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1
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,283
Mm, Pops, that lady forgot
her goldfish. Miss!
2
00:00:07,316 --> 00:00:09,266
Wait a minute, Dee.
What're you doing?
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,333
I can use these
in my seafood sampler.
4
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,316
You are ghetto.
5
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,200
Pops, this is worse
than the time you ran
out
6
00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:22,233
of glazed doughnuts and put
Vaseline on the plain ones.
7
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,233
Hey, what's up, Pops?
What's goin' on, baby boy?
8
00:00:26,266 --> 00:00:28,283
- Represent, represent..
- Come on, man, stop it.
9
00:00:28,316 --> 00:00:31,133
What's wrong with you?
10
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:33,100
Yo, Pops, can I borrow
your car tonight?
11
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:34,166
Again?
12
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,366
Son, I can't be puttin'
all those miles
13
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,350
on that beautiful car, man.
14
00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:39,333
It'd hurt my resale value.
15
00:00:39,366 --> 00:00:42,366
Negro, your car's got more
miles
on it than the space shuttle.
16
00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:46,500
I thought you could
get your own car.
17
00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:48,150
I'm tryin' to,
but I'm a li'l low on
funds.
18
00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:49,350
Alright, here.
19
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,383
Now, if the brakes fail,
pump it a couple of times.
20
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,316
If that don't work,
I have a helmet
21
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:57,000
and two mouthpieces
in the back seat.
22
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,233
Hm, so, Shawn..
23
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:03,660
...why do you want a car,
you got a hot date?
24
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:06,183
- Maybe.
- Oh, who's it with?
25
00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:10,150
- Nobody you know.
- Oh, where you goin'?
26
00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:13,266
- Nowhere.
- Oh, then why you need the
car?
27
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,500
Why you all in my business?
28
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,200
Mind your business,
get away from me, you
nosy.
29
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:21,200
I am not nosy,
I just wanna.. Oh.
30
00:01:25,216 --> 00:01:27,200
- See that girl over there?
- Mm-hmm.
31
00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:30,000
Know what, she work
in a copy room.
32
00:01:30,330 --> 00:01:32,350
I hear she has
to find a husband
33
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,200
or else she'll get deported.
34
00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:37,266
- What?
- Deported? What did she do?
35
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,266
Her visa expired.
36
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,333
Oh, man, you mean,
they throw you outta the
country
37
00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,316
if your Visa expires?
38
00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:48,150
Pish.. I'm switchin'
to American Express, yo.
39
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:51,330
Hm, that poor girl
40
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,216
I hear she is desperate
to find a husband.
41
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:54,350
She would do anything.
42
00:01:54,383 --> 00:01:56,200
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
43
00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:59,216
Then she'd lemme spank her
with wet baloney slices?
44
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,383
People are crazy.
45
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,160
You know, you have
to take marriage seriously.
46
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,250
Unh-unh, that's a lifetime
commitment, right, Pops?
47
00:02:08,283 --> 00:02:11,283
Oh, don't remind me.
48
00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:13,116
Look, I personally think
people should
49
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,100
get married
for important reasons.
50
00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:17,500
Like sex.
51
00:02:17,830 --> 00:02:18,350
Or if somebody got
a shotgun to your head.
52
00:02:18,383 --> 00:02:20,250
- Exactly.
- Actually you know what?
53
00:02:20,283 --> 00:02:21,266
I'm with Dee
on this one.
54
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,383
I think marriage
is a sacred act
55
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,250
and it shouldn't
be taken lightly.
56
00:02:24,283 --> 00:02:28,160
That is very very true.
57
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,350
'Cause lemme
tell you somethin..'
58
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:32,330
She..
59
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,660
She is willing to pay
60
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,316
$10,000 to buy a husband.
61
00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:39,350
Now, that's just wrong,
uh-huh, right, Shawn?
62
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,830
Now, that's $10,000
US currency, right?
63
00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:49,160
I don't wanna see
Nelson Mandela on my money.
64
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,116
[theme music]
65
00:02:52,133 --> 00:02:53,350
♪ We're brothers ♪
66
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:57,150
♪ We're happy and we're
singin'
and we're colored ♪
67
00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:00,283
♪ Gimme a high-five ♪♪
68
00:03:00,316 --> 00:03:02,100
(male #1)Alright, cut and print.
