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1
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,640
And this is it!
2
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,960
Look, one- and two-bed flats
still available.
3
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,320
Yeah, so basically, it's gonna be a new
housing development built here,
4
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,720
which is really exciting.
5
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,440
And it's funny cos you was protesting
against all that last year.
6
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,600
Yeah, I was dead against it last year,
7
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,800
but then I applied to move into
one of the new flats
8
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,880
and I'm close to getting approved,
so... sort of all for it now, really.
9
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,920
The start of a new era.
How exciting, Kurtan.
10
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,240
Yeah. The one thing I'm most excited about
11
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,080
is being allowed to have friends
come over to the new flat,
12
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,456
cos you'll come over, won't you, Vicar?
13
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,880
Yes, yes, absolutely.
14
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,680
Yeah, I'll be coming over to the new flat.
15
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,440
Yeah, as long as you wear one of them
plastic bibs that catches all the food.
16
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:05,840
Well, that can be arranged.
17
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,680
Yeah, all right. Yeah, that works for me.
18
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,560
No, I haven't actually told
Kerry and Kurtan yet that I'm leaving.
19
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,120
I've been trying to find the right moment
but it's all been rather full-on.
20
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:35,240
Er, I actually just played my last game
for the cricket club on Saturday.
21
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,680
Sorry, chaps. Did you see that?
22
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,760
It was a demon ball.
It... it really moved off the seam.
23
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,160
- It moved a hell of a lot.
- Bloody useless!
24
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,480
But, er, yes, it's full steam ahead
getting ready for Bristol.
25
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,320
Polly's been packing up the house while
I've been tying up all the loose ends here
26
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,640
and, er, on top of it all
27
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,760
we're right in the middle of preparations
for the harvest festival.
28
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,440
We've got a Heinz!
29
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,760
Yeah, harvest is coming up,
which I'm absolutely buzzed about.
30
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,440
♪ Heinz, Heinz, wherever you may be
31
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,480
♪ I am the Lord of the Heinz says she
and the... ♪
32
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,800
Er, Vicar's asked me to help out,
33
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,800
er, because the other volunteers
are a bunch of emotional vampires
34
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,920
and they just, like,
drain the energy out of it.
35
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,800
♪ When the Heinz... ♪
June!
36
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,400
♪ Goes marching in!
37
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,000
♪ When the Heinz... ♪
38
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,320
Come on, June.
39
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,880
♪ When the Heinz goes marching in! ♪
Take it away, June!
40
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,800
♪ Wanna be
41
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,160
♪ In that number... ♪
42
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,280
Yes!
43
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,000
♪ When the Heinz goes marching in! ♪
44
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,560
And this is why I do harvest festival.
45
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,360
Cos of the atmosphere.
46
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,240
Arthur is lord of the harvest,
it's a bit of a village tradition.
47
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,840
Er, basically his job is to, like,
organise all the donations and that.
48
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,760
Um, he's been lord of the harvest
49
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:07,720
every year since 1972 but, quite frankly,
he hasn't been giving a fuck since 2003.
50
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,080
Do you know how many boxes
we've got sorted so far?
51
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,160
No, how many?
52
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,880
Well, you should know,
you're lord of the harvest, mate.
53
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:19,560
Yeah, he doesn't do anything, he just gets
everybody else to work for him.
54
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:24,200
Er, but when the Gazette comes,
he's bang right in the middle of the photo
55
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,640
with a giant marrow,
grinning like he's Bob fuckin' Geldof.
56
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,920
- Hello, Kerry. How are you?
- Hello. Yeah, I'm good.
57
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,656
- Do you wanna come in?
- Now an all right time?
58
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,840
- Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Vicar's here.
- Vicar!
59
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,600
- Kurtan, you're here too.
- Just going through paints.
60
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:51,960
Yeah, very dull.
61
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,480
- Great.
- Quick question for you.
62
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:58,280
Er, kitchen colour,
Teal Tension or Mellow Sage?
63
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,480
I think sage is a nice
calm colour for a kitchen.
64
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,400
Me and you are very much the same.
65
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,480
What?!
66
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,640
What?!
67
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:10,920
Vicar!
68
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,640
- What are you here for?
- Just a chat, really.
69
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,880
Just a chat, really!
70
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,320
Er, no, thank you, Sue,
but thanks all the same, I'm fine.
71
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,440
He's fine!
72
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,480
Um, I think the darker.
