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So, without
further ado, I would like

to introduce you to Sully Erna.

Somebody told us this is

where the fucking party is tonight.

Is this where the party is?

Most people spend their
entire lives just trying

to figure out who they want to be.

Somehow, for me, at a really
young age, I just knew

what I was gonna do with my life.

There's a lot of people, I guess
they go

through their whole life of
wondering what they're gonna be

when they grow up kind of thing.

I just knew I wanted to be a musician

and when I picked up the
live bootleg record one day

and I seen that picture of Joe
Perry holding up a B.C. Rich,

that picture actually
changed my opinion of wanting

to be going from musician
to wanting be a rock star.

Sully Erna, he's just like
a nonstop guy, you know,

a hundred percent energy, that guy.

Sarcastic, tough-in-your-face
attitude.

Short punk, he would pick
the fight with the biggest kid.

Sully is driven. That's what
he always was and still is.

He's got the tenacity

that you fucking just
would not understand.

What he goes for, he goes for.

Sully was always the guy that
wanted to conquer the world.

When we think about Sully,
it's not just

as the lead singer of Godsmack,

but it's really just a force of nature.

One, two,
three, four, ready? Go!

Growing up, he was always
there for me,

but when he could be.

He was always on the road.

He was always touring, doing
press, doing shows, whatever.

His job is obviously abnormal.

It is weird, like we
don't see each other a lot

so we don't get to have
that like family time

that like a normal
family would, especially

when dad's gone all the time.

Eleventh floor.

My dad doesn't talk

about his childhood a lot,
like the harder stuff.

I think that he's very
closed off about that

because it was a harder time in
his life.

But basically all I know
about his childhood is

that like it was rough for him
growing up

and he came from like a really
tough part of Massachusetts.

These two
others were in the hospital

with non-life threatening injuries...

Police also responded

to Melrose Street around
noontime for shots fired.

Officers swarmed the area in
heavy gear

after they saw the gunman
targeted police.

Central High School says
increase security after 51...

My name is Sully Erna.

I'm the founder and lead
singer of the band, Godsmack.

We were born as a band way
before you guys were born,

but for me, I was raised
in Lawrence, Massachusetts

and I spent the first 18
years of my life there

and it was a very challenging
city for me growing up.

But I was raised with a musical family

and my dad's still a trumpet player.

And so then I found out through
my dad that my great uncle

who was my grandmother's
brother, was a famous composer

in Sicily, Italy, which is
where my family is from.

His name was Emanuele Carta.

He had composed and written
all this Italian music

that today has become
very well known in Sicily.

When he passed away, he left
the house to his sister,

which was my grandmother

and then she went on to get
married and raised my dad

and his sister, my Aunt Rina.

I was born in 1944 in Sicily

in a small town called Melilli.

Unfortunately, when I was 14
years old,

my mother passed away.

A few years later, my father
brought me to the United States

where we found work in a factory
in Lawrence, Massachusetts.

Oh, it was a beautiful city.

You'd never had to worry, your
parents never had to worry.

You could go out, you can
enjoy life, play in the yard.

Very different than today.

There was a lot of areas

that you just avoided,
especially where we lived.

Even as adults, we didn't
hang around that area.

So this is my house

that I grew up in, 87
Basswood Street, Lawrence.

And it's so surreal being here
right now

because really this is the heart
and soul

of kind of the core of my life
and what I remember the most.

And you gotta come check this out.

Oh my God, I'm freaking out.

I haven't been here
since I was 17 years old.

So this was it. This was my old home.

This was my mom's room.

Her bed used to be set up
this way against the wall.

This was my little bedroom.

It looks so much smaller than I remember.

I used to have my little drum
set there.

My mom's gonna freak out
when she sees this film.

This is insane that I'm standing
in this house right now.

What an amazing experience to be able

to come back here after what, 35 years.

If there was a clown in the family.

When Sully was little,
as long as he had a spoon

or a stick or something to
bang on, that baby was happy.

Fortunately he always had it
in his blood just like I did.

The earliest memories
that I can remember,

it was always somehow connected
to music.

From watching my dad's band
all those years, sitting

in the basement

from the time I was three
and a half years old

and when they were done
rehearsing, I used to always go

to the drummer first and
ask him if I could play

on the drums and he'd sit me on
the stool.

I couldn't even reach the bass
drum pedal. I was so small.

I can barely reach it now actually.

Sometimes it would make me
crazy hearing

that steady banging and banging

but I just had that feeling
that he had something in him

that maybe would develop later on.

I had gone to Constantino's
where his dad went all the time.

One day the owner of
the studio came up to me

and says, "You know, there's a
mother here

with a really young little fellow

and she'd like him to
sign up for drum lessons."

And they said, "How old is
he?"

I said, "Three and a half."

"Can you teach somebody that
young?'

And I said, "Well, I have never
done this before this young.

This would be a new
experience, but I'm game."

So we went to two or three lessons

and the fourth time we went
back, he told me, he says,

"Mrs. Erna," he says, "Don't
stop him."

He says, "He has gotten a
natural rhythm

for these drums that I can't
explain."

He says, "But please, don't stop
him."

So we bought him a little
drum set for Christmas.

It was a cute little
set, but it was paper.

And he put his foot to it

because he said, "This is not a
real set.

This is a toy set."

One year later, at the age
of five, on my fifth Christmas,

there was my blue sparkling
beauty real drum set.

For the first time, I had
some real drums in the house.

The smallest drum set they had
was still

three times bigger than him.

He just had such a natural
talent. He was born with it.

And no matter where he went,

his jeans, his high tops, his
drumsticks in his back pocket,

so he was always beating on something.

But again, I wasn't
a rock star back then.

I wasn't successful, I wasn't
a celebrity, I had no money.

We were raised so poor that
we didn't even have milk.

Our milk was powdered.

So we had a packet of powder
that you mix with water

and that's kind of what milk was
for us.

My mom, you know, raised us
trying to hold down a couple

of jobs to raise me and my sister.

I know that my mom

and my dad didn't have
a great relationship.

There was a lot of tension in
the house,

from what I remember.

My ex-wife, I have
to make sure, it's not

because I'm trying to be
nice on this interview or not

but my ex-wife is a wonderful person.

I still respect her enormously.

Unfortunately, she probably
doesn't feel the same way.

At least I think I hurt
her a lot when I left.

I think both of us
got married too young.

And my reason, I wanted
to get outta the house

and he was my out.

I don't remember having a
lot of memories with my dad

in that house 'cause I was
really young.

And the memories that I have,
they're not the best memories

for a young kid to remember

so maybe I shut a lot of that out.

But what I do remember is
they would fight all the time.

Anything could trigger him off.

I could make something for
dinner that he didn't like

and he would take it and
throw it in the wall.

All different things like that.

He was physically, emotionally abusive.

He had a very short temper.

And from what I understand,
his dad was the same way.

He was taught to teach through hitting.

And so he was a bit too aggressive

for a young kid to handle.

I used to pick fights, you know,

and I didn't care if the guy was
6'2,

as long as I threw the first
punch even

if you beat the hell outta me.

The main point is, Sully, I
didn't want you to be like me

because you'd end up in jail
if you kept going like that.

So I said, you know,
this is why, you know,

I told him, "That's why I
used to do what I used to do.

If I smacked you, it is

because I didn't want
you to be like that."

But then as life goes on, you
start to become more wise.

And I do remember this one
specific fight where I was told

to go to my room and I
could hear them screaming

at each other in the kitchen.

And when I opened the door,
I remember my dad had my mom

by the back of her hair

and he had her face like
hitting on the stove.

And I remember him looking back

and just telling me to shut my door.

And I just remember hearing
the argument and the screaming

and it just didn't sound good
to me and I was really upset.

So he always carried a gun,
which made me very nervous

'cause I knew he had a short fuse.

I know one day we had a
fight and he picked up Maria

and she was about eight
months old and he had a gun

and he took her out of
the house with a gun

and said, if I call the
police, he would shoot her

and he would shoot me.

Sully doesn't remember a lot
that went on

when things were really bad,
Maria does.

There were times

when we were little, I didn't
think we were gonna make it.

You know, we grew up in a
pretty rough environment

and we didn't have a lot of encouragement

from some of the family members,
you know.

The fights got worse and worse

and to the point where she
didn't want it around us anymore.

And she asked him to go and he left.

No matter what my mom went

through with him, she always
sheltered me

and my sister from it as best
she could.

She never cried in front of us.

She never told us to hate our dad.

I have one thing to say,
you don't have to love him,

but you do have to respect
him 'cause he's your father.

When he walked out of the house,
he walked out with nothing.

Not a bill, not a house payment,
not child support, nothing.

