All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S09E14.Playing.House.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb[EZTVx.to]_track4_eng

Previously on
"Southern Charm..."

One day, she's like,
"I'm gonna call you crying,"

and then the next day,
telling me that I'm--

I'm a piece of sh--.

While Austen was confused
about Olivia...

Whoo!

The rest of us
were getting our groove on.

Whoo, Venita!

Oh.
Whoo!

But it wasn't
all smooth sailing.

So if Paige does not want
to move to Charleston,

what are you gonna do?
- We would probably break up.

♪ Whoa-oh

Meanwhile, back on land,

Whitney was enjoying
the presidential treatment

in his upgraded suite, until...

Watch out!

Austen and Shep
brought down the house.

That hurt.

You've been
an absolute [BLEEP].

I--I've been a [BLEEP]?
What have you been?

- Honest with you.
- Bad friend.

♪ Ba-ba-doo

And when we all got together
for our last dinner

in paradise,
Taylor was determined

to get in the final word.
- [tapping on glass]

I know that I was
pretty quiet last night.

Uh-oh.

And the conversation
that has been happening

for 2 and 1/2 months now,

for the sake of myself
and my own well-being,

I want to put this to rest.

♪ Swing this game

♪ Don't ya know,
don't ya know? ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

[tense music]

I've apologized.

I don't know what else to give.

There never was
an extensive anything

going on between us.
That is that.

I'm done.
What happened is what happened.

- What happened?
- A kiss.

No, you had
a drunken make out.

Don't get bogged down
in these details. Go.

- I--I agree.
- Exactly.

It's not bogged down
in the details.

Olivia,
do we not want to kill it?

Please, dear God,
can we put this to rest?

Do not act like it needs
to be something

put to rest
because I'm reacting,

and I'm mad, and I'm angry.

I'm so sorry
your kumbaya moment,

like, doesn't fit here.

If that's your journey
to, like,

suppress your emotions...
- I just yelled at him.

We just yelled at each other.
- That's great.

And then you're gonna pop off
on someone later.

- But friendship--
- I'm happy for you.

I get it.

Friendship and, like,
we all love each other.

Life is short.
[BLEEP] off.

I'm allowed to react...
- You are.

And I'm allowed
to ask the questions.

I have never, never...

I'm just saying.

Taken that away
from you, Olivia.

You lied to me.

You said things that didn't...
- I apologize for that.

Add up, so, like,
don't act like

you're just so tired
of talking about it.

Take it or leave it.
- No, Taylor.

And it sounds like
you don't--

That's not--
you can't say that.

- No, no, no.
- You can't say that.

I'm sorry.
I have nothing left to give.

This is my fourth
- ing apology,

and she does not want
to take it.

What else do you want?

Just sit down and relax.

Do you want me to say
that he---ed me?

- Yes.
- Is that what you want?

Because that
is what happened.

OK, so you want me
to lie now?

So now you want me to lie.
- That's not what happened.

It is not what happened.

If y'all had just
been honest...

- Relax!
- Right from the start...

It's not what happened!

Then this wouldn't
be even a question.

That's not what happened!

Taylor and I
did not have sex.

I am not going to claim
if somebody----ed me

without them
actually----ing me.

We didn't have sex.

If you can't deal with that,
then----ing

I don't know
what to say to you.

- Dude.
- End of----ing story.

- You guys got to stop
- ing attacking her

because this is not
her----ing problem.

- Hush, hush, hush.
- No. Stop.

- Yes, it is.
- Don't you dare.

This is insane.

I do appreciate
you standing up

at the----ing table
and literally talking

about everything
that we all are assuming.

I agree.

Because Austen
will not do it.

Madison,
I don't give a sh--

what you think about me.

You don't give a sh--
about anybody.

- Shh, shh, shh. Hush.
- You just told her to hush.

Like, what is she, a child?
You need to stand up.

- JT, man.
- I'm serious, bro.

Walk around
like a sloppy----ing mess

like you are.

Madison,
you are a sloppy mess,

and you always will be.
- I am? I am?

You're a clown.

God.
- Don't do that.

Well, Taylor,
Shep and Olivia

were both freaked out
that you guys

talked to your parents
about dating.

- My brother...
- OK, that's part of it.

Who I talk to
about a lot of things.

Yeah, but that's part
of their concern.

OK, but Austen also
talked to his family...

- To my sister.
- So you have to address that.

Because that's the part...
- To my sister.

