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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,517
And in perhaps the most monumental
Supreme Court decision...
2
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,154
...in over 100 years...
3
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:26,478
And the missiles of this small Mideast
country remain pointed at the...
4
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,399
So until further information
is uncovered...
5
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,398
...scientists will continue
to sift through the giant hole...
6
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,309
...that was, until yesterday,
the Republic of France...
7
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,398
Snidely Whiplash, unhand that now.
8
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:45,756
Well, they must have had a fine round
of Pin the Tail on the Shoe Salesman...
9
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,916
...up in heaven today.
10
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,869
Middle-aged woman
comes into the shoe store.
11
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,355
She's wearing a blossom hat...
12
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,348
You know, the
"I'm just a cute young girl of 45" look.
13
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,115
- and she's looking
for something cool to wear...
14
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,676
...to a Crosby, Stills & Nash
reunion concert.
15
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:10,000
So I suggest a nice, recyclable
paper bag to put over her face.
16
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,836
You know, so she can
save the planet two ways.
17
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,675
So she maces me.
18
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,679
But as I lash out blindly...
19
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,077
...I think I clipped her a good one
in the teeth.
20
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,675
So from now on,
she'll be gumming the words...
21
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,836
...to "Teach Your Children."
22
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,193
How was your day, pumpkin?
23
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,353
Daddy, when did you get home?
24
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:34,868
How was your day?
25
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,708
Well, a... A middle-aged woman
came to the shoe store...
26
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,638
...wearing a blossom hat...
27
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,515
Snidely Whiplash, unhand that horse.
28
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,911
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, Peg.
29
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,270
I wasn't talking to you.
30
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,159
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, honey.
31
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,112
When's your Daddy getting home?
32
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,753
Oh, hi, honey. Guess what
we're gonna do this evening.
33
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,557
Get naked and try to figure out where
our interesting parts used to be?
34
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,397
Shoes got you down, bunky?
Well, this should cheer you up.
35
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,388
I've invited Marcie and Jefferson over
for a game of Ethical Dilemma.
36
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,751
Oh, a dream come true, by gum.
37
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,349
I actually get the opportunity
to play a board game...
38
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,552
...with two people I can't stand
and Jefferson?
39
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,353
Pardon me while I boogaloo.
40
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,758
Well, it's better than our usual
Friday-night fare...
41
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,837
...sitting around
watching you and Buck...
42
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,032
...play Don't Blame Me, It Was Him.
43
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,878
Now, I'm going over to Marcie's
to steal some potato chips...
44
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,150
...so we have something
to serve them.
45
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,953
Gee, Daddy,
I guess it's true what they say:
46
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,754
Life really does begin at 40.
47
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,996
Well, at least I'm not the only one
with no life around here.
48
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,390
Where is your brother, anyway?
49
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:00,874
He's out with a girl.
50
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,789
No, I said your brother. You know...
You know, Bud.
51
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,911
I know. He's out with an actual girl.
52
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,998
- No, I was asking about Bud.
- I know.
53
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:14,352
You could have knocked me over
with the weather, but I tell you...
54
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,028
...it was a real girl. Honest.
55
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,357
There was no blow-up tube
in the back or anything.
56
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,069
Son.
57
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,274
Look, he was out with a real girl.
58
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,275
I'm hurt, Dad.
59
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,632
Well, son, that's what happens when
you lay the Bundy on some babe.
60
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:46,557
The natural result of 30 seconds
of crazed abandon.
61
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,319
Come on, tell Dad all about it.
62
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,511
- I am totally done with women.
- What?
63
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,631
What, did you get married?
64
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,116
- No, Dad.
- Well, don't worry, son.
65
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,629
Remember, it gets better each time...
66
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,513
...as long as it's never
with the same woman.
67
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,439
Wipe your chin and listen to me, Dad.
68
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,156
As you know, I've been laying this
Grandmaster B thing on all the babes.
69
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,113
Well, finally one bought it
and she took me to this rap club.
70
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,551
Well, I got my hat turned around
and all, and I'm cool, I'm cool.
71
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,036
Until she said, " Hey,
that guy over there is looking at me.
72
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,151
Waste him for me, B."
73
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,079
So I go up to him
and I look him right in the eye.
74
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,988
So, what happened then, son?
75
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,918
Then he stood up.
76
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,990
Next thing I know,
I'm in the tunnel of light...
77
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,475
...with Grandma and Elvis
at the other end.
78
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,871
Grandma and Elvis? You die and go
to International House of Pancakes?
79
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,836
I wish. Instead she brought me home
to meet her dad.
80
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,600
She told him I was a tough
street rapper. He hates rap...
81
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,633
...so suddenly,
there was that tunnel of light again.
