Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,433
We'll be right back
2
00:01:19,467 --> 00:01:24,334
with more on Dateless Dude
Late Night Theater.
3
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:30,734
Do you like to be spanked?
4
00:01:31,734 --> 00:01:33,966
Well, I'm looking
for some naughty boys
5
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,400
who need my special brand
of discipline.
6
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:39,834
Just dial the number
you see on the screen.
7
00:01:39,868 --> 00:01:41,200
And remember, kids,
8
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:44,667
be sure to ask
your parents' permission.
9
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:48,368
Let's go!
10
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:56,066
Hello?
11
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,067
Yes, I-I've been bad.
12
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:03,333
Do what?
13
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:06,267
Well, if I have to.
14
00:02:19,634 --> 00:02:22,301
Pretty cool, Bud.
15
00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:31,267
Uh...that was
Buck's mother.
16
00:02:33,334 --> 00:02:36,133
Well, he didn't wanna
talk to her so I just...
17
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:38,300
Yeah, save it
for the psychiatrist, Bud.
18
00:02:38,334 --> 00:02:40,600
Now, why don't you
just go on upstairs
19
00:02:40,634 --> 00:02:42,966
andNick-at-Nite
yourself to sleep?
20
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,267
I need use
of the couch.
21
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,900
I was here first.
22
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:52,266
And besides, last time
you and a victim used the couch,
23
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,800
we had to de-flea it.
24
00:02:55,434 --> 00:02:57,767
Or have you forgotten
about the Lester incident?
25
00:02:57,801 --> 00:03:02,867
Hey, I got a brother
named Lester.
26
00:03:04,734 --> 00:03:06,500
Do you?
27
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:11,433
Look, Kel...
28
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:13,099
why should you
be stuck downstairs?
29
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:15,166
You're 18.
You can do what you want.
30
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,733
I mean, you don't have to use
the sofa
31
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,366
or the back seat of a car.
32
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,066
Or that dirty pile of laundry
33
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,600
you used last night
with Mongo.
34
00:03:22,634 --> 00:03:24,567
No.
35
00:03:24,601 --> 00:03:29,401
I got a brother
named Mongo.
36
00:03:30,467 --> 00:03:31,700
You're right.
37
00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:33,266
I am an adult.
38
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,500
I mean, why am I sneaking boys
in the house?
39
00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:38,266
I'm not 12 anymore.
40
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,500
Come on, let's go upstairs
41
00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:41,200
and play Strip Nintendo
like adults.
42
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:42,734
All right.
43
00:03:48,934 --> 00:03:50,066
Oh, hi, Daddy.
44
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:51,834
I'm 18, and I can do
whatever I want.
45
00:03:51,868 --> 00:03:53,200
This is Jake.
46
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,400
Hi. We're goin'
to Kelly's room.
47
00:03:55,434 --> 00:03:57,067
Hold my calls.
48
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,533
Hi, Jake. Uh, I'm sorry
Kelly didn't introduce us.
49
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,233
But before you go
to the room,
50
00:04:11,267 --> 00:04:13,333
let me, uh, introduce you
to the rest of the house.
51
00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:16,266
This is the end
of the banister.
52
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,368
Oh, and, uh, meet my wall.
53
00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:22,500
Now, what's that, Jake?
You say, "How do you get out?"
54
00:04:22,534 --> 00:04:23,867
Well, how 'bout the door?
55
00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:25,500
No, please don't.
56
00:04:25,534 --> 00:04:27,267
Oh, don't worry about it.
57
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:48,067
Don't be a stranger.
58
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:50,733
Gee, Bud,
judging by where he landed,
59
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,133
I'd say
I'm about 8, 10 inches
60
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,934
from my record toss
of 20 feet.
61
00:04:54,968 --> 00:04:56,133
I believe that was,
uh...
62
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,233
Uh, Larry.
63
00:04:57,267 --> 00:05:00,067
Hey, I got a brother
named Larry.
64
00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:04,567
Daddy,
we have to talk.
65
00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:06,767
I'm 18,
and I have my rights.
66
00:05:06,801 --> 00:05:08,934
Believe her, Dad.
She's heard them plenty enough.
67
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:10,433
She has the right
to remain silent,
68
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:11,800
the right
to an attorney...
69
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,667
Don't you have to get
on your hands and knees
70
00:05:13,701 --> 00:05:15,234
and call somebody?
71
00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:20,667
Come on, Daddy.
Why can't I do what I want?
72
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:25,633
Al, honey,
I need my tushy rubbed.