69
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,333
Beautiful, guys, dynamite.
70
00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:06,150
[instrumental music]
71
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:32,830
Alright..
so it is all settled.
72
00:03:32,116 --> 00:03:33,366
2:30 at the courthouse,
tomorrow.
73
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,660
(female #1)
'Yes, thank you.'
74
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,166
I don't have a ring but
75
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,216
you have to wear
this temporarily.
76
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:44,160
Uh, Shawn,
did you forget
something?
77
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,183
Oh, yeah, that's right.
78
00:03:45,216 --> 00:03:47,000
Don't forget to bring
a cashier's check
79
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,316
and two pieces of ID.
80
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:51,830
No, I meant wouldn't you like
81
00:03:51,116 --> 00:03:53,200
to introduce us
to your new
friend?
82
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,316
Oh, actually, y'all,
this is my new fiancee.
83
00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:58,116
We're getting married tomorrow.
84
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:01,116
- Uh, this is Dee. Dee,
Famali.
- Hi.
85
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:03,200
Famali, this is Marlon
and Pops.
86
00:04:03,233 --> 00:04:05,216
- Howdy do?
- It is so nice to meet you.
87
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:09,283
- Oh, wow! I love your
accent.
- Thank you.
88
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,366
Lemme guess...Irish.
89
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,266
No, it is a Contresian.
90
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:19,000
Oh, that must be one of those
new countries over in Atlanta.
91
00:04:19,330 --> 00:04:21,160
Don't pay no attention
to Marlon.
92
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,133
His mama smoked a lot of cools
when she was pregnant.
93
00:04:25,216 --> 00:04:27,830
Well, I better go now.
94
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,150
I've to cancel my airline
tickets to Nonpek.
95
00:04:29,183 --> 00:04:31,200
- Okay.
- Oh, congratulations.
96
00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:34,100
Mwah, oh, oh,
I love you sister-in-law.
97
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:37,500
Bye, sister-in-law, bye.
98
00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:39,150
Welcome to the family.
99
00:04:39,183 --> 00:04:42,183
Negro, have you lost your mind?
What's wrong with you, man?
100
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,500
You can't get-you're gettin'
married tomorrow?
101
00:04:44,830 --> 00:04:46,183
Marlon, look, I know
exactly
what you gonna say, okay?
102
00:04:46,216 --> 00:04:49,660
I don't know the girl
and I'm rushin' into
things.
103
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,216
I don't wanna say that.
104
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:53,100
I'm plannin' your bachelor
party, man, the strippers.
105
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,830
Look, you know Passion need time
106
00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:57,283
to find a babysitter
for her six kids.
107
00:04:57,316 --> 00:05:01,183
Besides, her bullet wound
ain't healed yet, Shawn.
108
00:05:01,216 --> 00:05:02,366
Your priorities is off, Shawn.
109
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,330
Marlon, look, none of
that's
gonna even go down, okay?
110
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:07,283
This is strictly
a business transaction, okay?
111
00:05:07,316 --> 00:05:10,133
I do this, I'mma get some money
so I can buy me a car.
112
00:05:10,166 --> 00:05:13,183
Shawn, how could you?
113
00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:16,200
Look, Dee, I don't feel a 100
percent right about it, okay?
114
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,133
But I think I'm doin'
this girl a favor.
115
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,660
You know, there's a big civil
war goin' on in her country?
116
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,216
There's more
violence
happenin' out there
117
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,150
than at
"The Jerry Springer
Show".
118
00:05:24,183 --> 00:05:28,000
Hm, well, I don't see no good
comin' outta this.
119
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,133
No, I don't know
about that, now, Dee.
120
00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:32,366
Same thing happened
to my friend Elroy.
121
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,216
This crazy Hungarian woman paid
him $5000 to marry her
122
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:37,366
so she can stay in this country.
123
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,383
And when she got a
citizenship,
they got annulment.
124
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,166
Oh, what happened
to the crazy Hungarian woman?
