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Another like that and we've won!
9
00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:02,080
Well! Two of your hottest suitors
at the wicket together.
10
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,560
Bo and Humph are always together!
11
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,720
Get it!
12
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,960
Howzat?!
13
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,160
Out!
14
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,920
Bad luck, sir.
Thank you, Simpson.
15
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:29,880
We only had four more runs to get.
It's all in the game.
16
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:37,640
Hard luck, Humph old man.
Take your hands off me, you cad!
17
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:42,680
What's up, old man?
You deliberately tripped me!
18
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,160
Humphrey! You did. You tripped me.
19
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:51,240
This is a grave charge
you're making, Captain Bagshaw.
20
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:58,280
Mr West, is this true?
No! Humphrey's my friend!
Why would I do a thing like that?
21
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:05,000
You mean that Bagshaw's a liar?
No, but...he must have
tripped over his bootlace.
22
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,440
My bootlace?!
On my elastic-sided boots?!
23
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:13,360
Bo! How could you DO such a thing?!
24
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,560
Mr West, you are no longer
welcome in my house,
25
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:21,040
nor as a member of my...
cricket team!
26
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,120
Come, Jane.
27
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,600
I've lost her, Simpson.
28
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,520
This letter has arrived for you,
m'lady.
29
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,760
Thank you, Nightingale. Excuse me.
30
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,080
What is it, my beloved?
31
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,320
It's Bo... I-It's Mr West...
32
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:09,320
"Dearest Jane, by the time you
receive this letter I shall have
left this country for good.
33
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,960
The only hope I have
of forgetting the terrible things
that have happened
34
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,720
is to join
the French Foreign Legion."
35
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,520
Oh, no! Excuse me.
36
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,640
Oh, never mind.
It's the best thing he could do.
37
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,440
No other cricket club
would have accepted him.
38
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,040
(GUNSHOT)
39
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,320
Well, cut him down, someone,
cut him down!
40
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,880
He's dripping all over my
best carpet.
41
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,360
Oh, Humphrey, what made you do it?
Why?
42
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,640
I...lied.
43
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,600
Bo... Bo didn't trip me. I...
44
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,920
fell...on purpose.
45
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,960
Oh, Bo! Dearest Bo!
What have we done to you?
46
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,760
(A COCK CROWS)
47
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,800
Whoa, Cleo!
Is this it, Simpson?
48
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,760
Yes, sir. Sidi-Bel-Abbes.
Well, get me down, Simpson.
49
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,720
You! Arab fellow! Camel...bo-bo!
50
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,680
Aagh!
51
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:45,200
My foot! Quick!
Let go of the thing.
52
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,880
Damn it! I'll never get used to
that! I expected the back to go
down!
53
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,280
Find out where one joins up
around here, will you? Yes, sir.
54
00:05:56,280 --> 00:06:00,280
Let's try that cafe.
Very well, sir.
55
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,960
Anyone home?
56
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,840
Good morning.
My name is Bertram Oliphant West.
57
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,920
I'm sorry but what can I do about it?
58
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:24,720
My name is Zigzig, and what can you
do about that? You misunderstand.
59
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,600
How do I join the Foreign Legion?
60
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:32,360
Ah, just wait.
I go ask the Sergeant. Sergeant?
61
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:38,640
Sergeant Nocker. He is important.
He know everything. Is he here?
62
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,800
Oh, yes... Often.
63
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,320
Perhaps it's the married quarters.
64
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,720
Ah ha ha...
65
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,360
Hello, sugar date!
66
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,400
Not now, baby.
I gotta get some sleep.
67
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,520
Hey, hey...
68
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:07,000
What is this strange fascination
I have over them?
69
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,560
Why can't they let me alone
for a moment?
70
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:15,800
I only want to talk. You go
right ahead and talk, sugar date.
71
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:22,840
You talk while I get some sleep.
No, wait. There are two men here
who want to join you.
72
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,680
Nothin' doin'!
Let them find their own beds!
73
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,880
No, no. To join you in the Legion.
Simple.
74
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:35,400
Let them report to Headquarters.
It's the other side of town. OK.
75
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,640
I tell them.
And then...come back.
76
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,920
But you say you want to sleep.
77
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,440
My tongue doesn't know
how my mind works.
78
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:56,400
Legion, Legion, present...ARMS!
79
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,960
Was ist das?! Capitaine Le Pice!
80
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,040
Oui! Oui!
81
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,920
Hello, Commandant Burger.
Capitaine Le Pice! LOOK !
82
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,960
Spring flowers.
Spring flowers?!
83
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:22,360
Early bloomers. This is no joke!
Pull those bloomers DOWN!
84
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:27,200
Not so loud! Anyone outside
will wonder what's going on!
85
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,360
I don't care! Pull them down!
86
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,720
I vant to get to the bottom of this!
87
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:40,240
The man responsible for this will be
buried in sand up to here! Find him!
88
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,240
But how?
Use your brain. Search the lockers.
89
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,280
Find out who wears underwear
like this.
90
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,800
No Legionnaire would wear these!
How do you know?
91
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:56,160
We get all sorts in the Legion.
It's our custom not to ask too much.
92
00:08:56,160 --> 00:09:00,200
Oh, look!
There's a message on the back.
93
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,880
Well, it can't be a message
from the front.
94
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:10,920
"Death to all Legion infidels.
Your time is nigh.
The Flaming Sword is spoken."
95
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,480
Vat flaming sword?
96
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:17,880
It is an emblem of the leader
of the Riffs, Sheik Abdul Abulbul.
97
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,920
They have got my message!
98
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:25,040
Let's give them a taste
of what will come.
99
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,680
I'm going to get -
(GUNSHOTS)
100
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,280
(BUGLE PLAYS FANFARE)
101
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:39,480
See how the mice run...
But the time is not yet.
102
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:44,200
We will go.
Effendi...look what comes.
103
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:58,480
This is the place, sir.
Help me down, then.
104
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,520
Camel...bo-bo.
105
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,360
(CAMEL BRAYS)
Aha! Aha! Aha!
106
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,920
I've got it...! Ah! Oh!
107
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,440
Oh, sir...!
108
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,880
It has been truly said...
109
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:22,560
the mind of the white infidel is
like the action of the cleanser -
110
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:24,600
clean around the bend!
111
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:36,560
Ah, well, Simpson. The time has
come to say goodbye...old friend.
112
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,760
No, sir,
I can't leave you here like this!
113
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,000
I'm going to join
the Foreign Legion too!
114
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,040
Oh, Simpson...
115
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,680
Simmy...!
116
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,720
Pardon me, sir.
Not in front of the natives. Oh.
117
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:58,880
Shall I, er... Shall I knock now?
Please do that, Simpson.
118
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:03,560
There's someone at the gate.
The nerve!
119
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,840
Do they expect me to let them in?
120
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,880
Perhaps you should.
Never! Over your dead body!
121
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:15,920
I've got something in store.
Load the cannon with grape!
122
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:20,440
If you haven't any grape,
load with another fruit.
123
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,360
Load the cannons with grapes, men!
124
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:30,520
Perhaps they don't need us.
They always want new recruits!
They'll welcome us with open arms.
125
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,480
Get the grape!
What did I tell you?
126
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,200
FIRE!
127
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:49,600
So, you came to join the Legion?
Yes, we keep telling you that!
128
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:54,280
How do I know
you're not one of THEM?
129
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,360
Oh, NO, sir.
130
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,960
Spies sent to learn our secrets?!
131
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:03,840
Spies?! We are English gentlemen!
132
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:10,480
I have seen
what you scribble on the walls
of the English gentlemens!
133
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,720
Mr West doesn't do that!
He's a man of honour!
134
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,840
Then why does he need
to join the Legion?
135
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,880
I... I can't tell you that.
136
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:26,720
Perhaps you lost your honour
on the playing fields of Eton (?)
137
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:31,560
That was not Mr West's fault.
A gardener's daughter - Simpson!
138
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,640
So! Good! You can enlist,
but you will be watched.
139
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:39,080
Any sign of treachery -
the firing squad!
140
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:45,200
We'll enjoy that! Mr West is an
excellent shot. Take them away!
141
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,960
Oui. Recruits...attention!
142
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:53,000
On the left...TURN !
Quick...MARCH !
143
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,480
After you, sir.
No, that's alright. I insist...
144
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,480
Get OUT!
