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1
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:36,913
Your Excellency.
Welcome to Wickenberg, sir.
2
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:18,355
Well, good morning, James.
3
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,257
Hi, Artie. Anything happening?
4
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,258
Oh, same old thing.
5
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,427
Just a different
town. Thank you.
6
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,495
As I was saying,
Colonel Pellargo,
7
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,431
welcome to Wickenberg.
8
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,999
You're very capable. Your name?
9
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,834
My name is James West,
10
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,298
and this is my partner
Artemus Gordon.
11
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,740
Assigned to me by
your government?
12
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,084
That's right, sir.
13
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,801
I approve.
14
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:14,478
I trust you will forgive my men.
15
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,680
They were only trying to
keep me from being murdered.
16
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,749
Well, if that's what
I had on my mind,
17
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,152
I could have
murdered you easily.
18
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,886
And if you had, Mr. West,
19
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,745
there'd be no harm
done, would there?
20
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,998
A double,
21
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,000
or should I say a lightning rod?
22
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,168
If you prefer.
23
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,470
But a lightning rod
24
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,839
who is handsomely
paid for the risks he takes.
25
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,675
Very ingenious.
You had me fooled.
26
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:49,078
Pellargo has many
people fooled, Mr. West,
27
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,447
which is why Pellargo
28
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,015
is still listed among
the living, eh?
29
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,254
Sir? Your Excellency?
30
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,921
Fifteen minutes is
all I can give you.
31
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,190
Work fast and efficiently.
32
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,214
Yes, sir, Your
Excellency. Yes, sir.
33
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,870
An old custom in my country:
34
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,338
A portrait of its ruler
35
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,674
to be distributed
amongst the people.
36
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,942
As a substitute for bread?
37
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:23,480
I like you, Mr. West.
38
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,082
You say what you think.
39
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,451
My country, alas, is poor.
40
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,321
We cannot afford both
portraits and bread.
41
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:34,691
So your people get portraits.
42
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,958
Why not?
43
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,528
My people are
completely dedicated
44
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,230
to two basic objectives.
45
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,199
The first is eking out
46
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:44,867
a wretched
hand-to-mouth existence,
47
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:45,902
and the second...
48
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,870
Trying to assassinate you.
49
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,408
From time to time, yes.
50
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,543
I'm a reasonable man.
51
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,379
I'm willing to
grant them the first,
52
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,348
but never the second.
53
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,853
Hold it, sir. Hold it.
54
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,876
Where'd he go?
55
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,066
He disappeared into thin air...
56
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,503
or thick walls.
57
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,119
He was kind enough to
leave a souvenir behind,
58
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,224
complete with bloodstains.
59
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,237
Ah.
60
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,973
Good evening, Mr. Antille.
You're a few moments late.
61
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,275
My arm is hurting.
62
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,110
Yes, well, I can see
you've got a wound there,
63
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,412
and I'll take
care of it for you.
64
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,514
Uh, the blood. Uh,
don't drop it on the carpet
65
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,216
because it gives the mourners
a very bad impression.
66
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,307
Um, will you follow me, please?
67
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,361
Oh, uh, you just,
uh, sit down here
68
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,698
on the table, will you, please?
69
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,270
It's not a very
comfortable table, but then,
70
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,239
very few of my clients
complain about it.
71
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:52,715
Now...
72
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,852
Oh, it hurts, does it?
73
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:56,853
Yes.
74
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,621
Well, let me see that.
75
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,757
Well, you're very
fortunate, you know.
76
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,959
That's just a flesh wound.
77
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,295
We'll have that taken
care of right away.
78
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,664
There.
79
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,199
I trust you accomplished
your mission tonight, hmm?
80
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,568
I always do.
81
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,670
Why should this
job be an exception?
82
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,472
Heh-heh-heh! Well,
very good, very good.
83
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,874
Very good. Congratulations.
84
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,075
Well, that being done,
85
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,667
I suppose it remains
now only for me
86
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,382
to fulfill the little service
87
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:27,984
that you and I
contracted for, eh?
88
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,320
The agent guarding
Pellargo came after me.
89
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,422
I suppose they'll soon be
searching the whole area.
90
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,326
Uh, yes. I anticipated that.
91
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,430
And so we have accommodations
provided for you right here.
92
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,754
I'll show you.
93
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,372
Here you have our slumber wall.
94
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,904
Ooh, sorry, old boy. Occupied.
95
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:08,024
Voilà, as they say
in Paris, France.
96
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,059
Must it be there?
97
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:14,096
Oh, well, really, this is
the safest place, you know,
98
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,398
in case of a search.
99
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:20,058
And our other guests
will never disturb your rest.
100
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:35,051
♪ She wheeled a wheelbarrow ♪
101
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,354
♪ Through the streets
Broad and narrow ♪
102
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,758
♪ Singing cockles and mussels ♪
103
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:46,996
♪ Alive, alive, oh ♪
104
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:51,768
♪ She was a fishmonger
And sure 'twas no wonder ♪
105
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:56,962
♪ For her father and mother
Were fishmongers too ♪
106
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:06,115
♪ Now, they wheeled
Their wheelbarrow ♪
107
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:13,422
♪ Through streets
Broad and narrow ♪
108
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,879
♪ Singing ♪
109
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:21,731
♪ Cockles and mussels ♪
110
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,200
♪ Alive, alive ♪
111
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,703
♪ Oh ♪
112
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,870
♪ Alive ♪
113
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,606
♪ Alive ♪
114
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,329
♪ Oh ♪
115
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,856
There was no reason for you
to come to me, Señora Pellargo.
