Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,771 --> 00:00:14,639
Oh, hey.
2
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,474
You ready?
3
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:20,111
I can't. I just can't.
4
00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:23,247
Everyone feels like that the
first few times you eat here.
5
00:00:23,248 --> 00:00:24,248
It's like heroin.
6
00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:25,450
It makes you sick,
and you think,
7
00:00:25,451 --> 00:00:27,485
"I'll never do that again,"
and here we are.
8
00:00:28,887 --> 00:00:31,189
No, we put our project
on Kickstarter,
9
00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:34,192
and we're getting
major funding right now.
10
00:00:34,193 --> 00:00:37,695
And I can't. I just can't.
11
00:00:37,696 --> 00:00:39,297
Kickstarter...
that's the website
12
00:00:39,298 --> 00:00:40,798
where strangers
give money for crap
13
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,800
that no one in the real world
would invest in, right?
14
00:00:42,801 --> 00:00:46,804
Exactly, but our project isn't crap.
It's bananas.
15
00:00:46,805 --> 00:00:51,209
We design candles with arms.
16
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:55,480
I can't. I just can't.
17
00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:57,281
Don't you have
a passion project...
18
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,716
something you've
always wanted to do?
19
00:00:58,717 --> 00:01:02,687
Yeah, you can't just want to
be a waitress your whole life.
20
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:07,558
Actually... I do
have a Kickstarter idea.
21
00:01:07,559 --> 00:01:10,862
I'd like to start
kicking your asses!
22
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,700
You know we work
for tips, right?
23
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,902
Yeah. This one
got away from me.
24
00:01:19,238 --> 00:01:21,205
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
25
00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:26,711
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
26
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:35,589
Sync & corrections by no1
www.Addic7ed.Com
27
00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,227
Okay, listen up, it's Tuesday,
28
00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:40,797
and like Martin Luther King,
I have a dream.
29
00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:43,199
Tonight you will do side work.
30
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,369
Hold up, girl. I have ten
minutes till my shift starts.
31
00:01:46,370 --> 00:01:47,737
Max, that is not appropriate.
32
00:01:47,738 --> 00:01:49,939
I'm your boss.
Don't call me "girl."
33
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,909
Yes, ma'am.
34
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:55,445
Okay, you want to play?
I'll play.
35
00:01:55,446 --> 00:01:58,314
Hey, sir. Hey, big Manny man.
36
00:01:58,315 --> 00:02:02,285
Why don't you show me
your penis?
37
00:02:02,286 --> 00:02:06,222
Han, you know
I don't have a penis.
38
00:02:06,223 --> 00:02:08,458
It's the only thing
we have in common.
39
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:10,627
Where's Caroline?
40
00:02:10,628 --> 00:02:11,995
In the back
at our cupcake shop.
41
00:02:11,996 --> 00:02:13,329
Why you don't open
your walk-up window
42
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,797
till you close here at night?
43
00:02:14,798 --> 00:02:16,432
She's getting a jump
on our side work.
44
00:02:16,433 --> 00:02:18,768
What? We can't do
ours and yours.
45
00:02:18,769 --> 00:02:20,837
Relax, Marjorie.
46
00:02:20,838 --> 00:02:24,173
Keep it up, Max, and one day
I will show you my penis.
47
00:02:24,174 --> 00:02:26,843
And you'll be sorry.
48
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:34,417
Yes. Yes, I will.
49
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,619
That's it! New rule!
50
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,956
No more making fun
of the boss!
51
00:02:39,957 --> 00:02:42,458
Han doesn't want us
calling him names anymore.
52
00:02:42,459 --> 00:02:44,460
It's like, if you don't
want to be called names,
53
00:02:44,461 --> 00:02:46,329
don't look like that.
54
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,765
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right... ♪
55
00:02:48,766 --> 00:02:51,267
Why is the window open?
What is all that?