73
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,567
You see what can happen
74
00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,400
when you sneak
into somebody's bedroom
75
00:05:29,434 --> 00:05:30,700
before you're married?
76
00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:32,934
Well, I want my rights
in this house.
77
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:34,400
And I am gonna hold my breath
78
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,800
until you understand
that I am an adult.
79
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,900
I'm holding it.
80
00:05:42,934 --> 00:05:45,467
I am not breathing.
81
00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:48,233
I'm really serious
this time.
82
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:51,467
I think I'm blacking out.
83
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:53,133
There, I've done it.
I've blacked out.
84
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:54,667
Are you happy now?
85
00:05:56,934 --> 00:05:58,400
She may need
mouth-to-mouth, Dad.
86
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:01,101
Should I call
some street-corner bums?
87
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,166
It is just those kind
of inseminations
88
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,767
that make Daddy think
I'm a bad girl.
89
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,101
Oops, I breathed.
90
00:06:10,968 --> 00:06:12,433
God, this is hard.
91
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:13,999
How do those guys
on submarines
92
00:06:14,033 --> 00:06:17,067
hold their breath
for so long?
93
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:20,034
Uh, pumpkin...
94
00:06:20,434 --> 00:06:22,233
in order
for a house to be a home,
95
00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:24,366
only one can make the rules.
96
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,600
And in this house,
those rules...
97
00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:32,567
...are made by the man.
98
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,099
Daddy, if you won't listen
to reason,
99
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,733
then I am just gonna have to get
my own place to live.
100
00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:40,667
Sweetheart,
threats don't work on me.
101
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:45,067
No one's rubbing my tush!
102
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,101
You see, I've already
been to hell.
103
00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:00,099
She's leavin', Al.
104
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,233
Do you know
what that means?
105
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:04,099
It means we're old.
106
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,733
Old, Al.
107
00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:07,233
It's not so hard for you.
108
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:10,066
You've been old.
109
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,033
I just never thought
this would happen to me.
110
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:14,900
Here it comes.
111
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,066
Am I getting old?
112
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,633
How would I know?
I never look at you.
113
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,366
Well, Dad...
114
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:31,033
I guess
this is au revoir.
115
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,233
Mom...
116
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:34,066
Adidas.
117
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,233
Oh.
118
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:38,934
All right now, there,
missy.
119
00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:42,033
I think we've played this
charade a little bit too long.
120
00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,633
Now, you don't fool me
for one minute,
121
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:44,999
but look at your mother.
122
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:46,266
You got her so worried,
123
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,366
she's looking
every bit her 50 years.
124
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,200
I'm sorry, Daddy,
125
00:07:51,234 --> 00:07:53,166
but if you won't respect me
as an adult,
126
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,734
I have no choice
but to be my own mistress.
127
00:07:58,033 --> 00:08:00,533
Hey, what do you mean, 50?
128
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,066
Where'd you get 50?
129
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:05,867
Well, 'cause 100 was taken
by your mother.
130
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:06,966
Now...
131
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:11,133
pumpkin, let me explain
something to you.
132
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:14,500
Don't be fooled
by Couchise over here.
133
00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:15,767
In the real world,
134
00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:17,867
you can't find a place to live
without money.
135
00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:19,200
I have money.
136
00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:21,867
Two hundred
and forty-six dollars.
137
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,433
She's leaving, Al.
138
00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,300
Say something to her.
139
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:28,966
Pumpkin, could you loan
your old dad a couple of bucks?
140
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,567
There's this new
bowling ball I want.
141
00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:32,233
You know,
blue with a swirl?
142
00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:35,967
It's only $80.
You know I'm good for it.
143
00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:39,567
Goodbye, Mom.
144
00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:41,600
Oh!
145
00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:43,867
She's gone.
146
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:45,900
Al, our baby's gone.
147
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:47,467
Hold me.
148
00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:50,333
Well, I didn't hold you when we
conceived her. Why start now?
149
00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:53,234
Oh, Al.
150
00:08:56,267 --> 00:09:00,099
There, there, old one.
There, there.
151
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:03,800
Al, I'm really
gettin' worried.
152
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,366
Kelly promised
that she'd call.
153
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,300
And it's been
six hours.
154
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:10,800
A- and yet you were okay
when she used to go to drive-ins
155
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:14,334
in a van that read
"Virgin Sacrifice Tour '90."
156
00:09:15,734 --> 00:09:17,834
You know, not everybody
in ripped jeans,
157
00:09:17,868 --> 00:09:19,600
no underwear
and a black hood
158
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,867
is a bad influence,
honey.
159
00:09:21,901 --> 00:09:23,800
Go away, Peg.
