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1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:04,370
I always feel so fancy
walking into a gated community.
2
00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:05,904
Our community, Mom.
3
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,305
We're property owners here.
4
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,640
Hustle up, guys.
5
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,375
If we want to picnic on
the family gravesite,
6
00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:13,712
we need butts on blankets by sunset,
and we've only got...
7
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:17,449
one fist... of time, I guess.
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,317
Still don't know how people do that.
9
00:00:20,398 --> 00:00:22,987
Wow. The view up here is amazing.
10
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:24,322
It better be.
11
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:27,325
It's the swankiest neighborhood
in the whole cemetery.
12
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,863
Can you imagine being buried
down there by the restrooms?
13
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:33,665
That's where the runoff
from our bodies ends up.
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:37,335
And you know we're getting the
leakiest coffins money can buy.
15
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,071
[WOMAN CRYING]
16
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,739
Papa, what is this?
17
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,875
Who is this dark weeper on our land?
18
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:45,878
Babe, isn't that our forever home?
19
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,414
Hey, all our plots are filled.
20
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,349
- What gives?
- KLAUS: Phew.
21
00:00:52,193 --> 00:00:55,019
Mine still looks normal.
22
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:57,089
Alright, I think I may know
what happened here.
23
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,225
Little while ago,
I sold our plots for some quick cash.
24
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,695
I was planning to buy them
back before we needed them,
25
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,897
but apparently, someone's family
26
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,232
had to go and walk into a mass tragedy.
27
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,967
Yeah, our family!
28
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:12,237
Dad, my grave was
the one nice thing I owned.
29
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,638
How could you do this?
30
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,308
To buy the sweet Sea-Doos
we'll all be enjoying.
31
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,377
Soon as I sell a few things,
get some quick cash for a trailer.
32
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:21,313
But who wants Jet Skis?!
33
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,981
We want our graves!
34
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,316
Hey, there's a lot
of pressure that comes
35
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,385
with being the
decision-maker in the family.
36
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,520
Not every one of them
is gonna be a home run.
37
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,122
Stan, fix it.
38
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,391
How? This looks like a done deal.
39
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,592
Just fix it!
40
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,793
Let's just get out of here, okay?
41
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,060
I can't listen to this shit anymore.
42
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,662
How recent was your tragedy?
43
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,766
Like five minutes ago? God!
44
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,435
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:01:46,470 --> 00:01:49,474
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
46
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:52,677
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
47
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:57,216
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
48
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:02,354
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
49
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,023
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
50
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,025
Aah!
51
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:10,763
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
52
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:16,635
Whoa. Is this God's office?
53
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,504
God wishes. The cemetery owner's.
54
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:20,839
Okay, when we get in there,
55
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,775
I want us to be prepared for the worst.
56
00:02:22,777 --> 00:02:24,643
We may need to take a worse plot.
57
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,445
You messed this up, Stan.
58
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,514
You go fix it.
59
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,183
TEDDY: Entrée!
60
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,253
Wh... You're not Postmates.
61
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,589
Postmates? Aren't you roasting a pig?
62
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,591
Oh, this? I just like the smell.
63
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,927
Oh, you're a guest, then. I love guests.
64
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,863
Take a look around. Whiff the pig.
65
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,865
I have all the right and good stuff.
66
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,600
Here. Touch this old thing.
67
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,803
Can you sense its temporal immensities?
68
00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:52,337
Uh-huh. I wanted to talk to you
69
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,539
about buying another plot for my family.
70
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,274
- See, we ran into a...
- We're full.
71
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,942
- What?
- The cemetery.
72
00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,278
It's full up, I'm afraid,
ever since Gwyneth Paltrow
73
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,681
mentioned us as her
favorite summering cemetery
74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,016
in an article on Goop.
75
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,818
BOTH:
"10 Places to Be Buried Before You Die."
76
00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,219
Yeah, I get the newsletter.
77
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,488
Everyone was begging
to get in after that.
78
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,289
I made millions.
79
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,826
Ooh, do you want to watch
me ride a penny farthing?
