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1
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,248
Oh, you remember my Uncle Ernie?
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:06,683
No, I don't.
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,141
It doesn't matter. He
doesn't remember you either.
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,622
Anyway, he's
getting married again.
5
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,157
This is the fourth time.
6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,258
The fourth time?
7
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,293
What about the
other three wives?
8
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:20,697
First one died from
eating poison mushrooms.
9
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,921
Second one died from
eating poison mushrooms.
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,502
What about the third one?
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,426
Fractured skull.
12
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:29,972
A fractured skull?
13
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:33,410
Mm-hm. She wouldn't
eat the poison mushrooms.
14
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:36,179
Welcome Back, Kotter has
been recorded live on tape
15
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,036
before a studio audience.
16
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,024
♪ Welcome back ♪
17
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,695
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
18
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,897
♪ Welcome back ♪
19
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:58,801
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
20
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,837
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
21
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,039
♪ Since you hung around ♪
22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,308
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
23
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,777
♪ And they've turned around ♪
24
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,879
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
25
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,447
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
26
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,683
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
27
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,785
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
28
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,921
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
29
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,090
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
30
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:22,358
♪ Welcome back ♪
31
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,260
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
32
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,663
♪ Welcome back ♪
33
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,932
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
34
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,856
♪ Welcome back ♪
35
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:44,481
Okay, you got two
minutes to the bell.
36
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,649
But would you like to know
what would make me happy?
37
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,084
What?
38
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,753
Would you like to know what
would make me supremely happy?
39
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:51,955
Yeah.
40
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,390
Just once, if I can
go into that room
41
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:58,361
and see my entire class
sitting there before the bell rang.
42
00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,451
Make another wish.
43
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,067
Look, Mr. Kotter, we've
still got two minutes
44
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,570
of private life
left, do you mind?
45
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,793
Just once. Just once,
that's all I'm asking.
46
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,207
She told me, Epstein.
47
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:13,643
She told me.
48
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:14,911
Who? What? Who told you what?
49
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,079
Susie.
50
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,180
You hit on her at the party.
51
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,781
Tried to make out with my chick.
52
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,616
Hey, I wouldn't go near her.
53
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,720
Face it, Ludlow,
the lady's a dog.
54
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:29,392
You're calling my Susie a dog?
55
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,896
Yeah, well, name me another
girl that barks and rolls over.
56
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,034
That does it, Epstein let's go.
57
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,469
Hey, take it easy,
man. Take it easy.
58
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,738
I'm, uh, trying to figure out
59
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,339
what your new face
is gonna look like.
60
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,509
Hey, my friend,
a word of warning:
61
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,479
Epstein was voted
most likely to take a life.
62
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,814
Oh, man. Shucks.
63
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:54,317
Yeah, I voted three times.
64
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,855
You coming, Cream Puff?
65
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,223
Ooh!
66
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,358
Horshack, my bandana, please.
67
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:03,949
Yes, sir.
68
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,033
I accept your challenge.
69
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,234
Fisticuffs, close range...
70
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,502
Hey, give him room.
71
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,503
Give him room. Give
him room. Let's go.
72
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,372
Hey, that way.
73
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:17,641
Have a good time.
74
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,913
We ought to find out
Ludlow's blood type
75
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,249
and start rounding up donations.
76
00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:30,253
Okay, okay.
77
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,255
You people are
going the wrong way.
78
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,523
What's going on?
79
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,815
Hey, Dr. Epstein is
performing a nose transplant.
80
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:42,365
Ah, there ain't nothing like a
brisk morning workout, boys.
81
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,433
Where's Epstein, man?
82
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,601
All right, get into class.
83
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,502
But we gotta find Epstein.
84
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,071
I'll find Epstein. Go into cl...
85
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,362
Come on, Horshack,
get into class.
86
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,711
Where's Epstein?
87
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,095
He's back there on the floor.
88
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,772
Go to your class.
89
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,576
Epstein, are you okay?
90
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,011
Hey, look at me, man.
91
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,327
So you got a black eye, huh?
92
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,518
Hey, you didn't look
that terrific to begin with.
93
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,067
Come on, we're
gonna be late for class.
94
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,235
I ain't going to class, man.
95
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,870
I ain't never going to class.
96
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:21,871
Where you going then?
97
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,973
I don't know, uh...
98
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,437
into the religious life.
99
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,479
Brother Epstein, huh?
100
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:34,417
See the headlines: "Puerto
Rican Jew joins monastery...