56
00:02:51,268 --> 00:02:53,803
It's me, if I had lived.
57
00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:56,639
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right... ♪
58
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,608
Oh, my God.
Did you see that rack?
59
00:02:58,609 --> 00:03:01,477
See it? I have to carry it
around all day.
60
00:03:01,478 --> 00:03:03,513
I've been wearing
the same clothes
61
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,814
every day for two years.
62
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,916
Now, I know that's
your dream scenario,
63
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:08,952
but to me, it's a horror show.
64
00:03:08,953 --> 00:03:10,153
Go get new clothes.
65
00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:11,754
Just go to the place
around the corner
66
00:03:11,755 --> 00:03:12,956
and buy some cheap ones.
67
00:03:12,957 --> 00:03:15,291
Max, they sell clothes
by the pound.
68
00:03:15,292 --> 00:03:17,794
That's why it's called
the fashion pound,
69
00:03:17,795 --> 00:03:19,729
and that is why it is awesome.
70
00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,998
Look, I'm willing to cut
a lot of other things,
71
00:03:21,999 --> 00:03:24,667
including my wrists,
but I need quality clothes.
72
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:26,669
The only reason I've been able
to wear these pants every day
73
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:27,904
is because they're quality.
74
00:03:27,905 --> 00:03:33,176
Well, that and a lot of
febreze, which reminds me...
75
00:03:35,112 --> 00:03:36,879
I used to smell like money.
76
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,581
Now I smell like pennies.
77
00:03:38,582 --> 00:03:42,251
And, Max, you need a hit.
78
00:03:42,252 --> 00:03:45,655
'Breze me.
79
00:03:45,656 --> 00:03:47,690
Hi, girls.
80
00:03:47,691 --> 00:03:51,227
Did you see the high-fashion
model shoot?
81
00:03:51,228 --> 00:03:55,131
I was too short to be
a model in Poland.
82
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:58,868
Well, I guess you can't
have it all, right?
83
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:02,705
Do I smell febreze?
84
00:04:02,706 --> 00:04:05,141
That's my
second-favorite scent.
85
00:04:05,142 --> 00:04:08,544
Oh, and there's
my first-favorite scent.
86
00:04:08,545 --> 00:04:10,113
Hey, Sophie.
87
00:04:10,114 --> 00:04:15,118
I'm sorry. Have we met?
88
00:04:15,119 --> 00:04:18,221
I'm not good with faces that
I never want to see again.
89
00:04:18,222 --> 00:04:19,355
What happened?
90
00:04:19,356 --> 00:04:20,690
I thought you guys
were gonna be friends.
91
00:04:20,691 --> 00:04:22,492
Yeah, messed-up,
passive-aggressive friends
92
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:23,893
who occasionally
sleep together,
93
00:04:23,894 --> 00:04:26,796
like Ryan Seacrest
and Simon Cowell.
94
00:04:26,797 --> 00:04:29,632
Oh, okay, I see
what you're doing.
95
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,701
You're pretending
like we don't have
96
00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:34,904
movie-character names
for our private parts.
97
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:37,974
Well, good-bye, miss,
98
00:04:37,975 --> 00:04:42,111
and give my regards
to Mrs. Doubtfire.
99
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:45,682
Okay, E.T., go home!
100
00:04:47,351 --> 00:04:49,585
Here's your mail, girls.
101
00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:53,756
Max, Sophie had a new purse.
102
00:04:53,757 --> 00:04:55,425
Everybody has something new.
103
00:04:55,426 --> 00:04:58,027
Even the homeless lady on
the bus had a new barrette,
104
00:04:58,028 --> 00:04:59,762
and even though
her feet were split open,
105
00:04:59,763 --> 00:05:01,798
I still felt jealous.
106
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:03,232
Oh, this is not a bill.
107
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,568
Now, that's a first.
