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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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- Great sandwich, Mom.
- Oh, yeah.
2
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,090
We should all be grateful
to late Aunt Stumpy...
3
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,973
...for leaving us her refrigerator
full of food.
4
00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:26,410
Well, she didn't exactly
leave it to us. I mean...
5
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:30,010
...we took it off the back porch
while everyone else was at the funeral.
6
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Shouldn't we tell Dad
about the fridge?
7
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,651
Oh, no. I'm sure he made out fine.
8
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It was an open casket.
He probably got the watch.
9
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:45,252
Well, refrigerator's hidden in the
garage. Dad will never know it's there.
10
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:49,095
It's concealed so well, even
a clever man wouldn't be able to find it.
11
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:01,652
I hate those complaint boxes
they put in at the mall.
12
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,299
A woman comes in the store...
13
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,612
...so huge she's protected
by Greenpeace...
14
00:02:07,180 --> 00:02:09,774
...and asked for a size-four shoe.
15
00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:18,098
So I ask her if she wants to eat
them there or take them home.
16
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:22,015
And she has the nerve to complain
about my performance.
17
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:26,094
Honey, I complain about
your performance all the time...
18
00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:27,932
...and you don't care.
19
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:30,819
Sometimes, you don't even wake up.
20
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,656
Unlike sex with you,
this is important to me.
21
00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:41,413
The mall manager is threatening to take
away the only joy I have at work.
22
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:43,856
They're shutting off the plumbing?
23
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:49,529
The other joy. They're threatening
to take away my parking space.
24
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:53,449
The one that's closer than the others,
because I've been there the longest.
25
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:57,733
Oh, so you'll have to walk
an extra half mile. It won't kill you.
26
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,370
Oh, no, Peg, it won't kill me.
27
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:01,769
That's your job.
28
00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:06,054
But I earned that parking spot.
It's mine.
29
00:03:06,340 --> 00:03:08,570
I started at the end of the lot
by the street...
30
00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:10,975
...where it helps to speak Spanish...
31
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:15,213
...and 10 years later,
or should I say diez años...
32
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:18,295
...they finally put my name
on the best spot.
33
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:20,690
"Al Budny."
34
00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:24,213
I was so happy.
But now if I insult one more woman...
35
00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,888
...before the end of the month
they'll take my spot.
36
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,291
Maybe you should just call in sick
for the next 27 days.
37
00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,100
Oh, no, no, no. We can't afford that.
38
00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:34,659
Then they'd dock his pay...
39
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:37,733
...and we'd be out hundreds
and hundreds of loose change.
40
00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:39,299
Loose change.
41
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,850
Well, all I know is I am not giving up
my parking space without a fight.
42
00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:45,375
Anyone can go three weeks
not insulting a woman.
43
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:47,212
Betcha $5 you can't.
44
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:51,533
I will take that bet,
you bonbon-binging bozo!
45
00:03:59,180 --> 00:04:02,889
Mr. Bundy, since you lose your parking
spot if you get one more complaint...
46
00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:06,416
...maybe I should take care of some
of our women customers today.
47
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:08,173
It's not necessary, Aaron.
48
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:11,014
I've decided to be nice to women
for the next three weeks.
49
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,171
And no one on God's foul earth...
50
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,173
...will come between me
and my slab of tar.
51
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:24,169
Don't you have anything else to do?
52
00:04:26,260 --> 00:04:28,728
- All right.
- Hi, Al.
53
00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:32,416
Peggy told me about
your little complaint problem.
54
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:36,016
- No problem. I'm still under my quota.
- Oh, well, that's very good.
55
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:40,135
Of course,
I don't see any customers here yet.
56
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,768
Nope.
57
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:45,097
No one here but us chickens.
58
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:53,729
Actually, I was just on my way
back from the supermarket.
59
00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:56,778
It seems I was all out of eggs.
60
00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,651
Some of the girls will stop by later...
61
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:08,460
...for what I guess
you could call a hen party.
62
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:15,934
Oh, come on, Al. You know
you can't keep this up all month.
63
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:19,570
Eventually, some poor,
calorically challenged woman...
64
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,210
...is gonna come through those doors
and you're gonna insult her...
65
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,451
...because you don't know
the first thing...
66
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,220
...about politically correct behavior.
67
00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:32,171
What does that have to do
with obnoxious fat women?
68
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:37,450
Today's obese woman simply feels
that it's her right to be heavy...
69
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,418
...and does not want to be insulted.
70
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:43,694
So when some moo-cow
thunders in here...
71
00:05:43,940 --> 00:05:46,249
...with a pie under each chin...
72
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:50,170
...I shouldn't ask if that's the
Star-Spangled Banner she's belching...
73
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,809
...so I know whether to sit or stand?