That doesn't make sense.
OK. She's family, no?

You said to your family,
and I'm telling you right now.

I had a moment.
Who do I go to?

My confidant, my brother.

I love and adore him,
as I know that you love

and adore your brother.

♪

Oh, don't do that.

I'm sorry.

♪

I don't think she realized
what she was saying.

I think she was just
emotionally charged.

OK. OK.

Before all of this stuff,

I would genuinely feel
like Taylor didn't

really mean how it came out.

But, like,
now she's pretty much

crossed a line.

I don't see her, like,
being able to come back from--

from saying that.

Olivia,
this is the first time

I've crossed your--
like, the breach of trust.

Don't act like it's small, though.

Don't act like it's small.

I've never had a friend
tell me that they hate me.

I've never had a friend
lie to me as much as you have.

I lied to you one time,
Olivia, one time.

One time!

OK, I have never had a friend
treat me this way.

You're calling me a liar,
you'll never believe me...

- True.
- And that you hate me.

Those are all true.

Using the word "hate"
is so strong, Olivia.

Using the word "hate"
is so strong.

Correct.
Yes, that's why I said it.

My God.
OK, I'm done.

This isn't unfixable.

I don't need
to be sitting here

getting verbally abused
by somebody.

Taylor...

When you slept
with somebody man,

she don't want
to be verbally abused.

My God,
what world do I live on?

♪

Austen, go talk to her.

Austen, go have sex
with her in the elevator,

and y'all solve it.

♪

ing clowns.

Where are you going, Liv?

You're walking
so fast right now.

I cannot catch up to you.

[soft dramatic music]

Olivia wants
to hear Taylor say,

"I know what I did
was----ed up."

Instead, she's saying,
"Dude, I----ed up one time.

It's not that big of a deal."

That's what
is driving Olivia...

No, what she hasn't said
was what actually happened.

She has go give credence that
what she did was----ed up.

We've been here for too long,

and the same conversations
keep happening.

We can't keep doing it.

I think Taylor was trying
to shut it down in the group,

and Olivia took that as being,
"You should forgive me,

and we should call it a day."

If she was like,
"If everyone else--"

I will give it to Taylor.
She finally stood up.

You're actually spot on.

Unless some new information
comes up,

let's squash this sh--,
and it'll--

it'll stay between them,

and I think
that's what Taylor meant.

Taylor was trying
to shut it down collectively.

At least Taylor
stood up and said something.

I agree.

You sit there
while you let these two,

and you say nothing.

Austen cannot say I'm sorry.

There's always an excuse.

It's just, he's never,
in his own mind,

in the wrong.

I think it is sociopathic to
never think, as a human being,

you're gonna mess up.

Hey, man,
I don't give a [BLEEP]

what you think about me, JT.

You can literally go into
the ocean and drown yourself.

I don't care.
- I'm serious, bro.

You still haven't grabbed
your manhood

and stood up like a man.

JT, I don't need--

You are non-apologetic.

You watched two girls
just cry off and--

They have things
to work out, man.

And you just sit down
with your perfect

little----ing hair.
- Holy sh--, dude.

[laughs]

You know,
JT smells bullsh--,

and he's not afraid
to call it out.

And I certainly don't mind.
I'm not gonna stand in the way.

- JT, dude, you're a
- ing little clown.

So you stood up to insult.

And it's like, it makes me
laugh my ass off.

Yes.
- He's like Eliott Ness.

And Austen is Al Capone,
and he is going down.

It's like,
why are you doing this?

JT, why do you
give a [BLEEP]?

- Because.
- Why do you care?

My point is, like,
it's sh---y behavior.

You have no dignity,
and you're a snake.

And I'm good.
- [laughs]

And you got Madison
on your sh-- now.

Yeah. You know what?

Because he is a gentleman,
and he actually stands up.

Oh, my God,
that's the funniest thing

I've ever heard.
- Now you're gonna attack her.

And you're just gonna
throw insults because

you have nothing to stand on.
- Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Come back, Austen.

No, no, no.
I'm not sharing oxygen with JT.

I promise you that.

Gory.

- He's such a pussy.
- Oh, my God.

♪

Coming up...

I don't know
anything about diamonds.

I try on
all my girlfriends' rings.

Here,
you want to try this one?

Yeah, I love trying them on.

[soft dramatic music]

♪

Hurry,
before Craig gets a boner.

[laughter]

I'm not sharing oxygen
with JT.

