All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E07 - 48 Hours.eng.SDH

Hey, Cap'n, got a second?

It's "Captain."

What did I say? "Cap'n."

Like Cap'n Crunch.

All right, but to be fair,
Cap'n Crunch was a war hero,

and the primary male role model
in my house growing up, so…

Anyways, Captain,

you know that jewelry store
robbery down by Grand Army Plaza?

I know who did it. Dustin Whitman.

I put him in Rikers two years ago.

He just got out, and the crime
scene matches his MO perfectly.

PERALTA: Okay. What do we got?

Well, a security cam
shows a male suspect, 5'9".

Wearing a black ski mask,

and he bypassed the McConnell
alarm by using the magnetic kill switch,

and he only stole diamonds,
nothing over two carats.

Yeah. Exactly. How did you know?

I'm a detective. That's what I do.

I'm just kidding.
I need a lot more information,

but that would have been
a great exit line, right?

Crime techs aren't done yet,
but I'm 100% sure it's Whitman.

Well, let's see what kind of
physical evidence they turn up,

and then we can talk arrest.

Actually, hilarious story.

PERALTA: So, that is Dustin Whitman.

You already arrested him
with insufficient evidence.

By law, we have 48 hours to find
that evidence, or we have to let him go.

You just started the clock.

What's up with this emergency meeting?

Whoa, Detective Santiago!

Big date tonight. How do I look?

Well, I think you look…

[CELL PHONE PLAYS DONKEY SOUNDS]

Sorry, that was supposed to be a cat call.
I don't know how this works.

Hey, is this why you
were getting make-up tips

from the prostitute in the holding cell?

I just wanted to know how
she got such smoky eyes.

Turns out it was an STD rash.

Detective Peralta has made a
collar in the jewelry store heist.

Way to go, Jakey. Ah, that's okay.

No! He didn't get sufficient
evidence to make it stick.

So we have the next 48
hours to fix his mistake.

[ALL GROANING]

What evidence did you have
when you arrested this guy?

Some pretty ironclad stuff.

Dustin, it's been a while.

Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Well, well, well, if it isn't
"Joke" Peralta. [LAUGHS]

That's it, you're under arrest!

Case closed?

HOLT: If we don't find
something conclusive,

it jeopardizes the case and opens
the department up to a lawsuit.

So cancel your plans.
We're here until this is over.

Damn it, Peralta! Ow!

Now, I know everyone is mad at
Peralta for ruining their weekend.

But? That was it.

I was just demonstrating for
Detective Peralta what a fact is.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Terry, you just pulled two doubles.

You must be tired.

I'll stay for this Whitman debacle.
You go home.

I'm not tired.
Why would you think I was tired?

[STRAINING]

[SNORING]

I ended up doing 25 minutes of sleep
chin-ups on muscle memory alone.

Tired Terry still gets
after it, that's all I'm saying.

DIAZ: Hey, Gina, can you order
food for us at the Flatbush Diner?

They make the best pies in New York City.

Oopsie. You said something super dumb.

The best pie in the city is at Crust.

Wrong. Ignorant and wrong.

Uh, you think you can just bully
people, but you can't. It's not okay.

I'm the bully around here. Ask anyone.

Boyle! You're always
blogging on that foodie website.

Which pie is better?

Yeah, whose do you like
better, mine or Rosa's?

[STUTTERS] Oh, uh, you know, I…

I haven't been, uh,
either, uh, place yet.

Why is your eye twitching?

[SCOFFS] Wouldn't you like to know?

GINA: Could I see you for a
second in the evidence lock-up?

Charles, I know what's going on.

You've tried both pies.
You know mine is better.

But you're scared to tell
Rosa, 'cause you're into her.

What? That is not true! [CHUCKLING]

Okay?
[STAMMERING] I don't even like food.

What? Who's Rosa?

She… You… You're the scared one!

[DOOR SHUTS]

Planning your strategy?

No, I'm just making funny faces at him.

