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1
00:00:08,606 --> 00:00:11,042
Douglas, will you
please pass the catsup?
2
00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:12,543
The what?
3
00:00:12,611 --> 00:00:14,579
The catsup.
4
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:20,384
You mean the ketchup?
5
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:26,223
Educated people
pronounce it catsup.
6
00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:29,160
Not if they want me
to pass it to them.
7
00:00:29,244 --> 00:00:31,095
Fine. If that's the way
you're going to be,
8
00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:32,563
then I'll do without.
9
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,866
Not gonna happen, old man.
10
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,100
My burger's getting cold.
11
00:00:37,168 --> 00:00:38,369
Just give me the catsup!
12
00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:39,737
OK, it's called ketchup.
13
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:41,706
Say it right and you can have it. No.
14
00:00:41,773 --> 00:00:43,674
Say it. Say it. No.
15
00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:44,708
I will never say it.
16
00:00:44,776 --> 00:00:47,878
I'd rather die than say it.
17
00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:50,198
Then she's staying over here.
18
00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:53,467
Me llamo ketchup.
19
00:00:53,468 --> 00:00:54,969
Fine.
20
00:00:55,036 --> 00:00:56,971
Then just say
good-bye to these.
21
00:00:57,038 --> 00:00:58,572
Ahh!
22
00:00:58,691 --> 00:00:59,840
Why you gotta do that?
23
00:00:59,908 --> 00:01:01,668
You want the catsup,
you can have the catsup.
24
00:01:01,693 --> 00:01:03,293
Here. God.
25
00:01:05,647 --> 00:01:06,607
Thank you.
That's enough.
26
00:01:06,648 --> 00:01:07,748
OK, good.
27
00:01:07,816 --> 00:01:08,833
That's enough.
28
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:11,035
That's enough.
That's enough.
29
00:01:11,103 --> 00:01:12,369
That's enough!
30
00:01:12,437 --> 00:01:13,197
Oh, is that enough?
31
00:01:13,264 --> 00:01:14,584
Yes, that's enough.
That's enough.
32
00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:16,273
Than say it!
Say-say it!
33
00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:17,875
What?
Say what?!
34
00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:19,010
What's it called?!
35
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:21,345
Ketchup!
36
00:01:25,116 --> 00:01:28,185
And that's how we learn.
37
00:02:04,206 --> 00:02:05,839
All right, what's next?
38
00:02:05,924 --> 00:02:10,311
"Put bracket C facing
left front quarter.
39
00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:13,914
Turn to align
with rear bracing leg."
40
00:02:17,019 --> 00:02:18,752
What?
41
00:02:18,854 --> 00:02:20,003
I think it means the seat
42
00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:25,742
it's supposed to be the seat.
43
00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:27,090
Yeah, well,
that ship has sailed.
44
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:29,480
Come on, give me
something to put in slot H.
45
00:02:29,548 --> 00:02:32,849
I- I'd put the seat there.
46
00:02:34,269 --> 00:02:38,105
Put this right here,
right like that.
47
00:02:39,641 --> 00:02:43,610
Yeah, see? All done.
48
00:02:43,679 --> 00:02:45,729
All right.
That's right.
49
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:46,914
All right, by the way,
major's not gonna be getting
50
00:02:46,982 --> 00:02:48,742
the greatest birthday present
from us either.
51
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:51,152
We're a little short
on the dough-re-mi.
52
00:02:51,219 --> 00:02:52,069
Oh, yeah.
53
00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:54,454
How's Carrie's job hunt going?
54
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,802
She's getting
a little desperate.
55
00:02:55,869 --> 00:02:57,353
Next time you call
a phone sex line,
56
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:58,843
be nice just in case.
57
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,846
Coming.
58
00:03:05,183 --> 00:03:06,250
Hi, dad.
59
00:03:06,318 --> 00:03:07,558
Hey, guys.
You have a good time?
60
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:09,954
We made Jesse's hamster fly.
61
00:03:10,022 --> 00:03:11,455
Really?
Well, he flew briefly.
62
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:14,158
Let's just say he'll be
off the wheel for a while.
63
00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:16,610
You want to see my room?
64
00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:19,530
Hey, Sean. This is my
friend Doug Heffernan.
65
00:03:19,598 --> 00:03:20,964
Doug Heffernan?
