Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,651
(Thunder)
2
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,064
I know that this time Lady Luck is on my side.
3
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,042
I really will break the bank.
4
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,602
(Man) You're a damn loser, Algie!
5
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:23,138
You always were and you always will be!
6
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:26,944
(Breathing heavily)
7
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:47,072
Oh! And enjoy the rest of the weekend.
8
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,873
- Psst!
- (Coughing)
9
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:54,437
Somehow I don't think
you'll get very far without this.
10
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,813
It's unbelievable.
11
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:05,655
- God, it's absolutely unbelievable.
- Shh! Don't be so rude!
12
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:10,186
I hate the lot of you!
Please. Clarissa! Mother!
13
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,824
Ah! Take him away quick.
14
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,426
(Algie) My roulette system is foolproof.
15
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:19,461
- If only you'd given me one last chance.
- (Laughter)
16
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:24,136
- Do you think you can handle a tiger, ma'am?
- Yes, Sergeant.
17
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:28,972
- I say, Clarissa!
- Sorry, Peter. We're made for each other.
18
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,950
- Known it for yonks. Bye, Mummy darling.
- Bye!
19
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,112
(Tinker) They're very good, aren't they?
20
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:37,245
Fabulous.
21
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,751
- (Laughter)
- It's getting dark.
22
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,522
It's getting dark!
23
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,788
- (Laughter)
- We'll fly by night.
24
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,294
- We'll fly by night!
- (Laughter)
25
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,268
(Applause)
26
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:55,365
- It was deliberate!
- That doesn't matter, darling.
27
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,842
- You were both stunning. (Chuckles)
- Oh, thanks.
28
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:03,378
Yeah. They are fabulous.
29
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:08,748
What are they?
30
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:13,122
They're 18th-century political satires
by James Gillray.
31
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:15,627
- (Grunts)
- "La Belle Assemblée."
32
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:21,601
Tink, haven't seen this one before.
"The Reception Of The Diplomatique, 1792."
33
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,068
Look at those colors, hey?
34
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:28,130
I know this one.
Fashionable Contrasts.
35
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,574
Well, what are those two
supposed to be doing?
36
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:35,411
Those feet are reputed to be
the feet of the Duchess o' York.
37
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,972
Eh?
38
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:40,975
- And?
- History repeating itself, Eric? Eh?
39
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,715
"More Pigs Than Teats."
40
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:46,384
- Eric, this is right up your street.
- Mm? What's that supposed to mean?
41
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,486
- (Lovejoy giggles)
- Well, well, well.
42
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,555
Good old Lovejoy. Feel at home, do we?
43
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,567
Once a divvy.
44
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,535
Never mind the performance.
45
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,470
Never mind us poor amateurs
acting our hearts out.
46
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,599
Just come straight in and have a good
rummage round the set, why don't you?
47
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,075
Anything else you fancy?
48
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,511
Oh, how about the armor?
I don't see the "sold" sticker on that piece.
49
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:10,107
- It was fiberglass.
- You were out of this world, Janey.
50
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:13,209
What's that supposed to mean?
You only caught the last five minutes.
51
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,053
I was out getting your desk. Anyway,
grace and talent can be spotted in five seconds.
52
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,422
Hm-hm! And I loved it.
53
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,951
But I don't think you should have gone off
with that copper. You should have married Peter.
54
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,055
- I like Peter.
- (Man guffawing)
55
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,793
So does the copper.
56
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:32,127
Jane, Sarah Bernhardt
could not have performed it better.
57
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:34,298
Oh, thank you, Tinker.
58
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,967
Was she the one in Mad Max?
59
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,978
Caligula The Musical.
60
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,606
The time's perfect for it.
Excuse me.
61
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:44,708
Aha! The pros.
62
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,584
I can tell. You've got that look about you. Here.
63
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,316
- This is Bernie, our director. This is Lovejoy.
- Hi.
64
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,654
- Eric and Tinker.
- Pleased to meet you all.
65
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:56,492
You know, you were the only people out there
tonight with opera glasses and flowers.
66
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:59,157
Only pros have them. I'm right, aren't I?
67
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,463
Sorry to disappoint you, Bernie,
but these are friends of mine.
68
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,800
- Oh, I see.
- But I thought it was ace.
69
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,169
- I loved every minute of it.
- Oh, thank you very much.
70
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:10,869
Last time I saw something like that
was on a troop ship going out to Durban.
71
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,879
But I was saying to Lady Jane
that I don't think she should have gone off
72
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,938
- with that copper...
- Where'd you get these prints?
73
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,006
Lovejoy!
74
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:27,892
I must admit, I'm not really into the theater
myself but I don't mind taking the props back.
75
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:31,761
Especially if they're Gillrays,
and especially if, with any luck -
76
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,232
well, it's not really luck,
it's called professional acumen -
77
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,326
I'll be carrying them out again
within ten minutes.
78
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,701
The bit in between is called "doing the deal".
79
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:43,300
And then the alchemy begins,
transmuting these things into serious money.
80
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,504
- (Car door closes)
- Come on, Janey!
81
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:53,479
(Lovejoy) Uh, would you like us
to make you an offer, Mr. Murphy?
82
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,352
(Scottish accent) We'll talk about a price later.
83
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,586
Erm, where did they come from, Mr. Murphy?
84
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:03,061
Oh, they didn't come from anywhere.
Been in the family for ages.
85
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,894
I think my grandfather got them somewhere.
86
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,524
I like this one.
87
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,125
The Diplomat.
88
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:12,160
I could have been a diplomat once.
If I'd stuck it.
89
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,173
But you chose this career instead, eh?
90
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,300
He could fairly hit 'em on the head could old...
91
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,832
- Gillray.
- Gillrie.
92
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:21,472
Gillray. Do you have anything else
that's old around here, Mr. Murphy?
93
00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:24,415
Er, do you mean as in antique or decrepit?
94
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:28,580
- As in the former.
- Well, nothing at the moment but I could see.
95
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:32,990
- Annie's coming to look at the roll-top desk.
- Murphy, do you wanna give us a price?
96
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,754
- Hundred and fifty.
- For the lot?
97
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,058
- Each.
- Oh, no. That's 750.
98
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:41,396
- Smart boy. Smarter than the rest.
- I was thinking more like 500.
99
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,959
Seven hundred. We take plastic.
100
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:47,871
- We accept all major credit cards!
- (Clucking)
101
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:53,004
(Beeping)
102
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,239
(Chugging)
103
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,583
Ah! I was thinking... cash.
104
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,384
- Six-fifty's my bottom line.
- How about six?
105
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,152
(Lovejoy) Fifteen hundred quid for the lot,
Howard?!
106
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:15,361
No, no, no, no, no. I reckon this print
diplomatique is worth 1500 on its own!
107
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:19,303
Yeah, I know there's a recession on, Howard.
Listen, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
108
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:23,900
I'm gonna get a member of my staff to wrap
'em up and send them down to you on Red Star
109
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:27,811
so you can have a look at them.