80
00:03:13,828 --> 00:03:16,028
I'll need a boost. And a push.
81
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,697
Uh-huh. But there has to
be something left, right?
82
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,098
Please. I'm desperate.
83
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,366
Well...
84
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,636
I have two spots here,
but you won't want them.
85
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,305
I'll take anything! Thank you.
86
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:30,975
I'm not leaving until I get an
eyeful of you on that high bike.
87
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,978
KLAUS: The plots are in Pedophile Alley?
88
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,648
But this is only for
confirmed pedophiles!
89
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,984
And if it's only two plots,
how are we all gonna fit?
90
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,319
You can squeeze with your mother.
91
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,455
The liver disease will
leave her rail-thin anyway.
92
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,724
- Preach.
- [ZIPPER CLOSES]
93
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,926
[CHUCKLES] I get this looks bad,
94
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,661
but I'm no sicko.
95
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,796
The cemetery pays me to
desecrate these graves
96
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,131
by peeing on them.
97
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,133
It's the only way the
city would sanction
98
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,869
a burial site like this.
99
00:03:56,871 --> 00:03:59,204
Okay. Take care.
100
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,406
Camembert, anyone?
101
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,541
What?
102
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,342
You always do this.
103
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,880
You make big dumb decisions
based on big dumb ideas,
104
00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:10,148
and it ends up hurting all of us.
105
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,284
- I'm sick of it!
- We're all sick of it!
106
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,286
Well, I'm sick of all this criticism.
107
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,954
I'd like to see you do any better.
108
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,757
We can't do any worse than
picnicking on pedophiles!
109
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,092
Alright, then. Be my guest.
110
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,494
My final decision as family shot caller
111
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,897
is that you can all call
the shots from now on.
112
00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:27,632
Fine. We obviously need
a new place to be buried.
113
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,101
- Agreed.
- Top priority.
114
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:32,637
But we need money because
Dad spent it all on Jet Skis.
115
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,639
[RUSTLING]
116
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,440
[GASPING]
117
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,775
[COUGHS]
118
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,643
One of my personas is buried here.
119
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,912
You guys need money?
120
00:04:39,914 --> 00:04:41,380
This place is making a tidy profit,
121
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,782
and there's clearly still a demand.
122
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,517
[SNIFFS] Is that piss?
123
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,119
God, who keeps doing that?
124
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:51,189
Maybe this is crazy,
but if we opened our own cemetery,
125
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:54,126
we could make money and give
ourselves the best plots!
126
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,660
Two birds, one stone.
127
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,230
More like one tombstone.
128
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,934
Tombstone.
129
00:05:01,936 --> 00:05:05,404
Your first big decision
is to open a cemetery?
130
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,071
That is, without a doubt,
131
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,474
the dumbest idea I have ever heard.
132
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,742
You need land for that!
133
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,145
Well, I think it's a great idea.
134
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,213
And we already have the land.
135
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,215
The backyard!
136
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,082
No one ever goes back there, anyway.
137
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,751
Steve, I apologize.
138
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,620
Your idea isn't the dumbest anymore.
139
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,687
Your mother's is.
140
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,423
Well, I think it rules, Mom.
141
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,624
Me too.
142
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,759
Sure, or...
143
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:28,093
and this is just another way
144
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,162
we could make money with the backyard...
145
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,430
poolside club.
146
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:36,435
We open up cabanas back there
and sell bottle service.
147
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,437
It's friggin' lucrative.
148
00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,306
I went to Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club
149
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:46,378
and paid $40 for a chicken
Caesar wrap that never came.
150
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,646
And I loved it!
151
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,982
I tipped another $40.
152
00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:52,084
But that's me. I like to splash.
153
00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:57,689
Alright.
154
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,759
Well, if your remission takes a turn,
you have my number.
155
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,962
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
- Well, that was every old person I know.
156
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,365
Every one, healthy as an ox.
157
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,434
Gosh, awfully dead
around here, isn't it?
158
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:13,104
I guess you could say
this cemetery situation...
159
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,573
Hang on. I worked hard on this one.
