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1
00:00:01,216 --> 00:00:03,216
Yo, Shawn. Yo.
2
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:06,330
You seen the latest
issue
of "Playpen Magazine?"
3
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,316
The women of basketball.
4
00:00:08,350 --> 00:00:11,233
Butt naked. Pow.
5
00:00:11,266 --> 00:00:15,000
Y'know, I'll bet Michael
Jordan
couldn't palm those things.
6
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,250
- Whoo!
- Let me see the center-fold.
7
00:00:22,316 --> 00:00:25,150
Damn. You need a ladder
to get some of that.
8
00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,116
[theme song]
9
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,330
♪ We're brothers ♪
10
00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:34,500
♪ We're happy and we're
singin' and we're colored ♪
11
00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,350
♪ Give me a high five ♪♪
12
00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:40,166
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.
Beautiful, guys.'
13
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,183
'Dynamite. That's it..'
14
00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:43,216
[theme music]
15
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,830
[upbeat music]
16
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:53,100
Shawn, do you have the latest
issue of "Drama For Your Mama?"
17
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:55,500
Oh, yeah, it's in
the gossip section between
18
00:00:55,830 --> 00:00:57,316
"The Ghetto Grapevine" and
"You Didn't Hear It From Me."
19
00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:02,830
I can't believe
you actually read that
garbage.
20
00:01:02,116 --> 00:01:03,150
Garbage?
21
00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:05,383
"Drama For Your Mama"
is a magazine
22
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,316
full of emotional
true life stories.
23
00:01:08,350 --> 00:01:12,133
Plus it has vital
information
for our existence.
24
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:16,160
Ooh! Rick James
is gettin' released.
25
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,000
- That is vital.
- Yeah, you're right.
26
00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:21,000
Everybody hide your white
girls,
Rick's on the loose.
27
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,333
I just got up the nerve
to write a letter
28
00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:28,160
to the "Make A Wish
For Your Mama" column.
29
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,500
Yeah, what'd you
wish for her? A son-in-law?
30
00:01:30,830 --> 00:01:31,350
[laughs]
31
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,366
No. Just shut up and listen.
32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:34,350
Alright.
33
00:01:34,383 --> 00:01:37,830
"Dear 'Drama For Your Mama.'
34
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:39,366
"I love my mother
very much and she recently
35
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,283
"put on some extra weight.
36
00:01:41,316 --> 00:01:44,383
"My special wish for her
is a reclining chair
37
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,660
for her bad back."
38
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,116
How's that?
39
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,000
More boring
than a Pauly Shore movie.
40
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:53,116
[imitating Pauly Shore]
Buuu-dy!
41
00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:55,160
Here, Dee, if you wanna
get in that magazine
42
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,150
you gonna have to come up with
something little more exciting.
43
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,150
Now, check out this
cover story right
here.
44
00:01:59,183 --> 00:02:01,160
Right.
45
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,830
"I think I'm
pregnant,
with my baby daddy
46
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:09,160
cousin husband.
And I'm a
virgin."
47
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,166
Now that's drama
for your mama.
48
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,333
Dee, these magazines
are for people
49
00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:18,160
who wanna feel better
about their sorry behind
lives.
50
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,350
I mean, look, they come
home from their boring jobs
51
00:02:20,383 --> 00:02:23,350
take off their cheap uniforms
and sit around wishin'
52
00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:27,830
they had a husband or at least
somethin' to rub up against.
53
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:33,366
No, it ain't.
54
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,233
What he means is, Dee,
you're gonna have to do
55
00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:37,283
a little bit more
creative writing.
56
00:02:37,316 --> 00:02:40,283
Creative writing?
This is journalism.
57
00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:43,116
The stories in this
magazine are true.
58
00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:45,333
Dee, I'm telling you, your
mama
ain't going to get that chair
59
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,116
unless you sleep
with the publisher.
60
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:49,316
And you betterbreak
61
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,316
Well, I'm certainly
not gonna do that.
62
00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:57,100
And I'm not
gonna lie either.
63
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,166
I guess my mother
just has to live
64
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,250
with that hemorrhoid donut.
65
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,366
- Dee.
- Yeah.
66
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,300
I ain't seen her that upset
since "Amen" got cancelled.