66
00:03:21,032 --> 00:03:22,466
Did you go to Saint Gregory's?
67
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:23,651
Yeah.
68
00:03:23,718 --> 00:03:25,386
It's me. Sean McGee.
69
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,237
Oh, hey, man. Hi!
70
00:03:27,305 --> 00:03:29,656
Hi! Hi!
How's it going?
71
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:30,657
Good.
72
00:03:30,726 --> 00:03:34,228
Ah, all white guys
do know each other.
73
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:36,864
Small world. What
have you been up to?
74
00:03:36,932 --> 00:03:39,183
Just working with Deacon
down at IPS.
75
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,235
That's great. I'm a D.A.
over in Queens county.
76
00:03:41,303 --> 00:03:43,070
You know, putting away
the bad guys.
77
00:03:43,138 --> 00:03:44,721
Hey, dead man walking, right?
78
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,423
Ha ha ha!
79
00:03:46,491 --> 00:03:48,758
Listen, I gotta go.
Hey, Jess!
80
00:03:48,826 --> 00:03:50,628
Great to see you.
81
00:03:50,696 --> 00:03:51,629
Are you gonna be
at major's party?
82
00:03:51,697 --> 00:03:52,863
Yup. I'll see you over there.
83
00:03:52,931 --> 00:03:54,332
Take care, Deac.
Take care, man.
84
00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:56,033
Hey, you take care, Doug.
85
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,935
I'll see you later.
Be good.
86
00:03:58,003 --> 00:04:00,120
Ha ha ha ha.
87
00:04:00,188 --> 00:04:03,274
I hate that son of a bitch.
88
00:04:03,341 --> 00:04:04,942
What?!
89
00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:06,643
It was seventh grade.
90
00:04:06,711 --> 00:04:07,961
I was in the cafeteria,
and I accidentally threw out
91
00:04:08,029 --> 00:04:10,030
my six million dollar man
thermos top.
92
00:04:10,098 --> 00:04:12,199
So I'm going through
the garbage looking for it,
93
00:04:12,267 --> 00:04:14,851
and Sean McGee
told everybody that I...
94
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,754
Licked the trash can.
95
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,728
Did you lick it?
96
00:04:23,779 --> 00:04:25,962
No! Why would I
lick a trash can?
97
00:04:26,031 --> 00:04:27,151
I don't know.
The same reason
98
00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:29,166
you lick the top
of the pizza box.
99
00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:30,721
That's completely
different, all right?
100
00:04:30,746 --> 00:04:31,969
That's not trash yet.
101
00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,988
Anyway, he spread this
around the whole school,
102
00:04:34,055 --> 00:04:35,323
and for the entire year,
103
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,059
everybody called me
Doug heffer-can.
104
00:04:39,077 --> 00:04:41,237
All right, look, I'm gonna
see Sean on Wednesday night.
105
00:04:41,262 --> 00:04:43,313
I'll be sure to stay
away from any trash cans.
106
00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:44,982
Wait a second.
107
00:04:45,049 --> 00:04:46,584
I just told you
this guy is my enemy,
108
00:04:46,651 --> 00:04:48,619
and you're gonna
hang out with him?
109
00:04:48,753 --> 00:04:49,703
I'm not in love with the guy.
110
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:50,970
We're just playing
racquetball.
111
00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:52,758
Nobody else plays.
What am I supposed to do?
112
00:04:52,783 --> 00:04:54,708
Don't play with Sean McGee.
Play with me!
113
00:04:54,776 --> 00:04:55,926
You don't play.
114
00:04:55,994 --> 00:04:59,547
Don't play?
What, are you on pot?
115
00:04:59,614 --> 00:05:01,615
I love racquetball.
116
00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:03,500
Yeah? What color
are the balls?
117
00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:04,985
They vary.
118
00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:07,587
Look, give me
a chance, all right?
119
00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:08,979
If I don't give you
a good game,
120
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:12,173
you can go play with
your friend Sean McGay.
121
00:05:13,494 --> 00:05:17,180
Damn, I wish I'd thought
of that in junior high.
122
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:27,891
Yeah.
123
00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:29,043
Yeah, I feel it.
124
00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,830
OK, next time you have
to stretch like that,
125
00:05:30,855 --> 00:05:33,680
I'm gonna have to ask you
to wear longer shorts.
