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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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Look, J.B.
You see, I'm a reasonable man.
2
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,795
See, if you
don't give my client this audition...
3
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,753
...I'm gonna have to have 100 roses
delivered to your wife...
4
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,678
...in your girlfriend's name.
5
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,994
Thanks, babe.
I knew you'd see my way.
6
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,714
Hey. What is it?
Did you get me an audition?
7
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,793
You?
8
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:48,797
No, no, no, no.
I've discovered a major new talent.
9
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,075
I'll give you a hint.
10
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,874
He just peed on the D'Arcys' roses.
11
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,393
Dad?
12
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,279
No.
13
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,754
Lucky.
14
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:07,557
Yeah, but isn't it unprofessional
for agents to date their clients?
15
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,235
That's very funny,
Million Man March.
16
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,031
It's a dog food commercial.
17
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,754
Now, all Lucky has to do
is learn a few simple tricks...
18
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,076
...and pretend to like the stuff.
19
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,469
No problem.I lick your face and pretend to like you.
20
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:42,792
Gee, Al, I've never heard of
a three-day funeral.
21
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,673
Per chance you don't remember
our honeymoon?
22
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,076
Yes. Something certainly died
back then.
23
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,317
Unfortunately, it never got buried.
24
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:55,997
I just want you
to look me in the face...
25
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,237
...and tell me
that you are not going fishing.
26
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,953
Peg, I lie about a lot of things.
27
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,152
Who I'm married to, who my kids are.
28
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,155
What that smell was.
29
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:16,036
But I would never ever lie
about Aunt Betty's funeral.
30
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,470
I thought you said it was Aunt Nell.
31
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,148
It's a double funeral, Peg.
32
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,997
Which is why it's gonna take
three days or four if they're biting--
33
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,795
I mean crying.
34
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,956
Okay, Al...
35
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,519
...you ready to go fishing?
36
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,995
What Jefferson means, Peg,
is that the family said:
37
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:45,115
"In lieu of bringing flowers
we should all bring fish."
38
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,990
Let's go, Jefferson. No. No, Al.
39
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,919
No, my days as a cad
and a bounder are over.
40
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,918
I feel very strongly that you
should never lie to your wife...
41
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,714
...and for one very good reason.
42
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,635
And what was it again, Marcie?
43
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,070
A lie may give you
temporary pleasure...
44
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,158
...but honesty will bring you
happiness at the end of the day.
45
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,636
And I was so happy that Jefferson
told me the truth about his trip...
46
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,991
...that I've given him
something very special.
47
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,113
Nobody wants to hear
about your filthy chicken love.
48
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,677
No, Al. Marcie gave me
this new telephoto lens for my camera.
49
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,233
Look. Trust me, Al.
50
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,557
I know honesty goes against
everything we guys stand for...
51
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,957
...but women eat it up.
52
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,596
All right. I'll give it a shot.
53
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,598
Peg, I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm going fishing this weekend.
54
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,997
And every Saturday
when I take the garbage out...
55
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,040
...I throw away one of your shoes.
56
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,193
Well, you know, Al,
I'm gonna be honest with you too.
57
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,834
I knew you were going fishing.
58
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,235
And at night when you're sleeping...
59
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,671
...I pluck out your hairs
so you'll bald faster.
60
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,835
Oh, God, I love this place, Al.
61
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,713
It was a stroke of genius
having me cash in Marcie's IRA...
62
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,434
...to pay for this luxury vacation.
63
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,869
Jefferson, would you stop taking
pictures so we can enjoy this place.
64
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,478
Jefferson, would you start taking
pictures so we can enjoy this place.
65
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,356
We're your Swedish masseuses.
66
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,676
- I'm Helga.
- And I'm Inga.
67
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,348
And I'm Alga.
68
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,390
And I'm gaga.
69
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,998
- May we carry your bags?
- Yes.
70
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,953
May we carry yours?
71
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,754
Yeah, sure.
72
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:07,748
Jefferson, we died and went
to the land of milk and honeys.
73
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,634
Mr. Bundy and Mr. D'Arcy.
74
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,991
I'm Randolph the innkeeper, and
I've been trying to get ahold of you.
75
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,919
There's been a slight change
in your cabin assignment.
76
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,269
What's the change?
77
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,311
You don't have one.
78
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,515
That's okay,
we'll bunk in with Helga and Inga.
79
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,109
Yeah, sure.
80
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,436
Helga, Inga, you're late
for topless happy hour.
81
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,756
Yeah, sure.
82
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,672
Hey, look. You can't bump us.
83
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,314
See, we made our reservation
over a year ago.