How's that sound? Good. Talk to you later.
110
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,748
Get a member of staff to wrap 'em up
and send them down to London, eh?
111
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,910
Well, let me just tell you something, Lovejoy.
112
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,512
This member of staff
isn't a member of your staff.
113
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:38,524
While I'm on the subject,
I've just schlepped all the way to Ipswich
114
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,618
to a shop that was shut...
Well, "shut", it was bloody derelict!
115
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:45,256
- I mean, when did you last go there?
- You're very lovely when you're angry.
116
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,788
Eh?
117
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,063
Oh, finally got the desk, I see, Lovejoy.
118
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,537
What, you don't think
we'd let you down, do you, Mrs. Brodie?
119
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,234
What do you think, Janey?
Do you think Bill will like it?
120
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,538
I never know what to get him for his birthday.
121
00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:00,478
- His idea of a good present is an unusual pig.
- (Chuckles)
122
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,310
Well, it's a lovely piece of furniture.
123
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:06,182
It's got tons of space and, to be quite honest,
at £1800 it's not overpriced.
124
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,413
Er, Janey?
125
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:12,215
(Hushed) It's 2,000.
126
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,556
Now, what's 200 between friends?
127
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,119
Nothing, as long as I get commission on 2,000.
128
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,360
- Where did you say it came from?
- From a doctor's family in Ipswich.
129
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:25,132
Yes, and apparently Gladstone used
to use it whenever he went over to visit them.
130
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,800
You know me.
I only want pieces with a true provenance.
131
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:34,012
Now, they are nice.
Are these the ones you mentioned?
132
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,138
Who are they by?
133
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,878
- Oh, they're by...
- James Gillray, an 18th-century caricaturist.
134
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,512
Well, actually they're
on their way to London, Mrs. Brodie.
135
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:44,250
Oh, what a pity. I rather like them.
136
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:47,418
Look at this one of the pigs.
Bill would love that.
137
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:51,590
"More Pigs Than Teats."
(Laughs) Story of his life, poor man.
138
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:55,931
These are supposed to be members of the
establishment sucking the state dry, actually.
139
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,367
- Is that a fact?
- Yeah.
140
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,429
(Tuts) Pity. They'd look nice in his study.
141
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,499
Would go well with that wallpaper,
wouldn't you say, Janey?
142
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,206
I'm sure there's a way round it, Mrs. Brodie.
They don't come cheap though, you know.
143
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,840
I mean a nice round figure
for the set of five would be...
144
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,213
(Inhales sharply)
145
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,945
...two grand.
146
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,886
That is very round, Lovejoy.
Very round indeed.
147
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,858
But then again, I suppose it will only
go on tax if I don't buy something with it.
148
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:25,455
Oh, look at this one. "The Duchess's Little Shoe
Yielding To The Magnitude Of The Duke's Foot."
149
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,489
(Laughs) Bit rude, isn't it?
150
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:31,660
I like them. I'll take the lot.
When can you deliver everything?
151
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:34,639
- Eric?
- About tennish tomorrow morning.
152
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,268
And I suppose you want me
to gift-wrap the desk do you?
153
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:41,007
Oh! That would be nice.
Pink ribbon and a few balloons?
154
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,639
That would be nice.
155
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,047
Right.
156
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:56,321
You should have seen this place when we
moved in. Bill's family were real peasants.
157
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,159
They'd been living here for 300 years
158
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:01,860
and I don't think they'd given it
a coat of paint once in all that time.
159
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:05,098
There was so much damp in the parlor -
sorry, lounge -
160
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:08,868
even the furniture had got athlete's foot.
(Chuckles)
161
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:12,867
Oh, that looks fantastic. He'll love that.
162
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:15,472
Perhaps I should hide inside it
wearing something thin
163
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:18,005
like one of those exploding birthday cakes.
164
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:21,110
Then again, knowing me,
I'd probably get cramp or something.
165
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,745
Now, the pictures.
166
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:37,402
(Jane) Eric, could you offer the feet up over by
the door here? Lovejoy, come and have a look.
167
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:40,462
Try it over on the big wall over there.
168
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:43,236
- Eric, try two up there side by side.
- Eh?
169
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:45,800
That's an idea.
Take the other one down first though.
170
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,142
(Eric sighs)
171
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:54,809
(Lovejoy coughs) Eric...
172
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,919
Could try them
on either side of the mirror, you know.
173
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,482
Bit high up, do you not think?
174
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:05,486
- (Eric) Hello?
- Yes, that's lovely. I'd like them there.
175
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,999
- Could you hang them?
- Right!
176
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,800
Bill! This is Lovejoy and Eric.
177
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,566
Janey you already know.
178
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,198
This is my husband.
179
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:21,441
He is the most successful pig breeder
in the whole of Essex. Bill Brodie.
180
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,744
Not Brodie's Bacon and Bangers?
181
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:27,913
I know 'em well! Cos my dad
used to be a butcher. Sold nothin' else.
182
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:31,047
Cos that's how I nearly
became a vegetarian, you know.
183
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:35,493
- Cos I mean all that dead flesh around...
- Eric! Just go and get your toolbox, will you?
184
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,927
Sorry.
185
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:43,901
Erm, I'm sorry but you can't go in there
until tomorrow morning,
186
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,870
unless you want to spoil a surprise, that is.
187
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,396
(Hushed) You really smell! Do you know that?
188
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:53,208
It's not a smell, it's a discretionary fragrance!
Comes from working with pigs!
189
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,106
Oh, hello! What have we got here?
190
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:02,280
Ah. Political satires by Gillray.
All around 1790.
191
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:07,258
Satires, eh? Well, that's a new one. It's getting
to be a bit like a museum around here.
192
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,921
We'll be needing a catalogue soon.
193
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:11,793
Not exactly my field of expertise.
194
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:16,029
Ah! Although, this one could be.
195
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,003
"More Pigs Than Teats...
196
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:23,304
"or The New Litter Of Hungry Grunters
Sucking John Bull's Old Sow To Death."
197
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:30,305
Now, she'd be either a Black Berkshire
or a Large White. But who are all these fellas?
198
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:33,785
Oh, members of the establishment
sucking the state dry.
199
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:37,414
Hm! Nothing new under the sun, is there?
200
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,925
Well, they sound expensive.
How much are they?
201
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,519
They were...
202
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,996
Two grand for the set of five.
203
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:48,898
- Really? They are genuine, I take it?
- Darling!
204
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,869
Well, even I have been known
to buy a pig in a poke from time to time.
205
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:55,135
- Pig in a poke! (Chuckles)
- (Lovejoy) No, they're genuine, Bill.
206
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:58,473
And I don't think you have
to worry about Gillray losing his value,
207
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,570
- if that's what you mean.
- Ooh!
208
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,841
(Smashing)
209
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,281
Looks like one of them just did.