67
00:03:12,116 --> 00:03:13,366
Hey, kid, why don't we
just write the letter
68
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,500
on behalf of Deirdre's
mother
and win her that chair?
69
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,133
That's a good idea, kid.
There you go.
70
00:03:18,166 --> 00:03:20,233
- Come on.
- There you go.
71
00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:24,830
Dear "Drama For Your Mama."
72
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:26,300
Mm-hmm.
73
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,300
My mother donated
74
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:32,200
both of her kidneys to science.
75
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:35,830
And now, she
don't feel too
good.
76
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,200
Give me that. Come on, man.
That's ridiculous.
77
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:41,266
That's unbelievable, man.
78
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,366
Stupid.
79
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,383
- Let's see what you got.
- Let's try this.
80
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,160
Dear "Drama For Your Mama."
81
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:52,266
A UFO..
82
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:57,233
...just stole my mama's
breast implants.
83
00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,350
And used the silicon
84
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:04,350
for fuel to get back to Mars.
85
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:08,116
Now that's writin'.
86
00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:09,366
Hey, yeah,
that's real
believable.
87
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,200
I'm serious,
it happened to one of my boys.
88
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,266
I believe you, look
all we gotta do is
exaggerate
89
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:14,316
what Dee already has.
90
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:16,133
- Alright.
- Okay.
91
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:20,660
Dear "Drama For Your Mama."
92
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,000
Mm-hmm.
93
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:23,660
Gi-i-irl.
94
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,660
Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh.
95
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,000
Honey chi-i-ild.
96
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:29,300
That's a good one.
97
00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:31,333
[upbeat music]
98
00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:35,383
Mm. Hey, pop, you
really
out did yourself this
time.
99
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,200
This meatloaf is slammin'.
100
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,116
That's not meat.
101
00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,350
Marlon, Marlon.
102
00:04:46,383 --> 00:04:50,133
Yo, you ain't gonna
believe
this letter that just
came in.
103
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:53,366
"Drama For Your Mama?"
104
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,216
Kid, they are printing
our letter in their next
issue.
105
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,100
We won Deirdre's
mother that
chair.
106
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,350
What are you talkin' about?
107
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,183
Well, Dee, we decided to do
a little rewrite
108
00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:04,160
on your letter and send it in.
109
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,830
You know, of course, we had
to spice it up a little bit
110
00:05:06,116 --> 00:05:07,366
so we included
the whole entire family.
111
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,660
Anyway, the point is,
they're granting you your
wish.
112
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,166
O-o-oh!
that is great!
113
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,166
Hey, that's nice,
hope you and your mama's big ass
114
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,116
is very happy.
115
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,366
Shawn, look at this, man.
116
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,183
"Dear Mr. Williams,
'Drama For Your Mama' is pleased
117
00:05:22,216 --> 00:05:25,000
"to inform you that
your moving story has been named
118
00:05:25,330 --> 00:05:26,333
"our wish of the year.
119
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:28,383
"And to make your
additional wishes come
true
120
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,830
"we'll be sending
you
a check for five..
121
00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:32,300
(both)
Thousand dollars."
122
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:39,183
Yo, kid, I don't
believe
it's $5000 of them
things.
123
00:05:39,216 --> 00:05:42,330
Gee, you know
how much $5000 is?
124
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:45,250
You know how many boxes of coco
krispies I could buy with that?
125
00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:48,216
You know, a little toy
soldier
comes with every box.
126
00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:50,266
Before you know it,
I'll have a whole army.
127
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,366
And then we could storm
Barbie's Dream House.
128
00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:56,283
We take her hostage
and make her do things.
129
00:05:56,316 --> 00:05:59,660
Ah, shut up.
130
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,233
Well, you ain't buyin'
nothin' till I get my cut.
131
00:06:01,266 --> 00:06:03,330
Your cut for what?
132
00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,333
For raisin' you boys.
133
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,660
I was gonna give
you a bill tomorrow
134
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,233
but seeing how you're
gettin' paid, why wait?
135
00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:11,383
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
136
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,160
There's somethin'
I don't like about this.
137
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,150
Now, you made up that story.
138
00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:16,383
- Mm-hmm.
- Right.