145
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,880
Le Pice!
Oui?
146
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:09,480
Turn them over to the Colour Sgt.
He will make soldiers of them!
147
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,680
Sgt Nocker hasn't returned
from patrol yet.
148
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:17,160
It's been six days! Was he alone?
149
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,600
Right, sugar date. Hold it here.
150
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,280
Sergeant, must you go back now?
151
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:31,160
Sugar date, I explained to you!
We had six wonderful days together.
152
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:36,360
It really was swinging.
But, baby, I got my work to do.
153
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:43,200
Come back now. Baby, I'm a sergeant.
How do you think I got these?
154
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:50,720
How DID you get them?
If I told you, you'd be more
crazy about me than you are now.
155
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,320
You're a good girl.
Thanks a lot, honey.
156
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,960
Thanks for the lift.
I have a good ass, no?
157
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,400
Give me a break, will ya?
It's a vast country.
158
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,440
I can't take care of ALL of 'em!
159
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,040
Oh, well...
160
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,560
back to the humdrum life.
161
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,080
Let me in!
Let me in, for pity's sake!
162
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:41,760
Commandant! Sgt Nocker's back!
Impossible! He's at the gate now!
163
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,440
(HEROIC MUSIC)
164
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,480
Mein Gott!
165
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:09,160
Colour Sergeant Nocker reporting,
sir. Back from patrol.
166
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,200
Er, er...
167
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:18,680
Thank you, sir. I'll be alright.
After all, I've just been
five days without food or water.
168
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:25,280
Bring water!
Yes...water. Thank you, sir.
I must file my report.
169
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,360
Drink!
You're so kind...
170
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,120
Thank you, sir. Delicious, sir.
171
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,040
And now, Sgt...your report.
172
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:38,640
Well, I heard there was going to
be an attack on Fort Zuassantneuf.
173
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:43,080
It cost 20 francs,
but it was worth it.
174
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:48,120
You VILL get it back!
Oh, thank you, sir. You're a brick!
175
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,200
So I thought I'd better warn them.
176
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,400
But Zuassantneuf is 200km away!
177
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:59,120
Yes, but the lives
of Legionnaires were at stake.
178
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,000
You went alone? Yes.
What happened?
179
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:07,200
And I was attacked by the Riffs.
Ah. So you were surprised?
180
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,120
Yes. One Legionnaire
against 100 Riffs. 100?!
181
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:16,640
But don't worry,
half of them are dead now.
182
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:22,680
I can hardly believe it! Neither
can I. I had to count them twice.
183
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:26,000
This gallantry merits recognition!
184
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,040
I will get the box, Herr Commandant.
185
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,520
Sergeant Nocker,
I salute your bravery.
186
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,480
You have conducted yourself in
the highest tradition of the Legion.
187
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,080
Oh, please, sir, you're
embarrassing me in front of the men.
188
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:42,760
Oh, this isn't necessary!
I've enough medals.
189
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:47,760
I'm proud just to serve for you...
Oh, there's a goody.
190
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:53,160
Yes, this one here. Mmm... Solid
silver. Splendid. Thank you, sir.
191
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,200
(BUGLE)
192
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,080
Jane, I think you're wrong to go.
193
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,760
Oh, Papa, I must, don't you see?
194
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,360
It was because of ME that Bo left.
195
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:10,960
I must tell him that his name
has now been cleared. Very well.
196
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:16,160
But be careful. Anything can happen
to a young woman travelling alone.
197
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,080
I have a first class seat reserved.
198
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,240
I'm not bothered about your seat.
There'll be MEN!
199
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:28,680
What can men do to ME?
Hmm, far too sheltered a life...
200
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,720
Bye, my dear.
201
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:45,240
Morning, miss. May I punch
your ticket? Punch my ticket? Yes.
202
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:49,880
Are you, er...travelling alone?
Yes. Why? Oh!
203
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:55,760
Well, there's...
nothing to it really.
204
00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:00,000
What a funny way
to punch my ticket!
205
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,480
Wake up, you dogs!
206
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:13,520
Wake up, you, wake up!
Come on, you son of a dog!
207
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,360
Sleeping will stop NOW!
208
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,880
Morning, sir. Morning, Simpson.
It appears it's time to rise, sir.
209
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,920
Where's the tea?
There isn't any served yet, sir.
210
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,920
Then run my bath, would you?
211
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:34,960
I've been unable to find
a bath, sir. What, no bath?
212
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,480
No, sir... Dare I say it, sir...?
Please dare.
213
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,680
One uses a horse trough outside.
214
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:46,160
Well, in that case...
run my trough.
215
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,680
Thank you, Clotski.
216
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,960
It's nice to be back...
with simple comforts.
217
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:59,000
That was a rough patrol you had,
Sergeant.
218
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,760
They don't come any rougher.
219
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,920
Six days, six nights on the job,
it takes a lot out of a man.
220
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,560
You bet. You bet.
221
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:13,680
It's incredible, Sergeant.
You do all that walking, and
not a grain of sand in your boots.
222
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,280
When I do what I do...
I do it with my boots off.
223
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:25,360
(JEERING AND WHISTLING)
224
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:32,600
Ah, it's good to look out
on the parade ground...
225
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:38,200
What the HELL is that?
Must be seeing things!
226
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,120
They're the two new ones.
227
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:45,400
It's not a health spa!
They newly-weds or something?
228
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:51,520
They're English, Sgt. Half nuts.
They'll be WHOLE nuts before long.
229
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,920
I'm looking forward
to training them!
230
00:19:54,920 --> 00:20:00,080
I haven't had anything as good to
work on since that other Limey...
231
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,000
Bow Legs, or something.
Yeah, him.
232
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,920
Get 'em on parade ground, Corporal.
What you got in mind?
233
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,960
HURRY UP !!
234
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,040
CLOTSKI:
Squad, hurry up, you lousy dogs!
235
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:19,080
Hey, you! You're soldiers!
Cover off! Cover off!
236
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,600
Alright! Properly at ease!
237
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,160
You lousy pigs!
238
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:29,680
All present, Corporal? Except for
the two new ones. Leave 'em to me.
239
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:35,360
I'll handle this one myself. Maybe
I'LL get a chance to bath the baby.
240
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,240
What's going on here? Ain't
he old enough to dress himself?
241
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,600
A gentleman NEVER dresses himself.
242
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:56,440
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I'm SO ignorant of these facts.
243
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,080
That's perfectly all right,
old chap. You'll learn.
244
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,440
Something we can do for you?
245
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:07,800
Yes. I wondered if you'd care to
join us for a teensy-weensy parade.
246
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,320
The Commandant's coming. Such fun!
247
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:16,440
That's VERY decent of you, Sgt!
Thank you. We'd both be delighted.
248
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:21,560
Oh, bully, bully, bully!
Just as soon as we've breakfasted.
249
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,200
Where IS the restaurant?
250
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:29,040
I'm afraid there isn't one, but
I'll tell you what there IS. What?
251
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:33,720
We have a pit, where we bury you
up to your neck in sand for days!
252
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,520
Oh...what for?
253
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:42,960
For not being ready for PARADE!
And for acting like JERKS!
254
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:49,480
Now be out there in FIVE seconds!
GET on parade now! HURRY along!
255
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,520
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come.
256
00:21:55,520 --> 00:22:03,480
Ready for inspection, sir.
Thank you. In future, all leave
is cancelled. And double the guards!
257
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,560
You got it!
258
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,200
Double the guards? What for, sir?
259
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,080
I am expecting trouble.
Have you seen these?
260
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,640
Would you like them filled?
Sergeant!
261
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:19,120
I-I mean, any woman wearing these
can cause trouble.
262
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:22,280
Don't worry. I'll track her down.
She won't lay a glove on you.
263
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,000
I did not get them from a woman,
sergeant.
264
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,680
Then from whom, sir? Erm..
265
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,120
Hel-lo...!
Hello.
266
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:37,040
They were raised on the flag-pole!
There's a message. Look!
267
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:44,560
Message...? Oh, Abdul Abulbul.
I wouldn't worry about him.
After all, he has 12 wives.
268
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,040
He's no time for fighting.
269
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:53,840
"The more a camel has to drink,
the more he will want to make stops."
270
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,800
That's good! Did you hear the
one about the butler...? Sergeant!
271
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,680
I am now ready to inspect your men.