210
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,584
- (Chuckles) 'Scuse us, eh?
- (Eric) Ow!
211
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:13,752
- Eric, you stupid, clumsy...
- Me foot went down the back of the sofa!
212
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,284
Oh, watch it! It's stuck! Ow! Ooh!
213
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:20,924
Oh, look at that! I thought they were
only supposed to be printed on one side.
214
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:25,198
- What, something on the other side?
- Hm. "Black Dick Turned Tailor."
215
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,171
Dated 1788.
216
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:30,498
And 1787 on this side.
217
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:35,704
Well, Bill, seems there's a discrepancy
over dates in the House of Gillray.
218
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:40,082
You see? They're duff! Wouldn't be the first
time we've had dodgy antiques around here.
219
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,677
Oh, no, they're not duff.
220
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,950
But you might be getting
two for the price of one.
221
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,720
- Now we couldn't have that, could we?
- The feeling's mutual, Lovejoy.
222
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,456
- Think we need a second opinion.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry about the mess.
223
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,558
But Eric, being one of the
finest restorers in the known world...
224
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:59,662
Will stay behind and restore this room
to its previous pristine condition.
225
00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:01,434
- Won't you, Eric?
- Course he will.
226
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,771
- Course he will.
- Ha! Course I will.
227
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,271
(She chuckles)
228
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,241
Do you think we've been ripped off?
229
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:17,586
Well, not knowingly, no.
But I'd like Howard to take a look at them.
230
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:20,888
(London accent)
Fancy a spot of lunch in London, madam?
231
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,629
Thank you, chauffeur.
232
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:34,070
"Finest restorer in the known world!"
233
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:38,601
"Restore it to its original pristine condition!"
234
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:41,204
Yeah, well one of these days
I'm gonna show 'em!
235
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,282
(Vacuum cleaner sputtering)
236
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,963
(Whistles)
237
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,437
(Door opens, closes)
238
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,949
- How are you getting on?
- Oh, fine! Fine!
239
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:21,043
Nearly restored to its former glory! (Laughs)
240
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,691
Oh, is this it?
241
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:40,369
(Tuts) No! I told you what it looked like.
242
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,175
Are you sure it was a man?
243
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:48,202
Tinker, I think I can identify
the bits that stick out.
244
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,614
Oh, and there was
a number on the bottom, 6942.
245
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,982
By the way, where were you yesterday
when I was lugging furniture about on me own?
246
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,818
I was at the chiropodist.
247
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:01,019
- Chiropodist?
- Yes, having my lumps done.
248
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,960
A present from the British Army.
249
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:08,364
The sergeant says
"If I say those boots fit, those boots fit!"
250
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:11,061
Hey!
251
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,966
Is that it?
252
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,474
That's it! That is it!
253
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:20,376
(Laughs)
That's what was in the black bin liner
254
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:23,313
and it's nicked
and that's why it was under the sofa.
255
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:24,976
I knew it all along.
256
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,212
Ha! What do you think the reward is?
257
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:33,119
Seventeenth-century Venetian,
258
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,423
possibly a Bacchus. Must be quite substantial.
259
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:41,126
They wouldn't take a quarter-page ad in the
Gazette otherwise. I'd say one to two thousand.
260
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:45,102
- Two thousand reward! Oh, yes! That'll do me!
- Hang on!
261
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:48,072
Jane decorated the Brodie house
almost from top to bottom.
262
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:52,043
Before you start grassing anybody up,
you better have a talk with Lovejoy.
263
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:02,946
You see this one? Wouski.
264
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,719
She's a character from an opera
by Colman called Inkle And Yarico.
265
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,193
This is Prince William Henry.
He was in the Navy.
266
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:13,255
This one is supposed to be the origin of that
joke about doing it standing up in a hammock.
267
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,323
I bet it wasn't funny then either.
268
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:17,825
(Coughs) Yes, well.
269
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:22,273
The plates are certainly by Gillray but they're
all from what's called the Bohn Edition.
270
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:25,276
They're from the original plates
but they're not first editions.
271
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:28,507
- And how were we to know that?
- Well, there's quite a simple test.
272
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:32,142
You look for Bohn's plate number
which he had engraved himself
273
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:35,551
right here in the top corner.
These numbers never appear in the originals
274
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:39,683
but if the frame or the mount
covers the number... you'll never spot it.
275
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:42,357
See?
276
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:47,058
You can still read it. "311." (Tuts)
277
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:52,435
Some dealers rub them out with fine sandpaper
but then the paints soaks in slightly darker.
278
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,837
How much would you say for them, then?
279
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,576
Well, they're nicely colored but...
280
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,703
if you paid more than 400 you were robbed.
281
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,145
Shh!
282
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,705
Tell you what.
283
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:08,209
I'll give 150 for the Duchess of York's feet.
Pub on the corner's always asking me for one.
284
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,448
Oh, thank you, Howard,
but I already have a buyer.
285
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:13,287
I was merely seeking a second opinion.
286
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,536
Sorry, there's nobody here at the moment.
287
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:30,406
If you'd like to leave your message,
name and number after the tone
288
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,206
- we'll get back to you as soon as possible.
- (Beep)
289
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:37,147
Erm... Hello, I'm ringing about the erm...
290
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,618
stolen Bacchus in last month's Gazette. Er...
291
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,348
(Coughs) I might have seen it, erm...
292
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:48,382
The one I saw had the number 6942
on the bottom
293
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,453
and I believe there's a reward. Erm...
294
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:55,763
So, anyway, my number is 0787...
295
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,828
Er, 37... 6623.
296
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:00,964
And, er...
297
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,907
Oh! No! Er... Sh... Oh!
298
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:05,876
Sugar! Damn!
299
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:23,587
- Do you know what day it is today?
- It's not your birthday... is it?
300
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,888
It's my wedding anniversary.
301
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,064
Listen to this, it's rather touching.
302
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:36,303
"Far be the noise of kings and crowns from us
303
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:40,573
"Whose gentle souls our kinder fates
have steered another way
304
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,143
"Free as the forest birds we'll pair together
305
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,448
"Without remembering who our fathers were
306
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:51,923
"And in soft murmurs interchange our souls"
307
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:57,320
- Isn't that beautiful, Lovejoy?
- Hm.
308
00:19:58,330 --> 00:19:59,797
- (Car horn)
- Lovejoy?
309
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,355
- Hm?
- (Car horn)
310
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,393
- Lovejoy, the lights are green!
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
311
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,144
(Doorbell)
312
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,209
(Jane) Can you get it, Lovejoy?
313
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,548
Yeah!
314
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,687
(Groans)
315
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:30,928
- Ooh! Cor! Phew!
- (Door bell)
316
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,398
Why is it that people who live in big houses
never keep the central heating on?
317
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,397
(Groans)
318
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:42,100
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
It's Mc-Mc-Mc-Mc, uh...
319
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,732
- Mc-Mc...
- Inspector McDonald.
