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1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:04,375
-Who keeps putting
half-eaten apples in the fridge?
2
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:09,458
Felix? Viv? Andrew doesn't have
teeth, but he's still a suspect.
3
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:12,958
Hey, ding-dongs. I said two
episodes, and then that's it.
4
00:00:12,958 --> 00:00:15,041
I don't know when they end.
5
00:00:15,041 --> 00:00:17,625
Well, I said said you could
watch two episodes an hour ago,
6
00:00:17,625 --> 00:00:19,291
so you've watched
at least four now.
7
00:00:19,291 --> 00:00:21,500
I watched my two
and then Viv watched her two.
8
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:24,750
[Astrid] Screen time. Like Tummy Time or Time Out.
9
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:26,833
The kind of time we never knew about until we had kids.
10
00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:28,541
Can I watch the iPad now?
11
00:00:28,541 --> 00:00:30,333
[James] Yeah. When I was growing up,
12
00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:32,083
we rotted our brains with TVs and computers,
13
00:00:32,083 --> 00:00:33,833
and we were fine.
14
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,666
[Astrid] Or so we thought.
15
00:00:35,666 --> 00:00:38,083
But apparently it's actuallybad for kids' brains.
16
00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:40,791
[James] And now there are somany screens in so many places,
17
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,750
it's like their brains can't escape.
18
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,166
Where's the clicker?
Hello. Hello?
19
00:00:45,166 --> 00:00:47,375
[James] You can't cut them off screens completely.
20
00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:49,166
Let me see. I know, it's--
ha ha ha. Where's the--?
21
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:51,000
[Felix exclaims]
22
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,958
- Oh, fine. I'll do it myself.
- [Viv] No! Watching TV!
23
00:00:52,958 --> 00:00:55,083
[James] Here we go. Watch
this. Okay, wait. Watch this.
24
00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:57,541
[Astrid] Because eventually, technology will pass you by
25
00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:59,416
and you'll need their help with your screen time.
26
00:00:59,416 --> 00:01:01,125
Right now,
'cause Daddy's gonna--
27
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:02,583
- [Felix and Viv laughing]
- Is that-- Ho--!
28
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,333
Hey! Wh-- How--? Give me that.
29
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,500
Would you like me
to turn off the TV, Daddy?
30
00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:09,666
Yes, I would.
31
00:01:09,666 --> 00:01:12,208
[James] And then they will have their revenge.
32
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:22,125
Yeah, I-I'll be back in front of
my computer in, like, a minute.
33
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,958
Can I use your phone
to show Felix
34
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,708
the goat screaming
like a person?
35
00:01:25,708 --> 00:01:27,208
No, no, because
I'm using my phone
36
00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:28,583
to make a phone call
with my boss.
37
00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,416
Whoa, the "B word!"
38
00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:32,958
Yeah, but that goat thing
is funny.
39
00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:34,625
Anything that screams
like a person, I laugh.
40
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:35,750
Except a person.
41
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:38,041
Jean-Luc, I'm really gonna need
you to keep this call focused
42
00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:39,708
because we've already spent way
43
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,875
too much time talking
about Kirsten Dunst.
44
00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:42,708
She deserves an Oscar.
45
00:01:42,708 --> 00:01:45,375
Okay, I know that people
are worried that the World Cup
46
00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:47,416
means more trash in the city,
but I'm not worried.
47
00:01:47,416 --> 00:01:49,916
We've been specifically hired
to worry about it.
48
00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:51,583
Okay, this is not good
for my mental health.
49
00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:53,500
I already got a lot on my plate.
50
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,166
Yes, I already know about
running your mother's Airbnb
51
00:01:55,166 --> 00:01:56,375
and the thing
with your girlfriend's foot.
52
00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:58,416
Can we watch Cake Idiots?
53
00:01:58,416 --> 00:02:00,083
Uh, no. Felix, you guys are
supposed to be taking a break
54
00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:01,625
from screen time
for the next two days.
55
00:02:01,625 --> 00:02:03,250
Can you go play in the backyard?
56
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:04,875
Oh, we can pretend
it's a giant VR room.
57
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,875
- Yes!
- Come on, let's go, Viv!
