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1
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(BARKING)
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LURCIO: Oh, shut up. Shut up, you old dog.
Would you please?
3
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Get down. Get out of it.
Keep your silly old kennel.
4
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Remember, it was my home before
you came here. Now, get out of it.
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You old silly little barker.
6
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(FURIOUS BARK)
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Now, nice silly little barker,
there we are.
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Oh dear, damn thing, that dog.
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Oh, dear. Well, the trouble is, you see...
Well, excuse me, you're here.
10
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I didn't expect you so soon.
Would you mind if I finished my meal?
11
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:59,405
You don't mind if I just finish, do you,
before we get on with the thing?
12
00:00:59,486 --> 00:01:01,204
I'll tell you why.
Because being a slave, you see,
13
00:01:01,286 --> 00:01:03,038
I'm not allowed to eat
with the rest of the household.
14
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Not. Oh, I'm not allowed to eat with this lot.
Oh, no, no, they're very fussy, very snobbish.
15
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They leave two bowls out,
one for me, one for the dog, you see.
16
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That's what they do.
So I'll just finish...
17
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:16,241
Dear.
18
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Oh, dear. That damn dog.
19
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It's not what you think.
Just a minute.
20
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The third time it's switched
bowls on me this week.
21
00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:33,197
Well, I'm not eating that,
I'll tell you.
22
00:01:33,286 --> 00:01:37,325
I don't care if it's full of good, nourishing
marrowbone jelly, I'm not eating it.
23
00:01:37,406 --> 00:01:40,125
Well, let's get on with this prologue.
Right, the prologue?
24
00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:42,879
Greetings, good citizens. The prologue.
25
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(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Our story this week...
26
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(IN NORMAL VOICE) Did I go high then?
It's this cold bench, isn't it?
27
00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:53,318
There we are.
28
00:01:53,406 --> 00:01:56,318
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Our story...
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Oh, that's better.
29
00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:59,318
Our story this week
concerns Icarus. Icarus.
30
00:01:59,406 --> 00:02:01,397
Now, Icarus, as you know,
31
00:02:01,486 --> 00:02:04,637
was the first man to attempt flight. Flight.
32
00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:07,479
Now, he had the wont,
often, he had the wont,
33
00:02:07,686 --> 00:02:13,158
wait a minute, of laying there in the sun,
head, you know, with his head like that,
34
00:02:13,246 --> 00:02:17,000
arms under his head,
looking, looking, and he...
35
00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:20,078
In the sun, on his back,
studying the birds.
36
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:23,044
And, um, yes. Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
37
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:26,323
And you see, try...
But he couldn't find the secret of flight.
38
00:02:26,406 --> 00:02:28,966
But one day he was lying there,
arms akimbo, looking up in the air,
39
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and a little bird was flying overhead.
And suddenly it hit him.
40
00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:34,435
So...
41
00:02:36,726 --> 00:02:40,844
So he rushed out and he made a pair
of wings for his arms, you see.
42
00:02:40,926 --> 00:02:44,714
Took the... (MUMBLING)
I'll do that again. So he rushed out,
43
00:02:46,486 --> 00:02:48,875
put a pair... (MUMBLING) Oh God, help us.
44
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,554
The pills are wearing off already.
45
00:02:53,566 --> 00:02:58,196
So he rushed out, so he rushed out,
he built a pair of wings for his arms,
46
00:02:58,286 --> 00:03:00,117
took the clause out of his contract,
47
00:03:00,206 --> 00:03:03,915
and stuck a couple of fingers up his...
Wait a minute. Up his jumper.
48
00:03:04,006 --> 00:03:06,839
Woe, woe, woe.
49
00:03:06,926 --> 00:03:09,360
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
50
00:03:09,446 --> 00:03:11,755
Woe, woe.
51
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:14,121
Oh, dear. What's the matter?
52
00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:16,720
Now, this is the soothsayer.
Senna, the soothsayer.
53
00:03:16,806 --> 00:03:18,842
I, the soothsayer Senna,
54
00:03:18,926 --> 00:03:20,917
wish to augur something.
55
00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:24,601
Well, you better hurry up, dear.
They just called last augurs.
56
00:03:24,686 --> 00:03:28,645
For three days and nights
I have been on the sacred mountain.
57
00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:31,035
-The sacred mountain?
-And there, at the shrine of the oracle,
58
00:03:31,126 --> 00:03:35,438
I looked into the entrails of a sheep
and saw a terrible thing.
59
00:03:35,526 --> 00:03:39,644
Oh, dear, well you should have called
the manager, dear, and sent it back.
60
00:03:39,726 --> 00:03:40,841
Funny.
61
00:03:40,926 --> 00:03:44,555
Yes, well, I mean the service
around here is really offal.
62
00:03:44,726 --> 00:03:48,162
All right, then, all right.
What do you expect, wit?
63
00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:52,004
This is the corniest show in the business,
you should know that by now. What?
64
00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:57,319
It was a warning. There was a slave,
a stranger called Spartacus, in the land.
65
00:03:57,406 --> 00:04:00,523
-Spartacus?
-And he will free all the slaves.
66
00:04:00,606 --> 00:04:04,963
-Free the slaves? I don't believe it.
-If I lie, may I be stoned.
67
00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:07,082
Oh, you are stoned, dear.
68
00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:09,282
Out of your mind, you must be.
69
00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:11,641
-There will be great bloodshed.
-Bloodshed?
70
00:04:11,726 --> 00:04:13,876
The slaves will become the masters,
71
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:17,481
-and the masters, the slaves.
-Slaves the masters, masters...
72
00:04:17,566 --> 00:04:19,284
I never heard such rubbish.
73
00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:22,438
Oh, woe, woe, woe!
74
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,796
There we are. That was Senna.
75
00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:27,162
What a moving performance.
76
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:31,525
"The slaves will become the masters,
the masters the slaves."
77
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,244
What a load of old rubbish!
78
00:04:33,326 --> 00:04:36,762
-Yes, Lurcio?
-Oh, not you, master, no, no.
79
00:04:36,846 --> 00:04:40,361
-What was old Senna saying?
-Oh, she's a silly woman.
80
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:44,405
She was saying something about
a slave rising, er, er, Spartacus.
81
00:04:44,486 --> 00:04:47,444
-Oh, no, no, it's not so silly, Lurcio!
-Isn't it?
82
00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:50,484
No. In fact, we down at the Senate
are very worried.
83
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:53,399
Are you? No wonder
you've got the wind up.
84
00:04:56,366 --> 00:04:57,958
Spartacus.
85
00:04:58,046 --> 00:05:01,163
-Now, Spartacus really exists?
-Yes.
86
00:05:01,246 --> 00:05:05,319
The other day he was reported down
at the marketplace stirring up trouble.
87
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,555
-Was he?
-Yes.
88
00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:10,161
And when the centurions
arrived, he wasn't there.
