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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:43,456 --> 00:00:46,450 [MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:21,143 Peter, what have you done? 3 00:02:31,096 --> 00:02:32,763 Do you want to hear a Christmas story? 4 00:02:48,991 --> 00:02:51,955 [LAUGHTER] 5 00:03:04,905 --> 00:03:06,193 Oh, Chloe. 6 00:03:06,193 --> 00:03:08,023 What do you think you're doing? 7 00:03:08,023 --> 00:03:10,073 I saw a Santa, Toby. 8 00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:10,873 Really? 9 00:03:10,873 --> 00:03:12,043 Yeah, he was in the drive. 10 00:03:12,043 --> 00:03:13,341 I saw him with his friends. 11 00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:14,383 You were just dreaming. 12 00:03:14,383 --> 00:03:15,283 Go back to sleep. 13 00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:17,083 Please, Toby, come and look. 14 00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:18,133 Go away. 15 00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,468 Please, Toby, come look. 16 00:03:21,973 --> 00:03:23,683 So annoying. 17 00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:26,173 Yeah, the kids are asleep. 18 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,973 And we're looking forward to seeing you, 19 00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:30,733 but Toby's probably going to be too busy with his new killer 20 00:03:30,733 --> 00:03:33,613 elf game. 21 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,713 Yeah, Chloe's going to love her new doll. 22 00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:41,463 You know Sean, he's anything. 23 00:03:41,463 --> 00:03:45,293 Do you need us to bring anything with us? 24 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,183 OK, well, if you're sure. 25 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:48,183 See you tomorrow, mom. 26 00:03:48,183 --> 00:03:48,983 Love you. 27 00:03:48,983 --> 00:03:49,783 Bye. 28 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,673 See, no one's there. 29 00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:56,843 But I saw them. 30 00:03:59,909 --> 00:04:02,006 You were just dreaming. 31 00:04:02,006 --> 00:04:04,964 (DOG BARKING) 32 00:04:11,463 --> 00:04:13,788 Rufus, shut up or I'll chop your balls off. 33 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,122 I swear I saw him. 34 00:04:21,122 --> 00:04:23,163 He was with an elf and a snowman. 35 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:26,343 I'm sure he was, but you're not supposed to see Santa, 36 00:04:26,343 --> 00:04:29,028 so don't let him know, or he'll take all your presents. 37 00:04:38,733 --> 00:04:41,398 Polly, close the window. 38 00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:42,198 It's cold. 39 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,873 [LAUGHTER] 40 00:05:03,873 --> 00:05:04,673 Dad. 41 00:05:17,463 --> 00:05:18,978 Dad. 42 00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:20,228 It's a terrible Santa costume. 43 00:05:57,622 --> 00:06:01,653 I'm your snowman, short and fat. 44 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:05,243 Here's my scarf and here's my hat. 45 00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:08,003 When I see the snowfall, hear me shout. 46 00:06:13,023 --> 00:06:15,588 All the little children please come out. 47 00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:24,868 Santa. 48 00:06:29,283 --> 00:06:32,763 You don't look like I thought you would, Santa. 49 00:06:32,763 --> 00:06:34,188 Did you have an accident? 50 00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:39,993 Yes, little girl. 51 00:06:39,993 --> 00:06:44,953 Santa had a very bad accident this year. 52 00:06:44,953 --> 00:06:47,013 Did your sleigh crash? 53 00:06:47,013 --> 00:06:48,408 Are your reindeer OK? 54 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,858 What's your name? 55 00:06:53,858 --> 00:06:54,658 Chloe. 56 00:07:01,073 --> 00:07:04,373 Would you like a present, Chloe? 57 00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:05,738 Yes please, Santa. 58 00:07:13,343 --> 00:07:15,983 This belonged to another little girl's house 59 00:07:15,983 --> 00:07:18,463 that I visited. 60 00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:21,763 Would you want bunny like a friend? 61 00:07:21,763 --> 00:07:22,993 Yes, please, Santa. 62 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,663 Would you like a special present, Chloe? 63 00:07:31,663 --> 00:07:34,573 Yes, please, Santa. 64 00:07:34,573 --> 00:07:41,793 Would you and your brother want to come on that ride 65 00:07:41,793 --> 00:07:44,073 to the North Pole? 66 00:07:44,073 --> 00:07:44,973 Really? 67 00:07:44,973 --> 00:07:46,203 Yes. 68 00:07:46,203 --> 00:07:50,913 You can come and see all the fun we have in our workshops 69 00:07:50,913 --> 00:07:55,699 with the other little girls and boys. 70 00:07:55,699 --> 00:07:58,675 [LAUGHTER] 71 00:08:10,048 --> 00:08:11,923 The presence must be around here somewhere. 72 00:08:11,923 --> 00:08:13,595 Harriet, your dad's going to catch us. 73 00:08:13,595 --> 00:08:15,553 Did you know the family who used to live here 74 00:08:15,553 --> 00:08:17,803 got killed on Christmas Eve? 75 00:08:17,803 --> 00:08:19,453 Really? 76 00:08:19,453 --> 00:08:20,953 Yeah, they never found the girl. 77 00:08:20,953 --> 00:08:21,753 Hi. 78 00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,721 I'm back home. 79 00:08:26,721 --> 00:08:28,893 I bought a bigger tree than we used to. 80 00:08:28,893 --> 00:08:31,737 [SCREAMS] 81 00:08:31,737 --> 00:08:34,113 [LAUGHTER] 82 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:36,753 Mr Red, I have two new playmates. 83 00:08:36,753 --> 00:08:40,460 It's time for some fun. 84 00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:43,424 [LAUGHTER] 85 00:08:50,843 --> 00:08:52,283 Hello. 86 00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,823 We've had a call about a domestic disturbance. 87 00:08:57,528 --> 00:08:58,328 Is anyone home? 88 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:01,633 Nice house. 89 00:09:15,768 --> 00:09:16,568 Fuck. 90 00:09:21,023 --> 00:09:22,523 Great first Christmas on the beat. 91 00:09:26,673 --> 00:09:29,063 Yeah, well, it's going to be a long one. 92 00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:30,755 While you doing area search down here, 93 00:09:30,755 --> 00:09:31,838 I'll do the same upstairs. 94 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:36,323 (SINGING) The stars in the bright sky 95 00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:39,483 look down where he lay. 96 00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:40,383 Sounds like a girl. 97 00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:47,489 (SINGING) The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay. 98 00:09:51,473 --> 00:09:59,773 The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay. 99 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:08,713 The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay. 100 00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:20,303 The stars in the bright sky look down where lay, the little Lord 101 00:10:20,303 --> 00:10:26,203 Jesus asleep on the hay. 102 00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:32,413 Hey, you OK? 103 00:10:32,413 --> 00:10:34,503 Of course, I'm OK, silly. 104 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:37,873 It's Christmas. 105 00:10:37,873 --> 00:10:40,883 How do you come to join our party? 106 00:10:40,883 --> 00:10:42,113 Come on. 107 00:10:42,113 --> 00:10:43,343 Come out here with me. 108 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,273 Why? 109 00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:46,703 Where are we going? 110 00:10:46,703 --> 00:10:48,833 Somewhere safe. 111 00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:52,223 I'm always safe with Mr. Red. 112 00:10:52,223 --> 00:10:53,033 Mr. Red. 113 00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:59,833 Yes, he's the ghost of Christmas future. 114 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,513 Christmas future? 115 00:11:01,513 --> 00:11:03,253 He knows when everyone's going to die. 116 00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,918 Ray. 117 00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:10,718 Ray. 118 00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:17,308 It's the season to be jolly. 119 00:11:17,308 --> 00:11:20,043 [LAUGHTER] 120 00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:34,589 Oh, what the fuck. 121 00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:37,541 [LAUGHTER] 122 00:11:39,513 --> 00:11:42,543 I think it's time for the Christmas Holly. 123 00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:43,771 Wait. Wait. 124 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:44,813 Wait, no, no, no, no, no. 125 00:11:44,813 --> 00:11:45,613 Wait. 126 00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:47,393 Wait, no, no. 127 00:11:47,393 --> 00:12:04,843 [SCREAMS] 128 00:12:04,843 --> 00:12:06,973 Wakey wakey. 129 00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:08,713 Did you like the Christmas decorations? 130 00:12:12,673 --> 00:12:14,473 The fuck's going on? 131 00:12:14,473 --> 00:12:17,233 Mr. Red is making things ready for Christmas. 132 00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:20,533 Please help me. 133 00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:22,813 Mr. Red is helping you, silly. 134 00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:24,523 Wait. 135 00:12:24,523 --> 00:12:27,023 I recognize you. 136 00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:30,843 You're the girl that we're missing five years ago. 137 00:12:30,843 --> 00:12:31,703 Her name is Chloe. 138 00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:34,633 Yes, that's me. 139 00:12:34,633 --> 00:12:36,253 What happened to you? 140 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,563 I made new friends. 141 00:12:38,563 --> 00:12:43,090 I still see my family from time to time, especially my brother, 142 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:44,048 like a Christmas ghost. 143 00:12:49,303 --> 00:12:53,079 We had so much fun with the family of this house this year. 144 00:12:53,079 --> 00:12:55,857 [LAUGHTER] 145 00:12:57,253 --> 00:13:01,388 Those arrested, killed together, stay together. 146 00:13:01,388 --> 00:13:04,153 [LAUGHTER] 147 00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:11,323 Please. 148 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,893 Are you ready for some festive fun, Chloe. 149 00:13:14,893 --> 00:13:18,643 Mr. Red has a very fun surprise for you. 150 00:13:18,643 --> 00:13:19,843 What are you doing? 151 00:13:19,843 --> 00:13:21,733 Do you like lighting the Christmas pudding? 152 00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:22,693 Petrol. 153 00:13:22,693 --> 00:13:24,688 So much better than brandy. 154 00:13:24,688 --> 00:13:27,663 [LAUGHTER] 155 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:44,273 Please, don't do it, please. 156 00:13:44,273 --> 00:13:46,394 Don't do it. 157 00:13:46,394 --> 00:13:49,256 [SCREAMING] 158 00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:59,913 And this was a very dull Mr. Red gave to her right 159 00:13:59,913 --> 00:14:03,373 before they took a trip with all the dead bodies in the sleigh 160 00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:04,173 van. 161 00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:09,222 [LAUGHTER] 162 00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:16,443 Sleigh van. 163 00:14:16,443 --> 00:14:17,733 Oh, yeah. 164 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:20,073 Diesel is more efficient than reindeer, 165 00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:24,933 and you can get more dead bodies in a white van, especially 166 00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:25,833 kids. 167 00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:26,913 Smaller. 168 00:14:26,913 --> 00:14:28,953 What happened to the girl? 169 00:14:28,953 --> 00:14:31,683 She went into child care. 170 00:14:31,683 --> 00:14:34,073 If you can call it that. 171 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,083 Strikes me she'd have been less dysfunctional 172 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:39,023 if she'd stayed with the three escaped serial killers. 173 00:14:39,023 --> 00:14:43,103 Why were they dressed as a Santa, elf, and snowman? 174 00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:50,003 Mr. Red was a jolly arsonist who burnt down workshops. 175 00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:54,923 Mr. Green was a terrorist who mailed out Christmas crackers 176 00:14:54,923 --> 00:14:56,563 filled with explosives. 177 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:04,823 And Mr. White, well, he froze people 178 00:15:04,823 --> 00:15:08,213 to eat for Christmas dinner. 179 00:15:08,213 --> 00:15:10,793 How did they all escape at once? 180 00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:14,993 Idiots put them all on the same ward, nicknamed them 181 00:15:14,993 --> 00:15:19,303 the three Christmas nutters, although they seriously 182 00:15:19,303 --> 00:15:21,793 underestimated the effectiveness of a Christmas tree 183 00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:24,083 as a battering ram. 184 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,303 Jesus Christ. 185 00:15:26,303 --> 00:15:27,813 Oh, no. 186 00:15:27,813 --> 00:15:29,953 She never spoke to him. 187 00:15:29,953 --> 00:15:31,213 Funny, really. 188 00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:33,613 Whole festival dedicated to his birthday, 189 00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:36,463 and all anyone ever wants to do is write to me. 190 00:15:36,463 --> 00:15:39,043 The poor fucker was on a cross, died, 191 00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:40,903 and all they want is fucking presents. 192 00:15:40,903 --> 00:15:43,273 I've got enough fucking work to do at Christmas. 