108
00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:07,870
"We are offering you
a new phone,
109
00:05:07,871 --> 00:05:09,906
"as older flip-model phones
such as yours
110
00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:11,207
have been degraded."
111
00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:14,577
They're
slut-shaming phones now?
112
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,079
I don't want a new anything.
113
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,480
And I like my old flip.
114
00:05:17,481 --> 00:05:19,816
Where's my damn letter
from the pants company,
115
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,784
saying, "girl,
those things are tired..."
116
00:05:21,785 --> 00:05:24,253
here's a new pair for free"?
117
00:05:24,254 --> 00:05:25,755
If you want something
for free,
118
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,925
why don't you just go on
Kickstarter like everyone else?
119
00:05:28,926 --> 00:05:30,693
You can't use it for clothes.
120
00:05:30,694 --> 00:05:32,795
Can you?
121
00:05:32,796 --> 00:05:37,633
And if you can, can I?
122
00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:40,737
Why not? It's no stupider
than candle arms.
123
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,338
Now, if the candles
had real arms
124
00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:44,006
and could slap
the idiots who bought them,
125
00:05:44,007 --> 00:05:45,808
I'd invest in that.
126
00:05:45,809 --> 00:05:47,643
Max, we have nothing,
127
00:05:47,644 --> 00:05:49,779
and if anybody is giving us
something for free,
128
00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:50,847
we're taking it.
129
00:05:50,848 --> 00:05:52,315
You are getting
that free phone,
130
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,417
and I am begging
for free clothes.
131
00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:55,651
Things are looking up.
132
00:06:00,858 --> 00:06:03,960
You might want to Kickstart
some underwear.
133
00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:11,000
Well, obviously,
they don't have anything.
134
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:12,235
Let's go.
135
00:06:12,236 --> 00:06:13,870
Max, stop. My pants
just ripped some more.
136
00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:16,539
I have to fix them again.
137
00:06:22,179 --> 00:06:24,080
Hey, quality, why don't
you just take them
138
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:26,649
to Office Depot
and get them tailored?
139
00:06:26,650 --> 00:06:28,751
Let's shop.
140
00:06:28,752 --> 00:06:30,386
Ow.
141
00:06:33,157 --> 00:06:35,191
Uh-oh, they're ripping again.
142
00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:39,395
I feel a breeze
up in my febreze.
143
00:06:40,597 --> 00:06:42,165
How can I help you?
144
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:44,734
Oh, hey. Hi, uh, Chiandra.
145
00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:46,769
Where can I get
a new flip phone?
146
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:49,272
Mm, let me think.
147
00:06:49,273 --> 00:06:52,508
Guatemala.
148
00:06:52,509 --> 00:06:55,111
I'll miss you, phone.
This is breaking my heart.
149
00:06:55,112 --> 00:06:56,212
Come on, boo.
150
00:06:56,213 --> 00:07:00,349
It's a phone, not Bruno Mars.
151
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,118
Now, I need that letter.
152
00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:03,085
Oh, here it is. I have it.
153
00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:04,086
It's in my purse.
154
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:05,588
What's her story?
155
00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,024
Why is her hand on her ass?
156
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:09,859
Her staples popped.
157
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,562
Lap band?
158
00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,297
Happened to my cousin.
159
00:07:14,298 --> 00:07:17,033
She had a diet 7 up
and exploded.
160
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:19,702
Then she got M.S.
161
00:07:19,703 --> 00:07:23,873
According to Judge Joe Brown,
it was not related.
162
00:07:23,874 --> 00:07:27,310
Uh, here,
I'll just take this one.
163
00:07:27,311 --> 00:07:30,546
Slow down, now.
Take a look around.
164
00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:33,182
You got a whole world
of possibilities.
165
00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:38,087
Pick 'em up, get a feel, hold
it in your hand for a while.
166
00:07:40,023 --> 00:07:43,759
Chiandra, it's a phone,
not Bruno Mars.
