Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:09,008
♪ I'm getting the mail, hallelujah ♪
2
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,259
♪ I'm getting the mail ♪
3
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:12,136
♪ it's something to do. ♪
4
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:15,347
Hmm. What the helen mirren?
5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,017
Stimulus checks?
6
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:21,311
We were supposed to cash these
during the pandemic.
7
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:24,106
Should we spend the money now
or wait for the next one?
8
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:26,775
So what are we gonna blow it on,
jet ski or motorbike?
9
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,318
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,156
Mom, there is something I've
always wanted for this family,
11
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,116
But it's not a thing, exactly...
12
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,868
Vroom?
-...But rather,
13
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,536
It's an experience.
14
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,746
Something we can all treasure
15
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,664
And talk about
for years to come.
16
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,166
Wow.
17
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,126
Well, then maybe
we should do it.
18
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,794
Wait, that's the move?
19
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,172
Go all sincere and emo? Gross.
20
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:50,049
Vroom, vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
21
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,134
There is one small issue.
22
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:55,721
My idea will take
some finessing with dad.
23
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,847
Hmm.
24
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:59,183
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
25
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,894
Surprise money,
then a surprise cruise?
26
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,855
Two is the perfect number
of surprises.
27
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,983
It sure is, dad.
We're going on a regular cruise
28
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,986
With absolutely nothing about it
you'd hate.
29
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:14,073
What the hell is wrong
with this boat?
30
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,116
[homer whimpers]
31
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:19,119
"the pacific princess leia
is a cruise by and for
32
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,163
"fans of sci-fi, fantasy,
33
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,208
Comic books,
anime and video games."
34
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,003
But-but those are all just
different names for...
35
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,173
♪ nerds ♪
36
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:35,594
♪ exciting and new ♪
37
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:39,598
♪ play pickleball ♪
38
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,602
♪ with doctor who ♪
39
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:47,022
♪ the nerd boat ♪
40
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:51,485
♪ your wolverine t-shirt is like a tux ♪
41
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,404
♪ the nerd boat ♪
42
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:59,743
♪ where everyoneknows the new star wars sucks ♪
43
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,537
♪ the drinks are all virgin ♪
44
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,666
♪ just like all the guests on board ♪
45
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,585
♪ too busy geeking on movies ♪
46
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,673
♪ from miller and lord ♪
47
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,510
♪ and nerds ♪
48
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,139
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
49
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:25,602
♪ that's a vow from your crew ♪
50
00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:29,481
♪ the fantastic four ♪
51
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:33,902
♪ you're nerds ♪
52
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:39,992
♪ welcome aboard, you nerds. ♪
53
00:02:40,119 --> 00:02:41,285
Stop this loving homage!
54
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,786
I see what you're doing--
55
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:46,039
Celebrating outcast culture
that used to be on the fringes--
56
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,666
And I don't like it!
57
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,293
You nerds stop playing dress-up
58
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:52,078
Or else I'm gonna wedgie you,
and swirly you,
59
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,755
And purple your nurples
until they--
60
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,632
[moans]
61
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,595
Hey, check out that avatar
volleyball tournament.
62
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,097
It's na'vi vs. Last airbenders.
63
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,476
And I'll be on
the "harvey" deck.
64
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:10,397
Look at all those cadburys.
65
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,857
Mmm.
66
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,610
Oh, my god,
is that taika waititi?
67
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:15,736
[giggles]
68
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,863
I love everything you do.
69
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,365
Your thor movies,
what we do in the shadows.
70
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:24,995
[gasps] oh, and you're by far
my favorite on-screen hitler.
71
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,538
Take that, the late bruno ganz.
72
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,458
Well, if you loved that, you'll
certainly be in a "führer"
73
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,502
Over my newest acting role
as daerius d'avignon,
74
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:37,007
Medieval d'tective, in the new
$300 million streaming show
75
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:39,218
Murder, he swords.
76
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,638
The murderer is...
The black plague.
77
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:44,097
Again.