101
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,975
becomes the first schlamonk."
102
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:43,659
Hey, so you got beat up?
103
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:44,761
Big deal.
104
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,663
I mean, I got beat
up plenty of times.
105
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,264
You think no one's
gonna understand?
106
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,033
Yeah, that's what I think.
107
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,068
Hey, Juan, those kids in there,
108
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,770
the Sweathogs,
they're your friends.
109
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,538
Ah, man, nobody
likes a loser, man.
110
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,073
Hey, you know
why you're leaving?
111
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,730
'Cause you don't
have the guts to stay.
112
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,443
Who says?
113
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,444
I say. Oh, yeah?
114
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,012
Well, who are you to say?
115
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:07,672
I am the ghost of Sweathog past.
116
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:09,952
Oh, man.
117
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,620
Hey, if I am wrong,
118
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,724
may a thousand Mr. Woodmans
move into my apartment building.
119
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:19,262
Come on, you go back
and you face your friends,
120
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,698
and then I'll take
you to the nurse.
121
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,455
You get that eye fixed up.
122
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,036
Epstein. Hey, man.
123
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,170
Are you okay?
124
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,838
Let's check it out,
man. Whooo! Wow.
125
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,807
See, huh? They're
still your friends.
126
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,408
Of course we're
still his friends.
127
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,444
We're sure... We're
sure his friends, man.
128
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,012
Man, we're Sweathogs.
129
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,549
Our hearts go out to losers.
130
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:40,950
Oh, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
131
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,219
Epstein is not a loser.
132
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:46,222
Hey, Mr. Kotter, I'm only
talking about the fight.
133
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,991
Which he did lose.
134
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,160
Hey, but you're my main man.
135
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,563
You could be a big one,
and all that other stuff, man.
136
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:57,200
You know, like,
um... Like knitting...
137
00:05:57,224 --> 00:06:01,226
and, um, like, um... ballet.
138
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:05,808
Look, Epstein,
you're still our friend,
139
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,944
and we respect
you for who you are.
140
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,035
A totally beaten man.
141
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,017
Okay, though, I am truly
142
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,886
grievously upset
with you, Epstein.
143
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:20,356
How can I expect
everybody to respect me
144
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:24,649
when my very meanest friend
turns out to be a cream puff?
145
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,998
Hey, you lied, man. No, man.
146
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,400
Now that ain't the toughest kid,
147
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,400
I'm nobody, man.
148
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,836
I'm nothing, man.
149
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,571
We were only kidding.
150
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,227
It's supposed to be...
151
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,244
Mrs. Epstein, do
you have any idea
152
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,980
where he might have gone?
153
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:48,484
Beside the zoo with
the rest of the animals.
154
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,253
Look, I'll tell you
what: If I locate him,
155
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,121
I'll let you know as
soon as I hear anything.
156
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,023
Okay.
157
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,326
You've been a great
help, Mrs. Epstein.
158
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,895
Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
159
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,931
It's incredible.
Absolutely incredible.
160
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,866
Her son's been
missing for three days.
161
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,167
And the only thing she says is:
162
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,635
"Hey, Murray, no
wonder there was
163
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:08,392
an extra sausage last night."
164
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,074
Honey, maybe that's
why being a tough guy
165
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,476
is so important to him.
166
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,645
Nobody ever shows him any love.
167
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,470
Yeah, well, before I
love him, I gotta find him.
168
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,254
If he only knew how much
everybody wanted him back.
169
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,522
Well, what should I do?
170
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,325
Stand on the steps of the
school and start singing:
171
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,828
♪ Won't you come
home Juan Epstein? ♪
172
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,296
♪ Won't you come home? ♪
173
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,388
♪ We moan a whole night long ♪
Come on, let's go.
174
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:42,338
♪ We'll do the cooking,
Juan We'll pay the rent ♪
175
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,774
Good morning, Mrs. Kotter.
176
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,908
Wherever you are.
177
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,765
Goodbye, Mr. Kotter.
178
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,986
♪ Remember that rainy evening ♪
179
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,321
Out. Goodbye.
180
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,745
♪ Oh, you had
nothing, we're fine... ♪
181
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:11,301
♪ I know I'm to blame,
Well, ain't that a shame ♪
182
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:15,793
♪ Juan Epstein Won't
you please come home... ♪
183
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,482
Hello?
184
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,386
♪ I really mean it... ♪
185
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,060
Epstein Central.
186
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,650
Epstein ain't here,
Barbarino speaking.
