Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,794
Al, why isn't anything happening?
2
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,709
It will, you just have to be patient.
3
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,197
Well, I don't want to be
disappointed again.
4
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,872
Any minute now, trust me.
5
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,119
I know how this works.
6
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:45,030
Al, you did it.
You did pay the electric bill.
7
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,756
Of course.
Happy anniversary, baby.
8
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,399
Thank you, Al.
9
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,798
It's the perfect present
for the gal who already has nothing.
10
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,391
Now, is there something
I can do for you?
11
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,149
Yeah. Get in position, baby.
12
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,594
Oh, Al.
13
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,838
I can still feel you, Peg.
14
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:25,351
- I love you, Al.
- Yeah, thanks.
15
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,714
Hey, Mom, Dad.
16
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,953
Kids, don't just burst in like that.
17
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,674
What if we'd been doing
something intimate?
18
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,638
No, we have to turn on
the television.
19
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,229
That lady Coco's on.
The one with the beauty empire.
20
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,635
Yeah, she said
she graduated from Polk High.
21
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,110
Supposed to be the most
famous Polk High graduate.
22
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,955
The second most famous graduate.
23
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:59,711
I don't think this Coco broad scored
four touchdowns in a single game.
24
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,353
Or would have played pro ball
if it wasn't for a bum knee...
25
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,120
...and an even bummer wife.
26
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,238
Oh, there she is.
27
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,758
I have to say, you look great.
Would you stand up for us?
28
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,795
So you attained this perfection by
dieting and using your own products.
29
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,228
I'm very lucky.
30
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,830
I can eat anything I want
and then get it all suck ed out.
31
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,998
But my beauty products
are just as good as surgery...
32
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,397
...and the money goes to me.
33
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,432
Oh, my God, I recognize her.
34
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:50,033
Her name isn't Coco,
it's Helen Granowitter.
35
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,990
Peg, you remember her, she was
a year behind us in high school.
36
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,670
I don't remember her.
You really know her, Al?
37
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,474
Well, I don't want to say anything
in front of the kids...
38
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:09,676
...but she co-piloted the starship Bundy
a couple of seasons.
39
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,918
What do you think
of your old dad now?
40
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,714
What?
41
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,234
Oh, come on, Dad.
42
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,591
You never had
a beautiful woman in your whole life.
43
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:32,394
Seriously, Mom. Could you picture Dad
with even a mildly attractive woman?
44
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,276
Really, Mom. Look at him.
45
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,031
What kind of woman
do you think he possibly could get?
46
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,709
You didn't let me finish.
I was gonna say, " He's got you...
47
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,753
...so why would he want
a beautiful woman?"
48
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,351
Get out.
49
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,957
What did I do?
I was just insulting Daddy.
50
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,433
They hear what they wanna hear.
51
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,399
Hey, somebody stop that guy,
he stole my lunch!
52
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,677
Oh, my.
53
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,394
Hi, beautiful.
54
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,551
Hi, baby.
55
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,558
It's...
56
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,718
...just soda. It'll dry soon
and leave a little stain.
57
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,753
Well, let's cut the charade.
We both know why you're here.
58
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,150
Why are you here?
59
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,508
I've travelled the world
trying to find a man...
60
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,871
...that can satisfy me
the way you did.
61
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,956
Wait a second, wait a second.
62
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,435
Something's going on in here.
Wait a minute.
63
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,195
Oh, it's just an ice cube.
I thought I was passing a stone.
64
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,149
God, you're a pig.
65
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,759
I love it. I want you, Al.
Travel the world with me.
66
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,635
Make love to me
the way that only you can.
67
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,312
- Excuse me, l...
- Get out!
68
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,912
- So you were saying?
- I want you.
69
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,879
Well, I wish
I could say I was shocked...
70
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,237
...and dry.
71
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,871
Look, l...
72
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,071
I know I look
much the same as I did...
73
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:11,158
...when I was a strapping,
sexy high school football star, but...
74
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,158
So it doesn't surprise me
when you say you want me, but...
75
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,078
Look closely
in the dead that are my eyes.
76
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,191
You'll see I'm married.
77
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,234
I'm sorry to hear it.
78
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,755
I'm sorry to say it.
79
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,517
But would you come home
and meet my family?
80
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,315
You know, tell them you know me.
You know, the sex stuff.
81
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,508
I'd like to impress the kids,
you know.
82
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,918
Sure.
83
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,551
Good. I want you
to come home for dinner.
84
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,552
We're having pizza.
85
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,796
You bring it.
86
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,914
So you are telling us that Coco,
world-famous millionaire...