193 00:15:49,043 --> 00:15:53,448 Anyway, bloody Christmas. 194 00:15:53,448 --> 00:15:54,823 Now what else have I got in here? 195 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,203 Oh, yeah. 196 00:15:56,203 --> 00:16:01,423 Now this is my new Teddy bear design. 197 00:16:01,423 --> 00:16:03,073 What do you think? 198 00:16:03,073 --> 00:16:05,493 I call him cuddles. 199 00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:10,403 What happened to him? 200 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:19,846 Yeah, I think the elf in the workshop may have had issues. 201 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,763 Reminds me of another bloke I know had issues. 202 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:26,183 I tell you what, I could tell you a story about him 203 00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:27,323 that would cheer you up. 204 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,823 He looks all right. 205 00:16:35,823 --> 00:16:40,793 That is because this is Dr. White. 206 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:42,893 You wait until you meet his counterpart. 207 00:16:46,163 --> 00:16:51,653 This is a little festive tale I like to call the Ventriloquist 208 00:16:51,653 --> 00:16:53,313 Who Stole Christmas. 209 00:16:56,753 --> 00:17:00,953 So why did the man only wear one boot to town? 210 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,357 Because the weather forecast only gave 50% chance of snow. 211 00:17:08,273 --> 00:17:10,943 Hey, do you know frosty the snowman reminds 212 00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:12,243 me of my dad, Dr. White? 213 00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:13,043 Why? 214 00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:15,892 Because he used to buy you lots of slush puppies? 215 00:17:15,892 --> 00:17:19,223 No, because he said he'd come back one day. 216 00:17:24,953 --> 00:17:29,273 I had a threesome with two princesses yesterday. 217 00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:30,623 That's disgusting, Dr. White. 218 00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:31,790 Why are you telling me that? 219 00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:36,790 Because you told me to let it go. 220 00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:37,873 Not like that, I didn't. 221 00:17:37,873 --> 00:17:40,453 If you carry on like that, they'll put you on a list. 222 00:17:40,453 --> 00:17:42,583 What sort of list? 223 00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,623 A. Very naughty list. 224 00:17:44,623 --> 00:17:46,003 Cool. 225 00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:50,353 Well, I know where all the naughty girls are like Santa. 226 00:17:50,353 --> 00:17:52,603 No, not like Santa. 227 00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:54,013 Cool. 228 00:17:54,013 --> 00:17:59,613 Do you know why Santa doesn't have any kids? 229 00:17:59,613 --> 00:18:02,463 Because he only comes once a year. 230 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:05,853 Right. 231 00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:08,283 Well, I think we've seen enough. 232 00:18:08,283 --> 00:18:09,843 Mr. White. 233 00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:11,683 Don't call us. 234 00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:16,153 Well, don't call us. 235 00:18:16,153 --> 00:18:18,193 Did you not like it? 236 00:18:18,193 --> 00:18:19,723 It's not quite what we're looking 237 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,933 for for this year's outbound for the elderly Christmas 238 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,643 variety show. 239 00:18:24,643 --> 00:18:26,083 This is Margate. 240 00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:27,953 Hey, maybe you should head to Brighton. 241 00:18:27,953 --> 00:18:29,443 They like weird stuff there. 242 00:18:29,443 --> 00:18:34,553 Here they like virulent, happy families, and warm coffins. 243 00:18:34,553 --> 00:18:37,013 Oh, I mean coffees. 244 00:18:37,013 --> 00:18:40,853 I can mix it up a bit and make it a bit more progressive. 245 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:44,243 I think you've progressed as far as you can. 246 00:18:44,243 --> 00:18:47,153 Any more progressive I won't have to call the police. 247 00:18:47,153 --> 00:18:49,553 It's all just a bit, well, creepy. 248 00:18:49,553 --> 00:18:51,443 Well, Christmas is all about a fat man 249 00:18:51,443 --> 00:18:54,593 climbing into people's homes and little children's bedrooms. 250 00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:55,683 Quite, Dr. White. 251 00:18:55,683 --> 00:18:58,358 We've got lots of people to see and your time is-- 252 00:18:58,358 --> 00:19:00,683 was up. 253 00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,451 Keep it on the down low, but we've got a break dancing 254 00:19:03,451 --> 00:19:05,243 reindeer who got through to the semi-finals 255 00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:06,473 of Britain's Got Talent. 256 00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:16,303 Hugo, we've got a problem. 257 00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:18,853 What is it, Leroy? 258 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,843 It's Mrs. Crimpton. 259 00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:21,643 Oh, God. 260 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,723 She turned up to do her annual striptease. 261 00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:28,473 Oh, God. 262 00:19:28,473 --> 00:19:30,623 Has she escaped from the hospital again? 263 00:19:30,623 --> 00:19:31,433 I think so. 264 00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:34,608 She's wearing one of those gowns without the back in. 265 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,408 Oh. 266 00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:40,403 Hello, Henry. 267 00:19:40,403 --> 00:19:42,608 Oh, you're looking tired. 268 00:19:47,023 --> 00:19:49,133 You are not auditioning him. 269 00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:50,813 Don't be like that, Henry. 270 00:19:50,813 --> 00:19:54,053 Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition, 271 00:19:54,053 --> 00:19:58,333 although you are getting on a bit. 272 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,823 It's called experience. 273 00:20:00,823 --> 00:20:02,773 It's one way of putting it. 274 00:20:02,773 --> 00:20:07,483 And don't you think your act's a little bit racist these days? 275 00:20:07,483 --> 00:20:11,563 I mean, Dr. White? 276 00:20:11,563 --> 00:20:13,543 I'm a snowman. 277 00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,313 That's a politically incorrect snow 278 00:20:15,313 --> 00:20:21,433 person, unlike myself, Professor Trueheart and Bobbin Buttons. 279 00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:23,593 You're a fucking cunt. 280 00:20:23,593 --> 00:20:24,613 What did you say? 281 00:20:24,613 --> 00:20:25,663 I said you're-- 282 00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:27,793 Don't talk, Dr. White. 283 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:31,413 Are you having another meltdown? 284 00:20:31,413 --> 00:20:34,163 Rehab not go well. 285 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:35,753 He Stole my father's act. 286 00:20:35,753 --> 00:20:39,233 , Henry no one cares about your father and his lame 287 00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,853 ass forgotten show in Norway. 288 00:20:46,783 --> 00:20:48,283 Don't talk about my father. 289 00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:57,733 As the lawyers told you, there's 290 00:20:57,733 --> 00:21:01,303 not a copyright on Snowman, and Bobbins and I 291 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,013 sell a lot better than you. 292 00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,663 I mean, let's face it. 293 00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,853 It's not like I've won the children's award 294 00:21:06,853 --> 00:21:09,073 of Margate five years in a row. 295 00:21:09,073 --> 00:21:11,333 Oh, wait, that's a coincidence. 296 00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:12,133 I actually have. 297 00:21:12,133 --> 00:21:14,748 [LAUGHTER] 298 00:21:17,093 --> 00:21:22,343 I could be as big as you, but I've got principles. 299 00:21:22,343 --> 00:21:24,083 I've got a newsflash for you, Henry. 300 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:26,063 Wake up granddad. 301 00:21:26,063 --> 00:21:28,163 Your act is dead. 302 00:21:35,443 --> 00:21:38,953 For the love of God, why are there two snowmen 303 00:21:38,953 --> 00:21:41,893 having a fight on my fucking stage? 304 00:21:41,893 --> 00:21:46,798 Leroy, get them out of here and fetch me a ginseng tea. 305 00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:50,353 Fuck. 306 00:21:50,353 --> 00:21:53,083 This, is Prancer the reindeer breakdancer. 307 00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:54,613 Yeah, no shit. 308 00:21:54,613 --> 00:21:55,633 Hello. 309 00:21:55,633 --> 00:21:57,523 No, am I on stage now then or? 310 00:22:16,693 --> 00:22:18,583 Don't worry, Dr. White. 311 00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:19,963 You'll get the next job. 312 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:20,923 Yes, we will. 313 00:22:23,648 --> 00:22:24,448 Dr. White? 314 00:22:29,153 --> 00:22:30,713 These are those Christmas adverts. 315 00:22:30,713 --> 00:22:32,063 Nah, man. 316 00:22:32,063 --> 00:22:34,733 It's the bad boy, did the cookie adverts. 317 00:22:34,733 --> 00:22:36,953 Yeah, it's him. 318 00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:42,793 Come on, man. 319 00:22:42,793 --> 00:22:43,993 Cheer up. 320 00:22:43,993 --> 00:22:46,663 Yeah, it's Christmas. 321 00:22:46,663 --> 00:22:47,803 Yo, where's the puppet? 322 00:22:47,803 --> 00:22:50,773 [LAUGHTER] 323 00:23:12,593 --> 00:23:14,723 Fuck off. 324 00:23:14,723 --> 00:23:18,023 You want to see the act, big man. 325 00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:20,503 Come on. 326 00:23:20,503 --> 00:23:23,333 Don't trouble, guys. 327 00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,783 Raise your festive cheer, wacker. 328 00:23:25,783 --> 00:23:27,203 [MOCKING LAUGHTER] 329 00:23:27,203 --> 00:23:29,813 I'm Dr. White. 330 00:23:29,813 --> 00:23:31,253 What's that? 331 00:23:31,253 --> 00:23:32,905 Why don't you shut up? 332 00:23:32,905 --> 00:23:35,423 [GRUNTS] 333 00:23:35,423 --> 00:23:39,753 Man, oh, dear. 334 00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:41,328 We all know no English now. 335 00:23:52,813 --> 00:23:53,833 Come on, let's go. 336 00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:54,633 Let's go. 337 00:23:57,953 --> 00:23:59,524 [GROANING] 338 00:24:41,053 --> 00:24:43,573 Henry, what's happened to your face? 339 00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:49,983 Tragic crowd surfing accident. 340 00:24:49,983 --> 00:24:52,443 Sarcasm doesn't help with your problems. 341 00:24:52,443 --> 00:24:55,353 But what excuse do you have for your face then? 342 00:24:55,353 --> 00:24:58,893 And I thought we agreed no more puppets at our meetings. 343 00:24:58,893 --> 00:25:00,543 He's having a sudden act. 344 00:25:03,173 --> 00:25:05,603 Do you want to tell me what happened at the school? 345 00:25:05,603 --> 00:25:10,173 And that's why there'll be no snow in Africa this year 346 00:25:10,173 --> 00:25:11,943 because of your parents. 347 00:25:11,943 --> 00:25:14,013 But how are we supposed to get anywhere 348 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:15,553 if we can't use planes? 349 00:25:15,553 --> 00:25:16,353 Swim. 350 00:25:16,353 --> 00:25:18,693 I can't swim to Disneyland. 351 00:25:18,693 --> 00:25:20,973 Think of the Dolphins. 352 00:25:20,973 --> 00:25:21,993 Fuck the Dolphins. 353 00:25:21,993 --> 00:25:23,523 Oh, shut up, you little-- 354 00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,223 Cunt. 355 00:25:25,223 --> 00:25:28,973 Conservation Under National Threat. 356 00:25:28,973 --> 00:25:31,553 Exactly. 357 00:25:31,553 --> 00:25:35,873 I wasn't swearing. 358 00:25:35,873 --> 00:25:38,613 Is it any wonder you lost the job? 359 00:25:38,613 --> 00:25:40,473 Don't start that again. 360 00:25:40,473 --> 00:25:42,033 It's not funny. 361 00:25:42,033 --> 00:25:45,823 Apparently, I'm not that funny anymore. 362 00:25:45,823 --> 00:25:47,893 Going around teaching global warming to kids. 363 00:25:47,893 --> 00:25:53,663 Seriously, who cares if the ice caps melt? 364 00:25:53,663 --> 00:25:56,603 And why is it you're teaching to year-sevens? 365 00:25:56,603 --> 00:26:00,803 Because my co-worker got caught doing cocaine, shooting 366 00:26:00,803 --> 00:26:04,663 snow sprinkled cookie adverts. 367 00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:08,383 Well, the official line is you had a breakdown, 368 00:26:08,383 --> 00:26:10,213 the company didn't want to get sued, 369 00:26:10,213 --> 00:26:12,883 and what with all the kids on set and the snowman 370 00:26:12,883 --> 00:26:17,563 snorting all the snow, but yes, it's not a good look 371 00:26:17,563 --> 00:26:19,003 for a children's entertainer. 372 00:26:21,893 --> 00:26:24,743 That's all I am to you, isn't it? 373 00:26:24,743 --> 00:26:27,953 A children's entertainer. 374 00:26:27,953 --> 00:26:30,383 And I can't even get a job in Southern Panto. 375 00:26:30,383 --> 00:26:33,503 Henry, I am not your agent. 376 00:26:33,503 --> 00:26:34,883 I am your therapist. 377 00:26:34,883 --> 00:26:38,173 Yeah, so you keep reminding me. 378 00:26:38,173 --> 00:26:40,543 I can't get one of those anymore. 379 00:26:40,543 --> 00:26:46,113 Maybe it's a good idea to think about another career. 380 00:26:46,113 --> 00:26:48,873 Get out of the ventriloquist business. 381 00:26:48,873 --> 00:26:50,140 It could do you good. 382 00:26:50,140 --> 00:26:51,723 What would the memory of your father-- 383 00:26:51,723 --> 00:26:53,373 Don't say it. 384 00:26:53,373 --> 00:26:55,983 Don't mention my father. 