Sir!
272
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,800
Present...ARMS!
273
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:23,440
Yes... Straighten the jacket...
274
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,480
Yes. Good.
275
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,760
Very good...
276
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,840
Very... Agh!
Was ist das?! A joke?!
277
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:38,880
Oh, I forgot I had it on.
Deal with this man, Sgt! A pleasure.
278
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,960
Oh, don't blame him, sir. He was
so busy helping me... SILENCE!
279
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:49,000
Agh! Agh! Agh! Oh! Ohh-hh!
280
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,160
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Entrez.
281
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,200
Bonjour, mam'selle. Welcome aboard.
Merci.
282
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:04,800
It will be rough in the Channel.
I must check your porthole.
By all means.
283
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,720
Mam'selle is travelling alone?
Yes. Why?
284
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,920
Ah ha!
285
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,560
Ohh! What an odd way
to check my porthole!
286
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,520
These damn flies!
287
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,000
I'm sorry, sir. It's all my fault.
288
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,280
Ah, well, only five more days to go.
289
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,320
Yes, sir.
290
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,880
Sir...
291
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,760
Yes?
292
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,080
Do they have worms in the Sahara?
293
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,280
I don't know. Why? There's
something crawling up my combs...
294
00:24:54,280 --> 00:25:00,280
Now, steady on, Simpson.
Oh, I can't stand much more of this!
295
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,440
With your permission,
I think I'll go mad! Ohh...!
296
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:12,080
Oh, I've got the worms! The worms!
Steady on! There'll be plenty
more of this from that Sergeant.
297
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:18,200
And HE was the one that told us
where to enlist! What do you mean?
298
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:24,040
That's Sergeant Nocker, sir. He was
in the back room of that cafe. Ooh!
299
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,920
Then later on, he came in looking
a wreck and staggering about
all over the place.
300
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,640
So would I,
if I'd been with that woman.
301
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,240
But he told the Commandant
he'd just come back from patrol.
302
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,160
And he got decorated for bravery!
303
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,840
Enjoying yourselves, gentlemen?
We're just beginning to, Sergeant.
304
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:55,160
Well, when you get out,
I'll make your life so miserable,
you'll be glad to get back in!
305
00:25:55,160 --> 00:26:03,360
Oh, I don't think so, Sgt.
Not a brave man like you who can
kill 50 Riffs single-handed... 53.
306
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:10,080
Oh, I beg your pardon.
It couldn't have been Sgt Nocker
we saw in the cafe with that woman.
307
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:15,600
But it WAS, sir. Nonsense!
You must be imagining things!
308
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,520
We'll ask the Commandant...
309
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,400
Hey, wait a minute.
Were you the two guys in the cafe?
310
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,080
So it WAS you in there, then, Sgt?
CLOTSKI!
311
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:32,440
Sgt? What are these two fine men
doing there?
312
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,320
You TOLD me to put them there!
313
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:42,000
I told you?! I would waste the
talent of these intelligent men?!
314
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:46,760
You must be mad!
But, Sergeant... Don't but me!
315
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:52,200
But... Hurry up and dig these fine
men out of here or I'll...I'll...!
316
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:57,560
Just a big mistake. Have a cigar.
We're gonna be real buddies.
317
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:02,720
Left, right, left, right...!
Higher, higher, higher...!
318
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:09,320
Move it, move it, move it...!
Alright, double it! Higher, higher!
319
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,000
Everything alright, fellas?
320
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,040
On guard!
321
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,240
Charge!
322
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,440
Agh!!
323
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,960
I'm so sorry, Sergeant.
324
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:29,880
That's all right. Anybody
can make a little mistake...buddy.
325
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,080
Wakey, wakey, Simmy.
326
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:44,560
Tea's up! Thank you very much
indeed, Sergeant. Oh, no bother.
327
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:49,960
I wonder if you'd make parade today
as it's Commandant's inspection.
328
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:55,160
Yes. I think we can make it, yes.
Oh, that's what I admire: keenness.
329
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:59,200
But no hurry...
When you're ready...buddy.
330
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:04,640
Come along, you guys. Hold it!
Right there... Now shut your eyes.
331
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,960
This is gonna be a surprise...
332
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,160
You're not shutting your eyes!
333
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,440
OK. Open them.
334
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,000
Surprise!
335
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:19,560
Oh, Sgt, we don't know what to say.
Just a small token of my esteem.
336
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:24,640
But where did you get it from?
Never mind. Just don't tell anyone.
337
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:31,200
Le Pice! Le Pice!
Oui, Herr Commandant?
Where's my bathtub gone?!
338
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,400
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Entrez.
339
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:40,480
Welcome to the Kifa Hotel, Algeria.
I am the manager. How nice.
340
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:45,560
I just wanted to see whether your
accommodation is...satisfactory.
341
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,840
Well, yes.
342
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,640
Mam'selle travels alone?
Yes...
343
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:07,760
Oh! What an extraordinary way to see
if my accommodation is satisfactory!
344
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,680
(EROTIC MUSIC)
345
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:08,120
You can't beat it. There's nothing
like an old-fashioned waltz.
346
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:37,560
You not say hello to me, Sergeant?
Hello. I can't see, honey.
347
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,880
Oi!
348
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:56,400
How about giving us the dance of
the two veils. You mean 7 veils!
349
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,840
Why bother with the preliminaries?!
350
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:04,240
Did you see that?
She's crazy about me!
351
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:10,200
She's very beautiful. But why
was she wearing that ruby in...here?
352
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:16,240
To keep the draught out.
Sir, did you notice these things...?
353
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:23,280
Yes, Simpson, I did notice.
We have some casserole dishes
just like that at home. Oh, yes!
354
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:27,360
We put our dumplings in them.
So do we.
355
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,960
I'd like to meet her. That dancer?
I don't think that's advisable.
356
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,440
Whyever not?
357
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:39,040
I'd never get mixed up
with a woman like that...
358
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:43,800
Hello there! Why don't you take
off your clothes and sit down?
359
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:53,760
Thank you. No, no...thank YOU.
Who told you I was the only one
worth bothering with?
360
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,400
Nobody.
Just psychic, eh?
361
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,960
I very much enjoyed your dancing.
Thank you. You are most kind.
362
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:06,040
We haven't seen you here before.
No, I have just come from Egypt.
363
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:10,600
Ah, Egypt! Land of mystery.
Home of the mighty Fairies.
364
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,400
You mean Pharaohs.
I know what I mean.
365
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:18,440
You are so very pretty.
Oh, please...
366
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:22,480
No, no, it is true.
What is your name?
367
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,080
(West.)
368
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:30,600
West... Bertram Oliphant West.
Ludicrous! My name is...
369
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:35,400
Bertram Oliphant?
A riot, eh?! My name is...
370
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:41,240
But most of my best friends
call me Bo. Bo? Yes. B - O.
371
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:47,040
Nice friends (!) What's your name?
They call me Corktip.
372
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,640
Can you guess my name?
Oh, I know YOUR name.
373
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,280
Well! It's even spread to Egypt!
374
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,800
They call you The Big Stinker.
375
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,800
Ha! That's what they call me...
What?!
376
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,600
I just hear Zigzig call you that.
377
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,000
How do you like that dame?
378
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,520
She'll get no more favours from me!
379
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,480
May I offer you some refreshment?
380
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,440
No, thank you.
I must go work now. Dancing? No.
381
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,800
No. I can tell fortune.
Really? How?
382
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:31,960
Oh, with the ball...or by the hand.
Or I feel your bumps...
383
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,560
Who did that?!
It was I. You stu...
384
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,520
Very well done, I must admit.
385
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,200
Go, woman!
Now, just a moment!
386
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,480
You will be the first to die.
387
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,920
Enough! Go! Go, you dogs!
388
00:33:55,920 --> 00:34:01,400
A thousand apologies, gentlemen.
They are just ignorant fools.
389
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,880
Good thing you showed up.
Just about to lose my temper.
390
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,680
It will not happen again.
Peace be on you.
391
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,040
And peace on you too.
392
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:19,080
Fools! You'd kill the Legionnaires
here, in front of everyone?!
393
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,920
I have OTHER plans for them.
394
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,960
(BUGLE PLAYS)
395
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,640
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come.
396
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:34,200
Excuse me, Herr Commandant,
there is a woman here for you.
397
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,960
A woman? But it's not Saturday.
