All language subtitles for Pushing.Daisies.S02E13.720p.HDTV.x264-E7-eng

NARRATOR: At this very moment
in the town of Couer d'Louise...

...young Lily Charles was 5 years,
16 hours and 2 minutes old.

Three days earlier, her sister, Vivian,
was born with a hole in her heart.

Cardiologists patched the flaw,
and Lily received her orders:

Put her vulnerable sibling
before herself.

On her 11 th birthday, landlubbing Lily
was given a back-yard pool...

...and a swimming suit
that matched her sister Vivian's.

Lily would soon realize that constant
exposure to her younger sister...

...made Vivian a devoted mimic.

From matching swimsuits
and back-yard poolery...

...the Darling Mermaid Darlings
were born.

The renowned synchronized-swimming
sisters were loyal beyond separation...

...until Charles Charles.

Engaged to Vivian,
but in love with sister Lily...

...Charles Charles not only planted
the seeds of betrayal, he sowed them.

Shamed by the affair
with her sister's fiancé...

...Lily joined
the Sisters of the Divine Magnatum...

...where she hid her love child
from Vivian and the world.

No sooner was Lily's love child born...

...than Lily had to give her up
to keep the secret.

Somewhere between losing her daughter
and losing her eye...

...Lily lost the will to perform.

Lily's daughter, Charlotte, was raised by her
father and told her mother died giving birth.

When Charlotte's father died,
her mother came back into her life.

But not as her mother, as her aunt.

Incapacitated by the lie
she was forced to keep telling...

...Lily retreated from the world
and took Vivian and Charlotte with her.

And then Charlotte died.

At this very moment, Lily and Vivian
were commemorating a birfhday.

Specifically, a half-birthday for their
niece/daughter, Charlotte...

...who passed away
one and one-half birfhdays ago.

She was such a happy girl.

It's as if when she died,
the merriment in this home died with her.

-Good Lord.
-Sorry for being dismal.

It would be a relief
to be as strong and stoic as you.

Dear me, the aquacade is in town.

Remember taking Charlotte
for her half-birthdays?

It's as if an angel called
the Papen County Picayune...

-...and placed an ad on the back page.
-Are you done gawking?

-Birdcages need fresh liners.
-Lily, let's go to the aquacade.

It could be just the thing
to help the gloom pass. Please, for me?

NARRATOR: Though Lily was weak
with grief, her compulsion...

...to put her sister's happiness
before her own drove her to say:

Find my opera gloves.

All those children, tourists in culottes.
The place will be crawling with germs.

NARRATOR:
And so Vivian made a wish.

I can't believe you remembered
my half-birthday.

-How could we forget?
-With you never shutting up about it.

Here's a little something from me.

CHUCK:
The first edition.

And it's signed by the author.
Thank you, Emerson.

Where's yours,
boyfriend of half-birthday girl?

-Ned thinks he's a terrible gift giver.
-I am.

He's obsessed with the perfect gift.

-Doesn't exist.
-It does.

He psychs himself out to the point
where he doesn't gift anything.

But he's given me the greatest gift:
my life.

I'm not giving up
finding the perfect present.

-What died?
-A couple dozen minks, give or take.

Lily asked me to take them
to the furrier for a fluffing.

She and Vivian
are going to the aquacade...

-...to celebrate Chuck's half-birthday.
-I'm touched. Aren't you?

-I'm not sure. What's an aquacade?
-It's this traveling water show.

You have divers and swimmers
and daredevils.

It always came to town
the month of my half-birthday.

That's it, my perfect gift. I'm gonna buy
six tickets to the aquacade.

-Emerson, call Simone.
-In with the flu.

-Olive, call Randy.
-Out with the gout.

-So four tickets to the aquacade.
-Double date, double date.

Prepare to be amazed, there has not
been this much talent around water...

...since Moses played the Red Sea.

First, master of ceremonies and song,
Jimmy Neptune.

-And solo sync sensation Sid Tango.
-Yeah.

Shark-rider Galveston Gus
and his dorsal-finned friend, Bubba.

NED:
And your aunts.

The Serena and Venus of water ballet
and no one's looking?

No one's even not looking
the way you pretend not to look.