160
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,108
I don't want you to miss it.
161
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,444
Remains grave!
162
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:23,182
Two puns! Call me Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns!
163
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:25,584
Francine?
164
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,052
Did you go in another room?
165
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,254
Okay, we don't have any business,
166
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,990
and that's not something
we can rub in Stan's face.
167
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,325
We just need some outside-the-box ideas
168
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,528
for getting bodies in the ground.
169
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,797
How did that other cemetery
make so much money?
170
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,799
Gwyneth Paltrow bought a plot there.
171
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,668
Hey, what if we got
an even bigger celebrity
172
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,070
to buy a plot here?
173
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,939
Yeah, but who's bigger
than Gwyneth Paltrow?
174
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,941
I once saw a woman bigger than her.
175
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,410
In the movie "Shallow Hal."
176
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,344
But that turned out to be her, too.
177
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,080
Let's each take the rest of the day
178
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,383
to brainstorm some names.
179
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,519
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
180
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:02,955
[DOOR OPENS]
181
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,223
TOGETHER: Scottie Pippen!
182
00:07:04,225 --> 00:07:05,424
And look!
183
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,093
He's coming through town in
a few days on a book tour
184
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:11,096
of his new Navy thriller, "Deep Danger."
185
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,363
Then it's settled.
186
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,166
We need NBA Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen
187
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,501
to save our cemetery.
188
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,969
Do we, though?
189
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,906
I feel like we're really just
latching onto the first idea
190
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,307
out of the gate each time.
191
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:25,710
Maybe if we revisit some other ideas...
192
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:29,047
Oh, my God, no one is feeling
your pool pub or whatever.
193
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,181
"Pool pub"?
194
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,183
It's a poolside club!
195
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,785
There's so much human
fluid in those things,
196
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,455
you can walk away pregnant
just by swimming through it.
197
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:37,856
So freaking cool.
198
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,525
You're talkin'
a poolside club back here?
199
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:41,860
Killer idea.
200
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,329
Thank you! They won't listen.
201
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:47,066
They're so horny to get
Scottie Pippen instead.
202
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:50,201
They're getting Pippen
to save the cemetery?
203
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,003
Damn, that's a really good choice.
204
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,939
I never would have thought of that.
205
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,141
Huh. Maybe they're right about me.
206
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,076
Maybe I do make bad decisions.
207
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,145
Stan, do you think it's possible
208
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,614
that without the family
around to doubt you,
209
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,616
you're starting to
doubt yourself a little?
210
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,085
No way. Then again, what do I know?
211
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,489
A second ago, I said I liked one
of your ideas, and I meant it.
212
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,157
I mean,
that's gotta be a red flag, right?
213
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,892
No, you were right to like it.
214
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:16,161
- My idea is special.
- [WATER SPLASHES]
215
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,963
I gotta nip this in the bud.
216
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,632
My signature decisiveness is who I am.
217
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,634
Just gotta make one really great choice
218
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,103
and see it through to success
219
00:08:24,105 --> 00:08:26,305
to get back up on that confidence horse.
220
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:28,107
Oof. "Confidence horse"?
221
00:08:28,109 --> 00:08:29,774
Where did that come from?
222
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,710
I'm an idiot.
223
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,044
I can fix this.
224
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,714
Just one big decision that
everything can ride on.
225
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,048
That's all it takes.
226
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,985
And that decision is...
227
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,786
poolside club?
228
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,254
Is... Is that okay?
229
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,923
Are you really deferring to me?
230
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,257
Yeah, I think I am.
231
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,659
Then mount up, Stan.
232
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:51,096
Because I will be your confidence horse.
233
00:08:52,248 --> 00:08:54,525
_
234
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,270
More people than I thought.
235
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:01,005
It's fine. I'm a cucumber.
236
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:04,008
Just get me close enough
to get a shot off.
237
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,277
I love you so much, babe.
238
00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:06,478
You brought a gun?!
239
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,613
Jeff, you cannot shoot Scottie Pippen.
240
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,550
But your mom said we need his
body to save the junkyard.
