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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,561
Hello, Jefferson, are you busy?
2
00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:37,960
You're having sex with Marcie.
3
00:01:39,530 --> 00:01:41,600
What, is she holding a gun?
4
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,442
Okay, I'll wait.
5
00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:49,000
Let's go, let's go.
6
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,401
Now, look, it's my day off and the
Brute channel is gonna show Hondo.
7
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:54,402
John Wayne's greatest movie
of all time.
8
00:01:54,650 --> 00:01:58,438
Now, I know Peg wants me to fix
the basement steps, so I need a favor.
9
00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:02,080
Come over and hide in the bushes,
then I'm gonna open the door...
10
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:05,043
...and say, "My, the clouds
are looking fluffy today."
11
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,208
That's your excuse to come in
having an appendicitis attack...
12
00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:10,287
...and need me to rush you
to the hospital.
13
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:12,879
Then we'll go to your house
and watch Hondo.
14
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:18,685
What do you mean, "Faster, faster"?
I'm talking as fast as I can. Hello?
15
00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:26,361
Sex in the morning.
16
00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,406
Sex with Marcie.
17
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:34,330
Sex in the morning with Marcie.
18
00:02:35,930 --> 00:02:37,488
Hi, honey.
19
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:44,608
It's time to get some chores done.
20
00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:49,526
Now, to be fair, we'll both pick
from the job jar. I'll pick the red one.
21
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,761
Well, that's where I went wrong.
22
00:02:53,410 --> 00:02:55,924
"Continue sitting on couch."
23
00:02:56,170 --> 00:03:00,209
Oh, lucky. All right, Al. Your turn.
24
00:03:01,210 --> 00:03:04,441
Gee, I wonder what it will be.
25
00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:08,008
All right.
26
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,960
"Fix basement step."
27
00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:14,565
Tough break, honey.
28
00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,970
Well, a man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.
29
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:21,566
Excuse me, Peg, I'm just gonna
get a little fresh air first.
30
00:03:25,690 --> 00:03:29,399
My, the clouds
are looking fluffy today.
31
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:40,282
My, the clouds
are looking fluffy today.
32
00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:50,127
I said, my, the clouds
are looking fluffy today...
33
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,764
...you earless moron.
34
00:03:54,890 --> 00:03:57,040
Al. Al.
35
00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:06,559
It's an emergency. I need you to...
36
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,689
- What?
- Rush you to the hospital?
37
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:14,684
Yes, yes. I'm in great pain.
38
00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:16,409
What's wrong, Jefferson?
39
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:20,361
It's an appendicitis, Peg. See?
40
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:25,083
Thank God it's not a groin pull.
41
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:27,526
Yeah, I'm a paramedic.
I heard the yelling.
42
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:31,365
Good thing I was parked on the street,
avoiding my supervisor.
43
00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:35,084
Come on, we'll have that appendix
out in no time.
44
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,167
No, no, no, you see.
You don't understand.
45
00:04:37,370 --> 00:04:39,645
I was helping Al. Tell him I was--
46
00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:47,844
Well, honey, now you can fix
the basement step.
47
00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:50,650
Peg, Hondo's coming on at 3:30.
48
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:54,288
Hondo, Peg.
49
00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:58,239
John Wayne's best movie.
It only comes on once every 17 years.
50
00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:01,288
Oh, Peg, please let me watch Hondo.
51
00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:04,442
Oh, now, Al. It's only 9:30.
52
00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:08,000
You can fix the step
and watch your stupid Hondo.
53
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,445
All right, I'll fix the step.
Where are my tools?
54
00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,284
Well, in the tool chest.
55
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:22,368
You know, there is something else
that needs fixing down there.
56
00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:30,639
- Light bulb out?
- Yeah, that's it.
57
00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:33,526
Would you get me
the flashlight, Peg?
58
00:05:33,770 --> 00:05:37,604
Now, how am I supposed
to do my job and yours?
59
00:05:37,850 --> 00:05:41,445
I tell you.
Now I know how Hillary feels.
60
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,490
All right, Al, I've got it. Now what?
61
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,846
Well, you can shove it up--
62
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,528
- Never mind.
- Come on, hurry, Al...
63
00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:57,040
- ...this flashlight weighs a ton.
- It's not the flashlight.
64
00:05:58,930 --> 00:06:01,319
Wait a minute, Peg, it doesn't work.
