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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,883 >> Announcer: I SAID BROOKLYN, 2 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,487 MAKE SOME NOISE! 3 00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:21,521 WELCOME TO THE STAGE, 4 00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:22,288 ATSUKO OKATSUKA! 5 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,623 ♪ YUP, POTS AND PANS ♪ 6 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,391 ♪ BEFORE WE GET DIRTY, LEMME 7 00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,558 WASH MY HANDS ♪ 8 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:26,559 ♪ SHE WANNA KNOW, WOULD I EVER 9 00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:27,494 EAT ASS? ♪ 10 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,228 ♪ MAN, I USED TO EAT SPAM OUT 11 00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:29,662 THE CAN ♪ 12 00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,132 ♪ BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND ♪ 13 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:38,238 ♪ MOS SAENG GYEODO KKAMJJIGHAE ♪ 14 00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:39,439 ♪ FUCK A COP IN THE VAN ♪ 15 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,073 ♪ WE GON' EAT WHILE THEY WATCH 16 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,541 LIKE A MUKBANG ♪ 17 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,143 >> Atsuko: 18 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:43,576 WHAT'S UP, BROOKLYN? 19 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:44,043 HEY, I LOVE YOU! 20 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:45,845 HEY! 21 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:46,746 YEAH! 22 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:47,747 OH, MY GOD, WE MADE IT. 23 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:48,882 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 24 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:49,916 HERE. 25 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,084 OH, MY GOD. 26 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:51,918 I'M ATSUKO. 27 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,153 HELLO. 28 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,020 HI. 29 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:55,054 THANK YOU. 30 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:55,955 THANK YOU. 31 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:56,756 AND YOU ARE? 32 00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,426 THAT'S A GOOD THING. 33 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:03,730 I'M ATSUKO, AND, UH, I GET 34 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,497 SPOOKED EASILY. 35 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:05,298 I DO. 36 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,132 YEAH. 37 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,333 PEOPLE, I'M SO SHY. 38 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,101 OKAY. 39 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:09,636 YEAH, NO, I GET SPOOKED EASILY 40 00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:10,236 AND PEOPLE THINK I'M COOL, YOU 41 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,472 KNOW? 42 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:13,506 THANK YOU. 43 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,574 PEOPLE THINK I'M COOL. 44 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:15,842 BUT I WILL FALL APART IF A 45 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,279 TEENAGER TALKS TO ME. 46 00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,047 NO, THANK YOU. 47 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,850 THEY'RE TERRIFYING. 48 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:24,784 THEY'RE THE FUTURE, AND THEY 49 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:26,352 KNOW IT. 50 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,322 THEY ALSO, LIKE, HEAL FAST. 51 00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:30,490 YEAH, NO, I'M ALWAYS LIKE, 52 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:34,360 "I THOUGHT THAT WAS A CUT. 53 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,228 WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S SKIN 54 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,062 AGAIN?" 55 00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:36,663 IT'S VERY VILLAINOUS TO HEAL 56 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:37,797 THAT FAST. 57 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:38,731 "WHAT ARE YOU, AN X-MEN? 58 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,066 NO, THANK YOU." 59 00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,735 THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. 60 00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,571 RECENTLY, I HUNG OUT WITH MY 61 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:46,372 TEENAGER COUSIN FOR THE VERY 62 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:51,311 FIRST TIME WITH MY HUSBAND. 63 00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:52,078 AND I WAS ALREADY INTIMIDATED, 64 00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:52,946 BECAUSE SHE'S WAY COOLER THAN I 65 00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:53,847 EVER WAS WHEN I WAS 18. 66 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:54,647 YEAH. 67 00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:55,915 SHE WEARS COLORED CONTACTS, 68 00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:56,950 FULL PRICE. 69 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,620 SHE HAS NUMEROUS BOYFRIENDS, AND 70 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,055 THEY ALL KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER. 71 00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:03,056 EXCUSE ME? 72 00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:08,595 THAT'S SO COOL, YOU KNOW? 73 00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:09,629 SO, GOING INTO THE HANGOUT, 74 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:10,597 I WAS VERY NERVOUS. 75 00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:11,397 I WAS, LIKE, PUFFING UP. 76 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,334 I WAS WALKING IN STIFF. 77 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,235 I WOULD, LIKE, TAKE OUT 78 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:15,969 CIGARETTES AND DROP THEM, YOU 79 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:16,836 KNOW? 80 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,004 JUST LOOK LIKE I HAD UNLIMITED 81 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:18,872 INCOME, YOU KNOW, LIKE, 82 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:21,508 "I DON'T NEED THESE." 83 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:22,275 AND THINGS WERE GOING KIND OF 84 00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:23,977 CHILL, YOU KNOW? 85 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,144 WE WERE JUST SMALL-TALKING. 86 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,479 WHEN SUDDENLY MY COUSIN SAYS THE 87 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:27,847 MOST TERRIFYING THING TO ME, 88 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:28,815 EVER -- SHE JUST LOOKED ME 89 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:29,883 STRAIGHT IN THE EYES, AND SHE 90 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:32,619 WENT, "HEY, YOU SKATE?" 91 00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:33,586 YEAH. 92 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,787 I WAS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?" 93 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:35,922 AND SHE WAS LIKE, "YOU SKATE?" 94 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:36,523 I WAS LIKE, "UH, DO I SKATE?" 95 00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:37,524 OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS, A 96 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:38,858 BATTLE? 97 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,693 AND I JUST CRUMBLED. 98 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,728 MY NIECE WENT WEAK, AND I FELL. 99 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:44,964 AND I ALSO WATCHED, TOO, AS MY 100 00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:45,865 HUSBAND ALSO CRUMBLED. 101 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:46,833 YEAH. 102 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:47,667 YEAH. 103 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,069 HE WAS LIKE, "UH, DO WE SKATE?" 104 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:50,937 UH, WELL, ONE TIME WE DID BUY A 105 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,907 SKATEBOARD. 106 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,542 YOU MEAN LIKE TONY HAWK?" 107 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:56,042 AND I WAS LIKE, "FUCK. 108 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:56,843 FUCK, FUCK." 109 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,144 BECAUSE TONY HAWK IS, LIKE, SO 110 00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,212 2003, YOU KNOW? 111 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,280 YEAH. 112 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,147 SO I WAS LIKE, "I NEED TO STOP 113 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,348 THIS." 114 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:03,583 I WAS LIKE, "UH... UH... YES. 115 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,051 LIKE, TONY HAWK AND OTHER PEOPLE 116 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:09,556 WHO CAME AFTER HIM." 117 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:10,657 SO, I WAS LIKE, "YES." 118 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:11,658 I SAVED HIM. 119 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:12,492 "GO AWAY. 120 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:13,793 GO AWAY." 121 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:14,827 AND I PRESENTED MYSELF BACK TO 122 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:15,728 HER AND I WAS LIKE, "UH, DO WE 123 00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:16,696 SKATE? 124 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:17,730 UH, YES, WE DO. 125 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:20,767 UH, WE ARE SKATERS NOW." 126 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,235 BUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 127 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,303 WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, 128 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,137 RIGHT? 129 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,171 TWO ADULTS CRUMBLING IN FRONT OF 130 00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,105 AN 18-YEAR-OLD. 131 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:30,276 I JUST STARTED SAYING SHIT. 132 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,344 I WAS LIKE, "I VAPE!" 133 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,245 YOU KNOW, FUCK." 134 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,012 I'M LIKE, "WHAT DO KIDS SAY 135 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:33,980 THESE DAYS? 136 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,114 UH, 'EUPHORIA.' 137 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:35,748 UH, TIMOTHEE CHALAMET," YOU 138 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:36,583 KNOW? 139 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,850 I JUST STARTED SAYING STUFF. 140 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:39,852 AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS? 141 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:40,853 IT WAS GASLIGHTING. 142 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:41,588 YEAH. 143 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:42,255 YEAH. 144 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,123 WHAT SHE DID WAS GASLIGHT. 145 00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:44,757 YEAH, BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU LOOK 146 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:45,258 AT ME? 147 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,125 OKAY? 148 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,260 HOW CAN YOU -- LOOK AT ME. 149 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,127 LOOK AT ME. 150 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,028 LOOKING LIKE I OWN AN ART 151 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:53,433 GALLERY. 152 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:56,769 HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT ME, 153 00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:57,704 AND MY HUSBAND TOO. 154 00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,504 OKAY. 155 00:03:58,571 --> 00:03:59,639 HE LOOKS LIKE STRAIGHT OUT OF A 156 00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,273 J.CREW SALES RACK. 157 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,041 HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT US AND ASK 158 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:02,775 SUCH A QUESTION? 159 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:03,943 "YOU SKATE?" 160 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:07,647 FUCK YOU. 161 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:08,881 "YOU SKATE?" 162 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:09,782 THAT IS THE MOST LOADED, MOST 163 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:10,683 TERRIFYING THING YOU CAN SAY TO 164 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:11,918 TWO ADULTS WHO ARE ALREADY 165 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,254 TRYING SO HARD. 166 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:16,255 "YOU SKATE?" 167 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,156 I WANTED TO BE LIKE, "UH, USE 168 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:17,890 YOUR WORDS." 169 00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:18,691 UH, SKATING, SKATEBOARDING, 170 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:19,993 ROLLER SKATING? 171 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,129 I DON'T KNOW. 172 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,130 NO, WE DRIVE." 173 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,132 STUPID. 174 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,333 STUPID. 175 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:30,436 AND THEN I FINALLY CALMED DOWN, 176 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:31,771 AND I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT? 177 00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:32,739 MAYBE IT'S ACTUALLY THE PERFECT 178 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:33,740 THING TO SAY TO SOMEONE, YOU 179 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:34,841 KNOW? 180 00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,042 LIKE, NEXT TIME SOMEONE TROLLS 181 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,010 YOU ONLINE AND WON'T QUIT. 182 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:42,248 OH, JUST COMMENT BACK. 183 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,516 >> Audience Member: YOU'RE 184 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:44,050 SCARED? 185 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:44,684 >> Atsuko: OH, SHIT. 186 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:45,485 SEE? 187 00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:46,386 THAT WAS SCARY. 188 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,086 YEAH. 189 00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,121 AND JUST WATCH AS THEY CRUMBLE 190 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:49,789 INTO CONFUSION LIKE WE DID. 191 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,090 SCARED OF TEENAGERS. 192 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:54,594 SCARED OF TEENAGERS. 193 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,462 MY GRANDMA RAISED ME, YOU KNOW, 194 00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:57,096 SO I DIDN'T REALLY HANG OUT WITH 195 00:04:57,163 --> 00:04:57,630 PEOPLE MY AGE GROWING UP. 196 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,198 YEAH. 197 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:00,299 YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ALWAYS LIKE, 198 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:02,368 "ATSUKO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" 199 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:03,603 SOMEONE 50 YEARS OLDER THAN ME 200 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,804 TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOCIALIZE, 201 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,440 OKAY? 202 00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:08,941 YEAH. 203 00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:10,076 SO, OF COURSE I WAS GONNA HAVE A 204 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,544 WEIRD TIME MAKING FRIENDS, YOU 205 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:12,278 KNOW? 206 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,347 YEAH. 207 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,515 LIKE, WHENEVER WE WOULD TRY TO 208 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,484 MAKE FRIENDS AS A KID, I WAS 209 00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,252 ALWAYS, LIKE, TELLING WAR 210 00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,286 STORIES. 211 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:22,955 TRYING TO TRADE FOOD RECIPES. 212 00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,357 THERE WAS A TWO-GENERATION GAP 213 00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:25,892 BETWEEN ME AND MY GRANDMA. 214 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:26,926 AND IT SHOWED. 215 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:27,827 YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN I WANTED TO 216 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:28,428 START DATING, I WAS LIKE, 217 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,529 "GRANDMA, I WANNA START DATING." 218 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:30,663 SHE WAS LIKE, "DATING? 219 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:32,899 I MARRIED THE FIRST BOY THAT 220 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,735 TALKED TO ME." 221 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:36,969 I WAS LIKE, "OKAY. 222 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,571 WELL, NOW YOU'RE JUST SHOWING 223 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,772 OFF, YOU KNOW." 224 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:40,339 AND THEN, WITHOUT MISSING A 225 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,541 BEAT, SHE GOES, "AND THEN, HE 226 00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:42,809 DIED." 227 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:43,843 I WAS LIKE, "OKAY. 228 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,111 YEAH. 229 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,412 WELL, YOU KNOW, I HOPE I HAVE A 230 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,948 DIFFERENT STORY." 231 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:49,949 BECAUSE ME AND MY GRANDMA, WE 232 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,250 SHOULDN'T HAVE THE SAME STORY. 233 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,085 WE SHOULDN'T HAVE THE SAME 234 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:53,319 STORY. 235 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,354 THAT WOULD BE BAD, RIGHT? 236 00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:56,823 THAT WOULD MEAN NO PROGRESS HAD 237 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:58,057 BEEN MADE, RIGHT? 238 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,226 IN MEDICINE. 239 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,494 CHANGE IS GOOD. 240 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:02,829 CHANGE IS GOOD. 241 00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:03,730 MY GRANDMA NEVER TALKED TO ME 242 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:07,033 ABOUT ANYTHING. 