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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:03,503 [male weatherman] Good morning, Chicago. 3 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,004 The big question for Santa 4 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,424 is can he handle the Chicago weather. 5 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,134 [man] What do I want for Christmas? 6 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 7 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,635 how about a winning team? 8 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,262 Any Chicago team. 9 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,389 [woman 1] You've already put your wish in for Santa, right? 10 00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,891 [woman 2] I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice. 11 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,144 [male reporter] Blackhawk fans around the world, 12 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,687 fans everywhere have had... 13 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,188 [woman 3] And I love this time of year. 14 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,464 [adult Jake] We gotta hustle, Annie. 15 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,965 -Come on. Let's go, go, go! -[phone chimes] 16 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,342 That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it? 17 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,219 You know, if I had my own phone... 18 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:57,474 Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no. 19 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,726 Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building. 20 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,686 No. A burning pet store. 21 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,397 No. A burning orphanage, 22 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,357 and I need to make a phone call. 23 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,151 -You'd feel so terrible. -[phone chimes] 24 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,527 Lives are at stake! 25 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,029 You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry. 26 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,989 I get more calls on your phone than you do. 27 00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,449 That's not true. 28 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,243 My friends have to text you just to talk to me. 29 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,703 It's embarrassing. 30 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,872 I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing. 31 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,749 Whoa! [grunts] 32 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,626 Ow! 33 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,712 Still? The ice? 34 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,839 -[Santa] I told them to salt it. -[adult Jake] Ow. 35 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,883 -[Annie] You were saying? -[phone ringing] 36 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,593 [groaning] One second. 37 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:35,804 Jake Doyle. 38 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,141 It's for you. 39 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,270 [adult Jake] Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic. 40 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,814 Boom! 41 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,107 Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later? 42 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,360 No, thanks. 43 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,403 Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing. 44 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,780 I don't like hockey anymore. 45 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,783 Oh, okay, well... 46 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,327 maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother? 47 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:00,787 Dad. 48 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,330 We could... 49 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,375 Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up. 50 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,211 Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen. 51 00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:10,839 I hate to see you disappointed. 52 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,842 Look, I know that this year is a little bit different, 53 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,135 but you can still have a good Christmas. 54 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,262 What about you? 55 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,724 I always have a good Christmas. 56 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,143 [adult Jake] Hello? 57 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,604 Mom? 58 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,814 Must be out running errands. 59 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,569 [adult Jake] Katie? Charlie? 60 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,237 [Annie] I'm bored. 61 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,406 Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead? 62 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,908 Those flights are crazy expensive. 63 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,743 [Annie] Well... 64 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,453 what am I supposed to do here? 65 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,123 I... 66 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,045 [adult Jake] Come on, come on. 67 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,007 Ta-da! 68 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,343 -What is that? -That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid. 69 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,721 [Annie] Hmm. It looks like Tupperware. 70 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:00,680 Tupperware? 71 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,515 Come on, let's play. 72 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,185 Can I text Maeve from your phone after? 73 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,396 Can you... 74 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,857 Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please? 75 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:11,900 -[Annie] Yeah. -Thank you. 76 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,155 Oh, first you have to do this. [blows] 77 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,281 Why? 78 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,782 I don't know, just how it works. 79 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035 -[blowing] -Nice. Maybe dust? 80 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,581 [laughs] 81 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,168 I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa 82 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,462 didn't let you have video games when you were little. 83 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,463 They didn't. 84 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,799 Then how'd you get it? 85 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,219 When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone. 86 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,387 That's not possible. 87 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,016 You know what? Today is your lucky day. 88 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:49,479 Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo. 89 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:53,775 But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous, 90 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,319 awesome story of all time. 91 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,238 So... can you handle it? 92 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,241 Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom? 93 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,743 That's a good point. 94 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,580 The year was 1987. Or was it '88? 95 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,290 No. '85, Bears. 96 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,376 -Super Bowl was in '86... -Okay, does it really matter, Dad? 97 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,378 Okay, okay. 98 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:17,130 The year was the late '80s. 99 00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:18,341 We'll call it December. 100 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:22,553 I was 11 years old. 101 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,098 In the winter, if the streets were plowed, 102 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:29,644 I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes. 103 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,648 [Annie] On a bike? How fast were you going? 104 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,774 [adult Jake] Super fast. 105 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:35,900 [Annie] Did you wear a helmet? 106 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,027 [adult Jake] Yeah, of course. 107 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,154 We always wore helmets in the '80s. 108 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,365 Was it green? 109 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,701 Um, yeah. It was green. 110 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,202 [adult Jake] Could I just tell the story? 111 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,078 -[Annie] Yeah. -[adult Jake] Thanks. 112 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,673 [panting] 113 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,220 [children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo! 114 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,431 Nintendo! Nintendo! 115 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,558 [adult Jake] The rule at Keane's was simple. 116 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,811 The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo. 117 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,604 You know how you meet some people, 118 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,398 and you have no idea that they have a lot of money? 119 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,026 Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that. 120 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,695 A known psycho, 121 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,739 he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis. 122 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,950 -[umpire] You're out! -You! You! You! 123 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,285 Stupid! 124 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,162 Idiot Grandma! 125 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,499 [adult Jake] It was an early lesson in God's cruelty... 126 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:38,504 giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane. 127 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,508 And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy... 128 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:43,843 including my best friends. 129 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,679 Oh, another Saturday in the trenches. 130 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,264 [inhales] 131 00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,308 [adult Jake] Mikey Trotter. 132 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:54,729 Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed. 133 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,814 I wanna set land mines in this yard. 134 00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:00,068 Like in Platoon, blow everyone up. 135 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,694 Sounds dangerous. 136 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,237 [adult Jake] Evan Olsen. 137 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:06,449 Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs. 138 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,201 Probably has to go home soon. 139 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,078 I probably gotta go home soon. 140 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,454 More Nintendo for us. 141 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,955 [adult Jake] Tammy Hodges. 142 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,291 Smart, confident, baseball card genius 143 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,169 and future CEO of Hodges Industries. 144 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,796 My Canseco rookie went up two bucks! 145 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714 Yeah, that used to be my Canseco. 146 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,757 [adult Jake] Teddy Hodges. 147 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,425 Tammy's twin brother. 148 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,637 Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries. 149 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,013 Hey, guys. What's up? 150 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,765 [adult Jake] Oh, yeah, and this kid. 151 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,475 Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi. 152 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,684 [adult Jake] Jeff Farmer. 153 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,103 Pathological liar. 154 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,438 Not really our friend, but always around. 155 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,065 And you left school early yesterday 156 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,234 because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him? 157 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,653 He knows I too have a need for speed. 158 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,404 So, you didn't have diarrhea? 159 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,031 It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea. 160 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,117 The two are not mutually exclusive. 161 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,827 Shut up. He's coming out. 162 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,995 [children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo! 163 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,872 [children screaming] 164 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,213 Nintendo! 165 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:04,173 -Nintendo! -Silence! 166 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,550 [adult Jake] 8:00 a.m. 167 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,176 Game time. 168 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,054 Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo? 169 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,764 [all] Yeah! 170 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,307 Pick me! Pick me! 171 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,935 You. You. You. 172 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,229 You're good. 173 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,648 Yes! I got in! 174 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,693 [Mikey] We're in! 175 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278 I love this place. 176 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,530 -[Mikey] Whoa! -[Tammy] Awesome. 177 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,200 [adult Jake] And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory, 178 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,746 a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced 179 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,582 it was deemed not a video game, 180 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:41,460 but an 8-bit entertainment system. 181 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,212 Say hello to my little friend. 182 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,715 Hey, boots off! 183 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,717 There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks. 184 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,762 Don't touch the wall! It's French. 185 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,725 -Wait, my brother's still outside. -[Teddy] Let me in! 186 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,767 [Timmy] You know the rules. 187 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,311 First ten, that's it. 188 00:07:58,394 --> 00:07:59,270 But it's Teddy. 189 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,688 [mocking] "But it's Teddy." 190 00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:01,647 [Teddy] Jerk! 191 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,108 Too bad, so sad. 192 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,068 [adult Jake] There was no denying he was a jerk. 193 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,613 There was also no denying he had the coolest basement 194 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,948 in the entire Central Time Zone. 195 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,951 A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine, 196 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,621 pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker. 197 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,247 [Timmy] Hey, no sucking on the soda pop. 198 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333 [adult Jake] And a snack drawer better stocked 199 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,710 than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area. 200 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,087 You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something? 201 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340 -Yeah. That'd be great. -[Jake] Sure. 202 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,883 -[beeping] -Mom. 203 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,220 Mom! 204 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,388 -Mom, wake up! -[Mrs. Keane] What? 205 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:35,431 Get me a Pop-Tart! 206 00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:36,765 [Mrs. Keane] Uh, how many? 207 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,354 -Just one. -[Mrs. Keane] Does anybody-- 208 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:43,438 [sighing] 209 00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:44,440 [yaps] 210 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,654 Winner stays. 211 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:51,989 Die, die! 212 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,950 You're dead. You're dead. 213 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,285 You're dead. [laughs] 214 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,411 Hey, you guys wanna play? 215 00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,330 Psych! Boom! 216 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,791 I can do this all day. 217 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,085 [adult Jake] As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane 218 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:08,214 blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content, 219 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,757 one thing became clear. 220 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,926 I needed to get my own Nintendo. 221 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,219 Fast. 222 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,553 [festive music playing] 223 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,393 [Kathy] Oh, gee! 224 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,896 Y-O-U-R is possessive. 225 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,982 [adult Jake] For weeks, I'd been plotting 226 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,026 how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas. 227 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,279 [Kathy] "Scout" is misspelled. 228 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,448 [adult Jake] Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action. 229 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,326 -[Kathy] "Atticus" is misspelled. -[Jake] Mom. 230 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,245 Uh, hey, Mom. 231 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,330 I'm so sorry, Mom, 232 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,249 but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt. 233 00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:46,335 Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in. 234 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,462 You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big. 235 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,172 -I know. -It's gotta last you another year. 236 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:54,343 I don't know. Wow! Jesus! 237 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,679 [adult Jake] My mom was always multi-tasking. 238 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,139 She thrived on the chaos. 239 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,224 Two things at once, she was golden. 240 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,186 But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey, 241 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,356 and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to. 242 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,401 Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas... 243 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,570 A kid who thinks. How refreshing. 