125
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,660
Well, she couldn't speak
any English so she got
126
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,133
a good job at the DMV.
127
00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:52,133
Well, you just better make sure
that this isn't any kinda scam.
128
00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:53,383
- I know, I know.
- Good idea, son.
129
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,316
Get yourself
a prenuptial agreement
130
00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:57,166
for your own protection.
131
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,330
Protection?
Pop, he's gonna be
married.
132
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,660
He's gonna be goin' in raw.
Ha ha!
133
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,133
[instrumental music]
134
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:10,160
Hey, Pop, I can't
believe
Shawn is married.
135
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,160
Yeah, for a fake marriage
136
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:15,266
the ceremony was beautiful.
137
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:18,316
Well, if it isn't
the newly-weds.
138
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:20,183
I'd like to thank
you all
for comin' down
139
00:06:20,216 --> 00:06:21,383
to the courthouse
with us yesterday.
140
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:22,383
It was our pleasure.
141
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,500
Oh, well, you know, I had to be
142
00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:25,183
there down anyway for that
143
00:06:25,216 --> 00:06:27,300
alleged peepin' tom charge.
144
00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:30,000
They're trippin'.
145
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,316
Shawn, I never
really
had the chance
146
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,330
to thank you for
everything
that you've done.
147
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:37,250
Ah, don't worry about it, girl.
148
00:06:37,283 --> 00:06:40,383
Uh, you can thank me in the
back seat of my brand new jeep.
149
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,183
I am serious.
150
00:06:42,216 --> 00:06:44,660
[imitating Famali]
I'mserious
151
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:48,283
No, no, I mean not many people
would have done what you did.
152
00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:50,150
What you did was noble.
153
00:06:50,183 --> 00:06:53,116
In my country,
they would call you
Benpo..
154
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,150
[clicking tongue]
155
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,216
Why don't you just
call me [click] Shawn?
156
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,660
And less spit involved.
157
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,350
Hey, what does this mean?
158
00:07:02,383 --> 00:07:05,183
[beat boxing]
159
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,330
How dare you say my breath
smells like goat sex?
160
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:17,183
Oh-oh, my bad.
I meant zebra sex.
161
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,200
Well, excuse me.
162
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,160
I'm lookin' for
Mr. and Mrs. Shawn
Williams.
163
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:26,216
Uh, uh, that's us.
164
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:29,330
I'm Mr. Moore
from immigration
services.
165
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:32,830
I'm here to validate
the legitimacy of your
marriage.
166
00:07:32,116 --> 00:07:33,183
For what?
167
00:07:33,216 --> 00:07:34,216
Yes, I mean, our marriage
168
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,116
is just as real
as anyone else's.
169
00:07:37,150 --> 00:07:39,300
Yeah, I'll prove it to you.
170
00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:43,350
Oh, well, that's all
well
and good.
171
00:07:43,383 --> 00:07:45,500
But for the next six months
172
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:47,200
I'm gonna be checkin' up on you
at your home
173
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,100
and if I find out this is a scam
174
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:51,160
she's gonna be on
the first plane outta
here
175
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,116
and you're gonna be in jail.
176
00:07:53,150 --> 00:07:55,350
See you around.
Oh, and
congratulations.
177
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:58,166
Thanks a lot, doc.
178
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,300
Well, no, Shawn,
what are we going to do?
179
00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:03,316
I guess the only way we can
fool
this man is to live together.
180
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,116
Hm, but I can't ask you
to do that.
181
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,150
Yeah, you're right about
that.
I got my check.
182
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,283
- Hey, Marlon.
- What's up, man?
183
00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:11,366
Yo, kid, what color
car
should I get?
184
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,283
Candy apple red or Champagne?
185
00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:16,166
(Marlon)
'Uh, get the red, brother.
The ladies love it.'
186
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,183
I can't do this.
Hang on a second, Famali.
187
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:24,266
Why don't you just come live
with us for a couple of
months?
188
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:28,166
Really?
Oh, really thank you, thank
you.
189
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,366
I have to go get the
rest
of my belongings.
190
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,233
- Thank you.
- 'You're welcome.'
191
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,166
Shawn, are you crazy?
192
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,383
You can't invite a perfect
stranger into our home.