65
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:05,449
Peg, do me a favor. Go to the store
and get me some D batteries.
66
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:07,289
Well, what are you gonna do?
67
00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:09,805
Don't worry, I'm not gonna
be having a good time.
68
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:11,443
I'll do what I can in the dark.
69
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:14,409
Oh, like during sex?
70
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:17,326
No, Peg, I can't fake fixing a step.
71
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:38,809
Hey, Kel, we got any D batteries?
72
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:42,247
Yeah, I think there's some
in the tool chest.
73
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,080
- Find it?
- Yeah.
74
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:57,728
Kel, check this out.
It's Buck's birth certificate.
75
00:06:57,970 --> 00:07:00,882
Wow, according to this,
he was born 10 years ago.
76
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,645
God, that would make him
10 years old.
77
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:09,248
And they wanted to neuter me.
78
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,602
Hey, I've got an idea.
79
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:14,205
Please don't say"Let's do something nice for him."
80
00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:17,044
Let's do something nice for him.
81
00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,008
What can we do though?
82
00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:21,678
Food would be nice.
83
00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,841
Let's take him out for some exercise.
84
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:27,526
Oh, good,the very thing you need food for.
85
00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:31,124
- Hey, we can take him to that park.
- Yeah.
86
00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:33,884
You meanwhere the Rottweilers hunt?
87
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,929
Come on, boy,
we're gonna have the time of your life.
88
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,762
But I hate Rottweilers.
89
00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:43,322
Hey, can't I play with the drug-sniffingdogs? You know, they're so laid back.
90
00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:48,521
Okay, Al, I got your batteries.
91
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:52,165
Peg, these are A's. I needed D's.
92
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:55,004
A's, D's, what's the difference?
93
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:56,724
They're too small.
94
00:07:56,970 --> 00:07:59,245
Then use a lot of them.
95
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:02,006
Better yet, I'll exchange them...
96
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:03,808
...for bullets.
97
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:06,959
- I'm going with you.
- If you go, you'll wanna shop.
98
00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,922
I'm just gonna get the new batteries.
99
00:08:09,170 --> 00:08:12,480
I was just at that store. There is
absolutely nothing I want there.
100
00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:15,887
- Now let's go.
- But, Peg, Hondo's coming on.
101
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:32,124
Peg, do we really need
Christmas icicles? It's May.
102
00:08:33,370 --> 00:08:35,247
Well, you'll thank me in December.
103
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:38,004
Only if you leave me in November.
104
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:47,888
Oh, look, Al.
They're doing a Full House in 3-D.
105
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:51,250
Is the third dimension
the funny one?
106
00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:54,328
Gee, I don't know.
107
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:57,164
But these glasses are annoying.
108
00:08:58,010 --> 00:09:00,046
Well, at least you look stupid.
109
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:04,367
I'm bored. I'm gonna go get some
ice cream and wait in the car.
110
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,566
Don't put back those icicles.
111
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:08,562
I won't.
112
00:09:18,210 --> 00:09:19,882
Excuse me.
113
00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:25,204
My 26 cats are waiting
for these three cans of Liver Feast.
114
00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:27,247
Do you mind if I cut in?
115
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:30,883
Well, age before beauty.
116
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:33,009
Thank you, beauty.
117
00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:35,885
You're welcome, age.
118
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,808
Hey, lady. You know,
Hondo's coming on pretty soon.
119
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:48,120
You know, it's a story
about the Wild West.
120
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,248
You remember the Wild West,
don't you?
121
00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:56,286
Aren't you that mean shoe salesman
at the mall?
122
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,488
No. You must have me mistaken
for someone else.
123
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:03,245
Check stand two is now open.
124
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:06,120
Yes, I am that shoe salesman.
125
00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:10,966
And I don't need your stinking place
in line. Eat shoe and die.
126
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:20,165
Gotta see Hondo. Gotta see Hondo.
127
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,799
Sir, would you let me
in front of you, please?
128
00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:29,489
Don't call me "sir," you cliff dweller.
129
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,198
- Bad enough you ruined my morning.
- Yeah?
130
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:36,443
You think hearing you scream "Ride me
like a show horse" did me any good?
131
00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:42,248
Let me go in front of you and
I'll be out of what's left of your hair.
132
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:47,726
Just relax. This is what it's like
to be a part of civilization.
133
00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:49,649
Wait, I have a coupon.