241
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,352
Cemetery.
And we only need him to buy a plot.
242
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,688
We just have to talk to him.
243
00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:17,956
Next. What am I signing?
244
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,759
With any luck, an invoice for a coffin!
245
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:24,229
Mr. Pippen, have you put any
thought into your burial plan?
246
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,231
Mm, I have been meaning
247
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,500
to get my affairs in
order for awhile now.
248
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:31,503
Well, we have a gorgeous little cemetery
249
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,037
we'd love to show you some ti...
250
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,039
Okay.
251
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,507
Oh, right now? Great!
252
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,776
This little guy's not with you, is he?
253
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,177
He's got a bad energy.
254
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,646
He's all sweaty like we're on a date.
255
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,182
This isn't a trick date
with this dude, is it?
256
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,319
[CHUCKLES] Don't worry about me,
Mr. Poppins.
257
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:50,989
I was just nervous from
before about killing you.
258
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,326
_
259
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,193
Do you really have 11 siblings?
260
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,728
How did you guys go to the movies?
261
00:09:56,730 --> 00:10:00,265
Is the Olympic Village
really just one big sex pile?
262
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,467
How many feet high are you?
263
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:06,671
Was the set of "He Got Game"
really just one big sex pile?
264
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,073
I'm sorry if my family
265
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,275
seems a little starstruck, Mr. Pippin.
266
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,010
We're all huge fans of yours.
267
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:15,347
I'm gonna be honest with you.
My book sales are down.
268
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:16,749
That's why I agreed to come here.
269
00:10:16,751 --> 00:10:19,084
So, you'll buy a plot?
270
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:20,552
I can do better.
271
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:24,222
What would you say to
burying me here tonight?
272
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:27,426
Everybody make up their damn minds!
273
00:10:27,428 --> 00:10:29,762
My publisher thinks I'll sell more books
274
00:10:29,764 --> 00:10:31,229
if I fake my own death.
275
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,898
I'd get a chance to make
the best-sellers list,
276
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:37,235
and you'll get to lock in
a celebrity here forever.
277
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,772
I would just need to lay
low with you for a while.
278
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:41,906
So what do you say?
279
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:45,577
Goodbye, Scottie Pippen.
280
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:48,513
And hello, savings!
281
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,716
While other cemeteries may ask
an arm and a leg for burial,
282
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,786
our family business believes your limbs
283
00:10:53,788 --> 00:10:55,253
should be buried with you.
284
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,388
Unless they were lost
285
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,857
in an industrial accident
or something. Ha.
286
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:02,327
Down here at Sweet Surrender,
we got deals to die for
287
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,730
and burial sites for every taste.
288
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:10,402
From water features to lush greenery,
289
00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:12,604
we got it all, basically.
290
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:15,474
And we're excited to
announce starting today,
291
00:11:15,476 --> 00:11:17,609
the only thing lower than our prices
292
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:22,047
is the body of NBA
champion Scottie Pippen!
293
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,448
_
294
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:27,586
- He's dead.
- _
295
00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:30,422
So come on down to the
best little cemetery
296
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:32,757
in Langley Falls, Sweet Surrender,
297
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:35,360
and spend eternity with Scottie Pippen.
298
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,630
Who is, as we just proved, dead now.
299
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,167
When did you get a TV in here?
300
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,103
Um, around the same time
as the whiteboard.
301
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:48,640
Oh. Okay, back to work.
302
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:52,310
Now, we need a theme that's
going to scream cool,
303
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,246
unique, exclusive.
304
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:56,715
Good luck topping this one Stan...
305
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,718
"A Night to Remember."
306
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,720
What do you have?
307
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,856
"World War I Christmas Truce."
308
00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:05,524
It's bad. I hate it.
309
00:12:05,526 --> 00:12:08,326
Hey, buddy, come on. I like it.
310
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,196
I'm putting it on the board,
I like it so much.
311
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,397
But we'll just know in our hearts
312
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,199
that we're doing mine, okay?
313
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,000
Menu items! Hit me.