89
00:05:10,246 --> 00:05:14,285
-Well, he wasn't there again today?
-How I wish he'd go away.
90
00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:19,485
If anyone has any suggestions
as to improving this script,
91
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:24,077
will they put them on a postcard, please,
and send them to this address?
92
00:05:24,246 --> 00:05:26,965
The Forum, Mile Endus Road,
93
00:05:28,566 --> 00:05:30,522
Pompeii, Isle of Wight.
94
00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:37,436
But Lurcio, Lurcio, the most terrible
thing is that my own son Nausius
95
00:05:37,526 --> 00:05:39,198
has got mixed up with the cause.
96
00:05:39,286 --> 00:05:42,676
Well, let's face it, master, he always
has been a bit mixed up, hasn't he?
97
00:05:42,766 --> 00:05:47,396
When you see him you must warn him
that the Senate has just passed a new law
98
00:05:47,486 --> 00:05:52,924
that anyone found preaching revolt
will be thrown into jail,
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00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:58,603
flogged, hung, drawn and quartered,
boiled in oil and thrown to the lions.
100
00:05:58,686 --> 00:06:00,756
Yes, master. Is that all?
101
00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:03,646
I think it's enough, don't you?
102
00:06:03,726 --> 00:06:07,082
Well, after all, we're
not barbarians, are we?
103
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,120
Yes, master.
104
00:06:10,566 --> 00:06:14,844
Silly old fool. Well, he is. He's past it.
I mean, it's so silly.
105
00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,405
Mind you, I must say this,
106
00:06:16,486 --> 00:06:20,001
actually, that is a very lenient punishment,
really, for here, you know.
107
00:06:20,086 --> 00:06:23,681
'Cause in the old days, they used to fine them.
Oh yes, in the old days.
108
00:06:23,766 --> 00:06:26,155
I remember a dear old slave friend of mine...
109
00:06:26,246 --> 00:06:29,079
You've got a minute, haven't you?
You sure? Yes? Ah.
110
00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:32,363
This... No. Well, listen
a minute, please. No, don't.
111
00:06:32,446 --> 00:06:37,679
Listen. Now, this old slave friend of mine
called his master a four-letter word.
112
00:06:37,806 --> 00:06:41,719
He did. My life, he did.
113
00:06:41,806 --> 00:06:44,036
He called his master a four-letter word.
114
00:06:44,126 --> 00:06:47,960
And he went up to him, he said,
"You are a four-letter word."
115
00:06:49,046 --> 00:06:53,164
And 'cause unfortunately my master
only knew one four-letter word,
116
00:06:53,286 --> 00:06:56,323
which wasn't surprising,
really, 'cause he was one.
117
00:06:56,406 --> 00:06:58,124
But the thing was,
118
00:06:58,406 --> 00:07:02,399
he had my slave friend
hauled off to a court. Yes.
119
00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:06,001
And they gave him a suspended sentence.
They hung him.
120
00:07:08,086 --> 00:07:10,554
So ever since then I don't get mixed up
in slave risings.
121
00:07:10,646 --> 00:07:13,604
Oh, no. Oh, no. "Keep quiet,"
I say to meself,
122
00:07:13,726 --> 00:07:15,398
"Keep quiet," I say,
123
00:07:15,486 --> 00:07:18,205
and look after numero unus.
124
00:07:19,726 --> 00:07:22,604
Hear now the wise words of Plautus.
125
00:07:22,846 --> 00:07:24,438
It is a well-known fact
126
00:07:24,566 --> 00:07:28,559
that most Roman citizens lived
by the old and worn axiom,
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00:07:28,686 --> 00:07:35,080
non vexato tibi racus sum ego bonum.
128
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:38,442
Which, translated rudely
into the vernacular, would mean,
129
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:42,041
"I fret not unduly
over your circumstances,
130
00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:43,445
oh, Jack.
131
00:07:45,086 --> 00:07:49,523
I in a good position is."
132
00:07:50,326 --> 00:07:53,841
That's what I said,
you silly old four-letter word.
133
00:07:53,926 --> 00:07:57,521
That's what I said. To think he gets
good money for writing that rubbish.
134
00:07:57,606 --> 00:08:01,884
I don't know. Well, let's get on
with the prologue now, shall we? Yes.
135
00:08:02,086 --> 00:08:03,758
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) And it came...
136
00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:09,194
Me flap keeps getting up, you see.
137
00:08:10,126 --> 00:08:13,038
There's a draught round here.
And it came to pass...
138
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:16,516
(HISSING)
139
00:08:16,766 --> 00:08:18,199
Someone leaking?
140
00:08:20,486 --> 00:08:21,760
Psst!
141
00:08:21,846 --> 00:08:25,441
Oh, it's you, mistress.
She's hissed again.
142
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:33,598
We've got a real common lot
here tonight, I'll tell you.
143
00:08:33,686 --> 00:08:34,835
AMMONIA: Lurcio.
144
00:08:34,926 --> 00:08:36,439
-Yes, mistress?
-(WHISPERING) Lurcio.
145
00:08:36,526 --> 00:08:37,959
Has my husband gone yet?
146
00:08:38,046 --> 00:08:39,479
Yes, mistress, he's gone.
147
00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:42,034
Good. Then come up to my bedroom.
148
00:08:42,326 --> 00:08:45,557
-Bedroom?
-Yes, quickly.
149
00:08:46,806 --> 00:08:48,319
Oooh!
150
00:08:49,366 --> 00:08:51,880
They don't waste any time, do they?
151
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:56,960
Oh, but it's not right, is it?
I mean, not so soon after eating. Is it?
152
00:08:57,926 --> 00:09:02,204
Well, it's like swimming.
You can't do it after a heavy meal, can you?
153
00:09:02,446 --> 00:09:04,516
Well, I mean, at least not energetically.
154
00:09:04,606 --> 00:09:07,518
I mean, you can...
Perhaps a bit of the breast stroke.
155
00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:10,245
I mean, you can't. You can't. Listen.
156
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:14,721
(BARKING)
157
00:09:14,806 --> 00:09:15,795
LURCIO: Get down, dog!
158
00:09:15,886 --> 00:09:16,875
(SCREAMS)
159
00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:18,645
Oh dear.
160
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,036
Oh, that dog, it is a monster,
it really is.
161
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:24,196
Look what it's done. Look.
162
00:09:25,286 --> 00:09:28,198
-Shh. Lurcio, please.
-Never mind "shh," mistress.
163
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:31,915
Six inches closer,
I could have lost me temper.
164
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,524
Oh, quiet, Lurcio, please.
165
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:38,325
-Well, what's the matter, mistress?
-Under the bed.
166
00:09:38,406 --> 00:09:41,318
-Pardon?
-Under the bed!
167
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:44,682
Oh, don't forget... Oh, dear, I didn't
forget to put one there again, did I?