320
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:46,300
Inspector McDonald.
'Scuse me, Inspector McDonald.
321
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:49,439
- (Gasps) Come for breakfast, have you?
- No thank you, Lovejoy.
322
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:54,619
No? Finest English breakfast tea
out of the finest Derby china.
323
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:58,020
Low-fat milk, essential if you want to keep
that fabulous figure of yours, Inspector.
324
00:20:58,056 --> 00:20:59,523
No thanks.
325
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:03,119
- No? You haven't come for breakfast?
- No.
326
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,823
Yesterday we registered
a call from the Felsham estate.
327
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:07,627
Now, where were you yesterday, Lovejoy?
328
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,726
Yesterday he was in London. All day. With me.
329
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,363
- Good morning, Inspector.
- Good morning, Lady Felsham.
330
00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:14,804
Coffee, Inspector?
331
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:21,678
(Eric) 0h, hello. I'm ringing about the stolen
Bacchus in last month's Gazette, erm...
332
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:24,580
I think I might have seen it, erm...
333
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:30,179
The one I saw had the number 6942
on the bottom and er...
334
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,417
I believe there's a reward.
335
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,856
Erm...
336
00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:37,794
Well, my number is, er, 0787...
337
00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:40,627
37... 6623.
338
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:46,036
So, erm... Ah! Oh! No! Er... Ah!
339
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:50,436
So, what have you got to say about that?
340
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,878
I think you'll agree that I'm more of a baritone
than a tenor and my accent's a little less rural.
341
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:58,906
And also, in tracing that call back here,
haven't you infringed Lady Felsham's...
342
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,850
- Civil liberties.
...civil liberties?
343
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:04,913
I work for the police force,
not Amnesty International.
344
00:22:04,956 --> 00:22:07,891
And if you've got this thing
or you know anything about it,
345
00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:13,262
erm, it would be in your own interests
to hand it over or to tell me about it.
346
00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:17,098
I haven't got the faintest idea what you're
talking about, but what does interest me
347
00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:22,971
is why the cattle-prod treatment about some
Bacchus with a number stamped on its bum?
348
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:27,438
Oh, dear. And I thought
that we could handle this amicably.
349
00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:29,879
- Handle what?
- That's a search warrant,
350
00:22:29,915 --> 00:22:32,679
sworn by a magistrate
in Chelmsford this morning,
351
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:36,415
and it authorizes me
to search the premises for stolen property.
352
00:22:37,522 --> 00:22:39,319
This is for Felsham Interiors, not here.
353
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,384
It's all right, Lady Felsham,
I do know where it is.
354
00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:49,628
She was expecting Chippendale
and a bunch of half-naked men turned up.
355
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,471
(Eric laughs)
356
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:11,514
Doing a little freelance
bounty hunting, are we, Eric?
357
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:16,122
The police got a call from my phone
about a stolen Bacchus.
358
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:18,994
Well, I can explain, Jane.
I can explain everything.
359
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:21,362
(Mimics Eric) I believe there's a reward.
360
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:26,463
My number is 078737...
361
00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:29,201
(Mimics Eric) 6623.
362
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,903
(Both) Ah! Ooh! No! Erm...
363
00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:33,638
Yeah, but... (Stammers)
364
00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:36,647
- (Groans)
- What's the matter, Eric?
365
00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:39,377
Don't you want to share the secret with us?
Aren't we friends?
366
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:44,515
I tried to phone you but you were off to London
as if it was closing down.
367
00:23:44,556 --> 00:23:46,080
I'm sorry I phoned.
368
00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:49,958
- So where is this famous stolen Bacchus?
- Under your bed?
369
00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:53,624
Well, it's under the sofa
at Brodie's house, actually.
370
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:55,326
(Both) What?
371
00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:01,131
- Jane! Lovejoy.
- Bill.
372
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:04,267
Gotta wean them off their mother sometime.
Now's as good a time as any.
373
00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:07,244
Oh, aren't they pretty? All pink and soft.
374
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,271
Great future they've got.
They're a sausage with a leg at each corner.
375
00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:11,907
Not a vegetarian, are you?
376
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:15,215
- Well, I'm a sort of a pseudo-vegetarian.
- What does that mean?
377
00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:17,187
I only eat animals that eat vegetables.
378
00:24:17,222 --> 00:24:20,191
- (Sighs) So what brings you up here?
- We were looking for Annie.
379
00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,557
- Thought you might know where she is?
- Knowing Annie,
380
00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:26,189
- she's probably out buying something.
- D'you ever see this before?
381
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,326
No, never.
382
00:24:28,366 --> 00:24:32,735
Eric says it's under your sofa
in a black plastic bin liner.
383
00:24:33,505 --> 00:24:36,838
Well, what was your man doing
poking around underneath my sofa?
384
00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:38,570
You'll be telling me
what's in the drawers next!
385
00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:41,875
Actually, he was clearing up
the glass from the broken picture.
386
00:24:41,913 --> 00:24:46,213
(Sighs) Right, right. Well, there's only
one way to find out what this is about.
387
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,181
(Squealing, grunting)
388
00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:58,759
It's Venetian, 17th century and the number
on the base looks like a catalogue number.
389
00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:01,061
Yeah, could have come out of a museum.
390
00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:02,566
Feet first.
391
00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:06,961
(Sighs) Well, I've never seen it
before in my life.
392
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:10,600
- How much is it worth?
- Between 15 and 20 grand.
393
00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:12,974
Between 15 and 20 gra...
394
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:15,002
Well, then it's definitely stolen!
395
00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:19,875
Right. That's it!
396
00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:22,313
This is all I need!
397
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,788
I don't mind Annie buying
a few bits and pieces for the farm
398
00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,485
but I draw the line at having
a house full of stolen property!
399
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:31,622
The desk is all right, is it? It didn't happen
to fall off the back of a furniture lorry, did it?
400
00:25:31,663 --> 00:25:33,028
Now, hang on a minute, Bill.
401
00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:36,625
- I hope you're not implying...
- I'm not implying anything at all!
402
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:41,298
- We won't talk about it until it's sorted, right?
- I'm sure there's a simple explanation.
403
00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:44,900
- Well, we'll just have to find out, won't we?
- (Car engine)
404
00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:46,638
Excuse me a minute, will you?
405
00:25:48,647 --> 00:25:51,377
(Door opens, closes)
406
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,051
- I don't think he's handling it very well.
- Well, what would you tell your spouse
407
00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:03,288
if you just found 20 grand's worth
of nicked gear stuffed under your sofa?
408
00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:05,159
(Jane coughs)
409
00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:11,060
I don't believe you did this, Annie.
Come on. In here.
410
00:26:11,102 --> 00:26:14,503
Tell them.
Go on, tell them what you told me.
411
00:26:15,507 --> 00:26:18,067
Hello, Lovejoy, Janey.
412
00:26:18,109 --> 00:26:19,303
(Both) Annie.