244 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,864 Maybe you could teach my students that. 245 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,365 Sure? 246 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,242 But just to make Christmas shopping 247 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,578 a little easier for me this year... 248 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,496 how about getting me a Nintendo? 249 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,374 Sure. That sounds great. 250 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,376 [adult Jake] Mom gauntlet passed. 251 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,586 [John] God bless it! 252 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,212 Is everything all right in there? 253 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:34,050 Has anyone seen my SKIL saw? 254 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,218 I think it's in the shower. 255 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:40,222 No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw. 256 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,892 John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw. 257 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,269 You have to look harder. 258 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,481 -Those are for the Muellers. -[stammers] 259 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,691 [adult Jake] Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies 260 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,401 my mom had baked over the years, 261 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,237 no one in my family had ever actually eaten one. 262 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,739 Hey, the milk is expired. 263 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,574 No. That's a suggestion. It's fine. 264 00:10:58,657 --> 00:10:59,784 Jake! Where... 265 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,285 -Oh. -What? 266 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,579 Come on in here and help me. 267 00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,623 [adult Jake] Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation 268 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,666 he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do, 269 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,753 but tonight, I was a man on a mission. 270 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,005 I'll be right in, Dad. 271 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,340 [Kathy] Wow, look at that. 272 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,592 He finally wore you down. 273 00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:20,471 [adult Jake] My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila. 274 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,808 It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978 275 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:28,312 my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since. 276 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,689 [Kathy] Please wear your safety glasses this time. 277 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,358 [Annie] Did you wear the safety glasses? 278 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:33,442 [adult Jake] Absolutely. 279 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362 Really? 280 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,697 Kind of. 281 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,538 All right, you can take that off now. 282 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,415 -[Jake] What? -[John] Take it off. 283 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:48,582 Oh. 284 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,167 We'll look for the glasses later. 285 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,878 It's really more of a suggestion. 286 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,425 [Jake] Wow. 287 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,260 How'd you get your hands so strong? 288 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,304 I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how. 289 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,181 -That's so cool. -Yeah? 290 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,142 Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas 291 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,936 that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better. 292 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,150 You know, I like the sound of that. 293 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,192 Like a Nintendo? 294 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:17,319 Yeah. 295 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,823 Done. [chuckles] 296 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,700 All right. Let's go clean up. Come on. 297 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,493 [Annie] You did it, Dad! 298 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578 They said yes. 299 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,329 I was on cloud nine. 300 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,999 So the story's over, right? 301 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,375 Cool. Can I text Maeve now? 302 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,252 Uh-uh. 303 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,672 [Kathy] John, that cup is disgusting. 304 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:39,216 This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when... 305 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,759 When they beat the North Stars 306 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,179 -in the Conference semis in '85. -Fine. Yep. 307 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,056 It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup. 308 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,933 Totally. 309 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,935 Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron. 310 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,854 [John] And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth? 311 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,355 But we're eating. 312 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,399 Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in. 313 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,736 John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way. 314 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,363 Well, it won't work at all if he loses it. 315 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,782 I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket. 316 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,493 I could make one of those. Easy. 317 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,329 Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... [whistles] Done. 318 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,706 I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room 319 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,625 before you start work on their retainers. 320 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,711 If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what. 321 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:18,297 I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart. 322 00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,884 Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you? 323 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,427 It's in the backyard, 324 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,221 right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up. 325 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:26,972 Hey. 326 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,432 You haven't picked that up yet? 327 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,683 Cry in a bucket, Jake. 328 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,185 What have you been doing all day? 329 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,728 I was in Timmy Keane's basement. 330 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,230 What, you can't play outside? 331 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,231 It's cold. 332 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,941 It's not even below zero out. 333 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,400 What've you been doing inside all day? 334 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,819 Probably playing the Mimtendo? 335 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,987 "Nintendo." 336 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,739 That's what I just said. "Intendo," John. 337 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,367 You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today. 338 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,078 Apparently, video games have been doing 339 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,914 all kinds of strange things to children in Japan. 340 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,749 Like what? 341 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,710 They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else. 342 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:57,920 School, friends. 343 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,422 One little boy had a brain aneurysm 344 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,925 and stuff oozed out of his nose. 345 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,761 I'm very glad that we do not have one. [chuckles] 346 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:08,556 But you said I could get one for Christmas. 347 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,600 I said nothing of the sort. 348 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,270 Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact. 349 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,730 Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat. 350 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,107 [Jake] No, no, no. 351 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025 Dad, you said I could have one, too. 352 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,902 No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did. 353 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,655 But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita. 354 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,032 You know what? You should be playing outside. 355 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,994 Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside. 356 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,912 He almost lost his pinkie toe. 357 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,831 The Olsens are weak stock. 358 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,374 No Nintendo in my house. 359 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,209 I second that. 360 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,836 Me three, and that makes a majority. 361 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,632 Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo. 362 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,843 [laughs] 363 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,845 She's funny, John. 364 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,764 [John] Best kid ever. 365 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,975 [adult Jake] And just like that, it was gone. 366 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060 I was never getting my own Nintendo. 367 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,645 My life was over. 368 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,401 Jake. Jake. 369 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,361 Come on. You gotta focus, man. 370 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,864 [Evan] His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night. 371 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,407 When my parents said no, I was so mad, 372 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,618 I started calling them by their first names. 373 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:14,038 Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski. 374 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,456 [grunting] 375 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750 [Josh] Yeah! 376 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,251 Yeah! 377 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,586 Let's go! 378 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,088 [growling] 379 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,591 [adult Jake] Every day before school, we would gather, 380 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:28,510 for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski 381 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429 in the game King of the Mountain. 382 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,806 [all screaming] 383 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,934 My mountain! Mine! 384 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:39,855 [adult Jake] It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski 385 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,231 was actually enrolled in, 386 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,400 as the vast majority of his time 387 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,653 was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office, 388 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,822 and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station. 389 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,867 [growling] 390 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,911 [Josh] Bye and bye. 391 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:57,331 Yeah! Come on! 392 00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,668 He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage. 393 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:01,877 Who wants a piece 394 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,589 of this delicious strawberry cake? 395 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,050 This is it. Let's go! 396 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,052 -Why now? -Do we have to? 397 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,053 Come on! 398 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,513 Come here! 399 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,889 [screaming] 400 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:16,975 Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go! 401 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,981 Come on! 402 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,608 [Mikey] Oh, no! 403 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,568 Yeah! 404 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,611 Come on. 405 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,907 How about a nice face wash, Doyle? 406 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,036 [screams] 407 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,121 Yeah! 408 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,249 [Jake] I hate that guy! 409 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,417 Me too. 410 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,876 Just think about the Power Glove, man. 411 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,254 What? What Power Glove? 412 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,422 Yo, you didn't tell him? 413 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173 -I thought you told him. -[Mikey] No. 414 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:51,510 The Power Glove. Keane got one last night. 415 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,929 No way! 416 00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,389 -Yes, way. -[Jake] For real. 417 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,850 -[Jake] Awesome! -Look, he's already practicing. 418 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,520 [Tammy] Nice! 419 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,188 [Timmy] Psych! 420 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,232 We're all going over to his house after school to play it. 421 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,525 He's gonna let us in? 422 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,359 We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah. 423 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,445 Who else knows? 424 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,405 Just us. 425 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:12,906 Well... 426 00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:15,159 and Farmer. 427 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,786 Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe. 428 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:20,539 [children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! 429 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,834 I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God. 430 00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:26,462 All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky, 431 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,631 my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it. 432 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,467 Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in. 433 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,469 I have a Power Glove at my house. 434 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,137 My uncle works at the cardboard company-- 435 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389 You don't have one, Farmer. 436 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,933 No, I do not. 437 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,644 I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane. 438 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,313 He's coming out! 439 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900 [children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 440 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,445 This is so dumb. 441 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:53,155 Just do it. 442 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,824 [children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 443 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,285 [boom box playing] 444 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:02,206 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero Till the end of the night ♪ 445 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,584 ♪ He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast ♪ 446 00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,712 ♪ And he's gotta be fresh From the fight ♪ 447 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,298 -[mouthing] -♪ I need a hero ♪ 448 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,175 [all cheering] 449 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,722 Yeah, Keane, yeah! 450 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,563 [adult Jake] It was the most beautiful piece of machinery 451 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,524 I'd ever laid eyes on. 452 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,236 The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy. 453 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,613 Silence, children of Batavia. 454 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,698 And Coach. 455 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,743 What have you brought me? 456 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,203 [all] Me! Me! Me! 457 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,997 I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish! 458 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:47,417 Untraceable cash money! 459 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,211 You're not getting in with that, dude. 460 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,713 It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet. 461 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632 It's the best I could find. 462 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,675 [boy] Gimme! Gimme! 463 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:55,717 One! 464 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:57,678 Two! Three! 465 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,638 Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated. 466 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,181 Yeah. Four. Yeah. 467 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,641 NASA moon rocks? 468 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,184 Moon rocks? No. 469 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,394 Summer sausage! 470 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,437 -It's my dad's. It's gourmet. -No. 471 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:13,694 [Connor] I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it? 472 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,446 -But it's a good pet. It's a fish. -[Timmy] No. 473 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,168 Good girl, good girl. 474 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,628 [dog growling] 475 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,095 Fetch! Go! 476 00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,183 [Timmy] Settle down, peons. 477 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,354 -Gentlemen. -[clears throat] 478 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,441 Gentlemen and the Hodges girl. 479 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,401 Behold the Power Glove... 480 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,069 in all of its... 481 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,363 power. 482 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,950 Timmy Keane, dream journal. 483 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,119 I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again. 484 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,496 She was on a white horse, I was on a beach. 