168
00:09:44,766 --> 00:09:46,119
I'm sorry.
169
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:49,562
Oh, no, Lurcio. Lurcio, are you
sure there's no one in the house?
170
00:09:49,646 --> 00:09:53,116
-No, mistress, there's no one in the house.
-Oh, good.
171
00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:57,439
-You can come out now.
-Good gracious! Under the bed as well!
172
00:09:57,726 --> 00:09:59,637
This must be old Jerry.
173
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,917
Thank you, Lady. I shan't
forget what you've done.
174
00:10:03,006 --> 00:10:06,123
-Oh, nor I.
-Nor I, mistress.
175
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:10,836
Good gracious. I'm surprised at you.
I mean, in broad daylight, in your own room.
176
00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:12,803
And in your riding boots.
177
00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:16,401
Oh, pray don't misunderstand, Lurcio.
He's not my lover, I'm afraid.
178
00:10:16,486 --> 00:10:18,522
-Oh.
-No, it's you he's after.
179
00:10:18,646 --> 00:10:20,045
Pardon?
180
00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:22,003
Lady, would you leave us alone?
181
00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:23,360
-Certainly.
-Yes...
182
00:10:23,446 --> 00:10:27,121
-Now, then. Let's get down to it.
-Yeah, excuse me. Um...
183
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:31,720
Look, I must go and do the prologue,
if you'll excuse me...
184
00:10:31,806 --> 00:10:33,922
Wait. You don't know who I am.
185
00:10:34,006 --> 00:10:37,885
Yeah, well, it's not who you are that worries me.
It's what you are. Excuse me.
186
00:10:37,966 --> 00:10:41,003
-They call me Spartacus.
-Spartacus?
187
00:10:41,086 --> 00:10:43,042
Ah, I see that rings a bell.
188
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:47,278
Yes. And talking of ringing a bell,
I could use a tinkle. Excuse me.
189
00:10:47,566 --> 00:10:49,284
Stay where you are.
190
00:10:49,366 --> 00:10:50,515
(EXCLAIMING)
191
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:55,521
Listen, who made your suit? I should
take that back. There's a sleeve missing.
192
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,365
Enough!
193
00:10:57,646 --> 00:11:01,241
I am going to lead a revolt
and I need your support.
194
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:03,886
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I haven't got a support.
195
00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:07,083
But you can borrow one of my master's
old trusses if you like.
196
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,442
Enough of that! If this
revolt is to be successful,
197
00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:13,802
I need the backing of every slave
for the fight ahead.
198
00:11:13,886 --> 00:11:18,880
Oh, you'll find me very reliable, sir.
Show me a fight ahead, and I'll start backing.
199
00:11:18,966 --> 00:11:20,240
Away.
200
00:11:21,126 --> 00:11:25,244
You would not fight for your freedom?
What are you? Man or mouse?
201
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,842
Pass the cheese, please.
202
00:11:28,966 --> 00:11:32,879
Forget it. I won't force
any man to act like a man,
203
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:35,924
any more than I would force any woman
to act like a woman.
204
00:11:36,006 --> 00:11:39,396
Oh, I'm sorry I can't help you, sir.
Now, if you want a man that can act like a woman.
205
00:11:39,486 --> 00:11:41,602
-Well.
-There's Danny Laruenus.
206
00:11:41,766 --> 00:11:43,961
-Go! Go!
-Wait a minute. They didn't get that.
207
00:11:44,046 --> 00:11:46,082
Danny Laruenus.
208
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:49,238
Oh, don't bother, forget it.
Don't bother now, it's too late now.
209
00:11:49,326 --> 00:11:52,398
-Oh, go!
-I'm talking to them! I'm just gonna go.
210
00:11:52,486 --> 00:11:54,363
Go! But...
211
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:57,643
-One word of warning, weakling.
-Yes?
212
00:11:57,726 --> 00:12:02,004
Betray me or my cause
and I will slit you from ear to ear.
213
00:12:02,126 --> 00:12:03,559
-Here to where?
-Ear.
214
00:12:03,646 --> 00:12:07,002
Oh. I'll mark that spot. Yes.
215
00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:09,725
-Remember that we have never met.
-Oh, no, we never met.
216
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:13,719
-You do not know who I am.
-No, I don't know who you are.
217
00:12:13,806 --> 00:12:17,276
Just remember
that we have never had the pleasure.
218
00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:19,357
No, no. Well, he's right.
219
00:12:19,966 --> 00:12:20,955
He's right.
220
00:12:21,686 --> 00:12:24,678
I haven't had the pleasure for weeks, oh no.
221
00:12:24,846 --> 00:12:27,314
And so this is my message to you.
222
00:12:27,406 --> 00:12:32,082
Let us all live together in love, love, love.
223
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,597
You, you poor girls.
224
00:12:34,686 --> 00:12:37,484
Loose yourselves from the bonds of slavery.
225
00:12:37,566 --> 00:12:40,524
Don't be bondswomen. Be loose women.
226
00:12:42,286 --> 00:12:45,278
Just remember, do your own thing.
227
00:12:45,726 --> 00:12:47,682
All you need is love.
228
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:49,195
Love.
229
00:12:49,446 --> 00:12:50,925
Love.
230
00:12:51,006 --> 00:12:52,200
(BARKING)
231
00:12:52,286 --> 00:12:54,959
All right, keep the bloody bone!
232
00:12:58,526 --> 00:13:03,236
I was only going to bury it for him.
Oh, there's no gratitude, these beasts.
233
00:13:03,326 --> 00:13:04,759
Please be quiet, Lurcio.
234
00:13:04,846 --> 00:13:07,519
-I'm trying to make a speech.
-Young master, what are you doing?
235
00:13:07,606 --> 00:13:11,440
Oh, Lurcio, I've at last found my own thing.
236
00:13:11,526 --> 00:13:12,959
(EXCLAIMING)
237
00:13:13,846 --> 00:13:16,314
After all this time, what a relief.
238
00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:18,038
Freedom is love!
239
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:21,277
-Freedom is love!
-That's it, girls, you've got it.
240
00:13:21,366 --> 00:13:23,038
-Oh, Lurcio.
-What?
241
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,880
-Are they not a lovely pair?
-Oh, they're both lovely pairs.
242
00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:30,243
-Pass these pamphlets, man.
-Man? You could have fooled me.
243
00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:32,442
Listen, what's on these pamphlets?
244
00:13:32,526 --> 00:13:34,881
Oh, just a little ode I composed
to freedom and love.
245
00:13:34,966 --> 00:13:37,434
An ode to freedom. Ah, sweet.
246
00:13:37,966 --> 00:13:40,275
Might I read it to the populace?
247
00:13:40,766 --> 00:13:42,404
"Ode to freedom.
248
00:13:43,046 --> 00:13:45,844
A man can never e'er be free
249
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,360
While there's a ruling class
250
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,682
So slap your master in the face
251
00:13:50,766 --> 00:13:53,075
And kick him..." Hello.