87
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,796
...is madly in love with you
and bringing us a pizza.
88
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,395
It's not as hard to believe
as that I could've had...
89
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,398
...a beautiful millionaire and
instead ended up with you.
90
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,355
Lucky, huh?
91
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,913
Hello, Coco.
92
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,310
I'm so happy to see you.
93
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,396
Coco, meet the family.
94
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,114
Hey, you guys
have to touch these stockings.
95
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,039
I think they're really
made out of silk.
96
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,711
I'm not wearing stockings.
97
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,233
Come with us
into our formal dining room.
98
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,668
I told you extra cheese.
99
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,553
I never met a woman
could order a pizza right. Extra cheese.
100
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,988
How tough is it?
101
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,552
- You have a lovely home.
- Yeah, right.
102
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,110
Enough meaningless girl small-talk.
103
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:41,031
Tell her about the legend
of Al Bundy.
104
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,119
Tell them about OCD...
105
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,359
...One Cool Dude.
106
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:54,348
Al, you have a disgusting
piece of cheese on your chin.
107
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,711
Everything tastes better
from Al's mouth.
108
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,597
Catch me, Bud,
I think I'm gonna faint.
109
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,677
Okay, Kel.
110
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,639
Kids, please.
111
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,071
Not in front of rich,
world-famous company.
112
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,431
Coco... And I think I can call you
by your first name...
113
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:32,110
...since you just ate
off my husband's chin.
114
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,796
- tell me, why are you here?
115
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,999
Because no one has ever
satisfied me like your husband.
116
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,356
Catch me, Bud,
I think I'm gonna faint.
117
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,111
Okay, Kel.
118
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,195
I'll put this as plainly as I can.
119
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:03,474
I've still got the hots for the big lug,
and I want to buy him from you.
120
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,991
So let me get this straight.
You wanna buy him?
121
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,953
He's all that's missing in my life.
122
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,118
Well, he's missing
in everybody's life.
123
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,356
But nobody wants to buy him.
124
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,990
Now, wait a second. I think
we're missing what's important here.
125
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,555
You people are treating me
like a piece of meat...
126
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,911
...and I must say that I like it.
127
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,553
I'm sorry, girls,
I think I dropped a nickel.
128
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,518
Oh, my God.
129
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,309
I thought the moon
was made of green cheese, and it is.
130
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,118
Jealous little ironing board.
131
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,589
Hey, you're Coco, aren't you?
132
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,360
I buy all your products.
133
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,755
You've been on parts of my body
even she hasn't touched.
134
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,788
It's an honour to meet you.
135
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,197
I write you checks
for a thousand dollars every month.
136
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,597
I owe my man's softness to you.
137
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,116
My man's softness comes naturally.
138
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,788
I'm glad you're here.
139
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,879
I'm being driven to the brink
of madness by my dry thighs.
140
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,436
I cream, and I cream, and I cream...
141
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,838
...but still my pants
wanna stick to my thighs.
142
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,878
Perhaps you should let the cream dry
before putting on your pants.
143
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:57,515
I feel just like I did when I was
a little boy and my father said:
144
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,792
"Shake it, son,
and the women will pay."
145
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,557
You know,
we have 8 mm film...
146
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,355
...of his father
fan-dancing for J. Edgar Hoover.
147
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,878
Hey, she didn't come here
to talk shop.
148
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:17,074
She came here
to purchase me as a sex toy.
149
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,033
Oh, this is impossible.
150
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,470
Someone wants you for sex?
151
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,956
What, do you have
a pet orang-utan who's lonely?
152
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,991
And not picky?
153
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,469
Oh, I'm sorry. You two weren't
properly introduced, I don't think.
154
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,477
This is Marcie,
our next-door neighbour.
155
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,272
As you can see, she probably used...
156
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,278
...some of your vanishing cream
on her breasts.
157
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,988
See? Not a trace.
158
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,714
Jefferson, pretend you're a man.
What are you gonna do about this?
159
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,913
Well, I'm gonna do what every real man
ought to do for his woman.
160
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:07,148
I'm gonna let the cream dry
before I put on my pants.
161
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,318
Oh, yeah, I say the same thing,
but a celebrity tells you...
162
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,114
...and you run, don't walk, to cream.
163
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,949
- Suck-up.
- Bitch.
164
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,512
Take me.
165
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,309
You know, it could be worse.
166
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,598
Our neighbours could have been
Siegfried and Roy.
167
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,517
Let's cut to the chase.
I want to buy your husband.
168
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,439
I'll pay you $500,000.
169
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,630
Five hundred thousand dollars
for this?
170
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,671
I don't get it.
