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1
00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:23,907
LUDICRUS: Take it outside. It's no use
in here. Go on, take it outside.
2
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:25,550
All right, master.
All right. All right.
3
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:27,424
What shall I do with it now?
4
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:30,064
Well, shove it up, of course.
5
00:00:31,270 --> 00:00:33,181
Well, that's a good start, isn't it?
6
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,868
I must say, you could have phrased it
more delicately. All right.
7
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:39,868
I'll put it here, then.
All right. There. There we are.
8
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:42,305
Can you see it all right?
Is it all right? There.
9
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:43,505
(STAMMERING) Eh?
10
00:00:43,790 --> 00:00:46,006
Well, it's in Greek. What do
you think it is? It's in Greek.
11
00:00:46,030 --> 00:00:47,670
Adds a little bit of culture to the show.
12
00:00:48,190 --> 00:00:50,260
All right, I'll translate it for you, see?
13
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,864
Now, "pro venditio."
14
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:55,103
That's "for sale," you see?
15
00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:56,384
"Luxury villa."
16
00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:58,262
"Three reception rooms."
17
00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:00,501
"Four bedrusums." Here, four...
18
00:01:00,630 --> 00:01:02,700
"Omnia moderna boggia."
19
00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:08,664
That means, "All mod cons".
20
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:12,406
You've guessed it, haven't you?
You've guessed it.
21
00:01:12,430 --> 00:01:16,025
Yes, we're leaving this old home of ours.
We're leaving this old place.
22
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:19,546
The place where we spent so many
happy, carefree years.
23
00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:22,588
Yes, we're leaving and
going to live elsewhere.
24
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,860
It's what is known as a moving story.
25
00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:26,821
A moving story!
26
00:01:26,910 --> 00:01:28,548
Come on, now. Come on.
27
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,621
There's one there, now. There's one there.
28
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:32,944
Now, buck yourselves up.
29
00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:35,146
No, as a matter of fact,
it's rather sad, really.
30
00:01:35,230 --> 00:01:39,303
'Cause my master, my master
has lost his seat in the Senate.
31
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,104
Well, I say he's lost it...
No, no. Don't laugh. No.
32
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:44,545
He didn't lose it, actually,
he wore it out.
33
00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:47,940
Because... No, he was never off it.
They used to call him...
34
00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:50,021
They used to call him Old Slumber Bottom.
35
00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:53,662
You see. And of course
we're all moving to Rome.
36
00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:54,984
Bag and baggage.
37
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:57,260
His wife and daughter
are going as well.
38
00:01:57,990 --> 00:02:00,424
'Cause the mistress...
Like, my mistress,
39
00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:03,422
she's going on ahead today
to find a new house in Rome.
40
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,139
Because when it comes to doing things like
that, she's always the one who does it.
41
00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:12,378
And... Well, she's known around here. She's known
around here as the woman who always does it.
42
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:15,701
Anyway. Let's get on with it now,
shall we? A little culture. Right.
43
00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:18,304
Let us commence. The prologue.
44
00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:21,262
It came to pass...
45
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:25,263
Now, our story today
concerns Pyramus and Thisbe.
46
00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:27,181
Pyramus and Thisbe.
47
00:02:27,270 --> 00:02:30,626
Now, Pyramus and Thisbe were young lovers.
48
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,664
And they were separated by their parents.
49
00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:37,425
Yeah. And it's a very tragic story.
Oh, it's ever-so tragic.
50
00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:40,547
Now, they lived in adjoining houses.
51
00:02:40,670 --> 00:02:43,582
And they used to talk to each other
through a chink.
52
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:44,950
Now.
53
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:50,622
But unfortunately this chink couldn't
speak a word of their language, now.
54
00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:54,024
You can see why it was
so tragic, you see?
55
00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:56,499
So tragic.
Anyway, it came to pass...
56
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:57,625
AMMONIA: Lurcio!
57
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,543
Oh, excuse me.
The mistress'll be leaving now.
58
00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:01,858
I'll be back. Won't be long.
59
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:04,783
Well, really, there's no need
for you all to come.
60
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:08,021
Nonsense, my dear,
we're dying to see the back of you.
61
00:03:08,110 --> 00:03:09,668
As you go away.
62
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,866
- There we are.
- Oh, yes.
63
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,908
Well, farewell, Lurcio.
64
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,901
Farewell, mistress,
for the time being.
65
00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:17,350
Oh.
66
00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:22,700
Oh, Lurcio, I seem to have lost my purse.
Would you get it for me?
67
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:26,140
Yes, mistress. It's probably one of
the ones you took off this morning.
68
00:03:26,230 --> 00:03:27,379
Yes.
69
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:31,147
You didn't tell him.
70
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:33,221
I can't. It's so difficult.
71
00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:35,261
- Oh, Daddy.
- Tell him what?
72
00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:37,739
Lurcio's not coming with us.
73
00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,548
They're going to sell him.
74
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,502
Pater, how could you?
75
00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:44,980
Well, I can't help it.
It's so much more expensive in Rome.
76
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,425
And we need the money
for the new house.
77
00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:49,705
Well, you must tell him.
It's only fair.
78
00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:53,146
Yes, but he's been with us
such a long while.
79
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:57,821
And that face looking at me
like a tired, old camel.
80
00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:01,421
Oh, really. You're a sentimental fool.
81
00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:02,943
I suppose I shall have to tell him.
82
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,701
Oh, mistress, I couldn't find it.
83
00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,018
- The purse.
- But... Oh.
84
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,021
Oh, it was there all along.
85
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,384
Ah, well, of course.