58
00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:09,875
Okay. Um, one thing that we can
do that's job-related is, um,
59
00:02:09,875 --> 00:02:13,791
I can chart how other citiesboosted their waste management.
60
00:02:13,791 --> 00:02:16,041
Are--are you playing video games?
61
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:17,416
No. Are you?
62
00:02:17,416 --> 00:02:19,708
What were you saying?
63
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,791
I'm going to make a pretty graph
and show the garbage people
64
00:02:21,791 --> 00:02:23,500
where to add
more garbage trucks.
65
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,250
That would make me
feel so much better.
66
00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,833
Okay, I'll have it for you
on Monday. Goodbye.
67
00:02:27,833 --> 00:02:28,875
Bye!
68
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,000
- Ha!
- Hi-yah!
69
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,708
- [grunts] Yah!
- Hyah!
70
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,791
James. At your desk. I love it.
71
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,291
Ah, well, you took the chairs
out of the break room.
72
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:46,375
Wheel of Time stops for no one.
Do you watch the Wheel of Time?
73
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,000
Uh, I watch a show called
Cake Idiots,
74
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,958
about people who make cake.
75
00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:51,708
They try to make cake, but
they--they can't make a cake.
76
00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:54,208
Good news, James.
I have decided to put you
77
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:57,666
in charge of Gero's
social media accounts.
78
00:02:57,666 --> 00:03:00,916
Okay. And not someone
who's good at that.
79
00:03:00,916 --> 00:03:02,375
Oh, we had
a social media manager,
80
00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:04,333
but we fired her
for using the "F" word.
81
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:06,083
Ah! You know, generally,
82
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:08,125
the only "F" word
I like to use is effort. I use--
83
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:12,333
James. I loved that joke.
84
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:13,833
Ha ha. But here's the thing.
85
00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:15,625
I don't think
I'm the best person
86
00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,916
to necessarily be tweeting
and TikTokking.
87
00:03:17,916 --> 00:03:20,166
You are punctual, well informed,
88
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,583
and unwilling to speak out
against authority--
89
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:25,583
all things people love
in a social media manager.
90
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,875
I call hashtags pound signs.
91
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,208
You'll be typing, so no one will
know how out of touch you are.
92
00:03:30,208 --> 00:03:32,125
All you have to do
is tweet the deals
93
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:33,916
from the web page
as they come up.
94
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:36,458
Okay? And I do that
in addition to my other job?
95
00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:39,833
Yes. Now, Twitter traffic
is huge on weekends,
96
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,625
so respond to the apps.
97
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,833
All of them.
98
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:48,000
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Just eat, sleep, tweet.
99
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,458
That's it. That's--that's--
that's all there is to it.
100
00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:01,291
Mommy, look at my drawing.
101
00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:04,000
That's fantastic.
102
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,833
- Mom. Mom. Mom?
- Yes? Yes? Yes?
103
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:08,375
Can you get my Legos?
104
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,083
Um, the Legos
we put in the attic
105
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,333
because you said
you didn't like Legos anymore.
106
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,125
Yeah.
107
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:15,875
- What is happening?
- Drawing my name.
108
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:18,000
Okay, um, Mommy
has a lot of work to do.
109
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,666
Do you think you guys
could just play a game
110
00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:20,708
of Snakes and Ladders?
111
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:22,333
That game is dumb.
112
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:23,791
Yes, correct.
The person who invented it
113
00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:25,875
understood ladders,
but not snakes.
114
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:29,291
Um, okay, okay,
why don't we just--
115
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:31,000
let's watch a little bit of TV.
116
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,500
I thought we were
taking a break.
117
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,916
This is like a break
from the break.
118
00:04:33,916 --> 00:04:35,583
Good. I'm exhausted.
119
00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:37,208
Great. Come on, let's go.
120
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,833
Let's do it.
121
00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:42,625
Okay, I'm going to be
right over there.
122
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:46,083
So, you know, if you yell,
I'll hear you like, instantly.
123
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:49,958
- Sure.
- Cool. Viv? Viv?
124
00:04:49,958 --> 00:04:52,166
[woman on television] You may be the professor of archeology
125
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:55,916
at the University of Alberta, but you're also a Cake Idiot.
