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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,391 Bad news, Mr. D'Arcy. I'm afraid we're gonna have to operate. 2 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,636 - You do have insurance, don't you? - Yes. 3 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,195 Well, then we will be using anesthesia. 4 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,030 And how are we today, Mr. O'Malley? 5 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,479 My heart hurts. 6 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,551 Good, good. 7 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,632 Tack on another grand for the consultation. 8 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,478 Thank you. 9 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,798 Hey! 10 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,112 They can get away with anything... 11 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,517 ...just because they changed their first name to "doctor." 12 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,713 Man, when you lose your looks... 13 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,309 Hi, Mr. D'Arcy. 14 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,718 Wow, you look... You look great. 15 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,756 Remind me on the way home to pick up a black dress, okay? 16 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,152 Kelly. 17 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,951 Hey, Mr. D'Arcy. You look great. 18 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,794 Well, compared to that guy. 19 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,869 Hey, you guys. Thanks for coming by. 20 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,680 Where's your dad and the rest of my buddies? 21 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,350 They wanted to come, but there was an emergency. 22 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,034 I thought they said there was a game on. 23 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,314 There was an emergency game. 24 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,715 It just broke out. 25 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,391 But they did send some candy. 26 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,158 Oh, where is it? 27 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,118 It melted on the way over here. 28 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,271 Yeah, in our stomachs. 29 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:00,748 - Later, man. - See you. 30 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,997 Hey, don't you guys wanna know how I got here? 31 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,354 You promised we wouldn't have to talk to him. 32 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,919 It all started on the day of my anniversary. 33 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,153 Al and the guys were having a special NO MA'AM breakfast meeting. 34 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:21,798 Oh, Froot Loops and beer, the breakfast of champions. 35 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,956 Don't you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? 36 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,355 So just Fruit Loops for you? 37 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,356 No. Just beer. 38 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,715 Focus! Focus, gentlemen, focus. 39 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,838 We are here on an important mission. 40 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,196 To save our brother, D'Arcy... 41 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,115 ...from the fire-breathing, lipless beak of his wife... 42 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,998 ...on the day when all married men need their friends the most: 43 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,310 Their wedding anniversary. 44 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:59,870 Brother Dan, has code name KFC flown the coop yet? 45 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,068 No, but she's headed for the living room. 46 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,630 Let's hope there's a man left to rescue after Marcie's done with him. 47 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:11,317 Don't be ridiculous. Jefferson may look like a pretty boy, but he's all man. 48 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,077 Oh, Lance, how I've longed for you. 49 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,675 Don't do it, Lance. 50 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,154 She's really your sister. 51 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,791 Jefferson, did you make me coffee? 52 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,470 Yes, dear. 53 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,988 Oh, a 3:00 job interview? 54 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,037 Fine. 55 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:50,230 Could you hold on? I got another call. 56 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,590 Give me that. 57 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,959 You know what day it is today? 58 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,478 Today? 59 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,272 Of course, it's your-- 60 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,911 It's my-- 61 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,551 It's our? 62 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,030 It's our... 63 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,670 What could we possibly have in common? 64 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:19,195 It's our anniversary, you soap-addicted wastrel. 65 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:24,036 Oh, Marcie, I was gonna surprise you, but now you've ruined it. I-- 66 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,198 Don't talk. Just listen. 67 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,799 I'll go to work. 68 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,996 Then I'll come home. 69 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,239 I'll set the table... 70 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,436 ...I'll cook the dinner... 71 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:41,759 ...and tonight in bed, I'll even do all the work. 72 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,793 All you have to do is look pretty... 73 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,428 ...smell nice and stay away from Al... 74 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,313 ...and those NO MA'AM idiots. 75 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,076 Marcie, why can't I play with Al? 76 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,830 It's my anniversary too. 77 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:10,552 Look, I am tired of spending my anniversary bailing you out of jail. 78 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,712 Now, you just shower and shave... 79 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,839 ...and be here when I get home at 7. 80 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,358 - Jefferson. - Hey, hey, hey. 81 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,551 Look, no, I know why you guys are here... 82 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,439 ...and whatever it is, I just can't do it, okay? 83 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,398 I promised Marcie I would stay home... 84 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,791 ...and there's nothing you can say to make me go back on that promise. 85 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,999 But it's foreign-exchange day at the Jiggly Room. 86 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:47,389 Featuring hooters from our sister city, Chihuahua, Mexico. 87 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,950 - Hey, why aren't you guys at work? - We're sick. 88 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,988 Except for me, I'm working. 89 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,038 The mayor has been taken hostage. 90 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,555 All available units-- 91 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,157 Come on, let's go to the nudie bar. 92 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,871 No, no, no. Look, I just-- I can't do it, it's my anniversary. 93 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,190 Well, we know that. That's our gift to you. 94 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:16,519 Yeah. And guess who the featured dancer is. 95 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,069 Miss Sierra Madre. 