167
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,895
Oh, "Texting is easy"
168
00:07:45,896 --> 00:07:47,897
with the new
finger friendly keyboard."
169
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:49,565
My fingers are already
too friendly.
170
00:07:49,566 --> 00:07:52,268
Ask my fourth-grade boyfriend.
171
00:07:52,269 --> 00:07:55,738
Wow. These sample texts
are getting kind of racy.
172
00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:59,675
"Bad news... I think
the condom broke last night."
173
00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:03,980
Why would anyone put that
on a display model?
174
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,782
That's mine.
175
00:08:20,397 --> 00:08:23,666
I left it there by accident.
176
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:28,137
But that's not your problem.
177
00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:31,474
Now, tell me,
what are your phone needs?
178
00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,976
Uh, my needs are simple.
179
00:08:33,977 --> 00:08:36,178
I need a phone that can draw
a mustache on people
180
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:38,681
and occasionally will call
my mother and hang up.
181
00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:41,250
And she needs one
with a good camera,
182
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:45,354
because I have to film
my video pitch for new pants.
183
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:48,190
I have a hole in my butt.
184
00:08:51,461 --> 00:08:54,563
You know
you're supposed to, right?
185
00:09:03,674 --> 00:09:07,843
Max, I might be
a virgin again.
186
00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:16,912
I love my new phone!
187
00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:18,881
It's so cool and red.
188
00:09:18,882 --> 00:09:20,249
It feels like
anything could happen!
189
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:21,550
But it probably won't.
190
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:24,453
My first call.
191
00:09:24,454 --> 00:09:26,455
What do I do?
192
00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:27,623
What do I do?
193
00:09:27,624 --> 00:09:29,658
Oh. Hello?
194
00:09:29,659 --> 00:09:32,394
Oh, hey, girl,
good for you. Bye.
195
00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:35,431
Chiandra's not pregnant.
196
00:09:35,432 --> 00:09:38,600
Max, why are you taking calls
from Chiandra?
197
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:39,768
We have to do my video.
198
00:09:39,769 --> 00:09:41,036
I had to take her call.
199
00:09:41,037 --> 00:09:42,638
She gave me a bunch
of free apps...
200
00:09:42,639 --> 00:09:44,239
Angry Birds, Doodle Jump.
201
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,674
If you want to look like
a dog, I could do that.
202
00:09:45,675 --> 00:09:47,543
Look, here's me
as a St. Bernard.
203
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:50,079
See my neck keg?
204
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,914
Okay, I've done some research,
205
00:09:51,915 --> 00:09:54,083
and here's some things
other people want money for.
206
00:09:54,084 --> 00:09:56,785
One woman wants money
for a new leg.
207
00:09:56,786 --> 00:09:58,520
Scrolling.
208
00:09:58,521 --> 00:10:01,323
Wait. If she only has one leg,
209
00:10:01,324 --> 00:10:05,260
shouldn't she be
on can't-Kickstarter?
210
00:10:05,261 --> 00:10:07,229
Oh, I'm no longer
working with them.
211
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:08,630
They denied my project.
212
00:10:08,631 --> 00:10:12,601
Apparently, I'm not artsy
enough and have too many legs.
213
00:10:12,602 --> 00:10:14,870
So now I'm
on go fund yourself.
214
00:10:14,871 --> 00:10:16,271
Oh, perfect.
215
00:10:16,272 --> 00:10:18,374
I've been telling you
to go fund yourself for years.
216
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:22,111
The future of my pants
hinges on the video pitch.
217
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:24,013
The tone needs to be
sad and pathetic.
218
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,149
Uh, preparation done.
219
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,085
What's sadder than former
billionaire Caroline Channing
220
00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:32,054
asking for money for pants?
221
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:34,623
Oh, they're not
gonna know it's me.
222
00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:41,563
Are you being funded
by Al-Qaeda?
223
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:46,635
If they're buying, I'm taking.