NARRATOR:
But someone was.

-The Darling Mermaid Darlings.
-Look, fans.

No, they are not fans,
they're the Aquadolls.

NARRATOR:
The facts were these:

Blanche and Coral Ramora,
a.k.a. the Aquadolls...

...shaped their act into a swimming
celebration of the red, white and blue.

But the Aquadolls
weren't the only synchronized sister duo.

The Darling Mermaid Darlings were too,
and thus grew a bitter rivalry.

-What has you chumming the waters?
-I could ask the same, chum.

Oh, the Charles sisters,
still out of the loop.

How quaint and refreshing.

We're tonight's headliners.
Didn't you know?

-Yo, dolls.
-This is our manager, Blanche's husband.

Insatiable husband, Shane Trickle.

I found him when we were performing
in Honolulu.

Hawaii. Shake tail, curtain's in 20.

Well, off to do what we do best.
Swim for Christ and country.

Might wanna pick a new flag.
One without horizontal stripes.

It's a shame cutting this short. Why
don't we meet in our dressing room--

Lavish dressing room,
after the show?

That is if the shuttle bus isn't in a hurry
to get you back to the home.

This was an unanticipated stressor.
I would like to go.

Vivian, you think I wanted
to drive 20 miles...

...to a family-friendly venue
with its general-admission parking lot?

They don't even serve alcohol here.

Oh, my goodness.
You need to sit down at home?

No, we are gonna stand up.

Now, come on,
this is Charlotte's celebration.

Her memory comes first.

Now, get out your ticket.
We're wading in. Come on.

They look rattled.

The Aquadolls is the worst thing
that could have happened.

I'm gonna have to sneak closer
and see how they're dealing.

NED:
Uh-uh.

The cotton-candy vendor
is a very large man.

With a doubly large display
of spun candy to hide behind.

Chuck.

I have to do something. What can I do
from all the way back up here?

I know. Let's lift their spirits
with an aunt chant, or the wave.

It's never been more appropriate.
Emerson, you start.

Or something more to the point.

Screw the Aquadolls!

Yay. I got a smile.

[APPLAUSE]

Greetings, ladies and gents.

Welcome to my
"Night of 1,000 Bubbles."

Is this a frothy crowd or what?

Bubba the shark thinks so.
More from him later.

Thanks for insisting we stay.
Now the task is staying strong.

But right now,
let us rise for our national anthem...

...as interpreted by
those patriotic paddlers, the Aquadolls.

[SINGING]
Oh, say can you see...

...these ladies swim?

Esther Williams would piss her cotton
panel at the sight of those rocket splits.

Lily, behave. Though I will admit,
Blanche is looking less than buoyant.

Are you kidding?
She's dead in the water.

[ALL GASPING]

I must pen a sympathy note
to Coral Ramora.

Don't sign my name to that "sorry
a shark ate your bitch of a sister" letter.

She wouldn't think twice
if it happened to us.

But to have a sister die....

I don't know how I'd survive
if I lost you.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who the hell is that?

Vivian Charles
of the Darling Mermaid Darlings...

...tail, scales and all.

I overheard your verbal skirmish
with the Aquadolls last night.

Hoped to grab you after the show...

...but it seemed that you were
swept away by the departing crowd.

We small-boned persons
are vulnerable...

...to exoduses
of the mass and panicked variety.

We all thought the Charles sisters
had gone the way of legend.

-But, gee, what a time for a comeback.
-Come again?

My father owned the aquacade
before me. His father before him.

That's how I know Sam Neptune gave
the Darlings their first break, as a boy.

I watched your set every night...

...and I never forgot the look
of the audience as they soaked it in.

You two have a gift unlike any I've seen.
Your swimming brings people joy.

Our swimming brings--

Brought us joy too.

I'm in desperate need of a new opening
act. Come back to the pool, Mermaids.

After a 24-hour mourning period
for poor Blanche, of course.

-The water's nice.
-We're retired.

People come out of retirement
all the time.

For how many performances
would you want us?

What has gotten into your gills?
We had our time.

And here it is, back again.

Well, are we swimming, women?

Save it, we're in training.

MAN: Do I smell a fishwich?
-Yes.

MAN: You mind stowing it away?
-Yes.