It was just us struggling
just to make ends meet.

And it was just so hard. I felt
so guilty.

Although I have no regrets
about where I grew up.

Lawrence is one of those
places that you have

to get tough real quick
to survive this place.

It really is one

of the toughest inner cities
you can find in America.

I had every challenge in the world.

I had next door neighbors
that were rapists.

I had people that I thought
were amazing school teachers

that got arrested for dealing drugs.

I watched people get
beat almost to death just

for wearing the wrong colors

'cause you weren't in their gang.

Thankfully, I had music in my life.

I loved it so much. I wanted
to go home and practice.

And so when some of the
group of kids were going out

to do the really dark stuff,
I was home practicing.

I was definitely going down
the rock and roll path.

I started picking up some

of the first records in rock and roll.

I was kind of molding myself

to become that style of a musician.

And that kind of rock and roll
has always been rebellious.

And so I think it was just me trying

to embody myself with that personality.

Once I found my love

for drums, I just wanted
to play all the time.

His drums were his life, you know,

practiced and practiced.

And so I would literally skip
school and go to my bedroom

and strap on headphones for
hours and hours and hours

until my hands were cracked and bleeding.

And I just remember thinking,
this is what I'm gonna do.

I don't know how I knew this,

but at a very young age,
I just knew what I wanted

to do with my life.

I wanted to be a drummer and
that was it.

And when my dad would come over
to visit,

I remember he got frustrated
and he would just discourage me

in a way by saying that
music should be a hobby

and that I needed to get a
good education and a job.

And I remember thinking,
that's fucking crazy to me.

Everything else is gonna be a hobby

and music is what I'm
gonna do for a living

In my memory, you know, just
felt like he would show up

and they would immediately
be beating each other like

in a fist fight and just kind of yelling

and just like slamming doors.

And I just didn't understand
why my dad was, it seems like

to me was always picking on him,
you know.

I always loved him, but
I was a little bit afraid

with the way he was growing up.

But I was still myself as far
as not being a great father,

if you want, if you will, you know,

as far as the way I thought
it was the right way to teach.

That was the beginning of
the end for our relationship.

It just spiraled outta control
after that.

And the more he told me no,
the more I just told him,

this is what I'm gonna do.

And I really think it's the reason

why I became a lot more rebellious.

And I remember it didn't help my attitude.

It made me angrier.

And as years and years
developed, I got really good

at being bad and it becomes
an addiction in itself

and I got looped into that world.

And I found myself getting involved

in drugs at too young of an age.

And I found myself fighting
at too young of an age

'cause I was a small guy

and I always had to defend myself.

First day of freshman year,
there he is,

and there's this bully
and he's giving him shit.

He's picking on him.

I say, "Hey, pick on
somebody your own size."

So we've been friends ever since.

Freddy introduced
me to Jimmy Mustapha.

He brought Sully along.

I remember him saying he
plays the drums or something

and I'm like, "Oh, you play the
drums?"

And I remember Sully doing something

with his hands on like the trunk
of a car.

And I'm like, "Oh wow,
he's good, you know."

Jimmy Mustapha, Freddy Cristaldi,

those three lived together.

And when it came to music,

Sully brought it to the forefront.

Whenever we're all over at his house,

that's all he did, played drums
all day.

Sometimes I'd be there,

and I wouldn't be able to talk
to him

until the song was over.

"All right, take a break,
kid. Let me talk to you."

Because he would just be playing along.

We hung out every
day, it seems like, just

for years and years, you
know, 1984 or whatever,

We're all heavily into music.

We were like metalheads.

We wanted long hair and leather jackets

and parties and chicks

and we wanted to live that lifestyle.

We all loved that lifestyle.

And Sully brought that
into our lives really.

Every day was
just about finding someone

to buy us beer at the local
liquor store

and scraping up 10 bucks
to get a bag of weed

and going to house parties.

Here's to you, here's to me,

best of friends will always be,

if we should disagree,
fuck you, here's to me.

You just had to kind of walk

around the city and find each other

and this was the meeting spot.

Whenever they just said,
'Meet us at the stoop,"

this was the stoop.

But we all hung in this little platform

and buy weed and meet up with
people and talk and chat.

Like everybody that I knew

in Lawrence, this is
where everyone hung out.

To be honest, we all bonded

because we all had tougher home lives.

During my teenage years, the
streets were a better place,

I thought, at the time than home.

My father was a fucking monster.

He was fucking insanely strong.

And then one night he came
in drunk, didn't even know

who I was and he tried to kill me

'cause I asked my mother to pull
my pants

over my cowboy boots for me.

She bent down and he snapped,

and I went in my room
and just shut the door.

And he came barging through the door

and my mother pushed him
and said, "Get outta here,"

so I left, but Lawrence was tough.

And when your family goes down like

that too, it's even tougher, you
know?

So you rely on your friends and
I did.

It certainly
was part of the path

that I walked in my life
that maybe hardened my shell

and prepared me for some
of the more serious things

that came at me later in life.

It was a rough town. You
don't forget any of that.

It lives with you for
the rest of your life

But the man you become is
the man you choose to be

and the part of Lawrence that
stays in you

and anybody from Lawrence,
if you've noticed,

which you probably have, we're
all a bunch of wise asses.

You had to be aggressive
or have an attitude back

in order to get along with
other people and stuff.

Even Sully, when I remember,

when he was a kid, you know,
short punk,

he would pick the fight with
the biggest kid, you know.

He wouldn't pick a fight
with somebody his size.

He'd always pick a fight

with somebody bigger than him,
you know, to prove himself.

You know, and that's
that Lawrence attitude.

You don't back down from a fight.

Me, Jimmy and
Freddy one night decided

to go to this house party
that we heard about.

And when we pulled up, I
remember Freddy saying he needed

to show us something.

I opened the trunk and the
only two I showed this to.

And there was a sawed
off shotgun in the trunk.

You know, I was like,
yes, let's take this thing

out right now and I wanna see it.

We took it out and I picked it up

and Freddy's like, "Don't
fucking pull it out

in the middle of the street,"
and put it back in the trunk.

And nevermind, he shut the trunk.

Forget it was even there kind of thing.

So we went upstairs to this
house party,

and I just remember looking
around and there was no girls.

It was just a bunch of dudes.

There's probably three, four girls

in the whole entire party.

It was like 30 guys.
- Sausage fest.

Sausage fest.

And we were like,
well, this kind of sucks,

but we're here now and we got beer

and so let's just go
and fucking have a beer.

Yeah, we were jamming up to
some tunes,

but these guys wanted to
take off after about an hour.

Then we just weren't feeling
it so we decided to leave.

And on the way out, I had realized

that I had forgot my jacket.

And those guys said they
were going downstairs

and they would meet me at the car.

And I grabbed my jacket,

and on the way out, I was
walking through the kitchen

and I had my head down or something,

and I had a beer in my hand

and this dude had a beer in his hand,

and we smashed into each other

and spilled beer on each other.

And next thing I know, we hit
the ground

and we were fighting.

The thing I remember after
that was getting kicked

in the face and kicked
in the side of the head

and kicked in the ribs.

And I started thinking while
I was fighting this kid

that I was in the wrong
place at the wrong time

because these were all his friends

and my friends were no
longer in the house.

Somehow I squirmed out of that mess

and I came down the stairs
and my shirt was ripped

and my face was all red.

He comes down, but you can
tell something was wrong.

He was huffing and puffing

And just as I'm telling them

what's going on, we could see
them coming out of the house.

But then I remember seeing
the kid that I fought

and he was coming towards me,

and he had a knife in his hand,

and I felt like I was the
only one that's seen it.

And everyone's arguing

and trying to figure out what
the fuck.

And I just remember looking
at this kid with a knife,

and I'm like, this
motherfucker's gonna stab me.

You know, "What's up? Gimme
the keys."

I'm like, "What?"

"Gimme your fucking keys,"
so I throw him the keys.

I remember popping the trunk
and grabbing the shotgun.

I pulled the shotgun
up to this kid's face,

and I just remember feeling
nothing at that point.

And I started to turn my head,
I hear

And as he got close to
me, I pulled the trigger,

Sully pulled the trigger.

And till this day, it's one

of the toughest things
for me to talk about.

But thankfully my friend was
smart enough when he decided

to put this gun in his trunk,
there was no bullets in it.

So all I heard was click.

And now I went, oh, shit,
this kid's gonna kill me now.

He came down with a
knife, I let go of the gun

and I grabbed his wrist.

And I just remember thinking

to myself, do not let
go of this kid's wrist.

Somehow I weaseled out of this mess

and we got in the car and
we screwed out of there.