73
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,640
What?!
74
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,040
He's fine, he doesn't want one!
75
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,040
What?!
76
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,560
He doesn't want one!
77
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,680
Shall we...
shall we go through to the living room?
78
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,960
Yeah.
79
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,880
Just wanna have a chat with you
about something, if that's all right?
80
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,640
- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.
81
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,840
Looking smart.
82
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,880
- Thank you very much.
- Very smart.
83
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,520
New threads.
84
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,640
Um, you know I went to Bristol
to see Jacob?
85
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,680
Yeah.
86
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,360
Well, that wasn't the only reason
I was there.
87
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,640
I also met the archbishop.
88
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,440
Right.
89
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:17,400
Yes, I met him to discuss me
moving parish... to Bristol.
90
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,000
Right. And what does that mean?
91
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,360
Well, it would mean
I would be leaving the village
92
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,320
to take up a new parish in Bristol.
93
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,280
Leaving the village? Why?
94
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,840
I just feel it's a good time
for a new challenge.
95
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,960
I think that's a really bad idea.
96
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,400
Yeah, that...
that seems utter madness to me.
97
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,120
Look, look, I know it won't be easy but...
98
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:52,480
my job is not to stay comfortable,
99
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:58,240
and much as I love it here with you all,
um, I need to help people.
100
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,360
I don't quite know what to say to that.
101
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,120
But you...
you've got everything you need here.
102
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,720
Who's decided this?
103
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,200
Well, it's...
it's the archbishop who decides it...
104
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,496
- The archbishop?
- but it... but also with my...
105
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:10,840
Who even is the archbishop?
106
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,360
I've never heard of the archbishop
before until today.
107
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,840
Then you're...
you're dancing to the sound of his flute.
108
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:20,200
If the archbishop told you to kick
a dog in the face, would you?
109
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,000
No, but if he asked me
to change parish, then yes, I would.
110
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,480
That's terrifying.
111
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,160
You're like a Sims character
to the archbishop.
112
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,320
He can pick you up and plonk you down
wherever he likes you.
113
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,280
- Yeah.
- You just go along with it?
114
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,320
What... what about us?
115
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,040
- What are we gonna do?
- Yeah.
116
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,040
Well, I think you're both mature enough
for me to go.
117
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,840
No, we're not. Especially her.
118
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,800
I am me and I know I am not mature, am I?
119
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,776
- She's not mature.
- Well, I think you are mature.
120
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,720
- I'm not.
- What about Len?
121
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,280
You just gonna leave Len
to shrivel up and die?
122
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,680
Len will be fine.
123
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,160
No, he might be fine in the body,
he's not in the head.
124
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,520
He's one of these people that
when somebody he loves leaves...
125
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,040
- they die.
- Look, look, things will continue
126
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,000
because there will be a handover to a
new vicar and I will make sure that you...
127
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,816
I don't want a new vicar.
Did you want a new vicar?
128
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,280
No, I don't want a new vicar.
129
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,320
Well, then, let's not have a new vicar.
130
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,520
Look, I know it's not easy to hear this...
131
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,520
- Here's a deal.
- and it's a bit sooner...
132
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,920
You can have your little parish in Bristol
or whatever,
133
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,440
but you stay in the village here to live
and you just commute to Bristol.
134
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,560
- That's a fair deal.
- That's very fair.
135
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,480
That is fair, you've gotta give it to him.
136
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,160
Look, much as I would love
to stay in the village,
137
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,360
and I really would, um, it...
commuting just isn't practical,
138
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,720
so I'm afraid I'm in no position
to negotiate.
139
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:47,520
Well, do you know what? I've seen
this coming for a long time, actually.
140
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,760
I'm surprised it hasn't happened
sooner, you know.
141
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,760
Your ability to just drop everything
like it never mattered or existed
142
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,800
is baffling and actually you're good at it
143
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,520
and you've turned it into an art form
and we walked right into that.
144
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,360
Pulling the wool over our eyes
since the very first day you got here.
145
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,560
Well, do you know what? Good luck
with it all. Hope it works out for you.
146
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,440
Kerry, do you wanna say anything?
147
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,760
Did you know about this as well?
148
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,856
Is this all a thing that's been
going on for a long time?
149
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,560
- Just leave it, Kurtan, come on.
- No.
150
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,640
- Just go.
- We can have it out now.
151
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,840
- Come on.
- Let down by the lot of you.
