All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E22 - Charges and Specs.eng.SDH

I didn't wash my hands, and I don't care.

Yup.

Cool to be some place
where they don't cut

you off right when
things get good, right?

Another pitcher of your
strongest beer please, good sir,

and a glass thingy to drink it out of.

And, uh, one of whatever
this guy's having for that guy,

and one of what that
guy's having for this guy.

And another round for everyone, on me!

-[CHEERING]
-PERALTA: Yeah.

That's right. Thanks, buddy.

What's the occasion?

Oh, I'm celebrating.

My name's Jake Peralta, and
I just got fired from the NYPD.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

All right, listen up.

What you're about to
see is highly disturbing,

but please, no comments.

This man is in pain, so
above all else, be kind.

JEFFORDS: Good morning, Boyle.

Let's just get it out there.

Vivian broke up with me last night.

VIVIAN: I'm sorry, Chucklebunny.

[SIGHS]

Charles, wait! Yes?

Your food dehydrator.

Oh, God.

It's official.

The wedding's off, and
this is what I'm like now.

-Life is a pit.
-GINA: Excuse me?

I don't understand.

Did you already have a matrix
getup at home for some reason?

No, Gina, I bought this with the money

I was going to spend on our
honeymoon to Cape Canaveral.

I'm so sorry, buddy.

BOYLE: Don't be.
I'm settling into the darkness nicely.

I definitely get you now.

What you got there, Boyle?

Eggs in a bag.

Nothing brings me joy
anymore, not even food.

Now, I only eat for sustenance.

Smart. Save that for later. [CHUCKLES]

Peralta? My office. Now.

[SIGHS]

Sir?

Ah.

Commissioner Podolski. It's been a while.

Maybe because you haven't put

any of my children in handcuffs recently.

Yay, enemies for life. [CHUCKLES]

Peralta, have you been
investigating Lucas Wint?

Uh, yeah, I have.

I think he's laundering
money for drug dealers.

Don't be an idiot.

Lucas Wint is a civic leader.

He runs a major charity.

His community center is the
lifeblood of that neighborhood.

And he officially claims you
have been harassing him.

What? That's insane.

I've been trying to talk to him,

and he keeps avoiding
me like a guilty person.

So, I approached him at
his weekly basketball game.

Hey, there, Wint.
I got a couple questions for you.

I told you to back off.

This is completely inappropriate.

No. This is me scoring in your face!

Kobe!

Seemed like an obvious goal-tend,

but that's besides the point.

Peralta, do you have any
evidence to support your suspicions?

There's a lot of chatter
amongst low level drug dealers.

Chatter? Sorry, I know.

I know. I hate that word, too.
Tittle-tattle.

Just stay away from Wint.
That's an order.

[SIGHS] Captain, I'm telling you.

This is reliable tittle-tattle.

You have to trust me.

Trust me.

It's in your best interest to back off.

Fine.

But just for the record, I
think you're both wrong.

Self-dismissed.

We have to help Charles. He's devastated.

I hate seeing him like this.

Breakups are cartoony thumbs down.

They make people feel
face with "X's" for the eyes.

What does that even mean?

The English language cannot fully capture

the depth and complexity of my thoughts,

so I'm incorporating Emoji into
my speech to better express myself.

Winky face. Oh, Lord.

Listen, this is simple.

Boyle needs a little rebound nooky.

Eggplant Emoji.

Rosa, you wanna get on that?

Don't make me rip your tongue off.

I would talk to him, but I
don't think I have any advice.

All of my breakups have
been completely mutual.

This is the best possible
option for both of us.

Agreed. Take care.

That was the end of an
eight year relationship.

You know, I haven't had
that many romantic breakups,

but neither of my children
will speak to me anymore.

All right, none of you are any help.

Sarge and I will cheer up Charles.

DIAZ: Oh.

He's not even chewing them anymore.

Ugh.

Listen to this text Boyle just sent me.

"I finally know what used napkins
at a barbecue restaurant feel like."

I hate breakups.

I hope I never go through one again.

Really?

You think you'll spend the
rest of your life with Teddy?

What? No.

Maybe. I don't know.

I'm just saying getting
dumped is a nightmare.

No arguments here.

I remember my worst breakup.

Eighth grade. Jenny Gildenhorn.

Hey, Jenny.

Jake, I don't wanna go out anymore.

I like Eddie Fung now.

But it's my Bar Mitzvah.

We were gonna grind.

That day, I truly became a man.

Wonder where Eddie Fung is now.

867 Clinton Street, apartment 2A.

I know exactly where that bastard is.

[CHUCKLING]

Get down! It's Wint!

What? Wint? Holt told you to drop that.

I thought we were working our burglary.

I know, I lied. Apology?
Apology accepted.