116
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,320
I would have gladly come to you.
117
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:52,394
I wanted to walk.
118
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:56,132
Walls in my room were
beginning to close in on me.
119
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,700
What did you wish
to see me about?
120
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,469
I've been entrusted to
deliver this telegram to you
121
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,071
from the president
of the United States.
122
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,507
An official
expression of sorrow?
123
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,598
Sympathy? Heartfelt
condolences? Am I correct?
124
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,614
Will that bring back my husband
125
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:15,351
or bring his
murderer to justice?
126
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,319
I'm sorry, señora,
127
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,688
but you might be
interested to know
128
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,422
we've identified your
husband's murderer.
129
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,180
Who is he?
130
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,964
Claudio Antille, assassin,
131
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,932
courtesy of Washington's file
132
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,768
of international
wanted criminals.
133
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:36,438
Portrait of a murderer.
134
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,474
The United States has been
made to look responsible
135
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,276
for your husband's death.
136
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,078
How is it possible that this man
137
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,180
has accomplished
what he set out to do?
138
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,016
Antille is, in his own
way, very capable.
139
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,685
Think of his preparation.
140
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,619
He arrived only two months ago,
141
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,655
set up his shop
as a photographer
142
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,791
under an assumed name.
143
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,148
And then he waited
patiently until...
144
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:02,098
Oh, excuse me, señora.
145
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,833
Can I see you for a minute, Jim?
146
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,696
What is it? Antille?
147
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,077
He's been found.
148
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:17,535
Oh, thank heaven.
149
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,606
What does a murderer
say when he is caught?
150
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,409
In this case, nothing.
151
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,357
He's dead.
152
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,878
Are you sure you
feel up to this?
153
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,012
I want to do it.
154
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,413
It'll be painful.
155
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,682
So was the loss of my husband.
156
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,907
I want to see his murderer.
157
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,165
Ah, good day.
158
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:13,136
Can I be of assistance to
you in your hour of sadness?
159
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,703
Are you in charge here?
160
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,940
Yes, I'm Fabian
Lavendor, the director.
161
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,075
You have a body here
162
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,543
presumed to be that
of Claudio Antille.
163
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:25,214
Oh, yes, that one.
Yes, we have him here.
164
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,816
How does he happen to be here?
165
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,052
Well, that was irregular,
but the men who found him
166
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,655
simply said this was the
nearest available place,
167
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,623
so I could hardly
turn them away.
168
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,260
I notified the police
very soon after.
169
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,427
Who brought him in?
170
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,829
They were two laborers.
171
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,498
They declined to
give their names.
172
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:45,034
And I have no authority to
force that kind of information.
173
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,970
They left rather quickly
before I had a chance
174
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,072
to discover the bullet
wound in the departed.
175
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,108
You made the identification?
176
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,912
Yes, from some papers
in the coat and a... A letter.
177
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,714
I'll get them for you.
178
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:03,019
Uh, are you and madam
related to the deceased?
179
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:07,023
The, uh, señora is the
widow of the man Antille killed.
180
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,959
Oh, I see. Well,
I'm... I'm very sorry.
181
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,228
My sympathies, and if I can be
182
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,563
of professional service
to the señora, why...
183
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,365
It's been taken
care of, thank you.
184
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,599
May we see the body, please?
185
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:20,336
Of course. He's reposing
right here in the chapel,
186
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,960
so if you'll step this way.
187
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,840
So that's the monster.
188
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,258
Could you please take care
of the señora for a moment?
189
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,894
Yes, of course.
Come this way, señora.
190
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,218
We've got some smelling salts.
191
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,917
Oh, no more, please.
I'm quite all right now.
192
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,351
I'm sorry to have
kept you waiting,
193
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,254
but I had to be positive. I'll
have to keep these papers.
194
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,856
Yes, of course.
About the financial...
195
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,625
I'll see that the
government reimburses you.
196
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,482
Fine. Mm-hmm.
197
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,582
Sorry, old boy.
198
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,019
I had hoped to send you off
with a little pomp and ceremony,
199
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,276
however...
200
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,823
Artemus...
201
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,393
Gordon.
202
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,840
There.
203
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,842
Case closed and
report completed.
204
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,545
Sign on the dotted line, Jim.
205
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,049
Something still
bothers me. Like what?
206
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,818
I don't know exactly.
I still keep wondering
207
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:25,087
how Antille got out
of that blind alley.
208
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,490
What difference does
it make? He's dead.
209
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,891
Wonder why.
210
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,493
Well, the coroner's report says
211
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:34,063
because of unseemly
familiarity with a bullet.
212
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,065
Our job's finished.
213
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,034
Is it?
214
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,801
Look, what's eating you, Jim?
215
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,438
Antille killed Pellargo. He
tried to kill you, then me,
216
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,306
finally wound up as your target.
217
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:47,709
What if it wasn't Antille's
body in that coffin?
218
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,944
How could it not be?
219
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,979
You recognized
his face, didn't you?
220
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,481
I did.
221
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,583
His wallet and
papers are authentic.
222
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,186
The scars on his body match
the description in the dossier,
223
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,009
ditto the cuff link I found.
224
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,058
Everything you say is correct.
225
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,460
Well, then what
more do you want?
226
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:08,597
I wanna check the
missing persons file.
227
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,767
All right, Jim, now
it's my turn to ask.
228
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,436
Why?
229
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,604
Because, Artie,
230
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,262
things aren't always
what they seem to be.
