All language subtitles for The.Masked.Singer.UK.S05E01.1080p.HDTV.H264-DARKFLiX[EZTVx.to].srt - eng(3)

The Masked Cluseum is now closed.

Please leave... quizzically.

Mary Berry! Mary Berry!

HE WHISTLES

COOING

SHRILL SQUAWK

WHISTLING CONTINUES

Ha! I knew it!
Foiled again, Jackie Spud.

Don't worry. You'll all meet
your new friends really soon.

Not long to go.

I declare the brand new
Masked Singer Exhibition now open!

MUSIC: 'Pretender' by Foo Fighters

JOEL: Thank you!

That was amazing!

We are just getting started, people.

Oh, yeah!

Na, na, na, na...

I've seen Beyonce three times.
She has nothing on the Air Fryer.

We are not prepared for
this level of skill.

We are used to working
with Rita Ora.

I've got absolutely no idea.

It's driving me up the wall.

CHEERING

This show is full of surprises.

I never thought I'd be
emotionally moved by a singing egg.

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

APPLAUSE

# Who are ya? #

APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #

APPLAUSE

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who's that behind the mask? #

Yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It feels so good to be back.

We've been waiting all year
for this.

2023 will soon be over,

but we are just getting started,
people.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's a brand-spanking-new series,

and we've got 12 fresh cases
for you to crack,

plus so many clues
I've already lost count.

I think it's three...
LAUGHTER

...but first, we've got
some old relics to uncover.

They always make an exhibition
of themselves.

It's our panel, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm coming.

Almost there. I'm on the last bit.

Yay.
Pretty cool.

Smooth.

You'll find him
at the Natural History Mo-seum.

It's Mo Gilligan.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

She knows all of the arte-facts.

It's Davina McCall.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

At his age,
everything's a bit dino-sore.

It's Jonathan Ross!
It's true.

It is true. My back has gone.

And with Rita in America,
in her seat for one night only,

his Masked Singer era will forever
be known as Rino-sance period.

LAUGHTER

It's our reigning champion,
Charlie Simpson.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHARLIE: Hello.

Welcome back, my friend.
Thank you, Joel.

I've just gotta say this at the top.

You look like possibly Jonathan Ross
30 years ago.

You look like father and son
right now.

LAUGHTER

Here, let's have a hug.
Come on, Jonathan.

It's so nice.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Davina, you are fangirling
even more than me right now.

Hi!
LAUGHTER

You're safe. It's OK.
WHISPERING: He's not safe.

How do you think
he's gonna get on?

It's really, really nice
to have a vocalist on the panel,

who can kind of hear
all the intonation

and the tone and the breathing.
Sounds like you're dissing Rita Ora!

We do normally have a vocalist
on the panel.

Yeah, I'm very excited.
Good.

I'm gonna be looking out
for the singing.

Maybe I'll be able to notice

if someone is a performer in
their every day life or not... Yeah.

...but these guys
are very good guessers, so...

Well, you say that.
..got a lot to live up to.

You looked at Davina and Jonathan.
You didn't make eyes with Mo.

LAUGHTER

I'm due a win this series, man!
You really are.

I wanna slide in the middle.
Yes!

I wanna slide like a toddler at
a wedding, that's what I want to do.

It's our panel, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tonight, our masked singers
will battle it out two at a time.

After each Face Off,

the studio audience
will vote for their favourite,

and the act with the fewest votes
will go into the bottom three.

It will then be down to our panel
to decide who is unmasked.

Our first Face Off is...

HE READS ALOUD

AUDIENCE EXCLAIM,
JOEL CHUCKLES

DAVINA: Oh, wow.
Maypole.

Everyone, hands up,
who wants to see our first act?

CHEERING

Just taken a "pole".
It's Maypole!

DAVINA: Oh, wow.
Wow.

How pretty.
Oh, Maypole.

Theatrical, like, confident.

Beautiful.
Nearly like Joel's height.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How cute. Love that.

Ready to bowl you over,
it's Cricket!

Yeah, wow.

Here he comes.

It's weird cos when they wave,
do you think Cricket knows us,

or are they just trying to pretend
they know us?

JOEL CHUCKLES

He's cool.
Aw, it's so great.

Don't forget, there are clues
everywhere you look,

and pay close attention
to tonight's clue packages,

parts of which
feature stunt doubles.

Time for our first act.

We can't dance around it
any longer.

JOVIAL FOLK MUSIC
PLAYS

LAUGHTER

It's Maypole!
CHEERING

Oh, here come the clues,
here come the clues.

Quiet, please. Maypole, take four.

MAYPOLE GIGGLES

It's me, Maypole.

You think it is American?
I don't believe the accent.

With more than one ribbon to my bow,

I'm happy being a model Maypole.

Ooh, model.
Model.

I skipped along to success.

It was first time lucky.

But I'm having a field day,

village halls, greens, TV screens.

So much fun to be had.

Maybe you think
I'm a lucky so and so.

Look, there's a medal
around the doll.

Is that a silver medal?

I put my heart into everything I do,

but I try to know my net worth...

It's pointing south-west.

...and I'm ready to have a ball.

Ooh, ball.
Could be someone who dances, though.

Time to put my best ribbon forward.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG: 'Never Gonna Not Dance Again'

# If someone told me
That the world would end tonight

# You could take all that I got

# For once, I wouldn't start a fight

# You could have my liquor
Take my dinner, take my fun

# My birthday cake, my soul, my dog
Take everything I love... #

who is this?