385 00:26:59,223 --> 00:27:02,313 You always have to twist it round back to my childhood. 386 00:27:05,379 --> 00:27:09,083 You need to bury the past. 387 00:27:09,083 --> 00:27:15,563 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 388 00:27:15,563 --> 00:27:17,228 What are you saying now? 389 00:27:20,953 --> 00:27:22,708 He said you're being very helpful. 390 00:27:32,123 --> 00:27:33,273 Time's up. 391 00:27:33,273 --> 00:27:35,258 I'll see you next Friday, without the puppet. 392 00:27:43,183 --> 00:27:44,303 It's time to go. 393 00:27:44,303 --> 00:27:45,593 He's going to be here soon. 394 00:27:45,593 --> 00:27:46,463 Who cares? 395 00:27:46,463 --> 00:27:47,933 You're leaving him anyway. 396 00:27:47,933 --> 00:27:48,733 I know. 397 00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:50,123 He's fucking weird in the head. 398 00:27:50,123 --> 00:27:51,453 Just like his dad then. 399 00:27:51,453 --> 00:27:52,253 Yeah. 400 00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:54,473 You know he doesn't even talk to his mom. 401 00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:57,363 There's only something off there. 402 00:27:57,363 --> 00:27:58,403 Forget about him. 403 00:27:58,403 --> 00:27:59,595 You don't get it, Brandon. 404 00:27:59,595 --> 00:28:01,553 His dad didn't just leave him with that puppet. 405 00:28:01,553 --> 00:28:04,043 He left him with a whole load of crazy. 406 00:28:04,043 --> 00:28:06,773 I can think of a lot better things to do with my hands 407 00:28:06,773 --> 00:28:08,173 than play with a puppet. 408 00:28:08,173 --> 00:28:10,313 I'm sure you can. 409 00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:12,323 I dread to think what he thinks about you. 410 00:28:12,323 --> 00:28:13,313 Oh, don't. 411 00:28:13,313 --> 00:28:15,578 Like, it's too creepy to even think about. 412 00:28:15,578 --> 00:28:17,513 You know he's into you though. 413 00:28:17,513 --> 00:28:18,983 Yeah, I know. 414 00:28:18,983 --> 00:28:20,463 It's all for me. 415 00:28:20,463 --> 00:28:21,953 You living with him. 416 00:28:21,953 --> 00:28:24,883 Don't you think you're giving him mixed signals? 417 00:28:24,883 --> 00:28:28,043 Fuck off. 418 00:28:28,043 --> 00:28:30,406 Does he notice you stealing all this snow? 419 00:28:30,406 --> 00:28:31,823 Yeah, why do you think I'd stay? 420 00:28:31,823 --> 00:28:33,948 It'll be some perks living with the snowman, right? 421 00:28:33,948 --> 00:28:36,823 [LAUGHTER] 422 00:28:36,823 --> 00:28:40,633 Oh, and for my next trick, this assistant's 423 00:28:40,633 --> 00:28:41,933 going to make it snow. 424 00:28:41,933 --> 00:28:42,733 Fuck shit. 425 00:28:42,733 --> 00:28:44,333 He's here. 426 00:28:44,333 --> 00:28:45,133 Get dressed. 427 00:28:49,733 --> 00:28:53,133 Back early from therapy. 428 00:28:53,133 --> 00:28:54,933 What the fuck happened? 429 00:28:54,933 --> 00:28:56,253 You been drinking again. 430 00:28:56,253 --> 00:28:59,245 It's nothing. 431 00:28:59,245 --> 00:29:00,828 Where were you today for the audition? 432 00:29:04,533 --> 00:29:06,453 I really needed you. 433 00:29:06,453 --> 00:29:09,283 I told you, Henry, I don't want to be your assistant anymore. 434 00:29:09,283 --> 00:29:10,083 Don't you get it? 435 00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,813 We've not made any money since you came back from rehab. 436 00:29:12,813 --> 00:29:19,233 But listen, I've got a really good idea for a new TV show. 437 00:29:19,233 --> 00:29:22,483 It's going to be really good. 438 00:29:22,483 --> 00:29:26,723 So just wait a little longer here. 439 00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:27,608 Face it, Henry. 440 00:29:27,608 --> 00:29:29,483 You're never going to be as good as your dad. 441 00:29:32,823 --> 00:29:36,563 Please, I know that I can turn this act around. 442 00:29:36,563 --> 00:29:37,363 Don't you get it? 443 00:29:37,363 --> 00:29:40,203 People are not into this puppet stuff anymore. 444 00:29:40,203 --> 00:29:42,723 They're into like CGI and superhero shit, 445 00:29:42,723 --> 00:29:45,183 not a fucking talking snowman. 446 00:29:45,183 --> 00:29:48,843 Any day now, people are going to want puppets again. 447 00:29:48,843 --> 00:29:51,213 Listen, Henry. 448 00:29:51,213 --> 00:29:53,123 I've got an agent. 449 00:29:53,123 --> 00:29:55,776 I might as well tell you now, but I'm moving to London. 450 00:29:55,776 --> 00:29:57,443 I've actually got an audition next week. 451 00:29:57,443 --> 00:29:58,485 It's for [INAUDIBLE] too. 452 00:29:58,485 --> 00:30:02,733 It's going to be like a real art house piece. 453 00:30:02,733 --> 00:30:05,773 You can't leave me. 454 00:30:05,773 --> 00:30:08,593 If you leave me now, you'll regret it. 455 00:30:08,593 --> 00:30:12,193 Your show's shit, just like everything else you do. 456 00:30:12,193 --> 00:30:14,083 Listen, mate. 457 00:30:14,083 --> 00:30:16,753 It's over. 458 00:30:16,753 --> 00:30:18,463 Who's this? 459 00:30:18,463 --> 00:30:23,023 Someone who doesn't play with toys for a fucking living. 460 00:30:23,023 --> 00:30:24,083 What are you? 461 00:30:24,083 --> 00:30:24,883 50? 462 00:30:24,883 --> 00:30:27,243 Leave it, Brandon. 463 00:30:27,243 --> 00:30:28,633 Can't leave me for him. 464 00:30:28,633 --> 00:30:31,873 He, unlike you, he actually believes in me, 465 00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:34,093 that I'm not going to be some stupid assistant 466 00:30:34,093 --> 00:30:36,043 to a fucking freak like you. 467 00:30:41,618 --> 00:30:42,493 I won't let you go. 468 00:30:45,573 --> 00:30:48,073 You don't have a choice, mate. 469 00:31:01,573 --> 00:31:04,153 Come on, Jade. 470 00:31:04,153 --> 00:31:05,383 I'll wait in the car for you. 471 00:31:14,213 --> 00:31:16,453 It's over, Henry. 472 00:31:16,453 --> 00:31:18,373 Just like your stupid puppet show. 473 00:31:32,883 --> 00:33:27,963 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 474 00:34:52,769 --> 00:34:55,751 [MUSIC PLAYING] 475 00:35:34,043 --> 00:35:39,013 Look at you laying there. 476 00:35:39,013 --> 00:35:39,943 You're pathetic. 477 00:35:42,783 --> 00:35:45,123 You scare the kids. 478 00:35:45,123 --> 00:35:49,173 Yeah you're a loser, Henry. 479 00:35:49,173 --> 00:35:51,768 That's why you don't win any awards. 480 00:35:59,253 --> 00:36:00,723 Face it. 481 00:36:00,723 --> 00:36:05,253 You should have died in Norway like your father, 482 00:36:05,253 --> 00:36:09,940 but now, you're going to die in Margate. 483 00:36:21,803 --> 00:36:22,913 What time is it? 484 00:36:22,913 --> 00:36:24,803 It's time to get up, Henry. 485 00:36:34,833 --> 00:36:37,713 [MUSIC PLAYING] 486 00:36:47,573 --> 00:36:49,103 All right, me darling. 487 00:36:49,103 --> 00:36:52,673 Let's get you going. 488 00:36:52,673 --> 00:36:56,728 Now you've been taking your tablets because you know if you 489 00:36:56,728 --> 00:36:58,103 don't, you're going to have to go 490 00:36:58,103 --> 00:36:59,453 and stay in the special house. 491 00:36:59,453 --> 00:37:01,883 We have to sign out the knives, don't you 492 00:37:01,883 --> 00:37:04,363 if you want to make a sandwich. 493 00:37:04,363 --> 00:37:06,593 Yes. 494 00:37:06,593 --> 00:37:09,653 I've been taking my medication, Doris. 495 00:37:09,653 --> 00:37:12,663 I'm very glad to hear that, Henry. 496 00:37:12,663 --> 00:37:15,043 Now what have you got on there me lover? 497 00:37:15,043 --> 00:37:17,473 Hey, hey, hey, come on. 498 00:37:17,473 --> 00:37:21,323 This-- this is for your own safety. 499 00:37:21,323 --> 00:37:23,773 You know you're not supposed to have any ties, 500 00:37:23,773 --> 00:37:25,273 no dressing gown coats. 501 00:37:29,163 --> 00:37:31,203 Don't want to end up like your old pa. 502 00:37:43,093 --> 00:37:46,173 It was time you used getting dressed anyways. 503 00:37:46,173 --> 00:37:48,713 Dirty Doris. 504 00:37:48,713 --> 00:37:49,513 What was that? 505 00:37:53,213 --> 00:37:54,713 He said goodbye, Doris. 506 00:37:57,573 --> 00:37:59,426 Right. 507 00:37:59,426 --> 00:38:01,093 I'll go and check the rest of the place. 508 00:38:01,093 --> 00:38:01,963 Don't you move. 509 00:38:01,963 --> 00:38:02,863 I'll be right back. 510 00:38:06,103 --> 00:38:07,363 What's this doing here? 511 00:38:11,103 --> 00:38:12,483 I'll be taking this with me now. 512 00:38:24,675 --> 00:38:35,143 [BELL DINGS] 513 00:38:35,143 --> 00:38:36,203 Mr. White. 514 00:38:36,203 --> 00:38:37,333 DCI Hamilton. 515 00:38:37,333 --> 00:38:38,805 DCI Cross. 516 00:38:38,805 --> 00:38:40,513 May we come in and have a word, please. 517 00:38:44,243 --> 00:38:45,933 Is this going to take long? 518 00:38:45,933 --> 00:38:46,733 Why? 519 00:38:46,733 --> 00:38:47,941 Have you got somewhere to be? 520 00:38:50,723 --> 00:38:52,283 Yeah, I do actually. 521 00:38:52,283 --> 00:38:56,273 I've got an interview about a new TV show I'm making. 522 00:38:56,273 --> 00:38:58,523 Are you going with or without your trousers? 523 00:39:03,968 --> 00:39:05,718 Is that the puppet your dad used to use? 524 00:39:09,663 --> 00:39:11,613 Have you come about my puppet? 525 00:39:11,613 --> 00:39:17,993 No, we're not interested in booking any children's parties. 526 00:39:17,993 --> 00:39:21,213 Brian McHugh, better known as Professor Trueheart, 527 00:39:21,213 --> 00:39:22,013 has gone missing. 528 00:39:25,313 --> 00:39:27,833 Oh, I am sorry to hear that. 529 00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:31,553 His puppet's gone too. 530 00:39:31,553 --> 00:39:34,313 Well, no one would want that thing. 531 00:39:34,313 --> 00:39:37,283 Least of all, me. 532 00:39:37,283 --> 00:39:39,613 I've got my own, haven't I? 533 00:39:39,613 --> 00:39:40,993 We heard you had an altercation 534 00:39:40,993 --> 00:39:43,643 down at the Tom Thumb Theater. 535 00:39:43,643 --> 00:39:46,323 He stole my father's act. 536 00:39:46,323 --> 00:39:51,263 I was standing up for what's mine and my father's. 537 00:39:51,263 --> 00:39:52,823 He killed himself, didn't he? 538 00:39:52,823 --> 00:39:54,270 Your father? 539 00:39:54,270 --> 00:39:55,853 Must have been hard on you as a kid, 540 00:39:55,853 --> 00:39:57,270 but with your mom leaving as well. 541 00:39:57,270 --> 00:39:58,763 Yeah, where'd she go? 542 00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:01,603 Well, you tell me. 543 00:40:01,603 --> 00:40:03,793 You seem to know a lot about me. 544 00:40:03,793 --> 00:40:06,563 Well, we know your mom went missing, was never found. 545 00:40:06,563 --> 00:40:09,493 We also a group of young girls in Norway around that area 546 00:40:09,493 --> 00:40:12,263 went missing right about the same time, 547 00:40:12,263 --> 00:40:16,643 surely before your dad took his own life. 548 00:40:16,643 --> 00:40:18,503 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 549 00:41:15,843 --> 00:41:19,053 I don't like where are you going with this. 550 00:41:19,053 --> 00:41:23,553 Those young girls had nothing to do with my father. 551 00:41:23,553 --> 00:41:27,293 Just making conversation. 552 00:41:27,293 --> 00:41:29,243 So you know nothing about Brian McHugh. 553 00:41:29,243 --> 00:41:32,423 The last time I saw him was at the theater yesterday. 554 00:41:32,423 --> 00:41:35,033 Well, if you do think of anything, give us a call. 555 00:41:40,523 --> 00:41:42,843 We'll show ourselves out. 556 00:41:42,843 --> 00:41:47,143 Oh, and good luck with the TV show. 557 00:41:47,143 --> 00:41:48,838 Yeah, don't forget your trousers. 558 00:42:01,268 --> 00:42:02,068 Fuck. 559 00:42:07,823 --> 00:42:10,223 We're sorry Mr. White, but we're going to have 560 00:42:10,223 --> 00:42:11,770 to cancel your interview today. 561 00:42:11,770 --> 00:42:13,853 We don't think you're quite right for this channel 562 00:42:13,853 --> 00:42:14,701 moving forward. 563 00:42:14,701 --> 00:42:15,743 We wish you all the best. 564 00:42:22,763 --> 00:42:32,077 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 565 00:42:32,077 --> 00:42:38,445 [BELL DINGS] 566 00:42:38,445 --> 00:42:40,153 It's built for carol singers, isn't it? 567 00:42:49,773 --> 00:42:51,633 You're right? 568 00:42:51,633 --> 00:42:53,433 Who are you? 569 00:42:53,433 --> 00:42:57,253 I can be whoever you want me to be. 570 00:42:57,253 --> 00:42:58,573 I didn't call you. 571 00:42:58,573 --> 00:43:00,538 Well, someone did. 572 00:43:00,538 --> 00:43:02,038 I ain't leaving till I've been paid. 573 00:43:16,783 --> 00:43:21,123 My father once brought a girl like you back to our house. 574 00:43:21,123 --> 00:43:21,923 Oh, yeah. 575 00:43:32,898 --> 00:43:34,148 Would you like a cup of tea? 576 00:43:37,333 --> 00:43:39,053 Don't know the first thing I'm asked? 577 00:43:39,053 --> 00:43:39,893 Go on then. 578 00:43:39,893 --> 00:43:40,943 Milk, no sugar. 579 00:43:40,943 --> 00:43:41,753 Sweet enough. 580 00:43:53,483 --> 00:43:56,663 What the fuck is this thing? 581 00:43:56,663 --> 00:43:57,503 That's Dr. White. 582 00:43:59,773 --> 00:44:00,573 What? 583 00:44:00,573 --> 00:44:02,973 I always get the weird ones. 584 00:44:02,973 --> 00:44:03,813 Why is he a doctor? 585 00:44:06,883 --> 00:44:10,403 He fixes things, especially people. 586 00:44:13,493 --> 00:44:16,023 Well, I like what you've done with the place. 587 00:44:16,023 --> 00:44:17,573 Makes a change in the back of a car. 588 00:44:20,338 --> 00:44:29,833 [MUSIC PLAYING] 589 00:44:29,833 --> 00:44:32,023 Got any biscuits? 590 00:44:32,023 --> 00:44:34,753 No, sorry. 591 00:44:34,753 --> 00:44:37,523 I'm on a diet. 592 00:44:37,523 --> 00:44:40,803 The doctor said I've got to cut back. 593 00:44:40,803 --> 00:44:43,353 A real doctor or doctor puppet? 594 00:44:45,923 --> 00:44:48,233 Dr. White is a real doctor. 595 00:44:48,233 --> 00:44:50,183 Sorry if I hurt his feelings. 596 00:44:55,653 --> 00:44:57,483 Hey, could I record you? 597 00:44:57,483 --> 00:45:00,123 I don't do videos, mate. 598 00:45:00,123 --> 00:45:04,603 No, Dr. White and I are putting together a new act. 599 00:45:04,603 --> 00:45:05,713 Act? 600 00:45:05,713 --> 00:45:07,463 Yeah. 601 00:45:07,463 --> 00:45:12,033 We're putting together a pilot for a new TV show. 602 00:45:12,033 --> 00:45:17,253 Our last assistant left. 603 00:45:17,253 --> 00:45:21,553 Hey, would you like to be the star of my new show? 604 00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:23,043 I'm-- I'm not sure. 605 00:45:23,043 --> 00:45:25,466 Yeah, let me show you what Dr. White 606 00:45:25,466 --> 00:45:26,758 and I've been putting together. 