This mirrored glass is awesome.
It straight up works!

An effective use of your limited time.

It is, actually.
That's how I got him last time.

I let him stew for a little bit, got
in his head and he confessed.

You'd better be right. I am.

Hey, make some funny
faces while I'm in there,

I wanna see if I can tell.

I didn't do anything, Joke.

[MOUTHING]

That's funny.
You said the exact same thing last time.

And how'd that work out for you?
Let's take a look.

Okay, here's you at
your trial, you in prison.

Me meeting Regis Philbin. That was fun.

You still in prison, me
at Splash Mountain.

Just pepper these in here.

You in prison, you in prison,
you in prison. You get it.

You got the wrong guy.

All right, not ready to confess?

Fine by me.
I've got all the time in the world.

No, you actually have 48 hours.
I know the law.

Nuh-uh!

So, looks like we're
gonna be here for a while.

Should someone do a coffee run?

You know what? Coffee's on me!

Oh, but no froofy frappuccinos or
anything. I've only got, like, ten bucks.

Okay.

Rise and shine, Detectives.
Rise and shine.

Peralta, I want you to
bring everyone up to speed.

You slept in your office and
you look exactly the same. How?

What are you talking about?
My hair is a mess.

Oh, yeah. Briefing room, five minutes.

How long were we asleep?

Just long enough for me to
squeeze in a quick workout.

So, like, three hours.

-Morning.
-[PERALTA GROANS]

I can't believe you live nearby and
you won't let anyone crash at your place.

You people already
know too much about me.

I know exactly three facts about you,

and one of them is that you won't
let any of us crash at your place.

-Is that a nightgown?
-JEFFORDS: That's mine.

It's a T-shirt from my fat phase.

"If at first you don't
secede, try, try again."

JEFFORDS: When you're that
big, you buy anything that fits.

A lot of fat guy clothes
have racist overtones.

PERALTA: Okay, a couple
of quick announcements.

First, I met our night janitor, Ronald.

If any of you are missing
hand sanitizer, he drank it.

Second, our warrants
finally went through.

We've got to place Whitman at the scene,

and prove that he either
possessed or sold those diamonds.

I know you're all tired, but
don't forget why we're here.

Because we're dedicated detectives.

Because Peralta jumped the gun.

Yep. Get to work.

So, we both had good answers.

This isn't a joke.
You're ruining our weekend.

Okay, I'm sorry you had to
cancel dinner with your dad.

Date. I had a date.

Hey, if Jake says the guy did it,
that usually means the guy did it.

Thank you. Everyone listen to Rosa.

No. I'm still furious at you.

Okay, no one listen to Rosa.
She's clearly an accomplice to this crime.

I'm gonna go take
another crack at Whitman.

You've been in there, like, five times.
What are you gonna do,

annoy him into talking?

Ha-ha.

Two! Three! Four!

[PLAYS OFF TUNE]

[SHRIEKING]

Didn't work. Thank you. Did not work.

Hey, Captain, will you
please let everyone else go?

I feel bad that I ruined their weekend,
and I can tell they're pissed at me.

I mean, Charles hasn't tried
to high-five me all morning.

Yes. I've taken the brunt of that.

Kitchen buds!

Are you sure Whitman did it?

Yes. I'm positive.

Then the whole team stays.
We have a better shot with everyone on it.

Fine. Will you at least
tell Hitchcock to go home?

His mouth smells like rotten trout milk.

Is there such a thing?

I'm just telling you what it smells like.

Get out.

You have the bank records? Mmm-hmm.

Good thing I didn't reschedule my date
for tonight. We're never leaving here.

Well, maybe that's a
good thing, you know?

Saved you from another lame
Internet date with some lame guy,

named Dirk or Margerine.

He's not lame, okay?
He works with a friend of mine,

he has a human name, and
I'm not telling you what it is,

because you'll look him
up and make fun of him.

I can't believe you think so little of me

[TYPING] that you would
just automatically assume.

Is it Luke Mueller?

