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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Previously on Married with Children:
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00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:08,098
I can't believe you'd forget
the most romantic night of our life.
3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,574
I remember, sweetheart.
4
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:12,499
And then we shared a Mister Softee.
5
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:16,579
Oh, yeah. And we've been
sharing one ever since.
6
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,972
Oh, Marcy, what should I do?
7
00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:21,659
You thought about seeing someone?
8
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:25,734
Well, I have had my eye
on the UPS guy.
9
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,458
No, I mean you and Al should
see a marriage counselor.
10
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:34,173
Well, if I'm so difficult
to put up with...
11
00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:35,699
...why don't you just leave?
12
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,534
Well, maybe I will.
13
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,372
So go.
14
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,138
Walk out that door.
15
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:45,492
Turn around now.
You're not welcome anymore.
16
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:50,171
I will survive.
17
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:31,497
Yeah, well, Marcy, of course.
He's always threatening to leave.
18
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,975
But somewhere
between the house and the Dodge...
19
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,331
...he realizes
he'd have to break in a new toilet seat.
20
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:45,852
Damn, I never thought
he'd think of that.
21
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,289
Let me call you back.
22
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,852
So where do you think you're going?
23
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:54,092
To live the life I should have had.
24
00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:58,330
So, what corner
will you be washing windshields on?
25
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,730
Wouldn't you love to know.
26
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,328
Okay, Al.
27
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,371
Go on. Just go.
28
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,571
But don't take anything
out of this house.
29
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:10,733
Well, I did kind of want the couch,
but then your butt would have to go too.
30
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:13,412
Wait a minute.
What am I thinking about?
31
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:15,656
I almost forgot
the two most important things.
32
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:17,418
What are we gonna do
about custody?
33
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,935
Well, obviously,
they should stay with me.
34
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,290
I'm the one who spends
the most time with them.
35
00:02:22,580 --> 00:02:24,730
While I worked
to put a roof over their heads...
36
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:27,659
...but still had time
to listen to their stories...
37
00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:30,294
...to laugh with them,
to cry with them?
38
00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:33,333
Yes, but who stayed up with them
all night?
39
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:34,859
Oh, God.
40
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:37,176
I just don't think
I can live without them.
41
00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:38,648
Well, me either.
42
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:41,977
Well, we'll just have to split them.
43
00:02:42,180 --> 00:02:44,648
You take the little colored one.
44
00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:49,330
I can't watch football
on that little TV.
45
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,137
- Kelly, shovel the snow.
- I don't have to.
46
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:59,776
Oh, no, Al, the kids.
This could scar them for life.
47
00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:03,609
Don't worry. If they can survive seeing
your mother's bathing suit fall off...
48
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,458
...they can get through this.
49
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,939
- What's going on?
- Nothing much.
50
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:18,337
Your mother and I are breaking up.
Take care of yourselves.
51
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:21,131
Don't forget to write...
52
00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,535
...or color me a pretty picture.
53
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:26,248
Hey, why do I get them?
54
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,536
That's the natural order of things,
Peg.
55
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:32,574
You birth them, suckle them,
take care of them.
56
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,572
We hunt.
57
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:39,456
Al Bundy, you are making
the biggest mistake of your life...
58
00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:44,529
...not only because you are a brainless,
spineless, soapless idiot...
59
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:47,698
...but because you have no money.
60
00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:49,612
Oh, yes, I do, Peg.
61
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:53,529
We husbands always have
our hidden little nest eggs.
62
00:03:53,780 --> 00:03:58,535
Yes. And we wives always know
about that little nest egg.
63
00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:01,732
You know the one you hid
in the vacuum? I bought a new dress.
64
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:05,336
And I found all the quarters
that you hid in Bud's mattress.
65
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:10,172
So that's why my mattress
was so lumpy.
66
00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:15,691
I kept dreaming that I was sleeping
on tiny little breasts.
67
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,377
That jingled.
68
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:21,772
Well, you got me, Peg.
69
00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:25,256
All my little hidey-holes
have been found out...
70
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,849
...except this one.
71
00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:33,297
Fiendishly clever.
72
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,059
You imbeciles.
73
00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:39,458
Don't you realize that's the only reason
we men ever lift the seat?
74
00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:43,170
- Come on, Bud, let's go.
- I'm with you, Pop.
75
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:47,134
No, you're not. I just need someone
to help me push the car.
76
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,249
Thanks, Al.
77
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:56,250
For the first time in our marriage,
you're leaving me satisfied.
78
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:02,493
We wanna send a specialhome-shopping hello to Peggy Bundy.