398
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:41,040
No, not THAT one! A white woman.
She asked to see you.
399
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,000
A white woman? Out here?
400
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,240
And out there.
Well, bring her in!
401
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,320
Lady Jane Ponsonby.
402
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,120
Commandant Burger.
Jane!
403
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,360
Maximilian!
404
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,200
Oh, pardon.
405
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,560
Is it REALLY you?
It's been so long!
406
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,360
Years! Vienna, at finishing school.
407
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,680
I taught fencing
and finished you off.
408
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,600
I hardly knew what it was about.
409
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:20,680
Fencing, I mean. A beautiful child
you were, with braces on your teeth.
410
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:26,200
And you had braces on your leather
shorts! Oh, mein Liebchen! No.
411
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:33,760
Forgive me, but it's so long
since I have seen a white woman.
There can't be so much difference!
412
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:40,840
There's an old Arab saying:
"Snow is as black as the coal hole
when there's no light."
413
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:48,720
Oh, what a lovely saying.
But not you. It was because
of YOU that I joined the Legion.
414
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:52,160
Because of ME? Yes.
415
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:57,400
That day when I did what I
did to you. Oh, I was SO ashamed!
416
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:01,480
Oh, it was nothing.
Only a little scratch?
417
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:04,440
I have never touched a sword since.
418
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:09,960
Oh, poor Maximilian! No matter. You
have forgiven me and found me again.
419
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,320
I didn't come here looking for you.
420
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:19,440
Not for me? No, I came to find
a dear friend of mine. A Mr West.
421
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:24,800
Bo West. Oh?
I'd do ANYTHING to find him.
422
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,880
Anything? Yes.
423
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,600
Tell me, are you travelling alone?
424
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,360
Yes.
425
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:37,200
Very well, in that case...
Oh, never mind. I'll do it.
426
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,320
Oh!
427
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,760
I wish you to get them
to come to your house.
428
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:55,160
My men will take care of them then.
I understand.
429
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,640
CORKTIP:
All three of them?
430
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,600
No. Just two of them.
431
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,120
He with the head like
the dome of the Mosque of Omar,
432
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:13,480
and he with eyes
like well-holes in the sand.
433
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:18,240
It shall be done,
O Powerful One.
434
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:26,560
Hey, Corktip wants to see you in
the back room. Me? Don't ask me why!
435
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,200
I don't have to ask, I know.
436
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:34,200
They can only fight against it
for so long, and then it's VROOM!
437
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,200
Well, chappies,
don't wait up for me.
438
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:49,240
You can stop looking for it
in there. It's right here.
439
00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:53,320
Sit down. I would like to see
what's in store for you.
440
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,280
I'd like to see that myself!
441
00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:01,680
No, you must not. Not here.
I tell your fortune. Sit. Fine.
442
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:05,640
But never mind that.
Let's get to the bumps, huh?
443
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,720
You interest me strangely.
444
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:15,040
I feel an affinity between us,
a destiny that guides our ends.
445
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,640
Fine. You take care of your end,
I'll take care of mine.
446
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:21,240
Ah! It is clearing now.
447
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:25,920
I see you meeting a dark woman,
somewhere else.
448
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:29,440
Oh? It wouldn't be YOU, would it?
449
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:34,040
It might be... Yes, it IS me.
450
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,840
Fine. When?
451
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,360
I see a clock.
452
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,240
It says...midnight?
453
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,200
Midnight, it is. Where?
454
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,760
I see a house.
455
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:52,880
It is the tenth house
in the Street of Many Fools.
456
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,560
Oh, 10 Downing Street.
457
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,880
I'll BE there!
458
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,560
Well, what happened?
What do you mean, "happened"?
459
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,480
Oh, nothing.
She just told my fortune.
460
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,080
Well, we'll soon see about that.
461
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,360
Sit down!
462
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:19,400
He's right. You just told me to
go and find another woman! A LADY!
463
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:26,640
A woman like that
is only looking for one thing.
Then I'll help her find it.
464
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,160
Will he be alright?
465
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:37,440
Good. You have come.
I was just going to send for you.
466
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:43,040
You were? Really?
Yes. You fascinate me strangely.
467
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:46,080
Please...sit down.
468
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:50,120
Ohh-hh...
469
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:57,000
You have...a very INTERESTING head.
Well, what does it tell you?
470
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:01,520
Well, this one here...
this beeg bump...
471
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:07,680
this indicates that you are...
VERY romantic and passionate...
472
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,240
That's very funny. That's
where I was hit by a cricket ball.
473
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:14,720
But you ARE passionate.
I feel it here.
474
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:20,240
Is it not true? I did once breathe
down my music teacher's neck.
475
00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:24,800
She was showing me some five-finger
exercises and I lost my senses.
476
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,280
Is that all?
477
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:33,640
You have never kissed a woman?
Yes, but never one wearing a veil.
478
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,480
What difference does my veil make?
479
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,360
It'd be like sucking a toffee with
the paper on.
480
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,640
And if I took it off?
481
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:47,440
Oh-oh, yes. It is forbidden
for me to remove it in public.
482
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:53,680
Of course...if you were
to come to my house later...?
483
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:59,600
Yes... About ten minutes
after midnight? Yes, yes...
484
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:06,520
There will be a WHOLE toffee
assortment with NO papers on...
485
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:13,440
Must you go? This last hour has
been an experience I cannot forget.
486
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:18,760
I really must see Bo. Very well.
I will take you to the Cafe Zigazig.
487
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:26,440
Oh, no, I must see him alone.
Well, be careful. It is not safe
for a young woman to go about alone.
488
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:31,480
Papa said so, but nothing's happened
yet...nothing unpleasant, that is.
489
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,000
But out here it's different.
490
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:39,280
These Arabs on the sand-dunes...ooh!
Oh, do tell me! What do they DO?
491
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:46,400
Well, there's an old Arab saying:
"There's many a good fiddle
played on an old dune!"
492
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,240
An old dune!
So be careful!
493
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:58,760
OK, fellas.
Let's take the short cut.
494
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,640
Who is this woman?
What woman?
495
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:31,320
She of the skin
the colour of camel's tripes.
496
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:36,040
I do not know. Why?
I desire her.
497
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,280
Bring her to me.
498
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:46,360
Good night!
I'm gonna get a little shut-eye.
499
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,480
He doesn't seem to be here.
500
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,440
I'm sure you will find the one
you are seeking.
501
00:42:53,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Meanwhile, perhaps
you would accept the hospitality
of my humble dwelling?
502
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,960
How kind! Do you live near here?
503
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:08,000
My encampment is at the Oasis
El Nooki...in the desert.
504
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:13,440
Among the sand-dunes? Naturally.
Well, I feel I should stay in town.
505
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,960
As you wish.
Perhaps you will change your mind.
506
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:23,120
You will have a drink?
Thank you... What is it?
507
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:27,120
We call it...sherbet.
Sherbet?!
508
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:30,240
I haven't had sherbet for years!
509
00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:35,880
It's harmless, isn't it?
Of course...if drunk quickly.
510
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:45,480
It doesn't taste the same
as I remember.
511
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,320
Delicious, though. Really.
512
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,040
Hic!
513
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:12,440
I think I SHALL accept your offer
of kind hospitality. I am honoured.
514
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,040
We will leave immediately.
515
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,520
Oh... Oh!
516
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,520
I'm travelling alone, you know!
517
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,480
Yoo hoo! It's me!
The desirable one!
518
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,320
Enter, O Desirable One!
519
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,720
I got something FOR you!
520
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:17,480
I am here...in ze bedroom.
521
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:23,440
Aow! ..Who needs you? This'll
be a night to remember, baby.
522
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:28,480
By the time I'm through with you,
you won't know... CRASH!
523
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:31,000
..what hit you.
524
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,520
Enter, O Desirable One.
525
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,840
Hello?
526
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,480
I am here...in ze bedroom.
527
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:28,120
Oh...I do beg your pardon.
I'll wait here.
528
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:35,840
No, no...you must come in here.
I am in bed.
529
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:41,520
Oh, aren't you feeling well?
No, no. I am just cold.
530
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,720
I need to be...WARMED.
531
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:49,760
Would you like me
to...get you a hot-water bottle?
532
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:56,440
No! Do you not understand?
I just want...YOU! Ohh!