139
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:21,233
So, that money was meant
for a truly needy person.
140
00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:25,150
We are needy.
I needy some new CD's.
141
00:06:25,183 --> 00:06:28,660
I needy a new jacket.
I need a Swedish massage.
142
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,116
Man, with $5000,
you can go to Sweden
143
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:32,100
and get a massage
from Heidi Hoe herself.
144
00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:33,350
Well, okay.
145
00:06:33,383 --> 00:06:36,500
Pull her by them two little
braids and make her yodel.
146
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,160
Wait, now. Come on, guys.
Come on, now.
147
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,116
- You can't accept that money.
- Why? What're we gonna do?
148
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,116
Give the money back
to some second place liars?
149
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:47,250
You know, Dee, if we gotta give
back the money and then you know
150
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:50,500
then your mama
won't have that nice
chair.
151
00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:52,116
Yeah, and if she
doesn't have that chair
152
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,316
I don't know who's gonna
be massaging her feet
153
00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:56,116
when they're all swelled up
154
00:06:56,150 --> 00:07:00,330
like Malcolm Jamal Warner's
cheeks.
155
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,266
Bring on the chair.
156
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,266
Five thousand..
Baby boy.
157
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,333
Hey, come on, now,
it ain't that much money.
158
00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:11,116
[instrumental music]
159
00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:13,233
Pop, this new pager is dope.
160
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,366
See, it doubles as a phone.
161
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,316
So you know,
I could call my honeys.
162
00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:19,000
And if they stand me up,
I don't care.
163
00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:21,660
'Cause this thing
vibrates. Check it out.
164
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,316
[buzzing]
165
00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:30,216
Now, you see, son,
you should have done
166
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,100
something more
useful with your money.
167
00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:35,830
Like going down
to the Polyester Palace.
168
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:39,366
Pickin' out one
of these bad leisure suits.
169
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,266
Oh, you bought you a cheap suit
170
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,250
made of asbestos
and a Mr. Microphone.
171
00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:53,383
What the hell
are you wearin'?
172
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,116
Like a old edition
and new edition.
173
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:01,150
Shawn, this is sharp.
174
00:08:01,183 --> 00:08:04,830
- Whoo, man.
- You like it, pop?
175
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:07,000
- Hell yeah, I like this.
- Hmm.
176
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,250
Now I gotta take it back.
177
00:08:10,283 --> 00:08:12,316
Oh, I don't know
anything about fashion, huh?
178
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:13,316
Face it, pop.
179
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:14,366
You still think polyester
180
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,350
should have it's own holiday.
181
00:08:16,383 --> 00:08:21,100
Five hundred more signatures,
and we gonna see who's laughing.
182
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,330
Hey, yo, you guys think
it was smart buy
183
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:24,500
all this stuff on credit?
184
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,200
It's the Afro-American way.
185
00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:27,183
Credit.
186
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,233
[doorbell ringing]
187
00:08:29,266 --> 00:08:31,333
Yeah a'ight.
188
00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:32,366
- Hey.
- Hey!
189
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,166
Hey, how are you?
190
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,200
- Hey, Shawn.
- Hey, what's up?
191
00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:40,383
Oh, I just wanna thank you
guys for everything.
192
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,383
Oh-h, you can't imagine
the look on my mother's face
193
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,200
when she saw that chair.
194
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:48,316
Dee, we've seen
your bald headed mama.
195
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,333
Believe me, we can imagine.
196
00:08:56,266 --> 00:08:59,000
I am so happy today.
197
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,183
I'm not gonna even
beat you down
198
00:09:01,216 --> 00:09:03,660
for talkin' about my mother.
199
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,160
- Oh, by the way..
- 'For me?'
200
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,383
You got
a certified letter.
201
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,283
[buzzing]
202
00:09:08,316 --> 00:09:10,250
Hey..
203
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,160
What?
204
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,660
Ha! How did
this get down
there?
205
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:21,000
Yo, this is from
the magazine, yo.
206
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:25,000
"Dear Mr. Williams,
before we present you
207
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:27,166
"with a check for $5000..
208
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:31,250
"...our representative will be
meeting you this week to verify
209
00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:35,183
your story and take
a photograph of your family."
210
00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:38,266
Mmm, mm.
