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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Today's a very special day.
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It's my master's Accession Day.
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It's the anniversary
of when he was crowned
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Supreme Viceroy for Al Qolnidar.
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So it's kind of a big deal.
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His favorite. Crepe-y paper.
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Every year, I try to do something
special for the occasion.
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The whole house gets into it,
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like, really into it.
10
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:51,822
Yes! Oh, yeah!
11
00:00:51,865 --> 00:00:54,912
Colin Robinson gets, uh,
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00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,348
a little too much into it.
13
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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- Ah...
- Oh, no.
15
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No. I-I don't think you should
be wearing that turban again.
16
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,972
Well, I think you need
to do some research.
17
00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:42,365
'Cause not only is this turban accurate
18
00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:44,976
to the ancient civilizations of Persia,
19
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it also happens to be a
gift from my good friend,
20
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the Maharaja Duleep Singh.
21
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So if you have anything to say,
22
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- to either myself or the maharaja...
- I just, it's not that.
23
00:01:53,289 --> 00:01:54,638
It was kept in storage in the basement,
24
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and the rats were nesting in there.
25
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Oh, right.
26
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Oh. Here it is.
27
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Let's go.
28
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Off you fuck.
29
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Hey, Master.
30
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♪ The sun has set ♪
31
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♪ The stars have all come out ♪
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♪ To celebrate your big night! ♪
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Happy Accession Day, Nandor!
34
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It's your big Accession Day, Master.
35
00:02:20,011 --> 00:02:21,970
- Did you forget?
- No.
36
00:02:22,013 --> 00:02:23,711
Okay.
37
00:02:23,754 --> 00:02:25,408
Well, it's just one of
those mornings, I guess.
38
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But the night's just beginning.
39
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- I'll bet.
- Yay!
40
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,719
I made you a little something,
and I hope you like it.
41
00:02:31,762 --> 00:02:33,155
Great.
42
00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:35,331
Well, he didn't like that.
43
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♪ Happy Accession Day ♪
44
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♪ Mr. Relentle... ♪
45
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What's up with him?
46
00:02:41,598 --> 00:02:42,860
Colin Robinson, you
can stop belly dancing.
47
00:02:42,904 --> 00:02:44,601
- He's not even in the room.
- I know.
48
00:02:44,645 --> 00:02:46,255
This is just for me.
49
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Another Accession Day.
50
00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:52,261
Pitiful.
51
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,003
On this day hundreds of years ago,
52
00:02:55,046 --> 00:02:57,092
I rose to power in my country.
53
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,921
Blah, blah, blah. Yada yada yada.
54
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:04,055
It's just another milestone to
celebrate for the rest of time.
55
00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:05,622
Believe it or don't believe it, baby,
56
00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:08,495
but vampire depression
is the real fucking deal.
57
00:03:08,538 --> 00:03:10,105
The prospect of immortality
58
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,063
can give some vampires the shits.
59
00:03:12,107 --> 00:03:14,718
They hate the idea of staring
down life's eternal tunnel.
60
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,851
What does it all mean?
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00:03:16,894 --> 00:03:18,287
Nothing.
62
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,681
When a vampire is depressed,
63
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:22,944
- the best treatment is to avoid them at all costs.
- Yeah.
64
00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:25,207
I'm 700 years old,
65
00:03:25,251 --> 00:03:27,122
and what have I got to show for it?
66
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,690
I'm a fully grown vampire,
and I still have roommates.
67
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:31,605
I have no life partner.
68
00:03:31,648 --> 00:03:33,607
I have no living children.
69
00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:36,174
I have no one to share my
dreams or my fears with.
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00:03:36,218 --> 00:03:38,264
Sorry, Nandor. We were just...
71
00:03:38,307 --> 00:03:40,701
- I just have to check something, um...
- Hurry.
72
00:03:40,744 --> 00:03:44,052
I mean, once you see Colin
Robinson belly dancing a few times,
73
00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:46,489
the magic kind of wears off.
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00:03:46,533 --> 00:03:51,538
It doesn't matter that I'm
an infinitely powerful being.
75
00:03:51,581 --> 00:03:54,889
Doesn't mean
anything when you live for eternity.
76
00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:58,588
Everything loses its meaning
when you live for eternity.
77
00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:00,677
In all the years
I've known Nandor, I've...
78
00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:02,288
I've never seen him like this.
79
00:04:02,331 --> 00:04:04,638
I think he might be
having a midlife crisis.
80
00:04:04,681 --> 00:04:07,293
But he's immortal, so I guess...
81
00:04:07,336 --> 00:04:09,904
maybe more like a crisis-crisis.
82
00:04:09,947 --> 00:04:12,210
Nandor's in crisis.