152
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,600
I knew they would
find it hard hearing the news, but
153
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:30,440
hopefully, over time,
they'll be able to process this news
154
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,400
and understand why
I've made the decision I made.
155
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,040
I would rather kill him
than let another parish have him.
156
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,680
I wholeheartedly agree with that.
157
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,160
If we can't have him,
then I don't want anyone to have him.
158
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,960
I don't even want his family
to have him.
159
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,040
If he thinks this is gonna be all hugs
and kisses and fare-thee-wells,
160
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,576
then he's lost the plot,
cos we ain't gonna make it easy for him.
161
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,600
No way.
162
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,600
Yeah, especially when he's just prepared
to piss everything up the wall
163
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:54,800
like a piss artist.
164
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,520
He has no idea what Bristol's like.
165
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,480
He thinks it's gonna be all lollipops
and candy lanes -
166
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,480
well, it's not, it's all just smackheads
and knife crime.
167
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,720
And Clifton Suspension Bridge.
168
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:10,320
But when you've driven over that once,
you've driven over that a thousand times.
169
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:28,280
Just noticed there's a slight discrepancy
in numbers of tinned soups.
170
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,760
I don't know if you've noticed that.
171
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,760
Kerry, I was hoping I'd see you here.
172
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,680
Yeah, well, I'm only here to
hand in the pasta twirls
173
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,800
and also hand in my resignation
regarding - RE - harvest.
174
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,920
And I'd like to CC you into this
as well, June.
175
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,080
Right, well,
that's a shame, Kerry.
176
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,960
Yeah, it is a shame
but, er, in light of recent toxic friends
177
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,520
emerging from the shadows, I feel
I no longer have a choice in the matter.
178
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,016
Well, well, actually there was something
179
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,801
I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you
about, if you've got a moment?
180
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:03,680
Well, quickly, because I feel I've already
left this situation emotionally.
181
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,680
I'll be really quick.
Do you wanna just pop over here?
182
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:12,920
So, er, there was an unfortunate
incident with Arthur,
183
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,080
which I won't go into now, but it means
I needed to talk to you about something.
184
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,560
- What about Arthur?
- There was an incident,
185
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,256
but like I said,
I'd rather not get into it.
186
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,440
What did he do?
187
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,640
It... it was more what he said.
188
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,200
What did he say?
189
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,360
He made an odious comment to June.
190
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,040
What did he say to June?
191
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,520
- I'd rather not repeat it.
- Just say.
192
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,560
Well, OK. He... he said,
193
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,800
"Crows belong in a field,
not in the Cotswold village hall,"
194
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,440
and she was very, very upset.
195
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,640
That's actually quite witty for Arthur.
196
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,880
Well, as a result,
Arthur is no longer lord of harvest
197
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,160
and has been expelled
from the committee altogether.
198
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,960
Yeah, well, about time, I say.
199
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,640
So I was wondering if that was something
you might be interested in.
200
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,640
- What? The lord of the harvest?
- Yes.
201
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,680
- What, me being lord of the harvest?
- Yes.
202
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,240
I'll think about it, sure.
203
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,176
Well, if you're in two minds,
I can always ask June.
204
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,296
- Hang on.
- She'll be fine with it...
205
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:24,040
I've thought about it, and seeing as
no-one else is stepping up to the mark,
206
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,280
yes, I begrudgingly accept.
207
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,240
Kerry, that's wonderful, thank you.
208
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,080
But can I just say, I'm quite frankly
appalled that this didn't happen sooner.
209
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,680
- Right.
- But not so appalled
210
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,360
that I won't take the title,
211
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,720
- but appalled none the same.
- Understood.
212
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,240
Right! New lord, new harvest.
213
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,520
June, what you got for me?
214
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,240
All right?
215
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,280
All right?
216
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,720
Thought you lot would be here.
217
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,080
- Did you see the bald snake?
- Yeah.
218
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,320
And how is he?
219
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,560
Seems all right, seems fine.
220
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,360
Do you think he realises how much of
a laughing stock he's gonna be in Bristol?
221
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,000
He's a laughing stock here.
222
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,576
Do you know what they say about him
at the... at the cricket club?
223
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,800
No, what?
224
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,720
They say the only runs the Vicar gets
is in his cricket whites.
225
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,560
And that's from elderly village residents,
Ker, not from Bristol wiseguys.
226
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,800
Yeah, that's scary.