134
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:53,883
Un-freaking-believable!
There's always one.
135
00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:57,887
- No, don't worry. I'm paying cash.
- Thank God.
136
00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:02,485
Yeah, my wife and I put a penny in
every time we make love.
137
00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:04,926
We're like rabbits.
138
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:08,168
Good. On Easter,
I'll dip you both in chocolate...
139
00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:10,281
...and break your heads off.
140
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:20,922
We don't see that much Confederate
money around here anymore.
141
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,841
What happened
to just paying and leaving?
142
00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:28,001
People just have too many options.
143
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,842
Next.
144
00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:33,487
This vaporizer is 39.99 here...
145
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:38,804
...but I found it somewhere else for
39.98 and you say you'll beat any ad.
146
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:45,886
That'll be $753.84.
147
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:55,129
Every time my husband and I
make love.
148
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,327
My wife bought the wrong batteries.
Since I can't exchange her...
149
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:03,566
...I'd like to exchange these for these.
150
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,887
In my day, you just push them buttons
a bit, the register went:
151
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,569
And the drawer popped out.
152
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:14,286
That's a fascinating story, sir.
153
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,169
These days we have computers.
154
00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:19,123
They make things a lot easier
and quicker.
155
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,963
Computer's down.
Sorry, sir, you'll have to wait.
156
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,127
I can't wait
for the computer to come on.
157
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,321
I gotta get home for Hondo.
Just add it up.
158
00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:37,607
- I can't do that.
- You can't add?
159
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:39,806
Good career choice.
160
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:45,047
I don't have to take this.
If I knew how, I would call Security.
161
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:50,365
Well, don't learn a new skill
on my account.
162
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:53,966
Just keep the stinking batteries.
I'm taking my business elsewhere.
163
00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,118
Open these doors.
164
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,282
Can't.
The computer controls them too.
165
00:13:04,170 --> 00:13:05,922
And you just lost your place in line.
166
00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:11,845
That was fun.
It's good to get out, watch Buck run.
167
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:14,166
Yeah. He must have had a great time.
168
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,846
Call 911.
169
00:13:20,770 --> 00:13:23,079
K-911.
170
00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:26,684
Well, now what do you want
to do with him?
171
00:13:26,970 --> 00:13:28,562
Hey, I know. Let's play...
172
00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,607
Anything but Frisbee.
173
00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:32,318
...Frisbee.
174
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:36,529
No, not the disk of death.
175
00:13:36,770 --> 00:13:39,284
Oh, look at his eyes light up.
176
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:43,838
I'd tear out both your hearts if my teethweren't in a glass in my doghouse.
177
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,563
Come on, boy.
178
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:50,760
You know, in these stressful times...
179
00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:54,406
...it's nice to have a quiet moment
to get to know each other.
180
00:13:56,210 --> 00:14:00,647
I want out!
It's 90 minutes to Hondo.
181
00:14:01,410 --> 00:14:05,881
Al, are you gonna be long?
Hondo's on in 90 minutes.
182
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:08,325
I know, Peg. The doors won't open.
183
00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,562
I know the stores are open.
184
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,529
That's where I got this lovely dress.
185
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,840
No more. No more.
186
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:21,322
What's that? Buy more? Buy more?
187
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,166
Don't buy anything.
188
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:26,640
Buy a dinner ring?
189
00:14:26,890 --> 00:14:28,801
I haven't thought
about jewelry before...
190
00:14:29,010 --> 00:14:31,126
- ...but I guess I--
- No. Don't buy.
191
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,201
Bye.
192
00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:39,278
My wife is out there,
unsupervised, with credit cards.
193
00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:41,089
Where's your computer expert?
194
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,919
Out there. He can't get in.
195
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:53,845
Okay, Buck. Here it comes, boy.
Catch it.
196
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:57,842
Why didn't you jump?
197
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:00,480
I did.
198
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:05,129
You know, Kel. I think the problem
is Buck's getting too old to jump.
199
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,326
Yeah. I know.
200
00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:10,038
- You throw it to him and I'll lift him.
- All right.
201
00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:12,281
This will be good.
202
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:17,003
Okay, Buck. Here it comes, boy.
203
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:23,803
Kelly?
204
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:26,764
Kelly? Speak to me.
205
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:30,760
Come closer.
206
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,887
What? What is it?
207
00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:39,046
Oh, come on. She's never gonnaget that Frisbee to fit there.
