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1
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:11,203
Oh, smell that, huh?
2
00:00:11,227 --> 00:00:12,204
What?
3
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:13,306
That air.
4
00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:14,574
It's as invigorating as a bottle
5
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:17,477
of the finest chilled bubbly.
6
00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:19,646
And this... Ah.
7
00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:20,947
You know we are, Jim?
8
00:00:20,971 --> 00:00:22,949
Uh...
9
00:00:22,973 --> 00:00:27,353
"Justice, Nevada,
population 132."
10
00:00:27,377 --> 00:00:30,289
Wrong. We are in the
heartland of America.
11
00:00:30,313 --> 00:00:35,416
Serene, unhurried, far
from the madding throng.
12
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,108
All right,
13
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,078
you jaspers get off your horses,
14
00:00:52,102 --> 00:00:54,503
real nice and easy-like.
15
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,768
Uh, sheriff,
16
00:01:15,792 --> 00:01:17,937
I know this doesn't
sound very original,
17
00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:19,806
but don't you have us
confused with two others?
18
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:20,910
Sam.
19
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,812
Them are the two
road agents, all right.
20
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,147
Bloodthirsty murdering varmints.
21
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,816
No, no, no, wait a minute.
22
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,217
We all know how you feel,
23
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:33,553
but we're gonna handle this
24
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:35,722
strictly according to the book.
25
00:01:36,813 --> 00:01:39,291
All right, you two, this way.
26
00:01:39,315 --> 00:01:41,675
Bring 'em along, boys.
27
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:47,166
What were you saying
about this town, Artie?
28
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,435
Quiet, unhurried.
29
00:01:49,459 --> 00:01:51,303
I sure was wrong, wasn't I?
30
00:01:51,327 --> 00:01:54,807
What do you suppose
they've got in mind?
31
00:01:54,831 --> 00:01:56,130
I don't know.
32
00:01:58,334 --> 00:01:59,546
I've got a wild idea.
33
00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:03,016
Sam.
34
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,618
This is an old-fashioned
necktie party.
35
00:03:14,044 --> 00:03:17,090
And whereas you two sidewinders
36
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,557
went and committed armed robbery
37
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:21,094
of the Elkhart
camelback stagecoach,
38
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,495
and whereas,
39
00:03:22,519 --> 00:03:24,563
in the commission
of said robbery,
40
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:26,699
you two committed mayhem,
41
00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:28,701
pistol whippin' and murder.
42
00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,469
Therefore,
43
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:33,013
I sentence you both
to hang by the neck.
44
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:43,516
Don't do it, sheriff.
45
00:03:51,114 --> 00:03:54,160
You know, I've seen
some bad sports in my time,
46
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:55,327
but you two...
47
00:03:55,351 --> 00:03:58,164
You two are the all-fired,
48
00:03:58,188 --> 00:04:00,321
low-downest absolute limit.
49
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,404
You know, I think I must
have come in late, Jim.
50
00:04:05,428 --> 00:04:08,374
Weren't these gentlemen
doing their best to hang us
51
00:04:08,398 --> 00:04:10,143
just a couple of minutes ago?
52
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,011
That was the impression I got.
53
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:13,334
Hang you?
54
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:16,998
Is that what you thought
we were aiming to do?
55
00:04:19,442 --> 00:04:20,442
Sam, go.
56
00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,054
You mean to tell me
57
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:57,857
that all of this
Danny Deever bit
58
00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,291
back here was just...
59
00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:01,127
Play acting. Just play acting.
60
00:05:01,151 --> 00:05:02,762
And all in the spirit of fun,
61
00:05:02,786 --> 00:05:05,620
as anyone in his right
mind ought to have seen.
62
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:07,189
Sam.
63
00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:20,679
"Whereas this thriving
community of justice..."
64
00:05:20,703 --> 00:05:22,248
All right.
65
00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:24,751
All right, now, let's don't
run it, plumb into the ground.
66
00:05:27,778 --> 00:05:29,956
"Whereas the thriving
community of Justice
67
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,458
"is now equipped to cope
with any crime problem
68
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:33,692
"by said community,
69
00:05:33,716 --> 00:05:35,161
"having gone and hired itself
70
00:05:35,185 --> 00:05:37,630
"a first-class
sheriff..." to wit, me.
71
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:38,998
"And whereas
72
00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:41,333
"it's been a long time
since there's been any call
73
00:05:41,357 --> 00:05:42,835
"for a town celebration.
74
00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:46,405
"Therefore, this week is
hereby officially proclaimed
75
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,608
"as Law and Order
Week in Justice, Nevada."
76
00:05:49,632 --> 00:05:51,677
And since you two varmints...
77
00:05:53,203 --> 00:05:55,081
I-I mean, you two gents
78
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,682
were the first to come by
79
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:59,307
since the town justice
passed the rulin'...
80
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,661
The key to the city.
81
00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:10,618
Mm-hm.
82
00:06:11,487 --> 00:06:12,498
Uh...
83
00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:16,568
Ladies and gentlemen, we...
84
00:06:16,592 --> 00:06:18,271
we're sorry.
85
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,139
We really wanna
thank you very much
86
00:06:20,163 --> 00:06:22,041
for this, uh, signal honor.