413
00:26:20,545 --> 00:26:22,410
Look, I'm sorry about all this.
414
00:26:22,447 --> 00:26:25,473
I really do apologize
about the police turning up and all that.
415
00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:29,283
Tell them. Come on.
Tell them why you stuck it under the sofa.
416
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:33,485
I saw the same picture
in the Gazette last month.
417
00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:35,493
I didn't know what to do.
418
00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:40,692
I suppose I thought that if I stuck it
under the sofa it would somehow go away.
419
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,266
Why didn't you phone the number
for the reward?
420
00:26:45,303 --> 00:26:50,673
I didn't want to get involved with any of that.
I just wanted to forget about it.
421
00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:54,942
Would you tell us how much you paid for it?
422
00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:58,014
Six hundred.
423
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,445
And would you tell us
who you bought it from?
424
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,256
A man called... Rollo.
425
00:27:06,391 --> 00:27:07,915
Rollo?
426
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,068
Well?
427
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:28,005
(Hushed) Come on, Lovejoy. Play the game.
428
00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:31,846
(Hushed) It's not a game, Rollo.
How much did you sell it to Mrs. Brodie for?
429
00:27:31,883 --> 00:27:34,647
- Six hundred quid.
- Six hundred quid?
430
00:27:34,686 --> 00:27:39,020
- It's worth 30 times that much.
- I was bloody lucky to get six.
431
00:27:39,057 --> 00:27:41,992
This thing is mega-bent gear, Lovejoy.
432
00:27:42,027 --> 00:27:46,555
If the Old Bill had found out when they
turned my place over I wouldn't be on remand.
433
00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:49,396
I'd be doing ten in Dartmoor.
434
00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:51,197
So why's it so hot?
435
00:27:51,236 --> 00:27:53,636
You mean, you don't know?
436
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:59,872
Lovejoy, this thing is hotter than the chicken
Chernobyl down the local curry house!
437
00:27:59,911 --> 00:28:01,242
Why?
438
00:28:02,547 --> 00:28:05,380
You remember
an exhibition of bronze sculpture
439
00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:09,012
sponsored by the Italian government
in Cambridge last year?
440
00:28:09,054 --> 00:28:10,248
Yeah.
441
00:28:10,288 --> 00:28:14,384
Well, most of the stuff
was on loan from all over the world.
442
00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:17,785
Here, you remember Rachel?
443
00:28:18,763 --> 00:28:21,698
- Rachel?
- You know who I mean.
444
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:23,325
Long black hair.
445
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:26,064
- Tattoo of King Kong on her bum.
- Oh, yeah.
446
00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:31,167
Well, she goes to the exhibition
with a skinful of high-octane lager,
447
00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:34,736
picks it up and walks out with it.
Just like that!
448
00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:38,647
- Just like that? Never read anything about it.
- Well, you wouldn't, would you?
449
00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:41,811
It was all hushed up. Big press blackout.
450
00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:46,449
Red faces up in Cambridge
like baboons' arses, I can tell you!
451
00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:50,621
Local Old Bill's been walking around
like they got fleas ever since.
452
00:28:50,662 --> 00:28:52,391
So she flogged it to you, eh?
453
00:28:52,430 --> 00:28:54,990
Flogged it? You're joking!
454
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,194
She forced it on me, she did.
455
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,328
She's always forcing things on people.
456
00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:02,635
She's like that. Forced, it was!
457
00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:04,665
Why did she force it on you?
458
00:29:04,709 --> 00:29:07,576
Well, she got frightened when she found out
459
00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:10,103
who it was on loan from.
460
00:29:10,148 --> 00:29:12,082
So who was it on loan from?
461
00:29:12,117 --> 00:29:13,584
A woman.
462
00:29:13,618 --> 00:29:15,381
What woman?
463
00:29:18,256 --> 00:29:22,090
Well, she's got a lovely collection of jewelry,
464
00:29:22,127 --> 00:29:24,891
big house in London, husband's Greek,
465
00:29:24,929 --> 00:29:28,956
and she's just started to pay her own taxes.
466
00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:32,433
The Queen?!
467
00:29:33,805 --> 00:29:36,239
Oh, God, it belongs to the Queen?
468
00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:39,004
This is terrible, this is absolutely awful.
469
00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:41,910
If ever this gets out, we're finished,
we're done for.
470
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:45,404
Just about does it. That's all we need.
471
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:47,281
If ever there's one whisper of this
472
00:29:47,318 --> 00:29:50,048
he will never get his knighthood
for services to the pig industry.
473
00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:51,919
(Annie) This is the end.
474
00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:56,791
I'm sorry, Bill. Why, oh why
did I buy the damn thing? I don't even like it.
475
00:29:58,229 --> 00:30:00,220
Do you want to tell them or shall I?
476
00:30:01,566 --> 00:30:02,760
Tell us what?
477
00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:05,368
Well...
478
00:30:06,404 --> 00:30:10,636
(Sighs) Because of security,
no one's supposed to know about this.
479
00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:13,075
Outside a very small circle.
480
00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:14,738
Know about what?
481
00:30:14,779 --> 00:30:20,479
Next week at the piggery we're playing host
to some very important people.
482
00:30:20,518 --> 00:30:26,787
The Lord Lieutenant, lots of top brass,
the ministry people and...
483
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:30,556
Yes, you've got it.
Can you imagine it?
484
00:30:30,595 --> 00:30:34,656
Yes, Your Majesty. This is my prize boar.
It's just on its way to Canada.
485
00:30:34,699 --> 00:30:36,963
Oh! By the way,
do you remember that bronze Bacchus
486
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:40,835
that used to stand on the mantelpiece at the
palace? Well, it doesn't belong to you anymore.
487
00:30:40,872 --> 00:30:43,102
Perhaps you'd like
to speak to my ex-wife about it
488
00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:45,575
before they cart her off to Holloway prison!
489
00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:48,909
I've said I'm sorry, Bill.
Anyone can make a mistake.
490
00:30:48,947 --> 00:30:53,145
I think you're exaggerating, Bill.
We won't say a word, we promise.
491
00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:57,621
Exaggerating? But you're a titled lady,
you must know how touchy they all are
492
00:30:57,655 --> 00:31:00,920
about being associated with
anything even remotely criminal!
493
00:31:00,959 --> 00:31:05,419
Even a whisper about this and we can kiss this
visit goodbye! In fact I can stick my head
494
00:31:05,463 --> 00:31:08,694
- between my legs and kiss my arse...
- Bill! You are overreacting.
495
00:31:08,733 --> 00:31:11,634
Nobody even knows
the damn thing's here but us.
496
00:31:11,669 --> 00:31:14,297
What would you do, Lovejoy, if it was yours?
497
00:31:14,339 --> 00:31:18,639
I'd probably go for the reward. There's bound
to be a couple of grand floating around.
498
00:31:18,676 --> 00:31:22,544
Then I tell you what,
why don't you return it for us?