83
00:04:12,254 --> 00:04:14,082
So, everyone, we have
84
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:16,824
a very important Vampiric Council duty
85
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:19,305
that I'm afraid is even too hard
86
00:04:19,348 --> 00:04:21,350
for my absolutely amazing abilities.
87
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:24,875
Someone hasn't paid their Vampiric
Council union fees in a while.
88
00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:26,877
Oh, no.
89
00:04:26,921 --> 00:04:30,098
Sometimes it is nice to
tiptoe in and remind Nandor
90
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:32,535
that, uh, he's very important vampire
91
00:04:32,579 --> 00:04:34,929
with very important jobs to do and...
92
00:04:34,972 --> 00:04:37,235
Also, collecting Vampire Council dues
93
00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,542
is basically vampire shit work.
94
00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:41,370
And I don't want to do it!
95
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,459
But, you know, more the first thing,
96
00:04:43,503 --> 00:04:46,332
that I want to raise my-my friend up.
97
00:04:46,375 --> 00:04:48,290
So, who wants to tackle this one?
98
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,813
Well, I don't know, milady.
99
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,599
Are you sure anyone
here is up for this task?
100
00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:56,690
Oh, shit. Um, yeah...
Oh. No, my darling.
101
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:59,040
I wouldn't be man enough?
102
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,911
Hmm.
103
00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:02,478
O-Oh. Uh...
104
00:05:02,522 --> 00:05:04,393
I-I would love to help you out,
105
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:09,355
but I, too, fear I'm not,
uh, man eno... whatever.
106
00:05:09,398 --> 00:05:11,182
No, that's right. You
are very shit-stupid man,
107
00:05:11,226 --> 00:05:13,228
so you can't do it.
108
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,317
How about you, Nandor? Bill collection?
109
00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:17,058
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
110
00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:18,407
There you go. Yes!
111
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,061
It's a very special job,
112
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- and we need the most...
- I said I'll do it!
113
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Give me that. Fuck!
114
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,067
- Do you want me to come with you?
- No!
115
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Ah.
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Oh, great.
117
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They have wellness vampires now.
118
00:05:46,261 --> 00:05:47,610
Um...
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You don't happen to
know where I could find
120
00:05:49,612 --> 00:05:51,571
someone called Jan, do you?
121
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Thanks very much.
122
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The fuck is that?
123
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Come on, then.
124
00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:03,887
Stretch those out.
That's what I want to see, yes!
125
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:07,978
Stretch those hammies,
feel the burn! Yes!
126
00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:11,547
- Um...
- Oh, welcome.
127
00:06:11,591 --> 00:06:13,680
Sorry, I am just here for...
128
00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:15,508
Jan?
129
00:06:15,551 --> 00:06:18,380
Please join us, bring your cameras.
130
00:06:18,424 --> 00:06:21,078
- No secrets here.
- Uh, no.
131
00:06:21,122 --> 00:06:25,474
- I am just here for your debt collection.
- Take a seat.
132
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,910
So...
133
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:33,526
- What do we love?
- To sweat.
134
00:06:33,569 --> 00:06:38,269
And how do we sweat?
135
00:06:38,313 --> 00:06:39,923
By dancing.
136
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,796
And what do we say to newcomers?
137
00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:48,149
Welcome. You must
stretch before you dance.
138
00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:52,066
Uh, like I said, as I
was standing over there,
139
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:55,330
I am only here to, uh, collect a debt
140
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:59,029
for Vampire Council dues you
haven't paid in 132 years.
141
00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:02,032
Oh, you must be mistaken.
142
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:04,034
No vampires here, pal.
143
00:07:05,514 --> 00:07:08,386
But, you are Jan, yes?
144
00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:13,130
Yes, but I am no longer a vampire.
145
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,960
That's... Wow.
146
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:20,660
Eesh. You have all
pulled your own fangs out.
147
00:07:20,703 --> 00:07:24,054
Very disturbing, uh, but
it does not negate the fact
148
00:07:24,098 --> 00:07:27,536
- that, uh, you owe a great sum.
- No sum to be paid, friend,
149
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:31,018
for we are no longer vampires.
150
00:07:31,061 --> 00:07:35,718
We have become humans again.
151
00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:37,111
Mm-hmm.
152
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,374
How is such a thing even possible?
153
00:07:43,683 --> 00:07:47,469
Welcome. Come on in, have a seat.
154
00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,562
Uh, no, thank you.
155
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,696
As you know, being a vampire,
I cannot eat or drink.
156
00:07:56,739 --> 00:07:58,654
Poor you.
157
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,444
Ah...
158
00:08:06,488 --> 00:08:10,231
How long have you been caught
up in this whole vampire trip?
159
00:08:10,274 --> 00:08:13,234
I have been a vampire
for over 700 years,
160
00:08:13,277 --> 00:08:17,107
- if that's what you're asking.
- Yes, but... one second.