211
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,100
Oh, my God.
212
00:09:40,133 --> 00:09:43,160
You mean, that they're
actually comin' here?
213
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,333
Do you know what this means?
214
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:47,100
Yeah. We're busted.
215
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:53,283
[upbeat music]
216
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,283
Pops, what we gonna do?
217
00:09:55,316 --> 00:09:56,316
Same thing we do when
218
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:59,266
the Jehovah's Witness come by.
219
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,116
Throw eggs at 'em?
220
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,166
No, pretend we're not home.
221
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,266
I told you the stories
in that magazine were real.
222
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:09,200
I don't wanna go to jail.
223
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,250
We'll be fresh meat.
224
00:10:13,330 --> 00:10:15,830
I don't want to be
Big Bubba's girlfriend.
225
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:17,216
Now, you boys,
don't worry about nothin'.
226
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,350
I'm gonna send cartons
227
00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:20,500
and cartons of smokes
228
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,116
to keep the bullies off you.
229
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,350
You punks. Ain't nobody
goin' to jail, a'ight?
230
00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:26,350
Now, all we gotta do
is send this stuff back
231
00:10:26,383 --> 00:10:28,283
and apologize
to the magazine.
232
00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:32,350
I can't take karaoke machine
back. I had it customized.
233
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:35,133
Look at them, white shoes.
234
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,160
And you can forget
about that chair
235
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,160
'cause if I take that back from
mama, that'll break her heart.
236
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,350
I don't wanna take back
all these nice staff, shoo.
237
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:45,830
Then there's only one thing
we could do to keep the money.
238
00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:46,316
When the people
from the magazine get here
239
00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:49,160
we gotta pretend to be
the family we wrote about.
240
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,216
Now, how're we gonna do that?
241
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,316
You know, we went
a little overboard
242
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,233
in our description.
243
00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:55,200
Well, we got pops here
244
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:57,200
and Dee can play her mother.
245
00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:58,283
(Marlon)
'Yeah.'
246
00:10:58,316 --> 00:11:00,300
Mm, well, I would
have to pad myself
247
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:03,116
to give the appearance
of a heavy woman.
248
00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:06,166
I don't think
that'll be believable.
249
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,150
Somethin' tells me
you'll be pretty convincing.
250
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,300
- Okay. I'll do it.
- Great.
251
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:14,150
Marlon, you go
down to your actin' school
252
00:11:14,183 --> 00:11:16,133
and get whatever make up
and special effects you can
get.
253
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:18,160
(Marlon)
Alright, cool. Alright.
254
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,500
- Hurry up. Go, go.
- Alright.
255
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,330
Wait a minute.
Special effects?
256
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,830
What the hell did you write?
257
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:32,283
Oh and Dee, stop bein'
so sensitive, girl.
258
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:35,330
If I seen you waddle up
in the club, girl
259
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:36,200
I'd be all over you.
260
00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:38,300
Oh, stop.
261
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:41,660
Why do I have
to wear this stupid
wig?
262
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,330
Because, pops, we told 'em
you got struck by lightnin'.
263
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,333
Now, remember,
you got brain damage.
264
00:11:45,366 --> 00:11:47,200
So you gotta act like Marlon.
265
00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:51,330
What possessed you to tell them
my mother weighed 500 pounds?
266
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:52,266
Look, Dee, if you want sympathy
267
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,000
you gotta be so big
that they need the jaws of
life
268
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:57,116
to get you outta
your panty drawers.
269
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:01,300
It usually just take two drinks.
270
00:12:03,116 --> 00:12:07,383
I would put my foot up your
behind but I can't lift my
leg.
271
00:12:08,366 --> 00:12:10,000
Oh, man, I forgot.
272
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,330
We gotta make this place look
273
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:12,116
like poor people live here.
274
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,383
Poor peopledo
275
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,250
Oh, my bad.
276
00:12:15,283 --> 00:12:17,100
Now, where is Marlon? Marlon?
277
00:12:17,133 --> 00:12:20,160
Hey, hey, hey,
don't worry about Marlon.
278
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:21,316
That's our ace in the hole.
279
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:23,133
[doorbell ringing]
280
00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:25,000
Man, alright.
They're here, everybody.