87
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:26,100
My friend and I
are really deeply
88
00:06:26,736 --> 00:06:29,215
touched by...
89
00:06:33,609 --> 00:06:35,822
Artie, I think, uh,
90
00:06:35,846 --> 00:06:38,479
I think we hurt their feelings.
91
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,745
You know,
92
00:06:59,769 --> 00:07:03,782
it's the free sarsaparilla
that always gets me.
93
00:07:03,806 --> 00:07:05,718
Look, we're on vacation anyway.
94
00:07:05,742 --> 00:07:07,586
What do you say we
just spend a day or two
95
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:09,588
right here at Justice?
96
00:07:09,612 --> 00:07:12,291
Bingo, dancing in the streets.
97
00:07:12,315 --> 00:07:13,882
How can we go wrong?
98
00:07:25,295 --> 00:07:27,273
Dispénseme, señor.
99
00:07:27,297 --> 00:07:30,142
Oh, you will please
excuse me, señores.
100
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,810
Of course.
101
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,784
What's the matter?
102
00:07:38,808 --> 00:07:40,286
Uh, nothing.
103
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:42,955
You know, I-I have
a sneaky feeling
104
00:07:42,979 --> 00:07:46,092
I've seen that gentleman
someplace before.
105
00:07:46,116 --> 00:07:47,927
The question is where.
106
00:07:47,951 --> 00:07:48,995
Yeah, me, too.
107
00:07:49,019 --> 00:07:50,863
That's why I stayed turned away.
108
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,355
Not a very comfortable
feeling, either.
109
00:08:02,265 --> 00:08:04,210
Artie, I'm famished.
110
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,167
What do you say we...?
111
00:08:08,604 --> 00:08:09,604
Artie.
112
00:08:10,974 --> 00:08:11,951
Artie.
113
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:13,352
Hmm?
114
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:14,376
What?
115
00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:16,322
Listen to me.
116
00:08:16,346 --> 00:08:18,046
Don't move.
117
00:08:20,616 --> 00:08:21,682
Okay.
118
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:25,464
I'm awake and I'm not moving.
119
00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:27,233
Now what?
120
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,101
And if your head should itch...
121
00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:31,070
It doesn't itch.
122
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,161
Good, then don't scratch.
123
00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:38,333
Now it itches.
124
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,480
There's something
on the pillow, Artie,
125
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:42,581
next to your head.
126
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,417
What is it?
127
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:48,087
Well, let's say it's
smaller than a breadbox
128
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,956
and larger than a tsetse fly.
129
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:53,826
Would it be likely to be used
equally by both men and women?
130
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,627
Forget it, Artie.
131
00:08:55,651 --> 00:08:58,897
I-I'm gonna count to three,
132
00:08:58,921 --> 00:09:02,223
and then I want you
to roll off that bed.
133
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,693
One.
134
00:09:06,596 --> 00:09:08,441
Two.
135
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,465
Three.
136
00:09:20,276 --> 00:09:23,089
I must say that's a
rather interesting way
137
00:09:23,113 --> 00:09:24,490
to wake up from a nap.
138
00:09:24,514 --> 00:09:26,892
Now that it's all
over, what was that?
139
00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:29,356
Now, that was a tarantula.
140
00:09:33,623 --> 00:09:37,725
A ta... A ta... A tarantula.
141
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,040
I think, uh, your furry friend
142
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,241
has solved the question
143
00:09:42,265 --> 00:09:44,043
of who the gentleman
was that we bumped into.
144
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,311
You mean, eh...?
145
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,312
Mm-hmm.
146
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,846
Gallito.
147
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,681
Latin America's contribution
148
00:09:49,705 --> 00:09:51,283
to the world of sudden death.
149
00:09:51,307 --> 00:09:53,986
The number-one killer
wherever Spanish is spoken.
150
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,621
He is wanted in just about
151
00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:57,856
every Latin American
country in the world.
152
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,526
His trademark is the tarantula.
153
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:04,196
You all finished, Jim?
154
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,798
I think I can match
you in spades.
155
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:08,434
I'm listening.
156
00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:11,337
How about Cyrill the Firebug,
157
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,906
king of the oiled-soaked rag
and the well-placed candle.
158
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,608
Also wanted by the
police of several continents
159
00:10:16,632 --> 00:10:20,535
for a few hundred fires
of mysterious origin.
160
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:22,848
What a coincidence.
161
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:26,052
A top professional killer
and Mr. Fire himself,
162
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:28,254
both in Justice, Nevada.
163
00:10:28,278 --> 00:10:32,258
And both of 'em wearing
mourning bands on their sleeves.
164
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:35,127
Hey, Jim, do my eyes
deceive me, or is that, uh,
165
00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:37,263
Snakes Tolliver
in the procession?
166
00:10:37,287 --> 00:10:39,598
That's Snakes, all right.
167
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:44,803
The guy playing caboose
is, uh, mm-hm, little Pinto.
168
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:48,674
Sergei from Minsk in Russia?
169
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:52,978
Brutus the Bonebreaker,
scourge of the Caribbean?
