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1
00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:03,772
"Hot in Cleveland" is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,306 --> 00:00:06,274
What can I get you,
ladies?
3
00:00:06,308 --> 00:00:08,676
Hmm, I'm kind of
in the mood for tomato soup.
4
00:00:08,710 --> 00:00:11,228
Um, can I get that cold
with a little stalk of celery,
5
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:13,564
some worcestershire,
horseradish, and just a hint
6
00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:16,362
of two shots of vodka?
7
00:00:16,396 --> 00:00:19,898
Mm, that does sound good.
I'll have that soup, too.
8
00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:22,908
Maybe a pitcher of soup
for the table?
9
00:00:22,942 --> 00:00:25,075
[Cell phone rings]
10
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,350
Oh, this is exciting.
11
00:00:27,384 --> 00:00:29,991
It's a text
from my book agent.
12
00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:33,159
Woman's Day magazine
wants to do a monthly column
13
00:00:33,193 --> 00:00:34,496
based on my book,
14
00:00:34,531 --> 00:00:35,966
200 things every womanshould do before she dies.
15
00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:37,935
- That's fantastic.
- Oh, Mel, that's great.
16
00:00:37,969 --> 00:00:40,875
- That sounds like a sad book.
- You haven't read it?
17
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:44,945
It takes like 20 minutes.
18
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:48,250
20 fabulous minutes.
19
00:00:48,284 --> 00:00:50,817
You know, I really,
really pushed hard
20
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,018
to get a shot at this.
21
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,688
Oh, my God, what am I gonna
write about?
22
00:00:54,723 --> 00:00:56,023
I told them I had
a million ideas.
23
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,423
I got nothing.
I'm a fraud.
24
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,425
I'm never gonna
come up with anotherâ"
25
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,061
Ooh, hey, this might work.
26
00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:02,163
They're having
a battle of the bands here.
27
00:01:02,197 --> 00:01:03,666
And one thing
I've always wanted to do
28
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:04,900
before I die
is be in a band.
29
00:01:04,935 --> 00:01:06,769
Really?
It was my dream, too.
30
00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:08,839
You know, I always wanted to
be in a band like the Bangles.
31
00:01:08,873 --> 00:01:13,144
- Or the Go-Go's.
- I wanted to be in Hole.
32
00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:16,313
The Grunge Band Hole?
33
00:01:16,348 --> 00:01:19,617
I live in the rock and roll
capital of the world.
34
00:01:19,651 --> 00:01:23,353
What do you expect me to say,
some lilith fair BS?
35
00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:26,588
You know, I was
the lead singer in a band
36
00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:28,223
when I was a teenager.
37
00:01:28,258 --> 00:01:29,924
I actually thought that's what
I was gonna do with my life.
38
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,493
- Really? I didn't know that.
- Well, this is great.
39
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,829
We'll form a band.
You can be the lead singer, Joy.
40
00:01:34,863 --> 00:01:37,164
And I, of course,
would play the bass,
41
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,966
since I played
a bass-playing angel
42
00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:42,437
in the Lifetime Original Movie
Rock and Roll Heaven.
43
00:01:42,472 --> 00:01:44,673
Was that the one
where you were sent to earth
44
00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:46,843
to teach death-row inmates
about love and harmony?
45
00:01:46,877 --> 00:01:49,478
No, that was
Dead Man Rocking.
46
00:01:51,881 --> 00:01:53,616
Well, I can
play guitar in our band.
47
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:56,552
I guess I'll have to
break out the ol' skins.
48
00:01:56,586 --> 00:01:59,821
Older than
what you're in right now?
49
00:01:59,855 --> 00:02:01,990
[Pays rimshot]
50
00:02:02,025 --> 00:02:05,026
That's a rimshot,
a little taste.
51
00:02:07,025 --> 00:02:14,026
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,437
[Distant rock music]
53
00:02:17,472 --> 00:02:21,175
♪ Well, my baby,
he's all right ♪
54
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:24,345
♪ well, my baby,
he's clean out of sight ♪
55
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,581
♪ don't you know that he's ♪
56
00:02:26,615 --> 00:02:28,984
Both: ♪ he's some kind of
wonderful ♪
57
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:32,455
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
58
00:02:32,489 --> 00:02:34,824
[Cymbal crash]
59
00:02:34,859 --> 00:02:37,927
- That was so much fun!
