All language subtitles for Leverage.S04E16.1080p.WEBRip.x265-HiQVE

I GOT GOLD. YOU GOT GOLD.

LIL PUSHER'S GOT CRAZY GOLD!

SOME OF IT JUST SITTING THERE
COLLECTING DUST!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH GOLD

YOU'VE ACQUIRED
THROUGH THE YEARS?

IT COULD BE LIKE A TREASURE!

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO TURN
YOUR GOLD INTO COLD HARD CASH,

'CAUSE WE HAVE OVER 100

GOLD TO BE SOLD!
STORES NATIONWIDE.

OR CALL US AND WE'LL SEND YOU
A FREE SHIPPING PACK,

BECAUSE WE ARE
AMERICA'S NUMBER-ONE

ONLINE AND STOREFRONT
GOLD BUYER!

AND THAT'S
THE GOLD'S HONEST TRUTH!

YEAH!

I ASKED FOR ALL THE FORMS
IN THE INVENTORY, GORDON,

SO I COULD REVIEW THEM
ON MY FLIGHT BACK TO PORTLAND.

I LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES, SO MOVE.

YOUR BROTHER --

DOES NOT RUN THE COMPANY.

I'LL CALL THE BETTER BUSINESS
BUREAU IF I HAVE TO.

-CAN I HELP YOU?
-YES. HI.

I TURNED IN
MY GRANDMOTHER'S NECKLACE

JUST TO COVER THE MORTGAGE.

THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
IT'S WORTH 15 TIMES THIS.

I ASSURE YOU, MS. CAMPSTON,

OUR APPRAISERS ARE ALL

ACCREDITED GEMOLOGISTS
WITH THE G.I.A.

WELL, I'D LIKE
MY NECKLACE BACK, THEN.

OUR POLICY STATES THAT YOU
HAVE TO REQUEST A RETURN

WITHIN THE ALLOTTED
TWO WEEKS,

AND I'M SEEING HERE
YOU'RE THREE DAYS OVERDUE.

BUT THAT'S TWO WEEKS
FROM WHEN THE CHECK WAS SENT

FROM YOUR ACCOUNTS PAYABLE
DEPARTMENT.

I JUST GOT IT IN THE MAIL
YESTERDAY.

THE NECKLACE HAS PROBABLY
ALREADY BEEN MELTED.

THERE'S -- THERE'S REALLY
NOTHING WE CAN DO.

WELL, CAN YOU CHECK
FOR SURE AND SEE?

SURE. COME WITH ME.

[ KEYS CLACKING,
COMPUTER BEEPS ]

UNFORTUNATELY, MS. CAMPSTON,
IT HAS BEEN DESTROYED.

I AM SO SORRY.

WE'RE DONE HERE.

-COME ON, MA'AM. LET'S GO.
-WHAT?

THAT'S IT?!

HAVE A NICE DAY.

[ HUMMING ]

NANA HAD NICE TASTE.

NOW YOU'VE GOT FIVE MINUTES.

[ SIGHS ]

I SAW THE AD ON TV.

AND AS MUCH AS I DIDN'T WANT TO,

I HAVE A MORTGAGE TO PAY,
A CHILD TO FEED.

NEXT THING I KNEW, THEY SENT ME
A PACKET WITH POSTAGE.

YEAH, THESE
CASH-FOR-GOLD BUSINESSES,

THEY MAKE IT VERY EASY FOR
CUSTOMERS TO SEND IN THEIR GOLD.

AND THIS NECKLACE,
IT HAD SENTIMENTAL VALUE TO YOU?

MY GRANDMA FROM ENGLAND
GAVE IT TO ME BEFORE SHE DIED.

SHE HELD IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH
THE LONDON BLITZ IN THE '40s.

I'M SO ASHAMED I SENT IT IN.

NO, NO, I MEAN,
YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO,

AND YOU DID IT FOR YOUR FAMILY.

NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.

YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.

LOOK, YOUR STORY'S NOT UNIQUE.

THERE ARE THOUSANDS
OF DESPERATE PEOPLE

WHO SEND IN THEIR GOLD,

THEY GET THESE CHECKS
WAY BELOW MARKET VALUE.

THERE'S A PATTERN OF PERFIDY.

"A PATTERN OF PERFIDY"?

-MM-HMM.
-THANK YOU.

BUT I WISH
I HAD THE NECKLACE BACK.

I JUST KNOW
IT'S STILL OUT THERE.

OKAY, WELL,
HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING WE CAN
TO GET IT BACK --

GET IT BACK FOR YOU.

AND PROBABLY HELP YOU
PAY THAT MORTGAGE, TOO.

[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU.

"PATTERN OF PERFIDY"?

SERIOUSLY?

YES. THIS IS IT, NATE.
THIS IS THE ONE.

LOOK, THERE'S
NO INTERNATIONAL CRIME,

NO RUSSIANS WITH GUNS,
NO INTERPOL.

IT'S LOW RISK, LOW DANGER,

JUST TWO VERY SMART DIRTBAGS
WHO LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE.

THIS IS MY SHOT.
THIS TIME, I RUN THE CON.

OH, NO.

-OH, YES.
-OH, BOY.

[ DOOR OPENS ]
IF YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN HANDLE IT, JUST SAY.

NO. HARDISON, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'M SAYING, ACTUALLY.

WELL, WHAT IS IT?
YOU THINK I'LL MESS IT UP?

GO ON, SPEAK YOUR MIND.

NO, COME ON.
PLEASE, JUST DO YOUR THING.

-"DO YOUR THING."
-SOMETIME TODAY, MAN, ALL RIGHT?

SOME OF US HAVE SOCIAL LIVES
WE GOT TO GET BACK TO.

ALL OF YOU
DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND

HOW MUCH YOU DEPEND ON ME,
DO YOU?

ALL THE HACKING, THE FAKE I.D.s,

THE FINANCIAL SEARCHES,
THE SUB-ROSA PROFILING.

WEEKS OF WORK EVERY TIME,
AND NONE OF YOU APPRECIATE IT.

HARDISON, WE DO.

WE JUST -- YOU KNOW,
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND SOME OF IT.

WELL, MOST OF IT.

BUT WE'RE VERY --
WE'RE VERY GRATEFUL.

YES, WE ARE
VERY GRATEFUL, HARDISON.

NOW, IF YOU WILL,
LET'S -- LET'S RUN IT.

GOLD TO BE SOLD!

YOU RUN IT.

WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD,

FIND YOUR LITTLE BRIEFING FAIRY
ONLINE, WITHOUT ME.

START THE JOB, AND SEE
HOW FAR YOU GET...WITHOUT ME.

NO, I -- HARDISON,
COME ON. R-REALLY, IT'S -- IT --

That's his
"very serious" arm-cross.

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.

[ BEEP ]

[ BEEPING ]

REMOTE...

[ BEEPING ]

HOW DO YOU --
HOW DO YOU GET TO THE --

-WEB BROWSER?
-YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH.

THERE IT IS. AWESOME.
[ CHUCKLES ]

THERE WE GO.
GOLD TO BE SOLD!

OOH, GOLD. I LOVE GOLD.

GOLD TO BE SOLD! BEGAN
AS AN OREGON-BASED COMPANY

HEADED BY A BROTHER/SISTER TEAM,
BARBARA AND TOMMY MADSEN.