# One thing I'm never gonna do

# Is throw away my dancing shoes

# And, oh, Lord, don't try me
Really, not tonight

# I'll lay down and die... #
Come on.

# I'll scream, and I'L cry

# We've already wasted enough time

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# Oh, I just wanna pop and lock
To my records

# Take off all of my clothes

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# D-D-Dance
We're gonna dance, bruh

# D-D-Dance
I'm gonna dance

# I want my life to be
A Whitney Houston song... #

Definitely a singer...
Singer?

...or a performer of some sort.
Yeah, yeah, yeah ,yeah.

# If I could kill the thing
That makes us all so dumb

# We're never getting younger
So I'm gonna have some fun

# But, oh
One thing I'm never gonna do

# Is throw away my dancing shoes

# And, oh, Lord, don't try me
Really, not tonight

# I'll lay down and die

# I'll scream, and I'L cry

# We've already wasted enough time

# We've already wasted enough time

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# Oh, I just wanna pop and lock
To my records

# Take off all of my clothes

# Never gonna not dance again

# I'm never gonna not

# Dance again
Never gonna not dance again

# Dance again. #

MAYPOLE GIGGLES

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wow.

So fun. Give it up for Maypole!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What an opening for the show.
Brilliant. Well done.

Who is it, Davina?

So, it said,
"There's more ribbons to my bow."

I think it's somebody who has done
loads of different things.

She's been a karate champion...
Oh, yeah.

...she's worked on The Voice,

and then they had north,
south, east, west... Mm-hm.

...and it was pointing
in one direction.

Oh.
AUDIENCE MURMUR

She did a single with Niall Horan...
Oh.

...so I was thinking Anne-Marie.

APPLAUSE
Great stuff.

You're good at this.

Wonderful work. Hello, Anne-Marie.

Hello, Anne-Marie. Stop!

Maypole is flirting with me,
and I'm enjoying it.

LAUGHTER

I think I know who this is.
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

In the VT package,
it said "TV screens”,

and there was "so so",
so I thought of sewing.

Someone I know who likes knitting.

And then they said
"modelling”, "green".

Someone I know who's a vegan.

Who isn't here that is on the show?

I think it could be Rita Ora.
I think it might be Rita Ora.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I promise you, Joel.

That would be so good!

I'm telling you for nothing,
it's not Rita Ora... Ooh.

...and it's not Anne-Marie...
Ah.

...and before you start,
it isn't Mary Berry either, but...

LAUGHTER
...why don't we hear about Charlie?

Let Charlie get it wrong first,

and then come to me for the answer
because I have nailed this one.

Ooh, OK. Pen drop?

It's what the kids do.
LAUGHTER

Right, here's my process.

I don't think it is
an American accent.

It said "know my net worth",
so maybe tennis. Oh.

And "I skipped around the court".
Possibly. That's good.

I'm thinking Emma Raducanu.
DAVINA: Ooh.

CHARLIE: Don't know.
Absolutely not.

LAUGHTER

Maypole.

A pole is a pole,

but a poll can also be something
where we go to vote for something.

Oh, God, here we go.
No, bear with me!

And on screen,

did we not actually see
our lovely Maypole

running through a field of wheat?

LAUGHTER
Oh, man!

Which politician famously

when asked if she'd
ever done anything naughty said,

"I ran through a field of wheat"?

Her name has May in it...

she goes to the poll.

Ladies and gentlemen,
former Prime Minister Theresa May!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Right there! Thank you.

Thank you.

I think that's pretty much
the biggest cheer

Theresa May has ever got.
LAUGHTER

Guys, need some more help?
Yes, definitely. Absolutely.

OK, it's time to play
Riddle Me This.

Maypole, can we have your riddle,
please?

George Orwell wrote 1984.

What, their birth?
The year of their birth? Could be.

Ooh.
That's not helped us at all.

OK, well,
who's hidden beneath the ribbon?

We'll only know
when the mask comes off.

Let's hear it for Maypole,
everybody.

CHARLIE: Yeah!
Well done, Maypole.

The panel could be
spinning out of control

or they may be
closer than they think.

Who do you think is behind the mask?

Am I a Theresa May-pole?

I'm electing not to answer.
MAYPOLE GIGGLES

CHEERING

If you can't figure out
who Maypole is,

prepare to be stumped all over again

as Cricket takes to the stage.

See you in a few wickets.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Masked Singer,
everybody.

Charlie Simpson's here!
CHEERING

Wow.

Up next, I could watch this
for five days. It's Cricket.

# Who are ya? #

THUMP,
GLASS CRACKING

Hello there. Cricket's the name.

Absolutely marvellous.

Young? Old?

I think they might be a young person
trying to be old.

And what a jolly good day
for Cricket it is, too.

Gold dust. Gold dust.
Oh, gold dust!

I'm sure you can spot
that I'm a top cricketer,

the best in the village.

I'm seeing the numbers at the back.
60 could be his age, total of 60.

Crikey, I don't want to sound
all pompous,

but my scores
aren't just about cricket.

He sounds very posh,

but it might be someone putting on
a posh accent. Might be.

On the contrary,
after some ins and outs...

Bow Tuffers, Moe Wiggo,
they're all sports people.

...I became a rather big hitter.

CHEERING

It's fantastic to be invited
to play for you all this evening.

I'm going to make it
a jolly good knees up.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG: 'Place Your Hands'

Oh, yeah!

# So, place your hands

# On my hope

# Run your fingers... #

whoo!

# Through my soul
All right, yeah

# Cos the way that I feel right now

# Oh, Lord, it may go... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# So place your hands... #

whoo!

# On my hope

# Run your fingers... #
Come on.

# Through my soul... #

Accent! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I can hear it.

