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1
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_
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,988
So many careers to choose from!
3
00:00:06,056 --> 00:00:08,123
I'm most excited about the scientist.
4
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Scientists are truly working on
the front lines of discovery.
5
00:00:11,996 --> 00:00:14,663
Working on the front
lines of discovery...
6
00:00:14,731 --> 00:00:16,198
is not what I do.
7
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All the good stuff...
that's all done by computers now.
8
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Oh.
9
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- _
- I see lots of cute animals every day.
10
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And I put almost all of them to sleep.
11
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No matter how much I shower,
12
00:00:27,144 --> 00:00:29,344
I smell like I'm wearing a flea collar.
13
00:00:29,346 --> 00:00:32,280
I got into being a cowboy
because it was manly.
14
00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:35,550
But, ironically,
the harsh bumping of the saddle
15
00:00:35,552 --> 00:00:37,886
has destroyed my dick and balls.
16
00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:40,155
- _
- I'm so tired of candy.
17
00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:43,492
Sometimes late at night,
I go to the kitchen
18
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,828
and I eat spoonfuls of salt.
19
00:00:45,896 --> 00:00:48,430
I don't love my wife anymore.
20
00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:51,566
Because of the candy?
21
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:52,901
Yes.
22
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,769
BOY: A real astronaut!
23
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Okay, so, I'm not an astronaut.
24
00:00:58,042 --> 00:01:02,310
- Oh!
- I'm a radio engineer.
25
00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,913
- [GRUNTING]
- That's right... radio.
26
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,383
Does anyone here listen to radio?
27
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,653
Free radios, kids! Give it a try!
28
00:01:11,722 --> 00:01:13,055
It's like podcasts,
29
00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:16,759
but it works around our schedule,
not yours.
30
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My show is the morning-drive time,
31
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every day on WLNG 98.2.
32
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And if folks don't start listening,
33
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I'm gonna be homeless.
34
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[SQUEAKING]
35
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
36
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
37
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♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
38
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
39
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
40
00:01:55,299 --> 00:01:57,700
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
41
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Aah!
42
00:02:00,237 --> 00:02:03,505
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
43
00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:07,710
Is something the matter, Steve?
44
00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:10,979
You've barely touched your
canned corn and cornballs.
45
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,716
I think it's that dang
career fair got me down.
46
00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:18,053
All the adults...
their lives seem so sad and small.
47
00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:19,588
Oh, you must have misheard them.
48
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Being an adult is great.
49
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:22,857
Oh! What's great about it?
50
00:02:22,927 --> 00:02:24,393
Well, there's, uh...
51
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You're peppering me with questions.
52
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Meanwhile, my corn's getting cold.
53
00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:29,864
You know, I picked my career
54
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,167
at my high-school career fair.
55
00:02:33,604 --> 00:02:34,869
Housewife?
56
00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:36,138
Circus manager.
57
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:39,608
But... but you're not a circus manager.
58
00:02:39,676 --> 00:02:42,978
It's a long process.
59
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:49,083
I-I think she has stopped talking.
60
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:53,021
I don't have a career,
but Teddy Sraberg sure does.
61
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,289
I'm Teddy Sraberg.
62
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I work in the adult-film industry,
63
00:02:56,026 --> 00:02:57,892
but I don't do sex acts yet.
64
00:02:57,962 --> 00:02:59,494
I drive the BangVan.
65
00:02:59,563 --> 00:03:01,896
You know,
the gray Econoline that cruises around
66
00:03:01,966 --> 00:03:03,432
while hard-bodies bang in the back.
67
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,234
I didn't know you worked for the 'Van!
68
00:03:06,303 --> 00:03:08,303
Ever since I got banned
from MILF Catcher,
69
00:03:08,305 --> 00:03:11,640
that's been like my main thing!
70
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:14,242
Do you want to know
what I did to get banned
71
00:03:14,311 --> 00:03:16,110
from looking at a porn site?
72
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,213
It's bad.