EXPANDED NATIONWIDE
IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS,

BUT THEIR MAIN PROCESSING
AND REFINERY'S --

IS IN PORTLAND, OREGON.

[ CHUCKLES ] SEE?

AH. OH, POR--
SORRY, OH, WAIT. NO, IT --

WHY IS HE LOOKING UP
RESTAURANTS?

NO, I'M NOT. IT'S --
IT'S GOING UP BY ITSELF.
[ BEEPING ]

JUST -- WE'LL MOVE OUT OF THAT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S THE THING.

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE,
ESPECIALLY IN A BAD ECONOMY,

THEY SEND THEIR GOLD IN
ONCE A WEEK.

NOW, THE MADSENS,
WHAT THEIR SCAM IS,

THEY GIVE LOW ESTIMATES,

LOST SHIPMENTS, LATE CHECKS --
THAT SORT OF THING.

NOW, IF WE FIGURE THAT ALL
THE PEOPLE THAT THEY'RE SCAMMING

ARE LOSING
THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY,

THEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
A MULTIMILLION DOLLAR GRAFT,

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS LEGAL.

NOW, HOW DO I GET
THE FINANCIALS?

CALL FOR A FREE CREDIT REPORT.
YOU GOT A PHONE.

-SERIOUSLY? Y-YOU'RE DOING THAT?
-HELL, YEAH.

-HE'S REALLY DOING THIS.
-[ SIGHS ]

-UH, HAR-- PARKER?
-WHAT?

COULD YOU PLEASE, UH, SHOW US
THE, UH, COMMERCIAL FOR --

-ME?
-YEAH.

BRING UP THE COMMERCIAL
FOR GOLD TO BE SOLD!

THIS IS GREAT.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS.
[ STATIC ]

TURN IT DOWN!

-PARKER!
-I AM!

GEEZ.

[ BEEP ]

[ NATE SIGHS ]

OH.

-[ SCREAMS ]
-[ SCREAMS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BEEP ]
I GOT GOLD, YOU GOT GOLD.

LIL PUSHER'S GOT CRAZY GOLD.

SOME OF IT'S JUST SITTING THERE
COLLECTING DUST!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH GOLD

-YOU'VE ACQUIRED
THROUGH THE YEARS?
-IT COULD BE --

OKAY, GUYS. WE'RE GONNA DO THIS
THE PLAIN-AND-SIMPLE WAY.

LET'S GO STEAL SOME GOLD.

[ SIGHS ]

OKAY, PARKER,
THE PLACE IS CLOSED ON SUNDAYS,

AND THERE ARE NO GUARDS,
BUT I WANT YOU IN AND OUT FAST.

How long
will the vault take you?

GLENN-REEDER 27-34?
HMM. 8 MINUTES, TOPS.

GO AHEAD, GUYS.
ROCK MY WORLD.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
ON STRIKE, HARDISON.

WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

IT'S A MENTAL STRIKE.
I'M NOT REALLY HERE.

I'M ACTUALLY FAR,
FAR AWAY, IN MY MIND.

BESIDES, WHO'S GONNA HELP PARKER
CARRY OUT ALL THOSE GOLD BARS?

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
EACH ONE OF THOSE THINGS WEIGHS?

THEY ARE HEAV-Y-Y-Y.

[ SIGHS ]

HMM? NO ALARM?

OR MAYBE NOT SO HEAVY.

NO GOLD, BUT YOU STILL
HAD US BREAK IN THERE?

-I WAS ON STRIKE.
-YOU WERE ON STRIKE, HUH?

HARDISON, YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE THE LEAD ON THIS,

YOU GOT TO TAKE THE LEAD.

HEY, I HAVE THE LEAD ON THIS.

I'VE HAD THE LEAD ON THIS THING
SINCE WE LEFT BOSTON.

GLADYS-ALPHA-UNLOCK.

INITIATE PROTOCOL 271-Z-X-T NOW.

VOICEPRINT VERIFIED.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

ALL RIGHT.

TOMMY AND BARBARA MADSEN,

OWNERS OF THE
GOLD TO BE SOLD! EMPIRE.

NOW, NATE, HAD YOU LET ME RUN
THE CON, YOU WOULD KNOW --

HAD I LET YOU RUN IT? YOU SAID
YOU WERE TAKING THE LEAD --

IF YOU LET ME RUN THE CON
FROM THE BEGINNING,

YOU WOULD HAVE FOUND OUT
THAT THE MADSENS MELT DOWN

THEIR DAILY INTAKE OF GOLD
AND SHIP IT OUT TO THEIR BROKERS

AT THE END OF EVERY DAY.

THAT VAULT
IS ALMOST ALWAYS EMPTY.

SO, YOU KNEW IT WAS EMPTY.

HARDISON, I'M GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME
VERY CAREFULLY, OKAY?

YOU EVER PULL THIS AGAIN,

I AM GONNA PERSONALLY
MAKE SURE YOU'RE OFF THIS TEAM,

'CAUSE I'M GONNA BREAK
EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY!

-ALL RIGHT. WAIT. WAIT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
-I SAID YOU NEEDED ME.

ALL RIGHT. HARDISON,
WHAT CON DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

THE LAZY DACHSHUND? THE
PIZARRO PRESSURE POINT? WHAT?

NO. SOPHIE, SOPHIE.

WE'RE NOT GONNA RUN
ONE OF NATE'S PICTURESQUE

-18th-CENTURY CONS, NO.
-OH, REALLY?

WE'RE GONNA RUN
A BRAND-NEW 21st-CENTURY CON

AND BLOW THEIR MINDS.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

FOR YOU.

AND YOU.

ALL RIGHT. FOR YOU.

OH! ONE FOR YOU.

NOW, THESE ARE FULL FINANCIAL,
PHYSICAL, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL

PROFILES OF OUR PLAYERS.

-OUR MARKS.
-NO, OUR PLAYERS.

I'LL EXPLAIN IN A MINUTE.

UH, GLADYS,
INITIATE PROCESS 67-H,

THE DOUBLE-PRONGED MONKEY CON.

-WHAT IS THIS?
-67-H CONFIRMED.

IT'S TOO COMPLICATED.

NO, NO, SEE, SEE,
THIS NEW CON OF THE FUTURE

EMPLOYS THE MOST ADDICTIVE,
INESCAPABLE PSYCHOLOGY

KNOWN TO MAN --
VIDEO-GAME-DESIGN FUNDAMENTALS.

-LIKE PAC-MAN?
-LIKE ANY GAME, REALLY.

YOU SEE, SETTING UP A PLAYER
IS JUST LIKE SETTING UP A MARK.

WHAT YOU DO
IS YOU LAY OUT A GOAL,

YOU SET UP SOME OBSTACLES
FOR THEM TO OVERCOME

IN ORDER TO REACH THAT GOAL,
RIGHT?

START WITH PLAYER ONE --
TOMMY MADSEN.

NOW, TOMMY --
LONELY, LONELY TOMMY.

THE MAN IS REGISTERED TO
SEVEN DIFFERENT DATING WEBSITES.

NOW, ON EACH OF THESE WEBSITES,

TOMMY HAS TO ANSWER
CERTAIN QUESTIONNAIRES.