And I remember as we were
leaving, I felt something kind

of cool on my ribs and I looked down

and he nicked me enough

that, you know, he was
able to break the skin

and put a small puncture in my side.

But thank God, you know, he
never got

that knife fully inside of
me because it was a big knife

and for sure, I would've been dead.

And I think about that
story every single day

because it was such a
pivotal point in my life

that had that shotgun
had a bullet in it, a lot

of things would've been
different for me in my life.

Sully pulled the trigger not knowing

that it wasn't gonna go off.

He would've killed this kid.

He would've shot him, blew his
head off.

Sully was 18 at the
time, it would've been 18

to life for him, and I would've
went down

with him over a spilled beer.

There would've been a
lot of things missing,

and I would've pretty much
spent my life in prison.

I'm sure of it. So someone
was watching over me that day.

I know my mom really
struggled in the early days

when we lived in Lawrence.

There was just no money coming in

and she was working as much as
she could.

And she struggled a lot
more than I even realized

at the time.

Yet somehow she always
found a way to make it work.

I don't know how she did it.

Year after year, I was in so
much trouble

and my friends were in so much trouble

and yet my house was
always the house to go to.

Whenever someone was really
getting their kicked at home

or needed to get away, it was
my house they ended up at.

Sully, came home one night

and he says, "Mom, can I talk
with you?"

And I said, "Sure."

He says, "I have a friend, Rick Jarvis,

it's the winter and he's
sleeping in his car."

And I said, "Oh my God."

I say, "Go get him and bring him
here."

Connie.

Listen man, if there was
ever an angel, it's his ma.

That's just the truth, man.

She saved my life. He saved my life.

It's a fact, you know.

I was sleeping in my car
outside his house every night.

And then eventually she just
said, "Tell him to come in,"

and that's how his mother was.

You know, she was a sweetheart.

You know, it's funny.

My mom is really a very
honest, simple person

and yet she's harboring all
these punks

and criminals that I
called my friends.

I knew where they were,
what they were doing.

I didn't have to worry.

And my mom used to say, "Oh,
how do you stand all these boys

at your house all the time?"

And I tell her, "I know they're
with me

and they're not in any trouble."

I had met this girl, Michelle.

It was one of my first
really intense loves

and she and I fell in love
pretty quickly.

Michelle was a looker.

It's easy to see why Sully liked her

and teenagers, hormones are
going crazy,

what do you think?

So there was this one day
when I was walking to the store

that was down the block from my house,

and this car screeched and
pulled up in front of me

and these four guys jumped out

and they were basically
asking me if I knew Michelle.

And they put me up against the wall

and they started threatening
me, basically saying

that if they see me with her
again, they're gonna come back

and fucking kill me.

You know, later on when I
had confronted Michelle,

she had told me that her boyfriend

that had confronted me
earlier was actually

in a gang called the Tenney
Street Gang

that lived up the street.

And I'm like, "Oh gee,
you couldn't have thought

to tell me that before we
started dating

that your boyfriend was in a
gang?"

So we were taking a little
stoner snap in my bedroom,

and I woke up to all these
screeches and screaming

and yelling, and someone
was arguing outside.

I had looked out this window
here in my dining room,

and I had seen all these cars

that had stopped in front of the house.

And my friend Rick happened
to be standing in the yard

and I remember him
confronting a guy right here.

These two dudes walk up

and they're like, Hey
man, you know Sully?"

And I'm like, "Yeah, I
fucking know him, yeah."

"Well, he screwing with my
girlfriend."

And I said, "Well, that's
your problem, man."

I said, "If you got an issue

with Sully, you take care
of it in the street."

And he opens up the gate

and he says, "Nah, we're
gonna take care of it now."

And I says, "You ain't
going in the house,'

and I hit the motherfucker

and I went on top of the other guy.

So the next thing you know,
these cars are pulling up.

And then they all
started jumping on him.

And there was this big,
crazy brawl going on

in front of my house.

They were throwing bottles
and coming over the fence

and putting the arms through the windows.

So I immediately ran back in
my bedroom

and I grabbed a baseball bat

and I came screaming out of my bedroom

and my mother grabbed onto my
fucking head

and pulled me backwards through
the door.

And she was like, "Don't
you go out there."

And I'm thinking, what the fuck?

Rick's getting jumped by
like 25 kids right now.

I have to help.

There was some kid that had
hopped over on the fence

and in our yard at the time, it
was one

of those old push lawnmowers.

And the kid had it up over his head

and he was gonna smash it
on the back of Rick's head.

And Connie's grabbed
onto Sully apparently,

and I hear him, "Look
out for the lawnmower,"

and this fucking lawnmower comes flying

over my fucking head.

It scared me to death.

My brother-in-law came
down. He had a shotgun

Once these guys seen
the shotgun, a bunch

of those kids scattered as well.

It was just this excessive amount

of blood all over the front yard.

I mean, it was psychotic. It
was chaos.

I mean, the house was destroyed

When the cops got there,
my uncle was talking to them

and I had went inside.

And I remember my mom
sitting at the kitchen table

and she was hysterically
crying to the point

where she couldn't catch her breath.

It was just too intense for her.

As the weeks went by, it just
got worse.

It got to the point that it
was either get out of there

or end up in the nuthouse.

After that whole nightmare happened,

she had a nervous breakdown.

She was a mess and she moved us away

and that was the last time
I ever lived in Lawrence.

I was just done with Lawrence.

I was so tired of getting in trouble.

I was so tired of the fights
and the violence and the crime

and everything else that
was really consuming me

and taking away from this
gift that I'd been born with

that I really wanted to pursue
even more

so that when the opportunity
arose to go

to Fayetteville, it wasn't
even really a decision.

I was ready.

I didn't have anything back in Lawrence

so when he decided to go,
I decided to go with him.

Once my mom decided

that she was moving me,
she took the whole crew,

basically everyone who was
living in my house in Lawrence.

I had no family.

My family was Sully and Connie
and going

to North Carolina was
probably the best damn thing

that ever happened to me.

When Sully told me he was
moving down

to North Carolina, I was heartbroken.

I was losing my fucking best friend.

We're talking rural Fayetteville.

Birds are chirping in trees.

The neighbors are like,
"Hi. Nice to meet you.

What school did you go to?"

And I'm like, "What?"

The school of hard fucking
knocks, you asshole.

I remember when I first
got to Fayetteville, I went

to the mall to go look
for some kids my age

that would lead me to the music community.

You know, I still had my long hair

and I still looked like a musician.

I had my tattoos and that
whole thing going on.

I remember walking through the mall

and I started hearing someone
heckling me from behind.

I just ignored at first.

And I could hear sounds of like,
"Oh, it's Eddie Van Halen,"

or, "Oh, it's Ace Frehley,"
and blah, blah blah.

And being raised in Lawrence, I
was taught

to stand up for myself
and never back down.

And so I hauled off and
punched the kid right

in the face and I walked away.

And as I was walking out

of the doors, these two
sheriffs were coming in

and within seconds I heard,
"Hey,"

and I turned around and it was
the sheriff calling me over

and I went to jail.

And that was my first experience.

Within two days of me being
in North Carolina, I had

to call my mom from the local jail.

She was like, "Where are you?"

I said, 'Well, I'm in jail."

She's like, Are you fucking
kidding me?

We just got to this
place. What did you do?"

Once again, you can take
the boy outta the city,

but you can't take the city
outta the boy.

It was near Fort Bragg,
so it's all military.

Me and Sully had long hair

so we'd walk into a bar
and it's all skinheads.

So we'd hang out with the band members,

you know, "Hey, what's up guys?"

'Cause they didn't have
long hair, you know?

And so it didn't last long for me.

I was there maybe a few weeks
and I had to get out of there.

You know, it was very lame compared

to the exciting city life, you know.

It was the first time I
had really seen, you know,

a new life surfacing for me.

And of course my first mission
was to just find musicians.

So I found some kids that kind
of drifted

into the mall, hanging around
the arcade

that had long hair and
looked like musicians.

And so I approached some
of them and one of the kids

that I approached, his
name was Jon Robbins,

and he was a drummer too.

Music back then was
kind of what you had.

That's all we did, was play
music, think about music, try

and be better at music.

And back in the eighties, when
you got in a band, everybody

in the band knew the term, "make
it."

What that meant back then was
that you got a record deal

and the way to get a record deal,

at least from our
understanding, you would go

and get in a band, try
and get really good,

and then you would go out on
the road and you would suffer.

And then at some point,
somebody would see you

in a big club and say, "Yeah,
we're gonna sign that band."

We're gonna make it.

Fewer than one half

of 1% ever get contracts
with record companies.