# And the way that me feel
Right now

# Oh, Lord, it may go

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# You cannot hide

# From what's inside

# You know you cannot hide

# From what's inside

# So I ask of you
To help me through

# I ask of you, this thing to do

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# Cos the way that me feel
Right now

# Oh, Lord, it may go...
CHEERING

# Away.

Whoo! So good.
CHARLIE: Yeah.

Who's the voice, though?

# Hey! #

CRICKET VOCALISES

DAVINA: Oh, yeah!

# Put your hands on
Put your hands on

# Put your hands on... #

CRICKET VOCALISES
Yeah!

CRICKET VOCALISES

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah!
Cricket, everybody.

Yeah!
So good.

So wonderful.

I tell you what, if cricket
was that exciting, 1'd watch it.

Mo, what are you thinking,
my friend?

Oh, that was so good.

Did you see the little squirrel
having the time of its life?

I couldn't tell whether the squirrel
was an umpire

or worked on the meat counter
at Morrisons.

LAUGHTER
I wasn't sure.

There was something
that Davina picked up on.

I can hear a little accent in there.

Sounds like a little Caribbean twang
going in there. I can hear it.

So, er, I'm gonna
throw a name out there.

They're very musical
and has that twang.

They're from the Caribbean.

I'm thinking it could be Levi Roots.
APPLAUSE

Davina, what are you thinking?

You're doing all of this, holding
your back and walking on slowly.

Are you pretending
to be a certain age?

You're fooling us? I don't know.

Ooh.
They think so.

They think so.

We saw gold dust, and I was thinking

that it's that stuff
you don't wanna throw away,

that's too valuable to let go of.

And what was Cricket standing on?

BLADES of grass, everybody.

AUDIENCE MURMUR
DAVINA: Yes.

I think you are Jay Blades.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Charlie, what are you thinking?
I do know a cricketer.

I thought that the numbers
on the back were 6' 5" maybe,

and I'm 6' 4"...
Mm.

...and he's about
an inch taller than me.

I'm just...
I'm gonna go with Stuart Broad.

Stuart Broad, good shout.
APPLAUSE

A titter of applause there
in the audience.

See how hard this is?
It's so hard, I know.

You see how hard this is?
I know.

Jonathan, what are you thinking?

You came across very much
from all the VT packages

as a kind of an old school gentleman
or someone who knows how to behave.

I was thinking also
a sporting figure,

and I notice from the scoreboard
it said "total 60",

so I'm thinking,
“Is that the person's age?" Yes.

I'm thinking maybe it is cricket.

I'm thinking of a real gentleman
on and off the pitch.

He's about 60 years old.
He was England captain.

I think it might be David Gower
in there.

APPLAUSE

Do you want another clue?
Yes, yes, oh, my God. Desperate.

Let's get you another clue
with a game of Riddle Me This.

Find the answer, find the clue.

Cricket,
let's hear your riddle, please.

Remember who had a hit
with their version of the song Dizzy

was Vic Reeves.

It could be Vic Reeves in there.

Vic Reeves is a good shout.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, you'll only see who's
inside Cricket when they're out.

Let's hear it for Cricket,
everybody!

Good one, Cricket.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# I love it! #

Have the panel knocked it
out of the park with their guesses?

Who do you think is behind the mask?

Vic Reeves?

I think my riddle
left the panel oh, so dizzy.

I am creasing up.

So, studio audience, who do you
want to keep in the competition,

Maypole or Cricket?

The winner will be safe,

and the other will go
into tonight's bottom three.

Please welcome back Maypole
and Cricket!

DAVINA: Yay!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

So, studio audience,

remember, you are voting
for your favourite masked singer.

Vote... now.

we'll have the results for you
right after the break. Aww!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Masked Singer,
with Maypole... and Cricket.

This feels so British!

The only thing I'm missing
is a scone.

In fact, I've got one.
Before the break,

our studio audience voted
for their favourite masked singer.

The winner will stay
in the competition,

but the other could be unmasked
at the end of the show.

S'gone.
LAUGHTER

I can reveal the masked singer
with the most votes

and keeping their identity hidden
is...

CHEERING

...Cricket!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #
Wow! Congratulations, Cricket!

Head off down the tunnel, my friend.

Yeah!
# I don't like cricket, oh, no

# I love it. #

Maypole! Sadly, that means
you're in tonight's bottom three.

Later, the panel will decide whether
you'll keep singing or be unmasked.

But for now,
give it up for Maypole, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yay!

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

But who will be joining them?
Time for our next Face Off.

It's Bigfoot versus Dippy Egg!

CHEERING
Woo!

Give them a "big hand"!
It's Bigfoot!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Real Wild Child'
by Iggy Pop

Is the broken leg a clue?
Yeah.

# Gotta break it loose
Gonna keep 'em movin' wild

# Gonna keep a-swingin', baby... #

HE LAUGHS
# I'm a real wild child. #

Oh, God. Oh, God!
Oh, God, it's gonna be OK. Oh!

LAUGHTER
Aw! Aww!

Ready to give Bigfoot a "runny"
for their money, it's Dippy Egg!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Deeply dippy
'Bout the curves you've got... #

HE LAUGHS
# Deeply hot

# Hot for the curves you've got. #

HE MOANS

This show is crazy, man.

OK. Ready? Activate Beast Mode.
HE ROARS

LAUGHTER
It's Bigfoot!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

NEWSREADER: 'News just in, visitors
have been flocking to the forest

'hoping to catch a sight
of the mysterious Bigfoot.'

It might be a girl, you know.
Mm.

Hello! It's me, Bigfoot.