NOW, WHAT I DID
WAS HACKED QUESTIONS

FROM THE KLEINFELD-OCHS PSYCH
INDICATOR INTO HIS APPLICATIONS.

-WHAT?
-IT'S A TEST DESIGNED TO MEASURE

PREFERENCES IN HOW PEOPLE
PERCEIVE THE WORLD.

YOU KNOW, I-I HAD A LOT
OF PSYCH EXAMS AS A KID.

THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY EASY.

WELL, SOMETIMES I MADE
MY DOCTORS CRY, BUT...

THE QUESTIONS
THAT TOMMY ANSWERED PEG HIM

AS AN EXTROVERTED HYPER-
COMPETITIVE ALPHA-MALE TYPE.

HE'S THE FLASHY FACE
OF THE COMPANY,

NOT TOO BRIGHT,
AND HE'S VERY REWARD-ORIENTED.

SO, HOW ARE YOU
GONNA HOOK HIM, HARDISON?

BY IMPLANTING THE IDEA
OF A REWARD IN HIS SUBCONSCIOUS.

I HACKED INTO HIS WEB BROWSER,
AND, AS YOU CAN SEE,

I INSERTED THE WORD "TREASURE"
INTO THE SIDE ADS

TO IMPLANT THE IDEA OF TREASURE
INTO HIS THOUGHTS.

SEE, NOW,
IF TOMMY WANTS THE TREASURE,

HE'S GOT TO PLAY OUR GAME.

AND THE GAME BEGINS
WITH A 19th-CENTURY GOLD WATCH

ENGRAVED WITH AN OLD
CANTONESE INSCRIPTION.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I WAS MORE INTERESTED

IN THE MAHOGANY CHEST
IT CAME IN.

I GOT IT AT AN ESTATE SALE
LAST WEEK IN LAKE OSWEGO.

OH, I'M A-ACTUALLY
IN THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS.

AUNTIE IRNA'S ANTIQUES
ON OAK STREET? EVER HEARD OF IT?

CAN'T SAY I HAVE.

-OH.
-WELL, THERE'S DEFINITELY
MELT VALUE HERE. NOT A LOT.

BUT I THINK YOU'RE LOOKING
AT 14-KARAT,

MILLESIMAL FINENESS IN THE 580s.

$42.

OOH.

WELL, I WAS THINKING
MORE ALONG THE LINES OF, OH,

-I DON'T KNOW, $100?
-I SAID $42.

-$82.
-$42.

-$62.
-$42.

-$52.
-$42.

$43.

-$42.
-FINE. $42.

PLEASE SIGN HERE, DARLING.

"Darling."

AND...$42.

-THANK YOU.
-THANK YOU.

[ BELLS JINGLE ]

OH, EXCUSE ME. OOH!
[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, BOSS. YOU MIGHT WANT
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS WATCH.

THERE'S A LITTLE
SOMETHING EXTRA TO IT.

UH, PLAYER NUMBER TWO --
BARBARA MADSEN.

SHE IS NOTHING LIKE HER BROTHER.

I MEAN, THE GIRL HAS A DEGREE
IN CHEMICAL ENGINEERING.

SHE HANDLES THE TECHNICAL AND
FINANCIAL PARTS OF THE BUSINESS.

OKAY. RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S THE RUB, GUYS.

I THINK THE SISTER'S WAY TOO
ENGAGED WITH THE BUSINESS

TO BITE ON A TREASURE HUNT.

NOW, I THINK
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO HERE

IS YOU NEED TO, UH,
TAKE THE BUSINESS OUT OF PLAY.

SAY, SHUT DOWN THE DISTRIBUTION
SO THEY CAN'T SELL GOLD.

EXAMPLE --
THE SMELTER PERHAPS MALFU--

-SORRY. NO.
-NO, NO. LIKE, NO. KEEP GOING.

THIS ISN'T --
NO, BECAUSE I'M NOT --

-HEY, THIS IS GOOD.
-NO, I'M --

-THIS IS YOURS. GO AHEAD.
-THAT'S GOOD.

SEE, NATE, UNLIKE YOU,
I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTION.

I ENCOURAGE
THE EXCHANGE OF IDEAS.

LOOK, YOU TOUCHED ON
VIDEO-GAME-DESIGN FUNDAMENTALS.

YOU SEE, DIFFERENT PEOPLE
PLAY THE SAME GAME

FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

AND AS VIDEO-GAME DESIGNERS,

OUR JOB IS TO GIVE THE PLAYERS
WHAT THEY CRAVE.

NOW, BARBARA, I MEAN,
SHE SEEMS A LITTLE SQUARE.

ALL BUSINESS UP TOP, RIGHT?

SHE MAJORED
IN CHEMICAL ENGINEERING.

BUT SHE MINORED IN ARCHEOLOGY.

[ TRUCK BEEPING ]

WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON, ROY?

UH, CONTILLIX
SENT THE GOLD SHIPMENT BACK.

SAID THE PURITY RATING
ON THE LAST TRUCKS

DIPPED BELOW THREE NINES FINE.

WHAT?! THAT IS TOTAL CRAP!

PROBABLY A DATA GLITCH. THE
SAME THING HAPPENED LAST YEAR.

WELL, THEY'RE
FREEZING ALL SHIPMENTS

UNTIL WE CLEAR IT
WITH THE ASSAYERS.

SO I'M SHUT DOWN?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
FOR THREE DAYS?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
ABOUT THE, UM --

HEY, B!
LET ME SHOW YOU THIS.

A DOWNTOWN ANTIQUE DEALER
BROUGHT THAT IN.

YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE
WORTH SOMETHING?

WOW. IT'S INTERESTING.

THE LETTERING,
I THINK IT'S CANTONESE.

FIGURES THAT YOU WOULD
SAY THAT, EGGHEAD.

I'M GONNA TRACK DOWN THE DEALER

AND SEE IF SHE'S GOT
ANY OTHER PIECES.

MIND IF I COME WITH?

CONTILLIX NICKED
THE PURITY RATING AGAIN.

I GOT THE AFTERNOON OFF.

SO, BY HACKING
INTO CONTILLIX'S SERVERS,

LIKE NATE SUGGESTS,

AND GIVING THE MADSENS' GOLD
A BELOW-PAR PURITY RATING,

WELL, MISS MADSEN
HAS A LITTLE R&R TIME

TO GO EXPLORE
HER LITTLE PUZZLES,

AND TOMMY GETS TO CHASE
HIS GOLDEN CARROT.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, NATE.

WELL, I WAS GONNA STAIN IT
NEXT WEEK

TO MAKE IT REALLY PRETTY,
YOU KNOW,

LIKE AN ENGLISH CHESTNUT
OR A SEDONA RED.

BUT IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO SEE IT,

IT'S OVER HERE IN THE BACK.

HEY, PARKER, I THINK IT'S TIME

WE INTRODUCE THE MADSENS
TO THE IDEA

-of the Snake River Massacre
treasure.
-TA-DA.

LIKE I SAID, I FOUND THIS
AT AN ESTATE AUCTION.

THE DEAD GUY WAS THE SON
OF SOME 19th-CENTURY PREACHER

WHO WAS APPARENTLY WORKING

WITH SOME CHINESE MINERS
OR SOMETHING.

A MISSIONARY?