224
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:48,704
And action.
225
00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:51,407
Hi. I can't tell you my name,
226
00:10:51,408 --> 00:10:54,710
and I can't show you my face
because I'm too ashamed.
227
00:10:54,711 --> 00:10:57,279
Sadly, I find myself
in a situation
228
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,681
where I am no longer
able to provide myself
229
00:10:59,682 --> 00:11:01,950
with the garments I need
in order to be the best
230
00:11:01,951 --> 00:11:03,452
in my day-to-day life.
231
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:05,954
I'm aware that this is
not a problem for everybody.
232
00:11:05,955 --> 00:11:08,123
Stop, stop! I need to take
a picture of myself
233
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,125
having the most fun
I've ever had.
234
00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:12,895
Your nose is coming
out of your eyehole.
235
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,066
No.
236
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:19,001
No, no, no, Max, don't stop.
237
00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:20,402
I'm in a groove.
238
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:22,638
No, you're in a bag.
239
00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,640
Please let me take
a picture of you in a bag
240
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:29,111
and then turn it into a dog
and then call it a doggie bag.
241
00:11:29,112 --> 00:11:32,081
Go, Max, I'm running
out of oxygen,
242
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,950
and I think there
was cheese in here.
243
00:11:34,951 --> 00:11:36,752
And action.
244
00:11:36,753 --> 00:11:38,320
If I achieve my goal...
245
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:43,692
specifically, a new pair
of quality pants...
246
00:11:43,693 --> 00:11:48,063
then I promise I will give
back to the community,
247
00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:49,798
wearing said pants.
248
00:11:49,799 --> 00:11:52,234
All I need is $1,500.
249
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:55,270
Stop! Whoa! $1,500?
250
00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:57,206
How many pounds of clothes
are you getting?
251
00:11:57,207 --> 00:11:58,841
Look, it's for one pair
252
00:11:58,842 --> 00:12:03,112
of amazing dries van Noten silk
brocade pants... super cute.
253
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,780
And, yes, it's a lot,
254
00:12:04,781 --> 00:12:07,316
but my investors will get
something in return.
255
00:12:07,317 --> 00:12:09,751
For $5, they will get
256
00:12:09,752 --> 00:12:11,620
the feeling of goodwill
in their heart.
257
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:13,222
Pbbt!
258
00:12:13,223 --> 00:12:15,757
For $10,
I'll send them a selfie
259
00:12:15,758 --> 00:12:17,526
in the new pants
that they bought.
260
00:12:17,527 --> 00:12:20,496
For $20, I'll send them
a selfie without pants.
261
00:12:22,732 --> 00:12:25,567
Nobody is gonna give you money
for the stuff you offered.
262
00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:26,902
"Goodwill in their hearts"?
263
00:12:26,903 --> 00:12:29,505
This is the Internet.
We're animals.
264
00:12:29,506 --> 00:12:30,839
You're right.
265
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,474
I have an idea.
266
00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,943
Camera up.
267
00:12:34,944 --> 00:12:37,246
And action.
268
00:12:37,247 --> 00:12:39,848
I'm sure a lot of you
are probably thinking,
269
00:12:39,849 --> 00:12:43,285
"look at this spoiled,
indulgent, clueless girl."
270
00:12:43,286 --> 00:12:45,420
Well, I am.
271
00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:48,123
And you're also
probably thinking,
272
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:50,025
"God, I want to slap her."
273
00:12:50,026 --> 00:12:52,461
Well, guess what. You can!
274
00:12:52,462 --> 00:12:55,130
For $500, you can come here
275
00:12:55,131 --> 00:12:59,535
and slap my spoiled,
clueless face.
276
00:12:59,536 --> 00:13:01,737
And cut.
277
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:02,804
Pretty good, huh?
278
00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,540
Genius. Now, here,
take the camera.
279
00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:07,476
I want to film my video
to raise $500 to slap you.
