All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e27 The Safecracker Suite.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

( knocking on door )

Come in, come in.

Ah, Hogan, you
wanted to see me?

Yes, sir.

I have a few requests to make
on behalf of my men.

All right.

"A few requests"?

Mm-hmm. "Request
permission

to build a miniature
golf course."

Denied. Just another means
of digging tunnels.

All right.

"Request two extra
slices of bread daily."

Denied.

So much for the easy ones.

"Request permission to bring
local girls into camp

for weekend dances."

( laughing )

That's marvelous!

Glad you agree, sir.

I do not agree.

Girls in a POW camp--
that would be fantastic.

It sure would.

Denied.

Glad I caught you
in a good mood.

Major Kronman.

I wish to speak
with Colonel Klink.

He's in his office,
Herr Major.

Good. Eh... is there someplace
you can, uh, park my car?

Out of sight
of the road?

I'll see to it.

Behind the barracks.

Excellent.

I am here on a special mission.

I know nothing! Nothing!

What is your name?

I know no... oh.

Sergeant Schultz, Herr Major.

Oh.

Herr Kommandant, a Major
Kronman to see you.

Kronman, Kronman--
that sounds familiar.

Gestapo?

No, sir.

He seems like
a nice fellow.

Well,
I have no time.

Tell him I'm busy,
tell him to...

Willy!

Hans Kronman?
Ja.

Hans Kronman.
( chuckling )

Hansie!
Willy!

( both laughing )

KLINK:
Why didn't you give your full name?

It's nice to see old
pals get together.

Yeah,
I'm all choked up.

Major Kronman and
I are old friends.

We took our military
training at Potsdam.

Oh, by the way,
may I present

Colonel Hogan,
senior POW officer.

Colonel Klink and I
were in the same class,

but I am just a major.

( chuckling ):
He pushed on ahead.

He's still
a great pusher.

( uneasy chuckle ):
Yes.

Well, the war has
been very good to me.

Hansie, what brings
you to this part of the country, huh?

Well, uh, there is something
rather important

I wish to discuss
with you.

Good. I will speak
with you in a minute.

Schultz?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant?

Escort Major Kronman
to the V.I.P. hut,

and see to it that he
is given the quarters

used by General
Burkhalter.

Danke schon.

This way, Herr Major.

One moment, please.

This is getting to be
like the Wilhelmstrasse.

Who are you?

Captain Guenther. Gestapo.

Major Hans Kronman?

Yes?

You're under arrest.

Arrest?

What is this?

This man is suspected
of conspiracy

to assassinate
the Fuhrer.

KLINK:
Assassinate the Fu...!

KRONMAN:
I assure you there is no truth to this.

Take him out.

Friend of yours,
Colonel?

Friend?

( nervous chuckle )

Major, Major, Major...
what was his name?

Kronman.
Hansie Kronman.

Silence. I hardly know him, sir.

GUENTHER:
Colonel, you are not to leave your command

until you hear
from the Gestapo.

Heil Hitler.

Heil!

Colonel, about
the weekend dances...

"Hamilburg Hof number nine."

That has got to be the key

to a safety deposit box
in a hotel.

Yeah, that'd be my guess
as well, Colonel.

Why did he give it to you,
Colonel?

He was arrested.

Probably didn't want them
to find it on him.

So, the box
must have something valuable.

Colonel, if Kronman
and Klink were friends,

why didn't he
slip him the key?

Carter, in Germany today,

the one thing a German
cannot trust is another German.

I wonder what's in that box.

Oh, Colonel, here's the reply
from London.

Thanks, Kinch.

Mmm, looks good.

Listen, listen.

"Major Kronman
identity confirmed.

Believed member of a conspiracy
to kill Hitler."

He's all right,
then, right?

Kraut like that
can't be all bad.

"Try making contact with Kronman

and assist all
possible ways."

Sure, I'll call the Gestapo

and ask
if we can take him to lunch.

Yeah, that boat
has sailed.

For the major, it did.

Got to write him off.

But I wonder about this anti-
Hitler conspiracy they mention.

Be nice if you could
take them to lunch.

Wonder what's in that box.

Aw, you can write
that off, too.

No, I don't think so.

If we could only
get into the hotel,

rifle all
the safety deposit boxes

and make it look
like a burglary.

( enthusiastic agreement )

Gentlemen,
gentlemen!

I hate
to be a killjoy.