74
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,771
All I'm saying--
75
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,693
Oh, ye of little deodorant.
76
00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:02,457
--is that you must learn
to treat all people the same.
77
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,016
- Everyone?
- Everyone.
78
00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:07,216
Even midgets?
79
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:10,900
Everyone, you wienerhead.
80
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:16,009
Now, I would really love to stay and
see you go down for the third time...
81
00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,898
...but I have to get home.
82
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:21,212
I promised Jefferson...
83
00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,618
...I'd cook him a fryer for a dinner.
84
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:33,330
I so wanted it to be me.
85
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,738
- That was close.
- Yeah.
86
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:38,210
Oh, no, I'll take care of this one.
87
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:42,658
Go in the back room and do whatever it
is you do back there for hours on end.
88
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:46,609
- It's called inventory.
- You call it whatever you want to.
89
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,898
Excuse me, madam.
How may I serve you?
90
00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:54,734
- Do have this in an eight AA?
- Well, let me check.
91
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,131
Oh, well, you'll have to hurry.
I don't have much time.
92
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,050
Excuse me, Miss.
93
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,328
Are you sitting on someone?
94
00:07:28,260 --> 00:07:31,536
- What?
- Oh, oh, no, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
95
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:33,532
How may I serve you?
96
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,331
How do you think
this would look on me?
97
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:40,578
I wear a size four.
98
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:52,972
I have tiny toes, don't you think?
99
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,534
Oh, yes indeed.
100
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:00,852
For sausages.
101
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:05,332
Sausages. Sausages.Sausages. Sausages.
102
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,293
Now, before we get
to the main topic of tonight's meeting...
103
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:16,534
...which is why can't a man speak his
mind without losing his parking space?
104
00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:18,133
Yeah. That's right.
105
00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:21,099
We'll hear the minutes
of our last meeting.
106
00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:23,615
- Jefferson.
- Thank you.
107
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,291
The meeting was called
to order at 8:00.
108
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:31,295
We discussed the pros and cons
of the single urinal versus the trough.
109
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:35,694
At 8:15 we voted on
whether or not we'd rather do...
110
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,698
...Ann-Margret or Alan Arkin.
111
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:44,095
That should be Ellen Barkin.
112
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,933
Damn. Dad's in the garage
with a bunch of his friends.
113
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:52,210
How are we supposed to get
to our refrigerator?
114
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:54,851
- Are they all men?
- Yeah.
115
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,692
No problem.
116
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:02,170
There are several
genetic flaws in all men...
117
00:09:02,420 --> 00:09:05,776
...that can be acted on
for reasons of distraction.
118
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:09,058
I shall demonstrate
the strangest one.
119
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:15,572
I'm sorry. I didn't know
you guys were in here.
120
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,099
Oh, look.
121
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,012
A football.
122
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:42,730
Oh, well, come on. We have
important business to discuss.
123
00:09:44,380 --> 00:09:45,699
Now...
124
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:50,210
Now, as you know...
125
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:54,692
...I lost my beloved parking space
just because I chose to speak my mind.
126
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,055
- Yeah.
- That's wrong.
127
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:59,610
Why today, you're supposed to write
to the Organization of Bald People...
128
00:09:59,820 --> 00:10:01,776
...to ask if we can call them
chrome-domes.
129
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:03,692
- Yeah.
- They're bald.
130
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:06,454
Then you're supposed to fax
the Fatso Society...
131
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,817
...and ask permission
to assign zip codes to each thigh.
132
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:11,169
Ridiculous.
133
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:12,974
Excuse me.
134
00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:16,929
Dad, I just thought you guys might
wanna see this paper airplane I made.
135
00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:20,092
Son, we've all seen
a paper airplane before.
136
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:22,649
Made out of Miss January?
137
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,498
Hey! Hey! Hey, Roger.
138
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:37,378
This looks like your wife.
139
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,293
- You think so?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
140
00:10:40,820 --> 00:10:45,450
No, I was looking at this picture
of Dick Butkus on the back.
141
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,334
Come on, guys,
we're in a meeting here.
142
00:10:51,580 --> 00:10:54,731
He's right. We've got work to do.
143
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:56,453
Now...
144
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:01,616
What we need to do...
145
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,294
...is to find someone
who can tell us...
146
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,770
- ...how to fight this insanity.
- That's right.
147
00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:08,692
- We need a man's man.
- Right.
148
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:11,056
Someone who's always called
his own shots.
149
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,530
A leader to lead us through the '90s.
150
00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:15,816
A man among men.
151
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,534
Ironhead Haynes!
152
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,452
Who's Ironhead Haynes?
153
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,533
The gruffest, toughest man
to ever graduate from Polk High.
154
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,852
He had a beard in the seventh grade.