126
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:57,000
[brutal buzzer]
127
00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,791
Right. Okay. I'll be over here.
128
00:05:06,166 --> 00:05:08,583
- Ugh. Hey, question for you.
- Mm?
129
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,166
We work for a grocery chain.
130
00:05:10,166 --> 00:05:11,958
You'd think
they could provide lunch.
131
00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:14,250
Then stop eating your lunch
when you first get here.
132
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:16,166
I skip breakfast.
That's my thing.
133
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:19,958
'Kay. Hey, I got a question
for you. What's a "simp"?
134
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,958
What's a phone?
What's the Internet?
135
00:05:21,958 --> 00:05:25,208
Nobody asks other people
questions anymore. Uh, d'uh!
136
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,541
Marla's got me in charge of
the Gero's social media account.
137
00:05:27,541 --> 00:05:29,291
I'm trying to learn the lingo.
138
00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:30,916
You're in charge of
the social media account?
139
00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:32,458
That's like--that's
like having a brush fire
140
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,083
then they get the guy who
doesn't know where the water is
141
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,125
to put out the-- the brush fire.
142
00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,500
That's what-- that's you.
You're the-- You understand?
143
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,375
- I get it.
- I have a question for you.
144
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:41,833
I read this article,
145
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:43,791
36 questions
that if you ask somebody
146
00:05:43,791 --> 00:05:46,958
and they answer truthfully,
you fall in love with them.
147
00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:48,958
Falling in love just from
talking to somebody?
148
00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:50,625
Mm-mm. Some people
call that a conversation.
149
00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,541
Well, my parents
haven't spoken in years.
150
00:05:52,541 --> 00:05:54,458
They've never been stronger.
My mother could be nicer.
151
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:56,458
Okay. For example,
152
00:05:56,458 --> 00:05:58,083
if--if a crystal ball could
reveal one truth about yourself,
153
00:05:58,083 --> 00:06:00,125
what would you want to know?
154
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:04,750
Mm... I guess I'd want to know
if I've been as true to myself
155
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:06,708
as I've been to the people
I love.
156
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:11,750
[laughter builds]
157
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,375
See, that's stupid. That...
158
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:16,666
Actually, I-- [stammers]
I hope you have, too.
159
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,833
You deserve it.
160
00:06:18,833 --> 00:06:20,416
Don't fall in love with me,
Ennis.
161
00:06:20,416 --> 00:06:22,166
But see, that's the point.
I wouldn't.
162
00:06:22,166 --> 00:06:23,666
They were implying that
I could fall in love with you
163
00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:25,166
just from one beautiful,
164
00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:28,750
heartbreakingly
evocative answer.
165
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:32,500
Oh, here we go. A "simp"
is a silly or foolish person.
166
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:35,791
Okay, I'm gonna tweet
that I'm "a simp for asparagus."
167
00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:39,416
[laughs] That's funny.
168
00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:42,458
You're funny, James. [sighs]
169
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,208
[Astrid clears throat]
170
00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,875
[indistinct television audio]
171
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,125
Um, hi.
172
00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:00,000
Hi. I didn't hear you come in.
173
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,250
I have small feet.
Uh, what are you working on?
174
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,750
[sighs] I'm just researching
how the Greek government
175
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:07,333
got rid of trash during
the 2004 Olympics.
176
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,458
- Lot of landfills.
- Great.
177
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:11,208
Um, but when you're
done with that,
178
00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:14,541
I think the kids
might be going cross-eyed.
179
00:07:14,541 --> 00:07:16,250
Hey!
Break from the break is over.
180
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,708
Everybody upstairs. Go read.
181
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:19,583
Felix, no picture books.
182
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:21,625
Viv, only those boring
nature books that you hate.
183
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:24,958
Fine! But I'm going to read them
in a mean voice.
184
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:26,458
[Viv growls]
185
00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:27,583
That's right, get mad.
186
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:31,166
It's so hard to keep
kids off screens.
187
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:33,333
Corey is always
on his calculator,
188
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:35,041
but he's not allowed
on the Internet.
189
00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:36,875
Isn't he learning to code?
190
00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,833
He writes out his code
longhand on recycled paper.