314
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:17,870
Cream-top lasagna?
315
00:12:17,872 --> 00:12:20,805
[GASPS] Did you say spiked soft-serve?
316
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,140
- Did I?
- Yes!
317
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,877
Adult ice cream. I love it.
318
00:12:24,879 --> 00:12:28,146
We'll call it hard serve.
What do you think?
319
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,414
I don't know.
320
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,883
Great. It's settled.
321
00:12:30,885 --> 00:12:33,686
Now, suspenders for the bartenders.
322
00:12:33,688 --> 00:12:35,754
I personally like the denim ones.
323
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,822
The kind with the buckles at the tops
324
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:40,158
and they're, like, part of the pants.
325
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,493
- Overalls?
- No!
326
00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:43,695
Stan, your ideas are terrible!
327
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:47,766
Okay. Denim suspenders locked in.
328
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,234
Moving on.
329
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,703
We're sorry for your loss.
330
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:54,639
But take comfort,
your grandmother's coffin
331
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,576
will be touching Scottie
Pippen's for eternity.
332
00:12:57,578 --> 00:12:59,712
It's all she ever wanted.
333
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,447
Cha-ching!
334
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,249
Boy, I thought the commercial
335
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,050
might help move the needle a little,
336
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,986
but to fill up in one day?
337
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,454
Wow.
338
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:13,392
And to think, all these people
wanted to be buried next to me,
339
00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:16,194
world-famous novelist Scottie Pippen.
340
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,731
[SNIFFS] Oof.
And they're starting to stink.
341
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:20,399
We should maybe come up with some sort
342
00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:22,066
of a refrigeration system.
343
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,937
No time.
We've got a lot of bodies to prepare.
344
00:13:24,939 --> 00:13:27,405
You know,
we could just put up the headstones
345
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,941
and dump all these in the pool.
346
00:13:28,943 --> 00:13:31,676
- Seal it over with concrete.
- You mean a mass grave?
347
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,346
Yes! Thank you, Steve,
for putting words to my idea.
348
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:37,616
I love all the support and
positivity without Stan around.
349
00:13:37,618 --> 00:13:39,151
Where's Dad been lately?
350
00:13:39,153 --> 00:13:42,487
And we should have a very chill,
very bored hot lady
351
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,423
in a glass case behind the bar.
352
00:13:44,425 --> 00:13:46,625
[SNIFFS] Ugh! What's that smell?
353
00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:49,361
That's the sweet smell of success.
354
00:13:49,363 --> 00:13:50,829
Take a whiff, Stan.
355
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:54,232
The dumbest idea you've
ever heard worked.
356
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:57,169
Best of all, we did it without you.
357
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:58,703
How does that feel?
358
00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,772
Bad.
359
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:03,107
Well... good.
360
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,309
Dad, are you okay?
361
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:05,577
He's fine.
362
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,179
You have to get these
bodies out of here.
363
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,581
Stan and I are doing the
bar in the backyard idea.
364
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,583
- You're what?
- And the health inspector is coming
365
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,117
tomorrow to give us the all clear.
366
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,520
- What?
- I can barely believe it, either!
367
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,522
This has been a dream of mi... Ooh!
368
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,191
How dare you!
369
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,859
Sabotage!
370
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,795
This is a new low, Dad.
371
00:14:22,797 --> 00:14:24,929
Yeah. Eat shit, sad guy!
372
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:29,534
Admit it, you knew a health
inspector would shut us down.
373
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,404
You don't care about
Klaus's stupid thing.
374
00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:35,139
You just want us to fail.
375
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,875
Dad, you want us to fail?
376
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:37,942
I don't know.
377
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,344
If I do, I'm sorry.
378
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,346
Probably.
379
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,014
At least I think I'm sorry.
380
00:14:42,016 --> 00:14:43,215
Klaus, what am I?
381
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,617
You're on the clock! Let's get to work.
382
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:48,286
Look, you've got
your stupid thing going on,
383
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,222
and Stan and I have my good thing,
384
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,290
and they are separate things.
385
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,493
Now, stop distracting my employee.