CRASH
Silly me! I keep doing that.

I need to "Sasq-watch”
what I'm doing.

Hope I didn't scare you.

I'm always putting my "big foot"
in it. Whoops!

Maybe someone that says a lot of,
like, controversial things.

But is it, like, The Beatles?

It's great being out in nature.
What mores could you want?

Just marvel at those views.

I've got a whole cast of friends
out here.

TV sitcom, Friends.
Yeah, yeah.

BIRD CAWS
Hello, birds.

Hello, rocks.
Hello, hills and stream.

I just love it here.

Could it be someone from a nature
program me? David Attenborough?

But it's time
to get my act together.

Wish me good luck. "Break a leg."

Bit late for that, I suppose. He-he!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Go on, Bigfoot.

SONG: 'You're Welcome'

Ha-ha! OK, OK.

# I see what's happening here

# You're face to face with greatness
And it's strange

# You don't even know how you feel
It's adorable

# It's nice to see
That humans never change

# Open your eyes, let's begin

# Yes, it's really me, it's Maui
Breathe it in

# I know it's a lot
The hair, the bod

# When you're staring at a Demi-god

# What can I say except
"You're welcome"

# For the islands
I pulled from the sea

# There's no need to pray, it's OK
You're welcome

# Ha! I guess it's just my way
Of being me

# You're welcome, you're welcome

# Well, come to think of it

# Kid, honestly
I could go on and on

# I could explain
Every natural phenomenon

# The tide, the grass, the ground

# Oh, that was Maui
Just messing around

# I killed an eel
I buried its guts,

# Sprouted a tree
Now you got coconuts

# What's the lesson?
What is the takeaway?

# Don't mess with Maui
When he's on a breakaway

# The tapestry here on my skin
Is a map of the victories | win

# Look where I've been
I make everything happen

# Look at that mean mini-Maui
Just tickety-tappin'

# Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hey!

# Well, anyway, let me say
"You're welcome"

# For the wonderful world you know

# Hey, it's OK, it's OK
You're welcome

# But come to think of it
I've gotta go

# Hey, it's your day to say
You're welcome

# Cos I'm gonna need that boat

# Sailing away, away
You're welcome

# Cos Maui can do anything
But float

# You're welcome, you're welcome

# And thank you! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, Bigfoot!

Give it up for Bigfoot, everybody!
CHEERING

Lovely. Jonathan Ross,
what you thinking, my friend?

I thought that was delightful
and very, very confusing.

LAUGHTER,
JOEL LAUGHS

With the bandaged foot,

is it someone
who has actually hurt their foot?

Is it a play on words? At the end,
when it was, like, "Thank you",

I thought, it struck me
that you're probably a comedian.

Maybe Bradley Walsh could be
in there.

APPLAUSE

Charlie, what are you thinking?

My initial thoughts, I saw camping.
Mm.

I saw binoculars. I saw nature. Mm.
I saw rivers and I saw birds,

and I thought, "Ray Mears".

Ray Mears! Survival expert.
That's what I thought.

DAVINA: Ooh!
Ray Mears is a good shout.

Davina, what are you thinking?
I was thinking hospital drama.

Has George Clooney got
any kind of connection to Friends?

APPLAUSE

Chance of him having
a connection to Friends

is far greater than the chance
of him appearing on this show.

THEY LAUGH
OK, forget that.

Erm, so, I was thinking an actor.
I was thinking Friends.

Somebody that has worked
with David Schwimmer,

from Ted Lasso,
we all know and love him in that,

Nick Mohammed.
Yes.

Yes, that's a good guess.

That's a good guess.
Mo, what else you got?

Fantastic guess.
Helps the budget of this show,

cos George Clooney?
Oh, my gosh!

LAUGHTER

I've seen "cast of friends",
and then I heard the word "marvel”,

so I'm thinking,
"Who had been in Friends

"and is in the Marvel franchise?"

And then I've seen the wildlife,
so, in the wildlife, you have ants,

so I thought
possibly could be Paul Rudd.

APPLAUSE
Oh, my God!

What, you said that
about George Clooney,

and you're saying Paul Rudd?
LAUGHTER

It's not Paul Rudd,

but someone that was in the cast
of Friends,

Hugh Laurie, he appeared in Friends
as a taxi driver.

APPLAUSE
CHARLIE: And he was in House.

He was House. He was the doctor
in House, of course.

That's a good point.
Would you like another clue?

Yes, please.
OK, Bigfoot,

can we have your riddle, please?

Hmm.

"A sporting rhinoceros"?
"You may think my ta..."

DAVINA: One other thing
we just wanna say,

Bigfoot loves this show.
Bigfoot knows us, knows you, Joel.

That makes sense! I know who it is!
who?

Rita Ora!
LAUGHTER

JOEL LAUGHS

We'll only see
who's there under the hair

when the mask comes off.

Let's hear it for Bigfoot,
everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Real Wild Child'
by Iggy Pop

Aww! So affectionate.
Feels like that's very natural.

# I'm a wild one. #

'Have the panel dissected
the "clue-neys"”,

'or have they just put their "foot"
in it?

'Who do you think's
behind the mask?'

With some
of those marvellous guesses,

I think the panel
are on a different planet. He-he!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Back on the clue trail now,
"omelette" you into a secret,

it's Dippy Egg!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yay!

Woo!

# How do you like your eggs
in the morning? #

So, somebody on a farm.
Maybe that someone's got a farm.

Hey! Who's hard on t'outside
and soft in t'middle?

Me. Dippy Egg.

I'm deeply dippy, extremely eggy,
and I love it.

"Cake" is circled on the menu.
I'm thinking maybe chef.