How did you do that?

Well, you only have one friend, Kylie,

and she has seven male coworkers.

Goatee, goatee, jaunty
fedora, profile pic is a sunset,

Tasmanian Devil tattoo, goatee.

Leaving Luke as the only viable option.

Well, he's nice, and he uses
proper punctuation in texts.

Dreamboat.
And I wanted to go out with him.

All right, you know what?
Reschedule for tonight.

I promise I will get
us out of here in time.

Fine. I'm holding you to that.

Where's he taking you?

Terrific, let's get everyone involved.

Dinner and a movie.

[FARTING NOISE]

Dinner and a movie
is the perfect first date.

I think the perfect first date
doesn't feel like a first date at all,

because you've known
each other for a few years,

maybe even work together, and
then one night you're laughing,

and then all of a sudden
it's like, blammo! Kissing.

For me, cheap dinner,
watch basketball, bone down.

So pretty much the same as what I said.

None of the partials match Whitman.

If he did it, he didn't leave any prints.

Maybe he doesn't have any.
Interesting fact about me,

I once burnt my
fingerprints off on a wok.

Hi. Hello.

What are you doing?
Holt said you didn't have to come in here.

You don't come in on days
you're supposed to work.

Because I'm so nice, I brought two pies.

One is from Crust,

and one is also from Flatbush Diner.

Hey, you know what might be fun?

Charles could try them and
tell us which one is better.

How fun is that? So fun.

Yay! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yummy!

You got a second, Captain? Yeah.

I've got these overtime forms for you to…

Are you stifling a yawn?

No, sir. Go home, Sergeant.

I'm fine. I filled this out.
I just need you to…

Permission to yawn, sir?

Go home.

[EXHALES]

Please. I'm begging you.

[SNIFFS, GROANS]

Fair enough. Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] That's for women.

These your glasses? Uh-huh.

They're gigantic.

My contacts dried out, thanks to you.

And they're cool. No, they're not.

Wow, you are blind blind. Yeah.

You're a blind cop.

How has there not been a
made-for-TV movie about your struggles?

Give those back. Yep.

Wait a minute. I did it.

I got Whitman, dead to rights.

I can still make my date?

As I promised. Go get changed.

And by that, of course, I mean,
throw your glasses in the garbage,

then get laser surgery, then recuperate…

And she left the room.

It's all right. Six out of 12.

Out of 12? Why?

For the twelve components
of food satisfaction.

Salty, sweet, sour, bitter,
umami, odor, sound…

Sound? Come on, Charles.
Try her nasty pie.

Oh, wow.
That's the best pie I've ever had.

[LAUGHING] No, no, no, no, no, no.

What's this?

We were running calls to pawn shops
and then waiting for them to call back.

I didn't ask what you were doing.
I asked what you are doing.

Pie taste test. It's over. I won.

It's unacceptable.

If you want to know which
restaurant has better pies,

you can't just have one guy
try one pie from each place.

Everybody needs to try all
the pies from both places.

We gonna be here a while.

[SIGHS] Debit card statement.

You were at a parking meter
two blocks from the jewelry store,

an hour before the robbery.

Oh, no. You found out about my wife.

We both have cards, because
we share a joint account,

because we love each other.

You're incapable of
love and I'll prove it!

[SIGHS] I'm very tired.
I want my lawyer now.

[GROANS]

You have changed!
You used to go straight to prison!

Did Whitman talk?

Oh, he talked all right.

-He asked for his lawyer.
-PERALTA: By using words.

Which is technically talking.

We can't ask him any more
questions till we find his lawyer,

and we can't find his lawyer anywhere.
I'm sorry.

Oh, come on, why is there pie here?

PERALTA: That's not good.

I think the world of you
as a colleague and friend.

Shut up, Peralta. Yep.

Yes! Another one for Crust.

It's not looking good for Flatbush Diner.

Oh, come on!

You went home and showered?
That's so unfair.

I'm just glad I keep a toothbrush here.