280
00:13:14,484 --> 00:13:16,185
Earl, look!
281
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:18,720
I just got 20 more dollars
from one of my backers!
282
00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:20,455
Now, let me get this straight.
283
00:13:20,456 --> 00:13:24,026
You just ask people for money,
and they give it to you...
284
00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:27,362
without using a weapon?
285
00:13:27,363 --> 00:13:31,033
Well, Earl, I guess desperation
cuts like a knife.
286
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:34,836
Man, being white is easy.
287
00:13:38,341 --> 00:13:40,842
Um, we're ready to order.
288
00:13:49,185 --> 00:13:51,486
Caroline, I just unlocked
the candy hammer.
289
00:13:51,487 --> 00:13:53,522
Can you go over there
and take those girls' orders?
290
00:13:53,523 --> 00:13:57,359
I can't. I just can't.
291
00:13:59,028 --> 00:14:01,964
Oh, no way! I just hit $1,000!
292
00:14:01,965 --> 00:14:04,433
That's almost
both legs paid for!
293
00:14:04,434 --> 00:14:06,301
Uh, hello?
294
00:14:06,302 --> 00:14:09,104
You're dinging and donging
right in front of my face.
295
00:14:09,105 --> 00:14:12,040
Can't you at least
put your phones on vibrate?
296
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:15,611
I don't like to mix
business with pleasure.
297
00:14:15,612 --> 00:14:18,213
You two need to be
off your phones and working.
298
00:14:18,214 --> 00:14:20,249
Now. And no back talk.
299
00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:25,320
Totally.
300
00:14:26,422 --> 00:14:28,890
Totally.
301
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,897
- Totally.
- Totally.
302
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,934
Oh, I know what's going on.
303
00:14:38,935 --> 00:14:41,770
You're group-texting
insults about me!
304
00:14:41,771 --> 00:14:43,705
We are not.
305
00:14:43,706 --> 00:14:46,575
I got your text!
306
00:14:46,576 --> 00:14:50,579
Han does look like those Minion
things in despicable me!
307
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:52,147
Oh.
308
00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:56,418
And I thought bullying would end
when I hit four feet.
309
00:14:57,587 --> 00:14:58,987
Oh! Oh, my God!
310
00:14:58,988 --> 00:15:00,489
I'm getting my new pants!
311
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,190
I just got a $500 pledge!
312
00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:05,460
Somebody wants to slap me!
Somebody wants to slap me!
313
00:15:05,461 --> 00:15:07,529
Just one person?
314
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:17,967
Hey, Han insists we can't leave
tonight without doing our side work,
315
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,770
so I made him into a chihuahua
wearing a diaper.
316
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:23,105
Check your phone.
317
00:15:23,106 --> 00:15:24,373
Caroline?
318
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:26,208
Someone
got some new pants!
319
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:28,711
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right ♪
320
00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:30,212
♪ And it starts to spread ♪
321
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,114
♪ She gonna bring
that attitude home ♪
322
00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:34,450
♪ They don't want to do nothing
with they life ♪
323
00:15:34,451 --> 00:15:35,985
♪ When a fire
starts to burn, right ♪
324
00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:38,521
I wasn't finished!
325
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,623
No, I was.
326
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:42,391
Max, I didn't want to
tell you this,
327
00:15:42,392 --> 00:15:44,794
but I was secretly worried
my Booty was gone.
328
00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:46,328
Turns out,
it was just the pants.
329
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:49,365
It's still there.
Take a picture of it.
330
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,233
Okay, let me see.
331
00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,601
Perfect!
332
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:55,004
Now, let's send a group-text
to our diner family,
333
00:15:55,005 --> 00:15:56,105
and I'd like you
to copy me on that,
334
00:15:56,106 --> 00:15:57,373
because I want to send it
to my dad in prison.
335
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,974
He'll be so proud.