I promise you that.
- OK.

- He's such a pussy.
- Oh, my God.

It's a coward move,
but enjoy the walk.

[dramatic music]

You opened your mouth once,
and he got pissed about it.

He's a--he's a straw house,
and I'm a little brick house.

That's what it is.

It's like writing a book
on how to be a terrible liar.

Well, they can't keep
their stories straight.

JT, you don't really know
the dynamics, honestly.

- Me?
- You, yes.

Just to comment
on a man's character

without really knowing
the deal

sounds a bit disingenuous.

You know, I know he's done
some questionable sh--.

I feel bad
that you drove him away.

- I drove him away because...
- Drove him away?

He's been caught...

Please drive him
further away.

Whitney, Whitney, Whitney,

you're trying to gaslight
a bro,

but, like, dude,
he hooked up with

his best friend's girlfriend.

You're riding hard for
Austen, Whitney.

♪

[line trilling]

What's up?

[laughs]
What are you doing?

Yeah, I really don't think
I've ever quite experienced

something like this.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I'm sorry, but there's
only so many times

that you can apologize.

And I stood up
at the----ing table

in front of everybody
and gave my fourth apology.

And she still said,
"Shove it up your ass, Taylor.

[BLEEP] you."

I'm like--
I don't know what else to do.

Are you----ing kidding me?

♪

That is not your best friend.

Guys, damn.

Come on, let's go.
I'm done.

All right.

Well, one out of three
dinners this week went well.

You know, like, it's crazy.

I'll see you
at the presidential suite.

Oh, Jesus.

Ooh, I'm in
"The Twilight Zone."

Dude, Craig, let's just
walk out to the ocean

and just keep walking
until we can't breathe.

Yeah.
They're all----ing crazy.

And that's a lot for me to say
'cause I'm crazy.

[sighs]

I've never had somebody
come after me like that.

Like, she looked
at me tonight, Worth.

She goes, "I do hate you."

[BLEEP] her.
[BLEEP] her.

She crossed, like, so many--
so many lines.

She loves him
and then hates him...

And yet she can go cuddle
with Austen with her bra off,

and he's totally in the clear.

This is insane.

Like, it's not like they dated.

Neither one of them
ever claimed

to be each other's, like,
boyfriend or girlfriend.

[tense music]

Olivia, don't do that.

I'm begging you
not to do that, Olivia.

Austen and Olivia
had called things off,

like, I don't know,
before then, but like--

Talk quieter next time.

I'm right next door to you!

Dumb----ing bitch.

She's stupid.

I mean, they're not being,
like, super nice,

which I don't care.
I don't need anybody.

Jesus would keep quiet.

Trying to keep quiet.

OK.

It's fine.

Love you.

♪

I get what Olivia is saying.

The story
has never been consistent.

The stories don't add up.

They don't.
And I know Austen.

I'm very good at that stuff.
- [hiccups]

Like, they're just in
a really sh---y situation.

[hiccups]
I will say this.

Taylor, the fact
that she stood up for once

and wasn't crying,
I was like, "Damn."

[hiccups]

And he just stayed quiet
in all that.

Yeah, and that's the problem.

Well, because
they don't know what story

that other one is telling.

But he should have stood up
with Taylor.

[hiccups]

Again, Madison,
the stories don't add up.

They don't.

[hiccups]
Scare me.

[quirky music]

- No.
- Will you scare me?

I have the hiccups.
- Just say, "I'm not a fish."

Hiccups come from
the fact that we...

[hiccups]

Evolved from fish, and we
used to breathe underwater,

and they forget
that we are not a fish.

- [hiccups]
- Say it.

All right.
I'm not a fish.

- Say, "I'm not a fish."
- I'm not a fish.

I'm not a fish.
Say it.

- I'm not a fish.
- I'm not a fish.

[hiccups]

♪

- [chuckles]
- [hiccups]

♪

Coming up...

Every time we're together,
we're laughing,

we're playing,
we're hanging out

on the balcony, like...

[upbeat music]

♪

All righty. Jamaica...

♪

Well, we came, we conquered.

Time to go.

Oh, no.

♪

What day
do the housekeepers come?

- Hi.
- Oh, you brought me Chauncey.

You know what?
He's looking for a bone.

Would you get him a bone?

You're enabling
his overeating.

He needs to go on Ozempic.

Do the laundry, Craig?

[eerie music]

What the hell?

Craig, you should have stayed
in Jamaica.