Look, Podolski is wrong. Wint is guilty.

Yesterday, I saw him get into
a car with a known drug dealer.

I didn't have time to take a picture.

But today, I came prepared.

Did you tell Holt what you saw? No.

I don't trust him on this.

How can you not trust Holt?

He's the executor of my will.

Wint has crazy ties to City Hall.

I just don't think Holt would
risk giving up his command.

Anyway… Oh, crap. Where'd he go?

-[KNOCKING]
-Ah!

Hello, Detective Peralta.

Amy. Hmm?

Tell me who's there.

I'm blind.

You disobeyed my direct
orders to drop this case.

I staked out Wint 'cause I got a tip

he was meeting up with a drug dealer.

And why didn't you tell me about this?

Because you told me to drop the case.

Look, let's just agree to say
"I'm sorry" on the count of three.

One, two, three.

See?
Now, I'm just disappointed in both of us.

This is unacceptable.
You've crossed the line.

Sir, I'm Amy Santiago and
I have something to say.

I think you're wrong.

I think Detective Peralta
is onto something,

and you should let him pursue it.

I'm Amy Santiago and I'm done talking.

Good.
Because this is none of your concern.

Commissioner Podolski is bringing
you up on charges and specs.

You're facing a six month suspension.

And you're on administrative
leave until the hearing.

Now, get out of my office.

Fine.

Here's my gun and my badge.

I don't need those.
You're not suspended yet.

You're on administrative leave.

You never let me do anything cool!

Ah. Good morning, Captain.

I got you your favorite breakfast,

a plain bagel and a water.

Don't try to soften me up.

Why did you ask me
to meet you in this alley

in Bensonhurst at nine in the morning?

Look, my best chance
of not getting suspended

is proving that Wint is guilty.

I've got a confidential
informant I need you to meet.

You continued to work this
case against my direct orders?

You astound me.

Thank you, sir.

You astound me, as well.

But I didn't find him.

Santiago did.

What is going on with you?

I don't know, sir.

We're both off-roading it here.

My internal GPS has been
recalculating for a week.

This is Isaac.

He used to be a pusher
for the Bay Ridge boys.

Dude. Drugs don't need pushing.

They push themselves. People love drugs.

Tell him about the donations.

All right, look. Every Friday,

I'd put cash into a duffel bag

and bring it to Wint Community Center,

room 265,

and they mark it down as a charitable
donation in their account book.

Ergo, uh-laundering.

So, why should we believe you?

I don't care who you believe.

Just know I hate those dudes now.

They carved up my territory so bad,

I had to quit selling drugs.

And I love selling drugs.

It was my dream job.

Sir, I filled out a warrant request

to search the community
center for the account book.

I need you to sign it before
I can take it to a judge.

I know I'm asking you to stick
your neck out, but please trust me.

Fine.

But I'll be with you
every step of the way.

You know, you should just
put a microchip in his neck

like a little doggie.

All right, Isaac, thank you.
Yeah, you're done.

All right, guys.

We have Peralta's hearing at four.

Anybody seen Boyle?

Present.

He seems even worse than before.

I lost Vivian and now I might lose Jake.

I don't know what else to do.

I've tried being supportive.

I listened to him talk about
Vivian's lips for over two hours.

He kept describing them as ample.

So ample.

Rosa.

Have you ever been dumped?

No.

In all my breakups,
I'm always the dumper.

I know you're having a hard time,

but I think I can fix this.

There's this thing that I do whenever I..
.feel.

What?

Burn everything.

[SIGHS]

Okay. This feels right.

No, it's terrible!
Vivian, I won't let you burn!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow!

Ah! Ooh!

Ah! Oh, that's so hot!

What is that? It's coffee.

[SIGHS] Coffee?

PERALTA: Look at us.

Three rogue cops taking on a case

the Commissioner told us to drop.

Button up your jacket. Sit up straight.

Judge Mindel has a reputation
for being strict and proper.

All right, no worries.
I'll just act like you.

Say something so I can get
the cadence of your voice down.

I will not. Perfect.

I will not. I…will not.

I will…not.

Have a seat, Detective.

I will not.

Excuse me? Uh, sorry.

I meant, out of respect,
I will choose to stand.

Sit, I will not.

[SIGHING]

This looks like it was filled
out by a toddler. Mmm-hmm.

Now, we're going to have to
go through this point by point.

Justice cannot be rushed.

But could it be gently
nudged into hyper speed?

I take it you're the toddler.

-Mmm.
-[PHONE RINGING]

Excuse me a moment. Mmm-hmm.

This is going terribly.

New plan.

I'm gonna charm her.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I had to take that.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Captain Raymond Holt.

What's up?

You wanted to see me, Sarge?

Yeah. Come on in, Boyle.