231
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,694
Look here, Lavendor,
232
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,262
I've been going out of my mind.
233
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,265
Oh, now, now, now, you
mustn't do that, Mr. Antille.
234
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,767
We must avoid that at all costs.
235
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:46,902
These mummy wrappings,
236
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,604
how much longer do
I have to wear them?
237
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,406
Well, not any
longer, Mr. Antille,
238
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,841
I'm happy to tell you.
239
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,510
You mean you're going
to take them off now?
240
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:55,844
Yes, that's exactly what I mean.
241
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,679
Now, if you'll seat
yourself in that chair.
242
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,437
Please, go ahead.
243
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,488
I'm going to remove
these wrappings,
244
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,224
and unveil the new you.
245
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,648
Now...
246
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,661
Here we are.
247
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,497
Wait.
248
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,465
What if I don't like the new me?
249
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,734
Ah, well, I'm afraid
you have no choice.
250
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,402
I mean to say, the old you
251
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,038
is wanted by the police
for murder. Mm-hm.
252
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,841
Yes, you're... You're
right, of course. I...
253
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,809
I just got panicked
there for a moment.
254
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,513
Well, it's perfectly
normal, I assure you.
255
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,882
I had a client once,
an Albanian knife artist
256
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,884
who was wanted
for multiple murders.
257
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:38,387
Why, he broke down
and wept uncontrollably
258
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,223
at the very moment
that you're facing now.
259
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,325
And? Oh, happy ending.
260
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,861
Fell in love with the new
face I provided for him.
261
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,330
He became a distinguished
importer in Cairo,
262
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,065
traveled widely
with the best circle.
263
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,600
He even sent me a few clients.
264
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,924
Now one moment.
265
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,743
I don't believe it.
266
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,660
I'm a different person.
267
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,462
Uh, you are Charles
Kobles Stevens,
268
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:21,530
to be precise,
269
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,799
a dealer in lithographs
and etchings.
270
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,967
Uh, now, I have
here your papers:
271
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:29,505
identification, passport,
steamship tickets.
272
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,373
You're to leave the
country within three days.
273
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,543
Well, it's fantastic.
274
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,246
Mr. Lavendor,
you're a real artist.
275
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,647
Why...
276
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,016
Oh, uh, Golo.
277
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,718
I don't believe
you've met, eh, Golo.
278
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,853
He's in charge
of field operations,
279
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,323
that is to say, the
acquisition of bodies.
280
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,124
It was he who
recognized the suitability
281
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:52,194
of the double that we,
uh, a-acquired for you.
282
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:54,996
You did a wonderful job.
283
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,398
Who was he?
284
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,334
Uh, who? The double.
285
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,802
Oh, his name was Toby Murphy,
286
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,504
a man who'll never be missed,
287
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:07,776
an obscure kind of a
carousing Irishman. Mmm.
288
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,984
That's telling 'em.
289
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,367
Whoa, happy chappers.
290
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,435
You think this is the place?
291
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,979
Could there be another like it?
292
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,874
Sure, now,
293
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,744
two fine gentlemen
like yourselves
294
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:44,613
will be wanting a
private booth, I'll bet?
295
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,716
Oh, pick up the jackpot,
Colleen. You win.
296
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,117
Take the one over there,
297
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,676
and I'll be along in two shakes.
298
00:21:58,184 --> 00:22:00,028
Well...
299
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:03,131
how'd you ever find a
nice, quiet little pub like this?
300
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,655
Beginner's luck.
301
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:10,071
There now. That'll keep
you from dying of thirst
302
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:12,374
while you decide on
what you'd like to drink.
303
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:13,698
Thank you, Rose.
304
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:17,546
Oh, do I know you?
305
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:21,116
I could have sworn
I never forget a face,
306
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,186
especially such nice faces
307
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,754
as the both of your own.
308
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:27,356
No, we haven't met, Rose.
309
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,157
We're here about the
missing persons report
310
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,014
you filed on your father.
311
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,304
Do you know where
himself has gone?
312
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:45,028
No, but we'd like
to help you find him.
313
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:53,215
Federal... Federal
government, is it?
314
00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:57,686
Oh, I had no idea me
father was that important.
315
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,789
Well, it could
turn out that he is.
316
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:02,324
How long has he been missing?
317
00:23:02,348 --> 00:23:04,292
Four days now.
318
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:08,564
Dropped out of sight
like a stone in a bog.
319
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:11,767
Well, did he do that
often, just not show up?
320
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,869
Never for any
longer than it took him
321
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,471
to find his way home again.
322
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,138
A day or so at most.
323
00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:19,508
Have you any recent
pictures of your father?
324
00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:21,710
Ha, ha! No.
325
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,546
He always tells me,
"It's a waste of money
326
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:27,583
when you've got meself
to look at all the while."
327
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:29,785
We've got the description
you filed with the report.
328
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,186
Is there anything
you'd care to add,
329
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:33,589
anything that might help
us with the identification?
330
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,758
Scars, marks?
331
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:39,895
There was one little thing
I didn't put in the report,
332
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:41,963
for no one could ever notice.
333
00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,466
But he's missing the little toe
334
00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:46,034
on his right foot.
335
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:47,925
Is he, now?
336
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:50,071
How did that happen?
337
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,974
At the St. Patrick's
Day festival
338
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:54,342
two years ago.
339
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:58,179
A random beer keg
happened to fall on his foot.
340
00:23:58,203 --> 00:24:01,349
At the time, he hardly noticed.
341
00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:03,251
We want Rose.
342
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,108
Oh.