Why?
What's wrong?

Hotel boxes
are kept in a safe,

most likely
with a combination lock.

Depending on
your ten magic fingers.

This fiddle is a bit
above my head, Colonel.

Come on,
you're being modest, Newkirk.

There is only one sure way
to crack a big safe.

You've got to blast it.

Nitroglycerin-- that whole bit?

Right. And it's very,
very touchy stuff.

A professional job's
what we need, Colonel.

All right.

Kinch,
you're familiar

with the personnel records
here at camp.

We got
a safecracker here?

Not a chance, Chief.

We got mechanics and
pool hustlers and used car salesmen,

but no safecrackers.

Hey. Hey, Colonel,
I know one man

who could do
this job for us.

Who?

His name's, uh,
Alfred Burke,

alias Alfie the Artiste.

HOGAN:
Alfie the Artist?

He's good, huh?

Well, he's been
practicing for 40 years,

with time off
for bad behavior.

He must be, uh, an
old geezer by now.

But he's brilliant.

He could crack the
Bank of England like a tin of sardines.

But only his loyalty to the
Crown keeps him from it.

I saw him work once.

A right old wizard.

His hands--
what a touch.

Oh, his mum and dad
begged him to be a brain surgeon.

Let's get him.

How?

Have the R.A.F. fly him over
and drop him.

Look, we can't win
the war alone.

Kinch, Newkirk, into the tunnel.

Tell London what we're doing.

Right, sir.

Say, uh, where do
we find this guy Alfie the Artiste?

( imitating Peter Lorre ):
Just ask Scotland Yard.

They know where he is
at all times.

Just got word from London,
Colonel.

They found Alfie the Artist.

He was doing a little time
in the Pentonville Prison.

That figures.

Well, none of us
is perfect, sir.

He's agreed to do the job.

They're going to fly him over
tomorrow night.

The drop will be at "Y" 14
in the woods.

Fine. Newkirk.
Yes, sir?

You go out
and meet him,

bring him in through
the emergency tunnel.

All right.

Watch it.

Here comes our beloved
commandant.

All right,
I want to have a word

with Old Blood
and Guts. Scatter.

Colonel?

Yes, Colonel Hogan,
what is it?

Uh, I'd like
to talk to you.

May we step
into your office?

More requests
for favors and privileges?

Colonel Hogan,
your behavior in this camp

does not warrant
any special consideration.

Sir...

All right, all right,
let us ask the sergeant here.

Sergeant Schultz,
does their behavior

merit any special
consideration?

Well, I...

You see?

Even Sergeant Schultz
agrees with me.

Now, Colonel Hogan,

you can do me one
great big favor

by not wasting my time
and your time.

( key jingling )

What's that?

Oh, just a key
to a safety deposit box

that your friend Major Kronman
sneaked to me.

Colonel Hogan,
your time is my time.

There's a song
by that title.

I'll take that key,

and if you refuse
to give it to me,

I will call the guards
and I will resort to force.

You have it.

Oh.

Of course, you'll
turn it over to the Gestapo at once.

Of course.

That way, if there's any
incriminating evidence

found in the box,
you won't be involved.

Exactly.
And the Gestapo will understand

that I have no part
in Major Kronman's activities.

Right.

Even though
you have the key

to his safety
deposit box.

Right, even though I have
the key to... take it away!

Something the
matter, Colonel?

If I give them the key,
they will assume

that I'm trying to cover up
and appear innocent.

You are, aren't you?

I am a loyal officer
of the Third Reich.

There can't be anything
in that box

to connect me with Kronman.

What did he mean when he said,

"There's something
I want to discuss with you."

Remember that?

Now, that is the most innocent
thing for a man to say.

Oh, sure, sure.

That's what everybody says

just before they're arrested
by the Gestapo.

What am I to do?

I can't go
and open the box myself.

No, you'd be arrested
in two hours.

Bite your tongue!

Is that an order?

No, it's against the Geneva
Prisoner of War Convention.

To think that this little
piece of metal,

this key,
could lock or unlock

a brilliant
military man's future.

Forget Major Kronman;
he's finished.

Not Kronman-- me.

Where can I turn for help
with this terrible problem?

I'm glad you asked
me that question.

I may be able to help you.

Okay, now, I think
I have a plan that might work.

It's going to require
your absolute cooperation.

You may have to turn your back
on some things you see. Agreed?