73
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♪ Cilantro es cantante♪
74
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♪ Cilantro es muy fam...♪
75
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♪ Pizza overlord♪
76
00:03:27,257 --> 00:03:29,658
Ow-ow-ow-ow! Rocking Ronnie here
77
00:03:29,745 --> 00:03:31,360
- hittin' you with...
- [ STATIC]
78
00:03:31,424 --> 00:03:35,531
A career, a job... that's all there is?
79
00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:37,933
MAN:
You might think that's all there is.
80
00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:40,402
Live, work, die.
81
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,738
But that's not true.
82
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,139
I'm Palmer Elymas,
83
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:45,741
and this is "The Wondercabinet,"
84
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,345
an exploration of the hidden
mysteries of the universe.
85
00:03:49,413 --> 00:03:51,813
On tonight's show, the pineal gland...
86
00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:55,551
a small sac of fluid located in
the center of the human brain.
87
00:03:55,619 --> 00:03:57,018
The third eye.
88
00:03:57,087 --> 00:03:58,420
The Ancient Egyptians believed
89
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,155
you could vibrate the pineal gland,
90
00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,424
allowing the consciousness
to move any direction
91
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,561
in space and time... astral projection.
92
00:04:05,629 --> 00:04:09,631
And every vertebrate in the
world has a pineal gland,
93
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:12,100
except one, the hagfish.
94
00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:14,036
You are not a hagfish.
95
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,904
I'm not a hagfish.
96
00:04:15,906 --> 00:04:17,239
You're not!
97
00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:18,907
The powers that be have just gumped up
98
00:04:18,976 --> 00:04:20,976
our pineal glands with fluoride.
99
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:23,779
Mm, fluoride. I don't know.
100
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,313
Skeptical?
101
00:04:25,315 --> 00:04:26,982
Listen to this esteemed list of people
102
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,984
who believe in astral projection.
103
00:04:29,053 --> 00:04:30,185
Ric Flair,
104
00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:31,987
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake,
105
00:04:32,055 --> 00:04:33,721
one of The Bushwhackers,
106
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:36,524
and René Descartes.
107
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,459
[GASPS]
108
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,997
As you all know,
I astral-project frequently.
109
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:44,199
I've gone to the time of dinosaurs.
110
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,867
No feathers, by the way.
111
00:04:45,936 --> 00:04:48,670
Scientists get it wrong again!
112
00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:51,407
I've watched the collapse
of the last bit of matter
113
00:04:51,475 --> 00:04:53,809
in the universe at the end of time.
114
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,078
- I know who Banksy actually is.
- _
115
00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:57,746
- It's "Captain" Lou Albano.
- _
116
00:04:57,815 --> 00:04:59,347
He's not dead, by the way.
117
00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:02,217
Scientists get it wrong again, again!
118
00:05:02,286 --> 00:05:04,752
You want to see the
wonders of the universe?
119
00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:08,290
Just put out your crystals,
vibrate your pineal gland,
120
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:11,827
and... snap... you're off.
121
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,762
Since all my listeners
are now successfully
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00:05:14,764 --> 00:05:15,764
astral-projecting,
123
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:17,232
I'll take this private moment
124
00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:19,701
to say a shameful secret.
125
00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:21,236
I have, in the past,
126
00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:23,839
treated the Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
127
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,975
as pornography.
128
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,647
Excuse me. Are you Mr. Sraberg?
129
00:05:31,715 --> 00:05:33,115
So you're my trainee,
130
00:05:33,183 --> 00:05:35,517
here to learn how to
drive the famous BangVan?
131
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,453
Yeah. [CHUCKLES] I mean, I'm hoping
132
00:05:37,521 --> 00:05:39,187
to get in the back seat at some point,
133
00:05:39,189 --> 00:05:40,588
do some acting, you know?
134
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,125
Get in line.
I've been the driver forever,
135
00:05:43,193 --> 00:05:45,727
so if anybody's getting that
tap on the shoulder, it's me.
136
00:05:45,796 --> 00:05:47,195
Beautiful street, right?
137
00:05:47,197 --> 00:05:49,131
It's not just the humping people enjoy.
