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1
00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:45,131
(Air horn)
2
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,133
You're in trouble, sunshine.
3
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,339
Don't come close to the vehicle.
4
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:58,373
Hey, how about this then, fellas,
a bin diver?
5
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,579
What's your brown paper, sonny?
6
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,850
I was just takin' the hat stand, that's all.
7
00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,481
You mean thievin' it, don't you?
8
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:09,826
- It's not thieving, it's in the bin, it's rubbish.
- Rubbish? Are you collecting rubbish?
9
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:13,993
(Laughs) Hey, fill him up, fellas,
he can have all the rubbish he wants.
10
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:17,366
- Hey, now hold on a minute.
- No! You hold on a minute, sonny.
11
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,304
It's ours, not yours. You got that?
12
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,571
And what's more, the tottin' rights are ours.
13
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:28,843
Del's, Ray's, Steve's and yours truly,
Brian Nun's.
14
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,679
- Do I make myself clear?
- I, only...
15
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,277
We don't allow bin diving on our round.
16
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:36,949
Persistent offenders
usually end up in the fracture clinic.
17
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,082
Is that right, fellas?
18
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,422
(All) That's right, Brian.
19
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,428
All this crap... is ours.
20
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,126
From the porcelain to the parson's nose.
21
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,895
That's our bonus, sonny.
22
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,400
I'm surprised Lovejoy didn't tell you.
23
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,870
Lovejoy never tells me anything.
Oh, no!
24
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,771
Down to rummaging in bins now, is he, eh?
25
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,708
(Laughs) Go on, lad, get stuck in.
26
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:02,306
Hey, you never know, you might find a bit of
Wedgwood wrapped in a nappy liner, eh?
27
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,222
D'you give a discount for dust?
28
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,827
Now, this'd do me very nicely.
29
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,335
Ah, the King Charles II walnut chair.
Very interesting history, that chair.
30
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,035
Used to belong to Sir Christopher Wren,
the architect of St. Paul's Cathedral.
31
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:33,534
Legend has it,
when Queen Anne came round to visit him,
32
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,741
she used to sit in that very chair.
33
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,113
Remarkable, isn't it?
34
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:40,984
I thought the bottom fell out
of that particular market several years ago.
35
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,817
Hold on a minute.
36
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:46,120
You're trade
and I thought you were a punter.
37
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,183
Well...
38
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,992
I'm tradish.
39
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,794
Betty Morgan. Betty's Bygones.
40
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,465
All I'm trying to do is earn a crust, like you.
41
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,666
- Now...
- I want two grand for it.
42
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,798
Two grand?!
43
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:04,234
I'll give you 750 cash.
44
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,476
It's the best I can do.
45
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:11,108
You'd be better off selling fish and chips.
I bought it in for a grand two years ago.
46
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,050
Tell you what.
47
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,852
I think I might be able to manage a thousand.
48
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,186
Get out of here.
49
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,758
(Sighs)
50
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,937
It's the best offer you'll get all day, Lovejoy.
51
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:38,501
£1,000?
Please, Betty, leave the field to the pros.
52
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:41,012
I'm staying at the Plough
if you change your mind.
53
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,912
Fat... chance!
54
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,986
And what sort of time d'you call this?
55
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,148
I've been trashed by a crew of bin men.
56
00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,589
They reckoned I was nicking their hat stand.
57
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,286
Accused me of bin diving.
58
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,324
Bin diving?
59
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,325
Now, there's an expression
to make you hold your breath.
60
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,531
Known amongst the dusters, sorry,
refuse collectors as scratching.
61
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:09,473
The art of fossicking around
in putrid, rotting garbage for treasure -
62
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,774
y'know, getting your hand
right down inside the goo,
63
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,975
in case you come up with a silver spoon
that got caught in the liner bin
64
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,882
along with the avocado skins.
"Oh, look, Granny's old whatnot."
65
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:22,979
God, it's ugly.
Never mind that, could be worth 500 quid.
66
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,354
But you gotta have the eye,
you gotta have the feel
67
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,382
and a stomach like a leather bucket.
68
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,191
We junk half our history every year.
We throw away millions.
69
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:33,687
But it's there, believe me. Ask any bin diver.
70
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,733
They filled this full of stinking crap
and then threatened to do me over.
71
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:41,364
What was the name of the bin man?
72
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,841
Uh, guy called Brian, built like a bear.
73
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,606
Ooh, I hope you haven't rubbed Brian
up the wrong way,
74
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,637
I've had some very nice pieces out of Brian.
75
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,582
I thought he wanted to make
some very nice pieces out of me.
76
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:52,982
(Laughs)
77
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,316
Eric... please.
78
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,821
Who was that woman?
79
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,483
That was Betty Morgan of Betty's Bygones.
80
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,158
Staying at the Plough.
Can't have much cash.
81
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,188
She offered me £1,000
for my Charles II walnut chair.
82
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:09,929
I mean, I ask you, Eric - pitiful, £1,000!
83
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,027
Oh!
84
00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:47,366
Thank you, Brian.
85
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,068
OK.
86
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,408
No, it's a very nice piece, actually.
87
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,742
Mm?
88
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,581
Sight unseen?
89
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,883
I'd say one and a half.
90
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,950
Come on, Jack, this thing's a foot high.
91
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,585
Yeah, looks like the King of Sardinia,
still in his can.
92
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,892
What?
93
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,889
Got a hat stand, needs stripping, 25.
94
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,926
- 25? It's a freebie!
- Shh!
95
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,232
You're on, Jack.
96
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,037
One and a half. Right.
97
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,975
Right, you, on your bike, you're off.
98
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,535
Where, Lovejoy?
99
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:31,278
Dandy Jack's.
Collecting one and a half.
100
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:35,277
- Good morning, Lady Felsham.
- Morning, Lovejoy, morning, Eric.
101
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,189
- No, goodbye, Eric, he was just leaving.
- Oh, I see. Goodbye, Eric.
102
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,662
It's a dog's life. Fetch the stick, bury the bone,
fetch the stick, bury the bone.
103
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:44,788
(Barks)
104
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,628
Sit down, sit down.
105
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,099
Just a moment.
106
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:54,062
Now, tea, coffee, pint of gin?
107
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,733
No, thank you, Lovejoy.
108
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,299
To what do I owe this pleasure?