160
00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:26,033
Al, was I
a good mother?
161
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,600
You're not even
a good smoke.
162
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:29,934
Oh, Bud,
163
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,066
my son,
164
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,366
where are you going?
165
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,266
Honey,
don't forget a jacket, heh.
166
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:36,233
Mom, it's
80 degrees outside.
167
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,233
Come here.
168
00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:39,467
Let me feel your head.
169
00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:42,567
Gee, it's kind of lumpy,
heh.
170
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,134
I-- I never
noticed that before.
171
00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:50,533
Bud, was I
a good mother?
172
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:52,500
Well, you must
have been.
173
00:09:52,534 --> 00:09:54,133
I was the only
8- month-old baby
174
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:56,166
who knew how to change
his own diaper.
175
00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,133
Well, I wish you
would have said something.
176
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,533
Anyhow, from now on,
177
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,400
I am really gonna be
a great mom.
178
00:10:04,434 --> 00:10:07,633
You'll see.
We'll be just like pals.
179
00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:12,133
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
180
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:14,834
♪ Don't you cry ♪
181
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:20,900
♪ Mama's gonna give you
A pizza pie ♪
182
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:22,200
Uh, Dad?
183
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:23,700
Oh, yeah.
184
00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:25,900
Yeah, I didn't see you
rushin' and helpin' me
185
00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:30,234
when I was rubbin' her butt,
lo, those many years.
186
00:10:32,167 --> 00:10:34,767
There's a 10-spot
in it for you, Dad.
187
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:37,900
Oh, all right.
188
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:39,533
Peg...
189
00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,767
Leave the boy go.
190
00:10:41,801 --> 00:10:45,767
But I need someone
to hug.
191
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,700
You're on your own, son.
192
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,300
I'll get it.
193
00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:53,800
Oh, my baby.
194
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:56,434
Oh.
Mom, I'm warning you.
195
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:00,300
Hello?
196
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:01,834
Hi, Kelly.
197
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,266
Okay, yeah,
I'll tell them.
198
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,467
Bye.
199
00:11:05,501 --> 00:11:08,633
She got an apartment.
200
00:11:10,634 --> 00:11:15,867
♪ And if that pizza pie
Don't sing ♪
201
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:22,434
♪ Mama's gonna buy you
A chicken wing ♪
202
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,900
My little baby.
203
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:38,934
Just a little, wittle,
wuddle, luddle man.
204
00:11:38,968 --> 00:11:40,733
Open the hangar.
205
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:44,734
Here it comes.
206
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:51,400
Help me.
207
00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:52,966
What are you
complainin' about?
208
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,800
At least you're eatin'.
209
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:58,133
You'll never leave
your mommy, will you?
210
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,266
Why would I go out
with a girl my age,
211
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,266
when I can stay home
212
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,500
and be oiled
and powdered
213
00:12:02,534 --> 00:12:04,667
by my insane mother?
214
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:09,733
Oh, Al, what will I do
when he's too big to cuddle?
215
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:12,166
That's it.
That does it for me.
216
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,533
If you need me,
I'll be upstairs
217
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,567
writing
my soon-to-be-published...
218
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:18,267
How to Stay Cool
While Mommy Watches You Tinkle.
219
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:21,700
Pookie, can we talk?
220
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:25,500
Oh, sure. I just have
to mash 'nanas for Bud's lunch.
221
00:12:26,868 --> 00:12:28,567
Well, I didn't
wanna interrupt you
222
00:12:28,601 --> 00:12:31,567
while you were, um,
emasculating our son,
223
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:34,633
but, uh, Peg,
I suspect your mind,
224
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:37,700
uh, much like the lost
continent of Atlantis,
225
00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:40,834
no longer appears
on any map.
226
00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:44,867
You know, Al,
kids grow up so darn fast.
227
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:46,734
Let's have another baby.
228
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,600
Gee, Peg,
there's a couple of things
229
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:51,366
I'd rather do first.
230
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,867
Uh, I'd rather dive
off the Sears Tower
231
00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:58,001
headfirst
into a thumbtack.
232
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:01,733
Or I'd rather
bait a crocodile
233
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:04,567
with my manhood.
234
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:08,667
Which, I believe,
is what got me into this mess.
235
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,733
Oh, wait a minute.
I-- But I forgot.
236
00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:12,633
You're as loony
as a tune.
237
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,400
So of course,
we can have another child.
238
00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:15,400
Oh, look,
239
00:13:15,434 --> 00:13:16,800
here comes
our baby now.
240
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,433
Let's call him
Insane-O.
241
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,400
The product
of our love.