78
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,474
[groans]
79
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,977
You know it's good because
it's based on existing I.P.
80
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,979
[trance-like]
I.P., I.P.
81
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,898
[maggie sucks pacifier]
82
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:55,817
[announcer]
please welcome the king and queen of this nerd prom:
83
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,445
Comic and kumiko book guy.
84
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:02,241
Out of my way,
league of non-legends.
85
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,534
Gaze upon your betters and weep.
86
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,495
Behold,
87
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,081
I have brought the jewel of
my collectible collection.
88
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,959
The rarest treasure
in all of geekdom:
89
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,294
A radioactive man action figure
90
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:17,756
Accidentally manufactured
with wolverine claws.
91
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,009
Gaze upon it
and lose your mind.
92
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,303
[cheering and applause]
93
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,013
Only two of those defective toys
94
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,974
Were made before
they caught the mistake.
95
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,267
This you remember,
96
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,436
But every year,
our anniversary evades you.
97
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,480
Don't embarrass me
in front of the other blades.
98
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,107
[snickering]
99
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,484
Vomit book guy is on the boat?
100
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,569
Ugh, cruise ruined.
101
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,989
What do you have against
the comic book guy?
102
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,242
I walked into his store
two weeks ago...
103
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,619
I know this is weird,
but I actually drew
104
00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:49,663
A comic book of my own.
105
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,206
[comic book guy]
hmm.
106
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,417
Check it out.
He's half-croc, half-gator,
107
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,835
And full prankster.
108
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,213
Huh. Wow. You know what?
I'm really impressed.
109
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,132
I'm going to fax
this right away
110
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,593
To my friends at
"man, you suck publishing."
111
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:05,846
[gasping]
112
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,849
[laughs] you suck!
113
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,434
[all laughing]
114
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,352
I swear to god,
one day I'm going to
115
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,063
Get my revenge
on comic book guy.
116
00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:17,983
♪
117
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,193
[lively chatter]
118
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,696
I hate this stupid baby
dress-up cruise.
119
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,698
And why can't I be uncle fester?
120
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:28,035
I'm bald, and I already own
several black muumuus.
121
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:32,080
Ooh. Wait, this stuff doesn't
have punny names, does it?
122
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,041
No, it's just like
any other cruise,
123
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,960
Infinite food
for gluttonous slobs.
124
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,964
Taika, why are you eating
all by yourself?
125
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,716
To maintain energy
for all my writing,
126
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,677
Directing, acting,
and rakish smirking.
127
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,346
Plus, it's in my cruise rider.
128
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,307
I also get a cabin facing
the sunrise and the sunset,
129
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,433
Unlimited vegemite,
130
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,561
And the top tier
of any seafood tower.
131
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,687
Ah...
132
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,522
Hmm... Hmm?
133
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,776
Oh!
134
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,277
Now on display,
135
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:06,156
The exquisitely flawed
radioactive x-gentleman,
136
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:10,660
Aka wolveractive man,
aka radio-verine.
137
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,038
[crowd exclaims]
138
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,832
Oh, look out. [grunts]
139
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,417
Don't give that guy money.
140
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,086
He's a dream-crushing jackass
141
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,754
And he doesn't deserve
dollar one.
142
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:25,050
I hope one day someone destroys
the thing you love most.
143
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,094
[crowd exclaims]
144
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,179
[carl]
somebody turned off the lights.
145
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,140
-[crowd gasping]
-[gasps]
146
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,393
[lenny]
the doll's head. It's gone.
147
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,396
Speak to me, oh, headless
radioactive collectible.
148
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:42,442
Oh, sweet suffering mate.
Let me share in your distress.
149
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,569
[singing in japanese]
150
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,073
Who could have done
such a thing?
151
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,409
Who c-- [stammers]
152
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,661
Oh, the agony!
153
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,871
I wager bart simpson did this.
154
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,581
He had the motive, means
155
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,542
And he's a notorious stinker.
156
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:02,170
That is a recipe for murder.
157
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:06,007
And look at the three tiny
scratch marks on bart's cheek.