Home ownership is a mother---er
ain't it?

Ugh!

[upbeat music]

Whew, it's windy.

[sighs]
I'm still hungover.

Sounds like
you guys had a good time.

Yeah, we did.

Well, I'm glad you're back.

I missed you.
- I missed you, too.

That doesn't count
as our last hurrah,

though, before the baby.

We got to do something else.

Well, I'm celebrating
every day

that I'm not pregnant yet.
- I don't know about every day.

I don't know.
What if I'm boring?

You're never boring.

♪

You can't be boring.

Well,
what do you think about--

I was thinking
of doing a dinner...

All right.

And having
Craig and Paige over.

What do you think?
- Yeah, that'd be fun.

- All right.
- I'm glad you're home.

♪

Wow.

It looks like a bomb went off
in this place after Jamaica.

[quirky music]

It's clean.

You're definitely dirty.

Unused.

[chuckles]
Sums up that trip.

All right,
I got to take a break.

Hey, Siri, FaceTime Rod.

♪

- What's up, brother?
- Dude, have you unpacked?

Yeah.

Well, it was fun.

But if Craig was like,
"Want to go to Jamaica?"

Now, I would be like,
"Is Austen going to come."

And if he is, then I'm out.

I don't want
to be around that guy.

No, I hear you, man.

I just realized we spent
every connecting

and every flight side by side.

Dude.

[laughter]

Like, every time
we're together,

we're laughing, we're playing,

we're hanging out
on the balcony, like--

I mean, it is a little bit--

like, a little torturous
because I do,

you know,
find her so attractive.

♪

Oh.
Oh, yeah, I got--

I forgot I got
this little Jamaican shirt.

And I spent $200 on coffee.

I never thought
that Jamaican coffee

would be so expensive.
[sighs]

OK.
[phone ringing]

[phone chirps]

Hello.
- Hi, honey.

Yeah, I got
a lot of laundry to do.

I really wasn't expecting it
to go the way that it did.

I thought that this
was gonna be,

like, a very
"put everything to rest"

kind of trip, but it was
actually quite the opposite.

[soft dramatic music]

♪

I think I'm just not used

to being broken down,
especially by somebody

that, like, I care about.

You know when they say
the most flattering compliments

are the overheard ones?

Like, the truest truths are
the ones that you overhear.

So I can hear her
on the balcony.

Her room's right next to mine.

And she's on FaceTime
with someone.

I can hear her.

She's like, "I don't understand
what the big deal is.

Like, Olivia and Austen
didn't even date."

It's foul.

Like, I mean, I will never
look at her the same, ever.

You're right.

I know.

[upbeat music]

Yeah.

♪

Coming up...

I've asked you about
serious things before,

and you're not in a hurry.
- Mm-hmm.

It's not the end of the world
if we don't end up together.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

♪

Hi.
Ooh.

- I know.
- Those are nice glasses.

Katie, man, look at these.

Damn it, I almost should have
put them, like, in this.

I saw those earlier,
and I was gonna tell you

that I really
want those glasses.

- These are real crystal.
- Let's use them.

Oh, my God, this is gorgeous.
Look at that.

Cheers.
- Cheers.

They probably just taste better
because of the glassware.

- So how was Jamaica?
- Good.

You know, really good, I think.

How about a real apology?

Stand up and be a----ing man.

You were on "Page Six"
not looking so OK.

I think--
I think you're in denial

about how good it all is.

Yeah, well,
JT kept on, like, attacking me,

and Shep is upset with me.

He prides himself
on giving people,

you know, the horns,
and I'm like,

"But you kind of just look
like an angry..."

- Yeah.
- "Man," and I don't know.

So I don't know
what I'm trying to say, Katie.

I don't really know the,
you know, correct path,

but, like, it does sting more
when someone

that you do care about
has something negative

to say about you.
- Yeah.

But still, it's Shep and,
I mean, Olivia, still.

Olivia just gets absolutely
triggered by my presence.

Well--

I know that I pissed,
you know, her off.

And she's valid in her feelings
in being angry.

Yeah.

You know, but then she,
like, calls me

and talks to me, and,
you know, sending me things

on the internet,
and then, you know, at Shep's

ing mountain house,
you act like

I don't, like, exist.

Then she calls me
on the way home.

And then I think that,
you know, we're good.

And then I see her
in Jamaica,

and she's yelling at me,
telling me that I'm,

like, an awful person,
and then we get back,

and she's calling me,
being like, "Hey, do you want

to come over and go on,
like, a walk on the beach?"