343
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:11,126
Going, are you? You should stay.
344
00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:13,629
The place livens up a
little bit later in the evening.
345
00:24:13,653 --> 00:24:15,731
It's a shame we have
to miss it, but, uh...
346
00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:18,923
We have to visit an
old friend minus one toe.
347
00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:53,390
Alas, poor Yorick!
348
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:57,706
I knew him Horatio:
349
00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:00,008
a fellow of infinite jest.
350
00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:01,512
Artie.
351
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:03,835
Over here.
352
00:25:12,612 --> 00:25:15,457
All right, Jim.
Let's settle this
353
00:25:15,481 --> 00:25:19,394
Murphy-Antille body-switch
theory of yours right now.
354
00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:20,718
Artie.
355
00:25:27,393 --> 00:25:29,004
Well, that was careless of 'em,
356
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,507
leaving the door open like that.
357
00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:32,830
Wasn't it?
358
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,166
Well, four toes,
359
00:26:31,190 --> 00:26:33,134
which proves beyond
a shadow of a doubt
360
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:34,438
that it's Toby Murphy.
361
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,114
Here. Forget the
lock pick, Artie.
362
00:26:46,138 --> 00:26:47,315
It's jammed.
363
00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:51,546
I don't suppose there's
any doubt about it.
364
00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:54,471
No, Rose. I'm sorry. None.
365
00:27:55,307 --> 00:27:57,085
Sure.
366
00:27:57,109 --> 00:28:00,222
That's just like the old man.
367
00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:03,424
He used to cage drinks
368
00:28:03,448 --> 00:28:07,150
by pretending to be the
Lord Mayor of Dublin.
369
00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:11,366
Now he's impersonated himself
370
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,034
into the wrong grave.
371
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:15,470
There's more to
it than that, Rose.
372
00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:18,461
I don't know how it happened.
I promise I'm gonna find out.
373
00:28:20,832 --> 00:28:23,644
I don't suppose
there was a wake.
374
00:28:23,668 --> 00:28:24,980
No.
375
00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:26,647
Oh!
376
00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:28,750
Well, that's a
sad thought. He...
377
00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:31,519
He always wanted
a grand wake, a...
378
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:35,623
A four-alarm riot of a wake.
379
00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:38,167
Oh, he'll be sorry
to have missed that.
380
00:28:39,251 --> 00:28:42,397
Rose, I may need your
help in this investigation,
381
00:28:42,421 --> 00:28:43,765
and it may mean
some danger to you.
382
00:28:43,789 --> 00:28:46,356
Oh, I don't mind that.
383
00:28:49,028 --> 00:28:51,761
And what about a headstone?
384
00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:55,176
Is the old man going
to go through eternity
385
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:56,878
with the wrong
name over his head?
386
00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:59,447
We'll arrange for
the kind of headstone
387
00:28:59,471 --> 00:29:02,117
that he would have approved
of after the case is cleared up.
388
00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:04,619
In the meantime, it's
an absolute necessity
389
00:29:04,643 --> 00:29:07,022
that you don't
mention this to a soul.
390
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,991
Fabian Lavendor,
proprietor, at your service.
391
00:29:10,015 --> 00:29:11,481
Oh...
392
00:29:12,985 --> 00:29:15,997
I would like to
arrange a funeral.
393
00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:17,165
Oh, certainly. Certainly.
394
00:29:17,189 --> 00:29:18,900
Is the, uh, need immediate?
395
00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:21,069
Very pressing.
396
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,172
I see. I see. A member
of the family, hmm?
397
00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:28,876
Someone, eh, very close to me.
398
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:30,345
Oh, too bad. Too bad.
399
00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:33,748
Well, please accept
my sincere condolences.
400
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:35,516
If you'd care to be seated, why,
401
00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:38,653
we could discuss the various
arrangements possible.
402
00:29:38,677 --> 00:29:42,190
I would prefer to examine
your facilities as we talk,
403
00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:44,159
if you don't mind.
Oh, fine. Fine.
404
00:29:44,183 --> 00:29:47,195
Well, you're standing in our
chapel here at the moment.
405
00:29:47,219 --> 00:29:50,165
You'll notice the decor is
nondenominational. It's...
406
00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:54,391
Oh, incidentally, what, eh,
denomination is the deceased?
407
00:29:56,928 --> 00:29:59,975
He's not dead... yet.
408
00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:02,543
Oh, I-I thought you said...
409
00:30:02,567 --> 00:30:04,980
Very soon.
410
00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:07,715
Oh, very soon.
411
00:30:07,739 --> 00:30:09,184
Yeah, well, in that case,
412
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:12,220
the, uh, prospective
client, uh...
413
00:30:12,244 --> 00:30:13,821
Uh, is of the masculine gender?
414
00:30:13,845 --> 00:30:17,625
Yes. Does it matter?
415
00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:20,161
Oh, no. No, not at all.
416
00:30:20,185 --> 00:30:23,564
It's just that, uh,
members of the gentler sex,
417
00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:25,066
bless their dear memories,
418
00:30:25,090 --> 00:30:28,003
they just require more
extensive preparation.
419
00:30:28,027 --> 00:30:30,038
Even in final repose, you know,
420
00:30:30,062 --> 00:30:33,141
appearance is a primary concern.
421
00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:39,447
The rest of your
facilities, if you don't mind?
422
00:30:39,471 --> 00:30:41,383
Yes, fine. Fine.
423
00:30:41,407 --> 00:30:42,717
If you just step this way,
424
00:30:42,741 --> 00:30:45,487
why, I'll show you
to our slumber room.