What happens to the other 99.5%

while they're waiting for the
big break?

Well, they play wherever
they can get anyone

to listen to them.

And they practice in basements
and garages across America.

When we first moved to North Carolina,

and Sully had joined with
this band called Meliah Kraze.

The longhaired freaky fuckers?
Yeah.

It was a hair band.

We called ourselves Meliah Kraze,

and we looked fucking ridiculous.

You know, we were dead smack in
the middle

of the eighties and
all that at that point.

That music, you know,
it was big at that time.

It was the biggest music
in the world, probably.

They reminded me of Motley
Crue and Rat,

which was something Sully
and I, we listened to it back

in Lawrence, but kind of grew
past it.

I was like, "Jesus Christ,
man, there's no way

Sully's gonna go with
these guys," but he did.

So I mean, it is what it is

and that's really where it started.

Even though we looked
like fucking a bad version

of Twisted Sister, Meliah Kraze
was actually the first band

that I got on the road with,

and getting a little bit of
money for it.

It wasn't much.

I mean, we were playing for,
you know, beer or 50 bucks.

We lived off of ramen noodles, oodles

and noodles, all that stuff,

that was like breakfast, lunch,
and dinner

but it was only once a day.

But we were on the road, and
that's all I cared about.

And he started playing
around North Carolina,

Of course, you know, mommy
would pack up the cars

and drive the equipment.

And I spent my life
delivering drums to the world.

I was, you know, starting to
really live

that lifestyle as a musician

and the partying, the drinking.

It was also,

when I first started really
getting a lot deeper into coke.

I had met this girl named Arlene

and I remember that we were
in our apartment one weekend

and we went through a bag of
coke that was probably like

that big and it was cigarettes
and coke and beer and coke

and this went on for three days.

Finally, we realized that
we were doing too much coke

and when you have that much cocaine

in your system, it's just
brutal coming off of it.

And it was the night that
changed my life

because I guess I had in the middle

of the night started choking on
my uvula,

which is the little thing

that dangles in the back of your throat.

It had swollen up to
the size of like a plum

and I had swallowed it.

And I don't remember this part,

but Arlene thankfully was there
next to me

and she heard me choking and
woke me up.

And I remember literally having
to pull it out of my throat

because it got lodged back there

and I was that close to death.

And if Arlene wasn't there

to wake me up, I would've
died in my sleep.

And it scared me so bad, I quit
doing coke

and any kind of hard drug forever.

And I was 21 years old,

and I had never touched a drug again.

Right around the time Meliah
Kraze was breaking up, one day

when we were doing a
club and the sound man,

who was named Todd Jackson,
he'd seen me play that night

and he approached me.

I was in a band called Lexx Luthor,

and we needed a drummer at the time.

So we brought Sully in for an audition

and it was amazing to play with
a drummer

with that much precision,
as fast as he could play

and still be precise.

See, I remember the bass player,

Robert and I, we walked out back.

We're standing there
taking a piss together,

and Robert looks at me

and he goes, "Man, Sully's
good."

So he was in the band after that.

It was for me, a step
above where I wanted to be

and I felt like it was
much more at my level.

And that really became my obsession

at that point was now I'm
starting

to think this is about
writing our own music

and trying to get a
record label interested

so we could do this
for a living, for real.

We wanted to get signed.
We wanted a record deal.

And we wanted to write original tunes.

We knew what we were gonna
have to do to get there.

We were gonna have to
give up a lot to do it.

Sully was more than willing

to give up whatever it
took to get to that point.

Todd started telling me

about this kid named Shannon Larkin,

that was supposedly this really
great drummer in the area

that played with a band called Wrathchild.

So one day we went to
this club called The Attic,

and Wrathchild came on stage.

And I remember watching this kid
come out

from behind the drums and my
fucking jaw hit the floor.

I had never seen a drummer, so animated

and such a great live performer

and his showmanship was by
far the best I've ever seen.

It was like he was making
love to the drum set.

And at one point I started
thinking, I'm gonna go home

and literally take my drums

and throw 'em right through
the fucking wood chipper.

Like, I don't even want
to play drums anymore.

This is ridiculous,
what this kid was doing

behind the drum set.

From that point on, it
changed the whole way

I looked at drums,

I saw Sully, and he
kicked ass on the drums.

We pretty much formed a fast friendship

that continued all the way up
till now.

Yeah, I think you have
to really get into it

to be like a heavy metal band.

And that, that's what I like to see

when I walk into the club

'cause you can feel the
energy flowing off the stage.

It's like, ugh.

Shannon showed me showmanship,

and to me, that was
elevated to another level.

So now I needed to incorporate everything

that I knew about drumming
and be visually great.

And I ripped him off. I
fucking stole all his shit.

I started swinging fucking hands.

But I don't feel so bad now

because I've learned throughout
the years

that almost every drummer

in rock has ripped off Shannon Larkin.

At one point we found a new singer,

and his name was Dennis Bauer.

I had drove with him and
his wife to rehearsal.

And on the way back from rehearsal
that night, I had started

to get this weird sensation in
my chest,

and my left arm started to
go numb and I felt this pain

and my hand started tingling.

And the more I thought about
it, the more nervous I got.

And he could see something was
going on.

And he asked me if I was okay

and I said, "You know, I don't
think so."

Dennis had called me

and he said, "Man," he said,
"Something's up with Sully.

You know, he is just
not doing real great."

Next thing you know, I'm
sitting

in an emergency room, wired
up to all these electrodes

and machines and wondering
what's going on

and looking at these white lights

and thinking, you know, am I
gonna die?

And at one point I started
thinking, man, am I gonna be one

of these unfortunate kids that

at the age of 21 has a heart
attack?

And they started to run some
EKGs on me

and trying to find out
what the problem was.

But every test they ran, there
was no signs of anything.

They're like, "Your heart's
strong,

your blood pressure's
good, and we don't know."

And so I remember going home

that night and I was really confused

because something weird
had happened to me,

and there was no proof of it.

They're telling me it's anxiety,

and I didn't know what
the fuck anxiety was.

That really started a
series of events in my life

that changed my life to this day.

There was times where these
anxiety attacks would hit me

when I'd be in the middle
of a club hanging out

with my friends, or I'd be
here or there in public.

And I remember it started to
bother me

so much that I stopped going out

and I started alienating
myself from my friends.

He would stay downstairs
off to his self more.

He was just more secluded.

He didn't wanna be around a lot
of people.

I do remember Sully being
extremely edgy

to get outta North Carolina.

He wanted a way to get out.

I couldn't stay in North Carolina.

It was just a place that was
becoming very dark to me.

I wasn't really playing
music anymore at that time.

I couldn't find any good
memories there anymore.

You know, I always try
to get in touch with him.

And one of the things over here

that it was hard for me is when
he didn't answer, you know.

So obviously, you know, I
miss him when he's away, okay.

I wish I could have him more,

but he also needed his freedom.

And to me, he was never gone

because he was always on my mind.

It was hard.

It was very hard for me

to accept the fact that he's
gone away

because I always wanted
him over here, you know.

Sully stayed down here
for I think three years

and decided he was gonna
go back to Lawrence.

I wasn't happy about it,

but he had grown up a little bit more.

And I think seeing maybe the way
life was

down here, he wouldn't go back
to Lawrence

and get back into that rough
area that we lived through.

And so I talked to Jon Robbins
one day

and I'm like, "Hey man, what
do you think about coming

to check out Boston?

You know, I thought it'd be cool

to have a friend from down
there."

Boston sounded exciting to me.

It was a big city and a new scene

and maybe we could make it there.

There was a
scene happening in Boston.

You know, Boston's been
known over the years

to have birthed a lot of great bands.

And the scene comes and goes.

And this was one of those times

where it was just starting
to light up again.

There was a lot of cool
bands playing in the clubs

and it was a good time for music.

♪ I'm shipping up to Boston,
whoa ♪

♪ I'm shipping off to find my
wooden leg ♪

So the cheapest way,
and the only way for me

and Sully to get to Boston, Massachusetts

from Fayetteville, North
Carolina, is on a train.

Yeah, I'd never been
on a train before for one.

We start out happy,
smiling, it's a great idea.

It's a big adventure, it's gonna
be great.

And it was an 18
and a half hour ride of hell.

This is not fun.

This was not a good idea
as far as the travel goes.

And it was hot and it
was smelly

and it just felt like it took
forever to get back to Boston.

But finally we arrived and I was
so happy

to see the skyline and get off
that train.

When we got to Boston, we
had to have a place to stay.

So we stayed with Sully's
sister, Maria,

I had a little duplex, so
he came and lived with me.

I was a manager of a big retail
chain here

and I got him a job and his
friend a job

and he would get me in a
little trouble at work.