- That so was.
60
00:02:37,962 --> 00:02:40,196
I can't believe
how much I've missed this.
61
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:41,331
You have a great voice.
62
00:02:41,366 --> 00:02:42,666
I had no idea
you could sing like that.
63
00:02:42,701 --> 00:02:45,670
[Imitating Elvis]
Well, thank you very much.
64
00:02:45,704 --> 00:02:48,039
[Normal voice] It feels
so great to be doing this.
65
00:02:48,073 --> 00:02:49,774
It makes me feel
like a teenager again.
66
00:02:49,808 --> 00:02:50,975
You know, I really think
67
00:02:51,010 --> 00:02:52,077
that we have a shot
of winning this contest.
68
00:02:52,111 --> 00:02:53,545
And even if we don't,
69
00:02:53,579 --> 00:02:54,746
it's an honor
just to be entered.
70
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,181
That's what Joy said
71
00:02:56,215 --> 00:02:57,816
during fleet week.
72
00:02:57,850 --> 00:03:01,253
[Plays rimshot]
73
00:03:03,056 --> 00:03:05,757
Okay, okay,
we're sounding better,
74
00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:08,093
but we're still
a little all over the place.
75
00:03:08,127 --> 00:03:09,728
Mel, that progression
in the chorus
76
00:03:09,762 --> 00:03:12,264
goes one, four, one, four.
77
00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:14,265
[Doorbell rings]
Oh, and Victoria,
78
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,468
you're playing
the bass line a bit straight.
79
00:03:16,502 --> 00:03:18,937
You need to
lock into the groove more.
80
00:03:18,971 --> 00:03:22,140
Hello, angels.
81
00:03:22,174 --> 00:03:24,408
Oh, hello, Rick.
82
00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:26,644
Oh, Rick, so sorry.
Were we playing too loud?
83
00:03:26,678 --> 00:03:29,413
We were just practicing for
the bar's battle of the bands.
84
00:03:29,447 --> 00:03:32,115
Yes, I couldn't help
but overhear that you suck.
85
00:03:32,149 --> 00:03:35,819
Oh, really? And what
do you know about anything?
86
00:03:35,853 --> 00:03:38,722
I'll tell you what I know,
my little sass factory.
87
00:03:38,757 --> 00:03:43,428
My band, the Garden Weasels,
have won the battle of the bands
88
00:03:43,462 --> 00:03:44,662
three years in a row.
89
00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:46,298
- Is that so?
- Indeed.
90
00:03:46,332 --> 00:03:48,033
Our skills have been honed
91
00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,736
to the bleeding edge
of samurai sharpness.
92
00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:53,973
Our rock will wound you.
93
00:03:54,008 --> 00:03:56,008
Wow, you sound really good.
I mean, so far,
94
00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:58,778
the only song we know
is Some Kind of Wonderful.
95
00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:01,281
What about the one
you were just playing now?
96
00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:03,617
[Plays rimshot]
97
00:04:03,651 --> 00:04:05,619
Thank you.
98
00:04:05,653 --> 00:04:08,188
Well, you must have been a bit
threatened to come over here
99
00:04:08,222 --> 00:04:09,622
and check out our girl band.
100
00:04:09,656 --> 00:04:12,492
[Laughs]
Afraid of girls?
101
00:04:12,526 --> 00:04:14,828
Yes.
102
00:04:14,862 --> 00:04:17,397
Afraid of a girl band?
Never!
103
00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:21,301
I mock your feeble
female attempt to rock hard.
104
00:04:21,336 --> 00:04:23,604
Ha!
105
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,540
You know something?
I don't like your attitude.
106
00:04:26,574 --> 00:04:29,443
Our band is gonna crush
your measly weasels into a pile
107
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,445
of rock 'n' roll rubble.
108
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,647
We are gonna
rock your socks off.