155
00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:31,337
And a wife.
156
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:35,650
Took out his own appendix
with a Pocket Fisherman.
157
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,688
He'd have been a great
football player for Polk High...
158
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:41,932
...but he refused
to take off his spurs.
159
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,456
He wore boots to play football?
160
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:47,772
No boots, just spurs.
161
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:53,136
Well, you know, they can't all be
football stars like we were.
162
00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:56,693
Or cheerleaders, like I was.
163
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:02,970
Hey, I did some
very dangerous flips.
164
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:07,459
And I...
165
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:10,134
I helped fire the cannon
after each touchdown.
166
00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:12,132
- Yeah?
- Was that you?
167
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,173
Well, where can we find
this Ironhead Haynes?
168
00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:19,331
Rumor has it he lives alone...
169
00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:23,255
...on top of the highest mountain
in Illinois.
170
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,333
Well, then we'll go tomorrow...
171
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,889
- ...and seek his guidance.
- Good idea.
172
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:33,772
Al, I need someone to move the
clothes dryer away from the wall!
173
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,490
- Coming, dear.
- Okay, we're out of here.
174
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,213
Hey, wait a second.
175
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,293
We don't have any clothes dryer!
176
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:52,976
Did I say clothes dryer?
177
00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:56,690
I meant, "Take out the trash."
178
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,178
Hey, wait.
179
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:13,493
Look, how do we know that Ironhead
Haynes is even up there?
180
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:16,254
Yeah. This legend
could just be made-up.
181
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,688
That's true, Al.
182
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:20,972
He could be as phony
as your wife's hair color.
183
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,814
Or as real as your wife's
hair color, Roger.
184
00:13:25,060 --> 00:13:27,972
I know it's real because
it matches her mustache!
185
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:31,538
Okay, okay, come on, come on!
186
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:36,378
Look, guys...
187
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,451
...are we going on or not?
188
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,773
Of course we're going on. Name me
one good reason why we shouldn't.
189
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,932
- Well, I'm going on!
- Yeah, well, I'm--
190
00:13:49,180 --> 00:13:50,898
Staying here.
191
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:55,452
- We'll see you when you get back.
- Yeah, have a nice trip.
192
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:57,258
Thank you...
193
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,855
...candy-asses.
194
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:09,978
Oh, well, I don't know about you guys,
but I'm no candy-ass.
195
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,495
Well, think we'll ever see him again?
196
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,219
It's hard to say.
197
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,451
This mountain has killed before.
198
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,213
It could kill again.
199
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,372
- Trail mix, anyone?
- Yeah.
200
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,532
Raisins are mine.
201
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:47,570
- Well, you must be Ironhead Haynes.
- Yep. And you must be some idiot...
202
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:51,409
...that don't know there's a road
on the other side of this mountain.
203
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,457
Al Bundy. Polk High.
204
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:58,974
And I brought you some gifts.
205
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:02,656
Me and my buddies wanted to give
you a token of our esteem.
206
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,289
In here I got some Beer Nuts...
207
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:08,008
...and there's a tire gauge.
208
00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:12,776
And here's the football that I scored
my first touchdown with at Polk High.
209
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,329
So go on, go out.
210
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:16,974
Ready?
211
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:24,534
- Not my game.
- Well, then...
212
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,413
...the Beer Nuts can be from me.
213
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:29,618
Oh, and here's something here...
214
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:32,090
...Jefferson didn't know
what to get you so...
215
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:35,298
...he got you a silk shirt, you know.
216
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,900
I've never had one of these before.
217
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:46,531
It's not bad.
218
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:49,012
Now, what can I do for you?
219
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:50,852
Well, Ironhead...
220
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:55,378
...things have gotten pretty rough
for us freethinkers back in civilization.
221
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,373
Old people getting mad at you
if you call them old.
222
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,976
Foreign people getting mad at you
if you tell them to go home.
223
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:06,179
You'd be surprised. The slightest
thing will set a gimp off these days.
224
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,775
I suppose that's why
you moved up here, isn't it?
225
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:13,374
No, I moved up here to get in touch
with my feminine side.
226
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,619
I'm kidding. I'm just teasing.
227
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:21,579
Well, unfortunately,
many can't move to a mountain...
228
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:24,738
...because they're married to one.
229
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:30,293
But we need your wisdom to help guide
up through our daily hell.
230
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,849
Tell us what you believe.
231
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:37,093
Well, I believe that when you gotta spit,
you gotta spit.
232
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:39,058
And right now I gotta spit.
233
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:40,938
Oh, this is good stuff.
234
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,819
And I believe that everybody's
that got more money...
235
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:56,336
...than they can hold in both hands
ought to give it all to me.