Sorry to hear about your hand. Thanks.

It makes it really hard to
manipulate my egg sack.

Look. Here's the deal.

I did my junior year abroad in Tokyo,

and my girlfriend, Chiaki…

She broke my heart.

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

I stared at the paper walls for weeks.

Until my roommate showed
me how to vent my feelings.

Oh.

Take a plate and smash it.

Yeah.

-Oh!
-[BOTH LAUGHING]

Feels good! Yeah!

All right. Your turn, Boyle. Okay.

Vent those feelings. Okay.

Here we go, Sarge. Yeah.

Ah!

Oh, my testicles!

We've got a warrant,
but now we need a plan.

We can't just go in
there in our uniforms.

They'll destroy the evidence before
we even walk through the door.

Good point, Captain Holt.

Or should I say "Captain
Raymond Sex Vibes"?

Who knew you had such game?

Yes, I've found that many
women want what they can't have.

I get it. Ew!

PERALTA: What the hell is going on?

According to the
community center calendar,

amateur ballroom dancing competition.

Ah, okay.

I know how we're gonna blend in.

Don't say "thrift store." Thrift store!

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I want to thank you ♪

♪ For lettin' me be myself again ♪

♪ Thank you for let… ♪ [MUSIC STOPS]

Jake, the overwhelming time pressure.

Yep. [SIGHS]

All right, Isaac said the
account book was in room 265.

It's gotta be upstairs.

Let's head up.

Hey. Where you going?

To the dance contest.

I am nationally recognized
Foxtrotter, Dave Blathis,

and these are my protégés,

Rhonda Shawarma and Hank Frankel.

I don't care who you are.

Upstairs is closed to the public.

Fine, but we didn't have to endure
this crap when we danced in Barcelona.

[SIGHS] The hearing's
starting any second.

There might be another
staircase off the dance floor.

I'll sign us up for the contest.
Good idea.

Oh, and Amy. Hmm?

Your dress makes you look like a mermaid.

Okay, I'll see you in a little bit.

I know we're all concerned about Boyle.

But, again, there is a solution.

Forget your ex with meaningless sex.

It rhymes because it's true.

JEFFORDS: All right, everyone.

Peralta needs us to stall.

So, just keep your answers long.

Add stuff.

Embellish your asses off.

Boyle, you're first.

I don't know if I'm up for this.

I'm so emotional, I
can barely think straight.

Great. Use that.

Embrace the void.

Would you say Detective Peralta

was overly interested in the Wint case?

I only heard Detective Peralta
talk about Lucas Wint once.

We were in my car.

I took Vivian on our
first real date in that car.

Vivian is my fiancée.

My ex-fiancée.

My never-wife.

Detective Boyle, if you could

please limit your comments
to the matter at hand.

I will.
I'd just like the record to reflect

that "matter at hand" was one
of Vivian's favorite expressions.

[LATIN DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

We should try to blend in.

Stretch your leg up over your head.

What?
You stretch your leg up over your head.

You think I wouldn't if I could?

[SIGHS] Oh.

Looks like the Captain found a partner.

PERALTA: Good Lord.

Okay. We begin with a free-dance period

to the spicy sounds of rumba.

[RUMBA MUSIC PLAYING]

All right. The linoleum awaits, my dear.

Oh, boy.

I know we're undercover,

but I'm starting to get real
nervous about this contest.

You need to see a therapist.

Yeah. Let's dance this way.

Okay. Ow!

How did you manage to step on
both of my feet at the same time?

I'm horrible at this.
When can we stop? I know, I know.

Title of my sex tape.

Yeah, well done.

Title of my sex tape.

Oh, my God. The Captain.

He could really win this thing.

How did you get so amazing at dancing?

Jake, focus.

I found a back stairway over here.

And spin.

Who is he?

As far as I can recall,
Detective Peralta told me that…

[CLEARS THROAT]

That…

He…

No, I never heard Jake talk about Wint.

And the very fact that
you have him on trial

is cat doing "Home Alone" face.

Of… Look, I've known Jake forever.

Our friendship is little
boy holding little girl's hand.

[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

God.
That guard by the door will not move.

Uh-oh. He just made eye contact with me.

Play it cool. Dance, dance, dance, dance.

You don't have to say "dance"

every time you make a step.

Good call.

Hey, do you want me to
actually show you how to do this

so you don't hurt yourself
and possibly others?

Yes. Okay.

-[CLEARS THROAT] Ready?
-Mmm-hmm.

This is kinda fun. Yeah.

Maybe Teddy and I should take a class.

Yeah. Maybe.

Guys, we're running out of time.
What's the plan?

That guard won't move.

We need a distraction. I'm on it.

Dance, dance, dance. Dance.

Oh, God! Oh!

My ankle! Sir, my ankle!

