mother's space.

Ben, your mother is not
coming back from Palm Beach.

She moved in with her
plastic surgeon, remember?

That man is not my
father, and never will be.

Look, I don't like this
thing any more than you.

But at least this way, we'll
be able to keep an eye on Tom.

Make sure he's
hitting the books.

We'd get a pretty penny
if we rented that space out.

What would you rather invest
in, real estate or your son?

Real estate's less risky.

Fine.

Little bastard doesn't
know how lucky he is.

The attic.

You've gotta be kidding.

Our gift to you and Jessie.

Mm-hmm.

No strings attached.

It's so--

Pink.

I would have
gone with generous.

- And what about Grandma?
- She's dead.

[jessie gasps]
- What?

Uh, dead to me.
Dead to me.

Sorry.

The point is we could get
$800 a month if we lease

this place out, but
we'd rather have

you focus on your education.

So, Jessie, what do you think?

I think it's, um, lovely.

Tom?

I would sooner
have my testicles

ripped off by a raccoon.

Now I understand
why you wanted

to discuss this in private.

I can't believe you
called this lovely.

Who are you, Dame Judi Dench?

I was struggling, OK?

And they're just
trying to help, Tom.

Jessie, I can't
be my own man if I'm

living in my parents' house.

Lots of men live
with their parents.

Yes, and they
are called losers.

Look, this place, it's all pink.

And it smells funny.

And everything is
sitting on a doily.

Oh!
Including the doilies.

So ditch the lace.

Maybe knock down a couple walls.

Give it a cool paint job.

Here, help me move this
couch by the window,

where there's more light.

Careful.

[plastic crackling]

See?

Better already.

Seriously, Tom, we
can make this work.

Great!

I'll go pack.

[tom groans]

The attic.

Isn't that where Norman
Bates kept his mother?

So it's not perfect.

At least we can both
focus on school,

and not have to
worry about money.

We love that you love Tom.

It's just we don't want
you to become a cliche.

Exactly.

You guys should be riding
across Mexico on a motorbike.

Also a cliche.

Reading Kerouac.

Thumbing rides
across the country.

Cliche, cliche.

Drinking absinthe.

Running with the coyotes.

Building wicker
people in the desert,

and lighting them on fire.

Cli-- Actually, I
don't, I don't know

what the hell that is.

Sweetie, we just want you
to be happy with your life.

That's all.

And doing what's right for
me and Tom does make me happy.

Am I the only one who
thinks this is a good idea?

Adios, boy wall paper.

[kazoo music playing]

Really, Tom?

Aw, crap.

Here we go.

Come on, Tom,
can we at least try

to put a positive spin on this?

Oh.

Good point.

If we're gonna do this,
let's do it right.

Whoa.

Where'd you learn that move?

"Gone With The Wind?"

Shrek.

Um, Tom, now's not
really a good time.

Why not?

We need to christen the
place, and not in Jesus-y way,

if you know what I mean.
- No, I know.

It's just kind of arranged--

Hola, amigos.

--a surprise housewarming.

Nice pad.

Is this OK?

Yeah.

Carter's here.

I love Carter.

Hey.

Dig the doilies.

You know, there is still
room at the frat house.

I like it here,

Well, I guess home
is where the heart is.

Yeah, I know.

I can really smell the grandma.

You know what I like about
your grandma jokes, Carter?

You don't waste any time
trying to make them funny.

So when's lights
out around here?

I just assume you
two have a curfew.

It beats living
with 10 other guys.

At least we have some privacy.

JUDITH: Yoo-hoo!

Who wants pizza pops?

[carter gasps]

Here we go.

Oh, I'd fold with a hand like
that if I were you, sweetie.

The pizza was one thing, but
did she have to make cupcakes?

Your mom's just excited.

Now, what were you saying
about christening the place?

[knocking]

Sorry to disturb.

I saw the light on.

Thought I'd grab my plates.

Uh, sure.

Come in.

I mean, it's not locked.
'Cause, well, there is no lock.

Oh, Tom.

You'll have to help your father
move the couch back tomorrow.

We don't want it to
fade in the sunlight.

Oh!

Will you look at that?