CHICKENS CLUCK

Here on t'farm,
working with animals...

it's egg-citing.

CHICKEN CLUCKS
# I'm so excited... #

Sounds older.

I've got more of a mature person
on this one.

They go really wild for music,
you know. Brilliant!

# And I think I like it

# 1I'm so ex...
MUSIC DRAINS

It's unplugged, though. Yeah.
He's an acoustic artist.

I think they love music
as much as I do.

CHICKENS CLUCK
# 1I'm about to lose control... #

I sometimes play them opera,
and I sing, too.

This is someone that's...
I feel like a triple threat.

Singer, act, dance.

well,
that's another West Side Story.

# And I know, I know, I know
I know, I know I want you. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can I just say dippy eggs
are my absolute favourite?

I like eggs,
but I don't like runny eggs.

SONG: 'Daydream Believer

# Well, I could hide
'Neath the wings

# Of the bluebird as she sings

# The six o'clock alarm
Would never ring

# But it rings, and I rise

# Wipe the sleep out of my eyes

# My shavin' razor's cold
And it stings

CHEERING

# Cheer up, Sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean... #

HE LAUGHS
# To a daydream believer

# And a homecoming queen?... #

This is so weird.
I know that voice.

# You once thought of me
As a white knight on his steed... #

I think they're tall.

# Now you know how happy we can be

# Oh, but our good times
Start and end

# With not dollar one to spend

# But how much, baby
Do we really need?

# Cheer up, Sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean

# To a daydream believer

# And a homecoming queen?... #

Not a singer.
Maybe not.

# Cheer up, Sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean

# To a daydream believer

# And a homecoming queen? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Woo!

Dippy Egg, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Nope, wasn't worth the joke.
OK, fair enough.

LAUGHTER

Mo, what did you think of that?

Erm, someone who has a lot of songs
about food.

He has a baked potato.
He said "prulient”,

so I thought
Prue Leith from Bake Off.

He was on Bake Off,
so it could be Matt Lucas.

APPLAUSE

Davina, what are you thinking?
It was amazing. Your band was great.

He put all of his eggs in one band.

Woo!
Well done, Joel.

AUDIENCE GROANS

He couldn't think of another joke
because his head was scrambled.

LAUGHTER
Damn it! Damn it!

I'm sorry I took your joke,
but I had to poach it.

LAUGHTER

He's fried.

I have no...
THEY LAUGH

Eggs-actly!
THEY LAUGH

Rein it in. Right,
talking about West Side Story,

I was thinking about the West End.

This person played Grandad
in the West End

and, in fact, wrote, I think,
part of Only Fools And Horses.

But I heard the word "brilliant",
and this person had a character

that said "brilliant"
in The Fast Show,

so I think it's Paul Whitehouse,
everyone. Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I like that a lot.
Charlie, what are you thinking?

So, I'm... I'm thinking a chef
that has a music festival

that I've actually played before.
Oh!

Jimmy Doherty... Yes!
..has a music festival,

and he's mates with Jamie Oliver,

so I think
it might be Jimmy Doherty in there.

Jimmy Doherty.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Jonathan Ross.
I loved the performance.

Someone mentioned lockdown
and during lockdown,

there was a politician
who famously said,

when asked about
what constituted a meal in a pub,

said, "A Scotch egg
is a substantial meal."

Could it be Matt Hancock in there?

BOOING,
APPLAUSE

Looks more like Boris Johnson!
LAUGHTER

It looks more like Boris Johnson
than an egg.

LAUGHTER

I tell you what I'm gonna go with,
someone in the world of food,

I think,
someone who looks a bit like an egg.

I'm going with Gregg Wallace.

LAUGHTER,
APPLAUSE

Would you like another clue?
ALL: Yes, please.

OK, Dippy Egg,
let's hear your riddle, please.

Would it be crazy to say
it could be George Clooney in there?

LAUGHTER

Amazing.
Unless you've got "eggs-ray" vision,

you'll have to wait
till the mask comes off.

Give it up for Dippy Egg, everyone!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Deeply dippy
'Bout the curves you've got... #

I know that voice.

I know that voice,
I just can't place it now.

'Have the panel
unscrambled the clues

'or are they just
Daydream Believin'?

“Who do you think
is behind the mask?

The panel might be a little
"grits" off with their guesses.

Matt Lucas? You...
Y-You must be "yolking"! He-he!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, studio audience,
who do you want to save?

Bigfoot or Dippy Egg?

The winner will be safely through,

while the other could be unmasked
at the end of the show.

Please welcome back
Bigfoot and Dippy Egg!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

Yeah! Woo!

Studio audience, you are now voting
for your favourite masked singer.

Vote... now.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

The results...

are in.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I can reveal the masked singer
with the most votes

and keeping their mask firmly on
is...

AUDIENCE SHOUT NAMES

It's Bigfoot!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Who's that behind the mask? #

Head off down the tunnel, my friend.
Give it up for Bigfoot, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Ooh, yeah, I'm a wild one. #

Oh, Dippy Egg! I'm sorry, that means
you're in tonight's bottom three.

Later, the panel will decide whether
you'll stay in the competition

or be unmasked and eaten.

But for now,
give it up for Dippy Egg, everybody!

Head off down the tunnel.
# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

Coming up, check the forecast
cos it's Weather versus Rat

in our final head-to-head
of the night.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Masked Singer,

the show where to succeed,
you need a razor-sharp mind,

unless you're the host.

Wait, who wrote that?
LAUGHTER

Before the break,
our studio audience saved Bigfoot,

leaving Dippy Egg
in tonight's bottom three,

but who will be joining them?