533
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:01,560
Well, if you don't mind me
seeing you in bed...
534
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,000
Oh ho ho!
535
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:10,560
I say, it's rather dark in here.
I... Oh!
536
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,640
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
537
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,400
You can come out now, Miss Corktip.
538
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:29,080
Oh, you won't need that any more.
539
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:34,360
It's those two chaps who
were bothering you in the cafe...
540
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,480
Luckily, I learned ju-jitsu.
541
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:45,080
Oh, I do beg your pardon,
you haven't got your top coat on.
I'll just turn my back.
542
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,560
(A COCK CROWS)
543
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:40,680
Jezebel! I'll never trust
another woman again!
544
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:46,720
Disgusting! In England,
you'd get fined five pounds.
545
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,720
Where are we, Sergeant?
It's the Oasis El Nooki.
546
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,520
It's the only waterhole
within 200 miles.
547
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,920
You have done well.
You will be rewarded.
548
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:06,440
I want no other reward
than to be favoured
with the love of my lord.
549
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:10,800
It shall be done. Wait in my tent.
550
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:17,080
I hope you had
a pleasant journey, gentlemen. No!
551
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,400
We have been treated outrageously.
I demand to see the British Consul!
552
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:26,360
Did I say something funny? Keep
going. He might rupture something.
553
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,080
Quiet, you miserable camel droppings.
554
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:33,000
I beg your pardon? You can't talk
to a British subject like that!
555
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:36,640
Take it easy, Bo.
I will NOT be humiliated!
556
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,640
Shoot us now and get it over with!
557
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,600
That is an excellent idea!
558
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:47,120
Big mouth!
But first, I require information.
559
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,600
Of course. Anything
you want to know. Just fire away.
560
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:55,640
How many Legionnaires are there
at Fort Zuassantneuf? Let me see...
561
00:49:55,640 --> 00:50:01,520
Er... You're not going to tell him?
Why not? It's a harmless question.
562
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:06,560
Of course it isn't! He wants
to attack it! Aw, come off it.
563
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,600
It is true!
564
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:14,400
The infidels will all perish
when the second crescent of the moon
enters the third phase of Orion.
565
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,960
When is that?
566
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,520
Tuesday.
567
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:23,600
First Fort Zuassantneuf,
and then Sidi-Bel-Abbes.
568
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:28,280
It has been ordained
by the prophet Mustapha Leke.
569
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:32,040
ALL: MUSTAPHA LEKE!
Mustapha Leke!
570
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:37,120
Now, you will tell me,
how many men?
571
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:41,240
For the moment,
it seems to have slipped my mind.
572
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:46,720
If I can just pop back to the
barracks... Don't trifle with me!
573
00:50:46,720 --> 00:50:51,560
Perhaps a little TORTURE
will help you to remember.
574
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,800
You have until nightfall
to come to your senses.
575
00:50:56,400 --> 00:51:02,440
If not, they will come off...
one by one.
576
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,720
One by one?
I suppose he means our ears.
577
00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:11,280
That's my boy. Always
thinking of the higher things.
578
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:16,880
Look, Chiefy, if we could talk
this over with this Mustapha Leke...
579
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,920
ALL: Mustapha Leke!
580
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:23,200
Must be Number One
in the hit parade.
581
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,560
ABDUL: Away with them!
582
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,440
Grr-rr!
583
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:58,520
(SOUND OF TOILET FLUSHING)
Ah!
584
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,520
Now you. Come on.
585
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,400
(Someone is coming.)
586
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,960
Boh! Boh!
587
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:21,120
Good boy! Aagh!
Get his clothes!
588
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:30,880
Come on.
If we could get those horses...
589
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:49,400
How are yah? I lost a cuff-link.
It must be around here someplace.
590
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:53,560
Stop! I think they've spotted us.
No (!)
591
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,600
Kill them!
Wait!
592
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,760
Mustapha Leke.
593
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,240
ALL: Mustapha Lee-eeke!
594
00:54:01,240 --> 00:54:03,800
Run for it!
595
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:08,400
After them!
Quick, in there!
596
00:54:25,720 --> 00:54:31,440
You gotta hand it to these Ay-rabs.
They got crazy camping equipment!
597
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,320
Allah is smiling down on me.
598
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:39,400
I think we ought to leave. Why?
They've hardly any clothes on.
599
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:44,640
That's a reason?! I'd
rather die out there than in here.
600
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,280
Are you some kind of a nut?!
601
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:52,760
I have to remember the family name.
West, sir. Thank you, Simpson.
602
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,920
They're waiting outside!
Let's see.
603
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:02,960
Why don't they come in and get us?
Wait a minute!
604
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:08,040
This is the harem tent. No man
may enter here, only the eunuchs.
605
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:13,320
What are they? You'll never know
how close you came to finding out.
606
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:17,600
They are ALL the Sheik's wives?
Yes. So?
607
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:23,000
All those mothers-in-law! Surely
the Sheik himself can come in? No.
608
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:26,960
But that's like
playing cricket with no bails.
609
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:30,040
There's nothing to knock off.
610
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:36,200
No, he just sends for one. He don't
travel. He plays on his own ground.
611
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:43,920
So while we're in here, we're safe?
That's right, we're stuck in here.
What a pity (!) Well...
612
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:48,320
now for some Turkish delight.
(GIRLS SQUEAL)
613
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,160
Don't frighten them!
614
00:55:51,160 --> 00:55:54,880
Ladies, I assure you
that we will do you no harm.
615
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,880
Stop making promises I can't keep!
616
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:01,080
What's the noise? I can't sleep.
617
00:56:02,240 --> 00:56:08,640
I was having such a LOVELY dream.
Full of men, all travelling alone!
618
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,680
Jane!
That you, Abdul?
619
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:15,440
No, it's me...Bo.
Bo to you too!
620
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:20,920
Jane, what's the matter with you?
It's me, Bo West. THAT Bo?
621
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:24,840
Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Kiss me, Bo!
622
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,960
Jane, please!
623
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:30,120
You men in there! Hearken to me!
624
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:31,760
Quiet. Let's hearken.
625
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:36,720
Come out of there...
and I will spare your lives.
626
00:56:36,720 --> 00:56:42,080
If not, eventually...
you will all die...
627
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:44,320
horr-rribly!
628
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:50,000
It's Abdul. He wants me to be
his number 13. Number 13? His wife.
629
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:55,360
We might as well surrender.
No! I'm not leaving Jane here!
630
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:02,440
It's better than being dead.
Besides, she'll have 12 days off.
631
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:08,280
No. One of you must get help.
My place is by your side, sir.
632
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,200
Thank you. It's up to you, Sergeant.
633
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:16,320
What do I do? We'll go out and
you creep under the flap and run.
634
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:20,800
How? Grab a horse
and stampede the rest. Sir!
635
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,680
What am I salutin' YOU for?
636
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:27,800
All this grass.
No time left to graze.
637
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:31,600
Come out of that tent!
Coming!
638
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,040
Bye bye, Bo.
639
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,320
Seize them!
640
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:47,080
Where is the other infidel?
Look, Effendi!
641
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,560
Stop!
642
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:55,560
Let him go.
643
00:57:55,560 --> 00:58:00,640
It worked! Nocker, old boy,
I think you've pulled it off.
644
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:05,960
You'll be a REAL hero now.
Hold there, hold. Good boy, Nocker.
645
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:11,160
They'll write books about you.
"Nocker of the Foreign Legion."
646
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:15,880
I like that sound.
"Nocker of the Foreign Legion."
647
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:17,520
AAGH!
648
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:23,560
Ever have one of those days
when nothing seems to go right?
649
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:27,240
Here! Whoa! Whoa! Hold it!
650
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:33,880
(COCK CROWS)
651
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:41,120
So let me understand quite clearly
what you have told us, madam.
652
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:45,600
You say that four nights ago,
Sgt Nocker was in your cafe
653
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:48,640
with the two other Legionnaires?
Correct?
654
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,880
Yes. Then he go off with Corktip.
655
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:57,640
And you further say that he is
still with this woman. Correct?
656
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:01,680
Of course!
Where else? The dirty peeg!
657
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:06,120
So all the time he was
supposedly out on patrol alone,
658
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,240
he was in reality staying with YOU?
659
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:14,800
Yes. For years he has been with me,
until this woman come along and...
660
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:19,840
Would you like to use this?