425
00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:46,511
Thank you.
426
00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:59,401
Eh. Mm-hm. Very
nice little workshop.
427
00:30:59,425 --> 00:31:01,169
Well, my staff
hasn't arrived yet.
428
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,404
Otherwise, I could show you
429
00:31:02,428 --> 00:31:04,605
some of the technical
functions that we perform,
430
00:31:04,629 --> 00:31:07,208
or are you interested in
that sort of thing at all?
431
00:31:07,232 --> 00:31:10,512
Oh, profoundly.
432
00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:12,780
Oh. Well, I can assure you
433
00:31:12,804 --> 00:31:14,815
that everything will be
done that can be done
434
00:31:14,839 --> 00:31:17,941
to provide for a glorious
life in the hereafter.
435
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:22,424
I am far more concerned
436
00:31:22,448 --> 00:31:27,028
with a glorious life
in the here and now.
437
00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:29,564
Uh, perhaps we ought
to be just a little bit
438
00:31:29,588 --> 00:31:31,732
more specific about the client.
439
00:31:31,756 --> 00:31:33,996
I mean to say, who is he?
440
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,475
Oh, that's an interesting face.
441
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:43,344
Friend or relative or, uh...?
442
00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:46,836
Take a close look at me.
443
00:31:56,181 --> 00:31:58,582
Well, lookie here.
444
00:31:59,551 --> 00:32:03,498
Very neat. Very effective.
445
00:32:03,522 --> 00:32:05,467
Well, of course, Mr. Link,
446
00:32:05,491 --> 00:32:08,336
I could simply
notify the police.
447
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:13,108
Well, you could, of course,
also lose a lovely, fat fee.
448
00:32:17,836 --> 00:32:19,080
Who sent you?
449
00:32:19,104 --> 00:32:21,449
Oh, no.
450
00:32:21,473 --> 00:32:23,351
No, the contact who
recommended you
451
00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:25,553
swore me to secrecy.
452
00:32:25,577 --> 00:32:26,988
Eh, quite understandably,
453
00:32:27,012 --> 00:32:30,992
he'd prefer that his present
identity remain unknown.
454
00:32:31,016 --> 00:32:33,428
Yeah, well, I can't quite
swallow that, Mr. Link...
455
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:35,163
I'll tell you why.
- -because I keep rather...
456
00:32:35,187 --> 00:32:38,799
Rather extensive files
on all my alterations,
457
00:32:38,823 --> 00:32:40,535
so I'd have to know
who he was, wouldn't I?
458
00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:43,171
Ah. Yeah. So, uh,
459
00:32:43,195 --> 00:32:45,940
I ask you once again,
460
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:48,131
who sent you to me?
461
00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:52,780
Well, I'm sorry, but, uh...
462
00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:53,948
I promised my friend
463
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:56,050
that I wouldn't
mention his name,
464
00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:58,119
but, uh...
465
00:32:58,143 --> 00:33:02,089
I'm quite sure that, uh, you
know him by his nickname.
466
00:33:02,113 --> 00:33:04,747
I never had any
client with a nick...
467
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:09,531
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
468
00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:12,500
You couldn't mean Jim,
could you? Jim the dodger?
469
00:33:12,524 --> 00:33:17,438
Oh, ho-ho, you're a
clever man, Mr. Lavendor.
470
00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:20,508
Jim the dodger.
471
00:33:20,532 --> 00:33:22,510
Well...
472
00:33:22,534 --> 00:33:25,335
He still running
Liverpool to suit himself?
473
00:33:25,970 --> 00:33:27,315
The best.
474
00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:45,032
Señora Pellargo.
475
00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:46,089
You're leaving?
476
00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:50,505
Is there any reason
for me to stay...
477
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,774
here, of all places?
478
00:33:53,798 --> 00:33:56,344
I wish to continue
my husband's work
479
00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:58,246
and to work for
his political party
480
00:33:58,270 --> 00:34:00,682
and try to repair the
damage that has been done
481
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:02,950
to relations between our
two countries by his death.
482
00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:05,820
Now, that's a very
courageous plan, señora,
483
00:34:05,844 --> 00:34:08,389
but have you thought about
the personal danger involved?
484
00:34:08,413 --> 00:34:10,958
Your husband's dedication
to certain objectives
485
00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:12,594
got him killed.
486
00:34:12,618 --> 00:34:16,197
Well, that was the act of
a single misguided fanatic.
487
00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:17,365
That man is dead.
488
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:19,267
What if I were to tell you
489
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:21,211
that Claudio
Antille is not dead?
490
00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:25,406
Oh... Well, that's absurd.
491
00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:27,609
I saw his body with my
own eyes. So did you.
492
00:34:27,633 --> 00:34:30,411
I think we were both
deceived, señora.
493
00:34:30,435 --> 00:34:32,046
I hope to prove in a few days
494
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,515
there was a conspiracy
to fake his death.
495
00:34:34,539 --> 00:34:36,384
Till then, I'd like to
provide a guard for you
496
00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,620
as long as you're here. Oh, no.
497
00:34:38,644 --> 00:34:41,188
Thank you. He would
just be in my way.
498
00:34:41,212 --> 00:34:42,423
But señora...
499
00:34:42,447 --> 00:34:45,749
I would prefer to hear no
more about it, Mr. West.
500
00:34:46,985 --> 00:34:48,485
Good day, señora.
501
00:35:01,132 --> 00:35:05,045
I have a dreadful feeling
your nosy Mr. West
502
00:35:05,069 --> 00:35:07,537
is going to force
me to kill him.