171
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,398
But then I haven't been getting it
for 20 years, so what's the difference?
172
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,670
We can't sell Daddy.
173
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,195
Mom, when you say "we"...
174
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,955
...I hope you mean "oui," as in French
for, " Hell, yes, we'll sell Daddy...
175
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,720
...and collaborate with the Germans."
176
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,629
Ergo... Which is French for,
"Yes, take our country...
177
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,798
...but please let us live
to make our creamy sauces."
178
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:25,431
- I say we take the 500,000
and bid Daddy adieu.
179
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,551
Which is French for a deer,
a female deer.
180
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:36,188
So in closing,
I'd like to say one thing.
181
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:41,277
S-E-L-L, sell Daddy!
182
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,311
Dad...
183
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,996
...take a long,
hard look at yourself, pal.
184
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,714
You tell me what other possibility
there is out there...
185
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,070
...for a man made of fudge.
186
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,997
Snap out of it, man.
187
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,556
Sell your worthless
damn body and soul.
188
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,638
It's better than selling shoes.
189
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,190
At least we'll finally be able
to tell people what you do.
190
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,679
You'll be Al Bundy, male hooker.
191
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,669
Now, Al, promise me
you won't do anything with Coco.
192
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,833
Hey, she paid 500 grand.
193
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,430
She wants the boodle, baby.
194
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,350
Well, then promise me when you're
in bed with her, you won't enjoy it.
195
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,552
Because I think
I can assure you that she won't.
196
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,758
Honey, this is a wonderful thing
you're doing for your family.
197
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,190
I want you to know
we're all very proud of you.
198
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,396
Mom, the limo's here.
199
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:57,509
Oh, Al, that's our limo
to take us to our new lakeshore condo.
200
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,350
Well, honey, don't be a stranger.
You know where we live.
201
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,758
Well, actually you don't. Oh, well.
202
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,518
Gee, I'll miss you, Al.
203
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,628
I'll miss you too, Peg.
204
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,593
Well, goodbye.
205
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,319
Oh, why, oh, why
was I cursed with these good looks?
206
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,715
This rock-hard body,
this "hold me" heinie.
207
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:48,069
Face that's a homing signal
for hooters.
208
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:55,512
You are one fine $500,000
piece of beef.
209
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,832
Hi.
210
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,393
I've waited a long time, Al.
211
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,476
You...
212
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,035
You're on my side of the bed.
213
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,512
- What's the difference?
- I don't know.
214
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,075
What if I roll out in the night
and get confused...
215
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,998
...and go to the bathroom
in the hall?
216
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,793
Okay. I'll move over.
217
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,793
Here. Is this better?
218
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:57,114
You got my pillow all warm.
I don't like that.
219
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,393
Fine.
220
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,194
Let's get down to business.
221
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,318
You know, maybe you could
get me a glass of water.
222
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,794
- Water?
- Yeah.
223
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,879
Okay, in a glass
or on the front of your pants?
224
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,959
We don't use glasses,
but a paper cup would be nice.
225
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,992
It's just me.
226
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,712
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
I just forgot a few things.
227
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,873
He gets thirsty.
228
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,353
He likes his pillow cool.
229
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,799
Well, bye.
230
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:13,030
Oh, and I don't believe
that you bought my pillow.
231
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,794
Well, stud, giddyup.
232
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,192
All right, get up.
233
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,757
Get up!
That's my bed and my husband.
234
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,673
Here's your check and get out.
235
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,759
This isn't my check.
It's just a piece of paper.
236
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,672
Gee...
237
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,559
...it's amazing how a page out of
the TV Guide can look like a check.
238
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,313
Here.
239
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,876
Go buy yourself your own
ring-around-the-collar worker.
240
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,954
This big lug is mine.
241
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,229
It's times like this
I'm glad there's a Ben & Jerry's.
242
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:10,759
You're gonna buy ice cream?
243
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,798
No, I'm gonna
go buy Ben and Jerry.
244
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:27,233
Gee, Al,
I hope you're not mad at me.
245
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,512
I just couldn't stand the thought
of you with someone else.
246
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,188
Even if it meant
we were gonna get rich.
247
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,073
Well, I guess I couldn't
be with anybody else either, Peg.
248
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,717
Even though she had more to offer
than you in every possible way.
249
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,795
I guess we're just meant
to be together, huh?
250
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,116
Yeah, I guess.
251
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,760
You know what I wanna do right now?
252
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,475
Yes, I do,
and it's exactly what I wanna do.
253
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,719
I can still feel you, Peg.
254
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,276
I love you, Al.
255
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,357
Yeah, thanks.
19726
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.