243 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:07,834 LIKE, I HAD TO -- I HAD TO FIND 244 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,135 OUT HOW SEX WORKS THROUGH 245 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:09,969 WATCHING "TITANIC." 246 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:10,837 YEAH. 247 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:11,804 WHICH THEY BARELY EVEN HAVE SEX 248 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,539 IN. 249 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:14,941 SO, GROWING UP, I THOUGHT YOU 250 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:15,808 HAD SEX IN THE CAR, AND THEN YOU 251 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,376 DIED. 252 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:21,748 YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE MY GRANDPA. 253 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,184 SO, YEAH. 254 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,120 I'M KIND OF STUNTED AS AN ADULT. 255 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,087 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LOOKING AT A 256 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,489 VERY STUNTED PERSON, AND WHEN 257 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,690 LIFE THROWS ME THINGS, I'M NOT 258 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,859 REALLY PREPPED FOR IT. 259 00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:35,061 YEAH. 260 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,263 EARLIER THIS YEAR, MY HUSBAND 261 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,431 AND I HAD AN INTRUDER COME TO 262 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,165 OUR HOUSE. 263 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:39,966 YEAH. 264 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:42,535 AN INTRUDER CAME TO OUR HOUSE. 265 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:43,770 AN INTRUDER, TO OUR HOUSE. 266 00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:47,039 YEAH. 267 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:47,974 BUT TECHNICALLY, WE RENT, YOU 268 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:52,011 KNOW? 269 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,847 SO OUR LANDLORD HAD AN INTRUDER. 270 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,083 WE WERE JUST THERE TO HAVE TO 271 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,117 DEAL WITH IT, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT 272 00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,418 PAYING RENT IS. 273 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,087 YOU PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO LOOK 274 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,055 AFTER THEIR ASSET. 275 00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:03,790 YOU'RE EASILY REPLACEABLE. 276 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:04,657 AND WE KNOW IT. 277 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:05,792 YEAH. 278 00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:06,692 'CAUSE IF WE HAD DIED, OH, HE 279 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,560 WOULD STILL RENT THE PLACE BACK 280 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:08,861 OUT THE VERY NEXT DAY WITH OUR 281 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,896 BODIES STILL IN IT. 282 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:11,264 I KNOW. 283 00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:12,231 YEAH. 284 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:12,899 IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. 285 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:13,966 LANDLORDS DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. 286 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,334 NO, NO. 287 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:15,968 HE WOULD BE LIKE, "HERE ARE THE 288 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:16,502 KEYS," TO THE NEXT PEOPLE, 289 00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:17,170 RIGHT? 290 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:18,337 "HERE ARE THE KEYS, THIS PLACE 291 00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:22,241 COMES WITH GHOSTS." 292 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:24,110 "YEAH. 293 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:24,844 WHITE GUY AND AN ASIAN GIRL 294 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:25,678 GHOST. 295 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,213 A CLASSIC COMBO. 296 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,882 GOOD LUCK." 297 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,017 SO, ME AND MY HUSBAND TAKE THE 298 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,318 TIME TO ADMIRE THE HOUSE A LOT. 299 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,052 YOU KNOW, WE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH 300 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,720 TIME WE HAVE THERE. 301 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,022 TRULY, THERE IS A CORNER IN MY 302 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,758 HOUSE THAT I SOMETIMES TAKE THE 303 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:39,725 TIME TO STAND AT, JUST BECAUSE I 304 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:40,693 PAY RENT. 305 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:41,527 YEAH. 306 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:42,695 I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "THIS IS LIKE 307 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,630 $30 RIGHT HERE. 308 00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:47,700 WHY DON'T I EVER STAND HERE?" 309 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,135 AND YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME THING 310 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,002 TOO. 311 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:51,137 YOU SHOULD. 312 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:51,771 EVERY SQUARE FOOT IN YOUR PLACE 313 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:55,575 YOU PAID FOR, RIGHT? 314 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:56,209 WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST WORKING 315 00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,043 IN ONE CORNER OF YOUR HOUSE? 316 00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:57,844 NO, BE PROUD. 317 00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:58,878 WALK AROUND, YOU KNOW? 318 00:07:58,945 --> 00:07:59,478 HE'S LIKE, "HMM, YEAH. 319 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:00,580 THIS IS ABOUT $2. 320 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,481 THIS IS ABOUT $4." 321 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:03,850 AND JUST HANG OUT AT $6. 322 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,251 IN FACT, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME 323 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,955 YOU TOUCHED YOUR CEILING? 324 00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,425 DON'T LET IT JUST COLLECT DUST. 325 00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:13,125 YOU PAY FOR IT. 326 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,595 AT LEAST FEEL IT. 327 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,230 SO, ME AND MY HUSBAND WERE 328 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:19,465 HANGING OUT IN OUR ABOUT $30 329 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:20,833 CORNER ONE DAY, LOOKING AT THE 330 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:21,934 WINDOW THAT OVERLOOKS OUR 331 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,202 BACKYARD, SAYING STUFF LIKE, 332 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:24,070 "GOD, HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU 333 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:27,740 THINK WE HAVE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL 334 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:28,808 PLACE?" 335 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,711 WE WERE SAYING EXACTLY THAT. 336 00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:32,745 WHEN SUDDENLY A MAN WE'VE NEVER 337 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:33,279 SEEN BEFORE APPEARS IN OUR 338 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:33,946 BACKYARD. 339 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,248 AND HE'S LOOKING AROUND WITH 340 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:35,715 INTENTION. 341 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:36,582 AND I'M THINKING, "WHO IS THIS 342 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:37,583 GUY? 343 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,085 HOW DID THIS GUY GET HERE?" 344 00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:39,719 BECAUSE WE LIVE AT THE TOP OF A 345 00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:40,086 VERY STEEP HILL. 346 00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:41,053 YEAH. 347 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,288 YOU HAVE TO PASS TWO OTHER HOMES 348 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,290 TO GET TO US. 349 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,758 WE'VE LOST FRIENDS TO THAT HILL. 350 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,193 THEY DON'T WANNA HANG OUT WITH 351 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:47,860 US ANYMORE. 352 00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,862 THEY'VE STOPPED CALLING. 353 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,063 SO I WAS LIKE, "FUCK, WE HAVE AN 354 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:55,268 ATHLETE ON OUR HANDS." 355 00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:59,171 THE TONY HAWK OF INTRUDERS. 356 00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,474 AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE 357 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,541 YOUNGER, SOMEONE MORE RECENT, 358 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:02,942 OKAY? 359 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:06,579 THAT'S WHO CAME. 360 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,348 SO, I WAS SCARED. 361 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,384 MY HUSBAND RUSHES OUT TO GO 362 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:12,051 CONFRONT HIM, BECAUSE WE'RE 363 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:12,952 DIFFERENT. 364 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:17,990 MY HUSBAND, HE'S THE TYPE OF 365 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:18,891 GUY -- YOU KNOW, IN A MOVIE 366 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:19,692 WHERE YOU'RE LIKE, "NO, DON'T GO 367 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:20,726 TOWARDS THE SCARY SOUND," AND 368 00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:21,327 THE CHARACTER DOES. 369 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,496 LIKE, WHY WOULD YOU GO TOWARDS 370 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:24,697 THE THING THAT'S GONNA KILL YOU? 371 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:24,997 AND THEY DO. 372 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,132 AND THEY DIE. 373 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,466 THAT'S MY HUSBAND. 374 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:28,134 JUST ALWAYS POTENTIALLY DEAD, 375 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,235 YOU KNOW? 376 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,436 I'M THE TYPE OF PERSON IN THE 377 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,437 MOVIE THAT'S LIKE, "OH, YEAH, 378 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:31,971 I'LL JUST WAIT IN THE CAR. 379 00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:33,172 YEAH. 380 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,274 IN CASE YOU NEED BACKUP. 381 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,275 MM-HMM. 382 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:36,976 I'LL BE READY. 383 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:37,810 YEAH. 384 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,745 MY PHONE'S CHARGED AT 9%." 385 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,181 "I GOT THE FIGHTING STYLE OF A 386 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,282 BABY, YOU KNOW, STRONG THIGHS, 387 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,017 CLEAR EYES, CAN'T LOSE, YOU 388 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:45,618 KNOW?" 389 00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:46,519 THAT'S ME. 390 00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:47,753 MY HUSBAND RUSHES OUT. 391 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,355 HE GOES, "HEY! 392 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,391 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" 393 00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:54,727 WHICH IS HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO 394 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:57,697 APPROACH A BEAR, I'M REALIZING. 395 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:58,731 AND I KNOW THIS FROM THE LOTS 396 00:09:58,798 --> 00:09:59,732 AND LOTS OF READING I DID DURING 397 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,134 THE PANDEMIC. 398 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,369 YEAH, YEAH. 399 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,036 I GET INSPIRED BY OTHER PEOPLE'S 400 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:04,937 LIFESTYLES A LOT. 401 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:06,639 AND I GET LOST IN IT. 402 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:07,640 I GET REALLY LOST IN IT. 403 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:08,441 YEAH. 404 00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:09,675 LIKE, I REALLY THOUGHT THAT I 405 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:10,476 WAS GONNA START PLANTING 406 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,711 LETTUCE. 407 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:12,778 YEAH, NO, YOU TOO? 408 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,280 YEAH, NO, I REALLY WOKE UP ONE 409 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,481 DAY THINKING, "OH, I PLANT 410 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:19,618 LETTUCE NOW." 411 00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:21,821 AND MY HUSBAND HAD TO REMIND ME 412 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:22,688 THAT THAT'S NOT MY PERSONALITY. 413 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:25,925 HE STOPPED ME, PHYSICALLY. 414 00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,026 HE WAS LIKE, "STOP! 415 00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:27,793 STOP! 416 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:32,798 THAT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S INTEREST." 417 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,670 I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, IT IS. 418 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,906 THIS IS NOT MY INTEREST." 419 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,675 BUT I ALREADY HAD THE LETTUCE 420 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:43,409 READY TO PLANT, YOU KNOW. 421 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,343 HE SLAPPED IT OUT OF MY HAND. 422 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:44,944 HE WAS LIKE, "STOP IT. 423 00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:45,811 YOU ARE NOT A FARMER." 424 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:47,179 I WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE RIGHT. 425 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:48,547 YOU ARE RIGHT. 426 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:52,151 I AM A LOS ANGELES COMEDIAN." 427 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,219 IT WAS BEAUTIFUL THAT HE DID 428 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:54,653 THAT, RIGHT? 429 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,590 HE SAVED ME A LOT OF TIME. 430 00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,926 POSSIBLY YEARS, FROM LIVING OUT 431 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,762 SOMEONE ELSE'S IDENTITY, OR ELSE 432 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,864 I COULD STILL BE OUT THERE 433 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:05,598 TONIGHT, IS WHAT I'M SAYING, 434 00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:06,432 RIGHT? 435 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,299 LIVING MY NEW LIFE. 436 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,167 JUST LIKE, "LETTUCE, TWO FOR 437 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:08,501 FIVE. 438 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:11,670 TWO FOR FIVE. 439 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:18,778 TWO FOR FIVE." 440 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:19,678 AWW, YEAH. 441 00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:20,679 THAT COULD BE MY NEW LIFE. 442 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:21,113 HE SAVED ME. 443 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,114 WE ALL NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL US 444 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:22,681 THAT. 445 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,382 AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 446 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,150 PANDEMIC, YOU KNOW, ALL OF US 447 00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,317 WERE WAKING UP INSPIRED BY 448 00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:26,085 SOMEONE ELSE'S INSTAGRAM. 449 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:27,086 JUST LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, I THINK 450 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,054 I'M A HIKER NOW." 451 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,188 NO, YOU'RE NOT, BITCH. 452 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,222 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 453 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,223 "OH, MY GOD. 454 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:31,924 I THINK I SOLVE PUZZLES NOW." 455 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:32,925 NO, YOU DON'T. 456 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,227 IT'S STILL IN THE BOX. 457 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:35,561 I'VE SEEN YOU. 458 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,063 AND YOU MIGHT BE LIKE, "WELL, 459 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:37,663 ATSUKO, ATSUKO, WHAT ARE YOUR 460 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,199 INTERESTS? 461 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,435 WHAT ARE YOUR INTERESTS 462 00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:44,336 IF IT'S NOT FARMING?" 463 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:46,672 AND IT'S LIKE, "I DON'T THINK I 464 00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:48,140 PARTICULARLY HAVE ANY." 465 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,108 BUT HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 466 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,843 THAT'S ALSO A PERSONALITY, TOO. 467 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:51,677 YEAH. 468 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,279 AND THAT SHOULD BE EMPOWERING. 469 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,380 YES, MY FELLOW BASIC PERSON. 470 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:58,184 YES. 471 00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,452 IF YOU'RE LIKE, "I ALSO DON'T 472 00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:00,419 HAVE HOBBIES OR INTERESTS." 473 00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:01,387 THAT'S OKAY. 474 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,288 THAT'S OKAY. 475 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:03,622 LOOK AT ME. 476 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:04,657 LOOK AT ME. 477 00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:05,958 YOU ARE STILL A WHOLE PERSON. 