607 00:45:33,923 --> 00:45:34,783 What is this? 608 00:45:49,726 --> 00:45:50,768 I'm leaving now, Henry. 609 00:46:00,383 --> 00:46:02,333 The fuck is wrong with you, Henry? 610 00:46:02,333 --> 00:46:05,318 Don't talk to him, he just pulls the sleigh. 611 00:46:09,563 --> 00:46:11,673 Jade, what's taking you so long? 612 00:46:11,673 --> 00:46:12,473 [MUSIC PLAYING] 613 00:46:12,473 --> 00:46:15,893 [INAUDIBLE] have turned white. 614 00:46:15,893 --> 00:46:18,753 Santa is dropping bombs tonight. 615 00:46:18,753 --> 00:46:19,553 Jade. 616 00:46:19,553 --> 00:46:20,353 [MUSIC PLAYING] 617 00:46:20,353 --> 00:46:29,003 It's getting cold is the snow, and I know you won't be home. 618 00:46:29,003 --> 00:46:34,093 I'm changing you in fall out light. 619 00:46:34,093 --> 00:46:38,203 And I can see your lips turning blue. 620 00:46:38,203 --> 00:46:39,198 I shouldn't-- 621 00:46:39,198 --> 00:46:39,998 What the fuck? 622 00:46:42,993 --> 00:46:46,013 What the fuck, you sick fucking bastard! 623 00:46:46,013 --> 00:46:46,853 Please, no. 624 00:46:46,853 --> 00:46:48,653 [CRYING], please. 625 00:46:48,653 --> 00:46:51,233 Get off me! 626 00:46:51,233 --> 00:46:54,173 Fucking bastard, let me go! 627 00:46:54,173 --> 00:46:57,963 He's got brain freeze. 628 00:46:57,963 --> 00:47:00,953 [LAUGHTER] 629 00:47:00,953 --> 00:47:12,283 [SCREAMING] 630 00:47:12,283 --> 00:47:13,083 [MUSIC PLAYING] 631 00:47:13,083 --> 00:47:16,855 They would be pulling out of town. 632 00:47:16,855 --> 00:47:18,331 Starting [INAUDIBLE]. 633 00:47:22,273 --> 00:47:31,464 My hunting rifle ordered here, watching ash fall from the sky, 634 00:47:31,464 --> 00:47:32,264 Henry. 635 00:47:34,571 --> 00:47:35,371 [MUSIC PLAYING] 636 00:47:35,371 --> 00:47:39,083 None of the children gone to hunt-- 637 00:47:41,693 --> 00:47:44,543 Henry. 638 00:47:44,543 --> 00:47:46,163 This Pinocchio. 639 00:47:46,163 --> 00:47:47,993 Let me go, please. 640 00:47:47,993 --> 00:47:51,833 Thought he was a real boy. 641 00:47:51,833 --> 00:47:53,053 No! 642 00:47:53,053 --> 00:47:55,373 Dr. White, fix him. 643 00:47:58,283 --> 00:48:02,393 I got strings to hold me up. 644 00:48:02,393 --> 00:48:06,295 Pinocchio, he's waving at you through the River Martis. 645 00:48:06,295 --> 00:48:08,320 [SINISTER LAUGHTER] 646 00:48:10,665 --> 00:48:12,263 Please let me go. 647 00:48:12,263 --> 00:48:14,084 [CRYING] 648 00:48:14,084 --> 00:48:16,773 [SCREAMING] 649 00:48:16,773 --> 00:48:17,573 No. 650 00:48:19,878 --> 00:48:20,678 No. 651 00:48:25,923 --> 00:48:28,803 The puppet show. 652 00:48:28,803 --> 00:48:31,065 [LAUGHTER] 653 00:48:33,983 --> 00:48:38,553 Oh, Oh, Franza, what are you doing? 654 00:48:38,553 --> 00:48:41,073 Oh, I'm just hanging around. 655 00:48:41,073 --> 00:48:44,253 [LAUGHTER] 656 00:48:44,253 --> 00:48:48,153 I was stupid to think that I could ever replace 657 00:48:48,153 --> 00:48:51,633 this sweet and talented Henry. 658 00:48:51,633 --> 00:48:58,073 Wolfe, he's got the best act in the whole of Margate. 659 00:48:58,073 --> 00:49:00,971 [LAUGHTER] 660 00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:09,663 Oh, my God. 661 00:49:09,663 --> 00:49:10,653 Jesus. 662 00:49:10,653 --> 00:49:11,673 Oh, my God. 663 00:49:11,673 --> 00:49:12,933 Oh, my God. 664 00:49:12,933 --> 00:49:14,163 Oh, God. 665 00:49:14,163 --> 00:49:15,343 Oh, shit. 666 00:49:15,343 --> 00:49:17,133 Oh, oh, my God. 667 00:49:22,113 --> 00:49:24,603 I haven't been taking my happy pills. 668 00:49:24,603 --> 00:49:27,369 [LAUGHTER] 669 00:49:29,683 --> 00:49:31,963 I didn't need a mouth. 670 00:49:31,963 --> 00:49:34,393 Consider yourself checked out. 671 00:49:41,263 --> 00:49:43,888 I wonder what they're dreaming about. 672 00:49:57,203 --> 00:50:02,443 Henry, what are you doing. 673 00:50:02,443 --> 00:50:04,243 I'm sorry. 674 00:50:04,243 --> 00:50:06,073 I brought the puppet with me again. 675 00:50:09,093 --> 00:50:10,623 We've been having fun. 676 00:50:14,193 --> 00:50:16,993 Henry, you're not supposed to be here. 677 00:50:16,993 --> 00:50:18,543 You were right. 678 00:50:18,543 --> 00:50:23,733 There are some things I didn't tell you about my father. 679 00:50:23,733 --> 00:50:27,663 He used to kill young girls. 680 00:50:27,663 --> 00:50:32,433 And then he'd make love to their bodies in the snow. 681 00:50:32,433 --> 00:50:35,448 My mother found his trophies. 682 00:50:35,448 --> 00:50:46,253 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 683 00:50:46,253 --> 00:50:48,173 That's why she had to die. 684 00:50:51,323 --> 00:50:53,003 He wasn't all bad, though. 685 00:50:53,003 --> 00:50:54,233 He dealt with those bullies. 686 00:51:04,783 --> 00:51:06,843 Just going to call for help. 687 00:51:06,843 --> 00:51:09,243 There's no help. 688 00:51:09,243 --> 00:51:11,163 Dr. White got rid of them all. 689 00:51:28,993 --> 00:51:32,078 Oh, I'm sorry, we're out of time. 690 00:51:37,313 --> 00:51:39,833 Oh, that'll be our date. 691 00:51:39,833 --> 00:51:42,463 Let's put the awards out. 692 00:51:42,463 --> 00:51:43,768 You dirty old bugger. 693 00:51:50,259 --> 00:51:52,243 [DOOR CREAKING] 694 00:51:56,707 --> 00:52:02,163 [LAUGHTER] 695 00:52:02,163 --> 00:52:03,653 [CAT CALL] 696 00:52:03,653 --> 00:52:05,113 Fuck off. 697 00:52:05,113 --> 00:52:06,253 Right, darling. 698 00:52:06,253 --> 00:52:10,873 Want us to show you a good time this Christmas? 699 00:52:10,873 --> 00:52:13,803 [JINGLE BELLS] 700 00:52:13,803 --> 00:52:16,762 Mate, did you hear that? 701 00:52:16,762 --> 00:52:19,257 [JINGLE BELLS] 702 00:52:31,748 --> 00:52:32,548 Guys. 703 00:52:32,548 --> 00:52:35,398 [GASPING] 704 00:52:35,398 --> 00:52:38,368 [JINGLE BELLS] 705 00:52:58,663 --> 00:53:01,393 [SCREAMS] 706 00:53:19,443 --> 00:53:22,713 So why did the man want a divorce? 707 00:53:22,713 --> 00:53:25,233 Because his wife was a total flake. 708 00:53:25,233 --> 00:53:26,983 [LAUGHTER] 709 00:53:26,983 --> 00:53:27,783 Thank you. 710 00:53:27,783 --> 00:53:29,643 Thank you. 711 00:53:29,643 --> 00:53:31,353 Tough crowd, Dr. White. 712 00:53:38,773 --> 00:53:41,603 Eloy, where are you? 713 00:53:41,603 --> 00:53:45,023 I told you to lock up. 714 00:53:45,023 --> 00:53:48,548 Franza, I told you you didn't make the cut. 715 00:54:10,983 --> 00:54:15,553 I remember laying in bed as a kid waiting for Santa to come. 716 00:54:15,553 --> 00:54:17,433 Oh, yes, Dr. White. 717 00:54:17,433 --> 00:54:21,093 Yes, then there was always that awkward silence 718 00:54:21,093 --> 00:54:22,608 as he got dressed and left. 719 00:54:30,933 --> 00:54:34,763 They're still not laughing, Henry. 720 00:54:34,763 --> 00:54:37,493 That's because you knocked them dead, Dr. White. 721 00:54:37,493 --> 00:54:40,421 [MUSIC PLAYING] 722 00:54:51,673 --> 00:54:53,443 So what do you think. 723 00:54:57,463 --> 00:55:00,453 I have a great role for you. 724 00:55:00,453 --> 00:55:01,753 Can I use your bathroom? 725 00:55:01,753 --> 00:55:02,553 Sure. 726 00:55:02,553 --> 00:55:06,110 Me and Dr. White I'll be waiting for you. 727 00:55:06,110 --> 00:55:07,443 Can't wait to get your feedback. 728 00:55:25,873 --> 00:55:28,423 What's taking you so long? 729 00:55:28,423 --> 00:55:30,883 Dr. White is worried about you. 730 00:55:30,883 --> 00:55:32,023 I'll be out in a sec. 731 00:55:35,413 --> 00:55:37,513 We're going to make you a star. 732 00:55:37,513 --> 00:55:38,503 Stay away from me. 733 00:55:43,393 --> 00:55:47,083 This Christmas, everyone's got to love puppets again. 734 00:56:07,439 --> 00:56:09,251 We come with a search wa-- 735 00:56:16,078 --> 00:56:17,453 I think I just killed a client. 736 00:56:20,093 --> 00:56:21,747 Bloody Christmas. 737 00:56:21,747 --> 00:56:23,563 [MUSIC PLAYING] 738 00:56:23,563 --> 00:56:31,683 Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo 739 00:56:31,683 --> 00:56:40,343 doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo 740 00:56:40,343 --> 00:56:46,793 doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo 741 00:56:46,793 --> 00:56:56,983 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] 742 00:56:56,983 --> 00:56:59,803 How would you like to make a snowman? 743 00:56:59,803 --> 00:57:02,563 Like Dr. White? 744 00:57:02,563 --> 00:57:04,963 No, I want to make a normal snowman. 745 00:57:04,963 --> 00:57:07,973 Aha, normal snowmen are boring. 746 00:57:07,973 --> 00:57:11,623 They just melt like humans and let you down. 747 00:57:11,623 --> 00:57:13,573 Humans don't melt. 748 00:57:13,573 --> 00:57:15,823 They do if you put them in a blast furnace, 749 00:57:15,823 --> 00:57:17,443 or pour acid on them. 750 00:57:17,443 --> 00:57:21,403 Why have you come especially for me, Santa? 751 00:57:21,403 --> 00:57:25,003 I've been told you've been feeling unwell, 752 00:57:25,003 --> 00:57:27,373 and your parents called me up from North Pole 753 00:57:27,373 --> 00:57:30,403 to cheer you up. 754 00:57:30,403 --> 00:57:33,523 Well, I'm-- I'm feeling a lot better now. 755 00:57:33,523 --> 00:57:36,493 I wouldn't want to hold you up delivering presents. 756 00:57:36,493 --> 00:57:38,863 Oh, don't you worry about them. 757 00:57:38,863 --> 00:57:43,293 Most of the other kids have been naughty this year. 758 00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:48,023 I know a kid of your age who was visited by Krampus instead. 759 00:57:48,023 --> 00:57:49,193 Krampus? 760 00:57:49,193 --> 00:57:53,543 However bad you might feel this Christmas, 761 00:57:53,543 --> 00:57:58,403 it is nothing like being visited by Krampus. 762 00:57:58,403 --> 00:58:02,873 Now this is a little story me and my elves 763 00:58:02,873 --> 00:58:07,043 call Merry Krampus. 764 00:58:07,043 --> 00:58:16,618 And this, this is the last toy Luke ever played with. 765 00:58:19,223 --> 00:58:20,023 Come on, Luke. 766 00:58:20,023 --> 00:58:21,393 Time for bed. 767 00:58:21,393 --> 00:58:23,810 You know it's your last day of school before the Christmas 768 00:58:23,810 --> 00:58:25,123 holidays tomorrow. 769 00:58:25,123 --> 00:58:25,923 Come on. 770 00:58:31,603 --> 00:58:36,463 Will daddy you come and visit us this Christmas? 771 00:58:36,463 --> 00:58:38,893 Or will he stay with the new lady he likes? 772 00:58:42,303 --> 00:58:46,383 I guess I won't be getting into the robot toy this Christmas. 773 00:58:46,383 --> 00:58:48,963 I'm sure daddy's going to get you something really nice 774 00:58:48,963 --> 00:58:50,133 for Christmas. 775 00:58:50,133 --> 00:58:52,228 You know he loves you very much. 776 00:58:52,228 --> 00:58:53,028 And you? 777 00:58:58,213 --> 00:59:00,328 Like I said, he loves you very, very much. 778 00:59:03,053 --> 00:59:04,613 Sweet dreams, OK? 779 00:59:09,882 --> 00:59:12,756 [PHONE RINGING] 780 00:59:16,123 --> 00:59:18,613 Hey, where are you? 781 00:59:18,613 --> 00:59:20,323 Nowhere. 782 00:59:20,323 --> 00:59:21,223 Well, hurry up. 783 00:59:21,223 --> 00:59:23,473 I have a surprise waiting for you. 784 00:59:23,473 --> 00:59:24,883 I'm freezing my tits off. 785 00:59:24,883 --> 00:59:26,833 It's winter. 786 00:59:26,833 --> 00:59:27,633 Right bye. 787 00:59:41,025 --> 00:59:44,001 [MUSIC PLAYING] 788 00:59:52,929 --> 00:59:55,905 [SOBBING] 789 01:00:08,803 --> 01:00:11,233 So, Louise, how are you getting on? 790 01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:15,683 I know Christmas can be a particularly hard time of year. 791 01:00:15,683 --> 01:00:17,093 I'm OK. 792 01:00:17,093 --> 01:00:19,913 The antidepressants are really helping. 793 01:00:19,913 --> 01:00:22,823 And you're not leaning too much on the drink. 794 01:00:22,823 --> 01:00:26,213 Oh, God, no, that's just like a bit of Christmas cheer. 795 01:00:28,733 --> 01:00:30,053 And how are the kids? 796 01:00:30,053 --> 01:00:31,433 The kids are fine. 797 01:00:31,433 --> 01:00:33,473 The kids are really good. 798 01:00:33,473 --> 01:00:36,113 So last day of school today before the Christmas holidays. 799 01:00:36,113 --> 01:00:39,123 I think they're really excited. 800 01:00:39,123 --> 01:00:41,903 Anywhere from the dads? 801 01:00:41,903 --> 01:00:43,103 Nothing. 802 01:00:43,103 --> 01:00:46,263 Anything to get out of paying child support. 803 01:00:46,263 --> 01:00:49,043 Now two of them have walked out on me. 804 01:00:49,043 --> 01:00:52,343 OK, well, if you need anything, you and the kids 805 01:00:52,343 --> 01:00:54,023 just give me a call, OK? 806 01:00:54,023 --> 01:00:54,893 Thank you. 807 01:01:08,153 --> 01:01:11,253 You are all right, Luke? 808 01:01:11,253 --> 01:01:13,293 I'm fine. 809 01:01:13,293 --> 01:01:14,113 I'm not hungry. 810 01:01:14,113 --> 01:01:16,893 I'm going to go to bed. 811 01:01:16,893 --> 01:01:20,365 Mom, are you going to do anything? 812 01:01:20,365 --> 01:01:22,323 If he's not hungry, what am I supposed to do? 813 01:01:22,323 --> 01:01:24,073 Force feed him like he's on hunger strike? 814 01:01:24,073 --> 01:01:25,743 This isn't a prison. 815 01:01:25,743 --> 01:01:27,693 Prison food would be better though. 816 01:01:27,693 --> 01:01:30,993 This is all we can afford right now. 817 01:01:30,993 --> 01:01:32,433 Since you lost your job. 818 01:01:32,433 --> 01:01:34,803 Yes, Diana, since I lost my job. 819 01:01:34,803 --> 01:01:37,053 Well, I can't wait to find out what Christmas dinner 820 01:01:37,053 --> 01:01:38,703 is going to be like tomorrow. 821 01:01:38,703 --> 01:01:40,863 Some kids were picking on Luke, 822 01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:43,773 and they said that it was his fault that dad left like ours. 823 01:01:43,773 --> 01:01:45,546 But that's ridiculous. 824 01:01:45,546 --> 01:01:47,463 They also said that Krampus is going to come 825 01:01:47,463 --> 01:01:49,173 visit us this Christmas. 826 01:01:49,173 --> 01:01:51,393 Krampus-- you've got to stop listening 827 01:01:51,393 --> 01:01:54,266 to this stupid rubbish, OK? 828 01:01:54,266 --> 01:01:56,058 This house is too depressing for Krampus. 829 01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,653 Did any of the neighbors see you creep over the fence? 830 01:02:24,653 --> 01:02:27,113 No, I don't think so. 831 01:02:27,113 --> 01:02:28,523 Did he really live here? 832 01:02:28,523 --> 01:02:29,423 Yeah. 833 01:02:29,423 --> 01:02:31,048 Did the old man who lived here really 834 01:02:31,048 --> 01:02:32,243 tell people he was Krampus? 