191
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:41,041
He just finished the website
for Bo's Crocheting service.
192
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,916
It fills a whole banker's box.
193
00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:44,708
You're only young once.
194
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,750
Did I forget we were
having coffee or something? I--
195
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:48,208
Many times. But today,
196
00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:50,125
I'm here to get Corey's
marble set.
197
00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:51,958
Dawn, I don't know
where that is.
198
00:07:51,958 --> 00:07:54,166
Well, when I lent it
to you guys, I put it right...
199
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:55,875
there, where it still is.
200
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,666
Oh, yeah, that's
where I put it, there.
201
00:07:57,666 --> 00:07:59,833
We keep it there in case
the urge to play marble strikes.
202
00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:02,166
- Bye.
- Bye.
203
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,375
Aw, Andrew's
first family meeting.
204
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:10,791
Where's Viv?
205
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,375
She's on the iPad
like Mommy does.
206
00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:15,791
Aw, Viv's first online meeting.
207
00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:18,916
How is everyone doing today? How's Morris?
208
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:21,125
No, his name's not Morris, Viv.
It's Andrew.
209
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,833
- Please stop doing that.
- Viv.
210
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,833
Viv, this is, uh,
what it's going to be like
211
00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:26,541
when you're away at college,
and it's very emotional for me.
212
00:08:26,541 --> 00:08:28,250
Can you please
join us downstairs?
213
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,750
It's easier to focus
with the iPad.
214
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:37,125
- Okay, is everybody ready--?
- [shrill electronic feedback]
215
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:39,375
That's-- look at that.
We're all within earshot.
216
00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:41,166
Can everybody just mute
their screens real quick?
217
00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:44,791
Your father and I--
218
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,833
Ugh. "Your father and I."
219
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:50,291
Me and Papa Nerd
want to cut back on screen time.
220
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,125
It's bad for your eyes
and brains.
221
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:54,708
And bodies. We should be
moving our bodies constantly.
222
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:58,125
That's--
but not literally constantly.
223
00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:00,375
That would be impractical
and probably unhealthy.
224
00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:02,000
Rest is very important.
225
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,125
And you should exercise, though,
once a day.
226
00:09:04,125 --> 00:09:06,458
I-- Basically,
what I'm saying is that, um,
227
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,541
we're spending too much time
not exercising.
228
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:10,708
Sorry, I missed that.
Can you start again?
229
00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:13,791
God, no. You're taking a break
from screens till next week,
230
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,583
and that is final.
231
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:18,166
But you get to be
on your screens all the time.
232
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,250
That's different, buddy.
We use our screens for work.
233
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:24,041
Is your work watching videos
of dogs protecting babies?
234
00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:27,208
Well--
235
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,083
Daddy got the glitch.
236
00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:30,500
James, you're frozen.
237
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,333
Uh-- Okay, hold on. I'm coming.
238
00:09:33,333 --> 00:09:35,750
Anyway, point taken, Felix.
We use screens a lot, too.
239
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:38,166
We will also take a break.
Meeting adjourned.
240
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:44,666
Eh, did you just volunteer
to give up our screens?
241
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:46,666
Yes, to their faces. But
obviously we're not doing that.
242
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:49,208
We just have to lie about it and
do it secretly, like addicts.
243
00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:50,458
Oh! Nice.
244
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,791
See? It's working.
We're great parents.
245
00:09:58,791 --> 00:10:00,791
Totally. The best.
246
00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:03,125
I'm really enjoying the screen
break as well, I would say.
247
00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:06,041
- Yes.
- [chuckles] Right?
248
00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:08,083
I did send you a video
of penguins and their babies.
249
00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:09,875
Just don't--
don't look at it right now.
250
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,125
- Yeah.
- Later.
251
00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:12,625
We should go out if it's nice.
252
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,416
Uh-huh.
253
00:10:14,416 --> 00:10:16,416
- I can check if it's nice.
- Mmm...
254
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,458
Don't--don't-- I don't
think you should do that.
255
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:20,041
But I will have to check
my phone
256
00:10:20,041 --> 00:10:21,666
to see if any work emails
came in
257
00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,583
to tell me to tweet.
258
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,541
And actually, I have to do that
by 10:00. What time is it?