Oh, cool. Hey, can I borrow it?

Uh, why do you want
to borrow a toothbrush?

What possible answer could he
give that would make you say yes?

I want to brush my teeth.
Jake, it's been in my mouth.

That's the grossest
thing I've ever heard!

That's the grossest
thing you've ever heard?

You caught a guy on the
subway with a bag of human ears.

Your thing's grosser.
Bring out the meringues!

I brought a few more. That's so many.

You wanted something, sir?

Look, it's impossible to make you leave,

but you do have to
sleep, and that's an order.

Sir, this is not necessary.

Also, I can't sleep
without my whale songs.

Terry, I've seen this before. Problems
at home, so you stay late at the job.

But that only makes it worse.

Everything's great
with my wife, it's just…

My brother-in-law's in town
and we do not get along.

He thinks I'm a weakling.

You?

Let me get that for you.

I can do it.

Tiny Terry loves his pickles.

He makes me feel so small.

Who cares what he thinks? You're a
police sergeant. You're a grown man.

Now take your nap.

And if I see the lights on in here, I'm
going to be very disappointed in you.

Are you the idiot that
made a Friday night arrest?

I was in the Poconos with my wife.
You ruined my entire weekend.

Get in line, because
that's their attitude.

Get your own attitude!

He has an alibi, geniuses.

He was at Torque.
It's a nightclub in Cape May, New Jersey.

-All night.
-PERALTA: Nice try.

You think I'm gonna waste six hours
driving to the Jersey Shore and back,

on some fake alibi? It's up to you.

But in 10 hours, he walks.

More like in 10 hours
he walks into prison,

when we bust him.

Let's follow up on his alibi.

Yep, you heard him, Scully. Hit the road.

No. You should've looked into
this before you made the arrest.

-You go.
-SCULLY: Oh, Captain, I'm happy to go.

I love the salt water taffy down there.

Scully loves the salt
water taffy down there.

No. Peralta is going.

Go, Peralta.

Look, I know I caused this problem.

But I can fix it.
We just got some new security footage in.

Let me stay here and go through it.

I'm gonna prove that Whitman
was at the scene of the crime,

even if it kills me.

This is killing me.

Good. Die.

[SIGHS] You know,
if it does come to that,

I have but one wish before I go.

Can I please put your glasses on my penis?
I just think that would be really funny.

Hey, can you make copies of
these warrant requests for me?

I'm not your secretary.

You're everyone's secretary.

That's literally your job.

And your job is lying
about your taste buds?

[SIGHS] I'm sorry about
the whole pie blow-up thing.

You're right, the
Flatbush Diner pie is awful.

Thank you. It's just…

I want Rosa to like me.

All right, do whatever you want,

but most women don't really
like it when dudes lie to them.

Except for me, but I'm
wired to thrive on dysfunction.

Nothing.

Hey, wait, this guy.

5'9" or 5'10", black knit cap.

Come on, come on, come on, got you!

[GROANS] It's not him.

Let's just arrest this guy.
Who even cares anymore?

So, how did my new best friend Luke
take it when you canceled on him again?

Don't know. Hasn't called me back.

Which is what always happens,

because it's impossible
to be a cop and date.

Amy, look, there is a guy out there

with incredibly low standards
and a super-weird soul patch

and he is waiting for you.

Amy, my patch tingles for you.

We will wed on the Isle of New Jersey.

Our first dance will be to Jessie's Girl,

because my name is definitely Jesse.

It's so romantic. Hey, guys.

Hey. Yeah, there's good
news and there's bad news.

The bad news is my salt
water taffy place was closed.

And the good news?

Whitman's alibi checked out.

Security footage from
Torque shows he was there.

That's not good news. That's bad news.

Right. That is bad news.

Sorry. It's on me.

No, Detective Scully, it's on Peralta.

No, Captain, that's on Santiago.

It's on me. It's still on me.

JEFFORDS: This is such a disaster.

It's not good. DA's furious.