835 01:02:32,243 --> 01:02:34,343 Yeah, he was like that guy Wayne Gacy 836 01:02:34,343 --> 01:02:35,691 that dressed up as a clown. 837 01:02:35,691 --> 01:02:37,733 Why would any parent want to invite the Krampus 838 01:02:37,733 --> 01:02:39,023 to their kid's party? 839 01:02:39,023 --> 01:02:41,063 To scare them if they've been naughty maybe. 840 01:02:41,063 --> 01:02:42,143 Beats Cole. 841 01:02:42,143 --> 01:02:43,753 When did he die? 842 01:02:43,753 --> 01:02:46,253 They found him hanging dead upstairs from a Christmas tree 843 01:02:46,253 --> 01:02:47,543 last year. 844 01:02:47,543 --> 01:02:49,555 I haven't been able to sell her since. 845 01:02:49,555 --> 01:02:51,263 Apparently, you had a book on pagan magic 846 01:02:51,263 --> 01:02:52,971 and was trying to raise the real Krampus. 847 01:02:57,683 --> 01:03:00,203 [SCREAMS] 848 01:03:01,553 --> 01:03:02,993 That was so funny, Lily. 849 01:03:02,993 --> 01:03:05,753 You guys suck. 850 01:03:05,753 --> 01:03:07,553 I'm going to call my parents on you. 851 01:03:07,553 --> 01:03:08,933 It was only a joke, Lily. 852 01:03:08,933 --> 01:03:10,883 Maybe we were a bit mean, guys. 853 01:03:10,883 --> 01:03:12,503 You're such a sissy, Benjie. 854 01:03:12,503 --> 01:03:13,403 It's hilarious. 855 01:03:18,773 --> 01:03:19,943 Stupid boys. 856 01:03:24,403 --> 01:03:28,878 Really how stupid do you think I am? 857 01:03:28,878 --> 01:03:30,628 Look what I found in one of the drawers. 858 01:03:33,593 --> 01:03:37,163 Maybe that's the poem he used to raise Krampus. 859 01:03:37,163 --> 01:03:38,973 Children, take this into account. 860 01:03:38,973 --> 01:03:40,443 Have you been bad this year? 861 01:03:40,443 --> 01:03:42,293 Tonight's the night that Krampus comes. 862 01:03:42,293 --> 01:03:43,883 Have you something to fear? 863 01:03:43,883 --> 01:03:45,383 If you're a good child, you'll sleep 864 01:03:45,383 --> 01:03:47,093 well for he will pass you by. 865 01:03:47,093 --> 01:03:49,553 But if you are a naughty child, he'll hang you out to dry. 866 01:03:49,553 --> 01:03:51,053 I think we should get out of here. 867 01:03:51,053 --> 01:03:52,253 I think he's right, Craig. 868 01:03:52,253 --> 01:03:53,843 It's just starting to get fun. 869 01:03:53,843 --> 01:03:56,243 You two are such girls like Lily. 870 01:03:56,243 --> 01:03:59,393 Then there comes a type of death that Krampus offers too. 871 01:03:59,393 --> 01:04:02,303 Perhaps a strangulation or a drowning would suit you. 872 01:04:02,303 --> 01:04:05,213 Alternatively, Krampus can just take you straight to hell, 873 01:04:05,213 --> 01:04:08,048 and nothing will be left of you, and nothing left to tell. 874 01:04:11,243 --> 01:04:12,043 What? 875 01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,853 [SCREAMS] 876 01:04:19,853 --> 01:04:22,663 What are you doing, Luke? 877 01:04:22,663 --> 01:04:24,943 Watching this video about Krampus online. 878 01:04:24,943 --> 01:04:27,343 Did you know he drowns and eats children 879 01:04:27,343 --> 01:04:30,453 after taking them to hell in a basket on his back? 880 01:04:30,453 --> 01:04:31,483 And don't watch that. 881 01:04:31,483 --> 01:04:32,773 Come on, go to bed. 882 01:04:32,773 --> 01:04:34,063 We've been good this year. 883 01:04:34,063 --> 01:04:36,703 Santa is coming, not Krampus. 884 01:04:36,703 --> 01:04:37,933 Then why did dad leave? 885 01:04:48,213 --> 01:04:49,903 When are you going to give it up. 886 01:04:49,903 --> 01:04:53,499 I'm really not falling for it this time. 887 01:04:53,499 --> 01:04:58,593 [SCREAMS] 888 01:04:58,593 --> 01:05:00,003 Come on, Jonathan. 889 01:05:00,003 --> 01:05:02,673 Come back to bed. 890 01:05:02,673 --> 01:05:05,323 It's Christmas Eve. 891 01:05:05,323 --> 01:05:06,358 I want cheering up. 892 01:05:10,223 --> 01:05:13,573 This doesn't feel right. 893 01:05:13,573 --> 01:05:16,423 I should be with my kids. 894 01:05:16,423 --> 01:05:18,693 Only one of them yours. 895 01:05:18,693 --> 01:05:22,916 Odell get over it is just one Christmas. 896 01:05:22,916 --> 01:05:25,583 Things will get better next year when she gets pregnant with yet 897 01:05:25,583 --> 01:05:26,933 another bloke. 898 01:05:26,933 --> 01:05:29,063 I need some air. 899 01:05:29,063 --> 01:05:31,126 Don't take too long. 900 01:05:31,126 --> 01:05:33,293 You're really starting to bring this Christmas down. 901 01:05:43,891 --> 01:05:46,453 No, daddy. 902 01:05:46,453 --> 01:05:52,033 Daddy, daddy not tonight. 903 01:05:52,033 --> 01:05:52,963 It's Christmas. 904 01:06:00,751 --> 01:06:01,551 No. 905 01:06:10,603 --> 01:06:11,743 Oh, God's sake. 906 01:06:15,093 --> 01:06:16,913 Oh, hi, Denise. 907 01:06:16,913 --> 01:06:20,183 It's Louise. 908 01:06:20,183 --> 01:06:24,863 I don't know if you could possibly pop by. 909 01:06:24,863 --> 01:06:27,653 I'm just not really feeling myself. 910 01:06:27,653 --> 01:06:30,408 I don't know if it's the medication or-- 911 01:06:30,408 --> 01:06:32,033 I've just been having some weird dreams 912 01:06:32,033 --> 01:06:35,783 and the kids have been saying some weird stuff, 913 01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:40,703 but yeah, give me a call back or maybe pop by. 914 01:06:40,703 --> 01:06:41,783 Thanks. 915 01:06:41,783 --> 01:06:42,583 Bye. 916 01:07:04,788 --> 01:07:05,588 Hey, Louise. 917 01:07:08,026 --> 01:07:09,693 I know that I'm the last person that you 918 01:07:09,693 --> 01:07:10,953 want to hear from right now. 919 01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:16,874 I really want to come round tomorrow and see the kids. 920 01:07:16,874 --> 01:07:19,363 You have to understand that this is killing me too. 921 01:07:23,313 --> 01:07:25,263 Don't think there's any more guilt after this. 922 01:07:29,473 --> 01:07:32,443 Please, just pick up. 923 01:07:32,443 --> 01:07:33,243 Louise. 924 01:07:36,253 --> 01:07:37,053 Louise. 925 01:07:42,078 --> 01:07:42,878 Louise. 926 01:07:56,073 --> 01:07:57,453 Fuck it. 927 01:07:57,453 --> 01:07:59,103 Come around whether you like it or not. 928 01:08:05,303 --> 01:08:07,373 I'll get more like a fucking Krampus tonight. 929 01:08:14,433 --> 01:08:16,772 Oh, what's this? 930 01:08:16,772 --> 01:08:19,953 A naughty little note, Jonathan. 931 01:08:19,953 --> 01:08:21,258 I hope it's not dirty. 932 01:09:30,893 --> 01:09:32,873 You're frighten the other children. 933 01:09:32,873 --> 01:09:35,093 Mom, I heard noises. 934 01:09:35,093 --> 01:09:36,038 Are the rats back? 935 01:09:39,203 --> 01:09:41,813 Are the rats back? 936 01:09:41,813 --> 01:09:44,768 I've never been so insulted in my life. 937 01:09:56,953 --> 01:10:01,288 Andrew, is that you playing with my robot toy? 938 01:10:31,453 --> 01:10:33,073 You made him leave. 939 01:10:35,653 --> 01:10:38,083 You ruined Christmas. 940 01:10:45,553 --> 01:10:49,183 Krampus is here, Luke. 941 01:10:49,183 --> 01:10:50,643 It's time to play. 942 01:10:58,003 --> 01:11:05,423 [LAUGHTER] 943 01:11:05,423 --> 01:11:06,563 Louise, it's Denise. 944 01:11:06,563 --> 01:11:09,083 Your door was open. 945 01:11:09,083 --> 01:11:09,923 I got your message. 946 01:11:13,133 --> 01:11:17,833 Louise, what have you done? 947 01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:19,853 He says their father he's gone insane. 948 01:11:19,853 --> 01:11:22,133 He's killed the kids. 949 01:11:22,133 --> 01:11:27,533 He's telling the house, you need to get help. 950 01:11:27,533 --> 01:11:28,523 Oh, God. 951 01:11:28,523 --> 01:11:29,963 OK, OK, don't-- 952 01:11:29,963 --> 01:11:31,173 don't worry. 953 01:11:31,173 --> 01:11:31,973 Oh, God. 954 01:11:35,443 --> 01:11:36,243 Oh, God. 955 01:12:07,053 --> 01:12:08,553 You know what, I'm leaving. 956 01:12:08,553 --> 01:12:10,345 There's something not quite right with you. 957 01:12:10,345 --> 01:12:11,403 You need-- you need help. 958 01:12:11,403 --> 01:12:13,323 You're not taking them away from me. 959 01:12:16,383 --> 01:12:21,933 Krampus days are here again, your kids will die, 960 01:12:21,933 --> 01:12:24,573 and the sky falling. 961 01:12:24,573 --> 01:12:25,753 Diana, Andrew. 962 01:12:25,753 --> 01:12:27,003 What have you done to them? 963 01:12:27,003 --> 01:12:28,923 They're just sleeping. 964 01:12:28,923 --> 01:12:30,333 I gave them some Rohypnol. 965 01:12:30,333 --> 01:12:31,893 You've drugged our children. 966 01:12:31,893 --> 01:12:33,133 What's the matter with you? 967 01:12:33,133 --> 01:12:33,933 I'm down. 968 01:12:33,933 --> 01:12:36,123 Just because you got daddy-son's issues doesn't-- 969 01:12:46,633 --> 01:12:51,330 He'll make you all disappear, just like the others. 970 01:12:51,330 --> 01:13:07,743 [SCREAMS] 971 01:13:07,743 --> 01:13:12,583 Well, there goes another one. 972 01:13:12,583 --> 01:13:15,013 You know, none of your relationships 973 01:13:15,013 --> 01:13:16,933 are going to work out if you insist 974 01:13:16,933 --> 01:13:20,773 on stabbing them all to death. 975 01:13:20,773 --> 01:13:22,963 I think he was right. 976 01:13:22,963 --> 01:13:25,483 Maybe you should have accepted that invitation 977 01:13:25,483 --> 01:13:29,233 for relationship guidance counseling. 978 01:13:29,233 --> 01:13:32,923 Oh, daddy's going to go and lie down. 979 01:13:32,923 --> 01:13:34,693 I can feel a cramp coming up. 980 01:13:56,883 --> 01:14:00,213 Look at our little darlings. 981 01:14:00,213 --> 01:14:04,953 Peaceful and ready for Christmas Day. 982 01:14:04,953 --> 01:14:07,893 [LAUGHTER] 983 01:14:09,863 --> 01:14:12,693 I'm going back to hell now. 984 01:14:12,693 --> 01:14:16,967 I'll see you next Christmas. 985 01:14:16,967 --> 01:14:30,033 (SINGING) Silent night, Holy night, all is calm, 986 01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:40,963 all is bright, sleep in heavenly peace. 987 01:14:44,583 --> 01:14:47,753 I dare, more sick and senseless 988 01:14:47,753 --> 01:14:51,303 this year than ever before. 989 01:14:51,303 --> 01:14:52,383 Cramping my style. 990 01:14:55,863 --> 01:14:59,733 I love it when the pretty ones die so horribly, don't you? 991 01:15:10,363 --> 01:15:11,593 It wasn't me. 992 01:15:11,593 --> 01:15:13,083 Krampus did it. 993 01:15:13,083 --> 01:15:14,458 That's what they all say, love. 994 01:15:17,233 --> 01:15:20,743 So have we got anything come through on it yet? 995 01:15:20,743 --> 01:15:22,123 Yes, inspector. 996 01:15:22,123 --> 01:15:25,813 She was abused by her father, she was being monitored 997 01:15:25,813 --> 01:15:27,373 after her other half left because she 998 01:15:27,373 --> 01:15:30,313 was having a nervous breakdown, and you never guess what-- 999 01:15:30,313 --> 01:15:31,273 What? 1000 01:15:31,273 --> 01:15:34,713 The father was only a bloody sicko Santa person hater. 1001 01:15:34,713 --> 01:15:36,883 Oh, great. 1002 01:15:36,883 --> 01:15:41,663 I can see this is going to be one of those Christmases. 1003 01:15:41,663 --> 01:15:44,823 Right, I'll leave you to clear the mess up here, 1004 01:15:44,823 --> 01:15:48,803 so at least I can try and get back to my own kids, that's 1005 01:15:48,803 --> 01:15:50,963 assuming the missus hasn't already cut them up 1006 01:15:50,963 --> 01:15:52,005 and put them in the oven. 1007 01:15:58,403 --> 01:16:00,460 Oh, Denise, what are you doing here? 1008 01:16:00,460 --> 01:16:02,543 She's only going to get herself bloody murdered, 1009 01:16:02,543 --> 01:16:03,343 isn't she? 1010 01:16:03,343 --> 01:16:04,313 You are? 1011 01:16:04,313 --> 01:16:05,843 Sliced up like bacon. 1012 01:16:05,843 --> 01:16:07,583 But I like Denise. 1013 01:16:07,583 --> 01:16:09,353 I like bacon. 1014 01:16:09,353 --> 01:16:10,973 I like bacon. 1015 01:16:10,973 --> 01:16:13,083 Check up with a frying pan on. 1016 01:16:13,083 --> 01:16:13,883 Why not? 1017 01:16:13,883 --> 01:16:15,033 Red or brown sauce? 1018 01:16:15,033 --> 01:16:15,833 Brown. 1019 01:16:15,833 --> 01:16:16,633 Perfect. 1020 01:16:23,573 --> 01:16:26,663 So it wasn't Krampus, it was the mom. 1021 01:16:26,663 --> 01:16:31,573 Yeah, she was North Polar. 1022 01:16:31,573 --> 01:16:34,073 There are freaks out there who actually think they're Santa, 1023 01:16:34,073 --> 01:16:36,153 you know. 1024 01:16:36,153 --> 01:16:38,863 I know, shocking, isn't it? 1025 01:16:38,863 --> 01:16:41,713 If Krampus doesn't get you, your mother probably will. 1026 01:16:41,713 --> 01:16:44,653 God only knows what's worse. 1027 01:16:44,653 --> 01:16:47,383 What happened to the mom? 1028 01:16:47,383 --> 01:16:50,458 She joined those other three in the nutters wing. 1029 01:16:55,483 --> 01:16:57,553 Do you like Christmas carols, Peter? 1030 01:16:57,553 --> 01:17:00,543 I don't know that many. 1031 01:17:00,543 --> 01:17:02,653 Just as well. 1032 01:17:02,653 --> 01:17:05,323 Most of them are quite boring. 1033 01:17:05,323 --> 01:17:08,993 I know a few that are rather good. 1034 01:17:08,993 --> 01:17:16,303 I know one choir who had a very haunting song. 1035 01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:25,413 This here's a story I like to call The 12 Kills of Christmas. 1036 01:17:25,413 --> 01:17:26,553 Don't you mean 12-- 1037 01:17:26,553 --> 01:17:29,143 12 Days of Christmas? 1038 01:17:29,143 --> 01:17:29,943 Oh, no. 1039 01:17:34,893 --> 01:17:39,693 Singers that came to this house never sang that song. 1040 01:17:45,843 --> 01:17:48,513 To be the guardian of your incarnate son, 1041 01:17:48,513 --> 01:17:53,163 and husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary. 1042 01:17:53,163 --> 01:17:56,883 Give us grace to follow him. 1043 01:17:56,883 --> 01:17:58,783 Nearly ready for midnight mass, father. 1044 01:17:58,783 --> 01:17:59,583 Why? 1045 01:17:59,583 --> 01:18:00,723 Don't I sound very good? 1046 01:18:00,723 --> 01:18:02,556 Oh, no, no, you sound great. 1047 01:18:02,556 --> 01:18:04,098 Anyone would think you were a priest. 1048 01:18:06,903 --> 01:18:07,953 Thank you, Cathy. 1049 01:18:07,953 --> 01:18:09,661 I'm just going to clear out the office. 1050 01:18:12,913 --> 01:18:13,713 And faithful. 1051 01:18:19,343 --> 01:18:22,723 Can I help you young man? 1052 01:18:22,723 --> 01:18:25,993 I'm just looking around. 1053 01:18:25,993 --> 01:18:28,093 Does Father McShane still work here? 1054 01:18:28,093 --> 01:18:32,683 No, he had to retire suddenly due to his health. 