109
00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:00,039
I've come to ask you a very big favor actually.
110
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:04,209
Don't tell me, you're leaving Alexander
and you want to move into my spare bedroom.
111
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:08,277
Well, that's pas de problème, madame. I know
I've got some clean sheets here somewhere.
112
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,118
- I'm afraid not, Lovejoy.
- No?
113
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,317
But it was very nice of you to offer.
114
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:15,953
You know, I can see me giving you
the same spiel when I'm 70.
115
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,219
We'll be too old then, Janey.
116
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,253
- No, we won't.
- No?
117
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:20,765
No.
118
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,634
The things I like about you
won't go away with age.
119
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,429
Oh!
120
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,041
All right, what's this favor then?
121
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,339
(Laughs)
122
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:36,906
A friend of mine's husband died
and I suspect she's been left a little short.
123
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:39,941
She asked me if I knew anyone
who might look over her house,
124
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:43,114
see if she'd anything
worth putting into auction.
125
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,515
- When do you want me to go?
- How about this evening?
126
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,221
Yeah, all right, I'll do it.
127
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:53,096
Perhaps you should go,
dressed appropriate for the occasion.
128
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,363
Lovejoy, what are you doing?!
129
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:01,931
These stockings once graced the legs
of Queen Victoria.
130
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,878
Made for and worn by the British monarch -
131
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,813
you know the fairy tale,
Cinderella And The Glass Slipper? -
132
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,180
well, this is my version, the black stocking.
133
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,777
I suspect you've got the wrong fairy tale,
Lovejoy,
134
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,288
I think these were worn by Widow Twanky.
135
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,622
Anyway,
I want you to go alone this evening.
136
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:24,619
It's embarrassing enough for her as it is,
having the valuers in the house.
137
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,633
You can pop in afterwards
for a drink if you like.
138
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,964
What's her address?
139
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:57,655
(Barks)
140
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:58,959
Oh!
141
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,814
You meatheads!
142
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:22,582
Never back out onto a main road -
I nearly went under that bloody thing!
143
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:26,816
Oh, it's the bin diver.
What're you puffin' about?
144
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,622
You almost killed me, you moron.
145
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:29,855
What a shame.
146
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,092
What you got there -
delivery for the Pasta Palace?
147
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:37,191
Oh... Oh, look, you've been at it again,
haven't you, eh?
148
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:41,366
Oh, a Hardy Perfect. Fifty quid.
149
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:45,173
No, that stuff's mine. I'm delivering it
to Dandy Jack. Gimme that back now.
150
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,372
- Oh, what's this? Ohh!
- No!
151
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,438
Oh, Staffordshire.
152
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,747
King of Sardinia. A Wellington.
153
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:57,745
That's Lovejoy's, it's worth 150 quid,
I'm taking it to Dandy Jack's - God's honor!
154
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,815
Like hell you are.
155
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,021
You've been scratching again, haven't you?
156
00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:05,223
You know what we do with bin divers,
don't you?
157
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,722
Please, Brian, take the reel,
but the figure belongs to Lovejoy.
158
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,430
He'll sack me.
Well, he'll kill me if I don't deliver it.
159
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,370
Please, Brian, it's the truth.
160
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,170
We are talking three figures here,
aren't we, fellas?
161
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,732
- At least.
- Easy.
162
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,472
Do we stomp on his head or what?
163
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,480
- Yeah.
- No, I think he's got the message.
164
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,038
Look, this is highway robbery!
165
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,572
No, it ain't.
166
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,514
You ain't been inoculated
like what we have.
167
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:33,355
We've just saved you from catching
typhoid or the plague, that's all.
168
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:36,850
- You don't know where this stuff's been.
- Yes, I do, it's been at Lovejoy's.
169
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,694
(Laughs) Then we've saved him as well,
haven't we?
170
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,098
- Praise the Lord.
- (All laugh)
171
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,765
And shift that bike,
I'm coming back there in a minute.
172
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:04,979
(Thunder)
173
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,463
Oh, come in, Mr. Lovejoy.
174
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:27,579
I said to myself, "What is the point in keeping
a dinner service when I no longer entertain?"
175
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:31,447
Archie's in Canada, Pru's in Cape Town,
they don't want it.
176
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:35,951
You see, Mr. Lovejoy,
it was a wedding present, Crown Derby.
177
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,855
Well, it's a bit chipped
and there's a few pieces missing.
178
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:43,453
Well, it has been to India and back
three times. And East Africa.
179
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,556
Damn servants,
they break everything they touch.
180
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,731
No?
181
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,396
Not worth anything?
182
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,428
I'm afraid not.
183
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,436
Not doing very well, am I?
184
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,240
- May I offer you another sherry?
- Thank you.
185
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,179
Come on, Ben...
186
00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,614
Let's get the nice Mr. Lovejoy another sherry.
187
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,410
Sit down, sit down.
188
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,686
Tell me, Mrs. Jaglom,
how much money are you trying to raise?
189
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,556
£10,000.
190
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:15,855
May I ask why?
191
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:18,295
Well, it's quite simple, Mr. Lovejoy.
192
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:22,790
I'm hard up, and the roof leaks like a colander.
193
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:27,268
Henry, that was my late husband,
was pig-headed.
194
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:31,299
Against the advice of his broker,
he ploughed his entire pension
195
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:37,714
into an overseas investment fund...
which didn't survive close scrutiny.
196
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,749
A bit like the Barlow Clowes affair.
197
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,622
Oh, yes, I remember that.
198
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:48,726
So, now I'm reduced to selling
all my goods and chattels to survive.
199
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,622
Why don't you just buy a smaller house?
200
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,929
We would if we could.
201
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,299
Wouldn't we, Ben?
202
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,239
Unfortunately, the house is owned
by the building society.
203
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:06,335
We remortgaged it.
Henry blew that away too.
204
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,876
When I die... it goes to them.
205
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,253
No, thank you.
206
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:16,948
You see, Mr. Lovejoy...
207
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,884
Drastic situations call for drastic solutions,
as Henry would say.
208
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,287
Tell me, honestly, Mr. Lovejoy,
you've got an eye for antiques -
209
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,197
what is the value of all this?
210
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,764
If you were to auction off
the entire contents of the house,
211
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,431
at a pinch, I'd say you'd raise...
212
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,374
- Raise?