193
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,383
Why not?
You do it every pay
check.
194
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,133
Yeah, well, they only stay
ten minutes.
195
00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:46,200
Look, Marlon, there's
nothin'
I can do, okay?
196
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:48,133
You heard that
guy,
if we get busted
197
00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:50,316
she gets kicked outta
the country and I go to
jail.
198
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,350
Besides how bad could it be?
199
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:58,333
[goat bleating]
200
00:08:58,366 --> 00:09:00,350
Why don't you just
come stay at our
place?
201
00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:05,150
Uh, come on, Marlon,
it ain't that ba-a-a-ad.
202
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:07,333
Just a li'l more crowded
than usual, that's all.
203
00:09:07,366 --> 00:09:10,250
Alright, that is the end of it.
204
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,383
Right. Well, thank you guys
for helpin' her move in.
205
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,283
Um, oh, snap, this is fly.
206
00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:19,330
What's this, Kunta Kana?
207
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,333
Li'l ashy, bro.
208
00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:24,116
Alright, well, uh,
see you guys later, take
care.
209
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:27,160
Oh, no, Shawn,
this is my
family.
210
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,283
Uh-huh, this is Uncle Shakan
211
00:09:29,316 --> 00:09:31,116
my brother Polay
212
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:33,183
'Grandma Buku'
213
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:35,300
and Mirin.
214
00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:39,350
They will be living with us.
215
00:09:39,383 --> 00:09:42,500
[instrumental music]
216
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:53,200
Hey, what's, uh, Mirin
doin'
at the window?
217
00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:55,330
(Famali)
'Oh, he is hunting.'
218
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:58,660
You see, in our culture
we must always eat fresh meat.
219
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:01,166
[dog yelping]
220
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,000
(male #2)
'Damn, you shot my dog.'
221
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:07,166
'I'm gonna come up there
and throw you a beat.'
222
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,216
Uh, lets get back
to studyin', girl.
223
00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:14,500
Okay, so remember, Famali..
224
00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:15,350
...we're gonna have to know
everything about each other
225
00:10:15,383 --> 00:10:17,350
if we're gonna convince
Mr. Moore our marriage is
real.
226
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,366
I know, Shawn. We've been over
this one hundred times before.
227
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,283
Your favorite movie
is "Scarface".
228
00:10:23,316 --> 00:10:25,200
- Your favorite food is
Italian.
- True that.
229
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,316
You are allergic
to strawberries.
230
00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:31,830
And the first time you had
sex,
you lasted two minutes.
231
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:37,100
- I never told you that.
- No, Marlon did.
232
00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:41,500
Well, that ain't true,
alright,
her watch was just fast.
233
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:43,250
[screaming]
234
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,660
What's wrong with granny?
235
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,250
She got gas?
236
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:54,216
Hey, hey, hey, well, what's
with all the drummin', man?
237
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,216
Come on, now, first y'all
take
over my living room
238
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:59,300
and now a brother can't watch
the Spice channel in peace.
239
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,300
Come on, hey, hey,
would you stop the
drums?
240
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,116
You're throwin'
my rhythm off,
man.
241
00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:04,200
Hey, look, Marlon
242
00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:06,830
I-I didn't expect
this either, okay
243
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:08,333
but in their culture the whole
family must live together.
244
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:11,166
Hey, look, you gotta get
Paul Simon's backup
singers
245
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,366
the hell out of my house.
246
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,316
[screams]
247
00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:22,233
Oh, man, oh, these
underwears
are cutting me.
248
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:24,366
- I gotta get outta here. Ow!
- 'Wait, Marlon.'
249
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,233
[Marlon grunts]
250
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,300
Marlon, don't be like this, man.
251
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:29,316
Look, let's just,
let's-let's just
252
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,133
do the best we can, okay?
253
00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:32,366
Alright.
254
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,216
Oh, my God.
I've a pounding
headache.
255
00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:42,160
[groans]
256
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,660
- Shawn, my neck.
- Alright, alright,
alright.
257
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:47,000
Alright, alright.
Why don't you just relax, kid?