281
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,233
Okay, remember, be pathetic.
282
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,133
Perfect.
283
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:33,660
I can't believe
I let myself
284
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,133
get talked into this.
285
00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:37,000
- How do I look?
- Fat.
286
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,333
Hey, how you doin'?
I'm Shawn Williams.
287
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:47,000
Right, I'm Gina Roberts and
this is my photographer David.
288
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,333
Hiya, Dave.
Nice to meet you, buddy.
289
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:53,216
I'm sorry to bother you.
This is just a formality.
290
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:56,100
But we need to
verify
all of our stories.
291
00:12:56,133 --> 00:12:57,266
Oh, it-it's okay..
292
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,660
Um, and I'm kinda sorry
293
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,200
for takin' so long
to open the door
294
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:03,133
but I was givin'
mama a sponge bath.
295
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,266
Car wash won't
take her
anymore.
296
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:08,116
Oh, you must be Mama Williams.
297
00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,333
I read all about you.
298
00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:12,200
Don't believe what he says
299
00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:16,133
I'm not fat.
I'm just big boned-ed.
300
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:17,316
Poor, mama.
301
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:20,266
She was studying
to be a
ballerina..
302
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,166
...but she had
to take a second
job
303
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,166
in order to
provide
for her children.
304
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,350
Why'd she have to get a job
at the potato chip factory?
305
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,160
Don't blame yourself, baby.
306
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,830
Nobody can just eat one.
307
00:13:35,116 --> 00:13:36,100
I thought you said
308
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,366
she worked
at a chocolate factory.
309
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:41,383
Oh, yeah.
310
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:46,330
Well, it was a chocolate
covered potato chip
factory.
311
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,283
You, you
probably
never heard 'em
312
00:13:47,316 --> 00:13:49,316
'cause mama ate them
outta business too.
313
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:52,283
Mm-hmm. Very interesting.
314
00:13:52,316 --> 00:13:54,150
And this must be Pops.
315
00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:56,660
Howdy-do?
316
00:13:57,216 --> 00:14:01,166
Dear God! He has
the mind of a child.
317
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,500
I'll bet you won't try
to hook up illegal cable
318
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:07,216
during a lightning storm again.
319
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,660
Howdy-do?
320
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,133
Such a tragedy
what happened to pops.
321
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:13,330
All the brother
was tryin' to do
322
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,333
was hook up the Learnin'
Channel
for his kids.
323
00:14:15,366 --> 00:14:18,000
And he lost his mind.
324
00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:20,166
Well, at least,
he's cable ready
though.
325
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,166
Howdy-do?
326
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,266
I thought you said
in your letter
327
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:27,333
that he blurts out
all kinds of things.
328
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,150
Oh, yeah, well,
pops is always blurting
out
329
00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:32,166
all kinds of crazy things.
330
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,160
Michael Jackson
is a Puerto Rican.
331
00:14:37,283 --> 00:14:40,500
Oh, really? Ha ha.
332
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:43,000
Now, where's this younger
brother you wrote me about?
333
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,316
- Oh, you mean, Wildcha?
- Mm-hmm.
334
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,133
Uh, well, we usually
keep him out of the
sunlight
335
00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:50,160
but if you want me
to bring him out, I
will.
336
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,200
- Well, of course, I do.
- Are you sure?
337
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:55,330
- Yes.
- Okay.
338
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,116
Wildcha, come on out.
339
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,250
Wait, hold, uh..
340
00:15:00,283 --> 00:15:02,660
Hang on.
341
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,383
Ah, whoa! Hey, Wildcha.
342
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,300
- You better get off my
couch.
- Hey, ho-hold up.
343
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,333
Wildcha, Wildcha.
344
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:09,216
Don't get too close.
345
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,383
And whatever you do,
don't make any sudden moves.
346
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,216
- He can smell fear.
- Well, what happened to him?
347
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:17,250
When our mother was pregnant,
she drank a bottle of
activator.
348
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,333
And now, she turned him
into a monster.
349
00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:24,330
At least he got good hair
though. Hey, stop it.
350
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,000
Stop it, Wildcha.
Come on, cut it out.
351
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:28,660
Now you know you've been trained
better than that.
352
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,266
Could-could, could I just
take a look at him?
