All language subtitles for Definitely Not Today S01E01

Timing and subtitles by
The Team Near the River 💦 @Viki.com

[Episode 1]

I'm Mi Chong.

I've known, since I was young,

that I'm a lucky person.

[I know that I'm a lucky person]

When I was still an embryo,

my family was already well-prepared for my arrival.

And my story,

began after my mother said these words:

I'm giving birth to this baby!

My entire family was relieved

upon hearing my cries.

As for my paternal grandfather,

he was so happy that he passed away.

[Grandfathers | Grandmothers | Dad | Mom]

When I was six,

I realized that my maternal grandmother became a master at hide-and-seek.

Her disappearance

prompted my growing curiosity about the outside world.

As for my mother,

she happens to be someone who puts great importance on teaching by example.

Why are you burning grandma's photo?

She's already gone.

Keeping it is not good for future generations.

As for my father,

he's the strongest man in our family.

He used twenty-three years

to prove that he was indeed a worthy pillar of this family.

Over these twenty-three years,

my paternal grandmother, and maternal grandfather

both passed away, one after another.

Only my dad remained strong.

I thought he was going to be like this forever.

Up until last week...

The patient on bed four, the patient on bed four is awake!

I finally

became an orphan.

I think they're trying to use the impermanence of life to tell me

that losing control is the essence of life.

And the only way to regain order

is to set everything back to zero.
[Is to set everything back to zero.]

Today is a good day.

It's also the day that Osamu Dazai committed suicide.

I'm very satisfied to die on the same day as him.

The reason I wrote this letter

is to ask you to take good care of my cat.

Although its life is similar to mine,

it's meaningless.

I need to restate

that there is a huge difference

between wanting to die and not wanting to live.

I think I'm the latter.

Mi Chong.

There are five minutes left.

I'll make good use of these five minutes then.

[Definitely Not Today]

[Eight Hours Later]

This is the extremely painful beginning of a story.

This is the first time Zhi Liao and I met.

[Thirteen Hours before]

I'm Zhi Liao.

My specialty is to scam people.

Brother Qiang.

Brother Qiang taught me this.

He's like a dad to me.

This is Jin Jie, my partner.

Every time the fish takes the bait,

he's the one who draws in the net.

In this respect,

we work very well together.

The largest share is naturally handed over to Brother Qiang,

while the rest is divided up according to our usual practice, 50/50.

In this bar that Brother Qiang opened...

The most expensive one.
There are idiots who fall for the scam almost every day.

- Let's have a drink first.
- Okay.

Let's have a drink.

Tonight,

is no exception.

Brother Qiang said that everyone must have a bit of evil in them.

If you're not bad enough,

you'll encounter those who are worse than you.

At that time, even the most experienced scammer

will fall with the rest.

But that day, I forgot.

Just one more drink. One more.

- Come. Another one.
- Cheers.

Cheers!

Thinking back on it,

I really want to tell myself at the time:

"Screw you!"

- Wait.
- Hurry.

I know. She's too heavy.

Quit your complaining.

Hurry up!

Come.

Get in the car.

Wait a second.

Let's go!

[Zhi Liao]

Turn off the phone.

Okay.

Who allowed you to touch my stuff?

Hello, the subscriber you dialed is powered off.

[Zhi Liao]
Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is powered off.

Hello, the subscriber you dialed is powered off.

This girl is pretty hot.

Brother, I'm unable to hold back for much longer.

I once heard that, in order to protect themselves,

some girls can take a dump in their pants on the spot.

But I can't do it.

Even so, I still need to try and do something

to have them lose their sexual desires.

- Take off your jacket!
- Okay.

Hurry! Why are you giving it to me?

- What else? Hurry!
- I'm not doing it.

What the hell? Why did you throw up on me?

[In construction. Do not enter.]

What even is this?

What's wrong?

The car's scratched.

I told you to let her puke in your jacket!

You didn't give it to her, so I looked at her instead of the road.

Easy for you to say, that's my jacket!

Keep arguing.

Continue. Go on for longer.

Enjoy the last moments of your lives where you can still talk loudly.

As long as I get away,

the next time I see you,

I won't let you off so easily.

Was it my fault? You were the one driving!

Run!

This is the extremely ugly beginning of a story.

This is the first time Mi Chong and I met.

Wait, no. To be exact,

this is what I remember to be the first time we met.

Give me ¥3,000 and I'll pretend like this never happened.
(T/N: ¥3,000 = $470)

Money. Money.
(In English)

Money.
(In Japanese)

You don't want to give me any?

You know I'm trying to help you, right?

Help me?

If my leader found out

that I stayed at your place overnight,

he would definitely want you dead.

Was I not the one who saved her?

The smug expression on her face

is causing me to start doubting my own memory.

Stay here.

Usually, during these times, you have to show your confidence.

A lot of confidence.

- I'm looking for...
- He's here.