126
00:05:33,748 --> 00:05:35,832
Yeah? And I'm gonna have
to ask you to stand back
127
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,434
because it's punish time.
128
00:05:37,502 --> 00:05:38,662
You're about to be acquainted
129
00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:43,073
with my good friends
Hugh and Millie yayshin.
130
00:05:45,876 --> 00:05:48,112
Wassup?
131
00:05:51,966 --> 00:05:52,899
Ohh!
132
00:06:04,979 --> 00:06:06,163
Uhh!
133
00:06:07,682 --> 00:06:08,766
Uhh!
134
00:06:20,178 --> 00:06:21,312
All right, I admit it, man.
135
00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:23,113
You got game.
Really?
136
00:06:23,181 --> 00:06:25,498
I think someone
owes me an apology.
137
00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:27,951
Oh, God.
138
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:29,853
Damn!
139
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,972
All right, my serve.
140
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,141
I think we're done here.
141
00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:37,077
Come on, that's fine.
Throw a little sawdust on it.
142
00:06:37,145 --> 00:06:38,345
Where you going?
143
00:06:38,447 --> 00:06:40,614
You're gonna call your
boyfriend, aren't you?
144
00:06:40,681 --> 00:06:41,898
At least he can play 4
points without showing me
145
00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,500
what he had at the snack bar.
146
00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:45,452
Fine!
I don't need you!
147
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,021
But know this
if you're friends with my enemy,
148
00:06:48,089 --> 00:06:50,557
then you're my enemy!
149
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:53,260
Oh, God.
150
00:06:56,297 --> 00:06:59,967
So, uh, with Deacon gone,
how's this gonna work?
151
00:07:00,034 --> 00:07:02,653
Does everybody just move
up a slot, friend-wise?
152
00:07:04,121 --> 00:07:05,088
No.
153
00:07:05,156 --> 00:07:07,725
Well, I just mean, you know,
154
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:09,472
there was stuff
you used to do with Deacon,
155
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,628
so I guess you'll be doing it
with one of us now.
156
00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:14,348
No.
157
00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:15,999
All right, that's cool.
158
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:19,035
Status quo.
159
00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:21,205
God, I really miss Deac.
160
00:07:21,272 --> 00:07:23,407
I mean, the way
he got such a kick
161
00:07:23,474 --> 00:07:26,142
out of these
bud light commercials.
162
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:27,911
There's a certain kind
of magic
163
00:07:27,978 --> 00:07:31,481
when a gentle giant laughs.
164
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:39,106
Hey.
165
00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:40,374
Oh.
166
00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:41,608
What are you doing here?
167
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,109
Just came to get
my camcorder back.
168
00:07:43,177 --> 00:07:45,278
I need it for
my kid's party tomorrow.
169
00:07:45,313 --> 00:07:47,214
Help yourself.
It's in the garage.
170
00:07:47,265 --> 00:07:48,665
The garage? Huh.
171
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,751
Thanks for taking
such good care of it.
172
00:07:52,437 --> 00:07:54,037
Hey, Deac.
173
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,206
What's up?
174
00:07:56,324 --> 00:07:58,425
OK, put your eyes
back in your head.
175
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,211
Hello.
176
00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:02,646
Hi.
177
00:08:02,697 --> 00:08:03,657
Got a registered letter.
178
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:05,349
Gonna need you to sign for it.
179
00:08:07,368 --> 00:08:08,602
Hey, why don't you
come in for a second?
180
00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:09,703
You know,
I never sign anything
181
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:11,490
without checking over
the fine print anyway.
182
00:08:11,506 --> 00:08:13,986
'Cause the next thing you know,
I'm somebody's Butler for life.
183
00:08:14,011 --> 00:08:15,242
You know what I'm saying?
184
00:08:15,309 --> 00:08:16,793
Not at all, no.
185
00:08:16,861 --> 00:08:18,329
It's just a standard letter.
186
00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:19,436
It's all right.
Come on in.
187
00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:21,081
Come on, we'll check it out.
188
00:08:21,148 --> 00:08:22,828
Just take a seat right
here. Danny, get up.
189
00:08:22,853 --> 00:08:25,002
OK, but I only got a minute.
190
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:26,303
Well, that's OK.
191
00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:28,872
Doug Heffernan."