I'm just like, "Oh, my God.

Why are you doing this?"

When did she ask you
for a walk on the beach?

- Last weekend.
- After Jamaica?

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

You want to know what
the perfect example of, like,

Olivia being----ing
hot and cold is the Oscars.

The Oscars were right after
the trip to Jamaica.

Olivia and I were live texting
the whole night,

like, back and forth
and back and forth,

talking about everything.

And then we get back
in front of our friends

and she'll just,
like, bite my head off.

And it's like, wait a minute.
I thought that we were good.

I don't-- I don't know.
I don't----ing know.

My therapist kind of
basically described it

as being, you know, gaslit.

Oh, that is not what
I thought you were gonna say.

Is this always,
or is this, like,

post everything that's happened
with her brother?

I mean, post everything
that's happened

with her brother.
- OK.

Well, she definitely has a lot
emotionally going on there.

Yeah.
Well, look.

I mean, Katie,
obviously, emotions

are flying high for lots
of different reasons

and for how things
kind of went down.

Yeah,
but at a certain point--

But at a certain point,
I have paid,

you know, my penance.

I think that you both
just need to take time apart.

I--

I don't think
that any progress

is going to be made
the more time

you spend around each other.

Because she's gonna
keep getting upset,

and then you're gonna
keep being like,

"Why are you yelling at me?"

But I care about Olivia
a lot.

And she is someone
that I don't think that

I could ever completely
close the book on.

♪

Hmm.

[phone ringing]

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

How are you feeling?

Well, when Brett goes
out of town next,

I'll come have a sleepover,

and we can just talk sh--
about everybody.

Well, I need help
with getting

this dinner party
I'm having ready.

So it's just four of us--
me, Brett, Paige, and Craig.

I'm gonna have a chef do,
like, a pasta

that I'm gonna pretend
that I cooked.

So I'm gonna heat it up
and take all the credit.

[laughs]

Planning a dinner party

definitely is
out of my comfort zone.

I had to raise Hudson
by myself.

So this is the first time
me being,

like, an actual present wife,
and in the home,

and able to do
all these things

that I wasn't able
to do before.

I'm doing, like, a green, uh,
I don't know what you call it.

It goes underneath the plate.
I'm blanking.

Charger.

Because I want it
to be perfect.

Everything.

My hair, my hydrangeas.

I mean, yeah, I want it all.

Like, I want it to be--

I'm turning type A.

I have two types
of wine glasses,

a water glass.

A salad.

OK, so take
the white wine off

and do a coupe.

I'll make sure I have four.

If not, I'm coming
to raid your closet.

Oh, I'm so excited about this.

I'm trying.

Is it bad that I don't do
the cooking?

[laughs]

♪

Do you have olives
on your socks?

- I have olives on my socks.
- I love it.

Now they're all dirty.

- Do you fancy some lunch?
- I would love some.

I'll have
a tuna sandwich, please.

- A tuna sandwich?
- Yeah.

How would you like your tuna?
Like your mom makes it?

Yep, mayo, salt, pepper,
and garlic powder.

I got you banana peppers, too.

Whoo-hoo.

So would you ever think
that you would be going

to Madison's house for dinner?

Madison and I have been
friends for a long time.

I mean,
she dated my best friend.

I can't believe
she's married.

Things happen fast.

They met after us.

I mean, look, everyone's
on their own timeline, but--

[quirky music]

Of course, I wish me and Paige
were on the same timeline.

That looks delish.

It looks like something
you'd pay $20 for.

Yeah, I'd pay $20 for this.

But after all
of the dysfunction

that I witnessed--

You are such
a piece of sh--.

- [sighs]
- Do you like cheating on me?

- Sometimes it was fun.
- Yeah, you----ing did.

You piece of sh--.

I'm so appreciative
to just have someone

I get along with
and that I love.

Wow, really good.

All that matters
is that I'm happy

and she's supportive of me.

And technically,
until we had children,

it doesn't matter
where we live.

Well, I love that you've been
spending more time down here.

Yeah, I mean,
I'm here every week.

Do you not like our setup now?
- I do.

But Madison
in Jamaica was like,

"Can you, like,
date long-distance forever?"

And I was like,
"Well, we can't have

"a family, like, long-distance,

so eventually, we'll have
to move in together."

But I'm totally prepared
to not talk about this

again for, like, a year

because I know
you're not ready.