84
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,988
Oh, so you did.
85
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,237
Let me explain something.
86
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,876
You're nobodies
and you had a reservation.
87
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,640
Shannon Tweed is a famous actress.
88
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,673
She didn't have a reservation.
89
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,029
Explanation over.
90
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,713
Shannon Tweed?
91
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,797
Star of Night Eyes II,
Night Eyes Three...
92
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,231
...and every fantasy I've ever had
since I got cable?
93
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,512
You know, Shannon Tweed got me
through many a long lonely night...
94
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,711
...of sex with Marcie.
95
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,590
Oh, Randolph?
96
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,478
Yes, Ms. Tweed.
97
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,831
Are those the two gentlemen
that had reservations for my cabin?
98
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,917
- Yes, Ms. Tweed.
- Oh, good.
99
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,236
I did so want to meet them.
100
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,671
I told you
she'd straighten this thing out...
101
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,270
...just like she straightened out
Andrew Stevens in Night Eyes Three.
102
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,389
Yeah. Well, just as I thought.
103
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,874
A mangy shoe salesman...
104
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,231
...and a chronically unemployed
aging pretty boy.
105
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,432
Have them thrown off
the property immediately.
106
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,833
Jeez, I can't believe she said that.
107
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,918
Me either. Aging?
108
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,552
Now, Redford, that's aging.
109
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,637
Now, gentlemen.
110
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,150
Just to show you
I'm not entirely without feeling...
111
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,588
...here's your deposit back.
112
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,759
Oh, and here are
your complementary mints.
113
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,236
I suggest Mr. Bundy have them both.
114
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,390
And you have exactly two minutes
to get off the premises.
115
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,192
Good day.
116
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,911
Well, who the hell
does he think he is?
117
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,792
He can't throw us out of here.
118
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,276
Well, I'm afraid he can, Al.
119
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,437
Private property.
120
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,632
I'll show him some private property.
121
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:55,755
Lucky...
122
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,350
...if you're gonna be in this commercial
you're gonna have to learn to sit.
123
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:00,879
Now, sit.
124
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,550
I'll never teach this dog how to sit.
125
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,110
What am I gonna have to do? Beg?
126
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,233
Hey.
127
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,720
Kelly, I cannot get this dog
to do what I want him to do.
128
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,195
Well, maybe you need a rubber dog.
129
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,714
Here, let me try.
I'll show him by example.
130
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,638
All right, Lucky, sit.
131
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,717
Kelly, please.
That's never going to work.
132
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,990
I've already tried doing all that--
133
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,031
Come on, Lucky. Let's go outside
and I'll teach you some more tricks.
134
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,073
Give me a bone with some meat on it,I'll jump over the house.
135
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,030
So getting bumped from the fishing
cabin wasn't all that bad, was it, Al?
136
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,470
Well, nothing drowns
your sorrows better...
137
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,877
...than a three-day binge
at the nudie bar.
138
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,235
Wow, look at this picture
I took of the lake.
139
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,279
Here's the lodge.
140
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,789
Here's a nudie bar.
141
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,677
Wait a second, Jefferson. We didn't
take any pictures of the nudie bar.
142
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,557
Hey, you're right.
And the nudie bar isn't in the woods...
143
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:24,311
...and it doesn't have Shannon Tweed
and Randolph in the hot tub.
144
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,875
Holy Moses, Jefferson.
Do you know what this means?
145
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,038
Yeah. Cosby's right.
Kodak paper does make a difference.
146
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,670
Not that, you idiot.
147
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,110
It's payback time.
148
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,392
Nobody bumps us, baby.
149
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,435
Shannon Tweed is about
to get bumped herself...
150
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,713
...right on to the front page
of the National Enquirer.
151
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,952
Yes.
152
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,351
Boy, look at this picture
of Shannon Tweed.
153
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,154
Jefferson, isn't she a babe?
154
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,351
Oh, come on, Al.
155
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:06,348
I'll bet our wives,
in this beautiful mountain setting...
156
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:11,873
...with the steam rising up off
the hot tub would look just as good.
157
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,354
No way.
158
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,197
No way.
159
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,194
Jefferson...
160
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,437
...how much do you think this picture
of Shannon Tweed is worth...
161
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,153
...to the tabloids?
162
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:27,998
Well, let's see.
163
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,830
Your typical celebrity nude photo
brings in, oh, say, upwards of $1000.
164
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:38,876
But, see, in this case it's a celebrity
doing the humpty dance with the help.
165
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,117
That's gotta fetch at least $10,000.
166
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,076
You see, but Jefferson, even though
we did get bumped from our cabin...