It's a trick to escape.

Oh, come on,
you have my word

as an officer
and a gentleman.

No escape.

Now, can we count
on your cooperation?

Hogan, why are you helping me,
your enemy?

Colonel, you run the toughest
POW camp in all of Germany.

There's never been an escape
from Stalag 13, right?

That's true.

If only he had
a few more like me.

Now, if the Gestapo
were to take you away,

we'd get a new commandant

who could never be as
hard as the Iron Colonel.

Right again.

We might attempt an escape.

Somebody might get
hurt, or worse.

If I can save you, I
can save some of my men.

Then it is fortunate
that I am as tough as I am.

You're the toughest.

Here we are, Alfie,
safe and sound.

Ah, thank you very much.

Oh, lovely tunnel,
I must say.

Pity it doesn't
lead into a bank.

Now, would you make yourself
at home, Alfie?

And, uh, is there anything
I can get you?

Well, if it wouldn't
be imposing,

I should like
a nice cup of tea.

Uh...

Two spoons.

Well, of course.

Oh, Alf, this is the guv'nor,
Colonel Hogan.

How do you do, sir?

Hi, welcome to Stalag 13.
Enjoy your flight?

Oh, not too bad,
though I shouldn't care

to make a career of it.

Sorry we had to get you
out of a nice warm jail

into a cold P.O.W. camp.

Oh, not at all.

Times like these, we must all
put our shoulders to the wheel.

Now, then...

what sort of mischief
did you have in mind for me?

We have the key
to a hotel safety deposit box.

We've got to get into the safe
to get to the box.

Sounds dreadfully important.

Hotel safe, hmm?

"Hofburg House, Hamilburg."

Nearest big city... Dusseldorf.

Dusseldorf... Schleswig
Offenbach Safe Company.

Make a cabinet-type safe,

3.4 gauge steel,

combination lock,

four interlocking
tumblers...

No, five interlocking tumblers.

No electrical alarm system.

Shoddy business. Very shoddy.

Blimy.

Hats off, gentlemen.

We're in the presence
of a genius.

Very kind of you, Colonel.

Now, uh... for my
part of the caper,

I shall require
about 12 minutes...

Uh-huh.
and a... a nice cup of tea when it's done.

Yeah. Any special equipment?

Oh... a good surgeon is
always ready to operate

and remove things.

Somebody's coming!

All right, quick,
your hat!

Was ist das?

...No, please, don't, don't...

Oh, hi, Schultz.
All present.

Is that so?

One of the tower guards reported
he saw the Englander

outside the wire, huh?

Who, me? He's barmy.
I've been here all night,

haven't I, Colonel?

That's right.

One of these days the guards
are going to catch you

with your monkey business, and
I won't be there to help you.

I've been here
every minute...

singing songs,
telling stories, haven't I?

I warn you.

Who is that?

Him? Just one of the boys.

Boys?

What's your name,
eh, sonny?

Burke, Alfred,
private first class.

I don't remember his name
on the roll call.

Oh, sure you do, Schultz.
Think hard.

What do you think I am,
nuts or something?

Who is that grandpa?

Just another one
of the prisoners,

captured like the rest of us.

Who captured him,
Der Kaiser?

On your feet!

Attention!
At ease.

Schultz, where
have you been?

You left your post.

Herr Kommandant, I came here

to make an inspection,
and I made a discovery.

You discovered something?

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

I came in here,
and I counted the prisoners--

eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf.

All were present,
and I was just about to leave--

guess what I found?

There is one man...

Stop, stop. I am
not interested in your discovery.

No, Herr Kommandant?

For the first time
since I've taken command here,

I want to know
nothing... nothing!

Schultz... the Iron Colonel
needs a vacation.

All right, gentlemen,

a floor plan to the hotel.

Klink got it for me.

Really?

Man, he must be scared.

Scared? Just 'cause he wears
his monocle in his ear?

Let me have
your attention now.

This is the hotel lobby.

This is the alcove,
and there's the safe.

Is that-that the window?

That's right. Now, Kinch
is going to be our outside man.

He'll see that Alf gets
through the window

and back out after the job,
got it?

HEROES:
Sure. All right.

Now, Klink has agreed to give
a party tomorrow night

for the local officers
and townspeople.

That'll be the cover.

The timing is
very important.

Excuse me, Alf, we're not
disturbing you, I hope.