386
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:56,428
He has napkins to fold!
387
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:58,430
And make it snappy, Stan!
388
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,632
This isn't Easter brunch
at the White House!
389
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,434
This is a place where
people will have sex
390
00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:04,603
in the port-o-potties!
391
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,643
I thought I would hate doing this,
392
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,044
but it's actually giving me
393
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,246
some exciting ideas for my new novel.
394
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,449
Thank you! Just leave 'em by the door.
395
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:24,289
Yeah, just like some really
good plots for my new novel.
396
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,125
Fine.
397
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,194
What's your new novel about, Scottie?
398
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:32,331
The President. On a submarine.
399
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:35,334
How does any of this make
you think of any of that?
400
00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:36,535
I don't know.
401
00:15:36,537 --> 00:15:38,069
But you can picture it, right?
402
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,672
"That's not just an order, radar guy.
403
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:42,541
It's an executive order."
404
00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,743
It's getting a little backed up in here!
405
00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:46,945
When can I start rouging these guys?
406
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,014
It takes however long it takes, Jeff!
407
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,949
How did you even get on makeup duty?
408
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,352
'Cause makeup's my passion!
409
00:15:53,354 --> 00:15:54,886
Wow.
410
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:58,357
Who hasn't been listening
all these years?
411
00:15:58,359 --> 00:16:00,025
[SOBBING]
412
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:00,959
Come on, Frannie.
413
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,761
The health inspector
will be here any minute,
414
00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:04,629
and this is still our first burial.
415
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,166
[SOBBING LOUDLY]
416
00:16:07,168 --> 00:16:08,767
I say we bury her with him.
417
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:11,302
I'll wait 30 seconds,
but then I'm filling it in.
418
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,571
We aren't gonna make it.
419
00:16:12,573 --> 00:16:13,905
This isn't gonna work.
420
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,375
Thank God! Can we quit now?
421
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:18,309
All this work is honestly not worth it
422
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,045
just to prove Dad wrong.
423
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,513
[FEEDBACK SQUEALING]
424
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,784
Change of plans.
425
00:16:26,544 --> 00:16:28,453
- Stan!
- He's busy.
426
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,788
What can I help you with?
427
00:16:29,790 --> 00:16:31,723
I need your club for the night.
428
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,124
Club Sweet Surrender?
429
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,526
I'll check availability.
430
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:37,729
I'm not renting it.
You're giving it to me.
431
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:40,065
You've got just as much to lose as we do
432
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,868
if that health inspector
sees all the wrong kind
433
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:45,070
of hardbodies at your little club.
434
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:49,140
Hmm, if what she says is right,
she might be right.
435
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,009
What do you want the club for, anyway?
436
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:55,146
We're gonna "Weekend at Bernie's"
this bitch.
437
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,148
[DOORBELL RINGS]
438
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,817
Hey!
439
00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:01,286
You must be the health inspector.
440
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,821
The club's in the back.
441
00:17:02,823 --> 00:17:06,025
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
442
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:12,231
♪♪
443
00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:14,365
Jet Skis. Very cool.
444
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,500
I don't agree.
445
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,502
Okay.
446
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:24,309
♪♪
447
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,511
[WATER SPLASHES]
448
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,846
[GASPS]
449
00:17:27,848 --> 00:17:37,656
♪♪
450
00:17:37,658 --> 00:17:39,458
What are those back there?
451
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:40,460
Kickboards.
452
00:17:40,461 --> 00:17:42,261
- Really?
- Of course.
453
00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:46,197
In fact, I was just thinking
about getting some laps in.
454
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,268
[GRUNTS]
455
00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:50,270
Aah!
456
00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:51,803
[WATER SPLASHES]
457
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,806
See?
458
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,141
Hmm.
459
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,610
Kickboards at a club...
460
00:17:58,612 --> 00:17:59,678
are healthy.
461
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:00,879
[DEEP VOICE] Great shot!
462
00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:02,614
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Nice return!
463
00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:04,850
[DEEP VOICE] How did
you get to that one?