161
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:19,022
No, no, no, no, no, you need to select
162
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,590
the Epson 4750 in the
print queue window.
163
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,592
Not the Bonjour printing.
164
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:26,813
I am so sorry. One second.
165
00:08:30,686 --> 00:08:32,732
Ah... Tell me.
166
00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:37,737
Are you happy being a vampire?
167
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:40,609
- I've had better days.
- What if I were to tell you
168
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,306
that there's another way?
169
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:45,092
A way that you can walk into the sun.
170
00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:50,097
A way that you can become human again.
171
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,534
I'd say you were full of shit.
172
00:08:52,578 --> 00:08:57,017
Eh... Well, perhaps
this path isn't for you.
173
00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:59,976
This is a difficult
and treacherous path,
174
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:02,631
but the rewards...
175
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:07,462
the rewards are unspeakably...
176
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,725
delicious.
177
00:09:23,173 --> 00:09:25,785
So, after short deliberation...
178
00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:27,351
Yes.
179
00:09:27,395 --> 00:09:29,745
...I have decided to
join Jan and her community:
180
00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:31,660
the Formerly Fanged.
181
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,357
The brochure is very persuasive.
182
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:37,666
I am skeptical by nature, but this Jan,
183
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,756
she's really speaking to me, you know?
184
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,933
She also is incredibly
beautiful and has a rocking body.
185
00:09:43,977 --> 00:09:45,631
So, you're renouncing your vampirism
186
00:09:45,674 --> 00:09:47,676
to go and try living as a human?
187
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,722
Yes. What part of that is not clear?
188
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:51,419
Well, how about the whole thing?
189
00:09:51,462 --> 00:09:53,247
You can't just pretend to
be a human, you knoblord.
190
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,379
Pretending to be human
is just the first step.
191
00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:56,729
Well, what is the second step?
192
00:09:56,772 --> 00:09:58,687
I'm not clear on all the steps yet.
193
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,646
Why are you dressed like
a Playmobil figurine?
194
00:10:00,689 --> 00:10:03,257
Because this is how I used
to dress when I was a human.
195
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,346
This is all very stupid.
196
00:10:05,389 --> 00:10:08,088
Not to mention that we are the
leaders of the Vampiric Council!
197
00:10:08,131 --> 00:10:10,133
We're going to be a
laughingstock when they find out
198
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,919
you've gone crying off to
go and play human dress-up.
199
00:10:12,962 --> 00:10:15,182
- Right?
- I mean, I personally wouldn't laugh,
200
00:10:15,225 --> 00:10:16,836
but there are those who would.
201
00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:18,838
Well, you don't have to
worry about that anymore,
202
00:10:18,881 --> 00:10:20,970
because you'll never see me again.
203
00:10:21,014 --> 00:10:23,451
Give me that.
204
00:10:23,494 --> 00:10:24,844
Give me that!
205
00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:27,629
Have a great, unenlightened eternity.
206
00:10:27,673 --> 00:10:28,935
Farewell!
207
00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:30,501
Auf Wiedersehen!
208
00:10:30,545 --> 00:10:32,808
Good night, Seattle,
and good mental health!
209
00:10:32,852 --> 00:10:35,115
- See ya.
- Master. Master?
210
00:10:35,158 --> 00:10:36,725
I get his room.
211
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,205
Master, wait!
212
00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:39,685
As your official bodyguard,
213
00:10:39,728 --> 00:10:40,990
it's my duty to go
with you everywhere...
214
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:42,296
I am no longer your master!
215
00:10:42,339 --> 00:10:44,124
I hereby relieve you of your service.
216
00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:45,429
What?
217
00:10:45,473 --> 00:10:47,736
It is time for me to find happiness.
218
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,564
Well, I want to find happiness, too!
219
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,697
What do you think I've been
doing for the last 11 years?
220
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,350
Oh, boy. Here we go
again with this shit.
221
00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:54,961
Why do you think I've lived
with you this whole time?
222
00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:58,007
Can you please...
223
00:10:58,051 --> 00:11:00,749
please turn me into a
vampire before you leave?
224
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,838
So that after all these years,
225
00:11:02,882 --> 00:11:06,189
you and I both, both can be happy.
226
00:11:15,982 --> 00:11:17,810
Guillermo.
227
00:11:17,853 --> 00:11:22,510
Despite my cold dead heart and
your "just okay" personality,
228
00:11:22,553 --> 00:11:26,732
I've grown to have
some affection for you.
229
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:28,864
- Just a little bit, but, you know...
- And I for you, Mas...
230
00:11:28,908 --> 00:11:30,431
Well, obviously.
231
00:11:30,474 --> 00:11:32,694
But vampirism is a curse,
232
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:35,218
and I care for you too much
233
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:38,569
to burden you with that.