158
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:10,762
No one murders a doll
on my ship. To the brig.
159
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,347
[to the addams family theme]
♪ ba-da-da dum, ba-da-da dum ♪
160
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,599
♪ ba-da-da dum ♪
d'oh! D'oh!
161
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,813
I swear, I didn't
kill that doll.
162
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:21,189
Stop lying, boy.
163
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,025
I can't believe you ruined
my dream cruise.
164
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,569
You hate this cruise.
165
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,613
No, I hate the theme
and the people and the boat.
166
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,532
But I love the food.
167
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:35,078
Mr. And mrs. Simpson,
I know it's hard for you
168
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,747
To see your son in
this tiny cruise ship jail.
169
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,416
It is.
170
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:40,917
Well, don't you worry.
171
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,294
Tomorrow he'll be taken ashore
172
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,921
And locked in
a full adult prison.
173
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,133
-No!
-[gasps]
-but with all the amenities...
174
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,217
Okay.
175
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,678
The amenities are
a notorious prison gang.
176
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,597
They really hate children.
177
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,223
-No!
-No!
178
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:01,188
Lis, I know it looks bad,
but I'm really scared.
179
00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:02,814
I swear I didn't do it.
180
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,274
I don't know.
181
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,193
You've beheaded
many of my dolls,
182
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,237
From malibu stacy
to fire island frank.
183
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,656
Oh, those aren't valuable.
They're yours.
184
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,534
Bart, you've lied to me
so many times before,
185
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,119
How could I ever believe you?
186
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,580
Okay, but this time
I'm telling the truth,
187
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:22,167
And to prove it, I'm gonna
own up to all my past lies.
188
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,418
[inhales sharply]
189
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,253
That time when the dog
buried your saxophone
190
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,005
In the garden, he had some help.
191
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,256
When malala called you
on your birthday
192
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,550
To tell you to suck lemons,
that was me.
193
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,761
That time you woke up in
a bathtub full of garlic knots--
194
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,721
I get it, I get it.
You're terrible.
195
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,390
Okay, I figure
I only get one time to say,
196
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,268
"lis, you gotta believe me
no matter what."
197
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,812
Right now,
I am playing that card.
198
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,857
I did not destroy that doll.
199
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,610
Oh, my god. I believe you.
200
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,112
-[angry crowd clamoring]
-oh.
201
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,242
The only way
to clear bart's name
202
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,035
Is to figure out
who really did it.
203
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,538
But I can't do it all by myself.
I need help.
204
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,705
I'll help you.
205
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,415
No, hang on,
let me try that again.
206
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,876
I'll help you! Nailed it.
207
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,837
Taika waititi? Seriously?
208
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,881
You'll help me
exonerate my brother?
209
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,716
Of course. Why? I'll tell you.
210
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,218
Because I have
a medical condition
211
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,554
Where I have to be
multitasking at all times.
212
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,598
Well, my brother can't be
the only person on this ship
213
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,141
Who hated comic book guy.
214
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,685
So, I guess we'll just
have to question
215
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,187
Every passenger on the manifest.
216
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,273
Why don't we start with
fans of the taika-verse?
217
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,068
Whoops, that's everyone.
[laughs]
218
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,319
Let's go.
219
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,114
I hate comic book guy
and I hated that doll
220
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,741
Because it originally
belonged to me.
221
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,326
[gasps]
222
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,746
[gasps]
223
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,417
Oh. Oh. Ooh.
224
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,128
Oh, oh. Oh. Ooh! Ooh.
225
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,089
Hi. Excuse me,
but I will take this, uh,
226
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,134
Non-priceless,
completely valueless garbage
227
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,305
-Off of your hands for, uh, $11.
-Huh?
228
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,808
But, dad, I think it might
be worth a lot more.
229
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,893
Who cares, milhouse?
230
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,022
This is two $5 footlongs
and a weird cookie.
231
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:11,359
Hey, luann, anniversary dinner
is back on, baby.
232
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,863
I didn't destroy
that action figure,
233
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,823
But I sure had a motive.