79
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,214
It's been a long time, Peggy.
80
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:07,773
And speaking of time...
81
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:11,689
...look at this lovely Martin Lawrencecuckoo clock.
82
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:13,698
Isn't that cute?
83
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,539
The second hand has a gun.
84
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:21,533
It's 3:00, bitch.
85
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:29,460
Hey, Mom. How you doing?
86
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:32,732
Oh, not bad for an over-the-hill...
87
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:37,377
...discarded, stringy-haired loser.
88
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:40,334
I don't think your hair
looks that stringy.
89
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,138
I'm all alone.
90
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:45,294
Don't worry, Mom.
91
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,412
- We'll never leave you.
- Oh, no.
92
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,579
I haven't seen her like this...
93
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:57,817
...since a kid at McDonald's asked her
if she was Ronald's mother.
94
00:05:58,700 --> 00:05:59,769
Bud...
95
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,693
...she really misses Dad, huh?
96
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,253
Well, don't you?
97
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:07,298
I mean, remember when he...
98
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:12,217
Oh, and the cute way that he--
He...
99
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:16,178
But then on Christmas,
when he used to...
100
00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:20,340
What the hell is she crying about?
101
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,208
I don't know.
102
00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:24,695
- I hate to see her like this though.
- I know.
103
00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:26,732
What do you do
when you get depressed?
104
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:31,570
Well, go out and find a rich man
to buy me stuff.
105
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,538
- Stepdaddy!
- Stepdaddy!
106
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:41,220
- We better hurry. Time is our enemy.
- Yeah.
107
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:42,495
So is gravity.
108
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:55,889
Al Bundy's gone awayI'll have a gag-free day
109
00:06:56,100 --> 00:07:00,412
It always pays to prayI've never felt so gay
110
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,929
My life is over,
and you're setting off fireworks?
111
00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:09,934
Well, actually, that was old man
McGinty and the rest of the block.
112
00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:13,496
Oh, that reminds me.
The parade's at 2.
113
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,331
I am riding in the big shoe float.
114
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:21,533
Marcy, think about my feelings.
115
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:25,619
I mean, imagine if Al was your husband
and he ran off and left you.
116
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,452
I am.
117
00:07:29,260 --> 00:07:30,215
I'm sorry.
118
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:32,852
You know, Peggy...
119
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:35,449
...I know this may come
as a shock to you...
120
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:38,379
...but I never really cared
for your ex-husband.
121
00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:42,255
- We're not divorced.
- Think positive, Peggy.
122
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,770
Well, I can't. I'm all alone.
123
00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:48,733
You know, I've always had a man
to take care of me.
124
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:50,373
First, my father...
125
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:52,810
...then my Aunt Bob...
126
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,857
...and then Al.
127
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,937
But now I have no one.
128
00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:00,779
Who's gonna rub my bottom?
129
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,135
Marcy, I'm scared.
130
00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:07,935
You know, I've never had a real
paycheque or balanced a chequebook.
131
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,050
Well, so neither has Al.
132
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,290
Look, Peggy,
you're in the prime of your life.
133
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,889
Your early 40s.
134
00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:21,096
Late 30s?
135
00:08:21,940 --> 00:08:23,134
Mid...?
136
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:24,614
Early...?
137
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,458
Twenty-nine?
138
00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:31,453
See? You've got your whole life
ahead of you.
139
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:34,254
It's your turn, girlfriend.
140
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,569
Gee, Marcy...
141
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,975
- ...I'm starting to feel better already.
- Good.
142
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:41,252
Now, you should do what I did
after Steve left.
143
00:08:41,780 --> 00:08:44,294
Pick up men at the airport?
144
00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,019
After that.
145
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,737
Is this Al's?
146
00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:57,172
You try.
147
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:04,691
Boy, I do feel better.
148
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:10,010
You know,
I have always hated this thing.
149
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,456
I gave you that.
150
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,578
Sorry.
151
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,255
Marcy, this is really helping me out.
152
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:26,533
Well, listen. After the buzz fades,
just remember that wherever Al is...
153
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:30,494
...that ungrateful baboon
will be feeling 10 times worse.
154
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:50,854
Hey.
155
00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:54,611
Look at that.
156
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,652
You've got the moves.
157
00:09:57,860 --> 00:10:00,169
Or the runs.
158
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,054
I'll tell you what.
159
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,212
This is the life.
You know what I did today?
160
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:06,489
I made breakfast.
161
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:07,849
Peg lied.
162
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:11,097
You don't have to make Pop Tarts
from scratch.