234
00:11:38,613 --> 00:11:41,355
It would weigh too
heavily on my conscience.
235
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:45,272
Boop. There's that smile.
236
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,363
Once a vampire...
237
00:11:49,406 --> 00:11:52,105
tonight, I am only a man.
238
00:11:53,584 --> 00:11:54,847
Dry your face.
239
00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:56,500
You look like a pair of wet undies.
240
00:11:58,067 --> 00:11:59,590
As I can no longer fly,
241
00:11:59,634 --> 00:12:01,679
I will have a nice
evening stroll to Jan's.
242
00:12:01,723 --> 00:12:04,944
- Just a human man crossing the street.
- C... careful.
243
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,164
Are you shitting me?!
244
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:10,645
You can't just walk out
into the street like that.
245
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,821
You have to look both ways.
246
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,171
That's literally rule
number one of being human.
247
00:12:15,215 --> 00:12:16,956
It's a bad start.
248
00:12:16,999 --> 00:12:18,914
What the fuck am I gonna do with this?
249
00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:23,876
It's been about a month
since... What's his name?
250
00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:25,703
Nandor! Come on, Laszlo.
251
00:12:25,747 --> 00:12:27,618
Sorry. Uh, since he buggered off.
252
00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:30,447
Nothing much has changed,
though, to be honest.
253
00:12:30,491 --> 00:12:33,146
One thing that has changed,
which is such a relief,
254
00:12:33,189 --> 00:12:35,322
is you don't have this
constant soundtrack
255
00:12:35,365 --> 00:12:37,193
of weeping in the house the whole time.
256
00:12:37,237 --> 00:12:39,369
- We don't miss that, do we?
- No.
257
00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:42,155
So, I've moved into Nandor's room.
258
00:12:42,198 --> 00:12:44,592
Uh, it's taken me awhile
259
00:12:44,635 --> 00:12:47,551
to get my scent on everything.
260
00:12:47,595 --> 00:12:50,380
Regular vampires have no gastric system.
261
00:12:50,424 --> 00:12:53,862
Energy vampires do, to
annoy those around them
262
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,082
and mark their territory.
263
00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:57,953
It's beginning to feel like home.
264
00:12:57,997 --> 00:12:59,868
It's been kind of tough, honestly.
265
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:02,436
You know, I've known
Nandor for a long time,
266
00:13:02,479 --> 00:13:05,700
and now he's not in my life anymore.
267
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,094
He didn't even leave
an address or anything,
268
00:13:08,137 --> 00:13:09,791
Which is hurtful.
269
00:13:09,835 --> 00:13:12,576
I mean, I guess know now how it feels.
270
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,665
All the times I left or quit.
271
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,885
I just never thought that...
272
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:20,454
that he'd be the one,
you know, to leave, so...
273
00:13:20,497 --> 00:13:23,587
I'm just sorry that we
couldn't make him happy,
274
00:13:23,631 --> 00:13:25,720
and I hope he's happy now.
275
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:29,028
♪ It's been one
week since you looked at me ♪
276
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:30,986
♪ Cocked your head to the
side and said, "I'm angry" ♪
277
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:33,249
♪ Five days since you
laughed at me, saying ♪
278
00:13:33,293 --> 00:13:35,382
♪ "Get your act together,
come back and see me" ♪
279
00:13:35,425 --> 00:13:37,427
♪ Three days since the living room ♪
280
00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:39,038
♪ I realized it's all my
fault but couldn't tell you ♪
281
00:13:39,081 --> 00:13:41,649
♪ Yesterday, you'd forgiven me ♪
282
00:13:41,692 --> 00:13:43,912
♪ But it'll still be two
days till I say I'm sorry ♪
283
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,088
I love my life here.
284
00:13:46,132 --> 00:13:47,916
I feel invigorated.
285
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,484
- More broccoli.
- I forgot how exciting it was
286
00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:53,182
to live like a human.
287
00:13:53,226 --> 00:13:54,836
♪ Hot like wasabi
when I bust rhymes... ♪
288
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,838
Now, when doing your taxes,
289
00:13:56,882 --> 00:13:59,667
women, act like you don't understand.
290
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,495
Yes, Nandy?
291
00:14:01,538 --> 00:14:06,761
Yes, it seems to me that this
Uncle Sam is bleeding us dry.
292
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,068
Maybe we should bleed him!
293
00:14:09,111 --> 00:14:11,809
No, no, no, no, no. We blow off steam
294
00:14:11,853 --> 00:14:15,988
with an IPA or maybe
an evening bike ride.
295
00:14:16,031 --> 00:14:18,773
All right, let's move on to how to tip.
296
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,471
Every moment is precious.
297
00:14:21,515 --> 00:14:22,951
Come on, Nandy!
298
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,084
We rip out our fangs every night.
