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1
00:00:59,943 --> 00:01:01,409
Let's go.
2
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,511
Help!
3
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,001
You like to swim, eh?
4
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,936
I slipped. Don't do it again,
5
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,360
if you know what's good for you.
6
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:19,365
Keep it nice and low,
Monsieur Couteau.
7
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,833
But I don't get it.
8
00:02:20,857 --> 00:02:22,869
He's letting 'em take
him to Devil's Island.
9
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,594
Yeah. So far, so good.
10
00:02:26,997 --> 00:02:29,530
But why would he want
to spend 20 years in hell?
11
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:33,234
Probably just a whim.
12
00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,448
"Emile Croulac."
13
00:04:49,472 --> 00:04:52,518
Emile Croulac. To the road gang.
14
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,242
Now then, look alive.
15
00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,967
"Henri Couteau."
16
00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:10,136
Henri Couteau.
17
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,503
To the...
18
00:05:11,527 --> 00:05:14,040
To the commandant?
19
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,609
What would the commandant
want with vermin like you?
20
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:18,611
To join him for
a cup of mint tea
21
00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,955
or watercress
sandwich, I suppose.
22
00:05:22,338 --> 00:05:24,583
And make my usual
undercover report
23
00:05:24,607 --> 00:05:27,353
about the inefficiency
of prison personnel.
24
00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:31,624
Alors, I myself
25
00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:33,292
will conduct you
to the commandant.
26
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,128
That's more like it.
27
00:05:35,152 --> 00:05:36,717
Look alive.
28
00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:23,776
How do you do, commandant?
29
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,077
It's a nice place you have here.
30
00:06:25,101 --> 00:06:26,634
Take it off.
31
00:06:33,109 --> 00:06:34,209
Get into that.
32
00:06:35,511 --> 00:06:38,057
Thank you. It's, uh...
33
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:40,982
It's a definite improvement.
34
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:08,721
Odd. I thought you'd look
older, Monsieur Couteau.
35
00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:12,391
I'm sorry to disappoint
you. Maybe in time.
36
00:07:12,415 --> 00:07:14,327
Ah, yes.
37
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,850
Time.
38
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,621
We, um... We have a great
quantity of that around here.
39
00:07:24,094 --> 00:07:25,872
Oh, forgive my lapse of manners.
40
00:07:25,896 --> 00:07:27,561
Th... That is Cochon,
41
00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:31,677
my social director.
42
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,946
And I am Gustave Mauvais,
43
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:37,772
commandant of
our little retreat.
44
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:44,790
Our clients usually arrive
at our recreational center
45
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:48,861
for, oh, various reasons.
46
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,764
Murder most foul, for instance.
47
00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:54,600
And of course, there's arson.
48
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,558
Embezzlement, if it's
on a grand enough scale.
49
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:01,974
But yours, monsieur,
50
00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:03,575
your offense, monsieur,
51
00:08:03,599 --> 00:08:06,734
was indeed a
monstrous fall from grace.
52
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:10,939
Oh, it, uh, wasn't
as bad as all that.
53
00:08:12,508 --> 00:08:14,809
You, uh... You think not, huh?
54
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:23,429
"'France's Crown of
Thorns: Devil's Island',
55
00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:26,065
"beginning a sensational exposé
56
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:29,123
by that celebrated
journalist, Henri Couteau."
57
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:34,840
You went so far as to argue
that the colony be abolished,
58
00:08:34,864 --> 00:08:37,509
and to propose a national trial
59
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:40,279
for that arch villain,
Gustave Mauvais.
60
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:43,849
It seemed like a pretty good
idea at the time, Mauvais.
61
00:08:43,873 --> 00:08:46,118
Instead of which you
found yourself on trial
62
00:08:46,142 --> 00:08:48,609
for impugning the
honor of your nation.
63
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:54,048
The verdict was,
um, never in doubt.
64
00:08:55,585 --> 00:08:58,064
Well, I could plead
youthful high spirits.
65
00:08:58,088 --> 00:08:59,498
May I see the rest of that...
66
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,789
Aghh! Egh!
67
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,732
Never reach out
your filthy hand to me.
68
00:09:13,503 --> 00:09:14,503
Understand?
69
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,949
I'm beginning to.
70
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,339
Cochon.
71
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,621
I hope I'm not
interrupting, Gustave.
72
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,525
Oh, nonsense, my dear.
73
00:09:26,082 --> 00:09:28,094
Come in and have a better
look at the young man.
74
00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:30,629
What... What young man?
75
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:33,565
I just stopped by to
ask for your opinion.
76
00:09:33,589 --> 00:09:35,234
My gown for the reception:
77
00:09:35,258 --> 00:09:38,804
Uh, the gold brocade
or the beaded one?