It's time for our final Face Off
of the night,

it's Weather versus Rat.

CHEERING

Ready to storm the stage,
it's Weather!

# Thunder, feel the thunder

# Lightning then the thunder... #

Oh, beautiful.
DAVINA: Oh, wow!

# Lightning then the thunder... #

That is an amazing costume.

# Feel the thunder... #

So nice.

Look at the sun!
So beautiful.

MO: Wow.

It's like Elsa
with shampoo in her hair.

LAUGHTER

Nice to see you, to see you, Rat.
It's rat!

# There's a rat in mi kitchen
What am I gonna do?

# There's a rat in mi kitchen
What am I gonna go?

# I'm gonna fix that rat
That's what I'm gonna do

# I'm gonna... #

Hello, Rat. Oh, you're a handyman.

Yes, yes. Oh, let's have a hug.
Let's have a hug.

Oh, look at little ratty.
Aww.

OK, first up, they've got a face
like thunder, it's Weather!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

THUNDER CRACKS

I am the powerful,
world-dominating...

Weather.

This might be a diva. I think
that's a real American accent.

I forecast a mighty storm
of blues heading inland.

"Blues"”, she's a blues singer,
listen to that voice.

Slightly older person, perhaps.

Across the ocean,
the lakes and pond.

Come hell or high water.

THUNDER CRACKS

Who am I kidding?
I don't wanna rain on your parade.

# Why does it always rain on me? #

British weather is barmy.

It's always raining
and so unpredictable.

"Haliburt".
Oh, from Boston.

I haven't always been
this powerful, you know.

People were foggy about my identity
when I started.

Nowadays, everyone
talks about the weather.

# Oh. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Woo!

SONG: 'I Can See Clearly Now'

# I can see clearly now
The rain is gone... #

Woo!
Definitely a singer.

# I can see all obstacles
In my way... #

who is this?

# Gone are the dark clouds
That had me blind

# It's gonna be a bright
Bright

# Bright, sunshiny day... #

Woo!
Yeah!

# Well, yes, I can make it
Now the rain is gone

# All of the bad feelings
Have disappeared

# Here is that rainbow
I've been praying for

# Gonna be a bright
Bright

# Yes, a bright, sunshiny day... #

Got a lovely tone.
So beautiful.

# Look all around
There's nothing but blue skies... #

Yeah!
Woo! Yes!

# Look straight ahead
There's nothing but blue skies

# I can see clearly now... #
DAVINA: Oh, look!

Oh, wow.
# The rain is gone... #

Wow,

# It's gonna be a bright
Bright

# Yes, a bright, sunshiny day

# Oh, it's gonna be a bright
Bright

# A bright, sunshiny day. #

Yeah!
Woo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Give it up for Weather, everyone!

JONATHAN: Yeah.
CHARLIE: Yeah!

Woo!

Weather, oh!
Yeah!

Wonderful. So, Jonathan,
do you know who it is?

Well, first of all, I just wanna
say, what an amazing performance.

Yeah.
CHEERING

And that was just someone
who knows how to perform,

I suspect has had a long career,
a successful one.

And I've got to say, this is
my favourite costume of all time,

I think it's so beautiful.
DAVINA: Me, too.

So beautiful.
I'm also liking the costume.

It's giving me a natural glow
from the left.

It is.
It's absolutely fantastic.

It's definitely a singer,
I think definitely a soul singer.

First of all,
I thought could that be Grace Jones?

AUDIENCE: Ooh.

Then I thought could it be
Chaka Khan, the amazing Chaka Khan?

Could it be Dionne Warwick?

APPLAUSE

So I'm not 100% certain, I think
it's one of those names. Wow.

I think I've heard this person
perform, I've seen them live,

but I've heard
all those people perform,

and I've seen them all live,
so let me mull it over. Oof.

I feel like you were going through
your vinyl collection, Jonathan.

Yep. Didn't even get to Elvis.
LAUGHTER

What are you thinking, Charlie?
I think you definitely are American.

I think the blues thing
is quite interesting

because I saw the clouds,
grey clouds,

I thought it could be Macy Gray.

Oh!
APPLAUSE

And the tone, the tone of the voice.

Just the tone of the voice,
I can imagine being Macy Gray.

Mo Gilligan.

Oh, wow, what a storm in a teacup
this was. This was fantastic.

Well done. Well done, Mo.
Thanks, man. You know.

Please don't rain on my parade,
Davina.

LAUGHTER
Sorry.

But when I seen the clue packages,
there was "powerful" in there.

Someone I know who's got
a powerful voice,

I thought it could be Bonnie Tyler.

ALL: Ooh.

Oh, I can't tell whether that was
an "ooh" or a draughty door.

LAUGHTER
Davina.

I mean, this is a woman
who knows who she is,

she feels confident in her place.

You are a singer, for sure.

You are a soul diva,
like, this is...

this is someone so in command
of the audience.

It's interesting because
the clue "quiet storm”,

and that was a lyric
from The Sweetest Taboo by Sade,

and that soulful tone to your voice
really reminded me of Sade.

But when I heard you sing,
I immediately thought

more of, like,
an absolute soul diva,

somebody like Dionne Warwick.

JONATHAN: I mean, if it's
Dionne Warwick, it's amazing. Yeah.

Do you want another clue?
Yes. Yes, please.

OK. Time for another round
of Riddle Me This.

Weather, over to you.

ALL: Ooh.

"One of the panel lists
has seen me before."

Could be you, Jonathan.
Oh, Jonathan?

Could you have
interviewed this person?

The problem is,
I've interviewed everyone.

Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

But I'm pretty sure
I have interviewed this person.

I'm pretty sure I know who this is.

I've been looking at the clues,

and one of the other clues
has just made big sense to me.

Did you see there was a...
some fish in a kind of net? Yes.

And it said "halibut”,
but it didn't say "halibut". "Mc".

It said "McHaliburt".

One of the greatest songwriters in
American history is Burt Bacharach,

and his career was always connected

with someone
I think was a muse for him,

but certainly, she performed
his work better than anyone else.

And I think that's
who's here tonight,

and I think it is Dionne Warwick.

DAVINA GASPS,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, who's under the weather?

You'll only know
when the mask comes off.

Let's hear it for Weather,
everybody!

So good.
Oh, my gosh!

# Lightning then the thunder... #
Oh!

She is, like...
She's amazing.

# Lightning then the thunder
Thunder... #

Are the panel correctly forecasting
Weather's identity,

or are their guesses
a bit of a damp squib?

Who do you think's behind the mask?

The panel think
they've got wind of who I am.

Sounds like a lot of hot air to me.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

After the break, our final
masked singer takes to the stage.

But now, it's competition time,
with a massive cash prize

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Masked Singer.

You wouldn't believe what just
happened during the break.

So I won't bother telling you.

Are you ready for our final act?

ALL: Yeah!

Let's get this show
on the rod-ent. It's Rat.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Flashdance...
What A Feeling' by Irene Cara.

# All alone I have cried... #

I think that's the Scottish flag
on their dungarees.

All right there? It's me, Ratty.

And it's all systems go.

People think rats are pests,

but that's just pure garbage.

Is that real Liverpool accent?
I think it sounds quite real.

I'm the handiest rodent
you'll ever meet.

Getting teenage kicks
from scratching out this living.

Are we thinking girl or guy? It's
quite confusing, that, isn't it?

You could say I peaked too soon.

Look. You've got to start
early to win this rat race, mate.

TikTok?

# When I hear the music

# Close my eyes... #

I love making sure
everything's squeaky clean.

It keeps me old mum happy.

F4 is like a computer command.

What's in the pipeline for me,
you ask?

Time's tick-tocking,
and I'm on the clock.

Time to take the plunge.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG: 'Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom'

# Whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa

# If you're alone
And you need a friend

# Someone to make you
Forget your problems... #

It's a woman!

# Just come along, baby take my hand

# I'll be your lover tonight

# Whoa, whoa

# This is what I wanna do

# Whoa, whoa

# Let's have some fun

# Whoa, whoa

# One-one one, just me and you

# Whoa, whoa

# Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I want you in my room

# Let's spend the night together

# From now until forever
Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I wanna go boom, boom

# Let's spend the night together

# Together in my room... #

BOTH: Woo!

# Whoa, whoa

# This is what I wanna do

# Whoa, whoa

# Let's have some fun... #
Let's have some fun!

# One-on-one, just me and you

# Whoa, whoa

# Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I want you in my room

# Let's spend the night together

# From now until forever
Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I wanna go boom, boom

# Let's spend the night together

# Together in my room

# Whoa, whoa

# Whoa, whoa

# Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I want you in my room

# Let's spend the night together

# From now until forever

# Boom, boom, boom, boom

# I wanna go boom, boom

# Let's spend the night together

# Together in my room. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, yes, yes!

Crowd pleaser.
Yeah.

Give it up for Rat, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, Rat.

Oh!
Jonathan, what did you think of Rat?

Everyone loved it. It's
a great song. Great performance.

I don't think you are from
Liverpool. I think that's a...

not a genuine Liverpool accent.
No.

That's someone putting that on.
There was a clue that said...

It was the numberplate,
and it said "F4" at the end,

and FA is the command you use

when you're copying something
on a computer.

So I wonder if it's an impersonator,
someone like Ronni Ancona?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Love that. What about you, Charlie?
What are you thinking? Who's Rat?

Erm... So, I've started thinking
tools and sort of redecoration.

Maybe someone that
presents a DIY show. Mm.

And then I thought the Liverpool
accent, is it Claire Sweeney, maybe?

JONATHAN: That's a good guess.
MO: It's a great guess.

That is a good guess.
Will you stop being so good?

I mean, my God, he's like...
can't be this good, that's not fair.

He's good at music as well.

He's good looking, he's got great
eyebrows. What is going on?!

LAUGHTER

Uh! We are not prepared
for this level of skill.

We're used to working with Rita Ora.

LAUGHTER

What you thinking, Davina?

I thought Scottish,
you've got the Scottish round here.

I'm seeing the word "garbage",

I'm seeing cleaning and laundrette
and everything like that.

I was thinking Shirley Manson.

Lead singer of Garbage.

OK, I like it.
Mo, what you thinking?

I looked at the clue package.
There's a lot of clocks.

Maybe someone that's been around
for quite a long time, very iconic,

but then there was teenage kicks,

someone who used to do
a kicking reference...

Do you know who I think it might be?
It might be Mel C.

Oh, interesting.

Do you need a wee?
Rat needs a wee.

You could probably do it
in the costume. It'll soak it up.

LAUGHTER

Oh, poor Rat.
I'm just saying.

Guys, you want a clue?
Yes. Oh, my God.

OK, let's see if you can make sense
of this riddle. Rat, over to you.

Someone who does a show
with big prizes, maybe? Yes.

You were talking about the DIY stuff
and maybe being a Scottish person,

could it be the original host
of Changing Rooms,

Carol Smillie in there?

Oh, audience liking that one.
CHARLIE: Ooh, that's quite good.

Interesting.