227
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,080
They'll skin him alive in Bristol.
228
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,600
Do you know what? I've actually
washed my hands with him now.
229
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,600
- Yeah?
- I don't want anything to do with him.
230
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,600
Yeah, I wish I could do that an' all.
231
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,120
Well, what do you mean you can't?
232
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:58,160
Well, I can't because our paths
are gonna sort of cross, unfortunately,
233
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,400
me being lord of the harvest now
and that...
234
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,080
- but... what can you do?
- What? Hang on. What?
235
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,480
Who made you lord of the harvest?
236
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,000
Well, the crown sort of fell
on me head, as it were.
237
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,920
My... God.
238
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,960
The puppet master strikes again.
239
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,640
The Vicar asked you, didn't he?
240
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,840
Well, he just sort of said, you know,
Arthur's not doing it any more...
241
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,080
What, and you said yes?
242
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,080
Well, yeah!
Because who else is gonna do it?
243
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,960
You know, you can't just go around
cancelling harvest, Kurtan.
244
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,920
- My...
- That would be mad.
245
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,600
That man has no shame
and he's just fobbing you off, Ker,
246
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,760
cos he knows you're as thick
as compacted pig shit.
247
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:39,960
Wow!
248
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,280
Kurtan!
249
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,240
That's the lord of the harvest
you're talking to.
250
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,400
A bit of respect would be nice.
251
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,760
Where are you going?
252
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,960
Vicar has made Kerry lord of the harvest
cos he is a master manipulator.
253
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,000
He's a game player, OK?
254
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:04,280
And he gets off on it.
He's like Jigsaw in the Saw films.
255
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,960
You know, he wants you to think
he's got a good moral compass
256
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,600
but in reality he's just a sick fuck
257
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,600
who gets off on watching you
scoop your own eyeballs out
258
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,160
to get a key to unlock your chains.
259
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,400
And then you think you're free and he
comes in riding on a little trike going,
260
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,200
"Let's play another game."
261
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,960
But I ain't playing it.
262
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,240
No, thank you. Not for me.
263
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,200
Well, yes, I've got, er, Nick
coming down for a chat today.
264
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,240
- Nick! Hello!
- Francis, how are you?
265
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,480
Er, he's a vicar
from a neighbouring parish
266
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,280
to the one I'm taking on in Bristol.
267
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,320
Er, he wanted to see me to...
to make sure we're on the same page
268
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,720
for when I take over.
269
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,800
I mean, the problem is always,
what do you spend your money on?
270
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,920
Yes.
271
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,280
I did ask if it could wait
till I was there,
272
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,200
but he's keen to get the ball rolling.
273
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,360
Tell me, er, what it is you do here.
274
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:09,160
Er, well, um, so, I guess, er, I'm...
I'm always keen on trying to think
275
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,080
of new initiatives to bring community
together and such.
276
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,880
All right. Great.
Well, what sort of things?
277
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:19,960
Well, for instance, we... we recently
started a river walks initiative,
278
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,400
which basically involves doing
a weekly walk along the river bank.
279
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,000
Yeah, yeah.
280
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:31,080
What else? Um, we...
we recently had,
281
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,520
er, a very successful
Fly Me To The Moon event,
282
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:39,760
which involved about seven kids
making and launching stomp rockets,
283
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,360
which was fun but educational as well.
284
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,400
Right.
285
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,680
Sorry, I'm just waffling on.
286
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,920
I mean, what about you?
287
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,720
I mean, what works in Bristol?
288
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,320
Er, well, the initiative
289
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,080
that's probably been the most successful
was the, er, needle exchange.
290
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,960
Right, well, we do a similar thing
here actually, it's very popular.
291
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,080
- Really?
- Yes, more with the older women.
292
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,720
Er, I say, I didn't know you had
so many needle felters in Bristol.
293
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,720
Just realised we're not talking
about the same type of needles.
294
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,760
No.
295
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:23,080
Er, yes, I think I may have underestimated
the job in Bristol,
296
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,800
er, and certainly talking to Nick
has given me pause for thought.
297
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,040
I hope I've made the right decision.
298
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,920
We've had huge cuts to policing, we've had
huge cuts to mental health provision.
299
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,320
And, er, we're expected
to pick up the slack.
300
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,560
Yes, yes, of course.
301
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,240
I mean, when I joined the church
20 years ago,
302
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,040
I never dreamed I'd hear
of vicars wearing stab vests.