192
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:30,808
So far, so good.
193
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:32,676
Listen, I really got
to hit the road here.
194
00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:35,278
Hit the road, man? You
kill me, bro! Ha ha ha!
195
00:08:35,346 --> 00:08:37,147
Oh, this is so awkward.
196
00:08:41,352 --> 00:08:43,019
What is?
197
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,647
You just walking in
when I'm hanging out
198
00:08:44,672 --> 00:08:50,194
with my new friend...
Melvin... uspo.
199
00:08:50,261 --> 00:08:52,896
As in United States
post office?
200
00:08:53,882 --> 00:08:55,382
That's right,
come sleet or snow,
201
00:08:55,449 --> 00:08:58,018
he's my buddy.
Wassup?
202
00:09:00,721 --> 00:09:02,841
So you're trying to replace
me with another black guy.
203
00:09:02,866 --> 00:09:04,124
That's-that's classy.
204
00:09:04,191 --> 00:09:06,791
Hey, I don't care if my best
friend's black, white, or purple, OK?
205
00:09:06,816 --> 00:09:09,162
As long as he's got my back.
Ain't that right, Melvin?
206
00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:10,431
Actually, I
gotta hit the road.
207
00:09:10,498 --> 00:09:12,299
Listen, sign
that slip whenever.
208
00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:13,400
I'll pick it up tomorrow.
209
00:09:13,468 --> 00:09:14,968
It is a date, amigo.
210
00:09:15,036 --> 00:09:15,802
Yeah!
211
00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:17,153
Hey, Knicks fan.
212
00:09:17,221 --> 00:09:18,781
Marbury's doing
a nice job for 'em, huh?
213
00:09:18,823 --> 00:09:20,457
Yeah, I tell you,
though, I miss spree.
214
00:09:20,525 --> 00:09:21,725
I heard that.
215
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:22,860
I'm actually heading
over to Cooper's
216
00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:23,927
to catch the second half.
217
00:09:23,995 --> 00:09:24,928
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
218
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:26,476
Oh, maybe I'll stop by
after my route.
219
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:30,067
What are you doing?
220
00:09:30,134 --> 00:09:31,835
Trying to jazz up my resume,
221
00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:33,670
see if I can get a
law firm to notice me.
222
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:35,005
How's this sound?
223
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:38,725
"Cleavage available
upon request."
224
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,411
It sounds good.
Give it a try.
225
00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:42,846
What's the matter with you?
226
00:09:42,913 --> 00:09:45,114
Friggin' Deacon.
227
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:46,582
He's hanging out
with my arch-enemy.
228
00:09:46,607 --> 00:09:48,002
Their kids go
to school together.
229
00:09:48,069 --> 00:09:50,771
You have an arch-enemy?
230
00:09:50,839 --> 00:09:52,222
Yeah, Sean McGee.
231
00:09:52,290 --> 00:09:53,623
In seventh grade,
he told everyone
232
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:56,960
I licked a trash can.
233
00:09:57,028 --> 00:09:58,862
Did you?
234
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,631
No.
235
00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:02,298
Why would I lick a trash can?
236
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:03,806
I don't know.
Didn't you once tell me
237
00:10:03,831 --> 00:10:06,966
you ate that feed
they have at petting zoos?
238
00:10:08,155 --> 00:10:10,624
My sister told me if I did,
I could grow a mustache.
239
00:10:16,497 --> 00:10:18,164
It's not the point, OK?
240
00:10:18,232 --> 00:10:20,033
I didn't lick a trash can.
241
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,318
Well, you know what?
You better get over it
242
00:10:21,386 --> 00:10:23,087
before major's
birthday party tomorrow
243
00:10:23,154 --> 00:10:25,322
because I don't want
to have any awkward scenes.
244
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,189
There ain't gonna be
any awkward scenes
245
00:10:26,341 --> 00:10:27,621
'cause I ain't
going to any party
246
00:10:27,646 --> 00:10:29,008
that Sean McGee's gonna be at.
247
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:30,177
Doug, come on.
248
00:10:30,244 --> 00:10:33,347
This is over
a quarter of a century ago!
249
00:10:33,414 --> 00:10:35,582
Are you kidding me?
Am I hearing this right?
250
00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:37,384
You're telling me
I can't have one enemy?