170
00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,947
About the only criminals
171
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,183
I don't see in that procession
that are well-known,
172
00:10:57,207 --> 00:10:59,818
are Ascot Sam from
New York, Irish Mantell
173
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:02,510
and the Seattle Fire Kid.
174
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:05,524
Listen, uh,
175
00:11:05,548 --> 00:11:07,826
I know we're supposed
to be on vacation,
176
00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:08,894
but do you think it might be
177
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,064
in the interest of
national security
178
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,699
if we were to find out
who might have died
179
00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:16,569
to bring such a
jolly crew together?
180
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,405
Definitely, Artie.
181
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,441
I'm gonna fire off a
telegram to Washington
182
00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:25,010
and try and find out
what this is all about.
183
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,245
Hey, you do that.
184
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,136
I'll stay here and
keep my eyes peeled.
185
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:43,618
Oh, howdy, mister.
186
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,232
What can I do for you?
187
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:49,435
Uh, I must say you run
188
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,537
a great little
one-man town here.
189
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:54,041
Uh, I take that
very kindly of you...
190
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:06,285
Unforgivably careless
of me, gentlemen.
191
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,487
I dropped my gun.
192
00:12:08,511 --> 00:12:10,744
I do hope no one was injured.
193
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,360
Butterfingers.
Now see here, Mr...
194
00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:17,630
Jones, Robert Jones
of Kenosha, Wisconsin.
195
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,199
Well, see what you done
when you dropped that gun?
196
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:23,469
Now, I'm gonna bill you
for the cost of replacing it.
197
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,572
Oh, but my dear sheriff, I
would insist on that myself.
198
00:12:26,596 --> 00:12:28,674
Now if you'd be good
enough to tell me the amount...
199
00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:31,143
I'm impounding this gun too,
200
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,511
until after the celebration
201
00:12:32,535 --> 00:12:33,512
and yours too.
202
00:12:33,536 --> 00:12:34,946
You two just don't realize
203
00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:37,216
how dangerous
these weapons can be.
204
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,252
Oh, yeah, and
that trick derringer
205
00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:41,353
you got up your sleeve there
206
00:12:41,377 --> 00:12:43,522
while we're at it.
207
00:12:49,151 --> 00:12:50,462
Sheriff, can you tell me
208
00:12:50,486 --> 00:12:52,398
where I can find the
nearest telegraph?
209
00:12:52,422 --> 00:12:53,732
Grandford Junction.
210
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:57,536
That's 40 miles right
square dab due west of here,
211
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,080
but I wouldn't depend on any...
212
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,597
Out of my way, butterfingers.
213
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,379
Uh...
214
00:13:09,405 --> 00:13:11,350
Our horses, I believe.
215
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,219
Ain't no argument
about that, mister.
216
00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:14,453
As deputy sheriff,
217
00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:16,154
I'm just impounding
'em, that's all.
218
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:17,256
You people sure go in
219
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,240
for a lot of impounding
around here.
220
00:13:20,182 --> 00:13:22,127
No livestock
allowed on the street
221
00:13:22,151 --> 00:13:23,795
during our big celebration.
222
00:13:23,819 --> 00:13:25,397
That's a special ordinance
223
00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:28,234
passed by the town
counsel and the mayor.
224
00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:29,468
I see. Well, that's just fine.
225
00:13:29,492 --> 00:13:30,736
Because when I
talk to the mayor,
226
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,071
I'll see that this
ordinance is...
227
00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:36,041
No. No, don't tell me.
228
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,345
Yep, I'm the mayor
of Justice too.
229
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:41,980
Receipt for two
horses, gentlemen.
230
00:13:42,004 --> 00:13:43,048
Tsk.
231
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:46,818
Oh, another receipt
for another gun.
232
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:10,629
It is a sad business, señor.
233
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:12,464
Death is always sad,
234
00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:16,935
but when it comes
to an old friend...
235
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:20,138
Might I have a last glimpse
of the dear departed?
236
00:16:20,162 --> 00:16:22,897
Oh, alas, the coffin is sealed.
237
00:16:32,374 --> 00:16:33,919
We meet again.
238
00:16:33,943 --> 00:16:36,187
Small world, isn't it?
239
00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:38,256
Practically microscopic.
240
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,459
What is it, Brutus?
241
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:43,617
Our friend here likes to send
telegrams to Washington.
242
00:16:44,954 --> 00:16:47,822
I can't help wondering why.
243
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:52,003
Let's find out.
244
00:16:52,027 --> 00:16:53,594
Why?
245
00:16:55,197 --> 00:16:57,976
Oh, I know you'll
find out eventually.
246
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,511
You see, I'm, um,
247
00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:01,747
I'm a secret service agent,
248
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,615
and I was wiring my home office
249
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:05,606
for reinforcements.
250
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:11,846
You have a remarkably
unfunny sense of humor, sir.
251
00:17:17,753 --> 00:17:23,134
Pal, this your wreath?
252
00:17:23,158 --> 00:17:24,658
Yes.
253
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,306
Paper flowers.
254
00:17:28,330 --> 00:17:31,577
Well, it was just a
superficial relationship.
255
00:17:31,601 --> 00:17:33,078
In spite of which, you yearn
256
00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:36,381
for a final glimpse
of the deceased.