258
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:48,350
Why don't you go down
to Pops' diner and just chill
259
00:11:48,383 --> 00:11:51,250
and we'll talk about this
whole thing later on, alright?
260
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,166
What the hell happened
to my jacket?
261
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:02,283
I am so sorry. The ritual drum
needed a new hide.
262
00:12:02,316 --> 00:12:04,233
Look, Famali, I'm tryin'
to look out for you, girl
263
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,383
but you're takin' it too far
264
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,300
cuttin' up people jackets
and stuff and..
265
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:10,116
Hey, man, will you guys
stop with this drums, man?
266
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:11,200
Oh, no, Shawn, no.
267
00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:14,330
This is an important
sacred ritual.
268
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,160
Today Mirin becomes a man.
269
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,333
You see, the drums
represent his heartbeat.
270
00:12:18,366 --> 00:12:21,150
And if the drumming stops,
so does his heart.
271
00:12:21,183 --> 00:12:22,283
Man, get outta here
with that, man.
272
00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:25,160
Give me these drums, man.
Stop it.
273
00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:29,366
Killed him.
274
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,250
[singing tribal song]
275
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,333
Uh-huh, yeah.
276
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:58,200
Alright, alright, thanks a
lot.
Thanks, Dee, bye.
277
00:12:58,233 --> 00:13:00,660
Yo, Dee's friend from the INS
278
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,500
said Mr. Moore is on his way
over here right now.
279
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:04,133
Oh, I am so nervous.
280
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:06,000
Will you relax, girl, okay?
281
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:07,183
By now we know
each other so
well
282
00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:10,133
we should be able
to finish each
other's..
283
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:13,216
Sandwiches, eh?
284
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:17,250
Sentences. Maybe we better go
over this a couple more times.
285
00:13:17,283 --> 00:13:19,830
Right.
286
00:13:19,116 --> 00:13:22,166
- Hey, what a do?
- 'What's up, Marlon?'
287
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,366
Hey, what happened
to Zulu nation?
288
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000
[laughs]
289
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,166
Uh, they got homesick
290
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,150
so Pop took them
to see some wild
animals.
291
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,333
Oh, word, they went down
to the zoo?
292
00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:33,150
- Nah, to see Def Jam.
- Oh, alright.
293
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:34,233
[knock on door]
294
00:13:34,266 --> 00:13:36,100
Alright, that's Mr. Moore
right now.
295
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,133
Alright, everybody,
now act natural.
296
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,200
Act natural, Marlon.
297
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,350
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
298
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:48,233
Look who's here.
It's the INS man.
299
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:51,233
- Oh!
- Come on in.
300
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:57,283
Me and my wife who
I love so very very very
much
301
00:13:57,316 --> 00:14:00,200
did not know
you was even comin'
over.
302
00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:02,330
Uh, what is your name again?
303
00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,316
Shawn, Mr. Moore, dummy. Tsk..
304
00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:08,330
You just said his name right
before he walked in the door.
305
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:09,216
Yeah, thanks a lot, stupid.
306
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,283
Now, why don't you
go over in the room
307
00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:12,100
and watch "Sixty Minutes"?
308
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:13,300
Hey, well, I'll see y'all
in two hours.
309
00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:15,233
Mr. Moore, pleasure to meet you.
310
00:14:15,266 --> 00:14:17,133
Word up, son?
Keep it real.
311
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:18,216
You know what I'm sayin'?
312
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:20,100
Keep your eye..
313
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,116
[indistinct]
314
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,250
Alright, let's get started here.
315
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:31,000
Uh, can you show me
where the scissors are?
316
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,316
Eh...scissors?
317
00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:34,000
Yeah, you live here, don't you?
318
00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:35,250
You should know
where your scissors are.
319
00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:38,266
Girl, you..
The scissors, come on,
now.
320
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,366
Of course, of course.
321
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:03,116
At present I see him
dance.
How are you, son?
322
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,166
You do not seem very familiar
with your kitchen.
323
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,216
Hm.
324
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,100
Oh, oh, oh,
but it's all my
fault.
325
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:11,150
It's all my fault, wifey
be
tellin' me all the time,
man.
326
00:15:11,183 --> 00:15:14,500
She tell me all the time
about misplacing things.