251
00:10:37,452 --> 00:10:39,619
Let's go over
your enemy list, huh?
252
00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,237
What are you talking about?
253
00:10:41,305 --> 00:10:42,789
Lorenzo's pizzeria.
I can't go there anymore
254
00:10:42,857 --> 00:10:44,257
because you had
a fight with the guy
255
00:10:44,325 --> 00:10:46,045
because he put too much
cheese on our pizza.
256
00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:47,060
Too much cheese.
257
00:10:47,128 --> 00:10:49,713
Insanity!
258
00:10:51,549 --> 00:10:53,233
Or how about
San remo dry cleaners, huh,
259
00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:56,136
where that little
Chinese girl sassed you?
260
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:57,755
Yeah, I may not
have understood her,
261
00:10:57,822 --> 00:11:00,391
but she was all attitude.
262
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:01,842
The point is, I support you
263
00:11:01,909 --> 00:11:03,377
in everything you hate.
264
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:05,446
You know, the restaurants, the stores,
265
00:11:05,513 --> 00:11:07,448
magicians!
266
00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:08,982
If you hate it, I hate it.
267
00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:11,452
So why can't you back
me up on this one thing?
268
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,954
All right, you know, you
you're right.
269
00:11:14,989 --> 00:11:16,789
If Sean McGee is your enemy,
270
00:11:16,857 --> 00:11:19,126
then he is my enemy, too.
271
00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:19,826
Thank you.
272
00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:22,012
So we're not going
to major's party?
273
00:11:22,079 --> 00:11:23,359
We're not going
to major's party.
274
00:11:23,414 --> 00:11:24,814
OK, I guess I'll go over there
275
00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:27,133
and drop off
major's gift tonight.
276
00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:29,453
Wait a second. Is it
something I might want?
277
00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:32,139
Doug, it's a pair
of feety pajamas.
278
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:37,528
Does it
have a back-flap?
279
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:45,002
All right, well, thanks for
the game. Take care, man.
280
00:11:45,069 --> 00:11:46,703
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
281
00:11:46,771 --> 00:11:48,238
I'm sorry.
Let me get that.
282
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:49,606
Thank you.
283
00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:50,941
"From Doug and Carrie."
284
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:53,177
Are you married
to Doug Heffernan?
285
00:11:53,228 --> 00:11:54,194
Yeah.
286
00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:55,145
I'm Sean McGee.
287
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,573
I went to school
with your husband.
288
00:11:56,598 --> 00:12:00,217
Oh... yes.
289
00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:03,386
Sean McGee.
I know all about you.
290
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:04,321
What does that mean?
291
00:12:04,322 --> 00:12:05,755
I think you know
what it means.
292
00:12:05,824 --> 00:12:08,391
Let me tell you
something, Sean.
293
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,360
You mess with Doug,
you mess with me.
294
00:12:10,428 --> 00:12:11,962
OK, you don't
want to mess with me
295
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:14,764
because I will
take you down, OK?
296
00:12:14,783 --> 00:12:19,169
This is about the trash
can thing, isn't it? Yeah.
297
00:12:19,236 --> 00:12:20,916
Deacon told me he was
still upset about it.
298
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,438
I just feel terrible
about that.
299
00:12:22,507 --> 00:12:23,540
As well you should.
300
00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:24,825
When I saw him
lick that thing,
301
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,777
I really should have
just kept it to myself.
302
00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:30,597
Wait a minute.
So he really did lick it?
303
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:33,266
Oh, yeah.
A couple of times.
304
00:12:34,853 --> 00:12:36,286
I should have just kept
my mouth shut, though.
305
00:12:36,354 --> 00:12:37,714
Just tell him
I'm sorry, would you?
306
00:12:37,739 --> 00:12:38,855
I gotta get out of here.
307
00:12:38,923 --> 00:12:40,974
I got 4 big cases
I'm prosecuting,
308
00:12:41,041 --> 00:12:42,676
and my secretary just quit.
309
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:44,577
Oh, you're a lawyer?
Yeah.
310
00:12:44,645 --> 00:12:46,029
And your secretary just quit?
311
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,297
Yeah, a couple days ago.
312
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,885
I don't know how
I'm gonna replace her.
313
00:12:48,953 --> 00:12:50,920
Oh, 'cause I used
to be a legal secretary.