No. I went before I came.
661
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:23,960
Well, thank you
for bringing this information.
662
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:27,880
I like you. Why don't you
come and see me sometime, eh?
663
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:32,000
I think I've got all I want from you,
madam, thank you. You think so?
664
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:36,040
Well, perhaps there are a couple
of points I'd like to go over...
665
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:39,160
Good... Soon, eh?
666
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:44,200
Interesting, Le Pice.
Very interesting. What is her name?
667
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:48,720
Her name is Zigzig.
Zigzig... It's a strange name.
668
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:52,440
It's an old Arabic word
for serving woman,
669
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:55,720
"She who hands it out on a platter."
670
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,760
And she's been handing it
out to Sgt Nocker!
671
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,760
Oh, what fools
he has been making of us!
672
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:07,320
All these stories about lone patrols
and killing hundreds of Riffs,
673
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:09,800
and all the time he and she were...
674
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,640
And I've been giving him medals!
675
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:18,920
Open up! It's me, Sergeant Nocker!
Open up!
676
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,720
Commandant! Commandant!
Sgt Nocker is back!
677
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,880
Quick, Le Pice!
678
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:36,080
Sgt Nocker reporting back
from patrol, sir.
679
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:39,920
What have you got
to report THIS time?
680
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:44,680
Fort Zuassantneuf is to be attacked.
And how did you find this out?
681
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:51,720
Legionnaires West, Simpson and me
were taken prisoners by them...
Of course (!)
682
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:58,760
We were taken to
the Oasis El Nooki, but I managed
to escape and come back here.
683
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:04,360
Four days on foot, across
the desert... This is UNBELIEVABLE!
684
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:10,640
Yes. It was quite a feat, sir.
Well, go and get the medals, then.
685
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:16,960
Nein, nein, nein!
One's enough, sir. Schweinhund!
686
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:21,760
Schweinhund? You have made
a fool of me for the last time!
687
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:24,880
Killing 53 men single-handed, eh?
688
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:29,440
Rescuing Legionnaires, eh?
Lies! Lies! Lies!
689
01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:32,320
I got those medals for bravery!
690
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:36,920
No, for jiggery-pokery!
Take him away!
691
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:41,560
What happened? What did I say?
692
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:46,400
Herr Commandant. Sergeant Nocker's
been down for three days now.
693
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:49,120
He's decided to tell the truth?
694
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:51,880
No. He keeps insisting on some story
695
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:56,680
about West, Simpson and an
English woman being held prisoner.
696
01:01:56,680 --> 01:02:01,200
An English woman, you say?
Not...not...Lady Jane?
697
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:04,480
I believe that was her name, sir.
698
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,240
Le Pice, turn out the whole company!
699
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:11,120
Oui, oui.
Full packs, arms and ammunition!
700
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:16,600
And release Sgt Nocker!
Oui, oui. Stop 'oui-ing' and get on!
701
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:21,240
Legion...left turn!
702
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:25,320
Legion...forward!
703
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:46,240
On! On! Faster! Faster!
704
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:54,160
On your feet, you scum! On! On!
705
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:07,920
Look! The oasis!
706
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:18,600
Where's everyone gone?
Where's Lady Jane?!
707
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:22,680
If you've brought us
on a wild goose's chest...
708
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:25,880
I give you my word, they WERE here!
Commandant, look!
709
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:28,360
Vultures. Vultures?!
710
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:33,040
You don't think... Looks like they
had a bone to pick with someone.
711
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:35,680
Nein! Not Jane!
712
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:44,120
Whoa!
713
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:46,160
Look, sir!
714
01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:59,600
He's alive. Still breathing.
But where's mein Liebchen?!
715
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:05,120
Alas! Poor Jane! I knew her well!
That's a skull of a man, sir.
716
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:10,440
How can you tell? A woman's jawbone
gets more worn down, you know.
717
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:15,920
Then where is she? Mother...!
Mother? It's ME, Bo! Nocker!
718
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:20,960
He's been lying here for a week.
He's trying to say something.
719
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:23,600
Yes, West, what is it?
720
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:26,240
Turn...me over.
721
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:31,800
I want to do my back. All he
can think of is getting an even tan!
722
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:35,280
Oh, he's delirious.
Half out of his mind.
723
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,480
Where is she? Where's Lady Jane?
724
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:43,600
Took her... Took her with them...
to raid Fort Zuassantneuf.
725
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:48,960
Then we're not too late!
Look after him. You're gonna be OK.
726
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:52,000
We leave at once for Zuassantneuf!
727
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:59,040
But we have no water left.
Then we'll fill our bottles
at the oasis! Come on!
728
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,160
ABDUL: Those fiendish devils!
729
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:20,600
Now you see why
I let the Sergeant go.
730
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:24,640
He will lead them
straight into my trap.
731
01:05:24,640 --> 01:05:30,960
Do we attack them now, Effendi?
No, no. We wait
two or three days.
732
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:35,440
Without water,
they will be weaker then.
733
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:51,920
I did not say halt!
March, you swines! March!
734
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:59,840
Sir, the men have been marching for
two days. They must have a break.
735
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:04,120
One hour.
Thank you! You're all heart (!)
736
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:10,600
Alright, good news, you monkeys.
Fall out for one hour. One hour.
737
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,960
One hour?!
738
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:17,160
Sir, I'm rather worried about
morale.
739
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:21,920
If we don't get water soon,
you'll have trouble from the men.
740
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:29,080
Le Pice, it is your job
to keep their minds occupied
so they forget about their thirst.
741
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:32,200
Actually, I did have a good idea...
742
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:35,080
Then act on it, Le Pice. Act on it!
743
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:39,920
I'd love to!
Gott in Himmel! Dummkopf!
744
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:50,320
They've stopped.
But what are they doing?
745
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:55,920
We're all ready for you
and you'll be amazed. Good.
746
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:57,960
Strange.
747
01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:03,480
I think the time has come to attack.
Tell my warriors to make ready.
748
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:08,000
Fun, ain't it, sir?
Lovely weather!
749
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:13,760
Good... Good...
They're all so very good, I think.
750
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:18,480
Mmm...yes, this one too.
But I think, THIS one.
751
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:22,600
This one is the best.
First prize - Clotski.
752
01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:27,640
Mine's better than his!
You think so? Yeah!
753
01:07:34,520 --> 01:07:37,440
Stop it! It's only a game!
754
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,800
Aah! Oh! Oh!
755
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:41,320
Now...
756
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:45,400
Simpson, tread on his!
757
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:54,600
Our men are ready to attack.
Wait. I think the job
is being done for us.
758
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:59,080
We do not need
to attack these fools.
759
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:04,120
Pass the word: we march on
to Fort Zuassantneuf IMMEDIATELY!
760
01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:12,120
The prophet has truly said:
"The behaviour of the white infidels
761
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:17,640
"is like blood coming from a stone."
A bleeding mystery!
762
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:24,760
You beaver!
763
01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:32,600
It's alright.
Take it easy. Just relax.
764
01:08:34,960 --> 01:08:37,480
Alright, alright, alright.
765
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,760
That's it, sir.
How many casualties, Sergeant?
766
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:49,160
Sixteen, sir.
Sixteen?!
767
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:52,080
It's disgraceful! Disgusting!
768
01:08:52,080 --> 01:08:56,520
Aw, they're a good bunch, sir.
Just letting off steam.
769
01:08:56,520 --> 01:09:01,600
But 16 casualties! You, Le Pice,
with your 'bright' ideas!
770
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:05,880
You don't have to blame me! Oh!
Sergeant.
771
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:12,000
Sir! Pick the men who can march
to Zuassantneuf! Without water?
772
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:16,160
We must save Lady Jane
and relieve the garrison.
773
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:17,880
What about the Captain?
774
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:23,080
You won't be taking Le Pice.
I'm asking a serious question, sir.
775
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:26,080
You fool! I mean Le Pice
will not be coming with us!
776
01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:29,920
He is going back to Sidi-Bel-Abbes
to fetch reinforcements.
777
01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:31,440
Le Pice!
Yes, Herr Commandant!
778
01:09:31,440 --> 01:09:33,880
I wish to see the map.
Yes, Herr Commandant.
779
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:36,560
Ah!
780
01:09:36,560 --> 01:09:42,600
Here is Fort Zuassantneuf.
And here is our present position...