485 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,957 -I don't know what that means. -Turn it off! 486 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,667 -[Mrs. Keane] Timmy, do you have your jammies on? -[Timmy] Mom, get out of here! 487 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,294 [Mrs. Keane] Okay. 488 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,172 -No one heard that. Understand? -Yeah. 489 00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,299 [exhaling] 490 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,635 Behold... 491 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,429 the power of the Power Glove. 492 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,974 [Timmy] You ready, Hodges? 493 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,809 Not everyone can use these things, by the way. 494 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,312 You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo 495 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,315 which is like karate, but just more expensive. 496 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,442 [Jake] What a tool. 497 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,694 [adult Jake] Oh, man. This was it. 498 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,947 The Power Glove. At last. 499 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:43,742 Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history. 500 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915 Feel the Glove. 501 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:51,458 Felt like an Isotoner. 502 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,460 This is how you really punch with power. 503 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,923 -[Timmy] Come on. -[all] Oh! 504 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094 -[Mikey] Go, Tammy! -[Teddy] Go, Tammy, get him, get him! 505 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,012 Boom! You can give up now. 506 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,848 Nah. I think I'll win instead. 507 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,642 [Mikey] Yeah, Tammy! 508 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,228 Get him, Tammy! Get him! 509 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,772 [all] Whoa! 510 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:14,773 Come on! 511 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,858 Work! 512 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111 [adult Jake] We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser. 513 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,572 But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation. 514 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,825 The Power Glove sucked. 515 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,201 This glove sucks! 516 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,787 Hi-ya! Hi-ya! 517 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,833 Come on, unleash your power! 518 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,837 [Jake] Yeah, yeah! 519 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,006 It's not working! Come on! 520 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,216 [man in game] Silence him! 521 00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:42,968 [all cheering] Yeah! 522 00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,054 Mommy, Tammy cheated! 523 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,266 Sucks to lose... to a girl. 524 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,059 -[all] Ooh! -[screams] 525 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,061 [adult Jake] Maybe it was the glove. 526 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,312 You tell 'em, Keane! 527 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,731 [adult Jake] Maybe it was the song. 528 00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:57,774 Chop, chop, chop! 529 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,693 Hai karate, Keane! 530 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:02,946 [adult Jake] Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot. 531 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:07,034 But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day. 532 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,828 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 533 00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:15,417 [all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 534 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,376 [screams] 535 00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:20,338 [kids screaming in horror] 536 00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,759 [all gasp] 537 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,802 [Mrs. Keane over intercom] Does anybody want some Tang? 538 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,721 I just made a batch. 539 00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:30,182 [adult Jake] A marble stuck in a nostril... 540 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:31,767 shattering Mom's antique vase. 541 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,644 Picnics in the fricking park compared to this. 542 00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:36,897 For there, lying under the weight 543 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,442 of a smashed 42-inch television set... 544 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,360 was a dead dog. 545 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:43,653 What? 546 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:45,113 The dog dies? 547 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,282 There's a dead dog in this story? 548 00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:50,285 Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s. 549 00:22:50,368 --> 00:22:51,953 Stuff got real. 550 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:53,997 I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s? 551 00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,916 It was a complicated decade. 552 00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:57,334 Are you making all this up? 553 00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:58,794 No. No. No way. 554 00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:01,630 Okay, well... 555 00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,381 what happened next in the basement? 556 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,009 I mean, I don't really care. But... 557 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,805 What did you do? 558 00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058 We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids 559 00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:14,976 would've done in our position. 560 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,019 [all exclaiming] Run! 561 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,482 [Evan] Why is everyone running? 562 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,151 [Tammy] Go, go, go! 563 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,654 -[Evan] What's happening? -We gotta get outta here! 564 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073 [Evan] What's going on? What's going on? 565 00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:30,617 -The sound of all those bones breaking... -What do you mean, "bones"? 566 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:34,121 It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go! 567 00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,498 Go! 568 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,000 [yells indistinctly] 569 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:43,004 [adult Jake] It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it. 570 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,631 So many thoughts raced through my head. 571 00:23:44,714 --> 00:23:46,842 Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail? 572 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261 Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again? 573 00:23:57,435 --> 00:24:00,147 It's gonna be snow, snow, snow. 574 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,982 [Lizzy] Snow! 575 00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:03,859 [weatherman] We have a northwest clipper coming off 576 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,193 -of the south side of Lake Michigan. -Yes! 577 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,529 God bless it. 578 00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,197 [weatherman] And at Christmas time that's just perfect. 579 00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:14,077 Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom. 580 00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,454 [Kathy] If there is a heart over the "I"... 581 00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:17,789 mark it wrong and move on. 582 00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:20,542 Are we gonna have a snow day today? 583 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,712 I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up. 584 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,088 It's probably not gonna happen. 585 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:27,299 I don't want anyone getting upset, okay? 586 00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:30,051 [adult Jake] In the history of Batavia, Illinois, 587 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,095 there had never been a snow day. 588 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,930 Not a single one. 589 00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:36,391 It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way 590 00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:38,560 -and we'd still have school. -[reporter] We just got this in. 591 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,354 In Kane County, the school closures are as follows... 592 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,023 -[Lizzy] Come on! -[reporter] Geneva, 593 00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:44,357 -Come on! -[reporter] Elburn... 594 00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:45,901 -[Jake] Come on! -[reporter] South Elgin, 595 00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,737 [reporter] North Aurora, and...that's it. 596 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,906 -Stupid! -Oh, no! 597 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824 Mary of God! 598 00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:56,786 I told you guys not to get your hopes up. 599 00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:59,122 -[Jake] You okay, Mom? -[Kathy] All right. You have to eat something. 600 00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:02,500 -Here. -This is frozen. 601 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,836 Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out. 602 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,755 Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing? 603 00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,964 Jake, don't forget your boots. 604 00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:10,091 Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake. 605 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,303 -[Lizzy laughs] -[sighs] 606 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:18,099 [adult Jake] My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness, 607 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,936 had accidentally bought me girl's boots. 608 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,323 Back then, they were a death sentence. 609 00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:36,493 I should note, they were also flowered and French. 610 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,286 What do you mean, "girl's boots"? 611 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,789 Like they only fit girl's feet? 612 00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,500 No, they were just purple. 613 00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:45,085 So? 614 00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:48,296 Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion. 615 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,799 And everything else. 616 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217 Ooh, pretty. 617 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:56,638 Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"? 618 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223 -Really? -No. 619 00:25:58,306 --> 00:25:59,474 Just go ahead, I'll catch up. 620 00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:00,892 What if someone kidnaps me? 621 00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:03,270 They'll return you in, like, five minutes. 622 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:04,771 You shouldn't be doing that. 623 00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:06,606 Wait a second and shut up. 624 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,149 You said a swear. 625 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,609 I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy. 626 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,444 I got a lot on my mind too. 627 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,989 Come on. Let's go. 628 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,156 Let's go. 629 00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:22,038 [sneezes] 630 00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:30,547 [Mrs. Hugo] It's called the Dewey Decimal System. 631 00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:34,301 Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive. 632 00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,804 When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly, 633 00:26:37,887 --> 00:26:41,182 you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay. 634 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102 All you're gonna have to do is go to the library. 635 00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:45,687 Get your coats and boots on, head on over... 636 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,023 We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead. 637 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941 The dog's not dead? 638 00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:52,444 No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support. 639 00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:55,405 It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right? 640 00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:56,781 I wouldn't count on it. 641 00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:59,326 That TV landed on her like a house on a witch. 642 00:26:59,409 --> 00:27:01,911 But eventually it'll be like nothing happened. 643 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:06,124 Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same. 644 00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:08,710 You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up. 645 00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,588 I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition. 646 00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:14,049 He's really the Shackleton of the librarians. 647 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,426 -And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. -[snoring] 648 00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,887 Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on? 649 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,263 -It gets a little more specific. -No. 650 00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:23,641 Keane's dad took it away. It's really over. 651 00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:25,393 [Jeff] Did you guys hear? 652 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,520 The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year. 653 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:31,232 Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one. 654 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,235 -No way. -Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me. 655 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,446 The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts 656 00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:38,281 for the A-Team? Yeah, right. 657 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:41,034 Nope. That was a lie. This one's real. 658 00:27:41,117 --> 00:27:43,536 We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer. 659 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:45,663 -Jake Doyle. -Huh? 660 00:27:45,747 --> 00:27:48,458 Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class? 661 00:27:48,541 --> 00:27:49,793 Uh, no. 662 00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:51,336 Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake. 663 00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:52,796 You're the only one in here with wet shoes. 664 00:27:52,879 --> 00:27:55,840 Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess. 665 00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:58,426 -But... -I expect to see you in boots at recess, 666 00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,470 or your name goes on the board... 667 00:28:00,553 --> 00:28:01,638 with a check. 668 00:28:01,721 --> 00:28:03,681 So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle? 669 00:28:04,307 --> 00:28:05,266 Boots... 670 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,102 or a check? 671 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,687 [Josh] Go, go, go! 672 00:28:13,149 --> 00:28:15,944 -[Josh] Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. -No. 673 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,570 It changes colors when I lick it. 674 00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,490 [adult Jake] Connor Stump 675 00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:23,118 was by far the weirdest kid in school. 676 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,744 He always carried around a recorder 677 00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:26,996 and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna. 678 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,543 You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around? 679 00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,002 [growling] 680 00:28:33,086 --> 00:28:35,630 It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion. 681 00:28:35,713 --> 00:28:37,841 -Jake, come on, you're on our team. -[Josh] Let's go. Line up. 682 00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,218 Just play without me. 683 00:28:40,301 --> 00:28:42,345 What're you doing back there? 684 00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:44,431 Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again? 685 00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:46,182 Is it all furry and frozen? 686 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,351 Dude. 687 00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:49,811 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 688 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,812 They're mine. 689 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230 Your mom use a coupon again? 690 00:28:53,189 --> 00:28:55,191 Let's go, Trotter, you baby. 691 00:28:55,275 --> 00:28:56,609 Yeah, we gotta get you outta here. 692 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:59,028 If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you. 693 00:28:59,863 --> 00:29:01,531 Hey. What're you... 694 00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:03,908 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 695 00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:05,160 They're mine. 696 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,454 That's it! I'm coming over there. 697 00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:09,414 No, no! What do I do? What do I do? 698 00:29:09,497 --> 00:29:12,500 Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something? 699 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253 I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again. 700 00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,257 [Josh laughs] 701 00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:23,845 I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here. 702 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,680 [adult Jake] Painfully, my mind flipped through 703 00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:28,766 the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure. 704 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:32,353 Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs. 705 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,192 I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad 706 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,528 and I didn't get the chance... until now. 707 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,863 -What's up, dork? -Hi! 708 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,990 How's Four Eyes? 709 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,868 -[adult Jake] But then, I heard the voice of an angel. -[Jeff] Guys, I got proof! 710 00:29:47,785 --> 00:29:49,078 [Jeff] Guys! Guys! 711 00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:50,788 It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo! 712 00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:55,752 It's just a picture of a dumb wreath. 713 00:29:55,835 --> 00:29:57,670 You gotta read it. 714 00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:01,883 "This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System." 