259
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,291
- I could check the time.
- I could also check the time.
260
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:28,666
I'll just hop on here
real quick. Just real quick.
261
00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:30,250
Yeah.
262
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:31,791
Look what I colored!
263
00:10:31,791 --> 00:10:33,416
- Ah! Hey!
- Hey, wonder girl.
264
00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:34,916
What?
265
00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:36,708
- Oh!
- That has a lot of detail.
266
00:10:36,708 --> 00:10:39,041
Like you've been really
looking at that for a long time.
267
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:41,625
Mm-hmm.
So, great colors, first note.
268
00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:45,958
But, like, so the half-human,
half-cat is a little adult, no?
269
00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:47,958
- It's from the iPad.
- What?
270
00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:50,333
You're not supposed to be
on screens this weekend.
271
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:53,083
I wasn't.
Felix printed it for me.
272
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,291
Oh, no, no, no.
273
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:55,375
[stammers] You gotta--
274
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:56,666
Hey, what are you doing?
275
00:10:56,666 --> 00:10:58,708
Ahh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
276
00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:00,250
Both of you get dressed while
we figure out your punishment.
277
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:01,333
- [Felix groans]
- [James] Ooh!
278
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:02,333
Come on!
279
00:11:03,541 --> 00:11:05,000
- Hey. Sorry.
- So, new plan.
280
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,416
I'm gonna take the kids
to the park
281
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,750
while Andrew
has his nap time.
282
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,000
That will give you a chance to
get some work done, a bit of it.
283
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,583
And then when I come back,
we switch swap.
284
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,333
What about your Twitter thing?
285
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,750
Aren't you supposed to be
doing that all day?
286
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:15,875
Yeah, uh, well,
I got a solution.
287
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,916
Voice-to-text tweeting.
288
00:11:17,916 --> 00:11:21,375
"Running low on Sriracha?
Gero's has gotcha.
289
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:25,583
Two-for-one bottles
only at Gero's."
290
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,125
- Slick!
- Mm!
291
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:31,833
And I rhymed "Sriracha"
with "gotcha."
292
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,083
- That I did not care for.
- Okay.
293
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,125
Oh. Getting a lot of engagement.
294
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:38,333
So, thank you.
Stand... corrected...
295
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,291
I'll-- um,
I'll finish the laundry.
296
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,833
- I'm the ice dragon!
- I want to be the ice dragon!
297
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:52,250
Hey, hey, hey,
you're both ice dragons.
298
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:55,416
But I'm an ice and fire
and lightning dragon.
299
00:11:55,416 --> 00:11:57,166
Why doesn't Felix just say
he's the everything dragon?
300
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,625
No, then Viv says she's
301
00:11:58,625 --> 00:11:59,791
an everything dragon
times infinity.
302
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:01,583
It becomes a whole thing.
303
00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:03,375
Yeah, but then Felix can say
he's a rubber dragon
304
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:05,125
and everything Viv says
bounces off him, sticks to her.
305
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,625
Kids don't know
how to play anymore.
306
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,333
I got a text the world
about milk.
307
00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:11,250
Oh, yeah, just keep it simple,
like we said.
308
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:16,208
"Gotta love fresh milk.
On sale all weekend.
309
00:12:16,208 --> 00:12:19,750
Pound sign, great savings."
310
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:22,750
That was perfect.
You're perfect.
311
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,750
You know, I appreciate you
coming out here, but you don't
312
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:26,333
have to hold my hand through
the whole social media thing.
313
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,791
[laughs] "Hold your hand"?
314
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:32,458
That's-- Yeah. Imagine.
I got a question for you.
315
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,000
- Eh?
- What's the last song you sang?
316
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,625
By yourself
or to another person?
317
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,500
This-- another one of those
love questions?
318
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,708
It doesn't matter, it
doesn't matter. It was stupid.
319
00:12:39,708 --> 00:12:41,291
But answer, though?
320
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:44,958
Uh... well, I sang
"Wrecking Ball" to Viv.
321
00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:48,083
- Oh, no.
- [laughs] Yeah.
322
00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:51,000
- Ugh.
- I don't know, but...
323
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,500
Viv did kind of come into
my life like a wrecking ball.