252
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:57,241
Get ready for it. Here we are.
253
00:13:57,326 --> 00:13:59,521
"And kick him in the teeth"
254
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,445
I was lost for a rhyme there, I'm sorry.
255
00:14:02,526 --> 00:14:05,120
Well, I'm not,
'cause you're in enough trouble as it is.
256
00:14:05,206 --> 00:14:08,516
Oh, dear. Look, your father says
you've got to go home at once,
257
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:10,238
or you'll end up in jail.
258
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:13,796
Keep your cool, Lurcio.
I must do my own thing.
259
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:16,354
You'll be doing time if you're not
careful. Where's these pamphlets?
260
00:14:16,446 --> 00:14:18,676
Let me have them. Here we are.
261
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:20,561
What?
262
00:14:21,086 --> 00:14:22,121
What?
263
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:25,682
Well, what should I do with...
You dare. You dare.
264
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:27,802
Perhaps you're right, Lurcio.
265
00:14:27,886 --> 00:14:30,525
-After all, Father knows best.
-Yes, Father knows best. Go off to your home.
266
00:14:30,606 --> 00:14:31,959
Go on, Father knows best. Go, go on.
267
00:14:32,046 --> 00:14:34,037
-Here you are, these are yours.
-Yes, that's it.
268
00:14:34,126 --> 00:14:38,881
(GRUMBLING) Young fools.
Look at that. "Freedom is love."
269
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:42,038
"Free the slaves." I should coco.
270
00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:45,119
I mean, I... How do you do? I would...
271
00:14:46,806 --> 00:14:48,797
Great Jupiter, the fuzz!
272
00:14:53,486 --> 00:14:55,158
Now, the, er...
273
00:14:55,446 --> 00:14:56,845
Chilly.
274
00:14:57,006 --> 00:15:02,205
-Yes, oh, he hasn't seen the act. Never mind.
-All right, hand over the pamphlets.
275
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:05,005
No, Captain, there's been a mistake.
There's been a mistake.
276
00:15:05,086 --> 00:15:07,884
As the hairbrush said to the hedgehog.
277
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,639
As the hairbrush said to the...
Oh, don't bother.
278
00:15:10,726 --> 00:15:13,194
-"Ode to freedom."
-Yes. No!
279
00:15:13,366 --> 00:15:14,719
"Free the slaves."
280
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:17,320
-Well, you see...
-"Up Spartacus!"
281
00:15:17,406 --> 00:15:19,874
Oh, I couldn't have put it better.
282
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:24,284
You know, it's time you were incarcerated
in a nice, damp dungeon.
283
00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:27,995
Oh, don't do that. Oh, no, don't, oh!
To be incarcerated!
284
00:15:28,086 --> 00:15:31,874
I don't want to be incarcerated! Incarcerated!
285
00:15:32,846 --> 00:15:35,280
Look it up in the dictionary.
286
00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:38,756
-I'm too young to die, too young!
-Come on, then, come on.
287
00:15:38,846 --> 00:15:41,440
Wait a minute. I haven't finished yet.
288
00:15:41,526 --> 00:15:44,359
-I'm sure.
-This is a monologue, here.
289
00:15:45,766 --> 00:15:47,404
It's my best bit.
290
00:15:48,526 --> 00:15:50,517
Oh, I've forgotten where I am now.
291
00:15:50,886 --> 00:15:53,400
"I don't want to die, I'm innocent,
292
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,762
there's been a grave miscarriage of justice,
spare me, spare me, spare me."
293
00:15:56,846 --> 00:15:59,679
Thank you. Nice. Done the lot now.
Left me nothing to say.
294
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,798
Good. Now come on.
295
00:16:01,886 --> 00:16:05,242
Oh, dear. All right. But you try and get
another part in this show. That's right.
296
00:16:05,326 --> 00:16:06,315
(CAPTAIN JEERS)
297
00:16:06,406 --> 00:16:07,441
Oh, don't apologise.
298
00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:13,195
It's a well-known fact
that in the great May rebellion,
299
00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:16,915
350 slaves were wrongfully
arrested and, um...
300
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:18,445
Executed.
301
00:16:18,526 --> 00:16:21,279
Hence the well known
centurions' marching song,
302
00:16:21,366 --> 00:16:24,517
# Here we go gathering nuts in May #
303
00:16:25,726 --> 00:16:30,117
Oh, dear. Here I am.
In the dungeon, incarcerated.
304
00:16:34,686 --> 00:16:36,517
It's a terrible thing.
305
00:16:37,406 --> 00:16:41,558
All alone, left here to die.
Oh, what a terrible fate.
306
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:47,004
This is what comes of trying
to hold out a helping hand to a friend.
307
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,800
One ends up by residing in the pokey.
308
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:54,356
Oh, my fate, to be boiled
in oil! Boiled in oil!
309
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:58,200
I mustn't think about it!
I must think about something nice.
310
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:02,319
Happy. Let me think of the past.
The happy days of the past.
311
00:17:02,806 --> 00:17:04,524
Ah, yes, the past.
312
00:17:04,886 --> 00:17:07,719
Ah, my dear old mother.
313
00:17:08,366 --> 00:17:10,243
I wonder where she is.
314
00:17:10,806 --> 00:17:14,515
And my dear old father.
I wonder who he was.
315
00:17:16,726 --> 00:17:18,398
Oh, those happy days.
316
00:17:18,486 --> 00:17:22,161
Those violin lessons
with my little kid sister.
317
00:17:23,886 --> 00:17:26,480
I wonder who's fiddling with her now.
318
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:29,999
JAILER: Psst!
319
00:17:30,086 --> 00:17:31,235
No.
320
00:17:31,326 --> 00:17:32,759
(HISSING)
321
00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:35,316
Oh, another one with a leak.
322
00:17:35,486 --> 00:17:36,521
Psst!
323
00:17:36,606 --> 00:17:38,437
-Hello then, matey.
-Good evening.
324
00:17:38,526 --> 00:17:41,359
-How you feeling, then?
-Nicely, thanks. Yes.
325
00:17:41,446 --> 00:17:43,596
I've put the future out of my mind.
326
00:17:43,686 --> 00:17:46,325
Yeah, that's the stuff, matey.
Here. Here's your breakfast.
327
00:17:46,406 --> 00:17:47,555
-What is it?
-Sardines.
328
00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:49,876
Oh, sardines. Oh, delicious.
329
00:17:50,006 --> 00:17:51,644
Boiled in oil.
330
00:17:54,726 --> 00:17:56,318
(CACKLING)
331
00:18:00,966 --> 00:18:02,479
A little titter
332
00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:05,717
ran round the cell block.
333
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,119
Sardines.
334
00:18:10,526 --> 00:18:13,598
Talking of titters,
I must bust out of here.