163
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,537
- Pretty snazzy place you got here.
- Yeah.
164
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,208
Vista del O'Hare.
165
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:23,130
Used up my nest egg,
but it's got a pool, it's got free cable...
166
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,410
...and it's conveniently located
right by the--
167
00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:36,333
Airport?
168
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:37,734
Yeah. Yeah.
169
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,534
But the neighbors don't even hear
the planes anymore.
170
00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:43,499
That's because they're deaf.
171
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,729
Hey.
172
00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:47,693
You guys think
I ought to get Marcy a waterbed?
173
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,334
Yeah.
May I recommend Lake Michigan?
174
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,619
All right, all you babes
in the Tri-County area...
175
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:03,938
...get ready because
Dr. Al is ready to operate.
176
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,740
Not dressed like that, you're not.
177
00:11:06,940 --> 00:11:09,500
We got to get this man
a new look, stat.
178
00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:13,690
George Clooney, eat your heart out.
179
00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:16,017
You are the money.
180
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,448
You sure women
like these contour briefs?
181
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:32,894
Oh, absolutely.
You see how they lift and separate?
182
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,568
It's like a Wonderbra for your ass.
183
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:41,097
Well, they do kind of move
with you...
184
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,768
...and no visible panty line.
185
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:45,891
Damn, I'm hot.
186
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:51,134
Hey, son, come on in.
187
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:52,895
Hey.
188
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,093
Pretty cool pad for a rest home.
189
00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:02,299
Son, come on over here.
Let me give you the tour.
190
00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:04,691
Well, that's it.
191
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,895
- Hold me tight, son.
- Oh, Dad. You miss me?
192
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:13,137
No, it's the 8:15 from Bangkok.
193
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:24,375
Nice pad, Dad.
194
00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:27,538
Listen. Mom wanted me to bring over
some of your stuff.
195
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,132
Oh, look.
196
00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:37,777
She shredded my Big 'Uns
into Little 'Uns.
197
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,251
Look on the bright side, buddy.
198
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:46,009
It'll make a great jigsaw puzzle
on a rainy day.
199
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,492
Look, Miss July's toe.
200
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:53,094
Doesn't take much to get
him going, does it?
201
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,610
Son, let's me and you
go pick up some foxes.
202
00:12:57,380 --> 00:12:58,813
Gee, Dad, I'd love to...
203
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,978
...but between your new hair
and new ass, I don't stand a chance.
204
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,498
- You got that right.
- Yeah.
205
00:13:07,940 --> 00:13:09,532
Oh, yeah.
206
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:25,096
You know, I haven't been
in a singles bar in 15 years.
207
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:28,929
Mom, you've been married
for 25 years.
208
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,938
Gee, I hope I remember what to do.
209
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:39,578
Oh, yeah.
It's all coming back to me now.
210
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:42,214
Mom, you can't act so pushy.
211
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,331
Kelly, it's the '90s.
212
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,895
Women are supposed
to be the aggressors.
213
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,897
Yeah, if they're losers.
214
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:53,969
All you have to do is sit back, unbutton
a button, and they'll all come to you.
215
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,579
That is just sick.
216
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:58,055
You are setting yourself up
for a domineering...
217
00:13:58,260 --> 00:14:00,251
...sexually aggressive relationship.
218
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,058
Well, duh.
219
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,490
Well, what do you suggest we do?
220
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:08,851
Lie naked on the hood of a Trans Am
out in the parking lot?
221
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,295
No, not till last call.
222
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:14,613
Just watch and learn.
223
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,292
See you.
224
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:27,657
You know, I taught her that
the first day of junior high.
225
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,293
Oh, I'm so proud.
226
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,968
I just hate this place.
227
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:33,772
Maybe it would be best to just...
228
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:37,177
...go home
and get in bed with Jefferson.
229
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,970
Well, I'll try anything once.
230
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:45,376
I mean, you're right.
231
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,013
This place isn't for us.
232
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,688
Look at all these hot young things.
233
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:53,377
That gorgeous redhead
with that little blond boy.
234
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,775
That's us, Peggy.
235
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:13,253
Talk about your babe watch.
236
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,212
Make way, boys.
237
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:20,289
Lifeguard Al
is about to do a little body surfing.
238
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:28,730
Traffic school, my ass.
239
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,012
I'll fix his ticket.
240
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,655
You're busted.
241
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,134
Her bust?
242
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:39,535
Yeah, isn't it great?
243
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:41,970
I tell you, if Marcy
had headlights like these...
244
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,057
...I wouldn't have to go
to traffic school.