242
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,500
You don't even miss Kelly,
do you?
243
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,433
Nope.
244
00:13:25,467 --> 00:13:27,966
You are an unfeeling brute.
245
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,266
I must bathe my boy.
246
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,433
Oh, Bud?
247
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,033
Here comes Mommy.
248
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:38,401
Get out the ducky sponge.
249
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,400
I'm not
an unfeeling brute.
250
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,200
She's 18.
She oughta be gone.
251
00:13:57,234 --> 00:13:59,300
If I didn't get to lick
the mashed 'nana bowl,
252
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:01,368
I'd be gone too.
253
00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:03,333
254
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:05,366
parents who just don't
give a damn
255
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,900
and grew old and depressed
256
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:10,101
because their children
left and won't talk to them.
257
00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:11,966
Daddy, can I have
258
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,500
a Buddy Burger?
259
00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:15,533
No, honey, you've had
too many already.
260
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:16,667
Then I hate you,
261
00:14:16,701 --> 00:14:18,999
and I'm running away
forever.
262
00:14:19,033 --> 00:14:20,667
Bonnie did run away,
263
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:24,033
into the path
of a speeding truck.
264
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:26,300
The moral is, have us
scrape one off the grill
265
00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:30,567
so you don't have to scrape one
off the street.
266
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,099
* Buddy Buddy
Buddy Burgers *
267
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,366
* Made with love *
268
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,434
And lard!
269
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:49,066
Excuse me, Al.
270
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,434
I'd like you to meet
my new boyfriend, Sam.
271
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:54,533
Al...
272
00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:56,433
tell Sam what
you do for a living.
273
00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:58,266
Well, I...
274
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,134
I sell shoes.
275
00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,200
And how long
have you been doing this?
276
00:15:06,234 --> 00:15:08,301
Twenty years.
277
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,834
And finally, exactly how old
are the socks
278
00:15:13,868 --> 00:15:16,001
you're wearing
on your feet?
279
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:20,267
Not quite as old
as the hair on your legs.
280
00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:27,934
I'm glad you're here, Marce.
281
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,200
I have to talk to you.
282
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,934
Uh, you know Kelly,
don't you?
283
00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:33,266
Blond, pretty.
284
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,934
Her boyfriends
sometimes climb
285
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,234
into my room
by mistake?
286
00:15:37,934 --> 00:15:39,567
Yes, believe I know
the young lady.
287
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:43,166
Well,
if she had $246,
288
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,166
she could find a--
289
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,999
A nice place to live,
couldn't she?
290
00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:48,800
Two hundred
and forty-six dollars?
291
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,733
Well, with money like that
to throw around,
292
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,467
you gotta figure
she's either living
293
00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:55,400
in a Big Gulp cup...
294
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:59,066
or she's sellin'
her body for Pez.
295
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,266
Why do you ask?
296
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:02,233
Well,
she moved out.
297
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:03,567
Think I should
go get her?
298
00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:05,066
Absolutely not.
299
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,533
Now, this is
Kelly's first step
300
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,033
towards independence.
301
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,500
I mean, even if she's starving
and freezing to death
302
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,533
and setting a rat
on fire for heat,
303
00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,467
she's still
better off.
304
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,333
I mean, if you go
and rescue her,
305
00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:17,800
you are only
going to reinforce
306
00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:18,999
the traditional role
307
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:21,533
of female subservience
to men.
308
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:24,934
And it's something
I find personally odious.
309
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:26,934
Let's see some knee, babe.
310
00:16:32,434 --> 00:16:33,633
So don't worry.
311
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,500
It may not be
and easy road, but--
312
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,633
Stop that,
you scamp.
313
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:41,133
But I think Kelly
is perfectly capable
314
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,934
of surviving
on her own.
315
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:47,067
On her own. On her own.
On her own.
316
00:16:51,834 --> 00:16:56,999
* You're the end
Of the rainbow *
317
00:16:57,033 --> 00:17:03,667
* My pot of gold *
318
00:17:03,701 --> 00:17:09,166
* You're Daddy's
Little girl *
319
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:14,333
* To have and hold *
320
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:20,066
* A precious gem *
321
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:23,900
* Is what you are *
322
00:17:23,934 --> 00:17:26,133
* And you're *
323
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:30,233
* Daddy's *
324
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:35,667
* Little girl *
325
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:41,233
* And you're Daddy's *
326
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:45,567
* Little girl *
327
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:51,733
So all I'm trying
to say here is,
328
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:53,066
with a little luck,
329
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,400
Kelly will
turn out to be
330
00:17:54,434 --> 00:17:56,366
as strong
and independent
331
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,600
as the woman you see
before you.
