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Did I tell you about my
uncle, Walden Kotter?
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00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:06,983
He was afraid he wasn't
gonna go to heaven.
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00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,852
Did he ever find
out if he was or not?
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00:00:09,876 --> 00:00:12,255
Well, I'm glad
you asked me that.
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00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,090
See, one time he
took a trip to India.
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Went up on the highest mountain,
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and spoke to the highest lama.
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He said, "You have to tell me.
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00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,664
I have to know, am
I going to heaven?"
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00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,632
The lama said,
"Well, Mr. Kotter.
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I shall check and see. I
let you know tomorrow."
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00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,938
Goes to the hotel,
comes back the next day.
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00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:29,873
He said, "Did you find
out? Did you find out?"
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He says, "Mr. Kotter, I
have good news for you,
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00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,343
"and I have bad news for you.
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00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:37,780
"The good news is yes,
you are going to heaven.
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The bad news is,
you leave Thursday."
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00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:45,188
Welcome Back,
Kotter is recorded live
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00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,923
before a studio audience.
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00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,733
♪ Welcome back ♪
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00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:01,438
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
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00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,472
♪ Welcome back ♪
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00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:08,478
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
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00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,547
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
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00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,716
♪ Since you hung around ♪
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00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,917
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
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00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,320
♪ And they've turned around ♪
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♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
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♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
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♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
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♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
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♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
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♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
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♪ Welcome back ♪
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00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,037
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
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♪ Welcome back ♪
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Good morning!
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Okay.
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Your assignment for today
was to write a composition on:
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00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,066
"What I Want to Be."
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00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,834
Which I'm sure you've all done.
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00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,002
So let's get right into it.
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00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,892
Mr. Barbarino.
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"What I Want To Be,
"by Vinnie Barbarino.
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"I want to be a guy who
never writes compositions.
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The end."
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You gonna be a guy that
never gets outta high school.
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Sit down.
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00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,694
Freddie, let's hear yours.
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00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:54,239
"What I Want To Be, by Frederick
'Boom Boom' Washington."
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Hi there.
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00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,924
See, like, I ain't decided
what I wanna be yet.
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00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,093
But whatever it's gonna be,
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00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:04,794
it's gonna be
something that pays well.
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00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,062
Something with, like, um...
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00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,131
With profit sharing and
good pension, you know,
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00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:11,234
with, uh, like, stock options,
um, three weeks paid vacation.
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00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,403
How about free hospitalization?
- All right.
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00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,271
And a secretary that
looks like Diana Ross.
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00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,472
Yeah!
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00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,074
And a suede sports coat.
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00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:21,912
You know, the kind with the
patches on the elbow. Yeah.
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00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:24,347
Uh, Freddie. If you find a
job like that, let me know,
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00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,150
because I'd like to apply too.
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00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,709
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
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00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,658
Now... Now, I may be wrong,
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00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,161
but somehow I get the feeling,
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00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:40,118
that Arnold wants to be next.
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00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,122
Right you are, Mr. Kotter.
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00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,537
You know how you was always
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00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,840
talking about
personal initiative?
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Well, instead of "What
Do I Want To Be,"
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I have titled my composition:
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00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,970
"What Do I Want?"
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00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,245
Ahem.
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00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,281
"Dear Santa,
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00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,232
"I know it is your off-season,
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00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,924
"but I want a G.I.Joe...
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00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,207
and a Barbie doll to
keep him company."
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00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:28,966
You know, when... When he
comes home on leave, you know.
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00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,316
"And if it isn't
too much trouble,
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00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,285
"I'd like to be taller.
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00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:40,445
But if not, please reconsider
my application for elf."
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00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,248
All right!
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Ho-ho-ho!
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00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,865
This is Santa, little boy.
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00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,233
I'm sorry but we had
to lay off a few elves.
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00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,135
It's been a lousy season.
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00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,504
The little guys had to
paint themselves green,
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00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:58,808
and become leprechauns.
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
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00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,432
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
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00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,038
Okay, now, Mr. Epste...
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00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,681
Barbarino, where's Epstein?
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00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,679
I ain't seen him.
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00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,560
You haven't seen him.
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00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,017
Where?
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00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,631
Anywhere.
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00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,021
Who?
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00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,202
Juan Epstein,
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00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,904
the Georgie Jessel of San Juan.
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00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,361
Georgie, who?