86
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:13,110
It's easy to get lost
among that lot, isn't it?
87
00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:17,227
- Yes. Now, Lurcio, I want to have a talk with you.
- Yes, mistress.
88
00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:18,310
Yes.
89
00:04:19,310 --> 00:04:21,665
- Well, now, the fact is...
- Yes?
90
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,144
(SOBBING)
91
00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:28,866
Farewell, dear, dear, Lurcio.
92
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:31,590
Oh!
93
00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:34,224
Oh!
94
00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:37,183
Oh!
95
00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:41,384
Even my best friends won't tell me.
96
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,508
Goodbye, mistress.
97
00:04:45,590 --> 00:04:48,263
Goodbye. Have a nice time.
98
00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:50,625
Try not to do anything
the Romans would do.
99
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,268
Keep your hands on your drachmas.
100
00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:57,779
Bye, have a nice time.
101
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,383
- Hey, you!
- Me?
102
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:02,507
Stop all this bawling and shouting
out here. I'm trying to rest.
103
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:05,502
I see. May I ask if you're addressing me?
104
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:08,058
Well, I am not talking to myself, am I?
105
00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:11,381
Oh, it's a pity.
You might have a larger audience.
106
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,021
Especially in the upper circle.
107
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:20,586
Don't give me any of your impertinence,
you... You underling!
108
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:21,819
Underling!
109
00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:23,926
I've had enough trouble with you
ever since I came here.
110
00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:26,510
Sitting outside my door
all day long, yapping...
111
00:05:26,590 --> 00:05:28,546
- Yapping!
- silly prologues.
112
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:30,606
- Prologues!
- It'll be a good thing when you've all gone.
113
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,461
Good riddance, say I.
114
00:05:32,550 --> 00:05:34,780
Well, all right, don't get
your tassel in a twist.
115
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:38,664
Oh, common as muck. Common as muck.
116
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:42,023
She doesn't lower the tone of
the neighbourhood, she flattens it.
117
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:45,024
Never mind. Let's get on with our
culture, shall we? Our culture.
118
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:46,225
Of course.
119
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,310
(EXCLAIMING)
120
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:50,422
This bench is so cold. Never mind.
121
00:05:50,590 --> 00:05:51,590
Now.
122
00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,065
The prologue. It came to pass...
123
00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:56,505
APHRODITE: Stop that twaddle
or you'll be sorry!
124
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,705
Oh, shut your mouth.
125
00:05:57,830 --> 00:06:00,708
Now... Ignore her, ignore her. Now.
126
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:02,749
Pyramus and Thisbe.
127
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,741
It came to pass...
128
00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:07,469
- APHRODITE: Right!
- It came to...
129
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,344
Oh, she...
130
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:15,869
Did you see that?
131
00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:19,544
She threw... She threw
a bowl of water over me.
132
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,263
It was a bowl, wasn't it?
133
00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,502
It didn't have a handle on it, did it?
134
00:06:25,710 --> 00:06:29,100
Woe, woe and thrice woe!
135
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,307
Yeah, you can say that again, girl.
136
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:33,142
Woe, woe and thrice...
137
00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:36,779
No, dear, I didn't say... I said you can
say it. I didn't say you must say it.
138
00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,986
- Beware! Beware!
- Uhh...
139
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:42,144
Now, this...
This is Senna the soothsayer.
140
00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:45,779
Our local sex...
Our local sex symbol.
141
00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:50,059
You know, when you bang
two cymbals together.
142
00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:51,418
Well, this is the result.
143
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:54,702
- Take heed, slave.
- Take heed?
144
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,388
The gods have sent me a message.
145
00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,779
- A message?
- While I was lying on my palliasse.
146
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:05,308
Look, never mind
the anatomical details, dear.
147
00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,823
Give us the message.
148
00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:09,510
- I am to read your future.
- My future?
149
00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:10,989
Let me feel your bumps.
150
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,188
- Pardon?
- I want to feel your bumps.
151
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,465
Isn't she naughty?
She's wicked, you know.
152
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:24,105
How would you like it
if I wanted to feel yours?
153
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:26,259
Even if you had any.
154
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:30,349
Ah, yes, here is your bump of direction.
155
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,467
You're wrong, you know. That's where
I banged my head on the cistern, there.
156
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:36,829
- I see a journey ahead.
- I could have told you that.
157
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:40,227
I see nothing but dirt and squalor.
Muck and mire!
158
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:43,188
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Good gracious. Only a bit of dandruff.
159
00:07:44,270 --> 00:07:46,465
Oh, don't show me up.
She makes it worse than it is.
160
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,940
- Oh, woe, woe and thrice woe!
- Oh, dear.
161
00:07:50,110 --> 00:07:52,385
Oh, she's a miserable old bag.
She really is.
162
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:55,223
She puts the mockers on you.
I wish someone would bump her off.
163
00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,778
Oh, never mind.
Let's get on with it now.
164
00:07:57,870 --> 00:08:00,020
Now, the prologue. It came to pass...
165
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:02,590
(SOBBING) Oh!
166
00:08:03,470 --> 00:08:05,108
Oh!
167
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:07,505
(WHIMPERING)
168
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,468
What the devil's the matter with them?
169
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:13,302
They look as miserable as sin.
170
00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:16,742
As the inhabitants of Poland say,
171
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,979
Jerry-faced.
172
00:08:20,990 --> 00:08:22,981
Master, master. Young master.
173
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:24,945
Tell me something.
174
00:08:25,190 --> 00:08:27,658
Do you know what all this is about?