138
00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:51,199
It's the scenery going by the windows.
139
00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:52,668
- [WOMAN MOANING]
- It's a huge part, I believe.
140
00:05:52,736 --> 00:05:53,935
- Shhhh!
- Shh!
141
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,471
Just because you work in a BangVan
142
00:05:55,539 --> 00:05:57,339
doesn't mean you can't be professional.
143
00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:59,741
Rule number 1... eyes on the road.
144
00:05:59,810 --> 00:06:01,943
You're gonna be tempted to
sneak peeks in the mirror,
145
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:03,411
but don't do it.
146
00:06:03,481 --> 00:06:06,014
- [MOANING IN BACK SEAT]
- Oh, damn, that's hot!
147
00:06:06,756 --> 00:06:09,418
Wow. Guys, I ran a red just then.
148
00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:14,222
Is this meth, Steve?
149
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:18,626
It's my rose quartz...
to relax my neural pathways.
150
00:06:18,696 --> 00:06:21,029
I've been listening to this
radio show hosted by Palmer...
151
00:06:21,098 --> 00:06:25,100
Radio is dead, Steve.
Stern is on SiriusXM now.
152
00:06:25,169 --> 00:06:26,634
Astral projection?
153
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,037
Oh, Steve, that's New Age garbage.
154
00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:32,107
And a book? When TV?
What are you thinking?
155
00:06:32,176 --> 00:06:34,710
Palmer says everyone
used to astral-project,
156
00:06:34,778 --> 00:06:37,513
until our pineal glands got
gunked up with fluoride...
157
00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:39,247
The pineal gland is a myth!
158
00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:42,250
Well, no one disputes
the pineal gland exists.
159
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,651
People just aren't sure
what the gland does.
160
00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:46,722
Gland this, gland that.
Let's not talk about glands.
161
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:48,323
Let's talk about careers.
162
00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,125
You could be anything, Steve.
163
00:06:50,194 --> 00:06:52,728
Why, you could be an endocrinologist,
whatever that is.
164
00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,462
That's... Are you...
165
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:56,198
That's a doctor who studies glands.
166
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:57,533
There's that word again.
167
00:06:57,601 --> 00:06:59,401
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to forbid you
168
00:06:59,469 --> 00:07:01,003
from listening to that radio show.
169
00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:03,004
But he's the only adult I know who has
170
00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:04,340
any wonder in his life!
171
00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:06,274
Pff! You don't need astral projection
172
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,809
to have wonder in your life.
173
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,677
Okay. Then where do I find it?
174
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,948
Um, um, look,
you know I know the answer,
175
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:15,551
but, uh, I'm tired, you're tired,
176
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,219
and I don't want to be
up all night explaining
177
00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:18,620
it to you when you're not gonna get it.
178
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,222
Now go to sleep and have sweet dreams,
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00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:22,658
or we're gonna have
big problems, mister.
180
00:07:23,761 --> 00:07:26,061
- It's 4:30!
- [DOOR SLAMS]
181
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:33,835
Stupid dad. Gah! I'm shaking with anger.
182
00:07:33,904 --> 00:07:37,105
Whoa! Whoa! What's happening?
183
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:39,241
MAN: [MUFFLED] Help me! Oh, God!
184
00:07:39,309 --> 00:07:41,243
Help me!
185
00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:43,511
DJ KAREN: Hi. I'm DJ Karen Shipley,
186
00:07:43,581 --> 00:07:46,848
filling in for Palmer,
who suspiciously didn't show up.
187
00:07:46,917 --> 00:07:48,716
- Oh, my God!
- It's unlike him
188
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,719
and he hasn't returned any of our calls.
189
00:07:50,788 --> 00:07:52,921
But, anyhoo, I'm just gonna play
190
00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:55,523
"I'd Really Love To See You Tonight."
191
00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:58,994
I think... I think I astral-projected!
192
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,328
And... and that room.
193
00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:02,398
That must have been where Palmer is.
194
00:08:02,466 --> 00:08:04,199
He was calling for help.