715 00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:04,969 [all exclaiming] 716 00:30:12,852 --> 00:30:14,020 I'm gonna kill you. 717 00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:16,814 [all cheering] 718 00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:19,734 [adult Jake] Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell 719 00:30:19,817 --> 00:30:22,695 I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way... 720 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:25,323 envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest 721 00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:28,493 needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell. 722 00:30:28,576 --> 00:30:31,538 And I had my sales pitch all planned out. 723 00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:32,747 [clears throat] 724 00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:34,541 [knocking] 725 00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:36,626 "I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help 726 00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:40,004 thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists." 727 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:41,756 -What? -What? 728 00:30:41,839 --> 00:30:42,882 What? What do you want? 729 00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:45,260 Hi. My name is... 730 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,762 Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you? 731 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,056 Wanna buy a wreath? 732 00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:56,396 What, do you got a learning disability or something? 733 00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:59,732 Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you? 734 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,194 Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks! 735 00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,614 -[door slams] -Oh. 736 00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,954 [Jeff] Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs. 737 00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:16,457 What're you doing here, Farmer? 738 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,625 -[doorbell chiming] -Ruining your life. 739 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,294 You can't sell wreaths here. 740 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,255 You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules. 741 00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:23,715 That Nintendo's mine. 742 00:31:23,798 --> 00:31:27,051 -I've already sold 67 wreaths. -To who? 743 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:29,304 People. Your mom. 744 00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,806 You're full of it, Farmer. 745 00:31:31,889 --> 00:31:34,183 Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home. 746 00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:36,769 I need to speak to an adult in the house. 747 00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:40,273 And did I mention how much I like your sweater? 748 00:31:40,356 --> 00:31:43,526 [adult Jake] All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements 749 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:44,819 in record numbers, 750 00:31:44,902 --> 00:31:46,487 all in the name of Nintendo. 751 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075 A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born. 752 00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:53,995 Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath? 753 00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:57,206 Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season. 754 00:31:57,290 --> 00:32:00,918 Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie? 755 00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:03,671 Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty? 756 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,382 Um... 757 00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:09,093 "Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it! 758 00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:11,012 Why don't you just say it? 759 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599 'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy. 760 00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,684 [adult Jake] And it was every kid for themselves. 761 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,690 Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action. 762 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,484 I will not take no for an answer! 763 00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:28,571 That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule! 764 00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:30,031 [knocking] 765 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,658 [adult Jake] Even I was getting the hang of it. 766 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,537 Oh, are you here to shovel my walk? 767 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,706 No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths. 768 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125 Okay. Um, let me see. 769 00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:42,919 My wallet's in my car. 770 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:44,671 You want me to... 771 00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:47,340 Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great. 772 00:32:47,423 --> 00:32:48,925 Oh, I'll get the shovel. 773 00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:55,973 [panting] 774 00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,231 [Kathy laughing] 775 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,235 [Jeff] The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines. 776 00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820 But if you ask me... 777 00:33:08,903 --> 00:33:10,822 the most valuable local resource we still have today 778 00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:12,198 are our teachers. 779 00:33:12,281 --> 00:33:14,409 Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle. 780 00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,619 Merry Christmas, Jeff. 781 00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:17,829 Stay beautiful, Kath. 782 00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,416 She said I reminded her of you. 783 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,585 See you later, Jake. 784 00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,715 Did it have to be Farmer? 785 00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,092 He offered me an honest deal at an honest price. 786 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,010 There's nothing honest about him! 787 00:33:33,094 --> 00:33:34,595 He's a pathological liar! 788 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,100 Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy. 789 00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352 Those are for your mother. 790 00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:43,438 My mom would want me to have one. 791 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,233 I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year. 792 00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:51,112 He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin-- 793 00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,613 Night in Chicago. 794 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699 Yep. That's a new prize. 795 00:33:54,782 --> 00:33:58,327 At a hotel, I think, in downtown? 796 00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,496 [Kathy] That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old. 797 00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:02,623 That is a peculiar prize. 798 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,584 Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad? 799 00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:06,502 God bless it. Where the hell is it? 800 00:34:06,586 --> 00:34:08,463 The Phillips head is in the butter dish. 801 00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:11,466 [John] No, that's not it. 802 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,342 You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize, 803 00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:15,969 you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day. 804 00:34:16,053 --> 00:34:17,638 Make like a vacuum cleaner. 805 00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,099 Suck it up and do the work. 806 00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:22,685 -[John groans] -What are you looking for? 807 00:34:22,768 --> 00:34:23,936 My gourmet sausage. 808 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:25,855 How the hell do you lose a sausage? 809 00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:27,065 [Kathy] Dinner is served. 810 00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:31,360 I wanted to eat it with dinner. 811 00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:32,652 We're having salads. 812 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,572 That's why I wanted to eat the sausage. 813 00:34:35,656 --> 00:34:37,199 Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad. 814 00:34:37,283 --> 00:34:40,036 'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately. 815 00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:41,329 He has, hasn't he? 816 00:34:41,411 --> 00:34:42,580 You know how I know that? 817 00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,081 Because it still hasn't been picked up. 818 00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:47,293 Uh, it snowed. 819 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:49,337 Hey, that's no excuse, okay? 820 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924 Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard. 821 00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:56,010 No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow. 822 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096 Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally." 823 00:34:58,179 --> 00:34:59,096 It's not fair. 824 00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:01,224 Hey, if life was fair, 825 00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:04,018 it would be... a fair. 826 00:35:04,101 --> 00:35:06,187 Okay? But I don't... 827 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940 I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you? 828 00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:10,691 Hmm. 829 00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,694 You just made that up, didn't you? 830 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947 No, I didn't. 831 00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:17,490 It's an old saying. 832 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,034 Listen! 833 00:35:20,117 --> 00:35:25,706 In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit... 834 00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,669 from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name... 835 00:35:29,752 --> 00:35:31,963 -he is great. -Amen. 836 00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:35,967 [adult Jake] I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog 837 00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,553 in the history of the world. 838 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,596 Our yard looked like a vanilla cake 839 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,558 that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto. 840 00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,604 What's Lizzy doing? She can't help? 841 00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:52,233 You wanted the dog, you pick up after it. 842 00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,235 You got the dog before I was born. 843 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,405 Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop. 844 00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:03,452 Come here. 845 00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:07,456 All right. Take a deep breath. 846 00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:10,543 Go ahead. 847 00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,796 You smell that? 848 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,590 -Poo? -No! 849 00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674 Fresh air! 850 00:36:18,551 --> 00:36:20,303 That's all we had, and we loved it. 851 00:36:20,386 --> 00:36:22,305 When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos. 852 00:36:22,388 --> 00:36:23,514 You know what we did? 853 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350 Built forts in the woods. 854 00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,603 We'd gather up old lumber and siding 855 00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,063 and whatever we could find we'd build, like, 856 00:36:31,147 --> 00:36:33,566 watchtowers and rope ladders... 857 00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:34,901 Trapdoors? 858 00:36:34,984 --> 00:36:36,903 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too. 859 00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:39,947 -Cool. -Yeah, it was cool. 860 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366 Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too. 861 00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:43,659 Kinda like the house? 862 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,414 [laughing] Yeah. Kinda like the house. 863 00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:50,207 Yeah. 864 00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,630 Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot. 865 00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714 Yeah. 866 00:36:56,797 --> 00:36:57,632 Hey. 867 00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:00,718 Don't worry about behind the shed. 868 00:37:00,801 --> 00:37:02,803 Just get the ones around the house, okay? 869 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,307 And then when you're done... 870 00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559 you can varnish these old hockey sticks. 871 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:09,852 Why? 872 00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:11,729 Because they need to get done, that's why. 873 00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:13,356 Come on, Dad. 874 00:37:13,439 --> 00:37:15,650 You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors? 875 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,234 No. But you gotta do it. 876 00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:18,945 I don't like doing that stuff! 877 00:37:22,365 --> 00:37:23,616 Careful with the varnish. 878 00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:30,748 [Jake] "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it? 879 00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:32,041 I know how to be careful. 880 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:41,592 We need to talk. 881 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,010 What are you doing in my room? 882 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095 I need... 883 00:37:45,304 --> 00:37:46,889 Did Elwood diarrhea on you? 884 00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:48,933 It's varnish. What do you want? 885 00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,059 I need your help. 886 00:37:50,142 --> 00:37:51,018 With what? 887 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,895 Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid. 888 00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:56,315 Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him. 889 00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,025 I gotta go through Mom and Dad. 890 00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443 So what do you need me for? 891 00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,154 I need you to drop hints for them to get me one. 892 00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:04,615 No way. Why would I wanna help you? 893 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:07,910 Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a... 894 00:38:07,994 --> 00:38:09,704 Why do you want a dumb doll so bad? 895 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,082 Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me. 896 00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,210 It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad. 897 00:38:16,293 --> 00:38:19,380 We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast. 898 00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,923 What are you gonna do for me? 899 00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:23,134 -Tell you how to win a Nintendo. -[chuckles] 900 00:38:23,217 --> 00:38:25,177 You don't know how to win a Nintendo. 901 00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:26,595 Okay, never mind. 902 00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:30,808 Wait. 903 00:38:31,934 --> 00:38:33,227 How can I win it? 904 00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:36,605 You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid? 905 00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:38,149 Yeah, sure. 906 00:38:38,232 --> 00:38:39,066 Promise? 907 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818 Yes, I promise already. 908 00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:44,238 Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right? 909 00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:46,907 How do you know that? 910 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159 Don't worry about it. 911 00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:50,578 She bought a lot because she's old, right? 912 00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,747 Old people buy stuff from kids. 913 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,292 So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place 914 00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:58,419 so you don't have to track them all down. 915 00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,754 What's your point? 916 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506 Prairie Pines, the nursing home. 917 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,175 Two hundred old people, 918 00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:05,468 each with their own door, 919 00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:07,178 perfect for wreath-hanging. 920 00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,096 Wow. 921 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,059 That's... 922 00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:14,643 That's a really good idea. 923 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,854 I know. So we got a deal, or what? 924 00:39:16,937 --> 00:39:18,022 Yeah. 925 00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:20,941 A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up. 926 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,402 I'll be watching you. 927 00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:29,617 [adult Jake] Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them. 928 00:39:30,993 --> 00:39:32,870 [exhaling] "Suck it up. Do the work." 929 00:39:37,416 --> 00:39:39,418 Hi, everybody. 930 00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:43,130 -Hi. -Do you like blues? 931 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,800 Hi! You look just like my grandson. 932 00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,927 Oh, let me see those cheeks. 933 00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:51,013 [adult Jake] But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me. 934 00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:53,307 Because the World's Fair was here... 935 00:39:53,390 --> 00:39:56,644 and we were celebrating the city's centennial. 936 00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,315 You see, Chicago was founded in 1833. 937 00:40:01,398 --> 00:40:05,611 That makes it 100 years to 1933. 938 00:40:08,322 --> 00:40:09,323 Hold on. 939 00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:31,512 It's what he would've wanted. 940 00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:46,068 [adult Jake] It took six hours and ten cups of pudding, 941 00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:50,823 but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home. 942 00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:52,158 All thanks to Lizzy. 943 00:40:53,075 --> 00:40:54,451 Hey, Mom. 944 00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:56,871 Did you know that this mall has the largest selection 945 00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,915 of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago? 946 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,710 I didn't know that, no. 947 00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,254 Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves. 948 00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:12,261 He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he? 949 00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:14,221 -No idea. -Odd. But who knows with these two? 950 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,473 -Hey! What're you doing? -[horn blaring] 951 00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:18,684 Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker. 952 00:41:18,767 --> 00:41:20,853 -Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. -Okay. All right, John... 953 00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:22,813 He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow. 954 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,611 [adult Jake] Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip. 955 00:41:28,694 --> 00:41:30,237 Also known as my dad's least favorite 956 00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,947 and most expensive day of the year. 957 00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:33,574 You know what I love when you wear? 958 00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159 -What? -Turtlenecks. 959 00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:36,952 Ah. 960 00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:38,746 It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house, 961 00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,956 I feel like we should definitely try on a few today. 962 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,585 Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great. 963 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,586 So, yes? 964 00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,754 Look at this idiot. 965 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,922 What're you doing? 