All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E17 - Full Boyle.eng.SDH

BOYLE: ♪ Drying dishes, yeah ♪

[WHISTLING]

Man, Charles has been
so happy and confident

ever since he hooked
up with that professor

at the Captain's party.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

She has tenure and also has 10 years,

times two, older than him.

That sucked. Yeah.

It's nice to see him like this.

JEFFORDS: He's so confident.

This morning, he finally
corrected the barista

when she called him Charlize.

He's been living as
Charlize Broil for five years.

It's great. It's all so great.

He could take it down just a smidge.

♪ If you like piña coladas ♪

-Dead guy, Charles.
-Sorry.

But whatever. I can handle the singing.

I'm just so happy for that guy.
It's about time he caught a break.

Sexy Train is leaving the station.

Check out this caboose!

Later, sluts.

Just let him have it.

Great job, Boyle.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Peralta, where are we
with the Black Cab Holdups?

Well… I got this, Jakey.

Oh, all right. Have at it, man.

GINA: Nice jeans, Boyle.

Those are surprisingly low-waisted.

Eyes up here, Gina.
I'm more than just a piece of ass.

ALL: Ooh! [LAUGHING]

Not bad. Not bad.

An unlicensed cab driver
has been picking up tourists.

Driver takes the vics down under the BQE,

robs them at gunpoint,
leaves them stranded.

Unfortunately, because they're tourists

and our perp is not Caucasian,

we don't have a clear
idea of what he looks like.

He was either Latino, Arab,

or Mexican. Either way, very Muslim.

We'll go undercover,
dressed as out-of-towners,

and hope the perp picks us up.

Don't worry, Sarge. We'll nail this guy.

I can't believe I was just
briefly attracted to Boyle!

Ugh! Ugh.

A Mr. Brain Jensen here to see you, sir.

It's Brian.

Mmm, not according to this note

I wrote on my hand very quickly. "Brain."

Captain Holt.
We recently met at the African-American

Gay and Lesbian New York
City Policeman's Association.

Uh, yes, that name is quite a mouthful.

Just call it the AAGLNYCPA.

Your organization has
meant so much to me.

Uh, well, it's not my organization.

I mean, I did found it, and I've been

president for the last 25 years,

and I oversee every detail.

But really, it's our organization.

It's yours. And out of respect for you

and everything that you've done,

I wanted to stop by and let you
know I'll be running for president.

I hate to run against you,

but I have some ideas for change

that will bring AAGLNYCPA

into the 21st century.

I see. Well,

it's been good meeting you,
and, uh, I wish you the very best.

Thank you. Goodbye, Brain.

It's… It's Brian.

Very nice man.

Yes, he is.

Now, let's figure out how to

destroy him.

How did the interview with the victim go?

Went okay. Guy was from Canada,

said it was probably his
fault for getting robbed

and apologized for wasting my time.

Oh, Canada.

Truly Odie to America's Garfield.

Mmm-hmm.
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?

I think I can get us some Nets tickets.

No go, amigo.

Tomorrow is Vivi's and
my big 20-day anniversary.

I'm pulling out all the stops.

Dinner at Le Bonbon
with 300 roses at the table.

No. Oh, man.

Then, a gondola ride
along the Gowanus Canal.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

And then, a skywriter's going
to write "Charles Loves V."

I couldn't afford her full name.

Okay. First of all, "Charles Loves
V" means something very specific,

and I'm gonna guess,
not what you're intending.

But more importantly,

you're going Full Boyle.

Pfft! What? I am not.

What's Full Boyle? Any time
Charles gets into a new relationship,

he gets way too intense, way too fast,

and it always ends in heartbreak.

We met on the subway.
We went out to dinner,

and I told her I loved her.

And my mom was so happy.

And then, the barbershop
quartet I hired started to sing…

And then, she broke up with me.

And then she broke up with you. Yes!

[CRYING] Oh, Joanna! No!

Courtney!

Rhonda!

I know when I'm going Full Boyle.

Trust me, this is different.
I have it under control.

Got to go, Jakey.

[SIGHS]

Excuse me. Are you a detective?

Oh, uh, who's asking?

I'm Super Dan, scourge
of Brooklyn's underworld.

And I need to talk to
an officer of the law.

I'm busy right now
working on this excuse.