499
00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:26,744
Hold on, hold on.
An inspector woman's been sniffing around.
500
00:31:26,784 --> 00:31:29,116
She's sure I've got it stashed away somewhere.
501
00:31:29,153 --> 00:31:31,587
There must be something we can do, Lovejoy.
502
00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:35,855
Yeah. I think there's a solution
that benefits everyone.
503
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:38,556
- Go on.
- The Gillray prints.
504
00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:40,791
But you took them away because
there was something iffy about them.
505
00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:45,201
No, there's nothing iffy about them,
they're just 150 years old, not 200 years old.
506
00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:48,501
- Give me two-and-a-half grand for them.
- But you said they were two grand!
507
00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:51,007
- Bill, let him finish.
- Thank you, Annie.
508
00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:57,174
For two-and-a-half grand you get the prints,
I return the Bacchus to its rightful owner.
509
00:31:57,215 --> 00:32:00,241
- Two-and-a-half. I don't know.
- Bill, two-and-a-half is fine.
510
00:32:00,285 --> 00:32:01,946
And then we're rid of it.
511
00:32:03,655 --> 00:32:07,523
All right.
As long as I never see or hear about it again!
512
00:32:13,131 --> 00:32:14,962
Lovejoy, Janey!
513
00:32:14,999 --> 00:32:19,095
Um, here's a Brodie's ham for you.
Thanks very much.
514
00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:20,866
Oh, thank you, Annie.
515
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:28,902
It was made
by Alfredo Zampa from Venice in 1620
516
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:33,043
and was part of war booty from a captured
French frigate in the Battle of the Nile.
517
00:32:33,084 --> 00:32:36,247
If you put a shade on it
it'd make a nice lamp, I suppose.
518
00:32:36,287 --> 00:32:39,051
No, what is really interesting about it
519
00:32:39,090 --> 00:32:42,958
is it was dropped overboard
as it was being carried ashore at Chatham
520
00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:47,363
and it took ten tides
to rediscover it from the Thames mud.
521
00:32:47,398 --> 00:32:50,265
Queen Charlotte,
who was married to George III,
522
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:54,431
was present at the recovery operation
when it was brought to the surface.
523
00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:59,409
It was presented to her by the ship's captain.
It's been with the royal collection ever since.
524
00:32:59,444 --> 00:33:02,072
And now they want it back.
525
00:33:05,416 --> 00:33:08,249
I declare this think-tank open.
526
00:33:10,722 --> 00:33:12,246
Any suggestions?
527
00:33:21,866 --> 00:33:25,063
- We could just post it.
- Oh, don't be daft!
528
00:33:25,103 --> 00:33:28,163
I can't see why we can't just
put it in a padded envelope and post it!
529
00:33:28,206 --> 00:33:31,198
- Don't be daft.
- What about the reward money?
530
00:33:31,242 --> 00:33:35,804
That's covered. Just gotta find
a way of getting it back to the palace.
531
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,872
(Sighs) Haven't you come up with anything yet?
532
00:33:38,649 --> 00:33:40,913
Well, I said we should just post it.
533
00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:44,513
Eric... that is a brilliant idea.
534
00:33:44,555 --> 00:33:46,318
Why didn't you think of that?
535
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:50,691
Oh, excuse me, why don't we take a vote on it?
All those in favor of posting it?
536
00:33:55,299 --> 00:34:00,396
Post it. One bronze Bacchus,
recorded delivery from Chelmsford.
537
00:34:00,438 --> 00:34:02,201
On your bike, Eric.
538
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,970
- Hold on a minute, why me?
- Your idea.
539
00:34:19,524 --> 00:34:21,515
(Engine still running)
540
00:34:24,462 --> 00:34:28,899
(Gasps) Ah! Could you tell me
the way to the main post office please, mate?
541
00:34:28,933 --> 00:34:31,902
- About 500 yards...
- Sorry, mate. I can't hear you.
542
00:34:31,936 --> 00:34:35,303
- On your left, about 500...
- Hoy! Hoy! Hey!
543
00:34:42,146 --> 00:34:44,876
- Somebody's nicked the Harley?
- (Tinker snores)
544
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:47,544
Well, I think that solves everyone's problem.
545
00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:50,645
Well, we don't have to return
you-know-what to you-know-who.
546
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:55,216
Never mind you-know-who's you-know-what,
I've had my bike nicked.
547
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:57,193
Well, thanks a bunch, Lovejoy!
548
00:34:57,995 --> 00:34:59,485
Selfish git!
549
00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:06,231
Now, look, this is my number. Now,
if you see or hear anything give us a bell, yeah?
550
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:07,965
- Will do.
- Cheers.
551
00:35:33,831 --> 00:35:36,732
I'd like to report the theft
of my Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
552
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:38,997
Oi! Not on the desk!
553
00:35:39,504 --> 00:35:40,766
(Tuts)
554
00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:44,274
You'd like to report
the theft of your motorcycle?
555
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,605
Yes.
556
00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:48,711
Won't take a second.
557
00:35:48,746 --> 00:35:53,774
Now, let me see. (Coughs)
I think we've got some forms somewhere.
558
00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:56,878
Quite a popular pastime in some districts...
559
00:35:56,921 --> 00:36:01,824
What's this doing here?
...driving off with other people's property.
560
00:36:01,859 --> 00:36:05,590
Man in Thuxton lost his horse recently.
561
00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:07,530
Turned up in Paris.
562
00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:10,830
In three different butchers' shops. (Laughs)
563
00:36:11,802 --> 00:36:17,570
- Would you like me to come back tomorrow?
- No, no. Want to start at the beginning?
564
00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:20,876
Ah. Here we are.
565
00:36:22,914 --> 00:36:26,816
Name, telephone number and address.
566
00:36:27,652 --> 00:36:29,711
- Got a pen?
- (Sighs)
567
00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:34,315
Eric Catchpole.
568
00:36:34,358 --> 00:36:37,486
Catch... pole.
569
00:36:37,528 --> 00:36:39,393
- Eric.
- Eric!
570
00:36:40,464 --> 00:36:44,161
- 0787...
- 0787...
571
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:48,832
3766... 23.
572
00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:54,140
- Haven't I heard that voice somewhere before?
- Who, me?
573
00:36:54,178 --> 00:36:58,615
Well, my number is, er, 0787...
574
00:36:58,649 --> 00:37:01,516
376623.
575
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:06,251
So, erm... Ah! 0h! No! Er... Ah!
576
00:37:06,290 --> 00:37:09,225
Yeah, no, but... You see...
577
00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:11,353
No, that's not me.
578
00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:14,922
- I don't sound anything like that.
- Oh, don't be silly! Of course it's you!
579
00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:17,696
Now, come on, Eric.
Where did you see this Bacchus thing?
580
00:37:17,735 --> 00:37:21,398
- What Bacchus?
- Please, Eric, don't waste my time.
581
00:37:21,439 --> 00:37:23,907
- Where did you see it?