464
00:18:06,087 --> 00:18:08,753
- What'll you have?
- I'll take a cranberry juice.
465
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,957
So, any skeletons in the
closet I should know about?
466
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:13,726
[LAUGHS]
467
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,228
Oh. Hello.
468
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,230
[GASPS]
469
00:18:18,766 --> 00:18:21,032
Janeane! Who the hell is this?
470
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,435
You know I hate it when
you flirt with other men.
471
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,637
Now, shut up forever and kiss me.
472
00:18:25,639 --> 00:18:26,639
[EXHALES]
473
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:27,873
[INHALES DEEPLY]
474
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,443
[GULPING]
475
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,512
- Whoo-hoo!
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
476
00:18:33,514 --> 00:18:35,446
Your club is sick,
477
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,383
and I mean that in the way
I think my son means it.
478
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,851
A-plus inspection.
479
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,253
That's great news. Thank you for coming.
480
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:43,855
Ooh, and I'd love to get the number
481
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:45,857
of that little lady I met in the cabana.
482
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,392
I didn't catch her name,
483
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:51,596
but we didn't exactly do much
talking if yaknowwhaddamean.
484
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:54,599
Yes! We pulled it off!
485
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,867
I don't understand.
486
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:58,203
I succeeded,
but I don't have my confidence back.
487
00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,205
Well, Stan, it was more of my success.
488
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:05,344
Stan, why did you try
to torpedo our cemetery?
489
00:19:06,149 --> 00:19:08,279
Torpedo is a underwater gun.
490
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,949
You said we could decide
things for ourselves,
491
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:13,752
but when we did,
you hated that we were succeeding.
492
00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:15,220
Of course I did!
493
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,489
You were all doing so well
without me, and...
494
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:19,090
I got scared.
495
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,693
I started thinking maybe you
don't need Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns
496
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,295
and his dumb decisions
to kick around anymore.
497
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,166
But I swear,
I wasn't trying to sabotage you.
498
00:19:27,168 --> 00:19:28,367
Aww, Stan.
499
00:19:28,369 --> 00:19:31,036
You're more than just
your decisions to us.
500
00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:34,506
You're also the guy we get
to blame when they go wrong.
501
00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:35,774
We need that.
502
00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:38,043
Yeah, honestly,
that was a way easier system.
503
00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:41,913
Dad, we were sorta hoping maybe
you'd take the reins again.
504
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:44,315
But it seemed like things
were going so well for you.
505
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,117
You don't want to keep
doing your cemetery?
506
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,318
- We hated it!
- So many guts!
507
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,120
I think it's affecting our groundwater.
508
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:51,923
Well, I don't want to run a club,
especially with Klaus.
509
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:55,460
Because you don't want business
to ruin our friendship?
510
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,528
Was that an option?
511
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,864
Baby, we want you back.
512
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:02,267
But of course, it's your decision.
513
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:03,802
I'll do it.
514
00:20:05,816 --> 00:20:07,739
Now, what are you gonna
do with all these bodies?
515
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:09,408
Yeah, Dad, what the hell?
516
00:20:09,410 --> 00:20:11,944
Don't worry. I got this.
517
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,280
You sure you're okay with this,
Scottie Pippen?
518
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,883
You bet. The sea will take care of me.
519
00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,152
That's why they always call me
"The Admiral."
520
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:22,554
Wasn't that David Robinson?
521
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:24,022
Who knows?
522
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:27,159
I will return when I have
written my next masterpiece.
523
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:33,899
See? Not all my ideas are bad.
524
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:35,100
I got rid of the bodies,
525
00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:37,769
and we can be buried
in our own backyard.
526
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:39,170
Two birds, one stone.
527
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:41,573
More like one tombstone!
528
00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:43,642
[LAUGHTER]
529
00:20:43,644 --> 00:20:45,977
Another all-timer, Roger!
530
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,913
Where do you come up with these?
531
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:50,249
My spectacular imagination!
532
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:52,317
What the ffff...
533
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,119
Have a great night!
534
00:20:56,194 --> 00:20:57,864
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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