...£10,000 and you'd have an empty house.
213
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,542
Follow me, Mr. Lovejoy.
214
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,440
Come on, Ben.
215
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,845
The light's on the left.
216
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,825
Now, where is it?
217
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,524
I know it's here somewhere.
218
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,858
Oh, allow me.
219
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,833
It was to be our nest egg.
220
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:17,615
Henry wouldn't insure it. He said
we couldn't afford to pay the premium.
221
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,710
And he said
he didn't trust insurance companies...
222
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,451
to keep their mouths shut.
223
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,284
That's why we've never been burgled.
224
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:35,698
Oh, yes! Mary, Countess Howe,
painted in 1763 by Gainsborough.
225
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,535
My word, Mr. Lovejoy,
you are an expert, aren't you?
226
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,473
Well, the original's
in the Kenwood Gallery in London.
227
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:49,708
What do you mean,
the original's in a gallery in London?
228
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:53,980
Well, it's a bit bigger than this.
This is a Victorian copy.
229
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,257
Oh, I'm sorry,
you didn't know that, did you?
230
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:04,290
- How much?
- Oh, that's irrelevant, Mrs. J!
231
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,891
I mean, as Keats said
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever,
232
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:11,391
"its loveliness increases,
it will never fade into nothingness."
233
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,530
It just has.
234
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,472
And you didn't answer my question.
235
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:18,032
This'll be as painful for me as it is for you.
236
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,510
Just tell me, please.
237
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,206
About £1,500.
238
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,275
(Sighs)
239
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,444
You knew, didn't you, Henry?
240
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,284
You stupid thoughtless old buffer,
you knew all along!
241
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:37,189
Well, all I've got to say to you, Henry, is...
I hope it's bloody hot down there.
242
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,633
I feel much better now.
243
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,313
Ohh!
244
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,785
How about another sherry, Mr. Lovejoy?
245
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,469
(Engine dies)
246
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:33,283
Oh, Miriam, you bitch!
247
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,283
You inconsiderate bitch!
This is all I bloody need!
248
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:52,901
(Thunder)
249
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,649
Lady Felsham!
250
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:08,843
Alexander!
251
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,187
Janey!
252
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,886
Alexander!
253
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:20,062
Lovejoy, what on earth's happened to you?!
254
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,090
I just popped by for that drink.
255
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:33,635
Well, she smashed it to pieces
and then attacked the sherry bottle.
256
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,544
I was tramping about for ages.
257
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,708
- It's a jungle out there, Jane.
- (Laughs)
258
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:40,807
Where is Alexander?
259
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,287
He's not here.
Gone to a conference in Harrogate.
260
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,223
Well, if you think I should leave, Janey...
261
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:49,352
Well, a friend dropping by for a drink
is no grounds for divorce.
262
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,056
I mean, we are both grown-up people.
263
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:53,587
Well, at least one of us is.
264
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,190
Let me get you a refill.
265
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,132
There we are.
266
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:08,572
(Sighs)
267
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,717
(Dog barking)
268
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:55,448
(Barking)
269
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,752
(Barks)
270
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,098
Who's that?
271
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,164
(Barking)
272
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:14,801
(Whining)
273
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,279
Who the devil's that?
274
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,118
(Barking)
275
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:28,423
(Barking)
276
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:32,193
(Whining)
277
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,466
Oh!
278
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,164
(Barking)
279
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,775
- Come on, Lovejoy!
- Huh!
280
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:47,335
Wakey, wakey! It's a brand-new day.
281
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,674
Room service.
282
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,579
Jane?
283
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,316
No, we did not!
284
00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,085
You were out cold.
285
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,182
Are you sure?
286
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:02,557
I think I'd be the first to know about it,
don't you?
287
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:03,891
Not necessarily.
288
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,160
I've called the A.A.
They'll be by your car in half an hour.
289
00:21:08,066 --> 00:21:09,727
Five star rating next year.
290
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,835
Lovejoy, there is just one other thing.
291
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:20,869
I'd appreciate it if you'd didn't mention
where you spent the night.
292
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:25,410
You know how close-knit communities
tend to embellish worthless trivia.
293
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,849
Oh, yes.
294
00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:28,352
Whoops!
295
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,968
Well, I can see you're on the go as usual.
296
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,644
Detective Sergeant Bentley
and Detective Constable Hubbard. We're local.
297
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,677
Well, make yourselves at home.
298
00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:03,210
Eric... you haven't offered them
any tea or biscuits.
299
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,086
We wanted this to be amicable.
300
00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:07,482
So, who's stopping you?
301
00:22:08,226 --> 00:22:12,822
Can you account for your movements between
10:30 last night and two this morning?
302
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:14,195
Why, I'm over 21?
303
00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:17,599
Because, there's a certain Mrs. Jaglom,
whom you visited last night,
304
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:21,094
who got turned over
and whacked across the head, that's why.
305
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:23,767
I'm very sorry to hear that.
What's that got to do with me?
306
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:28,109
Well, you're dark curly hair and a dealer -
fit the description quite well actually.
307
00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:31,274
For your information, the car broke down,
it was pouring with rain,
308
00:22:31,316 --> 00:22:32,874
I had to leg it through the fields.
309
00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:35,045
If you were legging it through the fields,
310
00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,715
I'd say your clothing
would be decidedly manky by now.
311
00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:39,018
Wouldn't you agree?
312
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:42,925
What I suggest is, Lovejoy, that you come down
to the station with us for a chat.
313
00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:45,622
Are you arresting me or what?
314
00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:49,760
Right now I think it falls into
the "or what" category, but you never can tell.
315
00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:54,397
Eric, get my solicitor on the phone. Tell him
to come down the police station right away.
316
00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:56,066
Right, Lovejoy.
317
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,205
I hate hospitals, Ben.
318
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,109
Never been in one in my life.
319
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:11,088
Anyway, I want to be around...
if those buggers come back again.
320
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:19,521
Oh, look, how many times
do we have to go over this?
321
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,158
Everything I've told you is the truth.
322
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:24,234
You've checked it all out.
323
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:29,001
OK, I did spend the night away from home
but I'm not prepared to tell you where.
324
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,234
It's as simple as that.
325
00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:35,178
Now, my solicitor is outside
and you either book me or I walk out of here.