478 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:06,358 YOU ARE. 479 00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:07,493 I'M PROUD OF YOU. 480 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,595 YES, I'M PROUD. 481 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:09,762 YES. 482 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,064 GIVE IT UP FOR MY FELLOW BASIC 483 00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:21,874 BITCH. 484 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:22,641 NO, 'CAUSE TRULY, WE WERE ALL 485 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,876 GONNA MAKE SOURDOUGH. 486 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:26,045 NO, THINK ABOUT IT. 487 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,847 WE CAN ALL BE BAKERS. 488 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:28,581 NO, RIGHT? 489 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:29,482 BECAUSE SOMEONE'S GOTTA BE THE 490 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:30,416 BUYER. 491 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:31,417 THAT'S HOW THE ECONOMY WORKS. 492 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,451 AND I'M JUST SAYING THAT'S ME. 493 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:33,119 OKAY? 494 00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:33,853 I HAVE NO SKILLS, SO I BUY YOUR 495 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,221 THINGS THAT YOU MAKE. 496 00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:43,195 YOU'RE WELCOME. 497 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,363 SO, MY HUSBAND JUST SHOUTED AT 498 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:48,367 THE GUY. 499 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,602 THE GUY IS UNFAZED, BECAUSE HE'S 500 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:52,605 NOT A BEAR. 501 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,672 SO, MY HUSBAND STARTS TO SHAKE 502 00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,141 HIS HAND IN THE AIR LIKE THIS AS 503 00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:56,876 IF TO SUMMON SOMETHING. 504 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,445 AND THE GUY KIND OF STARTS TO DO 505 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,579 IT BACK, AS IF TO MOCK HIM. 506 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:01,780 SO, I WAS LIKE, "OH, NO, THIS 507 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:02,615 ISN'T GOOD." 508 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:03,716 YEAH. 509 00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:04,884 SO, I GO INSIDE AND I START 510 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:05,618 GATHERING WEAPONS, WHATEVER I 511 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:06,785 CAN FIND, YOU KNOW? 512 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,621 I SECURE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER, 513 00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:11,757 A KITCHEN KNIFE, AND A SHOVEL, 514 00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:12,625 YOU KNOW, THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T 515 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:13,893 REALLY CARRY AT THE SAME TIME. 516 00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:15,694 SO, I WAS LIKE, "DON'T STAB 517 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:16,428 YOURSELF, DON'T STAB YOURSELF." 518 00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:17,730 AND I START PLOTTING. 519 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:18,998 I WAS LIKE, "OKAY. 520 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:19,865 SO, WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS --" 521 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:20,766 WELL, MAYBE YOU GUYS CAN HELP ME 522 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:21,834 OUT. 523 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,002 WHICH ONE OF THESE THINGS WOULD 524 00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:23,869 YOU USE FIRST TO ATTACK AN 525 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:24,970 INTRUDER? 526 00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,238 >> Audience Member: SHOVEL. 527 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:33,045 >> Atsuko: SHOVEL? 528 00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:33,712 OKAY. 529 00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:34,547 I HEARD YOU, WHAT WITH A SHOVEL? 530 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:35,047 JUST SWING IT AROUND? 531 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:35,614 >> Audience Member: YES. 532 00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:36,916 >> Atsuko: WHAT? 533 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,017 SWING IT AROUND. 534 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:38,551 AND THEN, NO, YOU'RE DEAD. 535 00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:40,252 YOU'RE DEAD. 536 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,188 WHO'S NEXT? 537 00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:42,721 >> Audience Member: FIRE 538 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,657 EXTINGUISHER. 539 00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,025 >> Atsuko: FIRE EXTINGUISHER? 540 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:46,659 SO, FIRE EXTINGUISHER. 541 00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,327 SPRAY, SPRAY. 542 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,028 AND THEN -- AND THEN WHAT? 543 00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:50,262 KITCHEN KNIFE? 544 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,964 >> Audience Member: KNIFE. 545 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:52,364 >> Atsuko: KNIFE? 546 00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,133 WHAT WITH A KNIFE? 547 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:54,833 >> Audience Member: STAB HIM. 548 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:55,434 >> Atsuko: STAB HIM WHERE? 549 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,068 YOU'RE DEAD, TOO. 550 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,237 I DON'T KNOW. 551 00:13:58,304 --> 00:13:58,704 WE'RE ALL SCARED. 552 00:13:58,771 --> 00:13:59,638 EVERYONE? 553 00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:00,239 HELLO? 554 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:00,940 NEW YORK? 555 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,174 HELLO? 556 00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:02,808 I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN AGGRESSIVE 557 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:03,876 KIND. 558 00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:04,610 WHAT'D YOU SAY? 559 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,711 >> Audience Member: LEFT SIDE OF 560 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:06,478 THE TORSO. 561 00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:07,446 >> Atsuko: "LEFT SIDE OF THE 562 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,080 TORSO." 563 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:08,581 WE GOT A POET. 564 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:11,817 WE GOT A POET RIGHT HERE. 565 00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:12,451 YOU WILL LIVE. 566 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,219 LEFT SIDE OF THE TORSO. 567 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:16,755 WHY? 568 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,958 >> Audience Member: IT'S WHERE 569 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:19,491 THE VITAL ORGANS ARE. 570 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,594 >> Atsuko: IT'S WHERE THE 571 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,095 VITAL ORGANS ARE. 572 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,197 AN ESSENTIAL WORKER, AND A POET. 573 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,232 I LIKE IT. 574 00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:29,768 SO, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING TOO. 575 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:33,138 I'M ALSO PLOTTING, LEFT SIDE OF 576 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,039 THE TORSO. 577 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:39,111 JUST LIKE THEY DID JESUS. 578 00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,480 DIDN'T THAT HAPPEN? 579 00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,383 IT WAS AN ESSENTIAL WORKER THAT 580 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,051 FINISHED HIM OFF, RIGHT? 581 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,419 SOMEONE WAS ABOUT TO DO IT ON 582 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:48,454 THE RIGHT, AND THEY'RE LIKE, 583 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,321 "NO! 584 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,625 ONLY ON THE LEFT SIDE." 585 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:54,293 "YEAH. 586 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,564 THAT'S THE CRIP SIDE." 587 00:14:58,631 --> 00:14:59,398 SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. 588 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,599 I'M ALSO PLOTTING. 589 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:01,166 MY HUSBAND RUSHES OUT. 590 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,067 HE GOES, "CALL THE COPS." 591 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,702 I WAS LIKE, "THE COPS? 592 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:04,270 BUT I HAVE THIS ALL FIGURED 593 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:07,172 OUT." 594 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:08,741 NO, I CALLED MY FRIENDS. 595 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,576 YEAH. 596 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,577 "WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS TAKE THE 597 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,044 SHOVEL. 598 00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:12,711 I'M GONNA SWING IT AROUND, SWING 599 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:13,746 IT AROUND. 600 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:14,546 IT'S GONNA CONFUSE HIM. 601 00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:15,414 AND THEN, I'M GONNA TAKE THE 602 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:15,814 FIRE EXTINGUISHER. 603 00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:16,649 SPRAY AND SPRAY HIM. 604 00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:17,783 AND THEN, I'M GONNA TAKE THAT 605 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:18,617 KITCHEN KNIFE AND JUST CUT THE 606 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:22,688 LEFT SIDE OF THE TORSO." 607 00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:26,025 "A NURSE TOLD ME." 608 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,226 MY HUSBAND GOES, "ARE YOU 609 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:27,726 SERIOUS?" 610 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:28,627 I WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE RIGHT. 611 00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:29,528 YOU'RE RIGHT. 612 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,162 I WILL CALL THE COPS. 613 00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:30,963 WE NEED BACKUP. 614 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:31,630 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING." 615 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:32,464 SO, I CALLED 911. 616 00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:33,866 I DESCRIBED THE GUY. 617 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:37,303 WHITE, SIX FEET TALL, DARK NAVY 618 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,737 TOP, BLACK PANTS. 619 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,738 MY HUSBAND GOES, "I'M GONNA GO 620 00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:40,339 DOWN TO THE STREET LEVEL AND 621 00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,674 MAKE SURE HE'S REALLY GONE." 622 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:45,411 TO WHICH, I LOOK HIM UP AND 623 00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:51,617 DOWN, I REALIZE, "OH, MY GOD. 624 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,618 I JUST GAVE THE COPS YOUR SAME 625 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,185 EXACT DESCRIPTION." 626 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:53,986 I SWEAR. 627 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:54,720 WHITE, SIX FEET TALL, DARK NAVY 628 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,521 TOP, BLACK PANTS. 629 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:56,488 WHAT IS THAT? 630 00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:58,691 WHY IS HE WEARING THAT? 631 00:15:59,024 --> 00:15:59,658 WHAT IS THAT? 632 00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,427 JUST A WHITE GUY'S PANDEMIC 633 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:02,961 UNIFORM? 634 00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:03,629 SO, I WAS LIKE, "CHANGE! 635 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:04,730 YOU NEED TO CHANGE! 636 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,564 TRY TO LOOK DIFFERENT! 637 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,000 TRY TO LOOK DIFFERENT!" 638 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:08,834 YOU KNOW, WHICH IS SOMETHING 639 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,968 I'VE NEVER HEARD IN MY LIFE. 640 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:13,472 NO. 641 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:14,440 I'VE NEVER HEARD, "TRY TO LOOK 642 00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:15,107 DIFFERENT." 643 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:15,474 NO. 644 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:16,108 IT WAS ALWAYS, "BLEND IN, 645 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,076 ATSUKO. 646 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:17,943 BLEND IN. 647 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:18,577 KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND BLEND IN 648 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,012 AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE." 649 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:20,646 AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MY FAMILY 650 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,947 WOULD TELL ME. 651 00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:22,848 AND THEN, THEY NAMED ME 652 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:26,752 ATSUKO OKATSUKA. 653 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:27,920 AND THEN THEY WENT ON TO CHOOSE 654 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:28,721 ENGLISH NAMES FOR THEMSELVES. 655 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,522 I KNOW. 656 00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,691 "THANKS, MOM. 657 00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:37,129 OR LINDA." 658 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:45,003 "THAT'S BETRAYAL, UNCLE PAUL." 659 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:45,904 SO MY HUSBAND GOES DOWN TO THE 660 00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:47,373 STREET LEVEL AND SEES THAT THE 661 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,708 GUY IS GONE. 662 00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:53,512 FOR NOW. 663 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:57,516 IT'S 1:00 P.M. 664 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,084 SO, ME AND MY HUSBAND, RYAN, 665 00:16:59,151 --> 00:16:59,818 OBVIOUSLY HAVE DIFFERENT 666 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,186 FIGHTING STYLES, YOU KNOW? 667 00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,020 HIS IS CALLED, "I HAD TWO 668 00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:02,755 BROTHERS," YOU KNOW? 669 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:03,622 HE CAME FROM A BIG FAMILY. 670 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,223 THEY ALWAYS TALKED THINGS OUT. 671 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:04,957 HE'S NOT AFRAID OF CONFLICT. 672 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:05,924 ME ON THE OTHER HAND, I CAME 673 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:06,725 FROM A VERY SMALL FAMILY. 674 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:07,693 WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT THINGS. 675 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,827 LOTS OF SECRETS WERE KEPT. 676 00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:09,561 MY GRANDMA TOLD ME WE WERE 677 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:10,262 COMING TO THE STATES FOR A 678 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,064 TWO-MONTH VACATION. 679 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:12,331 YEAH. 680 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,232 TWO MONTHS. 681 00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:17,236 TWO-MONTH VACATION. 682 00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:18,103 AND THEN I PACKED LIGHTLY, YOU 683 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:21,340 KNOW? 684 00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:22,307 AND THEN, SHE HAD US OVERSTAY 685 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,442 OUR TOURIST VISAS AND WE BECAME 686 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,276 UNDOCUMENTED AND LIVED IN MY 687 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:24,943 UNCLE'S GARAGE IN HIDING FOR 688 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:25,644 SEVEN YEARS. 689 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,779 YEAH, I KNOW. 690 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:27,880 I'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED BEFORE. 691 00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:28,847 THRILLS FOUND ME. 692 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:29,882 OKAY. 693 00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:30,516 I DON'T NEED TO GO SEEKING FOR 694 00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:31,250 IT. 695 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:32,217 NO. 696 00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,152 MY FAMILY RAISED ME ON MIND 697 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:33,886 TRICKS. 698 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,320 THESE MIND TRICKS, YOU KNOW? 699 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,321 AND IF YOU'RE AN IMMIGRANT OR 700 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:36,889 CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS, YOU 701 00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:37,756 MIGHT BE ABLE TO RELATE, RIGHT? 702 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,892 YEAH. 703 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:40,492 BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR FAMILIES, 704 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,193 RIGHT? 705 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:41,860 YEAH. 706 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:42,895 THEY'RE JUST SO SEEMINGLY 707 00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:46,432 GENEROUS. 708 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:47,199 THEY ARE ALWAYS LIKE, "EAT," 709 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:47,433 RIGHT? 710 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:48,233 "EAT. 711 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:48,734 PLEASE EAT. 712 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:49,735 DID YOU EAT? 713 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,436 NO? 714 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:51,336 EAT. 715 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,504 PLEASE EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, 716 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,472 EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. 