303
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,640
No. Goodness... goodness me, no.
304
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,120
Yea!
305
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,520
Yea! Collecting for a harvest.
306
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:05,080
Don't draw your curtains.
I know that you're in, Carol!
307
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,720
Go behind me like this.
308
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,240
- Hello.
- Hiya there.
309
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,056
Um, I don't know if you've heard about
a little scheme that we're doing.
310
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:20,080
It's called harvest. Er, you heard
there's a new lord of the harvest in town?
311
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:25,760
That's me, and just knocking door to door
collecting non-perishable goods.
312
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,920
This is exactly the sort of thing
the lord of the harvest should be doing.
313
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,360
You know, getting in amongst your people,
collecting the taxes thyself.
314
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,320
Er, and if the harvest doesn't come to
you, you gotta go out to the harvest.
315
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,520
And if needs must,
be a little bit pushy with harvest.
316
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,360
Tins, tins, tins,
317
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:48,880
tins, tins, tins, tins...
318
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,160
Yeah, don't want that.
319
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,360
- Thank you for supporting the harvest.
- OK.
320
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,120
The lord of the harvest since 1972
321
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,400
would just sit in his ivory tower,
like Prince Philip,
322
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,760
and he wouldn't get out
amongst his people, so nobody...
323
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,120
everybody was so scared of him
that, what I do,
324
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:12,240
I'm like a Princess Diana, I'm a Meghan
Markle, I get out amongst my people.
325
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,200
I kiss babies on the head, you know,
I shake people's hands.
326
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:21,440
I'm up for cutting ribbons on,
you know, new businesses, bakeries,
327
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,080
er, little coffee shops.
328
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,720
Because I am the people.
329
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,640
But I'm also higher than them
because I have the hat.
330
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,560
Yes, I am worried
about how Kurtan's doing.
331
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,280
He's a little more internal than Kerry
332
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,760
so I... I thought I'd take a quick look
at his Facebook page,
333
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,880
as he can be more vocal on there,
334
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,480
and there were a couple of posts
that concerned me a bit.
335
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,760
So, yes, there was this one.
336
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:11,400
"Nothing hurts more than being
disappointed by the one person
337
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:16,520
"you thought would never hurt you,"
which, sadly, I think is about me.
338
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,080
And then, er, there's this one.
339
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,520
"Don't get all depressed over
a vicar from your past.
340
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,360
"That's like being sad because
the garbageman picked up the trash,"
341
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,760
which I'm pretty sure is also about me.
342
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,840
Yes, it's upsetting to think of
leaving the village on bad terms,
343
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,720
er, but it is slightly out of my hands.
344
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,720
- Hello, Kurtan.
- You all right?
345
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,600
- How are you?
- Yeah, fine.
346
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:18,240
Great. Well, I was just
popping around to give you this.
347
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,920
Right. What is it? What is it?
348
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,880
It's just a little house-warming gift
for your new flat.
349
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:28,280
It's, um, it's a waffle maker cos I...
I know how much you love your waffles.
350
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,400
Right, yeah.
351
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:34,280
So, um, how are you?
352
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,240
Yeah, yeah, fine.
353
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,120
Haven't seen you for a bit.
354
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,840
No, just, yeah, just...
just been busy doing stuff.
355
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,440
Is there anything else?
Cos I'm just gonna...
356
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:51,240
Er, I meant to say, if, um,
if you need any more help
357
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,000
with the housing application, it's still
just in its final stages, isn't it?
358
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,056
- No, it's fine.
- I can...
359
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,640
- You can pop round.
- No, no.
360
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,296
- Are you sure you don't...?
- No, it's OK.
361
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,280
OK, well, um...
362
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,840
- All right, well, thanks for that.
- Yeah, well, you're very...
363
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,560
- OK, thanks.
- See you later.
364
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,920
Thanks, Kurtan.
365
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,880
He fuckin' pisses me off,
cos if I knew how upset I'd be
366
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,000
when he was gonna leave,
367
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,400
I would never have got involved with him
in the first place.
368
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,440
He's like Andy from Toy Story.
369
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,120
He should've just sat all his toys down
from the start and said,
370
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,960
"Look, guys, at some point
I will grow out of all you lot
371
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,560
"and that's the way it's gonna be.
372
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,800
"Cos when I'm in my 20s, I'm not
gonna wanna be sat in my room
373
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,360
"playing with Woody and Buzz,
374
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,280
"I wanna go out clubbing, doing ket,
shaggin' birds."