208
00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:44,603
Well, I'll be damned.
209
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:56,409
Someone hasn't been eating
their fiber.
210
00:16:02,530 --> 00:16:05,886
Hey, come on, fella.
Put the bat down.
211
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,479
Come sit around the hibachi.
Swap some stories, huh?
212
00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:11,801
You want a story?
213
00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:14,799
I got a story for you.
214
00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:18,402
About a little place
I like to call America.
215
00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:25,004
Before scanners and bar codes
and computers and wives.
216
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:44,168
Can I help you,
pretty-but-fallen lady?
217
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,807
I hope so. They want me to do
the cancan down at the saloon...
218
00:16:48,010 --> 00:16:51,286
...so I guess I'm gonna need
some cans.
219
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:55,168
You got yourself
some fancy book learning, ain't you?
220
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:01,763
Howdy, my honest
young merchant friend.
221
00:17:02,010 --> 00:17:04,399
I need a few things.
222
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:07,369
I need a deck of marked cards,
some loaded dice...
223
00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:11,165
...and some genuine
cowhide condoms.
224
00:17:11,410 --> 00:17:14,129
Although in these simpler times,
we don't need them...
225
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:17,447
...but heck, they feel so good
we don't need the woman either.
226
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,362
Hey, not in front of the boy,
Mr. D'Arcy.
227
00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:24,204
You'll put ideas in his head.
228
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,730
Next thing you know,
he'll be out behind the barn...
229
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:29,727
...with his wooden woman.
230
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:34,004
Hey, order me up
a couple of jugs too.
231
00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:42,328
Ma, now, you know
you scare the customers...
232
00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:44,487
...when you stare
into that box like that.
233
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,518
Yeah, I know. But I just get
this feeling that one day...
234
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:52,405
...there's gonna be people
small enough to fit in there.
235
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:01,646
Afternoon, barefoot bumpkins.
236
00:18:02,050 --> 00:18:05,042
Afternoon, Miss Evil Bank President.
237
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:09,285
It has come to my attention
that these simple times...
238
00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:12,641
...are going far too easy
for you folks.
239
00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:17,600
Let's see if that changes
when you have to use this.
240
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,249
What in tarnation is that?
241
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:24,400
It's a computer!
242
00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:29,282
And we're gonna make you use them
whether you like it or not.
243
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:35,128
Now hold on a second, pilgrim.
244
00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:46,079
What is that gizmo?
245
00:18:46,330 --> 00:18:49,686
That's not a gizmo, it's a computer.
246
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,239
Now it's a gizmo.
247
00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:16,002
Now, you take your prairie-chicken
hide and cluck on out of here.
248
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:21,278
Well, I'll be back,
and next time, I'm bringing Muzak.
249
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,202
Thanks, Bundo.
250
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:30,408
Oh, Bundo, you are just
the kind of man we need...
251
00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:32,840
...in these sweet and innocent times.
252
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:34,967
Now, if there's anything
I can do for you--
253
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:37,844
Well, there is one thing.
254
00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:40,846
Take a powder, boy.
255
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:50,165
Not that. No, I'm looking for a copy of
that new girlie magazine, Bare Ankle.
256
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:54,848
I hear they're corning out
with a new 3-D issue.
257
00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:03,720
So I say...
258
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:06,803
...we should do
what John Wayne would have done.
259
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:11,368
Let's show these machines
who's running things.
260
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:15,762
I say we kick some computer butt.
261
00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:27,049
For Hondo!
262
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,844
Oh, my head.
263
00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:44,369
What time is it? Hondo!
264
00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:49,720
And that's the conclusionof the classic western Hondo.
265
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:54,998
Join us February 18, 2011for the encore showing of--
266
00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:02,681
Well, I might have missed Hondo...
267
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:05,398
...but at least I stood up
for what I believed in.
268
00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,402
Honey,
you better sit back down again...
269
00:21:07,610 --> 00:21:12,206
...because that computer you destroyed
is gonna cost $4000.
270
00:21:12,570 --> 00:21:17,246
Well, thank God
I make that much in a year.
271
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:21,762
Mom, Dad, you guys seen Buck?
272
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:24,086
We were gonna
take him Rollerblading.
273
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:27,279
He's in the basement. Let's get him.
274
00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:29,843
You...
275
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:38,881
I may be old, but I can stillthrow my voice with the best of them.
21690
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