717 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:54,173 DID YOU EAT? 718 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:54,573 NO. 719 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,541 I DIDN'T THINK SO. 720 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:55,974 EAT. 721 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:56,975 PLEASE EAT NOW. 722 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:57,543 EAT, EAT. 723 00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:58,210 DID YOU EAT? 724 00:17:58,277 --> 00:17:58,777 PLEASE EAT. 725 00:17:58,844 --> 00:17:59,111 I COOK. 726 00:17:59,178 --> 00:17:59,845 EAT. 727 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:00,379 NO. 728 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,046 PLEASE EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. 729 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:01,680 DID YOU EAT? 730 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:02,448 NO, PLEASE EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT. 731 00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:03,215 DID YOU EAT? 732 00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:03,916 NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO. 733 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:04,716 I COOK, NOW EAT. 734 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:09,054 PLEASE EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT." 735 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:12,357 AND THEN, THE NEXT TIME THEY SEE 736 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,594 YOU, THEY CALL YOU FAT. 737 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,699 IT'S A TRICK. 738 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,235 IT'S A MIND TRICK. 739 00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,070 THAT'S WHAT I WAS RAISED ON. 740 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:26,472 SO, I WANT THINGS EASY, YOU 741 00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:26,672 KNOW? 742 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:29,441 YEAH. 743 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,375 I JUST -- I DON'T WANNA FIGHT 744 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,109 OFF A SCARY MAN. 745 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,345 NO. 746 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,112 I JUST -- I JUST WANNA DIE AT A 747 00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,982 SEPHORA. 748 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:37,983 YEAH. 749 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,285 THANK YOU. 750 00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:41,386 YOU, TOO? 751 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:42,120 YES. 752 00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,121 IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR, 753 00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:43,455 RIGHT? 754 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,323 OH, MY GOD. 755 00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:45,591 I'VE DONE ENOUGH IN MY LIFE. 756 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,325 I IMMIGRATED, I LEARNED A 757 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,526 LANGUAGE, I EVEN SET FOOT ON A 758 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,963 YACHT ONCE. 759 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:51,964 THEY ASKED ME TO LEAVE, BUT I 760 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:55,367 SET FOOT ON IT. 761 00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:58,136 I'VE DONE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE. 762 00:18:58,203 --> 00:18:59,104 I'VE DONE SO MUCH, ONLY TO 763 00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:00,038 REALIZE I JUST WANNA BE AT THE 764 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:00,506 MALL. 765 00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:01,540 YOU KNOW WHY? 766 00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:02,574 'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE AT THE MALL, 767 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:03,275 EVERYONE'S AN EQUAL. 768 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,409 YEAH. 769 00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,445 EVERYONE'S ALLOWED TO BE THERE. 770 00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:07,479 IT WAS FREE TO ENTER, FREE TO 771 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:07,946 EXIT. 772 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:08,647 IT GIVES ME PEACE. 773 00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:09,848 YEAH. 774 00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:10,983 WE'RE ALL WALKING AROUND THE 775 00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:11,617 SAME LIKE ZOMBIES, LIKE, "OOH, 776 00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:12,651 CAPITALISM," YOU KNOW? 777 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:13,986 WE'RE ALL EATING SOMETHING. 778 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:20,792 WE'RE ALL CHEWING ON SOMETHING. 779 00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:21,660 "THANK YOU SO MUCH, 780 00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:22,127 AUNTIE ANNE'S. 781 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,195 I WILL TAKE A FREE SAMPLE." 782 00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:26,965 PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH. 783 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:27,633 YOU KNOW, WE'VE ALL PASSED 784 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:28,867 ANN TAYLOR LOFT TWICE. 785 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:29,468 WE'VE ALL WONDERED WHO THAT 786 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,703 STORE IS FOR. 787 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:32,638 YOU CAN'T BE AT THE MALL FOOD 788 00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:33,372 COURT AND THINK YOU'RE BETTER 789 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,440 THAN SOMEONE. 790 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,575 YOU CAN'T BE ALL JUDGY LIKE, 791 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:36,742 "EW. 792 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:37,409 WHAT DID YOU GET? 793 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,478 PANDA EXPRESS? 794 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,813 UGH." 795 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:42,848 "WELL, I GOT SBARRO." 796 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:43,882 NO. 797 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:44,716 WE ALL WANTED TO SPEND $10 798 00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:45,217 MAXIMUM. 799 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:45,951 THAT'S WHY WE WENT TO THE MALL 800 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:46,318 FOOD COURT. 801 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:46,685 WE'RE ALL CHEAP. 802 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:47,486 I'LL PROCLAIM IT RIGHT HERE, 803 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:48,253 RIGHT NOW. 804 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:48,887 WHEN I'M READY TO DIE, I'M JUST 805 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:49,755 GONNA WALK INTO A SEPHORA. 806 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:50,889 PUT ON THE MOST EXPENSIVE 807 00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:51,623 PRODUCTS THEY HAVE, YOU KNOW, 808 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:52,257 THE FREE SAMPLES, AND THEN JUST 809 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:55,961 DIE. 810 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:57,429 ON MY OWN TERMS, FOR FREE, YOU 811 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,063 KNOW? 812 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,298 AND YOU CAN TALK TO WITNESSES 813 00:19:59,364 --> 00:19:59,998 WHO SAW ME ALONG THE WAY. 814 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,401 YEAH. 815 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,268 THEY'LL BE LIKE, "ASIAN GIRL? 816 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:03,869 BOWL CUT? 817 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:04,770 YEAH. 818 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:05,771 SHE WALKED UP TO THAT WATER 819 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:06,505 FOUNTAIN IN FRONT OF THE MALL, 820 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,740 UH, SPLASHED AROUND IN IT FOR, 821 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:09,708 LIKE, 40 MINUTES, SCREAMING, 822 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,978 SCREAMING, 'IT'S FREE.'" 823 00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:14,046 "AND, UH, WHEN SHE WAS DONE, SHE 824 00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:14,846 JUST WALKED INTO SEPHORA AND, 825 00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:15,847 UH, IT WAS OVER. 826 00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,449 IT WAS OVER." 827 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:18,383 AND PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE, "WELL, 828 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,685 WAS SHE HAPPY? 829 00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:21,787 DID SHE SEEM HAPPY?" 830 00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:25,757 "FUCK YEAH, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL." 831 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,526 THAT'S HOW I WANNA GO. 832 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:31,363 THAT'S HOW I WANNA GO. 833 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,298 SO, BY LATE AFTERNOON, MY 834 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,700 HUSBAND HAD ROUNDED UP A 835 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:35,567 NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH, 'CAUSE THE 836 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,468 COPS NEVER CAME. 837 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:37,636 YEAH. 838 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:40,606 SO, HE ROUNDED UP EVERYONE IN 839 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:42,474 THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND PUT HIM ON 840 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,642 A TEXT THREAD AND SAID, "BE ON 841 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:43,909 ALERT. 842 00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:44,543 THERE'S BEEN AN INTRUSION AT OUR 843 00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,577 PLACE. 844 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:46,311 OKAY? 845 00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:47,479 LOOK OUT FOR A GUY THAT LOOKS 846 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:49,514 LIKE ME." 847 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,216 SO, I FELT BETTER. 848 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,184 NIGHTTIME FALLS, WE'RE HAVING 849 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:52,985 DINNER WHEN SUDDENLY OUR PHONE 850 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,186 GOES OFF AND IT'S OUR NEIGHBOR. 851 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:55,554 AND SHE'S LIKE, "THE GUY YOU 852 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:56,121 DESCRIBED IS BACK. 853 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,923 YEAH. 854 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:58,790 HE JUST PARKED, AND HE'S HEADED 855 00:20:58,857 --> 00:20:59,758 UP TO YOUR PLACE AGAIN." 856 00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:00,525 I KNOW. 857 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:03,762 MY FEARLESS HUSBAND, HE RUSHES 858 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:04,396 OUT, BUT THIS TIME HE JUST GOES, 859 00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:04,830 "HEY! 860 00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:06,098 WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BEING 861 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:10,135 HERE?" 862 00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:14,306 OH, GREAT. 863 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,308 THEY'VE CONVERSED, JUST PICKING 864 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:17,576 UP RIGHT WHERE THEY LEFT OFF, 865 00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:18,343 RIGHT? 866 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:22,981 AS IF THE GUY WAS GONNA BE LIKE, 867 00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:27,486 "OH, YOU SAID 'DON'T.'" 868 00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:28,120 "AND NOW, WHAT? 869 00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:28,654 HELLO? 870 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,454 WHAT'S THE PLAN HERE? 871 00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:30,222 HELLO?" 872 00:21:30,288 --> 00:21:30,789 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 873 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:31,590 "THAT'S RIGHT. 874 00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,557 SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" 875 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:33,625 SO, I WAS LIKE, "FUCK THIS," YOU 876 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:33,825 KNOW? 877 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:34,626 I START PACKING. 878 00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:35,460 I GET A BACKPACK. 879 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:36,194 I PUT A BUNCH OF CHARGERS IN 880 00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:36,461 THERE. 881 00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:37,262 I PUT A BUNCH OF CASH IN THERE. 882 00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:39,331 I GET A FROZEN LASAGNA AND PUT 883 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:40,032 IT IN THERE, TOO. 884 00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,533 YEAH, BECAUSE I NEVER MISS A 885 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,167 SECOND MEAL, AND ADRENALINE GETS 886 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,537 ME HUNGRY. 887 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:46,838 I LOOK OUTSIDE TO SEE IF I'M 888 00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:48,740 SINGLE NOW. 889 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:51,076 HUSBAND'S STILL ALIVE. 890 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:51,643 BUT NOW, HE'S BACK TO DOING 891 00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:55,614 THIS. 892 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,052 AND NOW, HE'S ADDED THIS WEIRD 893 00:22:00,118 --> 00:22:01,086 TWO-STEP TO GO ALONG WITH IT. 894 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:01,853 BUTOH STYLE LIKE, "OH, HE'S BEEN 895 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,188 TAKING JAPANESE THEATER BEHIND 896 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:07,292 MY BACK." 897 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,465 AND THE GUY KIND OF WATCHES 898 00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:14,199 THIS, FREAKS OUT, AND STARTS TO 899 00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:15,000 RUN AWAY. 900 00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,134 IT WORKS. 901 00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:17,202 DIFFERENT FIGHTING STYLE. 902 00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:21,506 MIND TRICKS. 903 00:22:22,874 --> 00:22:23,942 RYAN RUSHES BACK, AND HE GOES, 904 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:27,813 "I GOT RID OF THE GUY." 905 00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:28,547 I SAID, "I SAW. 906 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:29,614 BUT WHETHER YOU'RE COMING WITH 907 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:30,615 ME OR NOT, THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR 908 00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:31,550 ME. 909 00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:32,784 I'VE PACKED, I'M LEAVING." 910 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,054 HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 911 00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:39,357 TOO FAR. 912 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:42,194 HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 913 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:43,228 SOMEONE -- OH, YOU DON'T WANNA 914 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:45,363 GRAB. 915 00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:47,899 HE GRABS ME BY THE -- WITH 916 00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:51,336 LOVERS LIKE YOU... 917 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:53,004 YOU WANNA HOLD MY HAND? 918 00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:56,108 FIVE HUNDRED FEET AWAY. 919 00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:59,778 HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 920 00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:02,614 GRAB -- HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 921 00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:06,284 DO IT BACK! 922 00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:07,819 SO, THIS IS A LONG-DISTANCE 923 00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:10,856 RELATIONSHIP. 924 00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:14,126 OUR WI-FI IS DISCONNECTED. 925 00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:15,527 I'VE FROZEN, SO YOU DON'T KNOW 926 00:23:15,594 --> 00:23:21,767 WHEN TO GRAB BACK. 927 00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:24,736 HE GRABS MY -- HE GRABS -- 928 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,439 HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 929 00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:32,177 HE GOES -- 930 00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:41,853 Y'ALL WERE SO IMPOSSIBLE. 931 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,189 THE CLAP FOR JUST STANDING. 932 00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:45,891 THANK YOU. 933 00:23:45,957 --> 00:23:46,958 HE GRABS ME BY THE HAND. 934 00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:48,126 HE GOES, "BUT WE BUILT A LIFE 935 00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,562 HERE." 936 00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:57,235 "WE SHOULD AT LEAST TRY." 937 00:23:58,236 --> 00:24:02,941 Y'ALL WERE SO BAD AT THIS. 938 00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:03,742 SHE GOT CLAPS FOR SITTING BACK 939 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:08,513 DOWN. 940 00:24:11,349 --> 00:24:14,019 DO YOU REMEMBER -- DO YOU 941 00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:18,290 REMEMBER WHAT MY HUSBAND SAID? 942 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,691 DO YOU REMEMBER? 943 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:23,795 WHAT DID HE SAY? 944 00:24:23,862 --> 00:24:26,031 >> Audience Member: "WE BUILD 945 00:24:26,097 --> 00:24:26,765 A LIFE HERE." 946 00:24:26,832 --> 00:24:28,567 >> Atsuko: NO, AT THE SAME 947 00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:29,034 TIME. 948 00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:31,169 WHAT DID HE SAY? 949 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:33,805 THREE, TWO, ONE. 950 00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:35,574 >> Audience Member: "WE BUILT 951 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,107 A LIFE HERE. 952 00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:40,745 WE SHOULD AT LEAST TRY." 953 00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:45,116 >> Atsuko: "BUT WE BUILT A 954 00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:46,418 LIFE HERE. 955 00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:48,220 WE SHOULD AT LEAST TRY." 956 00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,789 YOU DIDN'T SAY THE "BUT." 957 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:51,890 THOSE WORDS OF BRAVERY KIND OF 958 00:24:51,957 --> 00:24:52,591 GOT ME HOT. 959 00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:53,758 "BUT WE BUILT A LIFE HERE," 960 00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:54,559 RIGHT? 