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00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,142
Georgie Jessel.
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00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,611
Vinnie Barbarino
was a wonderful boy,
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00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,880
before he fell down that day.
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00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,739
And let's hope that the
damaged part will grow back.
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00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,875
What?
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00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,256
All right, try and read my lips:
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00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,126
Where is Epstein?
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00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,394
There.
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00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,463
Where?
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00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,986
Here.
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00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,434
All right, Epstein. Come on.
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00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,003
Let's have it, so
we can get to work.
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00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,226
What?
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00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,341
One of your famous
notes that will read:
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00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,177
"Please excuse
Juan for being late.
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00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,678
"He was kidnapped by the jet set
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"and left tied up on a
lawn in Hyannisport.
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Signed...?"
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"Epstein's mother."
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00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,389
Yeah, well, I ain't got
no note, Mr. Kotter.
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00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,324
I was home because,
uh, Florence is sick,
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00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:24,027
and I had to take care of her.
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You had to take
care of somebody?
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00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,598
Epstein, since when
are you a doctor?
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You don't even
know how to play golf.
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00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,736
Yeah, but Florence
don't trust nobody but me.
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00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,571
That's why I had to
bring her to school.
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00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,907
Well, where is this sick person?
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00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,998
In the box.
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00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,303
You stuffed somebody in a box.
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00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,919
Yeah, you see,
uh, this is Florence.
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It's my pet hamster.
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00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,190
It's a rat! It's a rat!
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00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,659
Eek, eek, it's a rat! Oh!
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00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,062
Call the janitor! Get his broom!
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Back! Back! Back!
Back! Back! Back!
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00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,135
Arnold, it's... It's...
It's... It's not a rat.
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It's a hamster!
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00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,904
Oh.
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00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:13,598
Oh, Epstein, he
looks just like you.
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He's all hairy with
mean little eyes.
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Florence is a she.
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00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,586
Okay, come on, everybody.
Sit down. Come on, let's go.
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Hey, Juan, you never told me
you had this interest in hamsters.
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You never asked.
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00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,592
Hey, I got myself
some white mice,
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and... And... And a chicken
who escaped from a butcher shop,
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and was trying to
cross the Bay Parkway.
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00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,667
You know, your assignment today
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00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,302
was to write a composition
on "What I Want To Be."
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Have you ever
considered becoming a vet?
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00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:45,796
Oh, no. My brother
Sanchez was in the Army.
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00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:51,147
Didn't like it a bit.
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00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,715
No, I'm not talking
about a veteran.
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00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,016
I mean a veterinarian.
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00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,853
Oh yeah, my sister
is a veterinarian.
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00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,909
But I gotta have meat.
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00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,325
Not a vegetarian,
a veterinarian.
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00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,862
A person who takes
care of animals.
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00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,819
Like my mother.
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00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,603
I'm not talking about animals
like you and your brothers.
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I'm talking real animals.
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Cats, dogs, monkeys.
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00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,374
You think you can do that?
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00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,933
Me? Ah, come on.
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00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:24,547
I think you should
see Miss Helms,
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00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,182
the career guidance counselor.
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00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,585
My young man, she could
channel your interest in animals
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00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,020
into a worthwhile
and rewarding career.
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00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:34,990
I didn't know what
to do with my life.
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00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,392
A friend interested me
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00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,416
in the Columbia
School of Hamsters.
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00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,930
I think you too can
have a rewarding career
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00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:44,033
among our furry friends.
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The Columbia School of Hamsters
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00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,906
should not be confused with
the Columbia School of Rats.
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00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,663
See hablo hamster.
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00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:58,669
But can he get good
pay, in a short time?
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00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,919
I am serious, Epstein.
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00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,420
I think you should try for it.
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00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,923
Yeah, well, Dr. Epstein.
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00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,292
It's got a nice ring to it.
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00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,393
Yeah! All right, man!
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00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,700
Computer technology and
videocassette curriculum
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00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,402
can lead to a day in
which the one-to-one
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00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:23,372
educative confrontation as
we know it will be outmoded.
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00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,241
Now, let me understand
this, Miss Helms.
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00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:28,611
You mean that someday,
I'll be able to run this school,
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00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,512
and not have to
deal with students?
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00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:31,881
Absolutely.
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00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,184
Not on today's inefficient
face-to-face level.
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00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,953
Imagine that, Kotter.