257
00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:37,850
Does seem odd, doesn't it?
258
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,620
I think we should
indulge our friend,
259
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,522
don't you?
260
00:18:09,705 --> 00:18:13,251
We're scheduled to have a
board meeting very shortly.
261
00:18:13,275 --> 00:18:16,655
I think our chairman would
like to decide personally
262
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,390
what to do about you.
263
00:18:18,414 --> 00:18:19,825
You know what I think?
264
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,549
I think I...
265
00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:25,931
set him on fire,
266
00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:28,388
just to start him talking.
267
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:31,870
Ahh...
268
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,732
Just hold it right there.
269
00:19:01,757 --> 00:19:03,635
Do listen to him, sir.
270
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:06,939
I can promise you
you're going to die,
271
00:19:06,963 --> 00:19:08,974
but if you listen,
272
00:19:08,998 --> 00:19:11,476
not immediately.
273
00:20:46,261 --> 00:20:48,073
You've been fighting again.
274
00:20:48,097 --> 00:20:49,897
We had visitor.
275
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:54,079
You seem to have
caused considerable havoc.
276
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:57,671
I guess I'm just an
active growing boy.
277
00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:00,185
Your name?
278
00:21:00,209 --> 00:21:02,320
James West.
279
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:03,488
And yours?
280
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,391
I'll ask all the
questions, Mr. West.
281
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,226
Oh, come now.
282
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,062
Turnabout's only fair play.
283
00:21:10,086 --> 00:21:12,864
Laughing boy there
says I'm going to die.
284
00:21:12,888 --> 00:21:14,766
I can assure you of that.
285
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:16,401
First, let me introduce you
286
00:21:16,425 --> 00:21:19,071
to the gentlemen who
will take care of this matter.
287
00:21:19,095 --> 00:21:20,095
Gallito, you know.
288
00:21:21,396 --> 00:21:23,709
On my right, Brutus.
289
00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:26,845
He dearly loves to smash things.
290
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,780
And Cyrill,
291
00:21:28,804 --> 00:21:31,482
who loves to play with matches.
292
00:21:31,506 --> 00:21:34,285
Snakes Tolliver, an
explosives expert,
293
00:21:34,309 --> 00:21:37,388
and Pinto, a very
quiet gentleman,
294
00:21:37,412 --> 00:21:41,093
who has gone into considerable
research in the area of pain.
295
00:21:41,117 --> 00:21:43,394
Inflicting it, of course.
296
00:21:43,418 --> 00:21:46,631
And, finally, Sergei from
the steppes of Russia.
297
00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:48,666
He dearly loves to eat.
298
00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:51,502
Someday he'll swallow
the whole world.
299
00:21:51,526 --> 00:21:53,939
Hope it won't give
him indigestion.
300
00:21:53,963 --> 00:21:56,942
I'm delighted to
meet you, gentlemen.
301
00:21:56,966 --> 00:21:58,643
What an innocent location
302
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:01,179
for a summit conference
of world crime.
303
00:22:01,203 --> 00:22:03,481
Justice, Nevada.
304
00:22:03,505 --> 00:22:07,385
Especially during
Law and Order Week.
305
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,369
The idea tickled
my sense of humor.
306
00:22:10,612 --> 00:22:12,791
There's still one
more introduction.
307
00:22:12,815 --> 00:22:16,161
I am Lucrece Posey,
chairman of the board,
308
00:22:16,185 --> 00:22:18,396
and the first item of business
309
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,698
will be to call this meeting...
310
00:22:20,722 --> 00:22:23,534
I'm touched.
311
00:22:23,558 --> 00:22:24,838
Is this for me?
312
00:22:26,796 --> 00:22:28,807
Chairman of the board
should have a gavel.
313
00:22:28,831 --> 00:22:30,742
Everyone knows that.
314
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:32,144
Use it in good health.
315
00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:34,212
Thank you, Snakes.
316
00:22:34,236 --> 00:22:37,171
I hereby call this meeting...
317
00:22:40,676 --> 00:22:43,188
You call the meeting
to order, Snakes.
318
00:22:44,546 --> 00:22:47,993
Why me? I... I'm
not the chairman.
319
00:22:48,017 --> 00:22:50,762
Brutus dear,
320
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:54,565
put that wonderful
glove of yours to work.
321
00:23:09,171 --> 00:23:11,917
You don't think I had anything
to do with that, now, do you?
322
00:23:11,941 --> 00:23:15,086
Relax, Snakes. Stop
cringing. Ow. Ah.
323
00:23:15,110 --> 00:23:17,222
Poor boy.
324
00:23:20,349 --> 00:23:21,789
Let us be seated, gentlemen.
325
00:23:25,855 --> 00:23:27,988
Remove the body, will you?
326
00:23:30,893 --> 00:23:33,305
Miss Lucrece Posey.
327
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:37,042
Any relation to that
other lovely lady, Lucrezia,
328
00:23:37,066 --> 00:23:39,666
that used a poison
ring to such great effect?
329
00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:44,582
I hereby call this
meeting to order,
330
00:23:44,606 --> 00:23:47,752
and the first order of business
is to have you removed
331
00:23:47,776 --> 00:23:50,188
from the docket, Mr. West.