236
00:16:57,380 --> 00:17:02,852
I believe that all animals were put
on this earth to make faces at me.
237
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:08,651
I really believe that that damn doctor
didn't have to put this plate in my head.
238
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,051
Well...
239
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:13,650
...doctor knows best.
240
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:18,529
But tell us, what can we do
to fight back?
241
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:22,615
Well, I don't know,
maybe this song will say it the best.
242
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,611
Nothing
243
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,894
That--
244
00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:41,298
That's it? That's the message?
245
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:45,135
That's it. You know,
men like us are dinosaurs.
246
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:48,417
Real, live, dead dinosaurs.
247
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:52,539
Listen, I got buddies down here waiting
for you to give us a plan of action.
248
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:55,051
My football.
249
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,172
I can't just tell them it's all over.
250
00:17:58,380 --> 00:18:00,132
That life as we know it is gone.
251
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,938
And we'll never be like this again.
252
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:05,377
Well, if it isn't Mr. Sunshine.
253
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:09,575
The only problem with being a dinosaur
is there ain't no future in it.
254
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,414
But there is one hell of a past.
255
00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:16,175
Now, what you need to do this act
like the mighty tyrannosaurus...
256
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,217
...and leave deep prints.
257
00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:21,971
Leave deep prints.
258
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,737
That's it. Let them know
that you've been there.
259
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,333
I got it!
260
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:30,697
But wait a second. What if my
buddies don't believe that I met you?
261
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:34,774
Is there something here that you can
give me to prove that we met?
262
00:18:35,020 --> 00:18:37,454
Well, how about that sack of flour?
263
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:41,898
Well, anything without
mealy bugs in it?
264
00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:44,896
I guess that leaves my beard out.
265
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:48,176
All I got left now is this guitar...
266
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:52,572
...that my dearly beloved,
departed grandmother left me.
267
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:56,210
And my Victoria's Secret catalog.
268
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,848
Here, I can't give up
my sunshine.
269
00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:09,733
Well, thank you, Ironhead.
270
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:12,255
And I'll see to it
that your legend lives on.
271
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,458
You're still my idol
because you're afraid of nothing.
272
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,453
Well, now,
that's not necessarily true.
273
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,339
I'm deathly afraid of magnets.
274
00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:25,812
If a big one was to roll by here right
now, my head is history.
275
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,972
I suggest that you get on back down
that mountain in a hurry.
276
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:30,972
Why? Is it gonna rain?
277
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:34,849
No, but I do feel
another spit coming on.
278
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,889
You think something horrible's
happened to Al?
279
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,734
Why would you say
such a terrible thing?
280
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:51,053
Well, because if he's dead,
we could eat his croissant.
281
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,336
- He's dead.
- He's dead.
282
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:59,530
Don't eat the croissant!
283
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,650
Al, is that you?
284
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,852
It is I.
285
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,058
I have come from Ironhead Haynes...
286
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,257
...with words for hardworking people...
287
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:29,129
...who don't give a rat's ass
about political correctness.
288
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,412
Rule number one:
289
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:37,573
It's okay to call hooters "knockers"
and sometimes "snack trays."
290
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:43,975
Rule two: It is wrong to be French.
291
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:51,813
Rule three: It is okay to put all bad
people in a giant meat grinder.
292
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:55,571
Rule four: Lawyers, see rule three.
293
00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:02,376
It is okay to drive a gas guzzler
if it helps you get babes.
294
00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:06,529
Everyone should car pool except me.
295
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,172
Bring back the word "stewardesses."
296
00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:13,810
Synchronized swimming
is not a sport.
297
00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:17,493
Mud wrestling is a sport.
298
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:20,777
Those are your 10 commandments.
299
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,452
But, Al, that's only nine.
300
00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:27,736
Those are you nine commandments.
301
00:21:28,380 --> 00:21:29,699
Well, I can live with that.
302
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,408
I say we all go back
and spread the word.
303
00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:36,539
And help Al get what appears
to be flour out of his hair.
304
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:38,532
It's stupid to start back now.
305
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:41,089
It'll be pitch-black
before we reach the bottom.
306
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:43,934
If we're gonna stay here
we'd better keep this fire going.
307
00:21:44,140 --> 00:21:46,734
Now, does anybody have something
we can throw on the fire?
308
00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:49,408
All I have is my Victoria's Secret
catalog.
309
00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:52,128
- Yeah, me too.
- Me too.
310
00:21:52,380 --> 00:21:55,816
Well, then all we have is these...
311
00:21:56,060 --> 00:21:59,177
...or these sacred commandments.
312
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:01,378
Yeah. Give me that back.
313
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:05,135
Sinners, blasphemers,
heathens, sinners...
314
00:22:05,580 --> 00:22:07,491
...hooters. Hooters.
25038
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