Did you need anything?

I'm here to pay my rent.

Money, money, money. Money!

You can just hand it to me.

Right? Babe?

Babe?

I would've never thought

that you could be a landlord while living in such a small apartment.

The smell I love the most.

Why are you looking at me?

It's not yours.

What do you mean it's not mine?

It's in my hands, so it's mine.

It appeared when I was asking you for money.

That's fate.

Is what you're doing... considered burglary?

What are you doing?

I'm sure you touched me when you changed my clothes.

I didn't. Of course not.

Even if you didn't touch me, I'm sure you were looking.

I didn't. I had my eyes closed.

If you didn't touch me nor look at me, then how did you change my clothes?

Do you think you're lying to a three-years-old kid?

I...

Therefore, it's not wrong of me to take this money.

I won't let you suffer any losses either.

You can keep those as souvenirs.

After all, it must be pretty expensive to buy female belongings online.

Bye.

[Second Block]

I didn't go home all night. Jin Jie is probably losing it because he can't find me.

He's the person I trust the most in this city.

But he's human only when he's happy.

When he's upset, he's a scoundrel.

Therefore, I usually try to not make him angry.

He has very strong muscles. Muscle!

Although he's not very intelligent,

and a bit scary when he's mad,

it's enough to be my partner.

But it seems like he doesn't like this identity of his.

I like you. Be with me.

Be with me.

When it comes to love,

I have instinctive fear.

But after what happened to me,

I suddenly realized that I want to pounce on him,

hug him, kiss him, and tell him: "Let's give it a try, scoundrel!"

But...

If she jumps into the river again,

it won't just be your shoe I'll be throwing.

I'm really sorry, Sirs.

Zhi Liao doesn't know any better. When I find her,

I'll have her make it up to you.

I just found out

that, when you're betrayed by the people you trust the most,

that feeling is like having your ice cream tightly held in your hands,

yet still having it fall on the ground.

No matter how much you still want to eat it,

you know you can't because it became

very filthy.

Looking at the time, I suddenly feel a bit irritated.

Because of a girl that suddenly appeared,

I missed the opportunity to have the same death anniversary as Mr. Dazai.
[No Longer Human]

Do I really need to wait another year?

All right. No matter what,

here I come.

For this day, I practiced on my own countless times.

The rope can't be tied like this. It'll easily come undone.

As for this, I can't fit my head in.

As for this bow,

is it too effeminate?

In order to die a dignified death,

I also must make many preparations.

I have to keep myself clean,

keep my home clean,

and confirm again that I've kept myself clean.

In order for my neighbor to discover my body early,

I have also made preparations.

For example, I've established a good neighborly relationship with her

to make sure she visits me every now and then.

I'm sorry. I hope she doesn't get a heart attack from this.
[Attention: Triggering scene ahead!]

And this is the best loop

I've ever made.

Now, I just have to wait patiently

for the lingering light of the setting sun

to shine through the windows,

and through the glass.

The moment it shines through my eyes,

it'll be last thing that I see

during my lifetime.

I just had the sudden thought that I can't let you go that easi—

What's going on?

I just wanted to hang my clothes.

It seems very sturdy. It'll do...

An awful lie.

Only an idiot would believe that.

Let me help you.

That's pretty good.

There's still sunlight.

I'm staying here for a few days.

I don't want to be alone.

What time do you usually work?

Can you make breakfast? What are we eating tonight?

Next time, I need to put this somewhere more obvious.

What are you doing?

I just tidied up.

Why did you come back?

I'm staying here for a few days.

Here's the rent.

I'll pay for it.

It's all mine anyway.

Thank you for watching our middle age and elderly blind dating show.
[Meet After Dusk]

No matter how long she stays,

she's already ruining my plans.

If she came ten minutes later,

no, even five minutes later,

I would have finished it.

[Who died today in history? 615]

No, no, no.

I can't keep looking this up.

Today is the last day I can endure.

Whether she leaves or not,

I must die today.

I'll let her take care of the aftermath my neighbor was supposed to take care of.

This time, I must succeed

because I am a lucky person.

Timing and subtitles by
The Team Near the River 💦 @Viki.com

♫ I remember the day I met you ♫

♫ I remember the way you smiled ♫

♫ You came straight from a dream into my life ♫

♫ I couldn't look you in the eye ♫

♫ I never have been one for talking ♫

♫ I always have been much too shy ♫

♫ But when I am with you, it feels so right ♫

♫ I end up talking all day and night ♫

♫ Head in the clouds ♫

♫ I'm floating ♫

♫ Head over heels ♫

♫ I've fallen ♫

♫ You alone could make me feel ♫

♫ Like we are alone in a world our own ♫

♫ I'm not the kind to say I love you ♫

♫ I know that we should take our time ♫

♫ But ever since I've had you in my life ♫

♫ I have never felt quite so alive ♫