503
00:35:27,526 --> 00:35:29,036
You brought the money?
504
00:35:29,060 --> 00:35:31,238
In small bills, as requested.
505
00:35:31,262 --> 00:35:32,462
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
506
00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:35,332
All right.
507
00:35:36,401 --> 00:35:37,467
This way.
508
00:35:43,308 --> 00:35:44,652
Now...
509
00:35:44,676 --> 00:35:45,920
Ah!
510
00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:48,122
Will you step this
way, please, Mr. Link?
511
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,525
Well, thank you. You know,
I'm really quite impressed.
512
00:35:50,549 --> 00:35:52,493
It's much quicker
service than I expected.
513
00:35:52,517 --> 00:35:55,162
Ha, ha! Well, we aim to satisfy.
514
00:35:55,186 --> 00:35:57,565
Now, would you remove
your outer garments?
515
00:35:57,589 --> 00:36:01,869
Finley, uh, help Mr. Link with
the final processing, please.
516
00:36:01,893 --> 00:36:02,893
Of course.
517
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:05,027
Thank you.
518
00:36:06,631 --> 00:36:08,810
Ah, as regards the seating,
519
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:10,945
should we anticipate
many mourners?
520
00:36:10,969 --> 00:36:13,648
I like to think so, yes.
521
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:16,751
Mostly lovely young ladies,
522
00:36:16,775 --> 00:36:20,154
sobbing incontrollably.
523
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:23,558
Ah, an epitaph. Have
you considered an epitaph?
524
00:36:23,582 --> 00:36:25,426
How about...
525
00:36:25,450 --> 00:36:27,628
"gone to a higher court"?
526
00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:30,698
Mr. Link, you're a
devil. Heh-heh-heh!
527
00:36:33,224 --> 00:36:37,739
Well, I think that, uh,
covers just about everything,
528
00:36:37,763 --> 00:36:39,896
except for the final step.
529
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,778
Thank you.
530
00:36:43,802 --> 00:36:47,047
You know, I had no idea
dying could be so entertaining.
531
00:36:52,477 --> 00:36:54,722
The entertainment
is just about to begin.
532
00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:57,680
Oh, good. Heh-heh-heh! Uh, Golo?
533
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:08,669
Uh, anything the
matter, gentlemen?
534
00:37:08,693 --> 00:37:13,073
Uh, just that final step I
mentioned to you before.
535
00:37:13,097 --> 00:37:15,510
You see, very soon,
you're gonna put aside
536
00:37:15,534 --> 00:37:16,977
this burdensome identity.
537
00:37:17,001 --> 00:37:22,216
In short, you will cease
to be Artemus Gordon,
538
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,520
secret agent for the
United States government.
539
00:37:29,013 --> 00:37:32,026
I just had one of those
nagging suspicions
540
00:37:32,050 --> 00:37:34,984
that something's gone wrong.
541
00:37:49,334 --> 00:37:51,612
Mr. Gordon in trouble?
542
00:37:51,636 --> 00:37:54,014
Poor lad.
543
00:37:54,038 --> 00:37:55,983
Which jail?
544
00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,319
Oh, worse than any jail, Rose.
545
00:37:58,343 --> 00:38:02,323
Mr. Gordon is, uh, in an
undertaking establishment.
546
00:38:02,347 --> 00:38:05,593
Last night, he didn't show up.
547
00:38:05,617 --> 00:38:07,695
Anyway, Rose,
548
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,865
what I need now is
the help I asked you for.
549
00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:12,366
You're on.
550
00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:13,568
What do you want done?
551
00:38:13,592 --> 00:38:15,670
And what rascal do
you want it done to?
552
00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:18,606
Oh, no, Rose. Nothing like that.
553
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:20,070
Can you play a grieving widow?
554
00:38:21,733 --> 00:38:23,344
Faith.
555
00:38:23,368 --> 00:38:24,679
Me,
556
00:38:24,703 --> 00:38:28,382
who hasn't even gotten
around to being a wife yet?
557
00:38:28,406 --> 00:38:30,818
I wanna locate Lavendor's files,
558
00:38:30,842 --> 00:38:32,553
and Rose, I want you to keep him
559
00:38:32,577 --> 00:38:35,322
as busy as possible
in the front office,
560
00:38:35,346 --> 00:38:37,413
while I go around
to the back and...
561
00:38:39,183 --> 00:38:41,428
And Rose? Huh?
562
00:38:41,452 --> 00:38:43,531
I think I just figured
out the back door
563
00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:45,700
to Lavendor's funeral emporium.
564
00:38:45,724 --> 00:38:47,735
Have you now?
565
00:38:47,759 --> 00:38:50,459
There was blood on this poster.
566
00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:52,940
I distinctly remember
567
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:55,899
Artemus rubbing
his fingers across it.
568
00:39:03,408 --> 00:39:05,386
Poor Patrick!
569
00:39:06,645 --> 00:39:09,557
Me own devoted husband,
570
00:39:09,581 --> 00:39:12,994
gone to his untimely
reward. Yes, well, now, dear...
571
00:39:13,018 --> 00:39:16,330
What a good and
gentle lad he was too,
572
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:20,300
except when he'd had a few.
573
00:39:39,744 --> 00:39:41,388
Uh, madam, I think
you should try to...
574
00:39:41,412 --> 00:39:44,592
I do believe I'm going to faint.
575
00:39:44,616 --> 00:39:48,062
No, don't. Everything
is going dark.