78
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,007
Well, they're both
very lovely, my dear.
79
00:09:41,031 --> 00:09:42,230
Whichever you pref...
80
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:50,516
Fine-featured, hard-muscled,
81
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:53,452
and that engaging tousled hair
82
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:56,055
just made to run your
fingers through, huh?
83
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:57,823
I don't know what
you're talking about.
84
00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:02,061
Oh, forgive me, my dear Camille.
85
00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:05,364
May I present our latest
guest, Monsieur Couteau.
86
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:08,289
My, um... My devoted wife.
87
00:10:10,726 --> 00:10:13,139
I certainly didn't mean to...
88
00:10:13,163 --> 00:10:14,495
To interrupt.
89
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,278
For you, monsieur,
90
00:10:19,302 --> 00:10:23,416
my wife's entrance was
a most fortunate reprieve.
91
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,884
Let me illustrate
how close you were
92
00:10:25,908 --> 00:10:28,142
to a violent death.
93
00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:29,955
Cochon,
94
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:31,879
the bench.
95
00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:44,725
Impressive, is it not, monsieur?
96
00:10:46,463 --> 00:10:48,974
You see, when Cochon
was a young man,
97
00:10:48,998 --> 00:10:50,609
he was unfortunate enough
98
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,800
to lose his right leg
in a train accident.
99
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,481
Don't tell me.
100
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:59,085
When it came time for him
to choose an artificial limb,
101
00:10:59,109 --> 00:11:01,087
he chose one made of iron.
102
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,112
Precisely.
103
00:11:05,648 --> 00:11:07,560
One, um...
104
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,017
One final word, monsieur.
105
00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:15,067
You saw what
happened to the bench.
106
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,537
The time will come
when I shall say,
107
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:20,428
"Cochon,
108
00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:23,797
Monsieur Couteau."
109
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:28,046
And then Cochon's foot of doom
110
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,671
will come whistling your way.
111
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:38,624
But, uh... But
that time is not yet.
112
00:11:38,648 --> 00:11:39,758
No.
113
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:43,362
In the meantime, we
must make sure that, uh...
114
00:11:43,386 --> 00:11:45,764
That you enjoy
our island facilities
115
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,333
to the fullest.
116
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:51,058
The fresh air, pleasant sun,
117
00:11:52,395 --> 00:11:54,473
and all those
joyful little tasks
118
00:11:54,497 --> 00:11:56,397
waiting to be performed.
119
00:11:59,935 --> 00:12:02,748
Until then,
120
00:12:02,772 --> 00:12:03,882
monsieur.
121
00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:25,626
Take it off.
122
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:30,231
Here we go again.
123
00:12:56,492 --> 00:12:58,537
I'm looking for a
prisoner named Reed.
124
00:12:58,561 --> 00:13:00,261
Get out of here, mon.
125
00:13:19,515 --> 00:13:21,482
Hey, you know a
prisoner named Reed?
126
00:14:35,057 --> 00:14:37,035
Thanks, mate.
127
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:38,470
Some of these blokes
128
00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:41,540
got a bloody lot to
learn about manners.
129
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:42,896
So I noticed.
130
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:48,180
If I can ever return the favor,
131
00:14:48,204 --> 00:14:50,070
just give me the nod.
132
00:14:51,006 --> 00:14:52,773
You might be able to.
133
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,477
Ever hear of a
prisoner named Reed?
134
00:14:58,214 --> 00:14:59,947
Don't recall the name.
135
00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:04,330
Formal handles
get lost in this hole.
136
00:15:04,354 --> 00:15:06,264
Here.
137
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:08,088
Hold everything.
138
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,939
I recall now.
139
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:16,107
He got hauled off to the pit.
140
00:15:16,131 --> 00:15:17,743
What's that?
141
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,212
Halfway house
to hell, that's what.
142
00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:24,450
Yeah. Dropped out of
sight about two weeks ago.
143
00:15:24,474 --> 00:15:27,285
Anyone buried in
the pit that long...
144
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:30,556
"Kindly omit
flowers," as they say.
145
00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:33,914
Really, Monsieur Couteau.
146
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,933
I'm afraid you're rather
an unsettling influence
147
00:15:41,957 --> 00:15:43,902
on our other guests.
148
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:46,605
I respectfully submit
that you order this...
149
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,529
This man to step aside.
150
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:51,910
Request denied.
151
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,746
You realize, of course,
152
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,080
that the men pushing that roller
153
00:15:55,104 --> 00:15:56,344
are traveling blind.
154
00:16:03,513 --> 00:16:04,590
Quite.