YEP! THAT WAS THE WORD --
"MISSIONARY."

AND APPARENTLY, THIS GUY...

KNEW THE LOCATION
OF THIS LOCAL FAMOUS TREASURE --

THE SNAKE SOMETHING OR OTHER.

-THE SNAKE RIVER
MASSACRE TREASURE?
-OH, YEAH.

-IT'S A BIG PIECE
OF LOCAL HISTORY.
-YEAH.

IT DATES BACK TO THE 1880s.

FIVE WHITE MEN MURDERED
A GROUP OF CHINESE MINERS

FOR A CONSIDERABLE
AMOUNT OF GOLD DUST.

THEY WERE UNSUCCESSFUL,
BECAUSE THE GOLD IS HIDDEN

SOMEWHERE IN PORTLAND.

HOW MUCH GOLD?

-AT TODAY'S PRICES,
TENS OF MILLIONS.
-WELL, YEAH, THAT'S --

-MAYBE MORE.
-YEAH. MORE.

BUT THE TRUTH IS,
MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE IT'S A HOAX.

YEAH. HOAX. COULD BE.

WELL, CERTAINLY FEEL FREE
TO TAKE A LOOKY-LOO.

RIGHT IN HERE.

I'LL JUST BE RIGHT OVER HERE
IN THE BACK. SEE YA.

LOOK, LOOK,
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. OOH!

OKAY. THAT'S A CIPHER.

A CODE.

THAT SAYS SOMETHING.

AND THAT IS GOLD DUST RESIDUE.

YOU THINK THIS THING TELLS
THE LOCATION OF THE TREASURE?

EXCUSE ME, MISS.

I'LL GIVE YOU 50 BUCKS
FOR THE CHEST.

50 BUCKS IT IS, COWBOY.
COME ON OVER HERE.

WHEN YOU CIPHER,
YOU TAKE SOMETHING YOU WROTE

AND YOU ENCODE IT USING
A KEY BOOK OR A FAMOUS TEXT,

LIKE THE DECLARATION
OF INDEPENDENCE.

NOW, THE ONLY WAY WE ARE GONNA
READ THIS JUMBLE OF NUMBERS

IS IF WE FIND THAT KEY BOOK.

SO THE QUESTION BECOMES,
HOW DO WE FIND THE KEY BOOK?

I'M SURE YOU'LL TELL ME.

I'LL TELL YOU HOW --

BY GAINING CONTEXT ON
THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE CIPHER.

BUT SAMUEL CAVENDISH IS DEAD.

WELL, THEN, WE FIND AN EXPERT
WHO KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT HIM

OR THIS SNAKE RIVER MASSACRE
TREASURE.

ISN'T THIS SO MUCH FUN?

WHEN DO WE GET TO THE PART
ABOUT THE $20 MILLION?

OH, BELIEVE ME --
IF THIS TREASURE IS REAL,

YOU AND I WILL NEVER WORK
ANOTHER DAY IN OUR LIVES.

BINGO.

AND I'VE GOT A SURPRISE.

BAM! CODE NAMES FOR US TO USE
ON THE COMMS DURING THE MISSION.

-UH, PARKER, YOU'RE "GOLD."
-OH!

SOPHIE, YOU'RE "SILVER,"
NATE, "MERCURY,"

AND ELIOT, "MR. PUNCHY."

YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT ONE?

[ BOING! BOING! BOING! SPLAT! ]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

PUNCH-Y-Y-Y!

UH, WOULD YOU MIND WRITING THAT
IN THE EVAL FORM?

IT'S AT THE BACK
OF YOUR DOSSIER.

-OOH, EVALUATION FORMS.
-A FORM?

PLEASE, UH,
FILL THOSE OUT ANONYMOUSLY,

AND JUST, YOU KNOW,
GIVE YOUR HONEST FEEDBACK.

OH, NATE NEVER WANTS FEEDBACK.

TO ME, THIS IS A TEAM EFFORT.

I'D LIKE TO INCORPORATE
YOUR IDEAS.

NATE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, UH, SORRY.
WRITING A LETTER.

COME ON, NATE.
YOU'RE WRITING A LETTER?

WHILE YOU'RE OVER THERE
WRITING SNAIL MAIL,

WE'RE SITTING HERE
DEVISING TWISTS

FOR A NEVER-BEFORE-DONE
21st-CENTURY CON.

-SOUNDS VERY EXCITING.
-IT IS.

NOW, HARDISON, THERE ARE REALLY
ONLY SEVEN BASIC CONS,

AND THE REST OF THEM ARE ALL
DERIVATIVES OF THOSE SEVEN.

THEY'VE ALL BEEN DONE, SEE?

-HE'S RIGHT.
-[ CHUCKLES ] CORRECTION.

THERE WERE
ONLY SEVEN CONS UNTIL NOW.

SEE, THIS --
GRIFTERS ARE GONNA BE

TALKING ABOUT THIS
FOR YEARS TO COME.

WHAT I'VE ORGANIZED
IS ONLY LEVEL ONE

OF THE DOUBLE-PRONGED MONKEY.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] OH.

THEN IT GETS COMPLICATED.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

ALL RIGHT.
INITIATE SUB-COMPONENT TWO.

CLEAR OUT THE CONTACT.

-[ Dialing, ringing ]
-MM-HMM.

PA-- HEL--
EXCUSE YOU.

-WHAT? ME?
-THE PHONE.

-[ SQUAWKS ]
-YES. NOW. THANK YOU.

OH. OH, OH!

HELLO?

AH, PROFESSOR ALTIDORE,
THIS IS NAOMI LINEKER

FROM THE ASIAN-AMERICAN STUDIES
AT GRINNELL COLLEGE.

MM-HMM. YEAH.

WE WOULD BE INTERESTED
IN HAVING YOU

COME AND SPEAK AT THAT SEMINAR.

-NO, STOP. NO, STOP.
-YEAH!

UH, "CELEBRATING THE SUBALTERN

IN THE ASIAN-AMERICAN
IMMIGRANT EXPERIENCE."

MM-HMM. YEAH.

GREAT. WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. OKAY. BYE.

-GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO ME.
-STOP. PLEASE.

GOOD MORNING, PROFESSOR.

IF ANYONE HAS ANY INFORMATION

ABOUT THIS MISSIONARY
AND CHINESE MINERS,

IT WILL BE
THIS PROFESSOR ALTIDORE.

SHE'S THE EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT.

I AM TIRED OF PLAYING GAMES!

YOU SHOW ME
WHERE THOSE TUNNELS ARE!

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE TUNNELS.

TOMMY'S COMPETITIVE.
RAMP IT UP. RAMP IT UP.

YES, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! NO!

LEAVE ME ALONE!
WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME?!

-YOU KNOW!
-OW! OW!

HEY! HEY! YOU GET OFF OF HER!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

-GET OUT OF HERE!
-WHO ARE YOU?!

BEFORE WE CALL THE COPS.
SHUT UP. GO.

-ARE YOU OKAY?
-YES.

I'M SORRY --

WE WERE JUST WALKING BY
AND SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

-WHO WAS THAT MAN?
-LENNY GRANZEN.

HE'S AN ANTIQUITIES DEALER.

MORE LIKE A THUG!