335
00:18:18,406 --> 00:18:23,161
Oh, shut your gobs. No, I...
No, I must! I must break out of here!
336
00:18:23,246 --> 00:18:27,319
You hear? I'm innocent. I'm breaking out.
I'm breaking out. I am, too.
337
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,920
It's this straw. It's the straw
they give you to sleep on.
338
00:18:30,006 --> 00:18:33,965
I'm red raw underneath, I really am.
Oh, if I could only escape.
339
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,197
It's locked. Oh, a trapdoor here.
340
00:18:37,286 --> 00:18:41,598
It's locked.
And I don't know the combination.
341
00:18:41,726 --> 00:18:46,720
Oh, damn clever, these Romans.
Always had combinations with trapdoors.
342
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:53,443
Oh, no! Oh, dear! I'm innocent!
343
00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:56,279
Let me out, I'm innocent, I'm innocent!
344
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:58,324
(WAILING)
345
00:18:58,486 --> 00:19:03,037
Where's the camera. Here, look, look.
Real tears, real tears, yes?
346
00:19:03,326 --> 00:19:06,045
Oh, no glycerine rubbish.
No, real tears.
347
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:09,602
Mind you, it's not difficult for
an actor like me to cry, you know.
348
00:19:09,686 --> 00:19:14,157
I just have to think of the money
they're paying me for this show and I'm in floods.
349
00:19:14,966 --> 00:19:16,365
Oh, God!
350
00:19:21,526 --> 00:19:24,165
I said I'd bring the house down. Look.
351
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,956
Oh, dear. Oh, God,
I must break out of here.
352
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:32,681
It's the loneliness, the loneliness,
the loneliness. There's no one to talk to.
353
00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:34,961
No one to talk to.
354
00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:39,562
I wonder if it...
If there's anyone in the next cell.
355
00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:42,440
I'll tap.
356
00:19:44,326 --> 00:19:45,441
Anyone there?
357
00:19:45,526 --> 00:19:46,720
(TAPPING)
358
00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:50,038
They're answering.
359
00:19:50,126 --> 00:19:53,163
I'll tap out a message in Morsus codim.
360
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,160
Who
361
00:20:01,246 --> 00:20:02,395
are
362
00:20:02,486 --> 00:20:03,680
you?
363
00:20:03,846 --> 00:20:05,074
Please
364
00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:06,440
answer.
365
00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:07,795
(TAPPING)
366
00:20:07,886 --> 00:20:09,638
They're answering.
367
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,365
Please
368
00:20:11,446 --> 00:20:12,765
stop
369
00:20:12,966 --> 00:20:14,399
banging.
370
00:20:17,006 --> 00:20:18,883
There's people
371
00:20:18,966 --> 00:20:21,639
here trying to sleep.
372
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:25,436
Charming, isn't it?
There's a gesture of friendship.
373
00:20:25,526 --> 00:20:29,644
Well, well, well. And how are we
this bright summer's day?
374
00:20:29,726 --> 00:20:31,159
"How are we"? Shocking!
375
00:20:31,246 --> 00:20:32,759
"Bright summer's day"?
A lot of good it is to me.
376
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:37,839
How can you get a nice suntan in front
of a silly little window like that?
377
00:20:38,526 --> 00:20:40,960
I mean, look at this.
You can't. It's silly.
378
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,119
That's enough.
379
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,800
Well, my news should cheer you up.
380
00:20:46,886 --> 00:20:49,161
-What?
-Your sentence has been commuted.
381
00:20:49,246 --> 00:20:52,318
-To life imprisonment.
-Life imprisonment?
382
00:20:52,406 --> 00:20:55,318
-You mean I'm not gonna die?
-No, damn it.
383
00:20:55,406 --> 00:20:57,761
You must have friends in high places.
384
00:20:57,846 --> 00:21:01,236
Well... High places? The only high
place I know is the fish market.
385
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,362
I've got no friends there.
386
00:21:03,446 --> 00:21:07,803
Life imprisonment. Oh, what a sentence.
There isn't even a verb in it.
387
00:21:09,286 --> 00:21:12,722
Anyway, you're the luckiest
slave in this city.
388
00:21:12,806 --> 00:21:14,956
-Lucky? Why?
-You're safer in here than out.
389
00:21:15,046 --> 00:21:18,402
-Why?
-Well, Spartacus leading a revolt of the slaves.
390
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,602
-Is he?
-Now, when that happens,
391
00:21:20,686 --> 00:21:23,837
Spartacus and every other slave in this city...
392
00:21:24,006 --> 00:21:27,840
-Put to the sword.
-Put to the sword. Oh yes, I'm better off.
393
00:21:27,926 --> 00:21:32,716
Make sure to get that door. Lock me in.
Oh, mind how you go. Oh, dear.
394
00:21:32,806 --> 00:21:34,922
I'm better off in here, aren't I?
395
00:21:35,006 --> 00:21:40,205
At least I shall live the rest of my life,
maybe even more, let's face it.
396
00:21:40,846 --> 00:21:44,475
Well, it's not a bad cell, really, is it?
I mean, you know.
397
00:21:44,566 --> 00:21:47,558
One could make it quite pretty,
couldn't one, really?
398
00:21:47,646 --> 00:21:52,322
If one was to just rustle up
the straw just a whimsy.
399
00:21:52,446 --> 00:21:56,075
And polish the chains.
One could make it quite pretty, couldn't one?
400
00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:58,634
One thing at least, I'm me own master.
401
00:21:58,726 --> 00:22:02,560
I'm not bossed about by senators and mistresses
and things like that...
402
00:22:02,646 --> 00:22:04,284
-Here, here.
-What?
403
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:07,324
Don't worry, matey. I'm on the slaves' side.
404
00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,235
I'll soon get you out of here.
405
00:22:10,326 --> 00:22:13,955
-Yes, but I don't want to be got out of here.
-Of course you don't.
406
00:22:18,006 --> 00:22:21,237
Wait, wait, don't overdo it. Thank you very much.
407
00:22:21,446 --> 00:22:24,597
Now, wait a minute.
We're not doing The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
408
00:22:24,686 --> 00:22:26,836
-Let's face it.
-Now, listen.
409
00:22:26,966 --> 00:22:31,801
All you gotta do is bash me over the head,
pinch me keys, and you're away, see?
410
00:22:31,886 --> 00:22:34,081
I don't want to get out of here, do I?
411
00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:39,194
-Go on, you don't have to bash me very hard...
-I have no intention of bashing you... Hello.
412
00:22:39,286 --> 00:22:42,323
Blimey. You didn't have to overdo it.
413
00:22:43,246 --> 00:22:44,474
Where's he going?
414
00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:46,759
Just a minute.
415
00:22:47,526 --> 00:22:50,598
Wait a minute, he's showing his knickers.
Wait a minute.
416
00:22:53,566 --> 00:22:56,399
You can stay there and rot with him.