234
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,867
A clear motive.
235
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,078
I don't know why
you're interrogating me.
236
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:25,290
I have no bone to grind with
that comic book chap.
237
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,877
Really?
Even after comic book guy
238
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,420
Led an online troll army
239
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,007
To demand you be fired
and replaced in this?
240
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,177
[announcer]
from the producers of
mad max comes a vision
241
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,304
So dark, so violent
242
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,514
And so wacky.
243
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,433
Sideshow mel.
244
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:48,104
We'll kill them all,
or my name isn't dick dastardly.
245
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:51,566
And timothée chalamet as muttley.
246
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,652
[wheezing laugh]
247
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,572
Curse that funny-book fiend.
248
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,741
He mobilized both
the hanna-barbarians
249
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,660
And the wack-olytes against me
250
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,287
In a devastating
online petition.
251
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,247
[lisa gasps]
252
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,874
[rumbling]
253
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,250
First of all,
that looks so good,
254
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,461
I'm surprised
I didn't direct it.
255
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,380
Did I? October was crazy.
256
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:16,424
But mel, would your
bone-trembling anger
257
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:17,509
Lead you to destroy
258
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,470
Comic book guy's
most prized possession?
259
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,722
It would! But it didn't.
260
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,974
But it could! And if I did,
261
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,602
I would lie about it to you now!
262
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,522
But I'm not. But I would!
263
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,110
Why are you
wasting your time with me?
264
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,529
I love my greasy snowman husband
265
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,407
And his tragic blooper
of an action figure.
266
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,660
We have security footage
that says differently.
267
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:52,961
It's true, I hated that
injection-molded monstrosity.
268
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,255
When I first met comic book guy,
269
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,590
I was his priceless collectible.
270
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,134
But now, when we make love,
271
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,970
My husband calls out
the doll's serial number.
272
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:06,182
I just want back my sweet
comic book gaijin.
273
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,226
[sobs]
274
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,482
So many passengers could have
committed doll-icide.
275
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,900
Hmm.
276
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,360
Poor bart. Ah, but geez,
277
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:20,989
Look at the mess
he left in our cabin.
278
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:22,907
[gasps]
279
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,745
Oh, dear god.
280
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,288
I didn't think bart did it
281
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,373
But then I found
this radioactive head
282
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,126
From the decapitated doll
in bart's stuff.
283
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,587
He looked me right in the eyes
284
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,547
And said he didn't do it.
285
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,591
I can never trust him again.
286
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,134
-[cries]
-oh, sweetie,
287
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,554
You've just learned
one of life's hardest lessons.
288
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:47,015
Sometimes, no matter
how much you love someone,
289
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,642
They're just
going to let you down.
290
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,269
For your mother, it's me.
291
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,521
Just try to get
some sleep, honey.
292
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:57,734
Bart will still be
horribly guilty in the morning.
293
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,738
[sighs]
294
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,323
-[knock on door]
-hmm?
295
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,076
Rainer wolfcastle?
296
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,661
There is something
I must tell you
297
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:12,490
About the night of the fanquet
and subsequent toy murder.
298
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,958
When everything went dark,
299
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,252
I was wearing
my night-vision goggles,
300
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,963
From my upcoming film
the night-vision goggler.
301
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,673
[gasps] did you see who did it?
302
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,843
Patience, fräulein.
I did see the culprit,
303
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:27,722
And I am about to tell you
who he or she is.
304
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,725
Watch as the words
emerge from my mouth.
305
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,312
The doll murderer
is nein other than--
306
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,688
Ouch.
307
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:39,526
I will be passing out now
and all of these things.
308
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,236
[groans]
309
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,362
[gasps]
310
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,705
[groans] damn it.
311
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,085
Ugh.
312
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,174
Lisa. Are you also up
dusting for prints?
313
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,968
That's what I call
eating leftover food
314
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,053
Off people's room-service trays.
315
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,431
I don't care!
316
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,060
If one more
horrible thing happens,
317
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,895
I'm going to lose it.