1055 01:18:32,683 --> 01:18:35,863 Is he still practicing the faith? 1056 01:18:35,863 --> 01:18:38,983 It's a complicated matter. 1057 01:18:38,983 --> 01:18:41,413 You know it's good practice when in the Lord's house 1058 01:18:41,413 --> 01:18:44,173 to take your hood down. 1059 01:18:44,173 --> 01:18:46,063 Sorry. 1060 01:18:46,063 --> 01:18:48,763 It's been a long time since I was here. 1061 01:18:48,763 --> 01:18:51,253 We're in a church. 1062 01:18:51,253 --> 01:18:52,513 You used to come here? 1063 01:18:52,513 --> 01:18:55,783 When I was younger, I used to be in the choir. 1064 01:18:55,783 --> 01:18:57,433 Oh, I see. 1065 01:18:57,433 --> 01:19:00,208 I heard Father McShane's choirs were the best for miles around. 1066 01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:03,973 I was friends with Dylan Gray. 1067 01:19:12,423 --> 01:19:16,493 Well, how can I help, uh-- 1068 01:19:16,493 --> 01:19:17,443 Leo. 1069 01:19:17,443 --> 01:19:19,293 Leo Edwards. 1070 01:19:19,293 --> 01:19:20,643 How can I help, Leo? 1071 01:19:20,643 --> 01:19:23,803 Well, I was hoping I could talk to Father McShane. 1072 01:19:23,803 --> 01:19:26,923 I'm sorry, he's suffering from dementia. 1073 01:19:26,923 --> 01:19:30,103 He wouldn't even remember you. 1074 01:19:30,103 --> 01:19:30,903 That's a shame. 1075 01:19:35,073 --> 01:19:37,843 Is there anything I can help with? 1076 01:19:37,843 --> 01:19:40,113 No, not really. 1077 01:19:40,113 --> 01:19:42,063 Nothing you or God can do for me. 1078 01:19:59,723 --> 01:20:03,773 Cathy did you leave this box here? 1079 01:20:06,913 --> 01:20:07,873 No. 1080 01:20:07,873 --> 01:20:11,643 Might be one of the lads from this morning left it here. 1081 01:20:11,643 --> 01:20:13,983 Hang on. 1082 01:20:13,983 --> 01:20:16,173 I know that box. 1083 01:20:16,173 --> 01:20:18,873 This used to belong to Father McShane where did you find it? 1084 01:20:18,873 --> 01:20:21,973 It was just left there. 1085 01:20:21,973 --> 01:20:23,483 Oh. 1086 01:20:23,483 --> 01:20:26,093 Do you know anything about Dylan Gray. 1087 01:20:26,093 --> 01:20:27,743 Dylan Gray, yes. 1088 01:20:27,743 --> 01:20:31,523 He was in terrible trouble that boy with drugs and stealing. 1089 01:20:31,523 --> 01:20:33,383 Father McShane tried to help him, 1090 01:20:33,383 --> 01:20:38,243 but he was honored by the devil that boy, yeah. 1091 01:20:38,243 --> 01:20:43,373 Between you and me, I think he ran away and killed himself. 1092 01:20:43,373 --> 01:20:45,983 Yeah, it broke Father McShane's heart. 1093 01:20:45,983 --> 01:20:48,383 He really messed him up. 1094 01:20:48,383 --> 01:20:51,593 Anyway, I best go replace all the short candlesticks. 1095 01:21:05,453 --> 01:21:07,003 Hello, Maria McShane. 1096 01:21:07,003 --> 01:21:07,803 Hi, Maria. 1097 01:21:07,803 --> 01:21:10,518 It's Father Abel How's your father? 1098 01:21:13,023 --> 01:21:14,088 Yeah, he's OK. 1099 01:21:19,576 --> 01:21:20,993 It's largely the same, but I think 1100 01:21:20,993 --> 01:21:24,663 it's going to take a Christmas miracle for any change. 1101 01:21:24,663 --> 01:21:27,813 I haven't seen you coming around to church much of late. 1102 01:21:27,813 --> 01:21:28,643 I know. 1103 01:21:28,643 --> 01:21:32,273 It's just what-- with everything and father. 1104 01:21:32,273 --> 01:21:34,733 Oh, no I understand. 1105 01:21:34,733 --> 01:21:37,573 If you ever need anyone to talk to-- 1106 01:21:37,573 --> 01:21:38,373 Thank you. 1107 01:21:38,373 --> 01:21:41,813 That's very kind of but I think I've 1108 01:21:41,813 --> 01:21:44,123 lost my faith a little bit. 1109 01:21:44,123 --> 01:21:48,293 Well, if you can't talk to God, please talk to me. 1110 01:21:51,083 --> 01:21:54,773 Look, I've rung up because I found this old music box I was 1111 01:21:54,773 --> 01:21:57,923 told belonged to your father. 1112 01:21:57,923 --> 01:21:59,003 Music box. 1113 01:21:59,003 --> 01:22:01,193 Yes, so I wondered if you might like it back. 1114 01:22:09,913 --> 01:22:10,713 It's got a tune. 1115 01:22:10,713 --> 01:22:12,393 All things bright and beautiful. 1116 01:22:14,913 --> 01:22:16,773 No, that's fine. 1117 01:22:16,773 --> 01:22:18,333 Please just get rid of it or give it 1118 01:22:18,333 --> 01:22:20,043 to a charity shop or something. 1119 01:22:42,193 --> 01:22:45,133 Here we are farther. 1120 01:22:45,133 --> 01:22:47,443 Back here another year. 1121 01:22:47,443 --> 01:22:48,613 Why did she do? 1122 01:22:48,613 --> 01:22:49,843 Why did she leave? 1123 01:22:49,843 --> 01:22:51,433 Because the devil got into her. 1124 01:22:51,433 --> 01:22:53,803 It wasn't her fault. The devil makes 1125 01:22:53,803 --> 01:22:55,790 us all do bad things at times. 1126 01:22:55,790 --> 01:22:57,373 Did the devil get her from that box? 1127 01:22:57,373 --> 01:22:59,863 Yes, he did, and that's why you must never tell anyone 1128 01:22:59,863 --> 01:23:03,073 about it or open it because if the devil's friends get to find 1129 01:23:03,073 --> 01:23:05,443 out about the box, they'll release 1130 01:23:05,443 --> 01:23:08,293 the devil for you and for me and for everyone, 1131 01:23:08,293 --> 01:23:10,153 and then we'll all disappear. 1132 01:23:10,153 --> 01:23:12,553 Like that boy he was never there that night, Murray. 1133 01:23:12,553 --> 01:23:13,963 What'd I tell you. 1134 01:23:13,963 --> 01:23:14,963 He was a ghost. 1135 01:23:14,963 --> 01:23:17,323 And all must find out the church is haunted otherwise, 1136 01:23:17,323 --> 01:23:19,273 everyone would be too afraid to come here, 1137 01:23:19,273 --> 01:23:21,763 and that will make God sad. 1138 01:23:21,763 --> 01:23:23,593 That's right, my darling. 1139 01:23:26,863 --> 01:23:28,843 The church's ghost must always stay out 1140 01:23:28,843 --> 01:23:33,829 of sight, like the bodies in these graves. 1141 01:23:33,829 --> 01:23:36,817 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1142 01:24:18,153 --> 01:24:19,993 Come on. 1143 01:24:19,993 --> 01:24:20,793 That's it. 1144 01:24:26,273 --> 01:24:27,073 Try and relax. 1145 01:24:30,323 --> 01:24:31,843 I'll see you in the morning. 1146 01:24:31,843 --> 01:24:33,163 Won't you stop saying it? 1147 01:24:45,863 --> 01:24:48,293 I visited Mother's grave today with Father. 1148 01:24:48,293 --> 01:24:50,178 It must have been freezing up there. 1149 01:24:50,178 --> 01:24:50,978 It was. 1150 01:24:53,573 --> 01:24:56,723 Not as cold as the year my mother passed away there. 1151 01:24:56,723 --> 01:24:58,043 My last white Christmas. 1152 01:25:02,598 --> 01:25:03,398 Are you OK? 1153 01:25:05,823 --> 01:25:06,623 Yeah. 1154 01:25:10,493 --> 01:25:11,663 You don't look OK. 1155 01:25:15,443 --> 01:25:19,063 Maria, what's up. 1156 01:25:19,063 --> 01:25:20,799 Nothing. 1157 01:25:20,799 --> 01:25:21,785 Come here. 1158 01:25:28,693 --> 01:25:30,583 It's nearly our two-year anniversary. 1159 01:25:37,168 --> 01:25:38,543 I'm just not sure about leaving 1160 01:25:38,543 --> 01:25:40,863 father here for Christmas Eve. 1161 01:25:40,863 --> 01:25:44,733 Maria, you do too much for him. 1162 01:25:44,733 --> 01:25:49,493 The nurse can look after him tomorrow for one night. 1163 01:25:49,493 --> 01:25:54,423 Besides, he probably doesn't even know who you are anymore. 1164 01:25:54,423 --> 01:25:55,333 I'm sorry. 1165 01:25:55,333 --> 01:25:56,963 Sorry about that. 1166 01:25:56,963 --> 01:25:59,933 That was harsh. 1167 01:25:59,933 --> 01:26:02,463 No, it's OK. 1168 01:26:05,233 --> 01:26:09,113 Sorry, it's just been a really weird day. 1169 01:26:09,113 --> 01:26:10,721 I've had a lot of news. 1170 01:26:10,721 --> 01:26:12,013 Anything I should know about? 1171 01:26:21,063 --> 01:26:21,863 Really? 1172 01:26:25,833 --> 01:26:28,348 Oh, my God. 1173 01:26:28,348 --> 01:26:29,148 That's amazing. 1174 01:26:32,243 --> 01:26:35,093 Well, what is it? 1175 01:26:35,093 --> 01:26:37,733 Babe, you're not happy about it. 1176 01:26:37,733 --> 01:26:40,023 No, I am. 1177 01:26:40,023 --> 01:26:40,823 I am. 1178 01:26:40,823 --> 01:26:44,003 It's just we're having our own child, 1179 01:26:44,003 --> 01:26:47,463 I think I have to tell you something. 1180 01:26:47,463 --> 01:26:49,533 What? 1181 01:26:49,533 --> 01:26:51,953 Yeah, you can tell me anything. 1182 01:26:51,953 --> 01:26:57,233 Well, before my mother killed herself that Christmas, 1183 01:26:57,233 --> 01:26:59,933 I heard her and father fighting. 1184 01:26:59,933 --> 01:27:04,313 Apparently, she found something in a music box he had. 1185 01:27:04,313 --> 01:27:06,173 A music box? 1186 01:27:06,173 --> 01:27:08,483 Yeah. 1187 01:27:08,483 --> 01:27:09,753 I don't know what it was. 1188 01:27:09,753 --> 01:27:15,335 All I know is-- is that he had a fight with a student. 1189 01:27:15,335 --> 01:27:17,543 Do you think anyone's going to believe you over me, 1190 01:27:17,543 --> 01:27:19,583 a man of God over some drugged up 1191 01:27:19,583 --> 01:27:21,653 little junkie from the streets? 1192 01:27:21,653 --> 01:27:24,833 His name was Dylan. 1193 01:27:24,833 --> 01:27:26,843 Dad said that he came back a drug addict 1194 01:27:26,843 --> 01:27:28,446 and tried to blackmail him, but-- 1195 01:27:28,446 --> 01:27:30,863 You think he might have been involved with his students? 1196 01:27:30,863 --> 01:27:33,533 I don't know. 1197 01:27:33,533 --> 01:27:35,813 I mean, it's-- it's a terrible thing to think about, 1198 01:27:35,813 --> 01:27:41,093 but this rumor is from his old church saying that he was 1199 01:27:41,093 --> 01:27:43,523 charged with something, but charges were 1200 01:27:43,523 --> 01:27:46,373 dropped because he's senile. 1201 01:27:46,373 --> 01:27:47,573 Jesus Christ. 1202 01:27:51,953 --> 01:27:53,183 But it's just a rumor. 1203 01:27:55,973 --> 01:27:59,033 Your dad wouldn't do that, right? 1204 01:28:07,193 --> 01:28:11,753 (VOICEOVER) All things bright and beautiful, 1205 01:28:11,753 --> 01:28:19,565 all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful 1206 01:28:19,565 --> 01:28:25,831 [CRYING] 1207 01:28:25,831 --> 01:28:26,723 I'll go. 1208 01:28:26,723 --> 01:28:27,523 No, Maria-- 1209 01:28:27,523 --> 01:28:30,313 No, you stay. 1210 01:28:30,313 --> 01:28:33,073 Maria, wait. 1211 01:28:33,073 --> 01:28:36,543 I think it's time you start getting some extra help for him 1212 01:28:36,543 --> 01:28:39,703 after Christmas. 1213 01:28:39,703 --> 01:28:40,513 Seriously. 1214 01:28:46,753 --> 01:28:48,223 Oh, come on, father. 1215 01:28:48,223 --> 01:28:50,303 What are you doing down there. 1216 01:28:50,303 --> 01:28:52,303 You know you can't walk. 1217 01:28:52,303 --> 01:28:55,723 They come for me in the dark. 1218 01:28:55,723 --> 01:28:58,273 They plead with Jesus. 1219 01:28:58,273 --> 01:29:01,564 Nobody's here. 1220 01:29:01,564 --> 01:29:06,373 It was just a nightmare, OK? 1221 01:29:06,373 --> 01:29:10,918 May God mercy on our souls. 1222 01:29:22,803 --> 01:29:27,308 Maria, now what have I told you about playing in the basement. 1223 01:29:27,308 --> 01:29:29,183 Not to come down here as it's full of ghosts. 1224 01:29:29,183 --> 01:29:30,743 Exactly. 1225 01:29:30,743 --> 01:29:32,873 Wouldn't the ghosts be in the graveyard? 1226 01:29:32,873 --> 01:29:35,873 Not all souls are asleep out there. 1227 01:29:35,873 --> 01:29:37,673 What's that? - It's Saint Christopher. 1228 01:29:37,673 --> 01:29:39,298 I think it belonged to that Dillon boy. 1229 01:29:39,298 --> 01:29:40,373 Give it to me. 1230 01:29:40,373 --> 01:29:42,443 I'll pass it on to the police. 1231 01:29:42,443 --> 01:29:44,933 Now go on upstairs and carry on cleaning up the silver. 1232 01:29:44,933 --> 01:29:45,733 Sorry, Father. 1233 01:30:01,033 --> 01:30:02,923 Kurt, what are you doing? 1234 01:30:02,923 --> 01:30:04,973 Look what I found. 1235 01:30:04,973 --> 01:30:08,933 Come on, it's the best time of the year. 1236 01:30:08,933 --> 01:30:15,143 And you and me can have a little baby. 1237 01:30:15,143 --> 01:30:17,783 What could spoil this Christmas? 1238 01:31:40,451 --> 01:31:43,226 [GASPING] 1239 01:32:03,953 --> 01:32:07,153 I'm just off now, Father. 1240 01:32:07,153 --> 01:32:25,008 OK Kathy I'll see you tomorrow Cathy. 1241 01:32:37,003 --> 01:32:39,673 Hello. 1242 01:32:39,673 --> 01:32:42,663 Who's there? 1243 01:32:42,663 --> 01:32:43,653 I'll call the police. 1244 01:32:51,233 --> 01:32:52,253 Who the fuck are you? 1245 01:32:54,763 --> 01:33:11,893 [GROANING] 1246 01:33:11,893 --> 01:33:12,831 So he's been fed. 1247 01:33:12,831 --> 01:33:14,623 He just needs to be helped to bed at night. 1248 01:33:14,623 --> 01:33:15,933 OK, no worries-- 1249 01:33:15,933 --> 01:33:18,173 Don't let them stop singing. 1250 01:33:18,173 --> 01:33:20,033 Just ignore that, it's the only thing he 1251 01:33:20,033 --> 01:33:22,783 says since he's had the stroke. 1252 01:33:22,783 --> 01:33:23,893 Of course. 1253 01:33:23,893 --> 01:33:26,330 Now you guys have a lovely Christmas Eve. 1254 01:33:26,330 --> 01:33:28,663 We're going to have a great time, aren't you Mr McShane? 1255 01:33:28,663 --> 01:33:30,493 Come on we're going to be late. - OK. 1256 01:33:30,493 --> 01:33:31,753 Thank you. - Bye. 1257 01:33:31,753 --> 01:33:32,773 Thank you. Bye. 1258 01:33:44,403 --> 01:33:47,303 Now you're going to be a good boy, aren't you, Mr. McShane? 1259 01:33:47,303 --> 01:33:49,053 I don't want no shitting on Christmas Eve, 1260 01:33:49,053 --> 01:33:49,883 do you understand? 1261 01:33:49,883 --> 01:33:51,273 Don't let them don't stop singing. 1262 01:33:51,273 --> 01:33:52,143 Yeah, yeah. 1263 01:33:52,143 --> 01:33:53,943 That's all you say I know. 1264 01:33:53,943 --> 01:33:56,425 The choir's grown up now, they're all gone. 1265 01:33:56,425 --> 01:33:58,453 [KNOCKING] 1266 01:33:58,453 --> 01:33:59,253 Go-- away. 1267 01:33:59,253 --> 01:34:01,603 (SINGING) Jingle bell, jingle-- 1268 01:34:01,603 --> 01:34:02,713 I said go away. 1269 01:34:02,713 --> 01:34:07,083 What part of I don't like Christmas don't you understand? 1270 01:34:07,083 --> 01:34:07,883 That did it. 1271 01:34:11,863 --> 01:34:13,735 Hey, They've gone. 1272 01:34:13,735 --> 01:34:15,193 Mike can you hurry up and get here. 1273 01:34:15,193 --> 01:34:17,818 I don't want to spend Christmas alone with this creepy old guy. 1274 01:35:03,808 --> 01:35:05,123 Are you in this? 1275 01:35:12,548 --> 01:35:14,363 If they finally come back and check on him? 1276 01:35:14,363 --> 01:35:15,623 They won't. 1277 01:35:15,623 --> 01:35:17,603 Look, the daughters probably asked 1278 01:35:17,603 --> 01:35:21,183 Santa to kill him off just so she can inherit the house. 