299
00:14:29,131 --> 00:14:31,003
They always grow back in the morning.
300
00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:34,180
But Jan says she's working
on a way to make it permanent!
301
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,402
Because we are forbidden
to use our vampiric powers
302
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,535
or strength in any way,
303
00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:44,581
life is constantly surprising me.
304
00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:48,934
I have lost 123 straight
games of corn hole,
305
00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:51,240
and I have never felt more alive.
306
00:14:51,284 --> 00:14:53,329
I missed it! I missed it!
307
00:14:53,373 --> 00:14:55,723
Yes, Nandy. Very human.
308
00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:57,943
Jan has taught me so much.
309
00:14:57,986 --> 00:14:59,640
This is especially
important for the women
310
00:14:59,683 --> 00:15:02,730
when you're an expert about something,
311
00:15:02,773 --> 00:15:04,601
and a man is explaining it to you.
312
00:15:04,645 --> 00:15:08,997
Strained eyes but really big smile.
313
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,739
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me ♪
314
00:15:11,782 --> 00:15:14,220
♪ Dropped your arms to the
sides and said, "I'm sorry" ♪
315
00:15:14,263 --> 00:15:17,049
♪ Five days since I... ♪ - NANDOR:
Who knew that living as a human
316
00:15:17,092 --> 00:15:21,227
would reignite the zeal for life
I thought to be long dormant?
317
00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:23,881
- ♪ Yesterday, you just smiled at me ♪
- Make sure that Baby learns.
318
00:15:23,925 --> 00:15:27,146
♪ 'Cause it'll still
be two days till we say we're sorry ♪
319
00:15:28,103 --> 00:15:32,542
- ♪ It'll still be two days... ♪ -
NANDOR: Jan is just so alive and electric.
320
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,631
She has changed my life.
321
00:15:34,675 --> 00:15:37,939
Oh, yeah, we're fucking.
322
00:15:37,983 --> 00:15:40,811
One, two, three, four,
323
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:43,336
five, six, seven, make it hot.
324
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,079
I should probably check in on him.
325
00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:48,558
Not in a weird way.
326
00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:49,907
Like, I don't need
to check in on peop...
327
00:15:49,951 --> 00:15:51,039
I just want to make sure he's okay,
328
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,519
'cause if something wasn't okay
329
00:15:52,562 --> 00:15:53,824
and I didn't do anything about it,
330
00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:55,043
then I couldn't live with myself.
331
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,349
So, as a good friend,
332
00:15:56,392 --> 00:16:00,048
I'm going to look into what
he's doing without him knowing.
333
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,571
I'm really worried about him.
334
00:16:01,615 --> 00:16:03,182
He's out there in the real world,
335
00:16:03,225 --> 00:16:04,922
and it could be dangerous, you know?
336
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,883
Like, what if he's in real big trouble?
337
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,319
Whoa.
338
00:16:10,363 --> 00:16:12,408
What are you doing in my room?
339
00:16:12,452 --> 00:16:14,280
Nandor must have left some
kind of clue somewhere,
340
00:16:14,323 --> 00:16:16,325
telling us where he's
at or where he's going.
341
00:16:16,369 --> 00:16:18,240
Like, maybe this pamphlet
342
00:16:18,284 --> 00:16:20,068
that's just sitting out in the open?
343
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:23,071
"In case any of you dumb,
idiot assholes care..."
344
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,594
assholes with one "S," uh...
345
00:16:24,638 --> 00:16:26,509
"where I've gone, it's here."
346
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,163
Give me that.
347
00:16:28,207 --> 00:16:29,686
All right, but you may
want to wash your hands.
348
00:16:29,730 --> 00:16:32,298
That has a full room of butt wind on it.
349
00:16:32,341 --> 00:16:34,865
Don't want to get pink eye,
or maybe you do, I don't know.
350
00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:36,476
Don't really give a shit.
351
00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:45,180
Jan says that she has
never seen anyone as dedicated
352
00:16:45,224 --> 00:16:47,313
to our way of life before.
353
00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:48,575
Don't mind me.
354
00:16:48,618 --> 00:16:50,229
Yeah!
355
00:16:50,272 --> 00:16:52,796
So she has given me
a promotion of sorts.
356
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,929
I am now her number two.
357
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,366
- How do I look?
- Perfect.
358
00:16:57,410 --> 00:17:00,674
Jan says we will always
be safe from outsiders,
359
00:17:00,717 --> 00:17:05,287
and, one day, we will be
human enough to see the sun.
360
00:17:05,331 --> 00:17:07,202
And I get to help with that.
361
00:17:07,246 --> 00:17:08,812
In my former household,
362
00:17:08,856 --> 00:17:10,901
I would have been teased mercilessly
363
00:17:10,945 --> 00:17:14,079
for saying things like,
"I am a number two."