[CLEARS THROAT]

All clear.

Sorry to inconvenience...

...but the scent of fried flounder
takes me back to my recent loss.

You come highly recommended,
Mr. Cod.

-The name's--
-Galveston Gus, yeah, I know.

-I assume your loss is Bubba the shark?
-You heard?

-I was there.
-I hope you ain't part...

...of the negligence suit against me.
Lawyers wanna take everything I have.

And that's why I need you.

-To prove I wasn't asleep in the saddle.
-Not much I can do...

...300 people saw your great white
make fish food out of that water hoofer.

I know you can't prove
Bubba didn't eat Ms. Ramora. He did.

And what a crap last meal
that must have been.

But you can prove someone else let him
out of his pen and caused this accident.

What's got you floating that theory?

I triple-check the gate of his paddock
before every performance.

This here is the only way to open it,
and it never leaves my person.

No, sir, someone else opened his pen
and set me and my boy up.

Mr. Cod, Bubba was my best friend
ever since he was a guppy of a pup.

The only happiness I will get from this
mess is knowing his good name is clear.

So please,
help a sentimental cowpoke out.

In third grade,
I did a report on great whites.

Discovered we're a lot alike, seeing as
we're both misunderstood badasses.

-Well, this may be a long shot, but....
CHUCK: Let's give the big fish a fair shake.

-Ugh.
CHUCK: Ooh.

[ALL SCREAM]

Ms. Ramora, I'm sorry to inform you,
you've been eaten by Bubba the shark.

Did everybody cry?
Of course they did. I'm the fan fave.

Did you notice anything
strange before...?

Yes. My sister asked me
if I was going gray.

-Something pertinent?
-It's strange.

My mother was auburn till the end.

Only other thing
that can bring on gray hair is stress.

And my husband, Shane, is the biggest
stress reliever I know. Biggest.

I can see white in there.
But I don't think it's hair--

-That's my hair gel.
-You sure that ain't shark slime?

Water ballerinas use a thick hair gel.
Waterproof to keep their hair in place.

-It's kind of like shellac.
-Shellac with a faint scent of lard.

It's used all the time in pie crusts.

Why would someone put pig fat
in her hair gel?

Sharks can smell a drop of blood
in the water a quarter-mile away.

Lard would have prompted Bubba
to strike.

All someone would have to do
is open the pen.

And we got bona fide murder
by great white.

Wait. Lily and Vivian Charles.
I knew there was a reason...

...they would come out of seclusion
after all these years.

-The shrews, always after our limelight.
-Your limelight?

You were nothing
before the Darling Mermaid Darlings.

-They put sibling synchro on the map.
-Who are you?

Charlotte Charles.
Niece of Vivian, daughter of Lily.

Now, you hurt their feelings on a night
they were feeling very fragile.

So you can just shut up about my family,
Blanche Ramora-Trickle, or you'll end up--

Well, I can't think of anything worse
than here. So, snap.

Now, touch her. Touch her.

Touch her before she talks back.
Touch her.

That felt so good.

That hapless shark was just a patsy?

He got a whiff of the lard in
Blanche's hair gel and followed instincts.

The killer needed access
to the Aquadolls' dressing room...

...and the remote for the shark gate.
Inside job.

Our aquacade's looking nastier
than a backed-up sink on Thanksgiving.

No way our bad fish is gonna nibble with
a bunch of PIs trolling for murderers.

What we need now is a cover.

-My aunts.
-Lily, Vivian, a booth? Pie?

Pie and booth?

BOTH:
Perhaps a sugar-free apricot custard to go.

EMERSON: Wow, you all
are really coordinated today.

BOTH: Olive, we'd like back
the Darling Mermaid Darling costumes...

-...we gave you some time ago.
OLIVE: Feeling nostalgic?

BOTH:
No. We're joining the floating cast...

...of Jimmy Neptune's
"Night of 1,000 Bubbles."

This is our living-in-sync practice hour.

OMG. GR8. TTFN. No, BRB.

She's got a case of the dumb A-S-S.

How about you take a seat
far over there...

...where you can do
whatever it is you're doing.

Well, ladies, if it isn't a small sea.