417
00:22:56,486 --> 00:23:00,718
Oh, no, don't leave me here with him.
There's only room for one. Oh, please, Captain.
418
00:23:00,806 --> 00:23:02,683
Oh, please have mercy.
419
00:23:02,766 --> 00:23:05,439
Oh, let me help you up. That's it.
420
00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:08,440
Oh, dear.
421
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:11,644
It's you. I thought it was the sardines. It's you!
422
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:15,920
You'll never get the ring of confidence,
I'll tell you that.
423
00:23:16,126 --> 00:23:18,640
Terrible. Oh, dear.
424
00:23:18,966 --> 00:23:20,160
Hello?
425
00:23:21,486 --> 00:23:23,124
Visitor for you.
426
00:23:23,206 --> 00:23:25,720
-Hello, it must be the chaplain.
-This way, sir.
427
00:23:26,846 --> 00:23:33,035
Thank you, Captain. I just want to tell
this vile, treacherous slave what I think of him.
428
00:23:33,126 --> 00:23:36,596
-May I borrow your truncheon, Captain?
-With pleasure.
429
00:23:36,686 --> 00:23:41,362
And perhaps you better leave us alone.
It may be rather nasty.
430
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,121
(HISSING)
431
00:23:50,606 --> 00:23:52,881
Everyone's having a leak today.
432
00:23:53,926 --> 00:23:58,158
-Yes, master, I'm innocent, I swear I'm innocent.
-I know, I know, Lurcio.
433
00:23:58,246 --> 00:24:03,320
Nausius told me you took all the blame for him.
I can't tell you how truly grateful I am.
434
00:24:03,406 --> 00:24:06,478
Oh, it's you that's had my sentence commuted
to life imprisonment?
435
00:24:06,566 --> 00:24:10,400
-Yes, yes, yes.
-Mind you, we can't act here, there's no room.
436
00:24:10,486 --> 00:24:14,035
Never fear, Lurcio.
You won't have to serve the sentence.
437
00:24:14,126 --> 00:24:17,436
-I have the means to get you out.
-The means? But I don't want to get out.
438
00:24:17,526 --> 00:24:20,996
Now, don't be so silly, Lurcio!
Of course you want to get out.
439
00:24:21,086 --> 00:24:22,519
-No, I don't.
-Yes, of course you do.
440
00:24:22,606 --> 00:24:24,085
-Excuse us.
-Excuse us.
441
00:24:25,366 --> 00:24:28,517
Quiet, quiet. Quickly, quickly, take these things.
442
00:24:28,606 --> 00:24:29,675
What have you got?
443
00:24:29,966 --> 00:24:32,844
I've got a hammer, nails, and a saw
and some wood.
444
00:24:32,926 --> 00:24:34,279
Saw? What for?
445
00:24:34,366 --> 00:24:37,722
To make a ladder to reach that window
and then you can escape.
446
00:24:37,806 --> 00:24:41,082
-But I don't want to escape, master.
-Of course you want to escape!
447
00:24:41,166 --> 00:24:44,841
Now listen, Lurcio, I can't leave you here
in these frightful conditions.
448
00:24:44,926 --> 00:24:46,598
You've got to escape.
449
00:24:46,686 --> 00:24:48,165
Oh, I don't want to escape.
450
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:49,480
-Excuse me, matey.
-Do you mind?
451
00:24:49,566 --> 00:24:54,640
Now, don't get familiar, we've only just met.
Lie down, get back again where you were.
452
00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:56,523
Ah!
453
00:24:56,686 --> 00:25:00,474
-Thought I smelt a rat.
-I know, it's him, there.
454
00:25:01,086 --> 00:25:02,678
I'll take those.
455
00:25:02,766 --> 00:25:05,564
Now you can join the two of them here.
456
00:25:05,646 --> 00:25:08,365
Oh... Look here, my man.
457
00:25:08,446 --> 00:25:10,357
Here, Captain, Captain!
458
00:25:10,446 --> 00:25:13,563
-I'm a senator. Come here back at once.
-A senator, he is.
459
00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:17,355
I'm a senator. Oh, Lurcio.
460
00:25:17,526 --> 00:25:19,005
Oh, Lurcio, I'm sorry.
461
00:25:19,086 --> 00:25:22,396
-Well, I did my best. I'm sorry.
-Well, if that's your best,
462
00:25:22,566 --> 00:25:24,636
if that's your best, master,
I should hate to see your worst.
463
00:25:24,726 --> 00:25:27,957
Don't let's get downhearted.
464
00:25:28,046 --> 00:25:29,035
LURCIO: Oh, don't let's get downhearted, no.
465
00:25:29,206 --> 00:25:32,562
Well, we'll just have to make ourselves
as comfortable as possible.
466
00:25:32,646 --> 00:25:36,002
Well, that shouldn't be too difficult, I suppose.
We'll just take it in turns to breathe.
467
00:25:36,086 --> 00:25:39,362
Oh, you haven't met our cellmate, have you?
468
00:25:39,446 --> 00:25:41,482
Pongus Maximus.
469
00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:43,836
-How do you do?
-Pleased to meet you.
470
00:25:43,926 --> 00:25:47,555
Ah, there you are, Captain.
I was looking for my husband.
471
00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:53,118
Oh, if it's a curly-topped old geezer
in a purple toga, he's locked up in there.
472
00:25:53,206 --> 00:25:56,164
-Oh, how very providential.
-Oh, yeah. Eh?
473
00:25:56,246 --> 00:26:01,320
I've often seen you around the town, Captain,
and found you more than desirable.
474
00:26:01,526 --> 00:26:03,596
-Oh, have you now?
-Yes.
475
00:26:03,686 --> 00:26:05,756
-Well...
-Not here, Captain.
476
00:26:05,846 --> 00:26:09,282
-Haven't you a room somewhere?
-Yes, straight down the corridor.
477
00:26:09,366 --> 00:26:10,355
Second on the left.
478
00:26:10,446 --> 00:26:13,279
Well, you go there and get ready
and I'll be there in 10 minutes.
479
00:26:13,366 --> 00:26:15,675
I'll go and turn down the straw.
480
00:26:19,086 --> 00:26:21,680
Lurcio. Lurcio, can I come in?
481
00:26:21,766 --> 00:26:23,882
Yes, plenty of room on top.
482
00:26:25,086 --> 00:26:28,237
Ammonia! What are you doing here?
483
00:26:28,326 --> 00:26:30,078
What are you doing here?
484
00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:31,963
Yeah, come to that, what are we all doing here?
485
00:26:32,046 --> 00:26:36,676
-The pub's been open for hours now.
-I only came to try to help Lurcio to escape.
486
00:26:36,766 --> 00:26:39,075
Oh, never mind that, I have a much better plan.
487
00:26:39,166 --> 00:26:42,238
Lurcio must put on my things.