364
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:18,083
But here, number twos are
treated with the utmost respect.
365
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:19,606
- Hmm.
- ♪ Sending out an S... ♪
366
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,696
Something's wrong with Nandor.
367
00:17:22,739 --> 00:17:24,785
I feel it, so I'm just gonna
make sure that he's okay,
368
00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:27,396
'cause I'm a good friend,
or we were friends.
369
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,006
It's... you know.
370
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:31,357
Just want to make sure
everything is okay.
371
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,142
A little check-in. How did
those get in there?
372
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,797
Time to get our workout on.
373
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,025
Hello.
374
00:17:48,069 --> 00:17:49,679
Sorry. Sorry.
375
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:51,464
I'm just gonna put this over here.
376
00:17:51,507 --> 00:17:53,901
Is this anyone's spot?
377
00:17:53,944 --> 00:17:57,252
Master. Master. Master.
378
00:17:57,296 --> 00:18:00,037
Guillermo, what in the
hell are you doing here?
379
00:18:00,081 --> 00:18:02,605
Just taking one of my favorite classes.
380
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,347
Yeah, what a coinkydink
to see you here, so crazy.
381
00:18:05,391 --> 00:18:06,783
You think I was born yesterday?
382
00:18:06,827 --> 00:18:08,698
I was born a long time from yesterday.
383
00:18:08,742 --> 00:18:09,959
- You're here to spy on me, aren't you?
- No, I just wanted...
384
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,658
- All righty!
- Shit. Fuck.
385
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:12,708
Let's make it hot!
386
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,966
- Yeah!
- Yes! Who is ready to burn?
387
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:18,447
Let's do this.
388
00:18:18,491 --> 00:18:20,406
Five, six, seven, eight.
389
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:23,322
Up, up. Come on. Give me something.
390
00:18:23,365 --> 00:18:26,368
Ooh, Nandy, becoming a natural.
391
00:18:26,412 --> 00:18:27,935
Looking good, baby.
392
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:29,502
Looking good, come on.
393
00:18:29,545 --> 00:18:31,199
Put some stank on it.
394
00:18:34,724 --> 00:18:36,335
Stop the music!
395
00:18:36,378 --> 00:18:37,597
Oh, shit.
396
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,120
You...
397
00:18:39,164 --> 00:18:40,382
Who are you?
398
00:18:41,775 --> 00:18:44,038
Oh, I'm-I'm just Guillermo.
399
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,649
What the fuck are you
doing here, Guillermo?
400
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,827
Um, I'm, uh, just...
401
00:18:50,871 --> 00:18:52,177
I don't know him.
402
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:55,615
Just working on my fitness.
403
00:18:55,658 --> 00:18:57,225
- Mm-hmm.
- Check his bags.
404
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,271
Well, that's my bag,
so you can't do that.
405
00:18:59,314 --> 00:19:02,143
- That's my property.
- Oh, no. You didn't. Tell me you didn't.
406
00:19:02,187 --> 00:19:04,841
Yeah, just like towels and stuff.
407
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:06,365
Weapons!
408
00:19:06,408 --> 00:19:08,541
- Shit.
- Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
409
00:19:08,584 --> 00:19:10,107
That's just not what it...
that's not what it looks like.
410
00:19:10,151 --> 00:19:11,979
I wasn't gonna... That was
just in case something...
411
00:19:12,022 --> 00:19:13,763
Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, Guillermo.
412
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,069
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
413
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,462
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
414
00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:18,333
My children!
415
00:19:18,377 --> 00:19:21,423
My fellow human children,
416
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:24,165
we have been infiltrated.
417
00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:27,037
- No, I'm...
- An interloper is here to ruin us.
418
00:19:27,081 --> 00:19:29,910
He is here to kill us and our dreams.
419
00:19:29,953 --> 00:19:31,607
He must not leave here.
420
00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:33,827
He will bring more like him.
421
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:36,221
My children, we are under attack.
422
00:19:36,264 --> 00:19:39,876
We cannot let this
Guillermo go unpunished.
423
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:45,839
- What did you do, Guillermo?
- Cover your face.
424
00:19:45,882 --> 00:19:47,841
- What?
- Cover your face!
425
00:19:47,884 --> 00:19:48,986
Ay! Aah!
426
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:51,453
Now!
427
00:19:51,497 --> 00:19:52,846
Come on, let's go!
428
00:19:52,889 --> 00:19:54,978
You covered my friends in garlic powder!
429
00:19:55,022 --> 00:19:56,719
I'm sorry!
430
00:19:59,026 --> 00:20:00,723
- That's...
- Come on!
431
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:01,768
Sorry, Janet.
432
00:20:01,811 --> 00:20:03,073
Hey, let go.
433
00:20:05,075 --> 00:20:06,903
You have a crucifix in your pocket?