966 00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,299 Hey! You beeping at me? 967 00:41:50,382 --> 00:41:51,342 [horn honking] 968 00:41:51,425 --> 00:41:52,885 Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles. 969 00:41:52,968 --> 00:41:54,595 Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen. 970 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,263 Sorry. 971 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848 Can we turn on the Christmas carols? 972 00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:00,226 No! No Christmas carols. 973 00:42:00,309 --> 00:42:03,979 Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff. 974 00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,941 Year-round. 975 00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:13,948 [carolers singing] ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 976 00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,783 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas 977 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,660 -♪ And a happy New Year ♪ -[John] Elves! 978 00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,787 -Hey. Creep me out. -Breathe, John. You have to breathe. 979 00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,290 No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural. 980 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,168 -♪ And a happy New...♪ -Back off, Jack! 981 00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,753 [Kathy] Sorry. 982 00:42:27,836 --> 00:42:30,589 -Have some self-respect. Jesus. -You have to calm down. 983 00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:31,966 [John] Why are we walking so fast? 984 00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,176 [Kathy] Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay? 985 00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:36,470 You had your chance at home. Do not test me. 986 00:42:36,553 --> 00:42:38,180 God, why is it so hot in here? 987 00:42:38,264 --> 00:42:40,140 We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay? 988 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,352 Hey, is there a bar at the food court? 989 00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,855 John, it's barely noon. 990 00:42:46,939 --> 00:42:51,986 Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks... 991 00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,321 -Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. -What are we missing? 992 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,656 -Can we go, Mom? -Yes, 993 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,117 honey, go on. Lead the way. 994 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,035 [Jake] Hey, Mom. Did you know 995 00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:03,497 that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates? 996 00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:05,332 Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths. 997 00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,835 Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids? 998 00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,670 Lizzy really wants one. 999 00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,464 Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find. 1000 00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:28,564 Sold out in 20 minutes. 1001 00:43:28,647 --> 00:43:31,191 Last Patch in all of Chicago. 1002 00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777 You should've seen it. It was ugly. 1003 00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:36,822 One woman punched a grandma right in the throat. 1004 00:43:37,614 --> 00:43:38,782 Same family, too. 1005 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,745 Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay. 1006 00:43:42,828 --> 00:43:46,457 You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in. 1007 00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,250 Care Bears are for babies. 1008 00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:49,710 -[sobbing] -Oh. 1009 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,712 [adult Jake] Poor little Lizzy. 1010 00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131 It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears 1011 00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:55,382 and give her a big... 1012 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469 Hold on a second. 1013 00:43:58,552 --> 00:43:59,845 [Nintendo] Hello, Jake. 1014 00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:01,722 Who said that? 1015 00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307 [Nintendo] You know who. 1016 00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:04,516 Nintendo? 1017 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,894 [Nintendo] That's right. Come over here. 1018 00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,562 I've missed you, Jake. 1019 00:44:08,645 --> 00:44:10,606 [Kathy] Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs 1020 00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:12,191 to get the Fenelons a gift. 1021 00:44:12,274 --> 00:44:15,361 [John] Why? They haven't given us anything. 1022 00:44:15,444 --> 00:44:18,280 [Kathy] Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay? 1023 00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:20,282 [John] Jake. 1024 00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,077 -Jake. -Huh? 1025 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,453 Watch your sister. 1026 00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:26,705 Yeah. 1027 00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,208 [Nintendo] That's it. Come over here, Jake. 1028 00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:30,959 You know you want to. 1029 00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:34,254 What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake? 1030 00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,715 [Nintendo] Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless. 1031 00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,759 You should be worried about the wreaths. 1032 00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,552 Have you sold enough wreaths? 1033 00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:42,179 I'll do anything to be with you. 1034 00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:43,806 Who're you talking to? 1035 00:44:43,889 --> 00:44:45,641 We need a new plan. 1036 00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:47,935 Jake? Jake? 1037 00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,729 [Nintendo] Do you know how many games I have here, Jake? 1038 00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:52,856 I have all the games. 1039 00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,775 Way more than Timmy Keane. 1040 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,944 What game would you like to play? 1041 00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195 Joust. 1042 00:44:58,278 --> 00:45:00,155 Pick another one. I don't have that one. 1043 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,615 [Jake] Super Mario Bros. 1044 00:45:01,698 --> 00:45:03,409 -Pick another one. -Defender. 1045 00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:05,869 Hmm, how about Rampage? 1046 00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:07,162 It's loaded up right now. 1047 00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:09,790 Cool. I'll do anything you say. 1048 00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386 [Nintendo] Very good. Yes. 1049 00:45:22,469 --> 00:45:23,929 You're such a good boy, Jake. 1050 00:45:24,012 --> 00:45:26,640 I can tell, you've got what it takes. 1051 00:45:26,723 --> 00:45:27,766 You really think so? 1052 00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:29,726 [Nintendo] No. I know so. 1053 00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,981 [adult Jake] Maybe it was the excitement of the display, 1054 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,108 or just the thrill of playing in public, 1055 00:45:36,191 --> 00:45:40,070 but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life. 1056 00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:42,072 Dude, you're on fire. 1057 00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:45,325 [adult Jake] All other distractions became irrelevant. 1058 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578 My senses had reached a higher state. 1059 00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:50,747 I'd become one with Nintendo. 1060 00:45:54,751 --> 00:45:57,171 Yeah! 1061 00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,340 [Nintendo] Yes, yes. You were born for this moment. 1062 00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:05,387 Whoa! You're amazing! 1063 00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:07,055 What's your name, man? 1064 00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:10,017 [Nintendo] Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake. 1065 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,185 Say it. 1066 00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,394 Jake Doyle! 1067 00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:14,813 [Nintendo] Jake Doyle. Nintendo master. 1068 00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:15,981 [crowd] Jake! Jake! Jake! 1069 00:46:16,064 --> 00:46:18,650 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1070 00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,777 [all chanting] 1071 00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:22,946 [adult Jake] Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name. 1072 00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:25,407 This was why I needed a Nintendo. 1073 00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,284 This was my destiny. 1074 00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,369 Nothing could stop me now. 1075 00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,788 [Kathy] Jake! Jake! 1076 00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:33,790 [John] Jake Stephan Doyle! 1077 00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:35,417 Where is your sister? 1078 00:46:35,501 --> 00:46:37,169 [stammering] 1079 00:46:37,252 --> 00:46:38,712 What's wrong with you? 1080 00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,964 -[Kathy] Lizzy! -[John] Elizabeth! 1081 00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:42,549 You're a dead man, bro. 1082 00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635 Lizzy! 1083 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,803 Lizzy! Lizzy! 1084 00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:48,013 Lizzy! 1085 00:46:48,096 --> 00:46:50,557 Forget about her, Jake. She's gone. 1086 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,102 Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault! 1087 00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:57,231 How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys? 1088 00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,565 The back door. 1089 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318 What if it's an apartment with no back door? 1090 00:47:01,401 --> 00:47:02,319 The front door. 1091 00:47:02,402 --> 00:47:04,238 So you know how to pick locks? 1092 00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,239 That's me. 1093 00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,615 Do you know that's a felony? 1094 00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:09,243 Mom! She's over here! I found her! 1095 00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,869 [Kathy] God, Lizzy! 1096 00:47:12,037 --> 00:47:13,747 Oh, my God! 1097 00:47:13,830 --> 00:47:16,583 Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole. 1098 00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,834 Even ones with red hair. 1099 00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:19,753 Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake. 1100 00:47:19,836 --> 00:47:21,255 He was playing the Nintendo. 1101 00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340 [John screaming] God bless it, Jake! 1102 00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,301 Are you okay? 1103 00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:28,762 You start playing those games 1104 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,807 your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes. 1105 00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:33,350 That's your sister! 1106 00:47:33,433 --> 00:47:36,019 It's not like losing your retainer! 1107 00:47:37,271 --> 00:47:38,313 [Kathy] Hold on. 1108 00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:40,357 Five bags here, John. Hold on. 1109 00:47:43,277 --> 00:47:49,116 Open your mouth. 1110 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,617 -John. -What? 1111 00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,452 -Where's the Marshall Field's bag? -Hey! 1112 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,288 -Jake! -[Kathy] Your turtleneck's in it, John! 1113 00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,290 Jake! 1114 00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,625 [adult Jake] The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me 1115 00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,461 in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home." 1116 00:48:03,463 --> 00:48:06,216 Jake! 1117 00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:07,968 -Hey! -Jake! 1118 00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,886 Move! Jake! 1119 00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,389 [adult Jake] I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car. 1120 00:48:12,472 --> 00:48:14,057 Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? 1121 00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:20,856 Jake! 1122 00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,691 [man] Whoa! 1123 00:48:29,364 --> 00:48:30,866 Jake! Ha! 1124 00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,830 [John sniggering] 1125 00:48:36,913 --> 00:48:37,998 [elf] ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪ 1126 00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,082 ♪ Five... ♪ 1127 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:40,375 ♪ Golden...♪ 1128 00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:42,210 [elf] No, wait! What... [screaming] 1129 00:48:42,294 --> 00:48:43,295 -[John screaming] -[glass shattering] 1130 00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:46,548 Of course! Packer fans. 1131 00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:49,134 [panting] 1132 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:06,652 [John struggling] 1133 00:49:10,238 --> 00:49:11,531 Oh, my God. 1134 00:49:14,576 --> 00:49:16,370 Hey! 1135 00:49:17,829 --> 00:49:20,874 [adult Jake] Safe. Retainer retained. 1136 00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628 [breathlessly] Okay. 1137 00:49:26,213 --> 00:49:27,631 [exhales] 1138 00:49:27,714 --> 00:49:28,715 [softly] Okay. 1139 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,557 [kids chattering indistinctly] 1140 00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,934 [Josh] You let the girls get punched! 1141 00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:43,814 [adult Jake] The best part of the shopping trip 1142 00:49:43,897 --> 00:49:46,316 besides not losing my retainer or my sister 1143 00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,944 was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall 1144 00:49:49,027 --> 00:49:51,446 where old people sit by the piano. 1145 00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,949 I sold 22 more wreaths that day. 1146 00:49:54,032 --> 00:49:55,325 How many you got, Jake? 1147 00:49:56,034 --> 00:49:58,286 Um, 93. 1148 00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:00,038 You're selling wreaths, too? 1149 00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,456 What's a wreath? 1150 00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,461 [radio playing] 1151 00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:08,797 [train chugging] 1152 00:50:09,715 --> 00:50:11,299 [John humming] 1153 00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,806 -[Jake humming] -Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud, 1154 00:50:17,889 --> 00:50:19,099 I'm trying to listen to this. 1155 00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,642 And stop fiddling with the hand plane. 1156 00:50:20,726 --> 00:50:21,977 This is not a toy. See? 1157 00:50:22,769 --> 00:50:23,979 It's sharp. 1158 00:50:25,313 --> 00:50:27,816 [clanking] 1159 00:50:27,899 --> 00:50:31,778 [man on radio] Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling. 1160 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,739 And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson... 1161 00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:34,990 You know... 1162 00:50:35,073 --> 00:50:36,992 If you want, sometime, maybe I can... 1163 00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:40,662 teach you how to use some of those. 1164 00:50:40,746 --> 00:50:42,831 I kinda got a lot going on, Dad. 1165 00:50:42,914 --> 00:50:45,500 Ah... right. 1166 00:50:45,584 --> 00:50:48,336 [man on radio] He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side, 1167 00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,463 over to Savard... 1168 00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,174 [louder] He shoots, he scores! 1169 00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,301 -Yes! -Denis Savard! 1170 00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386 -Hawks now leading with one! -Yeah, baby! 1171 00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:59,931 -[exclaiming] -And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away. 1172 00:51:00,015 --> 00:51:01,683 Quit your crying, Claude. 1173 00:51:01,767 --> 00:51:03,810 Yeah, you're all talk, no walk. 1174 00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,479 Remember that, Jake. Okay? 1175 00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,316 A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans. 1176 00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,318 He's all talk, no walk. 1177 00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,361 Why are we under this bridge, Dad? 1178 00:51:13,445 --> 00:51:15,822 Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids. 1179 00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,657 You know what they look like, right? 1180 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,367 Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants, 1181 00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:20,911 but I can't get what I want? 1182 00:51:20,994 --> 00:51:22,370 Do you wanna deal with your sister 1183 00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:24,331 if she doesn't get what she wants? 1184 00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,707 -No. -Exactly. 1185 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,001 I don't negotiate with terrorists. 1186 00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:29,669 So you just give them what they want? 1187 00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,546 -Yeah. You kidding? -[engine revving] 1188 00:51:35,050 --> 00:51:37,052 Okay. That's him. 1189 00:51:37,135 --> 00:51:39,679 Let me do all the talking. Okay? 1190 00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,389 This feels kinda scary, Dad. 1191 00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:43,683 Here, I'll take the handsaw. 1192 00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602 Come on. Come on! 1193 00:51:50,982 --> 00:51:52,359 Can I help you boys? 1194 00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,401 [John] Yeah. 1195 00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:56,696 Word is that you've... 1196 00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,323 come into a little cabbage? 1197 00:51:58,406 --> 00:52:00,242 Officer, please. I'm just standing here. 1198 00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:02,619 I thought maybe you two needed directions, so... 1199 00:52:02,702 --> 00:52:03,954 Relax, I'm not a cop. 1200 00:52:04,037 --> 00:52:06,289 What about 21 Jump Street over here? 1201 00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:07,415 He's not a cop. 1202 00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:08,708 Come on, man. He's 11. 1203 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,168 Yeah, I don't know that. 1204 00:52:10,252 --> 00:52:12,295 I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see RoboCop? 1205 00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,381 That dude's half cop and half robot. 1206 00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,382 You ever see that movie? 1207 00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,008 My mom wouldn't let me. 1208 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:18,760 But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it. 1209 00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:19,761 Oh... 1210 00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:21,721 Yeah. He's good. You're good. 1211 00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,765 He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on. 1212 00:52:23,849 --> 00:52:27,143 Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what? 1213 00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:29,020 Step into my office. 1214 00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:30,897 You boys need anything else while you're here? 1215 00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,442 Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo? 1216 00:52:34,526 --> 00:52:36,403 -[Jake gasping] -[John] No, just the doll. 1217 00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,446 We're gonna need a girl one. 1218 00:52:38,530 --> 00:52:40,699 A redhead with freckles. 1219 00:52:40,782 --> 00:52:42,826 Best Patch in the Tri-City. 1220 00:52:44,911 --> 00:52:46,121 Yeah, that looks good. 1221 00:52:46,204 --> 00:52:47,622 Yeah, does look good. 1222 00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:50,417 So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah? 1223 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668 Something like that? Yeah? 1224 00:52:51,751 --> 00:52:52,752 Need a third? 1225 00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,920 Nah, I'm kidding. 1226 00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,423 I do miss my dad... A lot. 1227 00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009 [John] Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles. 1228 00:52:59,092 --> 00:53:01,052 Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles. 1229 00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:03,680 -All right, how much? -$100. 