109
00:04:33,681 --> 00:04:36,183
- Yeah, right on.
- What she said.
110
00:04:36,217 --> 00:04:39,353
I'm not wearing socks
right now,
111
00:04:39,387 --> 00:04:43,290
small fungal issue.
112
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,926
But I am a little turned on.
113
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,896
Would any of you care to join me
in the back of my tour bus?
114
00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:52,733
Tour bus?
You drive a Ford Fiesta.
115
00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:56,370
Spanish for "party."
116
00:04:56,904 --> 00:04:59,473
All right,
ladies, it is on.
117
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,808
We are gonna practice
till our fingers blister
118
00:05:01,842 --> 00:05:04,143
and our voices shred.
119
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,812
We have sold
our souls to rock 'n' roll.
120
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:08,347
Again, from the top.
121
00:05:08,381 --> 00:05:12,651
A-one, a-two,
a-one, two, three, four.
122
00:05:12,685 --> 00:05:14,886
All: ♪ he's some kind
of wonderful ♪
123
00:05:14,921 --> 00:05:16,554
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
124
00:05:16,589 --> 00:05:19,725
Yeah, whatever.
125
00:05:19,759 --> 00:05:22,227
Guys, again, from the top,
126
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,930
but this time, Melanie,
127
00:05:23,964 --> 00:05:25,932
don't anticipate
the downbeat of every bar.
128
00:05:25,966 --> 00:05:27,333
You're turning the song
into a runaway train.
129
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,470
- I don't want toâ"
- Oh, and, Victoria,
130
00:05:29,504 --> 00:05:31,606
background vocals are called
background for a reason.
131
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,575
- You know, I'm not accustomedâ"
- Oh, and, Elka,
132
00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:36,410
after the breakdown,
133
00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:37,945
careful how you toss
your sticks in the air.
134
00:05:37,979 --> 00:05:41,382
- That time, you almost hit me.
- I'll try harder next time.
135
00:05:41,416 --> 00:05:45,219
[Plays rimshot]
136
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:49,156
- I'm going to bed.
- What? No, wait.
137
00:05:49,191 --> 00:05:51,859
Oh, ladies and ladies,
138
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,429
Elka has left the building.
139
00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:57,632
No, no. Hang on.
Why don't you guys take five?
140
00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,334
I'll put on
a giant pot of coffee,
141
00:05:59,368 --> 00:06:01,602
and we'll rehearse for
a few more hours, all right?
142
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:04,439
All right, rock 'n' roll!
143
00:06:04,473 --> 00:06:07,976
Up your rock 'n' roll.
144
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:10,078
You know,
I know she's the lead singer,
145
00:06:10,112 --> 00:06:11,646
but does she have to be
so bossy?
146
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,082
I hear those
nice Aerosmith boys
147
00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:17,919
can't stand Steven Tyler.
148
00:06:17,953 --> 00:06:20,355
And those cute Van Halen boys,
they were "Hot for Teacher,"
149
00:06:20,389 --> 00:06:23,491
but they hated Sammy Hagar.
150
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,409
Your takeout order
will be ready in a minute.
151
00:06:29,443 --> 00:06:31,945
Meanwhile, a secret admirer
sent you a drink.
152
00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:34,146
Oh, really? Who is he?
What does he look like?
153
00:06:34,181 --> 00:06:37,116
Hello, Joy.
Alone, I see.
154
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:39,585
No, I'm waiting
for a secret admirer.
155
00:06:39,619 --> 00:06:42,187
- You're waiting for me.
- No, he just sent me a drink.
156
00:06:42,221 --> 00:06:46,057
- Yes, that was me.
- Can't you understand?
157
00:06:46,091 --> 00:06:49,827
- I don't want it to be you.
- But you mistake my intentions.
158
00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:53,364
I'm not seeking a romantic
liaison, merely a creative one.
159
00:06:53,398 --> 00:06:55,432
There's a new group competing
160
00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:57,034
in this year's
battle of the bands.
161
00:06:57,069 --> 00:06:59,537
They're young,
and they're fun.
162
00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:02,473
Damn that Glee show!