195
00:08:04,268 --> 00:08:06,268
I have to save Palmer!
196
00:08:06,336 --> 00:08:08,336
♪ Not much, how about you? ♪
197
00:08:08,338 --> 00:08:11,139
As soon as they play a bad song.
198
00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:12,574
♪ I'm not sure why I ♪
199
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:18,380
Thank you all for coming so quickly.
200
00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,181
I apologize for the late hour.
201
00:08:20,183 --> 00:08:22,117
If we're aiming to party,
202
00:08:22,185 --> 00:08:24,920
look what Barry got his little hands on.
203
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:28,257
My dad's friend left his
fringe jacket at the house,
204
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:30,259
and this was inside.
205
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,594
Palmer Elymas is in trouble, guys.
206
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:34,329
Palmer Elymas?
207
00:08:34,397 --> 00:08:36,197
That's your talking goldfish, yeah?
208
00:08:36,199 --> 00:08:37,799
He's the host of "The Wondercabinet."
209
00:08:37,868 --> 00:08:40,736
Someone's attacking
him or kidnapping him.
210
00:08:40,804 --> 00:08:43,939
He... he knows too much.
He's saying too much.
211
00:08:44,007 --> 00:08:46,875
About who?
212
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:48,077
Big Fluoride!
213
00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:49,945
Should we call the police then?
214
00:08:50,013 --> 00:08:51,280
We can't call the police.
215
00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:52,547
You're damn right!
216
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,750
Not when I have this
much party powder on me.
217
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:58,353
I guess we can hide it in our noses.
218
00:08:58,422 --> 00:09:00,155
The police will never believe me.
219
00:09:00,223 --> 00:09:03,692
I only know Palmer's
in trouble because...
220
00:09:03,761 --> 00:09:04,860
I astral-projected.
221
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:06,562
_
222
00:09:06,563 --> 00:09:07,629
You what?
223
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,430
Everything Palmer said is true!
224
00:09:09,432 --> 00:09:12,233
I actually left my body and traveled
225
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:13,568
to what must be Palmer's house.
226
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,837
You want us to go to some guy's house?
227
00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:17,973
He's the only one talking
about how incredible
228
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:19,508
life can actually be.
229
00:09:19,576 --> 00:09:21,977
The radio station has
to have his address.
230
00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:24,113
To the bikes!
231
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:27,849
No one wants my cocaine.
232
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:29,918
Feel like a frickin' idiot!
233
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:30,919
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
234
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,654
Hey, Steve. Sounds like
235
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,455
you're watching
"Revenge of the Nerds" in here.
236
00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:37,192
Let's start from the begi... He's gone.
237
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:39,295
Initiate Expert Tracker mode.
238
00:09:40,531 --> 00:09:43,132
This open window is the
perfect place to stand
239
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,000
and wonder how he got out.
240
00:09:45,068 --> 00:09:46,401
We've got to get there fast!
241
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:48,504
Let's cut through the cemetery!
242
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,005
_
243
00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:53,675
I say we cross the playground
where we saw that condom,
244
00:09:53,744 --> 00:09:55,811
then shoot down Mohawk Drive.
245
00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:57,412
Mohawk... perfect!
246
00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:59,280
The tree roots pushed
up all the sidewalks,
247
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,150
turning them into little ramps.
248
00:10:01,218 --> 00:10:02,551
Since time is of the essence,
249
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,819
we'll only take five minutes
250
00:10:03,887 --> 00:10:05,220
to do totally sick bike jumps.
251
00:10:05,288 --> 00:10:06,488
- 10.
- Deal!
252
00:10:06,490 --> 00:10:08,357
- 15!
- Even better deal!
253
00:10:08,425 --> 00:10:10,959
- [TIRES SQUEAL]
- Whoa! That guy almost hit me!
254
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,828
- [MOANING IN BACK SEAT]
- I mean, I know it's my ticket.
255
00:10:12,896 --> 00:10:15,630
It's just...
boy, you know, I don't make much,
256
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,299
and this big number here...
that's got me sweating.
257
00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:20,035
What does everybody in the back think?