332
00:24:18,107 --> 00:24:20,241
Ta-da.
333
00:24:20,910 --> 00:24:22,554
Ascot Sam.
334
00:24:22,578 --> 00:24:24,556
In the flesh.
335
00:24:24,580 --> 00:24:27,459
It is you, isn't it?
336
00:24:27,483 --> 00:24:30,662
Well, it certainly ain't
your kid brother Edith.
337
00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:33,365
Ascot Sam.
338
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:34,632
Yes, dear lady?
339
00:24:34,656 --> 00:24:36,835
Brutus will perform
the introductions later.
340
00:24:36,859 --> 00:24:38,770
Meanwhile, we have a
little unfinished business
341
00:24:38,794 --> 00:24:39,838
to take care of.
342
00:24:39,862 --> 00:24:42,022
Of course, dear lady.
343
00:24:45,601 --> 00:24:47,980
Uh, hold it!
344
00:24:48,004 --> 00:24:48,981
Why?
345
00:24:49,005 --> 00:24:50,771
Why?
346
00:24:51,473 --> 00:24:52,873
Why?
347
00:24:54,143 --> 00:24:55,487
Why?
348
00:24:55,511 --> 00:24:58,745
Because that's James
West, that's why.
349
00:25:00,349 --> 00:25:04,729
That we know. So?
350
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,198
So that's the guy in charge
351
00:25:06,222 --> 00:25:07,699
of the government's
travel agency,
352
00:25:07,723 --> 00:25:08,767
that's all.
353
00:25:10,026 --> 00:25:11,904
I still owe you a
little vote of thanks
354
00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,339
for that free trip that
you arranged for me
355
00:25:14,363 --> 00:25:16,141
up to Leavenworth,
you no good...
356
00:25:16,165 --> 00:25:17,165
No.
357
00:25:25,874 --> 00:25:29,654
So you're the Mr. West,
358
00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:31,323
from the secret service, hmm?
359
00:25:31,347 --> 00:25:32,824
I tried to tell your boys that,
360
00:25:32,848 --> 00:25:34,192
but no one would listen.
361
00:25:34,216 --> 00:25:38,330
Mr. West, I have one
question to put to you,
362
00:25:38,354 --> 00:25:40,432
but meanwhile, I'll fill you in
363
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:42,968
with a little
background material.
364
00:25:42,992 --> 00:25:47,172
We're living in an
era of consolidation,
365
00:25:47,196 --> 00:25:49,541
amalgamation, centralization.
366
00:25:49,565 --> 00:25:52,411
Businesses large
and small are merging,
367
00:25:52,435 --> 00:25:54,179
avoiding wasteful duplication.
368
00:25:54,203 --> 00:25:56,548
Dreary little nations
are awakening
369
00:25:56,572 --> 00:25:59,184
to the advantages of
combining their resources
370
00:25:59,208 --> 00:26:02,554
into one powerful super nation.
371
00:26:02,578 --> 00:26:04,689
But there's one
element of society
372
00:26:04,713 --> 00:26:05,890
that has lagged behind
373
00:26:05,914 --> 00:26:09,361
in this plunge
towards consolidation.
374
00:26:09,385 --> 00:26:10,862
Mr. West?
375
00:26:10,886 --> 00:26:12,564
Crime.
376
00:26:12,588 --> 00:26:14,921
Exactly.
377
00:26:24,967 --> 00:26:28,347
Every one of these dots
represents a criminal apparatus,
378
00:26:28,371 --> 00:26:31,583
and there are thousands
of them, each one separate
379
00:26:31,607 --> 00:26:32,884
from every other one,
380
00:26:32,908 --> 00:26:35,153
making it easy prey for
the well-organized forces
381
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:38,612
of law and order
that surround them.
382
00:26:43,052 --> 00:26:44,997
And this is the way it could be,
383
00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:46,598
must be and will be.
384
00:26:46,622 --> 00:26:49,368
Six regional organizations.
385
00:26:49,392 --> 00:26:51,769
Each one directing,
386
00:26:51,793 --> 00:26:54,506
taking care of crime
in each of its areas,
387
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:56,208
each one combining to form
388
00:26:56,232 --> 00:27:00,445
a super crime cartel
of the entire world.
389
00:27:00,469 --> 00:27:04,849
And these are the
six regional leaders.
390
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:07,185
I organized the plan,
391
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:10,855
arranged to meet with
them here, discussed details,
392
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:13,425
and to see that our
meeting was kept secret.
393
00:27:13,449 --> 00:27:17,629
Now my question is,
who tipped you off?
394
00:27:17,653 --> 00:27:21,066
Do you mind repeating
that last question?
395
00:27:21,090 --> 00:27:23,368
I said who tip...
396
00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:24,736
Why should I repeat it?
397
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,871
Because when you say tipped,
398
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:28,740
your nose crinkles adorably.
399
00:27:28,764 --> 00:27:30,208
Did you know that?
400
00:27:30,232 --> 00:27:31,476
Mr. West.
401
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:33,211
And another point
I'd like to make,
402
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,880
if you'd quit hiding
behind that tomboy outfit...
403
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:38,383
I mean really, you could
be quite spectacular.