175
00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:29,868
- Yes, Lurcio.
- What?
176
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:32,180
- It's about someone very dear to me.
- Pardon?
177
00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,346
It's about someone very dear to me.
178
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:38,423
Oh, he's fallen in love again.
Isn't that sweet?
179
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:41,547
- Who is it, young master?
- It's you, Lurcio.
180
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:46,218
Oh, young master, you're wrong.
That's not love.
181
00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:49,064
That's just hero worship, that's all.
182
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,150
Well, it is.
183
00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:55,460
No, don't laugh. I get hundreds of letters...
Hundreds of letters begging for a lock of my hair.
184
00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:58,460
In fact, one even asked for my scalp.
185
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,787
- Now...
- Lurcio, I might not see you again.
186
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,826
- Oh?
- And I want you to have this.
187
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,982
Oh, isn't that sweet.
He's written an ode for me. Oh!
188
00:09:07,070 --> 00:09:08,264
I'm touched.
189
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:13,264
"Ode to Lurcio."
190
00:09:14,110 --> 00:09:16,863
Good. "He's tended me and cherished me
191
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:18,463
Since I was young and spotty
192
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,786
He's picked me up and sat me down
193
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,628
And wiped my little...
194
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,261
handy-pandies"
195
00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:28,463
I couldn't think of a rhyme there.
196
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:29,665
Why not grotty?
197
00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:32,384
Oh, no, no. You haven't got
a grotty to wipe, have you? No.
198
00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:34,062
- Keep it, Lurcio.
- Keep it?
199
00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:36,710
And every time you read it, remember me.
200
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,098
(CRYING)
201
00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:41,148
This is worse than East Lynne, isn't it?
202
00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:44,180
Anyone would think I was leaving them,
by the way...
203
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,190
Oh, no.
204
00:09:46,790 --> 00:09:48,326
Oh, no. They wouldn't be
selling me, would they?
205
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:51,148
No, they wouldn't be going to Rome
and... And leaving me behind.
206
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:55,826
Oh, no, surely, after all, if they left me
behind, surely they'd take the rest of me.
207
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,628
No, no. No, no. That's ridiculous.
No, the thought's ridiculous.
208
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:03,423
They'd be helpless without their
little Lurcio, wouldn't they?
209
00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:06,063
Silly, little Lurcio.
210
00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,141
HERMES: Hello!
211
00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:11,505
I hear a voice.
212
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,627
HERMES: Hello!
213
00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:16,463
(IN BARITONE) It is the postman.
Excuse me.
214
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,862
Oh!
215
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:24,458
- HERMES: I'm up here!
- So, I see.
216
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,268
Yeah, what do you want?
217
00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:31,309
Now, this...
This is Hermes, the messenger.
218
00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:33,546
They tell me a bit of a flighty piece.
219
00:10:33,670 --> 00:10:34,989
Oh, flighty piece.
220
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,023
Oh, please yourselves.
221
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:41,024
Is this the house of Ludicrus Sextus?
222
00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:43,180
It certainly is.
223
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,460
Is that Lurcio?
224
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,541
It is me speaking.
225
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,349
I am calling you.
226
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,109
(SINGING)
227
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,540
♪ Will you answer true ♪
228
00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:59,302
What do you mean, "Tiny Tim"?
229
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,626
HERMES: Coming down!
230
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:05,268
Well, pull 'em up!
231
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:09,858
I saw your knickers.
232
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:13,468
That's a nice three-point landing.
233
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:16,383
I have a special delivery
for Senator Ludicrus.
234
00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:19,526
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh, it's very nice.
Thank you very much. Shall I take it?
235
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:20,646
- Yes, please do.
- Thank you so much.
236
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:22,230
- That's all right.
- Oh, well, excuse me.
237
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,743
Let me loosen something.
238
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:26,944
This is making me short-sighted,
this conversation.
239
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:29,806
- Will you sign on the dotted line, please?
- (IN BARITONE) Yes.
240
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:31,582
Oh, that's me. It's more me.
241
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:34,225
Yes, I'll sign. Down here.
242
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,584
- Lurcio. There we are.
- Right.
243
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:37,661
Thank you very much. I'll away now.
244
00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:40,702
Oh, you can't can you?
245
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:42,587
You've forgotten your propelling pencil.
246
00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:43,785
Propelling pencil.
247
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:47,707
No. No, no.
248
00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:51,181
What a triumph we are having tonight.
249
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:55,865
I'll away now.
So, up, up and away. Bye-bye.
250
00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:57,861
Bye-bye.
251
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:00,821
Next week, Mary Poppins.
252
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,618
Oh, what a shame. All that fuss.
253
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:06,781
Hello. It's a bill.
254
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,668
It's a bill for the... Oh, fancy.
255
00:12:08,790 --> 00:12:10,906
Bringing the bill to the master this time.
256
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,668
When he's so hard up. A bill.
257
00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:14,900
What if I could settle it for him?
258
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:16,504
How much is it for?
259
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,704
From the Nefarius Slave Boutique.
260
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:21,464
"Dear Sir,
261
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,667
this is to confirm our offer
of 150 drachmas..."
262
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,702
Oh, they're giving him
some money. Good.
263
00:12:26,790 --> 00:12:30,100
"150 drachmas for your slave,
Lurcio." For your?
264
00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:32,462
For your slave!
265
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:33,824
Oh, they're selling me.
266
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:35,502
They're selling me. They can't.
267
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:39,066
Cast out in this cruel world.
After all these years of service.
268
00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:43,219
Oh, dear. After working
my fingers to the bone.