Sully's looking for bands.

He's trying to find people to
play with.

I couldn't find anybody to play with.

I didn't quite fit in
all the way out there.

Jon, he didn't stay
too long

and he ended up splitting,

so it was just kind of me and my sister.

But the thing that came back

to haunt me pretty quickly
was the anxiety attacks.

Sully would have these panic
attacks, anxiety attacks,

whatever you wanna call 'em.

He would just get so worked up.

I took him to the hospital

because he thought he
was having a heart attack

and he would freak out like

he'd been thinking he was gonna die.

And as time went on, the
attacks got more violent.

They got scarier.

Once again, I found myself in
and out

of emergency rooms over and over again.

I found myself being carried
into an emergency room

at one point by my
sister over her shoulder

because I couldn't even stand up.

I couldn't walk. I just
was completely out of it.

And the doctor actually said,

"You know, this stuff can kill
you one day

if you continue this."

I never forgot those words.

And at that point is when I started

to put together a plan
to battle the anxiety,

because I needed something
to distract my thoughts.

My mind was becoming my worst enemy.

And so I forced myself to
be in public situations.

I forced myself to get
involved in music again.

I also, you know, had reconnected

with some of my older friends.

When he came back around,
it was like a renewed energy

and we picked up right where we
left off

because we were always
tight like brothers.

Yeah, I knew I'd see him again someday.

Even if he was gone

for 10 years, once he came
back, we could pick right up

where we left off.

♪ Put a little tiny man in your
butt ♪

♪ Put a tin can in your butt

♪ Say it, put everything in your
butt ♪

♪ Everybody's singing now

♪ In your butt

♪ Put the boogie in your butt

I slowly got
further and further apart

from the anxiety attacks.

Little by little, it
was just getting me back

to feeling like me again.

And finally I was finding a path again

through, you know, some really
good friends and my music.

He ended up into a band
called The Fighting Cocks,

which was really difficult to
try to book

when you had to put that
on a marquees somewhere.

They were really dirty
Boston Street guys.

I felt like I was getting
closer to my comfort zone again.

And I've always loved Boston.
I loved the streets of Boston.

I loved it because it's
where Aerosmith came from.

And so I was psyched to
kind of get into the streets

of Boston and be in a basement right

in downtown Boston, playing
with a rock and roll band.

And I joined the band.

I was back on the map
as a drummer in Boston

and making a name for myself.

And I thought that was really important

because there was a scene
happening in Boston.

It was the early nineties and
it was a good time for music.

And I had met Paul Geary
and he was just coming

into the height of his career.

He was the drummer for
a band called Extreme.

Sully, he'd come to my house

and you know, when I was off tour

and we hit it off right
away, became friends.

And I was just starstruck by Paul

because man, they were big
time as far as I was concerned.

I had never been around a
celebrity that big at that time.

I was just so mesmerized by
these guys.

They were so polished and so good.

After I was with the Fighting Cocks

for a while, I had actually
gotten a call

from the management company
of a band called Meliah Rage,

who were signed with Epic Records.

They were really heavy
metal, like a Metallica.

And it was an opportunity
for me to possibly get

into a band that was
signed with a record label.

Michael
Munro, the lead singer,

Meliah Rage, Master Vader.

When he joined Meliah
Rage, it was different.

It was an established band.

They already had a record or two out.

Not that they were phenomenal
and big,

but they were established.

And once again, we went out

and hit the club circuit.

We were playing everywhere
that we could get a gig.

They had a following already.

You know, there was real people
coming to see these shows.

I was really happy to be in that band.

That really pushed me further
and further

into getting away from
normalcy as I knew it

and getting back into my
fantasy land, which was music

'cause that was always my go-to.

Anytime something knocked me down,

it seemed like music became
this vehicle to heal me

and distract me and make me feel better

'cause when I'm on stage,
I don't think about shit.

It doesn't matter what just happened.

When I'm on stage, I go
somewhere else

and my music consumes me and
I lose myself in the music

and everything goes away just for

that small amount of time I'm on stage.

Yeah, Meliah Rage, that was a
good time.

It was a life of a miniature
rock and roller.

We decided to go to a strip club

and on stage was this amazing
looking girl named Lisa.

And I was just like

About that time he met this
girl, Lisa,

who was a stripper.

He got in deep fast.

Always together.

It was like instantly
they weren't apart at all.

She was quite the package.

She was every bit as
crazy as she was pretty,

that's for sure.

Just don't date strippers.

Went very quickly,
very fast

and I was crazy about this girl.

I'll pass.

Right around that same time,

I actually found myself
looking for work again

and I was struggling for money,
you know.

I didn't wanna live
with my sister anymore.

It was just too much the
responsibility for her carrying me.

So I had moved out and I
just kind of used my van

to house myself with a
blanket until Fro took me in.

So he came back from tour, had
no job,

had no place to live.

That's when I said, "Dude,
move in with me. I live alone.

You can stay at my house
as long as you want.

It doesn't matter. I don't
have to worry about rent.

Fucking, I got it covered."

He had this cool place
set up

above this restaurant called
the Cafe' 97 in Haverhill.

The restaurant would close
like around one o'clock

so he could actually
play his drums as loud

as he wanted and wouldn't bother anybody

'cause there was no houses
around nothing.

We were hanging out there so much

on the weekends, partying every weekend

that it was just the to-go
place.

Like no one even had to
know or call each other

and say, what are we doing
after work on a Friday?

Everybody would just
know to go Fro's house.

Waiting for the sink bomb
tournaments to start.

We have contestant one,
Jimmy Mustapha from Turkey.

So it was a really fun hang place.

And I think that was the
first time I started noodling

around on a piano too.

It was also the place
that I helped write some

of the Meliah Rage songs
that we were working on.

But I had learned soon after I
joined them

that they weren't signed
with Epic Records after all.

They used to be signed with Epic Records

and they were looking for a deal again.

And I'm like, fuck, I
thought I got there, man.

I thought I snuck my
way into a signed band

and I was gonna be more like Shannon

and playing the circuit again

and it wasn't that.

I stuck it out with them
for as long as I could,

but I just didn't see it
was gonna go anywhere.

But I didn't want to quit either,

because I really loved these
guys and they were great.

He always thought I didn't
support him.

And I remembered, you
know, he called me up

and I had to send him, I believe

at that time, I had sent
him something over there

because he didn't have no place
to go

and he didn't really have a job.

So I said, "Sully, being a
musician, I'm not doing this

as a living, I'm doing this more

for fun than anything else."

'Cause the music business,
there's very few people

that make it to the big time.

There's very few people.

So I said, "Sully, you know,"

I said, "It's okay to get a job just

in case it doesn't work out."

Well, he thought, you're
not supporting me.

That's not what I meant.

I tried to explain that to him,

but in his mind, it was,
I wasn't supporting him

because I didn't say, you know,
"Yeah, great, keep going."

He called me once and he
said, "If I don't make it

in another year, I'm giving it
up and I'm gonna get a job."

And I said, "You know
what? Just have patience.

It's going to happen."

And I always told him right
along, it's going to happen.

There was a band
in Boston called Strip Mind

that had just signed a deal
with Warner Reprise Records.

I believe at the time

that Sully was playing with
Meliah Rage

and through a local manager, he
found out

that we were auditioning.

And so he shows up and I meet him

and it seems like just
like a crazy townie guy,

but he's a metalhead too.

So I'm like, this is good
because I can relate with that.

That's me, you know.

I'm like, "Oh, let me
help you with your drums."

And we go out and he has
this total shitbox van

and opens the back door, jumps in

and starts fucking
kicking his fucking drums

out the back like kick
drum and it goes rolling.

And I remember the guitar
player just going like,

"What the fuck?"

Because I don't think he had
ever seen

anyone treat a musical
instrument like that.

But I was like, "Whatever,
they're fucking drums.

They're meant to be beat
on. Load 'em up, let's go."

These guys played some
seriously technical punk metal.

He was like, "You guys have
a deal with Warner Brothers?

Like, I can't fuck this up, man.

This is what I've always wanted.

This is my chance. I'm not
gonna fucking blow This, dude."

He took it so insanely seriously.

Sully showing up was the best thing

that ever happened in that band

'cause if he hadn't shown up,

I don't think we would've went on.

I don't think a record
would've gotten made.

We are here with Strip Mind.

Guys, why don't you go through
and introduce yourself?

Hey, I'm Tim. I play bass.

I'm Bill. I play guitar.

Sully, drums.

Stu, I sing and play guitar.

This is so Metallica, man.

And I was in fucking seventh
heaven at that point.

I mean, I was finally signed
with a band and touring.