324
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,666
When she was born, she just
tore down all my preconceptions,
325
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:58,666
made me a better man.
326
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,708
Hey, guys, guys. Hide and seek,
okay? I'm counting.
327
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,458
- Let's hide, Felix.
- Will you watch them?
328
00:13:05,458 --> 00:13:09,625
- Viv, come on, let's go!
- [Ennis] Oh. Okay.
329
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:12,500
"Only today at Gero's Grocery,
330
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,375
save 20 percent
on all Greek yoga--"
331
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:19,041
[screams]
Stop farting on my face!
332
00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:20,666
Stop farting
in your sister's face!
333
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,125
- This is stupid.
- [tweet sound]
334
00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:24,083
Look at me.
Come here. Where's Viv?
335
00:13:24,083 --> 00:13:27,583
Hey. Start behaving or we're
gonna go home, okay? Play nice.
336
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:29,875
They don't deserve you.
337
00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:33,125
Thanks.
338
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,916
[Astrid] It's worrying to think about the long-term effects
339
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:40,041
your parenting could have on your kids.
340
00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:42,166
Not enough watercould mean bad kidneys forever.
341
00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:44,625
Not enough exercise is bad for their heart.
342
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:46,583
Too much screen time turns them into jittery,
343
00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,500
hunched-over little screen goblins.
344
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,125
But not finishing work might mean
345
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:51,625
that they don't have food or shelter.
346
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:53,375
Right? [chuckles]
347
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,333
So sometimesyou have to make tough choices.
348
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,500
[baby cries]
349
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:02,666
Are you planning on using
the oven or not?
350
00:14:02,666 --> 00:14:04,500
[brutal buzzer]
351
00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:10,583
Today's contestants
are a biochemical engineer,
352
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,625
an ancient language specialist,
and...
353
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:13,250
Already?
354
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,250
But-- Hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?
355
00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,875
- What's all this?
- No, don't "What's this?"
356
00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,500
What about you?
Why are you home so early?
357
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,208
Where our kids? Did you
leave them at the park?
358
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:21,750
My phone died,
they're in the backyard.
359
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,416
Have you seen my stick?
360
00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:26,458
Hey, there's plenty of sticks
outside, buddy.
361
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:29,166
Andrew would not go down.
I think he is toying with me.
362
00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:31,500
Can you please, please make sure
the kids stay outside?
363
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,208
I can't.
I got to stay plugged in.
364
00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:36,291
At MountainDewFlex
says our kale salad slaps.
365
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:38,083
Which I think is good,
366
00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:39,916
but I was very wrong
about what "snatched" meant.
367
00:14:39,916 --> 00:14:42,791
Okay, remember when I said that
we were great parents?
368
00:14:42,791 --> 00:14:43,833
I was wrong.
369
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:50,375
Okay. Yeah, there's some places
we could improve.
370
00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:52,125
What do you think?
371
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,875
- Something drastic?
- Yeah, that's it.
372
00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:56,500
- Oh!
- Screen jail.
373
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,708
Felix, go get Viv.
374
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:00,625
Go get Viv. We are going to do
something as a family,
375
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,958
and we are going to like it,
whether we like it or not.
376
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:13,250
Okay, Felix, you are up.
377
00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:15,666
I don't understand
why I had to go to jail.
378
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:17,000
Because you landed on
"Go to Jail."
379
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,791
But I didn't want to land there.
380
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:21,291
- It's just a game, sweetie.
- A super fun game.
381
00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:23,083
Just stop.
382
00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,375
Do people go to jail
for no reason in real life?
383
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:26,458
No!
384
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,250
Actually, honestly, yes.
385
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:30,666
There's complex
systemic problems in place,
386
00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:33,833
made worse by the fact that you,
Viv, are poor...
387
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,000
in the game.
388
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,833
Felix, roll the dice.
389
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:40,250
Why doesn't Mom just lend Viv
the money? She has tons.
390
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:42,750
Because Mommy
is not an empathy bank.
391
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,666
Mommy's a money bank.
392
00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:46,958
She can't just give out free
money to anyone who asks.
393
00:15:46,958 --> 00:15:48,791
- Why not?