1279 01:35:21,183 --> 01:35:23,213 I just-- I can't do this with Father Teddy. 1280 01:35:23,213 --> 01:35:24,755 Can we wheel him into the other room? 1281 01:35:28,103 --> 01:35:30,293 See no evil. 1282 01:35:30,293 --> 01:35:31,883 Happy now? 1283 01:35:31,883 --> 01:35:33,603 It's like a demented budgie. 1284 01:35:33,603 --> 01:35:34,853 Don't let them stop singing. 1285 01:35:34,853 --> 01:35:35,723 Shut up. 1286 01:35:47,921 --> 01:35:50,883 [KNOCKING] 1287 01:35:50,883 --> 01:35:51,693 Oh, oh-- 1288 01:35:51,693 --> 01:35:52,493 Really? 1289 01:35:52,493 --> 01:35:57,413 (SINGING) 10 beautiful, Oh creatures-- 1290 01:35:57,413 --> 01:35:58,263 OK. 1291 01:35:58,263 --> 01:36:00,333 No, just leave him. 1292 01:36:00,333 --> 01:36:03,663 I can't do this with songs of praise on coming. 1293 01:36:03,663 --> 01:36:08,875 Oh, tell them to sing come we faithful or something. 1294 01:36:08,875 --> 01:36:10,083 Will be back in one minute. 1295 01:36:21,563 --> 01:36:23,948 Tell your God to stop screwing with my night, OK? 1296 01:36:33,153 --> 01:36:36,123 There was no one there, so. 1297 01:36:45,123 --> 01:36:47,913 Your cries back, father. 1298 01:36:47,913 --> 01:36:49,533 Time for one last hymn. 1299 01:36:59,083 --> 01:37:00,943 What's wrong? 1300 01:37:00,943 --> 01:37:02,293 It's my dad. 1301 01:37:02,293 --> 01:37:04,483 He's come around. 1302 01:37:04,483 --> 01:37:07,723 What do you mean he's come around? 1303 01:37:07,723 --> 01:37:11,773 Apparently, he's awake and wants to make a confession. 1304 01:37:11,773 --> 01:37:13,003 What type of confession? 1305 01:37:16,133 --> 01:37:18,713 Please, this is nothing to do with me, OK? 1306 01:37:18,713 --> 01:37:20,093 The daughter is on the way. 1307 01:37:20,093 --> 01:37:21,413 I'm innocent, please. 1308 01:37:21,413 --> 01:37:22,493 I haven't done anything. 1309 01:37:27,813 --> 01:37:31,243 What should we do about it? 1310 01:37:31,243 --> 01:37:34,659 [SCREAMS] 1311 01:37:48,813 --> 01:37:50,938 Father. 1312 01:37:50,938 --> 01:37:51,738 Father. 1313 01:37:58,533 --> 01:38:00,033 Where is he? 1314 01:38:00,033 --> 01:38:01,683 I don't know. 1315 01:38:01,683 --> 01:38:03,768 Where's the damn nurse? 1316 01:38:03,768 --> 01:38:04,568 My God. 1317 01:38:22,263 --> 01:38:25,239 [SCREAMS] 1318 01:38:53,303 --> 01:38:54,803 We found this in the graveyard. 1319 01:39:16,593 --> 01:39:19,143 Who are you? 1320 01:39:19,143 --> 01:39:21,801 You know who we are. 1321 01:39:21,801 --> 01:39:23,208 We are fallen angels. 1322 01:39:29,343 --> 01:39:32,373 I don't know what you mean. 1323 01:39:32,373 --> 01:39:34,593 Is that what you told your boyfriend? 1324 01:39:37,633 --> 01:39:40,648 The time has come for you to look upon our faces. 1325 01:39:47,363 --> 01:39:50,003 This is one of the ropes he used to wear, 1326 01:39:50,003 --> 01:39:52,553 well, before taking it off. 1327 01:39:52,553 --> 01:39:56,223 He dead rode Father McShane. 1328 01:39:56,223 --> 01:39:59,553 Don't let them stop singing. 1329 01:39:59,553 --> 01:40:04,183 We should kill her now, then we can get on with daddy. 1330 01:40:04,183 --> 01:40:05,313 He's never-- 1331 01:40:05,313 --> 01:40:06,453 Shush. 1332 01:40:06,453 --> 01:40:08,583 You're just one more lie to cover up 1333 01:40:08,583 --> 01:40:12,103 for his crimes like the songs. 1334 01:40:12,103 --> 01:40:15,813 Didn't-- I didn't know. 1335 01:40:15,813 --> 01:40:18,393 Christian saw what happened that night in the church 1336 01:40:18,393 --> 01:40:20,733 after choir practice. 1337 01:40:20,733 --> 01:40:22,293 He was late to leave. 1338 01:40:22,293 --> 01:40:24,873 He saw you see it all. 1339 01:40:24,873 --> 01:40:27,093 Things on my mind of you. 1340 01:40:27,093 --> 01:40:31,593 I am a man of God, and he speaks through me. 1341 01:40:31,593 --> 01:40:34,023 You must never mention what happened here tonight. 1342 01:40:34,023 --> 01:40:35,673 That boy had the devil in him. 1343 01:40:35,673 --> 01:40:38,523 Your father did what he had to do. 1344 01:40:38,523 --> 01:40:41,433 Maybe the devil is gone now when you hit him with that cross. 1345 01:40:41,433 --> 01:40:43,143 Maybe you knocked the devil out of him. 1346 01:40:43,143 --> 01:40:45,618 I don't think we can take that risk. 1347 01:40:45,618 --> 01:40:46,743 What are you going to do? 1348 01:40:46,743 --> 01:40:48,393 Nothing you need worry about. 1349 01:40:48,393 --> 01:40:51,093 Now go up to the altar, put your hands over your ears 1350 01:40:51,093 --> 01:40:53,223 and pray as hard as you can. 1351 01:40:53,223 --> 01:40:55,098 Your father has a late night song to prepare. 1352 01:40:58,993 --> 01:41:00,988 How your father told you to say nothing. 1353 01:41:11,283 --> 01:41:13,113 Father is dealing with the devil. 1354 01:41:13,113 --> 01:41:14,943 Father is dealing with the devil. 1355 01:41:14,943 --> 01:41:17,793 Father is dealing with the devil. 1356 01:41:17,793 --> 01:41:20,013 Father is dealing with the devil. 1357 01:41:20,013 --> 01:41:22,203 Father is dealing with the devil. 1358 01:41:22,203 --> 01:41:24,693 Father is dealing with the devil. 1359 01:41:24,693 --> 01:41:27,423 Father is dealing with the devil. 1360 01:41:27,423 --> 01:41:29,133 Father is dealing with the devil. 1361 01:41:29,133 --> 01:41:31,263 Father is dealing with the devil. 1362 01:41:31,263 --> 01:41:33,843 Father is dealing with the devil. 1363 01:41:33,843 --> 01:41:36,123 Christian, you followed your father in the graveyard 1364 01:41:36,123 --> 01:41:37,353 where he buried Dylan alive. 1365 01:41:53,131 --> 01:41:56,053 [LAUGHTER] 1366 01:42:34,853 --> 01:42:37,493 We're all too scared to go to the police. 1367 01:42:37,493 --> 01:42:40,013 Dylan wasn't the only kid to go missing. 1368 01:42:40,013 --> 01:43:04,345 God only knows how many are buried in the graves out there 1369 01:43:04,345 --> 01:43:05,928 The boyfriend looks awfully nervous. 1370 01:43:09,653 --> 01:43:11,363 His heart is beating too fast, 1371 01:43:11,363 --> 01:43:13,583 Well, we best clean it out then. 1372 01:43:16,513 --> 01:43:18,613 You still got that toilet cleaner, Joseph. 1373 01:43:23,973 --> 01:43:24,773 Don't. 1374 01:43:30,935 --> 01:43:33,881 [GROANING] 1375 01:43:35,363 --> 01:43:36,863 No, no. 1376 01:43:45,223 --> 01:43:49,035 And now for you. 1377 01:43:49,035 --> 01:43:50,968 Please. 1378 01:43:50,968 --> 01:43:51,843 I'm pregnant, please. 1379 01:44:00,093 --> 01:44:03,699 The evil ends with you. 1380 01:44:06,563 --> 01:44:09,458 [SCREAMING] 1381 01:44:29,343 --> 01:44:34,183 I'll be back in an hour, it's in God's hands if you live. 1382 01:44:37,443 --> 01:44:39,498 There's no forgiveness for either of us. 1383 01:44:49,317 --> 01:44:50,923 Don't let stop singing. 1384 01:45:00,883 --> 01:45:03,871 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1385 01:46:00,643 --> 01:46:03,631 [JINGLE BELLS] 1386 01:46:26,203 --> 01:46:27,133 It's all over now. 1387 01:46:31,403 --> 01:46:32,453 What's wrong? 1388 01:46:32,453 --> 01:46:35,933 You look like you've seen the devil. 1389 01:46:35,933 --> 01:46:39,581 It's a Christmas miracle. 1390 01:46:39,581 --> 01:46:43,823 (SINGING) All things bright and beautiful, 1391 01:46:43,823 --> 01:46:47,051 all creatures great and small. 1392 01:46:49,823 --> 01:46:54,743 All things wise and wonderful, the Lord-- 1393 01:46:54,743 --> 01:46:56,369 What's the matter? 1394 01:46:56,369 --> 01:46:58,238 Please touch your tongue. 1395 01:46:58,238 --> 01:47:02,993 (SINGING) Each little flower that opens, 1396 01:47:02,993 --> 01:47:07,673 each little bird that sings. 1397 01:47:07,673 --> 01:47:17,633 He made the colored flowers, he made their tiny wings. 1398 01:47:17,633 --> 01:47:26,453 All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. 1399 01:47:26,453 --> 01:47:34,113 All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all. 1400 01:47:40,723 --> 01:47:43,933 Hear no evil, speak no evil. 1401 01:47:47,573 --> 01:47:48,533 See no evil. 1402 01:47:59,269 --> 01:48:02,733 (SINGING) All things bright and beautiful, 1403 01:48:02,733 --> 01:48:09,093 all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, 1404 01:48:09,093 --> 01:48:12,533 the Lord God made them all. 1405 01:48:12,533 --> 01:48:16,583 What do you think of that lovely little story, Peter? 1406 01:48:16,583 --> 01:48:19,063 You like all the gory bits. 1407 01:48:19,063 --> 01:48:20,673 Aah 1408 01:48:20,673 --> 01:48:21,473 I know. 1409 01:48:21,473 --> 01:48:23,623 Hang on. 1410 01:48:23,623 --> 01:48:26,773 Do you want to hear a story about a Santa? 1411 01:48:26,773 --> 01:48:28,453 A Santa like you? 1412 01:48:28,453 --> 01:48:30,203 Yes. 1413 01:48:30,203 --> 01:48:31,383 Exactly like me. 1414 01:48:31,383 --> 01:48:33,823 How did you know? 1415 01:48:33,823 --> 01:48:37,603 There was this man, put on a Christmas outfit every year, 1416 01:48:37,603 --> 01:48:46,773 always tried to keep Christmas magic, and his wife left him. 1417 01:48:46,773 --> 01:48:50,773 Emma, what are you doing? 1418 01:48:50,773 --> 01:48:53,450 I know this is a shit time of year to do this to you, Tony. 1419 01:48:53,450 --> 01:48:54,658 What are you talking about? 1420 01:48:57,543 --> 01:49:00,893 I'm so sorry, Tony. 1421 01:49:00,893 --> 01:49:04,703 Mom, why do we have to stay so late at grandma's? 1422 01:49:04,703 --> 01:49:06,953 Go unpack, Billy, you ain't going nowhere. 1423 01:49:06,953 --> 01:49:08,753 Billy, don't listen to him. 1424 01:49:08,753 --> 01:49:10,193 Go downstairs and wait for me. 1425 01:49:14,263 --> 01:49:15,953 Do it. 1426 01:49:15,953 --> 01:49:18,155 Go downstairs. 1427 01:49:18,155 --> 01:49:19,113 We'll come and get you. 1428 01:49:23,643 --> 01:49:31,323 Please, Emma, it's Christmas. 1429 01:49:31,323 --> 01:49:34,413 We can work through this. 1430 01:49:34,413 --> 01:49:37,253 You can't fix this. 1431 01:49:37,253 --> 01:49:39,473 This hasn't been real for a long time, Tony. 1432 01:49:39,473 --> 01:49:42,773 You know that. 1433 01:49:42,773 --> 01:49:44,386 We're bipolar. 1434 01:49:44,386 --> 01:49:46,428 Our marriage is about as real as you being Santa. 1435 01:49:52,243 --> 01:49:54,118 She even tried to take his kid too. 1436 01:49:58,173 --> 01:50:02,733 You can go, but you will not take my son. 1437 01:50:06,593 --> 01:50:07,493 Watch me. 1438 01:50:12,283 --> 01:50:15,353 Mom, I can't find my robot toy. 1439 01:50:15,353 --> 01:50:16,603 Billy, don't worry about it. 1440 01:50:16,603 --> 01:50:18,403 There isn't time. 1441 01:50:18,403 --> 01:50:20,563 Stone, Emma, please. 1442 01:50:20,563 --> 01:50:21,433 for fucks sake. 1443 01:50:21,433 --> 01:50:22,813 Where are my keys 1444 01:50:22,813 --> 01:50:27,593 I will not let you take my son, not with that bastard. 1445 01:50:27,593 --> 01:50:28,933 Who was it. 1446 01:50:28,933 --> 01:50:31,123 Fine I'm putting on some weight. 1447 01:50:31,123 --> 01:50:32,083 Ridiculous. 1448 01:50:35,820 --> 01:50:36,903 But he wouldn't let her. 1449 01:50:41,623 --> 01:50:46,903 No one's going to take my son away from me. 1450 01:50:46,903 --> 01:50:50,248 See, Billy, I told you you weren't going nowhere. 1451 01:50:53,823 --> 01:50:55,983 We've always loved this tune, ain't we Emma? 1452 01:50:59,273 --> 01:51:00,643 Your mother gave us that box. 1453 01:51:03,353 --> 01:51:04,538 She's next. 1454 01:51:12,253 --> 01:51:13,108 Christmas morning. 1455 01:51:16,103 --> 01:51:20,953 Time to deck the halls with blood, 1456 01:51:20,953 --> 01:51:22,633 I even took his job away. 1457 01:51:22,633 --> 01:51:24,463 We're sorry, Tony, we just feel you're 1458 01:51:24,463 --> 01:51:27,763 no longer right for Santa's happy grotto Incorporated. 1459 01:51:27,763 --> 01:51:32,363 But on five years running, Santa of the month. 1460 01:51:32,363 --> 01:51:35,453 Well, we only operate for one month of the year. 1461 01:51:35,453 --> 01:51:37,883 You can't get rid of me. 1462 01:51:37,883 --> 01:51:39,563 Who would replace me? 1463 01:51:39,563 --> 01:51:41,933 Well, actually, we've already asked 1464 01:51:41,933 --> 01:51:45,333 Richard to take your place. 1465 01:51:45,333 --> 01:51:47,283 Richard. 1466 01:51:47,283 --> 01:51:48,423 Richard. 1467 01:51:48,423 --> 01:51:50,013 Sorry, Tony. 1468 01:51:50,013 --> 01:51:53,903 There's a new Santa in town. 1469 01:51:53,903 --> 01:52:01,503 You cannot be serious, you can't replace me with that. 1470 01:52:01,503 --> 01:52:05,253 The outfit doesn't even fit, and he's never held 1471 01:52:05,253 --> 01:52:08,013 more than a grotto in cavern. 1472 01:52:08,013 --> 01:52:09,933 I'm sorry, Tony. 1473 01:52:09,933 --> 01:52:14,203 The decisions being made. 1474 01:52:14,203 --> 01:52:18,943 Well, you can take away my grotto, 1475 01:52:18,943 --> 01:52:24,433 but you can't take my dignity. 1476 01:52:24,433 --> 01:52:35,603 I am going to take my act, and my very large bulging sack 1477 01:52:35,603 --> 01:52:44,763 elsewhere, and I'll bet you're all bloody communists. 1478 01:52:48,633 --> 01:52:51,243 Well, I don't think he's going to be on my list. 1479 01:52:51,243 --> 01:52:56,763 In the end, the grief and seeing all those children that weren't 1480 01:52:56,763 --> 01:53:08,353 his drove him and should we say odd, so we got revenge, 1481 01:53:08,353 --> 01:53:10,543 and handed out festive treats. 1482 01:53:10,543 --> 01:53:13,141 Where are my cookies from Santa, mommy? 1483 01:53:13,141 --> 01:53:15,433 You can't have them now, darling, it spoil your meal. 1484 01:53:15,433 --> 01:53:17,173 But look. 1485 01:53:17,173 --> 01:53:19,843 There has already been one reported fatality here today. 1486 01:53:19,843 --> 01:53:22,753 The police are desperately seeking anyone who has visited 1487 01:53:22,753 --> 01:53:26,323 the grotto as they believe that there is poisonous cookies 1488 01:53:26,323 --> 01:53:28,253 handed out by Santa. 1489 01:53:28,253 --> 01:53:29,053 Oh my God. 1490 01:53:29,053 --> 01:53:32,973 The Information right now is he was a member of ISIS. 1491 01:53:32,973 --> 01:53:36,853 Mommy, you stole my cookies. 1492 01:53:36,853 --> 01:53:38,743 And this elf just came out screaming at us, 1493 01:53:38,743 --> 01:53:40,003 my youngest is traumatized. 