326
00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:37,545
We've got a score card on you, Lovejoy.
327
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:40,608
So, what does that make me -
mass murderer, war criminal?
328
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:43,746
I'm not in the habit
of whacking old ladies over the head.
329
00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:47,384
You've been bolted up before.
Next time it'll cost you.
330
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:50,956
Go on, on your bike.
331
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:54,923
Show him off the premises
and watch he doesn't nick anything.
332
00:23:57,235 --> 00:23:58,566
(Sighs)
333
00:24:00,672 --> 00:24:03,903
No, I don't know who did it but I'll find out.
334
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:07,241
Look, Lovejoy, why don't you just let me
go to the police and tell them?
335
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:12,216
Because... of the embellishment
of trivia factor, Lady Felsham.
336
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,684
- Oh, Lovejoy...
- Jane, let me do it my way.
337
00:24:16,254 --> 00:24:17,585
(Sighs)
338
00:24:27,899 --> 00:24:29,491
(Bell)
339
00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:31,195
Lovejoy?
340
00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:38,001
- Where are you, Lovejoy?
- In here.
341
00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:46,777
Staffordshire figure or your life, you fat slug.
342
00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:50,481
That was a real sleazy trick
you pulled on my man, Brian.
343
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:55,516
You should instruct your staff
about lines of demarcation, Lovejoy.
344
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:01,088
You know the rules about bin diving.
345
00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:04,099
He's taking the bread out of our mouths.
346
00:25:04,135 --> 00:25:06,899
You robbed me.
I could've had you nicked.
347
00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:10,704
From what I hear,
you lot oughta stay well clear of the law.
348
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:13,606
There y'are.
349
00:25:14,112 --> 00:25:15,977
Oh!
350
00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:17,845
Count yourself lucky.
351
00:25:17,883 --> 00:25:19,544
Who did it, Brian?
352
00:25:19,584 --> 00:25:21,711
I thought you did. (Chuckles)
353
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:28,091
Well, Bentley's gotta get a result, right?
He's the new broom round here, see?
354
00:25:28,126 --> 00:25:30,856
He used to be C.I.D. In the Met.
355
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,661
He's come up here
to make the local nick toe the line.
356
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,467
Too much of the old laissez-faire
according to him.
357
00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:40,368
How about this, then?
358
00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:42,339
Where did you get that from?
359
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,239
Scratching.
360
00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,301
Wouldn't mind the shooters that go with it.
361
00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:49,108
Neither would I. Purdeys.
Shame about the paint, though.
362
00:25:49,147 --> 00:25:51,240
A bit of modern technology'll get rid of that.
363
00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:53,251
We don't stock that here.
364
00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:55,014
Then try turps.
365
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:57,078
How much?
366
00:25:57,122 --> 00:25:58,817
- Fifty.
- I'm skint, twenty.
367
00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:01,451
I wish I was a pound behind you. Make it forty.
368
00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:03,154
Twenty-five.
369
00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:07,829
See you.
370
00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,896
And no more diving, right?
371
00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:14,735
He can't even swim.
372
00:26:14,773 --> 00:26:16,536
(Laughs)
373
00:26:18,209 --> 00:26:20,040
How can you deal with people like that?
374
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:24,071
Salt of the earth is Brian.
This thing must be worth at least a hundred.
375
00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:29,616
Hey, take a look at this.
376
00:26:29,654 --> 00:26:31,588
That geezer's name's on it.
377
00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:34,319
Well, well, well.
378
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,894
Discover something new every day, don't you?
379
00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:43,694
I've already given the police a list
of what I think was stolen.
380
00:26:45,036 --> 00:26:49,735
Snag is, stupid Henry's accumulated
so much junk,
381
00:26:49,774 --> 00:26:52,038
it's really hard to tell what was taken.
382
00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:56,409
But, did he have
a pair of Purdey shotguns, Freda?
383
00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,375
He certainly had guns.
384
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,408
Henry shot anything that moved.
385
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,786
Caused trouble a couple of times in Kenya.
386
00:27:06,157 --> 00:27:07,818
Shot some native bearers.
387
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,191
By mistake.
388
00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:14,321
I think he bought them
just before we went to India.
389
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,391
Any idea what happened to them?
390
00:27:16,434 --> 00:27:19,870
No. Hated the damn things.
Can't remember seeing them for years.
391
00:27:21,606 --> 00:27:23,767
Probably lost them for all I know.
392
00:27:26,077 --> 00:27:28,671
They will catch those buggers, won't they, Jane?
393
00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,203
You can count on it.
394
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,351
(♪ Pop on car stereo)
395
00:27:56,975 --> 00:27:58,306
Brian?
396
00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,669
What d'you want, Lovejoy? I'm very busy.
397
00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,912
- Where'd you get all this from?
- Twenty years on the dust.
398
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:08,544
It's not for sale, Lovejoy,
not one single piece.
399
00:28:08,586 --> 00:28:12,716
You don't mind if I carry on, do you,
I'm at a very crucial stage with this recipe.
400
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:20,060
- What are you making?
- Poulet et morel a la Normande.
401
00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:24,933
That's chicken, toadstools and cream
to the uninitiated.
402
00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:27,301
I thought you were more of a pie and chip man.
403
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:30,068
- Never realized you were a chef.
- Me?! Cordon Bleu.
404
00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:34,301
No, the wife's more of a pie and pint woman
405
00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:37,337
but I like to give her a good meal
when she comes home from work.
406
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,043
She's a midwife, you know.
407
00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:40,813
- I know.
- Oh.
408
00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:43,445
Well, what can I do you for?
409
00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:46,184
The gun case, I got a lead on it,
where'd you find it?
410
00:28:46,758 --> 00:28:48,919
The tip. Spotted it when I was unloading.
411
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,054
- Was there anything else there?
- I dunno, there might have been.
412
00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:54,725
Oh, bloody 'ell, I need some more cream.
413
00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:59,326
Tell you the truth, I'd had enough
of wading through crap for one day.
414
00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:03,101
I was doing an Alexander Dumas salad
that night,
415
00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:05,905
so I didn't want to stink too much,
you know how it is.
416
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:07,502
Oh, I know how it is.
417
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,536
Could you show me where you found it?
418
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:13,915
Lovejoy, I'm going critical here!
The cream could curdle at any moment.