576
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:50,130
Finley! Bring some water! Ohhh.
577
00:39:50,154 --> 00:39:51,999
Come over here to
the sofa, madam, and...
578
00:39:52,023 --> 00:39:53,233
Poor...
579
00:39:53,257 --> 00:39:55,058
poor Patrick.
580
00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,094
He's gone.
581
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:00,296
Ohhh!
582
00:40:19,450 --> 00:40:20,917
Throw water on her.
583
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,343
Artie, you in there?
584
00:40:36,367 --> 00:40:39,847
Jim? Glad you could make it.
585
00:40:39,871 --> 00:40:42,449
Ahem. Don't worry,
Artie, I'll get you out.
586
00:40:42,473 --> 00:40:43,618
Don't wait too long.
587
00:40:43,642 --> 00:40:45,219
I'm scheduled for
an early departure.
588
00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:47,054
Gotta find those
files. Any clues?
589
00:40:47,078 --> 00:40:49,256
The chapel. Try there.
590
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,324
Right.
591
00:40:50,348 --> 00:40:52,481
Artie, don't go away.
592
00:40:54,552 --> 00:40:59,166
Oh! Poor Sean.
593
00:40:59,190 --> 00:41:00,567
He's dead.
594
00:41:02,027 --> 00:41:04,739
I thought you said
his name was Patrick.
595
00:41:04,763 --> 00:41:08,643
Oh? Oh! Oh, uh...
596
00:41:08,667 --> 00:41:11,979
Uh, well, Patrick's me
husband, and Sean's me...
597
00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:14,148
Me brother.
598
00:41:14,172 --> 00:41:17,584
They were both in
the same accident.
599
00:41:17,608 --> 00:41:18,853
Oh.
600
00:41:18,877 --> 00:41:22,123
What a terrible double loss.
601
00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:23,658
Terrible.
602
00:41:23,682 --> 00:41:26,326
Terrible! Terrible!
603
00:41:26,350 --> 00:41:28,228
Yes, madam, you...
604
00:41:28,252 --> 00:41:29,429
Get some smelling salts!
605
00:41:29,453 --> 00:41:31,693
Quickly. We've gotta
get her out of here.
606
00:42:02,653 --> 00:42:04,131
What?
607
00:42:04,155 --> 00:42:06,723
Well, search the
entire place. Go on!
608
00:42:27,578 --> 00:42:29,056
Enough.
609
00:42:31,116 --> 00:42:33,127
I'm... I'm all right now.
610
00:42:33,151 --> 00:42:34,795
Good. I'm sorry, madam,
611
00:42:34,819 --> 00:42:36,197
but you'll have
to leave at once.
612
00:42:36,221 --> 00:42:39,934
Ah. But what about me...
Me dear departed ones?
613
00:42:39,958 --> 00:42:41,769
Yes, well, try
some funeral parlor
614
00:42:41,793 --> 00:42:44,371
that specializes in hysterics.
615
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:48,876
See if I ever bring you
any more business, you...
616
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:52,001
You glorified taxidermist!
617
00:43:00,344 --> 00:43:02,304
What's the matter with you?
618
00:43:03,648 --> 00:43:07,116
Eh? What's the matter with you?
619
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,253
Oh...
620
00:43:11,956 --> 00:43:13,634
yeah.
621
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:19,940
You better quit sampling
that formaldehyde.
622
00:43:19,964 --> 00:43:21,664
You hear me?
623
00:43:27,038 --> 00:43:29,405
I've changed my mind.
624
00:43:32,576 --> 00:43:34,721
I thought it all over,
625
00:43:34,745 --> 00:43:36,390
and I want my money back.
626
00:43:36,414 --> 00:43:39,026
Oh, I'm afraid that'll be
impossible, Mr. Gordon.
627
00:43:39,050 --> 00:43:41,262
You see, you're going
to be doubly useful now.
628
00:43:41,286 --> 00:43:43,563
As it happens, we
have an order for a body
629
00:43:43,587 --> 00:43:45,966
exactly your size. Mm-hmm.
630
00:43:45,990 --> 00:43:48,903
You mean I'm subbing for
some crook at his funeral?
631
00:43:48,927 --> 00:43:50,971
Yes. Exactly.
632
00:43:50,995 --> 00:43:53,573
Your last official
act will be to provide
633
00:43:53,597 --> 00:43:55,910
a new life for a
vicious criminal.
634
00:43:55,934 --> 00:43:59,379
I hope you find that
as amusing as I do.
635
00:43:59,403 --> 00:44:01,581
Oh, yes, I can hardly
keep from laughing.
636
00:44:01,605 --> 00:44:05,719
Uh, Finley, bring
Mr. Gordon's coffin now.
637
00:44:10,114 --> 00:44:13,393
Here we are. Mm-hm.
638
00:44:13,417 --> 00:44:16,252
And now, Mr. Gordon...
639
00:44:17,322 --> 00:44:18,602
goodbye.
640
00:44:41,279 --> 00:44:42,456
What took you so long?
641
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:43,991
I was kinda cozy in there.
642
00:44:44,015 --> 00:44:45,993
Must have dozed off. You
weren't worried, were you?
643
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:48,784
Because I was being
strangled? Of course not.
644
00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:52,632
It's going to be quiet
around here now.
645
00:44:52,656 --> 00:44:54,969
We better take a look
at Lavendor's files.
646
00:44:54,993 --> 00:44:56,871
You mean you found them?
647
00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:59,539
Not only did I find them,
648
00:44:59,563 --> 00:45:01,876
I did some browsing on my own,
649
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:03,010
and I found that the old boy
650
00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:05,734
has been blackmailing
his customers too.