HE WANTS ME TO HELP HIM

WITH SOME RIDICULOUS
19th-CENTURY TREASURE HUNT.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

UH, I'M TOMMY MADSEN.
THIS IS MY SISTER, BARBARA.

WE'RE -- UH,
WE'RE IN THE GOLD BUSINESS.

YOU DON'T KNOW US, BUT WE
ACTUALLY CAME HERE TO SEE YOU.

REALLY? WHY?

ABOUT THAT RIDICULOUS
TREASURE HUNT.

WELL, LOOK.

INTRODUCING NATE AS A RIVAL

LOCKS IN VALUE
FOR THE TREASURE HUNT.

HOW?

'CAUSE TOMMY'S SO COMPETITIVE,
WHEN NATE SHOWED UP,

IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE
FOR HIM TO RESIST.

SOPHIE, THE TREASURE HUNT
IS STILL A HOAX TO YOU, OKAY?

MAKE THE MADSENS WORK HARDER
TO CONVINCE YOU.

"WHEN YOU ENTER A TOWN
AND ARE WELCOMED,

"EAT WHAT IS SET BEFORE YOU.

HEAL THE SICK WHO ARE THERE."
HUH.

LUKE 10:8.

WELL, IT'S FROM THE KING JAMES
EDITION OF THE BIBLE.

IT WAS -- WELL, IT WAS
TRANSLATED INTO OLD CANTONESE

BY A MAN CALLED ROBERT MORRISON.

HE WORKED FOR
THE LONDON MISSIONARY SOCIETY

IN THE EARLY 19th CENTURY.

IT WAS MOSTLY REFERENCED
BY CANTONESE IMMIGRANT MINERS

DO YOU HAVE A COPY
OF THAT EDITION?

WELL, YES, OF COURSE. I --

THAT WATCH IS FROM
THE ESTATE SALE

OF THE SON
OF SAMUEL T. CAVENDISH.

-DOES THAT NAME SOUND FAMILIAR?
-YES.

HE'S A VERY WELL-KNOWN
MISSIONARY FROM THE AREA.

I'VE WRITTEN
ACADEMIC ARTICLES ON HIM.

WE HAVE IN OUR POSSESSION
AN UNDISCOVERED DOCUMENT

THAT WE BELIEVE
BELONGED TO SAMUEL T. CAVENDISH.

I THINK IT'S A CODE.

Don't buy into the treasure
just yet, okay?

SHOW A LITTLE RESISTANCE
TO THE IDEA OF IT.

LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I JUST, PERSONALLY,
DON'T BELIEVE IN THE LEGEND

OF THE SNAKE RIVER
MASSACRE TREASURE.

AND I -- I JUST --
I CAN'T CONDONE

THE USE OF HISTORICAL EVENTS
TO BOLSTER...

CRAZY THEORIES.

THE SNAKE RIVER MASSACRE

WAS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY,
AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

BUT WHAT IF THE LEGEND
WERE TRUE?

WHAT IF THIS CIPHER TELLS
THE LOCATION OF A TREASURE

AND THE BIBLE
THAT YOU WERE REFERENCING

IS THE KEY
TO CRACKING THIS CIPHER?

WELL, THAT WOULD BE HISTORIC,
PROFESSOR ALTIDORE.

WOULDN'T YOU BE INTERESTED
IN FINDING SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

DID YOU TAKE A BITE
OF ALL THESE?

[ Muffled ] WELL, I HAD TO SEE
WHICH ONE I WANTED.

-WOW. REALLY?
-WHAT --

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, I --

I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS
IS TRUE, BUT IT IS AMAZING,

AND IT CERTAINLY DOES BACK UP
WHAT GRANZEN CLAIMS.

"DEPOSITED IN THE TUNNELS
BELOW THE CITY,

"IN WALLS TWO FEET DEEP,

WE HAVE HIDDEN
OUR MINING FORTUNES."

-THE TUNNELS?
-THE SHANGHAI TUNNELS.

OLD TUNNELS RUNNING
BELOW THE STREETS OF PORTLAND.

THEY WERE USED TO ABDUCT --
"SHANGHAI" -- SAILORS

BACK IN THE 1800s.

BENEATH THE CITY OF PORTLAND,

A COMPLETELY HIDDEN CITY
EXISTED,

CONNECTING SALOONS
AND WHOREHOUSES,

GAMBLING PARLORS,
OPIUM DENS EVEN.

-HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
-YEAH, HOW DO I NOT?

IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE, BARBARA.

YOU COULD BE
A PROFESSOR YOURSELF. GO ON.

"TO ARRIVE THERE, ENTER
THROUGH THE DOCKSIDE DOORS.

"FOLLOW HERE
THROUGH THE SOUTHERN TUNNEL,

AND COME UPON A LEFT TURN."

SURE THE MADSENS CAN FIND
THIS PLACE? I ALMOST GOT LOST.

BUT YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU?

BECAUSE WE USED VIDEO-GAME
ART-DESIGN TECHNIQUES

TO SUBCONSCIOUSLY LEAD YOU.

THAT WAY.

YEAH.

[ DRILL WHIRS ]

USING ARROWS, SIGNAGE
AND LIGHTING, SOUND EFFECTS...

[ CRASH ]

...WE'RE GIVING THE GAMERS
WHAT THEY WANT.

THEY WANT TO BE COLD,
THEY WANT TO BE SCARED.

THEY WANT AN ADVENTURE.
LET'S GIVE IT TO THEM.

ALL RIGHT, MR. PUNCHY.
THE MADSENS ARE ALMOST HERE.

NOW, REMEMBER,
YOU'RE PLAYING TOBIAS BOWDEN,

GRANZEN'S UNDERESTIMATED,
UNDERAPPRECIATED UNDERLING.

YEAH, I DON'T THINK
I'M GONNA PLAY HIM LIKE THAT.

HEY, THAT'S OKAY, GUY.

THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE
I ENCOURAGE INITIATIVE.

BUT JUST REMEMBER,
YOU WORK FOR GRANZEN,

YOUR COLD...INSENSITIVE BOSS.

YOU GOT ANY NOTES ON HOW I CAN
PLAY COLD AND INSENSITIVE?

OH, MERCURY.
YOU'RE A NATURAL.

NATURAL.

WHAT'S MY CHARACTER'S
NAME AGAIN?

-GOLD.
-APPLES?

-GOLD. GOLD.
-APPLE AX.

IT MUST BE BEHIND THIS DOOR.

HUH.

IT'S THE WRONG MACHINE,
YOU IDIOT!

NO, IT'S EITHER ONE
OR THE OTHER.

NO, IT'S NOT ONE OR THE OTHER.
IT'S GOT TO BE THE RIGHT ONE.

I CAN'T BRING THE VLF DOWN AND
THE PULSE-INDUCTION MACHINE.

-YOU CAN'T -- OH.
-IT JUST DOESN'T WORK.

OH, WOW.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

OH, YEAH. I REMEMBER YOU.
YEAH, THE TOUGH GUY.

SOUTH WALL
OF THE EAST-FACING ALCOVE.

CIPHER? YEAH, YOU KNOW
WHERE THE CIPHER IS, HUH?

-IS THAT WHAT --
-BACK OFF. OKAY?

I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE THE TREASURE IS.

IN THESE WALLS?

THESE ARE THE SUB-FOUNDATIONS
FOR THE BUILDINGS ABOVE.