187
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,466
Well, if he ain't there,
try that store on the corner
188
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,302
with the big sign that
says, "We never close."
189
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,571
Oh, it's closed?
190
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:52,407
All right, then try the
Staten Island ferry.
191
00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:54,966
No, stupid, it's a boat.
192
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,620
All right, the rest of you
guys take Manhattan,
193
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:07,489
the Bronx, and
Staten Island too.
194
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,291
♪ Hey, tell me what street ♪
195
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,883
♪ Compares with
my street In July ♪
196
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:16,166
Sit down. Sit down.
197
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,233
Hey, Barbarino,
what's going on in here?
198
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:19,502
This is a classroom,
199
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,704
not Allied command headquarters.
200
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,740
This is our all-out effort
to find our friend, Epstein.
201
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,108
You was right, Mr. Kotter.
202
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,578
It was sort of our fault,
his running away and all.
203
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:29,912
But we're gonna make up for it.
204
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:32,214
Everybody's out
looking everywhere.
205
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,249
You wanna help?
206
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,773
Here, be a blue pin.
207
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,419
Forget the blue pin.
208
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,522
There's a red
phone on that table.
209
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,357
What?
210
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,158
That. That's a red phone.
211
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:45,361
Where?
212
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,062
Right over there.
213
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,097
That?
214
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,300
That is a red
phone on the table.
215
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,203
Now, where did that
red phone come from?
216
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,561
Oh, we found it.
217
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,132
Lying around.
218
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,169
In Mr. Woodman's office.
219
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,483
Ohhh.
220
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,485
Horshack, it's good to see you.
221
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,087
What's the story
in Coney Island?
222
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,278
Twelve potato knishes.
223
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:18,928
Who told you that you
had to eat 12 knishes?
224
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,518
They did.
225
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:25,268
The knishes? They speak to you?
226
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,070
Yes. They said:
227
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:31,574
"Arnold.
228
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:34,310
Arnold.
229
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,000
Eat us.
230
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,036
We're fluffy.
231
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,673
We're delicious."
232
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,921
Oh, but they lied.
233
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:49,192
Arnold, you can't trust a knish.
234
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,482
I think you'd better sit
down, you're knished-out.
235
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,232
What is the meaning of all this?
236
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,000
Well, for class
today, Mr. Woodman,
237
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,236
they're conducting a
missing-persons bureau.
238
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,005
They're trying to locate
one Juan Epstein. Huh.
239
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,074
He might have joined the circus.
240
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,399
May have been an opening
for a half man, half beast.
241
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:10,679
My red phone.
242
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:12,270
What's it doing here?
243
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,073
What?
244
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,989
That's my red phone, Kotter.
245
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,679
Where?
246
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,893
Right there.
247
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,895
That?
248
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:29,498
That's my red phone.
Where did it come from?
249
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,489
They found it.
250
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,327
Lying around.
251
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,377
In your office.
252
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,812
Just a minute, Kotter.
Don't answer that.
253
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,614
No one under any circumstances
254
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,918
answers my red phone
except me, and give it to me.
255
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,408
Hello?
256
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,611
It's for you.
257
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,894
Hello.
258
00:11:58,918 --> 00:11:59,896
Hi, Julie. What...?
259
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:00,896
What?
260
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,865
I'll be right there.
261
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,600
You gotta take over my class.
262
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,968
Just pretend you're in charge.
263
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,272
I gotta go home.
264
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,238
Epstein showed up.
265
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,239
Where? ALL: Where?
266
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,740
At my apartment.
267
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,409
Right now, he's
locked in my bathroom.
268
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:16,634
I gotta get there before
he drowns my rubber duck.
269
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,390
Juan, you've been in
there for over an hour.
270
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,261
You must be awfully
hot and thirsty by now.
271
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:36,265
How would you like
a nice cold soda?
272
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:39,068
Sure I would, but I'm a punk.
273
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,737
Punks don't deserve
nice cold sodas.
274
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,361
What do you got
that's warm and flat?
275
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,710
Hi, honey.
276
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:51,046
Hi. Is he still in
there? Uh-huh.
277
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,615
Juan, Mr. Kotter's here.
278
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,283
I'll be right back
with your flat soda.
279
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,839
Don't go anywhere.
280
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:57,543
Where would I go?
281
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,923
Epstein, it's me.
282
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,859
Where have you been?
283
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,094
Missing. Actually,
I'm still missing.
284
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,863
Epstein, you're not missing.