155
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:06,224
Perhaps that is why,
156
00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:08,594
in spite of all our precautions,
157
00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:11,229
accidents continue to happen.
158
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,142
Now you order the
men to stop that roller
159
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,686
before I soil you for good
with my dirty little hands.
160
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:35,142
Cochon! Stop it!
161
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:41,715
Agh! Agh! Aghh!
162
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,639
Well, Monsieur Couteau,
163
00:16:53,663 --> 00:16:56,831
you had us all
dancing to your tune.
164
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,801
Now let's see about
paying the piper.
165
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:11,189
I think 20 lashes for
our gallant young friend
166
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:12,780
to start with,
167
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:17,663
then a prolonged
stay in the pit.
168
00:17:56,425 --> 00:17:59,137
Have a pleasant stay,
Monsieur Couteau.
169
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,306
Vincent Reed, I believe.
170
00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:17,088
Why, yes.
171
00:18:17,112 --> 00:18:18,478
Who are you?
172
00:18:19,916 --> 00:18:21,582
I've been looking for you.
173
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:47,152
Nature's poultice mud.
174
00:18:47,176 --> 00:18:50,555
Oh, you got some
jim-dandy welts here.
175
00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:54,048
Old Cochon himself must
have taken a hand in it.
176
00:18:55,451 --> 00:18:57,796
Nothing but the best
for me, I always say.
177
00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:00,320
My feelings precisely.
178
00:19:02,524 --> 00:19:04,937
By the way,
179
00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:06,560
you know my name.
180
00:19:07,997 --> 00:19:09,163
What'd you say yours was?
181
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,310
Couteau.
182
00:19:12,334 --> 00:19:14,101
Henri Couteau.
183
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,250
♪ Old master Jip ♪
184
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:21,253
♪ He liked his nip ♪
185
00:19:21,277 --> 00:19:25,357
♪ Of rum and cowslip brandy ♪
186
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:26,814
♪ He'd... ♪
187
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:29,583
How's the rest of that go?
188
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:35,222
♪ He'd polish off his cup ♪
189
00:19:36,292 --> 00:19:38,637
♪ And then he'd sup ♪
190
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:40,072
♪ On beets ♪
191
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:43,430
♪ And licorice candy ♪
192
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,012
That's right, isn't it?
193
00:19:47,036 --> 00:19:50,415
You couldn't be righter.
194
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,872
You're James West?
195
00:19:52,909 --> 00:19:55,720
Oh, good Lord. Heh.
196
00:19:55,744 --> 00:19:59,258
I... I can't tell you. I...
197
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,995
There was no hope for
me. I made myself accept it.
198
00:20:03,019 --> 00:20:05,264
Department wasn't
gonna let you down,
199
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,166
especially after
you kept your cover
200
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:09,601
all through that
rigged trial in France
201
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,770
and Devil's Island.
202
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,239
I wasn't so sure,
203
00:20:14,263 --> 00:20:17,910
as my date with
Matilda the guillotine
204
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:20,467
grew closer and...
205
00:20:22,104 --> 00:20:23,971
Yeah, I'm a lucky fella.
206
00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:30,077
The big day is...
207
00:20:32,781 --> 00:20:35,127
approximately 18 hours from now.
208
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,262
18 hours from now.
209
00:20:37,286 --> 00:20:39,898
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
210
00:20:39,922 --> 00:20:42,067
Waaaagh!
211
00:20:43,392 --> 00:20:44,392
What's that?
212
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:47,906
Le Fou.
213
00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:49,897
He's been here too long.
214
00:20:54,303 --> 00:20:55,747
Well, in his own way,
215
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:58,250
he's managed to
escape his environment.
216
00:20:58,274 --> 00:20:59,718
I almost envy him.
217
00:20:59,742 --> 00:21:01,186
Don't envy him.
218
00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:04,456
You'll be doing the
same thing very shortly.
219
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,325
What do you mean?
220
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:10,762
How? It'll take some
kind of a miracle.
221
00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:14,788
Nowadays, miracles come in
the oddest shapes and sizes.
222
00:21:15,992 --> 00:21:18,470
♪ Old master Jip ♪
223
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:20,772
♪ He liked his nip ♪
224
00:21:20,796 --> 00:21:25,410
♪ Of rum and cowslip brandy ♪
225
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:28,313
♪ He'd polish off a cup ♪
226
00:21:28,337 --> 00:21:31,683
♪ And then he'd sup ♪
227
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,318
♪ On beets ♪
228
00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:36,610
♪ And licorice candy ♪
229
00:21:39,949 --> 00:21:42,094
On your feet.
230
00:21:43,185 --> 00:21:44,885
Stand at attention.