82
00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,956
I'm telling you, Dad,
I am through with women.
83
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:03,075
Oh, no. Who's gonna fill them shoes?
84
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:09,078
Gee, Kel, it's 7:00. Shouldn't you
be cuffed to a radiator by now?
85
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,633
Oh, father,
I have angered the Grand Bastard.
86
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,589
That's Grandmaster.
87
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,599
Or at least it was Grandmaster.
88
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,518
From now on, I'm Bud.
89
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,190
Bud Bundy. Take me for what I am.
90
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:44,192
Yo, girlie. My bedroom's upstairs.
Word to your mother.
91
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,158
Oh, B, thank you
for not hurting my father.
92
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:53,031
Well, from the foetal position
I can kill in three different ways.
93
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,991
Word to your father.
94
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,112
You should have seen him,
Mr. Bundy.
95
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,677
All rolled up in a little ball
in the corner, ready to strike.
96
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,791
Anyway, I've got some great news.
97
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,032
What, Mike Tyson
was looking at you funny?
98
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,279
I booked us on a rafting trip.
99
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,631
Down a river the Indians used to call
Kiss Your White Ass Goodbye.
100
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:23,519
- lf you think I'm kissing my white ass...
- Oh, please, B. I'd be so grateful.
101
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,073
Let's do it.
102
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,590
Daddy, aren't you gonna
say anything to him?
103
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,392
Well, who am I to give advice?
104
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,036
Another hour, I'll be saying,
"Marcie, it's your spin."
105
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,914
Marcie, it's your spin.
106
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,157
I've landed on Childhood Trauma.
107
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,519
Come on, Marcie.
Share or go to Denial.
108
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,791
Oh, all right.
109
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,958
I remember my puppy Winkums.
110
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,393
Winkums was tied
to the back of my bike.
111
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,993
Hey, Al, another Friday night
and I got a k eg of beer in the back.
112
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,555
Let's go beat the hell
out of somebody...
113
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,796
...pick up a couple
of private-school girls...
114
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,117
...and rock the pleats
right off their skirts.
115
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,870
Will it always be lik e this, Al?
116
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,516
You bet. The boys'll never die.
117
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,590
Al, it's your turn
to move your thimble.
118
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,876
"Get in touch with your feminine side."
119
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,275
Tough break, buddy.
120
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,270
Oh, I'll tell you, Al. It's Friday night...
121
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,631
...I got a cup of herb tea...
122
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,831
...we're with the girls we love...
123
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:06,229
...and we're playing a game that's sure
to become the next middle-aged craze.
124
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,351
Will it always be like this, Al?
125
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,433
No. No, one day it'll be just like this...
126
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,030
...only we'll be wearing
Depend's undergarments.
127
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,599
That's not your feminine side
speaking.
128
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,519
No, my feminine side
is on the couch watching Oprah...
129
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,918
...and occasionally pushing
aside a breast to scratch my knee.
130
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,352
Bitch.
131
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,755
Now it's my turn.
132
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,800
Oh, please don't let her land
on Sexual Intimacy.
133
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,719
Sexual Intimacy.
134
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,348
Okay.
135
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:47,315
"If your lover suddenly
was unable to perform anymore...
136
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,313
...and was a shoe salesman...
137
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:01,437
...and named Al..."
- Oh, come, give me this now.
138
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,633
It couldn't possibly say that.
Oh, my God, it does.
139
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,229
"...and an old lover
came back to town..."
140
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,396
I guess they mean Jim.
141
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,509
"...would you have a sleazy affair
with him?"
142
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,438
Yeah.
143
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,309
Well, I did it. I survived the river.
144
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,398
I never felt so alive.
The rush of the water...
145
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,672
...the feeling of flight
as you're launched out of the boat...
146
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,757
...and the good,
clean crack of a pelvis...
147
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,520
...as it meets one of nature's
finest pointy rocks.
148
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,715
And as I lay there clinging for
dear life, I couldn't help but notice...
149
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,471
...the beauty of nature as it sat
on my chest, pecking at my eyes.
150
00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,069
It thought it could carry me to
its young ones, but the joke was on it...
151
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,350
...because I was too heavy
and it dropped me...
152
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:06,314
...in part of the river the Indians
used to call Nutcracker Falls.
153
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,236
But at least you weren't with them.
154
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,511
Yeah, but you people are old.
155
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,352
I still have needs.
156
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,232
From now on, it's life without girls.
157
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,908
I'm through with them.
I mean it this time.
158
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,998
Hello.
159
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,838
Yeah.
160
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,118
Of course.
161
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,189
Well, that was Kara.
162
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,435
She asked me to jump out
of an airplane tomorrow and I said yes.