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00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,443
A school with no students.
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00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,292
That would be heaven.
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00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,127
And the next step:
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00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,418
No teachers.
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00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,853
Everything will be electronic.
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00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,936
Good morning, boys and girls.
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00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,794
I am your Social Studies robot.
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00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,676
My name is Kotter B2-12.
202
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,968
Now everybody relax,
because nothing can go wrong.
203
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:08,651
Now, everybody take out your
homework... Homework... Homework,
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00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,821
Have you done your homework...?
Homework... Homework... Homework...
205
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,412
Just as I should expect:
206
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,649
A Kotter doll.
207
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,453
You wind it up and it
makes a fool of itself.
208
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,468
You have no feeling
for progress, Kotter.
209
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,137
If that's progress, Mr. Woodman,
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00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,873
I am going into my
uncle's deli business.
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00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:34,132
I never heard of anybody
trying to computerize a salami.
212
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,568
Computerized salami.
213
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,004
What did he call me?
214
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,519
Juan Epstein, I'd like
you to meet Miss Helms.
215
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,087
Miss Helms, this
is Juan Epstein.
216
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,822
Oh, how do you do, Miss Helms.
217
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,425
Hey, you know, the more I
think about this animal doctoring,
218
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,260
the better it sounds, you know?
219
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,029
Calling Dr. Epstein.
Calling Dr. Epstein.
220
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,533
Chihuahua having a
nervous breakdown.
221
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,358
Ostrich on a paranoid trip.
222
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:02,939
How's Florence?
223
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,774
Oh, you know, about the same.
224
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:09,145
All she does is roll over and
take a drink now and then.
225
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,346
Well, don't worry.
226
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,336
I go for whole
weekends like that.
227
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,553
Why don't we sit down. Yeah.
228
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:21,690
Mr. Epstein, ahem,
your subgradial GPA,
229
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,059
as shown on our
grafted SAT projections
230
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,485
place you in the anterior
range of our median curve.
231
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,357
What is she talking about?
232
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,440
Oh, well, she
said that your, uh...
233
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,664
She's trying to, uh...
234
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,081
What are you talking about?
235
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:48,818
This student falls
below the career level
236
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,619
for a career professional.
237
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,589
Um, lawyer, economist,
any sort of engineer.
238
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,891
More aptly, he should be
channeled toward employment
239
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,161
involving overly simple routine
240
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,796
within a highly
supervised environment.
241
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,664
Miss Helms, let's
make it overly simple.
242
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:05,401
Put it right on the table.
Can Juan be a veterinarian?
243
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,004
I think this student
should explore
244
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:12,463
the highly rewarding
field of manual labor.
245
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,014
Are you saying I can't be a vet?
246
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:20,817
Wait... EPSTEIN:
No, no, really, please.
247
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:24,187
Uh, hey, look, you know,
Mr. Kotter always tells us,
248
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,388
"Hey, you can be
whatever you wanna be."
249
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,757
Anything realistic.
250
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,659
Yeah, so I wanna be a
vet. A doctor for animals.
251
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,694
- Well, that's impossible.
- Why?
252
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:33,963
Well, it just isn't here.
253
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,765
But he's already got
all kinds of animals.
254
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:36,999
He takes care of them now.
255
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,701
That's what he came
to talk to you about.
256
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,670
Well, it's certainly
fortunate that he did.
257
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:43,839
Since to encourage him in
this direction, quite frankly,
258
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:46,642
could be harmful both to
Mr. Epstein and to his animals.
259
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:47,943
Harmful? Does it say...?
260
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,012
Does it say I'm harmful
here? Is that what you...?
261
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,315
Is she saying I'm gonna do
something bad to my animals?
262
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,283
I don't think she
understands the situation.
263
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,286
Let me have a few words
with her and I'll talk to you later.
264
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:01,057
Whew, that was a quick career.
265
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,914
Thanks a lot for
the bum ride, Kotter.
266
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,028
Juan.
267
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,052
Juan, come here.
268
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,335
You see, Mr. Kotter,
this is a good example
269
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,971
of why the personal interface
method should be replaced.
270
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:19,174
Many times, the subject
feels confused, threatened...
271
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:21,276
You're the one that
confused and threatened him.
272
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,145
You were supposed to
counsel him. Help him.
273
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,414
All you did was throw hopes
and dreams out the window.