353
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,200
Oh, no, that wouldn't be wise.
354
00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:34,266
He, he's really sensitive
about his looks.
355
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,350
Oh, don't worry about me. I can
handle this. I am a journalist.
356
00:15:37,383 --> 00:15:40,316
OJ handed me a black bag. Shh.
357
00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:46,316
Oh, my..
358
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:49,000
He looks like
Angela Davis on crack.
359
00:15:54,216 --> 00:15:57,250
Dennis Rodman has a G-spot!
360
00:15:57,283 --> 00:15:59,350
Could we just take the
picture
and get out of here?
361
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,830
A picture? Now they say
the camera put on 10 pounds.
362
00:16:03,116 --> 00:16:05,166
I don't wanna look fat, now.
363
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,150
You are a heroic man.
364
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:11,166
This has got to be the saddest
situation I have ever seen.
365
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,266
Here, Shawn, you deserve that.
366
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:17,166
- Thank you so much.
- Bang, bang, bang, bang.
367
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,160
When I, uh, read your letter
368
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,000
I knew this was gonna be
the kinda stuff
369
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,333
that really touched our readers.
370
00:16:25,366 --> 00:16:27,366
I know you get thousands
of letters of people
371
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,283
tryin' to write in sob
stories
and trying to fool you guys.
372
00:16:30,316 --> 00:16:32,330
Well, some fake ones get through
373
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:33,333
but we try to verify them all.
374
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:35,333
Okay, now, everybody gather
around the couch
375
00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:39,200
'cause we need to hurry up
to visit the runner-up.
376
00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:41,200
Runner-up?
What's wrong with them?
377
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,283
Oh, it's not as bad as this.
378
00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:44,300
It's just a blind woman
with ten kids.
379
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:46,316
Really? Is she gettin'
a prize too?
380
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:51,300
Oh, yes, of course. A full
year
subscription to our magazine.
381
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:55,166
Okay, everybody.
Saycheese.
382
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,366
[camera shutter clicks]
383
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,283
Great. Thank you very much
and good luck to you all.
384
00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:06,500
[grumbling]
385
00:17:08,183 --> 00:17:10,266
Now, are you happy?
386
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:13,300
I told you
all of those stories
387
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,183
in that magazine was true.
388
00:17:16,216 --> 00:17:20,283
We took money from a blind
woman
and ten children.
389
00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:23,150
Yeah, Shawn.
And it's all your fault
too.
390
00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,133
My fault? You helped me
write the letter.
391
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:26,366
Yeah, I did.
But you're
older.
392
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,166
You're supposed to
set the example.
393
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,183
I was tryin'
to help Dee, okay?
394
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,116
How was I supposed to know
there was a cash prize?
395
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,000
- You knew.
- Okay, okay, now stop it.
396
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,250
We were all in this together.
397
00:17:36,283 --> 00:17:39,200
Now, it's no use
to go and blame Shawn.
398
00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:40,350
Yeah, you're right.
399
00:17:40,383 --> 00:17:42,316
- But it is your fault.
- Dup-duh..
400
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:44,830
"Dup-duh" it is.
401
00:17:45,316 --> 00:17:49,000
Look, the only way to fix
things
is to give the money
402
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:51,330
to the runner-up. Right?
403
00:17:53,830 --> 00:17:56,830
I said, right?
404
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,100
Right?
405
00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:02,100
Alright. But I can only
give back half.
406
00:18:02,133 --> 00:18:04,000
'Cause I don't think the
strippers down at Chocolate
City
407
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:05,200
have a good refund policy.
408
00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:07,116
I gotta give up my karaoke?
409
00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:08,383
That would be
the right thing to do.
410
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,133
Yes, Don King.
411
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,283
[instrumental music]
412
00:18:18,216 --> 00:18:22,383
♪ My brother's gone ♪
413
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,283
♪ My brother's gone.. ♪
414
00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:29,250
♪ Brother's gone away ♪♪
415
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:38,000
When she gonna get here?
She's four hours late
already.
416
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:41,183
Hey, with ten kids, I'm sure
she's been late plenty of
times.
417
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,350
E-excuse me, is-is this
the Neidermeyer building?
418
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:50,150
That's what the sign says
above the door.