231
00:21:53,996 --> 00:21:55,908
"And so the
bearer of this letter,
232
00:21:55,932 --> 00:21:58,710
"Pierre Gaspard, is hereby
assigned to guard duty
233
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,812
"at the prison on Devil's Island
234
00:22:00,836 --> 00:22:04,071
for a term at the discretion
of the commandant."
235
00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:09,221
Hmm.
236
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,777
Pierre Gaspard.
237
00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:17,729
That salute is just about
what I'd have expected
238
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,764
from one with
your service record.
239
00:22:19,788 --> 00:22:21,255
My record?
240
00:22:22,724 --> 00:22:24,758
Is something wrong with
my record, commandant?
241
00:22:28,797 --> 00:22:30,175
"Fighting in barracks,
242
00:22:30,199 --> 00:22:32,777
"theft from company
funds, drunk on duty,
243
00:22:32,801 --> 00:22:34,646
"malingering,
244
00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:37,115
"insolence to superiors.
245
00:22:37,139 --> 00:22:38,917
"discharged from
the Foreign Legion
246
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:40,807
for the good of the service."
247
00:22:44,513 --> 00:22:47,159
Oh, that is quite
an accomplishment,
248
00:22:47,183 --> 00:22:49,428
to be thrown out of
the Foreign Legion.
249
00:22:49,452 --> 00:22:51,029
Yes, well...
250
00:22:51,053 --> 00:22:54,266
Well, uh, just a
knack, I suppose.
251
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,934
All in all,
252
00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,870
this is one of the worst
service records I've ever seen.
253
00:22:58,894 --> 00:23:02,507
It's a testimony
to your treachery,
254
00:23:02,531 --> 00:23:04,443
cowardice, cruelty
255
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:06,033
and dishonesty.
256
00:23:08,237 --> 00:23:09,814
You should do well here.
257
00:23:09,838 --> 00:23:11,816
Thank you, commandant.
258
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,818
I know I'll like it here,
259
00:23:13,842 --> 00:23:15,520
very much.
260
00:23:15,544 --> 00:23:17,990
Splendid.
261
00:23:18,014 --> 00:23:20,292
Of course, we
can't hope to rival
262
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,227
the metropolitan establishments.
263
00:23:22,251 --> 00:23:25,697
No, no, not at all.
Your place is charming,
264
00:23:25,721 --> 00:23:27,799
absolutely charming.
265
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,067
Thank you, Gaspard.
266
00:23:29,091 --> 00:23:31,970
And we do have
our little diversions
267
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,771
from time to time.
268
00:23:33,795 --> 00:23:36,174
I hope you noticed
Matilda in the square.
269
00:23:36,198 --> 00:23:39,433
Oh, who could overlook
something that beautiful?
270
00:23:40,269 --> 00:23:42,414
Well, when do I start?
271
00:23:42,438 --> 00:23:44,671
Oh, there's the rub.
272
00:23:46,409 --> 00:23:48,786
Yeah. There's still
the nagging question
273
00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:51,523
of your suitability
for guard duty,
274
00:23:51,547 --> 00:23:53,180
but that's easily settled.
275
00:23:55,117 --> 00:23:56,895
You see, um,
276
00:23:56,919 --> 00:24:00,232
I suffer from an
embarrassment of riches.
277
00:24:00,256 --> 00:24:01,233
Yes.
278
00:24:01,257 --> 00:24:02,867
There are, uh,
279
00:24:02,891 --> 00:24:05,337
two other applicants
for the same job.
280
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:06,938
Oh.
281
00:24:06,962 --> 00:24:10,942
Both of them, like yourself,
with sterling characters
282
00:24:10,966 --> 00:24:13,345
and the kind of
impressive records
283
00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:15,409
that our organization
absolutely demands.
284
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,751
However, we have an amusing way
285
00:24:19,775 --> 00:24:21,735
of settling these
little contretemps.
286
00:24:23,912 --> 00:24:25,712
The solution?
287
00:24:27,516 --> 00:24:29,416
The Chamber of Togetherness.
288
00:24:32,154 --> 00:24:36,156
The other two gentlemen
are already inside waiting.
289
00:24:37,626 --> 00:24:41,039
You will enter, the
door will be bolted shut,
290
00:24:41,063 --> 00:24:42,340
and, um,
291
00:24:42,364 --> 00:24:45,544
after an appropriate
period of meditation,
292
00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:47,468
one of you will emerge.
293
00:24:49,505 --> 00:24:51,583
That one gets the job.
294
00:24:51,607 --> 00:24:53,440
Agreed?
295
00:24:54,477 --> 00:24:57,655
It seems eminently fair to me.
296
00:24:57,679 --> 00:24:59,413
Splendid.
297
00:25:29,145 --> 00:25:30,255
Hi, fellas.