I think Santiago is free.

Hi. I'm Super Dan.

And I have a crime to report.

Oh, gosh.

I am so sorry. I literally just retired.

This is my retirement cake.

Mmm. Thank you, guys.

I'm going to miss this place.

Why aren't you guys taking me seriously?

Your cape. And your tights.

And your name is Super Dan.
And I can kind of see your penis.

And it's just all a rich tapestry.

Yeah, well, I'm a citizen.
I'm from this neighborhood.

So, the only reason I'm wearing

this costume is so
when I'm fighting crime

to help you guys, people
will respect my authority.

How's that working out for you?
[GIGGLING]

Detectives, when a citizen
comes in off the street,

it is NYPD policy to take a statement.

This isn't enough of a statement?

Yes, I wanted to inquire about
renting out the Statue of Liberty

for a romantic evening? Mmm-hmm.

Is there a bed in the torch?

No. Okay.

I'll get back to you.

Hey, there, Charles.

I thought maybe we
should have a little chat

about how crazy you're acting and
how you're blowing this beyond repair.

Are you really qualified
to give romantic advice?

You're not exactly the
king of mature relationships.

Fair enough. But I would argue
that I am like a beautiful angel of love,

who has trouble finding love for himself.

Admit that you would see that movie.

I would. Thank you for your honesty.

But this is not about me.

It's about Charles.

I've seen this before,
buddy, and it is bad.

Jake. I'm nowhere near Full Boyle.

Then, prove it. Just push your
anniversary dinner one night.

Say "Vivian, tomorrow doesn't work for me.
Can we reschedule?"

If this will convince you,
I'm more than happy.

No problem. Great.

Voicemail. Yeah.

God, I love how she says
the words, "You've reached…"

Hi, Vivi. It's Chucklebunny.

Oof.
I'm just calling about dinner tomorrow.

I can't wait to see you, my
luscious little breakfast quiche.

I just want to draw you a bubble bath

and spoon-feed you caviar.

I think we should open
up a joint checking account.

I love you. What am I doing?

It's okay.
I hung up right after "Chucklebunny".

Help me. I've gone Full Boyle.

I need to focus on my
re-election campaign.

Clear my schedule.

You really care about
this little club, huh?

It's not a club. It's an organization
that I founded over 25 years ago.

I'm proud to say we now have 50 members,

but it wasn't so easy in the beginning.

I'd like to request discretionary funds

to start an organization supporting
black gay and lesbian police officers.

They never actually said no,

so I just went ahead and did it.

I've poured my heart and
soul into this organization,

and I'm not gonna just
give up the presidency.

You should make me your campaign manager.

I was born for politics.
I have great hair,

and I love lying.

Find out everything you
can about this Jensen.

I'll work on my speech.

How's this for an opening joke?

"You know what the toughest part
about being a gay black police officer is?

"The discrimination."

I believe that's what you
call observational humor.

Probably. That's great.

Ah.
All right, let's go over our disguises.

I am Herbert Goffleman from San Diego.

I came here to stand in the
cold outside The Today Show

holding a sign with a
misspelled word on it.

Oh, you know what? You win.

That neon green fanny
pack screams gullible tourist.

It's mine. I brought it from home.

Oh.
Hey, can I have my phone back, please?

Uh, no. Because you will call Vivian,

and you have the worst case
of Full Boyle I've ever seen.

Huh? I found this, by the way.

You wrote "Mr.
Charles Ludley" over a thousand times.

Why would you take her last name, Boyle?

[SIGHS] Look.

For the last two years, I've
been directing all my love at Rosa.

So, my emotions just piled up.

And now, with Vivian, my
feelings are spraying out of me

like a fire hose. Ugh!

That is overtly sexual.

Jake, I'm going to ruin it.

You got to help me.

All right, here's the plan.

I'll text Vivian from your phone

and tell her you want
it to be a double date.

That way, I can come with
you and hold your hand.

Then, your hand will be on her butt

because my hand will be on her butt.

You've got to get it together, man.

I told you I need help!

Hey, can I get your file on
that Atlantic Avenue drug ring?

Sarge gave me and Scully the case.

What? Oh.

Why did you do that? I…
I know I deserved it, but why?

Sarge, you reassigned our drug case?

Diaz and I have been
working it for three months.