96 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,835 Sixty-three triple-K. 97 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,392 Come on, Jefferson. 98 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,359 It's just us, some liquor and a bunch of Mexican strippers. 99 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,073 What could happen? 100 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:36,478 Well, you put it that way, okay. Hey, but I have to be back by 7. 101 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,155 Well, that only gives us nine hours. 102 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,277 Arriba! 103 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,995 So the point is, they practically forced me to go. 104 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,879 Hey, where are you guys going? 105 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,832 That was such a good ending, we thought you were finished. 106 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,234 Heck, no. I was just getting started. 107 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,392 Nurse, I need a Q-Tip and a hammer. 108 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,878 Just pinch that tube, he'll fall right asleep. 109 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,398 Cool. 110 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:24,319 So I went with Al and the guys to the nudie bar with... 111 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,152 ...only the best of intentions. 112 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,631 Each and every one of us was a perfect gentleman. 113 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,193 Oh, baby. 114 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,477 Hey, I'm a village person. 115 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,313 Mr. D'Arcy... 116 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,718 ...should I continue to charge the lap dances on your wife's credit card? 117 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,717 Sure, it's her anniversary too. 118 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,514 Oh, and have one yourself, Iqbal. 119 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,719 One thousand thank-yous. And dollars. 120 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,913 Jefferson, you told me to tell you when it's 6:00. 121 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,515 Thanks, Al. When is it? 122 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,672 About a half-hour ago. 123 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,999 - I gotta get home. - I was about to take you there. 124 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:35,471 Oh, yeah, right. I gotta get to my home away from here. 125 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,392 I still have to get a present for... What day is it? 126 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,750 All chicken's eve? 127 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,991 Yeah. No. 128 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,078 Marcie's birth-a-versary. 129 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,073 Oh, man, what am I gonna do? 130 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,070 Everybody, huddle up, huddle up. 131 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,197 All right, fellas, when one of us is in need, what do we do? 132 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,796 Try to help him out and in so doing we make things worse. 133 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,150 Exactly. But now we need to think of an anniversary present. 134 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,998 Any ideas? 135 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:16,109 Hey, you know, lingerie is always nice. 136 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,715 This is for Jefferson's wife? 137 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,152 Yeah... 138 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,714 Al, what did you get Peggy for your anniversary? 139 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,279 Well, it depends on the year. 140 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,069 The first year is paper, so I put a big bag over her head. 141 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,520 I can't wait for the plastic anniversary. 142 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,077 - I just had a thought! - What? 143 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,870 Why don't you get a tattoo? 144 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,436 I had my boyfriend's name tattooed on me... 145 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,511 ...for his birthday. 146 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,194 - I don't see no tattoo. - Oh, no? 147 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,590 It's right here. 148 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,752 Oh, man, I'd love to be her boyfriend. 149 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,757 I'd love to be her boyfriend's name. 150 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,999 All right, fellas, break. Break it up. 151 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,152 - Jefferson, you gotta get one of those. - Oh, I don't know, Al. 152 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,555 It's hard enough that Marcie has to support me. 153 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,952 - Having another mouth to feed... - Not the girl, you beer nut! 154 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,798 I'm talking about a tattoo. 155 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,279 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, what could be more romantic... 156 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,830 ...than having a woman's name etched into your arm by an accomplished... 157 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,476 - ...body illustrator? - Is there a tattoo artist in the house? 158 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,948 Harris, of course. This is your lucky day, Jefferson. 159 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,156 Harris can do this for you. 160 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,231 Shake it, baby, shake it! 161 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,315 Well, Jefferson, how'd it go? 162 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,118 Great. I got my tattoo... 163 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,393 ...and Harris passed out right after, so I didn't even have to pay him. 164 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,716 - Yeah, let's see it. - Let's see it, come on. 165 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,632 - Wanna see it? - Let's see it, come on. 166 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,751 - Nothing there. - Okay. 167 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,837 That's blank, man. 168 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,434 - Maybe I didn't get a tattoo. - Oh, man. 169 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,918 I got one. 170 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,037 All right, Jefferson, drop trou. 171 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,232 - Hang two. - Here we go, come on. 172 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,433 Marcie's gonna love this. 173 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,395 I don't know, Jefferson. 174 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,394 I think he left out the C. 175 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,760 What are you talking about? 176 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,435 I hate to tell you this, buddy... 177 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,712 ...but you might be married to Marcie... 178 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,232 ...but your ass says "I love Mary." 179 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:25,278 So the tattoo on my butt said "I love M-A-R-Y." 180 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,030 So, what's the problem? M-A-R-Y, Marcy. 181 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,271 There's a C in Marcie. 182 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,513 M-A-R-Y-C? 183 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:42,476 Oh, oh, yeah, the C is silent, right. 184 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,838 That's it. I'm gone. 185 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,549 - Shouldn't we do something? - Yeah, you're absolutely right. 186 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,197 So there I was with "Mary" tattooed on my rump... 187 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,994 ...and Harris was too drunk to repair the damage. 