274
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,617
Mr. Epstein just doesn't
have the numbers.
275
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,686
I have no other answer for him.
276
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,977
Yeah, well, I have an
answer for you, lady:
277
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:37,015
Up your nose with
your computer hose.
278
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:44,166
And twice as far
with a chocolate bar.
279
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,873
Gabe, would you calm down.
280
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:51,974
How can I calm down?
281
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,776
Those kids will
never trust me again.
282
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,378
I mean, after what
that woman said to him.
283
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,848
I'm sorry, Mr. Epstein, but
your framestan is forbungeon
284
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,649
and your claven has
just hit your grammars
285
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,986
so therefore your future
has just been cancelled.
286
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,288
I mean, if someone would
have said that to me in school,
287
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,857
I would never have
become a teacher.
288
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,458
I'd probably be
a dance instructor
289
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,849
at Leilani Shapiro's
Dance Palace.
290
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,731
Ah, Madame Shuganov,
291
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,067
how beautiful you
look this evening.
292
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,735
You are simply delightful
293
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,905
for a 76-year-old
woman with no teeth.
294
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,072
Ha-ha.
295
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,408
How would you like...?
296
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,010
Were you expecting somebody?
297
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,333
No. Oh.
298
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,483
Ew. Arnold, what is that?
299
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,174
Truman Capote.
300
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,945
Epstein says take
good care of him.
301
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:44,993
Uh...
302
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:46,662
Epstein says you
should take good care
303
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,597
of his little mouseketeers.
304
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:52,790
There's Jimmy, Darlene,
Cubby and Annette.
305
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,762
Um, Annette's the
one with the good build.
306
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:03,145
Here, Epstein wants you to
take care of Wally, Lumpy,
307
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:07,672
Eddie Haskell, and of course
Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
308
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:14,945
This is, uh, Harpo,
and that's John Boy.
309
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,262
And Florence you met already.
310
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:22,431
Okay, okay. Now, what's
going on here, huh?
311
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,634
Ringling Brothers had a
going-out-of business sale?
312
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,502
Well, thanks to you
and that computer lady,
313
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,939
Juan don't think he can
take care of them anymore.
314
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,740
Juan, you can't leave
these animals here.
315
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,542
Especially Florence. She's sick.
316
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,878
Oh, you heard
that computer lady.
317
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:40,037
My subgradial took a nosedive
into the curve of my posterior.
318
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:46,622
Besides, Florence will be
a lot better off without me.
319
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,958
They all will.
320
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,527
Hey, can I have some time
alone with my little friends, guys?
321
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,994
Sure, sure, Juan. Okay.
322
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:54,851
See you later.
323
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,501
Now is the time to say goodbye,
324
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,827
to all my company.
325
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,465
Goodbye, Harpo.
326
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,871
Good night, John Boy.
327
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,879
Take care of them like they
was your own, Mr. Kotter.
328
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,715
'Cause they are.
329
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,487
Well, I guess, there's
gonna be 13 more for dinner.
330
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,141
Oh, boy.
331
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,009
What a night.
332
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,945
Those white mice didn't
stop screaming all night.
333
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,949
And that other
hamster on that wheel,
334
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,085
it was just some
Japanese monster movie.
335
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,587
The Hamster Who Ate Brooklyn.
336
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,392
Honey, you better
take a look at Florence.
337
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,627
She looks worse
than she did last night.
338
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,862
And last night
she looked terrible.
339
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:02,431
Wow, she really looks bad.
340
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,499
I know.
341
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,701
I better call Epstein. Okay.
342
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,270
I'm gonna call the only person
that can help you Florence:
343
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,860
Dr. Juan.
344
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,012
Epstein. It's Gabe...
Uh, Mr. Kotter.
345
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,048
Look, Florence, uh,
doesn't look so good.
346
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,717
Well, she's rolled
over on one side,
347
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,520
and she's breathing very heavy.
348
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,443
Well, it sounds like, uh:
349
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,895
Anybody walked in now,
they'd think I'm making
350
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,897
an obscene phone
call to the Bronx Zoo.
351
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:39,001
What? A cold compress
on her forehead?
352
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:42,159
Epstein, she has a tiny little
forehead all covered with hair.
353
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,808
Oh, she just rolled over again.
354
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:48,377
She's what?
355
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,946
Okay, look, I'll meet you at
school in 10 minutes, all right?