375
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:55,880
"So whatever your plans are for the
future, just don't include me in them."
376
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,640
And all the toys would've been like,
"Wow, that fuckin' hurts,
377
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,080
"but at least we know where we stand,
thanks for being honest."
378
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,000
Er, yes, it's, er,
been very busy and obviously
379
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,400
there's still a lot
of unfinished business.
380
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,640
I do feel that time is escaping me
a little.
381
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,760
Hello, June.
382
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,680
Vicar, we really need to
talk about your hollyhocks.
383
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,080
What about them?
384
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,480
Well, they've shed their petals
all over the path
385
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,600
and they're going brown
and it looks rather unsightly.
386
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,320
I haven't really had a moment, but once
I've finished here I'll sort it, OK?
387
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:48,240
And will you be clearing the Japanese
knotweed on the vicarage before you go
388
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,520
or will you just leave it to riddle
the brickwork for the next vicar?
389
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,200
Because I'm not sure if that's fair.
390
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,360
Look, June, I've had rather a lot on.
391
00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:00,240
Yes, but remember,
you're not in Bristol yet.
392
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,240
I'm well aware of that, June. Thank you.
393
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,360
Super Noodles, yes, please.
394
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,200
Yeah, people have been
pretty generous so far.
395
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,320
I mean, I really wouldn't be surprised
396
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,920
if this was the most bountiful harvest
that was ever harvested
397
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:32,960
and, you know, I'm pretty sure as well
that I will go down in history
398
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,760
as the greatest lord
that's ever lorded the harvest.
399
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,480
Vicar! Look at the haul
that me and Pork Chop got.
400
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,160
Where did you get all this from? There's
a hell of a lot of electricals here.
401
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,960
Just going door to door.
402
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,520
Kerry, that's really not
in the spirit of harvest.
403
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,640
Why I can't I trust you to do anything
without taking it to the extreme?
404
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,040
Cos it's for a good cause.
405
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,520
Where did you get this waffle maker from?
406
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,680
Kurtan donated that.
407
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,920
I bought this for Kurtan for his new flat.
408
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,360
Yeah, he said he didn't need it.
409
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,120
What do you mean?
410
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,440
Er, cos he's not gonna bother with a flat.
411
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,680
What?
412
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,680
Yeah, he said, "What's the point?"
413
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,760
- Where did I put that?
- That's just brilliant.
414
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,760
To think I could've been of any use in
Bristol when I can't even help here.
415
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,200
Right, I want, er...
416
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,000
everything here taken back right now.
417
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,600
What, even the tins?
418
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,720
Of course not the tins -
stop being so bloody churlish!
419
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,920
- Vicar...
- It's getting really boring, June!
420
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,920
What the fuck?
421
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,560
Did you just see that?
The Vicar's lost it.
422
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,360
I never ever seen him like that before,
like he properly...
423
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,080
There was one minute where I thought
he was gonna spark out June.
424
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,120
She was stood there shaking like that.
425
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,640
But, yeah, I... I think he's gonna bottle
going Bristol...
426
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:14,760
which is good.
427
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:29,280
I, er, I thought I was ready to leave
the village but, um...
428
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,640
I think it's all just a big mistake.
429
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,760
Things here are falling apart.
430
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,840
Kurtan's given up his flat.
I'm shouting at June.
431
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:45,920
I'm clearly not the right person
for this Bristol job.
432
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,440
I've never seen the back
of someone's head look so sad.
433
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,320
- Yeah?
- It was really funny.
434
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:58,440
Sounds funny.
435
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:01,880
It was.
436
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,000
Sounds it.
437
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,880
The thing about the Vicar
is that he believes in everyone else,
438
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,600
but he doesn't believe in himself.
439
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,120
And as soon as he gets a bit of self-doubt
in his head, it eats away at him.
440
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,880
So I know if we lay
just one more guilt trip on him,
441
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,240
he'll crumble like a Jenga in a hurricane.
442
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,000
And he will forget about Bristol
and leaving the village
443
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:33,840
and everything will just go back to
normal, which is all I really want.
444
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,000
Are you sure you wanna do this?
445
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,080
Yeah, fuck it, let's do it.
446
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,960
But one thing that I have learnt
from the Vicar
447
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,800
is that sometimes the thing you want
isn't necessarily the right thing to do.