It just so happens I have business
at Jimmy Neptune's myself.

Would you mind stepping outside
for a little chat?

BOTH:
After you.

Yeah.

No stares of disbelief, I beg you.

I couldn't pass up an all-access pass
to the aquacade.

-All-access, but not all-inclusive.
-I know, I can't go. But I don't care.

Lily and Vivian are back in the water
for pay.

But I want you there taking photos
and making notes...

-...and then reporting back to me.
-Doesn't seem fair.

The rest of us are on break,
you're in detention.

This detention's easier. I know they're
surrounded by people who love them.

In this very emotional
and vulnerable time.

You just make sure that Emerson
is a vigilant bodyguard...

...and sticks to them like glue.
Paddle out.

Dipping a toe back in our old milieu...

...and solving a murder.
The thought brings tingles.

All right, here's your lane assignments.
Itty Bitty, you're hair and makeup.

I want you to get in Blanche's
dressing room and find that hair gel.

Pie-Maker, you're the deal-maker,
a.k.a. the Mermaids' agent.

Stick to Jimmy Neptune.

As team coach, I'll sidle up
to the Aquadolls' manager...

...and grieving husband, Shane Trickle.

And as team heavy, I'll make sure
you two have nothing to worry about...

...except scissor-kicking ass
and taking names.

JIMMY: Aqua-troupe, circle round
for an important announcement.

As terrible
as these circumstances are...

...they've also brought us
something wonderful.

A pair of luminaries.

Everyone, put your fins together...

...for "A Night of 1,000 Bubbles"
new headliners:

The Darling Mermaid Darlings.

[CLEARS THROAT]

That's bogus, Neptune.
We have a signed thing.

Which I will honor
by finding a boffo new act for Coral.

Does anybody even know
who these two are?

I met my husband
at a Darling Mermaid Darlings show.

They're the reason
we devote our lives to this.

OLIVE: I have pens for autographs.
-I ought to punch you in the snot-locker.

NARRATOR: As Lily and Vivian's stars
began to rise...

...Olive encountered another star
that was about to fall.

-Are you the new seahorse?
-Oh, heavens to hamstrings.

No, I'm Sally Boots.
Fly girl to the Darling Mermaid Darlings.

-Snap back, G-string. I love them.
-Oh, I love you.

Oh, mama.

-Who are you?
-Sid Tango. I open the second act.

Why aren't you out there?

They're relocating me.
Out by the Port-O-Lets.

Oh, shoot. There's enough room
in this fishbowl for all us fish.

You know what? Thank you.
If only more people around here...

-...would be as accepting of who I am.
-People aren't accepting?

Being a man in aqua entertainment.

Which is to say,
unappreciated and invisible.

You know how many times
Jimmy promised me the headliner spot?

Thought I'd get it after Blanche.

I hear they're dragging the Mermaids
out of retirement.

Oh, well. Some day it'll be my turn.

Until then,
I'll be content watching others...

...glimmer and gleam.

NARRATOR: Ironically, Olive found those
same words staring back at her...

...from the vicinity
of Coral's dressing table.

[GROANING]

Think Coral will mind if I borrow this?

My girls need a touchup
before splashdown. Nice to meet you.

I combed the dressing room
for the murder weapon.

Well, murder-weapon trigger.

Blanche's beauty area had already been
broomed but I did find Coral's hair gel.

Smells fine.

Nice work, seawee.
I got a great big bucket full of nothing.

Still, your find does prove our theory:
Blanche was definitely the target.

OLIVE:
Mm-hm.

Holy Ibiza, Monaco and Saint-Tropez.
That is some banana hammock.

That's Sid Tango.
I found him in Blanche's dressing room.

He's fun and just a teensy bit angry he
was overlooked to lead the aquacade...

...due to his-- Well, because of--
What's in his banana hammock.

-I really should look away, but I can't.
-Wanna go blind?

I wanna catch a killer.
Look at the shark pen.

-See that?
-Uh-huh.

It happens every time
Sid touches his belt.

OLIVE:
Ah.

Come on.

-Excuse me. This is where I dive.
-Oh, you about to belly flop, all right.

Right into a little cesspool
I like to call the county pen.

[PRISON DOOR BUZZES]

What do you want, Tango?