That's the blanket your dad and
I used on our wedding night.

Oh.

Is there any point
in starting over?

Nope.

OK.

Mom, Dad, we need to talk.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm grateful for the attic.

Yeah, hold that thought.

I'm late for court,
and I need your help

with some things around the
house, starting with the lawn.

You can raise cattle out there.

Yes, OK, but--

And don't forget
to move Bubbe's

couch back to where it was.

The thing is--

Oh, and Tom, your father and
I have tickets to the ballet

this evening, and Wendy's
having some friends over.

Can you keep an eye on them,
since you're home anyway?

Well, I won't be home.

I'll be in the attic.

Same difference.

Now, OK, that's it.

Now I have just made a decision.

Oh.

That's nice, sweetie.

First, I'm moving out.

We've been over this, Tom.

You can't afford a
place of your own

while you're going
to college, remember?

Which brings me to number two.

I'm sorry, but I am
quitting college.

Great.

Now we can't go to the ballet.

Oh, we're going to the ballet.

Damn it.

JESSIE: I can't believe you
didn't consult me before making

such a big decision.

I can always re-enroll next
semester, and in the meantime,

I'll find a job,
save some cash, so we

can finally move
into a place where

we actually feel like adults.

What floor is this
apartment on anyway?

14th.

But don't worry.

The elevator's not always
going to be broken.

Ha.

You must be new.

What a dump.

It wasn't a dump.

It, it had character.

If by character,
you mean silverfish.

OK, new plan.

Let's say I dip slightly
further into my savings,

and, uh, we look
for a place a little

more out of our price range.

That place was out
of our price range.

Really?

But it was a dump,
and it had silverfish.

I think you should
just admit to your father

that you made a mistake, and
we'll move back to the attic.

What, and go crawling back?

I'm trying to man up here, Jess.

I'd appreciate a little support.

You wanna man up?

You're gonna have to
consider other options.

Such as?

JESSIE: Thanks for
helping us out, Carter.

Hey, it's the least I
can do to help out a couple

of young marrieds, huh?

Hey, um, I'll be upstairs
if you guys need me.

Why are you doing this to me?

What?

We need help, and
Carter offered.

He's being nice.

He's not being nice.

He's being a jerk.

Oh, by the way, we're having
a little get-together tonight.

You guys should hang out.

Uh, yeah, we can't.

Jessie and I have to--

We'd love to.

Must've run out of
room in her suitcase.

Aw, Endangered Ernie.

Her first Save
The Pandas panda.

Yeah, I know we're
supposed to be progressive,

but it kind of feels
like she just got here.

This is what
happens when you raise

an independent and
intelligent young woman.

Would it kill her to be a
little dumber and needier?

Well, there are perks
to Jessie being gone.

Like what?

Like more privacy.

Privacy's overrated.

More experimentation.

You know I don't
like new things.

We could walk around naked.

Why would we want to do that?

Do you want to
have sex or not?

Oh.

Yeah.

[students yelling]

Cheers.

Great party.

Great attitude.

TOM: Maybe I don't
want to party.

You know, some of us,
we have to be adults.

Unless you're
forgetting, some people

are helping certain adults out.

I don't need your charity.

Said the guy living
in my basement.

I know you may not think
much of this marriage,

but it beats living in some
lame campus sex comedy.

Yeah.

Except that it doesn't.

It really, really doesn't.

You can have all the
endless girls, Carter.

I'll take that.

'Cause we both know, I've
got the only one who counts.

Hey!

Don't poke me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you not like being poked?

What's being poked?

This.

Now this is happening.

Back off, Bellow.

You guys!

Guys!

Guys!

Nice, Tom.

Real mature.

Jessie!

It's a party!

[crowd cheers]

You told me you were over
the whole Carter thing.

I tried.

It's just I keep picturing it.

Him touching you,
you letting him.

You touching him, him--

Thanks.

I know how it goes.

You know, for a guy
who's trying to man up,

you're acting like a child.

Don't put it all on me, OK?

You could have told me about the
Carter thing a long time ago,

and you didn't.

You're right.

But you know it happened long
before you and I got together.

Yeah, but don't you see?

Now, no matter what
happens, Carter Boyd

will always be your first.