You're in my bathroom.
285
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,799
Right now, I wanna take a bath.
286
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,856
Why? It ain't Saturday.
287
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:15,838
Epstein, come outta there,
288
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,607
or I'm gonna break
this door down.
289
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,730
No, you won't.
290
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,880
That's what you're supposed
to say in situations like this.
291
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,682
You know what you're
also supposed to say?
292
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,706
What?
293
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,319
Now, see here, Leo.
294
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,389
Now, come out
with your hands up.
295
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,090
Oh, you dirty rat.
296
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,782
You'll never take
me alive, copper.
297
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,395
Ah.
298
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:42,164
Never, copper. Never, never.
299
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,299
That's not bad, Epstein.
300
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,801
You liked that? A little higher.
301
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,503
Higher? "You'll
never take me alive."
302
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,071
You'll never take me alive.
303
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:50,372
Put your thumbs in your pants.
304
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,473
Got it.
305
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,042
Okay, you know what
I'm gonna do now?
306
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,544
Ooh, you know what
I'm gonna do now?
307
00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:55,945
I'm coming outta this bathroom.
308
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,780
I'm coming outta this bathroom.
309
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,349
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy ♪
310
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,552
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle boy ♪
311
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,676
Hey, no way.
312
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,880
Almost worked, sweetheart.
313
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,396
Juan, this is Julie.
314
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,966
I've got your flat soda for you.
315
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,523
Pour it under the door.
316
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,804
The only way you're gonna it
317
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,173
is to get your tail outta there.
318
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,175
Look, Mrs. Kotter's out there,
319
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,843
and I don't feel
like facing a woman.
320
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,879
Don't worry, Juan. I'll lock
myself in the bathroom.
321
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:34,383
Okay, look, you gotta promise
me one thing, Mr. Kotter.
322
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,619
I promise.
323
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,220
What did I promise?
324
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,355
That you don't look at me.
325
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,757
Okay.
326
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,647
I'll look at a lamp.
327
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,707
Well, Epstein, nice
to see you again.
328
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,810
You lost a little
weight, haven't you?
329
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,179
Hey, Mr. Kotter, the second
rule after don't look at me,
330
00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:06,248
is don't make fun of me.
331
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,916
If you didn't want
me to look at you,
332
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,651
then why did you come here?
333
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,187
To say goodbye.
334
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,731
I'm running away
to join the circus.
335
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,459
Don't you know...
Don't look at me.
336
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,960
Look at the lamp.
337
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,129
Don't you know...
338
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:24,233
that the one thing you can't
run away from is yourself?
339
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:28,937
Because no matter where
you go, lamp, you go with you.
340
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,374
So, why don't you
go back to school?
341
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,863
I can't.
342
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,577
Epstein, could I
please look at you?
343
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,161
I can't get through
to this lamp.
344
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:43,541
Okay, but, like, kinda like
have no expression on your face.
345
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,651
Epstein.
346
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,021
Now tell me why
you can't go back?
347
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,004
'Cause I'm a punk.
348
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:06,175
My friends were right
when they said I'm a punk.
349
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,977
Uh, a child of the streets.
350
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:12,214
A fly speck on
the highway of life.
351
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:15,084
Hey, nobody cares about me, man.
352
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,651
Okay, then you tell
me why those kids
353
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,188
have been combing
the city looking for you?
354
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,889
They have not.
355
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,858
They have.
356
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,161
In their own way, of course.
357
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:28,497
Hey, they care about you, Juan.
358
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,332
We all care about you.
359
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,223
Then how come you didn't write?
360
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,306
Juan, you poor baby.
361
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,341
Don't look at me.
362
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,605
Look at the lamp.
363
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,913
You know what I see? What?
364
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:47,916
I see a sensitive,
bright, energetic kid,
365
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,885
that has a lot more
going for him than muscle.
366
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:50,953
You see that?
367
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,254
Where? Where is that guy?
368
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,358
Show me, where?
369
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,625
I'll show you where that guy is.
370
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,927
That guy is in here:
371
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,363
And that guy is in here:
372
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,707
Yeah, how about right here?
373
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,770
There's nothing in there, Juan.
374
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,393
It's empty.
375
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,574
Nothing.
376
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,743
However, you are going to meet
377
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,767
a tall dark stranger.
378
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,417
Honey, I'm through
looking at the lamp,
379
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:25,520
and now I'm
answering the window.
380
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,688
Hi.
381
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,491
I told you over and
over and over again,
382
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,326
don't come in
through the window.