314
00:12:50,988 --> 00:12:54,855
Yeah, I was at Kaplan,
hornstein & steckler.
315
00:12:54,922 --> 00:12:56,757
Oh, it's a good firm.
I've heard of them.
316
00:12:56,825 --> 00:12:58,065
Well, I would
ask you to come in
317
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,426
and, you know,
do an interview,
318
00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:01,294
but we have a policy
against hiring people
319
00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:03,263
who want to
"take me down."
320
00:13:03,331 --> 00:13:04,031
That's funny.
321
00:13:04,098 --> 00:13:05,515
Hang on.
322
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,251
Sean, I'll walk
with you, babe.
323
00:13:10,805 --> 00:13:11,738
I can't believe this.
324
00:13:11,806 --> 00:13:12,906
He is my enemy.
325
00:13:12,974 --> 00:13:14,674
I couldn't have been
more clear about that!
326
00:13:14,742 --> 00:13:16,392
Yes, and isn't that
what they say?
327
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:20,396
"Keep your friends close,
but your enemies closer"?
328
00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:25,452
This way I can keep tabs
on him 24/7.
329
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,888
I can take him down
from the inside!
330
00:13:27,956 --> 00:13:29,556
You know what, this
is not happening.
331
00:13:29,624 --> 00:13:30,924
There's no way.
332
00:13:30,992 --> 00:13:33,326
Doug, I can't believe you're
not gonna let me take a job
333
00:13:33,394 --> 00:13:37,263
because you licked a
trash can when you were 12.
334
00:13:37,331 --> 00:13:39,766
Whoa.
335
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:42,368
Are you telling me you think
I licked that trash can?
336
00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:44,554
Look, all I know is
Sean is pretty convinced
337
00:13:44,622 --> 00:13:46,022
in what he saw.
338
00:13:46,090 --> 00:13:47,874
And you believe him over me?
339
00:13:47,941 --> 00:13:48,675
Look, I don't know,
maybe there was
340
00:13:48,743 --> 00:13:50,160
something good
on the trash can!
341
00:13:50,228 --> 00:13:53,931
You know, some leftover sloppy
Joe, some chocolate sauce.
342
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,232
Who can blame ya?
343
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,184
I never licked it, OK?
For the last time,
344
00:13:58,252 --> 00:14:00,487
my head was in that trash
can because I was looking for
345
00:14:00,555 --> 00:14:03,056
my six million dollar
man thermos top!
346
00:14:03,123 --> 00:14:05,241
Look, you licked it,
you didn't lick it,
347
00:14:05,309 --> 00:14:06,876
what's the difference?
348
00:14:06,944 --> 00:14:07,945
There's a big difference!
349
00:14:08,095 --> 00:14:11,698
One way, I licked a trash can!
350
00:14:11,766 --> 00:14:12,899
The other way, I didn't!
351
00:14:12,966 --> 00:14:14,934
And I didn't.
352
00:14:15,002 --> 00:14:18,204
OK, and Sean feels
really bad about this.
353
00:14:18,272 --> 00:14:19,606
Please, just come to the party
354
00:14:19,674 --> 00:14:22,375
and let Sean
make it up to you.
355
00:14:22,443 --> 00:14:25,378
I will not step foot
at any party
356
00:14:25,446 --> 00:14:28,749
or anywhere else
that man will be.
357
00:14:28,816 --> 00:14:30,584
He is my enemy,
358
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:33,286
and now you are my enemy.
359
00:14:34,756 --> 00:14:36,640
OK, you know what,
you are being ridiculous.
360
00:14:36,707 --> 00:14:39,276
I am gonna go live
in a world with adults.
361
00:14:39,343 --> 00:14:40,943
You can stay
in the seventh grade
362
00:14:41,011 --> 00:14:42,879
and lick your trash cans
by yourself.
363
00:14:43,798 --> 00:14:44,747
Traitor!
364
00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:46,950
Trash can licker!
365
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:51,688
OK, I'm off to major's party.
366
00:14:51,755 --> 00:14:53,657
You know, you can still come.
367
00:14:53,741 --> 00:14:55,609
Hmm, thanks.
Nah, I think I'll stay home
368
00:14:55,676 --> 00:14:59,178
and enjoy my extra cheesy
Lorenzo's pizza.