961 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:57,495 I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" 962 00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,931 IMMEDIATELY DRENCHED. 963 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,032 I HATE THAT HE HAS THAT EFFECT 964 00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:02,968 ON ME. 965 00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:05,103 SO, I WAS LIKE, "FINE, I'LL 966 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:06,605 STAY. 967 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:09,741 BUT IF THIS GUY COMES BACK ONE 968 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:10,375 MORE TIME, WHICH IS ONE TOO MANY 969 00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:14,379 MORE TIMES, WE ARE GONE." 970 00:25:14,446 --> 00:25:15,847 YOU KNOW, THERE COMES A POINT IN 971 00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:17,115 A MARRIAGE WHERE YOU BECOME EACH 972 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:18,416 OTHER'S FAMILY. 973 00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:19,918 YOU KNOW, YOU BECOME EACH 974 00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:21,686 OTHER'S FAMILY, BUT YOU'RE STILL 975 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:26,157 SLEEPING WITH EACH OTHER, RIGHT? 976 00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:28,360 WELL, THAT'S IF YOU 977 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:30,795 CAN GET OVER THAT MIND FUCK. 978 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:31,863 YEAH, 'CAUSE ROMANTIC PARTNERS 979 00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:32,497 TURN FAMILIES STILL HAVING SEX. 980 00:25:32,564 --> 00:25:33,698 YOU KNOW, THINGS CAN GET REAL 981 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:34,032 BLURRY, RIGHT? 982 00:25:34,099 --> 00:25:35,166 TITLES CAN GET REAL BLURRY. 983 00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:36,034 YEAH, 'CAUSE I HAVE GIRLFRIENDS 984 00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:36,635 WHO TELL ME ALL THE TIME, 985 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,969 "ATSUKO, ME AND MY HUSBAND, WE 986 00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:38,670 DON'T HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER 987 00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:39,437 ANYMORE. 988 00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:40,171 ME AND MY HUSBAND, WE DON'T HAVE 989 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,172 SEX WITH EACH OTHER ANYMORE." 990 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:45,310 AND IT'S LIKE, "WELL, MAYBE IT'S 991 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:46,478 BECAUSE HE CALLS YOU 'MOM,' YOU 992 00:25:46,544 --> 00:25:48,747 KNOW?" 993 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:49,915 I KNOW. 994 00:25:49,981 --> 00:25:50,916 IT COULD GET WEIRD, RIGHT? 995 00:25:50,982 --> 00:25:51,683 IT COULD GET REAL WEIRD. 996 00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:52,584 YEAH, I WOULD STOP TOO. 997 00:25:52,651 --> 00:25:54,019 YEAH, 'CAUSE MY HUSBAND, WHEN HE 998 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:55,086 GETS GROCERIES, HE ALWAYS BRINGS 999 00:25:55,153 --> 00:25:56,254 BACK WHAT WE CALL A SURPRISE 1000 00:25:56,321 --> 00:25:57,055 TREAT. 1001 00:25:58,023 --> 00:25:59,157 I KNOW. 1002 00:25:59,224 --> 00:25:59,925 AND IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW 1003 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:00,759 AND SOMETHING THAT'S NOT ON THE 1004 00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:01,927 GROCERY LIST. 1005 00:26:01,993 --> 00:26:02,994 AND IT'S WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO 1006 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:03,461 EVERY SINGLE WEEK. 1007 00:26:03,528 --> 00:26:04,562 I KNOW, I KNOW. 1008 00:26:04,629 --> 00:26:05,664 AND IT'S VERY SWEET AND VERY 1009 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:06,398 CUTE. 1010 00:26:06,464 --> 00:26:08,033 YEAH. 1011 00:26:08,099 --> 00:26:12,103 BUT, THAT IS ALSO HOW OUR 1012 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:12,938 RELATIONSHIP TURNED INTO A 1013 00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:16,207 FATHER-DAUGHTER ONE. 1014 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:17,509 IT'S VERY HARD. 1015 00:26:17,575 --> 00:26:18,576 IT'S VERY HARD. 1016 00:26:18,643 --> 00:26:20,412 JUST, "HERE'S YOUR SWEET TREAT." 1017 00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:24,616 "THANKS, DAD." 1018 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:30,922 AND I LIKE SYNCHRONIZED 1019 00:26:30,989 --> 00:26:32,490 CHOREOGRAPHED DANCES WITH OTHER 1020 00:26:32,557 --> 00:26:32,991 PEOPLE, BECAUSE I WAS A 1021 00:26:33,058 --> 00:26:33,725 CHEERLEADER IN HIGH SCHOOL. 1022 00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:33,925 YEAH. 1023 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:37,362 THANK YOU. 1024 00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,065 THAT HALF-ASSED HERKIE. 1025 00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:40,999 I WAS -- I WAS BETTER BACK THEN. 1026 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:42,400 UH, I WAS A CHEERLEADER IN HIGH 1027 00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:43,101 SCHOOL, SO I LOVE SYNCHRONIZED 1028 00:26:43,168 --> 00:26:43,735 CHOREOGRAPHED DANCES WITH OTHER 1029 00:26:43,802 --> 00:26:44,569 PEOPLE. 1030 00:26:44,636 --> 00:26:45,770 LIKE, I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO 1031 00:26:45,837 --> 00:26:46,371 THEIR OWN DANCES ON THE DANCE 1032 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:46,771 FLOOR. 1033 00:26:46,838 --> 00:26:47,572 NO, NO. 1034 00:26:47,639 --> 00:26:48,440 WE SHOULD ALWAYS, ALWAYS BE 1035 00:26:48,506 --> 00:26:50,775 SYNCHRONIZED. 1036 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:51,643 IT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL THAT WAY, 1037 00:26:51,710 --> 00:26:52,510 RIGHT? 1038 00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:53,545 EVERYONE ON THE DANCE FLOOR 1039 00:26:53,611 --> 00:26:57,782 TELLING THE SAME STORY. 1040 00:26:57,849 --> 00:26:58,917 SO, AT ONE POINT, I STARTED 1041 00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:00,652 TEACHING MY HUSBAND THESE 1042 00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:04,022 CHOREOGRAPHED DANCES, SO WE 1043 00:27:04,089 --> 00:27:04,856 COULD DO IT TOGETHER. 1044 00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:05,824 I WOULD SHOOT IT, POST IT 1045 00:27:05,890 --> 00:27:06,458 ONLINE, YOU KNOW, I WOULD MAKE 1046 00:27:06,524 --> 00:27:07,392 HIM MATCH WITH ME. 1047 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,059 SAME OUTFIT, SAME HAIRSTYLE, 1048 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:08,793 EVERYTHING. 1049 00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,362 YEAH. 1050 00:27:10,428 --> 00:27:12,297 AND AT ONE POINT, DURING ONE OF 1051 00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:13,164 THESE, MY HUSBAND BROKE DOWN AND 1052 00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:13,932 CRIED. 1053 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:15,567 YEAH. 1054 00:27:15,633 --> 00:27:18,503 BECAUSE I WAS BEING A TERROR. 1055 00:27:18,837 --> 00:27:19,604 YEAH, I WAS LIKE, "FIVE, SIX, 1056 00:27:19,671 --> 00:27:20,405 SEVEN, EIGHT. 1057 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,573 GET IT RIGHT. 1058 00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:22,440 KEEP YOUR WIG ON." 1059 00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:24,309 YOU KNOW, THAT WAS ME. 1060 00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:26,378 AND HE STARTED CRYING AND CRYING 1061 00:27:26,444 --> 00:27:27,345 AND HE SAID TO ME, "I HATE DOING 1062 00:27:27,412 --> 00:27:28,113 THESE DANCES WITH YOU. 1063 00:27:28,179 --> 00:27:28,947 I NEVER WANNA DO THESE WITH YOU 1064 00:27:29,014 --> 00:27:31,816 EVER AGAIN." 1065 00:27:31,883 --> 00:27:32,784 AND THEN HE GOES, "BECAUSE YOU 1066 00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:34,052 ALWAYS WANNA MAKE US LOOK LIKE 1067 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:39,057 WE'RE SISTERS." 1068 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:46,931 SISTERS. 1069 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:50,135 AND HE'S RIGHT. 1070 00:27:50,468 --> 00:27:51,169 HE'S RIGHT. 1071 00:27:51,236 --> 00:27:51,936 IT IS FUCKED UP THAT I WAS 1072 00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:52,737 MAKING HIM DO THESE. 1073 00:27:52,804 --> 00:27:53,638 YEAH. 1074 00:27:53,705 --> 00:27:54,372 SO, I STOPPED MAKING HIM DO THIS 1075 00:27:54,439 --> 00:27:55,073 WITH ME. 1076 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,207 YEAH, BECAUSE HE'S RIGHT. 1077 00:27:56,274 --> 00:28:00,245 HE'S NOT MY SISTER. 1078 00:28:00,311 --> 00:28:05,116 NO... HE'S MY FATHER. 1079 00:28:10,321 --> 00:28:14,993 IT'S PARTLY WHY WE'RE NOT GONNA 1080 00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:16,594 HAVE ANY KIDS. 1081 00:28:16,661 --> 00:28:20,632 I DON'T WANNA COMPETE FOR 1082 00:28:20,698 --> 00:28:22,534 ATTENTION FROM FATHER. 1083 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:29,307 WE BOTH LIKE TO SLEEP IN, BUT 1084 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:29,874 MY IN-LAWS REALLY WANT US TO 1085 00:28:29,941 --> 00:28:30,842 HAVE KIDS. 1086 00:28:30,909 --> 00:28:31,443 AND THEY ALWAYS BEG US FOR IT. 1087 00:28:31,509 --> 00:28:31,910 LIKE, "PLEASE GIVE US 1088 00:28:31,976 --> 00:28:32,577 GRANDCHILDREN." 1089 00:28:32,644 --> 00:28:33,445 IT'S LIKE, "NO, NO. 1090 00:28:33,511 --> 00:28:34,712 IT STOPS HERE. 1091 00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:35,380 I ALMOST LOST MYSELF TO 1092 00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:36,915 LETTUCE-PLANTING, YOU KNOW? 1093 00:28:36,981 --> 00:28:37,882 IT STOPS HERE. 1094 00:28:37,949 --> 00:28:38,516 WE CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF 1095 00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:47,092 OURSELVES." 1096 00:28:47,158 --> 00:28:48,126 MY FATHER-IN-LAW GOES, "BUT YOUR 1097 00:28:48,193 --> 00:28:49,060 BABY WILL BE HOT." 1098 00:28:49,127 --> 00:28:50,128 I SWEAR, I WAS LIKE, "EXCUSE 1099 00:28:50,195 --> 00:28:50,595 ME?" 1100 00:28:50,662 --> 00:28:51,329 HE'S LIKE, "YOUR BABY, IT'LL BE 1101 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:51,930 ATTRACTIVE BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH 1102 00:28:51,996 --> 00:28:53,031 ATTRACTIVE. 1103 00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:53,932 IT'LL BE AN ATTRACTIVE BABY." 1104 00:28:53,998 --> 00:28:54,866 I WAS LIKE, "WELL, SHIT. 1105 00:28:54,933 --> 00:28:57,602 I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT," RIGHT? 1106 00:28:57,936 --> 00:28:58,903 I DIDN'T THINK I COULD BE 1107 00:28:58,970 --> 00:28:59,904 ATTRACTED TO MY BABY, YOU KNOW? 1108 00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:06,544 "WELL, HURRY UP. 1109 00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:07,712 LET'S POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM, 1110 00:29:07,779 --> 00:29:08,780 BABY. 1111 00:29:08,847 --> 00:29:09,948 STAT. 1112 00:29:10,014 --> 00:29:11,216 NOW!" 1113 00:29:11,282 --> 00:29:15,887 LIKE, "WHAT KIND OF ARGUMENT 1114 00:29:15,954 --> 00:29:16,721 IS -- PLEASE, IT'LL BE SO HOT. 1115 00:29:16,788 --> 00:29:17,689 PLEASE, IT'LL BE SO ATTRACTIVE. 1116 00:29:17,755 --> 00:29:18,389 A HOT BABY. 1117 00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:19,724 A HOT BABY. 1118 00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:22,560 THIS IS ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE." 1119 00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:23,461 LIKE SNOW WHITE, RIGHT? 1120 00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:24,295 RIGHT? 1121 00:29:24,362 --> 00:29:25,096 BECAUSE WHAT WAS SNOW WHITE'S 1122 00:29:25,163 --> 00:29:25,697 WHOLE THING? 1123 00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:28,399 WHAT WAS HER WHOLE THING? 1124 00:29:28,466 --> 00:29:29,334 WAS IT, LIKE -- SHE'S, LIKE, SO 1125 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:29,968 HOT. 1126 00:29:30,034 --> 00:29:30,735 RIGHT? 1127 00:29:30,802 --> 00:29:31,669 SHE'S, LIKE, SO HOT. 1128 00:29:31,736 --> 00:29:34,973 RIGHT? 1129 00:29:35,039 --> 00:29:36,774 SHE WAS, LIKE, SO FUCKING HOT 1130 00:29:36,841 --> 00:29:37,642 THAT HER STEPMOM WANTED TO KILL 1131 00:29:37,709 --> 00:29:37,976 HER. 1132 00:29:38,042 --> 00:29:38,977 RIGHT? 1133 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:40,278 SO SHE'S, LIKE, "GET OUT OF 1134 00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:40,478 HERE. 1135 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:41,312 YOU'RE TOO UNBEARABLY HOT FOR 1136 00:29:41,379 --> 00:29:41,946 THIS EARTH." 1137 00:29:42,013 --> 00:29:42,714 THEN SHE GOES, "BANISH, BANISH!" 1138 00:29:42,780 --> 00:29:43,781 SO SNOW WHITE HAD TO RUN TO THE 1139 00:29:43,848 --> 00:29:44,415 WOODS, RIGHT? 1140 00:29:44,482 --> 00:29:45,283 LIKE, "OH, NO, I'M TOO HOT." 1141 00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:48,486 RIGHT? 1142 00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:50,688 OR SHE'S, LIKE, "YEAH, ONLY ME 1143 00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:51,556 HOT. 1144 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:52,023 NOT HER. 1145 00:29:52,090 --> 00:29:54,125 KILL HER. 1146 00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:55,593 BRING HER HEART BACK IN A BOX." 1147 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:56,294 YOU KNOW, IT'S A VERY IMMATURE 1148 00:29:56,361 --> 00:29:56,794 STORYLINE. 1149 00:29:56,861 --> 00:29:57,562 UH, IT'S WHAT WE GREW UP 1150 00:29:57,629 --> 00:29:58,596 WATCHING, RIGHT? 1151 00:29:58,663 --> 00:30:00,431 JUST ABOUT A BITCH WHO WANTED TO 1152 00:30:00,498 --> 00:30:01,699 BE THE HOTTEST IN THE LAND. 1153 00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:07,539 YOU KNOW? 1154 00:30:07,605 --> 00:30:08,406 AND SNOW WHITE, SHE'S -- SHE WAS 1155 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:09,007 SO HOT, RIGHT? 1156 00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:10,041 SHE WAS SO HOT THAT THE ONLY 1157 00:30:10,108 --> 00:30:10,675 SKILL SHE PICKED UP WAS SINGING 1158 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:12,277 AND CLEANING. 1159 00:30:12,343 --> 00:30:16,915 RIGHT? 1160 00:30:16,981 --> 00:30:17,248 JUST LIKE -- 1161 00:30:19,184 --> 00:30:23,221 THAT'S A BIRD. 1162 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:34,899 ANYWAY... 1163 00:30:35,233 --> 00:30:37,669 WELL, THAT'S HER. 1164 00:30:37,735 --> 00:30:39,404 AND HER ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE WAS 1165 00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:41,206 TO WAIT FOR A FREAKY PRINCE WHO 1166 00:30:41,272 --> 00:30:43,274 WAS DOWN TO KISS WHATEVER. 1167 00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:43,641 RIGHT? 1168 00:30:43,708 --> 00:30:45,176 AND SHE FOUND HIM OR HE FOUND 1169 00:30:45,243 --> 00:30:46,144 HER WHERE SHE WAS ALL 1170 00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:46,444 UNCONSCIOUS. 1171 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,312 YOU KNOW, HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH. 1172 00:30:47,378 --> 00:30:48,146 I'LL STILL KISS THAT. 1173 00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:52,083 AT LEAST IT'S A HOT DEAD BODY." 1174 00:30:52,417 --> 00:30:55,253 THAT'S HER BOYFRIEND, A NECRO. 1175 00:30:55,320 --> 00:31:00,091 I DON'T WANT THAT FOR MY KID. 1176 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:05,263 AND PLUS, YOU KNOW, WITH MY 1177 00:31:05,330 --> 00:31:06,364 GRANDMA AGING, AND MY MOM, TOO, 1178 00:31:06,431 --> 00:31:07,332 I ALREADY FEEL LIKE I HAVE TWO 1179 00:31:07,398 --> 00:31:08,266 KIDS. 1180 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:10,568 YOU KNOW, THEY'RE 86 AND 65. 1181 00:31:10,635 --> 00:31:12,003 WE JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY 1182 00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:12,637 GRANDMA CAN NO LONGER EAT 1183 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,205 GLUTEN. 1184 00:31:14,272 --> 00:31:14,973 YEAH, I KNOW. 1185 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:15,773 SILENCE. 1186 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:16,608 GROANS. 1187 00:31:16,674 --> 00:31:18,009 I KNOW. 1188 00:31:18,076 --> 00:31:22,547 ONE PERSON LAUGHING. 1189 00:31:23,081 --> 00:31:23,781 YOU DO HAVE TO FIND THE JOY IN 1190 00:31:23,848 --> 00:31:28,186 THINGS. 1191 00:31:32,323 --> 00:31:36,127 HALF CUP -- UH, WHAT IS IT? 1192 00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:40,331 CUP HALF FULL... 1193 00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:43,268 WITH LOVERS LIKE ME... 1194 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:44,369 MY GRANDMA CAN'T EAT GLUTEN 1195 00:31:44,435 --> 00:31:45,236 ANYMORE. 1196 00:31:45,303 --> 00:31:45,970 AND, YOU KNOW, I WAS SHOCKED, 1197 00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:46,871 BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW. 1198 00:31:46,938 --> 00:31:48,039 DID YOU KNOW? 1199 00:31:48,106 --> 00:31:49,073 DID YOU KNOW THAT IMMIGRANTS CAN 1200 00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:53,911 GET THIS? 1201 00:31:55,313 --> 00:31:56,414 NO, I DIDN'T TRULY -- I TRULY 1202 00:31:56,481 --> 00:31:56,748 DIDN'T KNOW. 1203 00:31:56,814 --> 00:31:57,815 I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW. 1204 00:31:57,882 --> 00:31:58,383 I WAS LIKE, "OUR COMMUNITY? 1205 00:31:58,449 --> 00:31:59,083 SINCE WHEN?" 1206 00:31:59,150 --> 00:32:02,553 I TRULY DON'T KNOW. 1207 00:32:02,620 --> 00:32:03,521 LIKE, I -- NO, I REALLY THOUGHT 1208 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:04,255 THAT THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT 1209 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:07,492 ONLY HAPPEN, UH, TO WHITE 1210 00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:09,994 PEOPLE. 1211 00:32:10,328 --> 00:32:10,795 NO, BECAUSE ALL MY WHITE 1212 00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:11,529 FRIENDS, ALL MY WHITE FRIENDS, 1213 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:12,297 EVERY SINGLE DAY, THERE'S A NEW 1214 00:32:12,363 --> 00:32:13,031 THING THEY CAN'T EAT ANYMORE. 1215 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:13,931 IT'S WEIRD. 1216 00:32:13,998 --> 00:32:14,766 AND THEY REPORT IT TO ME. 1217 00:32:14,832 --> 00:32:15,366 THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, YEAH, IT'S 1218 00:32:15,433 --> 00:32:15,900 GLUTEN THAT'S HURTING ME. 1219 00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:17,235 I GOT TO CUT THAT OUT. 1220 00:32:17,302 --> 00:32:18,136 NO, IT TURNS OUT IT'S DAIRY, 1221 00:32:18,202 --> 00:32:18,436 TOO. 1222 00:32:18,503 --> 00:32:19,203 ALSO GONNA CUT THAT OUT. 1223 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:19,671 I CAN'T EAT PEANUTS. 1224 00:32:19,737 --> 00:32:20,705 I'M ALLERGIC." 1225 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,740 YOU KNOW, EVERY SINGLE DAY 1226 00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:23,708 THERE'S A NEW THING 1227 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:24,642 MY WHITE FRIENDS CAN'T EAT 1228 00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:28,546 ANYMORE. 1229 00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:29,847 IT'S WILD, LIKE -- FOR A SECOND 1230 00:32:29,914 --> 00:32:30,682 THERE, I REALLY THOUGHT THAT 1231 00:32:30,748 --> 00:32:36,754 MAYBE WHITE PEOPLE WERE 1232 00:32:36,821 --> 00:32:41,626 STILL -- THERE'S SO MANY OF YOU. 1233 00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:53,404 I REALLY THOUGHT THAT MAYBE 1234 00:32:53,471 --> 00:32:54,472 WHITE PEOPLE, UH, WERE STILL 1235 00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:56,941 EVOLVING. 1236 00:32:57,275 --> 00:32:58,142 NO! 1237 00:32:58,209 --> 00:32:59,210 NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY! 1238 00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:00,044 NO! 1239 00:33:00,111 --> 00:33:01,145 NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY. 1240 00:33:01,212 --> 00:33:02,680 IT'S NOT FUNNY, BECAUSE, BECAUSE 1241 00:33:02,747 --> 00:33:03,281 MY HUSBAND IS WHITE, UH, AND, 1242 00:33:03,348 --> 00:33:03,915 AND I DON'T WANNA LOSE HIM, UH, 1243 00:33:03,981 --> 00:33:05,650 TO A SANDWICH. 