298
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:33,057
First we get rid of
that one, agreed?
299
00:25:33,081 --> 00:25:34,159
Agreed.
300
00:25:34,183 --> 00:25:37,395
Oh, now gentlemen, gentlemen.
301
00:25:37,419 --> 00:25:38,930
Look,
302
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,455
why don't we all
just sit down calmly,
303
00:25:44,493 --> 00:25:48,072
discuss our differences
like sane, reasonable people
304
00:25:48,096 --> 00:25:50,908
who are prepared to
face their differences
305
00:25:50,932 --> 00:25:54,034
without resorting to anything
like physical violence?
306
00:26:27,369 --> 00:26:28,935
This poor Gaspard.
307
00:26:31,139 --> 00:26:32,651
Yes.
308
00:26:32,675 --> 00:26:34,786
It's a pity in a way.
309
00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:36,454
On the other hand,
310
00:26:36,478 --> 00:26:40,214
I never really quite trusted
him in spite of his record.
311
00:26:41,883 --> 00:26:45,785
I seem to detect some
lingering shred of decency.
312
00:27:50,486 --> 00:27:53,420
Ah, then you were
saying, commandant?
313
00:27:57,726 --> 00:27:59,326
Welcome home, Gaspard.
314
00:28:01,563 --> 00:28:04,776
♪ Old master Jip
He liked his nip ♪
315
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,835
♪ Of rum or cowslip brandy ♪
316
00:28:10,406 --> 00:28:13,318
♪ He'd polish off a cup ♪
317
00:28:13,342 --> 00:28:16,454
♪ And then he'd sup ♪
318
00:28:16,478 --> 00:28:18,723
♪ On beets ♪
319
00:28:18,747 --> 00:28:22,894
♪ And licorice randy ♪
320
00:28:25,788 --> 00:28:26,831
That was... That was...
321
00:28:26,855 --> 00:28:29,095
Oh. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
322
00:28:35,564 --> 00:28:36,775
Hey.
323
00:28:36,799 --> 00:28:38,476
You down there.
324
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:41,346
On your feet and
snap into a salute.
325
00:28:43,038 --> 00:28:47,686
I have seen filthy
pits in my time,
326
00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:49,887
but this pit...
327
00:28:49,911 --> 00:28:53,525
Pound for pound
and smell for smell,
328
00:28:53,549 --> 00:28:55,827
this is the filthiest
329
00:28:55,851 --> 00:28:58,530
and least fragrant
hole in the lot.
330
00:28:58,554 --> 00:29:00,765
Of all the places I've seen.
331
00:29:03,726 --> 00:29:05,203
Now, listen.
332
00:29:05,227 --> 00:29:06,805
By tomorrow morning,
333
00:29:06,829 --> 00:29:10,542
I expect to see it
not merely spick,
334
00:29:10,566 --> 00:29:12,344
but span.
335
00:29:12,368 --> 00:29:13,368
Idiot.
336
00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:29,160
What's the matter,
337
00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:31,050
don't you like hard-boiled eggs?
338
00:32:23,959 --> 00:32:25,224
Interesting.
339
00:32:26,461 --> 00:32:28,272
What is?
340
00:32:28,296 --> 00:32:32,510
Well, the kind of punishment
the authorities give out here.
341
00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:34,601
A man tries to escape,
342
00:32:36,104 --> 00:32:38,872
and ends up in milady's boudoir.
343
00:32:42,243 --> 00:32:44,822
You've got it all wrong,
Monsieur Couteau.
344
00:32:44,846 --> 00:32:48,192
You're not being punished
for trying to escape.
345
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:50,762
I've been trying to
escape for years.
346
00:32:50,786 --> 00:32:53,798
Ah, I'm beginning
to see daylight.
347
00:32:53,822 --> 00:32:56,067
Then the exciting
episode of the guards
348
00:32:56,091 --> 00:32:59,571
foiling my attempt to
escape was, uh, staged,
349
00:32:59,595 --> 00:33:00,838
shall we say?
350
00:33:00,862 --> 00:33:02,540
Of course.
351
00:33:02,564 --> 00:33:04,642
Your escape merely
saved them the trouble
352
00:33:04,666 --> 00:33:07,645
of releasing you and
bringing you here.
353
00:33:07,669 --> 00:33:09,380
Fantastic.
354
00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:10,448
Not really.
355
00:33:10,472 --> 00:33:12,550
I've never found
it too difficult
356
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:15,419
to win men's loyalty.
357
00:33:15,443 --> 00:33:17,622
Somehow I believe you.
358
00:33:17,646 --> 00:33:20,091
Join forces with me.
359
00:33:20,115 --> 00:33:21,425
We'll escape together.