258
00:10:20,103 --> 00:10:21,370
It... it should be me that pays it
259
00:10:21,438 --> 00:10:22,439
'cause I'm the one that ran the red?
260
00:10:22,506 --> 00:10:23,772
MAN: Quiet, Teddy!
261
00:10:23,841 --> 00:10:25,841
Hey, new guy,
you ready to jump back here,
262
00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:28,109
- show us your stuff?
- Yes, sir!
263
00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:29,644
WOMAN: Ooh!
264
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,513
Are you [BLEEP] kidding me? I quit!
265
00:10:31,515 --> 00:10:33,114
- [CRASHING]
- Good luck getting people
266
00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:34,983
to watch sex in a parked van.
267
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,385
[MOANING IN BACK SEAT]
268
00:10:36,453 --> 00:10:39,054
I'm unquitting because this just proves
269
00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:42,123
someone from up here can
actually make it back there.
270
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:43,826
MAN: Shut up, Teddy!
271
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,796
The radio station.
272
00:10:47,865 --> 00:10:50,399
Palmer's home address
has to be in there.
273
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,333
We've just got to get past the guard.
274
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:55,537
Let's forget this radio-station business
275
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:58,807
and get a little high?
276
00:10:58,876 --> 00:11:00,676
Get high! That's it!
277
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,545
There's a door up on the
roof of the radio station.
278
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:05,214
We just need to build a big-enough jump.
279
00:11:05,282 --> 00:11:07,449
A jump, you say?
280
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,289
- Here goes noth...
- GUARD: What do we have here?
281
00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:16,154
- We're busted!
- You little troublemakers
282
00:11:16,189 --> 00:11:18,394
are going away for a long... A ramp?!
283
00:11:18,415 --> 00:11:21,630
I haven't gone off a
ramp since I was a kid!
284
00:11:21,699 --> 00:11:23,098
Watch this!
285
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:27,168
Time to fly like an eagle, baby!
286
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,238
[GRUNTS] I broke my ass!
287
00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:30,839
I'm so embarrassed!
288
00:11:30,908 --> 00:11:33,909
They're gonna put me in
a big plastic diaper!
289
00:11:33,977 --> 00:11:35,744
Oh, no!
290
00:11:38,594 --> 00:11:39,646
_
291
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:43,752
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
292
00:11:46,757 --> 00:11:48,590
WILLIAM: You came!
293
00:11:48,659 --> 00:11:50,926
You're interested in radio!
294
00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:55,196
Don't push me into
the closet I sleep in!
295
00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:58,399
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
296
00:11:58,401 --> 00:12:01,670
Palmer Elymas... the Vista View
Apartments on Third Street.
297
00:12:01,739 --> 00:12:04,273
Mm, is there someone special you'd like
298
00:12:04,341 --> 00:12:05,941
to dedicate this love song to?
299
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,543
MAN: A very important woman in my life.
300
00:12:08,612 --> 00:12:11,813
Just thinking about her
makes my heart race.
301
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,349
Love is just so, so special.
302
00:12:14,418 --> 00:12:16,685
She's a cartoon bird with big, red lips
303
00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:19,088
that's in these
car-insurance commercials.
304
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,022
- _
- She sounds incredible.
305
00:12:21,024 --> 00:12:22,557
Here's Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love"
306
00:12:22,626 --> 00:12:24,093
from "The Karate Kid II" soundtrack.
307
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,328
[TIRES SQUEAL]
308
00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:29,765
This tree is dry.
309
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,634
The roots have been
squeezed of moisture by kids
310
00:12:32,636 --> 00:12:34,637
doing jumps off the sidewalk.
311
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,176
Four kids to be precise...
three normals and a large.
312
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:42,644
- [VEHICLE APPROACHING]
- They're heading east.
313
00:12:42,713 --> 00:12:45,314
Whoa!
This guy's driving on the sidewalk!
314
00:12:45,382 --> 00:12:46,382
And I'll tell you something else.