- Well, I'm gonna refer you
394
00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:50,708
back to those systemic problems
I mentioned earlier.
395
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:52,500
In fact, I bet there's some
great movements about it.
396
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,500
- I'm just going to pop out...
- No phones!
397
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,458
Just roll the dice. Please.
398
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:58,541
Please, I beg you,
roll the dice.
399
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,166
[James]
That's...!
400
00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:01,916
- Oh, my God.
- [Felix] Yay! Got a six.
401
00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:03,333
- [doorbell rings]
- One on the floor every time...
402
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,416
- Can you get that?
- Oh, yep.
403
00:16:04,416 --> 00:16:05,875
[knocking on door]
404
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,583
Hello?
405
00:16:07,583 --> 00:16:09,625
- Yeah, what? Hey.
- [Astrid] Ennis.
406
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:13,083
James, you're okay? Jeez, man,
I'm not going to sing to you.
407
00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:14,625
- What?
- Nothing!
408
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,291
I've been trying
to reach you for hours.
409
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:18,000
What's going on?
No calls are getting through,
410
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,666
- my texts...
- My phone's dead and in jail.
411
00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:20,791
Yeah, well, your last tweet
is blowing up,
412
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:22,708
and not in the good way.
413
00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,500
[automated voice]
Only today at Gero's Grocery,
414
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,666
save 20 percent on all Greek yoga.
415
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:29,208
Stop farting on your sister's face. This is stupid.
416
00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:32,666
Yeah. On the bright side,
Greek yoga is trending.
417
00:16:32,666 --> 00:16:34,125
- This is bad.
- No, I looked it up.
418
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:35,583
It's apparently
just like regular yoga.
419
00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:37,083
It can't keep blowing it
forever, right?
420
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,583
Like, people have other things
to do with their life...
421
00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:40,041
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.
422
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,791
I'm just gonna--
I'm gonna delete it.
423
00:16:41,791 --> 00:16:43,375
One of the Property Brothers
just retweeted it.
424
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:45,000
Huh? Okay, uh, uh,
screen jail is over.
425
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,041
- Yes!
- All screens on deck.
426
00:16:47,041 --> 00:16:48,750
Everybody grab a screen.
427
00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:54,750
Conspiracy Twitter
is on board now.
428
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,666
"Gero's wants you
to have loose bowels
429
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,250
so you'll buy
more adult diapers."
430
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,041
- You okay, buddy?
- No, I'm not.
431
00:17:01,041 --> 00:17:04,125
This viral sister fart dance
is harder than it looks.
432
00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:06,083
Oh, dear God.
Need updates, people.
433
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,250
I got something. BuzzFeed
just put out an article.
434
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,041
"Normalize
not farting on women."
435
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:12,208
- Farting's been canceled.
- [Viv groans sharply]
436
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:14,041
Okay, we're on four subreddits.
437
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:17,458
I am downloading as fast
as I can. But, uh, doesn't...
438
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:19,958
Oh, God.
439
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:22,125
Bad news. We're out of cereal.
440
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,125
Okay. Look, I need your help
crafting a response.
441
00:17:24,125 --> 00:17:25,666
I can't. I'm in the middle
of a flame war
442
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:27,541
with this guy on Facebook.
443
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,208
It's not entirely related
to what we're doing here,
444
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:30,583
but I'm gonna nail him
if he ever responds.
445
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,541
That's okay. I can do it.
446
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:34,458
"Farting, like breastfeeding,
is a natural occurrence."
447
00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:36,958
- [Astrid] No.
- "Farting is just burping
448
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:39,291
- that took the down elevator.
- [Astrid] Stop.
449
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:42,125
"If my tweet traumatized you
in any way, I'm sorry."
450
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:44,500
- [Astrid] "If." Not an apology.
- I know.
451
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,416
[phone ringtone plays]
452
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,458
- I know what you're gonna say.
- What?
453
00:17:49,458 --> 00:17:51,416
That Gero's farts
has its own Twitter account?
454
00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:53,000
You knew
I was going to say that?
455
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,666
Uh, I can't say I did know.
456
00:17:54,666 --> 00:17:56,375
It has almost as many followers
457
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,458
as Gero's
actual Twitter account.