404
00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:41,686
Why don't you get yourself
into something silky and soft
405
00:27:41,710 --> 00:27:44,056
and, uh... And revealing?
406
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:48,382
I will give you one
more chance, Mr. West,
407
00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:52,497
to get back to my question.
408
00:27:52,521 --> 00:27:53,565
All right.
409
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:56,668
You get the answer
to your question,
410
00:27:56,692 --> 00:27:58,002
and I get what?
411
00:27:58,026 --> 00:28:02,062
One of Gallito's
less lingering deaths.
412
00:28:05,367 --> 00:28:08,513
If that's the best you can do,
413
00:28:08,537 --> 00:28:11,183
I'll take it.
414
00:28:11,207 --> 00:28:15,487
The name of the fink,
who tipped me off...
415
00:29:30,619 --> 00:29:33,119
The fink is...
416
00:29:39,395 --> 00:29:44,042
Sergei, Pinto,
Mr. West is exhausted.
417
00:29:44,066 --> 00:29:46,700
See that he's
cooled off properly.
418
00:29:48,571 --> 00:29:50,948
I will help them... Ah, ah.
419
00:29:50,972 --> 00:29:54,208
I'll inform you as to
what you've missed.
420
00:31:04,413 --> 00:31:07,292
You know, Sergei,
looking over this setup,
421
00:31:07,316 --> 00:31:11,463
gives me the idea of how
to cool off this West fella,
422
00:31:11,487 --> 00:31:14,588
like he'll never be cooled
off again. Heh, heh.
423
00:31:17,693 --> 00:31:22,741
You know, Brutus, uh,
I am not the type guy
424
00:31:22,765 --> 00:31:25,477
to say that Miss Posey
does not know her apples,
425
00:31:25,501 --> 00:31:26,833
but, uh...
426
00:31:28,404 --> 00:31:32,350
If it was up to me,
I would not rest
427
00:31:32,374 --> 00:31:35,186
until I had found
out who the fink is.
428
00:31:36,812 --> 00:31:39,957
Miss Posey is quite shrewd, Sam.
429
00:31:39,981 --> 00:31:43,027
She'll unearth the rascal,
you can depend on it.
430
00:31:43,051 --> 00:31:45,830
Oh, I'm quite certain of that.
431
00:31:45,854 --> 00:31:48,374
I certainly hope so.
432
00:31:51,727 --> 00:31:53,772
Well, that was a nice workout.
433
00:31:57,666 --> 00:32:00,445
Why, cease and
desist for a moment.
434
00:32:00,469 --> 00:32:03,537
I thought I heard a
noise in that glove.
435
00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:25,770
You know, Sam,
436
00:32:25,794 --> 00:32:31,064
it's barely possible I
may know who the fink is.
437
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:45,357
Excuse me, amigos.
Am I interrupting?
438
00:32:45,381 --> 00:32:46,791
Oh, no, no, no.
439
00:32:46,815 --> 00:32:49,994
Brutus here is just doing
a little punching is all.
440
00:32:50,018 --> 00:32:51,262
Well, then...
441
00:32:51,286 --> 00:32:53,253
Then please to continue.
442
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,536
As the saying goes,
"scratch one fink."
443
00:33:17,613 --> 00:33:19,123
I hope you appreciate now
444
00:33:19,147 --> 00:33:21,959
what an all-fired clever
rig this is, Mr. West.
445
00:33:21,983 --> 00:33:23,294
I do, I do,
446
00:33:23,318 --> 00:33:25,296
but you shouldn't have
gone to so much trouble.
447
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,665
Oh, no. No, no.
No trouble at all.
448
00:33:27,689 --> 00:33:28,933
No, heh.
449
00:33:28,957 --> 00:33:31,403
You see, these two
300-pound cakes of ice
450
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:34,005
are being held
in place by this...
451
00:33:34,029 --> 00:33:35,907
By this one rope.
452
00:33:37,065 --> 00:33:39,265
Now you'll notice
this lamp here.
453
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:49,521
Now I'm going to set the
lamp right under the rope
454
00:33:49,545 --> 00:33:51,489
that's holding up
them cakes of ice.
455
00:33:51,513 --> 00:33:52,757
I noticed that, too.
456
00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:54,358
A little too close
to the rope, isn't it?
457
00:33:54,382 --> 00:33:57,161
Now you're beginning
to get the big idea.
458
00:33:57,185 --> 00:33:59,798
You see, the lamp
starts charring the rope,
459
00:33:59,822 --> 00:34:03,367
the rope starts partin',
finally gives way,
460
00:34:03,391 --> 00:34:05,670
and down comes
two big cakes of ice...
461
00:34:05,694 --> 00:34:07,539
Heh, heh, your
own private glacier.
462
00:34:07,563 --> 00:34:09,340
Right into your lap.
463
00:34:09,364 --> 00:34:11,509
You ought to patent that.
464
00:34:11,533 --> 00:34:14,646
Yep. Just might. Heh, heh.
465
00:34:14,670 --> 00:34:17,649
Well, I figure it'll
be about 45 minutes
466
00:34:17,673 --> 00:34:20,151
before anything really
interesting happens around here.