Oh! I heard a pop! I heard a pop!

Is that bad? Do you know if that's bad?

Oh, God! Oh, I live to dance!

[SOBBING]

Ah. Voilà.

So glad no one heard me say that.

-[CAMERA CLICKING]
-Gotcha.

Ah, this is incredible.

The account books have everything.

-Dates, names, dollar amounts.
-HOLT: All right.

I can't wait to show this to Podolski.

I should probably slip in a Miley
Cyrus "told you so" face real quick.

-[CAMERA CLICKING]
-It's hard to do on the move.

Peralta, wait.

Santiago, give us a minute.

Sir? I need you to do something.

And it's gonna sound
crazy, but it's important.

And I need you to trust me.

So, Detective Peralta,

do you have any evidence you'd
like to present on your behalf?

No.

I have nothing.

Jake, what happened?

Did Holt ask you to get suspended?

No. He told me to get fired.

Why? I don't know.

I'm kind of freaking out.

He said to do it. And the next
thing I knew, I was just yelling.

And your mother! All your mothers.

And your grandmothers.

And your grandmothers' little dogs.

Are you done? No, I'm not done!

Oh, you're done! You can't handle the me!

-Oh, my God.
-HOLT: Peralta.

Hey. What's going on?

This is Special Agent Clarke with the FBI.
FBI?

We couldn't let you expose Lucas Wint.

It would've compromised a much
larger ongoing federal investigation.

We believe that Wint has
ties to the Ianucci crime family.

[WHISPERING] That's one
of the best crime families.

We needed you to get fired for real

because the Ianuccis have
moles inside the NYPD.

And we need them to trust you.

Detective, we'd like you to go undercover

and help us with the investigation.

Okay. The answer is yes.

The details are… My name is Duncan Buck.

I was raised on an oil rig
by 90 men and one prostitute.

We'd like you to be yourself.

Even better.
This could be very dangerous.

So, please, take some time and..
. No need. I'm in.

Eyes closed, head first, can't lose.

I don't think that's the expression.

Can you just let me have this?

What I'm about to tell
you cannot leave this room.

Detective Peralta will be going

in an undercover assignment with the FBI.

His cover story is that he was fired.

Oh, my God. My heart just threw up.

Look, they're saying this
assignment will last about six months.

So, while I'm gone, Boyle,
I want you to have my desk.

I'll sit at it always.

Rosa, you can have my locker. Sweet.

Amy, you can have all of my open cases.

HOLT: Okay, that's enough.

Peralta doesn't have the
authority to do any of this.

You will all sit at your own desk

and work the cases I assign you.

But you will be missed.

Thank you, Captain.

Thank you for trusting me.

Okay. Now, call us all
names and storm out of here,

for the benefit of the bullpen.

[SIGHS] This is the best day ever.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'll miss you guys.

And your mother!

You're all a bunch of pigs!

I smell bacon!

And guess what else, Captain.

You can take this tie

and shove it straight
into your hell-hole.

This whole place reeks of bacon.

And guess what?

I'm going kosher.
Because "Jakey" don't dig on swine!

Whoo!

All right, everyone.
I wanna make a toast.

To you guys.

You'll never be Jake or
Vivian, but at least you're here.

Ugh. I'm going to go over by the bar,

where I can hear you worse.

Oh, I get it.
I'd abandon me, too. That's it.

Boyle, no more eggs.

You're drinking your troubles away.

Start with this.

I'm gonna get some bottles from the bar.

Make way! Large man helping
his little friend, coming through!

You're so lucky you've never
been through a painful breakup.

The only reason they haven't been painful

is 'cause the guys were all losers.

I've never dated anyone good.

Hmm.

Like you.

[GLASSES CLINKING]

Amy?

Hey. I thought I missed you.

Hey, Jake. Amazing assignment.

I have to admit I'm a little jealous.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

Well, if you want, I
could help you get fired.

I'm really good at it. [LAUGHING]

Yeah.

This is real. This is happening.

Look, um… [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

I don't wanna be a jerk.

I know you're dating Teddy
and it's going really well.

It's just… What's going on?

[SIGHING]

I don't know what's gonna
happen on this assignment.

And if something bad goes down,

I think I'd be pissed at
myself if I didn't say this.

[SIGHING]

I kinda wish something could
happen between us, romantic-styles.

And I know it can't, because you're
with Teddy and I'm going undercover.

And that's just how it is.

-But…
-[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

Anyway. We're not supposed to
have any contact. So, I should go.

America needs me.

Bye.

And another round for everyone on me!

Thanks, buddy.

What's the occasion? Oh, I'm celebrating.

My name is Jake Peralta and
I just got fired from the NYPD.

I'm Leo. Ianucci.

Nice to meet you.

[BOTH SCREAMING]