360
00:33:21,449 --> 00:33:23,561
Nothing personal, madame, but...
361
00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:25,262
Oh, please,
362
00:33:25,286 --> 00:33:26,620
call me Camille.
363
00:33:27,689 --> 00:33:29,067
As I was saying,
364
00:33:29,091 --> 00:33:32,103
when it comes to breaking
out of dungeons, Camille,
365
00:33:32,127 --> 00:33:33,493
I prefer to work alone.
366
00:33:35,363 --> 00:33:37,374
Well, you're strong,
367
00:33:37,398 --> 00:33:40,011
probably brave too,
368
00:33:40,035 --> 00:33:41,946
but you can't escape alone.
369
00:33:41,970 --> 00:33:44,281
Too many have tried and failed.
370
00:33:44,305 --> 00:33:47,852
I can arrange for a boat, maps,
371
00:33:47,876 --> 00:33:49,453
money to buy provisions.
372
00:33:49,477 --> 00:33:53,024
Everything, it would seem,
except your husband's blessing.
373
00:33:53,048 --> 00:33:55,526
But be assured, my dear, your...
374
00:33:55,550 --> 00:33:59,864
Your spirited appeal
moves me deeply.
375
00:33:59,888 --> 00:34:01,766
Uh, let me guess.
376
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:05,870
You resent another man
in your wife's, uh, boudoir.
377
00:34:05,894 --> 00:34:08,139
It would be useless to deny it.
378
00:34:08,163 --> 00:34:11,475
You see, periodically,
I allow my loving wife
379
00:34:11,499 --> 00:34:13,044
the, uh...
380
00:34:13,068 --> 00:34:14,679
The indulgence to think
381
00:34:14,703 --> 00:34:16,423
that she's about to
make her escape.
382
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,251
You're not the
first young stalwart
383
00:34:20,275 --> 00:34:22,586
she's tried to enlist
in her campaign.
384
00:34:22,610 --> 00:34:24,889
Gustave, let me go, please.
385
00:34:24,913 --> 00:34:27,224
You've got a whole island
full of people you can torture.
386
00:34:27,248 --> 00:34:29,360
You don't need me.
387
00:34:41,196 --> 00:34:42,540
Fire ants.
388
00:34:42,564 --> 00:34:43,875
Precisely.
389
00:34:43,899 --> 00:34:47,278
So named because their
bite calls to mind pincers,
390
00:34:47,302 --> 00:34:48,980
heated red-hot in a fire.
391
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:52,005
I'll let you know if your
description's accurate.
392
00:34:53,374 --> 00:34:55,641
Most kind of you.
393
00:34:56,812 --> 00:34:58,122
This is the regular route
394
00:34:58,146 --> 00:35:01,092
the little beasties
take at break of day.
395
00:35:01,116 --> 00:35:04,395
Should anything happen
to be in their path...
396
00:35:04,419 --> 00:35:06,864
Like an object like me.
397
00:35:06,888 --> 00:35:08,465
Precisely.
398
00:35:08,489 --> 00:35:12,369
As in the case of,
uh, Hercule, here,
399
00:35:12,393 --> 00:35:16,373
another of my wife's
would-be rescuers.
400
00:35:16,397 --> 00:35:19,077
Oh, I... I assure you, monsieur,
401
00:35:19,101 --> 00:35:21,846
it will be a most
memorable way to die.
402
00:36:23,431 --> 00:36:24,742
Good evening, sir.
403
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:25,877
Good evening.
404
00:36:25,901 --> 00:36:27,111
May I show you something?
405
00:36:27,135 --> 00:36:30,114
Uh, yes, I was wondering
if you had anything
406
00:36:30,138 --> 00:36:33,417
like a music box or
something similar,
407
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:35,552
suitable as a gift
for a young lady.
408
00:36:35,576 --> 00:36:37,221
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
409
00:36:37,245 --> 00:36:40,658
The only musical mechanisms
we have are in watches.
410
00:36:40,682 --> 00:36:42,093
Oh, well, I'd have
no need for that.
411
00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:45,863
You see, I already
have one of those.
412
00:36:48,957 --> 00:36:51,235
What a fascinating watch. Heh.
413
00:36:51,259 --> 00:36:53,293
May I see it? Of course.
414
00:36:54,529 --> 00:36:55,873
Are you, uh,
415
00:36:55,897 --> 00:36:58,810
interested in watches?
416
00:36:58,834 --> 00:37:00,644
Oh, yes.
417
00:37:00,668 --> 00:37:03,047
I too, am a collector.
418
00:37:03,071 --> 00:37:04,882
Fancy this for a coincidence.
419
00:37:04,906 --> 00:37:07,484
My watch plays
the very same tune.