467
00:34:20,175 --> 00:34:22,654
I'll be back by then.
468
00:34:22,678 --> 00:34:24,456
Now you just take it easy.
469
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,920
Relax, hear? Heh, heh, heh, heh.
470
00:34:38,026 --> 00:34:41,906
If there is anything that is
distressing to me, Sergei,
471
00:34:41,930 --> 00:34:43,842
it's to have the knowledge
472
00:34:43,866 --> 00:34:46,633
that there is a
fink in our midst.
473
00:34:48,704 --> 00:34:51,683
You are one hundred
per cent right, Ascot.
474
00:34:51,707 --> 00:34:53,852
Maybe more.
475
00:34:53,876 --> 00:34:58,422
For our fink, death is too good.
476
00:34:58,446 --> 00:35:00,925
He should be slowly killed.
477
00:35:00,949 --> 00:35:03,461
Only question:
478
00:35:03,485 --> 00:35:05,697
Who is the one?
479
00:35:05,721 --> 00:35:09,300
Yeah, I must say, if
there is a question,
480
00:35:09,324 --> 00:35:11,605
that is the big one, all right.
481
00:35:12,928 --> 00:35:16,107
And, uh, Miss Posey
does not seem inclined
482
00:35:16,131 --> 00:35:17,976
to determine who it is.
483
00:35:20,335 --> 00:35:25,049
Great jumpin' balls
of Saint Elmo's fire.
484
00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:27,819
How did that happen?
485
00:35:27,843 --> 00:35:31,222
I will give you small hint.
486
00:35:31,246 --> 00:35:34,291
The one who did this
likes to play with matches.
487
00:35:34,315 --> 00:35:35,493
He is a fink,
488
00:35:35,517 --> 00:35:38,077
and his first name
begin with Cyrill.
489
00:35:47,663 --> 00:35:50,008
As the saying goes,
490
00:35:50,032 --> 00:35:52,732
"scratch another fink."
491
00:36:51,426 --> 00:36:53,671
Now, where is everybody?
492
00:36:53,695 --> 00:36:55,807
You know I don't
like this sort of thing.
493
00:36:55,831 --> 00:36:57,008
Where's Gallito?
494
00:36:57,032 --> 00:37:00,177
Poor chap had a most
regrettable accident.
495
00:37:00,201 --> 00:37:02,146
And Cyrill?
496
00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:05,850
He had accident too.
497
00:37:05,874 --> 00:37:08,519
Now, look here.
Once and for all, I...
498
00:37:11,713 --> 00:37:13,257
Da-da.
499
00:37:13,281 --> 00:37:15,326
Ascot Sam.
500
00:37:15,350 --> 00:37:18,384
Well, who else but?
501
00:37:20,555 --> 00:37:21,833
Aargh.
502
00:37:21,857 --> 00:37:25,036
Who's the big guy with
the little laugh, lady?
503
00:37:25,060 --> 00:37:28,405
He claims to be Ascot Sam.
504
00:37:28,429 --> 00:37:29,440
Claims?
505
00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:32,143
Now, Miss Posey,
that word disturbs me
506
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:33,778
a little bit more than somewhat.
507
00:37:33,802 --> 00:37:35,913
Now, let's settle
this once and for all.
508
00:37:35,937 --> 00:37:38,149
Ascot Sam was
plugged in the shoulder
509
00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:39,717
some years back,
510
00:37:39,741 --> 00:37:43,521
so let us see who has the scar.
511
00:38:07,435 --> 00:38:08,913
This is gonna be
one of those days
512
00:38:08,937 --> 00:38:11,004
where nothing goes right.
513
00:38:58,386 --> 00:38:59,396
Jim.
514
00:39:09,397 --> 00:39:10,708
Boy, I can honestly say
515
00:39:10,732 --> 00:39:12,309
I am happy to see ya.
516
00:39:12,333 --> 00:39:14,533
And how do you
feel about old Pinto?
517
00:41:38,479 --> 00:41:42,226
Law and Order Week. Come on out.
518
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,295
Help celebrate.
519
00:41:44,319 --> 00:41:47,265
Let's not forget the big
prize in this deal, Artie.
520
00:41:47,289 --> 00:41:49,633
Let's split and get Miss Posey.
521
00:41:49,657 --> 00:41:51,235
We'll go to the funeral parlor
522
00:41:51,259 --> 00:41:53,004
from different routes.
523
00:41:53,028 --> 00:41:54,171
Right.
524
00:41:54,195 --> 00:41:57,041
I kinda wish I had
my gun with me.
525
00:41:57,065 --> 00:41:59,410
Makes a nice security symbol.
526
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:01,045
Trouble with you
is you're spoiled.
527
00:42:01,069 --> 00:42:02,146
Get goin'.
528
00:42:31,466 --> 00:42:33,777
Hey, what's going on here?
529
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:34,921
Get down.
530
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:39,817
Yeah, manhandling
an officer of the law.
531
00:42:39,841 --> 00:42:41,718
You in big trouble, mister.
532
00:42:41,742 --> 00:42:43,687
Not as much as you're gonna be
533
00:42:43,711 --> 00:42:45,022
if you don't keep
your head down.