458
00:17:57,458 --> 00:17:59,416
I'm sorry, Marla.
459
00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:01,291
I did tell you that I was bad
at the social media thing.
460
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,750
I told him that, too, Marla.
It's Ennis.
461
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,208
Can you tell her it's Ennis.
I'm here working.
462
00:18:06,208 --> 00:18:07,416
Well, thanks to your tweet,
463
00:18:07,416 --> 00:18:09,333
we have gained 10,000 followers
464
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:11,750
and an exclusive
distribution deal
465
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:13,583
for a line of activated
charcoal underwear.
466
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:16,083
So I'd say you're damn good.
467
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,375
- Really?
- We've been trending all day.
468
00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:20,333
I mean, Gero's
is a part of the conversation.
469
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,916
You can't buy
that kind of publicity.
470
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:24,875
Which makes firing you
feel weird.
471
00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:27,125
But not from your job, just from
running Gero's Twitter account.
472
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:30,666
Ah. That is a huge relief.
473
00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:32,125
No pun intended.
474
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,000
[stammers]
Can I ask why, Marla?
475
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,791
This is a family company,
and you used the "F" word.
476
00:18:36,791 --> 00:18:39,875
Fart? That's...
not the "F" word.
477
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,458
And--and that's--
478
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:46,666
Okay, we're done with that.
Uh, crisis averted.
479
00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:48,458
Ooh, fantastic. I gotta bounce.
480
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:50,166
You know those, uh,
love questions I asked you?
481
00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:51,958
I've been stealing your answers,
482
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:54,291
so now a bunch of women
on apps are in love with me.
483
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:55,875
You mean in love with me.
484
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:58,875
I wish. You're taken.
485
00:18:58,875 --> 00:19:02,000
Be good to him, Astrid.
You don't know what you have.
486
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,791
Stay away from my man, Ennis.
487
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,916
Not that it matters,
but where are the children?
488
00:19:07,916 --> 00:19:09,000
Huh?
489
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:17,000
[Astrid] Sure, screens have a bad reputation,
490
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,958
but sometimes they're great.
491
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,500
[James] It's easy to feel guilty about all the things
492
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,500
we're supposed to do or not do.
493
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,250
It's brutal. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break.
494
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,416
[James] Screens are a part of the world, for good or evil.
495
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,291
- Mostly evil.
- [Astrid] James, don't.
496
00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:30,833
Sometimes those screens bring us
497
00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,208
together and create memories.
498
00:19:32,208 --> 00:19:33,833
[James] Yes, yes, yes.
499
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:35,125
And also record memories
500
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:36,416
that Big Tech has access to.
501
00:19:36,416 --> 00:19:37,875
- I said don't. - Sorry.
502
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:39,666
Bedtime, unfortunately.
Go get Susy.
503
00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:42,208
- Nope. Nope. Nope.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.
504
00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:43,375
- Go on, bedtime.
- [Viv groans]
505
00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:44,375
[playful groan]
506
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:49,541
Okay.
507
00:19:49,541 --> 00:19:51,916
Where is the remote button
on this thing?
508
00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:54,916
Hi, Dad. You need to download
the remote app on your phone.
509
00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:57,291
Uh, how do-- where's my phone?
510
00:19:57,291 --> 00:19:59,166
[Felix laughs]
511
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:00,875
Felix, give me back my phone!
512
00:20:02,708 --> 00:20:04,541
"If you knew that you had
one year to live,
513
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:07,541
what would you change
about how you live and why?"
514
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,000
Have you seen
Eat, Pray, Love?
515
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,291
Oh, like, a million times.
516
00:20:10,291 --> 00:20:12,291
I'd watch that.
517
00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:15,125
If you had a year to live,
you'd watch a movie.
518
00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:16,666
I've heard good things.
519
00:20:16,666 --> 00:20:18,458
Yeah, but you have a whole year.
520
00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:20,916
I'd be working and sleeping.
Not a lot of free time.
521
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:23,208
If you only had a year to live,
you'd still be working?
522
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:28,166
I don't understand the question.
Back to work.
523
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:30,791
I mean, how do you
not fall in love?
524
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:35,250
[vocalists sing end theme song]
41346
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