318
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,230
[kumiko screams]
319
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:21,734
My sweet comic book guy is gone.
320
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,445
Of course he is.
321
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,613
I mean...
322
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,448
[shouts]
323
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,580
Bart's in jail,
our one credible witness
324
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,664
Just got sucker-shielded,
325
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,040
Comic book guy is missing,
326
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,126
And we're still no closer
to solving the case.
327
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,961
So many twists and turns.
328
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,754
What kind of
murder mystery is this?
329
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,340
Stop talking, taika waititi.
330
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,550
That's it.
331
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,176
I know who murdered the toy.
332
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,887
But I just need one thing:
333
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,515
An audience to watch me
milk the big reveal.
334
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,351
The murder of comic book guy's
action figure
335
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,938
Was committed
by comic book guy himself.
336
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,274
Based on a hunch,
I wrote to lloyd's of london,
337
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,527
And I got this response
from lloyd himself. Good guy.
338
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,614
Comic book guy had the doll
appraised and insured
339
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,617
For 935,000 british pounds.
340
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,035
[all exclaiming]
341
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,411
So, he turned off the lights
342
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,955
And murdered
the plastic action man himself
343
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,415
For the insurance money.
344
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,459
But then he knew
that we were onto him,
345
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,544
Or, let's face it,
I was onto him.
346
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,421
So, he took flight
in the dead of night,
347
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,965
But not before planting
the doll's head in bart's cabin,
348
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,842
And knocking out
the one witness to the crime,
349
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,762
Washed-up action star
rainier wolfcastle.
350
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,305
That's fair.
351
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,765
[moans]
352
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,600
Now comic book guy's probably
353
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,852
On a tropical beach somewhere
sipping mai tais.
354
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,396
Little does he know
that his heinous crime
355
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,691
Has been exposed by me,
master sleuth
356
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,027
And star of the upcoming reboot
357
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,363
Kiwi's big adventure,
358
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,948
Taika waititi.
359
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,532
[cheering]
360
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:54,494
Wow, he really did it.
361
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,665
Oh, my god.
362
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,833
How could I have been so stupid?
363
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,337
Amazing work, taika waititi.
364
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,381
I know you just
cracked the case,
365
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,675
But I have a little
theory of my own.
366
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,468
Does anyone want to hear it?
367
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:11,761
[all]
no!
368
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,389
Oh, come on, people.
What's the harm?
369
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,723
Thank you, taika.
370
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,308
Now, as you recall,
371
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,728
There were only two of these
irregular radioactive man dolls
372
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,981
Made in the whole world.
373
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,024
-Oh, I remember.
-[murmurs of agreement]
374
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,485
What if the owner
of the other doll
375
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,112
Received some bad news
376
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,406
And broke their action figure in a fit of rage?
377
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:35,076
And then what if that owner came on this cruise specifically
378
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,830
To swap out their broken figurefor comic book guy's intact one
379
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:41,541
So that they could secretlypossess the only radioactive man
380
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,210
With wolverine claws left in existence?
381
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,755
And I just discovered something
quite interesting,
382
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,882
Thanks to the ship's
onboard wi-fi,
383
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,635
Which is spotty at best.
384
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,722
According to this website,
385
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,640
That second doll was sold
386
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,350
In wellington, new zealand,
387
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,645
Where they spell "colour"
with a "u."
388
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:06,941
Now, who on this boat do we know
comes from new zealand?
389
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,360
Well, that's
a very clever theory.
390
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,903
But if it's a crime
to be from new zealand,
391
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:14,282
You'd have to arrest both guys
from flight of the conchords.
392
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:17,076
What are their names again?
Fred and jimothy?
393
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,162
You might be right,
394
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,873
But consider that the shield
that incapacitated
395
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,833
The only witness to the crime
396
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,502
Seems to be covered with goo.
397
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,714
What manner of goo?
398
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,175
Dad, I know this is a weird ask,
399
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,552
But would you mind
licking this-- oh.
400
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:35,887
Ugh. Ew.