I've asked you about
serious things before,

and you've communicated to me
that you're not in a hurry,

and it's not the end
of the world

if we don't end up together.

What I mean is, like,
now I actually

believe that I've become
a stable person

with or without you.

And I know that
you got me there,

but I really feel stable
in myself to the point

where, like,
I could let you go.

I would be really sad.

Mm-hmm.

But I wouldn't freak out,
if that makes sense.

But, like, do you hope
it works out with me?

- Yes.
- OK.

[quirky music]

I wouldn't be here.

I would be in New York.
- So you're saying you like me.

Yeah, I definitely like you.

Good.

Come here.

I love you.

I love you, too, Craig.

Look it, I'm in all pastels.
- For me?

- Obviously, I love you.
- [laughs]

Coming up...

I was at my house
with a couple of girls,

and Taylor
came over unannounced

like, "Who's over there?
What are you doing?"

Really?

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hello.
- Hey, man.

How are you?

- How are you?
- Good to see you, baby.

God, I haven't seen you
since Jamaica.

I know.

These are our proprietors
and owners and--

- Hi.
- Welcome in.

He's already picked
an excellent selection

for you to try.
- What is this?

It's a Willett 8 Year
wheated whiskey.

We have a couple
of seats back there,

if you want to enjoy yourself.
- Thanks.

- Cheers.
- Thank you.

- Look at this buffalo.
- I know.

How expensive is the bottle?

100?

1,000?

A grand?

This is-- this is, like,
a hundred-dollar glass?

Actually,
more than that, actually.

Oh.

Makes my--
makes my skin tingle.

[laughs]
- It's really smooth.

It is.

I'm stocking my new bar
through them.

Oh, really?

You know,
I got the bottom floor

of my cottage done.
- Yes, I can't wait to see it.

The cottage
was Michael's former house

on the property.

It needed a kind of
gut renovation.

So we have a little bit
more touching up, but it's...

- Yeah.
- It's sharp.

We have the Kegerator there
and doing a banquette here.

So sit, little table.
- Yeah.

Trying to go for, like,
a brutalist aesthetic.

So I'm gonna turn
the bottom floor

into kind of,
like, an understated,

like, bar-pub-hangout spot.

I never want to go out
in this town again.

So I'm not gonna leave
this place.

[chuckles]
- Well, yeah.

Yeah, well, there's that.

Which is an understatement.

But I'm starting
to get up there

to where, like,
my recovery time is just weak.

After Jamaica, I didn't move
or talk to anybody

for a couple of days.

I'm starting
to feel normal now.

It seemed like every night
it was just people

screaming at each other.

Yeah.

And, I mean, Austen got
targeted pretty hard.

Yeah, you and Austen
were screaming at each other.

No, he came at me.

You're on "Page Six"
not looking so OK, bub.

- You don't look so OK.
- Why, because I'm nice?

Oh, when you tell Taylor
that it's fun to cheat on her,

that means that you're nice?

I mean, he doesn't have a leg
to stand on, I mean, morally

or what have you.

He's just--
when it comes to females,

like, he's not--
he is not to be trusted.

I'm sorry.

I'll say this.

I have some big questions
about Austen's trustworthiness.

And-- and that makes me sad.
It makes me sad.

Mm.

But we've just seen
too much together

and laughed too hard together
to, like, sever all ties.

I hope that he's learned
his lesson.

I think he has.

The funny thing is,
is I intend to talk to Taylor

because after Jamaica,
I was in my house

one afternoon
with a couple of girls,

and Taylor came over
unannounced with Penny.

- For [BLEEP] sake. Really?
- Yeah.

Because she's been
leaving her dog,

Penny, when she has something
to do so little Craig can...

Huh.

And I've got a doggy door,
and it's just--

it's just easier.
And I--

Bud.
[blows raspberry]

You don't think she gets
the wrong impression

and you might be, perhaps,
leading her on?

I mean, I don't know.

Look, that's a good question.

I'm not accusing you.

It's caused a little bit
of friction, her being like,

"Who's over there?

What are you doing?"
kind of thing.

Oh, Jesus.

I fully intend
to talk to her

and be like, look, like,
I love you

in a very
"I always will" kind of way.

[laughs]

But, like,
we are not together and--

Yeah, it's done.

We need to really
establish parameters.

Right.

[quirky music]

[upbeat music]

♪

OK, let's do this.

Oh, sh--.

OK, all right.