356
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,081
Okay, be there. Right.
Get everybody. All right.
357
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,083
What?
358
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,885
Florence is gonna
have a baby. Oh!
359
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,353
Looks like she's been doing more
360
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,897
than running around
that exercise wheel.
361
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,152
Bye.
362
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,172
Come on, let's go. Now, come on.
363
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:19,675
All right, hold on Florence.
We'll get you there.
364
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,710
Hold on, Florence.
365
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,612
We're having an operation!
366
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,714
Take her. Take her. Get
ready for the operation.
367
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,683
All right, all right. I'm
gonna get hot water.
368
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,585
I'm going to the cafeteria.
369
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,819
Do we need anything else?
370
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,921
Yeah. Bring me back a BLT.
371
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,423
BLT. Hold the mayo.
372
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,757
Hold the mayo.
373
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,527
- A prune Danish.
- Prune Danish.
374
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:39,995
A submarine sandwich.
375
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,231
Submarine sandwich.
Okay, BLT, hold the mayo.
376
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,333
Submarine sandwich
and a prune Danish, right?
377
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,169
But if they don't got
prune, cheese is okay too.
378
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,772
Okay, if they don't
got prune, cheese is...
379
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:50,995
I'll get the hot water.
380
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,744
Quick! Quick! Clear
the desk! Clear the desk!
381
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,213
Bring the patient over here!
Bring the patient over here!
382
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,082
It's time. Surgical instruments.
383
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,618
Surgical instruments!
Surgical instruments.
384
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,986
Syringe. Syringe.
385
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,887
Thermometer. Thermometer.
386
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,871
Soldering iron. Solder...
387
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:10,926
What are we gonna
do with a soldering iron?
388
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,484
Well, you see I figured it
was a lot faster than stitches.
389
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,765
Okay, okay. Mask. Mask.
390
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,689
Mask, mask, mask.
391
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,604
Lights, lights, lights, lights.
392
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,306
Okay, okay. Sponge.
393
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,674
Wipe, wipe.
394
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:29,099
I'm wiping as fast as I can.
395
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:33,036
You want faster,
call Marcus Welby.
396
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,751
Okay, okay, okay.
397
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,944
Florence, you got BlueCross?
398
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,625
All right, would
you sign right here?
399
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,595
Come on! Come on!
She... She can't sign that.
400
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,029
I'm sorry.
401
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:52,300
We cannot operate if she
doesn't sign this thing here.
402
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,902
Come on. Vital
signs. Vital signs.
403
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,704
All right. Heartbeat?
404
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:56,971
Normal.
405
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:58,574
Breathing.
406
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,641
Yes.
407
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:00,942
Yes.
408
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,844
Well, from here on,
it's up to Florence.
409
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,446
All we can do is
make her comfortable.
410
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:05,848
Uh, Dr. Horshack. Huh?
411
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,517
Tear up some paper and put it in
there and make her comfortable.
412
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,084
Certainly. Dr. Washington.
413
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,554
Get the lamp. Get it in there.
Let's get some heat in there.
414
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,018
All right, I'll plug it in.
415
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:19,328
Gentlemen, I've done what I can.
416
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,218
Now all we can do
417
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,755
is wait.
418
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,972
I never attend
classes in person.
419
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,640
They're filled with students.
Well, it's about time you did.
420
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:35,010
It's important that you see
what's going on in my class.
421
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,578
Help. He's taking
me in with people.
422
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:37,580
In there, Helms.
423
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,014
How's it going Juan?
424
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,350
Here's your hot water.
Oh, pretty good, Mr. Kotter.
425
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,152
Look, you see? She's
already had one baby,
426
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:44,920
she's about to have
another. Take a look.
427
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,588
Huh, isn't that terrific, Helms?
428
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,045
That's rea...
429
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,882
Oh, boy.
430
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,497
You better sit down.
You don't look too hot.
431
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,454
Oh, boy.
432
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:03,427
Isn't that great the way
she can do that, Mr. Kotter?
433
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,964
What'll they think of next?
434
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,670
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
435
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:17,207
All I want to know
is, who is the father?
436
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,144
I think it's John Boy.
437
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,482
He is not as
innocent as he looks.
438
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:30,231
Hey, man, that don't
look like no hamsters.
439
00:21:30,255 --> 00:21:32,695
Look more like prunes with hair.