315
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:47,450
- [MOANING IN BACK SEAT]
- People want to see someone
316
00:12:47,484 --> 00:12:50,319
with a little paunch,
a guy who works for a living
317
00:12:50,387 --> 00:12:51,388
have sex in the van.
318
00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:52,854
Fine. Let's go.
319
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,389
R-R-Right now?
320
00:12:54,457 --> 00:12:56,457
- Yes.
- But... but who's gonna drive?
321
00:12:56,459 --> 00:12:57,659
We'll park.
322
00:12:57,728 --> 00:12:59,461
P-People need to see the trees going by.
323
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:00,862
Tonight or never.
324
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,998
Okay, okay. But I'm frizzing out.
325
00:13:03,066 --> 00:13:06,135
At least let me wet down my
hair in a gas-station bathroom.
326
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,803
You've got to let me make it nice.
327
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,305
Please!
328
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:18,480
Hmm. Makeshift ramp,
a loser with broken butt.
329
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:19,815
I've solved it.
330
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,950
This fool was trying
to relive his youth.
331
00:13:22,019 --> 00:13:23,752
Maybe to impress some kids?
332
00:13:23,821 --> 00:13:26,621
Judging by how dry his mouth feels,
333
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,491
I'd say the boys left
here about 45 minutes ago.
334
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:31,893
Get your hands out of my mouth!
335
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,695
If you're looking for those boys,
they went...
336
00:13:33,697 --> 00:13:35,965
Stop!
I want to track them only by seeing
337
00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:37,499
how moist things are.
338
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:40,502
[MOANING]
339
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:44,439
Okay, best-case scenario,
Palmer's tied up inside.
340
00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:45,574
So we can't just knock on the door.
341
00:13:45,642 --> 00:13:46,775
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
342
00:13:46,844 --> 00:13:48,109
Barry, no!
343
00:13:48,111 --> 00:13:50,579
What if the agents of
Big Fluoride are...
344
00:13:50,647 --> 00:13:52,848
Palmer? Y-You're okay!
345
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,716
I thought something happened to you.
346
00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:56,385
Something did happen to me!
347
00:13:56,453 --> 00:13:58,319
I have a toothache, which is crazy,
348
00:13:58,389 --> 00:14:02,724
because I wipe my teeth with a
hand towel three times a day!
349
00:14:02,726 --> 00:14:04,325
Uh, how do you know who I am?
350
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:07,262
From "The Wondercabinet." I'm a fan.
351
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:08,663
And guess what.
352
00:14:08,732 --> 00:14:11,066
I astral-projected right
into your apartment.
353
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,669
Where... where are the astral charts?
354
00:14:13,737 --> 00:14:15,070
Where are the crystals?
355
00:14:15,138 --> 00:14:19,541
It's just a bunch of posters of...
race cars?
356
00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:21,210
Yeah! You can't even drive
357
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,412
this one on the street it's so fast.
358
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,880
I-Is there another room?
359
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,683
Another room?! I work in radio.
360
00:14:27,751 --> 00:14:30,552
Who do you think I am? King Ralph?
361
00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:32,087
I astral-projected!
362
00:14:32,155 --> 00:14:34,489
Really? That's wild!
363
00:14:34,558 --> 00:14:36,157
I'd love to do that.
364
00:14:36,159 --> 00:14:38,159
But... but you have.
365
00:14:38,161 --> 00:14:39,628
You said so on your show.
366
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:41,296
I just made that up.
367
00:14:41,365 --> 00:14:44,033
So I didn't astral-project.
368
00:14:44,101 --> 00:14:46,768
And you're just another sad adult.
369
00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:52,441
I am so sick of sad adults!
370
00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:54,576
Aah!
371
00:14:54,578 --> 00:14:56,177
My Lamborghini Veneno!
372
00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:58,046
Steve, he's okay.
373
00:14:58,115 --> 00:14:59,714
Why are you so upset?
374
00:14:59,783 --> 00:15:01,383
We're supposed to pick a path,
375
00:15:01,452 --> 00:15:03,585
but they all lead to the same place...
376
00:15:03,587 --> 00:15:05,520
a small, sad life!