I gotta go do my hair.
- What?

- I gotta go do my hair.
- OK.

OK.
Wait, it's done.

[laughs]
What are you--

bye.

Ooh.
[gags]

OK, now I'm really ready and
I can just sit in this chair.

- How's this?
- You just look disheveled.

Well,
what if I did my, like--

what am I doing?

You look like
a stressed-out accountant.

- Oh, man.
- Oh, man.

What if you just
did, like, jeans?

Oh.

Oh, my God, I don't know.
- Welcome to my life.

Where are they?

Just put this on.
Try it on and don't look at it.

Just try it on.

Also, what is up with men?

Like, your waist is up here.

Put it up there.
- I have high hips.

No, you don't.
Your hips are right here.

- Childbearing hips.
- No, you don't.

♪

Come on, Craig.

♪

I love our Easter wreath.
- I know.

It's nice, isn't it?

♪

Oh, this looks nice.

I'm definitely taking credit.

You should have just
cooked it yourself today.

No.

I would have been
too stressed out.

I'm already a mess.

Well, that's the point,
to get Paige to move here.

- This is so cute.
- It really is.

This is very sweet,
and it looks like a movie.

Look at these old people
sitting on their porch.

That's a movie.
- Yeah, that's--

Nobody does that.

[laughs]
This is pretty idealistic.

But yeah, like,
everyone has a front porch.

Everyone has a swing.

I like sitting on a porch.

This is like,
real married people live here.

Yeah, with children.

Yeah.

This is a really nice place
to raise a child.

Like, they bike to school.

I'm kind of nervous.
- Why?

This is our
first dinner party.

Is it?
- Ever?

We've never done
anything like this.

We've never gone
to someone's house for dinner?

Not a couple's dinner.

Are we immature?

Come on, Craig.

Craig.
- What?

Come on.

You don't need to bring
your own drink in.

- Is that weird?
- Yeah, that's weird.

Put it in the car.

Craig, act like you've
been someplace before.

- I'll put these probably--
- Just put it at the end.

And they can dish them
and then--

Well,
we'll probably just pass

it around like family style.

Why am I nervous?
[knocking]

Hey.

Hello.

Thank you for having us.

- Thanks for coming.
- We just...

Hello.
How are you?

Realized that this
is our first time

being dinner guests.
- Oh.

Well, this is the first time
we've had dinner guests, so...

- These are for you.
- Thank you.

It's just as much practice
for us as it is for you guys.

- I know.
- Oh, my God, this is gorgeous.

Thank you.

- This is so put-together.
- This looks so nice.

You know,
would you expect anything else?

[bottle pops]
- Oh, this is for y'all.

I don't know
the etiquette of, like,

do we drink it tonight or not?

I know you like
red wine, so--

Yeah, here.
Well, this is yours...

- No. Thank you.
- To keep.

I will drink this
laying on my couch one day.

I never know if,
like, people feel pressured

or, like, pressure to open it.
I'm like, "No."

- This is so nice.
- Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

Did you guys
do this together?

Like, this house was--
is after you guys--

- We bought together.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's cool.

- Yeah.
- Very adult.

Right?
[laughter]

It's weird being,
like, the grown-ups.

Like, I don't know
how we got here,

but now I'm at Madison's house
with my girlfriend

to have dinner
with her and her husband,

and I'm excited about it.

Well, here, come have a seat.

Wow, this looks so nice.

Look at your place setting.

Ah.

Madison, your house
is stunning, gorgeous, and...

Aw.

I've been down here
for a year,

and this is the first moment
I've wanted to move down here.

♪

Do you guys want
red or white?

- I'll do white.
- I will do red.

OK.

So, Brett,
how are you liking Charleston?

- I love it.
- Yeah.

I had never been
to South Carolina

until I met her,
and then came out here,

and, yeah, I loved it.
- I mean, it is nice.

Yeah, it is really nice.

Oh, shoot. Thanks.

You guys want to eat?

That looks so good.

Oh, my God, I feel so fancy.

But, yeah, I thought
Charleston was gonna

be a little more traditional,
and then, like...

Right.

She's telling me some stuff,
and I'm like,

"Well, didn't somebody else
sleep with

somebody else's ex and this?"

And I'm like, "What do
you guys do out here?"

Like, this is weird.

Craig was like, "Well,
what do you do in New York

when, like,
you break up with someone?"

I'm like,
"I never see them again."

Well, Charleston is a small--
it's a very incestuous town.