269
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:44,709
Oh, God!
270
00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:48,669
Oh, I... I'm being bartered out of hand.
271
00:12:49,790 --> 00:12:52,543
Oh, surely I deserve
a barter fate than this.
272
00:12:53,150 --> 00:12:54,663
No, don't. Don't.
273
00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:56,786
It's wicked to mock
the afflicted. Oh, no.
274
00:12:56,870 --> 00:12:59,225
Oh, ye gods, forsake me not.
275
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:01,301
Ye gods, forsake me not.
276
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,782
Do not leave your helpless slave.
Do not leave me.
277
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:09,144
Send down blessings on this helpless slave.
278
00:13:14,310 --> 00:13:16,141
Ah, you miserable cow.
279
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,818
To think I've sunk to this.
280
00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:30,185
This week's bargain in
a serf-service store.
281
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:34,022
Oh, well. Never mind.
282
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:35,828
Look, 195 drachmas.
283
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:38,663
Look at her. 1,995 drachmas.
284
00:13:39,390 --> 00:13:41,426
After all, what's she got I haven't got?
285
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:44,107
Well, apart from a couple of things.
286
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:48,340
To be reduced to this hob-nobbing
with riffraff like this.
287
00:13:48,430 --> 00:13:50,182
- Get out of here.
- No, no. No, no.
288
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:52,686
No, mistress. Please, please, I beg you.
Please, let me sleep.
289
00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:55,668
No, I can't stand any more.
No, I've had enough. I've had enough.
290
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,503
I'm at the end of my tether now.
I'm at the end of my tether.
291
00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:01,066
You're not having mine. Now, get away.
292
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:03,818
The end of mine is...
293
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,470
Well, this pinny was clean on,
today. Look at this.
294
00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:08,626
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
295
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:09,904
Oh, I got carried away.
296
00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:12,299
No, you weren't carried
far enough, were you?
297
00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:13,539
Now, what?
298
00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:15,303
- What's your name, mate?
- Lurcio.
299
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:17,506
Oh. I'm Verminus.
300
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,182
Yes, so I've noticed.
301
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:23,426
And one of them's rubbed off on me, too.
Excuse me.
302
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:25,421
Oh, you shouldn't have done that.
303
00:14:25,510 --> 00:14:27,865
That's... That's one of my
little friends, Claudius.
304
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,542
He's... He's one of my roommates.
305
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,586
Is he? Well, he's a flatmate, now.
306
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:36,390
- Still.
- What?
307
00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:38,461
I won't need him now
I've got you, will I?
308
00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:40,188
That's nice, isn't it?
309
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:41,589
A substitute for a louse.
310
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,023
You think I'm mad, don't you?
311
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:47,985
"Think"? My dear little chappy,
I'm bloody sure of it.
312
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:51,126
Well, if you've been through
what I've been through, mate,
313
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,583
oh, I can't tell you...
314
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,980
Please. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
315
00:14:55,070 --> 00:14:56,298
Now, for goodness' sake.
316
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,858
Now, look. Calm, now. Tell me.
317
00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:02,702
Six months ago I was sold
to a rich widow.
318
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:04,269
- A rich widow?
- Rich widow.
319
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:06,147
And you can guess what for, can't you?
320
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:08,346
Yeah, about seven drachmas,
I should think.
321
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,542
No, no, no, I mean for what purpose.
322
00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:12,326
- What purpose?
- Yeah, well, I'll tell you.
323
00:15:12,350 --> 00:15:15,262
- Yeah.
- To cater for her desires, that's what.
324
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:16,739
Really.
325
00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:20,459
It just goes to show, anyone can get
in the catering business, these days.
326
00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:24,459
Well, at first I thought,
oh, this is good, I thought.
327
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:28,020
(SOBBING) And, then, I can't tell you...
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
328
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,628
Night and day?
329
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,541
- Never stopped.
- What?
330
00:15:34,950 --> 00:15:37,510
- I thought you were complaining.
- Yeah, well, I am.
331
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:39,825
NEFARIUS: Not much for you today, madam.
332
00:15:39,910 --> 00:15:41,741
I'm afraid it's a rather bad time of year.
333
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,748
Oh, no. No, it's her.
334
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:46,219
- Oh, it's her. Oh, no.
- Oh, dear.
335
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:47,902
Oh, it's... Oh, it's... Ah!
336
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,787
It's her. Madam Night and Day.
Look at her.
337
00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:51,508
Yes, I'm quite in agreement with you.
338
00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:53,865
I can't think what's happened
to all the men.
339
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:55,623
(LAUGHING)
340
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,700
Oh, look, it's old camel face.
341
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,226
She does give me the hump,
she really does.
342
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,606
How much do you want
for this one, Nefarius?
343
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,846
Oh, I don't think he'd be much good
for what you want, madam.
344
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:09,259
No, madam, I wouldn't be very
much good for what you want.
345
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,626
In fact, I'm not very much good
for what I want.
346
00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:15,342
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
347
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:18,228
Precisely. Oh, yes, my pudding.
That's it, you see.
348
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,460
Well, it's not...
Well, it's there but it's soggy.
349
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,142
No, I mean... No!
350
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:23,585
I mean, no.
351
00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:26,503
My mother, poor soul.
My mother used to say it was the bun.
352
00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:28,308
It was the oven. No, the...
353
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,046
You see, it was the wrong club.
This pudding.
354
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:33,142
Yes, and she used too much suet,
as well, didn't she.
355
00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:34,982
You've hurt me, now. You've hurt me.
356
00:16:35,070 --> 00:16:36,822
I'll give you 100 drachma
for him, Nefarius.