369
00:15:00,748 --> 00:15:03,850
Whoops. I got a little
cheese on my shirt.
370
00:15:03,918 --> 00:15:05,158
That's no problem
because I know
371
00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:08,021
a little sassy Chinese girl
who'll get that right out.
372
00:15:15,496 --> 00:15:18,632
Ooh, pizza pie.
May I?
373
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:20,163
Yeah, you can
have the rest, actually.
374
00:15:20,188 --> 00:15:22,402
It's pretty bad.
375
00:15:22,470 --> 00:15:24,871
Well, I know
what you're eating.
376
00:15:24,939 --> 00:15:28,641
My question is,
what's eating you?
377
00:15:29,827 --> 00:15:32,762
Just Deacon and Carrie.
378
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:34,931
What's the problem?
379
00:15:34,999 --> 00:15:36,933
In seventh grade,
I had this enemy,
380
00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:40,570
and, well, Carrie
and Deacon are siding
381
00:15:40,638 --> 00:15:42,105
with him over me.
382
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:43,806
What's your beef
with this fellow?
383
00:15:43,825 --> 00:15:48,294
He told everyone
I licked a trash can.
384
00:15:48,362 --> 00:15:51,480
Did you?
385
00:15:51,548 --> 00:15:55,218
No, but he told
everyone I did.
386
00:15:55,286 --> 00:15:58,154
Douglas, there's no shame
387
00:15:58,222 --> 00:16:00,523
in being a trash can licker.
388
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,379
Never licked it.
389
00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:07,847
Well, I know from
whence you come.
390
00:16:07,915 --> 00:16:10,517
I, too, had a boyhood enemy.
391
00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:11,985
He got me kicked out of school
392
00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:17,257
when he claimed I stole
his moe berg baseball card.
393
00:16:17,325 --> 00:16:18,942
Why did he say that?
394
00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:21,461
Well, because I had stolen it.
395
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:24,697
I loved it, and I
wanted it for myself.
396
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,585
Anyway, do you know
who this pale kid
397
00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:32,205
with the big mouth
turned out to be?
398
00:16:32,273 --> 00:16:35,975
TV journalist and
celebrity suckhound
399
00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:38,445
Larry king.
400
00:16:43,818 --> 00:16:45,534
OK, great.
Thanks for the talk.
401
00:16:45,602 --> 00:16:47,703
My point is
when he became a success
402
00:16:47,772 --> 00:16:49,422
I was mad at everyone but him.
403
00:16:49,489 --> 00:16:51,908
CNN, his sponsors,
404
00:16:51,976 --> 00:16:55,461
the suspender industry.
405
00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:58,498
If I had just focused
on hating him,
406
00:16:58,565 --> 00:17:02,602
I would have saved myself
a lot of heartache.
407
00:17:02,669 --> 00:17:04,637
You know what?
You're right.
408
00:17:04,705 --> 00:17:06,873
Sean McGee's my problem here.
409
00:17:06,941 --> 00:17:08,074
I'm going to major's party.
410
00:17:08,142 --> 00:17:09,209
I'm gonna take care
of this right now.
411
00:17:09,276 --> 00:17:10,543
Whoa, whoa.
Hold the phone.
412
00:17:10,611 --> 00:17:12,311
Major's having a party?
413
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:13,080
Yeah.
414
00:17:13,214 --> 00:17:15,132
And I wasn't invited?
415
00:17:15,199 --> 00:17:20,220
That fickle little bastard
just crossed the wrong guy.
416
00:17:29,213 --> 00:17:30,413
What are you doing here?
417
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:32,849
I came down to take care
of a little business.
418
00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:34,050
Uh-huh.
419
00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:35,358
Am I gonna have
to kick your ass
420
00:17:35,383 --> 00:17:36,686
at my kid's birthday party?
421
00:17:36,738 --> 00:17:39,189
No, no, we're cool.
422
00:17:39,257 --> 00:17:41,808
I just need to have
a little chat with...
423
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:44,244
Sean McGee.
424
00:17:45,379 --> 00:17:47,180
Hey, Sean!
425
00:17:47,248 --> 00:17:48,414
Would you come on down for a second?
426
00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:49,582
I need to talk to you.
427
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:50,490
Could we do it later?
428
00:17:50,517 --> 00:17:51,917
I'm trying to play
with my kid here.