THIS CONCRETE'S
AT LEAST TWO FEET THICK.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED US
IF IT IS BURIED IN HERE,

WHICH I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS.

BUT YOU'RE GONNA NEED
A SEEKSON 560 DRILL

-TO GET THROUGH
THE CEMENT AND MORTAR.
-YOU NEED A 560 DRILL.

THAT'S RIGHT,
WHICH I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE.

-A WHAT?
-A SEEKSON 560 LONG-HOLE DRILL.

VERY EXPENSIVE, HIGHLY REGULATED

IN THE STATE OF OREGON,
YEAH, WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED ME,

'CAUSE I HAVE MY ENGINEER,
BOWDEN, HERE.

HE HAS ACCESS
TO ONE OF THOSE DRILLS.

-I CAN GET ONE.
-NOW, I'D GET ONE.

I'M JUST NOT LIQUID RIGHT NOW
TO GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

BUT, UH, GIVE ME
THE 34 "G" FOR THE DRILL,

WE'LL GO 50/50
ON THE TREASURE.

GIVE US YOUR CARD.

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT
AND GIVE YOU A CALL.

THANKS.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

YOU BLOWN AWAY YET, NATE?

-WHAT?
-COME ON, MAN.

YOU KNOW, LIKE -- LIKE THE DUDE

IN THAT FAMOUS
MAXELL STEREO COMMERCIAL --

CHILLIN' BACK IN THE LEATHER
CHAIR, BUT INSTEAD OF SOUND,

YOU'RE BLOWN AWAY
BY THE POWER OF MY MIND.

COME ON, MAN.

NOW, LISTEN, MAN.
DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW, THE MADSENS
HAVEN'T MADE UP THEIR MIND YET.

NATE, THEY'RE ALREADY HOOKED.
YOU KNOW IT.

IT'S A GOOD PLAN.
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

THANK YOU.
WAS THAT SO HARD? NO.

LISTEN, HARDISON.

THE ONLY THING
SUCCESS TEACHES YOU IN THIS JOB

IS THE NEXT TIME,
MAKE IT A LITTLE TOUGHER.

AND TOUGHER MEANS MORE RISK,
MORE DANGER,

MORE PRESSURE ON YOURSELF.

AND THAT PRESSURE
BEGINS TO TAKE A TOLL.

YOU KNOW, YOU BEGIN TO SEE
THE ABSOLUTE WORST IN PEOPLE.

THEIR SINS, THEIR WEAKNESSES,
THINGS YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF.

AND AFTER A WHILE, YOU REALIZE

THAT MAYBE
THE JOB HAS CHANGED YOU.

AND NOT ALWAYS FOR THE BETTER.

OKAY, MERCURY, MR. PUNCHY,

TOMMY MADSEN IS INBOUND
WITH A CHECK FOR $34,000.

UP TOP. GIVE ME SOME.

UH, NO. I DON'T HIGH--
HIGH-FIVE.

BUT WELL DONE.

THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING THAT
ON THE EVALUATION FORM?

-OH. OKAY.
-THANKS.

WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?

JUST CHECK IT OUT.

[ SPLAT! ]
SERIOUSLY?

-LISTEN.
-NOT NOW.

PARKER, YOU GOOD?

-[ SIGHS ] YEAH, I'M GOOD.
-Hardison, we're ready.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I HAD NO IDEA.

ABOUT WHAT?

OH, YOU KNOW, WHEN THINGS
COME TOGETHER SO SMOOTHLY,

WHEN IT ALL JUST CLICKS

ACCORDING TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL
AND COMPLICATED PLAN...

JUST HOW SORRY YOU FEEL
FOR THEM.

FOR THEM? NO.
FOR US, YES.

OH, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS
OF THE PUPPET MASTER.

WHAT? THAT'S NOT "PUPPET
MASTER." THAT'S JAZZ HANDS.

-THAT'S PUPPET MASTER.
-THAT'S HANG LOOSE.

NO. THAT IS HANG LOOSE.

OH, YOU KNOW
HOW TO HANG LOOSE,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO HIGH-FIVE?

All right, guys,
Tommy Madsen is here.

WHY IS IT MADE OUT
TO THE MINING EQUIPMENT COMPANY?

YEP. NEW TERMS.
70/30 SPLIT.

BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT WE AGREED TO, THOUGH.

THAT WAS --
THAT WAS WITH MY SISTER.

AND SHE IS NOT A GOOD
NEGOTIATOR. 70/30 SPLIT.

WE DID ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING,
WE FOUND THE LOCATION.

WE DESERVE A BIGGER CUT.
70/30.

Okay, these are all
very valid points, Nate.

JUST TAKE THE DEAL.
J-J-JUST TAKE THE DAMN DEAL.

Yeah, I'm trying to, Hardison.

-WHAT?
-WHAT?

YEAH. 70/30. GOOD.

CALL US WHEN YOU'RE READY
TO HIT THE TUNNELS.

THIS IS WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.

IT'S JUST GONNA TAKE
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

I'M GOING THREE FEET
INTO THAT WALL.

WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUTSIDE.

YEAH, SO YOU CAN RUN AWAY
WITH ALL THE GOLD.

I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY.

MR. GRANZEN'S RIGHT --
YOU CAN'T BE AROUND

THIS PIECE OF EQUIPMENT
WHEN IT'S WORKING.

IT'S A VERY DANGEROUS
PIECE OF EQUIPMENT.

STUFF FLIES OFF THE WALL.
THERE ARE SPARKS.

WHAT I'VE DONE, THOUGH,
IS I'VE PUT THREE CCTVs UP --

ONE RIGHT THERE AND ONE
RIGHT THERE WHERE YOU CAN SEE

WHAT THE DRILL'S ACTUALLY DOING
INTO THE WALL,

AND THEN THERE'S ONE UP THERE,
AND IF YOU LOOK AT THE PAD...

HEY, HEY. GET THEM OUT.
GET THEM OUT.

...YOU CAN SEE --
ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT TO GO.

YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
[ DRILL WHIRRING ]

OKAY, COME ON.
GOT TO GO, GOT TO GO.

[ DRILL WHIRRING ]

[ BEEPING ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S GOLD.
I THINK THAT'S GOLD.

WE FOUND IT!

-WE DID IT.
-WE DID IT!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ RUMBLING ]

GEEZ.

[ BANGING ]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE GOT TO GO.

DID HE -- DID HE --

YEAH. YEAH. LET'S GO.

GO! IT'S GONNA COLLAPSE!

-[ CHUCKLES ]
-WHAT? HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

ROOM SERVICE.

[ WHISTLES ]

[ BEEPING ]

[ BANGING ]

THAT'S IT, MAN.
I'M OUT OF HERE. DEAL'S OFF!

-WAIT.
-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHY? WHY?

LENNY GRANZEN
IS DEAD DOWN THERE, MAN!

IT'S A CRIME SCENE!
THAT'S WHY!

HE KNEW THE RISKS GOING IN.

IF WE DON'T GO AFTER THAT GOLD,
IT'LL BE IN VAIN.

THERE'S GOT TO BE
ANOTHER WAY IN,

THROUGH THE FLOOR
OF THE SUB-BASEMENT.

AND RISK THE LANDLORD
LEARNING ABOUT US, HUH?