Then he can leave here unnoticed.
488
00:26:42,326 --> 00:26:45,716
-But, mistress, I don't understand...
-There's not a moment to lose.
489
00:26:45,806 --> 00:26:47,319
-I don't...
-Take off your clothes.
490
00:26:47,406 --> 00:26:49,636
-Yes.
-Wait a minute, not you.
491
00:26:49,766 --> 00:26:51,597
-She was talking to me.
-Hurry up.
492
00:26:51,686 --> 00:26:54,598
-Help me out of my things.
-Not you!
493
00:26:55,326 --> 00:26:58,124
He's only supposed to have a small part.
494
00:26:58,526 --> 00:27:01,404
Lurcio, listen to me, Lurcio. Lurcio, listen to me.
495
00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:02,635
-Yes, I'm listening.
-You are.
496
00:27:02,726 --> 00:27:05,604
What you must do is to put on my things.
Then you can leave here unsuspected.
497
00:27:05,686 --> 00:27:09,520
-But I don't want to leave here, mistress.
-Oh, don't be silly, Lurcio.
498
00:27:09,606 --> 00:27:11,881
You don't think I'll let you suffer
for my son's stupidity, do you?
499
00:27:11,966 --> 00:27:13,524
Get out of it. Well, look...
500
00:27:13,606 --> 00:27:18,634
-Quickly, quickly, let's change clothes!
-All right, oh dear, all right. Let's change clothes.
501
00:27:18,726 --> 00:27:20,682
Don't know where I am in all this.
502
00:27:20,766 --> 00:27:22,961
-Take it off.
-I'm taking them off, aren't I?
503
00:27:23,046 --> 00:27:24,161
(ALL CLAMOURING)
504
00:27:24,246 --> 00:27:26,601
We'll change clothes.
505
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:30,122
(ALL SQUABBLING)
506
00:27:30,206 --> 00:27:31,764
What are you doing? Get out of it!
507
00:27:31,846 --> 00:27:34,280
I don't want to stay here, do I?
508
00:27:35,846 --> 00:27:38,041
Put the clothes on, Lurcio. Put them on.
509
00:27:38,606 --> 00:27:42,884
We spent four hours rehearsing this.
You'd never think so, would you?
510
00:27:42,966 --> 00:27:45,275
All right, I'm putting them on.
511
00:27:45,606 --> 00:27:47,358
What about you?
512
00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:49,755
Well, I'm all right, Lurcio.
I'm not involved in anything.
513
00:27:49,846 --> 00:27:51,837
And if they search me, they won't find anything.
514
00:27:51,926 --> 00:27:55,999
Well, if they search me,
they'll find plenty, that's for sure.
515
00:27:56,086 --> 00:27:58,725
-Oh, Lurcio, don't waste time. Off you go.
-All right the, but...
516
00:27:58,806 --> 00:28:02,481
Oh! The door's locked! It won't open!
517
00:28:02,566 --> 00:28:08,004
-But I put the keys on the outside. It can't be.
-Well, it can be and it is. It won't open.
518
00:28:08,166 --> 00:28:09,440
(LAUGHING)
519
00:28:09,526 --> 00:28:11,835
Hello. The Laughing Policeman.
520
00:28:11,966 --> 00:28:16,198
Well, mistress, I'm afraid you must prepare
to settle down here the rest of your life.
521
00:28:16,286 --> 00:28:19,358
Here you are. Here's your piece of straw.
522
00:28:20,086 --> 00:28:22,156
Am I to be confined here?
523
00:28:22,526 --> 00:28:25,518
With three men here, it's more than likely.
524
00:28:28,486 --> 00:28:29,839
(KNOCKING)
525
00:28:29,926 --> 00:28:32,838
Shh! Shh! I heard a noise. Under the floor.
526
00:28:34,686 --> 00:28:36,039
AMMONIA: Nausius!
527
00:28:36,206 --> 00:28:37,355
(WHISPERING) Mother!
528
00:28:37,646 --> 00:28:40,479
-Can I come up?
-Yes, do come up. Join the merry throng.
529
00:28:40,566 --> 00:28:45,117
-Oh, dear Lurcio, you see I didn't forget you.
-No, nobody forgot me.
530
00:28:45,366 --> 00:28:47,163
This is Iris.
531
00:28:47,246 --> 00:28:49,077
Oh, Iris. Well, if you're Iris, come into the parlour.
532
00:28:49,366 --> 00:28:51,641
-Come on up, men.
-That's right...
533
00:28:51,726 --> 00:28:55,082
Men? Come on then, that's it. That's right.
534
00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:57,316
The girls here have volunteered to keep
the guards occupied
535
00:28:57,406 --> 00:28:58,600
while you get away.
536
00:28:58,686 --> 00:29:02,599
Yes. It's a much better idea. Get this lot out
and leave the girls here to keep me occupied.
537
00:29:02,686 --> 00:29:05,200
Don't be silly, Lurcio. Now, off you go.
538
00:29:05,366 --> 00:29:08,039
Now you're one big happy family.
539
00:29:08,686 --> 00:29:11,041
Enjoy yourselves!
540
00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:12,639
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
541
00:29:14,566 --> 00:29:15,555
Oh, dear.
542
00:29:15,686 --> 00:29:18,519
Going up, second floor.
543
00:29:19,206 --> 00:29:22,835
Ladies' underwear, sheets and bedding.
544
00:29:22,926 --> 00:29:25,235
I'm terribly sorry, I bumped into you.
545
00:29:25,326 --> 00:29:29,558
That's all right.
We'll be in here for a long time, so keep bumping.
546
00:29:30,366 --> 00:29:32,322
What pretty bumpers.
547
00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:33,395
(TAPPING SOUND)
548
00:29:33,966 --> 00:29:35,160
Oh, that noise!
549
00:29:35,246 --> 00:29:38,204
It's Spartacus! The uprising has started!
550
00:29:38,326 --> 00:29:43,195
-He's attacking the prison arena!
-There's an uprising! Spartacus attacking!
551
00:29:43,286 --> 00:29:46,915
There are thousands of men outside there
engaged in mortal combat.
552
00:29:47,006 --> 00:29:51,397
Thousands fighting for their lives!
Thousands upon thousands!
553
00:29:51,486 --> 00:29:55,161
Well, you don't think
you're gonna get to see it, do you?
554
00:29:55,246 --> 00:29:57,316
Just take my word for it, that's all.
555
00:29:57,406 --> 00:29:59,397
Oh, what a fight!
556
00:29:59,486 --> 00:30:02,125
Oh, I wish we could see what was going on.
557
00:30:02,206 --> 00:30:04,879
It's a beautiful day here at the Pompeii arena,
558
00:30:04,966 --> 00:30:08,117
and I should think we've gathered
what could well be described as a record crowd,
559
00:30:08,206 --> 00:30:09,639
what do you think, Richie? Shut up.