434
00:20:06,947 --> 00:20:08,992
- That's not nice.
- Shut up! Let's go!
435
00:20:09,036 --> 00:20:10,429
You need to chillax!
436
00:20:10,472 --> 00:20:11,734
- My friends!
- This way!
437
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,170
Don't hurt my friends!
438
00:20:17,392 --> 00:20:19,438
Ow! Did you bang your head?
439
00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:21,875
I don't know what's come over him.
440
00:20:21,918 --> 00:20:24,486
Mimi!
441
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:26,619
Mimi, I'm sorry about this!
442
00:20:27,847 --> 00:20:29,317
Ay.
443
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,192
- Come on! Come on!
- Let go!
444
00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:36,411
- Sorry, Mimi.
- Stay with me!
445
00:20:38,326 --> 00:20:40,328
- Come on!
- You just punched Jeremy.
446
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:41,590
Fuck Jeremy!
447
00:20:41,634 --> 00:20:43,244
- Let's go.
- What are you doing?!
448
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:44,941
- I'm rescuing you, Master.
- If I wasn't a human,
449
00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:47,814
I'd be crushing your dick
and slamming it on the floor.
450
00:20:47,857 --> 00:20:50,773
- You're not a human.
- Get off me! Ah! That tickles.
451
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,123
You've been brainwashed.
452
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:54,429
Where are you taking me?
453
00:20:54,473 --> 00:20:56,301
I'm taking you home!
454
00:20:56,344 --> 00:20:58,346
Don't want to be out here. I
want to be in there with Jan!
455
00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,912
- You want to be home with us.
- Get in the van.
456
00:20:59,913 --> 00:21:01,175
That's where you want to be, okay?
457
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,872
I didn't need rescuing.
458
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:04,483
I was having a great time back there
459
00:21:04,526 --> 00:21:06,093
till you came and kicked everyone's ass.
460
00:21:06,136 --> 00:21:07,442
They were trying to kill me!
461
00:21:07,486 --> 00:21:08,574
They pulled all their fangs out.
462
00:21:08,617 --> 00:21:10,315
No one's going to bite you.
463
00:21:10,358 --> 00:21:13,056
We're a gentle people,
a gentle human people.
464
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,232
You're not a human, Master!
465
00:21:15,276 --> 00:21:17,800
I'm not? Then how do you explain this?
466
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:20,150
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me ♪
467
00:21:20,194 --> 00:21:22,022
♪ Cocked your head to the
side and said, "I'm angry" ♪
468
00:21:22,065 --> 00:21:23,763
♪ Five days since you laughed at me. ♪
469
00:21:23,806 --> 00:21:25,591
I know the whole fucking song.
470
00:21:25,634 --> 00:21:28,115
I'd say that was pretty
gosh-darn human, wouldn't you?
471
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:29,203
You've been brainwashed.
472
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:30,813
Brainwashed, "shmain-washed."
473
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:33,207
You know, this is
exactly what Jan warned us
474
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,122
that the nonbelievers
would accuse us of.
475
00:21:35,165 --> 00:21:36,602
You've been brainwashed, but it's okay,
476
00:21:36,645 --> 00:21:38,734
because we are going to deprogram you.
477
00:21:38,778 --> 00:21:41,128
Stop. Let it go.
478
00:21:41,171 --> 00:21:43,609
Did you not think for
a second... Listen to me!
479
00:21:43,652 --> 00:21:45,611
Did you ever consider for one moment
480
00:21:45,654 --> 00:21:49,310
that I might be happy for
the first time in decades?
481
00:21:49,354 --> 00:21:51,356
Decades!
482
00:21:51,399 --> 00:21:54,837
That I found somewhere
where I feel that I belong?
483
00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:59,755
That makes me feel useful and
powerful in ways I've never felt.
484
00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:01,366
Never!
485
00:22:01,409 --> 00:22:03,324
Not in 700 years.
486
00:22:03,368 --> 00:22:05,065
Did you ever consider that?
487
00:22:06,196 --> 00:22:08,634
- No.
- No.
488
00:22:10,331 --> 00:22:11,724
So what I'm going to do now is
489
00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:13,378
I'm going to get out of this car,
490
00:22:13,421 --> 00:22:15,902
and I'm going to go
and get a taxi or a bus
491
00:22:15,945 --> 00:22:18,208
or subway or Lyft or Uber,
492
00:22:18,252 --> 00:22:22,299
and I'm gonna go back
to my human community.
493
00:22:22,343 --> 00:22:24,214
And that is that.
494
00:22:25,955 --> 00:22:27,027
When did you install
495
00:22:27,028 --> 00:22:30,177
silver rope-lined seat
belts in this little shitbox?
496
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:32,701
Sorry, Master. It's for your own good.
497
00:22:41,144 --> 00:22:42,929
You guys, you guys.