1244 00:33:05,983 --> 00:33:06,617 NO! 1245 00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:07,719 NO! 1246 00:33:07,785 --> 00:33:09,654 NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY. 1247 00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:12,724 NO, BECAUSE THEN, THEN I HAVE TO 1248 00:33:12,790 --> 00:33:13,658 MARRY THE SANDWICH, UH, BECAUSE 1249 00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:14,792 IT WON, YOU KNOW? 1250 00:33:14,859 --> 00:33:17,995 THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. 1251 00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:22,734 WHITE PEOPLE, UH, ARE YOU OKAY? 1252 00:33:23,935 --> 00:33:24,602 BUT, YOU KNOW, I AM A 1253 00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:25,336 SOLUTION-BASED COMIC. 1254 00:33:25,403 --> 00:33:25,937 I AM. 1255 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:26,804 YEAH. 1256 00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:27,805 I LIKE TO SEE WHAT I SEE AND GO, 1257 00:33:27,872 --> 00:33:29,207 "HOW CAN WE USE THIS TO BETTER 1258 00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:29,574 THE WORLD?" 1259 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,508 RIGHT? 1260 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:31,743 "HOW CAN WE USE THIS TO COMBAT 1261 00:33:31,809 --> 00:33:32,744 THE BAD?" 1262 00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:39,150 AND SO I THOUGHT, "OKAY. 1263 00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:40,151 UM, YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES WHITE 1264 00:33:40,218 --> 00:33:40,785 SUPREMACISTS -- UH, BETWEEN ME 1265 00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:41,419 AND YOU. 1266 00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:42,520 UM, NO, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES 1267 00:33:42,587 --> 00:33:43,121 WHITE SUPREMACISTS COME OUT TO 1268 00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:43,988 MARCH? 1269 00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:45,623 YOU KNOW, LIKE, INTO A BUILDING. 1270 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:49,894 UH, MAYBE IT'S AN IMPORTANT ONE. 1271 00:33:49,961 --> 00:33:54,365 LIKE IN, UH, JANUARY?" 1272 00:33:54,699 --> 00:33:55,600 YOU SAW IT, TOO. 1273 00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:56,601 YEAH, WE WERE ALL WATCHING. 1274 00:33:56,667 --> 00:33:57,168 IT WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS. 1275 00:33:57,235 --> 00:33:58,035 YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL THEY'RE 1276 00:33:58,102 --> 00:33:58,403 TALKING ABOUT. 1277 00:33:58,469 --> 00:33:59,537 AND WE WERE ALL WATCHING. 1278 00:33:59,604 --> 00:34:00,238 WE'RE LIKE, "NOTHING CAN STOP 1279 00:34:00,304 --> 00:34:00,605 THEM." 1280 00:34:00,671 --> 00:34:03,241 WELL, I HAVE A PLAN. 1281 00:34:03,307 --> 00:34:07,011 SO NEXT TIME SOMETHING LIKE THAT 1282 00:34:07,078 --> 00:34:08,346 HAPPENS, WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT AT 1283 00:34:08,413 --> 00:34:10,381 THE FINAL DESTINATION IN A LINE 1284 00:34:10,448 --> 00:34:12,950 WITH POCKETS FULL OF BREAD. 1285 00:34:13,284 --> 00:34:13,918 AND AS THEY COME CLOSER AND 1286 00:34:13,985 --> 00:34:14,652 CLOSER AND THEY'RE MARCHING, YOU 1287 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:15,686 KNOW, THEY'RE LIKE, "WHITE LIVES 1288 00:34:15,753 --> 00:34:16,254 MATTER. 1289 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,488 STOP THE STEAL." 1290 00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:18,623 OR WHATEVER THEY SAY, YOU KNOW? 1291 00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:20,458 AND THEY COME CLOSER AND CLOSER, 1292 00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:20,892 AND THEY LOOK SCARY. 1293 00:34:20,958 --> 00:34:21,659 WE JUST BATTLE, RIGHT? 1294 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:22,160 JUST, UH, "CIABATTA." 1295 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:25,329 AND HIT THEM ON THEIR NOSE. 1296 00:34:25,396 --> 00:34:26,764 "HOW ABOUT A BAGUETTE?" 1297 00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:27,432 AND HIT THEM ON THEIR HEADS, YOU 1298 00:34:27,498 --> 00:34:28,132 KNOW? 1299 00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:28,933 AND I REALLY THOUGHT AT LEAST 1300 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,401 SOME OF THEM WOULD BE LIKE, "OH, 1301 00:34:30,468 --> 00:34:30,968 NO, WAS THAT GLUTEN? 1302 00:34:31,035 --> 00:34:35,973 I CAN'T DIGEST THAT." 1303 00:34:41,145 --> 00:34:43,181 I HAD A PLAN. 1304 00:34:43,247 --> 00:34:44,449 THAT WAS MY PLAN. 1305 00:34:44,515 --> 00:34:45,483 BUT GUESS WHAT? 1306 00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:47,952 IT WOULDN'T WORK. 1307 00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:48,753 BECAUSE NOW MY GRANDMA, ALSO 1308 00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:49,821 GLUTEN-FREE. 1309 00:34:49,887 --> 00:34:50,555 YEAH. 1310 00:34:50,621 --> 00:34:51,956 YEAH, BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN HANGING 1311 00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:53,891 OUT WITH SOME NEW WHITE FRIENDS. 1312 00:34:54,225 --> 00:34:55,827 AND NOW SHE'S BEEN EXPOSED. 1313 00:34:55,893 --> 00:35:01,232 IT SUCKS, SHE DIDN'T LISTEN. 1314 00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:02,600 PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME, "ATSUKO, 1315 00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:03,568 DID YOU TRY THE BREAD THING WITH 1316 00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:08,706 THE INTRUDER?" 1317 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:09,974 "HE'S WHITE." 1318 00:35:10,041 --> 00:35:11,042 "NO. 1319 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:12,143 TOO SCARED." 1320 00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:13,444 WHAT IF HE'S NOT ALLERGIC? 1321 00:35:13,511 --> 00:35:15,413 AND I'LL JUST GO, "HOW ABOUT A 1322 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:19,350 BAGUETTE?" 1323 00:35:19,417 --> 00:35:20,318 AND HE'LL JUST GO, "HOW ABOUT 1324 00:35:20,384 --> 00:35:20,952 YOU'RE DEAD?" 1325 00:35:21,018 --> 00:35:24,522 AS MY HUSBAND JUST DANCES. 1326 00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:25,456 WE ALL DO WEIRD THINGS WHEN 1327 00:35:25,523 --> 00:35:26,657 WE'RE SCARED. 1328 00:35:26,724 --> 00:35:31,062 WE DO. 1329 00:35:31,128 --> 00:35:31,896 LIKE THE OTHER DAY, I TOUCHED 1330 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:32,630 TONGUES WITH A STRANGER'S DOG. 1331 00:35:32,697 --> 00:35:33,331 I DID. 1332 00:35:33,397 --> 00:35:34,165 THANK YOU. 1333 00:35:34,232 --> 00:35:37,802 I DID. 1334 00:35:37,869 --> 00:35:38,569 LISTEN, THIS IS WHAT -- LISTEN. 1335 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,905 SHH! 1336 00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:41,873 THIS -- HEY, THIS IS WHAT 1337 00:35:41,939 --> 00:35:42,640 HAPPENED. 1338 00:35:42,707 --> 00:35:43,641 WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS I SAW A 1339 00:35:43,708 --> 00:35:46,344 DOG BEING WALKED BY ITS OWNER, 1340 00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:47,411 SO I GOT EXCITED, AS YOU WOULD. 1341 00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:47,912 RIGHT? 1342 00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:52,183 SO I BENT DOWN TO PET IT, AND, 1343 00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:58,089 IT STARTED LICKING MY FACE. 1344 00:35:58,155 --> 00:36:00,224 YOU KNOW, JUST -- 1345 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:01,025 AND I STARTED TO TALK, SO I 1346 00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:01,592 OPENED MY MOUTH, SO BOOM, 1347 00:36:01,659 --> 00:36:04,462 CONTACT. 1348 00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:05,396 TONGUE TO TONGUE. 1349 00:36:05,463 --> 00:36:08,799 I LET IT. 1350 00:36:08,866 --> 00:36:09,700 "GIVE ME A FEW MORE." 1351 00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:11,602 I DID. 1352 00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:12,937 BECAUSE LIFE IS HARD. 1353 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:13,905 YEAH, BECAUSE LIFE IS HARD, AND 1354 00:36:13,971 --> 00:36:15,273 I WAS LIKE, "I'M GONNA GET LOVE 1355 00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:15,640 WHEREVER I CAN. 1356 00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:16,440 RIGHT HERE WILL DO." 1357 00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:17,275 YEAH. 1358 00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:18,109 SO, IT WAS ME AND THIS DOG, 1359 00:36:18,175 --> 00:36:20,745 TONGUE TO TONGUE. 1360 00:36:20,811 --> 00:36:22,046 AND, LET ME TELL YOU, OKAY? 1361 00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:23,080 THE OWNER OF THE DOG, LIKE SOME 1362 00:36:23,147 --> 00:36:23,948 OF YOU, HATED IT. 1363 00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:24,682 SHE DID NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. 1364 00:36:24,749 --> 00:36:25,583 SHE SCREAMED. 1365 00:36:25,650 --> 00:36:26,317 SHE WAS LIKE, "EW. 1366 00:36:26,384 --> 00:36:26,884 OH! 1367 00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:28,419 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" 1368 00:36:28,486 --> 00:36:29,453 AND IN THAT MOMENT OF FEAR, I, 1369 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,522 LIKE, STOPPED. 1370 00:36:31,589 --> 00:36:32,757 AND FOR SOME REASON, THE ONLY 1371 00:36:32,823 --> 00:36:33,524 THING THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH 1372 00:36:33,591 --> 00:36:34,625 BACK THERE, FOR SOME REASON, I 1373 00:36:34,692 --> 00:36:35,560 JUST SAID, "OH, DON'T WORRY. 1374 00:36:35,626 --> 00:36:38,229 I'M MARRIED." 1375 00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:39,530 AND, UH, SHE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE 1376 00:36:39,597 --> 00:36:44,902 THAT. 1377 00:36:45,937 --> 00:36:47,471 BUT THAT'S ME! 1378 00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:48,806 I DON'T DEAL WELL WITH FEELINGS 1379 00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:51,142 OF EMBARRASSMENT. 1380 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:51,876 I DON'T DEAL WELL WITH FEELINGS 1381 00:36:51,943 --> 00:36:52,977 OF SHAME. 1382 00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,612 SO ANY TIME SOMEONE CALLS ME 1383 00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:55,947 OUT, I JUST GET EXISTENTIAL. 1384 00:36:56,013 --> 00:36:56,714 YEAH. 1385 00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:57,315 ANYTIME SOMEONE'S, LIKE, 1386 00:36:57,381 --> 00:36:58,416 "ATSUKO, WHY DID YOU DO THAT? 1387 00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:01,886 ATSUKO, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?" 1388 00:37:01,953 --> 00:37:03,087 OR, "FUCK YOU, ATSUKO!" 1389 00:37:03,154 --> 00:37:04,055 I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "WELL, YOU 1390 00:37:04,121 --> 00:37:04,689 KNOW, I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE 1391 00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:07,158 ANYWAY." 1392 00:37:07,491 --> 00:37:08,359 I JUST GIVE UP RIGHT ON YOU, AND 1393 00:37:08,426 --> 00:37:09,927 YOU SHOULD TRY IT. 1394 00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:10,561 IF ANYONE EVER GIVES YOU A HARD 1395 00:37:10,628 --> 00:37:14,832 TIME, LIKE, "WHY WERE YOU LATE?" 1396 00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:16,367 JUST BE LIKE, "WHY WAS I LATE? 1397 00:37:16,434 --> 00:37:17,134 UH, WHY WAS I BORN?" 1398 00:37:17,201 --> 00:37:20,004 YOU KNOW? 1399 00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:21,339 I JUST FREAK THEM OUT. 1400 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:22,173 NO ONE CAN ARGUE AGAINST YOU IF 1401 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:23,307 YOU JUST GIVE UP ON THE WILL TO 1402 00:37:23,374 --> 00:37:24,575 LIVE. 1403 00:37:24,642 --> 00:37:25,443 "ATSUKO, WHY DID YOU DO THAT? 1404 00:37:25,509 --> 00:37:26,377 ATSUKO, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?" 1405 00:37:26,444 --> 00:37:28,012 I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "WELL, YOU 1406 00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,380 KNOW, NONE OF US HAD A CHOICE. 1407 00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:32,750 DID WE?" 1408 00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:33,784 AND I'M A FIRM BELIEVER IN THAT 1409 00:37:33,851 --> 00:37:34,285 STATEMENT. 1410 00:37:34,352 --> 00:37:36,454 I AM. 1411 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,756 LIKE LIFE -- OKAY. 1412 00:37:38,823 --> 00:37:39,991 ALL OF US IN HERE -- OKAY? 1413 00:37:40,057 --> 00:37:40,825 EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IN HERE, 1414 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:45,963 OKAY? 1415 00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:51,802 BEING BIRTHED IS THE ULTIMATE -- 1416 00:37:51,869 --> 00:37:53,371 "I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THIS" 1417 00:37:53,437 --> 00:37:54,438 SITUATION THAT WE WERE ALL 1418 00:37:54,505 --> 00:37:54,905 PUSHED INTO. 1419 00:37:54,972 --> 00:37:56,273 NONE OF US HAD A SAY. 1420 00:37:56,340 --> 00:37:56,907 WE ALL COME OUT CRYING, IS WHAT 1421 00:37:56,974 --> 00:37:57,341 I'M SAYING. 1422 00:37:57,408 --> 00:37:58,009 YOU KNOW WHY? 1423 00:37:58,075 --> 00:37:59,076 BECAUSE IT'S ALL TERRIFYING, 1424 00:37:59,143 --> 00:37:59,377 RIGHT? 1425 00:37:59,443 --> 00:38:00,411 WE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS. 1426 00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:00,945 NONE OF US ASKED FOR THIS. 1427 00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,246 IT WAS OUR MOTHER'S IDEA. 1428 00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:02,613 IT WAS HER IDEA. 1429 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:03,280 SHE WAS LIKE, "HERE'S A GIFT. 1430 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:04,115 HERE'S A SURPRISE GIFT. 1431 00:38:04,181 --> 00:38:05,016 YOU LIVE HERE NOW. 1432 00:38:05,082 --> 00:38:05,650 YOU LIVE HERE NOW. 1433 00:38:05,716 --> 00:38:06,584 OPEN YOUR EYES." 1434 00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:07,385 SO WE GET PUSHED OUT. 1435 00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,252 WE STARTED CRYING. 1436 00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:08,853 WE'RE JUST LIKE, "OH, NO, WHAT 1437 00:38:08,919 --> 00:38:09,420 IS THIS PLACE? 1438 00:38:09,487 --> 00:38:18,529 OH, NO, IT'S SO SCARY. 1439 00:38:18,596 --> 00:38:19,630 CUT TO AN ADULT GROWN MAN IN THE 1440 00:38:19,697 --> 00:38:20,765 SAME HOSPITAL ROOM, SNEEZING 30 1441 00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:22,099 TIMES IN A ROW, JUST LOSING IT. 1442 00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:22,433 JUST, "ACHOO! 1443 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:23,034 ACHOO! 1444 00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:23,701 ACHOO!" 1445 00:38:23,768 --> 00:38:24,568 YOU'RE, LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. 1446 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:25,069 WHAT'S THAT?" 1447 00:38:25,136 --> 00:38:25,736 "THAT'S YOUR FATHER. 1448 00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:26,671 THAT IS YOUR FATHER. 1449 00:38:26,737 --> 00:38:27,405 HE CANNOT GET IT TOGETHER. 1450 00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:28,039 SEASONAL ALLERGIES. 1451 00:38:28,105 --> 00:38:28,806 YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT, TOO." 1452 00:38:28,873 --> 00:38:29,874 THAT'S HOW I WAS PUSHED OUT TO 1453 00:38:29,940 --> 00:38:30,307 THIS EARTH. 1454 00:38:30,374 --> 00:38:30,808 TO A SNEEZING FATHER. 1455 00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:31,609 OKAY? 1456 00:38:31,676 --> 00:38:32,543 LIFE IS FREAKING SCARY, IS WHAT 1457 00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:33,878 I'M SAYING. 1458 00:38:33,944 --> 00:38:35,279 WE'RE ALL TRYING. 1459 00:38:35,346 --> 00:38:39,550 SO, I'M SORRY I MADE OUT WITH 1460 00:38:39,617 --> 00:38:42,720 YOUR DOG. 1461 00:38:43,054 --> 00:38:44,088 I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE 1462 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:47,258 ANYWAY. 1463 00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:50,628 YOU KNOW, LIFE IS CRUEL. 1464 00:38:50,695 --> 00:38:51,762 MY GRANDMA CAN'T EAT GLUTEN 1465 00:38:51,829 --> 00:38:54,231 ANYMORE. 1466 00:38:54,298 --> 00:38:58,269 MY MOM, ON THE OTHER HAND, 1467 00:38:58,335 --> 00:38:59,537 ACTUALLY HAS SCHIZOPHRENIA, 1468 00:38:59,603 --> 00:39:00,571 WHICH MEANS SHE HEARS VOICES A 1469 00:39:00,638 --> 00:39:01,338 LOT AND SHE HALLUCINATES ALL THE 1470 00:39:01,405 --> 00:39:02,173 TIME. 1471 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:02,940 AND IT SUCKS. 1472 00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:05,576 IT FRICKIN' SUCKS. 1473 00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:06,544 BUT THANK GOD. 1474 00:39:06,610 --> 00:39:07,878 OKAY? 1475 00:39:07,945 --> 00:39:09,814 THANK GOODNESS. 1476 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,183 WE JUST CHECKED, AND MY MOM, SHE 1477 00:39:12,249 --> 00:39:12,983 CAN STILL EAT BREAD. 1478 00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:14,151 SHE CAN. 1479 00:39:14,218 --> 00:39:14,819 THANK YOU, GOD. 1480 00:39:14,885 --> 00:39:16,754 THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. 1481 00:39:17,555 --> 00:39:18,189 YES! 1482 00:39:18,255 --> 00:39:19,256 SHE CAN STILL DO THAT. 1483 00:39:19,323 --> 00:39:20,324 YEAH. 1484 00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:21,492 BECAUSE I THINK LIFE HAS A WAY 1485 00:39:21,559 --> 00:39:22,259 OF BALANCING ITSELF OUT 1486 00:39:22,326 --> 00:39:24,762 SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW? 1487 00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:25,730 NO, IT HAS TO. 1488 00:39:25,796 --> 00:39:26,630 YOU NEED SOMETHING TO WAKE UP 1489 00:39:26,697 --> 00:39:27,064 FOR. 1490 00:39:27,131 --> 00:39:27,765 RIGHT? 1491 00:39:27,832 --> 00:39:28,766 WHERE IT'S LIKE, "OH, GIRL, 1492 00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:30,434 YOU'RE GONNA HEAR VOICES ALL 1493 00:39:30,501 --> 00:39:33,404 DAY, BUT YOU CAN STILL HAVE A 1494 00:39:33,471 --> 00:39:35,206 CROISSANT." 1495 00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:36,173 IT NEEDS TO BALANCE ITSELF OUT. 1496 00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:36,874 YEAH. 1497 00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:37,775 JUST LIKE MY GRANDMA HAS NO 1498 00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:38,676 MENTAL ILLNESSES, BUT NOW SHE'S 1499 00:39:38,743 --> 00:39:39,810 A REALLY DIFFICULT DINNER GUEST, 1500 00:39:39,877 --> 00:39:41,679 YOU KNOW? 1501 00:39:41,746 --> 00:39:42,646 IT KEEPS HER HUMBLE, RIGHT? 1502 00:39:42,713 --> 00:39:43,314 YEAH. 1503 00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:44,582 KEEPS HER GROUNDED FROM GETTING 1504 00:39:44,648 --> 00:39:45,483 TOO COCKY. 1505 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:46,684 AND SCHIZOPHRENIA IS HARD TO 1506 00:39:46,751 --> 00:39:48,052 TALK ABOUT IN COMEDY, YOU KNOW, 1507 00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:49,353 BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF IT 1508 00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:51,922 AND IT'S SO STIGMATIZED. 1509 00:39:51,989 --> 00:39:52,957 AND I DON'T THINK IT HELPS THAT 1510 00:39:53,023 --> 00:39:53,724 IT HAS SUCH A SCARY SOUNDING 1511 00:39:53,791 --> 00:39:55,826 NAME, YOU KNOW? 1512 00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:56,794 NO, IT DOESN'T. 1513 00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:58,262 YEAH, IT DOESN'T HELP. 1514 00:39:58,329 --> 00:39:58,996 I TRULY WISH SCHIZOPHRENIA HAD A 1515 00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:07,037 MORE APPROACHABLE NAME. 1516 00:40:07,104 --> 00:40:08,239 YOU KNOW, SOMETHING LIKE 1517 00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:09,006 "SPLASH MOUNTAIN. 1518 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:10,508 YOU KNOW? 1519 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,208 THAT'S FUN. 1520 00:40:11,275 --> 00:40:12,543 I LOVE THAT RIDE. 1521 00:40:12,610 --> 00:40:13,611 IN FACT, WHAT IF ALL MENTAL 1522 00:40:13,677 --> 00:40:14,311 ILLNESSES WERE JUST NAMED AFTER 1523 00:40:14,378 --> 00:40:15,079 RIDES AT DISNEYLAND? 1524 00:40:15,146 --> 00:40:15,813 THEN WE COULD NORMALIZE IT. 1525 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:16,080 RIGHT? 