440
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:34,837
Am I to understand
441
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:38,307
that you supervised
this whole process?
442
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,476
Affirmative.
443
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,077
I supervised the delivery,
444
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:46,181
and, uh, John Boy
supervised everything else.
445
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,883
Yeah, you see in a
couple of minutes now,
446
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,819
she's gonna start
feeding them by herself.
447
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,587
Uh, this is amazing.
448
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,490
I mean, it... It's
really remarkable.
449
00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:58,159
Well, you know what I think
would be terrific, Miss Helms?
450
00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:00,128
I think it would be just
great if you scheduled
451
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,397
another counseling
session with Mr. Epstein.
452
00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:04,266
Uh, well, um...
453
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:07,469
And this is not to admit that I
was wrong, you understand.
454
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:10,572
But I have been known
to reprogram my mind.
455
00:22:10,596 --> 00:22:12,007
Hey, look. That's okay.
456
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:15,243
But next time we get together,
you gotta talk English, see?
457
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:18,847
Because, like, uh, hey, I
don't understand computer.
458
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:21,416
I'll try, Dr. Epstein.
459
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,441
Oh, hey, Mr. Kotter,
this is for you.
460
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,450
A bubble gum cigar. Yeah.
461
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,391
They're very
difficult to keep lit.
462
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:30,959
Yeah, well,
463
00:22:30,983 --> 00:22:32,761
it's a little present
from me and Florence
464
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:35,418
and little Gabe and Julie.
465
00:22:38,424 --> 00:22:39,924
Little Gabe and Julie, huh?
466
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,026
Aw.
467
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,007
Which one is, uh, Gabe?
468
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,551
The one with the moustache.
469
00:22:49,635 --> 00:22:51,713
So Julie is the little
skinny one over there, huh?
470
00:22:51,737 --> 00:22:53,371
Yeah.
471
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,521
Hi, Julie.
472
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,756
Hey, Julie, did I ever tell
you about my Uncle Max?
473
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,358
Well, he was 64 years old,
474
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,594
and he decided to
marry a 28-year-old girl...
475
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,435
Julie, did I tell ever you
about my Uncle Max?
476
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:16,705
He was 64 years old. He
married a 28-year-old girl.
477
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:18,406
No.
478
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,709
Why don't you tell me about it?
479
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:23,612
Oh, I would be delighted to.
480
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:25,414
Good. You see, Uncle Max was 64,
481
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:27,382
and he wanted to marry
this 28-year-old girl.
482
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,784
I called him on
the phone. I said:
483
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:30,485
"Uncle Max, you
cannot marry that girl.
484
00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,087
"At her age you'd
have to take her out,
485
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:33,755
"you're gonna have
to make love to her.
486
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:36,325
At your age that
could be fatal."
487
00:23:36,349 --> 00:23:39,761
He said: "Listen, if
she dies, she dies."
488
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:56,278
♪ Welcome back ♪
489
00:23:56,302 --> 00:24:00,048
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
490
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,317
♪ Welcome back ♪
491
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:07,122
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
492
00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:09,358
♪ Well the names
Have all changed ♪
493
00:24:09,382 --> 00:24:11,460
♪ Since you hung around ♪
494
00:24:11,484 --> 00:24:14,129
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
495
00:24:14,153 --> 00:24:16,097
♪ And they've turned around ♪
496
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,066
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
497
00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:19,901
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
498
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:22,137
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
499
00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,306
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
500
00:24:24,330 --> 00:24:26,108
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
501
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,409
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
502
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:30,578
♪ Welcome back ♪
503
00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:32,814
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
504
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,950
♪ Welcome back ♪
505
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:37,252
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
506
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:39,988
♪ Welcome back ♪
507
00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:43,892
♪ We always could
Spot a friend ♪
508
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:46,094
♪ Welcome back ♪
509
00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:50,766
♪ And I smile when I think
How you must've been ♪
510
00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:55,003
♪ And I know what a
scene You were learnin' in ♪
511
00:24:55,027 --> 00:24:59,407
♪ Was there something that
Made you come back again? ♪
512
00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:01,809
♪ And what could ever lead ya ♪
513
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:03,412
♪ What could Ever lead ya ♪
514
00:25:03,436 --> 00:25:05,480
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
515
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,515
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
516
00:25:07,539 --> 00:25:09,039
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
35850
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