332
00:17:58,634 --> 00:18:00,800
Give me some lip,
baby.
333
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,734
I'm coming,
pumpkin!
334
00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:24,900
Daddy.
335
00:18:24,934 --> 00:18:26,433
Hi, pumpkin.
336
00:18:26,467 --> 00:18:28,266
I came to see
how you're doin'.
337
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,967
Well, come in.
338
00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:33,201
I, uh...
339
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:36,334
I brought you somethin'.
340
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,433
Pez?
341
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:41,133
Yeah, I-I-I-- You know,
I didn't want you to have to...
342
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,633
You know,
do anything for 'em.
343
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:46,966
Hey, this is some place.
This is--
344
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,934
Wow, a TV.
345
00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:50,800
Is that a cable box?
Mm-hm.
346
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:53,433
Wow.
347
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,400
Gee, what's blowin'
on my neck?
348
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:57,099
It's the air conditioning,
Daddy.
349
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,934
Ohhh.
350
00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:02,066
Well, what else
you got here?
351
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,867
Nice.
352
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,067
Great Caesar's ghost!
353
00:19:17,734 --> 00:19:19,700
You were worried about me,
weren't you, Daddy?
354
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:22,301
Move over, Kelly.
355
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:27,033
You know, I'm really sorry--
Mustard.
356
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,967
I wanted to call--
Knife.
357
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,633
Mmmm.
358
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,167
Mm.
359
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,733
Uh, Kelly...
360
00:19:39,767 --> 00:19:43,366
how do you afford
a place like this on only $246?
361
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,300
Well, I'm kind of sharing
the place.
362
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:46,467
My roommate takes care
363
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:48,500
of most of the bills.
364
00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,433
Honey, I'm here.
365
00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:54,434
Mm, don't you look nice.
366
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:56,600
And, uh, who are you?
367
00:19:56,634 --> 00:19:58,967
Oh, I'm the guy
that did this.
368
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,900
Daddy,
you don't understand.
369
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:02,900
Oh, I understand.
370
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:05,133
Old guy, young girl,
fancy apartment,
371
00:20:05,167 --> 00:20:07,366
cold cuts
like there's no tomorrow.
372
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,733
I know what's goin' on.
373
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:12,368
I'm so upset, I can
hardly eat this sandwich!
374
00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:14,700
Daddy,
375
00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,333
what happened?
376
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,300
Dad, meet Brooke.
377
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:19,800
My roommate.
378
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:23,266
You killed my Daddy!
379
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,966
You mean,
you're not havin' an affair
380
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,400
with my daughter?
381
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:30,099
Of course not.
382
00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:31,667
You really do care,
don't you?
383
00:20:31,701 --> 00:20:33,867
Well, sure, I do.
384
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:37,233
You're my little girl.
385
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:39,468
Uh, I think
he's swallowing his tongue.
386
00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:41,966
You know,
pumpkin,
387
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:42,966
maybe we can bend
388
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,500
a few of those old rules,
389
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:45,934
if you come home.
390
00:20:45,968 --> 00:20:48,500
Can I have boys
in my room?
391
00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:52,667
Well, let's take that
on a case-by-case basis.
392
00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:04,800
Well, obviously, neutering
doesn't do a damn thing.
393
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,266
Hi, Kel.
394
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,500
Um, I was just scaring off
the cat
395
00:21:11,534 --> 00:21:13,567
that keeps calling here.
396
00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:16,767
Bud, either get a girl
or get a collar.
397
00:21:16,801 --> 00:21:19,400
Well, I guess you two
will be needing the couch.
398
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,233
Oh, Jake,
on your way out,
399
00:21:21,267 --> 00:21:23,934
check out our file
of free clinics nearby.
400
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:26,099
Thanks, dog boy.
401
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,900
Well, we won't
be needing the couch.
402
00:21:27,934 --> 00:21:29,366
Dad and I have
an agreement.
403
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,800
We're going to my room.
404
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:32,966
Are you sure?
405
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,433
My left eye still wanders
from the last time.
406
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:36,467
Oh,
don't worry.
407
00:21:36,501 --> 00:21:39,034
Daddy is just
a big, old teddy bear.
408
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,099
Hi, Daddy.
We're going to my room,
409
00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:44,166
as per our agreement.
410
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,967
Hi, Mr. Bundy. Remember me?
411
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,099
So long, Jake.
412
00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:19,368
So long, Al.
413
00:22:23,934 --> 00:22:27,334
I do believe
that's a record.
27972
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