781
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:47,800
Left...TURN ! For-WARD !
782
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:51,080
Left, right, left, right, left...
783
01:09:52,440 --> 01:09:54,480
Sergeant.
784
01:09:54,480 --> 01:09:58,840
Legionnaires, attention!
Left turn!
785
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:01,560
Forward MARCH!
786
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:22,320
Simpson, look! A well!
787
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:25,480
A well!
Halt!
788
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:31,800
Hey, relax, take it easy.
(PUZZLED SHOUTS)
789
01:10:31,800 --> 01:10:36,280
Shut up! There's NOTHING there!
There WAS!
790
01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:39,520
Yes, Sergeant, there was a WELL!
791
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:42,400
And you're Jack and you're Jill (!)
792
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:45,120
W-where is it? Where did it go to?
793
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:47,960
It wasn't there. It was a mirage.
794
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:50,560
A mirage? I don't believe it.
795
01:10:50,560 --> 01:10:54,320
No? Well, do you see this coin?
796
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:59,640
Coin, right? I will now throw it
down the well... See?
797
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:02,400
SPLOSH!
798
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:05,960
Sergeant,
you should have made a wish.
799
01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:09,080
I wish you'd SHUT UP!
800
01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:11,640
Shut up! Shut up!
801
01:11:13,120 --> 01:11:15,160
Move!
802
01:11:48,840 --> 01:11:52,600
Sir! Look!
803
01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:07,160
Simpson! There's no...
Here, where's the water?!
804
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:12,720
Another mirage.
It even had ME fooled that time.
805
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:32,560
(THEY LAUGH)
806
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:36,480
Look at that!
Restaurant bar (!)
807
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:39,200
THAT'S what I call a mirage.
808
01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:43,320
It has been seen many times before.
Come, we must go on!
809
01:12:47,520 --> 01:12:52,960
I told you it was a mistake building
right out here. Nobody ever stops!
810
01:13:10,200 --> 01:13:13,920
I cannot stand it no more.
I've had enough!
811
01:13:13,920 --> 01:13:17,400
I tell you, I cannot STAND it!
812
01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:21,200
What's wrong, Clotski?
I'm thirsty.
813
01:13:21,200 --> 01:13:26,080
I think he wants water.
What can I do? I cannot make water!
814
01:13:26,080 --> 01:13:30,360
We're done for!
Simpson! Look at the vultures!
815
01:13:31,400 --> 01:13:33,920
To hell with you!
816
01:13:33,920 --> 01:13:38,160
Go on! Do your worst!
Oh! Blimey, one did!
817
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:43,680
Men! Pull yourself together!
There's plenty of water at the fort.
818
01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:46,200
On! On! We must go on!
819
01:13:46,200 --> 01:13:49,160
Oh, sir, he DOES go on!
820
01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:54,800
# Oh, I do like to be
beside the seaside,
821
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:58,520
# Oh, I do like to be
beside the sea
822
01:13:58,520 --> 01:14:02,400
# And I do like to walk
along the prom, prom, prom
823
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:08,440
# Where the brass bands play...
(HOWLING WIND)
824
01:14:08,440 --> 01:14:15,320
# ..Beside the seaside. And I do
like to be beside the sea... #
825
01:14:27,120 --> 01:14:29,840
Look! The fort!
826
01:14:40,720 --> 01:14:44,240
(DESPERATE GASPS)
827
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:13,120
I say, sir, are we too late?
828
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:25,600
I've heard this music before.
It's for a wedding. Is that all?
829
01:15:25,600 --> 01:15:28,480
The Chief is taking another wife.
830
01:15:28,480 --> 01:15:34,600
Good for him. He's got 12 already.
And another wife... Number 13!
831
01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:39,640
Lady Jane?! Oh, no! Don't panic,
sir. It may not be too late.
832
01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:42,520
Is it 'before' or 'after' music?
833
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:48,480
Before. It is for an abundant crop.
It is called the "Song of the Oats".
834
01:15:48,480 --> 01:15:51,280
Let's hurry before it's too late!
835
01:15:58,000 --> 01:16:00,040
There she is!
836
01:16:01,120 --> 01:16:06,240
There is still time. This
music is to wish the Chief
great virility and endurance.
837
01:16:06,240 --> 01:16:11,400
The day of the morrow
we'll march on Sidi-bel-Abbes!
838
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,120
(ALL CHEER)
839
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:19,760
But the night of tonight...
to mark YOUR gallant victory...
840
01:16:19,760 --> 01:16:22,760
I, your Chief,
841
01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:27,240
will take another wife to bosom!
842
01:16:29,280 --> 01:16:32,120
Go to my tent.
843
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:38,840
The hour of your fulfilment
approaches. MUST I be fulfilled?
844
01:16:38,840 --> 01:16:43,400
Take her! Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHTER)
845
01:16:44,400 --> 01:16:46,440
My people...
846
01:16:46,440 --> 01:16:48,960
the time is nigh.
847
01:16:48,960 --> 01:16:53,520
I wish mine was.
I could use a nigh old time.
848
01:16:53,520 --> 01:16:57,480
Come. We'll try to work our way
under the back of her tent.
849
01:16:57,480 --> 01:16:59,520
But she isn't wearing one.
850
01:17:03,480 --> 01:17:08,360
But first, in accordance
with the custom of our tribe,
851
01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:15,400
you will all give your gifts
to the glory of ABDUL!
852
01:17:15,400 --> 01:17:18,160
ALL: To the glory of Abdul!
853
01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:28,600
To the glory of Abdul.
854
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:34,600
To the glory of Abdul.
855
01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:36,640
Oh, thank you.
856
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:41,240
(Jane!)
(Bo!)
857
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:45,920
(Ssh! Don't make a sound.
Alright. Come on.)
858
01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:50,200
Bo!
Oh, dear, dear, Jane!
859
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:57,160
Are we in time? For what?
Has he...? Have you...? Oh, no.
860
01:17:57,160 --> 01:18:04,120
Mein Liebchen! Maximilian! Mein
Liebchen! Do not worry! Max is here!
861
01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:06,920
You will be safe back at the fort.
862
01:18:06,920 --> 01:18:13,080
I wouldn't like to bet on that.
I think it's time I got her out.
863
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:15,800
Go ahead. I'll keep watch.
864
01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:20,520
(Look out! Somebody's coming!)
865
01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:36,200
To the glory of Abdul.
Thank you very much, I'm sure.
866
01:18:36,280 --> 01:18:43,480
Hold it! What was that all about?
They keep bringing money for him.
He gets paid for it?!
867
01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:51,000
I'm in the wrong racket.
But one of them will see Lady Jane
is missing and raise the alarm!
868
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:56,160
We need 10 minutes to get her out.
One of us could take her place.
869
01:18:56,160 --> 01:19:00,480
That's a good idea!
Somebody small.
870
01:19:00,480 --> 01:19:04,200
Exactly, Sergeant!
Like you.
871
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:07,920
M-maybe it's not such a good idea...
872
01:19:07,920 --> 01:19:10,600
But it's a splendid idea, Simpson!
873
01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:15,560
Go behind the screen and change
the clothes. Shouldn't take long.
874
01:19:15,560 --> 01:19:21,600
Well, take them off, Simpson.
Very well, sir. Do you mind, sir?
875
01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:32,280
Well? Do I have to, sir?
876
01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:35,880
If you don't mind.
Very well, sir.
877
01:19:40,440 --> 01:19:44,440
Hurry up, you guys!
We're ready.
878
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:48,640
He will do. Quickly, mein Liebchen.
879
01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:54,400
Thanks, Simmy.
What do I do when the Chief comes?
880
01:19:54,400 --> 01:19:59,440
That's a good question, Simpson,
and I wish I knew a good answer.
881
01:19:59,440 --> 01:20:04,640
Now, we need a clear 10 minutes.
Don't let him find out till then.
882
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:07,760
Sir! He's bound to find out
when my time is nigh...
883
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:12,360
Sergeant,
don't leave me alone with him!
884
01:20:12,360 --> 01:20:16,600
Relax. All brides
are nervous on their wedding night.
885
01:20:16,600 --> 01:20:21,640
I don't know what to do! Keep calm
and keep your fingers crossed too.
886
01:20:21,640 --> 01:20:27,080
Remember, you can always escape
through the trap door at the back!
887
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:30,360
Have fun!
But Sergeant...