336
00:15:58,975 --> 00:16:02,444
Yeah, 'cause I'm sure he's
not seeing any asses there.
337
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,346
You know what I love
about these pants?
338
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:06,415
How they make my butt look...
339
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,884
can you see it
through the window?
340
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:13,222
I got new pants.
341
00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:17,326
Hey, Earl,
you got my text, right?
342
00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:19,028
You mean that picture
of Caroline in her pants
343
00:16:19,029 --> 00:16:21,797
that said,
"I'm so sick of her"?
344
00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:22,832
I know, right?
345
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:25,367
If she ever gets
a new shirt, just kill me.
346
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:27,169
I hear you, Max,
but I just can't believe
347
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,471
you included her on the text.
348
00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,739
Yeah.
349
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,042
What?
350
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:36,011
Oh, my God.
I didn't take her off the chain.
351
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:37,813
I mean, if you're
gonna trash a child,
352
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:40,683
you got to take her
off the chain.
353
00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:42,117
Look, Earl, they're here!
354
00:16:42,118 --> 00:16:44,153
Look what your $10
is buying you!
355
00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:45,788
Uh-uh, not looking.
Don't want to know.
356
00:16:45,789 --> 00:16:48,390
I'm taking myself
off the chain.
357
00:16:48,391 --> 00:16:50,226
Uh, hey, Caroline.
358
00:16:50,227 --> 00:16:52,361
Uh, did you get my text?
Not yet.
359
00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:53,829
The front of the diner
is a bad reception area.
360
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,664
Uh, no, no, no, no.
361
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:56,699
Don't reach for that.
362
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,502
It's probably
just an Amber alert.
363
00:17:00,503 --> 00:17:02,137
Why are you acting weird?
364
00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:05,074
Oh, are you jealous
of my new pants?
365
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:08,444
No, but I may have texted
something about you
366
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,678
that I didn't mean,
367
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,413
so just please
don't look at your phone.
368
00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:13,315
Uh, okay.
369
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:17,586
If it's something bad,
I don't want to see it anyway.
370
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:19,521
She's gonna look at it,
isn't she, Earl?
371
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,723
I would.
372
00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:23,325
She just did.
373
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:26,629
You're so sick of me?
374
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,598
'Cause it's funny!
375
00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:31,834
"I'm so sick of you!"
376
00:17:31,835 --> 00:17:34,870
You know, said funny.
377
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:37,473
You know how I am.
Ask Earl. Earl, help.
378
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,242
Oh, I am off the chain.
379
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:41,377
Oleg, help.
380
00:17:41,378 --> 00:17:43,812
I'll be in my car.
381
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,347
Oh, look, look! Here's Han!
382
00:17:45,348 --> 00:17:47,349
He knows how I'm always
just joking.
383
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:49,785
Han, nod your head
and don't ask why.
384
00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:51,320
Oh, no, last time you
asked me to do that,
385
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,190
I wound up on a date
with an albino.
386
00:17:55,191 --> 00:17:57,459
And who didn't call who back?
387
00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:01,163
I don't know how
they're so confident.
388
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,100
Max, you said
you were sick of me.
389
00:18:05,101 --> 00:18:07,136
Oh, why are you so upset?
390
00:18:07,137 --> 00:18:09,571
I say worse things
to you all the time.
391
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,774
Yesterday I said
you were sad and pathetic.
392
00:18:11,775 --> 00:18:13,475
But that was to my face.
393
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:16,312
I can't believe you talk
about me behind my back.
394
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:18,981
It's bad. I am sorry.
What can I do?
395
00:18:18,982 --> 00:18:22,418
Hit me. Punch me.
Tell my mother where I live.
396
00:18:22,419 --> 00:18:23,819
Congratulations, Max.
397
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,754
Now you're like
all my old girlfriends,
398
00:18:25,755 --> 00:18:28,991
talking behind my back.
399
00:18:31,428 --> 00:18:33,429
Stop looking at that.