167
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,875
...but I mean, this is a little
heartless and cold even for us.
168
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,193
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Al.
169
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,756
You know, the honest thing to do
would be just throw this away...
170
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,678
...and pretend like it never happened.
171
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,872
- You got it.
- All right. Just--
172
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,195
Well, you feel better
about yourself now?
173
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,833
Much.
174
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,794
I'll see you later, buddy. You know,
I think since Peg's not home--
175
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,117
Peg's not home it's probably safe
to go up and take a little nap.
176
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:27,475
Well, Marcie is home so I think
I'll go back to the nudie bar.
177
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,353
- Later, buddy.
- Back at you, pal of mine.
178
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,316
- You the man.
- Oh, no.
179
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,072
No, no. You the man.
180
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,113
Next.
181
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,788
How dare you reject my dog!
182
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,549
He's Eddie on Frasier, you know?
183
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,955
Ma'am, Eddie is
a Jack Russell Terrier.
184
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,958
You're mutt is a near-blind bulldog.
185
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,717
Well, he looks different in person.
186
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,911
You're in the business.
187
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,475
You know
the camera adds 15 pounds.
188
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,229
And so will those donuts you stuffed
in your purse during the audition.
189
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,714
Now, get out.
190
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,430
Let's go, Eddie.
191
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,791
Jeez, you'd think there'd be
one half-starved mongrel in this town...
192
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,355
...who could make it through
this obstacle course.
193
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,675
Lucky can do it.
194
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,111
Oh, yeah? I suppose he plays Murray
on Mad About You?
195
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,350
Oh, no. He hates Paul Reiser.
196
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,596
In that case I'll give him a shot.
197
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:47,158
Hungry Puppy dog food audition
number 2073, take one.
198
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,070
Now, run the course.
199
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,719
Come on, Lucky.
200
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,638
Just get into character.
201
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,434
Be a hungry puppy.
202
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,676
Oh, there's a stretch.
203
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,708
Come on, Lucky.
204
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,718
Don't you want to be in the commercial
and make lots of money?
205
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,356
Oh, I know how this works. I getin the commercial, you get the money...
206
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,314
...I end up sharing a jail cellwith the cast of Diff'rent Strokes.
207
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,999
- Next.
- No, wait, wait.
208
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,317
He can do it, I promise.
He just needs a little motivation.
209
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,556
Just watch and follow me.
210
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,878
Come on.
211
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,719
I love hungry puppy. Come on, say it.
212
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,595
Well, that was great.
213
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,028
The auditions are over.
214
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,515
We have our hungry puppy.
215
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,832
Thank you. There you go.
Have a seat.
216
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,951
Thanks very much.
217
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,038
Attention, media whores--
218
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,870
I mean esteemed members
of the press.
219
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,311
The auction for the Shannon Tweed
hot tub photo is about to begin.
220
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,988
- Show us the goods then.
- Show us the stuff first.
221
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,998
All right, all right. All in good time.
222
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,077
Before I get
to the main event however...
223
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:20,195
...I would like to start with a genuine
picture of the Loch Ness monster.
224
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,755
- Let's see. Come on, show us.
- You gotta be kidding.
225
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,155
My God, Al, that's horrific.
What the hell is it?
226
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,033
It's a picture of Peg's mom
in the bathtub.
227
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,916
I don't see a bathtub in there.
228
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,554
Trust me, Jefferson,
it's under there somewhere.
229
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,873
That's not the Loch Ness monster.
He's not that big.
230
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,432
So what? We'll slap Roseanne's head
on it and say she lost weight.
231
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,279
- I'll give you 50 bucks.
- Sold.
232
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,268
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the main event.
233
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,995
Shannon Tweed as you
have never seen her before.
234
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,715
- Now, we will start the bidding at--
- One thousand dollars.
235
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,114
I got a $1000 here.
236
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,311
- Do I hear more?
- Three thousand.
237
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,229
Oh, come on. You pay twice that much
for Brett Butler pulling out her wedgie.
238
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,351
Come on.
239
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,915
- I'll give you 5000.
- Make it 10.
240
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,953
Ten thousand dollars here.
We have $10,000 going once...
241
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,639
...10,000 going twice...
242
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,833
...so close to a sale.
243
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,234
Make it 12.5.
244
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,829
Jefferson, keep the fleecing going.
If I'm not back...
245
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:27,636
...you send my mail to King Al,
hammock one, Isle of Yap.
246
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,714
Okay, 12.5, right?
247
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,997
Shannon Tweed here in my house?
248
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:43,239
Mr. Bundy, I know you're gonna
find this hard to believe...