163
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,713
Good night.
164
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,998
Oh, good.
165
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,876
Daddy, why are you standing up
against the wall?
166
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,837
Well, it's a...
It's an adult thing, pumpkin.
167
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,793
You... You wouldn't understand.
You see, l...
168
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,560
I landed on
the Loneliness Of Adolescence.
169
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,878
So your mother yelled at me
and took my wallet, and I sassed her...
170
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,914
...and well, here I am
stuck in Shame on You Land.
171
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,035
Really cool, Dad.
172
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,558
Pumpkin...
173
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,912
...before you go out and spread this
all around, can I ask you something?
174
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,550
What's it like to have a life?
175
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:35,317
Well, people think being young and
beautiful is exciting and everything...
176
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,078
...but actually it's pretty boring.
177
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,793
I mean, take today for example.
178
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,752
There I am in the mall,
and this guy...
179
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,474
...some geezer rock star,
steps on my foot.
180
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,079
You know, that Springsteen guy?
181
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,595
The Boss?
182
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,153
Well, I don't think so, Daddy.
183
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,555
His wife seemed to be
the one in charge.
184
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,994
Well, anyhow,
it was downhill from there.
185
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,033
There I am, hitching a ride,
and who should pick me up?
186
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,992
The Swedish bikini team.
187
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,069
They wanted to drive me home, come in
for a beer, but I've heard you say...
188
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,238
...you didn't like people
drinking your beers.
189
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,198
Your time's up, Al.
190
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,632
I know.
191
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,314
So then Ernie Banks comes...
192
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,718
Pumpkin, could you
go wait for the mail?
193
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,151
Okey-dokey.
194
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,559
Oh, Daddy,
if it makes you feel any better...
195
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,469
...you're a lot younger than the guy the
bikini team ended up going home with.
196
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,432
Your spin, Al.
197
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,279
Al landed on Caring.
198
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,232
I mean... I mean, I'm trying to win...
199
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,149
...but I keep landing on
Date a Kennedy, Lose a Turn.
200
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,999
Tell us what you care about, honey.
201
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,433
"I Care" by Al Bundy.
202
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,119
When hooters jiggle around
203
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,910
And I find nick els on the ground,
I care
204
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:17,114
When a Mustang engine purrs
And the bathroom is not hers
205
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,038
I care
206
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,597
When the pitcher's on the mound
And the wife is underground
207
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,232
I care
208
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,317
But when I've been playing this for days
209
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:33,195
I will kill anyone who stays,
I swear.
210
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:45,389
And if you really want a scare
Check out his underwear
211
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,114
If you dare
212
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,278
Well, I'm going to jump
out of an airplane now...
213
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,391
...and plummet to my death.
214
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,397
Basically for nothing.
215
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:58,828
Just wanted to say goodbye.
216
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,958
Hey.
217
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,159
Hey, Al's not moving his thimble
down the Path to Intimacy.
218
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,075
Gee, that's a first.
219
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,471
I'm using my
Get-Out-of-Sexual-lntimacy card free.
220
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,314
You have to say it before you spin.
221
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,192
- Drop dead.
- Bite me.
222
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,675
I'm glad I caught you,
Thumb-sucker B.
223
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,839
Listen, it's time that we had
a little boy-girl talk.
224
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,871
Now, let's pretend that you're the boy.
225
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,877
Okay. Okay, I'm number 27.
226
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,719
Do I get in line
behind the sailors over there?
227
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,357
Look, I'm just trying
to help you, drippy.
228
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,753
Now let me tell you about women.
229
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,791
I already know about women, Kel.
230
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,515
Yes, but there's more to us than just
"Inflate until feet start to plump."
231
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,036
Now, as we both know,
you are doing this for sex.
232
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:55,832
But let me tell you something.
233
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,874
It doesn't matter what a guy does
or says or how he treats us.
234
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,516
The second we see a guy, we already
know whether or not he's gonna get sex.
235
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,235
Which, by the way, explains
why you've never gotten any.
236
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,673
If that was even close to true...
237
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,394
...do you think
I could still hold my head up?
238
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:20,309
Look, all I'm saying is that if she hasn't
let you touch her yet, she never will.
239
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,034
If you still feel the need
to do something dangerous...
240
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,276
...throw out your Clearasil.
241
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,796
Like I'm gonna take the advice
of someone...
242
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,231
...who's fooled by every single
disguise of the Trix rabbit.
243
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,197
Yeah, like you know who he is
until his ears flop out.
244
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,793
But I do know this.
245
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,958
You can jump out of a plane
and go hurtling to your death...
246
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,434
...but mark my words.
247
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,791
You will not even get
a cheap feel out of this.
248
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,197
You will die a flat virgin.