651
00:45:25,856 --> 00:45:26,856
Well...
652
00:45:28,126 --> 00:45:30,737
nice of him to keep
these up-to-date.
653
00:45:30,761 --> 00:45:34,275
Yes, very thoughtful.
About the only detail left out
654
00:45:34,299 --> 00:45:37,011
is where Antille is headed.
655
00:45:37,035 --> 00:45:39,668
And I'll be glad to
supply that data.
656
00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:43,117
It occurred to me
that I might find
657
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:46,287
you and your colleague here.
658
00:45:46,311 --> 00:45:48,755
That's not a very
good disguise, Antille.
659
00:45:48,779 --> 00:45:51,392
It has proved adequate so far,
660
00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,759
and anyone who might question it
661
00:45:52,783 --> 00:45:55,223
will very soon be dead.
662
00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:59,875
Into the other room. Quickly.
663
00:46:13,304 --> 00:46:16,216
You two did a remarkable job.
664
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:19,119
Too bad it has to be
spoiled at the last moment.
665
00:46:19,143 --> 00:46:22,856
Now I know how you managed
to stay one jump ahead of us:
666
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,059
the devoted Señora Pellargo.
667
00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:27,194
Devoted to Mr. Antille.
668
00:46:27,218 --> 00:46:29,196
Well, you should
know, gentlemen,
669
00:46:29,220 --> 00:46:32,967
a woman never does
anything for political reasons.
670
00:46:32,991 --> 00:46:35,535
I'm delighted to
see you, Antille.
671
00:46:35,559 --> 00:46:37,537
Now I want you to
shoot these two men.
672
00:46:37,561 --> 00:46:39,840
Get rid of them now.
673
00:46:39,864 --> 00:46:41,241
Precisely why I returned.
674
00:46:41,265 --> 00:46:43,344
You see, gentlemen,
675
00:46:43,368 --> 00:46:46,447
in my job, loose ends
are not only messy,
676
00:46:46,471 --> 00:46:48,349
but also dangerous.
677
00:46:48,373 --> 00:46:50,484
How do you feel about blackmail?
678
00:46:50,508 --> 00:46:52,252
Don't believe him, Antille.
679
00:46:52,276 --> 00:46:54,488
What do you mean, blackmail?
680
00:46:54,512 --> 00:46:57,057
I mean, that quaint
little operation
681
00:46:57,081 --> 00:46:59,426
that, uh, Mr. Lavendor
has been running
682
00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:01,661
at the expense of his clients.
683
00:47:01,685 --> 00:47:04,564
He's the most imaginative
liar I've ever met in my life.
684
00:47:04,588 --> 00:47:05,966
I wouldn't...
685
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,568
Antille, now, don't believe him.
686
00:47:08,592 --> 00:47:10,337
Now... Now, wait a minute, now.
687
00:47:10,361 --> 00:47:12,839
The truth is, I may
have dabbled a little bit.
688
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,242
The files, they were there.
Why not? It didn't matter.
689
00:47:15,266 --> 00:47:16,810
It was something on the side.
690
00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,345
But with yours,
never. Never, Antille.
691
00:47:18,369 --> 00:47:20,347
Now, don't do it. Don't do it.
692
00:47:27,745 --> 00:47:29,556
All right, gentlemen,
693
00:47:29,580 --> 00:47:31,291
throw the records down.
694
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:35,162
Let's have a nice, big
blazing bonfire, shall we?
695
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:37,697
Darling...
696
00:47:37,721 --> 00:47:39,199
strike a match.
697
00:47:39,223 --> 00:47:43,070
No, wait. Wait. Let's
make it a big blaze.
698
00:47:43,094 --> 00:47:45,105
Mr. West...
699
00:47:45,129 --> 00:47:47,696
throw alcohol
over those records.
700
00:48:02,646 --> 00:48:03,646
Oh!
701
00:48:07,085 --> 00:48:08,862
Oh.
702
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:10,697
Just how long did you expect me
703
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:12,966
to wait out there in
the carriage for you?
704
00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:16,303
Rose, please. No violence.
705
00:48:21,966 --> 00:48:24,010
Well, Rose, thanks to you
706
00:48:24,034 --> 00:48:26,513
we'll be rounding up a
lot of infamous criminals.
707
00:48:26,537 --> 00:48:28,382
And there'll be a reward
for helping capture
708
00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:29,916
Antille and the Lavendor gang.
709
00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:32,619
Ah, it'll be reward
enough for me
710
00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:35,222
to get the proper Christian
headstone over me father.
711
00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:37,491
I do feel like celebrating that.
712
00:48:37,515 --> 00:48:39,460
Good. Then tonight,
when you finish work...
713
00:48:39,484 --> 00:48:41,928
Uh, he took the words out
from between my very teeth.
714
00:48:41,952 --> 00:48:45,399
You're a fine pair of lads,
715
00:48:45,423 --> 00:48:47,501
the both of you.
716
00:48:47,525 --> 00:48:50,104
But I've already
got an engagement.
717
00:48:50,128 --> 00:48:52,038
Oh, but, Rose, consider.
718
00:48:52,062 --> 00:48:53,640
We're not mere men
719
00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:56,410
we're men of the
law and justice.
720
00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:58,314
And here comes me boyfriend now.
721
00:49:04,908 --> 00:49:08,310
That's what I call a lawman.
722
00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:14,950
I'll, uh... I'll drink
to that, Rose.
48058
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