Honestly,
dating outside of town

is what we figured out works,
like--

Yeah.

Oh, my God.
So good.

So good?

I was like, "I have to make
sure that Paige feels like

she's somewhat home."
- Oh, my God.

It's so good.

Or she's gonna be like,
"What are you

Southern people
trying to make pasta--"

Yeah.

How long are you in town for?

Like, a full week and a half,
but--

And you guys are probably
a little more back and forth

where he's up there kind of--
- Yeah.

Well, my flight's so easy.
- Yeah.

- An hour and 15.
- Not even.

Like, sometimes it takes me
longer to get to the airport.

I mean, it's funny

because we were talking today,

and I was like,
"Look, the only couple

"that we know, like,
the couple's dinner

we're going to tonight
is a long-distance couple."

Yeah.

Like, all
the close-distance couples,

like, are imploding, so--

Well, we're not so much
long-distance anymore.

I just-- well, I'll leave
for work and then I come back.

So it's, you know--

I don't know
if you could put up with me

24/7, seven days a week.

I think that would...
- Oh, yeah, I can.

- Not work out.
- I can.

Well--

Or maybe
it's the other way around.

- Yeah, exactly.
- I mean--

Do you feel like you have,
like, friends here?

It took a little bit,
but yeah,

there's a couple of people
that I've become

friends with aside from her.
- Yeah. That's good.

- We haven't found, like--
- Your best friend.

- The guys yet.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- I get it.

Craig, would you like
to apply for the position?

Yeah.
[laughter]

- Yeah.
- What about you guys?

What-- are you guys...
- You want some wine, Craig?

Have any plans
going forward or--

Our plans
are to not make plans.

OK.

We have to let the current
take us wherever we go.

Mm-hmm.

And because trying to get out
of that river right now--

I'm just not ready.

You've got to kind of
lead that, though, right?

I mean--
- Yeah.

You're gonna get
sucked out there.

Well,
this is how we've led it.

We said, "One day,
both of us want kids.

One day,
we want to get married."

I'm just not ready
to move down here

and, like, live in a cul-de-sac
and have a baby.

I'm just not.

You know, I never had plans

to live
in a cul-de-sac, either,

but I meet Brett and I'm like,
"Which cul-de-sac?"

I feel like I have to be
so done

with a certain part of my life.

Do you feel
that you have to get married,

though, to have that?

Because you could still
at least

go to the next step
and not necessarily start

that also part of your life.
- Like, get engaged?

Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Like, you don't have
to necessarily--

just because you get engaged
or married...

Doesn't mean that,
all of a sudden,

you have to, like,
have a kid...

No, I don't want
a promise ring.

And move in the cul-de-sac.
Yeah, what are we, 16?

But can you get engaged
and me not be

actively moving down here?

Like, is that weird?

No, we did it.

We were engaged
for almost a year.

Yeah.

[quirky music]

- Wow.
- [laughs]

Can I use
the restroom real quick?

Yeah, it's to the right.

OK, I have another question.

How did you know what kind
of ring to get Madison?

Easy, Pinterest. No.

- You sent shapes you liked?
- Yeah.

- I had two.
- She gave me two--

two that she liked.
- OK.

But it's a lot.

Like, I don't know anything
about diamonds.

That's the thing.

Like, I don't know
any shape that I want.

I try on
all my girlfriend's rings.

It just doesn't feel
like it's me.

Here, you want
to try this one?

Yeah, I love trying them on.

[soft dramatic music]

I do like an oval.

- I think oval.
- I don't--

3.5 or more.

♪

Hurry, before Craig
gets a boner.

[laughter]

Are you making fun of me?

- No.
- Yeah.

[laughs]
Yeah, I did.

[laughter]

Next time
on the season finale

of "Southern Charm"...

How are we going
to Whitney's party?

The theme is
"The Valley of the Dolls."

Are we going to
a soft porn party?

Hey, my name is Deiter.
I'm from Dusseldorf.

- Where are your boobs?
- They're tucked in the back.

[laughs]

It's psychopathic to me,

knowing we could die tomorrow,
to not just, like,

give it a try.
Like, I love you.

Do you want
to get back together?

Possibly.

- There's a major
- ing disconnect.

You thought I was
gonna apologize to you?

You're the little boy
that cried wolf

trapped in a 6' 5" frame,

and now I'm man to man
in the face, and you have to--

- What the--
- Chill!

Do it again.