You. To get me out of here.

Life on the inside rough?

I'll call in a favor to the warden,
maybe he can ease up a little.

What? He's a regular.
Sometimes I serve his pecan pie...

...with an extra scoop of caramel sauce,
complimentary-like.

This was a frame job.
I had nothing to do with killing Blanche.

Why would I keep the murder weapon
in my Speedo?

Why don't you say that
and do a dance for the judge, Tango?

You had opportunity
and you had motive.

You already told me you were
jealous of the Aquadolls' headliner spot.

My jealousy
has nothing to do with them.

Stems from loving
an art form that doesn't love me.

Why aren't you shining your spotlight
on Coral? It's what she's wanted.

-Keep splashing.
-There may have been two Aquadolls...

...but it was really The Blanche Show.
She put herself first.

-Coral hated her for it.
-Little sis got tired...

...of living in big sis's shadow,
engineered the attack?

Coral launched Blanche in the direction
of that shark. A thing to make you go....

BOTH:
Hm.

NARRATOR: As Emerson Cod let Sid Tango
off the hook...

...the private detective's suspicion
sidestroked back to the aquacade.

What's the matter with you?

I'm in mourning, you ass.

Why don't you just take that trident
and stab me in the heart?

Pack your spandex. You're fired.

Whoa, whoa.
Everybody, chillax, I can fix this.

Save it, sand for brains.
You're as useless as teats on a boar.

"Teats." Coral, wait.

Can you believe the claws
on that sea monster?

Trying to pinch my aquacade
and turn it into a vehicle for herself?

-Talent. Like children.
-Know what she tried to pitch?

A one-woman tribute
to A Chorus Line.

-Don't you need a chorus, line?
-Figured a way around it.

The last thing I need
is another water dancer.

With Galveston Gus gone, the audience
is thirsting for a daredevil act.

Picture this. A motorcycle.

But it's on fire.

And there's a ramp, 20 feet high,
on fire too.

-A rider appears--
-Also on fire?

Better. In chains.

She guns the engine, soars off the ramp,
through a hoop...

...maybe flaming,
I'll have to crunch numbers...

...lands on the other side.

-"She"?
-Yes, Coral.

It was supposed to be her
until I canned her.

Still, don't you think that's an act
that'll put butts in seats?

Absolutely. And I've got another act
that butts absolutely love.

-The Darlings' contract.
-A couple sticking points.

-Nothing tsunami-sized.
-Whatever they want.

They came up with stuff they don't,
see if we could get away with.

The sisters are easy as a lazy river.
It'd be my pleasure to have them aboard.

On one condition.

Great news.
Jimmy agreed to all of your demands.

-Fresh lilacs? Egyptian cotton towels?
-The vodka fountain?

All. Papers will be ready tomorrow.

But just so you know,
it all hinges on one thing.

Jimmy's gonna take the aquacade
on a European tour.

-Signing means you'll go.
-Out of the question.

Who would take the birds?
Place flowers on Charlotte's grave?

And besides,
Lily has indulged me enough.

-So our answer is--
-Yes.

For the first time
since Charlotte died...

...maybe it's okay
to leave sadness behind...

...and start putting our happiness first.

What do you think?

I think Chuck-- Charlotte...

...as you described her,
was a wonderful, caring woman.

And she, like me, would want you
to put your happiness first too.

So I think we're all in agreement
when I say, swim on, Mermaids.

VIVIAN:
Oh, my, it's Coral.

Everybody, stand back.

-I was a lifeguard.
-Was she attacked?

We saw the whole thing. She chained up,
hopped on the chopper...

...rode it like a Hells Angel
in drag till she fell in.

Would have been funny
if it wasn't so tragic.

[COUGHING]

JIMMY:
Coral, what the hell were you doing?

-Jimmy? Is that you, Jimmy?
ALL: Yes!

Trying to show you that I could do it.

That daredevil act that you wanted.

I will do anything
if it means getting back into the show.

-Is that so wrong?
-No. But let me tell you what is.

Your brother-in-law/manager's hands...

...all over
your perky/heaving boobs.

This is certified lifesaving position.

Get off me, you idiot.
I told you we were through.