- Are you arresting me or what?
582
00:37:23,941 --> 00:37:27,900
Right now we're still at the "or what" stage
but you've got about another ten minutes.
583
00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:32,480
All right, all right.
I thought I saw it but I was mistaken.
584
00:37:32,516 --> 00:37:36,919
But, Eric, you gave us the number
that was on the base of the statue.
585
00:37:36,954 --> 00:37:39,582
But that number, that's just a coincidence.
586
00:37:39,624 --> 00:37:42,354
No, the number was correct.
587
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:46,123
But the one I saw wasn't a Bacchus.
588
00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:47,994
Then who was it?
589
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:53,866
Pan. He was holding pipes. Not fruit, pipes.
590
00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:56,532
Pan is the patron saint of plumbers, you know.
591
00:37:56,574 --> 00:38:01,773
(Tuts) Oh, so it's just an open-and-shut case
of getting your deities mixed up, eh, Eric?
592
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:03,370
That's right.
593
00:38:03,414 --> 00:38:07,077
- Why were you going to Chelmsford?
- I told you, cos I was going to the post office.
594
00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:11,316
But, you see, there's a perfectly good
post office just around the corner.
595
00:38:11,355 --> 00:38:13,949
Now, why didn't you go there?
596
00:38:13,991 --> 00:38:16,425
Because I'd heard
it was quicker from Chelmsford.
597
00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:18,690
You could get it
straight on the train to London.
598
00:38:18,729 --> 00:38:23,098
And what were you sending to London
that you couldn't send from here?
599
00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:25,102
Perishables.
600
00:38:25,136 --> 00:38:27,536
Er... Microwave meals.
601
00:38:27,571 --> 00:38:31,268
Shepherd's pie. Er...
You know, for the TV appeal.
602
00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:33,804
Oh!
603
00:38:35,913 --> 00:38:38,973
Oh, leave it. I'll get the rope.
604
00:38:39,016 --> 00:38:45,387
Papa-Zulu-Mike to EP. Over.
We've recovered this stolen Harley on the B184.
605
00:38:45,423 --> 00:38:48,085
The owner's a man called Catchpole.
606
00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:50,753
If you give him a call,
the tow-truck boys will deliver it.
607
00:38:50,795 --> 00:38:53,093
Ugly old bats, aren't they?
608
00:38:53,130 --> 00:38:55,496
- And to think they used to be the cream...
- (Phone)
609
00:38:55,533 --> 00:38:57,865
...of 18th-century London society.
610
00:38:57,902 --> 00:38:59,392
Yeah, look a bit off to me.
611
00:38:59,437 --> 00:39:01,268
It's the police.
612
00:39:01,305 --> 00:39:03,899
Hello? Yes, that's right.
613
00:39:03,941 --> 00:39:07,900
Oh, you've recovered the Harley-Davidson
and you can have it delivered here?
614
00:39:07,945 --> 00:39:10,641
- How much?
- For how much?
615
00:39:10,681 --> 00:39:13,149
The breakdown people want 30 quid.
616
00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:17,519
Ask them if it's still in one piece. The lad'll
kill himself if anything's happened to it.
617
00:39:17,555 --> 00:39:19,546
Is it still in one pi...
618
00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:24,357
The front mudguard is slightly damaged
619
00:39:24,395 --> 00:39:28,798
but the tools and the parcel
are still in the saddlebag.
620
00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:32,394
They haven't even nicked the Bacchus?
Even thieves are useless these days.
621
00:39:32,436 --> 00:39:33,869
Tell them to bring it round.
622
00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:37,763
- Here we go!
- Oh, thanks.
623
00:39:37,808 --> 00:39:40,572
- Here, you still got my pen?
- Oh, yeah!
624
00:39:40,611 --> 00:39:42,238
They found your bike an' all.
625
00:39:42,279 --> 00:39:48,377
Right. Well, where is it? How is it? Those
beggars haven't totally totaled it, have they?
626
00:39:48,419 --> 00:39:50,751
(Chuckles) No, not at all.
627
00:39:50,788 --> 00:39:54,884
They didn't even steal your tools.
Even your parcel's still in the pannier bag.
628
00:39:54,925 --> 00:39:56,722
Oh, what a relief!
629
00:39:56,761 --> 00:40:00,322
We'd better go and see if those shepherd's
pies are still worth sending, hadn't we?
630
00:40:00,364 --> 00:40:03,231
Sergeant! Where's the bike now?
Is it in the yard?
631
00:40:03,267 --> 00:40:06,236
No, they've taken it to Lady Felsham's estate.
632
00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:12,502
Yeah, thanks, mate.
633
00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:26,251
You know, Tink...
634
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:31,552
seems a shame to let
all this good reward money go begging.
635
00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:36,294
I mean, this thing turning up like this, it's...
It's an omen.
636
00:40:36,333 --> 00:40:38,858
- You mean a sign, man.
- Mm.
637
00:40:38,903 --> 00:40:42,600
Lovejoy, you gave your word
you'd send it back, no questions asked.
638
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,234
Mr. And Mrs. Brodie have already paid you once.
639
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:49,872
Nothing in the deal says I can't pick up an
extra couple of grand. I'd be a schmuck not to.
640
00:40:49,914 --> 00:40:52,747
- Good afternoon.
- Hello, Jane.
641
00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:56,810
Oh, no! I thought we'd seen the back of that!
What's it doing here?
642
00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:58,583
Eric didn't quite make it, Janey.
643
00:40:58,622 --> 00:41:01,716
He was set upon by bicycle thieves
on his way to Chelmsford.
644
00:41:01,759 --> 00:41:04,660
I'm in a terrible hurry.
I was supposed to be at the Wiltons at three.
645
00:41:04,695 --> 00:41:07,528
Give it here.
I'll get rid of it once and for all.
646
00:41:07,565 --> 00:41:09,556
Now, where's that smoked ham?
647
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,728
Oh, yes, very appropriate.
See you tomorrow.
648
00:41:12,770 --> 00:41:16,900
By the way, Bill Brodie wants you to hang
the pigs print up at his office in the piggeries.
649
00:41:16,941 --> 00:41:20,934
Dress smartish.
You never know who you might bump into. Bye.
650
00:41:22,112 --> 00:41:24,740
Well, easy come...
651
00:41:25,683 --> 00:41:27,116
easy go.
652
00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:48,267
My baby! My baby! What have they done
to you? Where have they hurt you?
653
00:41:51,475 --> 00:41:55,605
You see what happens when you separate
a lad and his Harley, Inspector?
654
00:41:55,646 --> 00:41:56,908
What can we do for you?
655
00:41:56,947 --> 00:42:03,284
I have reason to believe that somewhere here
there is a 17th-century bronze Bacchus,
656
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:07,689
which is the lawful property
of Her Majesty the Queen.
657
00:42:07,725 --> 00:42:12,185
And I intend to search these premises
until I find it.