163
00:07:02,507 --> 00:07:05,009
So what does this
have to do with me?
164
00:07:05,043 --> 00:07:07,144
The Weasels
need to kick it up a notch.
165
00:07:07,179 --> 00:07:09,447
We need
a smokin' hot chick singer.
166
00:07:09,481 --> 00:07:11,148
You could be our Fergie.
167
00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:15,119
And I could be
our Rick.I.Am.
168
00:07:15,153 --> 00:07:18,123
Well, that's very flattering,
but I already have a band.
169
00:07:18,157 --> 00:07:20,125
But you're so much better
than they are.
170
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:24,397
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
What makes you say that?
171
00:07:24,431 --> 00:07:25,932
I've been
listening at the window,
172
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,500
monitoring your rehearsals.
173
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,836
- You've been spying on us?
- Since you moved in.
174
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:33,206
But in this case,
I can admit it.
175
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,207
Joy, I feel
your frustration.
176
00:07:35,242 --> 00:07:37,710
Melanie and Victoria don't want
to work as hard as you do.
177
00:07:37,744 --> 00:07:39,645
Well, I can't say
you're wrong.
178
00:07:39,679 --> 00:07:41,913
Nothing matters
but the music, Joy.
179
00:07:41,948 --> 00:07:45,317
I make the Garden Weasels
work their tails off.
180
00:07:45,351 --> 00:07:47,753
We rehearse seven days a week,
late into the night.
181
00:07:47,787 --> 00:07:49,488
We don't break
for fiddle-faddle.
182
00:07:49,522 --> 00:07:51,990
Well, actually, we do
break for fiddle-faddle.
183
00:07:52,025 --> 00:07:55,928
Have you tried
the toffee flavor? Amazing!
184
00:07:55,962 --> 00:07:59,432
Look, I appreciate the offer,
but I can't abandon my friends.
185
00:07:59,466 --> 00:08:01,434
They don't have
the hunger you have.
186
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:04,972
The eye of the weasel,
if you will.
187
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,308
Your band is going nowhere.
Nowhere, I tell you!
188
00:08:10,912 --> 00:08:13,113
- Joy, is that you?
- Yeah.
189
00:08:13,147 --> 00:08:14,148
Okay, don't move.
190
00:08:14,149 --> 00:08:16,817
We want to show you
our new outfits.
191
00:08:17,851 --> 00:08:20,286
Simple, graceful,
192
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,622
evocative of the Beatles
in Hamburg.
193
00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:27,792
We look like
an Ellen Degeneres convention.
194
00:08:28,827 --> 00:08:30,963
Guys, the deal
was I would go get lunch,
195
00:08:30,997 --> 00:08:32,965
if you would practice.
196
00:08:32,999 --> 00:08:35,134
We're not gonna
beat the Garden Weasels
197
00:08:35,168 --> 00:08:37,470
by dressing up
like the Blues Brothers.
198
00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:39,806
You know what would beat them?
Lingerie.
199
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,744
I could have a bed jacket
malfunction onstage.
200
00:08:47,282 --> 00:08:49,316
It doesn't matter
what we wear.
201
00:08:49,351 --> 00:08:51,485
The Weasels
are practicing right now,
202
00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,820
not deciding what boxer shorts
to preen around in.
203
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:57,658
They practice seven days a week.
They have real gigs lined up.
204
00:08:57,692 --> 00:09:00,461
And they only break
for fiddle-faddle.
205
00:09:01,495 --> 00:09:02,930
You seem
to know an awful lot
206
00:09:02,964 --> 00:09:04,932
about the Weasels.
207
00:09:04,966 --> 00:09:06,935
Well, I wasn't
gonna say anything,
208
00:09:06,969 --> 00:09:09,437
but Rick asked me
to leave our band and join his.
209
00:09:09,472 --> 00:09:11,239
- What?
- Seriously?
210
00:09:11,274 --> 00:09:13,342
Well, he thinks
I'm really good,
211
00:09:13,376 --> 00:09:16,145
- and he admires my commitment.