For shame. You've been doing the
skinny-dip with your sister's husband.

NARRATOR:
At that moment, Lily Charles...

...had something in common
with a lifelong enemy.

Both were adulteresses.

Both had stolen men
their sisters loved.

Both were--

-Disgusting.
-You put the evil in Knievel, lady.

The spotlight wasn't the only thing
you didn't wanna share with Blanche.

You just wanted Trickle's pickle
to yourself so you fed her to the sharks.

All right, all right, I admit that I
slept with Shane to spite my sister.

But I didn't kill her. I loved her.

And now she's gone
and where do I turn?

To us.

Coral, you will swim
with our act tonight.

-What?
-In the past...

...whenever I was incapacitated
by grief...

...getting back in the water
was the best cure.

It will heal you.
Isn't that right, Lily?

-Really?
-Think she's telling the truth, Cod?

Yeah. Too bad. Because the jealous
crazy lady that kills her sister...

...to be with the himbo brother-in-law is
a welcome rest stop on the motive turnpike.

Maybe rest stop's the same,
on the other side of the road.

As in the himbo did it.

Wait, where's the himbo?

The himbo. Getting away with murder.

SHANE:
Hasta, beyotches.

Police searched Shane's van.
They found lard-laced gel...

...and really specific instructions on how
to clone a remote-control gate opener.

The APB's already out.

Are Lily and Vivian
taking the excitement?

Very well. Now for the big news:

The Darling Mermaid Darlings
have picked up a third.

[GASPS]

-What?
-That was fake surprise.

Yeah. Olive's been keeping me informed
on things Charles sisters.

-How are they getting along?
-Vivian is her usual sweet self.

Lily seems cautious,
but still professional.

Coral is thrilled to have a job...

...that doesn't require
a flame-retardant one-piece.

That is just great.

Now, please, please can I open my box?
I've been waiting all day.

My second-attempt half-birthday gift
for tomorrow night.

-I got us front-row seats.
-Thank you.

Ned. Killer tickets
and a topnotch tam. Thank you.

It's the Darling Mermaid Darlings'
first professional appearance in years.

There's no way you can miss it.

Especially now.

And here's the juicy secret
not even Olive Snook, the spy, knows.

The aquacade is hitting the road.
Lily and Vivian are going with it.

-What do you mean "road"?
-A bunch of them, really.

Downing Street. The autobahn.
The Champs Élysées.

-But they're European. As in, in Europe.
-That's right.

I didn't expect fake surprise, but
I didn't expect stunned silence either.

How could you let this happen?

I did what you told me.
I thought you'd be happy.

Ned, they think I'm dead.
The only way this has been bearable...

...is I've been able to keep tabs
on them.

If they needed something,
I could help them or try and fix it.

And while I'm removed,
I'm still part of their lives.

And how can I be part of their lives
if they're in Europe?

-This is a game changer.
-What game? This is not a game.

No, it's not a game. It's my life, and now
you decided to modify the rules.

I've gotta reevaluate
which ones actually keep me here.

I'll just sit here and try to concentrate
on not throwing up.

Butterflies making you queasy?

What say we drown them
with a dip in the vodka fountain?

I never drink and dive.

It's disrespectful to the audience.
More importantly, to Vivian.

Where is she?

Meeting with the sound tech.

The underwater speakers
sounded muddy in rehearsal.

Well, let's hope
they solve it by show time.

NARRATOR: Coral had slept
with her own sister's husband.

Lily had done the same
with her sister's fiancé.

The symmetry made her feel as if she
were looking at a reflection of herself.

And since herself was what
she hated most, she rejected the mirror.

Say, what is our choreography
at measure 120 again?

Are we reverse craning
into a ballet leg thrust?

-Full corkscrew first.
-I thought the corkscrew came last.

Oh, hold it. That's right.
Which makes you wrong.

The corkscrew comes last.
You're losing it, Lil.

-Think I'll have that nip after all.
-Are you sure?

Hey, short round,
little help with my bun?

-You've got something poking out.
-Leave it.

Sorry, but when
I see a string I just--

-I have to yank it.
-Hey!

OLIVE:
Holy gold lamé!

You're trying
to be a singular sensation.