188 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,151 And I had to get home to Marcie. 189 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,830 Then Al said if I could stall Marcie for a while... 190 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,474 ...maybe he could come up with a good plan. 191 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,756 And he almost did. 192 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:32,636 Honey, come on. Dinner is served. 193 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,358 Jefferson... 194 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:47,718 ...sweetheart, exactly how many pairs of pants are you wearing? 195 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,511 Exactly three. 196 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,315 - Why? - Well, because... 197 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:59,548 ...the third anniversary is the pants anniversary. 198 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,191 It's our fifth. 199 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,196 Well, I'm also wearing two pairs of underwear. 200 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,109 What is going on? 201 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,353 All right, Marcie, I'll be honest with you. 202 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,516 I was looking forward to a little game of... 203 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,633 ...strip poker later... 204 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,715 ...and I intend to win. 205 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:31,115 In that case, let's just skip dinner and shuffle the cards. 206 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,430 Baby, you're trembling. 207 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,350 Come on, take me on the veal scaloppine right now. 208 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,028 Hang on. No. No. 209 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,759 No, not after you've... 210 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,798 ...gone to all this trouble. 211 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,630 There you go, Mary. 212 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,150 What'd you call me? 213 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,875 Mary. 214 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,436 It's my secret little pet name for you. 215 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:11,232 I mean, Marcie's gotta be long for something like Mary. 216 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,870 I hate the name Mary. 217 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,111 Now sit down and eat. 218 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,878 I think I'll eat standing. 219 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,231 Why? 220 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,879 Because... 221 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,755 ...I find the top of your head so beautiful. 222 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,830 That and the name Mary are my two favorite things about you. 223 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,750 Jefferson, sit. 224 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,872 Yes, dear. 225 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,558 Honey, why are you down there? 226 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,598 Because... 227 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,950 ...I worship you. 228 00:16:55,640 --> 00:17:00,316 Jefferson, eat your dinner now. Save your knees for later. 229 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,071 Yes, dear. 230 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,709 This looks great. 231 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,359 Hurry up and eat your dinner... 232 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,915 ...because afterwards we can go upstairs and have... 233 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,951 ...dessert. 234 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,236 Oh, boy. 235 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,310 Jefferson, enough. 236 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,158 Bed, now. 237 00:17:53,560 --> 00:18:00,113 Marcie, it's healthy to chew every bite of food 2500 times. 238 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,589 - One. Two. - Look... 239 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,354 - Three. - ...I am going upstairs to get ready. 240 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,594 When I come back down, I want you out of food and out of your pants. 241 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,876 All of them. 242 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,671 Al, how's it coming? 243 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:30,038 Fine, fine. We're almost ready. Call back in a few minutes. 244 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,750 No. That doesn't look like a C either. 245 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:39,598 Hey, he's been trying for three hours. There isn't much room left. 246 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,193 We're gonna have to shave that other cheek. 247 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,550 Come on, Harris. For God's sake, just make a C. How tough can it be? 248 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,911 - I need a shot. - I'll give you a shot. 249 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,514 Al, is that you? 250 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,112 Al, I'm in Paris. 251 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,079 Everyone here is so rude and smelly... 252 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,437 ...I'm just thinking about you all the time. 253 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,956 Oh, Al, I know you think about me too. 254 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,475 I wish I could see your face right now. 255 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,876 Oh, stop barking at me. 256 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,908 I know you're upset about the cost of me taking the Concorde over here... 257 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,151 ...but I'm hot on Dad's trail. 258 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,279 Yeah, he was spotted at a Jerry Lewis film festival. 259 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,317 Bad dog. 260 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,232 That doesn't look like a C. 261 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,118 Lay off, will you? 262 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,999 C is a tough letter. 263 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:46,158 When your blood has more alcohol than plasma, they're all tough letters. 264 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,512 Hello. Yeah, Jefferson, come on over. He's as ready as he's gonna be. 265 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,191 Hold it, partner. 266 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,950 Going somewhere? 267 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,958 Me? 268 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,631 No, ma'am. 269 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,436 Say, I got an idea. 270 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,279 To enhance the pleasure... 271 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:22,389 ...why don't you go up and hide somewhere real sexy... 272 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:28,717 ...and I'll count while you hide, and when I find you, oh, baby... 273 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,671 One. 274 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,034 So then what happened? 275 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,512 Well, I made it over to your dad's house. 276 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,199 Harris repaired the tattoo... 277 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,279 ...and Marcie finally got her anniversary present. 278 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,998 Well, so if the tattoo was fixed, then why do you need surgery now? 279 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,438 Take a look. 280 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,556 Old-guy butt. 281 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,388 "I love Marty"? 282 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,308 So I guess you're here to have that thing removed, huh? 283 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,714 Well, yeah, that... 284 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,549 ...and the other thing. 285 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,956 What other thing? 21210

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