419
00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,318
- We don't want that to happen, do we, Brian?
- No.
420
00:29:20,692 --> 00:29:24,025
Would you, uh, like a cappuccino
while you're waiting?
421
00:29:24,062 --> 00:29:26,496
- I would.
- Well, sit down there, I'll make you one.
422
00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:35,039
How do you work in all this stink, Brian?
423
00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:36,836
That's perfume, Lovejoy.
424
00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:42,808
This place is a bed of roses. You wanna go
where they're tipping knacker's gear.
425
00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,439
No, thank you very much!
426
00:29:44,482 --> 00:29:45,847
It was up here anyway.
427
00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:47,875
- What, here?
- Yeah. Over this.
428
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:51,252
- Brian, I can't go in all this crap.
- Go on, course you can.
429
00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:52,449
Oh!
430
00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:55,521
It's easy, innit, eh?
431
00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:58,786
- Where do I go?
- Just over that way a bit.
432
00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:01,560
Look out for that cat litter,
it's very tasty is that.
433
00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,260
Don't say I didn't warn you.
434
00:30:06,037 --> 00:30:09,029
Where does...
Where does this stuff come from, Brian?
435
00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:12,372
If you open some of them bin bags
and mooch around a bit,
436
00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:16,107
you might find a couple of
old addressed labels and envelopes.
437
00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:18,638
- Never thought of that.
- Yeah.
438
00:30:18,683 --> 00:30:21,151
Mind that. Just... There's...
439
00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,881
Oh, God!
440
00:30:31,729 --> 00:30:32,957
What are these for?
441
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,988
They're... torturer's tongs.
442
00:30:35,033 --> 00:30:38,059
- Get off.
- No, that's right.
443
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:44,073
- Aargh!
- What have we got here, then?
444
00:30:44,108 --> 00:30:45,973
Well, I never.
445
00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:48,001
How about that then, Malcolm?
446
00:30:50,481 --> 00:30:52,642
Signs of recent occupation, I'd say.
447
00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:58,821
Well, we're talking shooters here, Eric,
and that moves it up a few notches.
448
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:03,487
Now, you just take a deep breath,
think hard and tell us where you got it from.
449
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:06,156
I'm sure there's a very simple explanation.
450
00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:08,495
Come on, Eric, get it off your chest.
451
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,763
I'm sure you'll feel better for it.
452
00:31:10,802 --> 00:31:12,394
It came from the tip.
453
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:15,270
What crap!
You don't expect us to believe that, do you?
454
00:31:15,306 --> 00:31:18,173
It's the truth.
We got it from a bin man for 25 quid.
455
00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:20,700
- What bin man?
- Oh, well, I can't remember his name.
456
00:31:20,745 --> 00:31:24,010
- You're lyin'!
- No, I'm not, I can't act that good.
457
00:31:25,650 --> 00:31:27,345
Ohh!
458
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:28,875
I'm gonna count to three.
459
00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,316
One...
460
00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:34,791
...two-three.
- Ohh! Brian.
461
00:31:34,826 --> 00:31:38,262
Brian, I can't remember his second name.
Nun. Brian Nun. Ah!
462
00:31:38,997 --> 00:31:42,660
Surprising how there's a direct route
from the fingers to the brain, isn't it?
463
00:31:45,436 --> 00:31:46,767
Ohh!
464
00:31:51,109 --> 00:31:55,512
I phoned Purdeys in London.
Their records go back to the last century.
465
00:31:56,414 --> 00:32:00,407
Major Jaglom did buy a pair of shotguns
from them in 1938.
466
00:32:00,451 --> 00:32:02,078
I've got the number somewhere.
467
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:03,951
Then I'll just have to find them.
468
00:32:03,988 --> 00:32:06,684
I shall resort to plan B.
469
00:32:06,724 --> 00:32:08,055
Plan B?
470
00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:10,856
That rubbish came from round
the Kiverton area, see?
471
00:32:10,895 --> 00:32:12,988
Don't touch, Jane,
I know where they've been.
472
00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:16,398
Plan B is the free antique valuation scam.
473
00:32:16,434 --> 00:32:19,631
- Oh, you've lost me.
- It's the oldest trick in the business.
474
00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:22,469
You poster up a town,
set up shop in the Women's Institute,
475
00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:25,908
then offer the local punters
free valuation of their antiques.
476
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:28,811
Well, they're mostly skint,
so you skim the cream off the top.
477
00:32:28,846 --> 00:32:30,108
That's dishonest.
478
00:32:30,148 --> 00:32:33,208
No, it's not. They don't have to sell them
if they don't want.
479
00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:35,617
You go back later with a better offer.
480
00:32:36,220 --> 00:32:39,917
- What's plan A?
- Ah, plan A...
481
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:47,387
That is the short walk from here to there,
with the woman of my dreams.
482
00:32:49,334 --> 00:32:50,892
Jane?
483
00:32:51,936 --> 00:32:52,994
Jane!
484
00:32:53,037 --> 00:32:56,063
Have you fellas got a boiler plate
between your ears or what?
485
00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:57,904
I'm not puttin' me hand up for this one.
486
00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:01,139
If you wanna nick the geezers
who did old Mrs. Jaglom,
487
00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:03,477
you wanna get on your bikes down to Kiverton.
488
00:33:03,514 --> 00:33:06,176
You know more than you're tellin',
don't you?
489
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:09,309
I'll tell you one thing.
490
00:33:11,055 --> 00:33:13,182
I work with a crew of three fellas...
491
00:33:14,225 --> 00:33:16,887
and their memories
ain't what they're cracked up to be.
492
00:33:16,928 --> 00:33:18,225
You know what they do?
493
00:33:19,130 --> 00:33:22,930
They sometimes forget to empty bins
on the rounds.
494
00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:27,868
They go for weeks, months even,
without collecting from certain houses.
495
00:33:28,706 --> 00:33:30,037
I don't know why.
496
00:33:30,074 --> 00:33:32,599
It's always been a mystery to me.
497
00:33:34,645 --> 00:33:37,239
You live in Wifford Street, don't you, Sarge?
498
00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:42,177
(Church bells)
499
00:33:47,658 --> 00:33:51,651
Actually, Dorothy, I couldn't care less
if we only get 30 quid for the damn clock.
500
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:56,224
It's been cluttering up the hall for months now
and I'm fed up tripping over the blasted thing.