1230 00:53:03,763 --> 00:53:05,640 One hundred? No. 1231 00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:07,017 Yeah, where else you gonna go? 1232 00:53:07,100 --> 00:53:09,019 Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out. 1233 00:53:09,102 --> 00:53:10,854 Sixty bucks. 1234 00:53:10,937 --> 00:53:13,899 I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50. 1235 00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,650 You know what? We can go up there right now. 1236 00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:18,111 Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no. 1237 00:53:18,194 --> 00:53:20,655 You do not want any of their bald-headed junk. 1238 00:53:20,739 --> 00:53:22,324 Seventy. Last offer. 1239 00:53:24,159 --> 00:53:25,952 Oh, I can't say no to that face. 1240 00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,245 All right. $70. 1241 00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,166 -Comes with a birth certificate. -[Jake] Wow! 1242 00:53:31,249 --> 00:53:33,460 -Dad, that's... -Signed right on the derriere. 1243 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:35,879 [dealer] Thanks. 1244 00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,549 [John snickering] 1245 00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,009 Can we ask about the Nintendo? 1246 00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:43,386 I got him down from $100. Can you believe that? 1247 00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:45,221 [chuckles] Lizzy's gonna love it. 1248 00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:47,015 [adult Jake] Did it bother me that my dad went to 1249 00:53:47,098 --> 00:53:49,309 Herculean lengths to get my sister a present? 1250 00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560 Sorta. 1251 00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:53,188 But I was gonna get one on my own. 1252 00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,190 [Mr. Halberg] Gentlemen. 1253 00:53:55,273 --> 00:53:58,526 Look deeply into your candle's flame. 1254 00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:01,446 Stare at its dancing light. 1255 00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,450 Now, close your eyes. 1256 00:54:06,701 --> 00:54:07,953 What do you see? 1257 00:54:09,162 --> 00:54:12,415 You see the flame, gentlemen. 1258 00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:14,334 It burns even when your eyes are closed 1259 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,213 because we know that even when we blow these candles out... 1260 00:54:18,296 --> 00:54:22,050 the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade. 1261 00:54:22,133 --> 00:54:24,344 -[kid farting] -[children giggling] 1262 00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,595 [Mr. Halberg clears throat] 1263 00:54:26,471 --> 00:54:27,639 [sizzling] 1264 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,559 Okay. 1265 00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,478 But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys. 1266 00:54:33,561 --> 00:54:35,105 And scouts are supposed to have honor, 1267 00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:36,773 yet you're still here. 1268 00:54:36,856 --> 00:54:38,024 [Mr. Halberg] Lots to get through tonight, gents. 1269 00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,901 We've got the Pinewood Derby, 1270 00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:41,695 the Loyalty Day parade... Oh... 1271 00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,532 I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss." 1272 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,701 Get to the wreaths, Halberg! 1273 00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,495 -I'm sorry? -The door necklaces. 1274 00:54:50,578 --> 00:54:51,871 Are you even in this troop? 1275 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,710 [chanting] Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1276 00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,044 Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1277 00:54:59,879 --> 00:55:02,549 Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths! 1278 00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,260 [children cheering] 1279 00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:06,720 Okay. Calm down. 1280 00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,388 Now... 1281 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,557 I know you've all been selling very hard this year 1282 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,852 so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes... 1283 00:55:13,935 --> 00:55:15,020 are special. 1284 00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,857 [adult Jake] Oh-ho! Look at that! 1285 00:55:18,940 --> 00:55:22,277 First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system. 1286 00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:25,989 Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there? 1287 00:55:26,072 --> 00:55:28,241 Told you it came with a free Power Pad. 1288 00:55:29,617 --> 00:55:31,077 Okay. [clears throat] 1289 00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,747 In third place... 1290 00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,751 Jeffery Farmer! 1291 00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:38,793 [kids cheering] 1292 00:55:38,877 --> 00:55:41,087 Nobody cares about third place. 1293 00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,882 [adult Jake] Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory, 1294 00:55:43,965 --> 00:55:45,967 this was a delight to us all. 1295 00:55:46,051 --> 00:55:47,844 Anybody had a chance now. 1296 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,640 "Subscription to Boys' Life." 1297 00:55:52,724 --> 00:55:54,434 -[children laughing] -Yes! 1298 00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,769 I grew up on that magazine. 1299 00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,645 [Mr. Halberg] Great articles. 1300 00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,731 And in second place... 1301 00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,734 an amazing showing... 1302 00:56:04,736 --> 00:56:05,945 Teddy Hodges! 1303 00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,781 No! 1304 00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,657 [adult Jake] Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins 1305 00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:11,785 were only good enough for silver. 1306 00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:16,664 It's a globe of the whole world! 1307 00:56:16,748 --> 00:56:17,791 All of it! 1308 00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,962 [clanging] 1309 00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215 [adult Jake] There was no second place when it came to Nintendo. 1310 00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:29,594 And now... 1311 00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:32,347 -[Evan] This is it, this is it! -...this year's first prize winner 1312 00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:34,682 of the wreath-selling contest. 1313 00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:39,270 The highest sales total in troop history... 1314 00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:44,192 Jake Doyle! 1315 00:56:44,275 --> 00:56:45,443 [all cheering] 1316 00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,492 I won! 1317 00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,286 [adult Jake] You can put it on the board! Yes! 1318 00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:56,996 Oh, so many people to thank. 1319 00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,291 My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation... 1320 00:57:00,375 --> 00:57:01,584 Yes! 1321 00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:03,837 [Mr. Halberg] This year's first prize... 1322 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,172 the best we've had in years... 1323 00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,384 -Are you ready, Jake? -Yeah. 1324 00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:13,638 A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias! 1325 00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,807 What? 1326 00:57:15,890 --> 00:57:18,059 [adult Jake] It was like winning more school. 1327 00:57:18,143 --> 00:57:20,103 No! 1328 00:57:20,186 --> 00:57:23,523 Where is it? [screaming] 1329 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609 -I hate you, Halberg! -[Mr. Halberg exclaiming] God. 1330 00:57:29,404 --> 00:57:31,531 [adult Jake] It didn't make any sense. Why? 1331 00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,243 Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books? 1332 00:57:35,326 --> 00:57:38,079 Who could possibly be behind something so terrible? 1333 00:57:38,163 --> 00:57:40,081 So awful, so villainous? 1334 00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:44,419 Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who. 1335 00:57:44,502 --> 00:57:47,672 Parents of Batavia, good evening. 1336 00:57:47,755 --> 00:57:49,340 -Hi. -[adult Jake] Little did we know, 1337 00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,718 the night before the wreath award ceremony, 1338 00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,386 Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting 1339 00:57:53,469 --> 00:57:56,389 with the express purpose of ruining our lives. 1340 00:57:56,472 --> 00:57:59,475 There was an incident in my home recently. 1341 00:57:59,559 --> 00:58:03,271 A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane... 1342 00:58:03,354 --> 00:58:07,066 was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set. 1343 00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,195 [whispering] 42-inch, that's a really nice television set. 1344 00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:11,571 [whispering] John. 1345 00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,074 Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy, 1346 00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,952 who is a gifted, generous young man, 1347 00:58:18,036 --> 00:58:22,665 who has recently been diagnosed with something called... 1348 00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:24,417 "Attention Deficit..." 1349 00:58:24,500 --> 00:58:25,919 Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. 1350 00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,255 It's very serious... [sighs] 1351 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,716 and it's extremely rare. 1352 00:58:31,799 --> 00:58:33,009 [crying] So rare. 1353 00:58:33,092 --> 00:58:34,302 [kisses and blows] 1354 00:58:34,385 --> 00:58:35,845 [kisses] I love you. 1355 00:58:35,929 --> 00:58:37,138 Could I have the lights, please? 1356 00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:38,139 [clicking] 1357 00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,101 Ladies and gentlemen... 1358 00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,271 the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime... 1359 00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,981 is video games. 1360 00:58:47,065 --> 00:58:49,651 Video games did this. 1361 00:58:49,734 --> 00:58:51,069 -[crowd gasping] -[Mrs. Keane whimpers] 1362 00:58:51,152 --> 00:58:52,612 And this. 1363 00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:53,780 [crowd gasping loudly] 1364 00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,281 And this. 1365 00:58:56,199 --> 00:58:57,283 [gasping] 1366 00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,952 And this. 1367 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,537 Oh. 1368 00:59:01,621 --> 00:59:02,997 It's the same slide. 1369 00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:07,126 I meant, and this. 1370 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212 -[John] Still same slide. -God damn it! 1371 00:59:11,005 --> 00:59:12,966 Timmy dumped cheese in here again. 1372 00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,677 You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this. 1373 00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:17,136 Pookie. 1374 00:59:19,180 --> 00:59:20,098 [sighs] 1375 00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,016 And this. 1376 00:59:22,100 --> 00:59:24,560 [crowd exclaiming] 1377 00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:26,396 -The question is, ladies and gentlemen... -[Mrs. Keane crying] 1378 00:59:26,479 --> 00:59:27,772 [man] Is that a dog? 1379 00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:29,148 ...what are we prepared to do about it? 1380 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,316 We should ban it! 1381 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,193 -Ban it! -Ban it! Ban it! 1382 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:35,154 -No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! -No more. 1383 00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,990 -We must protect our dogs. -Yes. 1384 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,450 We must protect our community! 1385 00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:41,160 Yes! 1386 00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,162 [Mr. Keane] It's modern technology taking over our lives. 1387 00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,331 It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here! 1388 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,958 -[Mrs. Trotter] That's right. -We've gotta stop it! 1389 00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:48,793 We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground. 1390 00:59:48,876 --> 00:59:50,169 -Burn it. -Yeah. 1391 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922 Video game over! Video game over! 1392 00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:54,924 Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder. 1393 00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:58,011 [all chanting] Video game over! Video game over! 1394 00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,512 -Let me hear you. -[chanting continues] 1395 00:59:59,595 --> 01:00:01,264 [softly] Bring it down now. Video game over. 1396 01:00:01,347 --> 01:00:03,516 [adult Jake] Keane's panicked propaganda continued on 1397 01:00:03,599 --> 01:00:04,892 well into the night. 1398 01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:07,437 It was a virtual video game Armageddon. 1399 01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,814 -[Mr. Halberg] I can feel it! We're so close! -[crowd] Video game over! 1400 01:00:09,897 --> 01:00:11,691 Video game over! 1401 01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,735 [adult Jake] And there was nothing we could do about it. 1402 01:00:13,818 --> 01:00:14,986 [Bugs Bunny on TV] No rabbit. 1403 01:00:18,656 --> 01:00:21,534 All those wreaths for nothing. 1404 01:00:21,617 --> 01:00:25,413 Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes? 1405 01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:28,333 [sighs] 1406 01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,377 We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County. 1407 01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,338 Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva 1408 01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:36,591 with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane. 1409 01:00:36,674 --> 01:00:39,218 Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now 1410 01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,054 until Christmas, and you've managed to pass 1411 01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807 a county-wide ban on selling video game systems. 1412 01:00:44,891 --> 01:00:46,476 -Is that correct? -That is correct. 1413 01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:48,603 Every store in Kane County has agreed to it. 1414 01:00:48,686 --> 01:00:52,357 And you really feel that video games promote violence enough 1415 01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,233 to make them illegal? 1416 01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,069 Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV? 1417 01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,071 No, she has not. 1418 01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,947 [Dr. Keane on TV] It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth. 1419 01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:04,243 These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped. 1420 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,038 Video game over! Video game over! 1421 01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:08,915 -Video game over! -[crowd chanting on TV] Video game over! 1422 01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500 He's a podiatrist. 1423 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168 Sorry, Jake. 1424 01:01:12,251 --> 01:01:13,753 Knock it off, Lizzy. 1425 01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,048 No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one. 1426 01:01:18,674 --> 01:01:19,759 I had it. 1427 01:01:20,593 --> 01:01:21,594 It was mine. 1428 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347 But now... 1429 01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:27,225 I'll never get one. 1430 01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,437 Here. You can have the remote. 1431 01:01:33,731 --> 01:01:35,024 Thanks, Lizzy. 1432 01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,740 She gave you the remote? 1433 01:01:42,824 --> 01:01:45,993 I would never give Charlie the remote. 1434 01:01:46,077 --> 01:01:47,620 You must've been a wreck. 1435 01:01:47,703 --> 01:01:50,331 Duh. They banned Nintendo. 1436 01:01:50,415 --> 01:01:53,126 So, if Batavia banned Nintendo 1437 01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,586 and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one... 1438 01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:58,172 and you're doing all these bad things, all the time... 1439 01:01:58,256 --> 01:02:00,967 -Not all the time. -Yes, all the time. 1440 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,469 You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you, 1441 01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887 then how did you get it? 1442 01:02:04,971 --> 01:02:06,681 How did you get the Nintendo? 1443 01:02:06,764 --> 01:02:09,225 Okay, calm down. 1444 01:02:09,308 --> 01:02:10,977 Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve-- 1445 01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228 No! 1446 01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:14,355 I wanna know what happens in the story. 1447 01:02:14,439 --> 01:02:15,356 [sighs] 1448 01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:18,818 You see, Annie... 1449 01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,320 sometimes during Christmas... 1450 01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,157 just when you think that all hope is lost... 1451 01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:26,993 something magical happens. 1452 01:02:28,286 --> 01:02:31,664 Some people call it a Christmas miracle. 1453 01:02:31,747 --> 01:02:35,126 Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink. 1454 01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:37,879 What's a roller rink? 1455 01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:39,839 [sighs] 1456 01:02:44,010 --> 01:02:47,847 [adult Jake] Six days until Christmas and it was officially official. 1457 01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,391 None of us were getting a Nintendo. 1458 01:02:56,063 --> 01:02:58,399 [Evan] My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still. 1459 01:02:58,483 --> 01:03:00,151 That's in Cook County. 1460 01:03:00,234 --> 01:03:01,402 DuPage County. 1461 01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:03,446 -How do you know? -I got encyclopedias. 1462 01:03:03,529 --> 01:03:05,531 [Jeff] Come on, guys. We still got each other. 1463 01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,824 -[boy] Watch out! -[gasps] 1464 01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:08,493 [glass breaking] 1465 01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:11,329 -[Jeff] Sorry. -Objectively, I know that's hilarious 1466 01:03:11,412 --> 01:03:15,124 but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now. 1467 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,710 [adult Jake] It was the Hodges' birthday party. 1468 01:03:17,793 --> 01:03:19,587 The dreaded Christmas birthday. 1469 01:03:19,670 --> 01:03:22,507 Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them, 1470 01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:25,009 they had to share it with Christmas to boot. 1471 01:03:25,092 --> 01:03:28,888 "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma." 1472 01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,181 What a rip-off. 1473 01:03:30,264 --> 01:03:33,017 "P.S. This gift is for you two to share." 1474 01:03:34,810 --> 01:03:37,104 -Fresh packs. Who wants to open? -[all] Me! 1475 01:03:40,358 --> 01:03:41,609 -You got Chris Sabo. -Need it. 1476 01:03:41,692 --> 01:03:44,654 Need it. Got it. Need it. 1477 01:03:44,737 --> 01:03:45,947 You gonna eat your gum? 1478 01:03:48,699 --> 01:03:49,617 Ow! 1479 01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:51,494 Mmm... 1480 01:03:51,577 --> 01:03:54,038 Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken. 1481 01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:55,957 [Tammy] Who cares about Billy Ripken? 1482 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,041 [chuckles in disbelief] 1483 01:03:57,124 --> 01:03:58,209 What? 1484 01:03:58,292 --> 01:03:59,460 What? What is it? 1485 01:03:59,544 --> 01:04:00,920 You guys are not gonna believe this. 1486 01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,089 Look! Right there! On his bat! 1487 01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,550 -[Jake] Oh, my gosh! -[Evan] A swear word. 1488 01:04:06,300 --> 01:04:07,718 That's a bad one. 1489 01:04:07,802 --> 01:04:09,428 -What does it say? -[Evan] Don't read it out loud. 1490 01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347 I'm not allowed to hear swear words. 