- So that sneaky little rat
212
00:09:16,179 --> 00:09:18,314
thinks that he can
divide and conquer,
213
00:09:18,348 --> 00:09:20,816
and by the way,
I have thong that can do that,
214
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,153
in case we want to go
with the lingerie route.
215
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,155
Well, what did you
say to him?
216
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,324
Well, I turned him down,
of course.
217
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,993
Obviously, you can't win
without me.
218
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,528
I'm only mentioning it
219
00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:33,229
so you'll start taking
the contest seriously.
220
00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,631
Who says we can't win
without you?
221
00:09:35,666 --> 00:09:38,368
Yeah, you know what?
That's a little cocky.
222
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:41,037
Well, let's be honest, you
have your Woman's Day column,
223
00:09:41,071 --> 00:09:43,005
and they have
their outfit ideas.
224
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,207
I'm the only one showing
any real passion for the music.
225
00:09:46,242 --> 00:09:49,879
Diva speak for "I'm great
and the rest of you suck."
226
00:09:49,913 --> 00:09:51,814
- No, it isn't.
- Oh, please.
227
00:09:51,848 --> 00:09:53,148
I've been speaking diva
228
00:09:53,183 --> 00:09:55,450
since I tearfully informed
my preschool teacher
229
00:09:55,485 --> 00:09:59,688
that not all the little teapots
are short and stout.
230
00:09:59,722 --> 00:10:02,023
If you're just staying
with us out of guilt, forget it.
231
00:10:02,058 --> 00:10:03,792
Go ahead and be a weasel.
232
00:10:03,827 --> 00:10:07,062
You'll be happier
among your own kind.
233
00:10:07,096 --> 00:10:09,265
I didn't say
I wanted to be a Weasel.
234
00:10:09,299 --> 00:10:10,799
There's no reason
to get snarky.
235
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:14,635
- No one's getting snarky.
- I was.
236
00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:17,739
Look, if you want out,
we don't want to hold you back.
237
00:10:17,773 --> 00:10:19,740
Or put up with
your patronizing attitude
238
00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:22,143
that is stifling our creativity
and, quite frankly,
239
00:10:22,177 --> 00:10:26,346
taking all of the fun
out of this whole damn thing.
240
00:10:26,381 --> 00:10:28,348
Or, you know,
that nicer thing
241
00:10:28,383 --> 00:10:30,751
that Melanie just said.
242
00:10:30,786 --> 00:10:34,555
Well, if I'm ruining your fun,
maybe I should be a Weasel.
243
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:38,059
Don't let the door
hit your tail on the way out.
244
00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:43,932
Fine.
May the best band win.
245
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:46,869
Oh, don't worry, we will.
246
00:10:47,903 --> 00:10:49,772
Hmph! Some diva she is.
247
00:10:49,806 --> 00:10:51,940
She didn't even
slam the door.
248
00:10:51,975 --> 00:10:55,677
Well, who needs her?
Right, who needs her?
249
00:10:55,712 --> 00:10:57,846
Thinking she's all hootie,
250
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,682
and we're just the blowfish.
251
00:11:01,717 --> 00:11:04,619
Well, technically,
she's the lead singer,
252
00:11:04,653 --> 00:11:07,688
so she would be Hootie,
and without her,
253
00:11:07,722 --> 00:11:09,690
we do kind of blow.
254
00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:13,060
We do not. Now come on, we're
gonna be great without her.
255
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:15,530
You know what?
You're right. You're right.
256
00:11:15,564 --> 00:11:17,531
I may not
have Joy's vibrato,
257
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:19,933
but I-I think
I can imitate her phrasing.
258
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:21,301
W-w-wait, wait, wait.
259
00:11:21,336 --> 00:11:23,571
You think you're gonna be
the lead singer?
260
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,673
Well, yeah,
261
00:11:25,707 --> 00:11:27,308
'cause the next-best
singer should step up.
262
00:11:27,342 --> 00:11:30,278
Yes, which is why
I am stepping.
263
00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:33,315
You mean tripping.
264
00:11:33,349 --> 00:11:36,184
Lead singer out,
drummer moves up.