Whitman and his lawyer are in my
office right now, gunning for a lawsuit.

No, not that.

My brother-in-law is coming to have
dinner with me on his way to JFK.

But also, the botched
investigation, that's bad, too.

Okay. What can I do?

Oh, your services will not be necessary,

because you need to go
home and change for your date.

What? I called handsome Luke.

I explained the weekend
was entirely my fault, partially,

and he wants to go out with you tonight.

Thanks, Peralta. You're welcome.

Promise me you won't use the condoms
in the secret pocket of your purse, okay?

They're expired.
How do you know what's in my purse?

I needed concealer for a zit.

Plus, you know, we spend
so much time together here,

I know everything about everyone.

Hitchcock went bald at 15.

Scully used to date Hitchcock's wife.

Charles has a bike with
a little basket on the front.

How else would you carry baguettes?

And Rosa has a shower
in her apartment, I think.

I got nothing on her. Good.

Well, I guess we did just spend
48 hours locked in here together.

Holy crap. What?

Locked in here together.

So, we will be filing a wrongful
arrest suit against the NYPD.

And when I win, I'm
gonna buy Club Torque.

Put a statue of Jake Peralta right
in the middle of the dance floor.

[SIGHS] First off,
that's a terrible threat.

I would love to have a statue of
myself in the middle of a dance club.

Second… [CLEARS THROAT]

Do me a favor. Take a look at this
picture and tell me what you see.

You and Regis Philbin?

PERALTA: Awesome, right?

Surprisingly down-to-earth
guy and definitely

not the picture I meant to show you.

But, take a look at this.

That's right. It's you and your
old cell mate, Marcus Cole.

And here he is again,
outside the jewelry store.

The two of you planned
this together in prison.

You taught him your MO,
he pulled off the robbery,

you got yourself an
alibi, and you split the loot.

Oh, man! I can't believe he caught us!

[REGIS' VOICE] Of course he did!
Peralta is the best!

Ah, thanks, Reege! That's enough.

Yeah, I gotta work on my Regis.

Anyway, see you in jail, Whitman!

You got anything else to say?

Hey, Rosa?
The Flatbush Diner's pie is terrible.

It's inedible.
Food is supposed to be edible.

So you were lying? What the hell, Boyle?

[LAUGHING] Put it in the suck-it bucket.

Crust isn't any better. It's fancier,
but it's all bells and whistles.

Desserts don't need to be clever.

They just need to be good.

This is the best pie in New York City.

Apple, from Argos Bakery, founded 1910.

Recipe unchanged. Taste it!

Damn it. This is amazing.

This pie is so good I hate it.

You just graduated Pie School, bitches!

Sorry I said bitches.
I'm just really worked up.

-[EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY]
-GINA: What is that?

Sorry for screwing up everyone's weekend.

Hey, uh, drinks on me. Who's in?

Oh, no way. I got a date. I gotta change.

Come on. Everyone's tired, Peralta.

They just want to go home.

Yeah, but I have to prove I'm not
selfish, so I don't care what they want.

That sounded bad.

And, to make up for what I did, I'll
cover one shift, each for all of you.

Well, good. Except Santiago.

What? I got you your date back.

One nice thing from me is all you get.

So, this is my desk.

Desk jockey, huh?

You just sit here, eat your pickles,

wait for the criminals
to turn themselves in?

Actually, I don't like pickles that much.

Terry, I'm glad I found you.

There's been a development
in the Russian mob case. Oh?

Yeah, our killer has been spotted

in a warehouse down by the canal.

Get your gear.

So you want me first
through the door, sir?

Oh, it's just you.
The SWAT team is on another call.

So, you'll have to do it alone.

Hey, I'm not gonna be
able to make dinner tonight.

Hey, no. Do your thing.
Do your thing. Go, Terry.

You can crash on my couch.

I even downloaded you some whale songs.

Thank you, sir. I'll never forget it.

[WHALE SONG PLAYING]

Good night, Terry.