Swam your way back for the aquacade
by preying on Vivian's sympathy.

Try to break up
the Darlings by stage-frightening Lily...

...so you can rule the pool
in a one-woman Chorus Line.

Where's the top hat?

-I'm gonna shove it up your--
-Olive.

Excuse us.

Did you know my sister was born
with a hole in her heart?

The doctors fixed it, but sometimes
it leaks a bit, and stuff gets through.

Stuff like you.

Vivian may think a woman who
sleeps with her sister's husband...

...deserves a second chance,
but I don't.

You'll always be what you are.

A selfish, conniving wretch.

The Darling Mermaid Darlings
are a team that puts each other first.

So get in your showboat,
and row it to hell.

This "putting others first"
that you're so proud of...

... I assume that it didn't apply
to your baby.

-I never had a baby.
-That's what Vivian said.

Yeah, we were
just making small talk...

...and I casually asked
if you had a son or a daughter...

...and she told me
that neither of you had children.

Isn't that strange?

World's full of spinsters.

You know, 30 years ago...

...you and I changed next to each other
after a show.

The seamstress had to let out your
costume, flippers didn't fit your feet...

...and you had that just-knocked-up
glow about you.

And then you disappeared
for nine months.

So where's the kid, spinster?

And why are you hiding it from Vivian?

Breathe another word
and it'll be your last.

-Now get out.
-You'll regret this.

-Coral had to cancel. She's sick.
-Then it's just us.

As it really should be,
I suppose. Ready?

-I can't.
-Lily, we've come this far.

This time, don't do it for me.
Do it for you.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the Darling Mermaid
Darlings' one-man security detail...

...spied a lurking shadow.

Oh, hell, yeah.

NARRATOR: Which called to mind
a murderous surfer named Shane.

Trickle, down. On the ground.

Dead girl, don't you know
there's a killer on the loose?

Think again, fool.
Step out with your hands up.

-What are you doing here? I asked first.
-What are you doing here?

The person sneaking around
in the dark wearing a disguise...

...is usually the person
with the most explaining to do.

That'd be you, dead girl.

I came up here to get a better vantage
point of Lily and Vivian swimming.

A lie. From my vantage point
in the shadows...

... I saw her take their music
out of the player.

I did not. Look. It's still in here.

Because I put it back in there.
I feel really ashamed now. I'm so sorry.

You're lousy at explaining things.
The more you talk, the more lost I get.

I was happy for Lily and Vivian until
their happiness threatened my happiness.

So in a moment of weakness and panic,
I snuck up here...

...to sabotage their show
in the hope that they'd stay.

Despicable.

Now you.

I guess I must've thought Chuck
would try to do something rash...

...so I came up here to stop her.

Here's the Pie Hole Mix
you asked me to get from my car.

You know what I realized
on my full-tilt run back up here?

First, there's a lot of steps
in this place.

Second, Lily never mentioned
there was a music change.

There wasn't. Pie boy
was gonna torpedo their performance.

How could you?

When Chuck's happiness
was threatened...

...my happiness freaked.
I thought Chuck was gonna leave me...

...and follow them to Europe.

You know, I'm a solo guy by nature.

But I choose to affiliate myself
with the both of you.

Reason being:

Because when you spend all your time
chasing bad guys...

...you want the best of the good guys
in your corner.

You two normally
are as solid as they come.

Because your moral compass
is always pointed due-- The right thing.

But clearly someone's been screwing
with both of your magnetic fields...

...both of you seem lost right now.

So I'm gonna help you out
by personally escorting...

...then physically ejecting
both of your asses from these premises.

Now, what you think about that?

NARRATOR: At that moment, Charlotte
Charles' walk of shame turned into triumph.

[APPLAUSE]

NARRATOR: The beat of their happy hearfs
and the blare of the underwater speakers...

...drowned out the sound
of impending doom.

[CROWD GASPING]

Coral!

I did it for you, Coral!

Nobody asked you to, Shane.

Know what's great about everyone
thinking you're stupid?

They assume that you can't
get away with murder, but I did.

You also sent a shark into water
while I was swimming.

-Did you think about that, professor?
-Yes.

I smeared your costume with the protein
secretions of the Red Sea Moses Sole.