357
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,946
- Er, what was that?
- 100 drachma.
358
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,966
But I could get more than that
for him in the auction.
359
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:43,823
- Take it or leave it.
- Leave it, leave it, she's having you on.
360
00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,980
Oh. I'll tell you what I'll do.
361
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,101
Have him for a couple
of days on approval.
362
00:16:48,190 --> 00:16:49,669
Then, if he's what you want,
363
00:16:49,790 --> 00:16:51,587
you can bid for him at the auction.
364
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:55,299
A very good idea. I'll try him out.
365
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:57,421
I'm sorry. I don't do auditions.
366
00:16:59,390 --> 00:17:01,301
Wrap him up, I'll take him with me.
367
00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:03,506
Oh, no. Please don't take me.
No, leave me here.
368
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:04,790
Oh, no. Don't take me. Please.
369
00:17:04,870 --> 00:17:06,366
- Don't take him, please.
- Don't let her take me.
370
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,606
- Don't let her take him.
- I'm too weak.
371
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,206
- I couldn't do it.
- He's so weak, he couldn't do it.
372
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,286
- Not night and day.
- Not night and day.
373
00:17:10,310 --> 00:17:12,086
- I'm too weak and helpless.
- He's too weak and helpless.
374
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,366
- I'm past my prime.
- Look at him. I mean, he's not strong enough.
375
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:16,426
(BOTH YELLING)
376
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:18,705
- He's my mate!
- Do you mind?
377
00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:22,501
He only started off with a small part.
Now he's co-starring.
378
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,547
Do you mind? I can fight
for me own honour.
379
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,666
Oh, good. Can I depend upon that?
380
00:17:28,270 --> 00:17:32,104
There's nothing I enjoy more
than a good fight.
381
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:35,020
I'll see you in the ring.
382
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:37,381
I'll be the one flat on the canvas.
383
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:42,508
Come along, now. Stop dawdling.
384
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:50,067
Oh, isn't it degrading?
385
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,106
She wouldn't even let me
stop at a lamppost.
386
00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:58,869
You won't try and run away,
will you, Lurcio?
387
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:01,910
From what I've heard, after a couple
of days here, I shan't be able to run.
388
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:05,865
Slaves who run away
389
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:09,347
or don't do what their
owners want them to
390
00:18:09,790 --> 00:18:11,621
- are flogged.
- Flogged?
391
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:13,348
- You understand.
- Yes, I understand.
392
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:15,944
Good.
393
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,023
Oh, she's at it already.
394
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:22,146
Come and show me exactly
what you can do.
395
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,828
Yes, mistress,
I shall be glad to oblige.
396
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:29,265
Now, if you'll just give me my pinny,
397
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:33,105
my broom and my dustpan, I'll be...
I'll start to work.
398
00:18:33,790 --> 00:18:35,906
Your pinny, your broom?
399
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,184
And my dustpan.
400
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:39,987
Ooh!
401
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,901
Very kinky.
402
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:44,943
What a funny woman.
403
00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:50,467
I'll just go and slip on something
more appropriate.
404
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:51,865
Yes.
405
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,581
Preferably a banana skin.
406
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:57,619
Oh, vulgar bag.
407
00:18:58,550 --> 00:18:59,665
Vulgar bag.
408
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:02,539
Oh, I'm not used to working
for vulgar people. I'm not.
409
00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:04,348
I'm not used to working
for vulgar people.
410
00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:06,905
Filthy, yes. But vulgar, no.
411
00:19:06,990 --> 00:19:08,469
Look at this room.
412
00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:12,338
What a taste. It looks like it's been furnished
from a hoopla store, doesn't it? Look at it.
413
00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:14,342
And it's... Oh, here!
414
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:17,139
Look at these pictures,
these frescos here.
415
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,308
Oh, dear. Come here, have a look.
416
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:20,983
No, no, no. Perhaps not.
417
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:22,926
You'll get agitated,
you won't be able to sleep.
418
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:25,589
Oh, dear. I'll describe them to you.
419
00:19:25,710 --> 00:19:26,984
Oh!
420
00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:29,140
Oh, there's sort of a couple...
421
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:31,142
This naked couple. Oh, dear!
422
00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:34,302
And they're sort of stooping down,
showing their indifference...
423
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:37,179
Yes, and it's...
424
00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:38,270
They're sort of...
425
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,670
Yes, that's right.
They're searching for conkers.
426
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:46,026
Mind you, he won't find it
where he's looking.
427
00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:50,668
Oh, this is worse. This is worse.
428
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:53,790
There's a group of people, sort of men
and women, they're all entwined, like.
429
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:56,780
They're sort of muddled up.
One, and...
430
00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:57,905
Yes...
431
00:19:57,990 --> 00:20:00,310
Well, they're not fighting.
I tell you... It's not a fight.
432
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:02,780
'Cause they're all smiling.
They're all smiling.
433
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,749
And in the centre there's this...
434
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:07,102
Good gracious, I know that face.
435
00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,825
Even if she is bending down
with her back towards me.
436
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:13,709
It's... It's my new mistress, Aphrodite.
437
00:20:13,790 --> 00:20:15,428
Mrs Night and Day.
438
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:16,704
And she's...
439
00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:20,180
She's... Oh, no wonder they're all smiling.
440
00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:23,499
Oh, I told you she was... Oh, dear.
441
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,501
What am I gonna do?
How should I protect meself?
442
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,383
Oh, dear. I need help.
443
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:28,903
I'm so young and innocent.
444
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:30,983
Eh? What?