Remember Super Dan?

The guy you ignored and made fun of?

He's been perching on rooftops at night,
secretly taking photos of drug deals.

He has thousands of images

and can ID the entire network of dealers.

What?
But you refused to take his statement

because he had a cape on.

Luckily, Hitchcock
and Scully didn't mind.

I didn't even notice
he was wearing a cape.

You're a cop.
You should have noticed that.

We screwed up. Message received.

Yep. Be nicer to virgins.

She doesn't speak for me.

You're not getting your case back.

Okay. Here's what I found
out about our competition.

"Brian Jensen, born 1899,

"served in the Navy during World War One.

"A hero at the Battle of Scimitar Hill,

"Jensen perished in a
factory fire in the Netherlands."

This may be a different Brian Jensen.

I've never been in this position before.

I've always run unopposed.

If you want to compete,

you're gonna have to
have a little more pizzazz.

Couple ideas for you.

The obvious place to start would be you

in a silver suit, with
sunglasses and roller skates.

The candidate of fun.

What's your second idea?

Nada. Thought I had a
slam dunk on the first one.

Hi, there.
We'd like to go to the Times Square.

We're brothers.

[PHONE CHIMING]

We're all set for the
double-date tonight.

Vivian's bringing her friend Bernice.

Bernice?
That sounds like a cartoon dump truck.

Mmm. Whatever.
That's probably for the best.

I don't need any distractions.

My mission is to protect you.

All right.

Hey, this guy's going the right way.

We should get out and try again.

You can let us off here.

Hey. We would like to buy some bagels.

And where is the Sex and the City street?

We wanna see where Carrie and Big live.

I'm a Carrie. I think I'm a Carrie.

BOTH: We're both Carries.

PERALTA: All right, let's
prepare for the date tonight.

Here's the things you're
not allowed to talk about.

Love, poetry, music, or passion.

We don't have to talk at all.

I'll just stare into her eyes.

They're like little drops of
cilantro reduction on lily white flan.

Okay, now, see, no food talk.

It sets off something primal
and disgusting in both of you.

It makes me want to barf. You're right.

But if you feel like you can't handle it,

we need a signal.

I'll do this. [IMITATING LASERS FIRING]

-And how would you do that naturally?
-[MUTTERS] I don't know.

This guy's clean, by the way.

Can we pull over, please?

[BOYLE SIGHING]

There she is.

I don't know if I can do this.

Listen to me. I am with you all night,

and nothing will distract me from
my solemn vow to protect you.

Okay? Okay.

Vivian, you look beautiful.
I love your dress.

Oh, you too, Charlie.
You look so handsome.

[GIGGLES]

Steady. Steady.

Jake, this is my friend, Bernice.

Uh, hello. I'm Jack… tractive.

"Jack-tractive?"

Yes. My parents were hippies.

Let's eat.

BERNICE: Okay. So, Jake, you're a cop?

I wanted to be a cop when I was a kid,

mostly because I love Die Hard.

Die Hard. Really?

Mmm-hmm. Well, that makes sense.

Everyone loves that movie.
Oh, not like me.

I sleep in a Nakatomi
Plaza Security t-shirt.

Ah. Oh, no.

What kind of dogs do you like?

I mean, you know, just hypothetically.

If we were to get a dog.

Oh, I love all dogs.

Uh, when I was a kid, I had the
cutest golden retriever named Rufus.

That is the most amazing
thing I've ever heard.

-I want to meet him.
-PERALTA: Charles.

Why don't you tell Vivian
about the 10-day forecast?

Oh. Good idea.

-PERALTA: Sorry about that.
-BERNICE: Mmm-hmm.

So, if you're not a cop,
then what do you do?

I'm in grad school. I thought
about maybe being a sports reporter,

but it would be impossible
for me to be objective.

I love the Nets so much.

You're a Nets fan? I love the Nets.

Oh, my God.
This season has been a disaster, right?

Yes.
And everybody blames it on Jason Kidd.

PERALTA: Yes.
But it's like, at a certain point,

Billy King is the one
who put the team together.

-Yes.
-[BOYLE GIGGLING]

I love rainy days.

My mother loves rainy days.

You should meet her.

Excuse me…
[IMITATING LASERS FIRING] Our signal.

Uh, here's a question for the group.