501
00:33:57,035 --> 00:34:00,129
My great-grandfather had it
at the Crimean War.
502
00:34:00,171 --> 00:34:02,435
He warmed his feet on it at Balaclava.
503
00:34:03,674 --> 00:34:05,733
Have you any idea how much it's worth?
504
00:34:06,811 --> 00:34:07,971
A thousand pounds?
505
00:34:08,012 --> 00:34:10,071
Fifteen's nearer the mark.
506
00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:13,445
Fifteen thousand pounds?
507
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,747
Well, I never!
508
00:34:19,657 --> 00:34:21,181
Would you like to buy it?
509
00:34:21,225 --> 00:34:24,991
Fifteen pounds, madam, not fifteen thousand.
510
00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:29,155
You're not up to much, are you?
You don't know what you're talking about.
511
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,168
Wasting my time!
512
00:34:32,703 --> 00:34:34,762
Oh, Eric, this is purgatory.
513
00:34:34,806 --> 00:34:38,207
Their idea of antique
is something made last year.
514
00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:39,834
What have we got so far?
515
00:34:41,479 --> 00:34:42,969
Three toffee hammers.
516
00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:44,003
Hm!
517
00:34:44,048 --> 00:34:47,484
(Man) Hi, there!
We hear you're valuing antiques.
518
00:34:47,518 --> 00:34:49,315
(Lovejoy) That's right.
519
00:34:49,353 --> 00:34:51,184
How about, uh, buying them?
520
00:34:51,222 --> 00:34:52,712
Has been known.
521
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:54,884
Oh.
522
00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,727
Is this yours?
523
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,232
Of course it's ours.
524
00:35:02,266 --> 00:35:03,858
It's a rhino horn.
525
00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:05,493
How much is it worth?
526
00:35:06,170 --> 00:35:09,162
- Hard to say.
- What about 50 quid?
527
00:35:10,208 --> 00:35:12,233
Fifty's a bit steep. What do you think, Eric?
528
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:15,575
You can't give this stuff away. I'd say 15.
529
00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:19,343
Well, how about 20?
530
00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:21,411
Well?
531
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,714
All right, 20.
532
00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:28,692
Just a moment, just a moment,
proof of ownership.
533
00:35:28,726 --> 00:35:29,715
But it's ours.
534
00:35:30,895 --> 00:35:33,455
Sorry, not good enough. Where did you find it?
535
00:35:35,366 --> 00:35:37,561
- Still 20, right?
- Still 20.
536
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,900
- We found it on a tip, actually.
- What tip?
537
00:35:39,937 --> 00:35:42,167
Well, the municipal tip.
538
00:35:42,206 --> 00:35:44,640
When head of house
confiscated the dirty mags,
539
00:35:44,675 --> 00:35:46,267
he said he was gonna burn them
540
00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:48,972
but we knew they'd end up in the bin,
didn't we, Richard?
541
00:35:49,013 --> 00:35:50,878
Hoped we'd find them on the tip.
542
00:35:50,915 --> 00:35:54,612
Drew a blank. Plenty of cat shit, though.
Came up with that instead.
543
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,511
Is that good enough for you?
544
00:35:59,423 --> 00:36:01,550
Yeah, it's good enough.
545
00:36:05,129 --> 00:36:07,290
Pleasure doing business with you...
546
00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,027
"Lurvejoy".
547
00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:36,516
(Car horn)
548
00:36:56,514 --> 00:36:59,677
What's the rush, Lovejoy?
Trying to make it back before curfew?
549
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,082
No rush, Sergeant,
550
00:37:01,118 --> 00:37:04,952
and between you and me, young Miriam here
has never reached 70 in her life.
551
00:37:04,989 --> 00:37:07,150
Looks like somebody's been poaching.
552
00:37:07,191 --> 00:37:08,886
Been far, have we?
553
00:37:09,627 --> 00:37:10,924
Kiverton.
554
00:37:10,962 --> 00:37:12,327
Kiverton, eh?
555
00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:15,759
Says Nyasaland here, Lovejoy.
556
00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:19,959
"Major Henry Jaglom, 1950."
557
00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,734
Bought it from a couple of schoolboys for cash?
558
00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:27,232
Lovejoy, cabbage-looking we may be,
but green we ain't.
559
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:30,111
This is on the list
and in my book, that's receiving.
560
00:37:30,147 --> 00:37:32,342
It's not good any way you look at it, is it?
561
00:37:32,383 --> 00:37:36,479
I didn't do it, I had nothing to do with it,
it was pure coincidence
562
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,249
and I want to see my solicitor.
563
00:37:38,289 --> 00:37:40,382
We phoned. He's out of town.
564
00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:43,052
All you've done is trot out your alibi number.
565
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:46,621
I think your alibi lives in Playboy land
if you ask me.
566
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:48,154
Nobody's asking you.
567
00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:52,135
Then why don't you get your alleged lady friend
to stand up and be counted...
568
00:37:52,169 --> 00:37:55,002
or does she make her living lying down?
569
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:58,465
Enough with the cheap insults, Sergeant.
570
00:37:59,577 --> 00:38:00,908
(Sighs)
571
00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:05,982
This is our think tank. You think about it.
572
00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:11,752
(Heavy rock music on radio)
573
00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:23,560
(Motorcycle approaches)
574
00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:38,772
Oh, my God!
575
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:39,874
Lovejoy in?
576
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:42,750
No, he's not here, I'm only his partner.
577
00:38:42,787 --> 00:38:46,086
Now, there's no need for any of that.
I've told you, he's not here.
578
00:38:47,658 --> 00:38:48,647
How much?
579
00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,661
How much for what?
580
00:38:50,695 --> 00:38:52,663
I've got a pair of 'em, Purdeys, worth thousands.
581
00:38:52,697 --> 00:38:55,291
Oh, well, that's not really our line.
582
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:57,062
No, I'd try the gun shop.
583
00:38:57,101 --> 00:38:58,466
I'm trying Lovejoy.
584
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:01,437
A thousand for both of them.
Come on, I haven't got all day!
585
00:39:01,472 --> 00:39:05,568
Look, we don't keep that sort of money
in the house. It would have to be tomorrow.
586
00:39:05,609 --> 00:39:06,974
I'll phone at four o'clock.