And I just thought at the time,

it doesn't get any better than this.

Here we are, Pyramid Studios.

Gonna take a walk in here.
The old tape machine.

It really gave me an opportunity

to showcase my ability to play
the drums.

Finally, you know,
finally he's making it.

Finally, he's gonna be
world famous drummer.

People are gonna know about Sully.

He was living his dream
and I was so happy for him.

I was psyched. I was
thinking, you know, here it is.

You know, this is what we've
been waiting

for, a record deal.

You know, go on tour, see
the world, all that stuff

but it was such a small record deal

that their first tour was a van tour.

This band didn't give a
fuck about anything really.

We were into drinking whiskey
and smoking a lot of weed.

We were living more of
a punk rock lifestyle.

Nobody really gave a fuck.

And along the way, Lisa
had met my friend Dave,

and somehow started sneaking

around behind my back and seeing Dave.

Things started changing and
she wasn't around as much.

I started to hear rumors.

The more I asked around, the
more I started to hear things

that I just didn't want to hear.

Things like, you know,

Lisa was performing sexual acts
for drugs.

These were things that were
just really disturbing to hear.

Things that no guy wants to hear.

I had called my friend Dave
and he somehow admitted to me

that he had been dating
Lisa and I'm thinking, what?

I was kind of fuck you mode at
this point.

I was getting really numb

to kind of relationships in general,

but I also had this new band,
Strip Mind

and we were releasing a
record and we got on the road

and we started to tour
at a national level.

We are hanging out in
Detroit with Strip Mind.

Who is the main songwriter in
this band?

That would be Stu.
- All right.

So now you have songs like
"Pentapussy"

and "I Wanna Fuck Your
Girlfriend."

So let's talk about
your songs a little bit.

Well, the way a lot of
the lyrics are written is

that, I mean, I either
am inspired to write

by pain or by happiness

and there isn't usually too
much happiness going around

so it's a lot of the pain and
the anger

that comes out and that
kind of motivates me

to put the pen down on
the paper and get going.

"I Wanna Fuck Your
Girlfriend" is basically

about getting pissed off about
your ex-girlfriend going out

with a friend of yours
and it's really kind

of a heartfelt statement about
love lost.

Me and Stu didn't get along so good.

Stu came from a much better
upbringing than we did.

His parents had money.
We were street kids.

Where the fuck is Stu?

- He's in the other room.
- Well, what the fuck?

- You wanna play it or not?
- I've been waiting.

I don't even
really play it. Let's go.

So there was just a lot of
tension, man,

and we were living it for the
first time.

You know, all of us were
kind of experiencing

that being signed to a major label

and the responsibilities
that go along with that.

We were right at the beginning
of hearing about Pearl Jam

and Nirvana and Alice in
Chains and Soundgarden

and although we loved a lot

of those bands, we didn't sound
like that.

And we were at the tail end of
the era

of the traditional metal going away.

You can only be ignorant to
this kind of business for

so long before it just spits you
back out.

And unfortunately in this band,
there was no business sense.

We spent all of our
advance on making the record,

which we come to find out
you're not supposed to do that.

You're supposed to like
save some to live on.

And we didn't do that. We
didn't know any better.

So we just like spent it.

The band got to the one
day where Stu was able

to convince the other guys
that I was the problem

and they decided to fire me.

And I just remember
thinking, everything I went

through my whole life and all
these bands

and all these struggles

and all this bullshit to chase
this dream

that I fantasized about
since I was three years old.

And I finally got there

and in a blink of an eye,
it was taken away from me.

I was broken to the point

where I just decided I didn't
want to do music anymore.

He was really down in the dumps

and he told me, he says, "Mommy,
I'm going to quit music."

I felt that my only
shot had came and gone.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe that was my one opportunity

to do something with music and
it came

and it went like that.

I didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

It was disappointing
me over and over again.

And at 25 years old, it just
didn't seem like the right kind

of life for me anymore.

And I told him, I said,
"Sully,
don't get discouraged yet.

It's gonna happen. I
know it's gonna happen.

You just gotta give it some time.

It's gonna be there,
you're gonna make it."

At that point, I put the drums away

and I put my dream of being
a musician, a rock star

in a shoebox and put it up on
the shelf.

And so I decided that I was
gonna quit music for good.

I think Sully gave up on music

'cause I think he got
sick of chasing the dream

and not getting anything from it.

He got real discouraged at that point.

He worked so hard.

I mean, he always thought
from the time he was young

that he was gonna be a rock star

but when those things
don't work out, you know,

it's like someone kept stepping
on him

and stepping on his dream,
you know, and just crushing it

and he just gave in.

I didn't look back at that point.

I just wanted a new life.
I wanted a different life.

I wanted to feel like somebody again,

because the only person I knew I was

at that time was someone that
was sleeping

on my sister's couch and
borrowing $5 from people

to buy a pack of cigarettes.

And then I finally started
looking through the newspapers

and I found a job doing
collections for an attorney.

You know, I chopped my
hair off at that point too.

So he came over to my house

and he walked in and he had no hair.

♪ Say goodbye

♪ Never say goodbye

And I always dreamed to have
long hair

'cause I had that stupid fucking fro.

So when he came in

and he cut all his hair off, I got

so fucking pissed off, I
threw him outta my house.

Merry Christmas, dear Fro.

Oh, for me. God, what is this?

I think it's
something you could use

from time to time.

God, a five o'clock shadow razor.

Sure.

Make your trimming
needs a little easier.

What made you buy me razor, man?

I don't know.

We have pulse.

And then he met a girl.

She was a different
type of girl, you know,

'cause she didn't grow up in the streets

of Lawrence like most of the girls

and he fell crazy in love
with her and deservedly so.

She was a sweetheart.

Her name was Erin.

She was everything you could ask

for in a girlfriend, really.

And I found myself starting

to live a different kind of life.

It was a life away from
music with a nine to five job

and a really pretty girlfriend.

I remember for the first
time in my life, I felt

as safe as I had felt
when I lived with my mom.

A year or two

into our relationship, I
just started missing music.

It had been with me my whole
entire life.

I didn't know how to be anything else.

And I also think that the
more I fell in love with her

and the more I seen how unneedy
she was

and how she just was
proud of me for, you know,

whatever, the more reason I wanted

to show her how talented I was.

That's when I got the itch
to start playing again

With Sully, I don't care

what he did, he would never
be happy without his music.

Up until that point, I was
just the drummer in a band

and I didn't have any
say for the most part.

I just decided, you know what?
I'm gonna write my own music.

I'm gonna try this a different way

and I'm gonna try this my way

and I don't want to listen
to anyone else's direction.

Sully called me and
he said he wanted to get

into a band and jam just for fun.

And he was like, "I'm in,"
immediately,

there was like no hesitation.

I go, "Well, you may wanna
hold on a second here

because, you know, I'm
gonna sing for the band."

I looked down at the phone,
like little smirk on my face.

I heard the phone drop

and hit like every step
going down the basement.

I got a message on my
answering machine saying

that he had this possible gig
for me and I was gonna laugh

and that's all the message said.

When I called back and he said

that he's putting this band together

and he was wanting to sing, I
didn't think

that he could sing 'cause
he played the drums.

So we started jamming

and then next thing I
know we're in the studio.

It was quite the experience, man.

Again, I was, you know,
freshly inexperienced

and new at singing.

And I was in the studio
now about to record a demo

and it wasn't good.

I was terrible. I didn't know
how to sing.

Like I was a screamer, but I had
no pitch.

Hey!

I started singing and I remember watching

Robbie walk right outta
the fucking studio.

I'm like, "Hold on a
second, I will get this.

You gotta gimme a minute."

He is sounding like a wild
goat in heat

and I went, "Oh my God, you're
awful."

It was the first time I
was on a stage as a singer-

They've come
here from all over the world.

In a real band and not
playing the drums at all.

How's everyone here, tonight?

Oh, thank you.

It sounds like everyone's doing well.

And I gotta tell you, the thing
I struggle

with the most was figuring out

what the fuck to do with my hands.

Because being a drummer,
your whole life is

if it's not going well, you can
just kind

of hide and get through the set.

But now I found myself
in front of the band

and I was the guy that had to entertain

and I didn't know what
the fuck I was gonna do.

You sound like shit actually.

- Swear to god?
- I swear to god, man.

Fucking ice kept breaking up.

Tommy was fine. His fucking
drums kept blaring out.

Robbie's bass was fine.

The guitar kept breaking up
and his voice kept breaking up.

You'll see.

No, I'm just saying...

And I kept practicing
and working with it

and between performance and
singing, actually trying

to learn how to get in pitch.

You know, it slowly came together.