534
00:42:46,114 --> 00:42:47,758
Oh, depriving an
officer of the law
535
00:42:47,782 --> 00:42:49,193
of his legal weapons!
536
00:42:49,217 --> 00:42:52,485
You're diggin' your
grave deeper, mister.
537
00:42:59,427 --> 00:43:01,772
That fella's
shootin' real bullets.
538
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:03,074
He sure is.
539
00:43:04,565 --> 00:43:06,910
What do you got in here?
540
00:43:06,934 --> 00:43:08,734
Blanks, of course.
541
00:43:28,990 --> 00:43:29,990
Brutus.
542
00:43:31,459 --> 00:43:33,959
Got four shots left that I
can't miss from this range.
543
00:43:40,768 --> 00:43:43,403
If your finger moves,
you're a dead man, Brutus.
544
00:43:56,384 --> 00:43:58,064
Hand that rifle to me.
545
00:45:02,517 --> 00:45:04,584
Hyah.
546
00:45:46,194 --> 00:45:49,006
Well, now.
547
00:45:49,030 --> 00:45:52,209
It was all your
idea. Do you like it?
548
00:45:52,233 --> 00:45:53,799
Very nice.
549
00:45:55,570 --> 00:45:58,349
They're all gone, Miss Posey.
550
00:45:58,373 --> 00:46:02,786
Please call me
Lucrece. Won't you, Jim?
551
00:46:02,810 --> 00:46:06,323
And you're the only one left.
552
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,793
You've come for
me, then, have you?
553
00:46:09,817 --> 00:46:11,962
Mm-hm.
554
00:46:11,986 --> 00:46:14,265
All right.
555
00:46:14,289 --> 00:46:17,234
Let a lady do a few
last-minute things,
556
00:46:17,258 --> 00:46:18,335
will you, Jim?
557
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:20,571
Why not?
558
00:46:20,595 --> 00:46:21,905
Thank you.
559
00:47:10,978 --> 00:47:12,122
Artie!
560
00:47:12,146 --> 00:47:14,024
Jim.
561
00:47:14,048 --> 00:47:16,126
The stagecoach. Did it leave?
562
00:47:16,150 --> 00:47:17,310
Yeah, off in a cloud of dust,
563
00:47:18,486 --> 00:47:20,831
and guess who was enlisted
amongst the passengers.
564
00:47:20,855 --> 00:47:22,433
Oh, go on. Surprise me.
565
00:47:22,457 --> 00:47:23,457
Ascot Sam.
566
00:47:24,559 --> 00:47:26,503
I tell you, that man
used every dirty,
567
00:47:26,527 --> 00:47:28,505
disabling trick in the books
before I could mark him
568
00:47:28,529 --> 00:47:30,474
signed, sealed and
delivered into the pokey.
569
00:47:30,498 --> 00:47:32,610
Artie, you didn't see an
entrancing feminine thing
570
00:47:32,634 --> 00:47:33,644
board that stage, did you?
571
00:47:33,668 --> 00:47:35,246
It was in there.
572
00:47:35,270 --> 00:47:36,413
In fact, it was my pleasure
573
00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:38,014
to help the lovely
creature aboard.
574
00:47:38,038 --> 00:47:40,851
That lovely creature
was Miss Posey.
575
00:47:40,875 --> 00:47:43,186
Listen, some vacation.
576
00:47:43,210 --> 00:47:45,055
I'm gonna put a sign
up outside my bedroom,
577
00:47:45,079 --> 00:47:46,657
"Do not disturb
until Christmas."
578
00:47:46,681 --> 00:47:48,959
Crawl into that bed...
579
00:47:48,983 --> 00:47:50,182
Miss Posey?
580
00:47:55,022 --> 00:47:56,155
Hyah.
581
00:48:01,162 --> 00:48:04,441
Are you sure you don't
wanna join us, Artie?
582
00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:06,577
Are you kidding?
583
00:48:06,601 --> 00:48:08,445
After five hours in that saddle
584
00:48:08,469 --> 00:48:10,180
just catching up
with that stage?
585
00:48:12,307 --> 00:48:15,452
All I want now is a
little rest and quiet,
586
00:48:15,476 --> 00:48:17,688
and darn little of that.
587
00:48:17,712 --> 00:48:18,922
Well, the important thing is
588
00:48:18,946 --> 00:48:20,824
Miss Posey's in the
pokey, thanks to you.
589
00:48:20,848 --> 00:48:23,460
Oh, yeah. Three cheers for me.
590
00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:26,129
Artie, I think you might get
591
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:28,799
some kind of
commendation for it.
592
00:48:28,823 --> 00:48:30,467
Nah.
593
00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:32,303
Hey, you really think so?
594
00:48:32,327 --> 00:48:33,304
Well, of course.
595
00:48:33,328 --> 00:48:34,805
Miss Posey was
a very dangerous...
596
00:48:36,130 --> 00:48:38,690
Speaking about commendations.
597
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,788
Another assignment right away?
598
00:49:04,792 --> 00:49:08,339
Kucknik pass?
599
00:49:08,363 --> 00:49:12,609
That's six hours on a
horse going just one way.
600
00:49:12,633 --> 00:49:17,169
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
38602
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