What is the longest funeral
you've ever attended?

Ladies first.

GINA: On behalf of
Captain Holt, Floorgasm.

[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

Hands in the air, fists
pumping like champs

Pumping like champs, pumping like champs

Tramp stamp, bam

GINA: Did you like it?

It was inspired by the city of New York,

in that I stole it from some kids I
saw dancing in a subway station.

All of you, go home immediately.

Ugh.

I appreciate the effort, Gina,
but I can't risk losing this election.

The AAGLNYCPA means too much.

Let me rehearse my speech. [SIGHS]

Do you want a president
who struggled against all odds

to create this great organization,

or do you want a great nothing

who struggled against
nothing-odds to create nothing?

-Yikes.
-[DOOR OPENING]

HOLT: The meeting is beginning.

The stakes are very high for me.

I'm getting nervous.
My stomach is in flux.

You know, in the court of Louis XI,

women would only eat consommé

because they were worried that
chewing would give them wrinkles.

I love it when you talk broth.

Hey, Charles, remember that
dog we found on the train tracks?

Was it inside-out or just
very badly burned? Inside-out.

PERALTA: Yeah, 'cause there
were things on the outside that

definitely should have
been on the inside.

-Definition of inside-out.
-PERALTA: Bingo.

Will you excuse us?

Bernice and I are going to
going to use the ladies' room.

Ooh.

Hurry back.

Uh. Oh, no.

Jake, I can't stop looking at her butt.

Yeah, you are definitely
making her uncomfortable.

And this beautiful
basketball-loving Die Hard fan is

tearing down my walls of defenses.

If we find out that she is half-Jewish,

-we are all doomed!
-[SIGHS] I know.

I borrowed the waiter's
phone when you weren't looking

and bought me and Vivian
plane tickets to Rome.

What? We leave in two hours.

Terrible itinerary.
We connect through Vietnam.

Just go home.
Get out of here and regroup.

I'll take of everything.
I'll tell them it was an emergency.

Thank you.

Can you make it a work emergency?
Not a bathroom one.

Kinda wanna make it a bathroom one.

Sarge, you made your point.

We messed up. But this is a big case,

and Hitchcock and Scully
are going to screw it up.

I'm sure they can handle it.

They have a combined
50 years of experience.

This morning, I found
Scully's gun in the freezer,

in the frozen yogurt.

I think he was using it as a spoon.

The truth is, I had to
give them the case.

You insulted Super Dan.

He refuses to cooperate with you.

We weren't that bad.

You told him his super power
was being so embarrassing

that people laugh themselves to death.

Yeah.

For those of you who don't know me,

I'm Officer Brian Jensen.

Listen to him talk. He has no gravitas.

Do you know what gravitas sounds like?

Greetings, all.

For example, details about this
organization should be included

in NYPD recruitment literature

-and on the website.
-[MURMURING]

He actually has some good ideas.

Maybe you shouldn't be
so quick to dismiss him.

Like you were with a
certain amazing dance troop.

He isn't fit to be president.

He hasn't spent the last 25 years
fighting to build this organization.

Right. Is that bad?

I thought you created
AAGLNYCPA or whatever,

so people like him
wouldn't have to go through

what you went through.

Isn't it a good thing that
Brian Jensen didn't have

to struggle for 25 years
just to get up on this stage?

Thank you all for your time.
I hope you vote for me.

Greetings, all.

You know what the toughest part about
being a gay, black police officer is?

The discrimination.

What?

At the very first meeting
of the AAGLNYCPA,

I was elected president unanimously.

Because I was the only
member and I voted for myself.

But after 25 years of struggle,

I am no longer the only member,

and I look forward to casting
my vote for someone else.

That is why I withdraw my name
from consideration as president.

Congratulations, Brian.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

If you screw this up, I will impeach you.

I wrote the bylaws,
so I know how to do it.

But I'm very happy for you.

But I will impeach you if necessary.

Anyways, Charles wanted
me to reiterate how sorry he is,

but he got an emergency call

and that is plausible
because we're detectives.

Well, is it a tough case? Because
Charlie was acting so weird tonight.

Mmm-hmm. Work has been so stressful.

Speaking of, here is your coat.

I've got to run.
If you wouldn't mind using the back exit,

it will be much safer.
Trust me, I'm a cop.