You know, I had a lot

of experience like yelling
my whole life, screaming

at people, I just had to
get it in key, you know,

and figure that part out.

♪ Why are you laughing as
if you're my friend, yeah. ♪

Erin would come out to the shows

and she was starting to see

that I had something a little
bit more

to me than just being, you know,
a guy

in a collection agency.

Those were some really special
times when I think back,

because it was where it was starting.

It was getting that initial feedback

of what songs were working
and what songs weren't working

and we eventually started to
find a sound

within people pointing
out the heavier stuff.

♪ Get up, get up, get up, get up
♪

♪ Gotta get up

♪ Gotta get out

It was me and Robbie

and this kid Lee, our first
guitar player

and Tommy Stewart.

We played a club called Axis.

And right next door, Korn
was playing a bigger venue,

I think it was The Avalon.

And anybody from The Avalon
had a ticket they could get

into the show and access for free.

So as soon as we got on, the
club let out

and the whole place filled up,

and I knew then that we had something.

Nobody knew the songs, nobody
knew us.

I'm like, I'm just looking

around and going, wow,
we've got something here.

About two weeks into it,
Lee got that dreaded knock

on the door that every man fears.

And when he opened it, he
found a woman on the other side

that he used to date that
said, "Hi, this is your child."

And you know, honorably he
left the band to go be a dad.

So Robbie said, "You know,
I know this guitar player

in the area.

His name's Tony Rombola,
and he is really good.

You should come check him out."

Robbie Merrill brought Sully

to a Crushed Tomato show to
check me out.

I didn't know it.

I met Sully there, you
know, shook his hand

and they handed me a tape

and said, "You know, learn this stuff

and we'll see if we like you."

I went and auditioned

at the train station where they rehearsed.

It was only like, I think four
songs, three or four songs

so I learned them and I played
them and it was all good.

And that's when they kind of
told me

and said, "All right,
man, let's do this thing,"

and that was it, I guess I was in.

I was just psyched to be
playing with such good musicians

in first really original
band too, you know?

So I was just excited about
what was coming, you know.

♪ You gotta go away

And right around the time

that we started to get
some momentum, I ran

into Lisa, my crazy ex
stripper girlfriend.

And when I seen her again,
all these old emotions came

up really quickly.

For some reason I had
forgot about the bullshit

that we had went through,

and I just kind of was drawn to
her again.

But I also knew

that I had this really
great person in my life.

And although those thoughts went

through my head, I really
didn't regard it that much

and I kind of drifted back into Lisa.

I am in a relationship that's
pretty deep at this point

with a great girl that I'm
living with,

and I'm just falling for this girl

that was just so bad for me.

And so I get a call one day from Erin

who asked me to come meet
her for lunch at her job.

And when I showed up, she walked outside

and she smacked me right across
the face and started crying

and told me we were done.

And I immediately knew she knew something.

She had heard a voicemail
that Lisa had left

on my answering machine,
and she just turned around

and walked back into work.

And in that split second, I
knew I had fucked up so bad.

I know it affected him

because he knows he made a
huge mistake, massive mistake.

He potentially lost the love of
his life.

I tried and tried and tried
to work things out with her.

She wouldn't take my calls,
she wouldn't come see me.

I showed up at her house one night

and through the balcony
I could see her sitting

in the living room
through these glass doors.

And I climbed up onto the balcony
and I opened up the slider

and she kind of looked over at
me and just looked back down

and she had been crying and crying.

And I came in and I
immediately got emotional

and I just said, "You
know, listen, I just need

to talk to you."

And she didn't say anything,
she just looked me in the eyes

and she just said, "Will
you dance with me?"

And I was like, "What?"

And she went on to explain,

she goes, you know, "The one
thing that you never asked me

to do the whole time we were seeing

each other was dance with me."

I didn't even know what to say.

And she just came up to me
and put her arms around me

and she just wanted to
dance one time with me.

And I also remember
thinking, I was really afraid

for my life because I
thought she was gonna stab me

in the back.

I danced with her to some slow song,

then she opened up the door,
she let me out and said goodbye

and that was the last
time I ever seen her.

You know, sometimes you have

to go through heartbreak in your life

and then something happens
and your life turns around.

I'm all busted up over a
relationship that just ended

and the band is solidified now,

but my head's all fucked
up, my heart's all fucked up

and I was in a lot of fucking pain.

And I just didn't have the
energy to go

to rehearsal a lot of the times.

♪ Let's take a blast to the moon
♪

I just started jotting down my feelings

and my thoughts like a journal.

♪ How I'm craving you

And all these journal entries started

to become songs for me.

And I noticed immediately
that it was really easy

for me to express myself on a piece

of paper much easier than it
was for me to talk about it.

And so I wrote, and I wrote and
I wrote,

and all of it came from this
real pain

that I was experiencing.

Through the pain I was experiencing,

something really beautiful was happening

and it was the birth of Godsmack.

I just got a call from Sully
one day.

You know, "Hey, I got a new
band, it's called Godsmack."

"And we have a bunch of
material and we wanna record it.

How can we do this?

You know, we don't have
a whole lot of money."

And we ended up borrowing $2,600
off

of a friend of ours at the time.

And so for 2,600 bucks,
he took us in on a weekend

and we basically tracked
as much as we could.

Track after track, just doing
it, trying

to save money to do it fast.

You know, that's the only
reason we were doing it fast.

We did everything live.

Tony and I were on
headphones but our ears were

in different separate rooms
being recorded at the same time

and we wiped out all
11 tracks in two days.

I was getting over my
fears of being a front man

and I started to look
towards the Steven Tylers

and the James Hetfields
and the Layne Staleys

and the people that I admired as
a singer.

And I took a little bit of
this and a little bit of that

and then I went back
and sang all the vocals.

And that was it.

That was the record we put out

and it was called "All Wound
Up."

We put some awful artwork on it.

It was a picture of Sully's TV

in his living room with a girl
in a chair

with cassette tape wrapping
around her.

It was the most fucking

ridiculous album cover ever.

I remember the first time
I heard Godsmack for real,

on a real produced CD and I was hoping

that it was gonna be the one
where you get to make it.

By shopping around
these CDs and getting them

to certain radio stations,
we drew the attention

of this one guy named Rocko who worked

for a local Boston station
called WAAF.

It's Rocko on WAAF.

Rocko just used to go digging
through the promotions bin

and we always had a bin of local bands

that would send music in for airplay.

And Rocko thought the
artwork was really cool

and so he put it on the air.

And once he started playing it,

the listeners really
started calling about it.

What's going
on Monday? I'm Rocco.

First we were played on the
Nightly News

and it was at 11 o'clock at night

because I used to work construction,

so I had to get up at 5:00 in
the morning.

But I'd always want stay up
to listen to the Nightly News

'cause he'd play "Keep Away" on
there.

"All Wound Up,"
this is Godsmack on WAAF.

I was over at a bar

and someone was like, "Man, have
you heard

about this Godsmack group?"

He says, "Man, yeah, listen to
this shit."

So he put it on.

The first song I heard was "Keep
Away.'

I was like, "Who is this
fucking asshole, man?

This is some good shit."

He says, "Yeah man, this
guy, his name's Sully."

Sully Erna.

I said, "I couldn't agree
with that fucking guy."

I'm in my shop one morning working

and I've got it on this college station

and I hear this song come on

and I start listening to the
lyrics of it.

♪ Sickness spilling through your
eyes ♪

And I said, that's Sully.
That's fucking Sully singing.

♪ Craving everything that
you thought was alive ♪

And the band started to grow at
this stage

and all of a sudden we had
this huge momentum going.

So I went to this local store

in New England called Newbury Comics,

which is a chain of about 17 stores.

And there was a lady named Beth Duby,

and I asked her if she would
take the CD

and she said, "Sure."

You know, she ended up
taking like five of 'em.

And I was like, "Oh, that kind
of sucks.

You know, we have a whole
case, you can take more."

And she's like, "Nope,
we'll start with five

and if we sell these five,
you bring us five more."

And then five a month started
to turn into about 10 a month,

and 10 in a month started
turning into a hundred a month.

And the more they played it

on the radio, the more
people would buy the CD

and the more people would buy
the CD,

the more they would show
up at the live shows

and on and on it went.

A lot of people were showing up

and they were selling out,
selling out, selling out.

And then they play it more

and play it more and play it more

and then it just snowballed
into something huge.

Godsmack! Godsmack!
Godsmack!

They started selling so many
copies that

when they published the album
sales numbers of everything

that they were selling week to
week, Godsmack was outselling

as a local unsigned band,
huge national artists.

He had done a lot of
work, Sully and the guys.

They were working the
club circuit heavily.