420
00:37:13,614 --> 00:37:14,892
What about the boat?
421
00:37:14,916 --> 00:37:16,749
All set, Mr. Gordon.
422
00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:31,408
It's waiting in this cove,
423
00:37:31,432 --> 00:37:34,645
stocked with provisions,
maps, instruments,
424
00:37:34,669 --> 00:37:37,315
as per your department's
list of desiderata.
425
00:37:37,339 --> 00:37:38,716
Oh, as a matter of fact,
426
00:37:38,740 --> 00:37:40,451
I think it would be
much too expensive.
427
00:37:40,475 --> 00:37:41,819
You see, uh,
428
00:37:41,843 --> 00:37:44,488
I'd have difficulty
in shipping it as well.
429
00:37:45,646 --> 00:37:47,091
It's your Mr. West.
430
00:37:47,115 --> 00:37:49,760
I think you'd best attend
to him very quickly indeed.
431
00:37:59,294 --> 00:38:01,372
That was playing
it close, Artie.
432
00:38:01,396 --> 00:38:03,640
Those ants were just about
to give me a working over.
433
00:38:03,664 --> 00:38:06,177
Listen, I'm sure it's a
fascinating story, Mr. West,
434
00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:07,912
but there's still the
matter of getting Reed
435
00:38:07,936 --> 00:38:10,147
out of the pokey before
Cochon comes to.
436
00:38:10,171 --> 00:38:11,315
Can you walk?
437
00:38:11,339 --> 00:38:13,150
Not very well.
Let's try running.
438
00:38:13,174 --> 00:38:14,440
Right.
439
00:38:27,755 --> 00:38:30,067
So far so good.
440
00:38:30,091 --> 00:38:32,569
Have a little bit more of a
prisoner shuffle in your walk,
441
00:38:32,593 --> 00:38:34,338
will you, James?
442
00:38:34,362 --> 00:38:36,229
That's better.
443
00:38:48,476 --> 00:38:50,443
Halt.
444
00:38:52,547 --> 00:38:54,427
Keep an eye peeled for trouble.
445
00:39:10,065 --> 00:39:12,065
All right, you down
there, look alive.
446
00:39:23,211 --> 00:39:24,188
What is it?
447
00:39:24,212 --> 00:39:26,657
Commandant wants
to talk with you.
448
00:39:26,681 --> 00:39:28,892
When he's through with you...
449
00:39:28,916 --> 00:39:30,761
Exactly what is it
that I want to say
450
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,186
to Mr. Reed?
451
00:39:51,672 --> 00:39:53,217
Gentlemen, did you
ever get the feeling
452
00:39:53,241 --> 00:39:55,353
things were closing in on you?
453
00:40:19,967 --> 00:40:21,734
Good morning, Mr. West.
454
00:40:24,739 --> 00:40:25,983
Did I get that right?
455
00:40:26,007 --> 00:40:29,620
Yes, sir, James West.
456
00:40:29,644 --> 00:40:33,491
And this one is Artemus Gordon.
457
00:40:33,515 --> 00:40:34,858
As I told you, all
three are members
458
00:40:34,882 --> 00:40:37,161
of the United States
Secret Service.
459
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:38,896
Thank you, Le Fou.
460
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:40,731
Le Fou.
461
00:40:40,755 --> 00:40:42,199
Can that be our Le Fou
462
00:40:42,223 --> 00:40:45,369
that we became so
fond of in our little pit?
463
00:40:45,393 --> 00:40:47,471
So it is,
464
00:40:47,495 --> 00:40:51,431
but, uh, rather than
strain your credulity...
465
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:57,381
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoooo!
466
00:40:57,405 --> 00:40:59,417
Whaaagh!
467
00:40:59,441 --> 00:41:02,053
That's our Le Fou, all right.
468
00:41:02,077 --> 00:41:04,522
Cleaned up very
nicely, didn't he?
469
00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:07,991
Yes, and, uh, now that
we've settled that question,
470
00:41:08,015 --> 00:41:10,161
may I remind you, Mr. West,
471
00:41:10,185 --> 00:41:12,396
of a promise I once made you.
472
00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:14,965
Perhaps you recall.
473
00:41:14,989 --> 00:41:17,501
Something about
Cochon's foot of doom
474
00:41:17,525 --> 00:41:20,137
or some such melodramatic
nonsense, wasn't it?
475
00:41:20,161 --> 00:41:23,429
You have an excellent
memory, Mr. West.
476
00:41:25,500 --> 00:41:27,433
This way, please.
477
00:41:42,517 --> 00:41:44,895
Now, Mr. West,
478
00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:46,797
you have a pair of fleet legs,
479
00:41:46,821 --> 00:41:49,800
and, I suspect, an
equally agile mind.