Delete it.
400
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:36,398
This is not what I think. I'm
not sick of you. Really?
401
00:18:36,399 --> 00:18:38,400
'Cause when I see it in writing,
it feels like you are.
402
00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:40,336
It's not me. It's this phone.
403
00:18:40,337 --> 00:18:44,974
It brought out the ugliness
that was kind of already there.
404
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:46,442
There!
405
00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:49,178
I killed it
because it hurt you.
406
00:18:49,179 --> 00:18:53,115
I swear I didn't mean it.
You have to believe me.
407
00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,984
It's fine, Max.
408
00:18:57,087 --> 00:19:00,723
I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.
409
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,062
There...
I French-fried my phone.
410
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,497
What else can I do?
411
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:11,033
I mean, really,
it is technology's fault.
412
00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,735
It's turning us
against each other.
413
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:16,372
Caroline, I swear,
I will never accidentally say
414
00:19:16,373 --> 00:19:20,009
anything about you again
that I never meant.
415
00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:23,145
I have to get ready for work.
It's fine.
416
00:19:23,146 --> 00:19:24,413
Stop saying that.
417
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,881
Please stop saying it's fine.
418
00:19:25,882 --> 00:19:27,116
"Fine" doesn't mean fine.
419
00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:29,785
The scale goes great,
good, okay,
420
00:19:29,786 --> 00:19:32,254
not okay, I hate you, fine.
421
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,856
If "fine" meant fine,
that'd be great,
422
00:19:33,857 --> 00:19:35,190
but it doesn't, okay?
423
00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,558
You're right. It's not fine.
424
00:19:36,559 --> 00:19:37,893
It sucks. I'm hurt.
425
00:19:37,894 --> 00:19:39,361
You're the one person
I care most about.
426
00:19:39,362 --> 00:19:42,231
No, you are the one person
I care the most about.
427
00:19:42,232 --> 00:19:44,633
Well, right now
it doesn't feel that way.
428
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:45,768
It has to feel that way!
429
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,169
You are my best friend,
Caroline!
430
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,471
I love you.
431
00:19:58,515 --> 00:20:02,684
Oh, my God, now I'm
really gonna throw up.
432
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,054
Max, is that the first time
you said "I love you"?
433
00:20:06,089 --> 00:20:09,425
Don't look at me.
I'm embarrassed.
434
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,727
Now what do we do?
435
00:20:11,728 --> 00:20:14,063
So you're not sick of me?
436
00:20:14,064 --> 00:20:16,799
You are the only person
in the entire world
437
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,734
I am not sick of.
438
00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:22,304
Caroline...
439
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,140
There's a woman here who said
she paid to slap you.
440
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,542
If I had known
it was an option,
441
00:20:26,543 --> 00:20:29,578
I would have thrown my name
into that hat.
442
00:20:31,915 --> 00:20:35,117
Well, time to put this on.
That's my $500 pledge.
443
00:20:35,118 --> 00:20:37,019
I'll go. What?
444
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,487
I'll take it. I deserve it.
445
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,356
You've already gotten
a slap in the face from me.
446
00:20:41,357 --> 00:20:43,125
But she's expecting to see me.
447
00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:45,761
No, she's expecting
to see a clueless woman
448
00:20:45,762 --> 00:20:47,129
wearing a paper bag.
449
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,397
And even though
I wasn't planning
450
00:20:48,398 --> 00:20:52,401
on becoming that woman for
another 20, 25 years, I owe you.
451
00:20:57,107 --> 00:20:59,441
Seriously?
You're not gonna stop me?
452
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,544
Nope.
453
00:21:02,545 --> 00:21:07,116
And, Max... I love you too.
454
00:21:08,151 --> 00:21:10,319
I'm so sick of you.
455
00:21:10,344 --> 00:21:14,937
Sync & corrections by no1
www.Addic7ed.Com
32844
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