445
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,500
That's a good idea. You're right.
446
00:20:33,590 --> 00:20:36,502
Appeal to her maternal instincts.
I wonder if it will work.
447
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:39,224
Appeal to her maternal instincts.
You are right.
448
00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:43,583
Because in every woman
there is a potential mother.
449
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:46,789
As my poor sister found out.
Oh, I was torn...
450
00:20:47,030 --> 00:20:48,748
No, you see, this Scoutmaster...
Excuse me.
451
00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:50,349
APHRODITE: Lurcio!
452
00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:51,749
Look out, here she is.
453
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:55,020
- I'm ready.
- Oh, dear.
454
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:58,229
- (LURCIO CRYING)
- Why, Lurcio, what is wrong?
455
00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,539
You're crying.
456
00:20:59,630 --> 00:21:02,861
(MUMBLING GIBBERISH)
457
00:21:02,950 --> 00:21:05,862
Oh, it's tears of joy.
Tears of happiness.
458
00:21:06,070 --> 00:21:08,106
Oh, it's so beautiful here.
459
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:12,229
This reminds me of my old home.
And you're so sweet to me.
460
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:13,902
Ahh...
461
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:15,139
Yes.
462
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:17,022
How kind.
463
00:21:17,430 --> 00:21:19,705
Do you really mean that?
464
00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,463
Yes. You remind me
of my dear, old mother.
465
00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:25,189
- What?
- Well, when she was young, of course.
466
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,786
Oh, I... I worshiped her.
467
00:21:27,990 --> 00:21:30,868
I can be much nicer to you
than your dear, old mother.
468
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:32,019
(YELLING)
469
00:21:32,110 --> 00:21:33,670
- What is it? What have I done?
- Oh, God!
470
00:21:34,030 --> 00:21:35,606
It's all right. I'll be
all right in a minute.
471
00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:37,905
It's where I...
It's my poorly place.
472
00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:39,059
Oh.
473
00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:42,620
It's... It's where I was savaged
by a man-eating donkey.
474
00:21:44,150 --> 00:21:46,823
- I'll be all right.
- Oh, dreadful. I'll try not to touch it again.
475
00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:48,059
(YELLING)
476
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,506
- It was in the barbaric wars.
- The barbaric wars.
477
00:21:50,590 --> 00:21:52,785
Yes, a spear went right into me.
478
00:21:52,870 --> 00:21:55,338
- Oh, no.
- It was all right. It came out the other side.
479
00:21:56,430 --> 00:21:58,261
It's all right, now.
Nothing left there now.
480
00:21:58,350 --> 00:21:59,624
Only the shaft, naturally.
481
00:21:59,710 --> 00:22:01,109
- Lie down.
- No, don't.
482
00:22:01,190 --> 00:22:03,101
- Don't touch me there.
- Oh, please, lie down.
483
00:22:03,190 --> 00:22:05,420
Ah! No, don't! Oh, no, please!
484
00:22:05,510 --> 00:22:07,978
Oh, no, don't.
It was in the siege of Troy.
485
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:09,509
I was crushed.
486
00:22:09,990 --> 00:22:11,423
You were crushed, where?
487
00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:12,909
In the catacombs.
488
00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:17,627
Oh, yeah, I was laid in hospital.
I had me leg up for a month like that,
489
00:22:17,710 --> 00:22:18,938
me leg in the air. All right!
490
00:22:19,030 --> 00:22:20,588
Oh, no thanks. No, don't.
491
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:21,989
Oh, no. Now I'm hurt.
492
00:22:22,070 --> 00:22:24,186
(BOTH YELLING)
493
00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:30,141
Oh, no. I'm beginning to think that Lurcio
is not very happy in there.
494
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,341
But, Pater, she's only
got him on approval.
495
00:22:32,470 --> 00:22:34,347
Couldn't we buy him back again
at the auction?
496
00:22:34,430 --> 00:22:36,421
Well, of course. But with what?
497
00:22:36,710 --> 00:22:39,543
- You tell him.
- We've got 1,100 drachmas.
498
00:22:39,630 --> 00:22:42,861
- What?
- We sold a silver tiara, a gold ankle bracelet
499
00:22:42,950 --> 00:22:44,019
and a teddy bear.
500
00:22:44,110 --> 00:22:47,102
Oh, I'm proud of you, daughter.
501
00:22:47,230 --> 00:22:49,869
You're a very unselfish girl.
502
00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:51,670
Well, they weren't hers.
They were mine.
503
00:22:53,030 --> 00:22:56,102
Well, you're a very unselfish...
Yes.
504
00:22:56,270 --> 00:22:57,862
Now we can go to the auction.
505
00:22:58,070 --> 00:22:59,867
LURCIO: Oh, no, no. Please don't.
506
00:22:59,990 --> 00:23:01,469
If he lasts that long.
507
00:23:01,590 --> 00:23:02,818
LURCIO: No, please.
508
00:23:03,110 --> 00:23:04,259
Oh, please, no.
509
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,627
I only had it half an hour ago.
510
00:23:07,190 --> 00:23:09,909
Oh, please. Well, I did.
Honestly, I did.
511
00:23:10,030 --> 00:23:12,544
- I can't.
- But you must have it again.
512
00:23:12,630 --> 00:23:14,905
- Oh, I can't. Please, not yet. I can't.
- Oh, you can.
513
00:23:14,990 --> 00:23:16,270
- No, don't make me.
- Oh, you can.
514
00:23:16,310 --> 00:23:17,663
- Oh, I can't.
- You can.
515
00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:19,422
All right, then I'll force myself.