265
00:11:36,219 --> 00:11:37,686
Look, look,
266
00:11:37,721 --> 00:11:41,124
I have slept
with a lot of rock stars.
267
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:44,327
Unless talent can be
passed along like Hep-C,
268
00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:46,329
who cares?
269
00:11:46,364 --> 00:11:49,132
All I'm saying
is that I have
270
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,134
the most
lead singer experience.
271
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,937
Yeah, what is it
with you and rock stars?
272
00:11:52,971 --> 00:11:55,840
I know. If my private parts
could talk, huh?
273
00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:59,243
Forget talk.
Can they sing?
274
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,248
[High-pitched voice]
♪ he's some kind of wonderful ♪
275
00:12:04,283 --> 00:12:05,850
♪ he's someâ" ♪
276
00:12:05,884 --> 00:12:07,485
[Lower octave] ♪ he's some kind
of wonderful, he'sâ" ♪
277
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:10,788
♪ he's some ♪
[High-pitched voice] ♪ some ♪
278
00:12:10,822 --> 00:12:13,591
Hmm, still thinking
you can sing lead?
279
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:15,427
Your belief in yourself,
while touchingâ"
280
00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:17,029
Can we please
stop fighting about this?
281
00:12:17,063 --> 00:12:20,633
Of course. Let me sing,
and we won't fight.
282
00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:22,168
I mean,
it only makes sense.
283
00:12:22,202 --> 00:12:25,805
Why else would we name the band
Victoria and the Chasers?
284
00:12:25,839 --> 00:12:29,241
We didn't name the band that.
Joy's coming.
285
00:12:29,276 --> 00:12:31,410
- Oh, unified front.
- Mm-hmm.
286
00:12:31,444 --> 00:12:34,180
Oh, that is
such a great idea.
287
00:12:34,214 --> 00:12:37,016
- Rock 'n' roll.
- Rock 'n' roll.
288
00:12:38,051 --> 00:12:39,018
Hello.
289
00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:41,154
Well, if it isn't
our former bandmate.
290
00:12:41,188 --> 00:12:45,392
Joni Bitchell.
291
00:12:45,426 --> 00:12:48,828
So you off to, uh, join
your fellow weasels?
292
00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:50,563
I'm off
to band practice, yes.
293
00:12:50,598 --> 00:12:52,432
Oh, well, you better hurry,
'cause we heard
294
00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:55,368
that the last weasel to arrive
has to clean the spit valve
295
00:12:55,402 --> 00:12:58,337
- on Rick's saxophone.
- That's ridiculous.
296
00:12:58,372 --> 00:13:02,274
Later!
297
00:13:02,308 --> 00:13:04,276
Aw, look at her run.
298
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,277
Yeah, well,
she knew the risks.
299
00:13:06,312 --> 00:13:08,813
It'll just make
our triumph that much sweeter.
300
00:13:08,847 --> 00:13:11,349
Oh, imagine the look
on her face when she sees me
301
00:13:11,383 --> 00:13:13,417
belting our her vocals.
302
00:13:13,452 --> 00:13:15,219
Yeah, I can't imagine it,
because I'll be singing lead.
303
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,521
- No, I'm singing lead.
- But you stink.
304
00:13:17,556 --> 00:13:20,692
- But you stink much worse.
- We all stink!
305
00:13:20,726 --> 00:13:22,927
But this...
306
00:13:22,961 --> 00:13:27,632
[Auto-tune] ♪ will make us
all sound good ♪
307
00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:31,469
Oh, that's so cool!
308
00:13:31,504 --> 00:13:32,938
That's cool.
309
00:13:33,983 --> 00:13:36,518
- [Auto-tune] ♪ this coffee
is delicious ♪
310
00:13:37,553 --> 00:13:41,423
- [Auto-tune] ♪ is there
anything better in the morning ♪
311
00:13:41,457 --> 00:13:45,227
♪ orange juice ♪
312
00:13:45,261 --> 00:13:47,562
♪ we've been
doing this for hours ♪
313
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:50,298
♪ but I can't stop ♪
314
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,700
[Normal voice]
I wish I had this thing
315
00:13:52,734 --> 00:13:54,635
when I broke up
with my husband.