377
00:15:05,589 --> 00:15:07,656
I thought there was another way,
but there isn't!
378
00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:09,858
STAN: They should call you
boys Hurricane Katrina,
379
00:15:09,927 --> 00:15:12,861
'cause you've been leaving
water all over town.
380
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,195
And you!
381
00:15:14,265 --> 00:15:17,032
You want me to live the smallest,
worst life of all...
382
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,133
yours!
383
00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:22,271
You're a hagfish!
384
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:23,739
Aaaaaaaah!
385
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:30,145
Whoa! Is that his pineal gland?
386
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:31,346
Steve!
387
00:15:31,415 --> 00:15:33,082
Steve!
388
00:15:35,619 --> 00:15:47,796
♪♪
389
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,267
♪♪
390
00:15:52,287 --> 00:15:53,936
The astral plane.
391
00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:55,370
I'm here.
392
00:15:55,439 --> 00:15:57,572
Oh, God, I'm actually here!
393
00:15:57,642 --> 00:15:59,107
It's real!
394
00:15:59,176 --> 00:16:01,644
Okay, how does it work?
How does it work?
395
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:06,849
I should be able to just think
of a place and go, say Paris.
396
00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:09,784
- [FRENCH ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS]
- Magnifique!
397
00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:14,623
I can go anywhere, even Chimdale.
398
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,327
Wow! Chimdale!
399
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,795
It's like Paris on steroids.
400
00:16:20,865 --> 00:16:24,199
It's all so beautiful!
I want to see everything.
401
00:16:24,268 --> 00:16:27,469
I want to see everything Palmer
lied about getting to see,
402
00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:29,938
to every time and every place,
403
00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:33,275
to the last moment of the universe!
404
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:39,148
Sad ending.
405
00:16:39,216 --> 00:16:41,950
Got to stop reading the
last page of a book first.
406
00:16:42,019 --> 00:16:46,822
Now show me dinosaurs!
407
00:16:49,293 --> 00:16:50,294
Incredible!
408
00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:53,095
The feathers are so unpleasant, though.
409
00:16:55,299 --> 00:16:56,365
[ROARS]
410
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,766
[STEVE GASPS]
411
00:16:57,835 --> 00:16:59,568
Bu-gawk!
412
00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:01,103
Oh, just awful.
413
00:17:01,171 --> 00:17:05,174
Now show me everything!
414
00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:16,385
♪♪
415
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:27,396
♪♪
416
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:38,541
♪♪
417
00:17:39,076 --> 00:17:40,976
[TOILET FLUSHES]
418
00:17:44,882 --> 00:17:46,348
There we go.
419
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:47,883
Hey, you're great.
420
00:17:47,952 --> 00:17:49,151
You're a nice guy.
421
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:50,485
People want to see you do things.
422
00:17:50,555 --> 00:17:52,687
Did you get in shape the way you wanted?
423
00:17:52,689 --> 00:17:53,956
No, of course not.
424
00:17:54,024 --> 00:17:55,690
Did you eat like you were
an actor trying to gain
425
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:56,825
100 pounds for a role?
426
00:17:56,893 --> 00:17:58,093
Yeah. So what?
427
00:17:58,095 --> 00:18:01,630
Now are you ready to smash? Yeah.
428
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:03,232
I said, are you ready to smash?!
429
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,500
Yes! Let me really hear it.
430
00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:07,302
I'm gonna smash!
431
00:18:07,371 --> 00:18:08,804
Yeah!
432
00:18:12,116 --> 00:18:13,842
No! H-Help!
433
00:18:13,911 --> 00:18:15,844
Can anyone hear me?
434
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:17,112
MAN: Where the hell is Teddy?
435
00:18:17,114 --> 00:18:18,914
I'm in here! My hair is wet.
436
00:18:18,983 --> 00:18:20,182
I'm ready for sex!
437
00:18:20,251 --> 00:18:21,584
TRAINEE: You know, I was thinking,
438
00:18:21,652 --> 00:18:23,652
what if we just used a green screen
439
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,588
instead of driving around all the time?