1491 01:04:11,430 --> 01:04:13,224 "Swear word dash face." 1492 01:04:13,307 --> 01:04:15,268 Which swear word? A-face? 1493 01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,143 Mmm-mmm. 1494 01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:18,229 -S-face? -Mmm-mmm. 1495 01:04:18,312 --> 01:04:20,481 Wait. F-face? 1496 01:04:20,565 --> 01:04:21,315 Bingo. 1497 01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:22,650 It's an error card. 1498 01:04:22,733 --> 01:04:25,444 It's the greatest error card of all time! 1499 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,904 Billy Ripken. 1500 01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700 Ninety-five bucks! 1501 01:04:30,783 --> 01:04:32,034 [cheering] 1502 01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:33,995 Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire! 1503 01:04:34,078 --> 01:04:36,872 Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo. 1504 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209 Guys... 1505 01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,795 I got it. 1506 01:04:42,878 --> 01:04:44,046 [Jeff] I don't get it. 1507 01:04:44,130 --> 01:04:45,298 [Jake] What do you mean, you don't get it? 1508 01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,091 It's a very clear 15-point plan. 1509 01:04:47,174 --> 01:04:50,094 -I think you spelled "covert" wrong. -[Mikey] Okay. 1510 01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:53,806 The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago. 1511 01:04:53,889 --> 01:04:56,934 -So? -So, they still sell Nintendos there. 1512 01:04:57,018 --> 01:04:58,102 So? 1513 01:04:58,185 --> 01:04:59,937 So, we sell some baseball cards, 1514 01:05:00,021 --> 01:05:01,480 get some money... 1515 01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,608 we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo. 1516 01:05:03,691 --> 01:05:06,485 Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps? 1517 01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571 That's like... three. 1518 01:05:08,654 --> 01:05:10,323 I don't know. We could get in trouble. 1519 01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,367 I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas. 1520 01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:14,827 Forget Christmas. 1521 01:05:14,910 --> 01:05:17,705 This is bigger than Christmas. 1522 01:05:17,788 --> 01:05:23,044 [Jake] This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo. 1523 01:05:23,127 --> 01:05:25,463 One that we can play on our own. 1524 01:05:25,546 --> 01:05:27,840 We don't have to worry about taking our boots off, 1525 01:05:27,923 --> 01:05:29,258 or getting in line... 1526 01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:31,218 or any of that stuff. 1527 01:05:31,302 --> 01:05:33,346 We can totally do this! 1528 01:05:34,847 --> 01:05:38,017 -This is our Vietnam. -[Mikey] Yeah. 1529 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,020 I don't think that means what you think it means. 1530 01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,397 I have no idea what it means. 1531 01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:45,024 But who's with me? 1532 01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,067 I'm in. 1533 01:05:50,488 --> 01:05:53,699 Check, check. Over. 1534 01:05:54,408 --> 01:05:55,660 [both] We're in. 1535 01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636 I'm in. 1536 01:06:13,719 --> 01:06:15,096 Nope. 1537 01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:16,305 -[Tammy] Forget it. -What? 1538 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,765 Baseball cards, Farmer. 1539 01:06:17,848 --> 01:06:20,101 Come on! What's a guy gotta do? 1540 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,894 Olsen? 1541 01:06:33,614 --> 01:06:34,824 [sighs] 1542 01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661 We're gonna get in so much trouble. 1543 01:06:38,744 --> 01:06:39,870 [all cheering] 1544 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167 [all] One, two, three, Nintendo! 1545 01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:51,340 [all cheering] 1546 01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:52,508 [Jake] Got it! 1547 01:06:52,591 --> 01:06:53,592 Nice, Tammy. 1548 01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,219 [Evan] Safe and secure. 1549 01:06:55,302 --> 01:06:56,804 Here we go! 1550 01:07:22,913 --> 01:07:25,791 [Annie] Oh, no! Not Jagorski. 1551 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,251 What's he gonna do? 1552 01:07:27,334 --> 01:07:28,961 I'll give you a hint. 1553 01:07:29,044 --> 01:07:30,796 Nothing good. 1554 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,632 [Mrs. Hugo] It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute. 1555 01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,301 -Duffle bag? -Check. 1556 01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,094 -Blanket? -Check. In the bag. 1557 01:07:37,178 --> 01:07:38,471 -Walkie-talkies? -Check. 1558 01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889 Camouflage, check. 1559 01:07:39,972 --> 01:07:42,349 Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit. 1560 01:07:42,433 --> 01:07:44,351 Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern, 1561 01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:45,895 you know, for urban combat. 1562 01:07:45,978 --> 01:07:47,480 [Jeff] I agree. 1563 01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,814 How are you feeling, Olsen? 1564 01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,608 Not good. [gags] 1565 01:07:50,691 --> 01:07:51,567 Perfect. 1566 01:07:54,111 --> 01:07:56,322 Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle. 1567 01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,491 I heard it's good for money management. 1568 01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:01,160 [Jake struggling] 1569 01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:02,745 [Josh growls] 1570 01:08:02,828 --> 01:08:04,538 -That's ours! -Not anymore. 1571 01:08:04,622 --> 01:08:06,123 You can't do that! 1572 01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,001 Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it? 1573 01:08:09,084 --> 01:08:11,629 Yeah. That's what I thought. 1574 01:08:11,712 --> 01:08:14,131 Your Nintendo's mine. [grunts] 1575 01:08:14,215 --> 01:08:16,091 [laughs wickedly] 1576 01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:17,259 [Josh] What up, Miss Hugo? 1577 01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:18,551 Oh, man. This is so bad. 1578 01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:20,513 I don't think it could get any worse. 1579 01:08:20,595 --> 01:08:22,555 Jake Doyle. 1580 01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:23,933 Where do you think you're going? 1581 01:08:24,015 --> 01:08:25,600 On the bus to the Art Institute? 1582 01:08:25,684 --> 01:08:26,894 Not like that. 1583 01:08:27,685 --> 01:08:29,729 No boots, no field trip. 1584 01:08:33,317 --> 01:08:37,029 [adult Jake] At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice." 1585 01:08:37,112 --> 01:08:41,116 Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots! 1586 01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:43,035 [children laughing] 1587 01:08:46,287 --> 01:08:47,581 [mockingly] They're so pretty. 1588 01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,209 I have the same kind. 1589 01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,587 Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs 1590 01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:55,256 quickly fell to the wayside. 1591 01:08:55,339 --> 01:08:57,508 It was a bad dream come to life. 1592 01:08:57,591 --> 01:09:01,554 Wow! Nice boots, Doyle. 1593 01:09:01,636 --> 01:09:04,974 Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat? 1594 01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478 Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm? 1595 01:09:09,562 --> 01:09:12,398 They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though. 1596 01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:13,899 [knuckles thumping] 1597 01:09:17,361 --> 01:09:19,529 [adult Jake] The entire plan hung in the balance. 1598 01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:23,533 And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs. 1599 01:09:23,617 --> 01:09:25,578 Erasers are good. Do you want one? 1600 01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,246 -No. -All right. 1601 01:09:32,792 --> 01:09:36,130 ♪ When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst♪ 1602 01:09:36,212 --> 01:09:38,966 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪ 1603 01:09:39,049 --> 01:09:42,428 ♪ When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd♪ 1604 01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:45,305 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪ 1605 01:09:45,389 --> 01:09:48,934 ♪ When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam♪ 1606 01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:51,395 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪ 1607 01:09:53,564 --> 01:09:54,732 We're almost to the spot. 1608 01:09:54,815 --> 01:09:56,650 Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do? 1609 01:09:56,734 --> 01:09:58,152 I don't know. 1610 01:09:58,235 --> 01:09:59,445 Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something. 1611 01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529 Okay. 1612 01:10:05,492 --> 01:10:07,286 [whispering] What about the money? 1613 01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:09,622 [exhales] 1614 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,290 Mrs. Hugo. 1615 01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,250 -Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? -I don't feel good. 1616 01:10:13,334 --> 01:10:14,793 Okay, I... We're gonna be... 1617 01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046 Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size. 1618 01:10:17,129 --> 01:10:18,505 Think of something happy. 1619 01:10:18,589 --> 01:10:21,759 Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet. 1620 01:10:21,842 --> 01:10:25,054 In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E... 1621 01:10:25,137 --> 01:10:27,681 O, U, Q, X. 1622 01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395 Well, well, look at what we got here. 1623 01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,814 We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can-- 1624 01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,109 Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine. 1625 01:10:39,193 --> 01:10:41,153 -We gotta go now, or-- -Or else? 1626 01:10:42,821 --> 01:10:44,281 Are you gonna make me? 1627 01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:48,285 Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend 1628 01:10:48,369 --> 01:10:50,162 in your girl boots! 1629 01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:50,996 [thudding] 1630 01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,831 Are you gonna cry now? 1631 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,083 [Josh crying mockingly] 1632 01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,671 [adult Jake] And that's when it hit me. 1633 01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591 Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel. 1634 01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:04,510 He didn't care about being called names. 1635 01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929 He didn't care about bullies, so why should I? 1636 01:11:07,012 --> 01:11:08,847 Nintendo or not, 1637 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,517 Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long. 1638 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,269 [Josh mockingly] "I'm wearing feminine footwear. 1639 01:11:14,353 --> 01:11:16,063 "Why did I bring it to school? 1640 01:11:16,146 --> 01:11:18,899 "My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!" 1641 01:11:18,983 --> 01:11:21,694 You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski. 1642 01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,029 You're not worth a hill of beans. 1643 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,657 Wha... What does that mean? 1644 01:11:26,740 --> 01:11:28,659 It means you're just a sad little bully. 1645 01:11:28,742 --> 01:11:31,704 And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now 1646 01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956 the only one crying is gonna be you, 1647 01:11:34,039 --> 01:11:35,582 buttface! 1648 01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:37,710 Now! 1649 01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:40,087 Okay, okay. 1650 01:11:40,838 --> 01:11:42,256 [timidly] Okay. 1651 01:11:42,339 --> 01:11:45,884 And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too! 1652 01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,761 But I love my mom. 1653 01:11:55,060 --> 01:11:56,687 -[Evan] I know, I... -Sit down. 1654 01:11:56,770 --> 01:11:59,898 Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach? 1655 01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,734 Do you actually think that maybe you could have... 1656 01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,569 [children screaming] 1657 01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:04,945 [school bus braking] 1658 01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:06,947 [children clamoring] 1659 01:12:07,031 --> 01:12:10,409 Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay? 1660 01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,078 [Mrs. Hugo] Oh, my gosh! Are you okay? 1661 01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,707 [Jake] Get the alarm! Get the alarm! 1662 01:12:16,790 --> 01:12:17,916 [Mikey] Walkies. 1663 01:12:19,293 --> 01:12:20,753 Open the door! 1664 01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,588 All right, go, go, go! 1665 01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,006 [alarm ringing] 1666 01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,717 Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle! 1667 01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:29,762 Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over. 1668 01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,096 Blue Bird, this is Rambo One. 1669 01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,057 -What happened to Red Dog? -I changed it. 1670 01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:34,808 We're allowed to change names now? 1671 01:12:34,892 --> 01:12:36,935 Let's just start over. 1672 01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,439 Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool. 1673 01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,066 [whooping] Love it! 1674 01:12:42,149 --> 01:12:43,609 Approaching Michigan Avenue. 1675 01:12:47,237 --> 01:12:49,490 -Careful there, kid. It's slippery. -Thanks. 1676 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,784 Sorry. Excuse me. 1677 01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,121 Coming through. Sorry. 1678 01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873 [adult Jake] Our testing had made it clear. 1679 01:12:57,956 --> 01:13:00,292 Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach 1680 01:13:00,375 --> 01:13:02,753 equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit. 1681 01:13:02,836 --> 01:13:04,797 That was our window to buy a Nintendo 1682 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,175 and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke. 1683 01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,806 Excuse me. 1684 01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,266 As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles 1685 01:13:16,350 --> 01:13:18,477 I figured I'd be good to go-- Oh, God! 1686 01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,688 Video game over! Video game over! 1687 01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:23,107 Are you kidding me? 1688 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,444 Rambo One, we have a problem. 1689 01:13:27,528 --> 01:13:29,488 What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever? 1690 01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907 Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here. 1691 01:13:31,990 --> 01:13:33,367 -What? -[Jake over radio] I repeat, your mom 1692 01:13:33,450 --> 01:13:34,910 and Mrs. Keane are outside the store. 1693 01:13:34,993 --> 01:13:36,578 I can't get past them without them seeing me. 1694 01:13:36,662 --> 01:13:38,038 -Don't go in there. D -Don't go in that store. 1695 01:13:38,122 --> 01:13:40,082 Don't spend your money. Stay in school! 1696 01:13:40,165 --> 01:13:42,251 Get your mom under control, Trotter! 1697 01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:43,877 [groans] Darn it! 1698 01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:45,337 Jake, what are we gonna do? 1699 01:13:45,420 --> 01:13:47,131 I don't know. That's why I'm calling you. 1700 01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,465 Abort! Abort! 1701 01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:49,842 -[both] No! -No. 1702 01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,052 No abort. We just need to get them out of the way. 1703 01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,183 Maybe we could page them over the intercom? 1704 01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,144 Tell them they have a call. 1705 01:14:00,227 --> 01:14:02,062 Guys, there's a payphone across the street. 1706 01:14:02,146 --> 01:14:06,567 Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check. 1707 01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:08,193 [Mrs. Hugo] Your poor little tummy-- 1708 01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,991 Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad. 1709 01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:15,033 Okay! 1710 01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618 Could I get some help here? 1711 01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:19,997 I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it. 1712 01:14:20,080 --> 01:14:22,040 He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast. 1713 01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,251 -We should be good. -Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake. 1714 01:14:24,334 --> 01:14:25,419 But what do we say? 1715 01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:28,088 I don't know. Something good. 1716 01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:29,548 Something good like what? 1717 01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,717 -I don't know! Make something up. -[groans] 1718 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,553 Did someone say "make something up"? 1719 01:14:39,892 --> 01:14:42,895 [woman over PA system] Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane 1720 01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,855 please come to the white courtesy phone. 1721 01:14:44,938 --> 01:14:46,857 You have an emergency phone call. 1722 01:14:46,940 --> 01:14:48,692 -I'm Mrs. Keane. -What's going on? 1723 01:14:48,775 --> 01:14:49,902 Oh, my gosh! An emergency? 1724 01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,904 Let's go. 1725 01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822 [Mrs. Keane] I hope it's not Timmy. 1726 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:54,990 He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning. 1727 01:14:55,073 --> 01:14:56,116 It worked! 1728 01:14:57,492 --> 01:15:00,287 Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone. 1729 01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997 Copy that. 1730 01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:03,207 Doing good. 1731 01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001 Oh, hey, here it is. 1732 01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,756 -Hello? -Hello, Mrs. Trotter. 1733 01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,383 -[Mrs. Keane over phone] No. -I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right. 1734 01:15:13,467 --> 01:15:15,469 -Who is this? -This is your nephew. 1735 01:15:15,552 --> 01:15:17,638 I don't have a nephew. 1736 01:15:17,721 --> 01:15:21,850 I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling. 1737 01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,311 I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective. 1738 01:15:24,394 --> 01:15:26,563 The International Nieces and Nephews Collective? 1739 01:15:26,647 --> 01:15:28,273 -That's right. -What's that? 1740 01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,900 Well, we're based in Canada. 1741 01:15:29,983 --> 01:15:32,903 -[in Canadian accent] Oh, you are, eh? Hi. -Canada. 1742 01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,950 Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this. 1743 01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,078 -That doesn't make any sense. -Makes perfect sense if you think about it. 1744 01:15:41,161 --> 01:15:43,372 You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew, 1745 01:15:43,455 --> 01:15:44,873 the Collective is here to help. 1746 01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:46,083 -Can you make any sense of this? -Sure. 1747 01:15:46,166 --> 01:15:47,793 -Uh, hello? -Hello? 1748 01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,795 I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong. 1749 01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,964 Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them. 1750 01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,757 You've gotta hurry. 1751 01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:55,467 -[Nintendo] Where's your sister, Jake? -Shut up, Nintendo. 1752 01:15:55,550 --> 01:15:57,719 And it's also against the law. 1753 01:15:57,803 --> 01:15:59,513 You wanna know what else would be criminal? 1754 01:15:59,596 --> 01:16:01,473 Letting your son go another holiday season 1755 01:16:01,556 --> 01:16:05,352 without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin. 1756 01:16:05,435 --> 01:16:07,563 We're just trying to spread joy to the world. 1757 01:16:07,646 --> 01:16:08,522 [both] Aw. 1758 01:16:08,605 --> 01:16:09,481 That makes sense. 1759 01:16:09,564 --> 01:16:10,774 -That's nice. -Yeah. 1760 01:16:10,857 --> 01:16:13,110 She bought it. Someone believed me. 1761 01:16:13,193 --> 01:16:15,153 [Mrs. Trotter over phone] I can hear you. 1762 01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740 Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security. 1763 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:20,200 All right. You're feeling better? 