316
00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:58,806
[Auto-tune] ♪ get out of
my life, you cheating bastard ♪
317
00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:03,577
[Normal voice] Oh, watch out,
the enemy approacheth.
318
00:14:03,611 --> 00:14:05,612
- [Auto-tune] ♪ tonight,
we will have the last laugh ♪
319
00:14:05,647 --> 00:14:07,514
♪ ha ha ha ha ha ♪
320
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:10,817
Oh, it's you two
making that terrible noise.
321
00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:13,521
I thought T-Pain and
Stephen Hawking had broken in.
322
00:14:14,555 --> 00:14:17,190
[Knock on glass]
Your boyfriend's here.
323
00:14:17,225 --> 00:14:20,093
Hello, ladies. Joy.
324
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,662
I address you separately,
because during your weaselhood,
325
00:14:22,697 --> 00:14:25,165
I pay you the respect of not
thinking of you as a woman.
326
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:26,667
Shall we?
327
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:29,003
Wait, theâ"the contest
isn't for hours.
328
00:14:29,037 --> 00:14:31,305
We have a pre-gig meal
that builds unit cohesion.
329
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,440
Let's go, bro.
330
00:14:32,474 --> 00:14:34,409
I hope
they remembered my salad.
331
00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:38,013
- You know the weasel rule.
- Salads are for chicks.
332
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:40,316
- But I am a chick!
- Were you not listening
333
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:43,185
when I when I just gave you
honorary man status?
334
00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:46,821
Dude, grow a pair.
335
00:14:47,856 --> 00:14:49,591
Well, rock 'n' roll.
336
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,759
Both: Rock 'n' roll.
337
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:54,127
See you in a bit.
I'll just grab my purse.
338
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,667
Whoo!
339
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:03,102
Look at their
fresh, happy faces
340
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,271
and young-people hair.
341
00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:09,176
It sickens me. Your, uh,
former friends are next.
342
00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:12,179
There must be some part of you
that's still rooting for them.
343
00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:16,484
- Well, I can't denyâ"
- Kill that part of yourself.
344
00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:18,152
Better get
a welder's mask,
345
00:15:18,187 --> 00:15:21,156
because we're gonna
melt your faces off.
346
00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:24,326
It's a good thing you're
wearing those funeral suits,
347
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,794
because we're gonna
bury you.
348
00:15:25,828 --> 00:15:27,629
- As if.
- Nuh-unh.
349
00:15:27,663 --> 00:15:30,898
- Uh-huh.
- This is so hot.
350
00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:33,367
And it's against
every instinct in my body
351
00:15:33,402 --> 00:15:36,069
to stop a girl fight that
might result in torn clothes
352
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:39,572
or a glimpse
of side boobage...
353
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:42,608
But I have a boom
that must be lowered.
354
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:45,311
Auto-tuning
is against the rules,
355
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,880
as I've just
reminded the judges.
356
00:15:47,915 --> 00:15:51,317
Boom lowered.
357
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,486
Now what are we gonna do?
358
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,821
Without auto-tune,
359
00:15:55,855 --> 00:16:00,492
we're nothing
but fantastic drumming.
360
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:01,994
Without those things,
we can never win.
361
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,496
- Maybe we should just quit.
- No, no, we can't.
362
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,665
My entire column
is about doing this.
363
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,567
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
please keep in mind
364
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,803
that auto-tuning
is against our rules,
365
00:16:12,837 --> 00:16:15,139
as we put our hands together
366
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:17,674
for the auto tuners.
367
00:16:20,511 --> 00:16:23,546
So you ratted them out?
These are people I care about.
368
00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:26,282
They're gonna be humiliated.
You are such a heartlessâ"
369
00:16:26,317 --> 00:16:29,253
Winner? Legend?
Rock bad boy?
370
00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:31,589
You don't know
whether to slap my face
371
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:34,192
or kiss me.
372
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:37,363
I guess you do know.
373
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,565
- Okay, you sing.
- You sing.