1494 01:53:40,003 --> 01:53:42,613 He was screaming out, stop. 1495 01:53:42,613 --> 01:53:44,953 I will be suing Happy Santas Grotto, Incorporated. 1496 01:53:44,953 --> 01:53:47,271 This is just not good enough. 1497 01:53:47,271 --> 01:53:49,063 As you can see, we've had a lot of trauma 1498 01:53:49,063 --> 01:53:50,083 tonight at the grotto. 1499 01:53:50,083 --> 01:53:51,643 We've had one girl who won't stop 1500 01:53:51,643 --> 01:53:53,083 crying at the sight of a reindeer, 1501 01:53:53,083 --> 01:53:55,123 and another who tried to choke herself to death 1502 01:53:55,123 --> 01:53:56,383 with a Tamagotchi. 1503 01:53:56,383 --> 01:53:58,553 She corrected awful kids on the street. 1504 01:53:58,553 --> 01:54:00,223 Oh, Santa. 1505 01:54:00,223 --> 01:54:01,783 You walking back to the North Pole 1506 01:54:01,783 --> 01:54:04,408 because you're too fat for your reindeer to pull your ass back. 1507 01:54:08,943 --> 01:54:10,233 Oh, well, done Leo. 1508 01:54:10,233 --> 01:54:12,083 Now you've pissed off Santa. 1509 01:54:12,083 --> 01:54:13,623 Oh, what's the matter? 1510 01:54:13,623 --> 01:54:14,793 Where's my present? 1511 01:54:14,793 --> 01:54:15,973 I'll leave it out, Leo. 1512 01:54:15,973 --> 01:54:16,773 Look at him. 1513 01:54:16,773 --> 01:54:18,693 He's obviously had a bad Christmas. 1514 01:54:18,693 --> 01:54:20,743 So would I dressed up like that. 1515 01:54:20,743 --> 01:54:23,043 Oh, I'm having a bad Christmas too. 1516 01:54:23,043 --> 01:54:24,843 That's why I want my present. 1517 01:54:24,843 --> 01:54:28,153 You don't know nothing about a bad Christmas, kid. 1518 01:54:28,153 --> 01:54:28,953 Just leave him. 1519 01:54:28,953 --> 01:54:30,423 He's been drinking. 1520 01:54:30,423 --> 01:54:31,713 Come on guys, let's go. 1521 01:54:31,713 --> 01:54:32,513 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1522 01:54:32,513 --> 01:54:34,953 Through the window, I can the-- 1523 01:54:34,953 --> 01:54:36,213 What did you say? 1524 01:54:36,213 --> 01:54:42,433 No, I've something in my sack for you. 1525 01:54:42,433 --> 01:54:44,163 I think he's had some funny mince pies. 1526 01:54:44,163 --> 01:54:45,213 He's getting creepy. 1527 01:54:45,213 --> 01:54:46,503 Come on, let's go. 1528 01:54:46,503 --> 01:54:48,213 You being funny. 1529 01:54:48,213 --> 01:54:51,423 Not feeling very jolly this Christmas. 1530 01:54:51,423 --> 01:54:52,533 Jesus Christ. 1531 01:54:52,533 --> 01:54:54,243 I'm not Jesus, I'm Santa. 1532 01:54:57,393 --> 01:54:58,743 Went round all the houses. 1533 01:55:01,893 --> 01:55:04,413 Oh, dad, what are you doing. 1534 01:55:04,413 --> 01:55:05,643 You just got us killed. 1535 01:55:05,643 --> 01:55:10,503 No dear, it's you not riding your reindeer zombie right. 1536 01:55:10,503 --> 01:55:11,733 I'm riding it fine. 1537 01:55:11,733 --> 01:55:13,787 You need to stop dying on exploding presents. 1538 01:55:13,787 --> 01:55:14,587 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1539 01:55:14,587 --> 01:55:19,843 Bring me too, we can fall in love With Christmas 1540 01:55:19,843 --> 01:55:28,320 if we want to one by one the family start rising. 1541 01:55:32,296 --> 01:55:33,273 It's Santa. 1542 01:55:33,273 --> 01:55:35,703 The real Santa is here. 1543 01:55:35,703 --> 01:55:36,903 There's no one there, Ben. 1544 01:55:36,903 --> 01:55:38,743 But I swear it was him. 1545 01:55:38,743 --> 01:55:40,513 He was real. 1546 01:55:40,513 --> 01:55:43,323 I think Josh scared you a little bit too much earlier. 1547 01:55:43,323 --> 01:55:45,213 No one believes me in this house. 1548 01:55:45,213 --> 01:55:47,183 You suck. 1549 01:55:47,183 --> 01:55:50,313 I hate you guys, Christmas. 1550 01:55:50,313 --> 01:55:51,483 Ben. 1551 01:55:51,483 --> 01:55:54,153 I'm going to go play my video game. 1552 01:55:54,153 --> 01:55:55,653 And what about the Christmas cake? 1553 01:55:55,653 --> 01:55:57,403 Christmas cake is more likely to kill me 1554 01:55:57,403 --> 01:55:59,353 than to kill our elves. 1555 01:55:59,353 --> 01:56:00,153 Oh, thanks. 1556 01:56:03,203 --> 01:56:05,523 For a wonderful Christmas. 1557 01:56:05,523 --> 01:56:06,323 Killing families. 1558 01:56:10,073 --> 01:56:12,323 You've got some giant bits. 1559 01:56:12,323 --> 01:56:17,313 [SINISTER LAUGHTER] 1560 01:56:17,313 --> 01:56:20,378 You like Christmas games where people get killed, kid. 1561 01:56:26,203 --> 01:56:29,458 How about Santa brings you a real game this year? 1562 01:56:32,023 --> 01:56:33,583 And telling kids stories to cover up 1563 01:56:33,583 --> 01:56:36,193 the real horrific story he was carrying. 1564 01:56:36,193 --> 01:56:38,293 Hello, Benny boy. 1565 01:56:38,293 --> 01:56:40,663 Santa has come to pay you a visit. 1566 01:56:44,733 --> 01:56:46,623 What happened to him? 1567 01:56:46,623 --> 01:56:50,473 Jeffrey Dahmer, 1568 01:56:50,473 --> 01:56:52,753 [LAUGHTER] 1569 01:56:56,163 --> 01:57:01,303 This is so funny, Where's your finger to film? 1570 01:57:01,303 --> 01:57:04,273 It's-- it's a bit different to Rudolph's great 1571 01:57:04,273 --> 01:57:06,013 Happy Christmas adventure. 1572 01:57:06,013 --> 01:57:09,583 Though I'd come round here, and be like the three ghosts 1573 01:57:09,583 --> 01:57:12,223 of Christmas, all rolled into one 1574 01:57:12,223 --> 01:57:18,503 and tell you three great Christmas stories. 1575 01:57:18,503 --> 01:57:21,353 I got you a special copy. 1576 01:57:21,353 --> 01:57:22,153 Really. 1577 01:57:22,153 --> 01:57:25,543 My parents wouldn't even let me watch TV. 1578 01:57:25,543 --> 01:57:28,313 No, don't worry about it. 1579 01:57:28,313 --> 01:57:30,553 I've sorted it all out with your parents. 1580 01:57:30,553 --> 01:57:33,833 This film is banned in 27 countries, 1581 01:57:33,833 --> 01:57:36,973 so hasn't got any rating. 1582 01:57:36,973 --> 01:57:42,193 This is the last present of Luke Everard. 1583 01:57:44,883 --> 01:57:49,013 It's freaks out here, and they sense it too, you know, 1584 01:57:49,013 --> 01:57:49,988 it's shocking. 1585 01:57:55,633 --> 01:58:03,933 I think I've cheered you up enough parents 1586 01:58:03,933 --> 01:58:06,243 you're feeling better now. 1587 01:58:06,243 --> 01:58:07,413 You've got to help me. 1588 01:58:07,413 --> 01:58:09,603 The Santa broke into our house, and then he 1589 01:58:09,603 --> 01:58:13,203 started telling me all these crazy Christmas stories. 1590 01:58:13,203 --> 01:58:14,673 And he's got this huge-- 1591 01:58:17,308 --> 01:58:23,893 You didn't ask the bill payer's permission, 1592 01:58:23,893 --> 01:58:26,113 and now she's dead. 1593 01:58:26,113 --> 01:58:28,693 But that's still no excuse. 1594 01:58:31,573 --> 01:58:33,193 Does funny things with the head when 1595 01:58:33,193 --> 01:58:35,563 a father loses their child. 1596 01:58:35,563 --> 01:58:37,346 Worse than any child's new computer game. 1597 01:58:37,346 --> 01:58:39,013 You can kill as many kids as you like, 1598 01:58:39,013 --> 01:58:40,738 and get rewarded with extra bullets. 1599 01:58:40,738 --> 01:58:42,823 [LAUGHTER] 1600 01:58:42,823 --> 01:58:45,373 And worse than all the gory toys in a world, 1601 01:58:45,373 --> 01:58:47,353 you can put him up on a shelf with all 1602 01:58:47,353 --> 01:58:48,643 the others I bought you. 1603 01:58:53,333 --> 01:58:55,953 He even stopped enjoying a carols. 1604 01:58:55,953 --> 01:58:57,903 Goulet singing. 1605 01:58:57,903 --> 01:58:59,823 I've ripped out a vocal cords of people 1606 01:58:59,823 --> 01:59:01,118 who sang better than that. 1607 01:59:03,993 --> 01:59:06,003 Many of you put on a Santa costume, 1608 01:59:06,003 --> 01:59:09,093 people think they can take bloody liberties, 1609 01:59:09,093 --> 01:59:11,568 although the mince pies are a bit of a bonus. 1610 01:59:27,283 --> 01:59:29,403 Delicious. 1611 01:59:29,403 --> 01:59:30,806 Don't worry, Ben. 1612 01:59:30,806 --> 01:59:32,223 Those, social workers aren't going 1613 01:59:32,223 --> 01:59:36,033 to take you and the other kids away ever again. 1614 01:59:36,033 --> 01:59:38,073 You're going to spend Christmas Day with me. 1615 01:59:38,073 --> 01:59:41,013 [LAUGHTER] 1616 01:59:41,013 --> 01:59:44,423 And we are going to have the best Christmas ever. 1617 01:59:47,513 --> 01:59:54,903 No justice for fathers, you know. 1618 01:59:54,903 --> 01:59:57,673 Not even Father Christmas. 1619 01:59:57,673 --> 01:59:59,083 You could blame a man for letting 1620 01:59:59,083 --> 02:00:01,123 himself go putting on weight, stopping shaving, 1621 02:00:01,123 --> 02:00:03,583 and running away to a desolate cold landscape 1622 02:00:03,583 --> 02:00:06,388 with thousands of made up little creatures creating toys. 1623 02:00:11,113 --> 02:00:19,043 Toys his child we'll never play with. 1624 02:00:23,613 --> 02:00:29,673 That is why I carry a machete like this in my bag. 1625 02:00:29,673 --> 02:00:32,663 Peter, where are you? 1626 02:00:32,663 --> 02:00:38,243 You stay while I go and sort your mom out. 1627 02:00:38,243 --> 02:00:40,523 While he was finishing off my family, 1628 02:00:40,523 --> 02:00:42,818 I managed to escape into the snow. 1629 02:00:48,093 --> 02:00:49,863 I wish people would just accept 1630 02:00:49,863 --> 02:00:52,113 where they're going to die. 1631 02:00:52,113 --> 02:00:54,093 Christmas is hard enough without them 1632 02:00:54,093 --> 02:00:55,848 fucking clinging on to life. 1633 02:01:03,163 --> 02:01:06,913 Peter, where are you you little shit? 1634 02:01:12,233 --> 02:01:17,833 Peter, I've got a nice little present for you, 1635 02:01:17,833 --> 02:01:22,603 Peter come on out. 1636 02:01:22,603 --> 02:01:25,453 I know you're here somewhere. 1637 02:01:25,453 --> 02:01:27,713 Peter. 1638 02:01:27,713 --> 02:01:28,513 Peter. 1639 02:01:35,603 --> 02:01:38,828 Kids these days, all of them, little shits. 1640 02:01:58,303 --> 02:02:00,843 I know you're in there. 1641 02:02:00,843 --> 02:02:04,818 I'm going to skin you alive like Peter fucking rabbit. 1642 02:02:19,423 --> 02:02:22,093 Jesus is going to save you now kid. 1643 02:02:59,423 --> 02:03:03,123 [GASPING] 1644 02:03:03,123 --> 02:03:05,883 That's when I stabbed him with the machete he dropped. 1645 02:03:29,113 --> 02:03:32,633 And that's the Christmas I found out Santa is not real. 1646 02:03:32,633 --> 02:03:34,163 He's a mental psychopath. 1647 02:03:47,083 --> 02:03:53,233 Then I ended up here, in this children's home. 1648 02:03:53,233 --> 02:03:55,213 Santa is coming for you. 1649 02:03:55,213 --> 02:03:56,923 Nearly Christmas time again. 1650 02:03:56,923 --> 02:03:58,303 Leave me alone. 1651 02:03:58,303 --> 02:03:59,953 He finished off your family and now 1652 02:03:59,953 --> 02:04:01,453 he's going to finish off you. 1653 02:04:01,453 --> 02:04:02,363 Stop him. 1654 02:04:02,363 --> 02:04:04,883 He's going to skin you alive like Peter rabbit. 1655 02:04:04,883 --> 02:04:05,683 Stop it. 1656 02:04:05,683 --> 02:04:09,853 On the 12th killer Christmas Day Santa said to me, 1657 02:04:09,853 --> 02:04:12,683 a dead family in a fern tree. 1658 02:04:16,183 --> 02:04:19,173 Can you hear a sleigh coming with all the dead kids. 1659 02:04:19,173 --> 02:04:20,863 Halt Harry, leave him alone. 1660 02:04:20,863 --> 02:04:21,913 Don't worry. 1661 02:04:21,913 --> 02:04:22,843 We're done anyway. 1662 02:04:22,843 --> 02:04:24,358 Yeah, little pussy. 1663 02:04:34,573 --> 02:04:37,243 Try and ignore them, Peter. 1664 02:04:37,243 --> 02:04:41,233 They aren't seeing their families either this Christmas. 1665 02:04:41,233 --> 02:04:43,093 Their families were murdered. 1666 02:04:43,093 --> 02:04:44,893 At least your family wanted you. 1667 02:04:44,893 --> 02:04:48,163 My crack addict mom would rather be in prison. 1668 02:04:48,163 --> 02:04:51,973 Christmas can go fuck itself. 1669 02:04:51,973 --> 02:04:55,773 We never going to escape Christmas, are we? 1670 02:05:17,318 --> 02:05:22,363 What the hell are you doing you little creep? 1671 02:05:22,363 --> 02:05:23,378 You trying to scare me? 1672 02:05:27,288 --> 02:05:28,088 Holt? 1673 02:05:48,763 --> 02:05:51,493 You were always nice to me, so-- 1674 02:05:51,493 --> 02:05:53,303 and so let you live. 1675 02:05:53,303 --> 02:05:56,423 Think of it as my Christmas present. 1676 02:06:08,883 --> 02:06:12,363 Yeah, might need it. 1677 02:06:12,363 --> 02:06:14,433 It is Christmas Day tomorrow after all. 1678 02:06:19,463 --> 02:06:21,853 Have a Merry Christmas. 1679 02:06:21,853 --> 02:06:22,653 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1680 02:06:22,653 --> 02:06:27,773 The animals have turned white. 1681 02:06:27,773 --> 02:06:34,293 Santa is dropping bombs tonight, it's getting cold, 1682 02:06:34,293 --> 02:06:40,973 here's the snow, and I know you won't be home, 1683 02:06:40,973 --> 02:06:46,103 I'm changing you in fall out light, 1684 02:06:46,103 --> 02:06:50,123 and I can see your lips turning blue, 1685 02:06:50,123 --> 02:06:59,273 I shouldn't have fallen in love with a homicidal Eskimo. 1686 02:06:59,273 --> 02:07:08,523 I see her bubble off the wall, hanging down from a tree. 1687 02:07:08,523 --> 02:07:16,538 I see her bubble off the wall, hung in a pagan dream. 1688 02:07:19,883 --> 02:07:27,323 The reindeer heads all looked out they would be pulling out 1689 02:07:27,323 --> 02:07:36,703 of town, sat in this old leather chair, my hunting rifle loaded 1690 02:07:36,703 --> 02:07:43,263 here, watching us far from the sky, 1691 02:07:43,263 --> 02:07:47,293 we're three feet deep in dust and bones. 1692 02:07:47,293 --> 02:07:56,453 None of the children gone to war, I got to be coming home. 1693 02:07:56,453 --> 02:08:05,763 I see her bubble off the wall, hanging out from a my tree. 1694 02:08:05,763 --> 02:08:13,663 I see a bubble off the wall, hung in a pagan dream. 1695 02:08:17,283 --> 02:08:26,123 The misteletoe and your smiles, dancing pretty in rubble, 1696 02:08:26,123 --> 02:08:33,101 the antlers that you like to wear, before you cross yourself 1697 02:08:33,101 --> 02:08:35,259 and lift his head. 1698 02:08:35,259 --> 02:08:44,643 I see her bubble of the wall, hanging down I'm from a tree. 1699 02:08:44,643 --> 02:08:52,245 I see her bubble off the wall hung in the pagan dream. 1700 02:08:55,853 --> 02:09:04,643 I see her bubble off the wall, hanging down from a tree, 1701 02:09:04,643 --> 02:09:14,183 I see her bubble off the wall, hung in a pagan dream. 118394

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