1526 00:40:16,147 --> 00:40:16,781 THEN CONVERSATIONS COULD LOOK 1527 00:40:16,847 --> 00:40:17,548 LIKE THIS. 1528 00:40:17,615 --> 00:40:18,649 YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE, "OH, YEAH, 1529 00:40:18,716 --> 00:40:19,250 I JUST TALKED TO MY DOCTOR AND 1530 00:40:19,316 --> 00:40:21,886 IT'S BEEN CONFIRMED. 1531 00:40:21,952 --> 00:40:23,420 I HAVE MR. TOAD'S WILD RIDE." 1532 00:40:23,487 --> 00:40:24,522 YOU KNOW?" 1533 00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:26,157 THAT'S FUN. 1534 00:40:26,223 --> 00:40:27,591 OR CONVERSATIONS COULD LOOK LIKE 1535 00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:28,192 THIS, LIKE, "OH, YEAH, I JUST 1536 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:28,959 TALKED TO MY DOCTOR AND, UH, AT 1537 00:40:29,026 --> 00:40:30,194 FIRST THEY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST 1538 00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:32,396 THE TEACUPS. 1539 00:40:32,463 --> 00:40:33,230 BUT, UH, IT TURNS OUT I HAVE THE 1540 00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:36,967 TOWER OF TERROR." 1541 00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:38,936 YOU KNOW, AND THAT MIGHT SOUND 1542 00:40:39,003 --> 00:40:39,436 SCARY. 1543 00:40:39,503 --> 00:40:40,037 THAT MIGHT SOUND SCARY, BUT, 1544 00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:40,704 HEY, AT LEAST YOU MIGHT HAVE 1545 00:40:40,771 --> 00:40:43,574 SOME FOND MEMORIES ON THAT RIDE. 1546 00:40:43,641 --> 00:40:47,144 GYNECOLOGISTS COULD START 1547 00:40:47,211 --> 00:40:48,846 ADOPTING THIS PRACTICE TOO, WHEN 1548 00:40:48,913 --> 00:40:52,716 INSTEAD OF USING SCARY WORDS 1549 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:54,885 LIKE CHLAMYDIA OR GONORRHEA 1550 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,020 TO DIAGNOSE YOU, THEY WOULD JUST 1551 00:40:56,086 --> 00:41:05,095 BE LIKE, "OH, YEAH, UH, YOU HAVE 1552 00:41:05,162 --> 00:41:06,230 WHAT WE CALL THE HAUNTED 1553 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:08,666 MANSION." 1554 00:41:08,999 --> 00:41:14,371 GOOD. 1555 00:41:14,438 --> 00:41:15,139 WHICH IS GOOD, YOU'RE HEALTHY 1556 00:41:15,206 --> 00:41:15,739 BECAUSE NO ONE'S VISITED IN A 1557 00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:16,707 WHILE. 1558 00:41:16,774 --> 00:41:17,842 UH, BUT, HEY, IT'S A PANDEMIC, 1559 00:41:17,908 --> 00:41:18,542 SO A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HAUNTED 1560 00:41:18,609 --> 00:41:21,345 MANSIONS RIGHT NOW. 1561 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:25,249 I DIDN'T MEAN TO SINGLE YOU OUT. 1562 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:26,217 YOU LOOKED BUMMED THE WHOLE 1563 00:41:26,283 --> 00:41:28,953 TIME. 1564 00:41:29,019 --> 00:41:29,820 I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT A 1565 00:41:29,887 --> 00:41:30,487 SHARED EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW, 1566 00:41:30,554 --> 00:41:31,088 BECAUSE IT IS A SMALL WORLD 1567 00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:35,125 AFTER ALL. 1568 00:41:36,427 --> 00:41:40,731 I KNOW, BUCKLE UP, BUCKLE UP 1569 00:41:40,798 --> 00:41:41,565 BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE IT GETS 1570 00:41:41,632 --> 00:41:42,233 WILD. 1571 00:41:42,299 --> 00:41:44,101 SO IT GETS WILDER. 1572 00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:47,838 SO BY NOW, YOU KNOW THAT MY MOM 1573 00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:50,341 HAS THE SPLASH, YOU KNOW? 1574 00:41:50,407 --> 00:41:51,275 ARE WE GONNA NORMALIZE IT OR 1575 00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:55,646 NOT? 1576 00:41:55,713 --> 00:41:56,580 SO MY MOM HAS THE SPLASH, BUT 1577 00:41:56,647 --> 00:41:59,149 HERE'S THE WILD PART, OKAY? 1578 00:41:59,216 --> 00:41:59,783 RYAN, MY HUSBAND'S MOM, ALSO HAS 1579 00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:00,584 SPLASH MOUNTAIN. 1580 00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:01,185 YEAH, MY HUSBAND'S MOM ALSO HAS 1581 00:42:01,252 --> 00:42:01,719 SCHIZOPHRENIA. 1582 00:42:01,785 --> 00:42:02,786 AND SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT'S HOW 1583 00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:06,323 WE STARTED DATING. 1584 00:42:06,390 --> 00:42:07,424 WHICH -- CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT 1585 00:42:07,491 --> 00:42:08,259 BEING YOUR ONLY CRITERIA FOR 1586 00:42:08,325 --> 00:42:08,692 FINDING A PARTNER? 1587 00:42:08,759 --> 00:42:10,060 LIKE, HOW WOULD THAT WORK? 1588 00:42:10,127 --> 00:42:17,134 RIGHT? 1589 00:42:17,201 --> 00:42:18,302 JUST YourMomToo.com. 1590 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,503 YOU KNOW? 1591 00:42:19,570 --> 00:42:20,404 JUST CHOOSE A HAIRSTYLE THAT YOU 1592 00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:20,738 LIKE. 1593 00:42:20,804 --> 00:42:22,640 YOUR SEARCH IS OVER. 1594 00:42:22,706 --> 00:42:25,075 NO, I WISH. 1595 00:42:25,142 --> 00:42:27,144 WE FOUND OUT ON OUR THIRD DATE 1596 00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:27,511 WITH EACH OTHER. 1597 00:42:27,578 --> 00:42:33,684 WE WERE OVER AT HIS PLACE, AND, 1598 00:42:33,751 --> 00:42:36,420 WE WERE IN HIS BEDROOM. 1599 00:42:36,487 --> 00:42:37,354 WHAT ARE YOU, 12? 1600 00:42:37,421 --> 00:42:38,222 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 1601 00:42:38,289 --> 00:42:39,490 WE WERE GETTING ALL HORNED UP. 1602 00:42:39,556 --> 00:42:40,157 YEAH, THINGS WERE GETTING FRISKY 1603 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:41,091 WHEN SUDDENLY HIS PHONE GOES OFF 1604 00:42:41,158 --> 00:42:41,692 AND HE'S LIKE, "I'M SO SORRY. 1605 00:42:41,759 --> 00:42:42,226 I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. 1606 00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:43,127 IT'S MY MOM." 1607 00:42:43,193 --> 00:42:43,928 AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, FUCK." 1608 00:42:43,994 --> 00:42:45,029 YEAH, BECAUSE I WORE MY GOOD 1609 00:42:45,095 --> 00:42:46,330 UNDERWEAR THAT NIGHT. 1610 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:47,398 I WORE MY GOOD ADULT LACEY 1611 00:42:47,464 --> 00:42:47,898 UNDERWEAR THAT NIGHT. 1612 00:42:47,965 --> 00:42:48,599 NO ONE'S EVER DISMISSED ME SO 1613 00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:49,600 FAST FOR THEIR MOM BEFORE, 1614 00:42:49,667 --> 00:42:50,167 RIGHT? 1615 00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:51,335 SO I WAS LIKE, "IS HE LIKE A 1616 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:51,835 MAMA'S BOY?" 1617 00:42:51,902 --> 00:42:54,338 RED FLAG. 1618 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,439 RED FLAG, YOU KNOW? 1619 00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:56,206 AND THEN HE LEAVES ME IN THERE 1620 00:42:56,273 --> 00:42:56,874 ALONE FOR AN HOUR, JUST TALKING 1621 00:42:56,941 --> 00:42:57,408 TO HER. 1622 00:42:57,474 --> 00:42:58,375 AND THEN I HEAR HIM STARTING TO 1623 00:42:58,442 --> 00:42:59,176 COMFORT HER, AND THEN I HEAR HIM 1624 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:02,379 STARTING TO SING TO HER. 1625 00:43:02,446 --> 00:43:05,516 AND THAT'S WHEN I WAS LIKE, 1626 00:43:05,582 --> 00:43:08,285 "OH, DOUBLE FUCK." 1627 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:09,186 "ARE THEY LIKE A SINGING MOTHER 1628 00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:10,154 AND SON? 1629 00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:12,623 ARE THEY HARMONIZING?" 1630 00:43:12,957 --> 00:43:13,657 I WAS LIKE, "OH, NO, I'M GONNA 1631 00:43:13,724 --> 00:43:14,358 DIE TONIGHT. 1632 00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:15,359 HE'S A MURDERER. 1633 00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:16,393 HE'S A MURDERER. 1634 00:43:16,460 --> 00:43:20,397 HE SINGS WITH HIS MOTHER BEFORE 1635 00:43:20,464 --> 00:43:21,465 SEX." 1636 00:43:21,532 --> 00:43:23,500 SO I WAS ALL SCARED. 1637 00:43:23,567 --> 00:43:27,104 AND THEN HE RUSHES IN, FINALLY, 1638 00:43:27,171 --> 00:43:28,005 AN HOUR LATER, AND HE GOES, 1639 00:43:28,072 --> 00:43:28,405 "I'M SO SORRY. 1640 00:43:28,472 --> 00:43:29,306 I SING TO HER SOMETIMES. 1641 00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:29,873 IT MAKES HER FEEL BETTER. 1642 00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:30,574 MY MOM HAS THIS THING. 1643 00:43:30,641 --> 00:43:31,575 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD OF 1644 00:43:31,642 --> 00:43:32,009 IT. 1645 00:43:32,076 --> 00:43:32,910 SCHIZOPHRENIA." 1646 00:43:32,977 --> 00:43:33,944 AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. 1647 00:43:34,011 --> 00:43:34,912 MY MOM, TOO." 1648 00:43:34,979 --> 00:43:35,546 AND WE HAD THE CRAZIEST SEX 1649 00:43:35,612 --> 00:43:36,780 EVER. 1650 00:43:36,847 --> 00:43:37,481 I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DID YOU SAY? 1651 00:43:37,548 --> 00:43:38,148 FUCK ME NOW!" 1652 00:43:38,215 --> 00:43:38,983 WE STARTED TAKING OUR CLOTHES 1653 00:43:39,049 --> 00:43:39,316 OFF. 1654 00:43:39,383 --> 00:43:39,950 I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, WE 1655 00:43:40,017 --> 00:43:40,784 DESERVE THIS." 1656 00:43:40,851 --> 00:43:43,053 YOU KNOW? 1657 00:43:43,387 --> 00:43:44,221 WE STARTED THROWING EACH OTHER 1658 00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:45,589 BACK AND FORTH, PULLING EACH 1659 00:43:45,656 --> 00:43:46,390 OTHER'S HAIR, KICK EACH OTHER, 1660 00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:47,024 JUST SPLISH, SPLASH. 1661 00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:47,791 YOU KNOW? 1662 00:43:47,858 --> 00:43:48,692 IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. 1663 00:43:48,759 --> 00:43:49,560 YEAH, IT WAS SO HOT. 1664 00:43:49,626 --> 00:43:50,494 YEAH. 1665 00:43:50,561 --> 00:43:51,662 LIKE, IF I WEREN'T ON BIRTH 1666 00:43:51,729 --> 00:43:52,262 CONTROL PILLS AT THAT TIME, WE 1667 00:43:52,329 --> 00:43:53,364 WOULD HAVE A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD 1668 00:43:53,430 --> 00:43:53,931 CHILD RIGHT NOW. 1669 00:43:53,998 --> 00:43:54,765 YEAH. 1670 00:43:54,832 --> 00:43:58,035 YEAH, I KNOW. 1671 00:43:58,102 --> 00:44:02,439 WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA. 1672 00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:06,510 SPLASH MOUNTAIN. 1673 00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:10,381 BUT IT WOULD BE... 1674 00:44:10,447 --> 00:44:15,819 >> Audience Member: HOT. 1675 00:44:22,126 --> 00:44:22,860 >> Atsuko: MY MOM AND GRANDMA 1676 00:44:22,926 --> 00:44:24,361 ARE AT AN AGE 1677 00:44:24,428 --> 00:44:25,696 NOW WHERE THEY'RE KIND OF 1678 00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:27,031 WEIRDLY GOING THROUGH PUBERTY 1679 00:44:27,097 --> 00:44:29,199 AGAIN. 1680 00:44:29,266 --> 00:44:30,300 YOU KNOW, THEY HAVEN'T BEEN 1681 00:44:30,367 --> 00:44:31,001 TOUCHED ROMANTICALLY BY A PERSON 1682 00:44:31,068 --> 00:44:31,368 IN DECADES. 1683 00:44:31,435 --> 00:44:32,369 AND IT'S COMING OUT IN WEIRD 1684 00:44:32,436 --> 00:44:32,770 WAYS, YOU KNOW? 1685 00:44:32,836 --> 00:44:33,737 YEAH. 1686 00:44:33,804 --> 00:44:34,471 MY MOM'S TRYING TO SEDUCE THE 1687 00:44:34,538 --> 00:44:36,006 PHYSICAL THERAPIST. 1688 00:44:36,073 --> 00:44:42,846 MY GRANDMA HITS ON MY HUSBAND, 1689 00:44:42,913 --> 00:44:43,647 WHO IS MY FATHER'S SISTER. 1690 00:44:43,714 --> 00:44:46,717 YOU KNOW? 1691 00:44:46,784 --> 00:44:47,751 IT'S AN UNHEALTHY DYNAMIC. 1692 00:44:47,818 --> 00:44:48,552 SO TO STOP THIS, I WAS LIKE, 1693 00:44:48,619 --> 00:44:49,820 "FAMILY, WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS. 1694 00:44:49,887 --> 00:44:52,156 YEAH, BECAUSE MOMMY KNOWS WHAT'S 1695 00:44:52,222 --> 00:44:52,956 BEST FOR HER KIDS. 1696 00:44:53,023 --> 00:44:53,924 OR MOMMY HAS A FRIEND WHO DANCES 1697 00:44:53,991 --> 00:44:54,525 IN THE MAGIC MIKE LIVE SHOW." 1698 00:44:54,591 --> 00:44:55,225 YEAH. 1699 00:44:55,292 --> 00:44:56,627 YES. 1700 00:44:56,693 --> 00:45:00,097 MAGIC MIKE LIVE, IF YOU HAVEN'T 1701 00:45:00,164 --> 00:45:01,165 HEARD OF IT, IT'S THE 1702 00:45:01,231 --> 00:45:02,232 CHANNING TATUM STRIP SHOW WITH A 1703 00:45:02,299 --> 00:45:02,833 STORY ARC, OKAY? 1704 00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:03,567 THERE'S SOMETHING IN IT FOR 1705 00:45:03,634 --> 00:45:04,401 EVERYONE. 1706 00:45:04,468 --> 00:45:05,069 SO THE NIGHT OF THE SHOW, MY 1707 00:45:05,135 --> 00:45:06,036 MOM'S NOT FEELING WELL. 1708 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:07,271 SHE DECIDES TO SIT IT OUT. 1709 00:45:07,337 --> 00:45:07,838 SO WE'RE LIKE, "OKAY, WE'RE 1710 00:45:07,905 --> 00:45:08,772 GONNA HAVE FUN IN HER HONOR." 1711 00:45:08,839 --> 00:45:09,807 THE SHOW STARTS. 1712 00:45:09,873 --> 00:45:10,874 MY GRANDMA STARTS THROWING CASH 1713 00:45:10,941 --> 00:45:12,142 AT ALL THE HALF-NAKED MEN. 1714 00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:13,510 SHE'S DRINKING A BUNCH. 1715 00:45:13,577 --> 00:45:16,947 AND AT ONE POINT, ONE OF THE 1716 00:45:17,014 --> 00:45:18,015 DANCERS ASKS MY GRANDMA TO JOIN 1717 00:45:18,082 --> 00:45:18,449 HIM ON THE STAGE. 1718 00:45:18,515 --> 00:45:19,183 YEAH. 1719 00:45:19,249 --> 00:45:20,951 THE SPOTLIGHT WAS ON HER. 1720 00:45:21,018 --> 00:45:22,052 HUNDREDS OF WOMEN JUST PISSED, 1721 00:45:22,119 --> 00:45:24,822 YOU KNOW? 1722 00:45:25,155 --> 00:45:26,924 AND IN THAT MOMENT, WHAT DID MY 1723 00:45:26,990 --> 00:45:27,224 GRANDMA DO? 1724 00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:29,893 SHE POLITELY DECLINED. 1725 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,495 SHE POLITELY DECLINED, YEAH, 1726 00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:32,729 WHICH I DON'T THINK HAS EVER 1727 00:45:32,796 --> 00:45:34,331 HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF A 1728 00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:35,265 MAGIC MIKE LIVE SHOW BEFORE. 1729 00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:36,500 YEAH, IN FACT, I KNOW IT HASN'T, 1730 00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:40,471 BECAUSE WHEN MY GRANDMA DID 1731 00:45:40,537 --> 00:45:41,505 THAT, THE DANCER JUST WENT, 1732 00:45:41,572 --> 00:45:42,673 "OH, OKAY." 1733 00:45:42,739 --> 00:45:47,845 AND JUST STOOD THERE NOT 1734 00:45:47,911 --> 00:45:48,812 KNOWING -- THERE WAS NO PLAN B. 1735 00:45:48,879 --> 00:45:49,646 NO ONE HAD EVER SAID NO. 1736 00:45:49,713 --> 00:45:50,614 RIGHT? 1737 00:45:50,681 --> 00:45:51,782 MY GRANDMA, A RECORD-BREAKING 1738 00:45:51,849 --> 00:45:53,917 BITCH. 1739 00:45:54,251 --> 00:45:55,119 SO AFTER THE SHOW, I ASKED MY 1740 00:45:55,185 --> 00:45:56,320 GRANDMA, "GRANDMA, WHY DID YOU 1741 00:45:56,386 --> 00:45:57,321 SAY NO TO A LAP DANCE? 1742 00:45:57,387 --> 00:45:57,921 IT WAS FREE. 1743 00:45:57,988 --> 00:45:58,755 WE LOVE A DISCOUNT. 1744 00:45:58,822 --> 00:45:59,857 WHY DID YOU SAY NO TO A FREE LAP 1745 00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:00,824 DANCE?" 1746 00:46:00,891 --> 00:46:03,093 AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAYS, SHE 1747 00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:03,727 GOES, "OH, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF 1748 00:46:03,794 --> 00:46:04,728 I DID SAY YES AND I WENT ON 1749 00:46:04,795 --> 00:46:12,069 STAGE, I WOULD HAVE TO, LIKE, 1750 00:46:12,136 --> 00:46:16,540 HUG, AND, LIKE, KISS HIM." 1751 00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:18,575 "LIKE, KISS HIM. 1752 00:46:18,642 --> 00:46:19,710 LIKE, KISS HIM." 1753 00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:20,410 OKAY? 1754 00:46:20,477 --> 00:46:21,211 WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS NOT A PART 1755 00:46:21,278 --> 00:46:23,347 OF THE SHOW. 1756 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:24,581 WE WATCHED THE WHOLE THING FROM 1757 00:46:24,648 --> 00:46:25,215 BEGINNING TO END. 1758 00:46:25,282 --> 00:46:26,083 OKAY? 1759 00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:29,753 THAT PART NEVER HAPPENS. 1760 00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:30,721 BECAUSE A LOT OF THINGS HAPPEN 1761 00:46:30,787 --> 00:46:31,655 AT A MAGIC MIKE LIVE SHOW. 1762 00:46:31,722 --> 00:46:32,222 YOU MIGHT GET GRINDED UP ON. 1763 00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:32,990 OKAY. 1764 00:46:33,056 --> 00:46:34,024 SOMEONE'S BUTT MIGHT END UP NEAR 1765 00:46:34,091 --> 00:46:34,925 YOUR FACE. 1766 00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:35,893 BUT AT NO POINT, AT NO POINT, DO 1767 00:46:35,959 --> 00:46:37,327 ANY OF THE DANCERS JUST UP AND 1768 00:46:37,394 --> 00:46:41,999 KISS YOU ON THE LIPS. 1769 00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:45,802 AND EVEN WORSE, AT NO POINT DO 1770 00:46:45,869 --> 00:46:46,703 ANY OF THEM JUST HUG YOU. 1771 00:46:46,770 --> 00:46:47,371 OKAY? 1772 00:46:47,437 --> 00:46:48,438 FRIENDSHIP STYLE. 1773 00:46:48,505 --> 00:46:49,006 THAT WOULD BE WEIRD, RIGHT? 1774 00:46:49,072 --> 00:46:50,941 EVERYONE WOULD START BOOING. 1775 00:46:51,008 --> 00:46:51,842 "BOO! 1776 00:46:51,909 --> 00:46:52,809 THIS IS NOT THE SHOW WE CAME TO 1777 00:46:52,876 --> 00:46:53,243 SEE. 1778 00:46:53,310 --> 00:46:54,244 A SHOW ABOUT FRIENDSHIP? 1779 00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:54,912 NO! 1780 00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:59,116 SHOW ME ABS." 1781 00:46:59,449 --> 00:47:00,984 AND I WAS LIKE, "I'M SO GLAD YOU 1782 00:47:01,051 --> 00:47:03,020 DIDN'T GO ON STAGE THEN, 1783 00:47:03,086 --> 00:47:09,526 GRANDMA. 1784 00:47:09,593 --> 00:47:14,998 THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE GONNA DO?" 1785 00:47:15,632 --> 00:47:16,800 SO AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER, WE'RE 1786 00:47:16,867 --> 00:47:18,302 ALL LAUGHING, GOING BACK TO THE 1787 00:47:18,368 --> 00:47:18,735 HOTEL. 1788 00:47:18,802 --> 00:47:22,606 YOU KNOW, LAUGHING AT MY 1789 00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:24,308 GRANDMA, MAKING FUN OF HER, 1790 00:47:24,374 --> 00:47:24,942 JUST, LIKE, "HA, HA, HORNY 1791 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:26,143 BITCH. 1792 00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:33,650 HORNY BITCH. 1793 00:47:33,717 --> 00:47:34,718 HA, HA, GRANDMA ALMOST #METOO'D 1794 00:47:34,785 --> 00:47:35,886 THE DANCER. 1795 00:47:35,953 --> 00:47:37,788 HA, HA." 1796 00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:39,823 WE'RE ALL LAUGHING. 1797 00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:40,524 SHE'S LAUGHING, TOO. 1798 00:47:40,591 --> 00:47:41,325 WE GO BACK TO THE HOTEL AND 1799 00:47:41,391 --> 00:47:42,259 THERE'S MY MOM ALL ALONE ON HER 1800 00:47:42,326 --> 00:47:42,826 BED. 1801 00:47:42,893 --> 00:47:43,627 HER HALLUCINATIONS HAD GOTTEN 1802 00:47:43,694 --> 00:47:44,461 REALLY BAD, SO SHE HAD TO MISS 1803 00:47:44,528 --> 00:47:45,362 OUT ON THE SHOW. 1804 00:47:45,429 --> 00:47:46,396 AND IT WAS REALLY SAD. 1805 00:47:46,463 --> 00:47:47,064 BUT, RYAN, MY HUSBAND, MADE SURE 1806 00:47:47,130 --> 00:47:47,664 TO REMEMBER SOME OF THE DANCE 1807 00:47:47,731 --> 00:47:48,665 MOVES FROM THE SHOW, YEAH, AND 1808 00:47:48,732 --> 00:47:49,666 STARTED DOING IT FOR MY MOM. 1809 00:47:49,733 --> 00:47:50,500 YEAH. 1810 00:47:50,567 --> 00:47:51,902 HE WAS LIKE, "AND THEN THEY WERE 1811 00:47:51,969 --> 00:47:52,536 LIKE THIS, AND THEY WERE LIKE 1812 00:47:52,603 --> 00:47:52,803 THIS." 1813 00:47:52,869 --> 00:47:54,004 AND HE GOT ON THE GROUND. 1814 00:47:54,071 --> 00:47:54,571 HE WAS, LIKE, "AND THEY WERE 1815 00:47:54,638 --> 00:47:55,505 LIKE THIS. 1816 00:47:55,572 --> 00:47:56,206 AND THEY WERE LIKE THIS." 1817 00:47:56,273 --> 00:47:56,907 SO I JOINED HIM. 1818 00:47:56,974 --> 00:47:57,908 I WAS LIKE, "YEAH. 1819 00:47:57,975 --> 00:47:58,575 AND THEN THEY WERE LIKE THIS." 1820 00:47:58,642 --> 00:47:59,576 AND HE'S LIKE, "THEY WERE LIKE 1821 00:47:59,643 --> 00:48:00,244 THIS. 1822 00:48:00,310 --> 00:48:01,545 AND THEY WERE LIKE THIS. 1823 00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,113 AND THEY WERE LIKE THIS. 1824 00:48:03,180 --> 00:48:04,348 AND THEY WERE LIKE THIS." 1825 00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:05,382 AND WE WERE GOING UP TO HER, AND 1826 00:48:05,449 --> 00:48:06,316 SHE WAS LAUGHING, AND CLAPPING, 1827 00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:08,218 AND HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME. 1828 00:48:08,285 --> 00:48:09,119 I KNOW, AND IT WAS THIS 1829 00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:10,120 GORGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL MOMENT, YOU 1830 00:48:10,187 --> 00:48:12,322 KNOW? 1831 00:48:12,389 --> 00:48:13,357 AND I LOVED IT, BECAUSE I GOT MY 1832 00:48:13,423 --> 00:48:17,127 SISTER BACK. 1833 00:48:21,898 --> 00:48:22,733 WE WERE BOTH TELLING THE SAME 1834 00:48:22,799 --> 00:48:28,205 STORY. 