You really don't
get it, do you?

Where are you going?

Back to my room.

Why?

Where else am
I supposed to go?

We can't stay at the frat house.

We can't stay in the attic.

And we don't have
a place of our own.

So guess what, Tom?

We are back to square one.

REFUGEE: I'm almost done.

Are you sure you don't mind
me taking Jessie's room?

Our home is your home.

Thank you.

Everything OK, kiddo?

Tom and I kind of had a fight.

Would it be OK if I crash here?

Of course, sweetie.

Let's go make up your bed.

OK?

So it's back to the basement.
Huh?

- Yeah.
- OK.

[MUSIC - DAVID CELIA, "AFRAID TO
CHANGE"]

(SINGING) I'm missing
feeling in such a bad way.

The world is getting colder,
and the mirror's growing older.

I don't know what to do.

I just keep thinking how
I'm lucky to have you.

You know some people--

Hey.

Hey.

(SINGING) And it trips
me like an untied shoe.

Party detritus.

Also, I had to kill a guy.

Cut him up.

Yeah, you know the deal.

Look, I was a
jackass last night.

I've been having an issue
with something, and--

Yeah, you and Jessie.

More like you and Jessie.

I can't believe she told you.

Although the chest poking thing
should have tipped me off.

Look, man, it was a
one-shot deal, OK?

And it was way before you
guys ever even hooked up.

Yeah, I know that now.

But I convinced myself that
you were jealous of losing her,

so I rubbed it in.

Dude.

I was worried about
losing someone.

But it wasn't Jessie.

What, are you
changing teams on me?

Yeah, you wish.

One last question, and
I want an honest answer.

What do you really
think of this marriage?

Look, what I think
doesn't really matter, OK?

It's what she
thinks that counts.

But for the record,
I think it's nuts.

Noted.

CARTER: Foosball?

Dad?

I'd like to make you an offer.
- I'm listening.

I decided to stay in
school and in the attic,

if, if you'll still have us.

Go on.

But I wanna pay rent.

Now I can't afford as much as
you'd get from someone else,

but I'd like to offset that
with pre-negotiated chores.

Say, mowing the lawn?

Twice weekly, plus garbage.

Weekly plus
garbage, no recycling.

Garbage, recycling, and
taking your mother to ballet.

Recycling.

No ballet.

Damnit.

[MUSIC - DAVID CELIA, "AFRAID TO
CHANGE"]

(SINGING) Don't
be afraid to change.

I can't believe how much
my life's been rearranged.

Sometimes it seems a dream
is falling out of range.

How could you know the
world could be so strange.

Don't be afraid to change.

Don't be afraid to change.

Don't be afraid to change.

Don't be afraid to change.

Oh my god!

What happened to
the pink palace?

Well, like you said,
knock down a couple walls,

give it a cool paint job,
and you've got a fresh start.

And your own private line.

From now on, we call
before we visit.

Your father and I
got this in Mexico,

and we thought it might
just liven the place up.

Sorry about the smell.

So now we'll give
you two some space.

How did you--

I took a part time
job at the juice bar

so I could kick
my dad some rent,

and, uh, I'm staying in school.

Tom, that's great.

Oh, someone's
getting laid tonight.

The space thing, right?

Thanks, Carter.

Mr. Bellow.

Mrs. Bellow.

Look, Jessie, I, I know Carter
will always be your first,

but you know what?

I'm OK with that.

Really.

Good.

'Cause he may be my first,
but, um, you, Tom Bellow,

will always be my last.

And what were you saying
about christening the place?

Something's not working.

Should we put it back?

And admit your
mother was right?

That'd be sending
the wrong message.

Well, it's gotta
fit somewhere.

Last time.

I swear.

[MUSIC - TWO HOURS TRAFFIC, "NO
ADVANCES"]

Don't look down.

We'll paint the town real soon.

[DOOR KNOB RATTLING

JUDITH: Anybody hungry?

I've got cheese bagel.

No advances.

Just romances.

Don't look down.

We'll hit the town real soon.

Don't look down.

We'll hit the town real soon.

If I'm bright, I'll have
you inside real soon.

Real soon.

Real soon.

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