HOW'S THAT GONNA WORK OUT?

AND GUESS WHO GETS THE GOLD
IN THAT SCENARIO, BRIGHT GUY.

NOT YOU AND NOT ME, OKAY?

THE ONLY WAY TO GET
TO THE GOLD BACK

IS TO CONTAIN THE WHOLE PLACE,
THE WHOLE SITUATION.

HOW DO WE DO THAT?

WE'VE GOT TO OWN
THE WHOLE DAMN BUILDING

AND EVERYTHING THAT'S UNDERNEATH
IT AND ALL THE MINERAL RIGHTS.

-THAT'S IT.
-HELP US OUT.

I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

COME ON. WE'RE SO CLOSE.

ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW THE OWNER.

OKAY, AND HE HAS BEEN TALKING

ABOUT SELLING THIS PLACE
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.

WHAT'S HE ASKING FOR IT?

$4.2 MILLION.
MILLION DOLLARS.

-MILLION, THAT'S --
-YOU HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY?

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE
THAT KIND OF MONEY.
I'M ON CITY SALARY HERE.

-LET'S DO IT.
-J-JUST LIKE THAT?

[ SCOFFS ]

YOU CONVINCE YOUR BUDDY
TO CLOSE AT $4 MILLION A.S.A.P.,

AND WE WILL CUT YOU IN
FOR 10% OF THE TREASURE.

ARE YOU GAME?

ALL RIGHT.

[ SIGHS ]

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

THE WATCH, THE CHEST,
THE CIPHER, THE CANTONESE BIBLE,

T-T-THE TUNNEL CAVE-IN --

WELL, IT WAS A FAKE CAVE-IN.

YOU SEE, THE ROCKS
WERE JUST PAINTED STYROFOAM.

WHATEVER --
A STAGED TRAGIC DEATH...

ALL FOR A LAND DEAL?

IT'S IMPRESSIVE, HUH?

HARDISON, I ONCE
PULLED OFF A LAND DEAL

WITH A HALF A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE
AND A LOW-CUT DRESS.

LOOK, A LAND DEAL
NEEDS AN ATTORNEY.

WHO'S GONNA CLOSE THIS DEAL?

I'M SAVING THAT LAST PIECE
OF THIS BEAUTIFUL SYMPHONY

FOR MYSELF.

YEAH, WELL,
YOU BETTER HURRY UP, ALL RIGHT,

'CAUSE THE MADSENS JUST CALLED,
AND THEY'RE SO EXCITED,

THEY WANT TO PUSH THE CLOSING
UP TILL TOMORROW MORNING.

HOW'S THAT FIT
IN YOUR LITTLE SYMPHONY?

WAIT, NO. WAIT, WAIT.

I -- I MEAN,
I'M NOT EVEN READY.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A SWISS BANK ACCOUNT

TO TRANSFER THE FUNDS INTO.

WELL, YOU BETTER FIND ONE.

AND YOU BETTER FIND
A REAL-ESTATE ATTORNEY'S OFFICE

AND CLEAR IT OUT QUICK.

I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS, MAN.

YOU'D BETTER HAVE THIS DOWN,
HARDISON.

ALL OUR IDENTITIES WERE BURNED
ON OTHER PARTS OF THE CON.

IT'S ALL ON YOU, HARDISON.

[ SIGHS ]

HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS?

YOU'RE THE PUPPET MASTER.
PULL YOUR STRINGS.

Jazz hands.

I CALLED I.T. 20 MINUTES AGO.
WHERE THE HELL IS THE KID?

THIS COMPUTER VIRUS IS ABOUT
TO GIVE ME A FRIGGIN' ANEURYSM.

-[ WHISTLES ]
-CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?

-YOU HERE TO SEE AN ATTORNEY?
-I.T.

SURE AS HELL THE BEST-DRESSED
I.T. GUY I HAVE EVER SEEN.

AGE OF THE GEEK, BABY.
CAN I GET IN THERE?

PLEASE.

[ WHISTLES ] OUCH.

LOOKS LIKE THIS
IS GONNA TAKE ME A WHILE.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
TAKE YOUR LUNCH BREAK.

CAN'T. TOO MUCH WORK.

LISTEN, IN ORDER FOR ME

TO COMPLETELY
SCRUB YOUR P.C. CLEAN,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH

EVERY WEBSITE
YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO.

-EVERY?
-EVERY.

AND IF YOU'RE LIKE MOST PEOPLE,

THAT'S NOT
SO FLATTERING, HMM-MM?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL TAKE THAT LUNCH.

OH, YOU DO THAT.
ALL RIGHTY.

MR. MADSEN, MISS MADSEN,
PLEASE DO THE HONORS

OF SIGNING THE FLAGGED PAGES
WHERE INDICATED.

YOU KNOW,
I'VE HAD THIS NAGGING FEELING

ALL MORNING ABOUT THIS DEAL.

YEAH?

HAVE WE MADE THIS THING...
I DON'T KNOW.

HAS IT GOTTEN TOO COMPLICATED?

No. No.

HAVE I SEEN YOU
SOMEPLACE BEFORE?

OH, I-I DON'T THINK SO. PORTLAND
IS A VERY SMALL CITY, SO...

YEAH, I KNOW THE FEELING
THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, B.

'CAUSE I HAVE BEEN GOING OVER
IN MY HEAD...

REMEMBER WHEN YOU ONCE TOLD ME

THAT THERE IS NEVER
A GET-RICH SCHEME --

-THAT EVER PAN OUT.
-YEAH.

AH, LET ME POINT OUT TO YOU TWO

THAT YOU ARE GETTING
AN EXCELLENT BARGAIN
ON THIS PROPERTY.

REALLY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT IT TOOK TO PUT THIS DEAL
TOGETHER -- NO IDEA.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE,
EVERY TIME WE FOUND SOMETHING,

ANOTHER OBSTACLE
JUST FELL IN OUR PATH.

-AND IT GOT FRUSTRATING.
-I DON'T THINK SO.

AND MORE AND MORE COMPLICATED.

SUPER COMPLICATED.

UH, UH, I MEAN,
YOU KEEP SAYING "COMPLICATED."

I DON'T -- I DON'T --
IT'S REALLY NOT COMPLICATED.

JUST SIGN RIGHT THERE, RIGHT --
IT SAYS -- SAYS RIGHT THERE

BY THE TAPE "SIGN," SO...

WE ARE GOLD PEOPLE.

REMEMBER WHAT WE ALWAYS SAY,

THAT GOLD IS A METAL THAT
FOREVER INCREASES IN VALUE.

CAN -- CAN --
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST --

UH, STOP WASTING OUR TIME
AND SIGN THE DOCUMENTS?

I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR TONE.

AND YOU DO LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME.

DO I?
[ KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS ]

OH.

WHERE'S MR. MANCHESTER?

-WHO?
-MANCHESTER?

I THOUGHT YOUR NAME WAS LEARL.

IT IS, AND THIS IS MY SPACE.

OH...HE --

TH-- OH, THE WOMAN WHO CAME IN
WITH THE GOLD WATCH

TO OUR STORE THE DAY,
THE ONE DAY

THAT YOU...HAD NO WORK.