249
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:47,877
...but I came by to apologize
for the way I treated you at the lodge.
250
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,229
Well, I-- Apology accepted.
I gotta go now. Bye.
251
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,556
Oh, no. Mr. Bundy, wait.
252
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,191
Look. You know,
being a famous actress...
253
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,995
...I guess I've gotten used
to having my own way...
254
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,988
...and, well, I might have forgotten
that other people have feelings too.
255
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,033
But without those people
I'm not a famous star.
256
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,357
I'm just an average woman.
257
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,917
With way-above-average hooters.
258
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,119
Well, thank you.
God and Dr. Markowitz have been kind.
259
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,869
Anyway, I felt so bad
after I got home, that I--
260
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,709
I talked it over with my shrink,
my herbalist...
261
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,833
...the counter boy at Starbucks,
and they all agreed.
262
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,634
"Shannon, you're a taker," they said.
263
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,831
"You've got to start giving."
264
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,271
Well, you were giving pretty good
in that shower scene...
265
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,789
...in Indecent Behavior.
266
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,116
Well, thank you but that was acting.
267
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,719
This is real.
268
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,309
If I only knew
that I've reached you in some way...
269
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,954
...I'd feel so much better
about myself.
270
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,031
Oh, you've reached me.
271
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,037
Oh, God, you're so sexy.
272
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,754
- If you weren't married--
- Oh, I'm not married.
273
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,509
No, I live alone with
my redheaded mother.
274
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,997
What am I talking about?
275
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:23,352
There I go, selfishly giving in
to my insatiable lust for you.
276
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,313
Insatiable lust?
277
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,758
- For me?
- Oh, yeah.
278
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,555
Well, that's understandable. You know,
I played a little high school ball.
279
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,989
It really shows.
280
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,515
Shannon...
281
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,757
...you may not understand
what I'm about to do...
282
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:47,751
...but always remember
that I do this for you.
283
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,034
Al, what are you doing
with that envelope?
284
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,158
Did you swallow that whole thing?
285
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,873
Yep.
286
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,875
It looked like
there was a photograph in it.
287
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:05,879
Yeah.
288
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,033
Of me in a hot tub?
289
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,471
Yeah.
290
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,677
You blue-collared...
291
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,714
...brown-panted, shoe-selling yokel.
292
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:28,311
Despite what Siskel and Ebert say
I am quite an accomplished actress...
293
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,318
...as you've so clearly
demonstrated today.
294
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,875
So the next time
you want to see me in a hot tub...
295
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,435
...you rent my upcoming
straight-to-video classic...
296
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,870
...Ernest Pays for Sex.
297
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,116
And don't forget to rewind.
298
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,552
Al. Al, I got them up to 25,000.
299
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,911
Now, I think we should make
like Waterworld and close immediately.
300
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,591
I'm choking.
301
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,199
Well, why are you joking?
302
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,278
- I said I'm choking.
- Oh, you're choking.
303
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,755
Okay, let me help you out.
304
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,955
There. Did you swallow
what was stuck in your throat?
305
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,754
- Yes, Jefferson. I did.
- Good, you're not choking anymore.
306
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,679
No, no. But you are.
307
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,638
Come on.
308
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,873
So how was the hospital?
309
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,752
Any luck getting the negative out?
310
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,430
No, Al's stomach acid dissolved it.
311
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,277
But they did find three quarters
of a commemorative Slim Jim...
312
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,233
...leftover from Super Bowl XII.
313
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,399
That's what I've been tasting
all these years.
314
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,878
Well, despite losing the 25,000 and
the cost for the visit to the hospital...
315
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,638
...and the vintage Slim Jim...
316
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,910
On the bright side is
whenever you're down...
317
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,112
...there's always TV
to pick you back up.
318
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,715
Hey, everybody. Listen.
319
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,195
The Hungry Puppy commercial
is gonna come on.
320
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,879
Is your puppy hungry?
321
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,389
Then get himHungry Puppy dog food.
322
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,319
The only food that puppies preferto their own tails.
323
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,395
If doggy's nose is dryAnd his tongue is black
324
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,115
And his ribs are showingThrough his back
325
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,029
Give him Hungry PuppyA bite or two
326
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,676
And your starving muttWill be good as new
327
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,634
Give him Hungry PuppyA bite or two
328
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:40,391
And your starving muttWill be good as new
329
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,238
I mean:
330
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,749
I love Puppy Hungry.
331
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,349
That's "Hungry Puppy."
332
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,154
Yeah, what he said.
333
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,116
Hungry PuppyHungry Puppy
334
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,675
Hungry Puppy
26250
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