Oh, not at all, old boy,
not at all. Do carry on.

Well... now, any questions
or comments?

HEROES:
No, everything's fine.

Have a screen or curtain
across the alcove opening to cover us,

make sure that the window
is unlocked

and check road conditions
for the getaway.

Is that all?

Not quite.

I'd dearly love
a nice cup of tea.

Nice party, Colonel.

Uh, thank you, thank you,
Herr Burgermeister.

Enjoy yourself.

You sure nothing can go wrong?

It's in the bag... unless
you get nervous and blow it.

Don't worry about me.

I-I'm quite in control.

Maybe we ought to get you
a straw.

I am quite calm, thank you.

Waiter.

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

He does that
every time I come by.

Nobody else can get a drink.

Keep moving. It's almost time.

You nervous, Alf?

Good heavens, no.

This affair is a lark.

As a matter of fact,
old boy,

I could've telephoned you
the instructions

and stayed in England.

Ah, there goes
the window.

That's our cue.
Let's go.

Righto. After you,
old boy.

After you.

Colonel, we're off
and running.

Ten minutes more,
and we'll be home.

Will there... be much
noise when it happens?

Maybe. Just yell, "Air raid".

Air raid!
Not now.

Come on, Colonel, you've got
to pull yourself together.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

And lay off the juice.

I may need you later in
case anything goes wrong.

Wrong? What could go wrong?

Sorry I mentioned it.

Our friendly
neighborhood monster.

Did you invite him, too?

Are you mad?

What am I to do?

That's what I was
just about to ask you.

GUENTHER:
Colonel.

KLINK:
Good evening, Captain.

Very nice gathering.

Thank you. Uh,
just a little put-up job...

I mean, an impromptu...
an im-impromptu affair.

( laughing )

What is this prisoner doing
out of camp?

Oh... a little reward

in exchange
for some vital information.

GUENTHER:
Very unusual.

By the way,
it may interest you to know

that the officer we arrested
was shot

while trying to escape.

I'm glad he had
a fair trial.

Obviously a traitor
to the Third Reich.

Yes... and the case
is by no means closed.

Now, gentlemen,

I'll just have a look around,

if you don't mind?

Oh, by all means, sir,
please.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

For our first selection
this evening,

we'd like to do a number
by Irving Berlin,

which is also the name of a city
in your wonderful country.

* This is the Army, Mr. Jones *

* No private rooms
or telephones *

* You had your breakfast
in bed before *

* But you won't have it there
anymore *

* This is the Army, Mr. Green

* We like the barracks
nice and clean *

* You had a housemaid
to clean your floor *

* But she won't help you out
anymore *

* Do what the buglers command *
( imitates horn blowing )

* They're in the Army *

* And not in a band *

* This is the Army, Mr. Brown

* You and your baby
went to town *

* She had you worried,
but this is war *

* And she won't worry you
anymore *

* And she won't
worry you anymore! *

( applause )

Our next number
this evening...

( explosion )

( people screaming )

( whispering ):
Air raid.

Don't know what
we'd do without you.

Colonel.

"Tinkers to Evers to
Chance" is the play.

You're only Evers.
I'm Chance.

( knocking )
Come in.

Ah, Hogan,
I've been waiting for you.

I'm sorry, sir.

I just heard
from the Gestapo.

They are convinced
of my innocence.

Congratulations.

Now you can start
breathing again.

They believe the explosions
were an attempt on my life.

Ah, we leaders-- we're
always in danger.

All right, Hogan, that
list from the box.

I'll take it now.

Oh, yes, yes, that.

This list, Colonel,
is for sale.

How much?

Two extra slices
of bread per day,

all Red Cross packages
delivered on time,

Granted.
and an extra shower every week

for everybody in camp.
Granted.

My name. It's first!

"General Burkhalter, Colonel
Mueller, Admiral Metzger..."

Kronman was obviously going
to contact all of us.

Sure, to get you
into the conspiracy.

So much for that.

Hogan?
Mm-hmm?

No one must ever know
about this.

Yes, sir.

Uh... oh, by the way,

could we have our
first extra shower starting tomorrow?

What extra shower?

All requests previously granted
are now denied.

Oh, I see.

Colonel, what
makes you so sure

I didn't make a
copy of that list?

A copy? Why,
that would be silly.

No one would believe
a copy...

When you take
that extra shower,

just make sure your men
don't use too much water.

Granted.

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