888
01:20:30,360 --> 01:20:33,120
BURP!
889
01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:39,040
My people...you have given enough.
890
01:20:39,040 --> 01:20:42,720
I can wait no longer.
891
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:49,920
I'm really engaged to
a butcher in Wolverhampton. Come!
892
01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:55,960
No, not this week... Please do not
deny me. Come. Oh, no, no!
893
01:20:55,960 --> 01:21:00,000
I'm only here for two weeks.
Come on...!
894
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:03,840
Put that away.
Be mine!
895
01:21:05,960 --> 01:21:09,120
Come on, out!
No! No, no!
896
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:17,800
Open the gates, Clotski!
897
01:21:17,800 --> 01:21:21,760
Has the Chief found out
about Simpson yet? No.
898
01:21:21,760 --> 01:21:24,960
Ah! Ow!
He has now.
899
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,720
Ah! Ah! Oh, hello, boys.
900
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:33,160
Stop him! Stop him! I have
been tricked! Bring me this man!
901
01:21:33,160 --> 01:21:39,160
I will have his kidneys grilled!
I swear it by Mustapha Leke!
902
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:40,920
ALL: Mustapha Leke!
903
01:21:40,920 --> 01:21:44,760
Never mind that claptrap! After him!
904
01:21:44,760 --> 01:21:47,800
Here he comes!
905
01:21:52,120 --> 01:21:56,400
Oh...! Oh...! Oh...!
906
01:21:56,400 --> 01:21:59,760
Give him covering fire!
907
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:06,240
Oh! Oh! Let me in!
908
01:22:06,240 --> 01:22:10,800
Accursed ones!
You'll DIE for this!
909
01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:14,880
I, Abdul Abulbul, swear it!
910
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:18,800
You will all DIE at DAWN!
911
01:22:18,800 --> 01:22:22,080
Yeah. That mob against us six.
912
01:22:22,080 --> 01:22:25,280
All is not lost yet. There
are still two hours before dawn.
913
01:22:25,280 --> 01:22:28,520
Let's see what's in the store-room.
914
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:32,760
Not much ammunition, Sergeant.
There's gunpowder.
915
01:22:32,760 --> 01:22:38,040
Gramophone...I suppose
we could give them the needle (!)
916
01:22:38,080 --> 01:22:42,280
Sergeant!
Just thought I'd inject some humour.
917
01:22:42,280 --> 01:22:45,560
And figs, dates, senna pods, cascara.
918
01:22:45,560 --> 01:22:48,520
Couldn't have been regular troops.
919
01:22:48,520 --> 01:22:53,160
They've got glucose tablets,
salt tablets, the Pill...
920
01:22:53,160 --> 01:22:59,160
And... The Pill?! What do
you suppose they used that for?!
921
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:02,600
I can't conceive! And over here...
922
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:08,160
Gum arabic! Do we NEED gum arabic?
Like we need a hole in the head.
923
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:13,880
We can't find ANYTHING !
Hold it... Gum arabic... Hmm...
924
01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:17,080
Sir, it might JUST work.
925
01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:21,200
(Come on! Come on!)
926
01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:24,200
(Push! Push! Push!)
927
01:23:25,280 --> 01:23:31,800
You didn't trip Humphrey at all.
He told a lie to dishonour you.
928
01:23:31,800 --> 01:23:36,200
So you, dear, sweet,
wonderful Jane, travelled
all this way alone to tell me.
929
01:23:36,200 --> 01:23:41,720
Oh, it was nothing. Everybody was
so kind. They couldn't do enough.
930
01:23:41,720 --> 01:23:45,080
Do you realise what this means?
931
01:23:45,080 --> 01:23:50,920
My name's cleared. We can return to
England. If we get out of this lot.
932
01:23:50,920 --> 01:23:53,480
(Go, go, sir!)
933
01:23:55,400 --> 01:23:58,440
We will move into position now!
934
01:24:12,040 --> 01:24:15,040
(COCK CROWS)
935
01:24:21,120 --> 01:24:24,400
(BLOOD-CURDLING SHOUTS)
936
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:44,320
Come, follow me!
937
01:24:44,320 --> 01:24:47,200
They're on the run!
938
01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:51,200
Ohh! Aagh!
939
01:25:03,040 --> 01:25:05,520
Ohh! Ahh!
940
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:10,080
MALE VOICES SING GERMAN SONG
941
01:25:10,080 --> 01:25:12,320
Stop firing!
942
01:25:12,320 --> 01:25:15,400
A relief force!
943
01:25:15,400 --> 01:25:19,600
(GERMAN MARCHING SONG)
944
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:32,600
Imshi calaboliti!
945
01:25:50,720 --> 01:25:53,360
We got them worried!
946
01:25:55,960 --> 01:25:58,320
You alright?
947
01:25:58,320 --> 01:26:02,280
Yes, but keep a sharp look-out.
They'll attack
once they know what's happening.
948
01:26:05,680 --> 01:26:09,840
(RECORD BEGINS TO SLOW DOWN)
949
01:26:19,600 --> 01:26:22,280
Uh-oh. That's torn it.
950
01:26:25,480 --> 01:26:28,600
(MUSIC STOPS)
951
01:26:38,680 --> 01:26:41,200
We've got a few surprises left!
952
01:26:41,200 --> 01:26:44,000
Attack! Kill!
953
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,440
Look out! Here they come!
954
01:27:00,880 --> 01:27:04,640
Another 50 yards, they'll be in it!
955
01:27:16,160 --> 01:27:21,040
Go on, you fools!
Attack them! Kill them! Kill them!
956
01:27:25,000 --> 01:27:28,320
Bingo! Let 'em have it!
957
01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:43,560
I'm enjoying this, you know.
958
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:46,560
Well, don't just hold it. Throw it!
959
01:27:46,560 --> 01:27:48,880
Oh...
960
01:27:55,480 --> 01:28:00,520
Just like old times, sir...
Thank you, sir...
961
01:28:04,240 --> 01:28:05,840
Go on!
962
01:28:05,840 --> 01:28:09,520
Aa-aa-gh...!
963
01:28:12,040 --> 01:28:16,160
More ammunition, quick!
There's none left.
964
01:28:16,160 --> 01:28:21,400
Hey, bowl a bomb!
They're all finished, Sergeant.
965
01:28:21,400 --> 01:28:25,880
Well, when they get out
of that goo, we're cooked!
966
01:28:27,560 --> 01:28:30,280
(A BUGLE SOUNDS)
967
01:28:34,040 --> 01:28:38,080
Ooh, I do believe
we've come in the nick.
968
01:28:38,080 --> 01:28:42,520
Company...we move into ACTION!
FORWARD!
969
01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:59,160
This time you win, but I shall
have my REVENGE, I swear it!!
970
01:29:07,880 --> 01:29:10,920
Simmy, baby, I told you we could...
971
01:29:10,920 --> 01:29:13,400
Hold it!
What's happened to the Commandant?
972
01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:20,000
Have you been hit, sir?
Yes, in many places.
973
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:23,600
Have some water, sir.
974
01:29:37,320 --> 01:29:39,360
Come ON! Hurry UP!
975
01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:46,160
Sergeant Nocker! Yeah!
Commandant, if you don't mind!
976
01:29:46,160 --> 01:29:51,680
Lady Jane! Oh, it's good to see
you, Sgt. Can you stay a while?
977
01:29:51,680 --> 01:29:54,920
Well, I didn't come here
for tea and crumpets.
978
01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:59,200
Wonderful! Simpson...
Hold it. I got my own batman.
979
01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:04,080
You! On the double!
Left, right, left, right!
980
01:30:04,080 --> 01:30:08,640
Your batman?!
It's a bit better than Robin.
981
01:30:08,640 --> 01:30:13,920
Excuse me, sir, you're in.
Thank you, Simpson.
982
01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:19,480
I'll see you in a few moments. Chat
to my wife. Give them a good go!
983
01:30:19,480 --> 01:30:21,960
Lady Jane,
you're looking lovelier than ever.
984
01:30:21,960 --> 01:30:26,520
Thank you.
You've been kept busy!
985
01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:29,800
Look, he's the image of his father!
986
01:30:40,880 --> 01:30:43,760
How ees THAT?
987
01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:46,160
Not out!
988
01:30:49,480 --> 01:30:51,520
itfc subtitles
989
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:57,000
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