249
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,953
Kel, you're wrong. And besides...
250
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,436
...if jumping out of a plane with
almost no training was dangerous...
251
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,154
...don't you think my parents
would have stopped me?
252
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,875
Hey, everyone, Al got a Cuddle card.
253
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,477
I played high school football,
for God's sake.
254
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,715
So does anybody
have any questions...
255
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,309
...in case we get tangled up
in power lines?
256
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,193
Yes?
257
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,868
Is there any way to get out of them
and still live?
258
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,312
No, not with the piddly training
you guys have had.
259
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,752
That's how I like it.
260
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:50,033
You're so brave, Grandmaster B.
You're all I ever wanted in a man.
261
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:54,233
My last boyfriend was so boring.
All we did was make love.
262
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,510
What a loser.
263
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,117
Oh, I'm definitely not doing this.
264
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,551
No way, no how, never.
Not for anything.
265
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,916
Oh, Daddy.
266
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,355
Look at those hooters.
267
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,676
I'm doing it.
268
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,794
Well, we're just about ready to go.
269
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,195
Remember,
I'll be jumping out with you...
270
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,039
...and we'll be in radio contact
all the way down.
271
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,435
You know,
so I can give you instructions.
272
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,959
Just in case.
273
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,071
Any questions?
274
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,237
Yes.
275
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,158
Just in case of what?
276
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:39,670
Like if your parachute doesn't open.
If it gets tangled up in itself.
277
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,108
If there's a hole in it...
278
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,676
...or if we just forgot
to put one in the pack.
279
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,350
Well, let's go.
280
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,039
Wait. Wait a minute.
281
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,629
Now, aren't these guys gonna go first?
282
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,115
Oh, they backed out.
283
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,110
They're not with girls.
284
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,319
This is so exciting.
285
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,592
My whole body feels like it's on fire.
286
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:07,392
Well, before mine is, upon impact...
287
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,955
...how about just one last kiss?
288
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,833
Which means one first kiss.
289
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,269
Which means one last kiss for luck.
290
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,633
All right, one kiss for my hero.
291
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,876
All right, Bundy.
292
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,875
How you doing, Bud?
293
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,148
Bud, this is Kara. How are you?
294
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:46,592
Couldn't be calmer, babe. Could you
put the instructor back on, please?
295
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,358
Sure.
296
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,278
Bud?
297
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,920
That's right. Just enjoy the free fall.
298
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,156
I'm watching you all the way.
299
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,557
Oh, man, what fun.
300
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:04,469
Okay, I've had enough now.
Listen, this is Grandmaster 1 here.
301
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,989
Should I be concerned
I'm plummeting to my death...
302
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,599
...over Lake Michigan? Over.
303
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,313
Yes.
304
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,272
But stay calm. I'll talk you in.
305
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,598
Alls you have to do is...
Say, Kara, you're cute.
306
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,189
Thank you. You're cute too.
307
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,836
The second I saw you,
I knew we were going to have sex.
308
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,069
Instructor, Grandmaster 1 here.
309
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,875
Listen, I seem to be heading
towards the smokestack of a tugboat.
310
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,833
Could use some last-minute advice.
Over.
311
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,430
Tak e me, Biff. Tak e me now.
312
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,029
But I thought we were gonna jump.
313
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,835
Can you look at these
and still think of jumping?
314
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,236
Instructor? Kara?
315
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,193
Mommy!
316
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:01,515
His eyes, his chest, his butt.
317
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,629
What else would you change
about him?
318
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,677
Well, certainly you wouldn't want him
to keep those teeth.
319
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:14,192
Please, Jefferson,
he's sitting right in front of us.
320
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,198
But I would like to change
that birthmark on his tush...
321
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,868
...shaped like Woody Allen.
322
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,358
Death can't be this busy.
323
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,640
The sparrow has landed.
324
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,432
Did you get any?
325
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:37,193
Yes, if you count mouth-to-mouth
from a drunken sea captain.
326
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,348
But I've learned a couple of things
from all this.
327
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,109
One, there's nothing
a pelican won't eat.
328
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,679
And two, I am finally, totally,
completely finished with women.
329
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,596
Wait, let us not forget number three.
330
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,756
That I was right. Say it.
331
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,520
- No.
- That's all I needed to hear.
332
00:21:58,840 --> 00:21:59,795
But I tell you this:
333
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,560
Next time a girl comes to me
and wants me to do something stupid...
334
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,035
- You'll do it?
- You betcha.
335
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,709
You know what? For a million dollars
I'd never jump out of an airplane.
336
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,514
Al, you landed on Kiss the Neighbour.
337
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,676
Don't you want
your last-minute instructions?
26666
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