419
00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,133
What are you blind?
420
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,150
I'm awfully
sorry
to bother you.
421
00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:58,160
I-it's just that
I don't see very
well.
422
00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,350
Oh, forgive my brother
for his rudeness.
423
00:18:59,383 --> 00:19:04,830
- Um, I'm Shawn Williams.
- Step. Step.
424
00:19:04,116 --> 00:19:05,166
The reason why we called you
425
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,383
is because we're
the first prize winners
426
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,330
to the "Drama For Your Mama"
contest.
427
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:11,283
Oh, congratulations.
428
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,383
[loudly]
Well,
actually
429
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,316
we think they made a mistake.
430
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:19,500
We feel as though
you should have the
money.
431
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,830
What?
432
00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:27,216
- Oh, bless you.
- 'Mm-hm.'
433
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,160
I prayed for a miracle
and it's been answered.
434
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:32,160
Oh, yes.
435
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:33,100
Y-you have no idea
436
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:36,300
what this means
to me and my kids.
437
00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:39,660
And if you ever need some food
and you're hungry
438
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,266
bring one of the kids
by the diner.
439
00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:45,116
All the kids, not one.
All the kids.
440
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,100
Shoot, okay.
Bring 'em all by.
441
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:49,300
Tuesday night between
5:00 and 5:10.
442
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,300
Uh, they can eat all they want.
443
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:54,300
Oh, and listen, this is Dee.
444
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,366
If you ever have a need
for a baby-sitter
445
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,216
you feel free to call me.
446
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:02,160
It's wonderful people like
you
that keep my faith strong.
447
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,200
(Dee)
'Yes. Mmm.'
448
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:05,266
Here, here, take some candy.
449
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:07,830
Give 'em a peppermint
or something.
450
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:09,830
Give her the whole thing.
Here, here.
451
00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:11,266
And here, here's all the money
we made for the month.
452
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:13,250
- This is all yours.
- Yes. Yes.
453
00:20:13,283 --> 00:20:16,500
- Bless you.
- Oh, bless you too.
454
00:20:16,830 --> 00:20:19,500
- Bless you.
- God bless you all.
455
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:22,350
- Oh, careful.
- 'Step. Step.'
456
00:20:22,383 --> 00:20:24,316
Bless you. Bless you all.
457
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:27,250
Oh, no. This way.
This way. Here we go.
458
00:20:27,283 --> 00:20:30,216
- 'Alright.'
- Have a mighty fine day.
459
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,350
Oh, boy, isn't that wonderful?
460
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:36,500
The money goes to someone
who really needs it.
461
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:37,830
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
462
00:20:37,116 --> 00:20:39,830
And not wasted
on frivolous things.
463
00:20:39,116 --> 00:20:41,200
Yeah, I didn't know giving
could make you feel so
good.
464
00:20:41,233 --> 00:20:44,100
- 'Oh, yeah.'
- You know what I learned?
465
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,300
I learned even though
466
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:48,250
I might not have
everything I want..
467
00:20:48,283 --> 00:20:49,250
...I'm still rich.
468
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,366
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
469
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,330
- You really believe that,
son?
- Hell, no.
470
00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:58,116
I just heard it
on an episode of "Good Times."
471
00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:01,500
Oh, snap, yo.
The lady forgot her
cane.
472
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:02,266
Oh, go take it to her.
Go take it to her.
473
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,266
Hey! Hey, lady!
You forgot your..
474
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:07,830
[tires screeching]
475
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:11,660
(Dee)
'What?'
476
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:14,266
She just drove off
in a brand new Corvette.
477
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,000
That's not safe.
478
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:18,133
We got conned.
479
00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:20,166
Hey, yo, Ray Charles ho!
480
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,200
[instrumental music]
481
00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:31,233
Kato owes me rent.
482
00:21:32,316 --> 00:21:34,366
John Lennon owe me
five dollars.
483
00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,250
OJ handed me a black bag.
484
00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:43,366
Don King used to be a barber.
Did you know that?
485
00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:47,233
Mother Teresa pays me.
486
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,116
Elvis Presley stole my song.
487
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,383
Marsha Clark's my woman.
488
00:22:00,660 --> 00:22:02,100
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon.Say cheese.
35966
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