498
00:22:42,972 --> 00:22:44,409
Catch your breath, boy.
499
00:22:44,452 --> 00:22:45,540
I think I did something really drastic.
500
00:22:45,584 --> 00:22:47,063
Oh, you pierce your pee-pee?
501
00:22:47,107 --> 00:22:48,804
- No, but...
- Tattoo your pee-pee?
502
00:22:48,848 --> 00:22:50,850
- You guys...
- Tell us more about your pee-pee.
503
00:22:50,893 --> 00:22:52,155
You've never been so interesting.
504
00:22:52,199 --> 00:22:53,461
Stop talking about my pee-pee, okay?
505
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:54,288
I didn't do anything to my pee-pee!
506
00:22:55,463 --> 00:22:56,638
Okay, just trust that what I did
507
00:22:56,682 --> 00:22:58,205
I had to do, okay? Do you trust me?
508
00:22:58,248 --> 00:22:59,685
- No.
- No.
509
00:23:06,735 --> 00:23:10,043
- Who the fuck is that?
- Oh, my... ew!
510
00:23:10,086 --> 00:23:12,175
What the hell?
511
00:23:12,219 --> 00:23:14,047
I'd say he's been brainwashed.
512
00:23:14,090 --> 00:23:15,875
Right, okay, Colin Robinson,
513
00:23:15,918 --> 00:23:17,485
go to the council
library and see if there's
514
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:19,487
any literature on the
art of deprogramming.
515
00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:21,184
No, there's
no need to do that, Colin Robinson,
516
00:23:21,228 --> 00:23:23,056
because I am not brainwashed.
I am perfectly sane.
517
00:23:23,099 --> 00:23:25,537
I was just having fun
with my new friends.
518
00:23:25,580 --> 00:23:28,496
That's, uh, basically what
Patricia Krenwinkel said.
519
00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:30,759
Open your mouth. Good Lord,
he's pulled his fangs out.
520
00:23:30,803 --> 00:23:33,370
No, no. No,
no, no, it's not what you think.
521
00:23:33,414 --> 00:23:35,590
- Nandor!
- You stay in there, old pal,
522
00:23:35,634 --> 00:23:37,592
and I'll go and find someone
523
00:23:37,636 --> 00:23:39,594
to mend that fucked-up brain of yours.
524
00:23:39,638 --> 00:23:41,335
No, there's no need to do that.
525
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:43,555
- Laszlo? Guillermo? Please. Come on.
- I'm sorry.
526
00:23:43,598 --> 00:23:45,774
Guillermo! No!
527
00:23:57,264 --> 00:24:00,746
You said if we trusted you,
you would always protect us.
528
00:24:00,789 --> 00:24:02,399
You lied to us!
529
00:24:02,443 --> 00:24:03,879
Calm down.
530
00:24:03,923 --> 00:24:05,707
Please calm down, my children.
531
00:24:05,751 --> 00:24:08,101
The time has come for the
final rejection of eternal life.
532
00:24:08,144 --> 00:24:10,495
It is time!
533
00:24:10,538 --> 00:24:12,235
For the ultimate burn!
534
00:24:12,279 --> 00:24:14,063
Everyone, to the roof. Yes!
535
00:24:14,107 --> 00:24:17,327
We will all walk into the sunlight.
536
00:24:17,371 --> 00:24:19,416
Come on, baby.
537
00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:20,766
Come on. That's it.
538
00:24:20,809 --> 00:24:22,898
That's it. Oh...
539
00:24:22,942 --> 00:24:25,161
My children, my children.
540
00:24:25,205 --> 00:24:26,859
Don't worry, Marilyn.
541
00:24:26,902 --> 00:24:29,339
I'll be right out
there in a minute, girl!
542
00:24:29,383 --> 00:24:31,385
I'm right behind you.
543
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:35,694
Well, back to the drawing board.
544
00:25:17,166 --> 00:25:18,126
Dear Diary,
545
00:25:18,127 --> 00:25:20,356
another Wednesday in the books,
546
00:25:20,357 --> 00:25:23,317
or as some of the fellas
at the office call it:
547
00:25:23,318 --> 00:25:24,318
"Hump Day."
548
00:25:24,319 --> 00:25:27,036
I say, "What's the rush
to get over the hump?"
549
00:25:27,037 --> 00:25:30,208
I mean there's so much to
enjoy about Monday and Tuesday:
550
00:25:30,209 --> 00:25:33,679
department meetings,
cross department meetings,
551
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,266
sending E-mails to re-schedule
team meetings that interfere
552
00:25:37,267 --> 00:25:39,156
with department meetings.
553
00:25:39,157 --> 00:25:42,161
Let's just say I EXCEL at it.
554
00:25:43,937 --> 00:25:47,117
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
40736
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