429
00:17:51,935 --> 00:17:53,002
No, not later.
430
00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:54,204
Now.
431
00:17:54,271 --> 00:17:56,105
Just give me 5 minutes.
432
00:18:19,797 --> 00:18:21,564
Hey.
433
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,980
Hey, you're not supposed
to be wearing shoes up here.
434
00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:27,103
Whatever.
Look, I know
435
00:18:27,171 --> 00:18:29,211
Carrie's gonna be working
for you, and that's great.
436
00:18:29,236 --> 00:18:32,909
It's just I think we need to
clear the air between us first.
437
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,328
Doug, about all that,
I know it's no excuse,
438
00:18:35,395 --> 00:18:37,163
but I was a stupid kid,
all right?
439
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:40,199
I'm sorry I told everybody
you licked a trash can.
440
00:18:40,267 --> 00:18:41,901
Really?
441
00:18:41,969 --> 00:18:43,019
Yeah, I feel terrible
442
00:18:43,086 --> 00:18:45,006
you've been carrying that
around all these years.
443
00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:47,990
You know, I just hope
you accept my apology.
444
00:18:48,058 --> 00:18:50,910
Well, yeah, I do.
445
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:52,645
Thanks for saying something.
446
00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:53,913
No problem.
447
00:18:53,981 --> 00:18:55,315
See you around the piñata.
448
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:56,316
OK.
449
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:00,887
Wait.
450
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:05,308
I just want to clear
something up here.
451
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,559
What, Doug?
452
00:19:06,626 --> 00:19:08,226
You said you were sorry
you told everyone
453
00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,964
that I licked the trash can.
454
00:19:11,031 --> 00:19:13,049
But you never apologized
for making up the fact
455
00:19:13,116 --> 00:19:14,250
that I licked it.
456
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:17,387
But you did.
No, I didn't.
457
00:19:17,454 --> 00:19:19,722
Doug, I saw you
lick the trash can.
458
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:21,857
OK, for the last time,
I was looking for
459
00:19:21,926 --> 00:19:24,227
my six million dollar
man thermos top.
460
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:27,229
Can I just play with my kid?
461
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:28,230
Excuse me.
462
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:29,966
It's OK.
I work here.
463
00:19:31,234 --> 00:19:32,474
Look, you can play
with your kid
464
00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:33,582
as soon as you admit to me
465
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,671
that I didn't lick it.
466
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,789
OK, you didn't lick
the trash can.
467
00:19:36,857 --> 00:19:39,459
OK, I'm sorry I made that up.
468
00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:43,246
OK, you just said "made it
up" as if it were in quotes.
469
00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:44,474
Doug, this is ridiculous, OK?
470
00:19:44,499 --> 00:19:45,799
Can we please forget it?
471
00:19:45,866 --> 00:19:47,167
Are you hungry?
472
00:19:47,234 --> 00:19:48,301
Because I think
I saw some pudding
473
00:19:48,368 --> 00:19:49,368
in the garbage over there
474
00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:51,003
and it had your name
written all over it,
475
00:19:51,028 --> 00:19:52,538
heffer-can.
476
00:19:52,606 --> 00:19:55,008
Aah!
477
00:20:00,915 --> 00:20:04,501
Aah! Uhh!
478
00:20:04,568 --> 00:20:06,402
Admit it!
Admit it!
479
00:20:06,504 --> 00:20:08,204
Admit I didn't lick it!
480
00:20:08,271 --> 00:20:09,271
Heffer-can!
481
00:20:09,339 --> 00:20:10,740
Aah!
482
00:20:10,808 --> 00:20:11,975
Heffer-can!
483
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,676
No! No!
484
00:20:13,744 --> 00:20:14,744
Trash sucker!
485
00:20:14,812 --> 00:20:17,981
No! No such thing
never happened!
486
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:23,419
Hey, did you see Sean?
487
00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:30,259
Aah!
488
00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:39,069
Oh, my God.
489
00:20:39,136 --> 00:20:41,087
Aah!
490
00:20:44,324 --> 00:20:45,391
Hey.
491
00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:47,560
Aah!
492
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,047
Crap.
493
00:21:05,896 --> 00:21:07,664
How could you?
494
00:21:07,732 --> 00:21:09,632
You know I would
have loved this.
33887
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