587
00:39:07,878 --> 00:39:09,778
Cash, no checks.
588
00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:29,589
A thousand pounds.
589
00:39:32,303 --> 00:39:34,396
A thousand pounds!
590
00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:47,747
Ah, the Plough.
591
00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,776
Betty Morgan, please.
592
00:39:50,921 --> 00:39:53,719
Hi, Betty Morgan, Betty's Bygones?
593
00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:55,248
Ah, it's Eric here.
594
00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:57,989
Lovejoy's partner, of course.
595
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:03,291
I understand you want to buy the Charles II
walnut chair. £1,000, wasn't it?
596
00:40:04,301 --> 00:40:05,461
You will?
597
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:08,800
Well, tonight seems as good a time as any.
598
00:40:10,141 --> 00:40:13,235
Cash, no checks though, I'm afraid,
if that's all right with you.
599
00:40:13,878 --> 00:40:16,210
Great. Well, see you then.
600
00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:18,612
Yes!
601
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:30,357
Oh, he's sleeping like a baby.
602
00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:38,463
What's the matter, don't you trust me?
603
00:40:38,502 --> 00:40:40,834
With a rig like this? You must be joking.
604
00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:52,411
Wake him up.
605
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,644
Wake up, Lovejoy.
606
00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:55,743
Come on, shake a leg, it's not a hotel.
607
00:40:55,786 --> 00:40:57,811
Ohh! What time is it?
608
00:40:59,890 --> 00:41:03,291
- I'm not happy with any of this, Lovejoy.
- No?
609
00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:06,319
We're bailing you
to reappear back here in two days' time.
610
00:41:06,363 --> 00:41:09,127
Don't think about heading off to the sun,
will you?
611
00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:11,458
Ohh.
612
00:41:20,277 --> 00:41:21,266
Oh.
613
00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:23,371
I'm determined to nick you, Lovejoy.
614
00:41:23,414 --> 00:41:25,814
I admire people who are big on principles.
615
00:41:36,026 --> 00:41:38,756
Lovejoy, where you been?
I've been phoning all over.
616
00:41:38,796 --> 00:41:41,993
You didn't try cell three at the nick.
Where'd you get all that money?
617
00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:44,193
Betty Morgan.
Sold her the chair, didn't I?
618
00:41:44,235 --> 00:41:46,135
Just making sure she hasn't ripped us off.
619
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:47,694
How much did you get?
620
00:41:47,738 --> 00:41:50,764
- Got a thousand pounds for it.
- Oh, a thousand pounds!
621
00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:52,332
Yeah, all cash money!
622
00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:55,868
You sold my Charles II walnut chair
for a thousand pounds?
623
00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:57,881
- Yeah!
- I'm going to kill you, Eric.
624
00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,782
Say goodbye,
cos I'm the past person you'll ever see alive.
625
00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:02,649
Whatever I've done, Lovejoy, I'm sorry.
626
00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:06,884
It's too late for sorry, Eric. But when you get
to the other side, tap on the table...
627
00:42:06,924 --> 00:42:08,858
I only did it to buy the bloody guns!
628
00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:10,884
Guns? What guns?
629
00:42:10,928 --> 00:42:14,022
The pair of Purdeys.
He wants a thousand pounds for 'em.
630
00:42:15,466 --> 00:42:17,229
I'll make a dealer out of him yet.
631
00:42:18,736 --> 00:42:22,069
(Radio) When you look at what happens
with royals, how hard they work.
632
00:42:22,106 --> 00:42:26,338
When they go along for an hour and a half
or two hours to something, you imagine...
633
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:29,175
On your bike, you skank.
You're banned.
634
00:42:29,213 --> 00:42:30,510
What're you talking about?
635
00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,540
Your man grassed me up over the gun case.
636
00:42:33,584 --> 00:42:35,484
I got dragged in by the Old Bill.
637
00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:37,987
I'm bailed to appear because of him.
638
00:42:38,022 --> 00:42:41,253
Well, if it's any consolation, so am I.
What do you reckon we should do?
639
00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:44,022
Go to Rio or nail this villain once and for all?
640
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,495
I'd like to nail your man
to the war memorial.
641
00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:48,498
Hold onto your hammer for a while, Brian.
642
00:42:48,532 --> 00:42:51,729
The maggot who did Mrs. Jaglom
has come out of the woodwork.
643
00:42:51,769 --> 00:42:53,999
He's offered me a pair of Purdeys for a grand.
644
00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:55,630
What's that gotta do with me?
645
00:42:55,673 --> 00:42:59,700
Well, I might need some muscle when I meet
him, Brian, I don't know who I'm dealing with.
646
00:42:59,743 --> 00:43:02,712
Take your moron with you.
It's what you pay him for, isn't it?
647
00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:05,180
Not really.
Besides, he's locked in the kitchen.
648
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:09,083
There'll... be a drink in for you, Brian.
649
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:14,985
It better be a big 'un.
650
00:43:16,927 --> 00:43:18,588
(Brian muttering in French)
651
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:29,929
Game's up, Lovejoy.
652
00:43:29,974 --> 00:43:31,635
No, it isn't, he'll phone.
653
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,077
(Phone)
654
00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:45,812
Lovejoy Antiques.
655
00:43:47,157 --> 00:43:51,355
Get off the phone, you brick-brain.
No, he hasn't phoned yet.
656
00:43:52,429 --> 00:43:54,556
Just Eric being his conscientious self.
657
00:43:58,102 --> 00:43:59,763
(Phone)
658
00:44:03,874 --> 00:44:05,774
Lovejoy Antiques.
659
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:08,778
That's right.
660
00:44:08,812 --> 00:44:12,111
So I hear, a grand for the pair.
No, I've got the cash right here.
661
00:44:12,149 --> 00:44:14,743
Where'd you wanna meet?
Do you wanna come up here?
662
00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:18,455
The road leading to Blackwood Lodge,
the end of the lane.
663
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:19,956
Yeah, I know it.
664
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:22,151
Seven o'clock?
665
00:44:22,192 --> 00:44:24,126
Yeah, I'll be there.
666
00:44:24,161 --> 00:44:25,150
No checks.
667
00:44:25,195 --> 00:44:27,129
No tricks.
668
00:44:29,633 --> 00:44:30,827
That's it.
669
00:44:30,868 --> 00:44:32,267
See you there.