658
00:42:17,868 --> 00:42:20,428
Well, must be nice
to have your bike back, eh, Eric?
659
00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:22,962
- Oh, fantastic.
- You owe me 30 quid.
660
00:42:23,007 --> 00:42:25,373
Right. Eh?!
661
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,627
(Pigs squeal)
662
00:42:47,031 --> 00:42:50,023
Hang on, hang on.
What's goin' on here?
663
00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:52,695
Get in there and look inside.
664
00:42:57,341 --> 00:42:59,468
Don't just kneel there!
665
00:42:59,510 --> 00:43:01,808
Get in and check it out!
666
00:43:01,845 --> 00:43:03,403
(Squealing)
667
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:07,312
Lovely.
668
00:43:08,485 --> 00:43:10,817
Lovejoy, did you...
669
00:43:10,854 --> 00:43:12,481
(Hushed)... manage to get rid of it?
670
00:43:12,523 --> 00:43:15,959
After one false start, it should be safely
on its way to the palace by now.
671
00:43:15,993 --> 00:43:19,622
- May I say how elegant you look, Annie?
- That's very kind of you.
672
00:43:19,663 --> 00:43:24,100
You'd better hurry up. They'll be here in a
couple of minutes and we have to be presented.
673
00:43:24,134 --> 00:43:29,970
Oh, we are very grateful to you, Lovejoy.
I couldn't have had Bill miss this for anything.
674
00:43:33,510 --> 00:43:37,037
If it's not too much to ask,
what are you two doing here?
675
00:43:37,081 --> 00:43:41,882
At Mr. Brodie's request, hanging a picture,
officer, I presume?
676
00:43:41,919 --> 00:43:44,251
- Yes, it is.
- (Hammering)
677
00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:47,189
And I'll hang you if you're not out right away.
678
00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:50,193
You're not supposed to be here.
You haven't been cleared.
679
00:43:50,227 --> 00:43:51,592
Come on. Out.
680
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:55,963
Well, this is no good, Lovejoy. It's plasterboard.
We'll have the whole lot down.
681
00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:01,097
Oi, cloth ears.
You've got 20 seconds then outside that door.
682
00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,039
- Right?
- Right.
683
00:44:04,074 --> 00:44:05,098
Right.
684
00:44:06,677 --> 00:44:07,769
Right.
685
00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:13,378
Can't we stick around, Lovejoy?
I've never seen the Queen before.
686
00:44:13,417 --> 00:44:16,011
We'll be stuck to that wall if
Godzilla comes back and finds us here.
687
00:44:16,053 --> 00:44:17,680
Don't be a spoilsport, Lovejoy.
688
00:44:17,721 --> 00:44:20,554
It'd be summat to tell my
grandchildren, wouldn't it?
689
00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:22,957
(Cheering, applause)
690
00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,191
- No, it's...
- Eric! Will you get down from there?
691
00:44:58,228 --> 00:45:00,560
- But I haven't finished yet!
- I have. I'm going.
692
00:45:00,597 --> 00:45:02,258
- (Eric groans)
- I'm going.
693
00:45:03,901 --> 00:45:05,061
What?
694
00:45:09,339 --> 00:45:11,136
Not a sound.
695
00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:14,804
Not a squeak. Not a fart.
696
00:45:14,845 --> 00:45:18,406
Otherwise, you are parrot food. Understood?
697
00:45:18,449 --> 00:45:19,643
Good.
698
00:45:19,683 --> 00:45:22,982
Yes, ma'am, we're exporting to Canada
and, more recently, France,
699
00:45:23,020 --> 00:45:25,682
and we've been getting
a lot of enquiries from the Far East,
700
00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:30,956
particularly Japan. Perhaps you'd like
to step this way, ma'am, please.
701
00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:44,831
Ah, there you are.
702
00:45:46,777 --> 00:45:50,008
Your friend McDonald's working the crowd.
703
00:46:02,559 --> 00:46:03,787
Hello, Alistair.
704
00:46:03,827 --> 00:46:04,919
Stand by, all units.
705
00:46:07,798 --> 00:46:09,026
OK, go! Go!
706
00:46:13,537 --> 00:46:16,973
Ah! Do you mind
if I have a look in the bag, Major?
707
00:46:17,007 --> 00:46:19,942
- Erm, go ahead. Help yourself.
- Thank you.
708
00:46:24,081 --> 00:46:28,415
It's a gift to the Lord Lieutenant. Absolutely
loves a bit of ham with his free-range eggs.
709
00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:29,885
Oh!
710
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:33,014
Oh, I'm terribly sorry!
711
00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:37,260
- Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you, boys.
712
00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,455
Much obliged. Thank you.
713
00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:43,326
Inspector.
714
00:46:47,037 --> 00:46:48,732
Seen Eric anywhere?
715
00:46:53,977 --> 00:46:56,172
Nearly over, Annie. Keep smiling.
716
00:47:13,964 --> 00:47:16,228
Well, am I glad that's over.
717
00:47:16,266 --> 00:47:20,225
If I ever have another day like that
I'm gonna have it shot and stuffed.
718
00:47:20,270 --> 00:47:23,865
Come on, I need a drink.
Come on! Anyone fancy a drink?
719
00:47:24,808 --> 00:47:26,070
Step inside!
720
00:47:27,144 --> 00:47:28,304
Ladies.
721
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,142
Do you like working with pigs?
722
00:47:33,183 --> 00:47:36,983
Janey, so tell me,
what did you do with it?
723
00:47:37,955 --> 00:47:41,152
Alistair took me to dinner last night
so I gave it to him
724
00:47:41,191 --> 00:47:45,628
and he said he'd give it
to one of the ladies-in-waiting that he knows.
725
00:47:45,662 --> 00:47:49,655
We have been given something
which is too valuable for money to buy.
726
00:47:49,700 --> 00:47:54,535
And it's not even antique. I just had
to have it framed. Want to guess what it is?
727
00:47:54,571 --> 00:47:56,766
- An income tax rebate?
- (Bill sniggers)
728
00:47:57,641 --> 00:48:01,475
"The Lord Chamberlain is commanded by Her
Majesty to invite Mr. And Mrs. William Brodie
729
00:48:01,511 --> 00:48:04,947
"to a garden party at Buckingham Palace
on Thursday the ninth of July."
730
00:48:04,982 --> 00:48:07,610
- Bravo!
- Isn't that something?
731
00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:10,484
But then I expect
you get them all of the time.
732
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,886
Not... all the time.
733
00:48:12,923 --> 00:48:14,185
(Snoring)
734
00:48:16,627 --> 00:48:18,686
Oh, there you are, Eric!
735
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:21,721
Hm? Hm? Is she here, then?
736
00:48:21,765 --> 00:48:23,960
Nah! She's been and gone.
737
00:48:25,002 --> 00:48:26,731
(Eric) Oh, no!
738
00:48:26,781 --> 00:48:31,331
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
62958
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.