OK, if you want to know
who's playing hide and squeak,

you'll have to wait
until the mask comes off.

Give it up for Rat, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Love it! Head off down the tunnel,
my friend.

Are the panel chewing their way
towards Rat's identity,

or are they climbing up the wrong
drainpipe?

Who do you think's behind the mask?

There's definitely room
for improvement with those guesses.

Carol Smillie?
Well, it's got me smiling.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, studio audience, who do you
want to keep in the competition?

Weather or Rat?

The winner will be safe, the other
will join tonight's bottom three.

Please welcome back
Weather and Rat.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

Wonderful.

Remember, studio audience,

you are voting for your favourite
masked singer.

Vote... now.

The results are in.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I can reveal the masked singer
with the most votes is...

...Rat!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, congratulations, Rat.
Well done.

Head off down the tunnel, my friend.

MUSIC: 'Rat In My Kitchen'
by UB40

Weather.

That means you're in
the bottom three.

Very shortly, the panel will decide

if you'll stay in the competition
or be unmasked.

But for now, ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Weather, everyone.

MO: Yeah!
Beautiful.

# Who are you? Who are you?
Who's that behind the mask? #

Someone's identity isn't going to be
a secret for much longer.

Who's it going to be?
Maypole, Dippy Egg or Weather?

Join us right after the break
when all will be revealed.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's that behind the mask? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome back to The Masked Singer.

Look at these characters.

Like a classic bank holiday
weekend in England.

LAUGHTER

Cricket, Bigfoot and Rat secured
their place in the competition,

but for Maypole, Dippy Egg
and Weather,

their fates now
lie in the hands of our panel.

Here's a reminder of all
three performances.

# I'm never gonna not dance again

# I'm never gonna
Not dance again... #

# Cheer up, sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean? #

# Oh, it's gonna be a bright

# A bright sunshiny day. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Really, really tough. This is it.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Davina, who have the panel
decided to save first?

Look, I think we're
all in agreement.

It's very, very hard this
early on in the series.

But the masked singer
we've decided to save first...

.is...

...Maypole.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That leaves Dippy Egg and Weather.

Davina, please tell me

the second masked singer
you would like to save.

The second masked singer
we are saving is...

...Dippy Egg.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Give it up for Dippy Egg
and Maypole.

# Who are ya? Who are ya?

# Who are ya?
who's that behind the mask? #

Oh, Weather!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, yes, Weather!

Sadly, your time
on The Masked Singer

has come to an end.

In just a moment,
you will be removing your mask.

But first, Jonathan,
who do you think it is?

If it's who I think it is,
we are in the presence

of one of the greatest soul singers
of all time, ladies and gentlemen.

I think it is Dionne Warwick.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow. Charlie?

I think that these guys
might be right.

I'm gonna go
with Dionne Warwick as well.

Davina, who do you think it is?

Weather, we just really
want to find out who you are.

Please, tell me it's Dionne Warwick.

Mo, who do you think it is?

I'm gonna stick with Bonnie Tyler.
That's who I guessed first.

I'm gonna stick with her.

OK, well there's only one
way to find out.

It's time to reveal
the identity of our masked singer.

Everyone, who's behind the mask?

Take it off! Take it off!

ALL CHANT: Take it off! Take it off!

Oh, my God, oh, my God...

# Who's that behind the mask? #

It's soul legend Dionne Warwick,
everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's Dionne Warwick!

It surely is.
Wow.

Wow. Jonathan, it's Dionne Warwick!

I have been a fan of yours since
the first time I heard your voice.

Thanks you, my darling.

And so many hits. Amazing!

I think you've had probably
more hits than anyone else.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head,
Don't Make Me Over, Alfie,

Walk On By.
So lovely to have you here.

And you look spectacular.

Thank you, darling, I feel that way.

I love that we match.

Yes.
It's like we're getting married.

Well, now, let's not go that far.

DAVINA: Did you enjoy it?
It's been an absolute joy.

When I was asked to do the show,

I said,
"Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have some fun.”

But | can never try to disguise
my voice.

It's so distinctive.

Yes, it's so hard!
Yeah.

You really did get
none of the clues at all. None.

But as soon as your voice came out,
that beautiful tone,

people immediately got it,
apart from Mo.

LAUGHTER

I didn't get it.

My mum would play your music. So
I'd be cleaning the kitchen to it.

So it's an absolute pleasure
to have you on the show.

Thank you so very, very much.

Dionne, in this country,
you probably know,

no-one likes to talk
about the weather more than we do.

And we're all gonna love
talking about you being on the show

for weeks to come,
so thank you so much.

Dionne Warwick, everybody.

That is all for tonight.

Up next on ITV1
it's The Voice final.

We'll be back next Saturday
with more masked magic,

and Rita returns!

Until then, happy New Year,
everybody.

But now, for one final time,
unmasked at last,

I can't believe it,
it's Dionne Warwick!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG: 'I Can See Clearly Now'

# I can see clearly now
The rain is gone... #

CHEERING

# I can see all obstacles
In my way... #

Incredible.

# Gone are the dark clouds
That had me blind

# It's gonna be a bright
Bright sunshiny day

# Look all around
There's nothing but blue skies... #

Woo!

# Look straight ahead
There's nothing but blue skies

# I can see clearly now
The rain is gone

# It's gonna be a bright
Bright sunshiny day. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I am the Weather.

;Six brand-new masked singers
take to the stage.'

Come on!

Do you know who I think it is?
Yes.

I don't want to seem like
a twit to you.

Oh, oui, oui, oui, oui.

'One will be unmasked.'

CHANT: Take it off!

What?!

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