440
00:18:25,656 --> 00:18:27,055
No! That's terrible!
441
00:18:27,124 --> 00:18:28,591
That could totally work.
442
00:18:28,659 --> 00:18:31,860
No! Why can I hear you
and you can't hear me?!
443
00:18:31,929 --> 00:18:33,596
We wouldn't need a driver at all!
444
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:35,464
I'm having a panic attack!
445
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:36,531
[GASPING]
446
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,066
[CHUCKLES]
447
00:18:38,135 --> 00:18:39,868
Well, Roger's at it again.
448
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:40,909
What next?
449
00:18:40,938 --> 00:18:42,004
Oh!
450
00:18:42,072 --> 00:18:43,872
That strange room.
451
00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:45,340
I forgot about that.
452
00:18:45,409 --> 00:18:47,777
If it wasn't Palmer's room, what was it?
453
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,680
I'm back! This is it!
454
00:18:51,748 --> 00:18:53,949
But where is this?
455
00:18:54,018 --> 00:18:56,152
Let's take it back in time.
456
00:18:59,624 --> 00:19:02,191
It's dad's study.
457
00:19:05,690 --> 00:19:06,895
Where are you?
458
00:19:06,964 --> 00:19:08,230
Where did you go?
459
00:19:08,299 --> 00:19:17,772
♪♪
460
00:19:17,774 --> 00:19:20,009
[SOBS]
461
00:19:20,711 --> 00:19:21,844
Help me!
462
00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:24,112
Oh, God, help me!
463
00:19:24,181 --> 00:19:26,581
Dad was the one calling for help...
464
00:19:26,651 --> 00:19:28,250
to save me.
465
00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:33,788
[GASPS] Steve! You came back!
466
00:19:33,858 --> 00:19:35,724
Be careful. That's Waterford glass.
467
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,592
I've traveled so far, Dad,
468
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,529
to every corner of this universe.
469
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,930
I've seen so much.
470
00:19:41,999 --> 00:19:43,465
Did I end up getting cast as Hamilton
471
00:19:43,534 --> 00:19:45,200
in the movie version of "Hamilton"?
472
00:19:45,202 --> 00:19:48,537
- No.
- Well, I owe Tuttle a million dollars.
473
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,272
There's something I need to say.
474
00:19:50,341 --> 00:19:52,140
No. You're back.
475
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:54,343
We don't have to talk ever again.
476
00:19:54,411 --> 00:19:56,811
I apologize for calling you a hagfish
477
00:19:56,881 --> 00:19:58,813
and saying your life was small,
478
00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:01,216
for thinking anyone's life was small.
479
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:03,618
I wanted something infinite,
but I didn't realize
480
00:20:03,688 --> 00:20:05,287
I had it right here.
481
00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:08,557
A love so big it moved
us across time and space
482
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,359
to find each other.
483
00:20:10,427 --> 00:20:12,895
Is that what you couldn't
figure out how to say, Dad?
484
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:14,763
Is that what you wanted
me to understand?
485
00:20:14,832 --> 00:20:17,700
No. That's stupid.
486
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,167
And even if it was what I felt,
487
00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:21,904
how dare you say it out loud.
488
00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:23,772
Don't touch me.
489
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,808
Get away from me!
490
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,111
What's say we pop open that third eye,
491
00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:31,947
do a little astral projecting together.
492
00:20:34,051 --> 00:20:35,518
[LAUGHS]
493
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:37,920
I'm haunting my own house.
494
00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:40,990
Boo!
495
00:20:42,293 --> 00:20:43,325
Boo!
496
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:45,194
Dad, I told you they can't see us.
497
00:20:45,262 --> 00:20:47,396
What's the point then? This sucks.
498
00:20:47,464 --> 00:20:50,065
I'll show you something
that doesn't suck.
499
00:20:51,201 --> 00:20:52,935
Whoa! Chimdale.
500
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,937
Now, this I could get used to.
501
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:56,605
Right?!
502
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,407
Bye! Have a great time!
503
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:02,327
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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