516
00:23:21,630 --> 00:23:24,190
Oh, I can't stand asses' milk.
517
00:23:24,390 --> 00:23:25,539
Cheers.
518
00:23:29,310 --> 00:23:31,778
Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet.
519
00:23:31,990 --> 00:23:35,187
Welcome, citizens of Pompeii,
to today's auction.
520
00:23:35,670 --> 00:23:40,186
We will start the auction today with our
usual policy of working up from the bottom.
521
00:23:40,630 --> 00:23:43,269
Lot one. The slave, Lurcio.
522
00:23:43,350 --> 00:23:44,783
Oh, dear. The bottom.
523
00:23:44,950 --> 00:23:46,303
Huh! The cheek of it.
524
00:23:47,630 --> 00:23:49,825
They haven't all got that.
The bottom. The cheek of it.
525
00:23:50,550 --> 00:23:52,063
So sorry.
526
00:23:52,750 --> 00:23:54,547
Now, ahem, who will start me off?
527
00:23:55,030 --> 00:23:56,622
I'll bid 100 drachmas.
528
00:23:56,710 --> 00:23:59,065
- What was that?
- 100 drachmas.
529
00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:01,061
100 drachmas, citizens.
Any advance?
530
00:24:01,150 --> 00:24:03,380
Come along, he's worth more
than that in dog food.
531
00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:05,142
Now, who will give me 110?
532
00:24:05,230 --> 00:24:06,709
110.
533
00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:09,304
Ah, that gentleman there
with the peep-toed sandals.
534
00:24:09,390 --> 00:24:11,779
Ah, thank you very much. 110 I'm bid.
535
00:24:11,870 --> 00:24:13,906
- Any advance?
- 120.
536
00:24:13,990 --> 00:24:16,424
120. 120. Any advance?
537
00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:17,659
130.
538
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:21,578
That lady there with the tiara
and the plunging stomach, over there.
539
00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:25,098
Thank you very much. 130 I am bid.
540
00:24:25,230 --> 00:24:27,141
- 140.
- 140.
541
00:24:27,230 --> 00:24:29,425
- 150.
- APHRODITE: 160.
542
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:31,944
- 170.
- Who said 170?
543
00:24:32,110 --> 00:24:34,101
- He did.
- Oh, thank you very much.
544
00:24:34,190 --> 00:24:35,509
- You're welcome.
- Yes.
545
00:24:35,590 --> 00:24:38,946
Now, this gentleman on my left bids...
Wait a minute, you're the one being sold.
546
00:24:39,030 --> 00:24:41,544
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Now, watch it. I've got my eye on you.
547
00:24:41,870 --> 00:24:44,100
What was the last proper bid
I had from the floor?
548
00:24:44,190 --> 00:24:45,589
I bid 160.
549
00:24:45,670 --> 00:24:47,547
160, I bid. Any advance?
550
00:24:47,710 --> 00:24:49,268
- 70.
- Who said that?
551
00:24:49,350 --> 00:24:50,624
- He did.
- Ah, that's all right.
552
00:24:50,710 --> 00:24:52,940
At 70 drachmas for the first time.
553
00:24:53,030 --> 00:24:55,703
I bid 160 drachmas.
554
00:24:55,790 --> 00:24:57,906
160 drachmas I'm bid. Any advance?
555
00:24:58,230 --> 00:25:00,425
At 160 for the first time...
556
00:25:00,550 --> 00:25:02,029
At 160.
557
00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:05,984
- For the second time.
- 170.
558
00:25:06,110 --> 00:25:09,147
Oh, my master's voice.
559
00:25:10,110 --> 00:25:13,147
(BARKING)
560
00:25:18,910 --> 00:25:21,219
That's a joke for the old folk.
561
00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:25,301
170, I am bid.
From Senator Ludicrus Sextus.
562
00:25:25,390 --> 00:25:27,381
Ah, bless his frowsy, old beard.
563
00:25:27,470 --> 00:25:28,949
180.
564
00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:30,463
190.
565
00:25:30,550 --> 00:25:32,222
- 200.
- 300.
566
00:25:32,310 --> 00:25:34,187
- 400.
- 500.
567
00:25:34,470 --> 00:25:36,267
- 600.
- 700.
568
00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:38,221
- Eight.
- Nine.
569
00:25:38,310 --> 00:25:40,062
- Going for nine.
- Ten.
570
00:25:40,270 --> 00:25:42,181
- Eleven.
- Twelve.
571
00:25:42,270 --> 00:25:43,703
- Thirteen.
- Fourteen.
572
00:25:43,870 --> 00:25:46,179
- Fifteen.
- Sixteen?
573
00:25:46,350 --> 00:25:48,102
- Fifteen.
- Fourteen.
574
00:25:48,190 --> 00:25:49,669
- Thirteen.
- Twelve.
575
00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:51,748
- Eleven.
- Eleven.
576
00:25:51,830 --> 00:25:53,468
Eleven. Do I hear ten?
577
00:25:53,590 --> 00:25:55,262
What am I saying? What am I saying?
578
00:25:56,270 --> 00:25:58,022
Order, order, order.
579
00:25:58,110 --> 00:26:00,908
For heaven's sake. 1,500 drachma.
580
00:26:00,990 --> 00:26:03,379
1,500 drachmas. Any advance?
581
00:26:03,590 --> 00:26:06,741
Come, come, citizens?
Any advance on 1,500 drachmas?
582
00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:08,582
And don't forget, citizens,
583
00:26:08,710 --> 00:26:14,103
with every purchase we give away
one of these magnificent green shields.