448
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:57,280
Vicar? Can we have a word?
449
00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,920
Yes, of course, come in.
450
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,760
Is everything OK?
451
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,720
You know you've gotta go,
don't you, Vicar?
452
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,920
Yeah? You're gonna be great.
453
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,640
- He's crying.
- I hope so.
454
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,640
I just hope they realise what they've got.
455
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,080
Yeah... cos you're a legend.
456
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,320
But you are annoying as well.
457
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:41,760
Really annoying, and you've really gotta
pluck them hairs from the top of your nose
458
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,600
cos that's gonna really wind everyone up.
459
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,160
- Yes, I know.
- Yeah?
460
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,240
Thank you, Kerry. Thank you, Kurtan.
461
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,240
You wearing Jean Paul Gaultier, Vicar?
462
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:57,840
Yeah.
463
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,080
Smells really nice.
464
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,480
Thanks.
465
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,760
Well, I don't want him to go,
believe me,
466
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,840
but I know there's people out there
that need him more than we do.
467
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,040
The village won't be the same
without him.
468
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,360
But we've gotta set him free now.
469
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:20,840
Yeah, cos it's exactly like when Swindon
sold Sam Parkin to Ipswich Town, you know.
470
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,440
We lost one of our finest ever strikers
that day.
471
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,360
We did, yeah, but he had to go,
you know, he was restless.
472
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,800
He had to leave to progress his career
473
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,600
and the very least we could do
was grant him his transfer request
474
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,320
after years of exceptional service
he gave to the club.
475
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:40,760
And, yeah, he did fail at Ipswich,
476
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,760
cos ultimately, he was
massively out of his depth.
477
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,480
His career just nose-dived
after that, but...
478
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,840
I'm sure the same won't
happen to you, though, Vicar.
479
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,040
Of course it'll be sad to go,
but it's the right time to leave.
480
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,400
I just needed a push
in the right direction.
481
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,600
The village has been a wonderful home,
482
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,160
but above all, it'll be the people I miss.
483
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,880
- You all right?
- Hello, Mandy. How are you?
484
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,960
- You leaving, are you?
- Er, yes. Yes, I am, sadly.
485
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,800
Well, good luck with it all. It's never
really worked out for you here, has it?
486
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,040
Well, I've thoroughly enjoyed
my time here...
487
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,320
- Yeah, see you later.
- Yes, thank you, Mandy.
488
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,240
The thing about living in the village
is that people come and people go...
489
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,880
but the Vicar has done so much here
490
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,920
that a part of him
will always be in the village.
491
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,720
- See ya.
- See ya.
492
00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,920
Bye!
493
00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:01,200
- Bye.
- Behave yourself.
494
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,040
You know, a very wise man
once said,
495
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,560
"Wherever I roam,
this place will always be my home."
496
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,440
Yeah.
497
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,560
Who said that?
498
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:18,880
John McCririck...
499
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,240
talking about Cheltenham Racecourse.
500
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,480
He can't have lived at Cheltenham
Racecourse, though, surely?
501
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,240
No, but he was there a lot.
502
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,120
They had a Premier Inn
that was just outside the racecourse,
503
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,040
that he was just booked in constantly.
504
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,440
He'd just turn up and wouldn't have
to phone and book in advance,
505
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,680
he'd just turn up and they'd go,
"John, room's ready."
506
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:55,880
Makes sense.
507
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,160
- That's my house there, look.
- Yeah.
508
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,360
That's where my new flat's gonna be -
over there.
509
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,520
Yeah.
510
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,160
Look, Rob Robinson's farm,
up there, look.
511
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:23,880
Who's that?
512
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,880
Rob Robinson.
513
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,880
Who's Rob Robinson?
514
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,440
- Are you joking?
- No.
515
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:43,200
Rob Robinson - the guy who was in our
class in Year Seven for, like, two weeks
516
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,600
and then totally disappeared
off the face of the Earth.
517
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,200
I went on that whole quest
to find out what happened to him.
518
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,920
- Did you?
- Yeah, for, like, a week.
519
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,080
Don't remember that.
520
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,640
These lot were there,
they filmed the whole thing.
521
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,040
Well, I've never watched this.
522
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,120
You... you've never watched
the documentary that you're in?
523
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,800
No.
524
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,800
Not really my sort of thing.
525
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,040
- How can you not remember?
- I think you've lost the plot, mate.
526
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,600
How have you forgotten him twice?
43776
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