374
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,735
- No, you do it.
- I can't.
375
00:16:41,769 --> 00:16:44,304
- You were right. I stink.
- I stink more.
376
00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,606
Somebody better start singing.
377
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:52,578
♪ I don't need
a whole lot of money ♪
378
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:54,746
♪ I don't need ♪
379
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,415
♪ a big, fine car ♪
380
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,251
What they need is a singer.
381
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,387
No, that's what you need.
382
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:08,994
♪ I got everything
that a woman could want ♪
383
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:12,866
♪ I got more
than I could ask for ♪
384
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:16,469
All: ♪ well, my baby,
he's all right ♪
385
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,439
♪ well, my baby,
he's clean out of sight ♪
386
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,775
♪ don't you know
that we're ♪
387
00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:23,643
All: ♪ we're some kind
of wonderful ♪
388
00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:25,879
♪ yes, we are ♪
389
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:27,848
All: ♪ we're some kind
of wonderful ♪
390
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:29,283
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
391
00:17:29,317 --> 00:17:31,752
All: ♪ we're some kind
of wonderful ♪
392
00:17:31,787 --> 00:17:33,955
♪ yes, we are ♪
393
00:17:33,989 --> 00:17:36,123
All: ♪ we're some kind
of wonderful ♪
394
00:17:36,158 --> 00:17:38,992
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
395
00:17:39,027 --> 00:17:41,294
♪ oh, yeah ♪
396
00:17:41,329 --> 00:17:43,663
[Cheers and applause]
Boo!
397
00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:58,163
It looks like something
Stuart little would win.
398
00:17:59,697 --> 00:18:02,766
Well, I'm proud of us
and our tiny trophy.
399
00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:04,902
I mean, coming in third
wasn't so bad.
400
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:08,004
Nah, those young & fun kids
deserved to win.
401
00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:11,107
They were so vibrant
and energetic,
402
00:18:11,141 --> 00:18:13,109
but I know
bone structure,
403
00:18:13,143 --> 00:18:16,913
and they
will not age well.
404
00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:18,614
At least we finished
ahead of the Weasels.
405
00:18:18,648 --> 00:18:21,883
And we got to see Rick
doing all my Fergie moves
406
00:18:21,918 --> 00:18:24,452
while singing about
his lovely lady lumps.
407
00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:26,754
[Laughter]
408
00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:29,524
Oh, Joy, I'm sorry it didn't
turn out the way you'd hoped.
409
00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:31,293
Oh, it's not your fault.
410
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:34,829
I was trying to get something
back that you can't get back.
411
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,498
The reason I dropped out of
the band when I was a teenager
412
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,101
was because I got pregnant,
and I guess there's a part of me
413
00:18:40,136 --> 00:18:42,804
that's always wondered
what if.
414
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:45,506
What I'm trying to say is
415
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:50,612
[auto-tune] ♪ I'm sorry
that I got so crazy ♪
416
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:53,548
Well, if you had just
told us that story earlier,
417
00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:55,918
[auto-tune]
♪ we wouldn't have thought ♪
418
00:18:55,952 --> 00:18:59,755
♪ you were such a bitch ♪
419
00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:02,292
- [Auto-tune]
♪ speak for yourself ♪
420
00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:09,431
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
421
00:19:09,432 --> 00:19:12,134
Melanie: [Auto-tune]
♪ Good night, everyone ♪
422
00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:14,803
Joy: ♪ Goodnight, Melanie ♪
423
00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:17,906
Melanie: ♪ Good night, Joy ♪
424
00:19:17,941 --> 00:19:21,143
♪ Good night, Victoria ♪
425
00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:23,446
Victoria:
♪ Good night, Melanie ♪
426
00:19:23,581 --> 00:19:25,214
Rick:
Good night, ladies.
427
00:19:26,681 --> 00:19:30,014
Oh, good Lord! How did you even
get up that swing?
428
00:19:31,081 --> 00:19:33,214
Oh, no!
[Ricks screams]
429
00:19:34,015 --> 00:19:35,214
Joy: Good night.
430
00:19:35,264 --> 00:19:39,814
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