1835 00:48:28,272 --> 00:48:29,506 SO BY NOW IT'S LATE IN THE 1836 00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:32,209 NIGHT, AND ME AND RYAN ARE IN 1837 00:48:32,276 --> 00:48:33,143 THE BACKYARD, YOU KNOW, WHERE 1838 00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:34,077 THE FIRST SCENE OF THE CRIME 1839 00:48:34,144 --> 00:48:34,678 HAPPENED. 1840 00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:35,412 WE'RE JUST DRINKING, LAUGHING, 1841 00:48:35,479 --> 00:48:36,513 BEING LIKE, "GOD, CAN YOU 1842 00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:38,715 BELIEVE THE DAY WE'VE HAD? 1843 00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:40,417 AN INTRUDER TO OUR HOUSE TWICE 1844 00:48:40,484 --> 00:48:40,784 ON THE SAME DAY? 1845 00:48:40,851 --> 00:48:41,485 HA, HA." 1846 00:48:41,551 --> 00:48:42,653 WE JINXED IT. 1847 00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:43,620 OUR PHONE GOES OFF. 1848 00:48:43,687 --> 00:48:44,521 IT'S OUR NEIGHBOR AGAIN. 1849 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:46,156 AND SHE GOES, "THE GUY IS BACK." 1850 00:48:46,223 --> 00:48:47,157 I KNOW, HE'S RELENTLESS. 1851 00:48:47,224 --> 00:48:48,825 YEAH. 1852 00:48:48,892 --> 00:48:49,993 BUT THIS TIME HE JUST PARKED IN 1853 00:48:50,060 --> 00:48:51,361 HIS CAR AND IT'S TURNED ON. 1854 00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:51,962 I LOOK AT RYAN AND I GO, "THIS 1855 00:48:52,029 --> 00:48:52,663 IS IT. 1856 00:48:52,729 --> 00:48:54,064 YOU SAID ONE MORE TIME AND WE 1857 00:48:54,131 --> 00:48:55,065 WERE GONE, RIGHT?" 1858 00:48:55,132 --> 00:48:55,999 HE GOES, "OKAY. 1859 00:48:56,066 --> 00:48:56,933 ON A COUNT OF THREE, WE'RE JUST 1860 00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:57,968 GONNA RUN DOWN TO THE STREET 1861 00:48:58,035 --> 00:48:58,635 LEVEL, GET IN THE CAR, AND DRIVE 1862 00:48:58,702 --> 00:49:00,604 OFF. 1863 00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,639 ONE, TWO, THREE." 1864 00:49:02,706 --> 00:49:03,740 WE RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN DOWN TO 1865 00:49:03,807 --> 00:49:04,474 THE STREET LEVEL, GET IN THE 1866 00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:07,678 CAR, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THE GUY, 1867 00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:08,545 AND DRIVE OFF TO A HOTEL 1868 00:49:08,612 --> 00:49:10,414 30 MINUTES AWAY. 1869 00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:11,214 WE CHECKED IN. 1870 00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:12,282 THE LASAGNA GETS US THROUGH THE 1871 00:49:12,349 --> 00:49:15,852 NIGHT. 1872 00:49:16,186 --> 00:49:16,820 BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I 1873 00:49:16,887 --> 00:49:18,188 REALIZED HOW SCARED RYAN REALLY 1874 00:49:18,255 --> 00:49:18,989 LOOKS. 1875 00:49:19,056 --> 00:49:20,757 YOU KNOW, HE'S LOOKING DOWN ALL 1876 00:49:20,824 --> 00:49:22,025 SAD, AND HE GOES, "I HOPE OUR 1877 00:49:22,092 --> 00:49:23,760 STUFF IS OKAY." 1878 00:49:23,827 --> 00:49:25,062 AND THEN HE GOES, "I HOPE WE 1879 00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:28,398 HAVE A HOME TO GO BACK TO." 1880 00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:30,067 I KNOW. 1881 00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:31,635 AND IT HITS ME THAT MAYBE THIS 1882 00:49:31,702 --> 00:49:32,736 WHOLE TIME I WAS SO READY TO 1883 00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:34,871 LEAVE AND SO READY TO GIVE UP, 1884 00:49:34,938 --> 00:49:35,505 BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE HAVING TO 1885 00:49:35,572 --> 00:49:36,506 DEAL WITH EVERYTHING. 1886 00:49:36,573 --> 00:49:37,541 YOU KNOW, HE WAS THE ONE 1887 00:49:37,607 --> 00:49:38,875 CONFRONTING THE INTRUDER WITH 1888 00:49:38,942 --> 00:49:42,179 INTERPRETIVE DANCE. 1889 00:49:42,512 --> 00:49:43,213 HE WAS THE ONE ROUNDING UP THE 1890 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:44,781 NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH, YOU KNOW? 1891 00:49:44,848 --> 00:49:45,549 AND I WAS JUST GETTING TO 1892 00:49:45,615 --> 00:49:46,183 BENEFIT FROM THE FRUITS OF HIS 1893 00:49:46,249 --> 00:49:54,925 LABOR. 1894 00:49:54,991 --> 00:49:56,960 AND I WAS ALL ON MY -- I WAS 1895 00:49:57,027 --> 00:49:58,195 ANOTHER THING I LIKE TO DO WHEN 1896 00:49:58,261 --> 00:49:58,795 I DON'T WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN 1897 00:49:58,862 --> 00:49:59,629 SOMETHING. 1898 00:49:59,696 --> 00:50:00,430 YEAH. 1899 00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,565 IF SOMEONE'S EVER, LIKE, 1900 00:50:01,631 --> 00:50:02,232 "ATSUKO, DO YOU WANNA GO BUNGEE 1901 00:50:02,299 --> 00:50:03,033 JUMPING?" 1902 00:50:03,100 --> 00:50:05,669 I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "OH, YEAH. 1903 00:50:05,736 --> 00:50:06,403 UH, I WOULD, IT'S JUST -- UH, I 1904 00:50:06,470 --> 00:50:07,170 WAS UNDOCUMENTED." 1905 00:50:07,237 --> 00:50:07,938 IT'S REALLY BAD. 1906 00:50:08,004 --> 00:50:09,072 AND IT WORKS, YOU KNOW? 1907 00:50:09,139 --> 00:50:10,307 WHERE IT'S LIKE A TRAUMA THAT 1908 00:50:10,374 --> 00:50:10,974 I'M OVER, BUT IT'S FRESH FOR THE 1909 00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:12,642 PERSON HEARING IT. 1910 00:50:12,709 --> 00:50:14,044 WELL, LET'S OPEN IT UP. 1911 00:50:14,111 --> 00:50:15,779 DO ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE A THING 1912 00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:16,480 LIKE THAT, THAT YOU USED AS AN 1913 00:50:16,546 --> 00:50:17,047 EXCUSE TO GET OUT OF PLANS? 1914 00:50:17,114 --> 00:50:17,280 YOU DO? 1915 00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:17,814 YEAH. 1916 00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:20,350 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 1917 00:50:20,417 --> 00:50:24,221 >> Audience Member: I'M JAMES. 1918 00:50:24,287 --> 00:50:27,290 THROUGHOUT ALL OF SCHOOL, UM, WE 1919 00:50:27,357 --> 00:50:28,024 WHEN WE HAD TO PLAY, LIKE, 1920 00:50:28,091 --> 00:50:29,459 BASKETBALL OR ANY SPORTS, I JUST 1921 00:50:29,526 --> 00:50:30,193 SAY, "HOLD ON. 1922 00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:31,027 I'M, I'M GAY. 1923 00:50:31,094 --> 00:50:34,431 I CAN'T DO THAT." 1924 00:50:34,498 --> 00:50:37,100 >> Atsuko: SAID HIS THING IS 1925 00:50:37,167 --> 00:50:39,703 HE'S GAY. 1926 00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:40,437 I'M GONNA ASK YOU TO COME DO 1927 00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:41,538 SOMETHING WITH ME THAT YOU 1928 00:50:41,605 --> 00:50:42,205 REALLY DON'T WANNA DO AND YOU'RE 1929 00:50:42,272 --> 00:50:42,839 JUST GONNA COME BACK WITH THAT, 1930 00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,876 OKAY? 1931 00:50:45,942 --> 00:50:48,612 UH, HEY, JAMES, WHAT'S UP? 1932 00:50:48,678 --> 00:50:49,780 UM, UH, SO, UH, I GOT US TICKETS 1933 00:50:49,846 --> 00:50:50,580 TO GO, UH, JUMP OFF A PLANE. 1934 00:50:50,647 --> 00:50:55,552 DO YOU WANNA COME? 1935 00:50:55,619 --> 00:51:01,658 >> Audience Member: NO, I'M 1936 00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:03,059 GAY. 1937 00:51:03,126 --> 00:51:04,995 >> Atsuko: EUR GAY? 1938 00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:05,562 >> Audience Member: YEAH, I 1939 00:51:05,629 --> 00:51:06,863 CAN'T. 1940 00:51:06,930 --> 00:51:11,301 >> Atsuko: I'M SO -- I'M SO 1941 00:51:11,368 --> 00:51:13,703 SORRY. 1942 00:51:13,770 --> 00:51:13,970 HOW LONG? 1943 00:51:14,037 --> 00:51:15,071 >> Audience Member: I JUST 1944 00:51:15,138 --> 00:51:15,338 FOUND OUT. 1945 00:51:15,405 --> 00:51:16,106 >> Atsuko: OH, MY GOD. 1946 00:51:16,173 --> 00:51:16,807 I'M SO SORRY. 1947 00:51:16,873 --> 00:51:17,707 YOU KNOW WHAT? 1948 00:51:17,774 --> 00:51:18,642 YOU CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE READY, 1949 00:51:18,708 --> 00:51:19,042 OKAY? 1950 00:51:19,109 --> 00:51:22,078 I'LL JUST GO JUMP OFF THIS PLANE 1951 00:51:22,145 --> 00:51:22,312 MYSELF. 1952 00:51:22,379 --> 00:51:24,181 JUST KEEP IT GOING FOR JAMES. 1953 00:51:28,485 --> 00:51:31,021 SO ANYWAYS, I DO THAT, YOU KNOW, 1954 00:51:31,087 --> 00:51:31,721 AND ALL THE TIME, I WAS LIKE, 1955 00:51:31,788 --> 00:51:34,691 "I WAS UNDOCUMENTED." 1956 00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:36,092 "I WAS UNDOCUMENTED." 1957 00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:39,963 AND NOW RYAN NEEDS ME, YOU KNOW? 1958 00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:40,864 SO I WAS LIKE, "ATSUKO, SHOW UP 1959 00:51:40,931 --> 00:51:41,832 FOR HIM FOR ONCE, YOU KNOW? 1960 00:51:41,898 --> 00:51:42,766 DO SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE FOR 1961 00:51:42,833 --> 00:51:43,600 ONCE." 1962 00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:46,837 SO I TAPPED IN MY BRAIN AND I 1963 00:51:46,903 --> 00:51:47,938 WAS LIKE -- I DECIDED TO CALL MY 1964 00:51:48,004 --> 00:51:48,805 MOM AND GRANDMA TO SEE WHAT THEY 1965 00:51:48,872 --> 00:51:49,339 WOULD DO. 1966 00:51:49,406 --> 00:51:50,707 AND THEY REMIND ME THAT IT 1967 00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:51,308 WASN'T ACTUALLY THE FIRST TIME 1968 00:51:51,374 --> 00:51:51,875 MY FAMILY HAS GONE THROUGH 1969 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:52,776 SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 1970 00:51:52,843 --> 00:51:54,177 SO MONTHS PRIOR, MY MOM AND 1971 00:51:54,244 --> 00:51:54,778 GRANDMA ALSO HAD AN INTRUDER 1972 00:51:54,845 --> 00:51:56,379 COME TO THEIR HOUSE. 1973 00:51:56,446 --> 00:52:00,150 YEAH, MY FAMILY, VERY POPULAR. 1974 00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:01,551 SO THESE TWO GUYS, LIKE, HOPPED 1975 00:52:01,618 --> 00:52:02,319 THEIR FRONT FENCE, GOT IN THEIR 1976 00:52:02,385 --> 00:52:03,119 FRONT YARD, AND STARTED BANGING 1977 00:52:03,186 --> 00:52:03,820 ON THE DOOR REALLY LOUD. 1978 00:52:03,887 --> 00:52:05,989 YEAH. 1979 00:52:06,056 --> 00:52:07,257 BUT EVENTUALLY THEY GOT TIRED 1980 00:52:07,324 --> 00:52:08,024 AND THEY WALKED AWAY. 1981 00:52:08,091 --> 00:52:09,025 BUT MY MOM GOT SCARED, SO SHE 1982 00:52:09,092 --> 00:52:10,026 SAID, "YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR 1983 00:52:10,093 --> 00:52:12,462 AUNTIE AND UNCLE TO BEL AIR." 1984 00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:13,663 NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. 1985 00:52:13,730 --> 00:52:14,364 NO! 1986 00:52:14,431 --> 00:52:16,266 SHH! 1987 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,667 NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT -- NO! 1988 00:52:17,734 --> 00:52:18,535 ERASE IT, GO BACK! 1989 00:52:18,602 --> 00:52:19,336 NO. 1990 00:52:19,402 --> 00:52:20,237 SHH! 1991 00:52:20,303 --> 00:52:22,906 NO! 1992 00:52:22,973 --> 00:52:26,576 SO MY -- SO, MY MOM GOT SCARED, 1993 00:52:26,643 --> 00:52:29,946 AND SHE GOT -- YOU KNOW THOSE 1994 00:52:30,013 --> 00:52:30,814 DEVICES THAT ARE MOTION-SENSORED 1995 00:52:30,881 --> 00:52:31,815 AND IT STARTS BARKING LIKE A 1996 00:52:31,882 --> 00:52:33,383 DOG. 1997 00:52:33,450 --> 00:52:34,551 RIGHT? 1998 00:52:34,618 --> 00:52:35,485 YOU PUT IT BY YOUR FRONT DOOR 1999 00:52:35,552 --> 00:52:36,119 AND A MOTION GOES, "WOOF, WOOF, 2000 00:52:36,186 --> 00:52:37,287 WOOF, WOOF." 2001 00:52:37,354 --> 00:52:38,288 SO THEY GOT ONE OF THOSE, BUT 2002 00:52:38,355 --> 00:52:39,222 THEY GOT, LIKE, A REALLY CHEAP 2003 00:52:39,289 --> 00:52:47,197 BUSTED ONE. 2004 00:52:47,264 --> 00:52:47,964 SO THEIRS SOUDNED MORE LIKE, 2005 00:52:48,031 --> 00:52:48,665 "WAH, WAH! 2006 00:52:48,732 --> 00:52:49,366 WAH, WAH! 2007 00:52:49,432 --> 00:52:50,166 WAH, WAH!" 2008 00:52:50,233 --> 00:52:51,101 AND SHE WAS SHOWING IT TO ME, 2009 00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:51,768 "WAH, WAH!" 2010 00:52:51,835 --> 00:52:52,402 I WAS, LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. 2011 00:52:52,469 --> 00:52:54,471 UH, THAT IS SO SCARY. 2012 00:52:54,538 --> 00:52:55,005 WHAT IS THAT, A GERMAN 2013 00:52:55,071 --> 00:52:55,438 SHEPHERD?" 2014 00:52:55,505 --> 00:52:56,106 YOU KNOW, "WAH, WAH! 2015 00:52:56,172 --> 00:52:56,606 WAH, WAH!" 2016 00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:57,841 I WAS LIKE, "THEY'RE SCREWED. 2017 00:52:57,908 --> 00:52:58,441 THEY'RE SO SCREWED." 2018 00:52:58,508 --> 00:53:03,647 SO A WEEK LATER, I RUSHED BACK 2019 00:53:03,713 --> 00:53:04,781 TO CHECK IN ON THEM AND THE 2020 00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:05,916 DEVICE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND IN 2021 00:53:05,982 --> 00:53:06,283 THE HOUSE. 2022 00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:06,850 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT BY 2023 00:53:06,917 --> 00:53:07,450 YOUR FRONT DOOR, SO IT SOUNDS 2024 00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:08,351 LIKE YOU OWN SCARY DOGS. 2025 00:53:08,418 --> 00:53:08,919 BUT MY MOM AND GRANDMOTHER, 2026 00:53:08,985 --> 00:53:09,319 THEY'RE SO PROUD. 2027 00:53:09,386 --> 00:53:10,086 THEY'RE LIKE, "GUESS WHAT? 2028 00:53:10,153 --> 00:53:11,388 THOSE GUYS NEVER CAME BACK. 2029 00:53:11,454 --> 00:53:14,057 THOSE GUYS NEVER CAME BACK." 2030 00:53:14,124 --> 00:53:15,392 AND I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, MOM. 2031 00:53:15,458 --> 00:53:15,992 BUT, UH, WHERE DID YOU PUT THE 2032 00:53:16,059 --> 00:53:16,793 DEVICE?" 2033 00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,028 AND SHE GOES, "OH, OUTSIDE." 2034 00:53:18,094 --> 00:53:18,962 "OUTSIDE? 2035 00:53:19,029 --> 00:53:20,497 WHERE IT'S VISIBLE?" 2036 00:53:20,564 --> 00:53:22,299 AND LO AND BEHOLD, I LOOK 2037 00:53:22,365 --> 00:53:23,600 OUTSIDE, AND THROUGH THEIR FRONT 2038 00:53:23,667 --> 00:53:25,535 GATE, YOU COULD EVEN SEE THAT 2039 00:53:25,602 --> 00:53:26,970 IT'S JUST THIS CD PLAYER-LOOKING 2040 00:53:27,037 --> 00:53:27,637 THING, JUST GOING, "WAH, WAH! 2041 00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:28,538 WAH, WAH! 2042 00:53:28,605 --> 00:53:29,906 WAH, WAH!" 2043 00:53:29,973 --> 00:53:32,275 AND I WAS LIKE, "MOM, THIS 2044 00:53:32,342 --> 00:53:32,943 DEFEATS THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF YOU 2045 00:53:33,009 --> 00:53:36,513 LOOKING LIKE YOU OWN DOGS." 2046 00:53:36,846 --> 00:53:38,548 AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAYS, I 2047 00:53:38,615 --> 00:53:39,149 SWEAR TO GOD, THIS IS WHAT MY 2048 00:53:39,215 --> 00:53:39,416 MOM SAID. 2049 00:53:39,482 --> 00:53:40,450 SHE GOES, "OH, LIKE IT EVER 2050 00:53:40,517 --> 00:53:41,117 SOUNDED LIKE A REAL DOG IN THE 2051 00:53:41,184 --> 00:53:45,755 FIRST PLACE." 2052 00:53:49,225 --> 00:53:51,661 BITCH! 2053 00:53:51,728 --> 00:53:53,396 THAT IS SO BADASS. 2054 00:53:53,463 --> 00:53:54,431 SO, I WAS LIKE, "OKAY. 2055 00:53:54,497 --> 00:53:55,165 SO THIS WHOLE TIME YOU KNEW THAT 2056 00:53:55,231 --> 00:53:56,533 IT SOUNDED LIKE A CARTOON DOG 2057 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:57,167 AND THAT NO ONE'S GONNA FALL FOR 2058 00:53:57,233 --> 00:53:58,368 IT? 2059 00:53:58,435 --> 00:53:59,636 SO YOU DECIDED TO LOOK EVEN 2060 00:53:59,703 --> 00:54:00,203 WILDER BY PUTTING IT ON THE 2061 00:54:00,270 --> 00:54:01,237 OUTSIDE?" 2062 00:54:01,304 --> 00:54:02,205 MIND TRICKS. 2063 00:54:02,272 --> 00:54:02,906 RIGHT? 2064 00:54:02,973 --> 00:54:04,307 I'M SURE THOSE GUYS CAME BACK 2065 00:54:04,374 --> 00:54:04,874 AND THEY WERE LIKE, "OH, NO, 2066 00:54:04,941 --> 00:54:06,042 THESE BITCHES ARE CRAZY." 2067 00:54:06,109 --> 00:54:08,878 YOU KNOW? 2068 00:54:08,945 --> 00:54:10,180 AND JUST NEVER CAME BACK. 2069 00:54:10,246 --> 00:54:11,281 SO I WENT BACK TO RYAN, I WAS 2070 00:54:11,348 --> 00:54:14,918 LIKE, "RYAN, WE NEED TO CONTINUE 2071 00:54:14,985 --> 00:54:16,252 USING MIND TRICKS TO SCARE OFF 2072 00:54:16,319 --> 00:54:16,586 THE INTRUDER. 2073 00:54:16,653 --> 00:54:17,487 WE NEED TO BORROW FROM OUR MOMS. 2074 00:54:17,554 --> 00:54:19,122 THEY KNOW BEST." 2075 00:54:19,189 --> 00:54:25,095 SO THE NEXT DAY, WE STARTED 2076 00:54:25,161 --> 00:54:26,329 BOOBY-TRAPPING OUR HOUSE, 2077 00:54:26,396 --> 00:54:27,030 "HOME ALONE" STYLE. 2078 00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,231 BEHIND THE ENTRANCE TO THE 2079 00:54:28,298 --> 00:54:28,832 BACKYARD, WE PUT UP A BUNCH OF 2080 00:54:28,898 --> 00:54:29,499 STICKS, SO IF THE GUY CAME BACK, 2081 00:54:29,566 --> 00:54:30,200 HE WOULD RUN INTO IT. 2082 00:54:30,266 --> 00:54:31,001 BEHIND THAT, WE PUT UP A CACTUS, 2083 00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,669 SO HE WOULD GET STUCK IN IT. 2084 00:54:32,736 --> 00:54:33,670 RYAN STARTED MAKING SIGNS THAT 2085 00:54:33,737 --> 00:54:34,738 SAID, "YOU ARE BEING WATCHED," 2086 00:54:34,804 --> 00:54:35,271 THEN STARTED PUTTING IT 2087 00:54:35,338 --> 00:54:36,172 EVERYWHERE. 2088 00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:36,806 AND I WAS LIKE, "WAIT, WAIT, 2089 00:54:36,873 --> 00:54:37,741 WAIT. 2090 00:54:37,807 --> 00:54:38,441 REMEMBER, IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE 2091 00:54:38,508 --> 00:54:41,645 LEARNED FROM HAVING MOMS WITH 2092 00:54:41,711 --> 00:54:42,846 SCHIZOPHRENIA, WE HAVE TO LOOK 2093 00:54:42,912 --> 00:54:43,580 SCARIER THAN THE INTRUDER, 2094 00:54:43,647 --> 00:54:43,913 RIGHT? 2095 00:54:43,980 --> 00:54:47,584 MIND TRICKS. 2096 00:54:47,651 --> 00:54:51,354 'YOU ARE BEING WATCHED.' 2097 00:54:51,421 --> 00:54:52,656 THAT'S NOT SCARY ENOUGH. 2098 00:54:52,722 --> 00:54:58,228 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 2099 00:54:58,294 --> 00:55:00,597 'I AM BEING WATCHED.'" 2100 00:55:00,930 --> 00:55:01,631 WE HAVE TO PUT UP SIGNS THAT 2101 00:55:01,698 --> 00:55:02,499 SAID, "I AM BEING WATCHED," AND 2102 00:55:02,565 --> 00:55:03,667 WE STARTED PUTTING IT 2103 00:55:03,733 --> 00:55:04,167 EVERYWHERE. 2104 00:55:04,234 --> 00:55:05,101 I ALSO PUT UP SIGNS THAT SAID, 2105 00:55:05,168 --> 00:55:05,969 "I WAS UNDOCUMENTED AND I NEVER 2106 00:55:06,036 --> 00:55:06,836 WANTED TO BE HERE ANYWAY." 2107 00:55:06,903 --> 00:55:08,071 I ALSO PUT A BLOODY TAMPONS 2108 00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:08,672 EVERYWHERE, TOO, WHERE IT WAS, 2109 00:55:08,738 --> 00:55:10,440 LIKE, "HA, HA, YOU THOUGHT YOU 2110 00:55:10,507 --> 00:55:10,740 WERE SCARY. 2111 00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:11,241 WELL, WELCOME TO SPLASH 2112 00:55:11,307 --> 00:55:14,477 MOUNTAIN." 2113 00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:15,545 AND, TO THIS DAY, THE GUY HASN'T 2114 00:55:15,612 --> 00:55:16,079 COME BACK. 2115 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,047 YEAH. 2116 00:55:17,113 --> 00:55:18,281 OUR PLACE LOOKS WILD AS FUCK, 2117 00:55:18,348 --> 00:55:19,516 BUT THE GUY HASN'T COME BACK. 2118 00:55:19,582 --> 00:55:20,216 I SWEAR. 2119 00:55:20,283 --> 00:55:22,686 YEAH. 2120 00:55:22,752 --> 00:55:23,687 AND EVEN IF HE DID, YOU KNOW, I 2121 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:24,521 THINK I WOULD HAVE ENOUGH 2122 00:55:24,587 --> 00:55:25,055 COURAGE TO GO CONFRONT HIM 2123 00:55:25,121 --> 00:55:27,524 MYSELF NOW. 2124 00:55:27,590 --> 00:55:28,525 NO, I'M JUST KIDDING, WITH RYAN 2125 00:55:28,591 --> 00:55:29,292 VERY MUCH CLOSELY RIGHT BEHIND 2126 00:55:29,359 --> 00:55:29,826 ME. 2127 00:55:29,893 --> 00:55:30,994 AND WE'D PROBABLY LOOK HIM 2128 00:55:31,061 --> 00:55:35,365 STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND SAY 2129 00:55:35,432 --> 00:55:37,067 SOMETHING LIKE... 2130 00:55:37,133 --> 00:55:40,503 "YOU SKATE?" 2131 00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:42,005 AS HE CRUMBLES INTO CONFUSION. 2132 00:55:42,072 --> 00:55:43,206 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 2133 00:55:43,273 --> 00:55:44,207 I'M ATSUKO. 2134 00:55:44,274 --> 00:55:45,208 THANK YOU SO MUCH, BROOKLYN. 2135 00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:45,975 THANK YOU. 2136 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:46,810 I LOVE YOU. 2137 00:55:46,876 --> 00:55:51,715 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 2138 00:55:51,781 --> 00:55:59,155 ♪ ♪ 2139 00:55:59,222 --> 00:56:03,026 EVERYONE, THIS IS MY GRANDMA, 2140 00:56:03,093 --> 00:56:08,198 AND RYAN. 2141 00:56:10,567 --> 00:56:17,540 ♪ ♪ 2142 00:56:17,607 --> 00:56:21,711 ♪ ♪ 2143 00:56:21,778 --> 00:56:28,685 ♪ ♪ 2144 00:56:28,752 --> 00:56:38,895 ♪ ♪ 2145 00:56:38,962 --> 00:56:47,303 ♪ ♪ 2146 00:56:47,370 --> 00:57:01,317 ♪ ♪ 2147 00:57:01,384 --> 00:57:02,352 ♪ ♪ 131862