584
00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:19,905
Now.
585
00:26:20,510 --> 00:26:23,388
Who will bid me more?
Do I hear 1,600?
586
00:26:23,510 --> 00:26:26,070
I shouldn't think so
without your appliance.
587
00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:28,406
You haven't got your doings... Your thing.
588
00:26:28,430 --> 00:26:29,658
- Me?
- Your thing, there.
589
00:26:29,750 --> 00:26:31,980
Ah, oh, yes. Well,
where's me ear trumpet?
590
00:26:32,070 --> 00:26:33,264
Oh, I hate to think.
591
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:36,262
I can't run an auction without me...
592
00:26:36,350 --> 00:26:38,006
I'll do it for you. Allow me.
Let me do it for you.
593
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:39,258
- Oh, yes.
- Right. Now.
594
00:26:39,350 --> 00:26:41,864
Lot one. What am I bid for this lot?
595
00:26:42,030 --> 00:26:43,258
1,600 drachmas.
596
00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:46,228
Right. Sold to Madam
Night and Day, Aphrodite.
597
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,824
Sold. Done. There you are.
1,600 drachmas.
598
00:26:48,950 --> 00:26:51,145
- I want you...
- And don't forget your green shield.
599
00:26:51,230 --> 00:26:52,299
Thank you so much.
600
00:26:52,390 --> 00:26:55,905
And now we come to the...
To the slave, Lurcio.
601
00:26:56,190 --> 00:26:57,828
Oh, right. Now, what have I bid?
602
00:26:57,910 --> 00:26:59,980
100 drachma.
603
00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:04,069
100 drachmas knocked down to
Senator Ludicrus. 100 drachmas. Done.
604
00:27:04,230 --> 00:27:06,824
- Here. Well, hold on a minute, matey.
- Yes.
605
00:27:06,990 --> 00:27:09,185
What about knocking me down, then, eh?
606
00:27:09,430 --> 00:27:10,658
With pleasure.
607
00:27:16,150 --> 00:27:18,141
- (LURCIO CRYING)
- There, there, Lurcio.
608
00:27:18,230 --> 00:27:19,583
There, there.
609
00:27:19,670 --> 00:27:22,389
It's good to have you back
in the family again.
610
00:27:22,470 --> 00:27:24,540
It is, master. Oh, dear.
611
00:27:24,630 --> 00:27:27,588
When I was in that terrible auction,
oh, it was awful.
612
00:27:27,710 --> 00:27:30,270
It was terrible, that auction.
When, I...
613
00:27:30,470 --> 00:27:32,108
I heard you. I saw you.
614
00:27:32,190 --> 00:27:33,862
I was overwhelmed.
615
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:36,584
My whelm has never been so over.
616
00:27:40,430 --> 00:27:42,500
- What was that?
- Get out of here. Go on.
617
00:27:43,190 --> 00:27:45,499
I understand, Lurcio.
Come, children.
618
00:27:45,630 --> 00:27:48,702
Let's leave Lurcio to enjoy
his little bit of misery.
619
00:27:48,790 --> 00:27:51,310
Thank you very much.
Oh, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?
620
00:27:51,710 --> 00:27:53,940
Knowing that someone wants you
enough to pay for it.
621
00:27:54,030 --> 00:27:57,230
No, I mean... Wait a minute, wait a minute.
No, wait a minute. No, wait a minute.
622
00:27:57,270 --> 00:27:58,498
I'll phrase that differently.
623
00:27:58,590 --> 00:28:00,286
I mean... Well,
you know what I mean, don't you?
624
00:28:00,310 --> 00:28:01,510
It's so nice to be home again.
625
00:28:01,630 --> 00:28:05,908
Ah, well. Let's continue where
we came in with the prologue.
626
00:28:05,990 --> 00:28:07,309
Pyramus and Thisbe.
627
00:28:07,390 --> 00:28:09,062
It came to pass...
628
00:28:09,150 --> 00:28:12,267
APHRODITE: Stop all that noise.
I won't tell you again, or you'll be sorry.
629
00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:14,460
Oh, don't take any notice. Ignore her.
630
00:28:14,550 --> 00:28:18,099
(WHISPERING) Now, Pyramus
and Thisbe, it came to pass...
631
00:28:18,190 --> 00:28:20,750
Woe, woe, the time has come.
632
00:28:20,830 --> 00:28:22,821
The end is here.
633
00:28:22,910 --> 00:28:24,138
Will you...
634
00:28:24,630 --> 00:28:26,507
Missus, missus, come here, missus.
635
00:28:26,590 --> 00:28:27,784
Listen, dear.
636
00:28:27,870 --> 00:28:29,588
How, erm...
637
00:28:29,670 --> 00:28:34,425
How would you like
to join me in a prologue?
638
00:28:35,270 --> 00:28:37,545
- Me?
- Yes, look, sit down there, love.
639
00:28:37,790 --> 00:28:40,224
Sit down there, yeah.
I've got a nice surprise for you.
640
00:28:42,350 --> 00:28:43,829
That's right. Yeah.
641
00:28:45,110 --> 00:28:46,110
Go.
642
00:28:46,430 --> 00:28:49,979
The prologue. It came to pass that...
643
00:28:53,590 --> 00:28:55,467
Well, she got me after all.
644
00:28:55,590 --> 00:28:57,865
Good gracious. Ah, well, citizens,
645
00:28:57,950 --> 00:29:03,263
in the famous words,
we who are about to dry, salute you.
646
00:29:03,470 --> 00:29:06,268
And salute. Goodbye.
48532
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