I DON'T KNOW --

THE PROFESSOR, THE ANTIQUITIES
COLLECTOR -- IT ALL FELT FUNNY.

DON'T YOU SEE?
THEY'RE CON MEN.

CON? WHO? CONNING WHO?

-THEY'RE TRYING TO RIP US OFF.
-NO, THAT'S --

HEY! WHOA! HEY!

-GO. MOVE. MOVE.
-COME BACK HERE!

OH, NO.

OH, YES!

OH, BOY.

WE WILL CALL COPS!
WE WILL GET YOU!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I HAD THEM, AND I JUST...

DIDN'T ANTICIPATE THE RAGE-QUIT?

YOU KNOW GAMER TERMINOLOGY?

I KNOW THE KEY TO A GOOD GAME

IS BALANCING
BOREDOM AND FRUSTRATION.

THE GAME, THE PUZZLE'S TOO EASY,
THEN THE MARK, THE PLAYER,

GETS BORED AND WALKS AWAY.

THE PUZZLE'S TOO HARD,
THE PLAYER GETS FRUSTRATED

AND QUITS IN A RAGE --
RAGE-QUIT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

I KNOW A FEW THINGS, HARDISON.

I KNOW THAT
AN OVERCOMPLICATED PUZZLE

EVENTUALLY BEGS THE QUESTION --
IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

HEY. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP.
NOT ALL IS NOT LOST, YOU KNOW?

HOW'S THAT? THEY DIDN'T SIGN.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

THAT WAS JUST TO DISTRACT THEM
FROM THE HEIST.

THE HEIST? WHAT HEIST?

-ROY! ROY!
-OVER HERE.

ROY, CALL THE POLICE.
WE HAVE A CRIME TO REPORT.

AND THAT PROFESSOR.
DON'T FORGET THAT PROFESSOR.

UH, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

NEVER MIND.
I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

GOOD NEWS, MS. MADSEN.

CONTILLIX
LIFTED THE QUALITY RATING.

THEY'LL BE TAKING
THE SHIPMENTS BACK TOMORROW.

GREAT. GREAT, THAT'S --

THEY'LL BE DOING WHAT?

REMEMBER,
THEY SENT ALL THE GOLD BACK.

I TOLD YOU.

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON, ROY?

CONTILLIX SENT
THE GOLD SHIPMENT BACK.

SAID THE PURITY RATING
ON THE LAST TRUCKS

-DIPPED BELOW THREE NINES FINE.
-WHAT?!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
ABOUT THE, UM --

HEY, B!
LET ME SHOW YOU THIS.

A DOWNTOWN ANTIQUE DEALER
BROUGHT THAT IN.

YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE
WORTH SOMETHING?

-WOW. IT'S INTERESTING.
-ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS WE'LL JUST
PUT IT IN THE VAULT FOR NOW.

-YOU PUT THE GOLD IN THE VAULT?
-YEAH, THREE DAYS' WORTH.

-NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO.
-THAT'S HOW LONG
WE WERE SHUT DOWN.

THE VAULT IS USELESS!

WHERE'D THAT GO?

HOW ON EARTH DID YOU FIND IT?

WELL, WE LEARNED
THAT BARBARA MADSEN

HAD TAKEN A PERSONAL LIKING
TO IT AND WAS WEARING IT.

SO WE SENT ONE OF OUR BEST

RETRIEVAL SPECIALISTS
TO GO GET IT.

OKAY, WELL, I'LL JUST BE OVER
HERE IF YOU GUYS NEED ANYTHING.

WE ALSO OBTAINED THE
GOLD TO BE SOLD! CUSTOMER LIST.

WHICH MEANS THAT WE'LL BE
SENDING RESTITUTION CHECKS

TO ALL THE OTHER VICTIMS
FROM A SPECIAL FUND

ESTABLISHED IN YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S NAME.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME.

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

EVER SINCE I LOST MY JOB
A FEW YEARS AGO,

NOTHING'S GONE MY WAY.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I --
I FEEL DIFFERENT.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

WELL, THE MADSENS
SHOULD BE LOSING THEIR JOBS

RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

YEAH, I WOULD SAY
THEY'D BE GETTING

THEIR, UH,
PINK SLIP VERY SOON.

[ SIREN WAILS ]
HMM.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

DID YOU CATCH THE GUYS
WHO STOLE OUR GOLD?

YEAH -- ABOUT THAT, MS. MADSEN,

YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY
CONTACTED US

REGARDING YOUR CLAIM.

YEAH, THEY'RE JUST
NOT BUYING THIS STORY

THAT THEY BROKE IN HERE
AND THAT THEY KNEW HOW TO USE

YOUR HIGHLY REGULATED DRILL
THAT YOU JUST BOUGHT,

AND THEN USE IT TO ROB
YOUR FAKE, USELESS VAULT.

I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO BE
THE WORST INSURANCE-SCAM STORY

I HAVE EVER HEARD.

CUFF 'EM.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!

THEY WERE CON MEN!
THEY PLAYED US!

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
TELL THAT TO A JUDGE.

INSURANCE FRAUD
IS A FELONY IN OREGON.

-IT'S YOUR FAULT, B.
-MY FAULT?!

"SHANGHAI TUNNELS.
HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?"

THEY WENT TO YOU FIRST
BECAUSE THEY KNEW

THAT YOU WOULD BE
DUMB ENOUGH TO BUY IT.

Y-YOU'RE DUMB.

HOW MANY RESTITUTION CHECKS
YOU WRITING?

UH, SO FAR, 200.
I'VE GOT 100 TO GO.

YOU GOT MAIL.

I'M OUT, MAN.

HOW?

HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY
KNOWN THIS?

I KNEW ENOUGH.

I KNEW YOU HAD
A COMPLICATED CON IN THE WORKS.

AND I KNEW, AS LONG AS WE HAD
THOSE THREE THINGS ON THE LIST

AND THAT BARBARA MADSEN
WAS DISTRACTED

FROM ALL THAT GOLD PILING UP
IN THAT USELESS VAULT,

THAT WE HAD A SHOT AT
TAKING OVER THE FAMILY BUSINESS.

YOU NEVER COUNT ON
THE PERFECT PLAN.

THE PERFECT PLAN,
IT HAS TOO MANY MOVING PARTS,

AND IT'S...YOU GOT TO EXPECT
THE PERFECT PLAN TO FAIL.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I DO.

THEN WHAT DO YOU COUNT ON?

I COUNT ON
THE SIMPLEST AND UGLIEST PLAN,

NOT PLAN "A," NO, BUT, LIKE,
PLAN "G," FOR EXAMPLE.

I START WITH PLAN "G."

NOW, THE QUICK, SIMPLE,
UGLY PLAN

THAT I KNOW IS GONNA WORK
IF EVERYTHING GOES BAD.

I JUST PRETTY IT UP
A LITTLE BIT, ADD THIS AND THAT.

I GAVE YOU A BACKUP PLAN.
THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW, HARDISON,
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.

PROUD?

MY FIRST JOB
COMPLETELY FELL APART.

HEY...

IT WAS A GOOD PLAN.

IT WAS A SMART PLAN, CLEVER.

DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT.

WHAT'S THIS?

OH, UH, IT'S AN EVALUATION FORM.

GOOD NIGHT, HARDISON.

HEY, NATHAN.

THANKS, MAN.