327
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,250
I hate that.
328
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,233
- Bad husband. Bad.
- Yes, very bad.
329
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,000
I-I, I-I hate when I do that
330
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,333
and you know what else
I found myself doin'
331
00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:24,266
leavin' the toilet seat up.
332
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:27,200
Then while we come to bed
our both booty be all wet.
333
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:30,216
Smell like 2000 flushes.
334
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,116
But I love you anyway.
335
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:34,233
[laughs]
Likewise.
336
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:37,660
Alright, that's enough of that.
337
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,133
What hand does she write with?
338
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:42,133
Uh, whatever hand that pen's in.
339
00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:45,333
[laughs]
Joke. Um, her left hand.
340
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:48,283
When her right hand is broken.
341
00:15:48,316 --> 00:15:51,133
And how much does she weigh?
342
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:52,383
Come on, man, you know
it ain't polite
343
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,233
to ask a woman her weight.
344
00:15:54,266 --> 00:15:57,660
I know, that's why I asked you.
345
00:15:57,100 --> 00:16:00,000
You probably don't even know
how much your own wife weighs.
346
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,150
Two hundred
and eighty six
pounds.
347
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:05,333
Man, that ain't no wife,
that's a truck.
348
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,233
Well, anyway, uh,
my wife weighs about 150.
349
00:16:10,266 --> 00:16:12,300
- One-fifty?
- Well-well, 160.
350
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,383
Are you crazy?
351
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,333
What-what I meant was,
you-you know..
352
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:19,000
No, what you meant is you
think
I am fat, right?
353
00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:21,116
No, not fat, fit.
354
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:23,283
Oh, now you're saying
that I shouldn't try
355
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,660
to squeeze myself
into a size four, eh?
356
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,216
(Shawn)
'I didn't say any of that.'
357
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,350
'What you twistin'
my words around for?'
358
00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:30,216
Oh, so now I'm a liar too.
359
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,200
I'm just
a big old fat liar to you.
360
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:35,216
What? Ain't.. You know,
we gotta go talk in
private.
361
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,300
[clicking tongue]
362
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,300
Stop mocking my language.
363
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:47,160
I am so tired of you making
fun
of my family.
364
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,366
And I'm tired of your
family
stinkin' up my
apartment.
365
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,100
They got my house
smellin'
like Customs at the
airport.
366
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:56,330
Oh, and what about Marlon, eh?
367
00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:58,333
I don't like the way
he looks at my goat.
368
00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:01,350
Don't talk about my brother.
369
00:17:01,383 --> 00:17:03,200
[click] you.
370
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,300
Look, hey, you know what,
I think
371
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:06,500
you came at a bad time, man.
372
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:07,233
I think you should
come back another time.
373
00:17:07,266 --> 00:17:08,350
This girl is trippin'.
374
00:17:08,383 --> 00:17:10,830
No, there's no
need,
there's no need.
375
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,100
When I first got
here
I was convinced
376
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:13,300
this marriage was a scam
377
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,133
but after listening to you two
378
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:17,300
you sound just
like my wife and
me.
379
00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:19,183
Ah, I-I'm convinced.
380
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:22,366
Your citizenship
will be approved.
381
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,316
Thank you, Mr. Moore.
382
00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:27,166
No problem.
I better, better get
going.
383
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,383
Looks like you two
got
a lot of makin' up to
do.
384
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,316
Right.
385
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:35,830
Say, before I leave..
386
00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:37,233
...what is that smell?
387
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:40,150
(both)
Goat sex.
388
00:17:40,183 --> 00:17:42,200
[both laughing]
389
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:45,250
- Oh, we did it.
- Yes.
390
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:48,150
- I'm going to be a citizen.
- Yes, you are.
391
00:17:48,183 --> 00:17:50,216
Hey, hey, look, Famali,
I'm really really sorry
392
00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:52,100
about all the stuff
I said about your
family
393
00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:54,183
but I was-I was just, I
was
gettin' frustrated, you
know.
394
00:17:54,216 --> 00:17:57,133
Oh, I like the way
you asserted yourself.
395
00:17:57,166 --> 00:18:01,160
In my culture,
the man is always dominant.