1764 01:16:20,284 --> 01:16:21,994 Can we go back in the bus now? 1765 01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,162 Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good. 1766 01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:28,667 Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke! 1767 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,669 -And I'm your nephew. -Okay. You know what? 1768 01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,171 I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment. 1769 01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,339 -Good bye. -Hello? 1770 01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,799 -Hello? -[dial tone beeping] 1771 01:16:35,882 --> 01:16:36,967 Drat! 1772 01:16:41,847 --> 01:16:44,349 I lost them, I lost them, I lost them. 1773 01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,726 And Farmer is off the phone. 1774 01:16:45,809 --> 01:16:47,853 [Mikey over comms] Repeat. Farmer's off the phone. 1775 01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,356 Look out for Keane and my mom. 1776 01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,192 -[Mrs. Trotter] I don't understand either. -[Mrs. Keane] Was it a survey? 1777 01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,194 [both continue indistinctly] 1778 01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,529 [Jake] Excuse me. 1779 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,369 Oh, God. 1780 01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121 I got past them, I'm in the clear! 1781 01:17:06,204 --> 01:17:08,040 [Mikey over comms] The bus is moving, Jake. 1782 01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,083 The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it. 1783 01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:11,668 [adult Jake] This was it. This was it. 1784 01:17:11,752 --> 01:17:14,379 Victory was mine. I could taste it. 1785 01:17:15,088 --> 01:17:16,465 Yes. Yes. 1786 01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,383 No! 1787 01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,101 [slow motion screaming] No! 1788 01:17:29,936 --> 01:17:31,730 [all] No! 1789 01:17:43,033 --> 01:17:44,201 That can't be good. 1790 01:17:47,704 --> 01:17:49,498 -[thumps] -Damn. 1791 01:17:51,792 --> 01:17:55,629 So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas. 1792 01:17:55,712 --> 01:17:58,757 Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid. 1793 01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,093 You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk. 1794 01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,221 I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year. 1795 01:18:04,304 --> 01:18:07,099 One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid, 1796 01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,434 know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey. 1797 01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853 A donkey. Can you believe that? 1798 01:18:11,937 --> 01:18:14,940 Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up. 1799 01:18:15,732 --> 01:18:17,275 Well, I did. 1800 01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,445 All November, all December, that's all I could think about. 1801 01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197 All I could talk about. 1802 01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:25,033 Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey? 1803 01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,328 And guess what happened Christmas morning? 1804 01:18:28,412 --> 01:18:30,789 -You got a donkey? -No. 1805 01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,165 Who gets a donkey? 1806 01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,667 No. I... 1807 01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:37,462 No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season 1808 01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,464 worrying about something I wanted 1809 01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,843 and I stopped appreciating what I already had. 1810 01:18:42,926 --> 01:18:45,095 Was it like a hamster or dog or something? 1811 01:18:45,178 --> 01:18:48,515 No, my family. My life. 1812 01:18:48,598 --> 01:18:50,809 You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid. 1813 01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,978 You gotta make them count. 1814 01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065 Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you? 1815 01:19:01,319 --> 01:19:03,572 All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on. 1816 01:19:04,114 --> 01:19:05,740 Yo! Taxi! 1817 01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,290 Let's get you back with your field trip. 1818 01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,878 -Where's you headed? -Art Institute. 1819 01:19:17,961 --> 01:19:20,464 Drop him off at the side door on Monroe. 1820 01:19:20,547 --> 01:19:22,090 -Okay? -Got it. 1821 01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:24,134 Tell security you got lost. 1822 01:19:24,217 --> 01:19:26,803 Is there any way I can pay you back somehow? 1823 01:19:26,887 --> 01:19:29,389 Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch. 1824 01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:30,682 You gotta do me a favor, though. 1825 01:19:30,765 --> 01:19:32,851 -What's that? -Have a Merry Christmas. 1826 01:19:38,440 --> 01:19:41,067 -[Christmas bells jingling] -[horse neighing] 1827 01:19:50,702 --> 01:19:53,288 Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet? 1828 01:19:53,371 --> 01:19:54,623 Is it time yet, Jake? 1829 01:19:57,918 --> 01:19:58,919 Let's go! 1830 01:19:59,002 --> 01:19:59,961 [festive music playing] 1831 01:20:04,174 --> 01:20:05,175 [whispering] Wow! 1832 01:20:07,594 --> 01:20:10,096 [adult Jake] Ten years of visual unwrapping experience 1833 01:20:10,180 --> 01:20:14,226 I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree. 1834 01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,188 Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords. 1835 01:20:18,271 --> 01:20:21,858 Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out. 1836 01:20:21,942 --> 01:20:23,860 You know the rules. 1837 01:20:23,944 --> 01:20:25,278 [rattling] 1838 01:20:26,112 --> 01:20:27,072 Legos? 1839 01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,698 Let's just get this over with. 1840 01:20:29,824 --> 01:20:30,951 Okay... 1841 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328 Let's have some Christmas. 1842 01:20:35,455 --> 01:20:36,873 And... 1843 01:20:36,957 --> 01:20:40,293 -[John] three, two, one... -Merry Christmas! 1844 01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:43,004 It's Christmas morning, 1988. 1845 01:20:43,088 --> 01:20:44,381 Opening our presents! 1846 01:20:44,464 --> 01:20:47,050 -Looking good. -Merry Christmas. 1847 01:20:47,133 --> 01:20:48,593 [Kathy] Merry Christmas. 1848 01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,720 -Okay, hold on. -Cheese. 1849 01:20:53,056 --> 01:20:54,140 [Lizzy giggling] 1850 01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:55,642 [Kathy] Boop. Boop. 1851 01:20:55,725 --> 01:20:57,435 -[John] How are you, Jake? -Boop. 1852 01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,937 [John] Cheer up! 1853 01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689 [Kathy] Merry Christmas. 1854 01:21:00,772 --> 01:21:01,856 [John] Thank you, honey. 1855 01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,986 [John] Come on, buddy. Thumbs up. 1856 01:21:06,069 --> 01:21:07,362 Great, all right, cool. 1857 01:21:14,744 --> 01:21:17,330 [gasping] Leg warmers. 1858 01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:23,253 [exclaiming] What? I got a sander. 1859 01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,463 Bookends? 1860 01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,757 For your encyclopedia set. 1861 01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,634 Great. 1862 01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,678 And they have baseballs on them. 1863 01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:32,637 I see that. 1864 01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:36,683 A Cabbage Patch Kid! 1865 01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,479 Wow! Freckles! 1866 01:21:43,106 --> 01:21:45,233 I'm sorry it's not a redhead. 1867 01:21:47,944 --> 01:21:50,780 Thank you so much. I love you. 1868 01:21:50,864 --> 01:21:51,948 I love you, too. 1869 01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:54,826 [loud buzzing] 1870 01:21:54,909 --> 01:21:56,703 Another great Christmas. 1871 01:21:56,786 --> 01:22:00,415 You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys 1872 01:22:00,498 --> 01:22:02,500 is a real blessing. 1873 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,127 [shouting] What? 1874 01:22:04,210 --> 01:22:07,047 I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..." 1875 01:22:07,130 --> 01:22:08,632 John. John! 1876 01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:11,009 John. 1877 01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:12,177 [sander stopping] 1878 01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,553 Do you have to do that right now? 1879 01:22:14,929 --> 01:22:16,514 Yeah, but... You gave it to me. 1880 01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,184 Okay. 1881 01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,561 Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed. 1882 01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,440 [thudding] 1883 01:22:25,523 --> 01:22:28,026 -[gasps] -[adult Jake] And that's when I saw it. 1884 01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,569 [barks] 1885 01:22:29,653 --> 01:22:32,781 It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands 1886 01:22:32,864 --> 01:22:34,157 not three days before. 1887 01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290 "To Jake. From Uncle Dan." 1888 01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:45,919 Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan. 1889 01:22:46,002 --> 01:22:49,297 Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan. 1890 01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:51,883 You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years. 1891 01:22:51,966 --> 01:22:53,885 Where's he living again now? 1892 01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,053 Japan. 1893 01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,846 [adult Jake] Japan. Japan. 1894 01:22:56,930 --> 01:22:58,306 Home of Nintendo. 1895 01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:00,475 The land where dreams come true. 1896 01:23:00,558 --> 01:23:02,811 Oh, God, don't mess with me now. 1897 01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,855 It's got your name on it, Jake. 1898 01:23:07,399 --> 01:23:09,192 [John] What'd he say he was sending? 1899 01:23:09,275 --> 01:23:10,485 I have no idea. 1900 01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:16,157 Come on, come on. 1901 01:23:16,241 --> 01:23:18,034 It has to be. It has to be. 1902 01:23:19,369 --> 01:23:20,829 [adult Jake] Lite-Brite? 1903 01:23:20,912 --> 01:23:21,913 Lite-Brite? 1904 01:23:21,996 --> 01:23:23,289 Lite-Brite. 1905 01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:25,750 Japanese Lite-Brite. 1906 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,545 Wow! Lite-Brite! 1907 01:23:28,628 --> 01:23:30,255 -Yeah. -Jake, that's fun. 1908 01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,426 You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo. 1909 01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,052 [laughs] 1910 01:23:36,136 --> 01:23:38,930 [adult Jake] As I slowly tried to grasp the situation 1911 01:23:39,013 --> 01:23:42,434 I began to fear that I might never recover from this. 1912 01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,771 This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom, 1913 01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,774 never go to college, never leave the house. 1914 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528 I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement 1915 01:23:53,611 --> 01:23:57,532 making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite. 1916 01:23:57,615 --> 01:24:00,285 Christmas was dead to me now. 1917 01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,745 -Hello? -Hey, Trotter. 1918 01:24:01,828 --> 01:24:03,371 -Hey. -You didn't get one either? 1919 01:24:03,455 --> 01:24:06,166 -Nah, I got a Chia Pet. -You got a Chia Pet? 1920 01:24:06,249 --> 01:24:07,459 The Hodges struck out, too. 1921 01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,253 Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges. 1922 01:24:10,336 --> 01:24:13,715 They just got a new bike... to share. 1923 01:24:13,798 --> 01:24:15,467 Yep. 1924 01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,469 Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So... 1925 01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,595 Yeah, right. 1926 01:24:18,678 --> 01:24:20,805 I guess we all struck out. 1927 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890 Well, I gotta go. 1928 01:24:21,973 --> 01:24:23,016 -See ya. -See ya, man. 1929 01:24:23,099 --> 01:24:24,058 [line disconnects] 1930 01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,102 [sighs] 1931 01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,857 [Annie] Wait a second. So, you didn't get one? 1932 01:24:30,940 --> 01:24:32,901 None of your friends got one? 1933 01:24:32,984 --> 01:24:35,111 What kind of a story is this? 1934 01:24:35,195 --> 01:24:37,322 Whose Nintendo were we even playing? 1935 01:24:39,324 --> 01:24:41,451 Here, come with me. 1936 01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:46,831 [Kathy] ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag. 1937 01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,666 [Kathy speaking indistinctly] 1938 01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754 We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy. 1939 01:24:52,837 --> 01:24:54,714 You've been in our car. I've seen you in it. 1940 01:24:54,798 --> 01:24:56,132 You know how big it is. 1941 01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:58,218 John, you're getting a little bit of a tone. 1942 01:24:58,301 --> 01:25:00,345 I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning. 1943 01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,514 No. I'm not hitting traffic. 1944 01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,098 -Jake! -What? 1945 01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,517 Oh. 1946 01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,186 Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay? 1947 01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,188 So, get a shovel and pick it up. 1948 01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,190 Why? I mean, come on. Please? 1949 01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,525 It's Christmas. 1950 01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,154 Fine. 1951 01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,205 Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy. 1952 01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,249 -We gotta go. -Yep. 1953 01:25:29,332 --> 01:25:31,584 [John] Hey, start with the ones behind the shed. 1954 01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,889 Dad! The floodlights! 1955 01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,019 [adult Jake] And there, high above the frozen dog poo 1956 01:25:50,103 --> 01:25:52,188 that had become the bane of my existence 1957 01:25:52,272 --> 01:25:56,609 was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on. 1958 01:25:56,693 --> 01:25:57,902 Whoa! 1959 01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,362 A tree fort. 1960 01:25:59,445 --> 01:26:03,283 A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort. 1961 01:26:05,285 --> 01:26:07,954 Oh, it was breathtaking. 1962 01:26:19,924 --> 01:26:21,217 Wow. 1963 01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,596 Wowee. 1964 01:26:26,472 --> 01:26:28,308 It has a trapdoor! 1965 01:26:28,391 --> 01:26:33,104 Your dad was up all night finishing it. 1966 01:26:35,982 --> 01:26:38,109 No, careful by the paint! 1967 01:26:38,192 --> 01:26:39,235 It still looks wet. 1968 01:26:45,241 --> 01:26:48,036 Dad! It's awesome! 1969 01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:51,164 I'm gonna get the video camera. 1970 01:26:51,956 --> 01:26:53,750 Nah, nah. 1971 01:26:53,833 --> 01:26:55,376 -No? -Nah. 1972 01:26:56,794 --> 01:26:58,046 Let him be. 1973 01:27:07,513 --> 01:27:08,389 [sighs] 1974 01:27:09,766 --> 01:27:10,892 [chuckles] 1975 01:27:10,975 --> 01:27:12,644 So, Dad... 1976 01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,813 the Nintendo was here in the fort, right? 1977 01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,441 It was somewhere hidden in here? 1978 01:27:18,524 --> 01:27:19,817 Nope. 1979 01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,319 Then how'd you get it? 1980 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,447 I never got it as a present. I had to work for it. 1981 01:27:24,530 --> 01:27:27,825 Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course. 1982 01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,454 Then Grandpa said I could buy my own. 1983 01:27:31,537 --> 01:27:35,500 But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present. 1984 01:27:37,043 --> 01:27:38,336 Mmm-hmm. 1985 01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,630 It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's. 1986 01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590 Me, too. 1987 01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:47,011 [Kathy] Dinner's ready! Come on in! 1988 01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764 Grandma! Hi, Grandma! 1989 01:27:49,847 --> 01:27:52,100 Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back. 1990 01:27:52,183 --> 01:27:53,393 Well, we are. 1991 01:27:53,476 --> 01:27:55,061 Now get your buns in here and give me a hug. 1992 01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,377 Phew. 1993 01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,048 [sniffing] 1994 01:28:25,341 --> 01:28:26,759 Smell that? 1995 01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,261 [inhaling deeply] 1996 01:28:28,344 --> 01:28:29,470 Fresh air? 1997 01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:32,390 Fresh air. 1998 01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,059 Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh? 1999 01:28:37,854 --> 01:28:39,313 Thanks for your help. 2000 01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:41,607 [clicking] 2001 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:44,027 Here. Carve your initial. 2002 01:28:44,110 --> 01:28:47,030 Every good craftsman leaves their mark. 2003 01:28:47,113 --> 01:28:48,823 That's a good spot. 2004 01:28:50,366 --> 01:28:51,367 There you go. 2005 01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,746 [John] There, you got it. Yeah. 2006 01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,623 Not bad. 2007 01:28:57,707 --> 01:29:02,128 Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower. 2008 01:29:02,962 --> 01:29:05,590 Totally. 2009 01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:11,262 [adult Jake] Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures 2010 01:29:11,345 --> 01:29:13,014 that undoubtedly lay ahead. 2011 01:29:13,097 --> 01:29:15,767 Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges 2012 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186 ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer 2013 01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:22,148 and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes. 2014 01:29:25,359 --> 01:29:27,528 And then a dog was crushed by a TV. 2015 01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:30,448 Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip. 2016 01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,450 It was the most crazy story I've ever heard. 2017 01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,494 Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing. 2018 01:29:34,577 --> 01:29:38,331 So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right? 2019 01:29:38,414 --> 01:29:40,083 Yes, Annie, but I had a point. 2020 01:29:40,166 --> 01:29:41,959 I know your point, Dad. 2021 01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045 I'm not getting a phone, 2022 01:29:44,128 --> 01:29:45,963 but Christmas can still be great. 2023 01:29:46,839 --> 01:29:49,717 That... Yeah, pretty much. 2024 01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,427 But you left out the best part. 2025 01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:53,888 Yes. Our matching purple floral boots. 2026 01:29:53,971 --> 01:29:56,307 Katie Sorrentino, I would never. 2027 01:29:56,390 --> 01:29:57,975 -[Kathy] Okay. -Really? 2028 01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,771 Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great. 2029 01:30:01,854 --> 01:30:03,439 [Annie] No, Dad. 2030 01:30:03,523 --> 01:30:05,733 That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing. 2031 01:30:14,951 --> 01:30:18,037 Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything. 2032 01:30:18,121 --> 01:30:19,163 [both chuckle] 2033 01:30:37,557 --> 01:30:38,683 [sighs] 2034 01:30:41,144 --> 01:30:42,645 Thanks, kiddo. 2035 01:30:42,728 --> 01:30:44,897 You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools 2036 01:30:44,981 --> 01:30:46,524 and work on the fort tomorrow? 2037 01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,152 Yeah. 2038 01:30:50,403 --> 01:30:51,821 I think he'd like that. 2039 01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:58,035 [adult Jake] Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot 2040 01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,413 and could never quite finish the kitchen. 2041 01:31:00,496 --> 01:31:02,165 He was a magician. 2042 01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:04,000 He was a hero. 2043 01:31:05,001 --> 01:31:07,336 He was my dad. 2044 01:31:09,755 --> 01:31:11,257 Come on. 2045 01:31:11,340 --> 01:31:12,508 Gotta hit the road. 2046 01:31:13,676 --> 01:31:15,261 Don't wanna hit any traffic. 2047 01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305 Okay. 2048 01:31:20,349 --> 01:31:21,434 [groans] 2049 01:31:25,479 --> 01:31:26,522 All right. 2050 01:31:31,861 --> 01:31:33,446 -Hey, Dad? -Yeah? 2051 01:31:35,198 --> 01:31:37,158 Merry Christmas. 2052 01:31:37,241 --> 01:31:38,951 Merry Christmas, Jake. 140184