They had recorded what was a
great record.

And as I would come out and
see them play live in clubs

there, I began to recognize
not only the strength

of what he was doing, but
also the cause and effect

with the audiences.

And it was very small,
but it was meaningful.

Me and Tony were at rehearsal
one day

and I came up with this drumbeat.

So how about going

so it has a little bit of
thud to the ending of it.

And Tony started playing
this riff over this drumbeat

and it turned out to be
the song, "Whatever."

We wanted to add it to the CD,

but we didn't wanna record a
whole new CD and everything.

So we just recorded that one song

and just taped it onto the CD.

As a bonus CD because when
that song hit the radio,

that's when it really blew up
for us.

♪ Better fucking go away

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

♪ Now go away

"Whatever" sold thousands of copies.

Like bam it went from
we sold, you know, 5,000

to right where we're doing 2000
a week.

And in the meantime, you know,

WAAF was just playing the hell
out of it

so you could feel something happening.

We were playing a lot of places

and we were really starting
to build a name for ourselves

and it sparked the interest
of the record labels.

♪ Let's go

I think I was probably checking

on sales of one of our records

and I remember speaking to someone

at Newbury Comics calling
around, "Hey, how's this
record?"

"Hey, it's doing great.
It's number two this week."

"And well, who's number one?"

"Yeah, Godsmack."

I said, "Well, who's Godsmack?"

Said, "Yeah, he got this
record called 'Whatever.'"

I said, "Well, can I get a
copy?"

And it was a CD and then
it had a rubber band

and then it had this white
additional CD, blank CD,

just like that.

So I'm sitting in my
little basement room

and the phone rings and I pick
it up.

"Oh, yeah, what? Hello, what?"

I said, "Hey, I'm from Republic
Records. How you doing?"

He is like, "Yeah, what
about it, you know?"

"Quit fucking around, you
asshole,"

and I hung up the phone,

I really thought it was a
friend of mine fucking with me.

I actually hung up on the
president of the record label.

And so the phone rings again

and I was like, "Seriously,
I'm not in the fucking mood

for this today."

That was clearly Sully.

And he's like, "No,
don't hang, don't hang up."

He's like, "No, this is Avery
Lipman from Republic Records,"

and he started to go on and talk
a lot

of different kind of terminology,
record label terminology.

And at that point I go, oh my God,

like, okay, we don't even have a manager

and they're talking contracts

and I don't know anything
about that part of it.

So I called up Paul Geary

and he was into management at
the time.

I had him look at the band a
couple times previous to that,

but you know, we just weren't
ready yet.

Finally I called him

and I said, "Okay, listen,
you're managing the fuckingband.

That's like what's gonna happen

because I get record
labels calling my bedroom

and I don't know anything
about contracts."

This, I'll never forget.
I remember this intensely.

I was sitting in my
driveway talking to Sully

and I said, "Well, we
actually have our first offer,

but I think it's shit.

You know, I don't think
that's what we want to do."

I remember him saying, "Are
you sure? Are you sure?

We're passing on a major label
deal here."

And I felt at the time,

look, I've been doing
this long enough to know

that I don't know what kind
of deal we're gonna get,

but we're gonna get a deal.

And so they ask us to set up a show

and we're like, no problem.

Can fucking play anywhere in New England.

We're gonna pack it in,
We're gonna look awesome.

We're gonna get a record deal.

And we show up, we do our
sound check, band sounds great,

everyone's in a good place.

We hit the stage. Not a fucking person.

There may have been 14 people in
the club.

I remember thinking like it
wasn't full.

We worried about that 'cause
here we were getting ready

to, you know, showcase and
there wasn't a full room.

I was probably optimistic thinking

there was at least half of a room.

We're dead, we're dead.

That never bothered us, you know,

as far as like, you know,
the small turnout and shows

because we knew it was a process

and we knew it was just a matter
of time

and we just had to be patient.

And so we just said,

okay, we gotta pull
our head together here.

They just wanna see this band play.

And for whatever it's
worth, man, we got up

on stage and we played

to 15 people, just like we
would play to 5,000 people.

♪ Let's go

And at that point, Republic
came back with a real offer.

There's a rule of thumb in our business

that, you know, just when
you feel like all is lost

and your company's going
down and you just, you know,

for whatever reason you
can't make the rent,

you can't pay the bills,

you can't do this, you can't do that,

in our business, you've gotta
hang on

with everything you've got

because the next day the Beatles
can walk through the door

and in our case, it was Godsmack.

Please welcome Godsmack.

Godsmack.

He wanted it. If you want
it, you gotta go for it.

He's touched so many lives

and helped make their lives better.

I mean, how can I not be proud?

He had this one thing

that he always wanted
his whole entire life.

I have no other words,
but just simply amazing.

We're lucky we didn't
end up dead or in jail

and music, it was just a savior
for us.

Nothing was handed to him.

He worked hard for what
he has accomplished.

Always knew he'd make it and
then he did.

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

♪ Go away

♪ I'm doing the best that I can
♪

♪ Go away

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

♪ Go away

♪ I'm doing the best that I can
♪

♪ Go away

♪ Yeah

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

♪ I'm doing the best that I can
♪

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

♪ Now go away

♪ I'm doing the best that I ever
did ♪

♪ I'm doing the best that I can
♪

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did
♪

Show me your hands, come on.

Yeah, yeah!

♪ I'm doing the best I ever did,
go away ♪

♪ I'm doing the best that I can
♪

Godsmack! Godsmack!
Godsmack!

Sometimes getting to where you want

to get to, it's not as easy as
it sounds.

And you're gonna face challenges

and life is gonna knock you
down on your knees a lot.

But the people who can stand
tall again

and get up, no matter how many
times life knocks you down,

when you can reach down and
find your inner strength

and inspire others

and keep working at it, those
are the ones

that are gonna make it.

Those are the ones that'll
never live with regret.

It's all just a part
of the paths we choose.

I don't remember a lot about
my childhood, especially not

with him because he was on tour
a lot,

but I've noticed a lot that

as I've gotten older, he just wants

to spend more time with me.

My dad and I will talk for
hours about like anything.

Seeing the fans connect with him
so much

and you know, sing along to his songs

on stage, it's really cool for me

but it's almost like surreal,
like all

of these people love your dad

because you know, I don't
look at him like Sully.

I look at him like, dad.

Son, you're right.

So they're still fixing the
camera?

Yeah, I think so.

So this is my mom, my dear
mom, my one and only mother.

Thank you, dear. That's it, yeah.

I think I only have one.

I hope so.

We got over all our hangups,

how I used to be versus what I
am now

and now we get along great.

Yeah, I think so.

I think so too.

You're still a little bit
of a pain in my ass, but-

Well not like you're not a
pain in my ass too especially

when you don't answer your
phone and no, I'm just...

I'm busy though, you know?

Yeah, I know I'm busy too.

We're back at the stoop.
This was like our hiding spot.

- This was our spot, right?
- This is the hang, yeah.

I feel so comfortable here.

Do you?

I still feel like I gotta kind

of watch my back a little bit.

And you guys don't ever fucking
call me.

Very proud of my friend.

He has made an impact in the
music world

and he is my friend.
- Right, well, you know,

here we go.

Enough.

I'm a little bit over
pampered here right now.

- Never thought I'd hear that
- It's been a great ride.

Let's keep it going.

♪ I've told you this once
before, you can't control me ♪

♪ If you try to take me
down, you're gonna break ♪

♪ I feel your every nothing
that you're doing for me ♪

♪ I'm thinking you ought
to make your own way ♪

♪ I stand alone, inside

♪ I stand alone

♪ You're always hiding behind
your so-called goddess ♪

♪ So, what, you don't think
that we can see your face ♪

♪ Resurrected back before
the final falling ♪

♪ I'll never rest until
I can make my own way ♪

♪ I'm not afraid of fading

♪ I stand alone

♪ Feeling your sting down inside
me, I'm not dying for it ♪

♪ I stand alone

♪ Everything that I believe is
fading ♪

♪ I stand alone, inside

♪ I stand alone

♪ And now, it's my time

♪ It's my time to dream

♪ Dream of the skies

♪ Make me believe that
this place isn't plagued ♪

♪ By the poison in me

♪ Help me decide if my
fire will burn out ♪

♪ Before you can breathe ♪

♪ Breathe into me

♪ I stand alone, inside

♪ I stand alone ♪

♪ Feeling your sting down inside
me, I'm not dying for it ♪

♪ I stand alone

♪ Everything that I believe is
fading ♪

♪ I stand alone, inside ♪

♪ I stand alone, inside

♪ I stand alone, inside ♪

♪ I stand alone, inside ♪