670
00:45:11,909 --> 00:45:14,434
- Got it?
- Yes, I've got it.
671
00:45:14,478 --> 00:45:16,673
Well, where is it?
672
00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:19,774
I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.
673
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,584
That good enough for you?
674
00:45:27,624 --> 00:45:28,716
The loot.
675
00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:30,283
Put 'em in the back seat.
676
00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:38,297
(Laughs)
677
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:13,463
- Where the hell were you, Brian?
- Sorry about that, Lovejoy.
678
00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:16,996
I suddenly remembered I needed a coconut
for me rochers Congolais.
679
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,031
Who have we got here?
680
00:46:21,245 --> 00:46:23,736
Well, well, well, it's the toffs.
681
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:26,716
What will mater and pater say about this, hm?
682
00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,081
(Brian) Up you come.
683
00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:35,250
- No!
- Come on, there's a good boy. Up you go.
684
00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:36,782
Get in there.
685
00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:39,590
The best is still to come, boys.
686
00:46:40,531 --> 00:46:43,466
- For God's sake, Lovejoy!
- Get back.
687
00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:47,960
(Both shouting) Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
688
00:46:48,005 --> 00:46:51,497
Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
689
00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:53,305
Lovejoy!
690
00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:57,177
Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
691
00:46:57,214 --> 00:46:58,579
All right, lads, get it up.
692
00:46:58,615 --> 00:46:59,946
Come on then, let's have a go.
693
00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:03,282
- What're you doing, Brian?
- You'll like this bit, Lovejoy, it's great.
694
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,584
Are you ready? Drop it down then, go on.
695
00:47:10,961 --> 00:47:12,485
(Laughter)
696
00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,662
(Boys) Lovejoy!
697
00:47:21,772 --> 00:47:23,569
Lovejoy!
698
00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:28,603
- You all right, lads?
- Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
699
00:47:31,548 --> 00:47:35,348
- This had better be good, Lovejoy.
- Oh, it's good, all right. Come on.
700
00:47:37,187 --> 00:47:38,518
I want you to listen.
701
00:47:38,555 --> 00:47:41,023
I want you to listen very carefully.
702
00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,991
Alistair? Can you hear me, Alistair?
703
00:47:45,028 --> 00:47:46,325
Yes, yes, I can.
704
00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:51,357
Now, Alistair, was it you who broke into
Mrs. Jaglom's and whacked her over the head?
705
00:47:51,401 --> 00:47:52,493
Yes, it was.
706
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:55,596
For God's sake, stop, Lovejoy,
we're suffocating in here.
707
00:47:55,639 --> 00:47:58,164
Are you sure it was you, Alistair?
708
00:47:58,208 --> 00:48:00,870
Of course it was us.
It was Richard's idea.
709
00:48:00,911 --> 00:48:04,142
- He's her bloody nephew.
- You lying bastard!
710
00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:06,513
You're the one who beat her over the head.
711
00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,677
All I wanted was the Purdeys.
712
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,584
Good enough, Sergeant? Hit it, Brian.
713
00:48:10,621 --> 00:48:13,818
You're extracting a confession under duress,
Lovejoy.
714
00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:15,882
Oh, well, do it your way then.
715
00:48:18,595 --> 00:48:20,654
(Alexander and Richard) What's he doing?
716
00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:28,102
Oh, look, a couple of bin divers.
717
00:48:28,138 --> 00:48:29,332
(All laugh)
718
00:48:40,817 --> 00:48:44,275
My, oh, my, a falling out among thieves.
719
00:48:55,699 --> 00:48:57,360
Selling at 1,500.
720
00:48:58,135 --> 00:49:00,103
Colman, 26.
721
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:07,309
Lot 200, a matched pair of Purdey shotguns,
made in 1938,
722
00:49:07,344 --> 00:49:10,211
together with the original brass-bound case.
723
00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:13,478
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
who'll start me off at 15,000?
724
00:49:15,185 --> 00:49:16,584
15,000 I'm bid.
725
00:49:17,421 --> 00:49:19,321
15,000 I'm bid.
726
00:49:20,257 --> 00:49:21,747
Sixteen.
727
00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:23,259
Seventeen.
728
00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:24,453
Twenty.
729
00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:26,621
20,000 I'm bid.
730
00:49:26,663 --> 00:49:27,994
22,000.
731
00:49:28,031 --> 00:49:29,692
The bid's with you, sir, at 22,000.
732
00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,559
Twenty-five.
733
00:49:32,602 --> 00:49:34,160
Twenty-eight.
734
00:49:34,204 --> 00:49:38,140
29,000.
The bidding's with you at 29,000, sir.
735
00:49:39,076 --> 00:49:40,600
Do I hear any more?
736
00:49:41,178 --> 00:49:42,167
Do I hear any more?
737
00:49:43,914 --> 00:49:45,245
30,000.
738
00:49:46,016 --> 00:49:47,415
At 30,000...
739
00:49:47,684 --> 00:49:49,549
Any more at 30,000?
740
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,851
30,000 once...
741
00:49:54,725 --> 00:49:56,693
Pincher, 88.
742
00:49:56,727 --> 00:49:59,423
I should get whacked over the head
every week, Lovejoy.
743
00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:00,828
Once is enough, Mrs. J.
744
00:50:02,199 --> 00:50:06,932
Lot 201, a Charles II walnut chair.
745
00:50:07,671 --> 00:50:10,162
Previously the property
of Sir Christopher Wren,
746
00:50:10,207 --> 00:50:14,268
used by Queen Anne on her visits to him.
Fine condition.
747
00:50:15,145 --> 00:50:17,739
Now, who'll start the bidding at 2,000?
748
00:50:22,052 --> 00:50:24,179
- Come on, the sherry's on me.
- 2,000 I'm bid.
749
00:50:24,755 --> 00:50:26,188
2,100.
750
00:50:26,223 --> 00:50:28,248
2,300.
751
00:50:28,291 --> 00:50:29,553
2,500.
752
00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:32,056
2,700.
753
00:50:32,996 --> 00:50:35,430
Two-nine. 2,900.
754
00:50:35,465 --> 00:50:36,932
3,000.
755
00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:38,962
How much?
756
00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:42,467
Look, I know that look, Lovejoy.
757
00:50:42,517 --> 00:50:47,067
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