401
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,473
Salty. Yeasty.
402
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,476
Ugh. With hints
of malty grossness.
403
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,270
Vegemite,
404
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,148
The favorite food of
taika waititi.
405
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:51,611
Or should I say fave-o-u-rite.
406
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,529
[crowd muttering]
407
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,823
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about the scratch marks
408
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,159
On bart simpson's face?
Those had to come from
409
00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,619
The tiny claws
on the doll he broke.
410
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,998
Did they? Or maybe they came
from this seafood fork.
411
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,541
My dad was selfishly shoveling
412
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,960
Pre-shucked shellfish down his shrimp-shaft--
413
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,213
One take [chuckles]-- and he accidentally
414
00:18:10,373 --> 00:18:12,715
Scratched bart on his cheek.
415
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,884
That silver-haired
multi-hyphenate
416
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,719
Is guilty as sin.
417
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,429
[chuckles] not without
418
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,015
One more piece of
damning evidence, I'm not.
419
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,476
You can't just
tear my cabin apart!
420
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,894
You need a warrant!
421
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:28,272
No, we don't.
We're in international waters.
422
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,149
We're in the middle of
lake springfield.
423
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,568
I can see the lard lad statue
from here.
424
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:36,781
Here it is, comic book guy's
original doll unbroken.
425
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:40,201
Damn it. Yes, it's true,
lenny. I did it.
426
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,870
I threw my new zealand
radioactive man across the room
427
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,872
When I found out
the streamer was shelving
428
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:47,708
The second season of my series
without airing it.
429
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,585
For tax purposes?
430
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,087
Yes, for tax purposes.
431
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,506
So I hatched this plan
because I needed the money
432
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:57,385
To throw into my already
enormous pile of money.
433
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,302
[handcuffs clink]
434
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,429
You haven't seen the last of me.
435
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,974
I've got powerful friends
in new zealand.
436
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:07,687
Hobbits, orcs, lorde,
ents, melanie lynskey,
437
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,272
The "how bizarre" guy.
438
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,023
We are a powerful nation.
439
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,859
[shrieks] ow! Ow!
440
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,653
There is one thing
I can't figure out.
441
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,613
What happened to comic book guy?
442
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,615
I mean, we looked everywhere.
443
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:23,369
[gasps] except the one place
he would never go.
444
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,708
Oh, my sarcastic darling.
445
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,418
What happened to you?
446
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,044
Permit me to explain.
447
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,088
[homer]
oh, more explaining?
448
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,676
[comic book guy]
when lisa and taika waititi began questioning suspects,
449
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,511
I set up a surveillance device
450
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:44,515
Because I wanted to mock theirinept methods of interrogation.
451
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,767
I hate comic book guy,
452
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,853
But then again, so does everyone.
453
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,438
He smells like baked beans
454
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,106
That have been left out in the sun.
455
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,150
I loathe his voice.
456
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,570
Who speaks with such exaggerated affectation?
457
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,863
[comic book guy]
no one should ever have to hear
458
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,489
What people actually think of them.
459
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:04,452
Apparently, I am not a beloved
quirky character, like kramer.
460
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:08,122
Instead, I am widely reviled,
like the guy who played kramer.
461
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,125
So, I hid here,
surrounded only by shame
462
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,212
And whatever these
metal things are.
463
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,422
Mmm! [grunts happily]
464
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,633
I don't want to get
all sincere and emo,
465
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,009
But thanks, lisa.
466
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,418
You never lost faith in me.
467
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:24,972
Well, if I'm being
totally honest...
468
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,516
...I never did.
469
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,605
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
470
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,607
And fox broadcasting company
471
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,400
And toyota.
472
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,694
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
473
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,617
I just want back
474
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,827
My sweet comic book gaijin.
475
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,121
[sobs]
476
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:52,500
Once again, a critical lesson
is learned via hologram.
477
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:55,253
I have been a fool.
478
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,964
♪
479
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,735
Best husband ever.
480
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,207
Shh!
35508
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