New York, right? [LAUGHING]

Charles. What are you doing here?

I am so close to getting you out of this.

They're putting their coats on.

Funny story. I was walking
home, and I passed a pawn shop.

And then, I went into a trance.
And now, I have this engagement ring.

No! Charles!

Well, I'm going to go
ask Vivian to marry me.

Bye. No.

Give me that. Jake!

Give that back!
I'm doing this for your own good.

You've gone Full Boyle!
I'm helping you out!

Give me that ring or I'm
going to pepper spray you.

Pepper spray me, I will pepper spray you!

Huh? Mmm.

-No!
-[BOTH SCREAMING]

Crap! Crap!

BOTH: Crap! Oh, crap!

Ah, crap! Crap!

Hey, buddy.

I got you that fancy coffee you like.

I don't want it. Oh, so expensive.

How you holding up?

I don't know, Jake. I've been better.

Right. Look, I'm sorry I threw
your ring in that boiling pork water.

Yeah. Sorry I pepper sprayed you.

I'm sorry I pepper sprayed you.
[CHUCKLING]

Burned like hell, right? Yeah.

Thank God for that soda.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Oh. It's so sticky, but it feels so good.

Ooh, cab.

After you. Yes, sir.

What are you two still doing here?
Isn't your shift over?

Something we need to take care of.

Oh. Super Dan, over here.

Thanks for coming. [SIGHS]

Great. You two?

Look, if you guys want to make fun of me,

just come down to Pita
Paradise like everyone else does.

We need your help. Why?

What happened to Scully and Hitchcock?

They're busy cleaning Hitchcock's ear.

SANTIAGO: Yeah.

Did you witness any of
these men selling narcotics?

This is so official.

Yeah, this guy.

Number three.
That's the mope we brought in.

Yeah. Okay.

We're going to need
to take your statement.

Spare no detail.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

Yeah. Okay.

Um. All right.

Well, uh, I was driving
around my neighborhood

in the DanMobile, which is my bike.

Um, and… I know what we did wrong.

Yeah, we should have followed the rules,

but more importantly,

we're supposed to help out
everyone, no matter what.

That's right. Nice work on the arrest.

I got vaccinated that year.

But then, I still got the flu. [LAUGHING]

Whoa.

Look, don't be bummed, man.
It's going to be okay.

No, it isn't.

You can't be with me
every minute of every day.

I'm in love with this woman for real,

and I'm going to go Full
Boyle and scare her off.

No. We can figure this out. All right?

I've still got your phone,
so you're good there.

Hey, hey, hey.
I think we're gonna get robbed.

I need to pull over.

Flat tire.

Give me your wallets. NYPD!

You're under arrest for armed robbery!

Little to the left, Charles.

Yeah, I'm still not seeing great
because of the pepper spray.

Hey.
Cab driver's in the interrogation room.

You ready? Let's do it.

Oh, no. What's this? What is this?

Hey. I checked your phone.

There were a hundred texts
from Vivian, worried about you,

a selfie that I can never unsee,

and dozens of voice mails.

VIVIAN [ON PHONE]:
Hey, Chucklebunny, it's me.

You disappeared last night,
and you were acting weird and…

And I'm worried it's
because I'm moving too fast.

I really want to see you
and I know it's 3 a.m.,

but we should feed each
other falafel in our underwear…

Okay.

I know it when I hear it.

She's Full Boyle.

Full Boyle for Boyle.

I took the liberty of texting her and
telling her to come meet you here.

I thought you might
want to give her this.

Or something considerably nicer.

That is definitely not platinum.

You really think this is a good idea?

Buddy, I honestly don't know.

But you're definitely
not gonna scare her off.

I say do whatever makes you happiest.

Jakey, you're the best.

Ah. [EXCLAIMING]

Your body is trembling like a leaf.

I'm so excited.

Yes! Yes! Yes?

Aw. Charles is engaged.

You handled this really well, Peralta.

I take back what I said
about you being immature.

Oh. Apology accepted, fart monster.

Okay.

Oh. Okay. Oh, boy.

Yeah, this is turning
into a live sex show.

Yeah. Let's go.

Oh, no, I wasn't saying it in a bad way.

Jake. Yep.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Although they can't see us.

SANTIAGO: Jake! Yep.