560
00:30:09,726 --> 00:30:13,241
Yes, here they all are, gathered to see
the tremendously exciting contest,
561
00:30:13,326 --> 00:30:15,920
between the Pompeian slaves
in the gay, lacy briefs
562
00:30:16,006 --> 00:30:17,962
and the Roman centurions.
563
00:30:18,046 --> 00:30:22,756
Shut up, you silly old four-letter word.
No, three-letter word.
564
00:30:22,886 --> 00:30:27,004
Why give him more than he's worth?
Three-letter word. You work it out for yourselves.
565
00:30:27,086 --> 00:30:29,600
-What?
-It's stopped. It's all over.
566
00:30:30,886 --> 00:30:32,604
(SCREAMING)
567
00:30:32,686 --> 00:30:37,601
Victory is ours!
The slaves have triumphed over the masters.
568
00:30:37,686 --> 00:30:39,165
Well, well.
569
00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:43,155
The BBC might be a bit mean
with fighting soldiers,
570
00:30:43,246 --> 00:30:46,204
but they certainly lash out with the tomato sauce.
571
00:30:47,006 --> 00:30:51,397
You mean our armies are completely overcome?
572
00:30:51,486 --> 00:30:55,081
Completely. The officers all dead,
573
00:30:55,486 --> 00:30:58,523
the NCOs surrounded.
574
00:30:58,726 --> 00:31:00,603
-And the privates?
-Cut off!
575
00:31:00,686 --> 00:31:02,642
Oh, they've lost the lot.
576
00:31:09,406 --> 00:31:10,759
Oh, well.
577
00:31:12,406 --> 00:31:15,239
(STAMMERING) What's going to become of us?
578
00:31:15,326 --> 00:31:20,081
Ah, that's up to your servant Lurcio to decide.
579
00:31:20,286 --> 00:31:22,163
He's the master now.
580
00:31:22,406 --> 00:31:24,158
(CHEERING)
581
00:31:24,246 --> 00:31:28,159
I'm the master? Well, well, well.
582
00:31:28,246 --> 00:31:31,397
I'm the master now.
There's a turn-up for the book.
583
00:31:31,486 --> 00:31:35,957
I... Wait a minute, dear.
I must accustom myself to my new position.
584
00:31:36,206 --> 00:31:39,755
Ah. And now you may recommence the dialogue.
585
00:31:39,886 --> 00:31:43,435
Dear, dear Lurcio, now that you're the master,
what are you going to do with them?
586
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:46,040
Well, I haven't thought about that.
587
00:31:46,126 --> 00:31:49,038
-And me?
-I've thought about that.
588
00:31:49,286 --> 00:31:51,516
Oh, Lurcio, I must be frank.
589
00:31:51,646 --> 00:31:55,241
That's okay, dear.
You be Frank and I'll be Ammonia.
590
00:31:56,646 --> 00:31:59,206
As long as you don't come the acid.
591
00:32:00,966 --> 00:32:02,877
More milk, master?
592
00:32:03,326 --> 00:32:05,886
Perhaps just a soupÇon.
593
00:32:06,166 --> 00:32:07,360
Thank you.
594
00:32:07,446 --> 00:32:11,075
Yes, and perhaps...
Yes, just a little more sugar, please.
595
00:32:13,206 --> 00:32:15,003
Will that be all, master?
596
00:32:15,086 --> 00:32:17,441
Yes, yes, you may go.
597
00:32:18,166 --> 00:32:21,556
Oh, yes. No, wait a moment.
I seem to have lost the soap.
598
00:32:24,486 --> 00:32:28,798
-Kindly retrieve it for me, will you?
-Oh, certainly, master.
599
00:32:29,126 --> 00:32:30,764
(EXCLAIMING)
600
00:32:30,846 --> 00:32:33,155
I hope she's brought her flippers.
601
00:32:35,566 --> 00:32:37,318
I say, Cinders.
602
00:32:39,486 --> 00:32:40,999
Yes, master?
603
00:32:41,086 --> 00:32:44,920
Master, I think I've finished
all the polishing and cleaning now.
604
00:32:45,006 --> 00:32:47,315
Would there be ought else, master?
605
00:32:47,406 --> 00:32:49,761
Yes. Stone me a fig.
606
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:50,995
Yes.
607
00:32:52,206 --> 00:32:56,245
Master, may I have my food now, please?
608
00:32:56,326 --> 00:33:00,797
What? Food? But you had a bowl
of gruel only yesterday.
609
00:33:00,886 --> 00:33:04,481
Yes, I know, master,
but I'm feeling hungry again.
610
00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:07,285
Dear, you are a guts, aren't you.
611
00:33:07,606 --> 00:33:09,324
Oh, very well then.
612
00:33:09,486 --> 00:33:10,965
(EXCLAIMING)
613
00:33:12,046 --> 00:33:13,161
No.
614
00:33:13,246 --> 00:33:16,636
Your food is out there,
in a bowl next to the dog's.
615
00:33:16,726 --> 00:33:18,318
I'm sorry, master.
616
00:33:18,886 --> 00:33:22,435
I'm rotten, aren't I?
Rotten, I am! I like this part.
617
00:33:22,526 --> 00:33:24,801
Pater, Pater, wonderful news!
618
00:33:24,886 --> 00:33:29,004
Caesar's army has landed.
Spartacus and the slaves have all fled.
619
00:33:29,086 --> 00:33:31,725
-We are the masters again!
-We are?
620
00:33:31,926 --> 00:33:33,962
The masters again?
621
00:33:34,046 --> 00:33:37,482
(CHUCKLES) Well, well, well.
622
00:33:37,926 --> 00:33:40,486
Did you hear that, Lurcio?
623
00:33:40,566 --> 00:33:45,356
Yes, but I don't think we should let it
affect our way of life. Do you?
624
00:33:45,446 --> 00:33:48,006
Don't you now, Lurcio?
625
00:33:48,086 --> 00:33:50,475
No. A little more fan, dear.
626
00:33:50,606 --> 00:33:52,437
-I'll give you fan.
-Thank you.
627
00:33:52,526 --> 00:33:55,279
Get out of here, you low-down,
useless, idle... Out!
628
00:33:57,246 --> 00:34:00,795
Oh, dear, back to being lovable again.
Oh, what a shame.
629
00:34:00,926 --> 00:34:02,154
(BARKING)
630
00:34:02,246 --> 00:34:05,716
No, no! Let go!
No, don't do it! Let go! Drop it!
631
00:34:05,806 --> 00:34:09,321
Drop it! Drop it! Now, please don't...
632
00:34:10,806 --> 00:34:14,685
Oh, dear. Oh, you naughty little dog.
Oh, aren't you awful.
633
00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:19,356
Oh, what a monster he is. He really is.
634
00:34:19,446 --> 00:34:21,835
Well, salute, salute.
48719
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