245
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:54,770
Of course, my 4th touchdown
was really my best.
246
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:57,130
I faked out Porlogo...
247
00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:58,568
...went to the right...
248
00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:02,170
...and sprinted 75 yards
up the middle of the field...
249
00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,689
...and then I scored.
250
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,175
Unlike tonight.
251
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:14,249
Now, why would a lesbian
even go to a straight bar?
252
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,298
I never thought this could happen.
253
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,731
I've actually met somebody
as beautiful as me.
254
00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:49,658
You have a big ego.
255
00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:52,932
It matches my wallet and my car.
256
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,329
Anything else?
257
00:17:06,140 --> 00:17:10,292
Quick, call the paramedics!
This old guy's having a heart attack!
258
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:15,297
It looks like his diaper
is coming off.
259
00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:20,091
God, I love Mom's new boyfriend.
260
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:21,933
I don't miss that--
261
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:25,052
That guy who used to live here at all.
262
00:17:26,460 --> 00:17:28,212
Here, hold this.
263
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,292
Hello.
264
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:32,569
Daddy?
265
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:35,852
No, I'm sorry, he's not here right now.
Can I take a message?
266
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:40,372
It's Daddy, pumpkin.
267
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:43,214
"Daddy Pumpkin."
268
00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:47,738
And a number where he can reach you,
Mr. Pumpkin?
269
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:54,091
Sweetheart, is there someone there
I can talk to with a brain stem?
270
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,776
Put your brother on.
271
00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:58,379
Okay.
272
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:01,492
Hey, Bud, you're really handsome.
273
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,651
I did it, Dad.
274
00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:11,459
Well, thanks for calling, Daddy.
275
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:13,378
Oh, before I forget...
276
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,174
...a Mr. Pumpkin called for you.
277
00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:18,538
Okay?
278
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:22,417
All right. I love you, Daddy. Bye.
279
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:32,938
- Hey, Al.
- Hey.
280
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:34,175
Come on, Al.
281
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:38,931
Let's put on those contour briefs
and shake our money makers.
282
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,858
No, I think I'll just stay in tonight...
283
00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:46,130
...and wash my hair.
284
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:47,615
Wash it?
285
00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:52,018
Just run a DustBuster through
that puppy and let's be on our way.
286
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,018
I've been out every night this week.
287
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,097
I'm tired.
288
00:18:56,300 --> 00:19:00,088
Tired of going out, shelling out
and striking out.
289
00:19:00,780 --> 00:19:03,055
Yeah, well, maybe Al's right.
290
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:06,218
- Nobody wants to go out every night.
- I do.
291
00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:08,769
Sure you do, because you're married.
292
00:19:09,340 --> 00:19:11,137
Come on, Al.
You're just depressed...
293
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:14,571
...because you've been turned down
by a few hundred women.
294
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:20,255
Last night, one kicked me in the groin
with her leg. Her wooden one.
295
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,888
That's because you still got
Peggy's scent on you.
296
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,330
Most women are sensitive
about those things.
297
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,417
Who needs them?
298
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:32,097
All we really need in life
is our buddies...
299
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,131
...our beer...
300
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,896
...an occasional dirt bath.
301
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:41,535
And women condition us
to think we need them. We don't.
302
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,696
All we need are each other.
303
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,213
Hi.
304
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,013
I'm one of your neighbors.
305
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:54,209
Are you busy?
306
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:57,338
Get out.
307
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:59,770
- Out.
- You mean you're throwing us out?
308
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:01,857
- I thought we were your buddies.
- You are.
309
00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:04,733
That's why I'm throwing you
out the door and not the window.
310
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,695
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I broke a heel...
311
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,175
...and I heard
you were in the shoe business.
312
00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:13,291
- Can you fix this?
- Oh, of course I can.
313
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,933
I fix these all the time.
314
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:17,938
My wife--
I mean, my former wife.
315
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:20,410
--wears shoes just like these.
316
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:22,537
Are you divorced?
317
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,771
I can be.
318
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,056
- What's she like?
- Oh, I'd rather not say.
319
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,889
She wouldn't want me talking about her
in front of another woman.
320
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:33,170
She's the fiery type,
wiggles when she walks...
321
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,257
...can't get enough of me in bed.
322
00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,578
Am I talking about her again?
323
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,295
That's okay.
324
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,570
I still talk about my ex-boyfriend.
325
00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:43,930
Would you like to know
what he's like?
326
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,616
Hey, well, let me guess.
327
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:50,851
Big, mean, built like an ape.
328
00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:05,293
Thanks for fixing my shoe.
24203
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