383
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,427
There's a door over there.
384
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,462
You see, a door?
385
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,364
What do you think it's used for?
386
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,865
At least they're
making progress.
387
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,401
They knocked.
388
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:41,470
Epstein, how you doing?
389
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,640
You ready to come back and
wipe out Todd Ludlow, huh?
390
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,141
We figured you've
rested up enough
391
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:47,943
to get back a little
Sweathog honor.
392
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,646
Yeah, you could
hit him, and kick him
393
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:54,238
and knock him down
the stairs and step on him.
394
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:58,586
I don't know.
395
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:01,791
Epstein, what's
the matter with you?
396
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:04,893
Maybe Epstein has decided
that there's more to being a man
397
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,929
than winning or losing a fight.
398
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,563
That manliness is not measured
399
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,866
by the amount of
macho a guy's got.
400
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,291
Right you are, Mr. Kotter.
401
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,875
I get along without
any macho at all.
402
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:23,679
Yeah, I'm holding it
for him till he gets older.
403
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:27,182
Hey, look, a real
man's got to be tough.
404
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,850
No way, Freddie.
405
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,853
Are you saying just
'cause Ludlow took me out
406
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,220
that I'm less than a man?
407
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:35,690
I mean, how about what
I think and how I feel?
408
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,559
That's a lot of jive
words from Mr. Kotter.
409
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,462
No way. Hey, man, look.
410
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,629
He don't know nothing about
411
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,965
living in the streets
today, man. Nothing.
412
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,733
Freddie, what makes
you think that today
413
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,635
is any different than yesterday?
414
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,699
Where do you think
I got this nose from?
415
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,468
From a novelty store?
416
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,820
Horshack, this nose has
been all over the place.
417
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:08,090
One year, it was over here.
418
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,825
One year is in back here.
419
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,426
One year, I had to
hide it in my locker,
420
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,628
to make sure it was safe.
421
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,031
As long as we still
got to be living here,
422
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,434
there's gonna be times when
we got to resort to fighting.
423
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,069
You understand? No.
424
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:21,203
No, I don't understand.
425
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,105
You don't understand
that you have a choice.
426
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,105
You can use this:
427
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:25,274
And maybe you guys will stay
428
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,176
in this neighborhood
the rest of your lives.
429
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,444
Or you can use what's in
here, and what's in here,
430
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,746
and you got a shot
at getting outta here.
431
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,137
I mean, it's all up to you.
432
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,151
Let... Let me translate.
433
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,986
Everybody make a fist. Aw.
434
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,354
Come on, make a fist.
435
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,423
All right. Okay.
436
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,447
Now open it up.
437
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:47,384
You see, there's
nothing in there. Heh.
438
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,700
What?
439
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,968
Right here. There's
nothing there.
440
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,359
Where?
441
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,208
Why don't you call
your mother, Juan?
442
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,065
She's worried about you.
443
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:05,914
You know something, Mrs. Kotter?
444
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,115
What, Juan?
445
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,184
It's not much fun being missing.
446
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,919
I mean, like, you
walk around all day,
447
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,143
but you're not really
there, you know?
448
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,090
Hello?
449
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:17,793
Pedro.
450
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,628
Yeah, yeah, it's me.
451
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,865
Hey, do me a favor, put
Ma on the phone, will ya?
452
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,200
Hello, Ma?
453
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,924
Oh, Irving.
454
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,571
Yeah.
455
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:30,573
Hey, Irving,
456
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,941
c-could you get Ma to the phone?
457
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:36,278
Thanks. Hello, Ma?
458
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:37,768
Sanchez?
459
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,850
Uh, S-Sanchez, could
you get Ma on the phone?
460
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,708
Hello, Ma?
461
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,944
It's me, Juan.
462
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,880
Juan Epstein.
463
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:54,396
Number six.
464
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,932
Short guy, curly hair.
465
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,967
Antisocial.
466
00:20:58,991 --> 00:20:59,968
Right.
467
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,136
Right.
468
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,405
Yeah, well, I'm at the Kotters'.
469
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,262
Yeah, I'm coming home.
470
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,333
Yeah. Okay.
471
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:11,536
Here.
472
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:14,015
Hello, Mrs. Epstein.
473
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,451
Yeah, he's fine, safe and sound.
474
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,509
Okay, I'm gonna send him home.
475
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:25,393
Okay, I will.
476
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,696
She says if you were planning
to come home for dinner,
477
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,465
that you should eat here.