-A shark repellent.
EMERSON: That's it.

Why don't you just drop
the microphone there, Trickle?

Oh, I plan to. In the pool.

The cord will shoot a current
through the water...

...and electrocute
the Darling Mermaid Darlings.

Once Lily and Vivian Charles
are dead...

...Jimmy will finally
have to make you the star of the show.

-And that's all you ever wanted.
-Oh. Now I get it.

Look at me, Coral. It's all for you.

Shane.

NARRATOR:
But the victory of the previous night...

...faded in the light of a conversation
that had to be had.

Morning.

I hope that gift's not for me.
My half-birthday's over.

The gifts I gave you before
only triggered crisis and misery.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Give this one a shot?

I don't remember this picture.
I remember the day, but not the shot.

I took it. With my junior Instamatic.

It was the first time I met your aunts.

They were buzzing through on the
way to some far-off, fantastic place.

I had almost forgotten those aunts.

Thank you for reminding me.

Chuck, I tried very hard
to be a good boyfriend.

I believe that every day,
even in the smallest ways...

... I try to put your happiness
before my own.

Yeah, I agree with that wholeheartedly.

I've been lying to you.

Not that it's any excuse, but I think it's
because I've been lying to myself too.

If Lily and Vivian
knew you were still alive...

...the only person in danger
would be me.

And the danger itself is a lie.

It's irrational fear in danger's clothing,
whispering in my ear, saying:

"Chuck loves her mother, aunt,
no way she'd spend her life with you...

...if she could still be with them."

And so I put my happiness first...

...and told everyone that no one
could know you were alive again.

Especially Lily and Vivian Charles.

-You didn't know what you were doing.
-I do now.

And now...

... I'm finally putting your happiness
before my own.

NARRATOR: At this very moment,
a life event was taking place.

Lily Charles had begun to experience
feelings that had become foreign.

-These pleasant sensations...
-Lily.

-...were not to last.
-Coral?

Coral and I just had
an illuminating conversation.

One that helped me put together
the pieces of a 30-year-old mystery.

There was a part of me
that always knew.

But I wouldn't allow myself
to entertain such horrid thoughts.

That my beloved sister would go
behind my back with my fiancé...

...and have a child.

It was Charlotte, wasn't it?

I tried thousands of times to tell you.
But I couldn't find a way to do it.

Why do you think I hid
from the world?

I was so ashamed, I couldn't bear
to have anyone look at me.

I understand.
I can't bear to look at you either.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I took the liberty of calling you a cab.

Where am I supposed to go?

Anywhere but here.

You know, I have spent half a lifetime
trying to make amends.

I gave up the only man
I have ever loved.

As well as
my beautiful baby daughter.

Because I knew the truth
would break your heart.

So I broke mine instead.

I did what I have done
since the day you were born.

Chose your happiness over mine.

You don't have to anymore.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

All right!

Lily? Vivian?

NARRATOR:
That very moment, time stopped...

...as it is wont to do
when present, past and future collide.

When one's existence ceases to be
measured in days, hours and minutes...

...but instead, in the immeasurable quantity
of life events.

For Lily and Vivian Charles, the
reappearance of a daughter and niece...

...was a life event that would eventually
overshadow a 30-year-old betrayal...

...and result in a splash of water,
the roar of the crowd...

...and a whirlwind tour around the world.
Twice.

Private investigator Emerson Cod
would experience a life event...

...when life found him
through the pages of a pop-up book.

[KNOCKING]

And he was reunited
with his own "little gumshoe."

GIRL:
I'm looking for Emerson Cod.

Jockey-cum-waitress-cum-
private-investigator Olive Snook...

...would experience two life events
in quick succession.

The first, opening her heart
to a formerly friendless taxidermist.

And the second...

...by opening a culinary palace dedicated
to the arf of macaroni and cheese...

...called The Intrepid Cow.

For the Pie-Maker
and a dead girl named Chuck...

...their shared life event
began with a touch...

...and became the promise of new family
brought about by the words:

I'm alive.

At that moment in the town
of Couer d'Couers, events occurred...

...that are not, were not, and should
never be considered an ending.

For endings, as it is known,
are where we begin.

[ENGLISH SDH]