480
00:41:49,824 --> 00:41:51,902
It will be interesting to see
481
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,572
how long they can
delay the inevitable.
482
00:41:54,596 --> 00:41:57,663
At my command, Cochon.
483
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,691
Now.
484
00:42:33,734 --> 00:42:36,013
Bravo, Mr. West.
485
00:42:36,037 --> 00:42:39,383
I'm beginning to think you
may last a little bit after all.
486
00:42:39,407 --> 00:42:41,774
I'll try not to disappoint you.
487
00:42:58,526 --> 00:43:00,859
Artie, fire when ready.
488
00:43:04,065 --> 00:43:05,331
Fire!
489
00:43:09,904 --> 00:43:11,070
Come on. Over here!
490
00:43:20,315 --> 00:43:22,715
Mr. West. This way, quickly.
491
00:43:46,874 --> 00:43:48,641
Come on, you first.
492
00:44:00,154 --> 00:44:01,265
Hey, wait. I'm going too.
493
00:44:01,289 --> 00:44:02,988
Like that?
494
00:44:04,592 --> 00:44:06,792
Oh, that's better. Much better.
495
00:44:45,366 --> 00:44:47,911
You, um... You haven't
told me, Cochon.
496
00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,112
Did you have much trouble
497
00:44:49,136 --> 00:44:51,937
persuading our friend
Mrs. Grimes to talk?
498
00:44:53,841 --> 00:44:54,918
Hmm?
499
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:02,515
Ah, isn't that sweet?
500
00:45:04,852 --> 00:45:06,385
I wish I'd been there.
501
00:45:07,722 --> 00:45:09,833
However, Mr. West and his party
502
00:45:09,857 --> 00:45:11,735
should be here soon.
503
00:45:13,093 --> 00:45:15,071
Ah,
504
00:45:15,095 --> 00:45:17,140
just as I thought.
505
00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:00,684
No, no.
506
00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:02,786
No, Cochon.
507
00:46:02,810 --> 00:46:04,844
This is my treat.
508
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,538
Aagh, aagh! Cochon, quick!
509
00:46:21,562 --> 00:46:23,440
Quick, Cochon.
510
00:46:24,899 --> 00:46:26,943
Cochon, help!
511
00:46:26,967 --> 00:46:28,779
Help, help!
512
00:46:28,803 --> 00:46:30,669
Help! Cochon!
513
00:47:37,738 --> 00:47:40,016
James, my boy,
514
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,886
you'll never guess who
we have approaching
515
00:47:42,910 --> 00:47:45,221
from outside at
this very minute.
516
00:47:45,245 --> 00:47:47,023
Give me a clue, Artie:
517
00:47:47,047 --> 00:47:49,192
Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
518
00:47:49,216 --> 00:47:52,228
Well, think of
silks, satins, laces,
519
00:47:52,252 --> 00:47:55,599
uh, tassels, blond hair.
520
00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:57,200
Oh, that could be almost anyone.
521
00:47:57,224 --> 00:47:59,002
How about a feather boa?
522
00:47:59,026 --> 00:48:00,103
Camille.
523
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,461
Right. Wait here.
524
00:48:08,503 --> 00:48:10,046
Enter. Oh.
525
00:48:11,906 --> 00:48:13,372
Jim.
526
00:48:14,509 --> 00:48:15,986
Oh. Mwah.
527
00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:19,623
I want you and Artemus to
be the first to congratulate me.
528
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:21,291
Oh, don't tell me
you're getting married.
529
00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:22,926
No. Engaged.
530
00:48:22,950 --> 00:48:24,127
Oh, that's wonderful.
531
00:48:24,151 --> 00:48:25,696
When do we get to
meet the lucky fellow?
532
00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:26,785
Oh.
533
00:48:35,195 --> 00:48:37,173
Hubert?
534
00:48:37,197 --> 00:48:39,109
Oh.
535
00:48:43,604 --> 00:48:45,549
Jim, Artemus,
536
00:48:45,573 --> 00:48:47,117
I want you to meet the one man
537
00:48:47,141 --> 00:48:49,119
that I've always waited for,
538
00:48:49,143 --> 00:48:51,254
Hubert Crandy.
539
00:48:51,278 --> 00:48:53,991
I'm... I'm glad to
meet you, gentlemen.
540
00:48:54,015 --> 00:48:56,860
Delighted.
541
00:48:56,884 --> 00:48:59,184
Absolutely delighted.
542
00:49:01,221 --> 00:49:02,465
Delighted.
543
00:49:02,489 --> 00:49:05,569
At least this one doesn't
mind shaking hands.
34164
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