478
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,449
Your sausage was
already committed.
479
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,671
Why don't you all come
back here for dinner?
480
00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:40,135
Hey, that's a great
idea, Mrs. Kotter.
481
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:48,873
You know, Epstein,
482
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:52,143
you were right.
483
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:04,299
There is nothing there.
484
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,535
Hey, man, maybe you don't got to
485
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,704
beat up on a guy
to prove yourself.
486
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:10,339
That's right.
487
00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:13,864
Use your head, and get
somebody else to do it for you.
488
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,449
We're all gonna
have supper together,
489
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:22,317
but we gotta go back
to school right now,
490
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,318
so come on, let's go.
491
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,519
We got a lot to learn.
492
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,703
All right. Okay.
493
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,725
See you later, Mrs. Kotter.
494
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,681
Bye-bye, Arnold. Bye.
495
00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:53,248
♪ Welcome back ♪
496
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:55,840
♪ Your dreams
were your Ticket out ♪
497
00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:59,054
Did I tell you about
my Uncle Bernie
498
00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:00,388
who never took a bath?
499
00:23:00,412 --> 00:23:02,057
No. This is true.
500
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:03,825
I had an Uncle Bernie,
never took a bath.
501
00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:05,093
Really? Yeah.
502
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:07,262
Now, one time he's gone
away to vacation, you know?
503
00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:08,730
He's got two friends of his.
504
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,898
One's a guy from India,
and one's a guy from Israel.
505
00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:11,900
Right? Mm-hm.
506
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:13,501
Their car breaks down. Mm-hm.
507
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:14,869
Knocks on a farmer's door, says:
508
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:15,971
"There's three of us here.
509
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:17,606
We have no place
to sleep for tonight.
510
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:18,940
Our car broke down."
511
00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:21,076
The farmer says, "Well,
two of you can sleep here.
512
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,277
One has to sleep in the barn,
513
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:23,745
'cause we don't have any room."
514
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,147
Which one slept in the barn?
515
00:23:25,171 --> 00:23:26,581
First the guy from India says,
516
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:28,984
"That is all right. I will sleep
in the barn, no problem."
517
00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:30,352
He goes to sleep in the barn.
518
00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:32,053
About a minute
later, there's a knock.
519
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:33,254
It's the guy from India.
520
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:35,123
He says, "So sorry, I
cannot sleep in there.
521
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,425
There's a cow in the barn,
522
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:37,526
and cow is a sacred animal.
523
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:38,927
Cannot sleep with a cow."
524
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:40,262
So, what happened then?
525
00:23:40,286 --> 00:23:41,530
The guy from Israel says:
526
00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:44,132
"Big deal, so I'll go
sleep in the barn."
527
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:45,233
He goes to the barn,
528
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:47,035
and about a minute
later there's a knock.
529
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:48,102
It's the guy from Israel.
530
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:49,104
He says, "I can't sleep.
531
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:50,371
There's a pig in the barn.
532
00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:52,362
It's not kosher, and I
can't sleep with a pig."
533
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,510
So, what did your uncle do?
534
00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:56,612
Well, my uncle had to.
535
00:23:56,636 --> 00:23:58,079
He said, "I'll
sleep in the barn."
536
00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,247
So my uncle went to the barn.
537
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:00,682
A minute later there's a knock,
538
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:02,105
and it's the cow and the pig.
539
00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:06,555
♪ Welcome back ♪
540
00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,945
♪ Your dreams were... ♪
541
00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:20,636
♪ Welcome back ♪
542
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:24,273
♪ Your dreams
were your Ticket out ♪
543
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:26,374
♪ Welcome back ♪
544
00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:31,213
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
545
00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:33,382
♪ Well the names
Have all changed ♪
546
00:24:33,406 --> 00:24:35,584
♪ Since you hung around ♪
547
00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:37,986
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
548
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:40,255
♪ And they've turned around ♪
549
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:42,357
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
550
00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:44,059
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
551
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,161
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
552
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:48,363
♪ Back here where We need ya? ♪
553
00:24:48,387 --> 00:24:50,531
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
554
00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:52,634
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
555
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,836
♪ Welcome back ♪
556
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,938
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
557
00:24:56,962 --> 00:24:59,241
♪ Welcome back ♪
558
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:01,343
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
559
00:25:01,367 --> 00:25:03,378
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
560
00:25:03,402 --> 00:25:05,713
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
561
00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:07,849
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
562
00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:10,541
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
36808
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