396
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,316
Wow, Ike Turner
must be a
legend.
397
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,830
I want
to thank you again, Shawn.
398
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:09,000
I don't know what I would
have done without you.
399
00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:11,350
Well, I better go find my
family
so they can move my things.
400
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,383
Wait a minute, Famali
401
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,200
you know what,
I think you should take this.
402
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:19,333
Why are you giving me
my money back? We had a deal.
403
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:22,150
I know, but I just
don't feel right.
404
00:18:22,183 --> 00:18:25,133
I don't think you should have
to pay for your freedom.
405
00:18:25,166 --> 00:18:27,830
Besides, I mean,
you're gonna need the money
406
00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:30,500
to find your new apartment
for you and your goats
407
00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:32,500
and your aunties and uncles.
408
00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,366
You know, I am so
lucky
to have found you.
409
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,000
You know, Shawn, we make
a pretty good couple, eh?
410
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:42,000
[imitating Famali]
Yeah, eh.
I think we do, girl.
411
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,200
I think we do. And I think
you're really cool.
412
00:18:44,233 --> 00:18:48,660
But I think
we did things backwards.
413
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,283
If it's gonna work
414
00:18:49,316 --> 00:18:51,830
you'll have to get
the marriage annulled
415
00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:52,200
then we start datin'.
416
00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:53,350
I'd like it.
417
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:54,366
[imitating Famali]
Now, you come over here
418
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,283
and give ya future ex-husband..
419
00:18:57,316 --> 00:19:00,000
...a kiss.
420
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:01,350
Ow!
421
00:19:01,383 --> 00:19:04,160
(Famali)
'Mirin, stop playing.'
422
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,660
- Yeah.
- Stupid.
423
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,216
I'll put my [click] in your ass.
424
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,233
This ain't the Wa kingdom.
425
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:30,166
Hey, Pop, I don't know
what it is
426
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,100
but I just can't seem
to stop workin'.
427
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,330
Well, slow down a second
and try this new recipe
428
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:35,283
I got from Famali's grandmother.
429
00:19:35,316 --> 00:19:37,183
Okay.
430
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:41,830
Does that possum
taste like
chicken?
431
00:19:41,116 --> 00:19:42,660
Yeah.
432
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,133
Good, that's all I need to know.
433
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:45,830
(Marlon)
Okay.
434
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,830
(Dee)
'Shawn.'
435
00:19:50,266 --> 00:19:53,150
Are you still going out
with Famali?
436
00:19:53,183 --> 00:19:55,100
Uh, well, we went out
on a few dates
437
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:57,200
after we got our marriage
annulled, but, you know
438
00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:59,500
she left me a message
on my answering machine
439
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:00,233
tellin' me she's goin' back
to her country.
440
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:04,100
Oh, that's too bad.
You really missed out.
441
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:07,330
Missed out? What do you mean?
442
00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:09,100
You haven't read the paper?
443
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:12,166
Apparently her father is a king.
444
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,366
What?
445
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,150
You mean, as in royalty king
446
00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:20,166
or like Don King
got a nappy hair brother?
447
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,316
Come on, Dee, you know how it is
448
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,183
in those
poverty-stricken countries.
449
00:20:23,216 --> 00:20:25,366
The king is always the one
with the ashiest elbows
450
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,100
and the most flies around them.
451
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,183
Uh-huh, I mean her father's
452
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:32,350
the fifth wealthiest man
in the world.
453
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,330
Marlon, watch the newsstand.
454
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:38,183
Hey, hold on, hold on,
whe-whe-where you going?
455
00:20:38,216 --> 00:20:39,383
I'm gonna get my wife back.
456
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:41,183
Hey, how do you
get to Contresia?
457
00:20:41,216 --> 00:20:43,250
Oh, when you get to Puerto
Rico,
you make a right.
458
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:47,500
-Gracias,
- Okay.
459
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,266
[Dee laughing]
460
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:53,166
And, Dee, this voodoo stuff
is just stupid.
461
00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:02,333
Killed him.
462
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,383
[indistinct singing]
463
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:28,100
(Shawn)'Look up, Marlon, saycheese.'
34635
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